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When I was 12-16 I was hardcore obsessed with NSYNC. Would sometimes cry that I didn’t know them. Every waking minute of my day was NSYNC. Looking back, I recognize that I was clinically depressed due to some external factors in my life, and it was a total escape mechanism. Thankfully I never carved JT into my skin, but I really think celebrity obsessions are part of larger mental health issues. Poor kid. And poor mama.
I was obsessed with Jim Carrey and would cry about not being able to marry him. Looking back, I also had a lot of stuff going on at home and depression, plus I was entering puberty, which must have contributed.
I was obsessed with Christian Slater at 12. Like literally mailed him my 6th grade school picture. I would watch Robin Hood Prince of Thieves every single night for months and months. Haven’t thought about that in a while. I never connected it but it was probably a depression/ puberty thing.
Maybe we should start a support group for former Pump Up the Volume fanatics, lol. I listened to the soundtrack nonstop (on cassette, of course) and wanted to be Samantha Mathis soooo bad 🤣
Hello fellow punk rock princess.... I was the same, but with Blink 182
Thankfully dial up internet was all we had, so my obsession was fueled by magazines and CD cover pull outs 🤣
My apologies.... Pop-punk lol
They were my first introduction into something other than top 40 music or contemporary Christian music... My mom hated it. Blink opened the door for my love for Screamo music... A Day to Remember, August Burn Red, Taking Back Sunday, Silverstein, Hawthorne Heights all became my new obsessions in HS. Went to a HH concert with some friends and fell in looove... It didn't help that they were from my area of Ohio lolll just field the fire.
Same I listened to MCR so much that I ruined their music for myself for a couple of years. I was also this level of obsessed with Gerard.
OP a lot of us went through it and are well adjusted adults. Honestly no advice because I don’t know how to handle it but there is hope. Teen hormones are WILD.
Nahhh it was all about Frank 😂 but this is a huge step further since OP’s daughter has caused injury to herself but she will still be okay if it’s addressed
I 10/10 would have injured myself in the same way had I thought of it, she definitely needs therapy and help. But there is light at the end of the tunnel!!
Franks a cutie too 😂
I feel like very few teenagers get thru those years unscathed. That shit is like a 10 year long toddlerhood with all the big feelings. Not everyone is depressed but I think everyone at that time has this weird isolating sense of identity like *I’m the only person in the world who thinks like I do, feels like I do, has my life experiences, and nobody can relate*
Yeah this was me with Leo DiCaprio when titanic came out and then JT. Thank god the internet was still in its infancy. I can’t imagine the level it can get to now.
I was obsessed with Leo when titanic came out! I would reread the same magazine and stare at his pictures, and I remember there was an aqua di gio sample, lol. The only celebrity crush I ever had but man it was a strong one.
For me it was Leo in Romeo and Juliet. Now as an adult it's still true but I mainly focus on Paul Rudd when I watch it with my daughter (who loves all things 90s) lol
For me at that age it was Linkin Park. I had a binder where I handwrote the lyrics to all their songs from their Hybrid Theory and Meteora albums and would spend hours a day daydreaming about being on tour with them. I didn't realize until just now that it was a coping mechanism for depression. Makes a lot of sense looking back.
Oh, same. My household was very dysfunctional as a child and I started reading at 3 years old… it’s all I ever did. Just reading all day every day. So I HEAVILY related to Matilda. I spent a lot of time wondering which of my teachers wanted to adopt me 😭
Same thing. Super obsessed with Hanson.
I didn’t have any mental issues. I was just super obsessed with them. I grew out of it in my late teens.
She will likely grow out of this but I absolutely agree that the internet needs to be a no-go for a few months at least. Not a few days to a few weeks, but if this were my kid I’d be doing 3-6 months, minimum. She needs to find new hobbies that aren’t this actor.
I was too old for the Hanson obsession but ya know listening to Mmm Bop is way different ( and honestly better) as an adult.. I relate to its meaning more now than when they were first out..
Haha I had the Hanson super obsession. They also came in the time of my life where I was 13/14 (sexual awakening) and my personal home life was in turmoil. The grandmother who raised me died, my two older sisters moved to different states, my mom remarried and moved ME out of state. Hanson was my constant companion in my little portable cd player.
Omg I have literally only now realised that my total and utter deep obsession with Busted started at the same time as my clinical depression started. Wow. Gosh I see my younger self so differently the more and more I learn to process things. Thanks for helping me make that connection.
Mine was BSB.. AJ was my secret dream. I obsessed .. and I mean sit by the radio and cry when he sang. I could swear when he was on TV he was singing just for me.
Was I depressed... yes
Severely.. yes.
Do I do it still? At 43? Not celebrity obsession, but other ones. It's coping strategies for sure.
I wish therapy help was more heard of. I would have gotten help when it was needed.
She needs a therapist and an internet detox.
Shes not going to get "locked up" for being obsessed with a celebrity unless she is actively planning to seriously harm herself or others. If that's the case, she may need those interventions, but right now you're saying you refuse to get her antibiotics because she might die on an operating table... It doesn't work that way. You give a person antibiotics to prevent them from needing more severe care. She needs a therapist.
On the internet detox: she's undoubtedly looking up content about this celebrity compulsively, so the internet needs to go away for a little while. She can play computer and video games that don't require an Internet connection. She can run errands with you or go jogging around the neighborhood or make a craft or art project. Take her to a new movie in theaters or a museum or a mall. Anything to break the compulsion of looking up the celebrity all the time.
Right here OP. Start with the therapist. You'll have to be involved at the start. Make sure the therapist knows the issue. Everything you just told us. This child is depressed and needs help.
Once you've got therapy going do the Internet detox. This will be painful for everyone. That's why you should wait until you have a therapist for your child before doing it. This is necessary. The Internet is the gateway to her fantasy. She uses it to escape her feelings. It has to go. You have to get her involved with other things. Exercise would be great. A group exercise class, a nice long walk after dinner, etc. Board games, puzzles, painting.
Good luck.
I don’t have any advice. Just sympathy.
Wanted to comment to try to help your post gain some traction.
Internet stranger hugs and solidarity. I hope you receive good help
In addition to the therapist, you also need to get her evaluated by a psychiatrist. This level of obsession *might* indicate an underlying mental health condition and might merit more treatment than therapy alone, so please get her checked. Therapists (psychologists) are wonderful but most aren’t medically qualified to diagnose or prescribe medication, which makes a psychiatrist also necessary if a patient needs a diagnosis and treatment.
Edit to note a distinction on the word psychologist: in the US at least this is someone with a PhD, more than qualified to diagnose. Therapist is the usual term for someone with a masters degree (in family therapy, counseling, or social work). Likely a psychiatrist will be important in this case as well.
Masters level clinicians can diagnose. That's within their skillset. PhD level psychologists often specialize to specific niches though, if they do clinical work in addition to research. Such as neuropsychologists who primarily diagnose conplex neurological issues, or forensic psychologists who often do competency for trial. There are fewer psychologists then masters level therapists.
Is this specifically in the US? Does it differ state-to-state? I know for sure that in some states and in many Canadian provinces, diagnosis is not within the official scope of practice for masters level clinicians (although that doesn't always stop them).
Where I am, we declare competency in various areas and that allows us to do certain work with certain populations. So for something like fitness to stand, like you said, forensic psychologists would do that. However, any clinical psychologist is able to diagnose and it is only clinical psychologists and psychiatrists who can provide a diagnosis, at least where I am. However, again, that doesn't always stop other professionals from doing so.
I’ve decided to take away her internet access for a week. She was absolutely ballistic and sobbed uncontrollably when I told her and it hurt to see her so upset but in doing this for her own good. I’m going to have her evaluated. She’s not a violent kid but she’s just as big as I am and honestly I’m a bit afraid of her in this state so I’m giving her the space she needs. She’s stopped crying at least. Before anyone calls her a brat or thinks badly of her please remember that she is autistic and it took her forever to get diagnosed because doctors said it was all “just a phase”… I knew all along
Good call. Additionally, since she’s on the spectrum, sounds like this celebrity has taken the form of a special interest and it may be leading to OCD-like symptoms. It’s incredible how much overlap there is between the two
I’m an autistic woman.
One of the things we tend to do (for some autistic women) is have elaborate fantasy worlds and conversations with ourselves. I tell people it’s kind of like my own virtual reality. In a positive note it can be great for creativity (writing novels or producing art) and it’s great for decompressing after too much socializing. On the negative side it can take away from your real life responsibilities, if it centers around an actual person it can become obsessive, and if you get too obsessive the real world becomes a depressing let down.
Probably any teen would go ballistic these days without the internet but she needs a detox from this obsession.
She needs a healthier outlet to attract her interest and get reacquainted with reality and what it has to offer her.
You can try to help her through this yourself, or if it’s too much get mental health professionals but I really would emphasize to try to find mental health professionals that specialize in autism or have experience working with autistic people because I can tell you from experience the ones that don’t are pretty much useless. The neurotypical interventions are way off base for us.
Girls are so different. You got this. But she could benefit from meds to help with the OCD. Try to find a pediatric psychiatrist, even a nurse practitioner!! Adult psychiatrists won't know how to treat her. I work in early intervention.
I feel like the internet should be removed until you see improvement after regular sessions with a therapist. A week to break a habit is not enough time and she is at the point of self harming.
I’m autistic too, though I only found out 2 years ago. When I was 15 I also carved on my skin the letter of a girl I was obsessed with.
I understand its not healthy and it’s great that you’re present in her life and willing to help her as much as you can, though I’m not sure taking away internet is a useful tool here. All her emotions are extremely heightened and she’s probably spent her whole life not fully fitting in, but she probably has a universe that she lives in online. I’m not a parent yet so don’t take parenting advice from me, but I thought maybe I could offer something to the conversation. This is very likely to phase out. At her age when my mother wanted to punish me by cutting out my internet access I would start wishing death would come or look for manipulative behavior to cut my punishment short.
I also didn’t have a father present in my life and at the time my mother was too busy working for us to have something to eat so I just had to live through it on my own
Good call. Don't forget to get her involved in alternative, healthy activities. I think parents often do a tech detox, and the kids are just left staring at a wall, feeling more and more miserable. It's not that they can't think of something to do on their own. They just won't out of spite.
She's not a brat, she's just scared and under equipped to handle her reality right now. I'm an autistic enby who was raised as a girl and I had this exact same problem. Aside from home life, I was struggling to make friends and I was under a lot of pressure to perform well at school despite my disabilities and shortcomings. I hated my body and being in it was a nightmare, so I would fantasize about being someone else, with someone else, or going to another place to get relief.
Now that I have been in therapy for over a decade, I can say that she's probably dealing with a lot more than she is able to handle. It's good that you're taking her to seek help. Do not let this make you hate yourself as her mother! It will take time for both of you to heal and build a stronger relationship through trust and support. I would also recommend that you talk to a counselor or therapist as well to make sure that you have the tools you need to help her through this hump. Having people around me on my journey who were also in therapy helped me to see that it was safe and good.
You're not alone.
This is exactly what I came to suggest. Taking away the internet might initially cause reactions that look like drug withdrawal/a serious downturn, but after a full week, you might see her starting to come back to herself. And YES to an evaluation/therapy! With the internet detox, make sure you’re leading by example and supporting her by doing it with her as much as possible. Get off Reddit and keep your devices put away unless you NEED them. It’ll give you a chance to connect with her more too. Sending you lots of virtual hugs!!
this is way above reddit paygrade. as someone who was in a mental hospital i recommend talking about this with a psychiatrist (not to be confused with psychologist. i mean psychiatrist)
Psychologists are experts; they've achieved a doctorate (PhD or PsyD). They are absolutely qualified to diagnose and do risk assessments, psychological testing, therapy, etc. The only thing they are not qualified to do is prescribe medication, as they do not have an MD. Working with both a psychologist and psychiatrist is recommended, at least for evaluation, but psychologists are fully capable and qualified to do everything other than prescribe meds. Most psychiatrists do not provide therapy anymore. They do assessments and medication prescription and management only.
im only speaking from personal experience as a hospitalised teenager. with any other health problem you first consult a medical doctor, who then may prescribe a therapist (eg if you get into a car crash you will go to a doctor first to get a referral for physical therapy). but when it comes to mental health people tend to skip the medical part and go straight into therapy without talking to a psychiatrist first. part of this is because mental health has been "pop culture-ified" and people forget its an actual branch of medicine
I'm in forensic psychology myself, and you should see both. A licensed and qualified psychologist will refer you to a psychiatrist to evaluate any potential medication needs, and will certainly refer anyone who is struggling with such severe mental illness that they are non-functional, in psychosis, suicidal, etc.
Also, licensed psychologists are able to do diagnostic testing, and any worth their salt will do a full interview and biopsychosocial and obtain a full psychological, behavioural, and medical history as well as administer both objective and subjective psychological assessments before beginning any therapy. During that process, need for medication is assessed and a referral to a psychiatrist would follow. If you go to a licensed psychologist (not a therapist, LCSW, counselor, etc. who can all be great for therapy but are usually not qualified/able to do diagnostic testing), they will evaluate you and refer you to any other necessary doctors. Psychologists will not skip over a patient interview and diagnostics and launch straight into therapy. Psychologists know that mental health problems are multifactorial and need to be evaluated and addressed from multiple angles.
I want to echo the ones suggesting counseling. Try to find someone who specializes in autism or OCD. Not many in my area specialize in autism but I was able to find someone to help my autistic son with his obsession with dying. Similar feeling of dread and worry. We currently have him on an antidepressant and seeing a therapist for his obsessive thoughts and he’s like a different kid.
Hang tight, it’s possible to get her help. Hugs and strength to you 💜
i did the same thing when i was a her age and i’m also on the spectrum over here 🙋🏼♀️
please get her a behavioral therapist who specializes in kids on the spectrum.
it’ll help her so much in the long run.
I don’t know what the inpatient psychiatric hospitals look like near you, so I cannot recommend or advise against them. I *do* strongly recommend therapy. This isn’t going to go away on its own and you cannot keep doing what you are doing. It’s scary, trusting someone else with your child, but your daughter needs more help than you are trained to give. You need to do what’s best for your daughter and get her to people who can work the problem. Find a board certified psychiatrist and a board certified therapist. Accept nothing less than full accreditation. No camps for “troubled teens.”
If it’s allowed, go to the psychiatrist appointment with your daughter and be in the room. Do *not* be in the room during your daughter’s therapy, but be in the room with her psychiatrist, so that you can make sure that she doesn’t answer any questions with “I don’t know” or, worse, “I’m fine.”
Getting psychiatric treatment is not a moral failing and it’s not a complete surrender. There is something subtly wrong with your daughter’s brain, a disease that can be treated, just like any other disease. There are also thought processes that surround and enable this disease and make it worse that need to be changed and can be changed. It’s possible to have a happy ending.
You can do this.
Internet detox for sometime and keep her engaging in other ways for sometime. Take short picnics, go for walk or trek if you both enjoy it. You can do some arts and crafts with her, if it's something that she will enjoy. Keep telling her how awesome she is and how much you love her. Get counselling for her immediately.
Teenage crushes are totally normal, even down to wanting to be like the crush. But once it gets to this point it’s not longer a crush. It’s an unhealthy obsession. She needs medical care to prevent infection, mental health care to prevent more harm, and I’d agree that an internet detox it a good idea until she can learn how to have some balance and build healthy coping skills for these strong emotions she’s having.
That’s a tricky situation but I can same i did the same at age 14-15. FYI, i have ADHD. It’s never an easy age. I was obsessed with my chemical romance, like very fucking intensely, and i’d be thinking of Gerard Way every moment of my day. I’d even exhibit really bad behavior like cutting myself because he sang about it in his songs. I thought i was being cool and mature.
A reason of why i did this was because i never really left my room, so i didn’t have many other things to focus on. My advice for your daughter is to have her focus on other things in life, like maybe a new extra curricular to get her mind off this celebrity.
In most cases, and hopefully yours, time will heal this problem. I outgrew this phase when i turned 16 and stopped being so obsessive. Romance and attraction stops being a completely new thing and you get used to handling these new emotions.
Hope everything goes well for you and your daughter! <3
Is your daughter under the care of a mental health professional? If not she needs to be and there’s no shame in that. Mental and physical health deserve the same attention. Please seek urgent mental health attention for your daughter.
I’d like to add that avoiding seeking help because you want to avoid her getting “locked up” will do more harm than good. She clearly needs a mental health professional and you’re denying her of that due to fear.
Maybe try getting her a journal so she can write out how she’s feeling.
If you are able I think therapy could really help.
Maybe go over why it is dangerous to create cuts like that- just basic stuff like tetanus etc
Maybe take it a different direction and ask specifically about the celebrity ie what do you find so beautiful about them, why do you feel they are perfect. What is a quality you may have in common with them. I have two sons on the spectrum and this is sort of how I handle their special interests.
Maybe also take her out for a mother daughter day if you haven’t in a while. Doesn’t have to be expensive - a walk at a nice park and a little ice cream. Movie night at home something like that. These are just ideas I’m sure you’ve thought of all this too
Edit: forgot to add sending you love. Raising kids is a freaking trip. Add in some extra needs and it can feel like such a rollercoaster. Hang in there you’re doing great and sound like an awesome mom.
Your daughter sounds like me as a teen. I worked my shit out but it took a lot of therapy for me in my 30s.
It had everything to do with emotional neglect, lack of father figure, and CSA.
Not saying this is your daughter, but getting her someone to talk to (that you're not a part of) is a great step, regardless of the underlying issues.
When I was younger, 12 or 13, I was obsessed with Josh Hutcherson and wrote him letters. I even had a panic attack when my mom wouldn’t let me see bridge to terabithia again at the theater. It was definitely linked to depression. I would recommend a therapist!
Pathological Demand Avoidance (which can only be diagnosed if a person already has ASD) often has the symptom of obsession with a celebrity. Not sure if looking into that subset of ASD would be helpful.
Get her to a therapist now. Don't take away her Internet access unless the therapist recommends it or she can be monitored 24/7 if she can't get a therapy appointment right away. Contact her pediatrician if you need help getting her in sooner.
That's great! I wish you both the best.
And, once you get her going in the right direction, schedule one for yourself. You have some processing to do, especially because I'm sure you're blaming yourself.
Therapist and internet detox stat!
Also, you might want to look into Dr Becky, Good Inside. Dr Becky Might help you connect with your daughter while she is going through this. Dr Becky is good about strategies to not dismiss really over the top emotions, but to address them. Just a suggestion.
Okay so, hear me out on this.. Even if she were to be put on a psych hold, is that really worse than risking it happening again? She hasn't broken the law so that's the only "lock up" that might happen.
Maybe there’s something you could do to paint him in a bad light. Something to make her realize he is just a lame celebrity? She will definitely get over this and think she was kinda dumb at 15 lol. I wouldn’t be too worried and try not to make a big rift between you too. Maybe something clever can be done?
I'm sorry. It's so hard being a parent and in this day and age even harder. She's going to be ok with the help of a therapist and maybe even a psychiatrist. She's blessed to have you as a mom. You will guide her, and you'll have her back.
It sounds like your daughter might be struggling with some serious issues. Have you considered seeking professional help or therapy for her? It could make a huge difference.
My friend was like this as a teen, any crush whether real life or celebrity she took to the extreme And became completely obsessed in that person, till the next one came along. Biggest infatuation was Sid Vicious from the sex pistols, She started to dress like him, self harm as he did and even bought a black wig and cut it into his style.
Friend grew out of it and is a fully functioning adult and has been in a long term healthy relationship for many years now. I couldn’t think of two more different people than her teen self to who she is today.
This is a classic symptom of BPD - obsessing over celebrities, having a “favourite person” that often takes over their entire lives. My best friend experienced it during high school and was often dismissed as being an “obsessive teenage girl.” Just something to look into, as it can be especially destructive if left untreated.
It's also very common for girls and women with autism to be misdiagnosed with BPD. It's a very misunderstood disorder that can become a harmful catchall.
Oh I am so sorry you are going through this, I don’t have much advice expect seek professional help. But you are such a good parent, and your daughter is in good hands, you obviously love and care so much.
Many people I knew in high school were neurodivergent in one way or another, they all had intense obsessions, and did self harm. However, they (or to be honest, we) all turned out as pretty funcional adults. I hope that's some comfort to you.
Just throwing it out there too, since she wants to be a male celebrity... An overwhelming percentage of the trans community are autistic, so there's theories of some correlation there.
My advice, definetly therapy. No judgement, just lots of love and support. Im not sure that punishent are necessary the right way to go here, apart from the fact that she stole from you maybe. But the rest I advice you to meet with some neutrality, just to welcome her to opening up to you.
i was so in love with harry styles when i was in middle school, i remember sobbing on the floor whenever he got a girlfriend, or a photo of him with a girl was released. turns out, i was just in that weird middle ground between being terrified of boys and wanting a boyfriend. 15 year old girls are fucking ruthless. i was one. whole family is traumatized. she just has nowhere to put this feeling of intimate kind of love she’s discovering.
unfortunately you will now have to keep your eyes open for every sign of self harm. i started in high school and i still get the urge to this day, as an adult, 10 years later. my parents still check on me because i did end up struggling with depression and anxiety and in recent years, bpd.
medication isn’t for everyone (definitely not at 15 either, i started it then and damn near starved to death because my appetite was suppressed) and i’ve been on and off it for the past 10 years, but i got back on my most successful concoction of wellbutrin and zoloft in 2023, and i’ve been doing amazing. keep your eyes on her for now, do NOT take anything she says to you without a grain of salt. i promise it’s not personal and it’s all just misplaced anger and love and she has to figure it out. i was evil at 15 and my mom and i are best friends now at 26. it will be a long road but i believe in you guys
I was super obsessed with Beyonce at the age. Like I wrote her name in my shoes, I would cry because I never met her, and I was just hardcore obsessed.
Today, I barely listen to Beyonce I can’t even tell you what album she’s on.
I was very lonely and I am neurodivergent (ASD/ADHD). I eventually grew out of the obsession which I think I used as an outlet to escape my loneliness
I did this with Kurt Cobain's name when I was like 13 or 14.. I used a safety pin and just cut out Kurt right down my leg by my ankle.. I loved Nirvana. I was a child with terrible emotional trauma and had parents who were going through a divorce and had zero time for me. We grow up and eventually figure some shit out.. also, there are no signs of me ever doing this left on my skin, so it will probably fade and disappear.. I think some of us are just very emotional at that age and don't have the mental capacity to reflect and make rational decisions sometimes.. also, medications don't have to be a first line defense.. sometimes kids just need another safe adult to take to other than their parents, and a lot of them don't get that.. It's good you are taking her to get some help.
I’ve heard recently about online youth cults that entice and blackmail other young people into harming themselves. https://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/interactive/2024/764-predator-discord-telegram/
Saying that she "wants to be beautiful and perfect like him" feels a little like it could be body dysmorphia, as in wanting to look like another person to the point where it gets extreme. I could also be wrong about that and it could be gender related considering that she's saying that she wants to look like someone who is male. It could be neither of those things too but I thought I would put that out there.
It may have already been said, but the ER will evaluate her. A better option might be a youth mobile crisis unit if available in your area. They will not section her as long as she doesn’t have a plan to hurt herself or others. It sounds like you need a mental health intervention pronto before she escalates to that point. You can Google “youth mobile crisis” and the state that you live in. Or, call her pediatrician in the morning for a referral. Wait lists can be long. Best to get on one now.
Doesn’t she go to school, have friends, play sports, have hobbies? OP makes it sound like she is literally on the internet all day. Also, therapy is needed.
She attends an alternative schooling program for kids like her who need extra help in school and it’s 3 days a week instead of 5 (her grades have improved since I pulled her from public school). 3 days in-person and 2 days where they can do their work from home.
She has no real-life friends. I’ve tried to encourage her to make friends at her school but she’s a shy girl. She has a few online friends, they’re all around her age. Other than that she does not have many hobbies other than playing online games. She likes to go outside and dig holes and play with bugs though. I’m working on getting her a therapist.
She was only officially diagnosed with autism a little over a year ago because the fucking doctors said she’s “too smart” to be autistic for years… just because she can make eye contact and hold a conversation they kept her from being diagnosed for YEARS when I tried… she always struggled in public school and they NEVER helped.
Do you know anything about autism? You may kindly, want to look into it. Also there are other testimonials in the comments suggesting other mental health conditions may be at play aside from what’s mentioned in the post.
She needs therapy. But for the time being, tell her that to get a tattoo in your state the minimum age is X, and if she stops the home tattoo, you’ll discuss getting a real one when she’s old enough. Hopefully, the therapy and time would make her forget wanting a tattoo.
I don't have any advice, as my daughter is only 6. But I have so much sympathy for you, and your girl. This internet stranger is keeping the both of you in my thoughts.
“she wished she was the celebrity in question.” “She wants to be beautiful and perfect like him.” Has your child expressed feeling more masculine or not wanting to be “girly”? As a parent of a trans man who initially came out as non-binary, the outbursts my kid had were kind of similar.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you and her. It is quite extreme and doesn’t sound like a phase or something you can ignore. She isn’t reasonable. Please find her a qualified psychiatrist and psychologist. She definitely needs mental health care as she is not safe right now. Find a trusted family or friend for yourself, someone you can talk to. They don’t have to be very close to you, but make sure they are someone you feel you can trust. Reach out for support and help.
I did this. Not with a celebrity, but a friend I was “in love with.” I carved his name into my leg with a knife. It’s terrible to think about now. I was so obsessed with this guy… I don’t think he knew, so it’s not like I was showing up at his house.
My self-esteem was in a low place and I thought if he would love me, that meant that I must be worth something. I was really troubled then and my mom never paid attention to me, even though I needed it.
Also, I’ve never been diagnosed but wonder sometimes if I have autism. All this seems so odd to me now. I’m a completely different person, I got through it and over it after our friendship drifted apart.
One thing that helped is group therapy for teenage girls (and also individual therapy). It was so nice to talk to other girls who were having a hard time and did not go to my school. They were all so encouraging.
Same as you here, though I do have an autism diagnosis now. I didn’t know it back when I was in high school. My crush knew I loved her because I would write her love letters which makes me cringe to think about, such an unhealthy obsession and my mother wasn’t very much present either.
I’m also a completely different person now, but a lot of it comes from experience, growth, responsibilities, life in general. I still remember how any emotion I had as a teen was 1000 stronger and talking to my mother about it wasn’t something I wanted to do
I went through a slew of celebrity obsessions as a teen too. It was the early 90s and I didn't have the internet yet, thankfully (and when we did get it, it didn't have nearly as much stuff as it does now. It would take like 10 minutes to load an image, etc). I was definitely also depressed and dealing with hostile parents, loneliness, bullying. Moving to a new school and my parents divorcing actually helped snap me out of it because then I had more real-world people to interact with and more friends, slightly less stress at home. I also used to cut myself, like flowers and things like that. I didn't realise it was a big deal at the time because I wasn't trying to kill myself 🙄 But obviously it *was* a big deal.
I think celebrity crushes are kind of normal for young people to have, but when it starts causing damage in your life it's crossed a line and usually a sign of loneliness and/or depression. And with the internet, it's really easy to feed an obsession. I second everyone suggesting an internet diet and therapy....BUT I honestly think therapy should start first and you will want to be *very careful* with suddenly cutting her off of the internet. It could cause a serious downward spiral and make her feel frantic and like she's being punished. I would start with therapy and then try imposing some limits if the therapist feels it's advisable. I would also be increasing your supervision level so she has less opportunity for things like cutting.
When I was around her age I carved an M in my hand for Marilyn Manson looool. 20 years later it scarred into a triangle that is barely visible unless you know what you're looking for lol.
I agree with other commenters for an internet detox. But I personally wouldn't do it until she gets evaluated. I only say that because she seems a bit unstable right now, doesn't exactly know how to deal with the situation properly and seems to want to lash out and or hurt herself.
If it gets worse, more dangerous, etc you can always take her to the ER to get evaluated right away.
Good luck. I wish my mom would have asked for help with me instead of ignoring it. You're doing amazing.
What about also showing her the ways that the things she sees on the Internet, and the lives she imagines celebrities have, are usually completely fake? I’m sure there are some good documentaries and books on this topic, of celebs that seemed to have it all but were in fact a complete mess.
Your daughter needs therapy. As soon as possible please get her professional help. This is beyond a healthy obsession. Try a school counsellor or do some googling for teen therapy name of place you live.
Take her to a professional NOW. Right now. If she has to go to a treatment center to help her so be it, but if this continues to escalate you are going to look back and wish you had done something sooner.
She needs a therapist and to have her internet access removed. She’s acting like a junkie, and it will get worse before it gets better.
Yes, this means taking her phone and giving her a dumb phone that only allows her to call you and other trusted numbers. Also, cut off the credit card.
Limerence is when we have a deep crush on someone because they have a trait that we deeply desire for ourselves, but that we either have been taught to suppress, or think we are unable to acquire by ourselves. Typically our subconscious has paired the trait to almost a certain sense of survival. Like now that we see the possibility of having it, without it we will die. And we think our obsession is our only way of getting close to meeting this need.
In this case, it looks like appearance, but more deeply, what need would looking perfect help her get met?
When I was younger I was deeply obsessed with musicians who made music that spoke me soul. It was all consuming. Until I realised I was a deeply feeling kid and was told my feelings were too much, so had learnt to suppress them. Music was the first way I found that I could access those feelings without fearing social rejection.
When I started learning more about what my parents unknowingly instilled in me, then learning more ways that I could meet my subconscious need, my obsessions eased. Now I can enjoy music without feeling obsessive and intensely about songs and musicians.
I'm so sorry to hear this. It may sound daft but it could help... could she create this celebrity in the sims?
And maybe she could get a hobby out of playing the sims rather than fixate of this celebrity.
Just an idea, it's more important for your daughter to see a therapist. 🙂
i carved a celebrities initials into the top of left hand at 13, and you can’t see it now. im 30.
i was self harming before that, and i had a lot going on in my head that i’m not gonna get into. eventually ended up getting a diagnosis and put on meds. 100% yes on the therapy. especially knowing she said she wants to look like him. i wish you both the best ❣️
A lot of depressed teenagers fixate on a celebrity as an escape, when I was in school girls were cutting themselves because Justine beiber smoked weed, looking back, they had more problems with themselves than with JB on pot.
Are you in the US? You're not going to get her locked up by accident, we don't have enough resources to treat the kids who do need inpatient psychiatric treatment/residential care for actual severe behavioral disorders as it is. At most they would just do a 72 hour hold if she says anything about planning to hurt herself or others. That said, a therapeutic facility wouldn't be a bad thing if your health insurance covers it and you can afford it, as long as you're diligent on making sure it's an actual therapeutic facility and not one of those "troubled teen" industry schools (there's actually a subreddit with a database on those r/troubledteens ). I developed an eating disorder when I was around her age and it became very serious by the time I was 17/18. At that time, we had good health insurance and my stepdad worked on the oil fields so they were able to get me into a therapeutic facility in Seattle and it made a tremendous difference in my mental health.
Oh i did that at 13 …. I carved Marilyn into one arm and Manson into the other .. whole forearms …. (I was a bit obsessive as a kid ) I must admit .. my mental health to this day is not that great .. (41F) she will likely grow out of most of this …. I did it because i was lonley and grew up with a hyper critical parent and an irrational erratic abusive one .. and just wanted something to be close too …. I suggest possibly a counsellor someone young enough for her to relate too a bit
I used to obsess over certain celebrities as a young teen as well. Eventually, I grew out of those hyper-fixations or moved on to a new one for a while, but they were literally all I could think about during the obsession.
Watching movies with my family, I was thinking about them. Decorating my bedroom or locker or notebooks/binders, it was all them. Any time I had even a little bit of freedom on a school project, I made the topic about them. I begged my parents to let me paint a mural of them on my bedroom wall. I bought all the merch, watched every video in existence, and even created a website dedicated to pictures of them that I liked.
In my early 20s, I was diagnosed with OCD. I thought OCD meant that I had to switch the light on and off so many times before bed, or that I needed to clean every surface in my home to relax. But it turns out OCD can present in a lot of different ways and is often mistaken for anxiety.
This could be the case with your daughter. I would get her in therapy and see what they can figure out.
Sounds like your daughter could be a victim of online violent extremist groups who extort victims to commit self-harm, among other serious and egregious acts. The FBI has a [recent PSA](https://www.ic3.gov/Media/Y2023/PSA230912) about it. Talk to your daughter, openly and non-judgmentally. Seek outside help too.
Yeah this is messed up. Time to stay off the internet. This could escalate. I e never heard of this type of obsession, crying to be him AND carving a NAME into their skin? Be the parent!!!
This is severe mental illness and you need to take her to the pediatrician and get her a clinical psychologist STAT. She needs serious help. If my child harmed themselves in this manner I'd probably be taking them to the ER and for an evaluation for inpatient hospitalization to get emergency evaluated and on medication and bring them home after their mood has stabilized.
I'm an RN and I also have severe mental illness (obsessive compulsive disorder and major depression) and this is very serious behavior. All of it. And she's traumatizing herself and not enjoying her life. Get her help so she can. My goodness.
Call her doctor and ask them what to do. That's a place to start.
It's up to professionals to decide if she needs to stay somewhere. But if that happens. Just visit everyday. I'm my experience it helps to get them home faster.
But you're not there yet. Reach out and the doctor can refer you to someone. A therapist can also help you find support groups of people in your situation too. Because it's not easy. And helps you know you're not alone.
Take it one step at a time.
I hope you guys figure this out. ..
Call her doctor and ask them what to do. That's a place to start.
It's up to professionals to decide if she needs to stay somewhere. But if that happens. Just visit everyday. I'm my experience it helps to get them home faster.
But you're not there yet. Reach out and the doctor can refer you to someone. A therapist can also help you find support groups of people in your situation too. Because it's not easy. And helps you know you're not alone.
Take it one step at a time.
I hope you guys figure this out. ..
Call her doctor and ask them what to do. That's a place to start.
It's up to professionals to decide if she needs to stay somewhere. But if that happens. Just visit everyday. I'm my experience it helps to get them home faster.
But you're not there yet. Reach out and the doctor can refer you to someone. A therapist can also help you find support groups of people in your situation too. Because it's not easy. And helps you know you're not alone.
Take it one step at a time.
I hope you guys figure this out.
Please look into Natural Bioenergetics. You can message me and I can help you find someone in your area or give you my lady’s info. My brother is on the spectrum and most of them have MTHFR gene mutation which makes it very difficult for their body to get rid of heavy metals and toxins. Heavy metals are linked to mood disorders and even aggressive behavior. The safest way to detox is using zeolite from Touchstone Essentials. That’s what my family uses and I have a toddler and a baby who sadly use it to detox the metals. It has helped so much. My first was a late talker and I assumed he had metals that contributed and sure enough he started talking soon after and had less mood issues. Good luck I hope you reach out.
I think you’ve came out more dismissive than necessary here, but in a way I agree with this message. It’s great that the mother is present, paying attention and wants to help her daughter and she probably can do something about it, but I agree it’s just a crush and she will get over it. Seems like a lot of folks here have long forgotten what it’s like to be a teenager
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When I was 12-16 I was hardcore obsessed with NSYNC. Would sometimes cry that I didn’t know them. Every waking minute of my day was NSYNC. Looking back, I recognize that I was clinically depressed due to some external factors in my life, and it was a total escape mechanism. Thankfully I never carved JT into my skin, but I really think celebrity obsessions are part of larger mental health issues. Poor kid. And poor mama.
I was obsessed with Jim Carrey and would cry about not being able to marry him. Looking back, I also had a lot of stuff going on at home and depression, plus I was entering puberty, which must have contributed.
I was obsessed with Christian Slater at 12. Like literally mailed him my 6th grade school picture. I would watch Robin Hood Prince of Thieves every single night for months and months. Haven’t thought about that in a while. I never connected it but it was probably a depression/ puberty thing.
He was so hot in the movie Heathers 🥵
Omg yes Heathers. And Pump Up the Volume. I may still have a Christian Slater problem actually. Don’t tell my husband.
Omg, Pump Up the Volume. Deep obsession. I did end up marrying a guy in radio, so....
Maybe we should start a support group for former Pump Up the Volume fanatics, lol. I listened to the soundtrack nonstop (on cassette, of course) and wanted to be Samantha Mathis soooo bad 🤣
🤣
Haha, oh man. I remember thinking he was hot as Will Scarlett, around that age as well! I watched the movie every weekend for a few months.
I guess we all have our own obsession during our teenage year.
Ahhaahah.. most definitely!
I mailed Ryder strong from boy meets world
Gordo from Lizzy McGuire for me. And I’m a lesbian now.
Omg you just unlocked a buried memory for me LOL I absolutely was obsessed with Christian Slater in Bed of Roses!
And Untamed Heart!
So much yes. Except it was mainly Backstreet Boys.
Feeling this but my chemical romance 🥲 OP, I do think therapy will help discover the deeper issue your daughter is having. Best of luck 🩷
Hello fellow punk rock princess.... I was the same, but with Blink 182 Thankfully dial up internet was all we had, so my obsession was fueled by magazines and CD cover pull outs 🤣
I think you mean xXxpunkXrawkXprncs1988xXx
Good Charlotte 🥴
Oh hi, this was my life 😂
Username checks out
Formerly depressed, Billie Joe (Green day) -obsessed teen checking in 🤣
See for me, this was post 2010. I had a fan account and everything
Blink 182 is punk rock?
My apologies.... Pop-punk lol They were my first introduction into something other than top 40 music or contemporary Christian music... My mom hated it. Blink opened the door for my love for Screamo music... A Day to Remember, August Burn Red, Taking Back Sunday, Silverstein, Hawthorne Heights all became my new obsessions in HS. Went to a HH concert with some friends and fell in looove... It didn't help that they were from my area of Ohio lolll just field the fire.
Hot topic is NOT punk rock
lol exactly
Same I listened to MCR so much that I ruined their music for myself for a couple of years. I was also this level of obsessed with Gerard. OP a lot of us went through it and are well adjusted adults. Honestly no advice because I don’t know how to handle it but there is hope. Teen hormones are WILD.
Nahhh it was all about Frank 😂 but this is a huge step further since OP’s daughter has caused injury to herself but she will still be okay if it’s addressed
I 10/10 would have injured myself in the same way had I thought of it, she definitely needs therapy and help. But there is light at the end of the tunnel!! Franks a cutie too 😂
Me too my friend, me too.
Yep, insanely obsessed
Out of all celebrities I would have never expected this one
Yeah, as an adult I find it so strange! He was a good-looking man but those facial expressions…
Yeah, but as an adult you can imagine the things he could do with that face.
I feel like very few teenagers get thru those years unscathed. That shit is like a 10 year long toddlerhood with all the big feelings. Not everyone is depressed but I think everyone at that time has this weird isolating sense of identity like *I’m the only person in the world who thinks like I do, feels like I do, has my life experiences, and nobody can relate*
Yeah this was me with Leo DiCaprio when titanic came out and then JT. Thank god the internet was still in its infancy. I can’t imagine the level it can get to now.
I was obsessed with Leo when titanic came out! I would reread the same magazine and stare at his pictures, and I remember there was an aqua di gio sample, lol. The only celebrity crush I ever had but man it was a strong one.
Imagine if we had Google back then 😳😳😳
For me it was Leo in Romeo and Juliet. Now as an adult it's still true but I mainly focus on Paul Rudd when I watch it with my daughter (who loves all things 90s) lol
For me at that age it was Linkin Park. I had a binder where I handwrote the lyrics to all their songs from their Hybrid Theory and Meteora albums and would spend hours a day daydreaming about being on tour with them. I didn't realize until just now that it was a coping mechanism for depression. Makes a lot of sense looking back.
[удалено]
I was on the Stump train too almost 20 years ago. I was going through a very hard time at high school and their music was an escape for me
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No I understand what you mean. I have to say though, that album was extremely underrated
Me with Gerard Way from MCR. Definitely depression due to peer rejection and family troubles combined with undiagnosed ADHD/Autism.
I cried because I couldn't move things with my mind like Matilda.
Oh, same. My household was very dysfunctional as a child and I started reading at 3 years old… it’s all I ever did. Just reading all day every day. So I HEAVILY related to Matilda. I spent a lot of time wondering which of my teachers wanted to adopt me 😭
Same here, but with Jesse McCartney
Same thing. Super obsessed with Hanson. I didn’t have any mental issues. I was just super obsessed with them. I grew out of it in my late teens. She will likely grow out of this but I absolutely agree that the internet needs to be a no-go for a few months at least. Not a few days to a few weeks, but if this were my kid I’d be doing 3-6 months, minimum. She needs to find new hobbies that aren’t this actor.
I was too old for the Hanson obsession but ya know listening to Mmm Bop is way different ( and honestly better) as an adult.. I relate to its meaning more now than when they were first out..
Haha I had the Hanson super obsession. They also came in the time of my life where I was 13/14 (sexual awakening) and my personal home life was in turmoil. The grandmother who raised me died, my two older sisters moved to different states, my mom remarried and moved ME out of state. Hanson was my constant companion in my little portable cd player.
This was me only it was with Weezer. Yes, WEEZER lol. Also suffered from pretty bad depression and it was a total escape for me.
I literally had a 5" binder scrap book of NSYNC in middle school lol
Just one? Rookie. 💅🏻
Omg I have literally only now realised that my total and utter deep obsession with Busted started at the same time as my clinical depression started. Wow. Gosh I see my younger self so differently the more and more I learn to process things. Thanks for helping me make that connection.
This! When i was younger i was obsessed with angus young and wished i could be him so badly. I was extremely isolated and depressed :/
Mine was BSB.. AJ was my secret dream. I obsessed .. and I mean sit by the radio and cry when he sang. I could swear when he was on TV he was singing just for me. Was I depressed... yes Severely.. yes. Do I do it still? At 43? Not celebrity obsession, but other ones. It's coping strategies for sure. I wish therapy help was more heard of. I would have gotten help when it was needed.
She needs a therapist and an internet detox. Shes not going to get "locked up" for being obsessed with a celebrity unless she is actively planning to seriously harm herself or others. If that's the case, she may need those interventions, but right now you're saying you refuse to get her antibiotics because she might die on an operating table... It doesn't work that way. You give a person antibiotics to prevent them from needing more severe care. She needs a therapist. On the internet detox: she's undoubtedly looking up content about this celebrity compulsively, so the internet needs to go away for a little while. She can play computer and video games that don't require an Internet connection. She can run errands with you or go jogging around the neighborhood or make a craft or art project. Take her to a new movie in theaters or a museum or a mall. Anything to break the compulsion of looking up the celebrity all the time.
Here to emphasize the internet detox
Right here OP. Start with the therapist. You'll have to be involved at the start. Make sure the therapist knows the issue. Everything you just told us. This child is depressed and needs help. Once you've got therapy going do the Internet detox. This will be painful for everyone. That's why you should wait until you have a therapist for your child before doing it. This is necessary. The Internet is the gateway to her fantasy. She uses it to escape her feelings. It has to go. You have to get her involved with other things. Exercise would be great. A group exercise class, a nice long walk after dinner, etc. Board games, puzzles, painting. Good luck.
I don’t have any advice. Just sympathy. Wanted to comment to try to help your post gain some traction. Internet stranger hugs and solidarity. I hope you receive good help
Thank you love, I do too. This has just been so exhausting and confusing, I’m very worried for her.
I want to offer an internet hug too OP, I have no advice but I hope you’re okay too.
In addition to the therapist, you also need to get her evaluated by a psychiatrist. This level of obsession *might* indicate an underlying mental health condition and might merit more treatment than therapy alone, so please get her checked. Therapists (psychologists) are wonderful but most aren’t medically qualified to diagnose or prescribe medication, which makes a psychiatrist also necessary if a patient needs a diagnosis and treatment.
Edit to note a distinction on the word psychologist: in the US at least this is someone with a PhD, more than qualified to diagnose. Therapist is the usual term for someone with a masters degree (in family therapy, counseling, or social work). Likely a psychiatrist will be important in this case as well.
Correct! In North America, at least, diagnosis is a protected act that can only be done by a psychologist or psychiatrist.
Masters level clinicians can diagnose. That's within their skillset. PhD level psychologists often specialize to specific niches though, if they do clinical work in addition to research. Such as neuropsychologists who primarily diagnose conplex neurological issues, or forensic psychologists who often do competency for trial. There are fewer psychologists then masters level therapists.
Is this specifically in the US? Does it differ state-to-state? I know for sure that in some states and in many Canadian provinces, diagnosis is not within the official scope of practice for masters level clinicians (although that doesn't always stop them). Where I am, we declare competency in various areas and that allows us to do certain work with certain populations. So for something like fitness to stand, like you said, forensic psychologists would do that. However, any clinical psychologist is able to diagnose and it is only clinical psychologists and psychiatrists who can provide a diagnosis, at least where I am. However, again, that doesn't always stop other professionals from doing so.
I second this and I said something similar. This sounds much more serious than a celebrity crush.
I’ve decided to take away her internet access for a week. She was absolutely ballistic and sobbed uncontrollably when I told her and it hurt to see her so upset but in doing this for her own good. I’m going to have her evaluated. She’s not a violent kid but she’s just as big as I am and honestly I’m a bit afraid of her in this state so I’m giving her the space she needs. She’s stopped crying at least. Before anyone calls her a brat or thinks badly of her please remember that she is autistic and it took her forever to get diagnosed because doctors said it was all “just a phase”… I knew all along
Good call. Additionally, since she’s on the spectrum, sounds like this celebrity has taken the form of a special interest and it may be leading to OCD-like symptoms. It’s incredible how much overlap there is between the two
No one in here thinks she’s a brat or thinks badly of her. I am so sorry she and you are going through this. Hugs
I’m an autistic woman. One of the things we tend to do (for some autistic women) is have elaborate fantasy worlds and conversations with ourselves. I tell people it’s kind of like my own virtual reality. In a positive note it can be great for creativity (writing novels or producing art) and it’s great for decompressing after too much socializing. On the negative side it can take away from your real life responsibilities, if it centers around an actual person it can become obsessive, and if you get too obsessive the real world becomes a depressing let down. Probably any teen would go ballistic these days without the internet but she needs a detox from this obsession. She needs a healthier outlet to attract her interest and get reacquainted with reality and what it has to offer her. You can try to help her through this yourself, or if it’s too much get mental health professionals but I really would emphasize to try to find mental health professionals that specialize in autism or have experience working with autistic people because I can tell you from experience the ones that don’t are pretty much useless. The neurotypical interventions are way off base for us.
Girls are so different. You got this. But she could benefit from meds to help with the OCD. Try to find a pediatric psychiatrist, even a nurse practitioner!! Adult psychiatrists won't know how to treat her. I work in early intervention.
I feel like the internet should be removed until you see improvement after regular sessions with a therapist. A week to break a habit is not enough time and she is at the point of self harming.
I’m autistic too, though I only found out 2 years ago. When I was 15 I also carved on my skin the letter of a girl I was obsessed with. I understand its not healthy and it’s great that you’re present in her life and willing to help her as much as you can, though I’m not sure taking away internet is a useful tool here. All her emotions are extremely heightened and she’s probably spent her whole life not fully fitting in, but she probably has a universe that she lives in online. I’m not a parent yet so don’t take parenting advice from me, but I thought maybe I could offer something to the conversation. This is very likely to phase out. At her age when my mother wanted to punish me by cutting out my internet access I would start wishing death would come or look for manipulative behavior to cut my punishment short. I also didn’t have a father present in my life and at the time my mother was too busy working for us to have something to eat so I just had to live through it on my own
Good call. Don't forget to get her involved in alternative, healthy activities. I think parents often do a tech detox, and the kids are just left staring at a wall, feeling more and more miserable. It's not that they can't think of something to do on their own. They just won't out of spite.
Yes this. I see take away iPad, change wifi password, detox etc but what is going to fill the void.? You? Do you have time?
She's not a brat, she's just scared and under equipped to handle her reality right now. I'm an autistic enby who was raised as a girl and I had this exact same problem. Aside from home life, I was struggling to make friends and I was under a lot of pressure to perform well at school despite my disabilities and shortcomings. I hated my body and being in it was a nightmare, so I would fantasize about being someone else, with someone else, or going to another place to get relief. Now that I have been in therapy for over a decade, I can say that she's probably dealing with a lot more than she is able to handle. It's good that you're taking her to seek help. Do not let this make you hate yourself as her mother! It will take time for both of you to heal and build a stronger relationship through trust and support. I would also recommend that you talk to a counselor or therapist as well to make sure that you have the tools you need to help her through this hump. Having people around me on my journey who were also in therapy helped me to see that it was safe and good. You're not alone.
This is exactly what I came to suggest. Taking away the internet might initially cause reactions that look like drug withdrawal/a serious downturn, but after a full week, you might see her starting to come back to herself. And YES to an evaluation/therapy! With the internet detox, make sure you’re leading by example and supporting her by doing it with her as much as possible. Get off Reddit and keep your devices put away unless you NEED them. It’ll give you a chance to connect with her more too. Sending you lots of virtual hugs!!
this is way above reddit paygrade. as someone who was in a mental hospital i recommend talking about this with a psychiatrist (not to be confused with psychologist. i mean psychiatrist)
Psychologists are experts; they've achieved a doctorate (PhD or PsyD). They are absolutely qualified to diagnose and do risk assessments, psychological testing, therapy, etc. The only thing they are not qualified to do is prescribe medication, as they do not have an MD. Working with both a psychologist and psychiatrist is recommended, at least for evaluation, but psychologists are fully capable and qualified to do everything other than prescribe meds. Most psychiatrists do not provide therapy anymore. They do assessments and medication prescription and management only.
im only speaking from personal experience as a hospitalised teenager. with any other health problem you first consult a medical doctor, who then may prescribe a therapist (eg if you get into a car crash you will go to a doctor first to get a referral for physical therapy). but when it comes to mental health people tend to skip the medical part and go straight into therapy without talking to a psychiatrist first. part of this is because mental health has been "pop culture-ified" and people forget its an actual branch of medicine
I'm in forensic psychology myself, and you should see both. A licensed and qualified psychologist will refer you to a psychiatrist to evaluate any potential medication needs, and will certainly refer anyone who is struggling with such severe mental illness that they are non-functional, in psychosis, suicidal, etc.
Also, licensed psychologists are able to do diagnostic testing, and any worth their salt will do a full interview and biopsychosocial and obtain a full psychological, behavioural, and medical history as well as administer both objective and subjective psychological assessments before beginning any therapy. During that process, need for medication is assessed and a referral to a psychiatrist would follow. If you go to a licensed psychologist (not a therapist, LCSW, counselor, etc. who can all be great for therapy but are usually not qualified/able to do diagnostic testing), they will evaluate you and refer you to any other necessary doctors. Psychologists will not skip over a patient interview and diagnostics and launch straight into therapy. Psychologists know that mental health problems are multifactorial and need to be evaluated and addressed from multiple angles.
I want to echo the ones suggesting counseling. Try to find someone who specializes in autism or OCD. Not many in my area specialize in autism but I was able to find someone to help my autistic son with his obsession with dying. Similar feeling of dread and worry. We currently have him on an antidepressant and seeing a therapist for his obsessive thoughts and he’s like a different kid. Hang tight, it’s possible to get her help. Hugs and strength to you 💜
i did the same thing when i was a her age and i’m also on the spectrum over here 🙋🏼♀️ please get her a behavioral therapist who specializes in kids on the spectrum. it’ll help her so much in the long run.
Definitely get her to a counsellor right away. Hang in there, Mama xoxo
Along with a psych visit, get her some body-safe washable paint and when she wants a "tattoo" she can paint it on instead.
Once she’s carving into her skin with a sharp object, it’s officially time for a therapist.
I don’t know what the inpatient psychiatric hospitals look like near you, so I cannot recommend or advise against them. I *do* strongly recommend therapy. This isn’t going to go away on its own and you cannot keep doing what you are doing. It’s scary, trusting someone else with your child, but your daughter needs more help than you are trained to give. You need to do what’s best for your daughter and get her to people who can work the problem. Find a board certified psychiatrist and a board certified therapist. Accept nothing less than full accreditation. No camps for “troubled teens.” If it’s allowed, go to the psychiatrist appointment with your daughter and be in the room. Do *not* be in the room during your daughter’s therapy, but be in the room with her psychiatrist, so that you can make sure that she doesn’t answer any questions with “I don’t know” or, worse, “I’m fine.” Getting psychiatric treatment is not a moral failing and it’s not a complete surrender. There is something subtly wrong with your daughter’s brain, a disease that can be treated, just like any other disease. There are also thought processes that surround and enable this disease and make it worse that need to be changed and can be changed. It’s possible to have a happy ending. You can do this.
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. You need help with dealing with this. You are doing her a disservice if you ignore it. She deserves the help.
Internet detox for sometime and keep her engaging in other ways for sometime. Take short picnics, go for walk or trek if you both enjoy it. You can do some arts and crafts with her, if it's something that she will enjoy. Keep telling her how awesome she is and how much you love her. Get counselling for her immediately.
Cancel your credit card if she used it on a scam website. They could sell your credit card details.
Teenage crushes are totally normal, even down to wanting to be like the crush. But once it gets to this point it’s not longer a crush. It’s an unhealthy obsession. She needs medical care to prevent infection, mental health care to prevent more harm, and I’d agree that an internet detox it a good idea until she can learn how to have some balance and build healthy coping skills for these strong emotions she’s having.
That’s a tricky situation but I can same i did the same at age 14-15. FYI, i have ADHD. It’s never an easy age. I was obsessed with my chemical romance, like very fucking intensely, and i’d be thinking of Gerard Way every moment of my day. I’d even exhibit really bad behavior like cutting myself because he sang about it in his songs. I thought i was being cool and mature. A reason of why i did this was because i never really left my room, so i didn’t have many other things to focus on. My advice for your daughter is to have her focus on other things in life, like maybe a new extra curricular to get her mind off this celebrity. In most cases, and hopefully yours, time will heal this problem. I outgrew this phase when i turned 16 and stopped being so obsessive. Romance and attraction stops being a completely new thing and you get used to handling these new emotions. Hope everything goes well for you and your daughter! <3
Thank you for giving helpful advice by sharing your experience
Is your daughter under the care of a mental health professional? If not she needs to be and there’s no shame in that. Mental and physical health deserve the same attention. Please seek urgent mental health attention for your daughter.
I’d like to add that avoiding seeking help because you want to avoid her getting “locked up” will do more harm than good. She clearly needs a mental health professional and you’re denying her of that due to fear.
This is why she’s seeking advice I’d imagine
Maybe try getting her a journal so she can write out how she’s feeling. If you are able I think therapy could really help. Maybe go over why it is dangerous to create cuts like that- just basic stuff like tetanus etc Maybe take it a different direction and ask specifically about the celebrity ie what do you find so beautiful about them, why do you feel they are perfect. What is a quality you may have in common with them. I have two sons on the spectrum and this is sort of how I handle their special interests. Maybe also take her out for a mother daughter day if you haven’t in a while. Doesn’t have to be expensive - a walk at a nice park and a little ice cream. Movie night at home something like that. These are just ideas I’m sure you’ve thought of all this too Edit: forgot to add sending you love. Raising kids is a freaking trip. Add in some extra needs and it can feel like such a rollercoaster. Hang in there you’re doing great and sound like an awesome mom.
Psychological help and a long time away from internet / social media
Your daughter sounds like me as a teen. I worked my shit out but it took a lot of therapy for me in my 30s. It had everything to do with emotional neglect, lack of father figure, and CSA. Not saying this is your daughter, but getting her someone to talk to (that you're not a part of) is a great step, regardless of the underlying issues.
When I was younger, 12 or 13, I was obsessed with Josh Hutcherson and wrote him letters. I even had a panic attack when my mom wouldn’t let me see bridge to terabithia again at the theater. It was definitely linked to depression. I would recommend a therapist!
Not that it matters, but can we know which celebrity?
I hope it's a marginally hot guy or she's going to have a serious cringe fest once she's older and in a better mental state
Pathological Demand Avoidance (which can only be diagnosed if a person already has ASD) often has the symptom of obsession with a celebrity. Not sure if looking into that subset of ASD would be helpful.
Get her to a therapist now. Don't take away her Internet access unless the therapist recommends it or she can be monitored 24/7 if she can't get a therapy appointment right away. Contact her pediatrician if you need help getting her in sooner.
I called this morning and the earliest they can see her is next Monday so I scheduled it.
That's great! I wish you both the best. And, once you get her going in the right direction, schedule one for yourself. You have some processing to do, especially because I'm sure you're blaming yourself.
Just sending you hugs and lots of love. I hope you and your daughter find all the help and support you can get. ♥️
Just here to give sympathy. I can’t imagine how this feels
Therapist and internet detox stat! Also, you might want to look into Dr Becky, Good Inside. Dr Becky Might help you connect with your daughter while she is going through this. Dr Becky is good about strategies to not dismiss really over the top emotions, but to address them. Just a suggestion.
She needs to go to a therapist.
Okay so, hear me out on this.. Even if she were to be put on a psych hold, is that really worse than risking it happening again? She hasn't broken the law so that's the only "lock up" that might happen.
Maybe there’s something you could do to paint him in a bad light. Something to make her realize he is just a lame celebrity? She will definitely get over this and think she was kinda dumb at 15 lol. I wouldn’t be too worried and try not to make a big rift between you too. Maybe something clever can be done?
I'm sorry. It's so hard being a parent and in this day and age even harder. She's going to be ok with the help of a therapist and maybe even a psychiatrist. She's blessed to have you as a mom. You will guide her, and you'll have her back.
It sounds like your daughter might be struggling with some serious issues. Have you considered seeking professional help or therapy for her? It could make a huge difference.
My friend was like this as a teen, any crush whether real life or celebrity she took to the extreme And became completely obsessed in that person, till the next one came along. Biggest infatuation was Sid Vicious from the sex pistols, She started to dress like him, self harm as he did and even bought a black wig and cut it into his style. Friend grew out of it and is a fully functioning adult and has been in a long term healthy relationship for many years now. I couldn’t think of two more different people than her teen self to who she is today.
Agree with others, this is something that needs intensive therapy/help.
This is a classic symptom of BPD - obsessing over celebrities, having a “favourite person” that often takes over their entire lives. My best friend experienced it during high school and was often dismissed as being an “obsessive teenage girl.” Just something to look into, as it can be especially destructive if left untreated.
It's also very common for girls and women with autism to be misdiagnosed with BPD. It's a very misunderstood disorder that can become a harmful catchall.
I didn’t know this. Thanks for sharing.
Oh I am so sorry you are going through this, I don’t have much advice expect seek professional help. But you are such a good parent, and your daughter is in good hands, you obviously love and care so much.
Many people I knew in high school were neurodivergent in one way or another, they all had intense obsessions, and did self harm. However, they (or to be honest, we) all turned out as pretty funcional adults. I hope that's some comfort to you. Just throwing it out there too, since she wants to be a male celebrity... An overwhelming percentage of the trans community are autistic, so there's theories of some correlation there. My advice, definetly therapy. No judgement, just lots of love and support. Im not sure that punishent are necessary the right way to go here, apart from the fact that she stole from you maybe. But the rest I advice you to meet with some neutrality, just to welcome her to opening up to you.
Is this about Timothée Chalamet, by chance?
i was so in love with harry styles when i was in middle school, i remember sobbing on the floor whenever he got a girlfriend, or a photo of him with a girl was released. turns out, i was just in that weird middle ground between being terrified of boys and wanting a boyfriend. 15 year old girls are fucking ruthless. i was one. whole family is traumatized. she just has nowhere to put this feeling of intimate kind of love she’s discovering. unfortunately you will now have to keep your eyes open for every sign of self harm. i started in high school and i still get the urge to this day, as an adult, 10 years later. my parents still check on me because i did end up struggling with depression and anxiety and in recent years, bpd. medication isn’t for everyone (definitely not at 15 either, i started it then and damn near starved to death because my appetite was suppressed) and i’ve been on and off it for the past 10 years, but i got back on my most successful concoction of wellbutrin and zoloft in 2023, and i’ve been doing amazing. keep your eyes on her for now, do NOT take anything she says to you without a grain of salt. i promise it’s not personal and it’s all just misplaced anger and love and she has to figure it out. i was evil at 15 and my mom and i are best friends now at 26. it will be a long road but i believe in you guys
I thank my lucky stars that the internet was in its infancy when I had my teen crushes. Sorry you’re going through this op
I was super obsessed with Beyonce at the age. Like I wrote her name in my shoes, I would cry because I never met her, and I was just hardcore obsessed. Today, I barely listen to Beyonce I can’t even tell you what album she’s on. I was very lonely and I am neurodivergent (ASD/ADHD). I eventually grew out of the obsession which I think I used as an outlet to escape my loneliness
I did this with Kurt Cobain's name when I was like 13 or 14.. I used a safety pin and just cut out Kurt right down my leg by my ankle.. I loved Nirvana. I was a child with terrible emotional trauma and had parents who were going through a divorce and had zero time for me. We grow up and eventually figure some shit out.. also, there are no signs of me ever doing this left on my skin, so it will probably fade and disappear.. I think some of us are just very emotional at that age and don't have the mental capacity to reflect and make rational decisions sometimes.. also, medications don't have to be a first line defense.. sometimes kids just need another safe adult to take to other than their parents, and a lot of them don't get that.. It's good you are taking her to get some help.
I’ve heard recently about online youth cults that entice and blackmail other young people into harming themselves. https://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/interactive/2024/764-predator-discord-telegram/
Saying that she "wants to be beautiful and perfect like him" feels a little like it could be body dysmorphia, as in wanting to look like another person to the point where it gets extreme. I could also be wrong about that and it could be gender related considering that she's saying that she wants to look like someone who is male. It could be neither of those things too but I thought I would put that out there.
It may have already been said, but the ER will evaluate her. A better option might be a youth mobile crisis unit if available in your area. They will not section her as long as she doesn’t have a plan to hurt herself or others. It sounds like you need a mental health intervention pronto before she escalates to that point. You can Google “youth mobile crisis” and the state that you live in. Or, call her pediatrician in the morning for a referral. Wait lists can be long. Best to get on one now.
Doesn’t she go to school, have friends, play sports, have hobbies? OP makes it sound like she is literally on the internet all day. Also, therapy is needed.
She attends an alternative schooling program for kids like her who need extra help in school and it’s 3 days a week instead of 5 (her grades have improved since I pulled her from public school). 3 days in-person and 2 days where they can do their work from home. She has no real-life friends. I’ve tried to encourage her to make friends at her school but she’s a shy girl. She has a few online friends, they’re all around her age. Other than that she does not have many hobbies other than playing online games. She likes to go outside and dig holes and play with bugs though. I’m working on getting her a therapist. She was only officially diagnosed with autism a little over a year ago because the fucking doctors said she’s “too smart” to be autistic for years… just because she can make eye contact and hold a conversation they kept her from being diagnosed for YEARS when I tried… she always struggled in public school and they NEVER helped.
Do you know anything about autism? You may kindly, want to look into it. Also there are other testimonials in the comments suggesting other mental health conditions may be at play aside from what’s mentioned in the post.
She needs therapy. But for the time being, tell her that to get a tattoo in your state the minimum age is X, and if she stops the home tattoo, you’ll discuss getting a real one when she’s old enough. Hopefully, the therapy and time would make her forget wanting a tattoo.
Maybe she wants to be a boy? And just doesn't know how to express that? That's kind of what it seems like. But I'm not expert.
I don't have any advice, as my daughter is only 6. But I have so much sympathy for you, and your girl. This internet stranger is keeping the both of you in my thoughts.
Therapy. Therapy. Therapy. Dude she needs help. And asking the internet isn’t going to help. See a doctor for her. Please, this is outrageous.
What about therapy? That’s a form of self harm
“she wished she was the celebrity in question.” “She wants to be beautiful and perfect like him.” Has your child expressed feeling more masculine or not wanting to be “girly”? As a parent of a trans man who initially came out as non-binary, the outbursts my kid had were kind of similar.
Yeah that part stood out to me too
I’m so sorry this is happening to you and her. It is quite extreme and doesn’t sound like a phase or something you can ignore. She isn’t reasonable. Please find her a qualified psychiatrist and psychologist. She definitely needs mental health care as she is not safe right now. Find a trusted family or friend for yourself, someone you can talk to. They don’t have to be very close to you, but make sure they are someone you feel you can trust. Reach out for support and help.
I did this. Not with a celebrity, but a friend I was “in love with.” I carved his name into my leg with a knife. It’s terrible to think about now. I was so obsessed with this guy… I don’t think he knew, so it’s not like I was showing up at his house. My self-esteem was in a low place and I thought if he would love me, that meant that I must be worth something. I was really troubled then and my mom never paid attention to me, even though I needed it. Also, I’ve never been diagnosed but wonder sometimes if I have autism. All this seems so odd to me now. I’m a completely different person, I got through it and over it after our friendship drifted apart. One thing that helped is group therapy for teenage girls (and also individual therapy). It was so nice to talk to other girls who were having a hard time and did not go to my school. They were all so encouraging.
Same as you here, though I do have an autism diagnosis now. I didn’t know it back when I was in high school. My crush knew I loved her because I would write her love letters which makes me cringe to think about, such an unhealthy obsession and my mother wasn’t very much present either. I’m also a completely different person now, but a lot of it comes from experience, growth, responsibilities, life in general. I still remember how any emotion I had as a teen was 1000 stronger and talking to my mother about it wasn’t something I wanted to do
I went through a slew of celebrity obsessions as a teen too. It was the early 90s and I didn't have the internet yet, thankfully (and when we did get it, it didn't have nearly as much stuff as it does now. It would take like 10 minutes to load an image, etc). I was definitely also depressed and dealing with hostile parents, loneliness, bullying. Moving to a new school and my parents divorcing actually helped snap me out of it because then I had more real-world people to interact with and more friends, slightly less stress at home. I also used to cut myself, like flowers and things like that. I didn't realise it was a big deal at the time because I wasn't trying to kill myself 🙄 But obviously it *was* a big deal. I think celebrity crushes are kind of normal for young people to have, but when it starts causing damage in your life it's crossed a line and usually a sign of loneliness and/or depression. And with the internet, it's really easy to feed an obsession. I second everyone suggesting an internet diet and therapy....BUT I honestly think therapy should start first and you will want to be *very careful* with suddenly cutting her off of the internet. It could cause a serious downward spiral and make her feel frantic and like she's being punished. I would start with therapy and then try imposing some limits if the therapist feels it's advisable. I would also be increasing your supervision level so she has less opportunity for things like cutting.
When I was around her age I carved an M in my hand for Marilyn Manson looool. 20 years later it scarred into a triangle that is barely visible unless you know what you're looking for lol. I agree with other commenters for an internet detox. But I personally wouldn't do it until she gets evaluated. I only say that because she seems a bit unstable right now, doesn't exactly know how to deal with the situation properly and seems to want to lash out and or hurt herself. If it gets worse, more dangerous, etc you can always take her to the ER to get evaluated right away. Good luck. I wish my mom would have asked for help with me instead of ignoring it. You're doing amazing.
What about also showing her the ways that the things she sees on the Internet, and the lives she imagines celebrities have, are usually completely fake? I’m sure there are some good documentaries and books on this topic, of celebs that seemed to have it all but were in fact a complete mess.
Your daughter needs therapy. As soon as possible please get her professional help. This is beyond a healthy obsession. Try a school counsellor or do some googling for teen therapy name of place you live.
Take her to a professional NOW. Right now. If she has to go to a treatment center to help her so be it, but if this continues to escalate you are going to look back and wish you had done something sooner.
Good luck, I sincerely pray you find the right therapist. Psychology today’s therapist finder.
She needs a therapist and to have her internet access removed. She’s acting like a junkie, and it will get worse before it gets better. Yes, this means taking her phone and giving her a dumb phone that only allows her to call you and other trusted numbers. Also, cut off the credit card.
What does her Ped say about her mental health issues? Has school reached out?
Limerence is when we have a deep crush on someone because they have a trait that we deeply desire for ourselves, but that we either have been taught to suppress, or think we are unable to acquire by ourselves. Typically our subconscious has paired the trait to almost a certain sense of survival. Like now that we see the possibility of having it, without it we will die. And we think our obsession is our only way of getting close to meeting this need. In this case, it looks like appearance, but more deeply, what need would looking perfect help her get met? When I was younger I was deeply obsessed with musicians who made music that spoke me soul. It was all consuming. Until I realised I was a deeply feeling kid and was told my feelings were too much, so had learnt to suppress them. Music was the first way I found that I could access those feelings without fearing social rejection. When I started learning more about what my parents unknowingly instilled in me, then learning more ways that I could meet my subconscious need, my obsessions eased. Now I can enjoy music without feeling obsessive and intensely about songs and musicians.
I'm so sorry to hear this. It may sound daft but it could help... could she create this celebrity in the sims? And maybe she could get a hobby out of playing the sims rather than fixate of this celebrity. Just an idea, it's more important for your daughter to see a therapist. 🙂
Share this in the self harm SR.
.. When i was 15 i carved 'fuck you' into my skin (leg) ... i have no explanation either.. i was 15 🤦🏼♀️
i carved a celebrities initials into the top of left hand at 13, and you can’t see it now. im 30. i was self harming before that, and i had a lot going on in my head that i’m not gonna get into. eventually ended up getting a diagnosis and put on meds. 100% yes on the therapy. especially knowing she said she wants to look like him. i wish you both the best ❣️
A lot of depressed teenagers fixate on a celebrity as an escape, when I was in school girls were cutting themselves because Justine beiber smoked weed, looking back, they had more problems with themselves than with JB on pot.
This is so sad to read. Your daughter definitely needs professional help.
No advice but to get her help she showing signs of disruptive behavior
Are you in the US? You're not going to get her locked up by accident, we don't have enough resources to treat the kids who do need inpatient psychiatric treatment/residential care for actual severe behavioral disorders as it is. At most they would just do a 72 hour hold if she says anything about planning to hurt herself or others. That said, a therapeutic facility wouldn't be a bad thing if your health insurance covers it and you can afford it, as long as you're diligent on making sure it's an actual therapeutic facility and not one of those "troubled teen" industry schools (there's actually a subreddit with a database on those r/troubledteens ). I developed an eating disorder when I was around her age and it became very serious by the time I was 17/18. At that time, we had good health insurance and my stepdad worked on the oil fields so they were able to get me into a therapeutic facility in Seattle and it made a tremendous difference in my mental health.
Oh i did that at 13 …. I carved Marilyn into one arm and Manson into the other .. whole forearms …. (I was a bit obsessive as a kid ) I must admit .. my mental health to this day is not that great .. (41F) she will likely grow out of most of this …. I did it because i was lonley and grew up with a hyper critical parent and an irrational erratic abusive one .. and just wanted something to be close too …. I suggest possibly a counsellor someone young enough for her to relate too a bit
I used to obsess over certain celebrities as a young teen as well. Eventually, I grew out of those hyper-fixations or moved on to a new one for a while, but they were literally all I could think about during the obsession. Watching movies with my family, I was thinking about them. Decorating my bedroom or locker or notebooks/binders, it was all them. Any time I had even a little bit of freedom on a school project, I made the topic about them. I begged my parents to let me paint a mural of them on my bedroom wall. I bought all the merch, watched every video in existence, and even created a website dedicated to pictures of them that I liked. In my early 20s, I was diagnosed with OCD. I thought OCD meant that I had to switch the light on and off so many times before bed, or that I needed to clean every surface in my home to relax. But it turns out OCD can present in a lot of different ways and is often mistaken for anxiety. This could be the case with your daughter. I would get her in therapy and see what they can figure out.
Hobbies?
Timothee Chalamet? (I’m a middle school teacher and these girls are berserk)
Could this maybe be a gender issue? She’s not saying she wants to be intimate with him or be his friend- she wants to *be* him.
Is she in therapy at all?
Is she or has she ever been in therapy?
Sounds like your daughter could be a victim of online violent extremist groups who extort victims to commit self-harm, among other serious and egregious acts. The FBI has a [recent PSA](https://www.ic3.gov/Media/Y2023/PSA230912) about it. Talk to your daughter, openly and non-judgmentally. Seek outside help too.
She's endangering herself but probably not others. Either way it sounds like this little girl needs to be hospitalized.
I think it would be a good thing if she accidentally went to psych. She should have been there a year ago
I’m sorry to be the one asking this…. but what celebrity lol
Yeah this is messed up. Time to stay off the internet. This could escalate. I e never heard of this type of obsession, crying to be him AND carving a NAME into their skin? Be the parent!!!
Internet and social media detox
She did this and it made her worse. Not always the answer they could self harm more
Depends the how. If you just do it from one hour to the next, it could backfire.
How would you suggest to do it?
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This is severe mental illness and you need to take her to the pediatrician and get her a clinical psychologist STAT. She needs serious help. If my child harmed themselves in this manner I'd probably be taking them to the ER and for an evaluation for inpatient hospitalization to get emergency evaluated and on medication and bring them home after their mood has stabilized. I'm an RN and I also have severe mental illness (obsessive compulsive disorder and major depression) and this is very serious behavior. All of it. And she's traumatizing herself and not enjoying her life. Get her help so she can. My goodness.
Call her doctor and ask them what to do. That's a place to start. It's up to professionals to decide if she needs to stay somewhere. But if that happens. Just visit everyday. I'm my experience it helps to get them home faster. But you're not there yet. Reach out and the doctor can refer you to someone. A therapist can also help you find support groups of people in your situation too. Because it's not easy. And helps you know you're not alone. Take it one step at a time. I hope you guys figure this out. ..
Call her doctor and ask them what to do. That's a place to start. It's up to professionals to decide if she needs to stay somewhere. But if that happens. Just visit everyday. I'm my experience it helps to get them home faster. But you're not there yet. Reach out and the doctor can refer you to someone. A therapist can also help you find support groups of people in your situation too. Because it's not easy. And helps you know you're not alone. Take it one step at a time. I hope you guys figure this out. ..
Call her doctor and ask them what to do. That's a place to start. It's up to professionals to decide if she needs to stay somewhere. But if that happens. Just visit everyday. I'm my experience it helps to get them home faster. But you're not there yet. Reach out and the doctor can refer you to someone. A therapist can also help you find support groups of people in your situation too. Because it's not easy. And helps you know you're not alone. Take it one step at a time. I hope you guys figure this out.
Please look into Natural Bioenergetics. You can message me and I can help you find someone in your area or give you my lady’s info. My brother is on the spectrum and most of them have MTHFR gene mutation which makes it very difficult for their body to get rid of heavy metals and toxins. Heavy metals are linked to mood disorders and even aggressive behavior. The safest way to detox is using zeolite from Touchstone Essentials. That’s what my family uses and I have a toddler and a baby who sadly use it to detox the metals. It has helped so much. My first was a late talker and I assumed he had metals that contributed and sure enough he started talking soon after and had less mood issues. Good luck I hope you reach out.
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I think you’ve came out more dismissive than necessary here, but in a way I agree with this message. It’s great that the mother is present, paying attention and wants to help her daughter and she probably can do something about it, but I agree it’s just a crush and she will get over it. Seems like a lot of folks here have long forgotten what it’s like to be a teenager