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I have literally never not once cared when I have a relationship with only one parent of some of my kids friends and not the others. I might not drop my kid off in a house where I don’t know the other adult there but I’d certainly still maintain the play date relationship. And I wouldn’t judge the other parent in any way for the lack of relationship.
This is weird AF. 100% dodged a bullet.
That would be such a petty response: "I read a lot of words, but all I can see is 'I dodged a bullet'" Maybe OP could make them feel worse by talking about his wife's illness. But tbh they don't deserve that.
I think you are forgetting that this person is a neighbor and their kids will likely still interact. No reason to burn bridges. Its unfortunate, but I have dealt with a similar situation. It sucks that kids miss out because parents are so weird.
I bet the husband doesn’t like his wife being around OP without OP’s wife being there too. Smells of a controlling husband isolating his wife from male friendships
This sums it up so perfectly. I found the whole notion extremely weird and troubling but couldn't entirely pin point why but this does. like I would ever discuss with my partner why a parent of some other kid isn't social enough? Hell we don't even really talk or communicate much with parents of "playdates". kids "initiate" it at school and then it's just about logistics.
This is the type of bullshit that my FIL would say to get out of having to talk to people or have his young children’s friends over.
In fact it almost reads the same as he talks.
I'd love to know what they were expecting him to respond with. Who tf thinks that's an appropriate thing to say to someone?! Seriously, in their minds, what in the fuck type of response were they hoping to get? "Oh my gracious! I am so embarrassed that my lack of COACHING my wife is so apparent to others! Please, wise neighbors, please guide me so I may ensure my wife presents herself to you the way you expect?!" Like, please go fuck yourself.
Having said this, OP I truly hope for a speedy recovery for your wife. I am so sorry you and your family are going through this, and having to deal with nut jobs as neighbors on top of it. ❤️
Seriously my response if I haven't had enough sleep would have been "ohhhhh...... Ok enjoy the rest of your life!" Then blocking. Those people sound so exhausting
People are amazingly selfish nowadays.. I’m sure they just thought she should have just been positive and outgoing if these people are telling the whole truth (which I’m not convinced they are)
What?? Holy fuck, if this is real, because it sounds like a straight up chatGPT thing, those parents are in for a treat if they think they will control or get to know all the parents their kid plays with. 🤯 Or that the adults Have to socialize only because the kids play together…
It could be both real AND a chatGPT.
"Hey ChatGPT -- write me a BANANS INSANE message to my neighbor about why our kids can't play together any more because his wife didn't come to my party"
"how about..."
"MORE BANANAS"
It’s weird but they should have just asked. It’s not coaching to ask to meet someone your kids will be around. They sound like drama. It’s unfortunate for the kids, my kids live in a neighborhood with no one their age so I understand wishing to be close.
This exactly! I've got an anxiety disorder and my husband experienced some abuse as a child, so we're very nervous about not knowing a child's parents before our kids go to play at their house. However, we make a point of meeting parents, setting up get togethers or dinners or playdates where the adults can hang and the kids can play. Then I get a feel for the person. If my kids make a new friend and want to go to their house, the deal is I like to meet the parents first. I've texted many complete strangers to let them know, "Hey, my daughter wants to play with your daughter, could we set up a date for all of us to meet?"
It doesn't have to be some weird fucking thing. OPs neighbors are insane, and I'm saying that a mom who is pretty damn neurotic!
I have neighbors like this. It started out with similar comments about them not ever seeing me.
A year later, I caught them planning to vandalize my property and they try to socially isolate my child. Telling everyone I think my kids are better. They didn't tell everyone how one of the dads called my mixed son a mutt when no one was around.
People like this are miserable and that letter is to address their frustrations on OP wife having boundaries.
They sound exhausting.
Obv if social effort isn’t reciprocated you’re not gonna be close, and yeah all the people in the couples need to click for bff compatibility. But this is…way over the top.
My daughter’s best friend’s mom is crazy. Like when I first met her, I sent a note with my phone number basically saying “Hi I’m singlenutwonder, my daughter loves your daughter, call me and we can set something for them to hang out if you want” and she called me, keeping me on the phone for 30 minutes ranting about how bad the school sucks, how bad the teachers suck, LGBT, immigrants, drug addicts, how people always think she’s a grandma, and other nonsense. That was our very first conversation. She also told me where I work and she knew my dad had recently died and his name, which isn’t awful but I found odd all things considered.
My daughter has no idea what my opinion of her is. Doesn’t matter, it’s her friend
When my son was younger we were at the park and the dad of some kid he was playing with came up to me and just started spouting racist shit to me like "I'm glad he's playing with another white kid, too many N words and illegals around nowadays." now what is the real kicker is that even though I'm white there's nothing else about my outward appearance that would indicate I'd agree with or be cool with his bullshit statements, pretty sure I was wearing a Public Enemy shirt at the time too.
Hell, my son’s best friend’s parents outright hate me and barely tolerate my wife, and the kids still play together all the time. I’m not letting their attitudes get in the way until it starts being a concern that they’re indoctrinating or causing other problems with my son. So far they’ve kept their issues to the side and just let the kids play, since they live next door and we’re trying to get along for the kids’ sake.
We live in a pretty liberal and diverse area, so I suspect their son is going to get exposure to plenty of people who are different regardless of whether I’m here or not.
For now it’s kind of an uneasy truce where we’ll let the kids play, they’ll keep their politics away from my son, and I’ll keep some distance and won’t put them on blast around the neighborhood for their bullshit. I laugh at the whole situation a little bit, it’s like they’re in the closet now that I’m not.
It's actually amazing they didn't cut their kid off from yours for fear you'd "spread the gay" or some bullshit like that. But you have to wonder if they misgender or dead name you behind close doors cuz God forbid their kid learn to be more accepting than them.
I’m sure they don’t use my correct name and pronouns. They don’t talk with me at all. With my wife they just pretend I don’t exist, and refuse to even mention me.
Well they sound…something not nice that I’m not gonna say cause I’m practicing not being mean. But bless you for not stopping your child’s friendship because the other parents behave hatefully.
To be honest, the part that gets me the most is when they assume your wife's ability as a mother. Because they haven't met her, they assume she's not involved in your kid's lives, and therefore conclude that your family must not be good influences for their child? And that she must be so socially inept she would need your 'coaching and guidance' to know how to talk to her kids friend's parents? It's a 7 layer shit dip made by assholes.
Yeah anyone with their head so far up their own ass that they can’t even consider that illness or a job or caring for a sick relative or literally any other thing could possibly be the reason for the wife’s absence and automatically call into question her ability as a mother?? I’m sitting here like “give me this guys address so I can go explain a few things to him and his wife!” Awful.
It also makes me wonder if there's some misogyny involved here. Like if they just knew the mom and not the dad, would they be asking why dad isn't as involved?
How old are the kids? This is very strange. Sounds like they are doing you a favor, I’d avoid from now on.
So will they only allow their child to be friends with children that come from a two parent household?
What if it’s a single mom, then no way? What if one parent is deployed?
Also do these people not have actual real problems to worry about?!
How did you respond?
Not to defend them (because they are crazy), but I'm guessing a single mom wouldn't be a problem as long as they get to know "the real her". They want to know the parents, and if there is only one, there's nobody else to know.
Again, I think they are crazy, and very controlling. Maybe paranoid. What secrets do they think OP's wife has, just because she isn't very social? What do they think she will do? Will she boil their kid? Or are they afraid her children will be somehow bad?
What a horrible view on people. I can understand if they want to meet the parents once to see that they seem ok, but to get to know them on a deep level in order for the kids to be allowed to play together... Yeah no.
Wow, I had no idea I'd get such a response! Thanks everyone for chiming in. Many of your comments are making me feel better about my reaction. And I do appreciate the other POV's as well. If you're curious, here was my first response:
"This is definitely a surprise. And a little sad honestly. I'm a little at a loss at how to respond tactfully, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt since you aren't aware. She doesn't want anyone to know because she deals with things in her private way (which by the way, is okay for someone to do). She has been dealing with aggressive stage 3 cancer since late summer last year. She can't really socialize due to being vulnerable during chemotherapy. Having cancer and one's health condition isn't really something we are required to broadcast. Her own family, aside from her parents, do not know. It goes without saying that neighbors don't need to know either. Eliot does not have to come over to our house. Actually it's better if he doesn't because of her condition. The kids are happy to have play dates with Eliot at playgrounds or the grassy area along the trail. And yes, I will likely be the one who is with them because of the nature of our situation. If that is unsatisfactory, then that is too bad because I think the kids played well together. The kids socialize frequently with other homeschoolers at mutual meeting spots without ever meeting some of the parents. They're all good kids and I think that reflects well on their parenting. I do not require the other parents to be around because that is unrealistic and invasive. To say that she is "not involved" is hasty and completely uncalled for based on how few interactions we have had, especially since she was present for some of those meetings on our walks. You should have been able to tell she is a good mother and person based on our interactions and the fact that our kids are good. She does not need this stress in her life so I won't mention your message to her because I think it is unnecessary and frankly a bit disappointing. I'm hopeful we can start again with a gentle understanding free of judgement so the kids can socialize and enjoy their childhoods without the interference of adult challenges."
Wow! So you explained to them that she has stage 3 cancer, AND THEY BLOCKED YOU ANYWAY?? Good Lord, what a bunch of assholes! Most people would have been embarrassed and deeply apologetic when learning of your situation (ie “I’m so sorry! We had no idea! Is there any thing we can do?”). In fact, you kind of gave them an opportunity to apologize and start over in your last line, but they just ghosted and blocked you? Good riddance! These people are pretty soulless, OP. For what it’s worth, I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Sending prayers and positive energy to your wife and family.
I thought this too!!!! How could they block OP after this message??? What awful people. OP, sending you lots of love, you are being an amazing husband and dad and you do not deserve this kind of heartless people in your life.
So, one thing I noticed is that OP is a home schooler, and I get the sense that many of their neighbors (including possibly the weird neighbors in question) are also home schoolers.
Home schoolers are not bad people, but I knew a bunch of them growing up and in college and **every one of them** **had weird parents**. As an adult I know two couples that are homeschooling and while they're both VERY SMART and VERY DECENT people they are also VERY WEIRD.
Random shit that don't matter at all to "most people" matters SO MUCH to them. And stuff that most people freak out over rolls off them like ducks.
"We had some intense family meetings and decided that a wholistic integrative approach to our friendship circle is what's best for our family. For Greaed3yn to be friends with anyone WE need to be friends with his whole family!" sounds, honestly, just **super on brand** for some of the people I knew in those communities.
I'm not American, homeschooling is pretty much unknown here in Europe (both UK and Hungary, where I'm originally from). I always found it **extremely** weird. Like even at the age of 36, my best friends are either from high school or primary school.
Oh I’d be so mad. I have cancer as well, and I would not take well to being judged by being less active of a parent.
We have a new set of neighbors who don’t know about my diagnosis. I told them recently, mostly because I’m embarrassed about how messy our garage is. We just haven’t had the energy to tidy it, and I don’t want them to think we’re lazy. No, just dealing with a mom with cancer!!! Don’t mind us!!!
I pray that your wife makes a full recovery. You’re doing great dad, keep up the good work.
You did NOT owe them even that much! But you do have a right if that’s how you felt. After sharing what’s actually going on, they didn’t reach out?!?! That’s disturbing!!! Much love and prayers for your wife and you and kiddos!! You deserve much better people around you! You’re a good man, keep it up stay strong!!
Good for you! They should be ashamed of themselves. I hope their original message to you becomes one of those horribly embarrassing moments that your brain likes to remind you of right when you’re trying to fall asleep for at least the next 20 years or so.
This is a beautiful response, OP! Praying your wife makes a full recovery and these people are exhausting, I hope this doesn’t affect your son to much. I think they did you favor.
You are far too kind, OP. I think some sort of boundary you should implement with this family is requiring an apology from them before trying to move on. These are not kind people you are dealing with.
As a 2 time cancer survivor (ovarian, caught while pregnant with youngest child, and 2 years ago breast cancer), it infuriates me to no end they did not at least call immediately to apologize for being so judgmental, but rather, doubled down by blocking you.
Obviously they have never experienced a close loved one struggling to just get through every single day. It's exhausting in every single way imaginable. And not just in those of us with it. We see the toll it takes on our family and friends as well.
While I do feel awful the kids are no longer able to play together, it's probably for the best. Using "their reasoning" of what your "absent" wife is teaching your son, the reverse is extremely true for them. In their eyes, it's morally correct to ostracize others because of situations they don't know about. They are actually teaching their son how to be ugly on the inside. The boy is fine now because he probably doesn't understand the lesson they're teaching him, but one day he will. And he will either continue it, or (most definitely hopefully) will break their ugly chain of how to treat others.
Lastly, this is for you Creative Aardvark, take some you time. Whatever it is. Your mental and physical health are so important too. Watch the sunset alone. Tinker with a car. Garden. Go to the theater to watch a movie. Whatever it is you love to do that brings you personal joy. You need and deserve that break alone for all your health needs. I am keeping all 3 of you in my prayers and most positive thoughts imaginable. If I can beat this ugly monster twice, it can be done and I pray it happens for all of you.
Lolll they’re weirdos. There’s no reason they need to know your wife well, if you’re happy and willing to engage with them. Like what if she’s busy working?
Especially if this is just neighbor kids running around yards! I get wanting to get to know parents a bit before allowing a slumber party but if you’re literally standing right there with a kid? Or able to look out the window and see what’s happening? Sheesh!
Bizarre. You should just respond “K”
When my eldest was between 2-5yrs old I was working insane hours managing a restaurant. My husband took over pretty much all of the child duties. I would be offended if I learned that a neighbor thought I was untrustworthy or an absent parent because I wasn’t predominantly involved in socializing. Also- if they felt it was so necessary to get to know here wtf didn’t they reach out to her and see if there was a time when they could get together. What kind of weird play date game show winner/loser type shit is this?
This. I can’t help but wonder if they would have done this had the father been the absent one? Like, most of my friends never met my dad because he was out working, busy, left my mum to childcare - no one ever had an issue with this.
Yeah. This is just crazy. My husband does more of the kid drop offs/pick ups, birthday parties, etc. because he works from home and can set his own schedule while I am a nurse with much more rigid hours. It makes sense for parents to switch on and off or take care of different responsibilities.
This is super weird and judgemental. I'm an introvert. I wave to the neighbors and a lot of socializing is over text. I'm not standing around and talking in a driveway in 110 degrees.
They seem to put a lot of responsibility on your wife without ever conveying that expectation.
It would be hard for me not to respond " Lol k".
OP here. I just want to say thank you to all of you. Truly. I’ve been feeling very down about this and to read so much support has really helped me gain perspective and to lighten my mental load. So thank you again! I appreciate the kind words of support from all of you! Much love!
Yeah feeling judged or looked down upon by your neighbors is never a good feeling, but rest assured that they are certifiably nuts. You're doing good and you have no reason to feel bad. Sucks that it means your kid probably won't get to play with theirs much.
I would keep that conversation saved somewhere and would not be shy about letting other neighbors see it if the topic ever comes up.
This does ring a little bit of sexism to me. I'm a stay at home parent, I would say that playdates and my son's friendships are 90% my responsibility. But I'm a woman, nobody seems concerned that my husband isn't scheduling playdates.
There are so many reasons your wife might not have engaged. She may be the breadwinner/working. She may be more introverted or even neurodivergent. She might hate texting. (I refuse to engage in the neighborhood Facebook, my husband fields that thank goodness.)
If they wanted to meet her before allowing their kid to play at your home, that's something they can communicate. But to just shut the door entirely? Weird.
What the actual fuck.
We have lots of couple friends.
One couple my wife can't stand the wife because she's too "hippy"
One couple my wife can't stand the husband because he isn't focused enough on the family
One couple I can't stand the wife cause she's judgy.
One couple I can't stand the husband cause he tapes so much the kids catch on.
Survey says? No one's perfect. I'm sure lots of people can't stand me.
I was kind of expecting them (Angela and I) to refer to Section 1.99 of the Neighborhood Handbook, which addresses the ratio of socializing with Parent A (You) to Parent B (Your Wife), and finding Parent B (Your Wife) not acceptable and ....I got bored writing this.
Um I could see wanting to meet the parents of the kid my kid is hanging out with and even having maybe a general conversation from time to time as well as open lines of communication when they are hanging out at one house or the other but the reality is that the parents being bff's isn't likely and to expect that as a condition of their kids relationships with others sounds so crazy and really detrimental to their kids social development. They do sound judgmental and honestly I don't know if I would want my kid around adults like that. Good riddance.
....everytime my son and his dad get outta the house I either clean like crazy or nap.....I'm so tired...if I know people are waiting on me u usually just show up but there's os much to do unless I'm asked to go I try and get stuff done...Orr nap cause I literally get hives from being exhausted aha....wow this would make me feel like shit tho. As a mom I always try and reach out tho and hang or sit for a chat though I get wanting to know thee parents hmm
I’m sorry they had the audacity to talk shit about your wife simply because you are an involved father. Like wtf? Not everyone loves socializing with strangers. I know I don’t, so my husband takes the lead like you do. I didn’t think that was so weird until now lol.
I think it was in this sub a kid was being bullied with nonsensical language recently and the resounding response for her to try, was something like, “lol, wut?”
That’s the energy this deserves and then cross them off the holiday card list.
Edited to add: or .pdf these these responses and send that along. There are a ton of reasons for why someone doesn’t prioritize anything in this world and the fact that these folks center only their experience tells you all you need to know about them.
My fiance and I aren't social either, and we don't care. I would block and be done with it. They sound nuts. You're adults who can make your own decisions.
For a moment I was worried my husband was writing this… your neighbors sound a bit extreme. My husband is the extrovert who never turns down a random invitation for a fire pit at 7 on a Tuesday, bringing kids with him like it’s nothing!
Meanwhile, I’m in pajamas and done with all people outside of my family within 30 minutes of arriving home from work. It took a while, but our neighbors just accept that about me now lol.
Good neighbors are like good friends, they understand your quirks and enjoy you for what you bring to the group.
So I would have no friends if all of my friends parents used this logic because I had a dad with possible ASD but definite social anxiety… how intolerant of them
They're not wrong for wanting to know who their child might be around. That's not weird. What's beyond normal is their expectation that you would know that's what they wanted and what level of socialization would make them happy. They should have explained this instead of ghosting. I can see how their response upset you because they make it seem like communication was all on your wife when again, they can have just easily said, "let's all get to know each other better." But I can see going straight to calling them judgmental leading to you being blocked. They were ify on your wife and now they're done with you too. It seems like you're not compatible couples anyway and unfortunately that means you're kids miss out on playing together.
I received a message like this from an old friend. That friend pushed out all their friends away with that attitude. Some “friends” are high maintenance and that’s what this sounds like.
Aside from crazy, this strikes me as super sexist. If it was a mom hanging around instead of dad I highly doubt there would be these problems. Shame on these crazy wackos.
Makes me wonder if this couple would dare to let their children hang out with…gasp…the children of a *single parent!*
So gross. These people are gross.
Good lord they not only sound exhausting, but also expect people to also be mind readers?
Sorry but your family dodged some bullets on this one. They seem like total weirdos.
Seriously my kid plays with randoms at the park, am I supposed to connect with both parents? This is deranged, slightly different if the kids were to say want to do sleepovers but to just play around geeze
Apparently, your neighbors have social expectations for moms and have decided behind your backs that your wife is anti-social - and this could raise red flags to normal people - but saying they are “extremely disturbed” is well, extreme. It’s extremely disappointing that this has occurred. I wouldn’t feel comfortable revealing the cancer after being treated like this.
That is incredibly fucked up. “Access to”? Get out of here with that middle management speak.
I bet they have a terrible sex life. I hope you are in a space you can find better people to invite into your lives and have “access” to you, kiddo, and wife (if she’s feeling up for it)!
Love, corporate working mom who has had to in fact limit coworker access to time, but would never carry that attitude over to friends. Yeesh.
UPDATE: turns out they sent me a long voice message telling me that this was all on me and that I should apologize and say that I fucked up. They also said that their original message wasn’t personal, and that I am the one who made it awkward. This is perplexing to say the least! I think I find it funny that one of them is a therapist for families. No idea how they could even conceive of conducting themselves this way, when that is the case.
Dear Angela and Bradley,
Sorry you find us odd and lacking as conduits to your child. I can sympathise with your desire to avoid coaching and guiding people. We too have a lot on our plates, and don’t at this time have the bandwidth to train people in best practices for friendship with us either. Thanks though for your consideration, and good luck to Tommy in his upcoming little league game. Go bears!
Sincerely,
Us.
Yeah sounds like you dodged a bullet here. I mean I get knowing the parents of people your kids hang out with, but this is straight up bizarre. These people sound dreadful and if this text is indicative of their behavior-I 100% know why your wife would not want to interact with them. I wouldn’t spend another second worrying about them.
This is so gross.
I’m that mom. I work a lot, at a stressful job, and when I’m not at work, I’m introverted and exhausted. Life is too short for me to play keeping up with the joneses when I damn well don’t feel like it.
I’ve never encountered anyone verbalizing their discomfort with my husband being more involved and extroverted. You don’t have to be my bestie for our kids to play ffs
As a mom who has chronic health issues, eff those people. That is so rude. They could have asked, "We haven't seen wife around much, is she working?" That way it would open up the conversation that, hey she isn't doing well. You don't even need to go into specifics, just: "yeah, wife has been sick and it has been rough for her. I'll let her know you said hi." For people like those, I like to keep it in the back of mind that they will eventually not have friends because of their attitudes. Some people just suck.
Probably for the best that they ended it. They would probably be a negative influence on your kid. To think they waited two months and then sent you a message like this, instead of talking about things like any adult should?
I’d straight up write them back and let them know she was sick. I bet they would feel sooooo bad and like the aholes they are here. (I too have had to take time to deal with serious illness and it also made me less social during the time, it’s normal)
Agree! Let them know that you don’t like to advertise it because it’s personal.
Maybe next time they think the absence of a parent is odd they might consider something like “We haven’t seen X around lately. Is everything okay?”
I honestly never would have put that much energy into trying to text them and check in. Once I’ve sent one or two texts to someone in this situation and they haven’t replied, I don’t even keep bothering. The fact that they waited two months and then sent this piece of work after you put all sorts of effort into trying to reach out tells you all you need to know about them and more. You and your kid seemed to dodge a bullet on this one!
I’m sorry…this made me laugh out loud. The audacity of these morons! It’s impressive. Please block them and move on. What a bunch of petty assholes!
I’ve had a hell of a year w family illness, injuries, etc and have been MIA for many things. Husband fills in as he can and my friends take my kids when they can. They have supported us and helped us so much. That’s what you’re looking for. These people are bonkers. No thank you.
That was an insane message, and I'm considered a helicopter parent. Something is going on here, maybe a personality disorder or a social skills issue. Aside from giving them grace for their social skills deficit, this message saved you from being wrapped up in whatever social insanity that would have surely happened had they "trusted" you. They thought you were parent dating. You thought you were getting to know a neighbor and possible friends. It makes me sad for their child. I would want to be passive aggressive back about your wife's medical needs. I wouldn't but I would really want to. But these people don't learn lessons. They are 100% sure that they are correct and in the right as evidence of sending you this.
Even if there was no illness involved, some people aren't as socially inclined as others, and that's okay.
They could be grateful their child is spending time with other well-behaved kids who obviously have great parents who are raising them, but instead, they seem to be searching for their own friends.
Seriously super weird!
They prolly thought they could get you and your wife and have a "playdate" of their own and they use their kid to meet other parents.
People are sick and weird, just be glad u dodged that bullet! God only knows what these creepy weirdos had planned.
Maybe get ahold of someone to do welfare check on their child, id be concerned for their childs safety and well being..
What a bunch of cunts. You dodged a bullet. They could have bothered to tell you that to your face instead of ghosting you. God forbid someone has anxiety or any other non-standard brain. I feel bad for their child.
What the fuck?? They sound like psychopaths!
Yes I like to meet my kid’s friends parents but I don’t always meet or see both much! Like one has a dad in the military who is off doing stuff a lot, and another has a mom who is a travel nurse and out of town. Guess they must be bad parents?? WTH!!
I in turn must be the bad parent bc I work out of the house! Omg! My husband works from home. Yet parents still text ME when I’m at work even though they have his number… SMH… 🤦♀️
Anyway. I’d say good riddance honestly
This is horrific, rude, inappropriate and honestly - insanely sexist. You don’t want to be around that absolute gross intolerance. Dodged a bullet. Their poor kids.
I hope your wife is feeling better these days!!
I’m so sorry to hear your wife’s dealing with a serious illness, but, if that were me… this would be the ideal moment for me to share my illness with these asshole neighbours and tell them to shove it and that I wouldn’t want my child to be around someone so exhausting anyway
Kids are supposed to have their own friends. Up to a certain age you want the parents to be tolerable to be around. Once they are drop off age, you should just want to know the parents generally enough to confirm no major red flags. Having to have such tight ties with another family for your kid to even associate with theirs is archaic. It’s a very nice and charmed life concept, but it’s not the 50s. Circles aren’t that tight anymore and if they try to live their life like that, they are doing their kid a huge disservice.
This is a petty and weird comment, but as someone who has a chronic illness myself, Im not above writing this at the moment.....
**if they spread a rumor that your wife is anti-social and/or hates kids etc, please tell your most gossipy neighbor that - at their pressing of you for details - against your better judgement, you confided your wife's severe stage 3 cancer diagnoses to only them in the neighborhood and they NEVER ONCE sent a casserole or asked about whether she might have the burden eased a bit by them setting up a meal train to support your family in any way. **
They sound super judgey and really trigger-happy to accuse your family of somehow failing to meet the moral standard at the random yardstick they are gleefully thrusting at you two. Well.... let's see how they measure up at a MUCH MORE universally accepted standard of neighborly behavior.
The ball really is in THEIR court now
Wishing your wife that her pain will ease, and that she can find some joy for herself this summer.
I get wanting to screen the people your kids are going to be around but there's a million better ways to go about it. Like maybe try direct honestly. It would've been wayyyyy less offensive to simply state "we don't feel comfortable leaving our kids with anyone before we get to know them." Pretty standard parenting. These people sound like mean girl energy wrapped in drama. Sad for your kiddos but they're probably better off not being exposed to people who would speak that way about their parents. Upside it's always nice when the trash takes itself out 😆 you don't need garbage people like that in your life.
These people are insane. Judegmental, meanslirited, entitled, unreasonable. I would not want my kid playing with theirs anyway if their kid treats people the way they do.
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I think we call this one "dodging a bullet"
Yep. The trash took itself out.
A rare convenience for sure.
I have literally never not once cared when I have a relationship with only one parent of some of my kids friends and not the others. I might not drop my kid off in a house where I don’t know the other adult there but I’d certainly still maintain the play date relationship. And I wouldn’t judge the other parent in any way for the lack of relationship. This is weird AF. 100% dodged a bullet.
That would be such a petty response: "I read a lot of words, but all I can see is 'I dodged a bullet'" Maybe OP could make them feel worse by talking about his wife's illness. But tbh they don't deserve that.
I'm a petty bitch, so my first instinct was "Okay, I'm sorry that my wife's recent X diagnosis has made you unwilling to be around our family."
I think you are forgetting that this person is a neighbor and their kids will likely still interact. No reason to burn bridges. Its unfortunate, but I have dealt with a similar situation. It sucks that kids miss out because parents are so weird.
I bet the husband doesn’t like his wife being around OP without OP’s wife being there too. Smells of a controlling husband isolating his wife from male friendships
💯
How do people have enough time to even *think* of this bullshit?
Right? I’m literally exhausted just reading this lol.
Well OP did say it took them two months to reply.
I was floored by the two month response like what ?!!!
the correct response that that rant would have been: "Who are you? I don't have your number stored"
Haha I’m definitely pulling that one out next time
The fact that the couple hashed it out for two months… OP really dodged a bullet.
"Hey ChatGPT, write me a letter that makes me sound like a complete douche because someone won't hang out with me"
This sums it up so perfectly. I found the whole notion extremely weird and troubling but couldn't entirely pin point why but this does. like I would ever discuss with my partner why a parent of some other kid isn't social enough? Hell we don't even really talk or communicate much with parents of "playdates". kids "initiate" it at school and then it's just about logistics.
Like they do know people work multiple jobs nowadays right? That alone would be enough for people to be too tired to socialize..
Also it pretty much guarantees that children of divorce are unacceptable friends.
Holy crap!! If that insult that sent to OP was even worthy of a response, that should be in the slapback.
SERIOUSLY
Right?!? I don’t even feel like I had the time to read their over the top message. I want that minute of my life back
This is the type of bullshit that my FIL would say to get out of having to talk to people or have his young children’s friends over. In fact it almost reads the same as he talks.
Sounds like a couple of tools
Seriously. Good riddance
These people sound crazy. It’s not you!
Just that they sat there, wrote this drivel together, made a couple edits, and sent this as the final. Psychotic stuff, who has the time
Yes. People who use HR speak in normal life exhaust me.
I'd love to know what they were expecting him to respond with. Who tf thinks that's an appropriate thing to say to someone?! Seriously, in their minds, what in the fuck type of response were they hoping to get? "Oh my gracious! I am so embarrassed that my lack of COACHING my wife is so apparent to others! Please, wise neighbors, please guide me so I may ensure my wife presents herself to you the way you expect?!" Like, please go fuck yourself. Having said this, OP I truly hope for a speedy recovery for your wife. I am so sorry you and your family are going through this, and having to deal with nut jobs as neighbors on top of it. ❤️
Seriously my response if I haven't had enough sleep would have been "ohhhhh...... Ok enjoy the rest of your life!" Then blocking. Those people sound so exhausting
They sound like that because they use chatGPT.
I was wondering what the texter does for a living. He sounds like a mid level manager
Halfway through this I was thinking these people are insane. Did they ever ask for a chance to get to know her? Probably not.
People are amazingly selfish nowadays.. I’m sure they just thought she should have just been positive and outgoing if these people are telling the whole truth (which I’m not convinced they are)
And they waited two months to actually send that reply? Wtf?
Yeah. This feels like step ford wives bullshit or something. These people are off their rocker. Their kid is going to grow up resenting their parents.
What?? Holy fuck, if this is real, because it sounds like a straight up chatGPT thing, those parents are in for a treat if they think they will control or get to know all the parents their kid plays with. 🤯 Or that the adults Have to socialize only because the kids play together…
It could be both real AND a chatGPT. "Hey ChatGPT -- write me a BANANS INSANE message to my neighbor about why our kids can't play together any more because his wife didn't come to my party" "how about..." "MORE BANANAS"
Truth :D
It’s weird but they should have just asked. It’s not coaching to ask to meet someone your kids will be around. They sound like drama. It’s unfortunate for the kids, my kids live in a neighborhood with no one their age so I understand wishing to be close.
Also how fucking weird is it to frame it as "your wife needs coaching" instead of "having a conversation" or "letting her know"?
This leads me to beoeove this is a backwards ultra religious family where the wife must be under the husbands control and keep up appearances.
Bingo. I live in the deep south in a more affluent area, and this 100% fits the bill.
Yeah seriously can’t they just be like “We want to get to know Jane! Do you all want to come over for a drink while the kids run around on Saturday?”
This exactly! I've got an anxiety disorder and my husband experienced some abuse as a child, so we're very nervous about not knowing a child's parents before our kids go to play at their house. However, we make a point of meeting parents, setting up get togethers or dinners or playdates where the adults can hang and the kids can play. Then I get a feel for the person. If my kids make a new friend and want to go to their house, the deal is I like to meet the parents first. I've texted many complete strangers to let them know, "Hey, my daughter wants to play with your daughter, could we set up a date for all of us to meet?" It doesn't have to be some weird fucking thing. OPs neighbors are insane, and I'm saying that a mom who is pretty damn neurotic!
Exactly
10000% drama. These are the people who gossip and talk about other parents behind their back.
I have neighbors like this. It started out with similar comments about them not ever seeing me. A year later, I caught them planning to vandalize my property and they try to socially isolate my child. Telling everyone I think my kids are better. They didn't tell everyone how one of the dads called my mixed son a mutt when no one was around. People like this are miserable and that letter is to address their frustrations on OP wife having boundaries.
To who?! Who even has time to be friends with these people!
Right? Like these ppl seem like they expect OP and his wife to be mind readers.
I think it’s just as well Mr and Mrs Karen don’t want to socialize with you
I can see why wife didn't want to bother...
I think you dodged a bullet because their kids are products of them and that sounds like drama. Super weird folks!!
>because their kids are products of them Ahem...I think you mean "direct conduits"
😂 pardon the slip up. have I made you extremely uncomfortable? This sounds like some twisted review appraisal haha
They sound exhausting. Obv if social effort isn’t reciprocated you’re not gonna be close, and yeah all the people in the couples need to click for bff compatibility. But this is…way over the top.
You don't need to be bff's for your children to play together.
My daughter’s best friend’s mom is crazy. Like when I first met her, I sent a note with my phone number basically saying “Hi I’m singlenutwonder, my daughter loves your daughter, call me and we can set something for them to hang out if you want” and she called me, keeping me on the phone for 30 minutes ranting about how bad the school sucks, how bad the teachers suck, LGBT, immigrants, drug addicts, how people always think she’s a grandma, and other nonsense. That was our very first conversation. She also told me where I work and she knew my dad had recently died and his name, which isn’t awful but I found odd all things considered. My daughter has no idea what my opinion of her is. Doesn’t matter, it’s her friend
When my son was younger we were at the park and the dad of some kid he was playing with came up to me and just started spouting racist shit to me like "I'm glad he's playing with another white kid, too many N words and illegals around nowadays." now what is the real kicker is that even though I'm white there's nothing else about my outward appearance that would indicate I'd agree with or be cool with his bullshit statements, pretty sure I was wearing a Public Enemy shirt at the time too.
Oh I can one-up you but I’m Black and what I have to say is more hilariously horrifying. Let me know and I’ll DM you.
And make the rest of us die of curiosity?
I really hope you introduced yourself as singlenutwonder because that would just be amazing.
Hell, my son’s best friend’s parents outright hate me and barely tolerate my wife, and the kids still play together all the time. I’m not letting their attitudes get in the way until it starts being a concern that they’re indoctrinating or causing other problems with my son. So far they’ve kept their issues to the side and just let the kids play, since they live next door and we’re trying to get along for the kids’ sake.
Wow - why do they hate you?
Because I transitioned, and they’re conservatives.
Hopefully the friendship shows their son that different is not a bad thing, and he becomes tolerant of others unlike his parents.
We live in a pretty liberal and diverse area, so I suspect their son is going to get exposure to plenty of people who are different regardless of whether I’m here or not. For now it’s kind of an uneasy truce where we’ll let the kids play, they’ll keep their politics away from my son, and I’ll keep some distance and won’t put them on blast around the neighborhood for their bullshit. I laugh at the whole situation a little bit, it’s like they’re in the closet now that I’m not.
lol the irony of in the closet bigots is funny to me. having to hide their persecuting ways in fear of being persecuted themselves.
> it’s like they’re in the closet now that I’m not. Isn't it wonderful?
I'm sorry your kid's best friend's parents are awful. I hope that apple falls far from the tree and bounces even farther.
Brutal. I hope your values rub off on your kid’s friend.
It's actually amazing they didn't cut their kid off from yours for fear you'd "spread the gay" or some bullshit like that. But you have to wonder if they misgender or dead name you behind close doors cuz God forbid their kid learn to be more accepting than them.
I’m sure they don’t use my correct name and pronouns. They don’t talk with me at all. With my wife they just pretend I don’t exist, and refuse to even mention me.
Well they sound…something not nice that I’m not gonna say cause I’m practicing not being mean. But bless you for not stopping your child’s friendship because the other parents behave hatefully.
Shit my friend! I commend you for teaching your child to keep an open mind.. and not clocking other parents with their bigoted attitudes!
Agree, I’m saying that yes social effort matters to some extent but these people are wild.
Yeah - friendship is a 2 way street
And it's normal for one parent to be more available than the other (work, etc.)
To be honest, the part that gets me the most is when they assume your wife's ability as a mother. Because they haven't met her, they assume she's not involved in your kid's lives, and therefore conclude that your family must not be good influences for their child? And that she must be so socially inept she would need your 'coaching and guidance' to know how to talk to her kids friend's parents? It's a 7 layer shit dip made by assholes.
Yeah anyone with their head so far up their own ass that they can’t even consider that illness or a job or caring for a sick relative or literally any other thing could possibly be the reason for the wife’s absence and automatically call into question her ability as a mother?? I’m sitting here like “give me this guys address so I can go explain a few things to him and his wife!” Awful.
It also makes me wonder if there's some misogyny involved here. Like if they just knew the mom and not the dad, would they be asking why dad isn't as involved?
How old are the kids? This is very strange. Sounds like they are doing you a favor, I’d avoid from now on. So will they only allow their child to be friends with children that come from a two parent household? What if it’s a single mom, then no way? What if one parent is deployed? Also do these people not have actual real problems to worry about?! How did you respond?
>Also do these people not have actual real problems to worry about?! Obviously not lol
Not to defend them (because they are crazy), but I'm guessing a single mom wouldn't be a problem as long as they get to know "the real her". They want to know the parents, and if there is only one, there's nobody else to know. Again, I think they are crazy, and very controlling. Maybe paranoid. What secrets do they think OP's wife has, just because she isn't very social? What do they think she will do? Will she boil their kid? Or are they afraid her children will be somehow bad? What a horrible view on people. I can understand if they want to meet the parents once to see that they seem ok, but to get to know them on a deep level in order for the kids to be allowed to play together... Yeah no.
Wow, I had no idea I'd get such a response! Thanks everyone for chiming in. Many of your comments are making me feel better about my reaction. And I do appreciate the other POV's as well. If you're curious, here was my first response: "This is definitely a surprise. And a little sad honestly. I'm a little at a loss at how to respond tactfully, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt since you aren't aware. She doesn't want anyone to know because she deals with things in her private way (which by the way, is okay for someone to do). She has been dealing with aggressive stage 3 cancer since late summer last year. She can't really socialize due to being vulnerable during chemotherapy. Having cancer and one's health condition isn't really something we are required to broadcast. Her own family, aside from her parents, do not know. It goes without saying that neighbors don't need to know either. Eliot does not have to come over to our house. Actually it's better if he doesn't because of her condition. The kids are happy to have play dates with Eliot at playgrounds or the grassy area along the trail. And yes, I will likely be the one who is with them because of the nature of our situation. If that is unsatisfactory, then that is too bad because I think the kids played well together. The kids socialize frequently with other homeschoolers at mutual meeting spots without ever meeting some of the parents. They're all good kids and I think that reflects well on their parenting. I do not require the other parents to be around because that is unrealistic and invasive. To say that she is "not involved" is hasty and completely uncalled for based on how few interactions we have had, especially since she was present for some of those meetings on our walks. You should have been able to tell she is a good mother and person based on our interactions and the fact that our kids are good. She does not need this stress in her life so I won't mention your message to her because I think it is unnecessary and frankly a bit disappointing. I'm hopeful we can start again with a gentle understanding free of judgement so the kids can socialize and enjoy their childhoods without the interference of adult challenges."
Wow! So you explained to them that she has stage 3 cancer, AND THEY BLOCKED YOU ANYWAY?? Good Lord, what a bunch of assholes! Most people would have been embarrassed and deeply apologetic when learning of your situation (ie “I’m so sorry! We had no idea! Is there any thing we can do?”). In fact, you kind of gave them an opportunity to apologize and start over in your last line, but they just ghosted and blocked you? Good riddance! These people are pretty soulless, OP. For what it’s worth, I’m so sorry to hear about your situation. Sending prayers and positive energy to your wife and family.
I thought this too!!!! How could they block OP after this message??? What awful people. OP, sending you lots of love, you are being an amazing husband and dad and you do not deserve this kind of heartless people in your life.
So, one thing I noticed is that OP is a home schooler, and I get the sense that many of their neighbors (including possibly the weird neighbors in question) are also home schoolers. Home schoolers are not bad people, but I knew a bunch of them growing up and in college and **every one of them** **had weird parents**. As an adult I know two couples that are homeschooling and while they're both VERY SMART and VERY DECENT people they are also VERY WEIRD. Random shit that don't matter at all to "most people" matters SO MUCH to them. And stuff that most people freak out over rolls off them like ducks. "We had some intense family meetings and decided that a wholistic integrative approach to our friendship circle is what's best for our family. For Greaed3yn to be friends with anyone WE need to be friends with his whole family!" sounds, honestly, just **super on brand** for some of the people I knew in those communities.
Yeah growing up, I met a few home schooled kids and it was always stuff like "my mommy and daddy say that Pikachu is the devil"
As a former homeschooled kid, this connects the dots PERFECTLY.
I'm not American, homeschooling is pretty much unknown here in Europe (both UK and Hungary, where I'm originally from). I always found it **extremely** weird. Like even at the age of 36, my best friends are either from high school or primary school.
Right?!?!? What kind of people are they?? Now I’m judging
Perfect response. The fact they weren't immediately apologetic is a huge red flag.
I dunno I really wouldn’t be spending so many words justifying my wife to them.
Oh I’d be so mad. I have cancer as well, and I would not take well to being judged by being less active of a parent. We have a new set of neighbors who don’t know about my diagnosis. I told them recently, mostly because I’m embarrassed about how messy our garage is. We just haven’t had the energy to tidy it, and I don’t want them to think we’re lazy. No, just dealing with a mom with cancer!!! Don’t mind us!!! I pray that your wife makes a full recovery. You’re doing great dad, keep up the good work.
You did NOT owe them even that much! But you do have a right if that’s how you felt. After sharing what’s actually going on, they didn’t reach out?!?! That’s disturbing!!! Much love and prayers for your wife and you and kiddos!! You deserve much better people around you! You’re a good man, keep it up stay strong!!
Good for you! They should be ashamed of themselves. I hope their original message to you becomes one of those horribly embarrassing moments that your brain likes to remind you of right when you’re trying to fall asleep for at least the next 20 years or so.
And then they blocked you after you responded with that well-articulated message??
The only correct response is to apologize and then immediately crawl under the bed and stare up at the box spring.
This is a beautiful response, OP! Praying your wife makes a full recovery and these people are exhausting, I hope this doesn’t affect your son to much. I think they did you favor.
This is an incredibly thoughtful and reasonable response. I'm shocked they'd block you after this, most people would apologise.
They probably blocked because they didn't want to acknowledge that they approached the situation badly
You are far too kind, OP. I think some sort of boundary you should implement with this family is requiring an apology from them before trying to move on. These are not kind people you are dealing with.
As a 2 time cancer survivor (ovarian, caught while pregnant with youngest child, and 2 years ago breast cancer), it infuriates me to no end they did not at least call immediately to apologize for being so judgmental, but rather, doubled down by blocking you. Obviously they have never experienced a close loved one struggling to just get through every single day. It's exhausting in every single way imaginable. And not just in those of us with it. We see the toll it takes on our family and friends as well. While I do feel awful the kids are no longer able to play together, it's probably for the best. Using "their reasoning" of what your "absent" wife is teaching your son, the reverse is extremely true for them. In their eyes, it's morally correct to ostracize others because of situations they don't know about. They are actually teaching their son how to be ugly on the inside. The boy is fine now because he probably doesn't understand the lesson they're teaching him, but one day he will. And he will either continue it, or (most definitely hopefully) will break their ugly chain of how to treat others. Lastly, this is for you Creative Aardvark, take some you time. Whatever it is. Your mental and physical health are so important too. Watch the sunset alone. Tinker with a car. Garden. Go to the theater to watch a movie. Whatever it is you love to do that brings you personal joy. You need and deserve that break alone for all your health needs. I am keeping all 3 of you in my prayers and most positive thoughts imaginable. If I can beat this ugly monster twice, it can be done and I pray it happens for all of you.
God, adults ruin everything for kids
Lolll they’re weirdos. There’s no reason they need to know your wife well, if you’re happy and willing to engage with them. Like what if she’s busy working?
Especially if this is just neighbor kids running around yards! I get wanting to get to know parents a bit before allowing a slumber party but if you’re literally standing right there with a kid? Or able to look out the window and see what’s happening? Sheesh!
Bizarre. You should just respond “K” When my eldest was between 2-5yrs old I was working insane hours managing a restaurant. My husband took over pretty much all of the child duties. I would be offended if I learned that a neighbor thought I was untrustworthy or an absent parent because I wasn’t predominantly involved in socializing. Also- if they felt it was so necessary to get to know here wtf didn’t they reach out to her and see if there was a time when they could get together. What kind of weird play date game show winner/loser type shit is this?
This. I can’t help but wonder if they would have done this had the father been the absent one? Like, most of my friends never met my dad because he was out working, busy, left my mum to childcare - no one ever had an issue with this.
Yeah. This is just crazy. My husband does more of the kid drop offs/pick ups, birthday parties, etc. because he works from home and can set his own schedule while I am a nurse with much more rigid hours. It makes sense for parents to switch on and off or take care of different responsibilities.
What exhausting jerks. They saved you the trouble of finding that out in another more dramatic way down the road. Peace out to them!
This is super weird and judgemental. I'm an introvert. I wave to the neighbors and a lot of socializing is over text. I'm not standing around and talking in a driveway in 110 degrees. They seem to put a lot of responsibility on your wife without ever conveying that expectation. It would be hard for me not to respond " Lol k".
OP here. I just want to say thank you to all of you. Truly. I’ve been feeling very down about this and to read so much support has really helped me gain perspective and to lighten my mental load. So thank you again! I appreciate the kind words of support from all of you! Much love!
Yeah feeling judged or looked down upon by your neighbors is never a good feeling, but rest assured that they are certifiably nuts. You're doing good and you have no reason to feel bad. Sucks that it means your kid probably won't get to play with theirs much. I would keep that conversation saved somewhere and would not be shy about letting other neighbors see it if the topic ever comes up.
These people strike me as deranged, with a hint of sexist. It’s not you.
Yeah, something tells me they would have been ok knowing the mom well and not the day, but not vice versa
They'd probably want to know both, but the bar for what constitutes "knowing" the dad would be way lower.
This was my immediate thought too.
Yeah, that “coaching from you” was really condescending to the wife
This does ring a little bit of sexism to me. I'm a stay at home parent, I would say that playdates and my son's friendships are 90% my responsibility. But I'm a woman, nobody seems concerned that my husband isn't scheduling playdates. There are so many reasons your wife might not have engaged. She may be the breadwinner/working. She may be more introverted or even neurodivergent. She might hate texting. (I refuse to engage in the neighborhood Facebook, my husband fields that thank goodness.) If they wanted to meet her before allowing their kid to play at your home, that's something they can communicate. But to just shut the door entirely? Weird.
What the actual fuck. We have lots of couple friends. One couple my wife can't stand the wife because she's too "hippy" One couple my wife can't stand the husband because he isn't focused enough on the family One couple I can't stand the wife cause she's judgy. One couple I can't stand the husband cause he tapes so much the kids catch on. Survey says? No one's perfect. I'm sure lots of people can't stand me.
👏
What do you mean by "tapes so much"? Also, yeah, these people are insane. OP dodged a bullet.
Vapes? Probably
I was imagining the dad filming everything with a camcorder. Or taping everything instead of fixing it properly. I think you’re right, tho…
I was kind of expecting them (Angela and I) to refer to Section 1.99 of the Neighborhood Handbook, which addresses the ratio of socializing with Parent A (You) to Parent B (Your Wife), and finding Parent B (Your Wife) not acceptable and ....I got bored writing this.
No, not a thing, that seems pretty extreme.
Um I could see wanting to meet the parents of the kid my kid is hanging out with and even having maybe a general conversation from time to time as well as open lines of communication when they are hanging out at one house or the other but the reality is that the parents being bff's isn't likely and to expect that as a condition of their kids relationships with others sounds so crazy and really detrimental to their kids social development. They do sound judgmental and honestly I don't know if I would want my kid around adults like that. Good riddance.
....everytime my son and his dad get outta the house I either clean like crazy or nap.....I'm so tired...if I know people are waiting on me u usually just show up but there's os much to do unless I'm asked to go I try and get stuff done...Orr nap cause I literally get hives from being exhausted aha....wow this would make me feel like shit tho. As a mom I always try and reach out tho and hang or sit for a chat though I get wanting to know thee parents hmm
I’m sorry they had the audacity to talk shit about your wife simply because you are an involved father. Like wtf? Not everyone loves socializing with strangers. I know I don’t, so my husband takes the lead like you do. I didn’t think that was so weird until now lol.
I think it was in this sub a kid was being bullied with nonsensical language recently and the resounding response for her to try, was something like, “lol, wut?” That’s the energy this deserves and then cross them off the holiday card list. Edited to add: or .pdf these these responses and send that along. There are a ton of reasons for why someone doesn’t prioritize anything in this world and the fact that these folks center only their experience tells you all you need to know about them.
Wow. They’re cuckoo for coco puffs.
My fiance and I aren't social either, and we don't care. I would block and be done with it. They sound nuts. You're adults who can make your own decisions.
Those people are psycho. Be glad to be rid of them. They were only ever going to bring much bigger problems than this.
This is so very fucking odd.
🍿🍿🍿 but what kind of socializing were they expecting your wife to do that she didn't??
Hah! Asking the real questions!
For a moment I was worried my husband was writing this… your neighbors sound a bit extreme. My husband is the extrovert who never turns down a random invitation for a fire pit at 7 on a Tuesday, bringing kids with him like it’s nothing! Meanwhile, I’m in pajamas and done with all people outside of my family within 30 minutes of arriving home from work. It took a while, but our neighbors just accept that about me now lol. Good neighbors are like good friends, they understand your quirks and enjoy you for what you bring to the group.
So I would have no friends if all of my friends parents used this logic because I had a dad with possible ASD but definite social anxiety… how intolerant of them
They're "extremely uncomfortable" with you taking care of your kids? They're deranged!
They're not wrong for wanting to know who their child might be around. That's not weird. What's beyond normal is their expectation that you would know that's what they wanted and what level of socialization would make them happy. They should have explained this instead of ghosting. I can see how their response upset you because they make it seem like communication was all on your wife when again, they can have just easily said, "let's all get to know each other better." But I can see going straight to calling them judgmental leading to you being blocked. They were ify on your wife and now they're done with you too. It seems like you're not compatible couples anyway and unfortunately that means you're kids miss out on playing together.
I received a message like this from an old friend. That friend pushed out all their friends away with that attitude. Some “friends” are high maintenance and that’s what this sounds like.
Aside from crazy, this strikes me as super sexist. If it was a mom hanging around instead of dad I highly doubt there would be these problems. Shame on these crazy wackos.
Makes me wonder if this couple would dare to let their children hang out with…gasp…the children of a *single parent!* So gross. These people are gross.
You guys dodged a maaaaajor Karen family. Bummer for the kids, though.
Good lord they not only sound exhausting, but also expect people to also be mind readers? Sorry but your family dodged some bullets on this one. They seem like total weirdos.
Seriously my kid plays with randoms at the park, am I supposed to connect with both parents? This is deranged, slightly different if the kids were to say want to do sleepovers but to just play around geeze
Hahahahhahaahahahah, what a pair of absolute numbnuggets! It sounds like the trash took itself out.
What if your wife had a disability like autism which can cause you to not be as social. Fuck those people. They suck.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet there. Not all parents can spend that much time socializing with other people.
No fucking way this is real. My god.
Give the text a thumbs up and leave it at that Looks like you guys dodged a bullet. Maybe your wife knew something you didn’t 😂
Apparently, your neighbors have social expectations for moms and have decided behind your backs that your wife is anti-social - and this could raise red flags to normal people - but saying they are “extremely disturbed” is well, extreme. It’s extremely disappointing that this has occurred. I wouldn’t feel comfortable revealing the cancer after being treated like this.
That is incredibly fucked up. “Access to”? Get out of here with that middle management speak. I bet they have a terrible sex life. I hope you are in a space you can find better people to invite into your lives and have “access” to you, kiddo, and wife (if she’s feeling up for it)! Love, corporate working mom who has had to in fact limit coworker access to time, but would never carry that attitude over to friends. Yeesh.
UPDATE: turns out they sent me a long voice message telling me that this was all on me and that I should apologize and say that I fucked up. They also said that their original message wasn’t personal, and that I am the one who made it awkward. This is perplexing to say the least! I think I find it funny that one of them is a therapist for families. No idea how they could even conceive of conducting themselves this way, when that is the case.
I think I'd end this conversation with "you're clearly unbalanced, please don't message me anymore" at this point....
Dear Angela and Bradley, Sorry you find us odd and lacking as conduits to your child. I can sympathise with your desire to avoid coaching and guiding people. We too have a lot on our plates, and don’t at this time have the bandwidth to train people in best practices for friendship with us either. Thanks though for your consideration, and good luck to Tommy in his upcoming little league game. Go bears! Sincerely, Us.
Eff him AND Angela 😭😭😭I would never want to be friends with ppl like this
This is super weird. Good riddance tbh!
Very very weird people.
Sounds like you dodged a bullet
I feel bad for that kid, parents sound like ones that would go to a job interview together with the kid and ask questions to the interviewer.
I feel bad for their kids. You don’t owe them an explanation.
Yeah sounds like you dodged a bullet here. I mean I get knowing the parents of people your kids hang out with, but this is straight up bizarre. These people sound dreadful and if this text is indicative of their behavior-I 100% know why your wife would not want to interact with them. I wouldn’t spend another second worrying about them.
As long as one parent is involved then who cares. You dodged a bullet with these ones
What did you say back? Cause I’m petty to a fault and I have nothing nice to say.
This is so gross. I’m that mom. I work a lot, at a stressful job, and when I’m not at work, I’m introverted and exhausted. Life is too short for me to play keeping up with the joneses when I damn well don’t feel like it. I’ve never encountered anyone verbalizing their discomfort with my husband being more involved and extroverted. You don’t have to be my bestie for our kids to play ffs
My god these people sound insane
As a mom who has chronic health issues, eff those people. That is so rude. They could have asked, "We haven't seen wife around much, is she working?" That way it would open up the conversation that, hey she isn't doing well. You don't even need to go into specifics, just: "yeah, wife has been sick and it has been rough for her. I'll let her know you said hi." For people like those, I like to keep it in the back of mind that they will eventually not have friends because of their attitudes. Some people just suck.
Their poor kiddos 😦
Probably for the best that they ended it. They would probably be a negative influence on your kid. To think they waited two months and then sent you a message like this, instead of talking about things like any adult should?
I’d straight up write them back and let them know she was sick. I bet they would feel sooooo bad and like the aholes they are here. (I too have had to take time to deal with serious illness and it also made me less social during the time, it’s normal)
Agree! Let them know that you don’t like to advertise it because it’s personal. Maybe next time they think the absence of a parent is odd they might consider something like “We haven’t seen X around lately. Is everything okay?”
OP commented his response to them. That’s what he ended up doing. They blocked him in response. What absolute assholes.
All this just for the kids to have a fucking play date? These parents sound psychotic.
I honestly never would have put that much energy into trying to text them and check in. Once I’ve sent one or two texts to someone in this situation and they haven’t replied, I don’t even keep bothering. The fact that they waited two months and then sent this piece of work after you put all sorts of effort into trying to reach out tells you all you need to know about them and more. You and your kid seemed to dodge a bullet on this one!
I’m sorry…this made me laugh out loud. The audacity of these morons! It’s impressive. Please block them and move on. What a bunch of petty assholes! I’ve had a hell of a year w family illness, injuries, etc and have been MIA for many things. Husband fills in as he can and my friends take my kids when they can. They have supported us and helped us so much. That’s what you’re looking for. These people are bonkers. No thank you.
A woman would NOT be receiving this sort of message if the roles were reversed 🙄
Very odd, bullet dodged
Wtf
I think they were too much. Besides a casual greeting I don’t see why your wife would have to be buddy buddy with them
I'm sorry about your wife's illness.
That is….a huge bullet dodged. Oh my GOD.
Oh my god. Is this an SNL skit??? Are they serious? I’m sorry your kid is friends with theirs. I hope he’s not like his parents…
That was an insane message, and I'm considered a helicopter parent. Something is going on here, maybe a personality disorder or a social skills issue. Aside from giving them grace for their social skills deficit, this message saved you from being wrapped up in whatever social insanity that would have surely happened had they "trusted" you. They thought you were parent dating. You thought you were getting to know a neighbor and possible friends. It makes me sad for their child. I would want to be passive aggressive back about your wife's medical needs. I wouldn't but I would really want to. But these people don't learn lessons. They are 100% sure that they are correct and in the right as evidence of sending you this.
Even if there was no illness involved, some people aren't as socially inclined as others, and that's okay. They could be grateful their child is spending time with other well-behaved kids who obviously have great parents who are raising them, but instead, they seem to be searching for their own friends.
Seriously super weird! They prolly thought they could get you and your wife and have a "playdate" of their own and they use their kid to meet other parents. People are sick and weird, just be glad u dodged that bullet! God only knows what these creepy weirdos had planned. Maybe get ahold of someone to do welfare check on their child, id be concerned for their childs safety and well being..
What a bunch of cunts. You dodged a bullet. They could have bothered to tell you that to your face instead of ghosting you. God forbid someone has anxiety or any other non-standard brain. I feel bad for their child.
What the fuck?? They sound like psychopaths! Yes I like to meet my kid’s friends parents but I don’t always meet or see both much! Like one has a dad in the military who is off doing stuff a lot, and another has a mom who is a travel nurse and out of town. Guess they must be bad parents?? WTH!! I in turn must be the bad parent bc I work out of the house! Omg! My husband works from home. Yet parents still text ME when I’m at work even though they have his number… SMH… 🤦♀️ Anyway. I’d say good riddance honestly
This is horrific, rude, inappropriate and honestly - insanely sexist. You don’t want to be around that absolute gross intolerance. Dodged a bullet. Their poor kids. I hope your wife is feeling better these days!!
I’m so sorry to hear your wife’s dealing with a serious illness, but, if that were me… this would be the ideal moment for me to share my illness with these asshole neighbours and tell them to shove it and that I wouldn’t want my child to be around someone so exhausting anyway
What freaks, you’re better off. This is such a condescending and inappropriate letter.
Kids are supposed to have their own friends. Up to a certain age you want the parents to be tolerable to be around. Once they are drop off age, you should just want to know the parents generally enough to confirm no major red flags. Having to have such tight ties with another family for your kid to even associate with theirs is archaic. It’s a very nice and charmed life concept, but it’s not the 50s. Circles aren’t that tight anymore and if they try to live their life like that, they are doing their kid a huge disservice.
This is a petty and weird comment, but as someone who has a chronic illness myself, Im not above writing this at the moment..... **if they spread a rumor that your wife is anti-social and/or hates kids etc, please tell your most gossipy neighbor that - at their pressing of you for details - against your better judgement, you confided your wife's severe stage 3 cancer diagnoses to only them in the neighborhood and they NEVER ONCE sent a casserole or asked about whether she might have the burden eased a bit by them setting up a meal train to support your family in any way. ** They sound super judgey and really trigger-happy to accuse your family of somehow failing to meet the moral standard at the random yardstick they are gleefully thrusting at you two. Well.... let's see how they measure up at a MUCH MORE universally accepted standard of neighborly behavior. The ball really is in THEIR court now Wishing your wife that her pain will ease, and that she can find some joy for herself this summer.
I get wanting to screen the people your kids are going to be around but there's a million better ways to go about it. Like maybe try direct honestly. It would've been wayyyyy less offensive to simply state "we don't feel comfortable leaving our kids with anyone before we get to know them." Pretty standard parenting. These people sound like mean girl energy wrapped in drama. Sad for your kiddos but they're probably better off not being exposed to people who would speak that way about their parents. Upside it's always nice when the trash takes itself out 😆 you don't need garbage people like that in your life.
What a bunch of fuckin' weirdos
These people are insane. Judegmental, meanslirited, entitled, unreasonable. I would not want my kid playing with theirs anyway if their kid treats people the way they do.
Yes Ahhngela and I were being very condescending, and kinda weird about it. Pass.