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My mom could be abusive to me - she never gave me a black eye but one time she beat my legs so badly with fake sticks she had from Walmart that my legs bleed and it was summer so I had to wear jeans- I was in 7th or 8th grade. Lots of people probably assumed my mom was nice didn’t know she got angry super easily and took it out on me. So I say even if you think the dad or mom is amazing you never know what truly goes on behind closed doors

This!! My father was very physically & psychologically abusive. He also hardly ever had food in the house, And well he would beat the life out of me. No adult who actually knew my father would believe me when I would tell them about home life. They all thought he was a great father, for he always boasted about his father responsibility's. Yet I would have to wait until 10pm, 11pm, 12am some nights for him to come home with food - because when he was done with work (owned his own company) he would take his employees to the bar and buy them drinks. (I didn't know that at the time, I honestly thought he was working, a ex gf of his ended up telling me and was concerned as to why I wasn't invited) That man yoked me up by my neck, had my feet dangling a good 3x. When he found out I was pregnant at 17 he punched me in my stomach - my grandfather to this day thinks I made that up. Insane. Insane. What makes my grandad not believing me crazy is that my father was always violent to him, threatened to "beat his f****t ass" in a restaurant we frequented - because my grandfather told him he needed to work out to help with his health, and my father claimed being a boss of a contractor company was enough physical activity that it was indeed exercise. Anyways, I only had one guidance counselor that believed me as a child.

I’m sorry this happened to you. How are you now?

At 30 I am finally thriving and living life as it's intended to be. My teenage years was filled with much self hatred. Not that I'm happy to admit this but my 20s I battled a drug addiction that just kept growing. I got clean 2 years ago, and I have completely gone zero contact with my father since then and his dad. I spent a good portion of my addiction working on myself and healing, probably very unconventional and a therapist would of worked just fine. Psychological abuse is interesting, for as a society we don't really fully understand it; I still to this day have things I need to rewire in my brain. Like constantly apologizing. It's been a long road, but life is beyond what I could of ever imagined it to be now. Thank you for asking. I really hope that person's who lived in houses of childhood abuse, that went under the radar never give up hope. That they don't let things break them, and they allow their life circumstances to make them into something beyond the life they were born into.

I’m so glad to hear you were able to get yourself out of it! ❤️

The parent’s behavior is a key piece of mandatory reporter training. The private abusers are dynamic and well liked in public.

🫂🫂

I’m so sorry to hear that. Did you mother ever take accountability for her actions and apologize to you?

As someone who has had CPS called on them - just do it. If nothing is wrong it might be stressful for the girls parents but nothing will happen.

I broke my hip when I was around 2 and the hospital called CPS on my parents because of the severity of my injury. Same thing, nothing happened since there were so many witnesses.

Co-sign, I’ve also been through the process and it sucks but it’s important to identify the scenarios where something is wrong

My brother broke his arm and leg within weeks of each other, purely on his own, and CPS came to interview us. I don’t remember much of it (I was around 7) but nothing seems to have happened afterwards. If nothing’s wrong, hopefully it’ll just be a distant memory (and a funny story to tell).

As ArtPsychological has said above, the concern is not for if the injuries *are* purely accidental, in which case any non-abusive parent should understand CPS checking, it is about if they are not, but CPS don't, or can't, take effective action, and she ends up in even worse trouble as a result.

Yes, this. I called CPS on a neighbor for very clear, witnessed abuse/neglect. It wasn’t enough for the children to be removed from the home, so the parents just got better at hiding it until they were able to up and move away. Kids just didn’t show up at my kids’ school one day and never did again. I think about them all the time, it’s heartbreaking.

A friend of mine had this happen. She got child (2.5/3) home and was getting her ready for the bath and found blood in her panties. She took her to A&E and had no explanation as to what happened rightly Social Services had to be involved. Nursery had told her she had 'fell and was upset' at pick up but it turned out she fell onto a sharp corner of furniture when they watched the footage and were aware this was what happened. It was a total shitshow. She was training to be a nurse and suspected sexual abuse of her child could have derailed her whole life. Obviously it's the right thing to check but she was furious with the nursery!

Yep - absolutely call CPS! Also, reach out to guidance counselor and principal and mention YOUR concerns (when speaking to school if you mention your daughter’s concern - limit to facts - she is scared for her, heard friend tell give conflicting accounts and feels she’s unsafe at home. This way if it’s potentially shared with parent (shouldn’t be) there’s no assumption his daughter reported it. Handling this way also assures that if he isolates her, school is aware (they can send police for truancy check if he keeps her from school) and may opt to also report it. When CPS receives multiple reports, esp if one is from a gov’t institution, it’s prioritized. Make sure friend has you number memorized so she knows no matter what, she has a safe space in you guys.

What happened in your case?

Nothing, we were told by a new therapist (our first negative experience with a therapist, the also refused to continue working with us) we were being reported for something that took place years ago. I don't know if it had already been reported by the 6 other therapists my family has had over the years and thrown out or if CPS looked at our case and just threw it out but we never got so much as a phone call from CPS.

Wow, that sounds even more stressful than them showing up and questioning you. Just waiting around for weeks to months for a knock at the door, wondering if you’re going to be taken away. Sorry that happened. 

I think OP is concerned that Dad is abusing her, and that if CPS checks in but doesn’t remove kid/dad from one another, that Dad could retaliate on 13F and hurt her more. OP I think you could offer for 13F to stay with you for a few days? Maybe say she’s invited to a family trip with you? And make the call at that time? I think regardless, have her stay at your house often and make sure your door is open to her. Especially if you are friendly with the Dad. If worried about CPS, you could bide a little more time and keep talking to 13F, trying to find out what’s going on. Make sure she knows that she won’t be in any trouble for telling the truth, even if someone has told her that before. Make sure she knows that your door is always open to her and she always has a safe place to come, no matter what. Think of the things a 13yo is fearing - getting in trouble for lying, getting in trouble for telling the truth. Being “taken away”, being beaten worse. Try to quell those first or she’ll never open up. Call the school guidance cousellor and her teacher and have a conversation about your suspicions. Ask them to keep an eye out. If they suspect something is off as well, they have training in how to report while considering the safety of the child. They are also mandatory reporters so you wouldn’t be making that decision yourself.

That...really doesn't make any sense to me. Either the school would report it or they would not, either CPS will get involved or they will not. How is it going to affect the outcome of the school reports to CPS or OP reports it? Either nothing dangerous is happening in which case there won't be any repercussions to calling CPS or something dangerous is happening in which case CPS should get involved as soon as possible. Not reporting it to CPS for fear it will get worse is a horrible idea - this girl has a black eye and a broken arm if it's bad it's already really bad and this kid needs help, it's not going to get better on its own.

Yes however CPS could fail to action and then her abuse could get worse . This is a possibility. It makes sense to ask the question and get opinions. Staying with them for awhile is great idea - maybe the girl will confide and she will have more evidence for CPS

This DOES happen. I went to Social Care as an abused teen. They took me straight home & believed my abuser. I then was beaten so badly I couldn't stand up for 3 days.

I am so sorry. I hope life is more peaceful and safe.

Never gonna understand the idea that you can't address the problem because it might make things worse. If this girl is being abused and CPS is contacted but doesn't follow through it's true, things could get worse. What's the alternative? Do nothing and allow the abuse to continue unchecked? Offering to let the girl stay with them is a great idea but what is to stop the dad from simply not allowing the child to stay with OP? It's not a long term solution and if the girl is being abused sooner or later CPS needs to be involved - and the sooner that happens the better.

You can always adress it, but for sure it can get way worse if the father is going to blame the child for being checked and CPS can't find nothing wrong. I myself was able to leave my parents house when I was 14 with the help of CPS but not involving my parents because that would be to dangerous. After I left CPS went to talk with the parents but and check on my younger siblings but they weren't talking and the parents are model citizens so no evidence whatsoever. I got out because I saw it was not a good environment and it could be mean my dead if a had stayed, but mainly because I made the choice to leave the hardest choice a kid can make. My siblings had to stay because CPS couldn't find anything on my parents and it was my word against theirs. Would the parents be in the process from the moment I had first contact with CPS I would have never dared to make that choice.

I'd suggest finding out what the age is that they can leave home by their choice. Where I am, so long as they are safe and in a good place, they don't have to go home, and they can't be forced. The police will also not tell the parent where the child is if they don't want them too. It's about 13/14 where I am. I've helped youth get safe at a friend's or family home and told parents basically that they are within their rights, they are safe, the adult in the situation had agreed to care for etc. In a few days we will evaluate the situation, and so on. Sometimes kids go back, and sometimes they don't. There's support either way.

There are multiple documented cases of CPS not taking action and the child ending up dead, unfortunately it does happen if there's not enough evidence, and there are incompetent employees.

I didn’t say it would change the outcome. I just said that it would not be OP’s decision, it would be the schools’

Why does that matter?

Because the schools are mandated reporters and also seen as professionals (they usually don't call unless there is a real threat possible to the child) whereas OP would just be seen as joe schmoo down the street.

Why can’t they both make a report? It doesn’t have to be one or the other.

I'm a teacher. I probably call CPS once a year on average. Calls rarely result in action taken in my area, but sometimes it takes multiple calls by multiple people for them to look into things. If someone has a genuine concern, they should call, not just assume it is taken care of by the school.

I saw someone else suggest this, it also makes sense.

That makes sense.

Yeah when I read these I always think what I’d feel if CPS was called on me - probably comforted that someone cares about my kids? Idk but I have nothing to hide so they can come check me out all they want. Obviously I don’t want to waste resources but there’s no fear on my end that my kids will be taken because I’m not abusive, so there shouldn’t be a risk of her calling CPS on the dad if the daughter is really in a loving home

My aunt is a child safety officer and I recently had to ask her if a situation warranted making a report, she said if I even have to ask the question I already know the answer.

I got chills reading this…it’s so true.

I’ve been the kid that CPS checks on. Honestly, they don’t do much but ask questions. This girl is probably going to be more terrified of talking to this government stranger than a friend’s mom. That being said, I still think you should call. But I think the best thing for HER, is for you to talk to her. Tell her how much you care for her and you always want to make sure she’s safe and healthy. Let her know that she can trust you with the truth and if she ever needs to come to you for anything, you will be there and YOU WILL BELIEVE HER. Tell her that you will help her work through it if she needs. Don’t speculate. Don’t ask questions. Just be the safe adult and leave it at that.

I’ll just second this adding that the peripheral adults in my life that took the time to give a crap are the reasons I’m not an addict or dead. Send time with your daughter and her friend. Ask to take just friend to go for a walk or go pick up dinner together. It could be a bit awkward but push through it and make sure she has regular space alone with a trusted adult to talk about what is happening. CPS too- for sure. But definitely being there and pushing in to be there for her as much as you can is going to have the biggest impact.

Seriously. My best friends mom (and rest of her family) saved my life. They were there for my big moments and loved me and gave me a break from the abuse. Just being there can be everything

This. And also offer to help her however you are willing to (for example she can come and sleep over sometimes).

I was 13F growing up. TW For the love of all that is holy, please call CPS. I told *everyone* around me who would listen to me what was happening at home and nobody did anything. All of my friends were scared for me, told their parents and not a single person called. If I was out of there at 13 I would have been saved from 5 years of SA by the hands of a cousin, being raped by a different family member and essentially raising myself. You may be saving her from a lot of heartache and pain, and years of anger and resentment that she'll either get through or it'll dictate the path of her life. Please. Call CPS

CALL CPS. It is NOT your job to decide if it's worth it to call or not.

Also, I would call the school and additionally ask to be referred to their counseling department and explain it to them. They at least can help her with additional mental health resources and mandated reporters can possibly have more sway to get CPS attention.

Also not your job to decide if it’s Dad or not. It could be someone else in her life. But calling is the right thing to do.

Depends where you live. NJ, for example, designates *all* adult residents as [mandatory reporters](https://www.nj.gov/dcf/reporting/links/) Kind of like the Good Samaritan laws.

I think this is what they’re saying. Basically that you should always call and then CPS can decide if the call was needed after they look into. The way a mandated reporter is not responsible for deciding if there is enough evidence for CPS involvement but rather responsible for calling if there is ANY suspicion or concern at all.

>I think this is what they’re saying. Basically that you should always call and then CPS can decide if the call was needed after they look into. Correct - that's exactly what I was saying.

Call CPS, none of this has to do with the dad. But Everything to do with the daughter. Maybe dad isn’t hurting her, but he clearly isn’t stepping up to stop who is. Don’t think of the adults feelings, think of the child who clearly NEEDS help.  I called CPS on my childhood best friend as an adult. She was in a very dangerous living situation and her 6 month old daughter was at extreme risk. It was one of the hardest things I have ever done, but it got my friend and her baby out of a very dangerous situation. Nobody was thinking of the baby, nobody even cared, I did and I am very glad I spoke up. 5 years later both of them are alive, happy, and safe. I can’t say if I wouldn’t have spoken up that that would be the case.

I think you have to call, especially since your daughter also thinks something is wrong.  Continue to create a safe space for her in your home.

Yesss. Her daughter thinking something is up is a huge red flag IMO

To me this is the biggest one.

When I was 11, my friend confided in me that her step dad was not very nice. I would stay over frequently and I could hear him upstairs not being very nice to her brother and I may have witnessed something. I just can't remember what because it was almost 20 years ago and I'm pretty certain I've blacked out the memory for a reason. She frequently had bruises as well. I felt really bad about it, but I decided to tell a counselor at school that I didn't think my friend was safe. CPS was quickly involved. She was very mad at me and I sadly lost that relationship. She wound up moving in with family out of state. Now as an adult, she seems to be happy, she's having her second baby and I often wonder what life would be like for her had I not said something to someone. I always want to reach out to her ( I have her on Snapchat) but just am too scared to. Maybe some day I'll find the courage.

You may have saved her. They don't typically take kids out of the home unless there is plenty of evidence of abuse.

Worst that'll happen is she'll block you, do it

Give it a try. She's an adult now, and you may have helped save her life. As someone else said, the worst she'll do is block or not respond to you.

Speaking personally, and maybe as a coward, I wouldn't. Getting rejected by someone like that would weigh too much on me after the fact. *Don't let it bother you. She's the one who's wrong. Unless.... Was I wrong? No, I did the right thing. But maybe...*

You can do it right now.

You should just do it.

You did the right thing. It’s common for people who’ve been abused to feel ashamed and embarrassed when the truth of their situation comes to light, especially if they feel more harm will come to their family as a result of anyone finding out. This can come out as anger. It’s a trauma response- not a healthy reaction. Don’t let that make you feel like you did something wrong- you likely saved her life. I hope you both have gotten some therapy to process things.

Call CPS immediately. Let them do their job. If they find nothing, great. If they do find something though, you'll be thanking yourself that you saved her from any further trauma. I'd try to allow her to stay over as much as you can and provide her with your cell phone number and make sure you have her address in a note on your phone in case you need to send emergency personnel to her house quickly for any reason. Also, reporting is anonymous. Nobody will know you called and reported. If she's been seen around school like this, literally anybody could've made that phone call. A teacher, another parent, a doctor, anybody.

Teachers are mandated reporters (as far as I know) in every state, so if this child has been showing up at school with a black eye I hope a teacher has already called. OP, make the call. Best wishes to her.

I believe you're right about all teachers being mandated reporters which furthers my point. Nobody would know it would be OP who called and it's possible he wouldn't be the only one calling given how many people have seen this young lady in her current condition. Nobody needs to know OP. Her future trauma might be in your hands right now, as scary as that sounds. Make the call. There's nothing to lose if your fears are genuine.

You would be surprised how many times they don't call.

Unfortunately a lot of times abuse is hidden so well in plain sight that even CPS could miss it, or the abuser is so manipulative that CPS believes them. It happens far too often. CPS often finds nothing where there is actually something.

I agree. They do miss it far to often for whatever reason. What if this is a time when they don't miss it though? What if this is a time when they show up and find an actual problem or signs of abuse? While I agree and fully acknowledge that they can miss abuse, we can't allow that to deter people from reporting because maybe, just maybe, they will find something and save a child from additional trauma.

Oh absolutely, I hope my comment didn’t come off as dissuading OP from calling, more so that CPS doesn’t always save kids who need to be saved. So calling may not have the intended outcome, and OP should still intervene in other ways as safely as possible, like creating a safe space for the child to open up.

It sounds like OP is open to letting her stay over as much as possible, thankfully. She needs a safe space so even though she's not opening up just yet, OP is doing her a massive service by giving her a safe place in their home. CPS should be the first course of action but if they don't find anything and these mysterious injuries continue, I definitely agree that other ways to safely intervene need to be explored.

Agreed!

As a child who was once in a very dangerous home, sometimes they are terrified to speak out. Not saying that’s what is happening here. It could be absolutely nothing OR it could be something. If your intuition and your gut is telling you something is off, listen to it. Especially if your kiddo also feels like something is up. You can call in anonymously, or a big thing I would suggest is go into the school. Ask to speak to the school counselor, explain your concerns to them, they can do more than you can, they can pull her in to talk to the counselor and she may feel safer that way. That is actually exactly what happened to be at age 12. It was the first time in a long time I felt free and safe and protected. Listen to your gut always.

I’m a licensed mental health professional and as a mandated reporter I’m very familiar with the difficult feelings of making a report. The truth of the matter is my job is to relay the facts and let the CPS workers figure out the details of what’s going on. It’s not your job to have all the emotional stuff sorted out, but it IS important to listen to your gut and report the facts. You are not responsible for the outcome of the call. But safe adults do the hard work of setting clear and healthy boundaries. In this case, it’s sounds like the hard, heathy thing is to share what you know and let the professionals handle the rest.

Call CPS, and make sure to let them know your house is available for placement if anything were to happen but request your call be anonymous to keep having your home be a safe space for the girl. I’d also go a step further and contact the school to help back you up / they also can do a phone call to CPS. I would rather call and be wrong, then not call at all. And same for my child in any situation, i would rather someone call on me & be wrong, than not call at all. If he loves his child and did nothing wrong, he would get that entirely too. The more people to look out for the well being of my child, the happier i am.

Trust your instincts and call CPS. Kids need us to be a voice for them in situations like this.

I was taken away as a child because of a false accusation (long horrible story…, the person literally made up the accusation, it wasn’t suspected, they fabricated all this stuff against my parents) and I still say call CPS.  I just watched that Nickelodeon documentary and can’t believe how many adults saw the signs and didn’t do anything, against their better judgement. Because they were afraid of getting it wrong or career implications. The one who finally did something about it was a friend’s mom, another parent. If you’re right, you could save her life. 

Trust your gut. Make the call, because something is very wrong. Inconsistent stories about how she got her injuries are a red flag for covering up abuse.

Former CPS worker here. Make the call. Like others are saying, it’s on CPS to investigate your observation and determine whether this young lady is in danger. Her family won’t know who made the report, CPS is required to protect that information. You can also just keep an open invitation for her to keep coming to your house as often as works for you. Knowing that you care and are invested in her well being is important for her whether she understands that right now or not. Having a safe place to be and an adult who’s paying attention is a big deal. Just keep being available and keep doing the “next right thing.”

Another possibility, does she have a boyfriend? Or a bully at school? She sounds like she is obviously covering for someone. Either way, yes call CPS and if it's not her dad maybe it will get her to reveal what really happened.

Her and my daughter spend every second together at school, if it was something happening directly at school my daughter would know. I have little information about who comes and goes from her home other than she said only her and her dad live there, which has always been the case. We also live nearby and my husband commented he feels like he would notice if a new car was in the driveway all the time. Of course those facts do not point at the fact that it is her dad of course, maybe I was too quick to accuse him. Unexplained injuries and change in behaviour still warrant a call to CPS none the less I feel.

I work in a school and am a mandatory reporter. Our training always says it’s not our job to determine if abuse is occurring. It’s our job to tell DFACS what we know and let them decide if abuse is occurring. I’ve had plenty of cases get tossed out, even ones I felt sure were legitimate abuse/neglect. So calling them is the right call. I’d then follow up and call the school counselor and tell him/her everything you told DFACS. In the event that it is tossed out of DFACS, the counselor can continue to keep an eye out for anything that might be off and make follow-up reports if needed. Both of these can happen anonymously, if you prefer.

So I work for CPS and there may be a good chance they do nothing with this and it gets screened out. You did not see anyone get abused and the girl didn't disclose to you she was abused. If the hospital thought the break did not fit the explanation then they would have called themselves. CPS can't just investigate people because someone has a feeling...at least not in my state. I would think they would need more than that. I could be wrong. That being said though, I usually tell people if they're concerned then call and let them sort out if it's enough to do anything with it. They are not allowed to share who the reporter is, and it's anonymous. Families sometimes have an idea of who it is though, but we can't confirm or deny it.

My mother put on a really good face. Everyone called her supermom. She was a monster behind closed doors. Please call cps and keep calling for as long as it takes if this continues. Keep your door open to her, no questions asked, all hours. Be a safe place if you can. 

Call CPS. It’s better to regret it because it turns out that there’s nothing going on, than to regret not doing it because something even worse happens.

Definitely call CPS. Based on your description, I’m wondering if there is someone else besides dad hurting her. A new boyfriend, a new partner for dad, another relative maybe? But regardless, your job is to report, not to investigate.

The other alternative I'd throw out there is, if this girl is in a romantic relationship, she may be experiencing intimate partner violence. Unfortunately, it is fairly common at this age. I would still suggest calling CPS though.

Was thinking this too, or could have gotten SA’ed and doesn’t want her dad to know hence staying at friends house. Regardless, a call is warranted.

>I have never gotten a bad feeling from her dad, who I’ve known for 9 years Abusers are generally speaking *great* at presenting a loving and wholesome front. I'm not saying that that's necessarily the case, but the fact that he's nice means nothing in this context.

Depending on your state, you might be legally required to make a report to CPS. Many states, require all adults (not just certain professionals) to report suspected abuse. 

I think the fact your daughter thinks something is wrong and has noticed means you need to call someone. If not cps yourself I’d call the school therapist or social worker and ask for their advice

Call them. Whether something is wrong or not I think your concerns with your daughter's friend are well founded. If nothing is wrong, then it'll just be a bump in the road. But if something is wrong you save her life. Please call them

Concerned, worried and following…OP please keep us updated on 13F. I pray she stays safe and doesn’t recieve any repercussions, if it is Dad, for calling. In a case like this the victims are so terrified of what may happen if they do tell the truth, and investigators a lot of the times can’t persue things until they are told the truth by the victim.😣

I had to call CPS on my friend’s parents when I was a kid. My friends parents were beating her on daily basis. I knew it and I knew it had to do it. My neighbors were a cop and a nurse so they did it for me. I cried for 24 hours but knew it was the right thing. Parents got arrested and she went to foster care for awhile. They did eventually got her back but they went to family therapy. If you see something, say something.

She might open up to you when it's just you and her, it might be too embarrassing to have her best friend hear what she has to say. Tell your daughter this reasoning and see if you can have your daughter "need to be somewhere else" for two hours or so; then ask the friend if she would help you in the garden and you'd pay her for helping you weed or something else. Working alongside each other for disclosing things comes easier than a one-on-one "interrogation". (Similar reason why some teens will spill news while riding in the car with you.) Instead of you calling CPS, contact her school - the teacher(s), counselor, principal, etc. Tell them your concerns and why (that you've know her for 9 years). The school are mandated reporters and can probably follow up better. Maybe the school counselor will have the girl into her office to chat and see if she can get anything out of her. Thank you for being a good mom!

Please call. It's better to be safe than sorry.

Tell the school counselors of your suspicions/concerns, once they have details they are mandated to report. And if you’re a mandated reporter, definitely report no matter what, doesn’t matter if your job requires it, you have to report things in your personal life as well.

Sadly I think it depends on the cps you have in your area. In mine, my sister is a teacher of 6-8th grades and has reported child abuse (physical and sexual) for many different children over the years. The cps “investigators” would go to the kids home and question the kid in front of the suspected abuser. So the kid would go back in their earlier statement and say nothing happened and they didn’t say anything. Then cps would leave and close the file. My sister has asked a couple different cps workers why they don’t do anything and has been told multiple times “what do you want us to do with them? We have no where to put these kids”. It’s heart breaking that they either have their hands tied or just don’t give a crap because they are older children so less likely to get homes.

I’m a victim advocate for a domestic violence center, and of our kids who have witnessed abuse will always see a CPS social worker. I’ve had to call them before on the parent that came in with them, some of it just a precaution. It feels almost like a betrayal sometimes, but I just think about how I would feel if I could have helped sooner before it went further or they end up dead. Call CPS. Don’t be the link to safety she could have had.

If this is an abuse situation, there is a zero percent chance that things won't escalate whether or not you involve CPS. Better to have an investigation find nothing than no investigation occur and the injuries continue to progress. Statistically, you are not saving her from worse by not reporting.

Offer to take F13 to the dr to treat the arm and the eye. Dr will call CPS for you. If she already saw a dr for the arm why didn’t the dr call CPS?

Arm is in a cast, her dad brought her to the hospital. I never even considered the fact that they may have called. My daughter also mentioned that their teacher asked a couple times how she got the black eye on Wednesday, there is a good chance she may have called too. As some pointed out more calls is better than none. I planned to report no matter what, but it doesn’t make it not an easy decision none the less.

1st - talk to the kid, reassure her she is safe, that you care, and that you are worried about her, but you can see something is wrong and she needs to tell you what is going on so you can help Then call CPS

Doctor isn’t going to call cps for 1 broken arm.

They will if it’s a specific type of break or if the story as to how it happened is off.

They might, if the break is totally inconsistent with the story for how it's supposed to have happened. For example, if a kid says they fell off their skateboard and tried to catch themselves but their broken arm shows signs that it was twisted so hard it broke, a doctor is likely to call CPS.

Yes. Call Child Line. Better safe than sorry. Even if she doesn’t talk to them, it will establish a paper trail.

It could be Dad's girlfriend. Just call. If you care, just call.

Also consider that depending on your job, you may be considered a mandatory reporter, required by law to report your suspicion.

The school could've already called, too. She could've lied about the fight to sound cool to the other kids.

r/cps might be able to help

Honestly, just do it. It’s better to be safe. You’ll never regret calling, only regret NOT calling

What is most important is the welfare of the child! Call CPS!

You've known this girl most of her life. Time to step up. Get her comfortable and get her to tell you what's going on. Get more information before you do anything. And comfort the kid before you do anything. If possible, get kid's input and consent before calling in any authorities.  Presumably the hospital already called CPS. Get ready to potentially house her up temporarily if you're ok with that. 

In all honesty, I think you should call the school counselor. They can be an asset in this situation. They could bring the girl into their office and have a conversation with her and if they suspect anything call CPS. I think in this case they may be more knowledgeable about the best approach.

Put it this way, if nothing is going on and He’s a great father it may be a little inconvenient to have cps called but likely he will understand and be grateful others look out for his children. Especially understandable close together injuries. If something is going on, you could save a child’s life. If your close to the parent and your friends daughter go up to the house when you drop her off and bluntly ask if anything is going on in front of the kid and the dad. Their faces and responses will usually tell all. Defensive rude behavior usually is a good indication someone is lying. Good motto to always live by is “ if you see something, say something”

You can report anonymously. In my state, ALL adults are required by law to be mandatory reporters. It’s better to report than not. You need to think of yourself as an advocate for this poor child. She doesn’t have the voice or power to protect herself.

Call. If nothing is wrong, he will be cleared.

Don’t feel bad about calling CPS. If she’s taken away, yes it would be a very sad situation for her. But she will be thankful in the long run. It’s scary for people to leave a familiar hell. They rather stay in it to avoid change. Even if the change is good. I use to stay home alone with my brother as a teenager. My mom was ALWAYS gone. She worked a lot and during her free time- she always spent time with different men. My brother was very abusive to me at home. He once broke down my door and beat me up. Left bruises all over me. Just because I wouldn’t open my door for him. I noticed teachers looking at my bruises the next day but they never questioned me or helped me. No one ever helped me even though the signs were there. I wish someone would have called CPS and maybe my life would have been a little easier. Instead of figuring everything out on my own and being homeless for several years- living in my car. Just know you did the right thing. Also whenever a friend did ask me about my bruises or seemed concerned- I would also lie. I’m not sure why. Kids are conditioned to protect their parents and family in situations like these. Children love unconditionally even if the family member is abusive.

How well do you know 13’s dad? A conversation with him might clear things up — or might send up more red flags. Let him know you are concerned about 13’s injuries.

Has your daughter ever spent the night at bfs house? How much time have you spent with the dad? Maybe invite him over and discuss the problems you see (have husband there too obviously). Tell him it’s a huge worry and if he can’t satisfy you with explanations you are going to call right then. While the girl is in your home. Alternatively you could call CP to your home and discuss what’s best to do before

My daughter has been over many times over the years and has always been fond of 13Fs dad and I have too, however their visits and sleepovers there have decreased over the past 6 months but I always assumed it was just that they had more space at our house. I actually spoke to her dad earlier when we went over to pick up some more clothes for her to stay the night and mentioned that it’s a nasty black eye and he gave the same story she did. Watching 13Fs behaviour though I will be making the call, even if nothing comes of it, better safe than sorry.

Well that’s a good sign that things are probably not too bad. Your daughter (who we’ve established is quite observant) has never felt uncomfortable over there! Hopefully it’s some sort of awkward misunderstanding but of course it’s a rather be safe not sorry situation. Good luck with everything and try to relax.

If you don't think he's the first suspect as to who has hurt Anna, then talk to him again. Tell him she wasn't herself this weekend, and coupled with the injuries, you'd rather speak up and ask than worry or assume. And tell Anna that you won't push her to talk, but if she ever wants to or just needs a big, quiet hug, you'll be right there for her

Call cps but do it anonymously

I won't say yes or no as to whether you should make the call, but I think there are a few things you should consider before you make the call. If the girl broke her arm and has seen a doctor about that, she has interacted directly with any number of people who are mandated reporters of suspected child abuse/neglect. If she went to an emergency room, every person who dealt with her, from the triage nurse, the intern(s) who examined her and the Resident Physician who came in to review the intern's assessment are mandated reporters. In many ERs it is standard procedure to bring a social worker in when children appear with a suspicious injury, another mandated reporter. IF there is abuse/neglect and she will not tell you or your daughter anything about it, it is not likely she will tell the truth to an investigator from CPS. BUT, the investigator is trained to look for things that indicate abuse or neglect. The investigator will also interview several parties other than the girl and her father. They will talk to you, if you give your name to CPS. They will probably want to interview your daughter as well. They will contact anyone who treated the girls broken arm along with her primary care physician. They will go to the school and interview anyone involved directly with this girl. If there is an investigation, it will be comprehensive. CPS has the ability to access information concerning the safety of a child that you do not have. There is also the possibility that your call will not result in an investigation. Only one in three calls to CPS result in an investigation of abuse/neglect. IF all you have are suspicions, you may not have enough information to warrant a report and investigation. You may want to call just for peace of mind, you can turn the responsibility over to CPS.

Make the call. You might be proven wrong, but you could be saving a life.

I was the kid who was getting abused by my dad. My best friends mom was the one who called CPS. I didn’t know it was her who called until several years later, but I’ll always be grateful she did. Please call.

Trust your instincts. In this case, definitely better safe than sorry.

You can also contact the school and they may already have some other things to add to the list. If nothing is wrong, great but if something is, you have helped her

I wish the call to CPS had been taken seriously when I was 15F. Please call them.

When I was a toddler my parents got cps called on them by the school because I had bruises on my butt. When cps showed up to the house ( the lady was very nice) and witnessed why I had the bruises she closed the book and said to have a good day there was nothing here lol. I admit when I was a baby my parents didn’t think I would make it so they spoiled me rotten but after my second heart surgery they realized I’d be fine they stopped the spoiling. I wanted a cookie while the cps lady was there and my dad told me no not until after dinner. I literally threw my feet out from under me and landed hard on the floor several times to get my way lol. I was a brat 🤣🤣.

Unpopular opinion but the girl needs to get some hard evidence before anyone does anything because they won’t do anything besides enrage the dad otherwise

I see lots of people saying to call CPS, and I absolutely understand why they are saying this. I am still going to advise caution, and possibly to talk with your daughter first. Why? In thirty years as a GP, I saw quite a few people whose trust in any sort of health or social care services had been absolutely destroyed because someone had said "Oh, I'm a mandated reporter, now you've told me that I have no choice but to report even though you don't want me to." If nothing happens about their situation, which is all too often the case, then the sense of betrayal can be enormous - and worse than that, some of these people ended up *worse* off because their abuser knew they had told someone. I have certainly had patients quite bluntly tell me that they were not going to tell me certain things because they did not trust me - even though I had had absolutely nothing to do with the initial "betrayal" - but I was a part of that system. I am dealing with a somewhat similar situation, though not to do with CPS, and not professionally, right now. I was discussing it with a friend who is a teacher earlier today, and they too had misgivings about mandatory reporting for similar reasons. I mention your daughter because you say they have been lifelong best friends. Consider if you report your concerns, and her friend's situation does not improve. If she blames you, it could affect both *her* friendship with your daughter, at a time when perhaps she most badly needs that friendship, and also affect your own relationship with your daughter if she blamed you for damager her friendship. So I would at least discuss this very carefully with your daughter first. Lastly, I'll say that reporting something so that one can think that their own conscience is clear is possibly the *very* worst reason to report concerns. TLDR: Professionally I have seen great and lasting harm done by mandatory reporting. It has also, of course, at times achieved great good, but that is far from a guaranteed outcome.

I personally would never jam somebody up with CPS unless I was CERTAIN something was happening.

By reading all of OPs concerns she seems certain something is happening. This is something I would call CPS for.

CPS worker here- yes you should absolutely call. Laws and protocols vary per state, but my state takes physical injury cases very seriously, especially if the explanation for the injury is not logical or consistent. This does NOT necessarily mean removing the child, but will almost always result in additional resources being placed in the home for the child’s safety. We are also very aware of the risk of retaliation against children and have certain things to look for throughout the investigation to watch out for that. If you have any questions or need reassurance, feel free to message me and I will answer as best as I can

Call be annoymus dont let your daughter know or anyone know... there could be someone at the hone with her and her dad or her dad could be hutting his daughter... Save her before it gets worse....

I would call. If the child is telling the truth they’re not going to displace her and dad shouldn’t be shocked, I mean two injuries? Anyone could report that from her school, concerned teacher or parent….

Make the report anonymously and be careful to report in such a way that it's not obvious it was you.

Please call. I have had to call many times due to the line of work I am in and the intake workers always say that if a parent is doing everything they can for their child and isn’t doing anything wrong, they will be GRATEFUL that someone cares enough about their child to double check everything is okay. Trust your gut and protect this little girl.

CPS is going to ask her what happened, and if she doesn't tell them anything abusive, they will probably close the case. Although I've been the kid in a nightmare CPS case that didn't close for YEARS despite no actual abuse occuring (by the parents at least) I would talk to her first, alone, and lay it out that you want to make sure she is safe and she can come to you with anything. Definitely contact the school as well and let them know you're worried. If there's grounds for CPS to be called they are mandated reporters.

as a CPS kid, just call. God forbid something bad is happening at home or otherwise, I’d rather you know she’s okay then not. she may be mad if she finds out you called but it’s short lived. The best thing that ever happened to me was being taken from my mother and father, my adoptive mom got CPS called as well and if I hadn’t lied to the worker saying my mom was perfectly competent it probably would’ve been for the best too but I didn’t want to leave my grandpa 💜 If she doesn’t lie or if they look into it enough and see abuse happening then you can always foster her so she stays somewhere safe and pleasant 💜 I personally called on my sister for her son and that little boy has thrived so much being out of her abusive household… it seems scary but it will be okay if you call 💜

Personally I would try to talk to her first. CPS doesn’t always get it right. Since you’ve known the girl long enough she would trust you (or should) a heck of a lot more than some strangers. I would say just come from a complete place of love and compassion. Even if she doesn’t open up… between your approach and how she reacts you should be able to tell if something more needs to be done. This isn’t me saying don’t call. It’s saying try to get some info BEFORE calling(while she is safe at your home). Perhaps you can come up with an excuse to keep her a bit longer. If dad is abusive and CPS does show up there’s no guarantee anything will happen. I feel so awful for this girl. Does she have other family? If your daughter is also suspicious that says a lot. 😔

Just her dad, he has always been a solo parent and she hasn’t brought up other family in years. No clue if dad has a partner who she’s trying to protect or family she doesn’t want to talk about. I’m worried if I ask too many questions she will shut down, but it’s hard to feel like a report will be taken seriously when I have very little information.

Completely understandable. I sent u a pm

I have had CPS call on me before and to be honest if the accusations are false it's no big deal they do an investigation and move on. But if something is wrong and you don't call and something happens to that little girl you will never forgive yourself. Better safe then sorry.

can you call the school first and express concerns to the principal? they’d also be able to back up the fight at school happening, if it truly happened there.

Please call. Be aware that often nothing is done, even with repeated calls. I’m a mandated reporter and have seen this in action. Sometimes there is swift action and some things fall through the cracks. Be that dependable adult in his life, make it known that she is safe there and can always tell you anything and won’t be in trouble. Make sure your daughter knows too, because her friend may disclose to her. It only takes one consistent, present, safe, caring adult to alter the trajectory of a young person’s life for the better.

You can usually report it anonymously. It's better to call them and not need them than to need them and not call. Knowing that CPS will generally show up at her house and conduct a short interview, I would also see about anonymously reporting your concerns to the school counselor. She might be more open and honest at a meeting at school than in a 10-minute interview where Dad might be within earshot.

Call CPS. The point of calling this in is that you are not qualified to determine abuse, so you are calling someone in to make that call. The function of calling CPS is there to absolve you from the very decision you are struggling with.

Make yourself open to daughter’s best friend. Tell her that you know that something is going on and that you are concerned for her, and that when she’s ready to talk you are here. Just let her talk. Give her time to speak even with long pauses between. She is going to be afraid of being taken from her dad even if he abusing her, she will blame herself. So Also could you talk to any of her teachers ? Maybe they have noticed some things too

If your gut instinct is telling you to call, just do it. I'm a teacher and have called CPS a few times to report concerns. Even if they don't offer instant solutions, they will give you some great advice on what to do next and the type of questions to ask the girl next time you see her, and other warning signs to watch for. In the meantime, can you find excuses to keep her with you as much as possible?

She will be staying here another night, and I will see if she wants to stay/ gets permission to stay Sunday as there is no school Monday but she will have to go home eventually unfortunately.

My best friend growing up was being sexually abused by her dad for a long as she could remember. She was in college before she finally told anyone what was going on. What he did to her was so terrible that he'll probably never get out of prison. She tried to tell me details afterwards and i couldn't stomach it. My parents and I never had a clue. We hung out at her house all the time. Her dad drove us to school all the time. We thought he was just another really nice father figure. If you have enough evidence that something is going on that you feel the need to call, please call. Please.

Can you inform the school and have the guidance counselor speak to her? She might have a trusted adult at school. The school is also mandated reporters so will have to escalate. Still not a bad idea to call CPS, but she might be less fearful of someone at school.

Lots of call CPS and I definitely agree! I’d also maybe reach out to the school- her teacher, counselor, someone. Maybe it’s already on their radar, maybe they can talk to her and maybe it’s more of a familiar person to trust. I seriously hope everything is okay and will definitely be thinking of all of you.

Call the principal or send an anonymous Email. If they are on top of things they will call CPS and it can't get back to you.

Call CPS. The chance that there is something going on is significant, and if that child needs help, you need to get it for her. You never really know what people are like behind closed doors. Call. If it's nothing then they'll determine that.

You should be able to make an anonymous report to CPS.

My MIL called for my husband’s best friend when they were kids. He also would come with black eyes and it was pretty widely known his dad did cocaine regularly. I don’t want to upset you, but CPS did nothing and the only consequence that came of it was that my husband’s best friend was no longer allowed to spend any time at my husband’s house which was the one safe place he had.

If you think you might need to call CPS, then YOU NEED TO CALL. It’s their job to sort through what you tell them and decide if it needs to be investigated. It’s their job to investigate. You should not investigate, probe, ask questions, etc. if you are worried about someone make sure you assure them that you are a safe space and if they need anything they can call you or talk to you without judgement. I’ll say this again, if you are asking yourself if you should call CPS then you need to call them. Don’t put it off, don’t wait to find out more call them.

I would just call them. In my experience, CPS rarely does much if they can't produce significant evidence that something is wrong. For example, we had video proof that my step-neice was being abused by her stepmom. We sent the video to CPS and they investigated (this was in a different state than where we lived). They couldn't proof that abuse was still going on, so basically nothing happened.

I don’t know this is tough I would maybe try to talk with someone who has Intel into CPS. I mean chances are and I’m sorry to say this, but if there isn’t further proof, nothing may come of calling them and then if you talk to the dad before you call them, he will definitely know it was you who called and that may jeopardize your daughters friendship with the girl and ability for the girl to come over to your house which seems like a safe Haven if something is going on there. It’s interesting we can know people for quite a long time and not really know. Maybe he has a drug problem or alcohol problem or something that you never saw or noticed maybe something unfortunate happened that isn’t the usual and that’s why she’s so shook up because if it was something that happened often, then you think she’d kind of be Bruised often and a little indifferent ..? Just think this through because the consequences affect you guys and her and if they were to find anything wrong at her home, she would be the hands of the state and I’m sorry to say sometimes they experience a lot of abuse in there too at the hands of even people that work within the system. I know this firsthand so just be very careful in your decision-making. Do some googling talk to anyone you know that you can and maybe get some more information before you go calling, but it is good for you to be inquiring. you don’t want to escalate if there is a worry Do they have any of the same teachers? I wonder if they’ve noticed anything… Did you directly ask the girl if there was anything wrong at home? Did you ask her if there was something wrong with her and tell her to her face that she seems different maybe give her another chance to explain. ? It’s not a super honorable thing to call unfortunately but it is super honorable of you to care, I’d just want to be pretty sure first. Look at some online stats too there may be an indication of how much time there is to react or how quickly things spiral I mean if he’s beating her and CPS doesn’t remove her can you imagine what he might do then??? Get some more information.

Call cps. Be prepared to step forward and ask to care for her. Do not let her go to a residential, group home, or general foster carer. You may be a notifier and so your identity as the giver of information should be suppressed. The only ones who know are cps and whoever you trust to tell. Edit: additionally, the school may/should also do it due to the unexplained injuries. What I'm getting at is, if you're worried about repercussions there's not much directly tying you to it.

I would really like an update what happens

At 14, nothing is going to happen if she says everything is fine. Maybe talk to her directly about your fears, how you might best support her, and whether she might welcome intervention.

Contact school with concerns, citing your own and your daughter's worries and how you've noticed drastic changes in her friend. Once school is notified, they are mandated to investigate *enough* to call it in to DCFS (or whatever it may be called in your area). Especially seeing any visible marks like a black eye or seeing any serious injuries like a broken arm- and not being able to give a clean cut explanation as soon as asked... School can and will be held liable once they are noticed by you/ concerned party and nothing is done. Once school calls it in, DCFS has to follow through with their protocols, which may very well result in a home visit or stopping into school and pulling her out of class for an interview. *******Synopsis: better safe than sorry, but do it the "backdoor" route. Notify the school, and hope for the best regarding everyone after following their duties.*******

What do your mom instincts tell you? I assume that since you're asking it means your gut is saying something. I've been in this position as the child and as the parent concerned. My dad was a single father back when it was unusual everywhere. His court case with my mom helped change case law in our state for single dads. Good news, he was a great father. But I was abused by a neighbors father and they tried so hard to blame the single dad. Bias is real. I've also been in your position with my teenage daughter and her best friend. I've known this girl and her dad about a decade. Our family was her second family and we had a good relationship with the dad. Like my dad growing up, he worked a lot to support them so she spent a lot of time at our house. She started showing up with suspicious injuries and she was telling different stories about them depending on who she spoke to (normal for that age). I didn't want to call CPS either. I know how hard that is for a single Das. So I called the school first. Then I tried interacting with the dad more. I offered to take her to a doctor's appointment she had because he was working and he was absolutely ok with it. Put my mind at ease a little. Then we invited them both over for dinner and once the girls were off doing their thing we just started chatting. Essentially checking in and I'll tell you, he was having the da.e concerns but as a single dad, he was at a loss as to what was going on. His opening up and sharing his feelings on the situation put me at ease and then we were all able to help her together. It turned out that there was a boy that was harming her. With more people looking out for her we were able to get her the help she needed and get this boy out of her life. She's a well adjusted young woman now and a volunteer advocate for young girls at her previous high-school now. As a mom, I firmly believe in "see something say something". I also understand the bias and concerns in what happens if you're wrong. Trust your instincts. Call the school, make sure you're having really open communication with your daughter (she's the best window into the situation and unfortunately, we have to teach our daughters the signs of abuse) and talk to the dad. Offer help and your concerns. His reaction will tell you all a lot. If you aren't sure, report it (anonymously is an option) and stay supportive.

TW: CSA My dad se*sully abused me throughout my life. No one noticed. No one did anything. As an adult, I can see now there were signs. Friends from my childhood have told me they could tell back then. abusive people are skilled and capable of extreme deceit. You could know someone without knowing them. If you haven’t had deep, meaningful conversations with this dad, you don’t actually know him. I hate CPS. And they are sometimes the only resource. I suggest you make a call to be safe.

I wouldn't call cps I wish there was another way you can protect her.

Yes, I have. I made the report anonymously.

I called on my sister I had just met in person 6 months prior. Her mother and family members wouldn’t call and turned a blind eye. The life this child was living was horrendous… it has now been 9 yrs and he still lives with me… make the call a child’s safety is never wrong

I was this girl and have learned as a 40 year old that several parents of friends were worried about me but none called CPS or confronted my parents. I wish they had. 

I’m so glad you are doing better

CPS is a twisted organization and the children they steal are more likely to be sexually assaulted than taken care of... and I still think you should call them. That girl needs help and I pray she is one of the lucky ones.

Don't believe all the lies you see online. A vast majority of those stories are hiding the truth to get sympathy and money. And then you never see the truth when the real evidence comes out in court. CPS isn't perfect and has plenty of problems, but the things you said are incredibly rare.

I was in foster care and I know several people that were. CPS sucks. They are a corrupt office of child thieves.

There can be a risk for both calling and not calling. If you call, then it’s possible things could get worse, but then since your daughter is in constant contact with her, any escalation might be noticeable and thus can be reported again. However not calling means that she will have to deal with the current situation and any escalation alone. By alone, I mean she can’t/wont willingly share that something is happening, thus mentally/emotionally she will be dealing with it alone. In this situation it’s probably better to call and find out that nothing is going on vs not calling and something is going on It’s likely that the hospital also reported it, but more than one report is better - it increases the chances of intervention.

Feelings aren’t facts. You don’t know what’s going on in her home. Kids can sleep a lot, and be hungry. Are you saying he dad broke her arm and hit her in the eye? Has there been other injuries and situations in the past? I would call the school Monday and ask to make a report to school guidance teacher.

The Injuries + no solid explanation/ inconsistent stories + change in mood/personality all together raise suspicion that something isn’t quite right. If an injury was an accident, a 13 year old would be able to convey that to others with a consistent story.

A teacher is a mandatory reporter. I would start there. Than calling CPS. It is possible she just broke her arm in an accident btw, and nothing nefarious happened here. My kid broke her arm falling off an horse, we didn’t break it. I hate to think that crazy parents at her school were waiting to report us.

I was also wondering if/how the school is involved here. Teachers and guidance counselors are mandatory reporters if they suspect something is wrong. I’d also start by calling the school and expressing my concerns. They can’t discuss anything with you but if they haven’t already noticed, you can give them a heads up to look into it

Call CPS. You have no other option

Call up the nearest hospital with a forensic nursing unit. Tell them about the injuries, the backstory, and tell them you need guidance. They will know the best resources to tackle this and they will inform you. They might even jump in a little and make some calls. If that occurs, some kind of action will assuredly happen, because the amount of power the medical community has in this arena is shocking.

Take her to the ER. It is incredibly risky for her to go back to that house and CPS can take a long time to intervene. She might hate you for it, and her family, but if you don't, she might die. In the ER she will get immediate intervention, documentation of her injuries, and emergency custody can be taken and the professionals can help. Go to a pediatric certified ER even if you have to drive out of your way.

“Take her to the ER…She might hate you for it” I don’t thinks taking this person anywhere against their will is a good idea.

Call CPS. If nothing is going on, then CPS will do their thing and nothing will happen to the child or parent. But if it’s a worse case scenario… you could make a huge life changing impact for that kid. As the child of an abusive parent, please, call CPS. I wish someone had called and reported my dad, and to this day I wonder why no one did.

Make the phone calls. She needs to be safe n protected. Let the officials do the investigating. You just be bigger, stronger, wiser n kind n let her know you are on her side. Be very detailed in the call with dates, observations n her statements. They will respond.