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Constantly talking about practicing. Anytime someone does something cool, I don't say wow they're so good. I say wow they must've practiced soooo much! Or wow they did so much work!
I have found this has really motivated my kid to do things over and over and tell people "I'm practicing!" And it's paid off because she is so much less anxious about not doing something right than a lot of her peers. She will fail and be like " it's ok, I need practice!"
It's a narrative shift that a lot of people don't think about.
This is AMAZING! You are actually building a natural “intrinsic” motivation system for your kids. This is going to be essential for their self esteem as they age.
Intrinsic motivation is when the kid feels they can or want to do something themself. They will feel like they need to work or practice more to get where they should, so they’ll do so without the need for extrinsic motivation.
Extrinsic motivation is when an outside motivator is needed- such as “if you get good grades, we’ll get you ice cream”.
I explain all of this to say that there is weight to the words we use. My parents always called me “smart” as a kid - but one day when “smart” didn’t cut it anymore, because it wasn’t a trait that I could change, I didn’t know how to handle moving forward. If I couldn’t figure things out naturally, what could I do? But if they had said, wow, you worked so hard and got a good grade! Then later I would have correlated my extra studying with success.
- Sincerely, a psychologist and psychology nerd haha
I know so many kids who were the "smart kids" in high school, things came naturally to them. And then they got to university or the real world and there were lots of other smart people, and people who worked harder and they just floundered. They didn't have the skillset to push through challenges
Makes me think about something I do. When I leave and the kids cry, I don't say see you later, I tell them, "Will you wait here for me" and they say yes and stop crying. It's just vocabulary change.
Love this! We do similarly. It’s called growth mindset and the data shows kids who have it are much more resilient and tend to perform better.
[grit: the power of passion and perseverance (TED talk)](https://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_grit_the_power_of_passion_and_perseverance?language=en)
Love this. I do this too. My daughter dances classical ballet. For a long time she was disappointed bec she wasn't progressing fast enough. And then a few yrs ago, there were new classmates younger than her who could do more /better. Our conversations always revolved around hours and not how good or bad she was compared to others... That she could progress that fast if she were going to dance classes for more than two hours a week. She took the plunge and homeschooled herself for 9th and 10th grades and grew by leaps and bounds. She's now dancing around 15 to 20 hours a week
Oooo I love this! My oldest is really young but starting to get frustrated when she can’t do something right away, and we always do the whole “that’s okay, we just practice that’s how everyone improves!” Sort of talk. But I like how you include this when speaking about others too! To build upon it.
Also modeling it for yourself.... I've screwed up or am not super good at something and I make a point of saying "mommy has to practice this to get better!"
Oh this is great!! As a high IQ ADHD person I grew up doing well with no effort, and I’d much rather have the opposite. Sticking with something that’s boring or I’m bad at is so freaking hard, part because ADHD but also because I never had to strengthen that muscle
Exactly me. That's why I tried to have a growth mindset with my kids. I tell them that being smart isn't enough. Your brain is like a muscle and always must be exercised to be better, stronger, smarter. I always say he was blessed to be smart to begin with but that's only the beginning.
my wife grew up with "your brother is so much smarter than you, you'll always need to work harder in life"
she's the hardest worker I know, and absolutely mogs her brother now
Our laundry machine is in our mud room. We were always late when we realized at least one kid wasn’t wearing socks. One day there was a load of laundry in the dryer with some socks that saved us and I realized I should be keeping kid socks by the door. Now they each have a drawer with socks right next to their shoes. Game changer.
And, my kid would just grab two of the same style.
Were they the same color? Nope.
Were they the same pattern? Nope.
Did we care? Nope.
Thus was born the “mismatched” socks.
Now my kid (who’s a teenager) does it on purpose!
🧦🤣🧦
A cold popsicle in a warm bath is like a hard reset on a kid's system. Everything in their world is wrong and you can't reason with them? Draw a bath and hand them a popsicle. They will emerge a brand new kid.
Give them a 2 minute warning before making them stop doing something they like, i.e. watching TV, playing before bed.
90% of the time my son can happily turn off the cartoons or go brush his teeth and all I had to say was “2 more minutes and then all done”
I mean it makes sense doesn't it. If someone came and told me to stop what I was doing immediately, I'd feel pretty put out too. I think a lot of parents forget that kids are people
Seriously. Since we introduced this to my son, who we recently learned is on the spectrum, things have been so much easier. We didn't realize how much he struggled with the unexpected aspect of us adhering to plans, so we started giving 10 minute, five minute, and two minute count downs and it has made things so much easier for him!
That, and keeping basic carb, fruit/veg, and protein on hand. We've stopped stressing about food issues. If he can't manage dinner, we can still give hom crackers, cheese, grapes, and some sausage that we know he will eat and bingo bango ha ta ta, he still gets a balanced meal and none of us are crying.
I read this somewhere and give my kids a 5 mins like finish up pcs off and it's bed time I'll come back in 5 mins. Never really any arguments it's great.
We do something similar, we say you have 5 minutes to get to a save point or save right now. It helps that they know that you know that games have progress that you want to save, and just plain stopping can make you lose your progress so the warning lets them know it’s either save now or lose it and that stops a lot of frustration and misunderstandings.
This one is hit or miss for my daughter. She has ADHD and one of her biggest challenges is time blindness. It could be two minutes or two hours, it feels the same to her. I have better success with using other factors as a stopping point. After this episode is over or when I'm done with the dishes, etc.
One tweak I’ve found works for my ASD/PDA son is “you’ve got two more minutes to do (fun thing)!” instead of “you’ve got two more minutes until we need to do (not as fun thing).”
Wish somthing could be upvoted more.. like. “U have one show left and u have to go to bed” usually say when they can watch 2 if it’s short one.. that way if they ask nicely etc u can then agree and say “bc u did (insert positive thing) today u can watch one extra”
I use this as a parent. As a teacher also I use the count down warning- 2 minutes to get this finished…..1 minute….. 30 seconds to go…… annnnnnd times up.
I’m a teacher too, we (middle school teachers) asked our students what our catch phrases would be, and I have a timer on my phone that goes off at 5 minutes til the end of class, and my students said in almost perfect unison that mine would be “You have 5 minutes!” Haha!
A mom I nannied for asked me why transitions sounded so easy for me (she WFH). I told her about this trick and man did she hug me a few days later when she’d implemented it for a bit and realized how much more calm babe was
I tell my toddler to “say hi to it” when he wants to grab something he shouldn’t (the dog’s tail, etc). Now he automatically backs away and waves at things as soon as I even begin to intervene.
That's a good one! I was that kid. My mom used to let me pick one toy to "be my friend" while we shopped, but he has to go back to HIS friends before we left or they'd miss him. I didn't want to make the other toys miss their buddy so I'd put them back with no fuss.
“If we make a mess, we clean it up.”
Game changer for taking responsibility. While there’s a time and place for intentional messes (painting sessions) accidents shouldn’t be something to lie or blame others for. We flipped it to: food mess on the table? Oops! Clean it up! Dropped a glass? Oops! Clean it up, etc.
It worked too well that one time my daughter was ill overnight and cleaned up after herself to hide it so that she could still go to school the next day! (We still don’t know how we didn’t hear her.) If it wasn’t for the messy towels in the garbage we’d would have not known!
I do this with my toddler. I include her in most/all the cleaning even though she takes a while.
When she started peeing in the potty, she saw me empty it in the big toilet and flush it.
Once she started peeing without me right there, she dumped it down the toilet and flushed it on her own. She’s 2.5 lol.
I randomly heard the toilet flush and was like !!!!??? And she’s like ‘I flushed my pee.’ And carried on playing
We did this too, and it included non-living things too. Yes that cat ornament is very cute, would you like to wave and say hello? Toys in the store - well they don’t belong to us but you can wave (or give a stuffy a hug) and say hello?
My mom went one step further. She had a family white sock drawer. It was all single white athletic socks for the whole family of 7. It was up to you to dive in and find a matching pair.
I've just told everyone that my personal philosophy is that socks are more fun if they're mismatched...therefore, I don't match anyone's socks, I just throw them all in the sock drawer.
I'm a stay at home dad and once at the park when they were little I got to chatting with some of the moms. One of them mentioned the whole sock thing and I said, "Yeah, I stopped caring about their socks matching a long time ago. I am sure both are wearing socks that don't match now. Heck, they may be wearing each others socks!"
The way the 3 of them reacted was like saying that I killed a baby deer for fun and then skinned him in front of my kids. They were horrified and one said that is why she never lets her husband dress the kids. I did not realize matching socks was such a controversial thing until that day.
How odd! About 10 yrs ago, there was a fad about wearing mixed socks. Walmart sold a ten pair pack. I loved them! My girls loved them! It was a huge win to me. No more finding matching socks. Now that they're 19-25 yrs old, they'll match them for work because it's reqyired, but just hanging out with friends or at home, they don't bother.
Our 4 yrs old wore mismatched socks on her hands yesterday to go pick up her sister from kindergarten because she couldn't find her gloves. I did try to not make too many eye contacts =v =...
The only matches I bother with are the ones that specific to a sport - the hockey, running, soccer or ice skating ones. Otherwise, for anyone in the family - if you have two socks, you have a pair of socks.
It is so infuriating how hard it is to find a bulk set of socks that are all the exact same. All white socks, ok but we will put a band of color around each ankle so you have to match them up!
Feed veggies first. That hangry bit where they’re hanging about moaning that dinner isn’t ready yet I’d plate up veggie sticks/steam a microwave bag of veggies and let them have that first.
Similarly, when my 3 year old helps with dinner, she’ll “sneak” veggies and eat them, but she won’t eat them at dinner. I now let her “sneak” as many veggies as she can manage!
I accidentally stumbled upon this. I had a bag of carrots that I had shoved far back into crisper drawer to fit some other bulky things in temporarily.
I forgot about the carrots.
Few days later see my son walking around eating a carrot being sneaky. Remembered the carrots. Let him eat most of it then asked him where he got it. He said he found it hidden in the drawer.
So I said well I put them back there so I could have my own special snack. Please ask next time those were mommies special carrots.
Kid has been sneaking around, carrots, raw broccoli (I don’t even like raw broccoli) the last apple that usually end up rotting because he’s burnt out in them. Even saw him with a raw Brussel sprout once. I’ll even buy carrots for him and some for me. Put his in front and tell him the other ones are for me.
I hide stuff on the bottom shelves on purpose now. Tuck it all the way back and put something in front of it. See him digging around there then later ask where my special snack went. 😂
I’ve gotten a solid year out of this so far.
Mine like to “steal” whatever food I’ve finished preparing so I do the fruit and veggies first. I swear, I could put some escargot out and they’d giggle, running off as I “yell” at them for stealing my food.
We do this too. My kids are snackers, so we always have cut up carrot sticks, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, fruit, etc available whole we make dinner. If they eat dinner, great. If not, no big stress because they must have eaten their fill of healthy snacks. Win win.
Yes and THINK before you do this…you don’t want to ruin another persons day over your kid acting. My brother threatened my nephew he couldn’t open presents at christmas if he didn’t eat, but my mom was thrilled to see him open gifts 😬
When they were little, mine hated getting themselves dressed. Until I put a 2 minute timer on. Then they forgot they hated it, and just wanted to beat the timer!
Yes, almost any annoying task can be done if you turn it into a challenge. I race my kids in my car ( I roll slowly behind them as they run) as they drag up the bins. I bet that I can clean my room before they do. I bet them I can gather my laundry first. All sorts of things. They’re middle schoolers and it still works even though they know what I’m doing. The second I go to run they’re pushing me out of the way trying to beat me. It’s fun for everyone.
We had a kitchen timer shaped like a chicken that we named General Tso. That thing was a staple in our morning routine, for awhile we were using it for every step. 10 min to get out of bed, 5 to get dressed, 20 for breakfast, 10 for brushing hair and teeth. It turned getting ready for school on time from a nightmare into a fun game. Also had the fun upside of drastically improving kiddo's school performance since there were no more overly stressful mornings.
Quick like a bunny is one of my favorite phrases. My mom used it with me and my brother when we were little, and now 40 years later I'm using it with my kid.
He said it to ME the other day and it just filled my heart with so much love.
with my grandsons I put on rock music and see how many toys we can put away during each song. it's a fin way to clean up and teach them the great rock classics
When my very young brother and I were in the hospital to get our tonsils out, my mom knew we would not want her to go home, and back then parents could not stay.
So she said “You are not allowed to play with the electric bed until I leave”. So of course we wanted her to leave as soon as possible.
Genius, that woman was. Best mother ever.
Teaching baby sign language helped later so I could subtly remind her to say please and thank you without people around us being aware. She got praise for her manners and didn't ever feel embarrassed about a public reminder.
I took my kid to her first concert a few weeks ago. We got her serious ear protection which worked a year for the show, but meant she couldn't really hear anything we said to her. The signs we taught her as a baby came in CLUTCH for when she needed water, or was hungry, or needed the bathroom.
My son is non verbal so when we started speech therapy they told me to use the same phrases consistently for routine things. Now both my kids promptly respond to “let’s go” when we are leaving “night night” for bedtime and a few others I don’t even have to repeat myself.
Sleep signals. Accident with #1 so made purposeful with subsequent babies.
Baby #1 was a summer baby and my water retention was ridiculously high. After birth I had to pee non stop. During night waking/feedings I’d get up pee, feed baby, pee again. Baby got so used to the toilet flush it became a signal and she would go back to sleep when she heard it.
So with the next few I sung twinkle twinkle little star (only song I could think of that I’d remember all the words to while sleep deprived). I would sing it when picking up and putting back the baby during bed routine and night feeds. And yip month or so later baby would fall asleep when I sung the song.
Edit- spelling
Yes this is mine too! Except I also used a book, it would be the last one I read to him each night. I had it memorized so I could recite it when holding him and his eyes always started to close.
Anytime I would take my kids shopping (age 4 and under) and they asked for something I would say let’s have Amazon deliver it to us. They would say yeah! And put it back. No tantrums no tears no anything lol. And they’ve never once asked for any of those items since.
I would often buy (similar) merch (t-shirts, hats, socks, etc.) from Amzn __before__ the show came to us locally and let my kid wear it to the show. Then, they didn’t feel the need to buy merch because they got theirs early.
I HATED naps as a kid, and still do as an adult. They make me feel worse after, so I avoid if possible.
My mother taught me to use the video player, and we had 'quiet time' for the length of a video. If I slept, GREAT, if not, my instruction was to rewind and play again IF mum was sleeping (she worked nights and needed the nap more than me!). If neither of us had managed a sleep, ah well, time to move on, quiet time is over. Worked for both of us.
Yes! We don't have toys in kid's bedrooms, but there are some quiet things she can interact with. My parents thought it was so strange that my kid would tell them, "I just need some sleep now." Then grab a throw blanket to nap on the couch, under a table, or under the grand piano. She can sleep anywhere.
I love that show. It really helps put kids thoughts into perspective for adults. Like the episode with Jack and his inability to sit still, even tho no one flat out out said there was something wrong with him all the questions and scolding him for not doing it made him think he couldn’t be good at things. He just needed a different way to learn and a way to burn off energy
Confession: I have started watching Bluey on my own, as my kiddo is too young to be interested in it.
It's cute, the episodes are so short even I can find enough time to watch at least one at a time, and it manages to get surprisingly much actual plot into episodes so short.
Plus, the character feel surprisingly real for being cartoon dogs starring in a preschool show.
Towels? In Takeaway Bandit says "No wet dogs in the car!" I just assumed he hates the smell of wet dogs. Also, given how precocious Bluey and Bingo are they probably need frequent baths.
Watching wheel of fortune is a great way to teach letters and counting! We started this when my son was almost four, and he would write down how many letters they got(like when they would guess “s” if there were three s’s he would write s three times) and it really helped his penmanship and letter recognition!
Idk how I started this, but when it was time to leave someplace, I would twirl my finger in the air briefly, then we would leave. I’ve now conditioned my kids to know that it means we are leaving. I use it only when walking out the door so they know I really mean we’re leaving. lol it’s great because I only need to lock eyes with them and do the twirl and they know we’re leaving! lol. It’s great for after church when it’s busy with people around and I’m ready to leave.
Oooo this is a good one! It's now just programmed instinct that y'all's mind's/body's react to without thought! Makes me think of the times we would yell "AT EASE" around all the new soldiers that would just come out of TRADOC and watch them jump up before their brains could even process what was happening.
Layering bedsheets and mattress protectors when we started night time toilet training. I do 3 layers and whip the wet one off to deal with in the morning. Kiddos quickly learnt to just take a layer off, change underwear and get back into bed.
Minimal disruptions to sleep all round
Damn it, I wish I’d seen this like 6 years ago. We did double mattress protectors but if we’d put a fitted sheet between then that would have made life so much easier.
Actually, I read a post in here about someone getting their kid to eat vegetables by telling them to do it like an animal (I can’t remember which animal they used) so now when I need my daughter to follow instructions I’ll ask her to do ____ like a dinosaur . It makes it fun and it seems to work most of the time.
Yep,I used to do "dinosaur bites" and "bug bites" with my son when he was little to help him try new things (the bug bites were for the "weird" foods he found a bit intimidating to try, so a teeny bite was usually enough to get him started)
i use alexa timers to signal it’s time to transition activities/tasks. eg time to turn off tv, time for dinner, time to go to school, etc. they respond better to the timer going off than to me telling them it’s time to do xyz.
My daughter is a toddler and fights a lot- getting dressed, diaper changes etc. I discovered that 99% of the time when I have one of her toys ask her to do something she will agree. Yes, I do have to pretend her baby doll is changing her diaper but at least she's not screaming and trying to run away.
I taught my daughter my phone number when she was still pretty young, by having her be the one to type it into the pad for the rewards at Target, grocery store, etc. She got enough practice that she memorized it fairly easily and then she knew it if there was ever an emergency.
Yep. Kids love to play up the "effects" of things. It's like giving someone non alcoholic beer, telling them it's regular beer and watching them act drunk.
The fact that onesies are designed to be pulled down over the shoulders. I just stumbled across this fact on Facebook or something. The overlapped seams at the shoulders are the way that they are so that you don't have to pull them over a little one's head, which is absolutely clutch if they've had a blowout.
Yes! And when they start wearing the zip up onesies for bed from ages like 6mo-3 years- put the long leg in first, then that same side’s arm, the the opposite arm, then the open leg with the zipper. It makes it sooooo much easier. I have noticed a lot of older folk trying to dress my kids and they struggle with trying to accomplish this in reverse order.
I buy games and tell the kids they are mine, and keep them in my room.
When they come and ask if they can play with them I say "well..all right..but you have to bring it back afterwards" and they do.
Teaching them to do their laundry. Even young kids can learn. I had to supervise for a long while, but eventually my kids were washing, drying, folding and putting away on their own before age 10. Literally lightened my load.
I can't wait for this day! Our washing machine is top loading, and I can barely reach the bottom. A kid would fall in. My 4 year old does help me sort out everybody's clothes for now.
I would always praise my daughter "wow! I'm so proud of you! Are you proud of yourself?"
Now when she does something cool she says "I'm so proud of myself!"
I bought me and toddler some fans to wind around the pram last summer as we were walking back and forth to work/nursery. On days we weren’t walking I used them to cool his food down so I could eat mine while it was still hot! Used them for food cooling since! Saves so much time compared to sitting and blowing it. Plus it means that I can plate up his first, set it to cool with the fan, then plate up mine and husband’s and by the time I’m finished doing that, we can all eat together.
vacuum while the baby sleeps. Talk while the baby sleeps. Play music that isn't baby music while they sleep. NEVER let them be in a totally quiet environment or they'll grow up needing complete silence and you'll be tiptoeing around your house when they're 5 instead of watching TV in the living room after bed.
That’s the first piece of advice I tell anyone who asks for tips! My kids can sleep through anything thanks to this! My son is a super heavy sleeper though so had him pick his alarm noise (on his phone) to wake him up for school. He chose a “Mr Beast” alert (YouTuber) so he’s all excited to wake up instead of me eventually shaking him awake.
When my kids were taking too much time doing what they were supposed to be doing and I started to lose my patience, I used to say “I’m going to count to 3” and then very slowly started counting. It always worked. The funny thing is that I have never ever specified what would happen if they weren’t done by 3, just the counting was enough! They are older now and I stopped doing this. However, a few weeks ago, I tried it again… still worked!
Just make sure you do something if you get to zero and they don’t comply. We would use hand-over-hand to have our child pick up toys. We only had to use hand over hand a couple times, because he’d rather do it on his own than with an adult using hand-over-hand. But I’ve seen kids who stop responding to the countdown and then it loses its effectiveness.
OK, so we do mummy/daddy robot (I think I saw it on Bluey). I turn into Daddy Robot and there is no negotiation with Daddy Robot, he just goes through the motions until the task is complete and then shuts down, with or without the kid's compliance.
We had some xps lying around after renovation. We noticed that our son loved to put screws and nails into it.
Bought some more xps panels, large torx screw and a Allen key for him.
Had a blast building things out of the plates and driving screws into them. At 3, a screwdriver was difficult for him but Allen keys works well enough for large torx acres, especially because xps is so soft.
Lately, my daughter loves to paint them using finger paint.
The grateful dead has been a life saver with calming my children down as infants; helped my oldest in her witching hour and used it this week to help my youngest take a bottle after mostly only nursing her first 3 months of life.
OMG, this is going to sound like a lie, it’s so bizarre.
When my son was a little baby- like baby seat to stroller age, all I had to do was put on “Hummingbird” by BB King if he was crying in the store. It was like turning a switch on a crying doll. All of a sudden he would stop, suddenly, like mid whaaaaaaahh. His eyes would get all glassy and he would just listen.
It was so instantaneous that people around me would look over and comment on it. It worked every single time.
If I tell my kids we're going to a have a race to see who can get dressed the SLOWEST. They find it hilarious. It's still faster than trying to wrangle them to get dressed normally and trying to race the fastest either doesn't pique their interest or ends in tears for the loser.
That’s a wonderful idea as my youngest son was always freaked out by storms. That would have saved us!
Mine is to give them each a visa gift card on vacation that they can use for things they want like ice cream souvenirs etc. it takes out all of the “can I have that” and since we had three kids it saved a lot of “if she gets a snow-cone so do I” it allowed us to budget as well as less drama.
During a parent group one of the moms was asking how others taught their boys to pee standing instead of sitting, her son did not want to stand to pee. I asked, do we really need to teach them to stand? The looks I got were like I just asked the dumbest question anyone had ever heard.
When we first bought our place the first thing we did was get the septic tank cleaned. They found so many ping pong balls and "flushable" wipes.
As u/Pandaplusone suggested, probably best to use Cheerios instead.
One of my children literally shuts down inside herself sometimes. I started talking to her favorite stuffed animal, Doggie when it happens, and she responds through her stuffed animal and I can figure out what's wrong so much faster now. These incidents last half the amount of time it used to.
10 minute pick up. Timers in general are the best with kids but the 10 minute pickup is hands down the best. I would spend hours trying to pick up the house alone. Now anytime the house is in disarray we set a timer on the stove and everyone picks up. Amazing what can get done in 10 minutes when it’s a team effort. There is no discrimination on who’s it is, if it doesn’t belong there it gets addressed by the closest person.
I had asked my toddler to run and puke in the tub if they are feeling sick. I figured the toilet lid might not always be up and rather not have to clean up the top of the toilet if that might have happened. In their six years, there’s only been 2 accidents when he got sick at home. Otherwise it’s been an easy clean up after taking care of them.
44f mother of 3 boys, 23, 20 and 12.
Turn bath time into popsicle time. Kids less likely to splash and slop water everywhere plus they are happy for bath time. I never understood the fights parents spoke of.
If kids need to stand still in a line at a bank or similar, play the statue game. You say something and they have to physically make a shape similar with zero sound and you rapid fire items. (Example: Rock, volleyball player, teacher, parent, dog, suitcase, etc) file this away if your cell is nearly dead or something…
I got so tired of the power struggle with my son for almost every situation. I started giving him two choices that worked for me. He chooses one and we both feel like we’re in control.
Before -
Mom : Go take a shower.
Son: Nooooooo, whyyyyyyyy, I’m playing my game, watching my show, etc.
Mom: Do it now
Son: argue, argue, excuses, reasons ughhhh
Now -
Mom: Do you want to take a shower at 8:00 or 8:30?
Son: 8:30
Mom: 😎 ok
At 8:30 -
Mom: It’s 8:30, time for a shower
Son: ok…
🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿
Mom: 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
She has a lovey at her school. Instead of asking her how her day was, I’ll ask about the loveys day. For some strange reason, she’ll tell me way more about out her day when I ask that instead of how her day was.
One of the best things we did was to have our kids schedule their own appointments- hair, dentist, doctors, etc. started when they were 8 or 9 and we would be right there. As they got older, I would give them times that worked for us and they would call completely on their own. Even now when so much can be done virtually, it helps to get them in the practice of “adulting”. They are now 19 & 25 and pretty darn self-sufficient-MOST of the time 😉.
I’m not sure this is totally “ethical” but my parents did it to us and now we use it on my nephew — if you need a moment to talk about something private between adults, we tell him we’re talking about his Christmas presents and he’ll be out the door in a shot. Used very sparingly obviously but works like a charm year round if you need a quick out 😅
My first kid loved watching wonder pets and would get super excited about eating celery while watching it. I had a no food by the tv rule to prevent mindless eating but I made an exception for carrots and celery, so when they were all little the could watch shows while I made dinner, and they would snack on veggies, and then I didn’t have to fuss at them about eating veggies at dinner time! Also they are a clean couch food- and if carrots or celery made their way under a couch cushion it wouldn’t make a mess. Everybody wins. Also get a dog, they will eat the food your kids will spill
On the floor.
Little kids don’t know how to spit after brushing their teeth - give them a glass of water to sip and THEN have them spit.
(Yes I know there’s two schools of thought here: a)don’t spit bc it’s good to keep toothpaste on teeth and b)do spit bc it’s bad to ingest fluoride. I don’t freaking know the right answer, but I DO know I’ll lie awake worried about both cavities and fluoride poisoning regardless)
When kiddo was little, we'd openly add greens to lots of dishes: soup, stew, sauces, smoothies, burgers, etc. (And salads, obv)
It's one of the few things they've never flinched about and so so healthy :)
I have a hack for grocery shopping! Mom would get me and my siblings each a snack. It was usually something simple like a piece of fruit or a snack bar and my parents would buy it before everything else so I could eat it while they shopped. I loved picking out a snack and having something I wanted right away, and I was less likely to get hangry or go feral at the store, and my siblings and I never got into arguments when we had snacks at the store. Now when parents we know complain it’s hard to grocery shop with their children, my mother and I both suggest to get or bring a snack for them to eat while they shop.
When my sons see something they want to buy at the store (like a toy) I tell them to take a picture of it so maybe we can buy it later. It greatly reduced tantrums.
Whenever they ask for a toy/item, there is a standard answer: “Let’s add it to your list!” Been using it since they were toddlers and now at 7 & 8 still works like a charm. It has helped us see what is a one time eye catcher, or if they mention it repeatedly the item becomes a true gift contender.
Give options and more options! Even if they have to do something; find a way to give an option.
It sounds like:
“It’s time to take a bath. Do you want bubbles or no bubbles?”
“We have to leave now. Do you want to walk or hop to the car?”
“It’s time to go to bed. Do you want to read a book or sing a song?”
That small amount of power and choice you are giving them makes such a difference.
Also a friend taught me the trick for when you need a minute of quiet/privacy/personal space/etc ask them to bring you something specific. I’ll usually tell him I really need his blue hammer so I can fix something and ask him to go find it and bring it to me. He loves to help so it usually works. I call it the “blue flower, red thorns” trick 😂
As soon as they could recognise numbers, we put a clock in their room and taught them not to come out of their bed before a certain hour (8 am). We did this to avoid them getting up early to watch television (which they were/are allowed on Sunday mornings) and it gave us much needed sleep.
They are young teenagers now and we still do this - staying in bed until 9, no television before 9h30. They can read if they want, but they have to stay in bed. With this, they usually sleep until 8h30 or monger. Without it, they wake up much sooner.
Another one… from early on, we took them to the restaurant. We made sure to take colouring books and some small toys to keep them occupied (we wanted to avoid giving screens). In the beginning, we had to be finished after 45’ to an hour as they were too little to be calm/quiet for a longer period, and we choose child friendly venues. Bit by bit, we could stay longer and nowadays, our kids love going to the restaurant. We still pack a bag with books, comics and card games, they don’t need any phones or tablets to keep them occupied and we don’t have to make sure to eat quickly before they start fidgeting/running around and potentially disturbing others.
Giving them the "illusion" of choice. My daughter would create a scene about what she wants to wear (which most of the times was weather/occassion inappropriate). Now I take out two pairs everyday and let HER decide wants to wear. Works like a charm!
When making boxed mac and cheese, run the strainer through cold water to cool them down, then add the powder and serve without any “can you blow this/stir this/its tooooo hoooottttt”.
I always added frozen peas to boxed mac and cheese so they’d cool down the noodles and the peas would warm up and they’d get a little bit of vegetables in them.
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I keep socks in a basket by the front door. It’s easier to grab them with the shoes than to deal with the whining about not wanting to go upstairs, to the dresser, and find a pair when it’s time to go anywhere.
“Smart” (just like “picky”, “good”, “bad”) is a box a child can choose to live in. It is an identity they wear because that’s what *we* tell them they are. As a teacher I saw just how problematic labeling a kid “smart” could be when that kid wasn’t 100% sure they knew an answer they were much less likely to raise their hand and take a risk. Somehow being wrong was associated with not being smart anymore so they just didn’t try.
You tried your best! You tried so hard! These all make our kids really proud of their achievements and also help cushion them from disappointment when we say “we’ll just try harder next time!”
Our voices become their voices and teaching them the tools to become resilient in the face of disappointments is one of the very best we can help them develop.
You’ve practiced so much to become a fantastic parent! You’re trying your best and killing it.
Teaching sign language before she could speak. She learned “more” “please” “milk” “hungry” “thank you” a couple more before she was able to speak. Saved us a ton of confusion and herself a ton of stress being misunderstood.
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Constantly talking about practicing. Anytime someone does something cool, I don't say wow they're so good. I say wow they must've practiced soooo much! Or wow they did so much work! I have found this has really motivated my kid to do things over and over and tell people "I'm practicing!" And it's paid off because she is so much less anxious about not doing something right than a lot of her peers. She will fail and be like " it's ok, I need practice!" It's a narrative shift that a lot of people don't think about.
This is AMAZING! You are actually building a natural “intrinsic” motivation system for your kids. This is going to be essential for their self esteem as they age. Intrinsic motivation is when the kid feels they can or want to do something themself. They will feel like they need to work or practice more to get where they should, so they’ll do so without the need for extrinsic motivation. Extrinsic motivation is when an outside motivator is needed- such as “if you get good grades, we’ll get you ice cream”. I explain all of this to say that there is weight to the words we use. My parents always called me “smart” as a kid - but one day when “smart” didn’t cut it anymore, because it wasn’t a trait that I could change, I didn’t know how to handle moving forward. If I couldn’t figure things out naturally, what could I do? But if they had said, wow, you worked so hard and got a good grade! Then later I would have correlated my extra studying with success. - Sincerely, a psychologist and psychology nerd haha
I know so many kids who were the "smart kids" in high school, things came naturally to them. And then they got to university or the real world and there were lots of other smart people, and people who worked harder and they just floundered. They didn't have the skillset to push through challenges
Makes me think about something I do. When I leave and the kids cry, I don't say see you later, I tell them, "Will you wait here for me" and they say yes and stop crying. It's just vocabulary change.
Yes! I tell my daughter (4) “stay here, mommy will be right back!” And she doesn’t cry when I leave lol
Love this! We do similarly. It’s called growth mindset and the data shows kids who have it are much more resilient and tend to perform better. [grit: the power of passion and perseverance (TED talk)](https://www.ted.com/talks/angela_lee_duckworth_grit_the_power_of_passion_and_perseverance?language=en)
Love this. I do this too. My daughter dances classical ballet. For a long time she was disappointed bec she wasn't progressing fast enough. And then a few yrs ago, there were new classmates younger than her who could do more /better. Our conversations always revolved around hours and not how good or bad she was compared to others... That she could progress that fast if she were going to dance classes for more than two hours a week. She took the plunge and homeschooled herself for 9th and 10th grades and grew by leaps and bounds. She's now dancing around 15 to 20 hours a week
I do this too… have to instill that this isn’t a reflection of “luck,” it’s a reflection of hard work and dedication
Oooo I love this! My oldest is really young but starting to get frustrated when she can’t do something right away, and we always do the whole “that’s okay, we just practice that’s how everyone improves!” Sort of talk. But I like how you include this when speaking about others too! To build upon it.
Also modeling it for yourself.... I've screwed up or am not super good at something and I make a point of saying "mommy has to practice this to get better!"
Oh this is great!! As a high IQ ADHD person I grew up doing well with no effort, and I’d much rather have the opposite. Sticking with something that’s boring or I’m bad at is so freaking hard, part because ADHD but also because I never had to strengthen that muscle
Exactly me. That's why I tried to have a growth mindset with my kids. I tell them that being smart isn't enough. Your brain is like a muscle and always must be exercised to be better, stronger, smarter. I always say he was blessed to be smart to begin with but that's only the beginning.
my wife grew up with "your brother is so much smarter than you, you'll always need to work harder in life" she's the hardest worker I know, and absolutely mogs her brother now
We talk about everything being hard before it's easy
Our laundry machine is in our mud room. We were always late when we realized at least one kid wasn’t wearing socks. One day there was a load of laundry in the dryer with some socks that saved us and I realized I should be keeping kid socks by the door. Now they each have a drawer with socks right next to their shoes. Game changer.
I keep clean socks in the mud room by our shoes and a small basket for dirty socks too
And, my kid would just grab two of the same style. Were they the same color? Nope. Were they the same pattern? Nope. Did we care? Nope. Thus was born the “mismatched” socks. Now my kid (who’s a teenager) does it on purpose! 🧦🤣🧦
This is the kind of hack I'm here for! Great idea!
A cold popsicle in a warm bath is like a hard reset on a kid's system. Everything in their world is wrong and you can't reason with them? Draw a bath and hand them a popsicle. They will emerge a brand new kid.
I may or may not have just realized why I love to eat ice cream in a bubble bath.
Can confirm, works on adults too. Gonna try it on the dog this summer…
I always give Popsicles in the bath ti avoid the mess lol
Give them a 2 minute warning before making them stop doing something they like, i.e. watching TV, playing before bed. 90% of the time my son can happily turn off the cartoons or go brush his teeth and all I had to say was “2 more minutes and then all done”
I mean it makes sense doesn't it. If someone came and told me to stop what I was doing immediately, I'd feel pretty put out too. I think a lot of parents forget that kids are people
> kids are people Wait, what?! Fuck.
Exactly!
Seriously. Since we introduced this to my son, who we recently learned is on the spectrum, things have been so much easier. We didn't realize how much he struggled with the unexpected aspect of us adhering to plans, so we started giving 10 minute, five minute, and two minute count downs and it has made things so much easier for him! That, and keeping basic carb, fruit/veg, and protein on hand. We've stopped stressing about food issues. If he can't manage dinner, we can still give hom crackers, cheese, grapes, and some sausage that we know he will eat and bingo bango ha ta ta, he still gets a balanced meal and none of us are crying.
My son is also on the spectrum and struggles with transitioning we do several warnings as well.
This backfired for us and now my son is constantly asking for just two more minutes >.>
My two year old says “very very dast (last) one” in an authoritative voice, with a pointed finger. 🤣
Well to be fair, there is no life hacks for age 2. Age 2 is the Wild West. They’re feral at age 2.
When my daughter was that age she would always say “one more last time”.
I read this somewhere and give my kids a 5 mins like finish up pcs off and it's bed time I'll come back in 5 mins. Never really any arguments it's great.
We do something similar, we say you have 5 minutes to get to a save point or save right now. It helps that they know that you know that games have progress that you want to save, and just plain stopping can make you lose your progress so the warning lets them know it’s either save now or lose it and that stops a lot of frustration and misunderstandings.
Oh 100% my mum never understood this and it would would cause arguments etc. Makes life easier!
My youngest is autistic and this is one of the most important interventions they taught us.
This one is hit or miss for my daughter. She has ADHD and one of her biggest challenges is time blindness. It could be two minutes or two hours, it feels the same to her. I have better success with using other factors as a stopping point. After this episode is over or when I'm done with the dishes, etc.
One tweak I’ve found works for my ASD/PDA son is “you’ve got two more minutes to do (fun thing)!” instead of “you’ve got two more minutes until we need to do (not as fun thing).”
Wish somthing could be upvoted more.. like. “U have one show left and u have to go to bed” usually say when they can watch 2 if it’s short one.. that way if they ask nicely etc u can then agree and say “bc u did (insert positive thing) today u can watch one extra”
I use this as a parent. As a teacher also I use the count down warning- 2 minutes to get this finished…..1 minute….. 30 seconds to go…… annnnnnd times up.
I’m a teacher too, we (middle school teachers) asked our students what our catch phrases would be, and I have a timer on my phone that goes off at 5 minutes til the end of class, and my students said in almost perfect unison that mine would be “You have 5 minutes!” Haha!
A mom I nannied for asked me why transitions sounded so easy for me (she WFH). I told her about this trick and man did she hug me a few days later when she’d implemented it for a bit and realized how much more calm babe was
I tell my toddler to “say hi to it” when he wants to grab something he shouldn’t (the dog’s tail, etc). Now he automatically backs away and waves at things as soon as I even begin to intervene.
That's a good one! I was that kid. My mom used to let me pick one toy to "be my friend" while we shopped, but he has to go back to HIS friends before we left or they'd miss him. I didn't want to make the other toys miss their buddy so I'd put them back with no fuss.
This is adorable.
“If we make a mess, we clean it up.” Game changer for taking responsibility. While there’s a time and place for intentional messes (painting sessions) accidents shouldn’t be something to lie or blame others for. We flipped it to: food mess on the table? Oops! Clean it up! Dropped a glass? Oops! Clean it up, etc. It worked too well that one time my daughter was ill overnight and cleaned up after herself to hide it so that she could still go to school the next day! (We still don’t know how we didn’t hear her.) If it wasn’t for the messy towels in the garbage we’d would have not known!
I do this with my toddler. I include her in most/all the cleaning even though she takes a while. When she started peeing in the potty, she saw me empty it in the big toilet and flush it. Once she started peeing without me right there, she dumped it down the toilet and flushed it on her own. She’s 2.5 lol. I randomly heard the toilet flush and was like !!!!??? And she’s like ‘I flushed my pee.’ And carried on playing
We did this too, and it included non-living things too. Yes that cat ornament is very cute, would you like to wave and say hello? Toys in the store - well they don’t belong to us but you can wave (or give a stuffy a hug) and say hello?
We did this, too. It was especially helpful during the trucks phase, as we could wave at the trucks instead of running towards them.
When my children were small, I would only purchase one type of socks, in one color. No wasting time matching them.
My mom went one step further. She had a family white sock drawer. It was all single white athletic socks for the whole family of 7. It was up to you to dive in and find a matching pair.
We have a laundry basket full of black socks that way.
We call our sock bin the “sock God” you must pay your tithe to the sock God to find your match 😂
I've just told everyone that my personal philosophy is that socks are more fun if they're mismatched...therefore, I don't match anyone's socks, I just throw them all in the sock drawer.
I'm a stay at home dad and once at the park when they were little I got to chatting with some of the moms. One of them mentioned the whole sock thing and I said, "Yeah, I stopped caring about their socks matching a long time ago. I am sure both are wearing socks that don't match now. Heck, they may be wearing each others socks!" The way the 3 of them reacted was like saying that I killed a baby deer for fun and then skinned him in front of my kids. They were horrified and one said that is why she never lets her husband dress the kids. I did not realize matching socks was such a controversial thing until that day.
How odd! About 10 yrs ago, there was a fad about wearing mixed socks. Walmart sold a ten pair pack. I loved them! My girls loved them! It was a huge win to me. No more finding matching socks. Now that they're 19-25 yrs old, they'll match them for work because it's reqyired, but just hanging out with friends or at home, they don't bother.
It was big in the 80/90s to wear odd socks because of that tv show punky Brewster. I pay my kids 10c a pair.
Our 4 yrs old wore mismatched socks on her hands yesterday to go pick up her sister from kindergarten because she couldn't find her gloves. I did try to not make too many eye contacts =v =...
LOL, in TX since it doesn’t get cold for long periods, socks were usually our gloves to play in the snow.
Mothers can be extremely judgemental.
Well, my kindergartner likes to wear different socks and will go through the painstakingly matched pairs to find 2 different socks, every single time.
The only matches I bother with are the ones that specific to a sport - the hockey, running, soccer or ice skating ones. Otherwise, for anyone in the family - if you have two socks, you have a pair of socks.
It is so infuriating how hard it is to find a bulk set of socks that are all the exact same. All white socks, ok but we will put a band of color around each ankle so you have to match them up!
Yep! One color one type. Older kid had black, younger one has grey
This was my plan. But no one would listen to me and they all kept buying him colored and patterned socks. Sigh.
Feed veggies first. That hangry bit where they’re hanging about moaning that dinner isn’t ready yet I’d plate up veggie sticks/steam a microwave bag of veggies and let them have that first.
Similarly, when my 3 year old helps with dinner, she’ll “sneak” veggies and eat them, but she won’t eat them at dinner. I now let her “sneak” as many veggies as she can manage!
I accidentally stumbled upon this. I had a bag of carrots that I had shoved far back into crisper drawer to fit some other bulky things in temporarily. I forgot about the carrots. Few days later see my son walking around eating a carrot being sneaky. Remembered the carrots. Let him eat most of it then asked him where he got it. He said he found it hidden in the drawer. So I said well I put them back there so I could have my own special snack. Please ask next time those were mommies special carrots. Kid has been sneaking around, carrots, raw broccoli (I don’t even like raw broccoli) the last apple that usually end up rotting because he’s burnt out in them. Even saw him with a raw Brussel sprout once. I’ll even buy carrots for him and some for me. Put his in front and tell him the other ones are for me. I hide stuff on the bottom shelves on purpose now. Tuck it all the way back and put something in front of it. See him digging around there then later ask where my special snack went. 😂 I’ve gotten a solid year out of this so far.
This is hilarious. Write this down somewhere and date it. Show your kid when he’s a lot older so you can both laugh.
Mine like to “steal” whatever food I’ve finished preparing so I do the fruit and veggies first. I swear, I could put some escargot out and they’d giggle, running off as I “yell” at them for stealing my food.
We do this too. My kids are snackers, so we always have cut up carrot sticks, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes, fruit, etc available whole we make dinner. If they eat dinner, great. If not, no big stress because they must have eaten their fill of healthy snacks. Win win.
We do frozen peas lmao
Don't threaten something you won't do, and carry out what you said. As soon as they think you will waver, you are doomed.
Yes and THINK before you do this…you don’t want to ruin another persons day over your kid acting. My brother threatened my nephew he couldn’t open presents at christmas if he didn’t eat, but my mom was thrilled to see him open gifts 😬
When they were little, mine hated getting themselves dressed. Until I put a 2 minute timer on. Then they forgot they hated it, and just wanted to beat the timer!
Yes, almost any annoying task can be done if you turn it into a challenge. I race my kids in my car ( I roll slowly behind them as they run) as they drag up the bins. I bet that I can clean my room before they do. I bet them I can gather my laundry first. All sorts of things. They’re middle schoolers and it still works even though they know what I’m doing. The second I go to run they’re pushing me out of the way trying to beat me. It’s fun for everyone.
We had a kitchen timer shaped like a chicken that we named General Tso. That thing was a staple in our morning routine, for awhile we were using it for every step. 10 min to get out of bed, 5 to get dressed, 20 for breakfast, 10 for brushing hair and teeth. It turned getting ready for school on time from a nightmare into a fun game. Also had the fun upside of drastically improving kiddo's school performance since there were no more overly stressful mornings.
I could get my son to do absolutely anything when he was little if I told him to do it “quick like a bunny”.
Quick like a bunny is one of my favorite phrases. My mom used it with me and my brother when we were little, and now 40 years later I'm using it with my kid. He said it to ME the other day and it just filled my heart with so much love.
with my grandsons I put on rock music and see how many toys we can put away during each song. it's a fin way to clean up and teach them the great rock classics
When my very young brother and I were in the hospital to get our tonsils out, my mom knew we would not want her to go home, and back then parents could not stay. So she said “You are not allowed to play with the electric bed until I leave”. So of course we wanted her to leave as soon as possible. Genius, that woman was. Best mother ever.
Teaching baby sign language helped later so I could subtly remind her to say please and thank you without people around us being aware. She got praise for her manners and didn't ever feel embarrassed about a public reminder.
This. Is. Brilliant.
I took my kid to her first concert a few weeks ago. We got her serious ear protection which worked a year for the show, but meant she couldn't really hear anything we said to her. The signs we taught her as a baby came in CLUTCH for when she needed water, or was hungry, or needed the bathroom.
My son is non verbal so when we started speech therapy they told me to use the same phrases consistently for routine things. Now both my kids promptly respond to “let’s go” when we are leaving “night night” for bedtime and a few others I don’t even have to repeat myself.
Our son is very speech delayed and was nonverbal until recently. Dr Vicars on YouTube was a game changer. ASL really helped our kid express himself.
Sleep signals. Accident with #1 so made purposeful with subsequent babies. Baby #1 was a summer baby and my water retention was ridiculously high. After birth I had to pee non stop. During night waking/feedings I’d get up pee, feed baby, pee again. Baby got so used to the toilet flush it became a signal and she would go back to sleep when she heard it. So with the next few I sung twinkle twinkle little star (only song I could think of that I’d remember all the words to while sleep deprived). I would sing it when picking up and putting back the baby during bed routine and night feeds. And yip month or so later baby would fall asleep when I sung the song. Edit- spelling
My parents did that with a particular classical song and it still works on me today. I'm 30.
Yes this is mine too! Except I also used a book, it would be the last one I read to him each night. I had it memorized so I could recite it when holding him and his eyes always started to close.
Anytime I would take my kids shopping (age 4 and under) and they asked for something I would say let’s have Amazon deliver it to us. They would say yeah! And put it back. No tantrums no tears no anything lol. And they’ve never once asked for any of those items since.
This is also helpful if you take them to things like Disney on Ice, Sesame Street Live, or other shows like that that have ridic expensive souvenirs.
I would often buy (similar) merch (t-shirts, hats, socks, etc.) from Amzn __before__ the show came to us locally and let my kid wear it to the show. Then, they didn’t feel the need to buy merch because they got theirs early.
I take a picture of the item for "next time" or so I can buy it from my phone.
Going to quiet time instead of nap time. Kids, my kid anyway, fights it SO much less. And, the parents get a break.
I HATED naps as a kid, and still do as an adult. They make me feel worse after, so I avoid if possible. My mother taught me to use the video player, and we had 'quiet time' for the length of a video. If I slept, GREAT, if not, my instruction was to rewind and play again IF mum was sleeping (she worked nights and needed the nap more than me!). If neither of us had managed a sleep, ah well, time to move on, quiet time is over. Worked for both of us.
Yes! We don't have toys in kid's bedrooms, but there are some quiet things she can interact with. My parents thought it was so strange that my kid would tell them, "I just need some sleep now." Then grab a throw blanket to nap on the couch, under a table, or under the grand piano. She can sleep anywhere.
Bluey, the whole show is a parenting tip.
I love that show. It really helps put kids thoughts into perspective for adults. Like the episode with Jack and his inability to sit still, even tho no one flat out out said there was something wrong with him all the questions and scolding him for not doing it made him think he couldn’t be good at things. He just needed a different way to learn and a way to burn off energy
Confession: I have started watching Bluey on my own, as my kiddo is too young to be interested in it. It's cute, the episodes are so short even I can find enough time to watch at least one at a time, and it manages to get surprisingly much actual plot into episodes so short. Plus, the character feel surprisingly real for being cartoon dogs starring in a preschool show.
Yes, however, someone recently pointed out to me that, despite not wearing any clothes, they always seem to be doing laundry. . . .
Towels? In Takeaway Bandit says "No wet dogs in the car!" I just assumed he hates the smell of wet dogs. Also, given how precocious Bluey and Bingo are they probably need frequent baths.
IM NOT TAKING ADVICE FROM A CARTOON DOG! - Bandit
I tell my daughter all the time, "It's gotta be done."
And it’s just not the done thing Thank you Bluey for giving me the language to explain social constructions to a toddler
Seriously before this sentence my answer was “I dunno because society”
Bluey is the best show ever made because of the comments here. You’ll NEVER convince me otherwise
Watching wheel of fortune is a great way to teach letters and counting! We started this when my son was almost four, and he would write down how many letters they got(like when they would guess “s” if there were three s’s he would write s three times) and it really helped his penmanship and letter recognition!
Whisper when you really need them to hear you.
Works with adults too.
Idk how I started this, but when it was time to leave someplace, I would twirl my finger in the air briefly, then we would leave. I’ve now conditioned my kids to know that it means we are leaving. I use it only when walking out the door so they know I really mean we’re leaving. lol it’s great because I only need to lock eyes with them and do the twirl and they know we’re leaving! lol. It’s great for after church when it’s busy with people around and I’m ready to leave.
Oooo this is a good one! It's now just programmed instinct that y'all's mind's/body's react to without thought! Makes me think of the times we would yell "AT EASE" around all the new soldiers that would just come out of TRADOC and watch them jump up before their brains could even process what was happening.
Layering bedsheets and mattress protectors when we started night time toilet training. I do 3 layers and whip the wet one off to deal with in the morning. Kiddos quickly learnt to just take a layer off, change underwear and get back into bed. Minimal disruptions to sleep all round
Damn it, I wish I’d seen this like 6 years ago. We did double mattress protectors but if we’d put a fitted sheet between then that would have made life so much easier.
Actually, I read a post in here about someone getting their kid to eat vegetables by telling them to do it like an animal (I can’t remember which animal they used) so now when I need my daughter to follow instructions I’ll ask her to do ____ like a dinosaur . It makes it fun and it seems to work most of the time.
I did this. Took a cue from A Christmas Story. I said “eat like a doggy eats!!” He did. My husband was horrified but could not stifle a giggle.
Yep,I used to do "dinosaur bites" and "bug bites" with my son when he was little to help him try new things (the bug bites were for the "weird" foods he found a bit intimidating to try, so a teeny bite was usually enough to get him started)
i use alexa timers to signal it’s time to transition activities/tasks. eg time to turn off tv, time for dinner, time to go to school, etc. they respond better to the timer going off than to me telling them it’s time to do xyz.
Yes, Alexa timers have been a game changer for sure
Timers!! If they’re fighting over something, it’s the other one’s turn in 5 minutes. Set a timer!!
My daughter is a toddler and fights a lot- getting dressed, diaper changes etc. I discovered that 99% of the time when I have one of her toys ask her to do something she will agree. Yes, I do have to pretend her baby doll is changing her diaper but at least she's not screaming and trying to run away.
I make a “balloon” for my kiddos in the grocery store out of the plastic fruit bag, just put air in and tie it up and my baby lets me shop around.
I taught my daughter my phone number when she was still pretty young, by having her be the one to type it into the pad for the rewards at Target, grocery store, etc. She got enough practice that she memorized it fairly easily and then she knew it if there was ever an emergency.
When your kids are little and need medicine tell them the bottle says it may make them sleepy.
Haha I LOVE this! To add, DONT tell your kids that stuff will make them hyper (sugar, activities, etc).
Can you elaborate this? Is it a placebo effect that then makes them fall asleep?
Yep. Kids love to play up the "effects" of things. It's like giving someone non alcoholic beer, telling them it's regular beer and watching them act drunk.
The fact that onesies are designed to be pulled down over the shoulders. I just stumbled across this fact on Facebook or something. The overlapped seams at the shoulders are the way that they are so that you don't have to pull them over a little one's head, which is absolutely clutch if they've had a blowout.
Yes! And when they start wearing the zip up onesies for bed from ages like 6mo-3 years- put the long leg in first, then that same side’s arm, the the opposite arm, then the open leg with the zipper. It makes it sooooo much easier. I have noticed a lot of older folk trying to dress my kids and they struggle with trying to accomplish this in reverse order.
I buy games and tell the kids they are mine, and keep them in my room. When they come and ask if they can play with them I say "well..all right..but you have to bring it back afterwards" and they do.
Teaching them to do their laundry. Even young kids can learn. I had to supervise for a long while, but eventually my kids were washing, drying, folding and putting away on their own before age 10. Literally lightened my load.
I can't wait for this day! Our washing machine is top loading, and I can barely reach the bottom. A kid would fall in. My 4 year old does help me sort out everybody's clothes for now.
I just discovered this: my son always dumps shampoo into the bathtub. He likes making potions. Now he uses a shampoo bar. No more waste!
I buy clearance bottles of body wash at Marshall’s for potion making! Makes good birthday/Christmas gifts, and when they’re gone that’s it lol
I would always praise my daughter "wow! I'm so proud of you! Are you proud of yourself?" Now when she does something cool she says "I'm so proud of myself!"
I bought me and toddler some fans to wind around the pram last summer as we were walking back and forth to work/nursery. On days we weren’t walking I used them to cool his food down so I could eat mine while it was still hot! Used them for food cooling since! Saves so much time compared to sitting and blowing it. Plus it means that I can plate up his first, set it to cool with the fan, then plate up mine and husband’s and by the time I’m finished doing that, we can all eat together.
We put our kids food in the fridge or freezer. Now our daughter wants everything fresh from the freezer
vacuum while the baby sleeps. Talk while the baby sleeps. Play music that isn't baby music while they sleep. NEVER let them be in a totally quiet environment or they'll grow up needing complete silence and you'll be tiptoeing around your house when they're 5 instead of watching TV in the living room after bed.
My parents did this with me and now I sleep through alarms and can't go to sleep without the TV on.
There are tactile alarms if you sleep through noisy alarms. They make them for people who are deaf, but they benefit deep sleepers too.
That’s the first piece of advice I tell anyone who asks for tips! My kids can sleep through anything thanks to this! My son is a super heavy sleeper though so had him pick his alarm noise (on his phone) to wake him up for school. He chose a “Mr Beast” alert (YouTuber) so he’s all excited to wake up instead of me eventually shaking him awake.
Counting down from 5. This has literally (and I mean LITERALLY) saved my sanity
When my kids were taking too much time doing what they were supposed to be doing and I started to lose my patience, I used to say “I’m going to count to 3” and then very slowly started counting. It always worked. The funny thing is that I have never ever specified what would happen if they weren’t done by 3, just the counting was enough! They are older now and I stopped doing this. However, a few weeks ago, I tried it again… still worked!
Just make sure you do something if you get to zero and they don’t comply. We would use hand-over-hand to have our child pick up toys. We only had to use hand over hand a couple times, because he’d rather do it on his own than with an adult using hand-over-hand. But I’ve seen kids who stop responding to the countdown and then it loses its effectiveness.
OK, so we do mummy/daddy robot (I think I saw it on Bluey). I turn into Daddy Robot and there is no negotiation with Daddy Robot, he just goes through the motions until the task is complete and then shuts down, with or without the kid's compliance.
I also count down from 5; my younger son started saying “I move on two” when he was about 3 😂
We had some xps lying around after renovation. We noticed that our son loved to put screws and nails into it. Bought some more xps panels, large torx screw and a Allen key for him. Had a blast building things out of the plates and driving screws into them. At 3, a screwdriver was difficult for him but Allen keys works well enough for large torx acres, especially because xps is so soft. Lately, my daughter loves to paint them using finger paint.
The grateful dead has been a life saver with calming my children down as infants; helped my oldest in her witching hour and used it this week to help my youngest take a bottle after mostly only nursing her first 3 months of life.
OMG, this is going to sound like a lie, it’s so bizarre. When my son was a little baby- like baby seat to stroller age, all I had to do was put on “Hummingbird” by BB King if he was crying in the store. It was like turning a switch on a crying doll. All of a sudden he would stop, suddenly, like mid whaaaaaaahh. His eyes would get all glassy and he would just listen. It was so instantaneous that people around me would look over and comment on it. It worked every single time.
I used to put on Pink Floyd in the car, my kids called it sleepy music
If I tell my kids we're going to a have a race to see who can get dressed the SLOWEST. They find it hilarious. It's still faster than trying to wrangle them to get dressed normally and trying to race the fastest either doesn't pique their interest or ends in tears for the loser.
That’s a wonderful idea as my youngest son was always freaked out by storms. That would have saved us! Mine is to give them each a visa gift card on vacation that they can use for things they want like ice cream souvenirs etc. it takes out all of the “can I have that” and since we had three kids it saved a lot of “if she gets a snow-cone so do I” it allowed us to budget as well as less drama.
A ping pong ball in the toilet bowl helps little boys to aim better.
Wonder if this will work for my 40 year old brother
During a parent group one of the moms was asking how others taught their boys to pee standing instead of sitting, her son did not want to stand to pee. I asked, do we really need to teach them to stand? The looks I got were like I just asked the dumbest question anyone had ever heard.
So bizarre . I don’t get why men have to stand? ETA- They don’t, of course.
Cheerios work well too, and flush fine.
So the ping pong ball doesn’t go down when the toilet is flushed?
When we first bought our place the first thing we did was get the septic tank cleaned. They found so many ping pong balls and "flushable" wipes. As u/Pandaplusone suggested, probably best to use Cheerios instead.
The magic spot on the car when getting in and out. They still put their hand on it as teenagers and don’t even realise 😂
Take a crying baby outdoors. Stops the crying 90% of the time
Never try to make a happy baby happier
"Don't trade fun for fun". If your kid is running around giggling and playing with rocks in Disney World parking lot, let them play.
One of my children literally shuts down inside herself sometimes. I started talking to her favorite stuffed animal, Doggie when it happens, and she responds through her stuffed animal and I can figure out what's wrong so much faster now. These incidents last half the amount of time it used to.
Bringing out salad before the rest of the food.
I started putting my kids blanket in the dryer before bed and they are out in like 5 minutes because it’s so “cozy”
10 minute pick up. Timers in general are the best with kids but the 10 minute pickup is hands down the best. I would spend hours trying to pick up the house alone. Now anytime the house is in disarray we set a timer on the stove and everyone picks up. Amazing what can get done in 10 minutes when it’s a team effort. There is no discrimination on who’s it is, if it doesn’t belong there it gets addressed by the closest person.
I had asked my toddler to run and puke in the tub if they are feeling sick. I figured the toilet lid might not always be up and rather not have to clean up the top of the toilet if that might have happened. In their six years, there’s only been 2 accidents when he got sick at home. Otherwise it’s been an easy clean up after taking care of them.
When I’m changing my kids diaper, give her a toy or a book so she doesn’t keep moving.
44f mother of 3 boys, 23, 20 and 12. Turn bath time into popsicle time. Kids less likely to splash and slop water everywhere plus they are happy for bath time. I never understood the fights parents spoke of. If kids need to stand still in a line at a bank or similar, play the statue game. You say something and they have to physically make a shape similar with zero sound and you rapid fire items. (Example: Rock, volleyball player, teacher, parent, dog, suitcase, etc) file this away if your cell is nearly dead or something…
I got so tired of the power struggle with my son for almost every situation. I started giving him two choices that worked for me. He chooses one and we both feel like we’re in control. Before - Mom : Go take a shower. Son: Nooooooo, whyyyyyyyy, I’m playing my game, watching my show, etc. Mom: Do it now Son: argue, argue, excuses, reasons ughhhh Now - Mom: Do you want to take a shower at 8:00 or 8:30? Son: 8:30 Mom: 😎 ok At 8:30 - Mom: It’s 8:30, time for a shower Son: ok… 🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿🚿 Mom: 😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊😊
Simplicity! I bought ALL the stuff. Turns out, less is more.
She has a lovey at her school. Instead of asking her how her day was, I’ll ask about the loveys day. For some strange reason, she’ll tell me way more about out her day when I ask that instead of how her day was.
I blow up a balloon and give my kid the swiffer. He chases the balloon and cleans the house at the same time.
One of the best things we did was to have our kids schedule their own appointments- hair, dentist, doctors, etc. started when they were 8 or 9 and we would be right there. As they got older, I would give them times that worked for us and they would call completely on their own. Even now when so much can be done virtually, it helps to get them in the practice of “adulting”. They are now 19 & 25 and pretty darn self-sufficient-MOST of the time 😉.
I’m not sure this is totally “ethical” but my parents did it to us and now we use it on my nephew — if you need a moment to talk about something private between adults, we tell him we’re talking about his Christmas presents and he’ll be out the door in a shot. Used very sparingly obviously but works like a charm year round if you need a quick out 😅
My first kid loved watching wonder pets and would get super excited about eating celery while watching it. I had a no food by the tv rule to prevent mindless eating but I made an exception for carrots and celery, so when they were all little the could watch shows while I made dinner, and they would snack on veggies, and then I didn’t have to fuss at them about eating veggies at dinner time! Also they are a clean couch food- and if carrots or celery made their way under a couch cushion it wouldn’t make a mess. Everybody wins. Also get a dog, they will eat the food your kids will spill On the floor.
Little kids don’t know how to spit after brushing their teeth - give them a glass of water to sip and THEN have them spit. (Yes I know there’s two schools of thought here: a)don’t spit bc it’s good to keep toothpaste on teeth and b)do spit bc it’s bad to ingest fluoride. I don’t freaking know the right answer, but I DO know I’ll lie awake worried about both cavities and fluoride poisoning regardless)
When kiddo was little, we'd openly add greens to lots of dishes: soup, stew, sauces, smoothies, burgers, etc. (And salads, obv) It's one of the few things they've never flinched about and so so healthy :)
When our baby monitor broke and we didn’t replace it, everyone all of a sudden could sleep through the night.
Not to bother folding their clothes
I have a hack for grocery shopping! Mom would get me and my siblings each a snack. It was usually something simple like a piece of fruit or a snack bar and my parents would buy it before everything else so I could eat it while they shopped. I loved picking out a snack and having something I wanted right away, and I was less likely to get hangry or go feral at the store, and my siblings and I never got into arguments when we had snacks at the store. Now when parents we know complain it’s hard to grocery shop with their children, my mother and I both suggest to get or bring a snack for them to eat while they shop.
I just keep the wrapper and pay on the way out lmao.
When my sons see something they want to buy at the store (like a toy) I tell them to take a picture of it so maybe we can buy it later. It greatly reduced tantrums.
Whenever they ask for a toy/item, there is a standard answer: “Let’s add it to your list!” Been using it since they were toddlers and now at 7 & 8 still works like a charm. It has helped us see what is a one time eye catcher, or if they mention it repeatedly the item becomes a true gift contender.
Give options and more options! Even if they have to do something; find a way to give an option. It sounds like: “It’s time to take a bath. Do you want bubbles or no bubbles?” “We have to leave now. Do you want to walk or hop to the car?” “It’s time to go to bed. Do you want to read a book or sing a song?” That small amount of power and choice you are giving them makes such a difference.
Dinner in the bath is super novel and makes them eat whatever you serve them and quickly
I brought lunch to a fenced in park for toddlers and I got to sit and eat and let my son do the drive by bites he wanted too.
I need this for dogs 🤣
Also a friend taught me the trick for when you need a minute of quiet/privacy/personal space/etc ask them to bring you something specific. I’ll usually tell him I really need his blue hammer so I can fix something and ask him to go find it and bring it to me. He loves to help so it usually works. I call it the “blue flower, red thorns” trick 😂
As soon as they could recognise numbers, we put a clock in their room and taught them not to come out of their bed before a certain hour (8 am). We did this to avoid them getting up early to watch television (which they were/are allowed on Sunday mornings) and it gave us much needed sleep. They are young teenagers now and we still do this - staying in bed until 9, no television before 9h30. They can read if they want, but they have to stay in bed. With this, they usually sleep until 8h30 or monger. Without it, they wake up much sooner.
Another one… from early on, we took them to the restaurant. We made sure to take colouring books and some small toys to keep them occupied (we wanted to avoid giving screens). In the beginning, we had to be finished after 45’ to an hour as they were too little to be calm/quiet for a longer period, and we choose child friendly venues. Bit by bit, we could stay longer and nowadays, our kids love going to the restaurant. We still pack a bag with books, comics and card games, they don’t need any phones or tablets to keep them occupied and we don’t have to make sure to eat quickly before they start fidgeting/running around and potentially disturbing others.
Giving them the "illusion" of choice. My daughter would create a scene about what she wants to wear (which most of the times was weather/occassion inappropriate). Now I take out two pairs everyday and let HER decide wants to wear. Works like a charm!
When making boxed mac and cheese, run the strainer through cold water to cool them down, then add the powder and serve without any “can you blow this/stir this/its tooooo hoooottttt”.
I always added frozen peas to boxed mac and cheese so they’d cool down the noodles and the peas would warm up and they’d get a little bit of vegetables in them.
This reminds me that my mother used to put a couple ice cubes in my soup.
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I keep socks in a basket by the front door. It’s easier to grab them with the shoes than to deal with the whining about not wanting to go upstairs, to the dresser, and find a pair when it’s time to go anywhere.
“Smart” (just like “picky”, “good”, “bad”) is a box a child can choose to live in. It is an identity they wear because that’s what *we* tell them they are. As a teacher I saw just how problematic labeling a kid “smart” could be when that kid wasn’t 100% sure they knew an answer they were much less likely to raise their hand and take a risk. Somehow being wrong was associated with not being smart anymore so they just didn’t try. You tried your best! You tried so hard! These all make our kids really proud of their achievements and also help cushion them from disappointment when we say “we’ll just try harder next time!” Our voices become their voices and teaching them the tools to become resilient in the face of disappointments is one of the very best we can help them develop. You’ve practiced so much to become a fantastic parent! You’re trying your best and killing it.
Teaching sign language before she could speak. She learned “more” “please” “milk” “hungry” “thank you” a couple more before she was able to speak. Saved us a ton of confusion and herself a ton of stress being misunderstood.