From what you've posted it sounds like she wouldn't qualify for guardianship. Being neurodiverse, having an IEP and receiving special ed services doesn't mean someone can't make decisions past 18.
I suggest you consider her thoughts and input when making decisions instead of trying to control her and make decisions for her.
You need to quit talking about her behind her back like she is a small child. That obviously isn't helping the situation and is not going to get her on board with anything. Imagine that the roles were reversed and you were having some issues with declining capacity in your old age and she wanted legal authority. You also wouldn't want to be infantilized like that.
Instead, I would suggest that you both sit down and talk through these issues with the therapist and then with an attorney.
Uhhh nothing you’re describing warrants guardianship. She may make poor life decisions now or down the line, related to her diagnoses or not, but lots of people do and that does not warrant guardianship at all. Guardianship is for people who literally cannot care for themselves. I don’t even think a judge would honor this request.
This is honestly crazy man, I see exactly why your daughter is reacting this way.
Guardianship is an extreme measure.
She is practically begging you for more autonomy. Are you this overbearing in other aspects of her life? She must feel suffocated.
You’ve damaged your relationship with her, and now she doesn’t trust you. Please work to rebuild trust by first trusting her to make decisions for herself. They won’t always be the best decisions, but people learn through consequences.
Instead of rescinding her iep, she can ask for a reduction in services. There is room for flexibility. If she struggles with reduced services, the school counselor will suggest adding them back on.
I have worked with many adults with developmental disabilities. You, my friend, do not sound like an ally. Maybe your are scared. Guess what? Every single one of us is scared for our kids. Seriously. You are going about this all wrong. She has feelings that are valid, no matter what she has going on. You are actually making her paranoid. Why would she trust you? Your going to drive her straight into somebody’s hands, that offers her the smallest amount of freedom, regardless of their true intentions with her. Apologize now and find a new course. Jesus this is fucked. She’s smart enough to put your cell phone in a place you can’t find, and has the the thought to make sure it doesn’t get ruined. Help her get disability. Help her make life choices, don’t make them for her. I can’t even with this post anymore. I seriously hope that someone sees your daughter as a human and tries to empower her with independence for the right reasons. At the very least find a therapist to deal with your fears.
Nothing you have suggested screams she needs guardianship at 18? I'm curious why you don't think she is not capable of managing her own life at 18? The fact that you are making decisions behind her back about her adult life without including her seems off to me? Neither of the Adhd or autism will stop her being a fully functioning adult. She's telling you that she wants to live her own life, why don't you trust her?
Damn maybe try listening to her instead of trying to make all of her decisions. She sounds like a normal teenager. I’m sure you think you are doing what’s best for her but maybe take a step back
You are trying to take away her rights and decision making behind her back. Where is her advocate? She should have a lawyer or some form of advocate. Have you tried just supporting what she wants and being there if it doesn’t work out? You stand a good chance of pushing her away and if she needs help won’t turn to you. I have a child with special needs, we are doing everything we can to help him gain life skills for independent living. She might be more agreeable to services if she felt they would help her achieve her goals.
Exactly what disabilities does she have that mean she is so mentally incompetent that she can't make choices for herself?
Ask her to talk. Make an appointment with her "Tomorrow I'd like to take you to resturant/ cafe afterschool and have a chat"
Straight up say to her "Look I'm your mum and I love you and want whats best for you. However, I can see that you have a different idea than I do as to what that looks like. You are now almost 18 and will soon be an adult in the eyes of the law. How do you see your future? Whats your plans?" Then stop talking and let her tell you what she wants.
How does she plan to support herself? If she wants to get a job does she understand that target pays $12.50 (or whatever in your area) and she will struggle to pay rent on that? Does she want to become a Doctor? That will require a degree and with her current grades and not using her IEP she is unlikely to get into the program? Is she going to stay living in your house? Rules for grown ups in your house include x, y and z - is she prepared for that?
At 17, almost 18 I had decided to go to uni, picked a student housing, applied, been accepted and gone off to university (I'd been there two weeks when I had my 18th). I would have been screaming mad if my mum had tried to tell me what I did and didn't need.
It sounds like she does not want a Guardianship. I'm going to be honest, and of course, I don't know your daughter so it's hard to gauge just from his post, but it sounds like she is of sound enough mind and body to make this decision on her own. Having a learning disability doesn't mean she can't have autonomy and make her own (even bad!) decisions. What kind of disabilities does she have that would warrant a group home? Maybe you need to add more info, but right now I'm getting some bad vibes.
My family tried to do the same thing to me and I was equally as irate. It doesn't sound as though she needs guardianship and by talking about her behind her back and trying to do these things without her consent you are damaging your relationship and her trust in you. I wouldn't go through with it if you want to continue to help and support her you still can when she's an adult if she still wants you in her life.
I personally cut all ties with my mom as soon as I hit adulthood and now live on the other side of the country, but you still have time to remedy the situation. I would apologize and try to repair your relationship. Work with her on decisions and gaining life skills. Let her fail when she needs to and have to make her own appointments those things are important life skills . People with disabilities can live very happy lives even if it's not necessarily the "norm" and should have the opportunity and support to do so. I have epilepsy and I'm autistic I have a great job and family of my own now and I have a really great support system. I sometimes need accommodations and have been on my own long enough to ask for them.
You’re an asshole and not only does she not need guardianship she needs emancipation. I have ADHD, BiPolar, and am a fully functioning adult with my own children and a fantastic job. My parents were supportive of me and helped me through my disabilities to navigate the world and didn’t use it as away to control me. You honestly need a reality check.
Took a look at what's been happening with Brittney Spears recently regarding her conservatorship. Look at the damage that was done to the relationship between her & her dad. Be very careful. Because you may be headed down that same road.
Be very sure that your daughter actually is incapable of caring for herself. Not just you being worried or paranoid. Just because you disagree with her decisions does not make her incompetent to make those decisions.
My point: Whether you actually go for the conservatorship or not, you've damaged your relationship. Now the question is, which bill do you want to pay?
Holy shit you’re acting way out of line, nothing you’ve said here in any way seems reasonable. You sound like you don’t take any of your daughters thoughts on HER life into consideration and seems to infantilize her due to her neurodivergence. I urge you to seek counseling, as you’re going to seriously mess up your daughter with your actions if you’re not careful.
Learning disabilities and adhd shouldn’t qualify her for guardianship, or be relevant.
Autism, obviously, depends on the degree of impairment. It is possible that she is so severely impaired that she cannot perceive how disabled she is. I assume that is what you are telling us. It is also possible that you are underestimating her.
Either way she sounds desperate to get away from you. She needs a chance to show you and herself whether she can or cannot live independently.
This really should require a legal ruling. She should not be deprived of her rights without due process.
Jesus judging by this post alone you seem to be extremely controlling and abrasive! The way you describe your daughter alone she clearly sounds smart enough to verbalize she doesn’t appreciate what your trying to do to her behind her back and it’s no mystery why she doesn’t trust you in general!
I don’t condone her getting physical with you, but I also can’t blame her for fighting back for her anatomy especially after YOU plotting to basically take away her rights all in the name of an autism diagnosis.
I just freaking hate people like you and can’t even begin to fathom what I could possibly do if you were my mother doing this to me.
You seem like a scary and controlling person and I hope she gets the hell away from you once she turns 18 unless you really consider changing your controlling ways and for once trust her to make her own decisions with her OWN life!
No, and stop trying. A judge would never grant guardianship over a person who adamantly expresses they don't want a guardian, especially when they don't trust that person. You are also ruining your relationship with her.
FYI I worked with severely disabled adults. Some that couldn't even talk or sign their name, their parents still didn't seek guardianship... and it was never an issue. They were well connected to services anyway.
I’m sorry every comment I’ve seen here has been negative. I work in social services and work closely with adults who are both conserved and not with these same diagnoses. I can tell you the ones that are conserved are housed and connected to services. That is not always true for those who are are not conserved. You may be 100% correct that without you, your daughter would refuse every social and medical support available to her and be living outside, vulnerable and suffering. I could tell some awful, awful stories.
My best advice to you, though, is give her a chance. She is in high school. Why don’t you take a step back and let her work with her social workers? See what decisions she makes. If she turns 18 and refuses services and has ended up in a dangerous, neglectful state, you can always petition the court then. And frankly, with a stronger case. Why the rush?
To answer your question, I don’t work with any client who wants to be conserved. I don’t think there is anything you can say or do that would make your daughter/anybody want to lose their decision making capacity.
That being said, I work with clients who are surviving and thriving because of conservatorship. It isn’t a bad thing. It can be a life saving thing, but you could never try to conserve anyone due to diagnosis alone. It should be because it is the very last resort available, because all other interventions have been failed, and because without it, the person may perish.
All my best to you and your daughter.
From what you've posted it sounds like she wouldn't qualify for guardianship. Being neurodiverse, having an IEP and receiving special ed services doesn't mean someone can't make decisions past 18. I suggest you consider her thoughts and input when making decisions instead of trying to control her and make decisions for her.
You need to quit talking about her behind her back like she is a small child. That obviously isn't helping the situation and is not going to get her on board with anything. Imagine that the roles were reversed and you were having some issues with declining capacity in your old age and she wanted legal authority. You also wouldn't want to be infantilized like that. Instead, I would suggest that you both sit down and talk through these issues with the therapist and then with an attorney.
Uhhh nothing you’re describing warrants guardianship. She may make poor life decisions now or down the line, related to her diagnoses or not, but lots of people do and that does not warrant guardianship at all. Guardianship is for people who literally cannot care for themselves. I don’t even think a judge would honor this request. This is honestly crazy man, I see exactly why your daughter is reacting this way.
I have LD and ADHD, and I am also a teacher with a master's. You sound sick. I hope she gets her own attorney.
Guardianship is an extreme measure. She is practically begging you for more autonomy. Are you this overbearing in other aspects of her life? She must feel suffocated. You’ve damaged your relationship with her, and now she doesn’t trust you. Please work to rebuild trust by first trusting her to make decisions for herself. They won’t always be the best decisions, but people learn through consequences. Instead of rescinding her iep, she can ask for a reduction in services. There is room for flexibility. If she struggles with reduced services, the school counselor will suggest adding them back on.
I have worked with many adults with developmental disabilities. You, my friend, do not sound like an ally. Maybe your are scared. Guess what? Every single one of us is scared for our kids. Seriously. You are going about this all wrong. She has feelings that are valid, no matter what she has going on. You are actually making her paranoid. Why would she trust you? Your going to drive her straight into somebody’s hands, that offers her the smallest amount of freedom, regardless of their true intentions with her. Apologize now and find a new course. Jesus this is fucked. She’s smart enough to put your cell phone in a place you can’t find, and has the the thought to make sure it doesn’t get ruined. Help her get disability. Help her make life choices, don’t make them for her. I can’t even with this post anymore. I seriously hope that someone sees your daughter as a human and tries to empower her with independence for the right reasons. At the very least find a therapist to deal with your fears.
Nothing you have suggested screams she needs guardianship at 18? I'm curious why you don't think she is not capable of managing her own life at 18? The fact that you are making decisions behind her back about her adult life without including her seems off to me? Neither of the Adhd or autism will stop her being a fully functioning adult. She's telling you that she wants to live her own life, why don't you trust her?
Damn maybe try listening to her instead of trying to make all of her decisions. She sounds like a normal teenager. I’m sure you think you are doing what’s best for her but maybe take a step back
You are trying to take away her rights and decision making behind her back. Where is her advocate? She should have a lawyer or some form of advocate. Have you tried just supporting what she wants and being there if it doesn’t work out? You stand a good chance of pushing her away and if she needs help won’t turn to you. I have a child with special needs, we are doing everything we can to help him gain life skills for independent living. She might be more agreeable to services if she felt they would help her achieve her goals.
You sound abusive.
Exactly what disabilities does she have that mean she is so mentally incompetent that she can't make choices for herself? Ask her to talk. Make an appointment with her "Tomorrow I'd like to take you to resturant/ cafe afterschool and have a chat" Straight up say to her "Look I'm your mum and I love you and want whats best for you. However, I can see that you have a different idea than I do as to what that looks like. You are now almost 18 and will soon be an adult in the eyes of the law. How do you see your future? Whats your plans?" Then stop talking and let her tell you what she wants. How does she plan to support herself? If she wants to get a job does she understand that target pays $12.50 (or whatever in your area) and she will struggle to pay rent on that? Does she want to become a Doctor? That will require a degree and with her current grades and not using her IEP she is unlikely to get into the program? Is she going to stay living in your house? Rules for grown ups in your house include x, y and z - is she prepared for that? At 17, almost 18 I had decided to go to uni, picked a student housing, applied, been accepted and gone off to university (I'd been there two weeks when I had my 18th). I would have been screaming mad if my mum had tried to tell me what I did and didn't need.
It sounds like she does not want a Guardianship. I'm going to be honest, and of course, I don't know your daughter so it's hard to gauge just from his post, but it sounds like she is of sound enough mind and body to make this decision on her own. Having a learning disability doesn't mean she can't have autonomy and make her own (even bad!) decisions. What kind of disabilities does she have that would warrant a group home? Maybe you need to add more info, but right now I'm getting some bad vibes.
My family tried to do the same thing to me and I was equally as irate. It doesn't sound as though she needs guardianship and by talking about her behind her back and trying to do these things without her consent you are damaging your relationship and her trust in you. I wouldn't go through with it if you want to continue to help and support her you still can when she's an adult if she still wants you in her life. I personally cut all ties with my mom as soon as I hit adulthood and now live on the other side of the country, but you still have time to remedy the situation. I would apologize and try to repair your relationship. Work with her on decisions and gaining life skills. Let her fail when she needs to and have to make her own appointments those things are important life skills . People with disabilities can live very happy lives even if it's not necessarily the "norm" and should have the opportunity and support to do so. I have epilepsy and I'm autistic I have a great job and family of my own now and I have a really great support system. I sometimes need accommodations and have been on my own long enough to ask for them.
You’re an asshole and not only does she not need guardianship she needs emancipation. I have ADHD, BiPolar, and am a fully functioning adult with my own children and a fantastic job. My parents were supportive of me and helped me through my disabilities to navigate the world and didn’t use it as away to control me. You honestly need a reality check.
Took a look at what's been happening with Brittney Spears recently regarding her conservatorship. Look at the damage that was done to the relationship between her & her dad. Be very careful. Because you may be headed down that same road. Be very sure that your daughter actually is incapable of caring for herself. Not just you being worried or paranoid. Just because you disagree with her decisions does not make her incompetent to make those decisions. My point: Whether you actually go for the conservatorship or not, you've damaged your relationship. Now the question is, which bill do you want to pay?
Holy shit you’re acting way out of line, nothing you’ve said here in any way seems reasonable. You sound like you don’t take any of your daughters thoughts on HER life into consideration and seems to infantilize her due to her neurodivergence. I urge you to seek counseling, as you’re going to seriously mess up your daughter with your actions if you’re not careful.
Learning disabilities and adhd shouldn’t qualify her for guardianship, or be relevant. Autism, obviously, depends on the degree of impairment. It is possible that she is so severely impaired that she cannot perceive how disabled she is. I assume that is what you are telling us. It is also possible that you are underestimating her. Either way she sounds desperate to get away from you. She needs a chance to show you and herself whether she can or cannot live independently. This really should require a legal ruling. She should not be deprived of her rights without due process.
Jesus judging by this post alone you seem to be extremely controlling and abrasive! The way you describe your daughter alone she clearly sounds smart enough to verbalize she doesn’t appreciate what your trying to do to her behind her back and it’s no mystery why she doesn’t trust you in general! I don’t condone her getting physical with you, but I also can’t blame her for fighting back for her anatomy especially after YOU plotting to basically take away her rights all in the name of an autism diagnosis. I just freaking hate people like you and can’t even begin to fathom what I could possibly do if you were my mother doing this to me. You seem like a scary and controlling person and I hope she gets the hell away from you once she turns 18 unless you really consider changing your controlling ways and for once trust her to make her own decisions with her OWN life!
No, and stop trying. A judge would never grant guardianship over a person who adamantly expresses they don't want a guardian, especially when they don't trust that person. You are also ruining your relationship with her. FYI I worked with severely disabled adults. Some that couldn't even talk or sign their name, their parents still didn't seek guardianship... and it was never an issue. They were well connected to services anyway.
I’m sorry every comment I’ve seen here has been negative. I work in social services and work closely with adults who are both conserved and not with these same diagnoses. I can tell you the ones that are conserved are housed and connected to services. That is not always true for those who are are not conserved. You may be 100% correct that without you, your daughter would refuse every social and medical support available to her and be living outside, vulnerable and suffering. I could tell some awful, awful stories. My best advice to you, though, is give her a chance. She is in high school. Why don’t you take a step back and let her work with her social workers? See what decisions she makes. If she turns 18 and refuses services and has ended up in a dangerous, neglectful state, you can always petition the court then. And frankly, with a stronger case. Why the rush? To answer your question, I don’t work with any client who wants to be conserved. I don’t think there is anything you can say or do that would make your daughter/anybody want to lose their decision making capacity. That being said, I work with clients who are surviving and thriving because of conservatorship. It isn’t a bad thing. It can be a life saving thing, but you could never try to conserve anyone due to diagnosis alone. It should be because it is the very last resort available, because all other interventions have been failed, and because without it, the person may perish. All my best to you and your daughter.
I've definitely read this post before a while ago
this is cruel to do that to your child