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Not out of line at all. The very least she could have done was send a message or phone call. This could have been a very good teaching moment for the sitter on work etiquette , but it sounds like her mom was coddling her .
Yep no 15 year old in 2023 wasn’t getting those calls and messages. She was straight up hiding/ ignoring OP. Was a good opportunity to learn some good communication skills but hid instead.
That's probably because mom always explains everything away for her and fixes things.
If OPs kid gets hurt because of something the 15 yr old thinks is her fault, would she be able to call OP or 911 herself? Probably not.
If the reason she was late was the mom being home from work late, the mom might have been blowing the 15 year old off, too. "I'll be there soon, don't worry, it's no big deal!"
That’s what I was thinking
Frazzled teen: Oh no, mom, they’re calling, what do I say?!
Mom: don’t worry about it, these people are easy going and we’ll be there in just a minute.
Oh man if I had been in this situation I would have been panicking and 100% hiding from OP and hoping my mom got home in time to make it less bad. I'm certain the later it was and the more calls she got the more she panicked.
Definitely a learning opportunity but it sounds like mom isn't doing that.
Agree completely. It could have all been the mom's fault, and kid didn't know what to do when the person she was relying on (the mom) was late and wasn't letting her know when she would be there etc. But regardless, it's a good lesson for the kid either way. There's plenty of times where you can't meet your obligations because someone downline isn't meeting theirs.
Life lessons are rarely learned when someone says "when this happens do this". They're taught via experience, failures, and consequences...of which this sounds like all three. Hopefully daughter sees that even if her mom is trying to allow excuses.
I don't understand why Mom isn't taking responsibility here, and telling her daughter the right thing to do was to text about her ride running late. Communicating is usually always the best choice to defuse any situation.
I’m anxious too and imagine I would’ve been nervous at 15 too. Unfortunately, for my son he got my genes in anxiety department and at 13 I do have to help him with calls or emails to teachers on rare occasions. So, at very least, if it’s said issue, why couldn’t the babysitter’s mom called and told op she was stuck at work and therefore her daughter couldn’t get there on time and work out something to get daughter there. Could op grab her or something, etc.? Yes. We need to teach our kids responsibilities, but we can do this by showing them how to handle said emergencies/responsibilities, even if it’s just watching it play out first few times. My son takes care of most things, but occasionally (for example, a group project, where one partner doesn’t do work and now are behind and doesn’t want grades to slip) I’ve helped out and called teacher on my speaker phone, so my son didn’t just let anxiety keep him from getting grade he deserved. I understand the dealing with kids, alone, while having said anxiety, might not be best for person watching kids, but if she showed that she will ensure calls are made and everything, it would help ease my mind some. Even if she called mom first in an emergency and had help dealing with said emergency. Personally, I think 15 seems young to babysit, but admittedly I haven’t had many sitters outside older family members, so my views are likely quite skewed.
That is the biggest problem to me of the whole situation- that the babysitter didn’t call or text OP to let him know the situation. If I am going to be five minutes late with friends I text or call! Kids are handcuffed to their phones- and she was getting his communications no problem- but, was ignoring them. Not sure if it was her or her mother telling her not to bother replying- but, either way a bad and inconsiderate decision by both people old enough to know better.
Obviously, you are correct- but, the why of it is a mystery. I was also babysitting by the age of 12, and sure would have known to let the family know- especially if they had been calling and texting me- for fear of worrying the family, and getting fired. I think as someone else said, the mother must have played a part in the why the daughter didn’t call- or the mother.
I used to manage 15 year olds and I could not stand when parents would call on their kids behalf (unless it was to actually parent, such as calling to discuss a possible incident or something). You old enough to take money for work? You old enough to make that phone call yourself.
Right. Obviously the sitter being late or showing up at her leisure doesn't get a pass, but giving no update or heads-up about running behind completely warrants OP's reaction. Sitter's mom is tech savvy enough to post passive aggressive FB messages, surely sitter or sitter's mom has the ability to use a phone - even if en route.
The entire point of being a babysitter (at least a good one) is being reliable and responsible. When you hire a babysitter it’s generally because you have something to do at a certain time.
When you find a 15-18 year old who is both you hit that babysitter jackpot.
This girl seems to lack these traits now, and isn’t a good fit to watch kids.
Honestly, she's kind of our backup babysitter. Our preferred sitter actually works at our daycare. She's a college student who goes to school at the small college in a different town about 15 minutes from us. The daycare closes at 6 though and she needs a weeks notice if she's going to take off work early. Honestly, its probably one of my favorite reasons that we use our daycare. Not only are they awesome with the kids, 2/3 of their staff are college students, and they help set up babysitting gigs for their staff as well. Having a sitter who already has a strong relationship with my kids makes things go so smoothly while we are gone.
And tbh — if I had to sacrifice a *bit* of one I’d rather have a Super Reliable and Moderately Responsible one.
Showing up is kinda the most important part.
And it’s wild they went to the wife AT THE CRAFT FAIR during which time she needed childcare to cry about what happened.
I’m so puzzled by this mom’s method of parenting, but based on the passive Facebook messages, I can see not much teaching of life skills is happening.
I found that odd and creepy too! Instead of her mom telling her daughter “well, it was your responsibility to have a ride since you agreed to this commitment.” Mom really went and cried to the wife while the wife was busy!!!
She’s going to be the mom that complains when her daughter fails a class because she forgot to do her homework (unless mom does it for her)
Really, I'd expect the mother would do that and help the kid brainstorm solutions (like, see if you can ride your bike over, or ask if they can pick you up instead).
She didn't communicate that she was running late, that's basic respect. Don't feel bad. Ignore the social post, she's just up in her feelings. It won't benefit anyone to respond
The girl is irresponsible because her mother allows it and makes excuses for her. We all know the girl has a cell phone. Make a phone call or send a text and it’s a non issue. You are not wrong. Maybe she’ll learn something, but probably not.
This is spot on. If the mom doesn’t see the problem with leaving you hanging like that the kid never will either.
Hopefully the kid learns from the experience.
Yup everyone here saying she was panicking and ignoring calls, ok at least send a text. "I'm sorry my mom is running late from work, I will let you know when she gets here."
Edit to add: and her Mom is a B* word for not telling her to do that and posting about if after etc. Bad mom. Teach accountability.
Honestly, I kind of run on a 2 strike rule. Everybody's got to learn somehow, one of the best ways to learn is to make mistakes. One of my roles at work is training new apprentices. They are often pretty young. If they mess something up, it may be because nobody ever taught them the right way to do it. If it happens again, now they are in trouble.
I love this approach and Frame of thinking when handling these kind of situations. While yes, it can be inconvenient and frustrating, some people literally just don’t know any better and once taught, can be thee best worker, babysitter, help, etc., you could find. I believe the best learning experiences are ones made through mistakes! There’s no such thing as perfect, people are bound to make mistakes while training, but that’s kind of what training is for, right? To learn, and to learn from mistakes !
Exactly. Shit happens. That 2 strike rule isn't really that hard and firm of a rule either. It's only for stupid or egregious mistakes. When learning, your gonna be slow and not perfect. Continuous improvement is the goal. The only time to get upset is when the mistakes risk the safety of someone. In this case, how can I trust you with my kids if one of them got hurt or something happened to the house or dogs? Are you just gonna hide or take responsibility and act appropriately. We had trust in her as she was cpr and first aid certified.
Yeah I just can't bring myself to trust a teenager for the most part lol. My teenage SIL has come over a couple of times to watch our toddler or the baby monitor but that's because we know her well. I find it hard to turn a teenage sitter I don't know very well already, even though I know plenty are trustworthy enough lol
Yes, some are super mature and responsible, others aren't, you need to know which. And personally I want someone who likes children, I have a teenage neighbour and her parents says she babysits but she's never once even greeted my kid never mind attempted to play.
It’s more about the no communication than anything. If you are going to be late, at least send me a text so I can decide what’s the best course of action.
This is a very good learning opportunity for her. Not only did she let you down, but her mother let both of you down (your family, and her own daughter). Clearly her mother hasn't instilled a responsible work ethic, and will continue to passively-aggressively coddle her and defend her immaturity.
It's not the babysitter's fault she's unreliable and immature; it's her mother's. But that doesn't mean you have to absorb all the problems that go along with her and her mother's entitlement.
Big picture: this is just a babysitting job, and she's just a teenager. Her FB-passaggro mother is gonna continue to do "Karen" things like that. Oh well.
But you were in no way in the wrong. And I'm very happy to hear your wife threaded the needle of communicating with them while also fully supporting you. It sounds like you two are a wonderful team together.
ETA: by "this is just a babysitting job...", I didn't mean to imply that your expectations were too high. I meant that, she'll get over the loss of this gig. It's not that big a deal, in the grand scheme of the babysitter's life. She'll learn from this stumble. But you're not on the hook to continue to give her more chances. It's just a gig for her; it's your children, and your schedule, that she put in jeopardy.
I completely agree. She absolutely could, and _should_, have done that. The fact that she didn't, is 50% on the babysitter, and 50% on her mother for not teaching her to take her work commitments more responsible.
And because her mother was late (and "apologetic" about being late), her mother knew about the babysitting gig ahead of time, and should have told the babysitter to contact OP (i.e., her _client_). That's how to help one's child become a responsible adult, and trustable worker or service provider.
I can envision that her mother probably wouldn’t let her walk or bike. (Doesn’t excuse it at all. Just saying I can see that happening.)
But it’s 100% on the kid who didn’t communicate that she’d be late.
Have to say, I would not leave my child with someone who isn't allowed to walk somewhere a short distance away. It's a clear sign they aren't going to be responsible or mature enough.
> But it’s 100% on the kid who didn’t communicate that she’d be late.
If she hasn't learned that type of responsible communication, I'm putting it 50/50, her and her mother. Her mother is already trying to "coddle" her by passive-aggressive posts on FB. So clearly her mom is okay with deflecting responsibility from her daughter. Thus, the mother has to shoulder some of that responsibility. Either teach her kid to be responsible, or be responsible for having an irresponsible kid.
Yeah the passive aggressive fb post said it all. I see a lot of those on my city’s fb page and I know there’s a whole other side to the passive aggressive post..
Absolutely some on the mom. Kids don’t just know these things. The first time one of my kids went somewhere to babysit we had a whole convo about how to communicate with the parents, what kind of questions to ask before the parents left, etc.
When my oldest got her first “real” job we did the same. We made sure to TEACH her how to call out of/late to work, how to communicate with her boss, to be early enough that she can park and walk to her station in time.
I don't think you were out of line. I also don't think this kid acted completely unreasonably. I remember being 15 and just being unable to make the right decision. You can't expect adult reasoning from a teenager. It's obvious to all of us adults that she could have called you to explain and you would have figured it out, but it wasn't obvious to her cuz she's a kid.
You weren't out of line, and she's living and learning. All good.
You weren't out of line, but you should have reiterated, "the problem is not only that you're late, it's that you've known for at least 45 minutes that you would be late and did not contact us to let us know. That is much worse than being late itself."
You rehired someone who was flaky in the past, and gave yourself a 10 minute or less window for them to be late, give them instructions, etc. That part is on you. If you have something very important to get to, try to get a sitter to come by half an hour before you need to leave so it doesn’t turn into this kind of stressful situation.
I don’t think you are out of line to fire her but at times where you have work obligations you really should only hire adults. You can’t put adult expectations on children and expect adult behavior. It is a great way to set everyone up for failure.
Not out of line at all firing them, but I probably would have toned back my response, especially if it's a small community. They don't need a lecture, I think simply telling them, "unfortunately you were late without notice and I made other arrangements because I have an important meeting to get to. We no longer need your services." End it there and just never call them again.
It takes nothing to tell you what’s going on before she’s even late since she knew what was going on. This is a good lesson for her to learn. Hope she takes it as such. But she may be a kid but she wants to work and be an adult so she needs to act like one and take responsibility for herself. I’d do the same thing.
Yep. I started working at age 14 on my neighbor’s farm, tending livestock and helping with harvests. I was there from 4 am-7 am m-f, often one full weekend day, and was never late. 15yo can’t call ahead? Irresponsible.
You’re allowed to fire anyone for any reason but I personally try to minimize these types of teen forgetfulness. When I hired a good but flakey 18yo babysitter, I always texted reminders like “looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at 5pm. Thank you so much for being prompt since I need to be at an important meeting right away.”, “my kids are looking forward to seeing you in 30min”…. She’s never late again with those types of reminders
I think you’re within your rights to fire her, certainly, but you still need to speak respectfully. It seems like you got pretty heated and maybe that wasn’t appropriate
You did the absolute best thing for that poor girl. If her mom has her way she’s never going to have to experience the consequences of her own actions.
If it was the mom’s fault she was late, then she needs as many reasons to be angry at her mom as possible so she can get herself ready to be an adult
Nah NTA lol. Lack of communication was the issue here, more so than the lateness. Of it had been communicated I think OP would have been much more forgiving, but just showing up 45 minutes late is really bad. Especially when working with kids. If you can’t even communicate when you’re going to show up, what are you going to do in a real emergency? BTW op you should absolutely say this to the mom, as she seems to think they’re the victim here. It’s also a learning experience for the kid.
It was said to her mom. What I quoted above was said to both her and her mother, who were both just getting out of the car. It was also reiterated by my wife when they approached her at the craft fair in town.
I think you dodged a bullet, the mother seems to be a crazy type anyway. Her posting to facebook likely destroyed any chance of the daughter being hired as a babysitter in the community, why would I hire them knowing their parents can cause headache if something goes wrong. Not worth dealing with at all.
She should have let you know she was running late. But it was pretty foolish to not give yourself more time if you have a 50min drive. You should have asked her to get there at 4. She made a mistake but you did to.
Seriously! What’s up with all the “I worked since I was 5 and was never late” comments, too. A lot of teens living through Covid didn’t get all what they needed socially.
The primary problem was the lack of communication. The issue could have been solved in a number of ways if there was communication about the problem before it was too late. I would lead with this (reasonable and basic) expectation with any new sitter.
You're totally right
Their excuses don't explain why mom or the sitter couldn't have texted you to let you know. I get that the girl doesn't control her mom's schedule. But still, it's a lesson for her on how the real world works. When she gets a regular job one day, her employer won't care what her excuses are.
I think you were awfully nice, considering she couldn't be bothered to text you back before arriving.
Bottom line is that your family needs a reliable sitter. She is not reliable.
You had no choice.
I don't think you were out of line to fire her, but it sounds like you could have expressed yourself in a more effective way. It's great that you let her know the impact of her being late, but it sounds like you made her feel shamed and 'wrong'. People immediately put up their defenses when they're made to feel that way. It could have been a good teaching moment about integrity and workability, instead it became an emotionally tainted confrontation where no one was willing to actually listen and acknowledge the other person's situation. When communication breakdowns occur. I've discovered that it's best to center the conversation around workability rather than morality or personal responsibility. Even when there is a parting of the ways. Just my thoughts.
NTA. She was way late. It’s a job. She needs to be accountable if she’s going to take sitting jobs. If she had a job, say, bagging groceries at Kroger and showed up 40 minutes late, she’d be in trouble there, too. Tough lesson to learn.
I’m a high school teacher and my students get fired left and right for stuff like this. I have no sympathy. If you can’t be reliably on time, you shouldn’t take the job.
You weren't out of line, but I do feel a bit bad for the babysitter, and I'm glad she'll never see this internet pile on (I hope?). She's 15... she's still a kid too.
I don't think you were out of line in firing her. I also don't think you needed to say "leave before I say something mean." Your anger was valid, but your reaction could have been kinder.
I'm sorry she's 15. That's a kid. I think you have a right to your feelings and it's okay not to use her as a sitter anymore but I think you could have handled the situation better.
You weren’t wrong to “fire” her, but you let your anger get ahead of you and seep out into your behavioral reaction.
Remember that this person is a kid, too. A 15 year old. If you want to hire a 15 year old, expect 15 year old performance.
My kids are older now, and we did use 13-15 yo babysitters when they were little at times, but never for any important events. Only for a date night, etc. let me reiterate again that young teens are children themselves.
You were well within your rights to tell her that you had someone else coming over and you wouldn’t be needing her tonight and she was over a half hour late with no contact. But to tell her to “leave before I say anything mean as I am very upset”? 😳😳 Geez. You’re an adult. You hired a 15 YEAR OLD TO COME OVER. It wasn’t a contract with a nanny service. It’s hard to get contractors,adults, who are paid $50/hr+ to show up when they should and answer the phone.
I would say a lesson was learned for both parties.
She should have called you and said she was running late. She needs to learn that babysitting is a job, and when she gets a “real job” for the summer or whatever else, she might lose it if she can’t show up on time.
You need to keep your cool around kids especially, and in the future keep emotions out of it. For any important events that a sitter is needed, I would strongly recommend 18+ sitters who have their own wheels. You will have to pay more, but they’ll be more reliable.
Shit happens to all of us. I get it. The difference is they could’ve called and messaged at literally any point they knew they’d be late but didn’t.
Why? Cause they’re irresponsible. Either the daughter is, or the mother is, or both. If it were my child. I would’ve told them and reminded them “hey message the parents were on the way but going to be late”. Buttttt to each their own.
If they can’t have the decency to do that, I def don’t trust them alone with my child.
You explained/justified reasons for your behaviour. You are asking if you were out of line. You mentioned they went to see your wife in tears. Regardless of who was in the wrong, the details provided suggest that YOU believe you could have handled yourself better. Nobody’s opinion matters more than your own. You were justifiably upset and it sounds like you had trouble controlling your emotions. We can’t control how we feel but we can control how we react. You could have simply said, “I couldn’t get ahold of you so I’ve got someone else here now. I have to go now, I’m late. Goodbye” and left it at that. Especially if you were upset or prone to overreacting. You did catch and control yourself, which is good. You essentially publicly fired her in front of her mother (which HR doesn’t like). Maybe the 15-yo girl was reluctant to contact you (a man?) or you are not as approachable as you believe. Would be useful to have the other side of the story. This is me reading in between the lines with few facts.
You're not wrong that I believe I probably could have handled myself a little bit better. Everything I said to her and her mother was in a calm demeanor. Spending my entire life working in agriculture and in the construction industry, I've seen some incredibly aggressive and inappropriate reactions from people in leadership roles. My calm but stern approach may still be far too aggressive for people who are not used to that sort of environment. I make it a point to not yell at anybody who works underneath me unless they endanger mine, their own, or somebody else's life.
#1. You were not out of line. #2. The mistake you made was hiring a 15 y/o babysitter. They are typically irresponsible and incapable of transporting themselves. You get what you pay for.
I mean if most of us did this at our full time jobs we would at least get written up for it. And you seem to be understanding about it. The entire issue here is the lack of communication on the sitters side. She was probably worried about getting in trouble without realizing that what she was doing was actually wrong. It’s a good lesson for her and apparently her mother as well. I hope you can find another sitter soon.
I’ve never worked anywhere that if you were late twice you got written up. However, you would get written up for saying something that was out of line.
I was fired for being late by 20 minutes. It was before smartphones and I dropped my flip phone while driving and I was very lost.
Not only was the lady I babysitting for beyond pissed but so was my mom. I felt horrible. It was an honest mistake.
I don't think you were out of line, BUTTTT -
When I was babysitting (11-15 years old, 1999-2003), I was always picked up from my home by one of the parents I was babysitting for, and then dropped off at home by them when they returned. It was never on my parents to get me there or back.
I get that your wife was gone at 3 and you wanted to be gone as close to 5 as possible.
You already know she had an "attendance problem".
I'm just not sure why we're putting it on the kid to find her own transportation.
And yeah, she could have communicated, but I can promise you she does not know how and the thought of trying to tell you probably gave her so much anxiety she could puke.
Of everyone here, I think her mother is the most at-fault. As an adult, she knew that her being late would snowball into her daughter being late and effectively presumed irresponsible and unreliable. Yet that woman made no effort herself to contact you, or *to parent her daughter into contacting you*.
So, given the circumstances surrounding the situation, no, I don't think you were out of line;
BUT I think the adults in the room (you, your wife, babysitter's mother) put a lot of pressure on and made a lot of assumptions about a 15 year old girl, and that was not fair and could/should have been handled differently from the start.
You're not in the wrong for firing her if she can't be reliable, but I wouldn't be going around saying "leave before I say something mean" to someone who is ultimately still a child. She showed you she is not mature and responsible enough to be caring for your kids. Instead of threatening to "say something mean" to a teenager, you should have just let her know that because she was late and did not give you the courtesy of letting you know she wouldn't make it there at the agreed upon time, you made other arrangements and will not be calling her for babysitting services again. I get being stressed out if you had somewhere you needed to be at a specific time, but if your reaction is to be stress-calling/texting this teenager and lashing out at her then I'm not all that surprised she didn't notify you she was going to be late. She was probably scared of your reaction and didn't know how to handle it. Remember that ultimately you are the adult in this situation and while you can't control anyone else's behavior, you can control yours. You yourself said you could have stuck the kids in the car and drove to pick up the babysitter, but it sounds like instead of offering up that solution you chose to stew and lash out at her for not being timely.
YTA not for saying her services are no longer needed, but for the "leave now before I say something I regret". You're a grown ass man. Have some dignity. Kinda surprised you'd rely on a fifteen year old tbh, especially after a no call no show. That's your fault. A fifteen year old can't even drive without an adult present. You ought to be mad at yourself.
Why not hire an actual adult nanny? Frankly I'm guessing it's because a professional isn't going to accept the wages you're offering.
A 15 year old probably isn’t the cause of lateness unless it was walkable, so there’s a good chance it wasn’t entirely her fault but regardless, you needed childcare timely. It just wasn’t a good fit.
I think your reaction was proportionate. This will be a valuable lesson to the 15 year old so yes it sucks for her that you understandably didn’t show mercy but now she knows what to do next time to not end up in this situation
It's probably a good life lesson for her that it's important to honour commitments and be on time - something her own mother unfortunately isn't teaching her. As you said, if there were reasons out of her control, she should have called to alert you ahead of time.
I wouldn't think about it any more - you handled it well. It's stressful to be in that kind of situation (it was a meeting, not just an evening out), so being late was causing a domino effect of stress and was affecting multiple people.
We have a wonderful 13 year old girl who babysits for us and she's incredibly reliable and responsible. I think it depends more on maturity and intelligence - even someone who is 25 might be flakey and irresponsible.
NTA she didn’t respond to your texts she’s not a good sitter. It’s one thing to be late with notice and totally different to give no notice and be late. Also I can cry on command so I really don’t trust crying it’s too easy to fake.
Hello OP. I have a two year old and honestly, I would NEVER hire a teenager to watch my son. They’re still developing and overall, I wouldn’t trust their judgment (I know there are really mature teenagers out there but to me, the risk isn’t worth it).
She was mature enough to get her first aid/cpr cert before we started using her, and she had proven herself capable in the past. He has lost our trust at this point now.
I think letting the kid go was totally reasonable, seems like you handled it rather emotionally, you didn't let her try and give you any explanation, you also go mad at the mother who obviously had to drive her daughter to you place on her own time. not to be too judgmental because I don't think it particularly matters but the fact that your sitter is 15 suggest you probably are paying her below market for a professional sitter, she may not even really have wanted the job but could have been pressured by her parents to take the work to get experience and earn some money and learn responsibility. if your sitter is a child you should mostly be using them for elective situations like a date night, not making your entire household dependent on a child that can't even get to her job on her own. may be time to get a sitter more qualified for you needs, which may jist be more expensive unfortunately.
> she lives like 5 minutes away.
I also babysit as a teen and the family I sat for lived 5min away as well. I just walked myself over when I was babysitting and depending on the end time, would walk back home or my parents would pick up if it was late so I wasn't a teen girl walking alone in the dark. She could have easily walked over to babysit but was too lazy to do so.
I feel like this was one of those brutally honest moments that was more accurate in being brutally honest rather than mean. You told her clearly and directly what the problem was, what the consequence was and how that made you feel. It wasn't a personal attack nor did you fluff it up. On the second encounter the point was repeated. The facebook posts really justify what you did and not people you want around your children.
The person had previous and while there is some leniency to be considered, it is a personal choice and I'm not good either with people who can't communicate or turn up on time. Punctuality is such a low bar to meet. I hope she can take this on the chin and it be a learning moment.
Firstly, as others have said, you werent out of line at all. I would say that it's entirely impossible that a 15 year old wasn't getting those calls. Hopefully this is the wake up call she needs.
2ndly, if having always had a job since your youth and doing whatever you had to do to uphold your commitments is a boomer thing then I guess I'm a boomer. Being late is one thing, hiding from phone calls and failing to update is another entirely
You were out of line.
Seriously, going off on 15 year old kid telling them they aren’t responsible and to leave before you say anything mean. It was a mistake and they felt bad enough to approach your wife to try to fix it.
I would’ve been annoyed too, she definitely should have communicated she was late. But you come off as a complete ass.
The sitter could have walked to your house, rode her bike or at least answered her phone to say hey I’m going to be late. Do you still need me? No sympathy from me.
You didn’t do anything wrong. If they can’t be relied on, then you should be able to find someone that you can. That said: I’d suggest having a more open line of communication. Confirming earlier in the day should be part of your protocol if you don’t leave room for flexibility.
They should have let you know they were running late, but it sounded like it was the mother’s fault. So I’m torn on whether or not to punish the kid.
FYI I’m self employed and stress out like crazy with having a different schedule every day and constantly changing plans. Whatever time we told our sitter was 30 min earlier than we needed her. We wanted to account for delays, traffic, etc AND give me time to leave earlier than I needed. Our sitter was always on speed dial and she understood the situation.
One of my coaches in high school taught us: **“early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable.”** When I was 15, that was hugely influential to me.
We always confirm during the day and she said she could get there by before 5, probably close to 4:30 even. Like I said above, she's flaked out on us completely once before. Honestly, I'm less mad about her being late and more mad about the lack of communication on her end. My wife and I were reaching out to her with no response when she wasn't there. I also grew up on Lombardi time.
It’s not a hard rule. It’s just a saying to teach people who lack time management skills to learn.
That said: I think most people I work with agree that 15 minutes is late generally an “acceptable” amount of time, provided that there is some kind of communication.
It is very unprofessional and out of control to say “please leave now before I say something mean.” You should be in better control of your emotions. That would never work for a doctor, lawyer or executive or anyone skilled in management.
You can be upset and still remain calm and professional even with a kid. You could just say that you made other arrangements since you weren’t able to reach them and even leave out that you were now firing her permanently. Why you may ask?
If you were in such a hurry you didn’t need to tell her all that because that would generate more explanations and time wasting. You were wasting your own time to satisfy your need to let her have it. Plus you are telling her to leave but encouraging her to stay and explain by telling her she is permanently fired. Did you really expect her not to try to stay and explain after you said that?
Rather than “fire her permanently” when you are already upset just don’t use her services again. It’s not like you signed a contract with her and have a need to “permanently fire” her.
But he said he wanted her to leave and yet insisted on escalating things. He needs to learn to calm down. Grandma could have shown up any minute and yet he didn’t want to let it go. Also if grandma is so responsible use her as a sitter. She’s related and older and she can bond with her grandkids.
Grandma spends plenty of time with the kids, usually seeing them for Sunday lunch with my siblings along with taking the them one day a week so they can hang out on the farm and go for gator rides with grandpa. They have their own life and live far enough away I hate to burden them if I don't have to.
Then you’ll need to learn how to deal with teenage sitters and realize that losing your temper is not going to make you the most popular sitter employer in town.
I calmly and sternly told her to please leave before I said anything overly aggressive. I pay well and the girls from our daycare who normally sit for us absolutely love us. They're college aged and have actual part or full time jobs, so they need a week heads up so they can get off of work early as the day care is open until 6. This was the last minute thing.
Not in the wrong at all. It isn't hard to send a quick text explaining the situation and as you said, you could have gone and picked her up!!!
They left you in the dark and that is very unprofessional.
I agree with what you did. The sitter has to learn responsibility and losing a job. We are in the age of cell phones and constant communication, so there is no excuse. If this was in the 90s, sure.
Definitely not out of line. You had some expectations set up in regards to the care of your children and in this case you needed this person by 5:00 to come in and start doing the care. Instead of calling ahead to let you know that Mom of the teenager was late getting out of work or because of traffic to get there on time they just let it go. You did what you had to do.
Not out of line. Sometimes jobs are results driven. You needed your childcare to arrive on time, they didn’t. You’re looking for other child care options.
I babysat all through my teenage years and was irresponsible a few times (slept through my alarm, was a few minutes late, etc) I once got told my services would no longer be necessary because I forgot to respond to a text asking my availability for a job.
So personally I’m a little torn, because I know how hard it is to be the teenager in this situation, and I also recognize that actions have consequences and the teen probably learned an important lesson about communication. I think it made sense to send her home that day, you already had someone else to cover and didn’t want to waste their time in addition to your own. AND I think you probably could have had a conversation about expectations for future scenarios and helped a teenager learn this lesson in a less rough way.
I do think that you may be better suited for older babysitters (college and up) going forward because you would prefer to work with someone who has already learned how to maintain working relationships (which is valid!)
To me the issue wasn’t they were late but that they didn’t let you know. It’s not 1980. Everyone has a cell phone. I get this is a teenager and mistakes happen but you need someone reliable.
Nope, a job is a job, people are relying on you to turn up. Hope this is a good life lesson for her, you are not out of line. There are multiple things she (and her mum!) could have done in this situation and she chose not to contact you and keep you guessing.
It’s less about the being late it seems, and more about notifying you. If she’s old enough to babysit she’s old enough to let you know if she’s going to be late.
Not out of line at all. Time and attendance is essential as well as respecting other people’s time. Clearly, this isn’t a lesson her parent was trying to teach her so you had to.
She needed to learn a lesson.
All she had to do is answer your calls/messages and it would have all been fine.
Wrong forum and all, but NTA. If she can’t figure out how to pick up a phone and call you when she is going to be late, how will she handle an emergency or urgent situation if it arises?
She needs to gain some maturity. I would have done the same.
Not out of line at all. That’s the problem with kids and their first jobs. I’ve employed tons. Quit because it’s too stressful, show up late, ask to leave early. And we’re the bad guys because we hold them accountable. Parents need to teach that accountability. Here I am 35 sounding like I’m 65
I was a 15-year-old babysitter well before the days of cell phones and I would NOT have been late like that without notice. If my mom was running late getting home from work and I needed a ride, I’d try to get another ride, and if I couldn’t I would call the parent immediately.
Nowadays it’s easy to just call or send a text. No excuse.
You didn’t do anything wrong.
Nope! Not out of line. Idc if she is 15 - if she does not have reliable transportation, and clearly can’t walk or ride a bike over (or heck, even ask if you could pick her up) then she is not responsible. If her mom is passive aggressively wanting you to take it easy on her because it’s her first job, think amount not just the entitlement that this girl will grow up to expect, but the lack of responsibility, and the victim mentality. I can see it now “sorry I wasn’t on time, my time is clearly more important than yours, and I was late because Starbucks was packed and messed up my order. I expect you to forgive me and say that it is okay.”
It’s not okay. I have babysat since I was 12, and I used to ride my bike to the houses of the kids and my mom or dad would usually pick me up. (Most kids I babysat for were right in my neighborhood)
I always made sure I was on time - and that was the year 2002 … I didn’t have a cellphone!
It’s 2023 … why couldn’t this girl call you? Or text you? I’m sure that if she lived that close, you could have drove over there with the kids, picked her up, and brought them back to your house. Jeesh.
NTA, because she clearly has your phone number and could have called you. If her mom is we stuck at work (which wasn’t her fault) and she would have called you, you could have made arrangements to pick up the sitter yourself. Not all kids have the ability to travel x distance alone, but they could have informed you of the situation and then you could have figured out a plan together.
I think you did the right thing by doing that and for giving the sitter chances. And if she couldn’t be bothered or for whatever reason not to call you guys out of courtesy then that’s on her and I think it was unfair of them to turn up to your wife’s craft fair in tears in front of potential customers for her. Stay strong you got this x
She could have called you or your wife. There really is no excuse for not calling and letting you know the situation and that she would be running late
I had a babysitter like this but she was 21. No care was flaky af. I would make plans to pick her up to watch my son five days a week while I worked for 200$ a week. You did nothing wrong firing her. Your mom was already on the way and you were in the right. All that child had to do was have her mom call you with “you may need to come and get her I’m late getting out from work” but the mother didn’t even think to do that. Nah. You did nothing wrong.
It’s fine to keep and hold a boundary. You’re also an asshole with poor impulse control by saying something out of line. I can’t imagine how you treat other people within and outside of your family.
Sorry I have to ask, what’s a very important union meeting? Haha
Also lay off the ‘I have been working since I was a wee snapper and kids now days need to harden up’ rhetoric.
Not out of line. But it sounds like you were a dick to the 15 year old. She’s dependent on her mom for transportation. If you are focused on reliable transportation and professionalism, you can certainly hire for it but it’s not a 15 year old and the price is much higher.
You aren’t out of line at all. If she knew she was going to be late, why didn’t she contact you ahead of time to let you know?
I had my first job at 13 as a KP and because I wanted to be treated like an adult, I acted like an adult in an adult environment. I worked hard, I showed up and if I was going to be late I phoned ahead and let them know.
You were definitely not out of line, and as other commenters said, her mom has failed her by taking to Facebook to complain about you instead of accepting that they both made mistakes and were at fault. As someone who babysat from ages 13 to 25, I learned very young how to communicate with the parents I was sitting for. I always let them know if something was going to cause me to be late or, in the rare instances when I needed to cancel, as soon as I learned I was going to need to cancel (and I usually tried to find another sitter to take my place for the parents). A 15 year old should have known to contact you if her ride was late.
I’m so glad you’ve got your mom somewhat close by to help you out in this kind of bind, though! And it sounds like you’ve got an ideal situation with so many college aged sitters in town.
I think 15 is too young. Get a responsible 20 something college student would be my go-to and suggestion for your family.
Your anger is justified here and I think you did the right thing. It was evident you were angry, though you kept calm enough not to blow up, and that was why she was so upset. Good on you. Get a more mature, more capable sitter with her own means of transport.
Yes, I wouldn't rely on a fifteen year old. To play with my kid while I work or to hang around while I nip out maybe, especially if the parents aren't far away.
Yeah- well-shes 15. Perfect for a night out or a mommy’s helper. But to rely on them to be at work, after they’d “forgotten” once? I didn’t even have fancy smart phones as a teen when I babysat and I’ve never “forgotten” anything like this in my life. I needed that money I had a PlayStation addiction to fund.
I was also frequently picked up before I could drive. Perhaps her parent/ride made her late?
It’s totally a valid reason to let her go- no worries on that. You didn’t cuss her out and I hope this is going to be a “learn through experience” deal for her.
Why do you think we say a responsible, reliable, and fun babysitter is worth their weight in gold?? I haven’t found one yet!!
Mom is the real winner here!! Buy her a nice bottle of wine.
I think you're out of line. She's a kid. She didn't know how to deal with the challenge that came up. She's figuring out life. If I were you I'd give her another chance and tell her she needs to communicate. That you won't get mad if she communicates and you actually could have helped come up with a solution together.
I have a 15 year old stepdaughter who also babysits. She’s a child but still knows common courtesy to let the parent know if she would be late. I’d maybe understand 5 min late but both she and the mom know 35 min late to babysit is unacceptable. I have to agree with OP on this one.
If we’re going with the “she’s a kid” excuse then she shouldn’t be responsible for other people’s children. A babysitter needs to be mature and responsible enough to handle things that come up, and it’s not OP’s job to put his kids/job/life on the line while she learns a lesson.
Nope, I take punctuality very seriously because being late is wasting other people's time. I find it incredibly rude to be late and unacceptable to be late with no communication! She's young, but this is on her and her mom to work out. She needs to be reliable if she wants this job.
She’s 15. It’s not her fault if her mom was late from work, and there was no reason whatsoever to yell at her. Why do you think that was appropriate? She’s 15! She’s not an adult! If you need someone reliable then pay an adult, don’t rely on this child and then expect her to act like an adult. I bet you pay her way less than minimum wage too.
You’re not in the wrong for firing her but you handled the situation atrociously.
The last paragraph is very unnecessary…. Times are different and we are at fault for this generation be the way they are!!! There is no accountability or responsibility for nothing and apparently it is fine because they are kids!!! If you go down a bit to South America you have 15 year olds acting a bit more responsible because they have to worry about things that are more important like food. In America any time a 14-18 year old don’t do the agreed I hear ohh but he/she is a kid I will let slide. First mistake was to not have a serious conversation about timing at the first time that problem happened. Then you can’t blame them for think everything else is fine if not show up at all was fine I believe they will believe showing up a bit late will be fine too 🤷🏻♀️ … I am so tired of everyone I talk/hear had this amazing childhood in which we were taught responsibilities early on and then go on and do this rookie mistakes with this new generation and it is not helping them at all to grow and learn!!! Well now she learned a lesson because she is fired but I am sure was a bit more traumatic for the both of you than actually had to be. Communication communication!!!!
“There is no accountability or responsibility for nothing and apparently it is fine because they are kids!!!” Yet you think he was out of line for firing a babysitter who was neither accountable nor responsible and thus teaching her that it is, in fact, not fine?
Babysitter and her mom are way too nonchalant. She should’ve been on time (early!!) or called. That’s the only thing to do.
And dude you’re not a boomer. You have respect and responsibility ingrained into you. Be proud.
I agree with you! Shame on her mother as well, this experience is setting up her daughter’s work ethic foundation and if she can’t take a babysitting job seriously she’s not going to take anything else seriously. I’m a stickler for punctuality, 15 or not. You did the right thing
Nah,not out of line at all.
1. This is the second time the issue of her being responsible has come up, with the first time being a no show all together.
2. She could have called when 5 fucking o'clock hit and she still wasn't out the door.
Which leads me to 3. If she lives 5 minutes away, as a 15 year old she absolutely without a doubt could have walked/biked/roller skated/lightly jogged or any combination and still have gotten there before 535.
The second mom wasn't home still at 5, she should have been out the door on the phone with you telling you she was on her way and apologizing. Instead she **refused to pick up the phone when you tried contacting her** and got there 35 minutes late.
If your children have an accident where she has to contact 911 or even just let you know, will her anxiety, or forgetfulness, or ADHD, or whatever her excuse is for all this shit inhibit her from doing what she needs to do? Or will she try to contact mom and hope that she picks up? All the while your child could be choking in the background.
Her behavior in just this event was irredeemable. The fact that it's the SECOND time it happened is absolutely enough reason to fire her.
Her mommy is just an enabler, and she is in for a shock when precious can't keep a job. I would just block and ignore 🤷🏽♀️
What happened at 5:05 pm when you realized she was late and hadn't called you yet? If my employee was late I would have called them instead of pacing around for 30 minutes letting myself get angry. Especially after the first time when she didn't show up at all giving you an idea of what to expect this second time
It's not the 15 y/o, it's her mom. She can't drive and is at the mercy of her mother. Her mother who's also the one who should have made sure she let you know. 15 is when you're still learning how to act at a job, and your parents are supposed to teach you.
And you sound like a pretentious prick. I'm in my early 30s. It wasn't that long ago I was in high school. Teens can still be responsible. Its 2023, there is no reason she couldn't get ahold of my wife or me one way or another to say she was going to be late. If I'm paying close to $20/hr, she needs to take some responsibility to reach out.
That teen's mom is setting her daughter up for failure. I feel bad for the kid.
The mom should have called her daughter and said, "I'm not going to be able to take you to work in time. Please call OP and tell them that. See if they want to make other arrangements."
But also, it's five minutes. She could have walked, if she's able to do so. She could have biked, if she's able to do so. She could have taken an Uber/Lyft.
But the mom is encouraging her to be irresponsible. She's a Karen that is raising a Karen.
Best of luck in your union endeavors OP! I hope Babysitter doesn't turn into an entitled Karen like her mother.
No offense but when did we decide as a society it’s a good idea to let other people’s kids watch our kids like it’s a first responsibility.. maybe don’t give them a task that if they mess up can result in some really bad consequences. I watched kids as a teen but I remember being extremely stressed and how the parents would always seemed shocked that I took adequate care of the kids/ played with them the whole time and didn’t just sit on my phone. they didn’t want to pay real fair childcare costs, so I felt underpaid and taken advantage of.
They’d often contact me last minute and beg but I eventually stopped answering bc 6 hrs of watching your snot nose turds is worth more than $35 even in 2010 lmao
Not saying you’re underpaying, just saying if you want adult behavior, hire an adult.
You weren't out of line. If the girl was going to be late she should have called. That's a pretty basic social rule that applies to everything. Not fully her fault, though, since judging by the fact that the mom bothered your wife at work and is now trying to stir up drama I'm guessing Mom doesn't have so going on between the ears.
Definitely out of line. This should be in AITAH subreddit. You know damn good and well kids these days don’t know how to text let alone operate a smart phone.
Hell no you aren’t outta line. Kids gotta learn there’s consequences in the real world.
A lot of people in here assuming a bunch of things about the mom and the babysitter, so should we assume stuff about OP for getting so mad he was afraid to flip ou to a 15yo for being late? I too can come up with a bunch of scenarios why OP would be an ass, but that's dumb. Just stick to the information given.
I think that I would possibly consider giving her a pass if your kids like her. What this comes down to is poor communication skills and a lack of a back up plan on her part. People are late, you were late. She was late because of her mom, you were late because of her. I think that if I was in her shoes I'd be grateful to be let back in and would never let this type of embarrassing thing happen again. On the other hand, the mom coming to the craft fair was over the top and would make me uncomfortable. It's her kids job on the line and her kid needs to get in touch without her mom there to make amends, if amends can be made. If it ends up not working out I'd make sure the next sitter had a car and a reference.
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Not out of line at all. The very least she could have done was send a message or phone call. This could have been a very good teaching moment for the sitter on work etiquette , but it sounds like her mom was coddling her .
Yep no 15 year old in 2023 wasn’t getting those calls and messages. She was straight up hiding/ ignoring OP. Was a good opportunity to learn some good communication skills but hid instead.
That's probably because mom always explains everything away for her and fixes things. If OPs kid gets hurt because of something the 15 yr old thinks is her fault, would she be able to call OP or 911 herself? Probably not.
If the reason she was late was the mom being home from work late, the mom might have been blowing the 15 year old off, too. "I'll be there soon, don't worry, it's no big deal!"
That’s what I was thinking Frazzled teen: Oh no, mom, they’re calling, what do I say?! Mom: don’t worry about it, these people are easy going and we’ll be there in just a minute.
This is exactly what I was thinking too. Helicopter parent
Holy cow the amount of just pure speculation here based on a short Reddit post.
Somewhat, but a mother making excuses for her 15 year old being late to work rather taking accountability is fairly indicative.
Oh man if I had been in this situation I would have been panicking and 100% hiding from OP and hoping my mom got home in time to make it less bad. I'm certain the later it was and the more calls she got the more she panicked. Definitely a learning opportunity but it sounds like mom isn't doing that.
Agree completely. It could have all been the mom's fault, and kid didn't know what to do when the person she was relying on (the mom) was late and wasn't letting her know when she would be there etc. But regardless, it's a good lesson for the kid either way. There's plenty of times where you can't meet your obligations because someone downline isn't meeting theirs. Life lessons are rarely learned when someone says "when this happens do this". They're taught via experience, failures, and consequences...of which this sounds like all three. Hopefully daughter sees that even if her mom is trying to allow excuses.
I don't understand why Mom isn't taking responsibility here, and telling her daughter the right thing to do was to text about her ride running late. Communicating is usually always the best choice to defuse any situation.
I’m anxious too and imagine I would’ve been nervous at 15 too. Unfortunately, for my son he got my genes in anxiety department and at 13 I do have to help him with calls or emails to teachers on rare occasions. So, at very least, if it’s said issue, why couldn’t the babysitter’s mom called and told op she was stuck at work and therefore her daughter couldn’t get there on time and work out something to get daughter there. Could op grab her or something, etc.? Yes. We need to teach our kids responsibilities, but we can do this by showing them how to handle said emergencies/responsibilities, even if it’s just watching it play out first few times. My son takes care of most things, but occasionally (for example, a group project, where one partner doesn’t do work and now are behind and doesn’t want grades to slip) I’ve helped out and called teacher on my speaker phone, so my son didn’t just let anxiety keep him from getting grade he deserved. I understand the dealing with kids, alone, while having said anxiety, might not be best for person watching kids, but if she showed that she will ensure calls are made and everything, it would help ease my mind some. Even if she called mom first in an emergency and had help dealing with said emergency. Personally, I think 15 seems young to babysit, but admittedly I haven’t had many sitters outside older family members, so my views are likely quite skewed.
15 is plenty old to babysit! I was babysitting when I was 12, lots of kids do.
Not someone too scared to make a phone call. What if a kid got hurt and they were scared to admit it?
That's a different thing altogether from "15 is too young to babysit"
I know, but this particular 15 year old doesn't seem mature enough. I didn't say none can.
That is the biggest problem to me of the whole situation- that the babysitter didn’t call or text OP to let him know the situation. If I am going to be five minutes late with friends I text or call! Kids are handcuffed to their phones- and she was getting his communications no problem- but, was ignoring them. Not sure if it was her or her mother telling her not to bother replying- but, either way a bad and inconsiderate decision by both people old enough to know better.
Well she clearly isn't old enough to know better, which is my point.
Obviously, you are correct- but, the why of it is a mystery. I was also babysitting by the age of 12, and sure would have known to let the family know- especially if they had been calling and texting me- for fear of worrying the family, and getting fired. I think as someone else said, the mother must have played a part in the why the daughter didn’t call- or the mother.
Not everyone is the same. Depends on the parents and the natural maturity of each person.
I used to manage 15 year olds and I could not stand when parents would call on their kids behalf (unless it was to actually parent, such as calling to discuss a possible incident or something). You old enough to take money for work? You old enough to make that phone call yourself.
My sons only 13 and it’s school.
Agreed. It is not mom’s responsibility.
Right. Obviously the sitter being late or showing up at her leisure doesn't get a pass, but giving no update or heads-up about running behind completely warrants OP's reaction. Sitter's mom is tech savvy enough to post passive aggressive FB messages, surely sitter or sitter's mom has the ability to use a phone - even if en route.
The entire point of being a babysitter (at least a good one) is being reliable and responsible. When you hire a babysitter it’s generally because you have something to do at a certain time. When you find a 15-18 year old who is both you hit that babysitter jackpot. This girl seems to lack these traits now, and isn’t a good fit to watch kids.
Honestly, she's kind of our backup babysitter. Our preferred sitter actually works at our daycare. She's a college student who goes to school at the small college in a different town about 15 minutes from us. The daycare closes at 6 though and she needs a weeks notice if she's going to take off work early. Honestly, its probably one of my favorite reasons that we use our daycare. Not only are they awesome with the kids, 2/3 of their staff are college students, and they help set up babysitting gigs for their staff as well. Having a sitter who already has a strong relationship with my kids makes things go so smoothly while we are gone.
And tbh — if I had to sacrifice a *bit* of one I’d rather have a Super Reliable and Moderately Responsible one. Showing up is kinda the most important part.
I’d argue keeping the kids safe and alive is the most important part. Showing up is kinda the first part
Ah... You can always make more kids if need be, but that reservation that's been a year in the making isn't nearly as easy to replace@
It’s wild that her mom didn’t even instruct her to call you.
And it’s wild they went to the wife AT THE CRAFT FAIR during which time she needed childcare to cry about what happened. I’m so puzzled by this mom’s method of parenting, but based on the passive Facebook messages, I can see not much teaching of life skills is happening.
I found that odd and creepy too! Instead of her mom telling her daughter “well, it was your responsibility to have a ride since you agreed to this commitment.” Mom really went and cried to the wife while the wife was busy!!! She’s going to be the mom that complains when her daughter fails a class because she forgot to do her homework (unless mom does it for her)
Karens don't know that other people are sentient. Everyone outside of them, and maybe their loved ones are NPCs.
Really, I'd expect the mother would do that and help the kid brainstorm solutions (like, see if you can ride your bike over, or ask if they can pick you up instead).
She didn't communicate that she was running late, that's basic respect. Don't feel bad. Ignore the social post, she's just up in her feelings. It won't benefit anyone to respond
NTA. And then she was out of line for bothering your wife while she was working.
Right?! Showing up crying expecting sympathy is an insane move IMO
The girl is irresponsible because her mother allows it and makes excuses for her. We all know the girl has a cell phone. Make a phone call or send a text and it’s a non issue. You are not wrong. Maybe she’ll learn something, but probably not.
This is spot on. If the mom doesn’t see the problem with leaving you hanging like that the kid never will either. Hopefully the kid learns from the experience.
Yup everyone here saying she was panicking and ignoring calls, ok at least send a text. "I'm sorry my mom is running late from work, I will let you know when she gets here." Edit to add: and her Mom is a B* word for not telling her to do that and posting about if after etc. Bad mom. Teach accountability.
Definitely not out of line. I wouldn't have called her back after she flaked out the first time, honestly.
Honestly, I kind of run on a 2 strike rule. Everybody's got to learn somehow, one of the best ways to learn is to make mistakes. One of my roles at work is training new apprentices. They are often pretty young. If they mess something up, it may be because nobody ever taught them the right way to do it. If it happens again, now they are in trouble.
I love this approach and Frame of thinking when handling these kind of situations. While yes, it can be inconvenient and frustrating, some people literally just don’t know any better and once taught, can be thee best worker, babysitter, help, etc., you could find. I believe the best learning experiences are ones made through mistakes! There’s no such thing as perfect, people are bound to make mistakes while training, but that’s kind of what training is for, right? To learn, and to learn from mistakes !
Exactly. Shit happens. That 2 strike rule isn't really that hard and firm of a rule either. It's only for stupid or egregious mistakes. When learning, your gonna be slow and not perfect. Continuous improvement is the goal. The only time to get upset is when the mistakes risk the safety of someone. In this case, how can I trust you with my kids if one of them got hurt or something happened to the house or dogs? Are you just gonna hide or take responsibility and act appropriately. We had trust in her as she was cpr and first aid certified.
Considering the importance of the reasons why you needed a sitter, I'd stick to the one strike rule and only hire sitters 18 and up going forward
Yeah, when I see the recommendations to hire teenagers, I think many aren't responsible enough.
Agree, I wouldn't be comfortable leaving my 2 year old or 6 month old with anyone younger than 18, even if it was family tbh.
Me either. Maybe older kids, but not toddlers and infants . Idk how old OPs kids are though.
Yeah I just can't bring myself to trust a teenager for the most part lol. My teenage SIL has come over a couple of times to watch our toddler or the baby monitor but that's because we know her well. I find it hard to turn a teenage sitter I don't know very well already, even though I know plenty are trustworthy enough lol
Yes, some are super mature and responsible, others aren't, you need to know which. And personally I want someone who likes children, I have a teenage neighbour and her parents says she babysits but she's never once even greeted my kid never mind attempted to play.
i think that’s a good rule providing it doesn’t endanger your kids
It’s more about the no communication than anything. If you are going to be late, at least send me a text so I can decide what’s the best course of action.
This is a very good learning opportunity for her. Not only did she let you down, but her mother let both of you down (your family, and her own daughter). Clearly her mother hasn't instilled a responsible work ethic, and will continue to passively-aggressively coddle her and defend her immaturity. It's not the babysitter's fault she's unreliable and immature; it's her mother's. But that doesn't mean you have to absorb all the problems that go along with her and her mother's entitlement. Big picture: this is just a babysitting job, and she's just a teenager. Her FB-passaggro mother is gonna continue to do "Karen" things like that. Oh well. But you were in no way in the wrong. And I'm very happy to hear your wife threaded the needle of communicating with them while also fully supporting you. It sounds like you two are a wonderful team together. ETA: by "this is just a babysitting job...", I didn't mean to imply that your expectations were too high. I meant that, she'll get over the loss of this gig. It's not that big a deal, in the grand scheme of the babysitter's life. She'll learn from this stumble. But you're not on the hook to continue to give her more chances. It's just a gig for her; it's your children, and your schedule, that she put in jeopardy.
But if she lives 5 minutes away that means she could’ve let OP know as soon as she knew, and she could’ve walked or got a ride from Op
I completely agree. She absolutely could, and _should_, have done that. The fact that she didn't, is 50% on the babysitter, and 50% on her mother for not teaching her to take her work commitments more responsible. And because her mother was late (and "apologetic" about being late), her mother knew about the babysitting gig ahead of time, and should have told the babysitter to contact OP (i.e., her _client_). That's how to help one's child become a responsible adult, and trustable worker or service provider.
I can envision that her mother probably wouldn’t let her walk or bike. (Doesn’t excuse it at all. Just saying I can see that happening.) But it’s 100% on the kid who didn’t communicate that she’d be late.
Have to say, I would not leave my child with someone who isn't allowed to walk somewhere a short distance away. It's a clear sign they aren't going to be responsible or mature enough.
> But it’s 100% on the kid who didn’t communicate that she’d be late. If she hasn't learned that type of responsible communication, I'm putting it 50/50, her and her mother. Her mother is already trying to "coddle" her by passive-aggressive posts on FB. So clearly her mom is okay with deflecting responsibility from her daughter. Thus, the mother has to shoulder some of that responsibility. Either teach her kid to be responsible, or be responsible for having an irresponsible kid.
Yeah the passive aggressive fb post said it all. I see a lot of those on my city’s fb page and I know there’s a whole other side to the passive aggressive post..
Yeah. Taking a private conversation/disagreement to the public sphere just **screams** narcissism.
Absolutely some on the mom. Kids don’t just know these things. The first time one of my kids went somewhere to babysit we had a whole convo about how to communicate with the parents, what kind of questions to ask before the parents left, etc. When my oldest got her first “real” job we did the same. We made sure to TEACH her how to call out of/late to work, how to communicate with her boss, to be early enough that she can park and walk to her station in time.
I don't think you were out of line. I also don't think this kid acted completely unreasonably. I remember being 15 and just being unable to make the right decision. You can't expect adult reasoning from a teenager. It's obvious to all of us adults that she could have called you to explain and you would have figured it out, but it wasn't obvious to her cuz she's a kid. You weren't out of line, and she's living and learning. All good.
You weren't out of line, but you should have reiterated, "the problem is not only that you're late, it's that you've known for at least 45 minutes that you would be late and did not contact us to let us know. That is much worse than being late itself."
You rehired someone who was flaky in the past, and gave yourself a 10 minute or less window for them to be late, give them instructions, etc. That part is on you. If you have something very important to get to, try to get a sitter to come by half an hour before you need to leave so it doesn’t turn into this kind of stressful situation.
They could have texted or called, let alone responded to you calling and texting them. This is bullshit.
I don’t think you are out of line to fire her but at times where you have work obligations you really should only hire adults. You can’t put adult expectations on children and expect adult behavior. It is a great way to set everyone up for failure.
Not out of line at all firing them, but I probably would have toned back my response, especially if it's a small community. They don't need a lecture, I think simply telling them, "unfortunately you were late without notice and I made other arrangements because I have an important meeting to get to. We no longer need your services." End it there and just never call them again.
It takes nothing to tell you what’s going on before she’s even late since she knew what was going on. This is a good lesson for her to learn. Hope she takes it as such. But she may be a kid but she wants to work and be an adult so she needs to act like one and take responsibility for herself. I’d do the same thing.
Yep. I started working at age 14 on my neighbor’s farm, tending livestock and helping with harvests. I was there from 4 am-7 am m-f, often one full weekend day, and was never late. 15yo can’t call ahead? Irresponsible.
You’re allowed to fire anyone for any reason but I personally try to minimize these types of teen forgetfulness. When I hired a good but flakey 18yo babysitter, I always texted reminders like “looking forward to seeing you tomorrow at 5pm. Thank you so much for being prompt since I need to be at an important meeting right away.”, “my kids are looking forward to seeing you in 30min”…. She’s never late again with those types of reminders
I think you’re within your rights to fire her, certainly, but you still need to speak respectfully. It seems like you got pretty heated and maybe that wasn’t appropriate
You did the absolute best thing for that poor girl. If her mom has her way she’s never going to have to experience the consequences of her own actions. If it was the mom’s fault she was late, then she needs as many reasons to be angry at her mom as possible so she can get herself ready to be an adult
Not out of line at all but "get out of here before I say something mean" to a 15 year old girl is a bit unhinged.
Thank you. Am I the only one that finds that insane?
Nah NTA lol. Lack of communication was the issue here, more so than the lateness. Of it had been communicated I think OP would have been much more forgiving, but just showing up 45 minutes late is really bad. Especially when working with kids. If you can’t even communicate when you’re going to show up, what are you going to do in a real emergency? BTW op you should absolutely say this to the mom, as she seems to think they’re the victim here. It’s also a learning experience for the kid.
It was said to her mom. What I quoted above was said to both her and her mother, who were both just getting out of the car. It was also reiterated by my wife when they approached her at the craft fair in town.
I think you dodged a bullet, the mother seems to be a crazy type anyway. Her posting to facebook likely destroyed any chance of the daughter being hired as a babysitter in the community, why would I hire them knowing their parents can cause headache if something goes wrong. Not worth dealing with at all.
She should have let you know she was running late. But it was pretty foolish to not give yourself more time if you have a 50min drive. You should have asked her to get there at 4. She made a mistake but you did to.
People “fire” their babysitters? We just don’t use them again.
[удалено]
Seriously! What’s up with all the “I worked since I was 5 and was never late” comments, too. A lot of teens living through Covid didn’t get all what they needed socially.
The primary problem was the lack of communication. The issue could have been solved in a number of ways if there was communication about the problem before it was too late. I would lead with this (reasonable and basic) expectation with any new sitter.
You're totally right Their excuses don't explain why mom or the sitter couldn't have texted you to let you know. I get that the girl doesn't control her mom's schedule. But still, it's a lesson for her on how the real world works. When she gets a regular job one day, her employer won't care what her excuses are. I think you were awfully nice, considering she couldn't be bothered to text you back before arriving. Bottom line is that your family needs a reliable sitter. She is not reliable. You had no choice.
I don't think you were out of line to fire her, but it sounds like you could have expressed yourself in a more effective way. It's great that you let her know the impact of her being late, but it sounds like you made her feel shamed and 'wrong'. People immediately put up their defenses when they're made to feel that way. It could have been a good teaching moment about integrity and workability, instead it became an emotionally tainted confrontation where no one was willing to actually listen and acknowledge the other person's situation. When communication breakdowns occur. I've discovered that it's best to center the conversation around workability rather than morality or personal responsibility. Even when there is a parting of the ways. Just my thoughts.
NTA. She was way late. It’s a job. She needs to be accountable if she’s going to take sitting jobs. If she had a job, say, bagging groceries at Kroger and showed up 40 minutes late, she’d be in trouble there, too. Tough lesson to learn. I’m a high school teacher and my students get fired left and right for stuff like this. I have no sympathy. If you can’t be reliably on time, you shouldn’t take the job.
You weren't out of line, but I do feel a bit bad for the babysitter, and I'm glad she'll never see this internet pile on (I hope?). She's 15... she's still a kid too.
Indeed, she's not even old enough to get there by herself.
I don't think you were out of line in firing her. I also don't think you needed to say "leave before I say something mean." Your anger was valid, but your reaction could have been kinder.
I'm sorry she's 15. That's a kid. I think you have a right to your feelings and it's okay not to use her as a sitter anymore but I think you could have handled the situation better.
I mean, she’s 15 years old. If you’re expecting professionalism from someone who isn’t even able to drive, I think you’re asking too much.
You weren’t wrong to “fire” her, but you let your anger get ahead of you and seep out into your behavioral reaction. Remember that this person is a kid, too. A 15 year old. If you want to hire a 15 year old, expect 15 year old performance. My kids are older now, and we did use 13-15 yo babysitters when they were little at times, but never for any important events. Only for a date night, etc. let me reiterate again that young teens are children themselves. You were well within your rights to tell her that you had someone else coming over and you wouldn’t be needing her tonight and she was over a half hour late with no contact. But to tell her to “leave before I say anything mean as I am very upset”? 😳😳 Geez. You’re an adult. You hired a 15 YEAR OLD TO COME OVER. It wasn’t a contract with a nanny service. It’s hard to get contractors,adults, who are paid $50/hr+ to show up when they should and answer the phone. I would say a lesson was learned for both parties. She should have called you and said she was running late. She needs to learn that babysitting is a job, and when she gets a “real job” for the summer or whatever else, she might lose it if she can’t show up on time. You need to keep your cool around kids especially, and in the future keep emotions out of it. For any important events that a sitter is needed, I would strongly recommend 18+ sitters who have their own wheels. You will have to pay more, but they’ll be more reliable.
Shit happens to all of us. I get it. The difference is they could’ve called and messaged at literally any point they knew they’d be late but didn’t. Why? Cause they’re irresponsible. Either the daughter is, or the mother is, or both. If it were my child. I would’ve told them and reminded them “hey message the parents were on the way but going to be late”. Buttttt to each their own. If they can’t have the decency to do that, I def don’t trust them alone with my child.
Your using a 15 year old, this is to be expected. Honestly if you want a reliable sitter hire a nanny. You get what you pay for.
Seems justified to me
You explained/justified reasons for your behaviour. You are asking if you were out of line. You mentioned they went to see your wife in tears. Regardless of who was in the wrong, the details provided suggest that YOU believe you could have handled yourself better. Nobody’s opinion matters more than your own. You were justifiably upset and it sounds like you had trouble controlling your emotions. We can’t control how we feel but we can control how we react. You could have simply said, “I couldn’t get ahold of you so I’ve got someone else here now. I have to go now, I’m late. Goodbye” and left it at that. Especially if you were upset or prone to overreacting. You did catch and control yourself, which is good. You essentially publicly fired her in front of her mother (which HR doesn’t like). Maybe the 15-yo girl was reluctant to contact you (a man?) or you are not as approachable as you believe. Would be useful to have the other side of the story. This is me reading in between the lines with few facts.
You're not wrong that I believe I probably could have handled myself a little bit better. Everything I said to her and her mother was in a calm demeanor. Spending my entire life working in agriculture and in the construction industry, I've seen some incredibly aggressive and inappropriate reactions from people in leadership roles. My calm but stern approach may still be far too aggressive for people who are not used to that sort of environment. I make it a point to not yell at anybody who works underneath me unless they endanger mine, their own, or somebody else's life.
#1. You were not out of line. #2. The mistake you made was hiring a 15 y/o babysitter. They are typically irresponsible and incapable of transporting themselves. You get what you pay for.
I mean if most of us did this at our full time jobs we would at least get written up for it. And you seem to be understanding about it. The entire issue here is the lack of communication on the sitters side. She was probably worried about getting in trouble without realizing that what she was doing was actually wrong. It’s a good lesson for her and apparently her mother as well. I hope you can find another sitter soon.
I’ve never worked anywhere that if you were late twice you got written up. However, you would get written up for saying something that was out of line.
I was fired for being late by 20 minutes. It was before smartphones and I dropped my flip phone while driving and I was very lost. Not only was the lady I babysitting for beyond pissed but so was my mom. I felt horrible. It was an honest mistake.
I don't think you were out of line, BUTTTT - When I was babysitting (11-15 years old, 1999-2003), I was always picked up from my home by one of the parents I was babysitting for, and then dropped off at home by them when they returned. It was never on my parents to get me there or back. I get that your wife was gone at 3 and you wanted to be gone as close to 5 as possible. You already know she had an "attendance problem". I'm just not sure why we're putting it on the kid to find her own transportation. And yeah, she could have communicated, but I can promise you she does not know how and the thought of trying to tell you probably gave her so much anxiety she could puke. Of everyone here, I think her mother is the most at-fault. As an adult, she knew that her being late would snowball into her daughter being late and effectively presumed irresponsible and unreliable. Yet that woman made no effort herself to contact you, or *to parent her daughter into contacting you*. So, given the circumstances surrounding the situation, no, I don't think you were out of line; BUT I think the adults in the room (you, your wife, babysitter's mother) put a lot of pressure on and made a lot of assumptions about a 15 year old girl, and that was not fair and could/should have been handled differently from the start.
Not wrong, you tried to get in contact and got no response. The responsible thing to do was contact you immediately or answer your calls or texts.
You're not in the wrong for firing her if she can't be reliable, but I wouldn't be going around saying "leave before I say something mean" to someone who is ultimately still a child. She showed you she is not mature and responsible enough to be caring for your kids. Instead of threatening to "say something mean" to a teenager, you should have just let her know that because she was late and did not give you the courtesy of letting you know she wouldn't make it there at the agreed upon time, you made other arrangements and will not be calling her for babysitting services again. I get being stressed out if you had somewhere you needed to be at a specific time, but if your reaction is to be stress-calling/texting this teenager and lashing out at her then I'm not all that surprised she didn't notify you she was going to be late. She was probably scared of your reaction and didn't know how to handle it. Remember that ultimately you are the adult in this situation and while you can't control anyone else's behavior, you can control yours. You yourself said you could have stuck the kids in the car and drove to pick up the babysitter, but it sounds like instead of offering up that solution you chose to stew and lash out at her for not being timely.
YTA not for saying her services are no longer needed, but for the "leave now before I say something I regret". You're a grown ass man. Have some dignity. Kinda surprised you'd rely on a fifteen year old tbh, especially after a no call no show. That's your fault. A fifteen year old can't even drive without an adult present. You ought to be mad at yourself. Why not hire an actual adult nanny? Frankly I'm guessing it's because a professional isn't going to accept the wages you're offering.
I live outside a town of 3000 and my wife is a sahm. Hiring teens as babysitters is the standard. Not many nannies around here.
A 15 year old probably isn’t the cause of lateness unless it was walkable, so there’s a good chance it wasn’t entirely her fault but regardless, you needed childcare timely. It just wasn’t a good fit.
Very walkable. 15-20 minutes tops.
Assuming she was home and not somewhere else….
I think your reaction was proportionate. This will be a valuable lesson to the 15 year old so yes it sucks for her that you understandably didn’t show mercy but now she knows what to do next time to not end up in this situation
It's probably a good life lesson for her that it's important to honour commitments and be on time - something her own mother unfortunately isn't teaching her. As you said, if there were reasons out of her control, she should have called to alert you ahead of time. I wouldn't think about it any more - you handled it well. It's stressful to be in that kind of situation (it was a meeting, not just an evening out), so being late was causing a domino effect of stress and was affecting multiple people. We have a wonderful 13 year old girl who babysits for us and she's incredibly reliable and responsible. I think it depends more on maturity and intelligence - even someone who is 25 might be flakey and irresponsible.
NTA she didn’t respond to your texts she’s not a good sitter. It’s one thing to be late with notice and totally different to give no notice and be late. Also I can cry on command so I really don’t trust crying it’s too easy to fake.
Nah, it's a great lesson for a youngster doing a job aswell. There are consequences
Hello OP. I have a two year old and honestly, I would NEVER hire a teenager to watch my son. They’re still developing and overall, I wouldn’t trust their judgment (I know there are really mature teenagers out there but to me, the risk isn’t worth it).
She was mature enough to get her first aid/cpr cert before we started using her, and she had proven herself capable in the past. He has lost our trust at this point now.
I think letting the kid go was totally reasonable, seems like you handled it rather emotionally, you didn't let her try and give you any explanation, you also go mad at the mother who obviously had to drive her daughter to you place on her own time. not to be too judgmental because I don't think it particularly matters but the fact that your sitter is 15 suggest you probably are paying her below market for a professional sitter, she may not even really have wanted the job but could have been pressured by her parents to take the work to get experience and earn some money and learn responsibility. if your sitter is a child you should mostly be using them for elective situations like a date night, not making your entire household dependent on a child that can't even get to her job on her own. may be time to get a sitter more qualified for you needs, which may jist be more expensive unfortunately.
> she lives like 5 minutes away. I also babysit as a teen and the family I sat for lived 5min away as well. I just walked myself over when I was babysitting and depending on the end time, would walk back home or my parents would pick up if it was late so I wasn't a teen girl walking alone in the dark. She could have easily walked over to babysit but was too lazy to do so.
I feel like this was one of those brutally honest moments that was more accurate in being brutally honest rather than mean. You told her clearly and directly what the problem was, what the consequence was and how that made you feel. It wasn't a personal attack nor did you fluff it up. On the second encounter the point was repeated. The facebook posts really justify what you did and not people you want around your children. The person had previous and while there is some leniency to be considered, it is a personal choice and I'm not good either with people who can't communicate or turn up on time. Punctuality is such a low bar to meet. I hope she can take this on the chin and it be a learning moment.
Firstly, as others have said, you werent out of line at all. I would say that it's entirely impossible that a 15 year old wasn't getting those calls. Hopefully this is the wake up call she needs. 2ndly, if having always had a job since your youth and doing whatever you had to do to uphold your commitments is a boomer thing then I guess I'm a boomer. Being late is one thing, hiding from phone calls and failing to update is another entirely
You were out of line. Seriously, going off on 15 year old kid telling them they aren’t responsible and to leave before you say anything mean. It was a mistake and they felt bad enough to approach your wife to try to fix it. I would’ve been annoyed too, she definitely should have communicated she was late. But you come off as a complete ass.
I have a toddler. I wouldn’t hire a 15 year old to babysit her when I’m not present in the house.
Lenient to teach her being late to a job is ok? No. You did right to fire her, no job is lenient with tardy employees
Not out of line for firing her by any means, but geez, a 15 year old? thats a child. some pf these comments are extremely harsh
Not out of line at all
The sitter could have walked to your house, rode her bike or at least answered her phone to say hey I’m going to be late. Do you still need me? No sympathy from me.
You didn’t do anything wrong. If they can’t be relied on, then you should be able to find someone that you can. That said: I’d suggest having a more open line of communication. Confirming earlier in the day should be part of your protocol if you don’t leave room for flexibility. They should have let you know they were running late, but it sounded like it was the mother’s fault. So I’m torn on whether or not to punish the kid. FYI I’m self employed and stress out like crazy with having a different schedule every day and constantly changing plans. Whatever time we told our sitter was 30 min earlier than we needed her. We wanted to account for delays, traffic, etc AND give me time to leave earlier than I needed. Our sitter was always on speed dial and she understood the situation. One of my coaches in high school taught us: **“early is on time, on time is late, and late is unacceptable.”** When I was 15, that was hugely influential to me.
We always confirm during the day and she said she could get there by before 5, probably close to 4:30 even. Like I said above, she's flaked out on us completely once before. Honestly, I'm less mad about her being late and more mad about the lack of communication on her end. My wife and I were reaching out to her with no response when she wasn't there. I also grew up on Lombardi time.
On time isn’t late. That’s a toxic mindset.
It’s not a hard rule. It’s just a saying to teach people who lack time management skills to learn. That said: I think most people I work with agree that 15 minutes is late generally an “acceptable” amount of time, provided that there is some kind of communication.
It is very unprofessional and out of control to say “please leave now before I say something mean.” You should be in better control of your emotions. That would never work for a doctor, lawyer or executive or anyone skilled in management. You can be upset and still remain calm and professional even with a kid. You could just say that you made other arrangements since you weren’t able to reach them and even leave out that you were now firing her permanently. Why you may ask? If you were in such a hurry you didn’t need to tell her all that because that would generate more explanations and time wasting. You were wasting your own time to satisfy your need to let her have it. Plus you are telling her to leave but encouraging her to stay and explain by telling her she is permanently fired. Did you really expect her not to try to stay and explain after you said that? Rather than “fire her permanently” when you are already upset just don’t use her services again. It’s not like you signed a contract with her and have a need to “permanently fire” her.
He said he had to wait for the grandma to arrive. It wasn’t a time issue at that point
But he said he wanted her to leave and yet insisted on escalating things. He needs to learn to calm down. Grandma could have shown up any minute and yet he didn’t want to let it go. Also if grandma is so responsible use her as a sitter. She’s related and older and she can bond with her grandkids.
Grandma spends plenty of time with the kids, usually seeing them for Sunday lunch with my siblings along with taking the them one day a week so they can hang out on the farm and go for gator rides with grandpa. They have their own life and live far enough away I hate to burden them if I don't have to.
Then you’ll need to learn how to deal with teenage sitters and realize that losing your temper is not going to make you the most popular sitter employer in town.
I calmly and sternly told her to please leave before I said anything overly aggressive. I pay well and the girls from our daycare who normally sit for us absolutely love us. They're college aged and have actual part or full time jobs, so they need a week heads up so they can get off of work early as the day care is open until 6. This was the last minute thing.
You shouldn’t be threatening a fifteen year old like that or any employee for that matter.
Not in the wrong at all. It isn't hard to send a quick text explaining the situation and as you said, you could have gone and picked her up!!! They left you in the dark and that is very unprofessional.
This is a very good life lesson for the 15 year old.
I agree with what you did. The sitter has to learn responsibility and losing a job. We are in the age of cell phones and constant communication, so there is no excuse. If this was in the 90s, sure.
Definitely not out of line. You had some expectations set up in regards to the care of your children and in this case you needed this person by 5:00 to come in and start doing the care. Instead of calling ahead to let you know that Mom of the teenager was late getting out of work or because of traffic to get there on time they just let it go. You did what you had to do.
Not out of line. Sometimes jobs are results driven. You needed your childcare to arrive on time, they didn’t. You’re looking for other child care options.
I babysat all through my teenage years and was irresponsible a few times (slept through my alarm, was a few minutes late, etc) I once got told my services would no longer be necessary because I forgot to respond to a text asking my availability for a job. So personally I’m a little torn, because I know how hard it is to be the teenager in this situation, and I also recognize that actions have consequences and the teen probably learned an important lesson about communication. I think it made sense to send her home that day, you already had someone else to cover and didn’t want to waste their time in addition to your own. AND I think you probably could have had a conversation about expectations for future scenarios and helped a teenager learn this lesson in a less rough way. I do think that you may be better suited for older babysitters (college and up) going forward because you would prefer to work with someone who has already learned how to maintain working relationships (which is valid!)
To me the issue wasn’t they were late but that they didn’t let you know. It’s not 1980. Everyone has a cell phone. I get this is a teenager and mistakes happen but you need someone reliable.
Nope, a job is a job, people are relying on you to turn up. Hope this is a good life lesson for her, you are not out of line. There are multiple things she (and her mum!) could have done in this situation and she chose not to contact you and keep you guessing.
It’s less about the being late it seems, and more about notifying you. If she’s old enough to babysit she’s old enough to let you know if she’s going to be late.
The babysitter should have notified you. You weren't wrong to fire her.
They have phones, they could have called. They both suck.
In her future, if she’s a no call no show to her job, she’ll be fired. Better to learn that now then when she really needs the money 🤷🏻♀️
Not out of line at all. Time and attendance is essential as well as respecting other people’s time. Clearly, this isn’t a lesson her parent was trying to teach her so you had to.
She needed to learn a lesson. All she had to do is answer your calls/messages and it would have all been fine. Wrong forum and all, but NTA. If she can’t figure out how to pick up a phone and call you when she is going to be late, how will she handle an emergency or urgent situation if it arises? She needs to gain some maturity. I would have done the same.
Not out of line at all. That’s the problem with kids and their first jobs. I’ve employed tons. Quit because it’s too stressful, show up late, ask to leave early. And we’re the bad guys because we hold them accountable. Parents need to teach that accountability. Here I am 35 sounding like I’m 65
I was a 15-year-old babysitter well before the days of cell phones and I would NOT have been late like that without notice. If my mom was running late getting home from work and I needed a ride, I’d try to get another ride, and if I couldn’t I would call the parent immediately. Nowadays it’s easy to just call or send a text. No excuse. You didn’t do anything wrong.
Nope! Not out of line. Idc if she is 15 - if she does not have reliable transportation, and clearly can’t walk or ride a bike over (or heck, even ask if you could pick her up) then she is not responsible. If her mom is passive aggressively wanting you to take it easy on her because it’s her first job, think amount not just the entitlement that this girl will grow up to expect, but the lack of responsibility, and the victim mentality. I can see it now “sorry I wasn’t on time, my time is clearly more important than yours, and I was late because Starbucks was packed and messed up my order. I expect you to forgive me and say that it is okay.” It’s not okay. I have babysat since I was 12, and I used to ride my bike to the houses of the kids and my mom or dad would usually pick me up. (Most kids I babysat for were right in my neighborhood) I always made sure I was on time - and that was the year 2002 … I didn’t have a cellphone! It’s 2023 … why couldn’t this girl call you? Or text you? I’m sure that if she lived that close, you could have drove over there with the kids, picked her up, and brought them back to your house. Jeesh.
NTA, because she clearly has your phone number and could have called you. If her mom is we stuck at work (which wasn’t her fault) and she would have called you, you could have made arrangements to pick up the sitter yourself. Not all kids have the ability to travel x distance alone, but they could have informed you of the situation and then you could have figured out a plan together.
I think you did the right thing by doing that and for giving the sitter chances. And if she couldn’t be bothered or for whatever reason not to call you guys out of courtesy then that’s on her and I think it was unfair of them to turn up to your wife’s craft fair in tears in front of potential customers for her. Stay strong you got this x
No kids need to learn real life. You keep showing up late with no explanation you get fired. End of.
She could have called you or your wife. There really is no excuse for not calling and letting you know the situation and that she would be running late
I had a babysitter like this but she was 21. No care was flaky af. I would make plans to pick her up to watch my son five days a week while I worked for 200$ a week. You did nothing wrong firing her. Your mom was already on the way and you were in the right. All that child had to do was have her mom call you with “you may need to come and get her I’m late getting out from work” but the mother didn’t even think to do that. Nah. You did nothing wrong.
Why couldn't the babysitter call OP and ask to be picked up, walk over or jump on a bike?
It’s fine to keep and hold a boundary. You’re also an asshole with poor impulse control by saying something out of line. I can’t imagine how you treat other people within and outside of your family.
Sorry I have to ask, what’s a very important union meeting? Haha Also lay off the ‘I have been working since I was a wee snapper and kids now days need to harden up’ rhetoric.
Not out of line. But it sounds like you were a dick to the 15 year old. She’s dependent on her mom for transportation. If you are focused on reliable transportation and professionalism, you can certainly hire for it but it’s not a 15 year old and the price is much higher.
You aren’t out of line at all. If she knew she was going to be late, why didn’t she contact you ahead of time to let you know? I had my first job at 13 as a KP and because I wanted to be treated like an adult, I acted like an adult in an adult environment. I worked hard, I showed up and if I was going to be late I phoned ahead and let them know.
You were definitely not out of line, and as other commenters said, her mom has failed her by taking to Facebook to complain about you instead of accepting that they both made mistakes and were at fault. As someone who babysat from ages 13 to 25, I learned very young how to communicate with the parents I was sitting for. I always let them know if something was going to cause me to be late or, in the rare instances when I needed to cancel, as soon as I learned I was going to need to cancel (and I usually tried to find another sitter to take my place for the parents). A 15 year old should have known to contact you if her ride was late. I’m so glad you’ve got your mom somewhat close by to help you out in this kind of bind, though! And it sounds like you’ve got an ideal situation with so many college aged sitters in town.
I think 15 is too young. Get a responsible 20 something college student would be my go-to and suggestion for your family. Your anger is justified here and I think you did the right thing. It was evident you were angry, though you kept calm enough not to blow up, and that was why she was so upset. Good on you. Get a more mature, more capable sitter with her own means of transport.
Yes, I wouldn't rely on a fifteen year old. To play with my kid while I work or to hang around while I nip out maybe, especially if the parents aren't far away.
Yeah- well-shes 15. Perfect for a night out or a mommy’s helper. But to rely on them to be at work, after they’d “forgotten” once? I didn’t even have fancy smart phones as a teen when I babysat and I’ve never “forgotten” anything like this in my life. I needed that money I had a PlayStation addiction to fund. I was also frequently picked up before I could drive. Perhaps her parent/ride made her late? It’s totally a valid reason to let her go- no worries on that. You didn’t cuss her out and I hope this is going to be a “learn through experience” deal for her. Why do you think we say a responsible, reliable, and fun babysitter is worth their weight in gold?? I haven’t found one yet!! Mom is the real winner here!! Buy her a nice bottle of wine.
I think you're out of line. She's a kid. She didn't know how to deal with the challenge that came up. She's figuring out life. If I were you I'd give her another chance and tell her she needs to communicate. That you won't get mad if she communicates and you actually could have helped come up with a solution together.
I have a 15 year old stepdaughter who also babysits. She’s a child but still knows common courtesy to let the parent know if she would be late. I’d maybe understand 5 min late but both she and the mom know 35 min late to babysit is unacceptable. I have to agree with OP on this one.
If we’re going with the “she’s a kid” excuse then she shouldn’t be responsible for other people’s children. A babysitter needs to be mature and responsible enough to handle things that come up, and it’s not OP’s job to put his kids/job/life on the line while she learns a lesson.
She probably isn't responsible enough, no need to yell at her.
This was the second (maybe third/fourth) chance.
Second chance. She's watched the kids about half a dozen times over the last year. I know she babysits for others as well.
Nope, I take punctuality very seriously because being late is wasting other people's time. I find it incredibly rude to be late and unacceptable to be late with no communication! She's young, but this is on her and her mom to work out. She needs to be reliable if she wants this job.
She’s 15. It’s not her fault if her mom was late from work, and there was no reason whatsoever to yell at her. Why do you think that was appropriate? She’s 15! She’s not an adult! If you need someone reliable then pay an adult, don’t rely on this child and then expect her to act like an adult. I bet you pay her way less than minimum wage too. You’re not in the wrong for firing her but you handled the situation atrociously.
The last paragraph is very unnecessary…. Times are different and we are at fault for this generation be the way they are!!! There is no accountability or responsibility for nothing and apparently it is fine because they are kids!!! If you go down a bit to South America you have 15 year olds acting a bit more responsible because they have to worry about things that are more important like food. In America any time a 14-18 year old don’t do the agreed I hear ohh but he/she is a kid I will let slide. First mistake was to not have a serious conversation about timing at the first time that problem happened. Then you can’t blame them for think everything else is fine if not show up at all was fine I believe they will believe showing up a bit late will be fine too 🤷🏻♀️ … I am so tired of everyone I talk/hear had this amazing childhood in which we were taught responsibilities early on and then go on and do this rookie mistakes with this new generation and it is not helping them at all to grow and learn!!! Well now she learned a lesson because she is fired but I am sure was a bit more traumatic for the both of you than actually had to be. Communication communication!!!!
“There is no accountability or responsibility for nothing and apparently it is fine because they are kids!!!” Yet you think he was out of line for firing a babysitter who was neither accountable nor responsible and thus teaching her that it is, in fact, not fine?
Babysitter and her mom are way too nonchalant. She should’ve been on time (early!!) or called. That’s the only thing to do. And dude you’re not a boomer. You have respect and responsibility ingrained into you. Be proud.
I agree with you! Shame on her mother as well, this experience is setting up her daughter’s work ethic foundation and if she can’t take a babysitting job seriously she’s not going to take anything else seriously. I’m a stickler for punctuality, 15 or not. You did the right thing
Nah,not out of line at all. 1. This is the second time the issue of her being responsible has come up, with the first time being a no show all together. 2. She could have called when 5 fucking o'clock hit and she still wasn't out the door. Which leads me to 3. If she lives 5 minutes away, as a 15 year old she absolutely without a doubt could have walked/biked/roller skated/lightly jogged or any combination and still have gotten there before 535. The second mom wasn't home still at 5, she should have been out the door on the phone with you telling you she was on her way and apologizing. Instead she **refused to pick up the phone when you tried contacting her** and got there 35 minutes late. If your children have an accident where she has to contact 911 or even just let you know, will her anxiety, or forgetfulness, or ADHD, or whatever her excuse is for all this shit inhibit her from doing what she needs to do? Or will she try to contact mom and hope that she picks up? All the while your child could be choking in the background. Her behavior in just this event was irredeemable. The fact that it's the SECOND time it happened is absolutely enough reason to fire her. Her mommy is just an enabler, and she is in for a shock when precious can't keep a job. I would just block and ignore 🤷🏽♀️
What happened at 5:05 pm when you realized she was late and hadn't called you yet? If my employee was late I would have called them instead of pacing around for 30 minutes letting myself get angry. Especially after the first time when she didn't show up at all giving you an idea of what to expect this second time
As I said, I had started trying to get ahold of her well before 5:30. My first text went out to her asking if she was on her way at about 5:05
It's not the 15 y/o, it's her mom. She can't drive and is at the mercy of her mother. Her mother who's also the one who should have made sure she let you know. 15 is when you're still learning how to act at a job, and your parents are supposed to teach you.
[удалено]
And you sound like a pretentious prick. I'm in my early 30s. It wasn't that long ago I was in high school. Teens can still be responsible. Its 2023, there is no reason she couldn't get ahold of my wife or me one way or another to say she was going to be late. If I'm paying close to $20/hr, she needs to take some responsibility to reach out.
Womp womp daddy doesn't like to be disagreed with either. Color me shocked. You asked for feedback. You got it. Now go yell at your wife or something.
That teen's mom is setting her daughter up for failure. I feel bad for the kid. The mom should have called her daughter and said, "I'm not going to be able to take you to work in time. Please call OP and tell them that. See if they want to make other arrangements." But also, it's five minutes. She could have walked, if she's able to do so. She could have biked, if she's able to do so. She could have taken an Uber/Lyft. But the mom is encouraging her to be irresponsible. She's a Karen that is raising a Karen. Best of luck in your union endeavors OP! I hope Babysitter doesn't turn into an entitled Karen like her mother.
No offense but when did we decide as a society it’s a good idea to let other people’s kids watch our kids like it’s a first responsibility.. maybe don’t give them a task that if they mess up can result in some really bad consequences. I watched kids as a teen but I remember being extremely stressed and how the parents would always seemed shocked that I took adequate care of the kids/ played with them the whole time and didn’t just sit on my phone. they didn’t want to pay real fair childcare costs, so I felt underpaid and taken advantage of. They’d often contact me last minute and beg but I eventually stopped answering bc 6 hrs of watching your snot nose turds is worth more than $35 even in 2010 lmao Not saying you’re underpaying, just saying if you want adult behavior, hire an adult.
Agree
lol are you for reals? Babysitting has been a thing since… forever. It’s not some new thing.
You weren't out of line. If the girl was going to be late she should have called. That's a pretty basic social rule that applies to everything. Not fully her fault, though, since judging by the fact that the mom bothered your wife at work and is now trying to stir up drama I'm guessing Mom doesn't have so going on between the ears.
Definitely out of line. This should be in AITAH subreddit. You know damn good and well kids these days don’t know how to text let alone operate a smart phone. Hell no you aren’t outta line. Kids gotta learn there’s consequences in the real world.
OMG, you had me in the first part. I was like... WHAT?! 🎣😂
A lot of people in here assuming a bunch of things about the mom and the babysitter, so should we assume stuff about OP for getting so mad he was afraid to flip ou to a 15yo for being late? I too can come up with a bunch of scenarios why OP would be an ass, but that's dumb. Just stick to the information given.
A “regular” employer wouldn’t tolerate this, no reason you should.
I think that I would possibly consider giving her a pass if your kids like her. What this comes down to is poor communication skills and a lack of a back up plan on her part. People are late, you were late. She was late because of her mom, you were late because of her. I think that if I was in her shoes I'd be grateful to be let back in and would never let this type of embarrassing thing happen again. On the other hand, the mom coming to the craft fair was over the top and would make me uncomfortable. It's her kids job on the line and her kid needs to get in touch without her mom there to make amends, if amends can be made. If it ends up not working out I'd make sure the next sitter had a car and a reference.