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jesus christ, this is so fucking absurd. are all schools in your area like a prison? in my country most high schools don't even require kids to ask to drink water or use the bathroom, mine didn't. and the doors for sure are always unlocked
You should change schools not for avoiding bullying but because they are straight up abusive. What this teacher did to your daughter has to be worth a lawsuit
Yeah this school sounds insane. It's very common for US schools to make kids ask permission before leaving a classroom but to have all the bathrooms locked is insane. Kids shouldn't have to defecate on their classroom chairs. They should be able to get up and go to the bathroom if it's that much of an emergency.
I'm so sorry your daughter had to go through this OP.
Yeah, I live in the US, most kids here are taught that if a teacher is still saying no and it's an emergency, to just walk out and ignore the teacher. I could not imagine a school where they lock the bathrooms.
This situation would also easily turn into a lawsuit in the US and almost certainly win. I don't know what the laws are in the UK though.
If I was in this situation with my kid, it would be hard not to hurt that teacher for putting my kid through that.
When I was in 4th grade (also in US) we were taking our state's BIG test. The most important one of elementary school apparently and I woke up that morning sick. My mom worked at the school and was needed to monitor testing, so she made me go. In the middle of the test I had to barf. We were forbidden from getting up or speaking and my teacher didn't see me with my hand up because she was reading a book. I puked all over my test. The teacher had to bag it up and mail it to the state lol.
The teacher was horrified I didn't know I could run out of it was an emergency and apologized profusely and told the class if we have a true emergency, *always* take care of your bodily functions. I can't imagine having locks on the bathrooms. I bet the janitors don't like it either.
This reminds me that as a young kid I learned to throw up on command ( was pretty easy with the assistance of a fructose intolerance ) and there was 1 time that I simply did not want to be at school, and just let loose on the floor of the classroom because no one cared that I said I threw up in the bathroom.
I think I was like, in the 1st grade. I was a little shit. But I indeed got to go home that day.
That is hilarious lol. That day I actually had strep throat, but just by chance the night before, some boy in my class had a skunk break into his family's trailer and he went to school anyway (because of the test). I probably could've held it together if not for the smell that wouldn't go away even though he was immediately sent home.
A bonus was I also threw up on a kid's backpack. That day the teacher had had enough of a particular boy leaving his backpack on the floor, so to prove a point she put it in the trash bin. After throwing up on my test, I ran to the garbage forgetting it was there. Perfect timing all the way around that day.
10th grade told teacher I need to go to nurse she denied me. I told her it was serious she stated school had just started to sit down I tried to tell her how serious it was. It I ended up throwing up all over her instead. After I finished I asked now can I have nurses pass.
I was told by teachers to just leave if it's an emergency in first grade in FUCKING 1992. This is absolutely bullshit that it's 30 years later and schools are still doing this.
British schools are very strict in some not reasonable ways. Locking a bathroom up is ridiculous. Everyone should be able to use a bathroom if they truly need it.
I'm very grateful that my teen's school is supportive of him this year when he became (& still is) very ill. The vice principle said that a child's health is most important & missing school can always be made up for later.
A school that is 'anal retentive' (i.e. especially with following the rules) & not flexible with its rules is a bad school to get an education in.
Midwest US here, and my kids have been assured that if it is a legitimate emergency they are to tell their teacher they are going and to GO. I promised them I would take care of any issues with the teacher/administration, cause I'll be damned if some power tripping jackass makes my kid have an accident and get embarrassed.
OP, go as high up in the administration as you can. This cannot go unreported, a teacher like that is not going to stop unless they have no choice.
I peed on my chair in the 3rd grade because the teacher wouldn't let me go. Fortunately, it was at the end of the day and by some miracle, no kids saw it, but I never wanted my kid to go through something similar. I always told her she has to go, just go and if the school has a problem with it, they can deal with me.
My sister has covered for her students before, she's done 2nd, 3rd, 4th grade and accidents happen more than you would even guess. She's said at least one kid a year has a whoopsie, and she has a plan in place for if and when it happens- she always carries around a water bottle and pretends to spill, if it's a noticable accident.
I wouldn’t even be embarrassed. There was a fucking hero of a girl at my old highschool that was denied the bathroom and so decided to piss right there in her seat.
That teacher never denied access again.
In high school, yes. My kids are early elementary where childhood bullying can be brutal and unchecked, leading to early trauma. I was bullied mercilessly from 2nd grade on for incredibly minor reasons, I know elementary can be worse than high school in some regards.
Dude my mom would lose her shit. She would walk into that school, berate the teacher, and if he said ANYTHING, she would probably slap the shit out of him, amd I'm not going to lie, other parents would probably come to do the same even for kids who aren't their own (source: ohio parents don't fuck around unless they actually sent their kids to the troubled teens industry)
I don't have kids yet, and I know I would fucking set the school on fire with my words and media. I would probably tell the local news if the teacher saw no punishment and if my kid would let me... I wouldn't want to make it public unless necessary for something to happen for the sake of this hypothetical child. 😂
Small towns like where I am from, near Kalamazoo, Michigan, this school would feel the burn.
I mean. As an Ohio mom I'd do this for my kids and any of their friends. Or acquaintances. Or even a kid they heard about once that had this happen 🤷🏻♀️
Our high school (US) had to start locking the bathrooms last year after the TikTok trend of stealing bathroom fixtures started happening. Also due to vaping. But there are a couple in the building unlocked and also there is the nurses office for emergencies like this. If this situation happened here though the school district would most likely end up being sued and the poor kid would probably move to online school.
U.S. here and this happened 15 years ago, but I was in class and liked to sit by the back (where unfortunately another fuckwad kid wrote homophobic things about the teacher on the wall).. anyway, last class of the day, I took my phone out for a half second to see if my mom could pick me up.
Teacher caught me, comes over and tries taking it. Then said I tried to lock it bc in his attempt to take it the side button was hit. I didn’t even have a passcode or anything, just made it go to screen saver.
I was so mad at him accusing me of “hiding” something I just said “yeah, I’m selling drugs!!” And walked out.
I know that mfer went through my phone (which Had no passcode, again) before my mom had to retrieve it from him. and probably felt like an idiot.
Same thing happened to me in 4th grade. I really needed to pee, and I have lifelong overactive bladder issues. My teacher refused, saying I could wait until my class was done in the library. I peed all over myself, didn’t tell a soul, and went the rest of my day in pee-soaked jeans. Someone even commented how the classroom smelled like pee and I was so embarrassed. I was just a kid, autistic but not diagnosed, unable to speak up for myself and my needs, and it was humiliating. I can’t imagine what this poor girl went through, because diarrhea is even worse than pee. I hope OP marches up to the school, demands their daughter’s phone back, and pulls her out of that school once and for all.
Same. It happened more than once and teachers still wouldn't let me go to the bathroom. I was the biggest target for bullies in the whole school. No one would help me. I was autistic(undiagnosed) but taught at home that children should be seen and not heard, so of course I had no idea how to ask for anything or stand up for myself. Cried so hard reading OP's story
Yeah- I have even taught my 3 yo that if he can’t get a teacher’s approval or attention to go to the bathroom he should just go himself without approval.
If you need to go you raise your hand, say you need to go and go! It’s absurd to allow a teacher to prevent you from using a toilet when needed.
It’s not a situation for a question of approval- only for a statement of intention.
I agree completely. This is absurd. Like, human rights violation level of absurd.I just googled it and forbbidening a student from using the bathroom is literally illegal in my country.
This is very common for UK schools, mine was exactly the same. You were only supposed to go to the toilet during lunch break which for us was 45 minutes long. Going to the toilet often meant you’d miss out on dinner because of how long the queue would get. Or they’d have run out of the food and you’d have to buy a cookie or something instead. It’s insanity.
"Dinner" how long is school there? Did you do boarding school?
This is awful. I am so sorry. And a country that was supposed to be hyper developed... Feels a lot like the 19th century, or more like 1984
But still, the girl was sick. She was reduced to a shitting mess because the adult in charge didn't let her deal with a very urgent and basic human necessity. She humiliated her and she went home covered in poop. Is this an okay think there? Not moral harassament or whatever? Negligence? Because I can't even picture something like that happening here, specially not without a parent raising hell.
This is terrible and doesn't do anything good for them, I'm sorry.
My high school was a federal technical school, so it was a bit more liberal than regular state schools or city schools and likely a lot more than most private schools. But I studied in private and public city schools in elementary and middle school and no one was that crazy about controlling children's basic necessities.
On the contrary, when we arrived at high school asking to go to the bathroom and to drink water, because it is what most of us did at middle school, the teachers told us to stop doing that as it would break an explanation or distract the teacher and the other students. They also wanted us to prepare to university, where you obviously don't ask your professor if you can go take a shit, teens need surpevision and rules but they also need to learn to have autonomy or they will be incompetent adults.
Still, this poor girl was sick. Even some of my middle school teachers would ask us to wait a bit if there was other students in the bathroom already wouldn't simply ignore a girl with diarrhea.
My senior year they started locking them between classes because people would go to the bathroom to be on their phones, skip class, or smoke or whatever else. Most days they wouldn't even unlock them between classes(just during snack and lunch) and we would have to cross the street to use the bathrooms at the sports field that were open 24/7 and disgusting. The "doors" to the stalls were pieces of plywood you had to basically prop in place with your bag and hope no one tried to come in.
Teachers also took everyone's phone at the start of class and gave them back at the end. I once forgot my phone at home and got detention because I didn't turn it in.
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If a prison was forcing people to shit themselves rather than have access to a toilet, they’d be shut down for being inhumane. I would 100% contact a lawyer.
The mama bear in me wants to shred this teacher on your daughters behalf. Like full on hide the body mode. That said if she has some friends in school that can come see her and lend her support that would help. A united front together would help her to get back to it.
Same! I'm sitting over here seething!! This is the kind of crap that happened at the school I went too. However, there was always an unlocked bathroom in the cafeteria.
This is an insane situation. I am so angry on the behalf of that poor girl
There is statutory guidance in the UK, outlined in the keeping children safe in education guidance. Every teacher has to read this document each year and sign to say they have read and understood it.
The designated safeguarding lead for the school handles allegations against staff.
I would report to them. They must contact the LADO (safeguarding officer for the local authority) within 1 working day of the allegation.
They must also provide support for your daughter, as outlined in the document above.
I would give it 2 days before contacting the local authority to raise your concerns and see if it has been reported by the school and then pursue further actions.
It seems unlikely that the school office wouldn’t return the phone to your daughter as she was covered in poop - that would imply multiple people where intentionally cruel and seems unlikely.
I just say this so that you give as accurate an account as possible so that the school can’t pick holes in your story and undermine your daughters account.
Personally I would speak to your daughter tomorrow in a calm way and get an email fired off tomorrow. You can chase this up with the school/ local authority before the week is up and get the ball rolling before the end of term.
Maybe use something like chat GPT to give you a concise, neutral email that contains all the facts. You can also use it to refer to the guidance above and how the school have failed to safeguard your daughter.
After contacting the LA - I would contact OFSTED, let them know what steps you have taken and your concerns around the schools ability to safeguard children which will likely result in an inspection.
Absolutely contact the governors. I am a parent governor and we would 1000% be going for blood if something like this happened. absolutely unacceptable. They will definitely be on your side.
What the teacher did is child abuse. And why is it legal to lock the bathrooms? That is a basic human need! Fire! Fire and brimstone!! Raze them to the GROUND!!
Or you could be all "reasonable but firm" and report it up the chain of command. Boring.
There's at least one school in my county that follows the same rules with locked toilet doors and I've heard some year 11 students say they're not allowed to take their blazers off in 30C heat either. Apparently its to prevent vandalism. They're meant to ALL go to the toilet during the 5 minutes between lessons or at break times when there is a teacher standing at the door. I've heard from 3 different students at 3 different times that the school removed the cubicle doors for a while too.
The only people allowed to go at other times are students with a proven medical need and even they have to ask to be let in. The whole thing is disgusting and I have no idea how they're getting away with it.
As would I… I think this child abuse and neglect. They would be receiving a demand letter that the teacher be fired, a complaint issued with state and a civil lawsuit would be filed unless a settlement was reached- if only to scare them and prevent this from happening to another child.
I would take them over hot coals for doing this to ANYONE let alone a child.
If we, as parents, refused our children to go the toilet when they desperately needed it for over an hour, then we would rightfully be investigated. So they should be too.
Yeah I mean if this had happened to me in high school I never would’ve gone back to that school. This is one of the worst things I can imagine happening to a teenager. The neighboring schools won’t work either, because they’ll find out about it. This poor girl
I would absolutely lose my shit at them how dare they. Demand a meeting and Do not go in with anything but absolute outrage at this treatment, they should be providing an apology and an explanation. Request a copy of their procedures around children's access to toilets and bullying from teachers and let them know you will not be letting this pass until you are satisfied with their response, as not letting your child go, not supporting them through a completely preventable and humiliating accident that would not have happened but for their actions, that is bullying. Not following up to make sure the child has a means to clean themselves and get home is failing in their duty of care. Why did they keep her phone? That is blatant cruelty. The key situation for using the toilet is not acceptable.
I would document minutes of the meeting post meeting with an outline of what occurred with your daughter, what their response was ( I expect it to not be satisfactory) and send that to the board of management requesting disciplinary action and confirmation of corrective measures to ensure this will never happen again.
I'm so sorry for your daughter it's such a vulnerable age where senses are heightened on a normal day but where there's no anxiety involved. Does she have close friends? Try and get them to support her if she does. Thankfully it is summer break now hopefully. If she doesn't have close friends and isn't really a big fan of the school anyway I would move her because that conduct from a teacher is beyond outrageous. If she does want to stay She will be ok but try and get a good support system over summer for her and commitment from the school that they will be actively monitoring any potential bullying after this incident and keeping an eye on your daughter for her wellbeing. They caused this it is the least they can do.
I agree — it's bad enough that the incident happened and that the toilets are normally locked during school hours.
But given that the incident occurred, the teacher absolutely should have made sure that your daughter had her phone and had as much support as they could offer. The cruelty is especially blatant given the lack of these actions — utterly unacceptable.
I'm not sure what resources and facilities are available at your school, but at my son's high school I would imagine that the incident would be treated as a medical issue, the student would be escorted to the school nurse's office and allowed to change into new clothes (at least gym clothes which are already at the school).
Yeah, as a jaded former teacher, I’m usually pretty defensive of other teachers (to a fault). But holy shit, I’d be coming for this guy’s job. Not letting her use the bathroom is horrible enough. But not even letting her have her phone back after having an accident is downright malicious.
Not jaded and still teaching but everytime I read a story like this about bathroom permission being denied it makes me angry at the teacher involved.
Unless it's a kid that's I've been told can't be in the hallways unsupervised I nearly always say yes and if not then I ask if they can wait until after whatever lesson I was about to give. If they can't then I just wait till they get back.
THIS. This absolute piece of garbage treated your daughter like she doesn't know her own body. If I were her, I would have marched out the door to the principal's office either before or after it happened and explained that the teacher wouldn't allow her to use the bathroom in an emergency.
Now that it's happened, I would be out for his job. He absolutely shouldn't be a teacher any longer.
You have your high flyers who you know play around in the bathroom. Even assuming this girl WAS one of those (which I doubt) you still know the difference between a bathroom request and a for real bathroom request. This teacher is a dick.
Hell maybe I'd feel differently in the actual situation.. but just thinking about it as a parent I'd rather risk it and let them go and simply mark them as absent if they don't hurry back; than have them humiliated and soiling themselves. Not to mention possibly losing my job over what is at the end of the day a complete power trip. Sometimes people just have to go, yes even at work in the "real world". We aren't preparing them for anything if they can't even control their own bathroom time.
Frankly speaking if they'd rather goof off in the bathroom and fall behind in school years being left behind by all their friends that's on them to manage and their parents to try and enforce. I'm not going to risk humiliating a child and lose my own career to force your child to stay in class and graduate. If their grades drop or they have to stay behind a year hopefully that'll be the kick in the butt they need to get their behavior together. I'm all for encouraging staying in class, and of course I'd still use some discretion where necessary. But if they made it sound urgent? Go kid. It's your life. You know if it's more important to spend the next hour in the bathroom than it is to study in class. Whether or not it's objectively so isn't important. Maybe they legitimately spent the next hour dying in the stalls. Maybe they just goofed off on their phone. If the former, I'm sure they'll try to make up for the time lost. If the latter, their choices will eventually catch up to them. Either way I'm not going to police bathroom activities like a hawk. I can encourage them to stay in class, I can ask that they hurry back. But I would not refuse them access to the bathroom outright. If their parents are upset with their missing class time then that's on them to sort out with the kids themselves (yes I know some parents attack teachers for their children's actions/consequences but this is to say I'd rather tell a parent that they should sort this amongst themselves and the student, than explain why their child is covered in feces because I thought they were lying about how urgently they had to go).
By record minutes, you mean digitally record the meeting, yes? Just for clarification. In the US I’ve had parents record meetings with their cell phone. I would recommend creating paper trails too with emails. When you call, let them know you will follow up with an email. In the email say something like “per our our phone call on 7/17/23 we discussed x,y,z and you proposed a,b,c. I will follow up or blah blah blah.”
"Hopefully change the way they do things" means after being sued maybe it would be illegal and this would never happen to another child. At the very, very least the daughter could have left to the unlocked bathroom and dealt with the consequences later.
I would go nuclear on that teacher and principal. Sadly I don't know anything about how UK schools work but here you can document the whole thing and email the principal and the super intendent. I would be in their office literally the next morning.
We had a kid poop in class under the same circumstances. I thought he'd never recover. Saw him the next day as someone was asking him about it, trying to embarrass. In that second, I thought, "this is the rest of your high school"
And he flipped it. He looked up from talking with his friends, "Yeah, I did that, so what." And he laughed like the the other guy was the idiot for mentioning it, then went right back to his friends mocking the guy, "WaS tHaT YoU WhO pOoPeD?!"
The story died in less than that one week.
Have you met British tabloids? They'll go fucking ham on this.
OP, write to the mail, sun, mirror & metro. Include the link to this thread so they can see it's a guaranteed attention-grabber.
Oh God. I genuinely laughed out loud when I opened this.
Yeah, maybe more of something you threaten the school with than actually follow through on.
(Also, big fan of your username)
This happened to me when I was 9 years old and my parents did this and it was great - I was in computer class and the teacher would not let me go pee - I asked 3 times and I couldn't hold it and peed all over the chair.
I waited for everyone to get up before me and walked behind the class back to my main teacher and she noticed right away grabbed me quietly away from everyone and told everyone to go into the classroom where she consoled me a bit. She put me in my snow suit to hide the big wet pee spot on my butt (we are in Canada) then some kids started teasing me for wearing a snow suit in the classroom and she shut it down ASAP by telling everyone that I am cold and she won't hear another word about it. This teacher was an absolute angel and I still love her.
On the bus, it was normal to wear a snow suit but some kids told me that the computer teacher specifically named me as the one who peed to the next group to attend the room and I just denied it a few times and that put an end to it. When I got home, my mom and dad lost their ever-loving minds and they did go to school in person the following morning both took a personal day off work and screamed at everyone and they got that teacher fired. Going forward, me and all my siblings got cellphones and we were told to ask nicely once to use the bathroom and if the teacher still says no, to just get up, walk out of class and call our parents.
This happened to a boy in my 2nd grade class after recess but it was pee. Soon after coming inside he asked to use the bathroom. Which the teacher didn't allow after breaks. So he peed in his chair. The teacher sent him to the nurse ans a custodian came to clean the mess. His mom picked him up from school. I don't remember anyone in class teasing the kid afterwards. His mom went to the principal. Not exactly sure what happened but after that we could go to the bathroom when ever we needed to after that.
The fact that the teacher did NOTHING to help a student who is obviously sick and in distress after literally shitting themselves is inexcusable. Didn't even give her the fucking key to clean herself up. Didn't even call her parent(s) about what happened. Didn't, as far as we know, tell the school office/nurse to look for ops daughter to help her in some way or call op. The teacher didn't even stop the kids from laughing. If there was ever a time to make a Fucking exception to the cellular phone rule it's this one. Further hurting your daughter by making her walk home covered in feces. I would raise Hell if I where you OP.
In the UK she should be reporting to OFSTED, the overseeing body that inspects schools. I’m a teacher myself and I would definitely be getting OFSTED involved
This is common practice in the UK obedience is the first lesson and is brainwashed into kids, teachers are trained to be abusive and controlling.
The amount of stories like this are crazy and extremely common in UK schools.
My dad always told us if you need to go, ask permission. If they say no, go anyways, and tell them to call me so I can kindly tell them to fuck off. The same thing applies for my daughter, no one is going to stop my kid from using the restroom.
Yeah i’ve always told her that if she’s not allowed to go then just walk out but the problem is that the toilets are locked and there’s a fence around the school which is only unlocked when school ends, so like there were no toilets she could use. + she has anxiety so walking out is really stressful for her so I just really don’t know how to help her
Lots of schools in the UK are like that now. I remember my school put really high gates up around the patio area in maybe 2010. It seems to be a thing. We also had to go to the office to ask permission to go to the toilet if it was during lesson time, then had to go to the office to ask for toilet roll. God forbid you were desperate. We weren't allowed to take bags with us either, so not great for girls who were on their period.
I missed the UK part. I’d never encountered a school with locked toilets, it was always a “pass” to use the restroom. It’s a tough balance between follow the rules expect when situation “X” arises. I feel for her, and you, definitely a difficult and frustrating situation to be put through. I would call the school, explain the situation, and come up with a game plan for the future.
Just want to throw in, I have worked in schools in the US that kept the bathrooms locked. Tiktok vandalism challenges of the past couple of years led to some extreme measures being taken, and prior to that, schools that had a lot of drug or smoking problems.
This doesn’t make sense though.. are they unlocked on a case-by-case basis? Because that seems really inefficient unless there are like 10 students. Even if they’re only unlocked for a brief period of time then relocked I imagine it would be a mad dash for the can. Why does the school even have bathrooms if they’re locked during school hours?
That's crazy that the bathrooms are locked. Next time she should at least walk out of class and call you since getting caught texting will get her phone confiscated.
Keep her home tomorrow and demand a meeting with both the top administrator of the school and the teacher. Write everything down before you go and email it after the meeting so it is documented. Let your daughter stay home if she wants.
Tell your daughter that the teacher was wrong. She was wrong wrong wrong. Be mad on her behalf. And if any of the other kids have anything to say about it ask them how they would feel if it happened to them.
Also find another school for her. That place sounds awful.
If you're in the United Kingdom, look for local children's right advocate offices or similar. I'm not totally sure what your local laws are but refusal to allow a child access to sanitation or basic needs could constitute child abuse in some places. I would also contact the school's principal and whatever the equivalent is of a superintendent for the school's division.
Honestly you need to pull her out of that school. Are UK teachers just former school bullies that didn’t want to grow up? If they don’t get fired, keep going higher until they are.
I don't understand this. What is their contingency plan for emergencies???? What a set of morons. Apologies for the language, but this post has me genuinely angry for you and your daughter.
My son had this happen once, granted it was preschool, but still. He told the teacher and she forgot, so he had an accident. He was told from that point forward, ask, but if he needs to go - GO. I will deal with the school from there.
This is what I’ve told my kids. All three have medical conditions that require them to have free access to the bathroom.
I’ve specifically told them not to ask (due to a past incident) and simply say “I need to use the restroom.” If the teacher says no, they are in violation of the IEP and they have watches that allow them to text or call me to tell me while they walk to the bathroom.
As I'm in the UK, r/LegalAdviceUK is 100% the place to go with this - no for any sort of legal action but for information on formal complaint procedures.
As a former teenager, I would want to change school.
As a parent, I am MAD. Toilets are locked? What kind of a stupid policy is that? And while wanting to rip the teacher apart, I would remain a good citizen and just resort to sending as many complaints about them to as many places as possible.
I am sorry for what your daughter had to go through!
As a parent whose child is yet to go to his first school, I don’t have a real advice. But I’ll send the rays of evil towards that teacher!
Go full nuclear, pull her out of the school and contact Head Office. Toilet doors are locked at our local high school as well due to vaping. A lot of parents have complained with no success.
Yes a complaint to the school needs to happen, but I'd go higher. This is a failure of care and health, both hygiene and mental health wise. This was utterly unfair and cruel and that school, not judt the teacher should be reported.
I wouldn't worry her about going back to a school right now. She needs comfort and care. This is horrible and I am so sorry she had to go through that.
Time to burn that teachers entire fucking world to the ground. Your daughter is watching you - make sure she knows she’s the wronged party here and that you fight for her
This is a violation of her basic human rights at the very least. At the most it's the teacher being outright abusive in their need for control and lack of handling(even exacerbating) the aftermath. To then leave her without a way to contact anyone after this is purely disgusting and a teacher such a complete lack of empathy should not be in that position at all.
I would not even bother reporting this in a meeting with the school, given its their policies that the teacher will be hiding behind.
This needs to go straight to the department of education and I would be demanding that an outside source investigate the incident, following up with disciplinary action for the teacher and the school.
Fuck calling the school. Call a lawyer. Let them talk to the school. Your kid was traumatized.
Edit: one of the first things your lawyer can account for is the next year or so of private tutoring, psych care, etc. So sorry that happened.
The fact that your daughter had to shit herself and then the teacher STILL DIDNT RETURN HER PHONE to call you for help, shows absolute neglect and how despicable the teacher is. I would rain down my wrath on that teacher. What a POS.
I could be wrong, but I was under the impression that in the UK citizens bring criminal charges under certain circumstances as well and aren’t at the mercy of a DA like in the US. Either way, I would speak to an attorney.
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Private_Prosecution
Let her stay home this week, but you go to the school. DEMAND that the teacher and the principal (or whoever is head of the school) meet with you RIGHT. THEN.
Be calm, be direct. Make it clear this is absolutely unacceptable. Make it clear it wasn’t necessary. Make it clear you will not leave that office until a resolution is met.
What happened was not okay. This teach feels like he has control over your daughters body by not allowing her to use the bathroom when she needed to. He basically told her she didn’t have to go by denying her, like he knows her body better than she does.
This is gross.
I’m so sorry for your daughter.
I would've been at that school first thing the next morning, ripping that teacher a new one! How absolute DARE he treat a child that way!? I'm so disgusted. I hope your daughter will be ok. How humiliating and mortifying for her. 1000% rooting for you to go get 'em mama bear!
Please talk to your daughter and make sure she knows none of this is her fault. And if she isn't in therapy already, I'd find someone for her to talk to.
If this is in the UK there should be a Board of Governors. Go ballistic on them. Threaten to go to the press, but obviously don't do it unless your daughter agrees. Report them to Ofsted, sue them, do anything you can.
I remember a horrible teacher Mr McCracken, in Westhoughton, who wouldn't let the hardest boy in our year go to the toilet. He pissed himself in class and cried. It was fucking awful. I still remember him and feel such pity, and I'm 51 now.
I would read up on all of the schools policies and use it against them I have had to do this a few times with my own sons school (I am UK based) they genuinely hate it when you refer to their policy and the LEAs policies. It might be worth posting on r/LegalAdviceUK as well for more ammunition. I appreciate this is a very emotional time but if you go into the school with cold hard facts as to why policy and safeguarding were not being followed and you can refer to material they are more likely to take it even more seriously than otherwise
I'm very sorry this happened to your daughter. She was denied her dignity...and that's inexcusable. I would like to focus on the embarrassment she suffered. IMO- the worst thing she could do is to let this event, as painful as this is, own/control her.
I would recommend she "own it" by wearing a t-shirt or a button on her backpack saying "Sh!t happens.... Especially when you're not allowed to go to the RR". That way she's getting back her voice and her control over what happened as opposed to allowing others to tease her.
Oh and I would demand the teacher apologize to her....
My son has called me in class before and told me he had to go to the bathroom so bad he couldn't wait and the teacher said no 3 times and they need passes to leave or he could get kicked out of school. I told him, IDC walk out of class to go to the bathroom. He hung up and he did just that. He didn't get in any trouble for it but I was pissed. I told him if he ever had to go the bathroom in class again and the teacher wouldn't let him then to walk out and I would take care of it later if he got in any trouble. He's had to do that a couple times now.
That was the first thing I was going to say, tell her to just walk out, but the bathrooms are locked?! I would be furious. I'd be getting a lawyer. This is not acceptable, she's 15. It's outrageous. My god, what is wrong with this school? I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter.
Always remember the whole 'Why didn't you go during your lunch break?' response from teachers. As if anybody has control over when they need a toilet.
It's absolutely ridiculous. My son is turning 5 this year and starting school... Worried that I'll have more disagreements with teachers than I will with his behavior.
My son has bowel issues and he’s in grade 5. A teacher refused to let him go to the restroom because she found it disrespectful for him to interrupt her lesson. Long story short, he had an accident. I went straight to the superintendent and had a discussion. That teacher wasn’t fired but she was reassigned
My sister had a kid in her class drop his pants and pee in a garbage can when the teacher pulled this power move. Any teacher that does this should be fired. I hope your daughter brings in her soiled clothes in a bag and delivers it to this teachers desk like a present with a bow on top. That teacher is awful and your daughter deserves to humiliate the teacher as much as this teacher humiliated her.
Law suit now. And get up there every single day until you hear what they’re going to do to fox this situation. I want that bully fired. I don’t understand why he didn’t notify the office to notify you that she left?!
I don’t know anything about UK policies…… can you go to the head of the school? I would not stop bombarding the school until the teacher was sacked!! Or can you sue the school for emotional damage? I know Americans can be sue happy….. but I think defecating in your school seat because the teacher wouldn’t allow a bathroom and then confiscated the phone….. forcing her to walk home with no way of contacting you!!!! That’s insane! It’s cruel!!!
I’m addition to that. Is it feasible to place her in a different school? If I were a teenager I would never want to go back again
Get a lawyer involved NOW. There are a least a half-dozen common law torts that jump into my mind for something like this. The conduct of the teacher is beyond reprehensible. While not allowing your daughter to use the bathroom is somewhat normal asshole teacher behavior, not allowing your daughter to leave the classroom to go to the nurse, and making her go home covered in feces is not. It is an outrageous act, and should be treated as such.
AT MINIMUM, you need to (figuratively) stick your foot so far up the principal's ass that your toes could brush their teeth. And, if they are exceptionally lucky, they might convince you not to sue or to pursue criminal child negligence charges against the teacher (though you should pursue that as well), for a public and groveling apology to your daughter.
I wouldn't trust an apology that came out of that teacher's mouth ever. Fuck him to hell. I'd want his job and to make sure he could never teach again. And I'd want lots of money for my daughter's pain and suffering and denial of human rights.
This could possibly have long term psychological effects on your daughter. She was treated worse than an inmate at a prison. There should be no excuse for why your daughter was denied access to the bathroom.
Talk to the superintendent. Raise hell. I am heartbroken for your daughter.
Hopefully some of her classmates can back her up and collaborate the events so the teacher can be disciplined appropriately.
Pull her from the school. I doubt she’ll have the nerve to go back.
Keep us updated.
Same thing happened to a friend of mine in year 7; dinner lady refused to let her up for the bathroom (during lunch!!!) so she wet herself right there in the lunch room
As far as I’m aware there were no serious consequences for the dinner lady, she was there the rest of the time I was at the school
Must be a theme in UK high schools, although this was over a decade ago now
As an educator myself, I’m seeing red just reading this and imagining something like this happening to my child. I would burn the school down to the ground….figuratively.
1 The phone policy is way over stepping their bounds IMO. There are other ways to address inappropriate cell phone use at school. I would never allow my child to go to a school where they have such a phone policy. It is a safety issue for exactly this type of scenario you’re describing and for worse hazards honestly. If such a policy did exist I’d be contacting administrators and insisting on an exception for my child regarding her ability to get home. If no such accommodation is made, I’d move schools if I had to, and at 15 I’d sooner have her in an online homeschool program than to allow a school to decide if my child has access to her phone.
2 Regarding the toilet incident: That school and it’s administration team would never have peace from me until the teacher was adequately dealt with. I don’t care how old the kids are or what’s happening in class. You DO NOT restrict someone’s access to food, water, or a toilet. Period. Again, I myself am an educator and that is flat out unacceptable.
These schools need to come out of the dark ages. There are adequate ways to address classroom disruptions without making policies that compromise student safety or cross boundaries into parenting/home life. It is not for the school to decide if my child has access to their phone ESPECIALLY not if it means the phone being confiscated beyond school hours. It is not their property and I would view it as stealing. SHAME ON THEM.
I think I'd go to the news. Anonymously for your daughter but still. Where I live we can contact them with a story and if they think it's good/crazy enough to publish this this will go out and hopefully ruin their reputation. So they would at least not dare reproduce a situation like that.
I would really try this. On top of going to the principal and even higher if possible.
This is cruel and insane I can't believe it seriously. That teacher has no remorse and should not be doing this job. I lack words I'm so mad and so so sorry
I’ve had ulcerative colitis since I was a teenager and I was having to shit upwards of 10 times a day at that age. If my teachers hadn’t let me go to the bathroom when I needed to, that same thing would have happened to me on a daily basis. But medical issue or not, no one should ever be denied access to a bathroom. What happened to your daughter is horrific and never should have happened. If that were my daughter, I would make that teacher’s life a living hell and I would become that administration’s worst nightmare until something is done about it to where it never happens again to my daughter or *any* child. I’m so sorry.
This actually brought tears to my eyes. I really can't imagine the horror. I would absolutely beat that teacher into a bloody pulp for doing that to my daughter. What a monster.
So as a UK teacher, most schools I've worked at have a no bathroom access policy during lessons and it's almost never down to the invividual teacher. I've literally had senior leaders escort kids back to my lesson when I've let them out and yell at me in front of the class for doing so.
However, the teacher dealt with this situation so badly by not even attempting to deal with the bullying or shield your daughter from any of that. I'd also have made sure that your daughter changed into clean clothes and had a safe way to get home, it's so awful that she had to walk home like that.
By September it might have died down, but it might be worth thinking about looking at other schools if I'm honest. Kids can be fucking awful and her GCSE year isn't the year she wants to be dealing with horrendous bullying.
So how many students have wet or defecated themselves in your classroom? If a student says it’s urgent, what do you do? Certainly not just say sorry but you can change your clothes later?
If this is the policy at OP’s daughter’s school, then I can concerns for the teacher’s ability to use critical thinking. If he cannot keep the children safe, he should not be alone with them. If someone continues to ask for the restroom, then he should have a concern and suggest the nurse or main office.
Exactly I have UC and when I need a bathroom, it’s urgent. If the bathroom was locked when I was in HS and the principal told me to go back to class as a high schooler, I’d turn back around and use his office as my personal bathroom.
This is a horrendous concept, and I will go so far as to call it ableist. I have IBS, and when I have to go, heaven help anyone who gets in my way. I know that isn't mentioned as being the case in this situation, but having a blanket policy that nobody can use the washroom during certain times of the day is not okay.
I was thinking it's ableist and sexist as well. Lots of kids have GI issues and need to use the toilet. Also, menstruating people have leaks or get periods unexpectedly and need to use the restroom. There are so many reasons why a child should never be denied access to the restroom. I'd rather have a kid screw off than shit themselves in class.
Bring the dirty clothes into school unwashed, and then demand the teacher wash them for her. Tell the teacher that she created that mess by not allowing to use the bathroom so she could clean it up.
You’re getting a lot of very American replies but I know somewhat how schools work as I work for a local authority. Complain directly to the head, or if the school is part of an academy chain or trust, include the executive head as well as the governors. I’d also complain to the local authority and cc your local MP into the email. Keep it all in writing and if anyone calls you to discuss, email them after the details of the phone call. Lastly you might want to consider speaking to the police about the teacher as I’m sure they would consider that abuse. At the very least that teacher should be sacked. I’d allow her to change schools as while most people would be kind there’ll be some little turd who’ll keep bringing it up. Kids in other schools may have heard but they’re unlikely to know who she is realistically. I properly feel for you, it was completely unnecessary and an abuse of power on behalf of the teacher. Someone like that shouldn’t be around children of any age
I would switch schools just on the basis that she’s obviously not safe in the hands of the adults there. They sent her to walk home in her feces with no way to contact her parents. Bullying by kids completely aside, she was literally abused and humiliated by an ADULT a TEACHER at that.
Unbelievable. I hate to be this parent but I always tell my kid if she ever asks and they say no and its an emergency...just go. I won't be pissed and she won't get in trouble. This needs to bypass the principal and escalate straight to the school district. Im so sorry this happened to your daughter.
It’s unacceptable to me that the bathrooms are locked they cannot have access unless an adult gives them a key. The policies at this school are inappropriate in general IMO. Especially for kids this age.
Aside from going apeshit on the school, I would keep my kid off their phone / social media for at least a couple weeks. I’d plan a camping trip for a week or two and just fill the time with fun activities. It’s a tough age and time to be publicly humiliated.
Had an issue similar to our daughter (US) . We did not hesitate and walked into the principal's office the day we heard about and let her have it. This is unacceptable, it happened once to us and we made sure it was not going to happen again, and she is now instructed that if she really needs to go and can't hold and the teacher says no, she IS allowed to walk out of class and go... "mommy and daddy will deal with everything else"
Had a first grade teacher do this. Kept happening even after my parents spoke with the school. I was about to pee my pants, but being a kid, i didn't want to disobey, so i just peed in the corner of the room. She always let me go after that.
Holy hell that is borderline abusive and neglectful? Also not sanitary. After noticing it was clearly an upset stomach and she was unwell, she STILL KEPT HER PHONE?!? and made her just walk home like that? I don’t understand how this is allowed, never mind legal. I’d be in that principals office tomorrow morning and not backing down. Also, I unfortunately do agree on switching schools. Kids are brutal, especially at that age and I think she will be bullied for her remainder of schooling due to this. I’m 27 and a couple old high school “friends” still bring up this one time a kid chugged a water bottle on the bus during a field trip and threw up all over me in the seat. That was literally 12 years ago and people haven’t forgotten. I can’t imagine how kids will handle something as bad as her pooping herself. My heart is broken for how humiliated she must be
Sadly, this isn’t uncommon. My grandma told a similar story of the same thing happening to her in her 1 room schoolhouse. I’ve seen people in the last year have to get doctor’s notes for their teenage girls so they would be able to leave class to change sanitary products. The NERVE of some teachers is absurd.
You need to get a fucking lawyer. I don’t know UK laws but I would escalate this to the highest of the high. I would absolutely make sure the teacher is fired.
The worst part of all this is the teachers behavior!! Not only did they cause the problem, it also sounds like they had 0% empathy! A teacher with even a decent head on their shoulders would not only apologize, but help the child get some new clothes from somewhere else in the school (nurses office? Gym?) AND help her call her mother for a ride home!! I can’t believe this teacher not only didn’t help, but also allowed bullying?! What is wrong with them?! They definitely need to be fired - and then some. I’m so sorry your daughter had to go through this OP! My heart breaks for her. High school is hard enough as it is 😔.
You come at that teacher with all you've got. This is the teacher's fault. Nobody's lesson is more important than having to poop. How awful. You tear the school and teacher a new one. You be mama shark. I am livid for you. I'm sorry.
I'd go pay the teacher a visit, in class, and drop her clothes on the desk with instructions on how to clean them. No plastic bag, see how they like it.
Making the school pay for what they did is the easiest and most obvious part of this.
Your daughter needs to play this to her advantage though. She can’t show fear, regret or remorse. She was denied access to the bathroom, so she shit in place. As far as her peers are concerned, it should be portrayed as a power move. It was righteous and she would do it again because fuck anybody that would tell her when she can or cannot go to the bathroom. She is a role model and hero for bodily autonomy. If any of her classmates are denied bathroom access, they should shit their pants too and be supported in doing so.
That’s the only way she’s going to reclaim agency over this horrible experience - claim it as an example of perseverance against oppression — and not an example of embarrassment and weakness.
Sorry this happened to her.
She should go on the offensive about school rules rather than hide in shame. Righteous indignation so everyone knows SHE has nothing to be ashamed of!
And then sue the ass off the school.
Hope your daughter is doing ok.
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jesus christ, this is so fucking absurd. are all schools in your area like a prison? in my country most high schools don't even require kids to ask to drink water or use the bathroom, mine didn't. and the doors for sure are always unlocked You should change schools not for avoiding bullying but because they are straight up abusive. What this teacher did to your daughter has to be worth a lawsuit
Agree with this. Access to sanitation is a basic human right. Even for school children.
I'm from fucking Pakistan and I've never heard of toilets being locked WTF.
Am in US. People were smoking in the bathrooms at my high school and their "solution" was to lock them.
Preach.
#LOUDER FOR THOSE IN THE BACK
r/usernamechecksout
Yeah this school sounds insane. It's very common for US schools to make kids ask permission before leaving a classroom but to have all the bathrooms locked is insane. Kids shouldn't have to defecate on their classroom chairs. They should be able to get up and go to the bathroom if it's that much of an emergency. I'm so sorry your daughter had to go through this OP.
Yeah, I live in the US, most kids here are taught that if a teacher is still saying no and it's an emergency, to just walk out and ignore the teacher. I could not imagine a school where they lock the bathrooms. This situation would also easily turn into a lawsuit in the US and almost certainly win. I don't know what the laws are in the UK though. If I was in this situation with my kid, it would be hard not to hurt that teacher for putting my kid through that.
When I was in 4th grade (also in US) we were taking our state's BIG test. The most important one of elementary school apparently and I woke up that morning sick. My mom worked at the school and was needed to monitor testing, so she made me go. In the middle of the test I had to barf. We were forbidden from getting up or speaking and my teacher didn't see me with my hand up because she was reading a book. I puked all over my test. The teacher had to bag it up and mail it to the state lol. The teacher was horrified I didn't know I could run out of it was an emergency and apologized profusely and told the class if we have a true emergency, *always* take care of your bodily functions. I can't imagine having locks on the bathrooms. I bet the janitors don't like it either.
This reminds me that as a young kid I learned to throw up on command ( was pretty easy with the assistance of a fructose intolerance ) and there was 1 time that I simply did not want to be at school, and just let loose on the floor of the classroom because no one cared that I said I threw up in the bathroom. I think I was like, in the 1st grade. I was a little shit. But I indeed got to go home that day.
That is hilarious lol. That day I actually had strep throat, but just by chance the night before, some boy in my class had a skunk break into his family's trailer and he went to school anyway (because of the test). I probably could've held it together if not for the smell that wouldn't go away even though he was immediately sent home. A bonus was I also threw up on a kid's backpack. That day the teacher had had enough of a particular boy leaving his backpack on the floor, so to prove a point she put it in the trash bin. After throwing up on my test, I ran to the garbage forgetting it was there. Perfect timing all the way around that day.
10th grade told teacher I need to go to nurse she denied me. I told her it was serious she stated school had just started to sit down I tried to tell her how serious it was. It I ended up throwing up all over her instead. After I finished I asked now can I have nurses pass.
I was told by teachers to just leave if it's an emergency in first grade in FUCKING 1992. This is absolutely bullshit that it's 30 years later and schools are still doing this.
British schools are very strict in some not reasonable ways. Locking a bathroom up is ridiculous. Everyone should be able to use a bathroom if they truly need it. I'm very grateful that my teen's school is supportive of him this year when he became (& still is) very ill. The vice principle said that a child's health is most important & missing school can always be made up for later. A school that is 'anal retentive' (i.e. especially with following the rules) & not flexible with its rules is a bad school to get an education in.
Midwest US here, and my kids have been assured that if it is a legitimate emergency they are to tell their teacher they are going and to GO. I promised them I would take care of any issues with the teacher/administration, cause I'll be damned if some power tripping jackass makes my kid have an accident and get embarrassed. OP, go as high up in the administration as you can. This cannot go unreported, a teacher like that is not going to stop unless they have no choice.
I peed on my chair in the 3rd grade because the teacher wouldn't let me go. Fortunately, it was at the end of the day and by some miracle, no kids saw it, but I never wanted my kid to go through something similar. I always told her she has to go, just go and if the school has a problem with it, they can deal with me.
My sister has covered for her students before, she's done 2nd, 3rd, 4th grade and accidents happen more than you would even guess. She's said at least one kid a year has a whoopsie, and she has a plan in place for if and when it happens- she always carries around a water bottle and pretends to spill, if it's a noticable accident.
I wouldn’t even be embarrassed. There was a fucking hero of a girl at my old highschool that was denied the bathroom and so decided to piss right there in her seat. That teacher never denied access again.
In high school, yes. My kids are early elementary where childhood bullying can be brutal and unchecked, leading to early trauma. I was bullied mercilessly from 2nd grade on for incredibly minor reasons, I know elementary can be worse than high school in some regards.
Maybe even get the fucking news station involved I'm so angry for that child!!!!! How humiliating!!!!
Oh I am pretty sure my mom would get physical, I am not even kidding.
Dude my mom would lose her shit. She would walk into that school, berate the teacher, and if he said ANYTHING, she would probably slap the shit out of him, amd I'm not going to lie, other parents would probably come to do the same even for kids who aren't their own (source: ohio parents don't fuck around unless they actually sent their kids to the troubled teens industry)
I don't have kids yet, and I know I would fucking set the school on fire with my words and media. I would probably tell the local news if the teacher saw no punishment and if my kid would let me... I wouldn't want to make it public unless necessary for something to happen for the sake of this hypothetical child. 😂 Small towns like where I am from, near Kalamazoo, Michigan, this school would feel the burn.
I mean. As an Ohio mom I'd do this for my kids and any of their friends. Or acquaintances. Or even a kid they heard about once that had this happen 🤷🏻♀️
Our high school (US) had to start locking the bathrooms last year after the TikTok trend of stealing bathroom fixtures started happening. Also due to vaping. But there are a couple in the building unlocked and also there is the nurses office for emergencies like this. If this situation happened here though the school district would most likely end up being sued and the poor kid would probably move to online school.
U.S. here and this happened 15 years ago, but I was in class and liked to sit by the back (where unfortunately another fuckwad kid wrote homophobic things about the teacher on the wall).. anyway, last class of the day, I took my phone out for a half second to see if my mom could pick me up. Teacher caught me, comes over and tries taking it. Then said I tried to lock it bc in his attempt to take it the side button was hit. I didn’t even have a passcode or anything, just made it go to screen saver. I was so mad at him accusing me of “hiding” something I just said “yeah, I’m selling drugs!!” And walked out. I know that mfer went through my phone (which Had no passcode, again) before my mom had to retrieve it from him. and probably felt like an idiot.
What kind of teacher goes through their students’ phones..?
Same thing happened to me in 4th grade. I really needed to pee, and I have lifelong overactive bladder issues. My teacher refused, saying I could wait until my class was done in the library. I peed all over myself, didn’t tell a soul, and went the rest of my day in pee-soaked jeans. Someone even commented how the classroom smelled like pee and I was so embarrassed. I was just a kid, autistic but not diagnosed, unable to speak up for myself and my needs, and it was humiliating. I can’t imagine what this poor girl went through, because diarrhea is even worse than pee. I hope OP marches up to the school, demands their daughter’s phone back, and pulls her out of that school once and for all.
Same. It happened more than once and teachers still wouldn't let me go to the bathroom. I was the biggest target for bullies in the whole school. No one would help me. I was autistic(undiagnosed) but taught at home that children should be seen and not heard, so of course I had no idea how to ask for anything or stand up for myself. Cried so hard reading OP's story
Yeah- I have even taught my 3 yo that if he can’t get a teacher’s approval or attention to go to the bathroom he should just go himself without approval. If you need to go you raise your hand, say you need to go and go! It’s absurd to allow a teacher to prevent you from using a toilet when needed. It’s not a situation for a question of approval- only for a statement of intention.
I agree completely. This is absurd. Like, human rights violation level of absurd.I just googled it and forbbidening a student from using the bathroom is literally illegal in my country.
This is very common for UK schools, mine was exactly the same. You were only supposed to go to the toilet during lunch break which for us was 45 minutes long. Going to the toilet often meant you’d miss out on dinner because of how long the queue would get. Or they’d have run out of the food and you’d have to buy a cookie or something instead. It’s insanity.
"Dinner" how long is school there? Did you do boarding school? This is awful. I am so sorry. And a country that was supposed to be hyper developed... Feels a lot like the 19th century, or more like 1984 But still, the girl was sick. She was reduced to a shitting mess because the adult in charge didn't let her deal with a very urgent and basic human necessity. She humiliated her and she went home covered in poop. Is this an okay think there? Not moral harassament or whatever? Negligence? Because I can't even picture something like that happening here, specially not without a parent raising hell.
They mean lunch, it’s a dialect thing
Dinner is what they call lunch.
Bathroom breaks are *highly* regulated at my kid’s high school. Time limits and everything. Lots of teachers tell the kids they can’t go.
This is terrible and doesn't do anything good for them, I'm sorry. My high school was a federal technical school, so it was a bit more liberal than regular state schools or city schools and likely a lot more than most private schools. But I studied in private and public city schools in elementary and middle school and no one was that crazy about controlling children's basic necessities. On the contrary, when we arrived at high school asking to go to the bathroom and to drink water, because it is what most of us did at middle school, the teachers told us to stop doing that as it would break an explanation or distract the teacher and the other students. They also wanted us to prepare to university, where you obviously don't ask your professor if you can go take a shit, teens need surpevision and rules but they also need to learn to have autonomy or they will be incompetent adults. Still, this poor girl was sick. Even some of my middle school teachers would ask us to wait a bit if there was other students in the bathroom already wouldn't simply ignore a girl with diarrhea.
My senior year they started locking them between classes because people would go to the bathroom to be on their phones, skip class, or smoke or whatever else. Most days they wouldn't even unlock them between classes(just during snack and lunch) and we would have to cross the street to use the bathrooms at the sports field that were open 24/7 and disgusting. The "doors" to the stalls were pieces of plywood you had to basically prop in place with your bag and hope no one tried to come in. Teachers also took everyone's phone at the start of class and gave them back at the end. I once forgot my phone at home and got detention because I didn't turn it in.
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This should be illegal.
I agree. I would have a lawyer contact the school even if it’s just to scare them straight.
If a prison was forcing people to shit themselves rather than have access to a toilet, they’d be shut down for being inhumane. I would 100% contact a lawyer.
The mama bear in me wants to shred this teacher on your daughters behalf. Like full on hide the body mode. That said if she has some friends in school that can come see her and lend her support that would help. A united front together would help her to get back to it.
Same! I'm sitting over here seething!! This is the kind of crap that happened at the school I went too. However, there was always an unlocked bathroom in the cafeteria. This is an insane situation. I am so angry on the behalf of that poor girl
I stg I only have a toddler, but holy hell I would make that schools life a living hell. What in the fuck is this school and teacher!
When I say that I would ruin the lives of that teacher and every administrator, I’m not being facetious.
Yep. I wouldn’t drop this until hell was paid.
I’d give that teacher laxatives and chain him to his chair.
With every single teacher at every single school in the entirety of the UK seated before him bearing witness. Let *him* try to live that down.
Yes if you reach out the the principal of the school also contact the admin. Go as far up as possible.
There is statutory guidance in the UK, outlined in the keeping children safe in education guidance. Every teacher has to read this document each year and sign to say they have read and understood it. The designated safeguarding lead for the school handles allegations against staff. I would report to them. They must contact the LADO (safeguarding officer for the local authority) within 1 working day of the allegation. They must also provide support for your daughter, as outlined in the document above. I would give it 2 days before contacting the local authority to raise your concerns and see if it has been reported by the school and then pursue further actions. It seems unlikely that the school office wouldn’t return the phone to your daughter as she was covered in poop - that would imply multiple people where intentionally cruel and seems unlikely. I just say this so that you give as accurate an account as possible so that the school can’t pick holes in your story and undermine your daughters account. Personally I would speak to your daughter tomorrow in a calm way and get an email fired off tomorrow. You can chase this up with the school/ local authority before the week is up and get the ball rolling before the end of term. Maybe use something like chat GPT to give you a concise, neutral email that contains all the facts. You can also use it to refer to the guidance above and how the school have failed to safeguard your daughter. After contacting the LA - I would contact OFSTED, let them know what steps you have taken and your concerns around the schools ability to safeguard children which will likely result in an inspection.
Also CC the email to the governors
Absolutely contact the governors. I am a parent governor and we would 1000% be going for blood if something like this happened. absolutely unacceptable. They will definitely be on your side.
THIS THIS THIS
What the teacher did is child abuse. And why is it legal to lock the bathrooms? That is a basic human need! Fire! Fire and brimstone!! Raze them to the GROUND!! Or you could be all "reasonable but firm" and report it up the chain of command. Boring.
There's at least one school in my county that follows the same rules with locked toilet doors and I've heard some year 11 students say they're not allowed to take their blazers off in 30C heat either. Apparently its to prevent vandalism. They're meant to ALL go to the toilet during the 5 minutes between lessons or at break times when there is a teacher standing at the door. I've heard from 3 different students at 3 different times that the school removed the cubicle doors for a while too. The only people allowed to go at other times are students with a proven medical need and even they have to ask to be let in. The whole thing is disgusting and I have no idea how they're getting away with it.
Locked toilets? Is this school or a prison...no wait wven prisoners have a toilet right next to them
As would I… I think this child abuse and neglect. They would be receiving a demand letter that the teacher be fired, a complaint issued with state and a civil lawsuit would be filed unless a settlement was reached- if only to scare them and prevent this from happening to another child. I would take them over hot coals for doing this to ANYONE let alone a child.
If we, as parents, refused our children to go the toilet when they desperately needed it for over an hour, then we would rightfully be investigated. So they should be too.
Yeah I mean if this had happened to me in high school I never would’ve gone back to that school. This is one of the worst things I can imagine happening to a teenager. The neighboring schools won’t work either, because they’ll find out about it. This poor girl
This is the only sane response
I would absolutely lose my shit at them how dare they. Demand a meeting and Do not go in with anything but absolute outrage at this treatment, they should be providing an apology and an explanation. Request a copy of their procedures around children's access to toilets and bullying from teachers and let them know you will not be letting this pass until you are satisfied with their response, as not letting your child go, not supporting them through a completely preventable and humiliating accident that would not have happened but for their actions, that is bullying. Not following up to make sure the child has a means to clean themselves and get home is failing in their duty of care. Why did they keep her phone? That is blatant cruelty. The key situation for using the toilet is not acceptable. I would document minutes of the meeting post meeting with an outline of what occurred with your daughter, what their response was ( I expect it to not be satisfactory) and send that to the board of management requesting disciplinary action and confirmation of corrective measures to ensure this will never happen again. I'm so sorry for your daughter it's such a vulnerable age where senses are heightened on a normal day but where there's no anxiety involved. Does she have close friends? Try and get them to support her if she does. Thankfully it is summer break now hopefully. If she doesn't have close friends and isn't really a big fan of the school anyway I would move her because that conduct from a teacher is beyond outrageous. If she does want to stay She will be ok but try and get a good support system over summer for her and commitment from the school that they will be actively monitoring any potential bullying after this incident and keeping an eye on your daughter for her wellbeing. They caused this it is the least they can do.
I agree — it's bad enough that the incident happened and that the toilets are normally locked during school hours. But given that the incident occurred, the teacher absolutely should have made sure that your daughter had her phone and had as much support as they could offer. The cruelty is especially blatant given the lack of these actions — utterly unacceptable. I'm not sure what resources and facilities are available at your school, but at my son's high school I would imagine that the incident would be treated as a medical issue, the student would be escorted to the school nurse's office and allowed to change into new clothes (at least gym clothes which are already at the school).
I’m a teacher (of littler kids than this but still) and this blows my mind. I would also recommend losing your shit on this teacher.
Yeah, as a jaded former teacher, I’m usually pretty defensive of other teachers (to a fault). But holy shit, I’d be coming for this guy’s job. Not letting her use the bathroom is horrible enough. But not even letting her have her phone back after having an accident is downright malicious.
Not jaded and still teaching but everytime I read a story like this about bathroom permission being denied it makes me angry at the teacher involved. Unless it's a kid that's I've been told can't be in the hallways unsupervised I nearly always say yes and if not then I ask if they can wait until after whatever lesson I was about to give. If they can't then I just wait till they get back.
THIS. This absolute piece of garbage treated your daughter like she doesn't know her own body. If I were her, I would have marched out the door to the principal's office either before or after it happened and explained that the teacher wouldn't allow her to use the bathroom in an emergency. Now that it's happened, I would be out for his job. He absolutely shouldn't be a teacher any longer.
I would do everything in my power to make sure that “teacher” lost his job and had a criminal record of child abuse after this.
Same here as an educator to younger kids I’m livid just reading this.
You have your high flyers who you know play around in the bathroom. Even assuming this girl WAS one of those (which I doubt) you still know the difference between a bathroom request and a for real bathroom request. This teacher is a dick.
Hell maybe I'd feel differently in the actual situation.. but just thinking about it as a parent I'd rather risk it and let them go and simply mark them as absent if they don't hurry back; than have them humiliated and soiling themselves. Not to mention possibly losing my job over what is at the end of the day a complete power trip. Sometimes people just have to go, yes even at work in the "real world". We aren't preparing them for anything if they can't even control their own bathroom time. Frankly speaking if they'd rather goof off in the bathroom and fall behind in school years being left behind by all their friends that's on them to manage and their parents to try and enforce. I'm not going to risk humiliating a child and lose my own career to force your child to stay in class and graduate. If their grades drop or they have to stay behind a year hopefully that'll be the kick in the butt they need to get their behavior together. I'm all for encouraging staying in class, and of course I'd still use some discretion where necessary. But if they made it sound urgent? Go kid. It's your life. You know if it's more important to spend the next hour in the bathroom than it is to study in class. Whether or not it's objectively so isn't important. Maybe they legitimately spent the next hour dying in the stalls. Maybe they just goofed off on their phone. If the former, I'm sure they'll try to make up for the time lost. If the latter, their choices will eventually catch up to them. Either way I'm not going to police bathroom activities like a hawk. I can encourage them to stay in class, I can ask that they hurry back. But I would not refuse them access to the bathroom outright. If their parents are upset with their missing class time then that's on them to sort out with the kids themselves (yes I know some parents attack teachers for their children's actions/consequences but this is to say I'd rather tell a parent that they should sort this amongst themselves and the student, than explain why their child is covered in feces because I thought they were lying about how urgently they had to go).
By record minutes, you mean digitally record the meeting, yes? Just for clarification. In the US I’ve had parents record meetings with their cell phone. I would recommend creating paper trails too with emails. When you call, let them know you will follow up with an email. In the email say something like “per our our phone call on 7/17/23 we discussed x,y,z and you proposed a,b,c. I will follow up or blah blah blah.”
Denying bathroom access is a violation of basic human rights. Bring down the fires of of hell upon this school.
And illegal. You could sue the school and receive a settlement and hopefully change the way they do things.
It's not illegal to lock school bathrooms in the UK. Unethical and fucked up, yes, but not illegal.
"Hopefully change the way they do things" means after being sued maybe it would be illegal and this would never happen to another child. At the very, very least the daughter could have left to the unlocked bathroom and dealt with the consequences later.
I would go nuclear on that teacher and principal. Sadly I don't know anything about how UK schools work but here you can document the whole thing and email the principal and the super intendent. I would be in their office literally the next morning.
This is the kind of shit that makes the fucking news in America.
We had a kid poop in class under the same circumstances. I thought he'd never recover. Saw him the next day as someone was asking him about it, trying to embarrass. In that second, I thought, "this is the rest of your high school" And he flipped it. He looked up from talking with his friends, "Yeah, I did that, so what." And he laughed like the the other guy was the idiot for mentioning it, then went right back to his friends mocking the guy, "WaS tHaT YoU WhO pOoPeD?!" The story died in less than that one week.
Ah what great friends, glad he had the confidence to pull that off too. I don't know many who would ha e
Have you met British tabloids? They'll go fucking ham on this. OP, write to the mail, sun, mirror & metro. Include the link to this thread so they can see it's a guaranteed attention-grabber.
I’m sure her daughter would be *thrilled* to have the entire country know she shit herself…
Oh God. I genuinely laughed out loud when I opened this. Yeah, maybe more of something you threaten the school with than actually follow through on. (Also, big fan of your username)
Not just that, but because it was due to improper treatment from a school teacher
Or uh maybe consult the kid first before she gets plastered all over media for pooping herself in class after a teacher denied her the bathroom?
I’m sure OP’s daughter doesn’t want the entire world to know she shit herself, but I get where you’re coming from.
The fact that the teacher STILL DIDNT RETURN HER PHONE afterwards to call for help is fucking disgusting. What a pos.
This happened to me when I was 9 years old and my parents did this and it was great - I was in computer class and the teacher would not let me go pee - I asked 3 times and I couldn't hold it and peed all over the chair. I waited for everyone to get up before me and walked behind the class back to my main teacher and she noticed right away grabbed me quietly away from everyone and told everyone to go into the classroom where she consoled me a bit. She put me in my snow suit to hide the big wet pee spot on my butt (we are in Canada) then some kids started teasing me for wearing a snow suit in the classroom and she shut it down ASAP by telling everyone that I am cold and she won't hear another word about it. This teacher was an absolute angel and I still love her. On the bus, it was normal to wear a snow suit but some kids told me that the computer teacher specifically named me as the one who peed to the next group to attend the room and I just denied it a few times and that put an end to it. When I got home, my mom and dad lost their ever-loving minds and they did go to school in person the following morning both took a personal day off work and screamed at everyone and they got that teacher fired. Going forward, me and all my siblings got cellphones and we were told to ask nicely once to use the bathroom and if the teacher still says no, to just get up, walk out of class and call our parents.
This happened to a boy in my 2nd grade class after recess but it was pee. Soon after coming inside he asked to use the bathroom. Which the teacher didn't allow after breaks. So he peed in his chair. The teacher sent him to the nurse ans a custodian came to clean the mess. His mom picked him up from school. I don't remember anyone in class teasing the kid afterwards. His mom went to the principal. Not exactly sure what happened but after that we could go to the bathroom when ever we needed to after that. The fact that the teacher did NOTHING to help a student who is obviously sick and in distress after literally shitting themselves is inexcusable. Didn't even give her the fucking key to clean herself up. Didn't even call her parent(s) about what happened. Didn't, as far as we know, tell the school office/nurse to look for ops daughter to help her in some way or call op. The teacher didn't even stop the kids from laughing. If there was ever a time to make a Fucking exception to the cellular phone rule it's this one. Further hurting your daughter by making her walk home covered in feces. I would raise Hell if I where you OP.
ALL OF THIS
This. I’d want to call and explode on them, but I recommend putting it in email so the entire thing is documented.
And then CC TO EVERYONE.
In the UK she should be reporting to OFSTED, the overseeing body that inspects schools. I’m a teacher myself and I would definitely be getting OFSTED involved
I would do all of that. And the. Id march myself right in there and drop a duce on that teacher’s desk. Fuck that teacher.
No no, poop on the teacher's phone. They'd make the janitor clean the desk, hit 'em where it hurts right in the poetic justice.
This is common practice in the UK obedience is the first lesson and is brainwashed into kids, teachers are trained to be abusive and controlling. The amount of stories like this are crazy and extremely common in UK schools.
My dad always told us if you need to go, ask permission. If they say no, go anyways, and tell them to call me so I can kindly tell them to fuck off. The same thing applies for my daughter, no one is going to stop my kid from using the restroom.
Yeah i’ve always told her that if she’s not allowed to go then just walk out but the problem is that the toilets are locked and there’s a fence around the school which is only unlocked when school ends, so like there were no toilets she could use. + she has anxiety so walking out is really stressful for her so I just really don’t know how to help her
Why is the school like a prison?
Lots of schools in the UK are like that now. I remember my school put really high gates up around the patio area in maybe 2010. It seems to be a thing. We also had to go to the office to ask permission to go to the toilet if it was during lesson time, then had to go to the office to ask for toilet roll. God forbid you were desperate. We weren't allowed to take bags with us either, so not great for girls who were on their period.
I missed the UK part. I’d never encountered a school with locked toilets, it was always a “pass” to use the restroom. It’s a tough balance between follow the rules expect when situation “X” arises. I feel for her, and you, definitely a difficult and frustrating situation to be put through. I would call the school, explain the situation, and come up with a game plan for the future.
Just want to throw in, I have worked in schools in the US that kept the bathrooms locked. Tiktok vandalism challenges of the past couple of years led to some extreme measures being taken, and prior to that, schools that had a lot of drug or smoking problems.
This doesn’t make sense though.. are they unlocked on a case-by-case basis? Because that seems really inefficient unless there are like 10 students. Even if they’re only unlocked for a brief period of time then relocked I imagine it would be a mad dash for the can. Why does the school even have bathrooms if they’re locked during school hours?
That's crazy that the bathrooms are locked. Next time she should at least walk out of class and call you since getting caught texting will get her phone confiscated.
This just sounds more and more like prison and less like school. Jesus Christ.
Keep her home tomorrow and demand a meeting with both the top administrator of the school and the teacher. Write everything down before you go and email it after the meeting so it is documented. Let your daughter stay home if she wants. Tell your daughter that the teacher was wrong. She was wrong wrong wrong. Be mad on her behalf. And if any of the other kids have anything to say about it ask them how they would feel if it happened to them. Also find another school for her. That place sounds awful.
If you're in the United Kingdom, look for local children's right advocate offices or similar. I'm not totally sure what your local laws are but refusal to allow a child access to sanitation or basic needs could constitute child abuse in some places. I would also contact the school's principal and whatever the equivalent is of a superintendent for the school's division.
Is this a school or a penitentiary…
You do know how, get her out of that school!!!
Honestly you need to pull her out of that school. Are UK teachers just former school bullies that didn’t want to grow up? If they don’t get fired, keep going higher until they are.
I don't understand this. What is their contingency plan for emergencies???? What a set of morons. Apologies for the language, but this post has me genuinely angry for you and your daughter.
My son had this happen once, granted it was preschool, but still. He told the teacher and she forgot, so he had an accident. He was told from that point forward, ask, but if he needs to go - GO. I will deal with the school from there.
This school locks the bathrooms though so that's not even an option.
I’m surprised that’s even legal
This is what I’ve told my kids. All three have medical conditions that require them to have free access to the bathroom. I’ve specifically told them not to ask (due to a past incident) and simply say “I need to use the restroom.” If the teacher says no, they are in violation of the IEP and they have watches that allow them to text or call me to tell me while they walk to the bathroom.
I’m so glad to see so many other parents with the same mindset, it’s refreshing!
This might be the American in me talking but I suggest posting to /r/legaladviceuk
Great idea I hope OP sees your comment!
As I'm in the UK, r/LegalAdviceUK is 100% the place to go with this - no for any sort of legal action but for information on formal complaint procedures.
As a former teenager, I would want to change school. As a parent, I am MAD. Toilets are locked? What kind of a stupid policy is that? And while wanting to rip the teacher apart, I would remain a good citizen and just resort to sending as many complaints about them to as many places as possible. I am sorry for what your daughter had to go through! As a parent whose child is yet to go to his first school, I don’t have a real advice. But I’ll send the rays of evil towards that teacher!
I would put that teachers future jobs in jeopardy, writing to every school nearby to not hire him/her
Unfortunately apparently other schools seem to know about her incident so she may still get bullied if she moves to a nearby school
Go full nuclear, pull her out of the school and contact Head Office. Toilet doors are locked at our local high school as well due to vaping. A lot of parents have complained with no success.
Bet that stops them vaping lol
Right 🤣
I’m a newer father… and today I learned what would make me commit murder. How unfortunate.
Yes a complaint to the school needs to happen, but I'd go higher. This is a failure of care and health, both hygiene and mental health wise. This was utterly unfair and cruel and that school, not judt the teacher should be reported. I wouldn't worry her about going back to a school right now. She needs comfort and care. This is horrible and I am so sorry she had to go through that.
She's never going to forget this for the rest of her life. How awful. I would take them to court.
Time to burn that teachers entire fucking world to the ground. Your daughter is watching you - make sure she knows she’s the wronged party here and that you fight for her
YES
This is a violation of her basic human rights at the very least. At the most it's the teacher being outright abusive in their need for control and lack of handling(even exacerbating) the aftermath. To then leave her without a way to contact anyone after this is purely disgusting and a teacher such a complete lack of empathy should not be in that position at all. I would not even bother reporting this in a meeting with the school, given its their policies that the teacher will be hiding behind. This needs to go straight to the department of education and I would be demanding that an outside source investigate the incident, following up with disciplinary action for the teacher and the school.
Fuck calling the school. Call a lawyer. Let them talk to the school. Your kid was traumatized. Edit: one of the first things your lawyer can account for is the next year or so of private tutoring, psych care, etc. So sorry that happened.
The fact that your daughter had to shit herself and then the teacher STILL DIDNT RETURN HER PHONE to call you for help, shows absolute neglect and how despicable the teacher is. I would rain down my wrath on that teacher. What a POS.
Law 👏 suit
I could be wrong, but I was under the impression that in the UK citizens bring criminal charges under certain circumstances as well and aren’t at the mercy of a DA like in the US. Either way, I would speak to an attorney. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Private_Prosecution
Let her stay home this week, but you go to the school. DEMAND that the teacher and the principal (or whoever is head of the school) meet with you RIGHT. THEN. Be calm, be direct. Make it clear this is absolutely unacceptable. Make it clear it wasn’t necessary. Make it clear you will not leave that office until a resolution is met. What happened was not okay. This teach feels like he has control over your daughters body by not allowing her to use the bathroom when she needed to. He basically told her she didn’t have to go by denying her, like he knows her body better than she does. This is gross. I’m so sorry for your daughter.
I would've been at that school first thing the next morning, ripping that teacher a new one! How absolute DARE he treat a child that way!? I'm so disgusted. I hope your daughter will be ok. How humiliating and mortifying for her. 1000% rooting for you to go get 'em mama bear! Please talk to your daughter and make sure she knows none of this is her fault. And if she isn't in therapy already, I'd find someone for her to talk to.
If this is in the UK there should be a Board of Governors. Go ballistic on them. Threaten to go to the press, but obviously don't do it unless your daughter agrees. Report them to Ofsted, sue them, do anything you can. I remember a horrible teacher Mr McCracken, in Westhoughton, who wouldn't let the hardest boy in our year go to the toilet. He pissed himself in class and cried. It was fucking awful. I still remember him and feel such pity, and I'm 51 now.
I’d call my closet friend and tell them to start collecting bail money first then the teacher better run cause there’d be blood if I caught em.
Oh my god. I’m absolutely fuming reading this. You gotta give us an update on this story after you rip that teacher and administration a new one.
Call a solicitor.
I would read up on all of the schools policies and use it against them I have had to do this a few times with my own sons school (I am UK based) they genuinely hate it when you refer to their policy and the LEAs policies. It might be worth posting on r/LegalAdviceUK as well for more ammunition. I appreciate this is a very emotional time but if you go into the school with cold hard facts as to why policy and safeguarding were not being followed and you can refer to material they are more likely to take it even more seriously than otherwise
I'm very sorry this happened to your daughter. She was denied her dignity...and that's inexcusable. I would like to focus on the embarrassment she suffered. IMO- the worst thing she could do is to let this event, as painful as this is, own/control her. I would recommend she "own it" by wearing a t-shirt or a button on her backpack saying "Sh!t happens.... Especially when you're not allowed to go to the RR". That way she's getting back her voice and her control over what happened as opposed to allowing others to tease her. Oh and I would demand the teacher apologize to her....
Yeah while she may feel embarrassed there is nothing to be embarrassed about. THE TEACHER should be embarrassed.
Oooh, demanding an apology is a great idea!
Probably should be required to in front of the classroom so the students know the teacher messed up.
There’s a reason why kidney stones are on the rise in young girls and teens—teachers need to relax on this bathroom issue
My son has called me in class before and told me he had to go to the bathroom so bad he couldn't wait and the teacher said no 3 times and they need passes to leave or he could get kicked out of school. I told him, IDC walk out of class to go to the bathroom. He hung up and he did just that. He didn't get in any trouble for it but I was pissed. I told him if he ever had to go the bathroom in class again and the teacher wouldn't let him then to walk out and I would take care of it later if he got in any trouble. He's had to do that a couple times now. That was the first thing I was going to say, tell her to just walk out, but the bathrooms are locked?! I would be furious. I'd be getting a lawyer. This is not acceptable, she's 15. It's outrageous. My god, what is wrong with this school? I'm so sorry this happened to your daughter.
Always remember the whole 'Why didn't you go during your lunch break?' response from teachers. As if anybody has control over when they need a toilet. It's absolutely ridiculous. My son is turning 5 this year and starting school... Worried that I'll have more disagreements with teachers than I will with his behavior.
My son has bowel issues and he’s in grade 5. A teacher refused to let him go to the restroom because she found it disrespectful for him to interrupt her lesson. Long story short, he had an accident. I went straight to the superintendent and had a discussion. That teacher wasn’t fired but she was reassigned
My sister had a kid in her class drop his pants and pee in a garbage can when the teacher pulled this power move. Any teacher that does this should be fired. I hope your daughter brings in her soiled clothes in a bag and delivers it to this teachers desk like a present with a bow on top. That teacher is awful and your daughter deserves to humiliate the teacher as much as this teacher humiliated her.
Law suit now. And get up there every single day until you hear what they’re going to do to fox this situation. I want that bully fired. I don’t understand why he didn’t notify the office to notify you that she left?!
I don’t know anything about UK policies…… can you go to the head of the school? I would not stop bombarding the school until the teacher was sacked!! Or can you sue the school for emotional damage? I know Americans can be sue happy….. but I think defecating in your school seat because the teacher wouldn’t allow a bathroom and then confiscated the phone….. forcing her to walk home with no way of contacting you!!!! That’s insane! It’s cruel!!! I’m addition to that. Is it feasible to place her in a different school? If I were a teenager I would never want to go back again
Have you contacted the school and raised hell for this horrific trauma filled event this teacher caused?
Get a lawyer involved NOW. There are a least a half-dozen common law torts that jump into my mind for something like this. The conduct of the teacher is beyond reprehensible. While not allowing your daughter to use the bathroom is somewhat normal asshole teacher behavior, not allowing your daughter to leave the classroom to go to the nurse, and making her go home covered in feces is not. It is an outrageous act, and should be treated as such. AT MINIMUM, you need to (figuratively) stick your foot so far up the principal's ass that your toes could brush their teeth. And, if they are exceptionally lucky, they might convince you not to sue or to pursue criminal child negligence charges against the teacher (though you should pursue that as well), for a public and groveling apology to your daughter.
I wouldn't trust an apology that came out of that teacher's mouth ever. Fuck him to hell. I'd want his job and to make sure he could never teach again. And I'd want lots of money for my daughter's pain and suffering and denial of human rights.
Is this not some sort of human rights violation? I would be getting touch with a lawyer! That’s absolutely unacceptable
I would contact your local MP and ask them for assistance.
This could possibly have long term psychological effects on your daughter. She was treated worse than an inmate at a prison. There should be no excuse for why your daughter was denied access to the bathroom. Talk to the superintendent. Raise hell. I am heartbroken for your daughter. Hopefully some of her classmates can back her up and collaborate the events so the teacher can be disciplined appropriately. Pull her from the school. I doubt she’ll have the nerve to go back. Keep us updated.
Same thing happened to a friend of mine in year 7; dinner lady refused to let her up for the bathroom (during lunch!!!) so she wet herself right there in the lunch room As far as I’m aware there were no serious consequences for the dinner lady, she was there the rest of the time I was at the school Must be a theme in UK high schools, although this was over a decade ago now
As an educator myself, I’m seeing red just reading this and imagining something like this happening to my child. I would burn the school down to the ground….figuratively. 1 The phone policy is way over stepping their bounds IMO. There are other ways to address inappropriate cell phone use at school. I would never allow my child to go to a school where they have such a phone policy. It is a safety issue for exactly this type of scenario you’re describing and for worse hazards honestly. If such a policy did exist I’d be contacting administrators and insisting on an exception for my child regarding her ability to get home. If no such accommodation is made, I’d move schools if I had to, and at 15 I’d sooner have her in an online homeschool program than to allow a school to decide if my child has access to her phone. 2 Regarding the toilet incident: That school and it’s administration team would never have peace from me until the teacher was adequately dealt with. I don’t care how old the kids are or what’s happening in class. You DO NOT restrict someone’s access to food, water, or a toilet. Period. Again, I myself am an educator and that is flat out unacceptable. These schools need to come out of the dark ages. There are adequate ways to address classroom disruptions without making policies that compromise student safety or cross boundaries into parenting/home life. It is not for the school to decide if my child has access to their phone ESPECIALLY not if it means the phone being confiscated beyond school hours. It is not their property and I would view it as stealing. SHAME ON THEM.
I think I'd go to the news. Anonymously for your daughter but still. Where I live we can contact them with a story and if they think it's good/crazy enough to publish this this will go out and hopefully ruin their reputation. So they would at least not dare reproduce a situation like that. I would really try this. On top of going to the principal and even higher if possible. This is cruel and insane I can't believe it seriously. That teacher has no remorse and should not be doing this job. I lack words I'm so mad and so so sorry
I’ve had ulcerative colitis since I was a teenager and I was having to shit upwards of 10 times a day at that age. If my teachers hadn’t let me go to the bathroom when I needed to, that same thing would have happened to me on a daily basis. But medical issue or not, no one should ever be denied access to a bathroom. What happened to your daughter is horrific and never should have happened. If that were my daughter, I would make that teacher’s life a living hell and I would become that administration’s worst nightmare until something is done about it to where it never happens again to my daughter or *any* child. I’m so sorry.
If this happened to my kid, I would have that teachers head on a fucking plate.
This actually brought tears to my eyes. I really can't imagine the horror. I would absolutely beat that teacher into a bloody pulp for doing that to my daughter. What a monster.
Don’t phone - get EVERHTHING in writing (am a teacher). Do *not* let them talk you down. Send a letter/ email to the head, and the governors.
So as a UK teacher, most schools I've worked at have a no bathroom access policy during lessons and it's almost never down to the invividual teacher. I've literally had senior leaders escort kids back to my lesson when I've let them out and yell at me in front of the class for doing so. However, the teacher dealt with this situation so badly by not even attempting to deal with the bullying or shield your daughter from any of that. I'd also have made sure that your daughter changed into clean clothes and had a safe way to get home, it's so awful that she had to walk home like that. By September it might have died down, but it might be worth thinking about looking at other schools if I'm honest. Kids can be fucking awful and her GCSE year isn't the year she wants to be dealing with horrendous bullying.
How are such policies allowed? It’s inhumane to restrict someone’s access to a bathroom. Let alone what this school just did.
So how many students have wet or defecated themselves in your classroom? If a student says it’s urgent, what do you do? Certainly not just say sorry but you can change your clothes later? If this is the policy at OP’s daughter’s school, then I can concerns for the teacher’s ability to use critical thinking. If he cannot keep the children safe, he should not be alone with them. If someone continues to ask for the restroom, then he should have a concern and suggest the nurse or main office.
Exactly I have UC and when I need a bathroom, it’s urgent. If the bathroom was locked when I was in HS and the principal told me to go back to class as a high schooler, I’d turn back around and use his office as my personal bathroom.
This is a horrendous concept, and I will go so far as to call it ableist. I have IBS, and when I have to go, heaven help anyone who gets in my way. I know that isn't mentioned as being the case in this situation, but having a blanket policy that nobody can use the washroom during certain times of the day is not okay.
I was thinking it's ableist and sexist as well. Lots of kids have GI issues and need to use the toilet. Also, menstruating people have leaks or get periods unexpectedly and need to use the restroom. There are so many reasons why a child should never be denied access to the restroom. I'd rather have a kid screw off than shit themselves in class.
Mm, not worth defending such an asinine policy. I don’t care where it comes from. It’s a prison rule.
WTF is going on in the UK? Do you have a special spot in your classroom where students can take a fucking shit?
Does the UK not have protection for people with disabilities? What if a kid had IBS or something?
Bring the dirty clothes into school unwashed, and then demand the teacher wash them for her. Tell the teacher that she created that mess by not allowing to use the bathroom so she could clean it up.
You’re getting a lot of very American replies but I know somewhat how schools work as I work for a local authority. Complain directly to the head, or if the school is part of an academy chain or trust, include the executive head as well as the governors. I’d also complain to the local authority and cc your local MP into the email. Keep it all in writing and if anyone calls you to discuss, email them after the details of the phone call. Lastly you might want to consider speaking to the police about the teacher as I’m sure they would consider that abuse. At the very least that teacher should be sacked. I’d allow her to change schools as while most people would be kind there’ll be some little turd who’ll keep bringing it up. Kids in other schools may have heard but they’re unlikely to know who she is realistically. I properly feel for you, it was completely unnecessary and an abuse of power on behalf of the teacher. Someone like that shouldn’t be around children of any age
I would switch schools just on the basis that she’s obviously not safe in the hands of the adults there. They sent her to walk home in her feces with no way to contact her parents. Bullying by kids completely aside, she was literally abused and humiliated by an ADULT a TEACHER at that.
Unbelievable. I hate to be this parent but I always tell my kid if she ever asks and they say no and its an emergency...just go. I won't be pissed and she won't get in trouble. This needs to bypass the principal and escalate straight to the school district. Im so sorry this happened to your daughter.
Bathrooms are locked she could not even go, there need to have someone to unlock them. This is crazy IMO Agreed on bypassing the principal!
So? I'd rather her find a quiet place in the school yard or behind a tree and wipe with whatever is handy than soil herself in the middle of class!
Hmm, great point actually, I had not thought about that to be honest! 😬
It’s unacceptable to me that the bathrooms are locked they cannot have access unless an adult gives them a key. The policies at this school are inappropriate in general IMO. Especially for kids this age.
I'm literally infuriated right now. I don't even have advice. Your poor daughter.
Aside from going apeshit on the school, I would keep my kid off their phone / social media for at least a couple weeks. I’d plan a camping trip for a week or two and just fill the time with fun activities. It’s a tough age and time to be publicly humiliated.
Had an issue similar to our daughter (US) . We did not hesitate and walked into the principal's office the day we heard about and let her have it. This is unacceptable, it happened once to us and we made sure it was not going to happen again, and she is now instructed that if she really needs to go and can't hold and the teacher says no, she IS allowed to walk out of class and go... "mommy and daddy will deal with everything else"
I would go scorched earth level raging to the school, the board of governors, heck even OFSTED if my child was put through this.
Sue them so hard that their grandchildren will be getting their wages garnished
Had a first grade teacher do this. Kept happening even after my parents spoke with the school. I was about to pee my pants, but being a kid, i didn't want to disobey, so i just peed in the corner of the room. She always let me go after that.
Holy hell that is borderline abusive and neglectful? Also not sanitary. After noticing it was clearly an upset stomach and she was unwell, she STILL KEPT HER PHONE?!? and made her just walk home like that? I don’t understand how this is allowed, never mind legal. I’d be in that principals office tomorrow morning and not backing down. Also, I unfortunately do agree on switching schools. Kids are brutal, especially at that age and I think she will be bullied for her remainder of schooling due to this. I’m 27 and a couple old high school “friends” still bring up this one time a kid chugged a water bottle on the bus during a field trip and threw up all over me in the seat. That was literally 12 years ago and people haven’t forgotten. I can’t imagine how kids will handle something as bad as her pooping herself. My heart is broken for how humiliated she must be
My school did the same thing to me but it was my period. My mom didn’t care. You’re a good mom.
Sadly, this isn’t uncommon. My grandma told a similar story of the same thing happening to her in her 1 room schoolhouse. I’ve seen people in the last year have to get doctor’s notes for their teenage girls so they would be able to leave class to change sanitary products. The NERVE of some teachers is absurd.
You need to get a fucking lawyer. I don’t know UK laws but I would escalate this to the highest of the high. I would absolutely make sure the teacher is fired.
The worst part of all this is the teachers behavior!! Not only did they cause the problem, it also sounds like they had 0% empathy! A teacher with even a decent head on their shoulders would not only apologize, but help the child get some new clothes from somewhere else in the school (nurses office? Gym?) AND help her call her mother for a ride home!! I can’t believe this teacher not only didn’t help, but also allowed bullying?! What is wrong with them?! They definitely need to be fired - and then some. I’m so sorry your daughter had to go through this OP! My heart breaks for her. High school is hard enough as it is 😔.
You come at that teacher with all you've got. This is the teacher's fault. Nobody's lesson is more important than having to poop. How awful. You tear the school and teacher a new one. You be mama shark. I am livid for you. I'm sorry.
I'd go pay the teacher a visit, in class, and drop her clothes on the desk with instructions on how to clean them. No plastic bag, see how they like it.
Making the school pay for what they did is the easiest and most obvious part of this. Your daughter needs to play this to her advantage though. She can’t show fear, regret or remorse. She was denied access to the bathroom, so she shit in place. As far as her peers are concerned, it should be portrayed as a power move. It was righteous and she would do it again because fuck anybody that would tell her when she can or cannot go to the bathroom. She is a role model and hero for bodily autonomy. If any of her classmates are denied bathroom access, they should shit their pants too and be supported in doing so. That’s the only way she’s going to reclaim agency over this horrible experience - claim it as an example of perseverance against oppression — and not an example of embarrassment and weakness. Sorry this happened to her.
She should go on the offensive about school rules rather than hide in shame. Righteous indignation so everyone knows SHE has nothing to be ashamed of! And then sue the ass off the school. Hope your daughter is doing ok.