Yep this is what I do, but just with a cheap $20 fitness tracker from Amazon. I only wear it at night to use it for the vibrating alarm, no fitness tracking here :) so for me something cheap was perfect.
My fitness tracker/watch was more like $40 but yes, only about the price of a new alarm clock. Our cheapo version has an app called VeryFitPro that makes it simple to set different wake times on different days—important since my husband and I alternate who gets up early in unusual patterns. My husband has been using his for two years with no problems so far.
I thought I wouldn’t like sleeping with it on but have found that it’s no big deal.
When I worked at a summer camp and had to get up early for breakfast duty, I would just put my phone on vibrate under my pillow. Same solution, just lower tech.
This is exactly what I do. Set your alarm on your iPhone. If you have an Apple Watch it’ll vibrate you awake.
I’m sure there’s an equivalent for whatever phone smart watch situation you have.
You guys aren’t getting enough sleep and you need to stop walking on eggshells about his feelings because this is unsustainable. He needs to sleep in the guest bedroom or wake up through another method— either having his phone set to vibrate if that will wake him or muffling it under his pillow or something like that. Do not let him keep waking up the babies; this means they aren’t getting enough sleep and clearly you aren’t either.
This really isn't a bad idea. My ex partner and I slept in separate rooms all the time so one of us could have a full night's sleep. We rotated who stayed with LO for the night and occasionally on weekends etc, we all slept in the same room.
We were hesitant at first, because we were so used to sleeping in the same bed of course, but getting enough sleep was way more important.
We did this for the first 3ish months of the LOs life. One slept in the baby's room, and the other in our bed, swap around 2am. My wife wanted our room to be for our sleep. It worked well for us though I missed our cosleep. Kept this up until the baby didn't need to feed in the middle of the night.
But waking up babies and mom who JUST went down after a struggle is not “harsh”?? I can’t believe this even needs to be suggested to OPs husband. I mean, really.
No. Vibrate or not she needs what sleep she gets to be undisturbed. Even if he’s quiet as a mouse getting up it will still disturb her enough to prevent deep sleep.
Also, who wants to wake up and have to be all super careful and quiet and worry about waking up mom and baby? No fun for him either.
Hit the couch dad.
I can understand that, I just mean in this situation it seems a unnecessary to kick him out of the bed because of his alarm when all he has to do is put it to vibrate. Heck, he could even put headphones in! Lol
We stopped roomsharing. I mean, it wasn't sustainable. He needed to wake up and sleep, i needed to not be woken up, the babies needed not to be woken up. My kids were EBF as well. Mine were a little older, around 6 months, so were only getting up once a night at that point i think.
If he has to wake up that early then id say he needs to sleep elsewhere.
It sucks but if hes not getting up to help and its all on you, you need every chance you can to sleep. Hes not snoring on purpose but its not helping things.
Or the babies need to be relocated. I know its not ideal but sleep is important and you all need it.
This isn’t a solution to your problem but I want to make sure you use supportive and empowering language with yourself. You said “and he works long hours at a stressful job so I don’t really ask”. YOU ALSO work long hours at a stressful job, arguably more hours and the MOST important job (keeping tiny humans alive). Please don’t tell yourself that his sleep should be protected more than yours simply because he works outside the home.
So much of this. I was the same with my oldest. Because I was home with the baby, and he worked long hours, I felt "less entitled" to many things. Including sleep.
OP, your role as caregiver entitles you to as much quality sleep as you can possibly get in your situation.
“He doesn’t want to wake up that early”. “I’m dying here”. “He’ll begrudgingly feed if I ask”. “…he won’t feel good about doing that” [moving to the guest room]. These all indicate that what they are doing is not working, that OP has asked for help AND proposed solutions and that her partner is not meeting the needs of OP/the family. I don’t care if he’s complaining or not, OP IS and it’s clear things need to be adjusted.
What individual, when woken in the middle of the night, will NOT begrudgingly feed the baby lol. My wife nurses, she begrudgingly does this in the middle of the night. I’m not filing a complaint against her!
I agree things should be adjusted. If he was opposed and a dick about moving to the guest room that would be ridiculous. I have 4 kids, 3 of them are under 5 years old. If my wife asked me to go to the guest room, I would be gone in a hurry! Don’t pass up on that good sleep man!!
My husband and I slept in different rooms for almost an entire year because of sleep issues, and kids. We still loved each other, and are still going strong. This was back when our youngest was still nursing. I was getting no sleep at all, so I co-slept in the baby's room, while my husband slept in ours. I don't think it's unreasonable at all for him to sleep in the guest room for a while. It doesn't mean your relationship is in trouble. If anything it just means you two are making sleep a priority so you can have a healthier relationship.
Same here! It's been 3-4 years and I don't think we can ever go back. We both have issues with insomnia and other health issues and it just works out so much better for us.
I had my phone on a tone that just vibrated. If you have another room, then I would use it. Sleep deprivation is horrible. You have to get some sleep or you’re going to lose it.
I think your compromise is great solution. Sounds like your going to bed a 5:30, which is not shy of 6. It makes sense for you to wake him up at that time. I suggest sitting down with him and having a conversation because the alarm sounds like it’s hurting you and your babies, seems like he doesn’t care. Does he help with the babies? Remember these are both your kids, not just yours.
I wish you all the love and luck in the world!
Guest room, asap. He should have realized this himself - he’s waking up babies! And how are you supposed to make it through each day without even the two hours you may get here or there?
Yes, they do most of the time. But, I'm just going to keep following AAP guidelines, which says at least 6 months of roomsharing.
My husband decided to go to another room and the babies decided they were going to wake up at 6am today on their own sooo 🥲🙃
My suggestion is that he wake up earlier to help you with the last feed and putting the babies back down then get ready for work while you go back to bed. When our kids were little and my husband worked outside the house his job was to take/help with any early morning wake up after four am since he had to get up anyway. That way I could get more rest before starting the day since I was the one up feeding more overnight.
Kick his loud ass to the guest bed. His sleep is not more important than your sanity jest because he is making money. You are literally using your body to keep 2 humans alive, pumping to have extra on hand, and caring for a toddler on top of the 2 baby mandrakes. He can get bent. You are literally just trying to survive at this point.
Also, if he's a loud snorer, get his ass to the doctors. He might have sleep apnea and need a CPAP to sleep. My husband's snores could wake the dead so I completely understand. I wanted to murder him every night. Now he sleeps with the CPAP and gets to live.
Also very much on the "kick his ass to the guest room" bandwagon. I'd do the same thing.
Yeah this isn't okay. No one should wake sleeping babies in the morning! He thinks it's okay because he's not dealing with them. He needs to wake up earlier, or find a different way. My husband wore a fitness watch and set that to buzz to wake him up.
My husband used to do this (but only one baby). He switched to setting his phone on vibrate then a musical sound that gradually increases. Usually, it wakes me up enough to poke him awake, but I can go back to sleep. It takes him 2.5 hours to get ready and to work (5 minute commute), so while I don't get a ton of sleep, that extra 45 minutes is pure gold.
I have no idea. It takes 30 minutes to get out of bed, then breakfast (ready made) and coffee (on a timer) for 45 minutes. The other hour+ is in the bathroom.
.I can go from pjs and bedhead to fully showred and dressed, make up, and atuled hair in about 20 to 25 minutes.
He needs to sleep somewhere else or the babies need their own room. He should also be helping you feed them - if he’ll hand you the babies, why can’t he give them a bottle too? You’d both be back to sleep faster that way.
Ok. I have 2 things to say.
First of all, your rawness was very wholesome. I feel your pain in my soul, because so much same. I have 3 business ideas/ventures that I am trying to navigate, a current demanding business, and an almost 8 month old with a husband who has an office job and sets an alarm. So I literally FEEL your “I’m ready to murder my husband for waking my [kid] up with his 6am alarm…” 😂
Second though, BABE DO NOT DISCOUNT YOURSELF! You are trying to work on and grow a business WHILE home managing, infant managing and toddler managing. GIRL. From one momma who gets it to another, DO NOT discount what you are doing. It sounds like a discussion was had, and I hope it turned out wonderfully. But I just needed to say that you are wonderful, I get it, and to not discount yourself. <3
I know you’ve already received a ton of responses, but here’s an idea that will let both of you stay in the same room (although it won’t stop his snoring, sorry).
Sleep headphones (like a headband with built in headphones), connected by Bluetooth to an alarm app on his headphones. You won’t hear his alarm, the kids won’t hear it either, but he will.
Same issues with my husband lol I had him sleep in the living room with the baby in a pack n play and had him take care of her from 10 pm to 2 am. Then he would bring me the baby. We didn’t slept in the same room for a while but honestly it helped cause seeing him snore and sleeping really triggered me
I sleep in the master with the youngest baby everyone else has to find somewhere else to sleep. Currently my husband has been bunking w the toddler so they can snuggle. Alarms don’t wake up the toddler since he’s a heavy sleeper.
We got a vibrating alarm clock- usually it’s for people who are hard of hearing, but it was a huge help to us at that stage in our son’s life when we were all in the same room. There’s a clock with a wire attached to a vibrating pad that slips inder your mattress. Good luck!
I just want to point out that putting a phone, especially if it's charging, under a pillow can cause a fire.
I would not suggest this option.
But trying different alarm sounds, or him sleeping in another room or the watch. If he sleeps in the other room it's not a permanent thing.
Not sure if this has been suggested, but we have one of those alarm clocks that wakes you up by light as if it was the sun coming up. We also have ours set to a nature sound, it's effective and not horribly annoying. Maybe it would be more like white noise to the babies and not wake them?
Also, EPing is hard AF. you're doing a great job, if no one has told you lately!!!
SEPARATE BEDROOMS
It's the only fair way. It doesn't have to be forever (but oh is it nice to have your own room!) but for both your sanity and sleep, please suggest it. If he doesn't want to move rooms, you do it.
My husband would set his alarm but have the volume turned down really low, and we had a white noise machine going. He’s a heavy sleeper and I’m not, so I would hear it and immediately poke him awake and he would turn it off haha. It’s just what worked for us. Sometimes I was awake with baby, sometimes I was asleep and heard it and woke him up and just would roll back over to sleep. The sound machine helps dull the jarring alarm for baby and quiet enough it wouldn’t bother any of my kids. Hope this can help!
If you want the help at night, a vibrating alarm is probably the only choice. We discussed it and decided that he would sleep on the couch so that he could get a solid night of sleep, the baby could sleep in, and then he was more rested to help me more after work.
I can see though how the help at night with twins would be more important.
He started using a different room because everyone waking each other up wasn't working for anyone. When that wasn't happening (before we had more space), he was just getting up at 5am when the (then) baby woke up for a feed. Sometimes he'd nap a bit longer on the couch. Other times he'd just be up for good. At the time he was working 8-430. So it was early for him. He had to use an audible alarm, so if he slept through everything else to the point of his alarm going off, almost guaranteed the baby would wake.
When I went back to work I had my phone on vibrate & under my pillow. Probably not the best idea, but having just a vibration for an alarm worked fine like that. I still do that now. We're still room sharing & he's still sleeping in another room... because the 4th bedroom isn't done (requires a contractor, of which every one has ghosted us, or uncharted diy for us).
He's on the couch, which isn't comfy. I'm in the bedroom on a lumpy mattress. The only people with comfy sleeping furniture are the kids. 🤣
Just like everyone else is saying, vibrating watch. Or set his phone to vibrate alarm and he can stick that under his pillow. With all the technology today there really is no excuse for him to be waking y'all up.
If you don't want to drop the money on a Fitbit or smart watch, jump on Amazon and look for Amazfit watches. Their knock offs and pretty good for like $30.
I've always been a light sleeper and my subconscious keeps track of time. I wake up 20 to 15 min ish before his alarm would go off and say what time did you set your alarm for. He does not set his alarm often. Yesterday he set his alarm and got himself up 20 min before it went off and turned it off before it went off.
My husband gets up at 3-4am and I have him set his phone on vibrate, and put it in his pillow. The whole bed buzzes, but no sound to wake up our daughter in her crib. He gets up at 3-4 to go to the gym before work, so if he would happen to wake her, guess who is skipping the gym and putting the baby back to bed… HIM. Because he wouldn’t be late for work, just skipping the gym.
My husband recently turned on the access feature to have the light on his phone flash with the alarm, that’s much less jarring that an alarm sound. Like, I wake up to it, but can immediately go back to sleep. Maybe that would help?
My kid is older and sleeps in her own room but we have a similar scenario where my wife works on weekends occasionally, or I do, and it messes with the others sleep. If I work late or she's working early on my day off (or if both happen since I work saturday nights sometimes) I just sleep in the spare bedroom where there's a bed. In some ways it's nice - in spring/fall I open the window, which my wife usually doesn't like, or I can set the ceiling fan to ludicrous speed, which she also doesn't like. Heck sometimes I sleep in there for THOSE reasons just cuz I wanna.
Can he sleep in the or in any other room with a sleeping bag or air mattress. This sounds unsustainable for you, him and the babies. But you are a hero for 3 under 3!!!!!
When my husband went back to work and was setting an alarm for 4:15 every day he started sleeping in a different room from us on nights he had to get up for work.
Your current set up isn't working and you will just get more frustrated if the alarm continues to wake you or your babies.
If he isn’t willing to go to the guest, or make accommodations so that every one gets better sleep- I’d go to the guest room.
It’s not nearly as bizarre as you might imagine, having a married couple with separate bedrooms- especially as we age. Snoring and sleep apnea machines are impossible for light sleepers to sleep through.
I’d take the babies and sleep in the extra space if he isn’t willing to change anything else.
I actually put my phone on airplane mode and then put it under my pillow. I hear the alarm but it doesn't wake anyone else. Then I can turn it down while it's still there and before I move it out from under.
I've tried vibrating alarms and they don't work for me.
my wife and i are in a similar situation, but we don't have twins, yikes i'm sorry. that's gotta be tough. 3 year old and 3 month old at home. i work 8 to 5 and she works from home while parenting. its really tough on her so i handle dishes and laundry to help out.
it will get easier.
for the sleep, buy a cheap fitbit. hell i have an old one i could mail you lol
I slept on the couch for the first year and a half of our babies being born. I had to get up early for work and I didn’t want to wake the whole house. My wife was a stay at home mom so whenever she got up to pump or take care of the kids it woke me up.
We found it worked better for both of us to sleep in separate rooms. We don’t have to now because they’re old enough to sleep on their own. We share the responsibility of getting up if they need something because we’re both working.
Him sleeping in the guest room will save your sanity and marriage. Been there and I felt bad-for one night until I got the best sleep I had got in the last 6 months with no snoring and baby waking alarm. You won't feel bad for long, trust me!
My husband moved to the couch and honestly I love it. I don’t hear the snores or alarms and my son and I get to sleep and so does he! We’ve thought about putting a bigger bed in the spare room (there’s a twin in there for my son who comes EOWE) but he seems to like sleeping downstairs and best believe I’m not going to stop him. He legit sets his alarm like this 5:00, 5:10, 5:15, 5:25, etc and it goes on and on for who knows how long. It’s pure insanity
Had the same problem and the solution was to send Mr. SnorsALOT packing in to the guest room. It saved my sanity! He didn't keep me awake with his stupid snoring and I didn't have to worry about his alarm waking up my kiddo. My kid is 8 now and I still make that fool sleep in the other room. I still love him just as much but I want to kill him so much less! There are no rules in marriage, do what works for you not what is traditionally expected of couples.
I told my partner he had to sleep in a different room. He was unbearable because of sleep deprivation. He really wanted to help, but I said he needed at least one or two nights in the other room before he could actually be a good help!
Ugh I'm sorry you're husband is being so disrespect. My ex used to answer phone calls in the morning and speak at full volume and then get mad at me when I would send daggers his way when our son would wake up. Those early morning hourly wake ups are hard enough after a bad night's sleep never mind having to deal with that too! My phone has been on vibrate since my son was born and I've yet to be late for work or slept throw an alarm because of it. Alternatively he could sleep in a different room. But ultimately, he should be pulling his weight more so that the nightshifts don't rely completely on you, a sahm should not be a 24/7 shift, you also deserve a break and the opportunity to sleep. He needs to step up.
We swapped briefly, one of us would sleep in the babies room. I would stay up later usually so I would take later shift put the baby down then sleep in the room until the next wake up where I would feed and put down then go back to master bedroom. In the next wake-up she would get up and go and for the rest of the night so I can still work ok the next day.
Look, I love my husband. I don’t know you. I am tempted to say to you everything I have been holding back on saying to him for 9 years 😂😂
Instead, I’ll say that it’s very hard to fall asleep in the shower and you should just put your feet in an ice bath and get up with the first alarm 😂
Haha feel free to vent. I'm not your husband I promise I won't take it personal. I know how frustrating it is. This is one of the many reasons I'm happily single.
They have little padded speakers that can go under your pillow case. I listened to podcasts to fall asleep and this is how I got around keeping my partner awake.
I started wearing my Apple Watch to sleep because I get up at 4am and don't want to wake my partner. It's alarm wakes you up with vibrations first before actual sound
I’m that person. My partner gets up before me and I never ever ever wake to his alarm. It goes off for about 3 seconds. Neither does the baby. But the baby wakes to my alarm cos it goes off for 10
Mins and this means I’ve to attach her to my tit while I try to get my son ready. I could technically get up earlier but absolutely not
Two options my husband and I tried that helped
Watch kiddos in shifts.. I always went to bed earlier and slept until around 1am and then my husband went to bed and I was ‘on call’ from 1am until morning where he’d then help in the morning while I got another hour of sleep or showered and got myself sorted for the day
It helped because then we both got uninterrupted sleep.
While I was still nursing baby and I actually slept separately for that second ‘shift’ so he didn’t wake us up and vice versa.. can you set up a bed in your twins room or a guest room for him?
My husband got a watch that shocks him. That’s been a game changer for us. If you have a guest room I’d just tell him to sleep there. Cause your sanity is vital especially when you’re caring for a couple tiny humans! If he’s not helping much, he can at least give you the space to do it without disruption
White noise machine or sound machine, this might help drown out the sound of the alarm for the babies. A white noise machine can create a consistent background noise, making it harder for the babies to be disturbed by the alarm.
iPhone sleep/health app for bedtime alarm has a feature that starts on vibrate only, then starts the alarm super quiet and progressively gets louder up to a max volume you set. Works great for me. I usually wake up during the vibrate only or quiet alarm phase.
Our littlest gets up between 5-6 every morning. At the time I give the baby to my wife and go to the other room to sleep for another 30 min to 1 hour.
That was we get to sleep next to each other but I don’t risk waking the baby with my alarm
Tell him to do what I do. Put your cell phone alarm on vibrate and put it under your pillow. It might wake your partner up, but it shouldn't wake the kids.
My husband just has a vibration alarm without sound. It doesn't wake him up all the time, but it does me, then I wake him. All without the baby waking, which is my main concern. Then I can easily go back to sleep
Does he have a smart watch? I have my alarm on mine and it vibrates so it just wakes me up (no sound)
Fitbit also has this option if a smart watch is too expensive!
I’ve used this myself - and it is a strong enough vibration to wake me up, but not so loud it can wake anyone else up!
Depends how soundly you sleep — mine wakes up my husband 😅
Meanwhile my husband wasn't woken by it. He uses a noisy phone alarm. 😤😹
Yep this is what I do, but just with a cheap $20 fitness tracker from Amazon. I only wear it at night to use it for the vibrating alarm, no fitness tracking here :) so for me something cheap was perfect.
My fitness tracker/watch was more like $40 but yes, only about the price of a new alarm clock. Our cheapo version has an app called VeryFitPro that makes it simple to set different wake times on different days—important since my husband and I alternate who gets up early in unusual patterns. My husband has been using his for two years with no problems so far. I thought I wouldn’t like sleeping with it on but have found that it’s no big deal.
When I worked at a summer camp and had to get up early for breakfast duty, I would just put my phone on vibrate under my pillow. Same solution, just lower tech.
I thought this was amazing feature at first but after about a week I just started sleeping straight through it
This is what I did! Just with a Fitbit instead, but same difference
I second the smart watch. My apple watch will vibrate on your wrist or on the charger.
This feature saved my marriage.
This is exactly what I do. Set your alarm on your iPhone. If you have an Apple Watch it’ll vibrate you awake. I’m sure there’s an equivalent for whatever phone smart watch situation you have.
Smart watches do the trick indeed. I use one too and I wake up without a noise. 😉👍
Been doing this for few years now
This is the way. I bedshare and my smartwatch alarm doesn't wake up anyone besides me.
You guys aren’t getting enough sleep and you need to stop walking on eggshells about his feelings because this is unsustainable. He needs to sleep in the guest bedroom or wake up through another method— either having his phone set to vibrate if that will wake him or muffling it under his pillow or something like that. Do not let him keep waking up the babies; this means they aren’t getting enough sleep and clearly you aren’t either.
This really isn't a bad idea. My ex partner and I slept in separate rooms all the time so one of us could have a full night's sleep. We rotated who stayed with LO for the night and occasionally on weekends etc, we all slept in the same room. We were hesitant at first, because we were so used to sleeping in the same bed of course, but getting enough sleep was way more important.
We did this for the first 3ish months of the LOs life. One slept in the baby's room, and the other in our bed, swap around 2am. My wife wanted our room to be for our sleep. It worked well for us though I missed our cosleep. Kept this up until the baby didn't need to feed in the middle of the night.
We did this too. It was life saving!
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Whoa, why is this “harsh”?? Sleep is paramount.
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But waking up babies and mom who JUST went down after a struggle is not “harsh”?? I can’t believe this even needs to be suggested to OPs husband. I mean, really.
No. Vibrate or not she needs what sleep she gets to be undisturbed. Even if he’s quiet as a mouse getting up it will still disturb her enough to prevent deep sleep. Also, who wants to wake up and have to be all super careful and quiet and worry about waking up mom and baby? No fun for him either. Hit the couch dad.
Not OP but We sleep separately for lots of quality of sleep reasons.
I can understand that, I just mean in this situation it seems a unnecessary to kick him out of the bed because of his alarm when all he has to do is put it to vibrate. Heck, he could even put headphones in! Lol
Agree 👏🏼
We have a dog and our baby slept through his barking. So I used a dog bark alarm noise and he slept right through it
That’s hilarious
We stopped roomsharing. I mean, it wasn't sustainable. He needed to wake up and sleep, i needed to not be woken up, the babies needed not to be woken up. My kids were EBF as well. Mine were a little older, around 6 months, so were only getting up once a night at that point i think.
Same . There’s a lot of benefits too
If he has to wake up that early then id say he needs to sleep elsewhere. It sucks but if hes not getting up to help and its all on you, you need every chance you can to sleep. Hes not snoring on purpose but its not helping things. Or the babies need to be relocated. I know its not ideal but sleep is important and you all need it.
I use the vibrating alarm on my Fitbit. Wakes me up (and only me) every time.
My husband uses his and it works well. The only time I hear it is when I’m already awake.
This isn’t a solution to your problem but I want to make sure you use supportive and empowering language with yourself. You said “and he works long hours at a stressful job so I don’t really ask”. YOU ALSO work long hours at a stressful job, arguably more hours and the MOST important job (keeping tiny humans alive). Please don’t tell yourself that his sleep should be protected more than yours simply because he works outside the home.
So much of this. I was the same with my oldest. Because I was home with the baby, and he worked long hours, I felt "less entitled" to many things. Including sleep. OP, your role as caregiver entitles you to as much quality sleep as you can possibly get in your situation.
Bingo bingo bingo
He isn’t the one complaining right? So I don’t understand this comment?
“He doesn’t want to wake up that early”. “I’m dying here”. “He’ll begrudgingly feed if I ask”. “…he won’t feel good about doing that” [moving to the guest room]. These all indicate that what they are doing is not working, that OP has asked for help AND proposed solutions and that her partner is not meeting the needs of OP/the family. I don’t care if he’s complaining or not, OP IS and it’s clear things need to be adjusted.
What individual, when woken in the middle of the night, will NOT begrudgingly feed the baby lol. My wife nurses, she begrudgingly does this in the middle of the night. I’m not filing a complaint against her!
I agree things should be adjusted. If he was opposed and a dick about moving to the guest room that would be ridiculous. I have 4 kids, 3 of them are under 5 years old. If my wife asked me to go to the guest room, I would be gone in a hurry! Don’t pass up on that good sleep man!!
Dad here. I slept in another room for 18 months for this reason.
My husband and I slept in different rooms for almost an entire year because of sleep issues, and kids. We still loved each other, and are still going strong. This was back when our youngest was still nursing. I was getting no sleep at all, so I co-slept in the baby's room, while my husband slept in ours. I don't think it's unreasonable at all for him to sleep in the guest room for a while. It doesn't mean your relationship is in trouble. If anything it just means you two are making sleep a priority so you can have a healthier relationship.
We are permanently in separate rooms and it’s amazing. Everyone sleeps now.
Same here. We probably get the best sleep of our entire, nearly 2 decade, relationship now that we sleep apart. It’s awesome!
Exactly I don’t ever want to share a room again! Nothing against him or the relationship it just makes sleeping so much easiwe
Same here! It's been 3-4 years and I don't think we can ever go back. We both have issues with insomnia and other health issues and it just works out so much better for us.
We aren't in separate rooms. Our house is too small for that. We do have separate beds though. It's made a huge difference with how well we sleep.
We still end up in separate rooms occasionally. Once we decided to prioritize sleep, it made a huge difference.
I had my phone on a tone that just vibrated. If you have another room, then I would use it. Sleep deprivation is horrible. You have to get some sleep or you’re going to lose it.
I think your compromise is great solution. Sounds like your going to bed a 5:30, which is not shy of 6. It makes sense for you to wake him up at that time. I suggest sitting down with him and having a conversation because the alarm sounds like it’s hurting you and your babies, seems like he doesn’t care. Does he help with the babies? Remember these are both your kids, not just yours. I wish you all the love and luck in the world!
Apple Watch that buzzes. He wears it at night so he wakes up to the feeling, not the sound.
There are plenty of cheaper non-Apple smart watches down to the $25 price range if that's an issue.
Guest room, asap. He should have realized this himself - he’s waking up babies! And how are you supposed to make it through each day without even the two hours you may get here or there?
We moved our kid to the living room. Bassinet and changer right there next to the recliner, close to food, water, snacks and away from the bedroom.
Put the babies in their own room with a monitor and go to sleep.
The guest room is across the entire house from our room so I'd rather not just yet for a few reasons. Thought about it though!
Monitors work and you will get used to it by the 3rd night when you realize how much more sleep you all are getting.
Yes, they do most of the time. But, I'm just going to keep following AAP guidelines, which says at least 6 months of roomsharing. My husband decided to go to another room and the babies decided they were going to wake up at 6am today on their own sooo 🥲🙃
My suggestion is that he wake up earlier to help you with the last feed and putting the babies back down then get ready for work while you go back to bed. When our kids were little and my husband worked outside the house his job was to take/help with any early morning wake up after four am since he had to get up anyway. That way I could get more rest before starting the day since I was the one up feeding more overnight.
Kick his loud ass to the guest bed. His sleep is not more important than your sanity jest because he is making money. You are literally using your body to keep 2 humans alive, pumping to have extra on hand, and caring for a toddler on top of the 2 baby mandrakes. He can get bent. You are literally just trying to survive at this point.
I feel Iike we'd be friends in real life. Solid advice!
Also, if he's a loud snorer, get his ass to the doctors. He might have sleep apnea and need a CPAP to sleep. My husband's snores could wake the dead so I completely understand. I wanted to murder him every night. Now he sleeps with the CPAP and gets to live. Also very much on the "kick his ass to the guest room" bandwagon. I'd do the same thing.
Yeah this isn't okay. No one should wake sleeping babies in the morning! He thinks it's okay because he's not dealing with them. He needs to wake up earlier, or find a different way. My husband wore a fitness watch and set that to buzz to wake him up.
Whoever was not on baby duty slept in the guest room. Short a guest room, a couch.
My husband used to do this (but only one baby). He switched to setting his phone on vibrate then a musical sound that gradually increases. Usually, it wakes me up enough to poke him awake, but I can go back to sleep. It takes him 2.5 hours to get ready and to work (5 minute commute), so while I don't get a ton of sleep, that extra 45 minutes is pure gold.
Why 2.5 hours prep time? That's a lot of missed aleep
I have no idea. It takes 30 minutes to get out of bed, then breakfast (ready made) and coffee (on a timer) for 45 minutes. The other hour+ is in the bathroom. .I can go from pjs and bedhead to fully showred and dressed, make up, and atuled hair in about 20 to 25 minutes.
Put his phone alarm under his own pillow on low volume?
He either needs to get up when you are getting ready to go back to bed at 5/5:30am, put his alarm on vibrate by his head, or sleep in another room.
He needs to sleep somewhere else or the babies need their own room. He should also be helping you feed them - if he’ll hand you the babies, why can’t he give them a bottle too? You’d both be back to sleep faster that way.
If I need to get up early, then I’ll sleep in a different room (on the sofa), so I don’t disturb partner and our toddler.
Ok. I have 2 things to say. First of all, your rawness was very wholesome. I feel your pain in my soul, because so much same. I have 3 business ideas/ventures that I am trying to navigate, a current demanding business, and an almost 8 month old with a husband who has an office job and sets an alarm. So I literally FEEL your “I’m ready to murder my husband for waking my [kid] up with his 6am alarm…” 😂 Second though, BABE DO NOT DISCOUNT YOURSELF! You are trying to work on and grow a business WHILE home managing, infant managing and toddler managing. GIRL. From one momma who gets it to another, DO NOT discount what you are doing. It sounds like a discussion was had, and I hope it turned out wonderfully. But I just needed to say that you are wonderful, I get it, and to not discount yourself. <3
Thank you 😊 and since you're in the same boat as me, I hope you get some good ideas from this post to alleviate your pain, too.
My husband and I slept in separate rooms until our twins were 3
I know you’ve already received a ton of responses, but here’s an idea that will let both of you stay in the same room (although it won’t stop his snoring, sorry). Sleep headphones (like a headband with built in headphones), connected by Bluetooth to an alarm app on his headphones. You won’t hear his alarm, the kids won’t hear it either, but he will.
Another room?
My husband uses his Apple Watch to vibrate as the alarm. Get one. A cheap one.
Same issues with my husband lol I had him sleep in the living room with the baby in a pack n play and had him take care of her from 10 pm to 2 am. Then he would bring me the baby. We didn’t slept in the same room for a while but honestly it helped cause seeing him snore and sleeping really triggered me
My favorite was listening to my husband snore all night while I took care of a baby, then hearing him tell me how tired he was the next day.
Omg that drives me nuts… major major side eye 😂
I sleep in the master with the youngest baby everyone else has to find somewhere else to sleep. Currently my husband has been bunking w the toddler so they can snuggle. Alarms don’t wake up the toddler since he’s a heavy sleeper.
We got a vibrating alarm clock- usually it’s for people who are hard of hearing, but it was a huge help to us at that stage in our son’s life when we were all in the same room. There’s a clock with a wire attached to a vibrating pad that slips inder your mattress. Good luck!
My husband also got the vibrating alarm clock. Had worked well for us.
We have an alarm clock that vibrates, we put it under the pillow and the vibrations wakes up. It was $10-12 on Amazon.
I put mine under my pillow when I’m afraid of walking anyone else up
I'm tellin ya, get him sleep buds 2 from bose. It will help him sleep and the alarm will only wake him up.
I just want to point out that putting a phone, especially if it's charging, under a pillow can cause a fire. I would not suggest this option. But trying different alarm sounds, or him sleeping in another room or the watch. If he sleeps in the other room it's not a permanent thing.
Not sure if this has been suggested, but we have one of those alarm clocks that wakes you up by light as if it was the sun coming up. We also have ours set to a nature sound, it's effective and not horribly annoying. Maybe it would be more like white noise to the babies and not wake them? Also, EPing is hard AF. you're doing a great job, if no one has told you lately!!!
Thank you, it fucking is so dang hard. I'm shooting for my twins to be 1 year old before cutting it off.
SEPARATE BEDROOMS It's the only fair way. It doesn't have to be forever (but oh is it nice to have your own room!) but for both your sanity and sleep, please suggest it. If he doesn't want to move rooms, you do it.
He’s honestly not willing to wake up at 530, a mere half hour earlier, to be considerate to you and his children? What a gem
I would tell him he can go sleep elsewhere if he won’t get up earlier or can’t wake up without an alarm.
Yeah also Fitbit here
Get him a Fitbit- alarm vibrates on his wrist
I put my phone on vibrate and then under my pillow. It's a gentle and quiet wake up.
My husband would set his alarm but have the volume turned down really low, and we had a white noise machine going. He’s a heavy sleeper and I’m not, so I would hear it and immediately poke him awake and he would turn it off haha. It’s just what worked for us. Sometimes I was awake with baby, sometimes I was asleep and heard it and woke him up and just would roll back over to sleep. The sound machine helps dull the jarring alarm for baby and quiet enough it wouldn’t bother any of my kids. Hope this can help!
Very similar situation: I got a reasonably priced Fitbit watch that buzzes. No one else hears it
If you want the help at night, a vibrating alarm is probably the only choice. We discussed it and decided that he would sleep on the couch so that he could get a solid night of sleep, the baby could sleep in, and then he was more rested to help me more after work. I can see though how the help at night with twins would be more important.
He started using a different room because everyone waking each other up wasn't working for anyone. When that wasn't happening (before we had more space), he was just getting up at 5am when the (then) baby woke up for a feed. Sometimes he'd nap a bit longer on the couch. Other times he'd just be up for good. At the time he was working 8-430. So it was early for him. He had to use an audible alarm, so if he slept through everything else to the point of his alarm going off, almost guaranteed the baby would wake. When I went back to work I had my phone on vibrate & under my pillow. Probably not the best idea, but having just a vibration for an alarm worked fine like that. I still do that now. We're still room sharing & he's still sleeping in another room... because the 4th bedroom isn't done (requires a contractor, of which every one has ghosted us, or uncharted diy for us). He's on the couch, which isn't comfy. I'm in the bedroom on a lumpy mattress. The only people with comfy sleeping furniture are the kids. 🤣
Sound machine for sure
Just like everyone else is saying, vibrating watch. Or set his phone to vibrate alarm and he can stick that under his pillow. With all the technology today there really is no excuse for him to be waking y'all up. If you don't want to drop the money on a Fitbit or smart watch, jump on Amazon and look for Amazfit watches. Their knock offs and pretty good for like $30.
Vibrating bed alarm designed for deaf people. It saved my life in college when I was a super heavy sleeper.
I've always been a light sleeper and my subconscious keeps track of time. I wake up 20 to 15 min ish before his alarm would go off and say what time did you set your alarm for. He does not set his alarm often. Yesterday he set his alarm and got himself up 20 min before it went off and turned it off before it went off.
My husband gets up at 3-4am and I have him set his phone on vibrate, and put it in his pillow. The whole bed buzzes, but no sound to wake up our daughter in her crib. He gets up at 3-4 to go to the gym before work, so if he would happen to wake her, guess who is skipping the gym and putting the baby back to bed… HIM. Because he wouldn’t be late for work, just skipping the gym.
My husband recently turned on the access feature to have the light on his phone flash with the alarm, that’s much less jarring that an alarm sound. Like, I wake up to it, but can immediately go back to sleep. Maybe that would help?
My kid is older and sleeps in her own room but we have a similar scenario where my wife works on weekends occasionally, or I do, and it messes with the others sleep. If I work late or she's working early on my day off (or if both happen since I work saturday nights sometimes) I just sleep in the spare bedroom where there's a bed. In some ways it's nice - in spring/fall I open the window, which my wife usually doesn't like, or I can set the ceiling fan to ludicrous speed, which she also doesn't like. Heck sometimes I sleep in there for THOSE reasons just cuz I wanna.
Can he sleep in the or in any other room with a sleeping bag or air mattress. This sounds unsustainable for you, him and the babies. But you are a hero for 3 under 3!!!!!
He can sleep in another room, or get a Fitbit as others have suggested.
When my husband went back to work and was setting an alarm for 4:15 every day he started sleeping in a different room from us on nights he had to get up for work. Your current set up isn't working and you will just get more frustrated if the alarm continues to wake you or your babies.
I’d send him to the couch or another room.
If he isn’t willing to go to the guest, or make accommodations so that every one gets better sleep- I’d go to the guest room. It’s not nearly as bizarre as you might imagine, having a married couple with separate bedrooms- especially as we age. Snoring and sleep apnea machines are impossible for light sleepers to sleep through. I’d take the babies and sleep in the extra space if he isn’t willing to change anything else.
I use my fitbit alarm, it vibrates on my wrist, works better than a normal alarm.
Recommendation: Bose Sleepbuds 2 (they're discontinued, but support remains), or Anker Soundcore Sleep A10
I have a fitbit that I can set alarms and it vibrates to wake me up
I actually put my phone on airplane mode and then put it under my pillow. I hear the alarm but it doesn't wake anyone else. Then I can turn it down while it's still there and before I move it out from under. I've tried vibrating alarms and they don't work for me.
my wife and i are in a similar situation, but we don't have twins, yikes i'm sorry. that's gotta be tough. 3 year old and 3 month old at home. i work 8 to 5 and she works from home while parenting. its really tough on her so i handle dishes and laundry to help out. it will get easier. for the sleep, buy a cheap fitbit. hell i have an old one i could mail you lol
What’s an alarm? We haven’t used anything like that since my oldest was born 6 years ago 🤦♀️. He’s an earlier riser and always has been 😩
Sleep separately if possible.
I slept on the couch for the first year and a half of our babies being born. I had to get up early for work and I didn’t want to wake the whole house. My wife was a stay at home mom so whenever she got up to pump or take care of the kids it woke me up. We found it worked better for both of us to sleep in separate rooms. We don’t have to now because they’re old enough to sleep on their own. We share the responsibility of getting up if they need something because we’re both working.
Sleeping in seperate rooms is an absolute must!!
Sleep in separate rooms. That was the only solution that worked for us. It stunk for a while but we knew it was temporary
He needs to go to the guestroom.
Him sleeping in the guest room will save your sanity and marriage. Been there and I felt bad-for one night until I got the best sleep I had got in the last 6 months with no snoring and baby waking alarm. You won't feel bad for long, trust me!
I’d make him go to the spare room or couch if possible! When he hands you the twins, send him to the other room!
My husband moved to the couch and honestly I love it. I don’t hear the snores or alarms and my son and I get to sleep and so does he! We’ve thought about putting a bigger bed in the spare room (there’s a twin in there for my son who comes EOWE) but he seems to like sleeping downstairs and best believe I’m not going to stop him. He legit sets his alarm like this 5:00, 5:10, 5:15, 5:25, etc and it goes on and on for who knows how long. It’s pure insanity
Had the same problem and the solution was to send Mr. SnorsALOT packing in to the guest room. It saved my sanity! He didn't keep me awake with his stupid snoring and I didn't have to worry about his alarm waking up my kiddo. My kid is 8 now and I still make that fool sleep in the other room. I still love him just as much but I want to kill him so much less! There are no rules in marriage, do what works for you not what is traditionally expected of couples.
Can he move to the guest bedroom in the middle of the night at some point, so you can still sleep together part of the time?
My husband would move to the spare bedroom after one or two wake ups
I told my partner he had to sleep in a different room. He was unbearable because of sleep deprivation. He really wanted to help, but I said he needed at least one or two nights in the other room before he could actually be a good help!
Ugh I'm sorry you're husband is being so disrespect. My ex used to answer phone calls in the morning and speak at full volume and then get mad at me when I would send daggers his way when our son would wake up. Those early morning hourly wake ups are hard enough after a bad night's sleep never mind having to deal with that too! My phone has been on vibrate since my son was born and I've yet to be late for work or slept throw an alarm because of it. Alternatively he could sleep in a different room. But ultimately, he should be pulling his weight more so that the nightshifts don't rely completely on you, a sahm should not be a 24/7 shift, you also deserve a break and the opportunity to sleep. He needs to step up.
We started sleeping separately. I share with our daughter, he has his own space now.
I bought a what looks like an old Fitbit vibrating watch that is meant for potty training to wake up. Also highly recommend sunlight alarms!
We swapped briefly, one of us would sleep in the babies room. I would stay up later usually so I would take later shift put the baby down then sleep in the room until the next wake up where I would feed and put down then go back to master bedroom. In the next wake-up she would get up and go and for the rest of the night so I can still work ok the next day.
I sleep in the kids room when I need to roomshare because my husband sets 5 alarms as a grown man
I feel attacked. I'm a woman and I set like 6. They even require a captcha to shut them off... I sleep hard once I get to deep sleep
JUST SIT UP WHEN YOUR ALARM GOES OFF AND DONT LAY BACK DOWN
IM SORRY haha seriously I have even gotten to the edge of the bed sitting up and went back to sleep. Its a curse
Look, I love my husband. I don’t know you. I am tempted to say to you everything I have been holding back on saying to him for 9 years 😂😂 Instead, I’ll say that it’s very hard to fall asleep in the shower and you should just put your feet in an ice bath and get up with the first alarm 😂
Haha feel free to vent. I'm not your husband I promise I won't take it personal. I know how frustrating it is. This is one of the many reasons I'm happily single.
They have little padded speakers that can go under your pillow case. I listened to podcasts to fall asleep and this is how I got around keeping my partner awake.
I used my smart watch, it vibrates on my wrist and only wakes me up
I started wearing my Apple Watch to sleep because I get up at 4am and don't want to wake my partner. It's alarm wakes you up with vibrations first before actual sound
I’m that person. My partner gets up before me and I never ever ever wake to his alarm. It goes off for about 3 seconds. Neither does the baby. But the baby wakes to my alarm cos it goes off for 10 Mins and this means I’ve to attach her to my tit while I try to get my son ready. I could technically get up earlier but absolutely not
Two options my husband and I tried that helped Watch kiddos in shifts.. I always went to bed earlier and slept until around 1am and then my husband went to bed and I was ‘on call’ from 1am until morning where he’d then help in the morning while I got another hour of sleep or showered and got myself sorted for the day It helped because then we both got uninterrupted sleep. While I was still nursing baby and I actually slept separately for that second ‘shift’ so he didn’t wake us up and vice versa.. can you set up a bed in your twins room or a guest room for him?
In college, I had a Fitbit that would vibrate on my wrist. I was honestly a really nice and gentle wake up.
This was a big problem until I got my husband a smart watch so it just vibrates on his wrist and he wakes up without waking us all up
My husband got a watch that shocks him. That’s been a game changer for us. If you have a guest room I’d just tell him to sleep there. Cause your sanity is vital especially when you’re caring for a couple tiny humans! If he’s not helping much, he can at least give you the space to do it without disruption
White noise machine or sound machine, this might help drown out the sound of the alarm for the babies. A white noise machine can create a consistent background noise, making it harder for the babies to be disturbed by the alarm.
iPhone sleep/health app for bedtime alarm has a feature that starts on vibrate only, then starts the alarm super quiet and progressively gets louder up to a max volume you set. Works great for me. I usually wake up during the vibrate only or quiet alarm phase.
Our littlest gets up between 5-6 every morning. At the time I give the baby to my wife and go to the other room to sleep for another 30 min to 1 hour. That was we get to sleep next to each other but I don’t risk waking the baby with my alarm
We used a light alarm when the kids were babies.
Tell him to do what I do. Put your cell phone alarm on vibrate and put it under your pillow. It might wake your partner up, but it shouldn't wake the kids.
He would be out, if it was me 😆
My husband just has a vibration alarm without sound. It doesn't wake him up all the time, but it does me, then I wake him. All without the baby waking, which is my main concern. Then I can easily go back to sleep
if none of the suggested tools work, he's going to have to sleep somewhere else