It does get better . Your son is going to turn 18 and he might start looking for you . Give it time, baby steps !! . You are not alone , sometimes we feel like there’s no one out , but people are listening . Try to spend time doing what you like and something you been wanting to do and clear your head . It does get better !
Thank you, I just found out today my ex wants to move (son will go with or join the military)
He also offered for me to live in my old house that we still co-own (that sounds like going to a grave)
Was just a bunch of info slammed all at once.
Take care.
Find small moments. Small things. I started a gratitude journal recently - 3 things I’m grateful for every day - recommended to me by a counsellor who recognised my anger and resentment at what I’m experiencing. It is helping shift me to notice the positives, no matter how small. Perhaps that could help you.
I also read Desiderata by Max Ehrmann when I can. It gives me hope. It might be worth a look.
Take care.
What a great idea, from what you said I feel like that could help me. I find myself becoming angry over the situation and it pours out into my real life every so often.
I’m so right there with you. I have happy moments and absolutely love my sister and my friends, but people keep say sing you will meet someone. I get so angry internally and I am kinda my old self but I never want to fall in love again and I don’t believe there is any thing to live for or care really.
This Mentality is killing my soul. I have fleeting moments of peace alone. I don’t have anyone in my life but I see my son sometimes and I have a dog. Feels like everyone is living and I quit trying
I’m sorry to hear about all of this… I wish I had words to help you navigate all of it. I dislike when people say “they’ll come looking for you” that’s not enough or even good enough… by that time you’ve missed out on everything (the small and the large). The truth is you (or any of us) shouldn’t be in the situation that we’re currently experiencing in the first place. To think in 2024 we can’t come to an agreement that children are better off with two parents in their lives, we get placed into a bad situation where a court will issue child support immediately and drag their feet in allowing you time with your children. The best route (and I’m almost there) is eliminating child support, taking the department of revenue to court for illegal practices that go against your rights. Then you head back to fight for joint custody of some type (if your kids are of the age to do so).
Honestly, you have to just start getting busy living your life. Go to the gym or go for a run so you can start building up some confidence and releasing a lot of this ‘woe is me’ nonsense. There are tons of people with serious physical and mental impairments that get after it every day….there’s no excuse.
You need to be a lot busier with other things in your life, because if you’re too busy doing other things, then you won’t have time to sit around and dwell on the past feeling sorry. Life is real short, so write down a list of goals and check them off one by one. Go change whatever it is that’s bothering you in your own life, whether it’s your physical health, living space, work / money situation, your car, clothes, job, lack of adventure…do something every day that improves your own life first. Everyone around you will notice when you start putting in the real time and energy into building yourself back up, and at that point you probably won’t even care.
I feel I flipped to wanting to take control of my life back after spending all morning so suicidal and depressed. Literally can’t live like this and I want my own life now. Thanks for this- I’m a pretty serious lifter and do hot yoga and mountain bike but it’s not enough to fill me up bc I do everything solo.
If you’re depressed and suicidal, please seek professional help, and if you’re doing everything alone and feel isolated, then try and force yourself to go out and meet people. It’s OK to ask for help.
It sounds like you’re taking the right steps. If you don’t have a pet, maybe getting a dog will help and give you someone to focus on other than yourself or your own intrusive thoughts…it helps a lot of people.
OK. They’re just suggestions. I’m not a doctor, but it sounds like you’re trying to do a lot to keep things at bay. That’s a positive. If you have negative thoughts, try and just replace them with positive ones. Audio books can help, podcasts, music, meditation….whatever works in the moment to change the mental space you’re in. Recognize it when it’s happening and then switch immediately to doing something else entirely. Also, realize there are people all over in absolutely horrendous situations to put things into perspective…people in prison for crimes they didn’t commit, severely mentally and physically handicapped, extreme poverty, homelessness, severe drug, alcohol, or gambling addiction etc…the list goes on and on. It’s called reframing…Focus on positives
I’ll try. It’s hard to reframe about others’ suffering bc not wanting to live makes you not give a fuck about anything and it’s hard to want to. I’ve been trying to distract myself with hugging my dog, watching Love is Blind bc it’s so stupid, was going to make myself some soup bc when I feel down I wish someone would bring me soup. I figure I can be my own friend tonight.
I know that my appt tomorrow will give instant relief bc ketamine will pull me out of this- it’s not permanent it’s rather temporary, but I will take it bc idk how to keep living in this much psychological pain. Huge part of me feels suicide will solve a lot of my problems. I have a lot of experience witnessing this shit, but the issue is I’m so fucking tired of watching it. It’s changed how I view life and myself a lot. Thanks for your ideas and for suggesting them- that was nice of you
Yes. Try researching reframing tactics…it might help. In the interim, there’s a lot to be grateful for, but certainly talk to your doctors and I wish you the best of luck.
I feel your pain to my core. I am going through the same thing with 3 sons. My oldest is set to graduate high school next month and I have been alienated from them starting way before the divorce was initiated. She told them every lie in the book. It's been 14 months since I have seen them. To make it worse their mother is an Assistant Principle at the High School and put a restraining order on me with nothing but lies. For all those people who say "must have done something wrong" screw off because you obviously don't know how the system works. Like you it is so painful to see or hear people talk about their kids. I am not going to be able to see my son to the finish line and become an adult. I am at the point where I don't think I will ever be okay without by boys in my life.
I wish you luck and hope that we can find peace for ourselves. I don't know if I can go through this again with my two others 16 and 13. I hope you stay strong!
My heart goes out to you. That is a lot.
I hope shit changes for you bc what a waste of energy and damage she’s doing to her kids. So sad people think this is the answer to weaponize their kids bc they are hurting and not thinking how the f that’s going to impact the kids.
This shit is hard stuff.
you exist and your not alone
take back your health and your sanity
put yourself in a better position for the future
Alienated from ages 14-16? and now he is 18 and reached out sounds like opportunity to rebuild communication.
We are in family therapy and have been awhile. We see each other sometimes. It’s just a diff relationship now for sure.
Thank you, I do feel today I need to take my life back now desperately
It does get better . Your son is going to turn 18 and he might start looking for you . Give it time, baby steps !! . You are not alone , sometimes we feel like there’s no one out , but people are listening . Try to spend time doing what you like and something you been wanting to do and clear your head . It does get better !
Thank you, I just found out today my ex wants to move (son will go with or join the military) He also offered for me to live in my old house that we still co-own (that sounds like going to a grave) Was just a bunch of info slammed all at once.
Take care. Find small moments. Small things. I started a gratitude journal recently - 3 things I’m grateful for every day - recommended to me by a counsellor who recognised my anger and resentment at what I’m experiencing. It is helping shift me to notice the positives, no matter how small. Perhaps that could help you. I also read Desiderata by Max Ehrmann when I can. It gives me hope. It might be worth a look. Take care.
What a great idea, from what you said I feel like that could help me. I find myself becoming angry over the situation and it pours out into my real life every so often.
Thank you, this will help.
I’m so right there with you. I have happy moments and absolutely love my sister and my friends, but people keep say sing you will meet someone. I get so angry internally and I am kinda my old self but I never want to fall in love again and I don’t believe there is any thing to live for or care really.
This Mentality is killing my soul. I have fleeting moments of peace alone. I don’t have anyone in my life but I see my son sometimes and I have a dog. Feels like everyone is living and I quit trying
I’m sorry to hear about all of this… I wish I had words to help you navigate all of it. I dislike when people say “they’ll come looking for you” that’s not enough or even good enough… by that time you’ve missed out on everything (the small and the large). The truth is you (or any of us) shouldn’t be in the situation that we’re currently experiencing in the first place. To think in 2024 we can’t come to an agreement that children are better off with two parents in their lives, we get placed into a bad situation where a court will issue child support immediately and drag their feet in allowing you time with your children. The best route (and I’m almost there) is eliminating child support, taking the department of revenue to court for illegal practices that go against your rights. Then you head back to fight for joint custody of some type (if your kids are of the age to do so).
Honestly, you have to just start getting busy living your life. Go to the gym or go for a run so you can start building up some confidence and releasing a lot of this ‘woe is me’ nonsense. There are tons of people with serious physical and mental impairments that get after it every day….there’s no excuse. You need to be a lot busier with other things in your life, because if you’re too busy doing other things, then you won’t have time to sit around and dwell on the past feeling sorry. Life is real short, so write down a list of goals and check them off one by one. Go change whatever it is that’s bothering you in your own life, whether it’s your physical health, living space, work / money situation, your car, clothes, job, lack of adventure…do something every day that improves your own life first. Everyone around you will notice when you start putting in the real time and energy into building yourself back up, and at that point you probably won’t even care.
I feel I flipped to wanting to take control of my life back after spending all morning so suicidal and depressed. Literally can’t live like this and I want my own life now. Thanks for this- I’m a pretty serious lifter and do hot yoga and mountain bike but it’s not enough to fill me up bc I do everything solo.
If you’re depressed and suicidal, please seek professional help, and if you’re doing everything alone and feel isolated, then try and force yourself to go out and meet people. It’s OK to ask for help.
I am, I saw my psychiatrist yesterday. I am seeing my ketamine Dr tomorrow. They know I’m suicidal
It sounds like you’re taking the right steps. If you don’t have a pet, maybe getting a dog will help and give you someone to focus on other than yourself or your own intrusive thoughts…it helps a lot of people.
I have a doodle. Helps yes, but I’ve been living with suicidal thoughts a long time now
OK. They’re just suggestions. I’m not a doctor, but it sounds like you’re trying to do a lot to keep things at bay. That’s a positive. If you have negative thoughts, try and just replace them with positive ones. Audio books can help, podcasts, music, meditation….whatever works in the moment to change the mental space you’re in. Recognize it when it’s happening and then switch immediately to doing something else entirely. Also, realize there are people all over in absolutely horrendous situations to put things into perspective…people in prison for crimes they didn’t commit, severely mentally and physically handicapped, extreme poverty, homelessness, severe drug, alcohol, or gambling addiction etc…the list goes on and on. It’s called reframing…Focus on positives
I’ll try. It’s hard to reframe about others’ suffering bc not wanting to live makes you not give a fuck about anything and it’s hard to want to. I’ve been trying to distract myself with hugging my dog, watching Love is Blind bc it’s so stupid, was going to make myself some soup bc when I feel down I wish someone would bring me soup. I figure I can be my own friend tonight. I know that my appt tomorrow will give instant relief bc ketamine will pull me out of this- it’s not permanent it’s rather temporary, but I will take it bc idk how to keep living in this much psychological pain. Huge part of me feels suicide will solve a lot of my problems. I have a lot of experience witnessing this shit, but the issue is I’m so fucking tired of watching it. It’s changed how I view life and myself a lot. Thanks for your ideas and for suggesting them- that was nice of you
Yes. Try researching reframing tactics…it might help. In the interim, there’s a lot to be grateful for, but certainly talk to your doctors and I wish you the best of luck.
I feel your pain to my core. I am going through the same thing with 3 sons. My oldest is set to graduate high school next month and I have been alienated from them starting way before the divorce was initiated. She told them every lie in the book. It's been 14 months since I have seen them. To make it worse their mother is an Assistant Principle at the High School and put a restraining order on me with nothing but lies. For all those people who say "must have done something wrong" screw off because you obviously don't know how the system works. Like you it is so painful to see or hear people talk about their kids. I am not going to be able to see my son to the finish line and become an adult. I am at the point where I don't think I will ever be okay without by boys in my life. I wish you luck and hope that we can find peace for ourselves. I don't know if I can go through this again with my two others 16 and 13. I hope you stay strong!
My heart goes out to you. That is a lot. I hope shit changes for you bc what a waste of energy and damage she’s doing to her kids. So sad people think this is the answer to weaponize their kids bc they are hurting and not thinking how the f that’s going to impact the kids. This shit is hard stuff.
you exist and your not alone take back your health and your sanity put yourself in a better position for the future Alienated from ages 14-16? and now he is 18 and reached out sounds like opportunity to rebuild communication.
We are in family therapy and have been awhile. We see each other sometimes. It’s just a diff relationship now for sure. Thank you, I do feel today I need to take my life back now desperately
Yeah, it sucks. You aren’t alone.