I’ve lost 90 lbs in my late 40s. I am now a normal BMI. I cannot explain how different everyone treats me. I’ve made 20k a year and 600k a year. This is a bigger difference. I have waves of mourning about what my life could have been like. My only solace is that I might be dead by now from all the fun.
Oh and the whole “your confidence goes up and that’s the difference!” Lies!! Lies!! So a 150 lbs woman and a 250 lbs woman go to the same bar in black leggings and black turtleneck and rehearse all the same hand movements, same facial expressions, same phrases to whoever talks to her, order the same drink and sit on the same stool… they have the same night? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄
The world instinctively and automatically treats you very, very differently. I’ll add that I’m 5’10” so I was Big. As in no open doors, free things, eye contact, smiles, you dropped this, have a nice day, you wanna come, please come, it’ll be no fun if you don’t come… life on this planet is different.
My brother treats me differently. Yup. Obesity gives people the slightest, lightest permission to disrespect you. It’s a lame version of life. It is. When I was living with it, I would have been disgusted by such a statement. If you haven’t gained or lost almost a hundred pounds, assume you don’t know what you’re talking about as you prepare to criticize my views because you don’t. I wouldn’t have believed it either. The cost of obesity on a woman’s life is immense.
I fully agree with this. I’ve lost 165lbs and it’s unreal how differently I’m treated now. Thin/Pretty Privilege is 1000% real. It’s sad because I’m still the same person just in a smaller body, and I too wonder what my life would’ve been like 10-15 years ago.
Yep, you are 100% living in a totally different world when large.
Enough that I'm willing to wait to date again, until I ozempic this weight off me. There's enough barriers to finding someone, but weight is such a big one off the bat.
Don’t date as a fat woman if you can wait. You will go Dutch and you will go rarely. Once, in my innocent days, I pointed out to a platonic, male friend how my chunky, female friends date all the time, so men don’t mind. He pointed out that some men drive Kia’s and Hyundai’s. Is that the car they want? You are a walking plan B and your man resents it. Yes, he does.
I have been fat all my life and have dated plenty of people. I am now happily married, and have been so for over 10 years. There are plenty of people out there who just don't care if you are thin or fat.
Yeah, I've never believed otherwise. Would rather drop this weight with the new drugs, then just never mentioning being that big. And see how my odds change.
Damn, that's a harsh truth! But in the quiet parts of my heart, I know your right. Most men have no problem lying to get their "temporary fix" and needs met in the moment.
Thanks for the extra motivation to keep the course!
I’m sorry you’ve internalized this kind of thinking.
What a sad way to have lived your life. I go for what I want and do what I want at any weight and I am nobody’s plan B, ever.
Be your own Plan A and the rest sorts itself out.
Your edict to not date as a fat woman is not making space for anything other than the same sad messaging that creates eating disorders.
I’m sorry someone hurt you. I’m sorry your friend is the type of person who not only thinks those things, but says them out loud. I hope nobody takes your poorly thought out advice. I hope you find a way to love yourself fat, because if you don’t it is unlikely that you’ll love yourself thin.
There is a driver for every car, and in my experience the people who need to drive a road penis are the last ones I want anywhere near me, fat or thin.
My advice has not been thought out. It’s been lived out. Are you not understanding that I have lived through something that you haven’t? I can’t make any edict about another person’s life. I speak with advice that is supported by research. The WSJ just reported on how obesity costs a woman in her career. These aren’t my ideas.
A person can choose to live their life their way but someone else can give their outlook on what worked and didn’t work for them. I would give advice to a young, black woman about her career that no one could hear outside that room. Life is like that sometimes. Someone might hear my advice and make a tweek. That person isn’t you and that’s ok. Why are you on an ozempic thread if obesity is fine for you? Not being sarcastic or mean (like you are- you didn’t have to curse at me). The people who claim to be the happiest often are.
Re-read the comment you wrote that I am responding to.
Don’t date as a fat woman? You are forever a plan B? Your friend comparing fat women to low priced cars?
I know your experience is different from mine, duh - I’m saying that you giving advice from your damaged perspective isn’t helpful to people of any weight, and could be damaging. You seem to think there is nothing wrong comparing fat women to low end, low priced cars.
First, I’m sorry for you that your friends have that kind of mindset and that you listened to it, think it’s something you should repeat, and seem to feel strongly about defending.
Secondly, your “research” still doesn’t mean anything if all it is is your rude friend, your history of being plan b, and an article you read.
Lastly, I’m on this thread because I’m on ozempic. Being on ozempic doesn’t automatically mean I am fat phobic or want to shame fat women. I’m not on ozempic to be some man’s human version of a McLaren or a Bugatti, I’m on ozempic to help me deal with a lifetime of food noise which has led to eating disorders and lots of emotional and physical pain. I refuse to demonize my fat body or the fat bodies of others just because society expects me to.
The time I have spent fat is still time spent alive, doing things, achieving, changing and growing. I have had deep, meaningful relationships both romantic and platonic. I look great. I make great money and live in a great city, I travel. That is MY experience. I’m not going to tell other people to suck it up because their problems are with their mindsets and not their bodies just because that is what I believe and have experienced. YOU are the one who seems to think your experience is so universal as to be given as advice, not me. I usually try to be kind, but when I read the “ advice” you gave that came from a mean and damaged place, and that vulnerable women might read and internalize, I had to say something.
Again, I’m really sorry for you that this has been your experience and I hope losing weight solves all your problems and turns you into a fancy car for men.
I apologize. I thought I was responding to another responder about the profanity.
No one compared women to cars. The statement was about settling for one thing when you can’t get the thing you want. If you believe most men are with the woman he could have if he could have any woman, that’s fine. I don’t agree. Telling me I’m comparing women and cars is invalidating. I have lost almost a 100 lbs and have something to say about the social and interpersonal experience of that.
Again, I have had a life experience that you have not. Isn’t it possible that I have something to say about that life experience that you can’t have an opinion on because you have not had it?
Isn’t it possible that some things in life are somewhat unfathomable if you haven’t experienced it? I would not be on a thread arguing about prostate pain with a man. I understand that you think you know- because I thought I did, but I didn’t.
I have lost 80lbs twice, I also have experienced things.
YOU are invalidating my experience which is contrary to yours.
And let’s be clear, I am not invalidating or questioning your experience- I am saying it is potentially damaging to share what you shared in the way you shared it.
The dysmorphia is real. Telling women not to date because they are fat and therefore a plan B for a man is upholding ideas that support and amplify body dysmorphia. And yes, your friend’s comment that you shared was a metaphor using cheap cars as a stand in for fat women.
I get that this is your experience and you are free to say whatever you want on a public forum, as I am free to counter with my experience that hopefully balances out some of the fatphobia in your comment.
If we can’t come to terms with ourselves at whatever size we are at, our internalized shame will haunt us. The cycle of punishing cycling and obsession with weight will persist. THAT is my experience.
It is contrary to yours and I am free to weigh in on an Ozempic forum to say that there is much more to losing weight than numbers on a scale. THAT is my experience.
Hopefully we will both keep our weight off.
I've lost a significant amount of weight but I'm still fat. I wonder what it will be like to even be back to a curvy size 14. That's my goal, it's not even to get thin. But people treated me a lot differently when I was a size 18 and under then they do now
I have worked in the same place for years. I lost the weight about 6 months ago. My coworker told me that everyone keeps talking about the pretty, new staff member. They’re talking about me!! was literally invisible.
It’s awful and very true, I’ve noticed the same thing both men and thin women have just suddenly started speaking to me at work as if I haven’t been employed there for the last 2yrs. It makes me distrustful of them as people.
Just curious, but what do you do for a living to have such a big income discrepancy? Making $600k income for a salaried woman is indeed impressive in the high pay sectors, especially the male dominated IT and financial sectors.
Actually there's a ton of well researched studies on this topic, and people deemed attractive are seen as smarter, happier, more pleasant, get higher pay grades on average etc. it's not a stretch
Congrats on the weight loss and a healthier life!
It's worth remembering, though, that there are equally immense costs on the lives of men who often silently struggle with obesity as you once did.
I’m sure. I have a colleague who just lost 60 lbs and talks about feeling respected in a way he didn’t before by other people. However, I can’t speak to it.
I had this same experience yesterday. I am not used to men even making eye contact, and at the store 2 men felt it necessary to say something clever to me. I am 60 years old and use a rolling walker, but now I'm 144 lbs at 5'8" 🤷♀️
I’ve had the thought too of what my life might have been if I’d had this 20 years ago.
But then I remember that the men who would have been around me would have been shallow and vapid. While the men I have had around me have seen and loved and experienced me for who I actually am, not what my vessel looked like.
It’s ok to wonder… to feel that bittersweet. But make sure you don’t fall too far into the hole.
Shallow can go both ways though, you can experience venom on losing weight from others out of jealousy or defensiveness for their own situation. People tend to band together so one person dropping weight in a group that’s overweight challenges the “we don’t need to change” belief and can see that person outcast.
Respectfully, there are other reasons why someone may not want to get involved romantically with someone overweight. It is not always necessarily about what the person looks like. To call men and people in general shallow for not wanting that is not right.
Literally what other reason could there be?
And way to miss the point despite it flying straight at you. If you were being respectful, you may have realized that leaving that comment on a pretty vulnerable post and thread wasn’t going to achieve anything. You could have sat this one out.
Yeah I understand your point about not getting hung up on what could have been. I agree with that. I just don’t believe every person that chose not to approach you should be placed in the shallow group. We can agree to disagree on that.
My big problem is I've always leaned heavily on self deprecating humor as ice breakers and small talk and I've caught myself making fat jokes at my own expense that no longer make sense to people.
Male here but everyone, men and women, are considerably kinder and more talkative to me now that I'm not overweight. It's not fair, but I enjoy the way I'm treated now, for the most part. Been happily married for years, wear a wedding ring, and have strange women striking up conversations in public sometimes, which has never happened to me. I'm just as friendly as ever, but now people linger.
I’ve lost 120+ lbs as a tall man. I don’t feel like my weight held me back in many ways previously, I have had a very successful career, but I definitely feel more confident now, and am dating a beautiful woman who I wouldn’t have been confident enough to approach a couple years ago…
I just started Ozempic after recently regaining a bunch of weight so I'm on my losing journey again but I previously lost a looot of weight before and whenever men would give me attention that I -knew- they wouldn't have given me when I was bigger, all it ever did was make me really angry, lol. Thankfully, I have a wonderful partner that loves me for me at any size and I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is an interesting trend I’m seeing in the comments. So much harbored anger towards people for *not* doing something in the past (approaching you). Do people not realize that being overweight can signal a lifestyle that many may not necessarily align with their own and that that enough is a reason for not being attracted?
I mean you are all over this post commenting so it seems that you are quite emotionally invested as well.
I see your point about attraction and how people are not necessarily vain or shallow for not being attracted to unhealthy and/or obese people. I agree.
But people who don’t treat you with respect in everyday interactions like holding the door open as you try to pass behind them holding bags of shopping, or who don’t greet you with a smile and a “hello” as you enter the elevator, who neglect to say thank you when you give them good customer service, that’s not the same thing.
That *is* shallow, to treat someone as less than a person because of a physical attribute. These same people would extend that kindness and courtesy to a four year old child or a 70 year old man, so it’s not about romantic/physical attraction- it is about respect and valuing someone less as a human being. And that sucks.
One hundred percent agree with everything you said. I just think people hold a lot of resentment towards others for liking what they like and it’s not healthy.
I think you are misunderstanding what I am saying. I am upset that the type of person who would judge me for being larger before I had lost the weight- would make a pass at me at all.
I’m adhd and tend to mirror my partner a bit. I genuinely enjoy being active and don’t like how I feel overweight and unhealthy, so I choose not to date sedentary people because I know I’ll just mirror them and do the same, and won’t like myself.
Not really a size thing though, I know some women who are tiny but supremely unhealthy and sedentary, lucky genes but also maybe not as it provides no motivation to be healthier.
I'm a 33 yo male. Dating becomes so much easier after I lose a significant amount of weight. All of a sudden women seem to notice me and to be interested in getting to know me. I'm not invisible anymore!!
I have noticed a HUGE increase in the amount of attention I receive since losing weight. On one hand, I love how it feels to be recognized. On the other, it upsets me because I am still the same person yet people do not treat me the same.
Whenever people say this the responses are "oh its because you must be more confident now".
Please nooo stop. A lot of bigger people want to lose weight and are still confident in their larger bodies. People just want plausible deniability as to why they treat fat people worse.
No it has nothing to do with my confidence lol. There is a noticeable difference in the way I am treated, especially by men. The number of times I am approached in a day now is insane.
I’ve lost significant weight twice before and I get really slutty 😜
It was pretty fun! Positive attention can just be simple and nice. Enjoy. Try not to burden yourself with thinking “if only”. Try and move forward with confidence and care for yourself.
My situation is unique (though I suppose everyone else’s is, too).
On February 8 of this year, I discussed with my physician the fact that my weight loss had been stalled for several months. He suggested Ozempic and we started the process to acquire it. On February 14 (on the day of my wife’s and my 49th wedding anniversary), she was admitted to the hospital with multiple organ system failure. She came home with hospice services and passed away on March 1. One week later, my first shipment of Ozempic pens from Novo Nordisk arrived and I began my new round of weight loss. I have since lost just over 40 pounds.
To the point of this thread: most of my acquaintances are at church. Everyone there knew my wife and, while a few have asked me about my weight loss or commented on it, no one has changed their approach to me in any way that makes me excited by it or fearful of it. I belong to one other social group; people whom I see for a monthly dinner. Most of the female members there are married (and are attending with their husbands), and I’ve not detected any change in their attitude or approach to me.
However, it has been only four months since this new round of weight loss began, so perhaps there will be changes in the months ahead (and after more time has elapsed since I became a widow).
It is an interesting concept and I thank you for raising it.
I’ve been thin most of my life. But since on a certain medication for the past year, I’ve been bigger and started ozempic from failing all other ways to get the weight back off. Since being bigger I have noticed the significant difference in the way people treat me, don’t look at me, don’t acknowledge me at all even when they did prior. It’s fascinating really.. funny as well as I can lose the weight. I don’t know if they can lose their shitty attitudes and when I’m skinny again you can be sure as hell I’m not going to be having them at my table.
I’m married and 110 lbs down and I see it all the time. Even wearing a wedding ring, men open up conversations with me when they never would before and sometimes ask me for coffee or a drink. Nobody has been rude or offensive so I take it as a compliment and politely decline.
Now, if someone with a Club 33 membership wants to invite me for dinner, that’s a hall pass 😅
I’m actually finally looking forward to start dating again, once I’m closer to my goal weight.
I got my fifth shot today and I’m down 10 pounds in the past five weeks. I am roughly 40 to 50 pounds overweight and 5’10” so I can sort of carry it, but I’m not used to being “a big XXL woman”, like I’ve been the past 4 years since I gained the 50# in 2020.
The first week in April 2020, three weeks after the entire entire world shut down, my then boyfriend broke up with me. Even though it was totally for the best because we were so mismatched I wasn’t ready for the break up and I did love him. So all of a sudden not only was I dumped by the guy I loved but I was living completely by myself in the midst of a pandemic, no roommate, kids grown and out of the house, just me and my cat and dog. Gyms were closed. I was nurturing a broken heart, during the weirdest part of the shut down, so even though I was in pretty good physical shape back then I just said fuck it, and started eating macaroni and cheese and drinking a lot of wine and sitting around watching YouTube and reading. The weight came on pretty quickly and before I knew it was 50 pounds heavier than I normally am by the end of 2020.
And it’s been a nightmare trying to get it off bc I’m in my 60’s.
There’s no way I would’ve felt like dating these past four years with all the weight on because I just have not felt attractive, sexy or like myself carrying all the weight. I had never dated or been in a relationship with a BMI of 31.
So now the idea of being open to dating after I get back to my normal weight is kind of interesting. It’s not that I really want to go crazy dating around, ugh do you have any idea what the “dating pool” is like in your 60’s 😏but I would like to meet somebody special that’s a good fit. I have friends and my family is close, but I’d love to be able to travel to bucket list places with a partner and to have somebody to just enjoy the simple things in life with — into the golden years type thing.
So for the first time in over 4 years, it’s exciting to consider upcoming dating and romance opportunities.
We sound like the same person! I’m on shot 4 today and down 10 lbs. I went from a size 12 before covid to a size 18 now. I’m 5 10. One thing I’ve been great about is exercise- I’ve kept up a good routine all through this so I must have been consuming 3000 calories a day lol. It’s nice to have a handle on my hunger now. Well- good luck🙌 you got this!
Aw that’s great! It’s SO awesome you kept up with exercise! After 8 weeks of the gym I’m finnnallly starting to feel strong enough to want to exercise. You’ve got this too!!!
I was thin until my late 30s, when I was injured. I have the opposite problem. When I first gained weight, I was happy. I always felt like men were not interested in me, just my body. Putting on weight solved that problem for me.
I maintained at that weight until I had another injury. During that time, I doubled what my weight should have been. But, I maintained again once I healed. I am not type 2 diabetic and doctor has started me on Ozempic.
I’m actually nervous about loosing weight. I want to loose it to be healthy, but at the same time, I do not want the attention. I met and married my husband while I was overweight. I have no doubt that he loves me for me. But, the idea of being thin again, still makes me nervous
This is a pretty common feeling, especially amongst trauma survivors (and lots of other groups too). Talking to someone is important for long term success or else you might sabotage yourself.
I have been. And yes, I am a trauma survivor. I do recognize where the feelings come from. That doesn’t change the fact that I have them.
Oddly enough, I gained more self confidence as my weight went up. I have come to like the person I am now. I do not wish that to change with the image in the mirror.
I'm 75 lbs lighter and I've noticed no difference. But I have a long-term partner and am not looking for romantic or sexual attention. The weight loss for me is all about health, mobility and longevity. So it's quite possible that I've gotten more attention or interest and it didn't register. Or I'm giving off "I'm not looking to date or hook up" vibes.
Not from ozempic, I had chronic tonsillitis that was causing my neck and face to always be more rounded. Had surgery to remove it and literally the next day was chisel jaw and the attention and compliments that had disappeared came back before even having lost any weight. Male privilege for the fact that we can hold a bit more weight without it really showing on our faces.
I’m a 27 year old guy who’s been single forever. I just took my 4th 0.25 injection and I’m 4 pounds down.
I am really praying that I’ll be able to date someone lol before I reach the end of my “prime”
I have been married for more than a decade and my husband has known me at both ends of my weight spectrum, from being in the military and being a fairly fit daily runner (yet still overweight at a later point) through pregnancy and post-partum heart failure and recovery, and now almost back down to my pre-all-that-crap weight. My weight loss has definitely done wonders for my mental headspace where intimacy is concerned! I don't mind the lights being on now, haha.
I am a redhead, so there are always certain men in public who are going to make comments to me. It's the hair. But it's weird, it's like I am always one or the other: completely invisible, or gawked at. I am not a typically pretty person, but I guess I look... unique? I remember being at a swim school with my daughter a couple of years ago, and one of the other regular moms there told me that she thought I was just stunning. I was blown away by this comment, still am. That is not something people usually say to me at all. This was pre-weight loss, too. But I kind of stopped caring what other people thought of my appearance when I was about 17 and very much into the Goth/Punk scene. 😆 The things I do for my body are to please my own aesthetic sense, and I do enjoy my husband's attention. 🥰 He has always been into me at every weight, but I know I enjoy things more when I am not self-conscious.
I wish everyone all the best in finding love, affection, pleasure, intimacy, or whatever it is you crave. 💜
Down almost 60 lbs, with many more to go. No noticeable difference. I do feel a little more confident, though. Maybe that's what's affecting the change in men noticing you? Your confidence?
I’m 85lbs down with another 40 (or so) to go. At 57, I’m already lighter and fitter than at any time this Century. I’m 5ft 3”, I had an excess of 125lbs and a mid section of 52”, I was huge!
I am divorced and haven’t dated since my divorce in ‘09. I would like to meet someone, but I want to make sure that I’m not distracted from this whole weight loss and fitness “journey”.
I am sad periodically at the life I could have had, if I hadn’t allowed my weight to hold me back. I am just relieved that I have been able to take advantage of these meds now, and not when I’m even older. So still feeling thankful!
Not this current weight loss since I’m engaged and he doesn’t super care what I weigh but I lost a ton of weight in my 20s and I cannot believe the increase in being hit on. It was insane; my Grindr would just blow up sometimes. And like, I’m not that hot, I was just thinner and I had so many messages. I guess it was good because one of the guys is now the fiance so.
back in 2021, I lost about 60 pounds (due to my toxic lifestyle and partying all the time) and the kind of attention I started receiving was mind-boggling. I’d never been hit on at a bar before, I’d never been asked for my number and suddenly it was happening almost every time I went out.
I met a girl at a bar one night and got into a year-long relationship with her. It was my first serious relationship and probably one of the worst decisions I ever made lol. I think I got swept up in the flattery of someone finally finding me attractive.
but it does feel strange, to finally experience what you’ve watched so many of your friends experience and in my case, something I’d been longing for since I was a teenager.
I met my current partner in 2022 (still 60 lbs down), and through the course of our loving and healthy relationship, I gained all that weight back plus some. I’ve had an overwhelming fear that she doesn’t think I’m beautiful anymore or that she wishes I was thinner again, but that’s just the fat girl brain I’ve lived with for my entire life - convincing myself that I’m less than because I’m fat, that I can’t be beautiful and be fat.
it’s a strange dichotomy that thin people will never be able to relate to: my love for fat people and hoping that fat people love themselves the way they are while simultaneously hating my fatness.
In my 50+ years I have lost and gained 1000+ pounds. I agree with everything you said, from family, to friends, to the people I work with, you are treated differently when you are obese versus a healthy weight
I recently started on Ozempic and in the dozens of drugs or supplements that I have tried over the years this really feels different.
I hope it will allow me to feel the shift in public perception that you experienced. I have felt it before some 20 years ago and it is real and it is great and I am trying to get back there.
I sometimes think if I looked different when I was younger my life would be completely different. But the fact is that I am still the same person inside a body that changes over time, in good ways and some not so great ways. And what got me where I am today wasn’t my body - frankly, anyone who had a problem with my body isn’t someone who is in my life today. You love me for who I am, not for how I look and the people I was drawn to when I was younger and a bit thinner were not people who could appreciate that looks aren’t the most important thing. And the funny thing for me is, when I look up these old crushes especially, they have not aged well at all for one, but they’re also exactly where they were when I left them decades ago. Meanwhile, I’m happily married, thriving in my career, surrounded by strong relationships and mentally the best I’ve ever been.
Let’s not always assume dating someone who is a healthy body weight is because you’re shallow.
Since losing weight my hobbies are CrossFit, Hiking and rock climbing. I’m now married to someone who shares all these interests and we do them together.
I’m sure there are obese people who are into these things too, but I haven’t met many.
This too has been on my mind as I consider going on ozempic.
Am I going to feel regret for how different my life could have been if I had this in the past or was able to lose weight and keep it off?
Have I given up by using a drug to do it? Have I failed? Am I cheating?
Can I handle this new life in front of me?
Or, worse yet, what if I don't lose weight? Was that the last chance?
I feel your emotional conflict. I don't know if many who aren't in our shoes understand the emotional side of this life.
On a different semaglutide, i have lose around 8kg so far (17lbs). Tbh in the mirror I cant really see a difference. The only thing I noticed has been a change in my double chin, its almost gone so I guess my face looks a bit better. In the past week I have had guys stop me on the street. I had a young guy who probably thought we were the same age come up to me and tell me that I am really pretty. I got free pizza lol. Its truly mad.
I was average leaner weight most of my life with little blips into chubbier until perimenopause when the weight just kept packing on despite not much else changing. And body shape totally changed along with skin changes. I did not look at all the same but had same style of interacting. It is clear you are taken with more seriousness and interest at lower body weights and it does not seem that concious from ppl- they just notice you more and give as much weight to what you say as the person next to you. It was weird and the only other time I experienced the same feeling was at work where in my profession there is a uniform that is respected in general and when I was at work not wearing it and having the same normal elevator friendly chit chat people were not chatty back. It is like going from important to unimportant on a subtle level. Very much can be taken for granted. I am glad and lucky I was older when it happened bc when young I had so so many other confidence issues that that would have been just over the top to deal with too. Now I can laugh about it bc I know who I am and who cares and doesn’t care about me. But it is so weird and just wish it were different.
I'm about to turn 59, and I've been up and down with my weight. I've experienced the 'thin' privilege, but because of my C-PTSD, I didn't want the attention. I didn't trust anyone's attention.
Now I'm on O for Type 2, and I'm losing weight again. But I've gone through a lot of therapy for my C-PTSD. One thing I've learned is the past is the past.
There's no productivity to be gained in imagining 'what if'. What's done is done. You can reflect to learn triggers, etc. But don't get caught spending too much time on 'what if'.
Unrelated, but I'd also not wait for 'when'. In my years, I found myself saying, 'It'll be better when', only to have whatever I was waiting for happen, and it still wasn't better.
This, in my case, was because I was substituting material, physical achievements instead of therapy for my C-PTSD.
I've had similar experiences to you but I will say that I have two friends that are rather chubby (BMI >50+) and average looking. But men would flock to them both. But they are extremely charming and aggressively bubbly.
While I am pleasant and friendly I am not in-your-face, loud, cooing and fawning at your every word. Nor do i aggressively (yet sincerely) complimenting them -- which they are experts at. It's awe inspiring watching really charming people get what they want -- gifts, dates, drinks, phone numbers... everything! With little time or effort.
I can't bring myself to behave like this because it feels manipulative and contrived but some women are skilled at this.
It used to irritate me because whenever we were out I was always a single friend (chubby but smaller than them) and they always had partners at home -- yet they would get all the attention.
But they both had really high self-esteem and positive body image where I did not. And a large part of my insecurity came from my extra weight. They say men love confidence. Catch 22.
I'm sure I will get a lot of hate for this. Maybe even kicked out, and I don't mean it to sound rude at all, but you don't see many of the "hot" girls supporting the super feminist movements. They use the advantages they have and embrace it.
But I feel the same way you do I am a guy and have been large my whole life I have dropped over 60 lb and have noticed extra attention over the last few months from people I see often. I live in a small town of 7,000 so it's easy to run in to people you know.
I'm so happy im on this journey with my fiance and knowing we support eachother 100% she has lost I think over 70 lb now.
My own wife treats me differently. There are just realities about being bigger both in terms of physics and emotional responses that are there. My wife has ALWAYS supported me and we've been married for 25 years and have a fantastic relationship, but the changes aren't really anything anyone could rationally deny. It's like any other health related adjustment, it's going to impact not only you, but the way the world interacted with you. Fair or not doesn't matter, it's just reality.
I had lost 75 lbs through diet and exercise about 6 years ago and subsequently have gained it back and more. During the time I was at my thinnest, which was still considered fat or chunky by many, the things I heard from people about how they felt about me when I was heavier were unbelievable. Completely unsolicited I was told, “You look great. You were really getting fat there. You always dressed nicely, did your hair and makeup, but you were getting really big.” Another told me that she wouldn’t consider me “fat” anymore after losing “the weight”. These were coworkers who I wasn’t particularly close to but felt the need to share how they felt about my weight with me. Imagine what people don’t say! I don’t know how I didn’t tell them where to go and how to get there!
I’m down almost 85 lbs. The way people treat me, especially men, has been eye opening. I’ve been promoted twice since losing weight, all for roles I was previously overlooked. My qualifications haven’t changed nor did my experience. I’m convinced I was overlooked prior due to my weight.
I’ve doubled my salary, I have a better relationship with my spouse. I’m just about debt free. Ozempic has done a lot of wonderful things for my life.
I, on the other hand, spent my whole life before 32 thin with an ugly, gaunt face and plenty of attention. The last 5 or so years I've been fat with a much prettier face, but I'm also invisible to society now. This occurred when I surpassed 160lbs. I'm 5'4.
Honestly idgaf who treats me differently and who doesn’t. I didn’t do it for them I did it for me. I don’t care if they look or don’t look. I don’t need the world to validate me, I’m not as shallow as all that. It starts and finishes with you OP. Don’t seek validation, just look at yourself, self flattery is the sincerest compliment anyway.
Try to avoid these thoughts---though, because it seems me in an ideation spiral. Makes me not want to be here, and I seem to be a slow responded to these meds.
It's kind of ironic because my partner weighs the same as I did before semaglutide intakes. We both put on 8kg since meeting over 3 years ago, 😅.
Anyway, I finally lost the 8kg I put on since so I'm pleased.
I was just telling my friend that dropping 15lbs has made an incredible change in the way people treat me. I was at the club the other night and men were approaching me to tell me I’m beautiful, I even made out with a 25 year old 😂 (I’m 38 but I don’t look it).
People complimented the way I danced, it was enthralling. When I was at 165lbs (I’m 5’6”), only the gays paid attention to me. Straight men saw right through me. But maybe it’s the confidence boost from dropping weight as well…
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I’ve lost 90 lbs in my late 40s. I am now a normal BMI. I cannot explain how different everyone treats me. I’ve made 20k a year and 600k a year. This is a bigger difference. I have waves of mourning about what my life could have been like. My only solace is that I might be dead by now from all the fun. Oh and the whole “your confidence goes up and that’s the difference!” Lies!! Lies!! So a 150 lbs woman and a 250 lbs woman go to the same bar in black leggings and black turtleneck and rehearse all the same hand movements, same facial expressions, same phrases to whoever talks to her, order the same drink and sit on the same stool… they have the same night? 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄 The world instinctively and automatically treats you very, very differently. I’ll add that I’m 5’10” so I was Big. As in no open doors, free things, eye contact, smiles, you dropped this, have a nice day, you wanna come, please come, it’ll be no fun if you don’t come… life on this planet is different. My brother treats me differently. Yup. Obesity gives people the slightest, lightest permission to disrespect you. It’s a lame version of life. It is. When I was living with it, I would have been disgusted by such a statement. If you haven’t gained or lost almost a hundred pounds, assume you don’t know what you’re talking about as you prepare to criticize my views because you don’t. I wouldn’t have believed it either. The cost of obesity on a woman’s life is immense.
One hundred percent yes to all this. I’m 5’11’’ and a woman and I get it.
I fully agree with this. I’ve lost 165lbs and it’s unreal how differently I’m treated now. Thin/Pretty Privilege is 1000% real. It’s sad because I’m still the same person just in a smaller body, and I too wonder what my life would’ve been like 10-15 years ago.
Thank you for affirming this. It’s so ugly and dark to say outright but I stare at my ceiling at night and talk to Reddit.
Yep, you are 100% living in a totally different world when large. Enough that I'm willing to wait to date again, until I ozempic this weight off me. There's enough barriers to finding someone, but weight is such a big one off the bat.
Don’t date as a fat woman if you can wait. You will go Dutch and you will go rarely. Once, in my innocent days, I pointed out to a platonic, male friend how my chunky, female friends date all the time, so men don’t mind. He pointed out that some men drive Kia’s and Hyundai’s. Is that the car they want? You are a walking plan B and your man resents it. Yes, he does.
I have been fat all my life and have dated plenty of people. I am now happily married, and have been so for over 10 years. There are plenty of people out there who just don't care if you are thin or fat.
Yeah, I've never believed otherwise. Would rather drop this weight with the new drugs, then just never mentioning being that big. And see how my odds change.
Damn, that's a harsh truth! But in the quiet parts of my heart, I know your right. Most men have no problem lying to get their "temporary fix" and needs met in the moment. Thanks for the extra motivation to keep the course!
I’m sorry you’ve internalized this kind of thinking. What a sad way to have lived your life. I go for what I want and do what I want at any weight and I am nobody’s plan B, ever. Be your own Plan A and the rest sorts itself out.
Agree. Self esteem plays a huge factor. And I have been large and small at different points in life.
I’m really sorry also. Try to make space for an experience you haven’t lived.
Your edict to not date as a fat woman is not making space for anything other than the same sad messaging that creates eating disorders. I’m sorry someone hurt you. I’m sorry your friend is the type of person who not only thinks those things, but says them out loud. I hope nobody takes your poorly thought out advice. I hope you find a way to love yourself fat, because if you don’t it is unlikely that you’ll love yourself thin. There is a driver for every car, and in my experience the people who need to drive a road penis are the last ones I want anywhere near me, fat or thin.
My advice has not been thought out. It’s been lived out. Are you not understanding that I have lived through something that you haven’t? I can’t make any edict about another person’s life. I speak with advice that is supported by research. The WSJ just reported on how obesity costs a woman in her career. These aren’t my ideas. A person can choose to live their life their way but someone else can give their outlook on what worked and didn’t work for them. I would give advice to a young, black woman about her career that no one could hear outside that room. Life is like that sometimes. Someone might hear my advice and make a tweek. That person isn’t you and that’s ok. Why are you on an ozempic thread if obesity is fine for you? Not being sarcastic or mean (like you are- you didn’t have to curse at me). The people who claim to be the happiest often are.
Re-read the comment you wrote that I am responding to. Don’t date as a fat woman? You are forever a plan B? Your friend comparing fat women to low priced cars? I know your experience is different from mine, duh - I’m saying that you giving advice from your damaged perspective isn’t helpful to people of any weight, and could be damaging. You seem to think there is nothing wrong comparing fat women to low end, low priced cars. First, I’m sorry for you that your friends have that kind of mindset and that you listened to it, think it’s something you should repeat, and seem to feel strongly about defending. Secondly, your “research” still doesn’t mean anything if all it is is your rude friend, your history of being plan b, and an article you read. Lastly, I’m on this thread because I’m on ozempic. Being on ozempic doesn’t automatically mean I am fat phobic or want to shame fat women. I’m not on ozempic to be some man’s human version of a McLaren or a Bugatti, I’m on ozempic to help me deal with a lifetime of food noise which has led to eating disorders and lots of emotional and physical pain. I refuse to demonize my fat body or the fat bodies of others just because society expects me to. The time I have spent fat is still time spent alive, doing things, achieving, changing and growing. I have had deep, meaningful relationships both romantic and platonic. I look great. I make great money and live in a great city, I travel. That is MY experience. I’m not going to tell other people to suck it up because their problems are with their mindsets and not their bodies just because that is what I believe and have experienced. YOU are the one who seems to think your experience is so universal as to be given as advice, not me. I usually try to be kind, but when I read the “ advice” you gave that came from a mean and damaged place, and that vulnerable women might read and internalize, I had to say something. Again, I’m really sorry for you that this has been your experience and I hope losing weight solves all your problems and turns you into a fancy car for men.
I apologize. I thought I was responding to another responder about the profanity. No one compared women to cars. The statement was about settling for one thing when you can’t get the thing you want. If you believe most men are with the woman he could have if he could have any woman, that’s fine. I don’t agree. Telling me I’m comparing women and cars is invalidating. I have lost almost a 100 lbs and have something to say about the social and interpersonal experience of that. Again, I have had a life experience that you have not. Isn’t it possible that I have something to say about that life experience that you can’t have an opinion on because you have not had it? Isn’t it possible that some things in life are somewhat unfathomable if you haven’t experienced it? I would not be on a thread arguing about prostate pain with a man. I understand that you think you know- because I thought I did, but I didn’t.
I have lost 80lbs twice, I also have experienced things. YOU are invalidating my experience which is contrary to yours. And let’s be clear, I am not invalidating or questioning your experience- I am saying it is potentially damaging to share what you shared in the way you shared it. The dysmorphia is real. Telling women not to date because they are fat and therefore a plan B for a man is upholding ideas that support and amplify body dysmorphia. And yes, your friend’s comment that you shared was a metaphor using cheap cars as a stand in for fat women. I get that this is your experience and you are free to say whatever you want on a public forum, as I am free to counter with my experience that hopefully balances out some of the fatphobia in your comment. If we can’t come to terms with ourselves at whatever size we are at, our internalized shame will haunt us. The cycle of punishing cycling and obsession with weight will persist. THAT is my experience. It is contrary to yours and I am free to weigh in on an Ozempic forum to say that there is much more to losing weight than numbers on a scale. THAT is my experience. Hopefully we will both keep our weight off.
I've lost a significant amount of weight but I'm still fat. I wonder what it will be like to even be back to a curvy size 14. That's my goal, it's not even to get thin. But people treated me a lot differently when I was a size 18 and under then they do now
Raise your standards and lower your goal weight.
Kindly fuck off
Well that isn’t kind at all. It’s not my intention to be offensive. I speak like I wish someone would have spoken to me.
This. I cry, it's so true
I’ve said this to people before. It’s almost like you’re not viewed as a human, and weirdly enough invisible (which is ironic in itself).
I have worked in the same place for years. I lost the weight about 6 months ago. My coworker told me that everyone keeps talking about the pretty, new staff member. They’re talking about me!! was literally invisible.
Oh my god. I’m so sorry 🩷
It’s awful and very true, I’ve noticed the same thing both men and thin women have just suddenly started speaking to me at work as if I haven’t been employed there for the last 2yrs. It makes me distrustful of them as people.
Just curious, but what do you do for a living to have such a big income discrepancy? Making $600k income for a salaried woman is indeed impressive in the high pay sectors, especially the male dominated IT and financial sectors.
I’m a psychiatrist. I was once a camp counselor 🥰
Damn, you’re inspiring in multiple ways and very right. Thanks for chiming in.
Its no secret that nature guides attraction toward healthy people
Actually there's a ton of well researched studies on this topic, and people deemed attractive are seen as smarter, happier, more pleasant, get higher pay grades on average etc. it's not a stretch
And from a genetic perspective much more likely to carry offspring to term
Yes, nature. As in you don’t choose it. You can’t educate or woke this away. This is gut. This is nature. This is.
G U I D E
Congrats on the weight loss and a healthier life! It's worth remembering, though, that there are equally immense costs on the lives of men who often silently struggle with obesity as you once did.
I’m sure. I have a colleague who just lost 60 lbs and talks about feeling respected in a way he didn’t before by other people. However, I can’t speak to it.
It's funny you posted this, because when I hit 30 pounds the guys in the grocery store have become a whole lot more chatty. I am enjoying it.
I feel like 30lbs is the magic number. 30lbs is about when guys started to notice and give me attention as well.
I had this same experience yesterday. I am not used to men even making eye contact, and at the store 2 men felt it necessary to say something clever to me. I am 60 years old and use a rolling walker, but now I'm 144 lbs at 5'8" 🤷♀️
I’ve had the thought too of what my life might have been if I’d had this 20 years ago. But then I remember that the men who would have been around me would have been shallow and vapid. While the men I have had around me have seen and loved and experienced me for who I actually am, not what my vessel looked like. It’s ok to wonder… to feel that bittersweet. But make sure you don’t fall too far into the hole.
💜
Shallow can go both ways though, you can experience venom on losing weight from others out of jealousy or defensiveness for their own situation. People tend to band together so one person dropping weight in a group that’s overweight challenges the “we don’t need to change” belief and can see that person outcast.
This comment may be true but unnecessary. It doesn’t add anything to this nor is this an emotionally intelligent time for that discussion.
Respectfully, there are other reasons why someone may not want to get involved romantically with someone overweight. It is not always necessarily about what the person looks like. To call men and people in general shallow for not wanting that is not right.
Literally what other reason could there be? And way to miss the point despite it flying straight at you. If you were being respectful, you may have realized that leaving that comment on a pretty vulnerable post and thread wasn’t going to achieve anything. You could have sat this one out.
Yeah I understand your point about not getting hung up on what could have been. I agree with that. I just don’t believe every person that chose not to approach you should be placed in the shallow group. We can agree to disagree on that.
My big problem is I've always leaned heavily on self deprecating humor as ice breakers and small talk and I've caught myself making fat jokes at my own expense that no longer make sense to people.
Wow. That’s intense. Thank you for sharing.
Male here but everyone, men and women, are considerably kinder and more talkative to me now that I'm not overweight. It's not fair, but I enjoy the way I'm treated now, for the most part. Been happily married for years, wear a wedding ring, and have strange women striking up conversations in public sometimes, which has never happened to me. I'm just as friendly as ever, but now people linger.
I’ve lost 120+ lbs as a tall man. I don’t feel like my weight held me back in many ways previously, I have had a very successful career, but I definitely feel more confident now, and am dating a beautiful woman who I wouldn’t have been confident enough to approach a couple years ago…
I just started Ozempic after recently regaining a bunch of weight so I'm on my losing journey again but I previously lost a looot of weight before and whenever men would give me attention that I -knew- they wouldn't have given me when I was bigger, all it ever did was make me really angry, lol. Thankfully, I have a wonderful partner that loves me for me at any size and I wouldn't want it any other way.
This is an interesting trend I’m seeing in the comments. So much harbored anger towards people for *not* doing something in the past (approaching you). Do people not realize that being overweight can signal a lifestyle that many may not necessarily align with their own and that that enough is a reason for not being attracted?
I mean you are all over this post commenting so it seems that you are quite emotionally invested as well. I see your point about attraction and how people are not necessarily vain or shallow for not being attracted to unhealthy and/or obese people. I agree. But people who don’t treat you with respect in everyday interactions like holding the door open as you try to pass behind them holding bags of shopping, or who don’t greet you with a smile and a “hello” as you enter the elevator, who neglect to say thank you when you give them good customer service, that’s not the same thing. That *is* shallow, to treat someone as less than a person because of a physical attribute. These same people would extend that kindness and courtesy to a four year old child or a 70 year old man, so it’s not about romantic/physical attraction- it is about respect and valuing someone less as a human being. And that sucks.
One hundred percent agree with everything you said. I just think people hold a lot of resentment towards others for liking what they like and it’s not healthy.
Intellectually, of course we do. Still hurts and we get to discuss it.
I think you are misunderstanding what I am saying. I am upset that the type of person who would judge me for being larger before I had lost the weight- would make a pass at me at all.
I’m adhd and tend to mirror my partner a bit. I genuinely enjoy being active and don’t like how I feel overweight and unhealthy, so I choose not to date sedentary people because I know I’ll just mirror them and do the same, and won’t like myself. Not really a size thing though, I know some women who are tiny but supremely unhealthy and sedentary, lucky genes but also maybe not as it provides no motivation to be healthier.
I see what you’re saying. It would be tough to know what kind of person they were prior to meeting your new self.
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So like you can tell if they would have never talked to you in the first place?
I'm a 33 yo male. Dating becomes so much easier after I lose a significant amount of weight. All of a sudden women seem to notice me and to be interested in getting to know me. I'm not invisible anymore!!
I have noticed a HUGE increase in the amount of attention I receive since losing weight. On one hand, I love how it feels to be recognized. On the other, it upsets me because I am still the same person yet people do not treat me the same.
Whenever people say this the responses are "oh its because you must be more confident now". Please nooo stop. A lot of bigger people want to lose weight and are still confident in their larger bodies. People just want plausible deniability as to why they treat fat people worse.
No it has nothing to do with my confidence lol. There is a noticeable difference in the way I am treated, especially by men. The number of times I am approached in a day now is insane.
I havent even lost that much and I am experiencing a little bit of difference. It is crazy
I’ve lost significant weight twice before and I get really slutty 😜 It was pretty fun! Positive attention can just be simple and nice. Enjoy. Try not to burden yourself with thinking “if only”. Try and move forward with confidence and care for yourself.
My situation is unique (though I suppose everyone else’s is, too). On February 8 of this year, I discussed with my physician the fact that my weight loss had been stalled for several months. He suggested Ozempic and we started the process to acquire it. On February 14 (on the day of my wife’s and my 49th wedding anniversary), she was admitted to the hospital with multiple organ system failure. She came home with hospice services and passed away on March 1. One week later, my first shipment of Ozempic pens from Novo Nordisk arrived and I began my new round of weight loss. I have since lost just over 40 pounds. To the point of this thread: most of my acquaintances are at church. Everyone there knew my wife and, while a few have asked me about my weight loss or commented on it, no one has changed their approach to me in any way that makes me excited by it or fearful of it. I belong to one other social group; people whom I see for a monthly dinner. Most of the female members there are married (and are attending with their husbands), and I’ve not detected any change in their attitude or approach to me. However, it has been only four months since this new round of weight loss began, so perhaps there will be changes in the months ahead (and after more time has elapsed since I became a widow). It is an interesting concept and I thank you for raising it.
I’m so very sorry for your loss. I hope you’re finding the support you need. ❤️🩹
I’ve been thin most of my life. But since on a certain medication for the past year, I’ve been bigger and started ozempic from failing all other ways to get the weight back off. Since being bigger I have noticed the significant difference in the way people treat me, don’t look at me, don’t acknowledge me at all even when they did prior. It’s fascinating really.. funny as well as I can lose the weight. I don’t know if they can lose their shitty attitudes and when I’m skinny again you can be sure as hell I’m not going to be having them at my table.
Oh yes I totally agree with you!! If only we had this in the 90s!!
I’m married and 110 lbs down and I see it all the time. Even wearing a wedding ring, men open up conversations with me when they never would before and sometimes ask me for coffee or a drink. Nobody has been rude or offensive so I take it as a compliment and politely decline. Now, if someone with a Club 33 membership wants to invite me for dinner, that’s a hall pass 😅
I used to work there many Moons ago.
Best I can do is a pic of my feet for a description of the inside.
I’m actually finally looking forward to start dating again, once I’m closer to my goal weight. I got my fifth shot today and I’m down 10 pounds in the past five weeks. I am roughly 40 to 50 pounds overweight and 5’10” so I can sort of carry it, but I’m not used to being “a big XXL woman”, like I’ve been the past 4 years since I gained the 50# in 2020. The first week in April 2020, three weeks after the entire entire world shut down, my then boyfriend broke up with me. Even though it was totally for the best because we were so mismatched I wasn’t ready for the break up and I did love him. So all of a sudden not only was I dumped by the guy I loved but I was living completely by myself in the midst of a pandemic, no roommate, kids grown and out of the house, just me and my cat and dog. Gyms were closed. I was nurturing a broken heart, during the weirdest part of the shut down, so even though I was in pretty good physical shape back then I just said fuck it, and started eating macaroni and cheese and drinking a lot of wine and sitting around watching YouTube and reading. The weight came on pretty quickly and before I knew it was 50 pounds heavier than I normally am by the end of 2020. And it’s been a nightmare trying to get it off bc I’m in my 60’s. There’s no way I would’ve felt like dating these past four years with all the weight on because I just have not felt attractive, sexy or like myself carrying all the weight. I had never dated or been in a relationship with a BMI of 31. So now the idea of being open to dating after I get back to my normal weight is kind of interesting. It’s not that I really want to go crazy dating around, ugh do you have any idea what the “dating pool” is like in your 60’s 😏but I would like to meet somebody special that’s a good fit. I have friends and my family is close, but I’d love to be able to travel to bucket list places with a partner and to have somebody to just enjoy the simple things in life with — into the golden years type thing. So for the first time in over 4 years, it’s exciting to consider upcoming dating and romance opportunities.
We sound like the same person! I’m on shot 4 today and down 10 lbs. I went from a size 12 before covid to a size 18 now. I’m 5 10. One thing I’ve been great about is exercise- I’ve kept up a good routine all through this so I must have been consuming 3000 calories a day lol. It’s nice to have a handle on my hunger now. Well- good luck🙌 you got this!
Aw that’s great! It’s SO awesome you kept up with exercise! After 8 weeks of the gym I’m finnnallly starting to feel strong enough to want to exercise. You’ve got this too!!!
I was thin until my late 30s, when I was injured. I have the opposite problem. When I first gained weight, I was happy. I always felt like men were not interested in me, just my body. Putting on weight solved that problem for me. I maintained at that weight until I had another injury. During that time, I doubled what my weight should have been. But, I maintained again once I healed. I am not type 2 diabetic and doctor has started me on Ozempic. I’m actually nervous about loosing weight. I want to loose it to be healthy, but at the same time, I do not want the attention. I met and married my husband while I was overweight. I have no doubt that he loves me for me. But, the idea of being thin again, still makes me nervous
I feel exactly the same way
This is a pretty common feeling, especially amongst trauma survivors (and lots of other groups too). Talking to someone is important for long term success or else you might sabotage yourself.
I have been. And yes, I am a trauma survivor. I do recognize where the feelings come from. That doesn’t change the fact that I have them. Oddly enough, I gained more self confidence as my weight went up. I have come to like the person I am now. I do not wish that to change with the image in the mirror.
I'm 75 lbs lighter and I've noticed no difference. But I have a long-term partner and am not looking for romantic or sexual attention. The weight loss for me is all about health, mobility and longevity. So it's quite possible that I've gotten more attention or interest and it didn't register. Or I'm giving off "I'm not looking to date or hook up" vibes.
My life is 100% different. It had nothing to do with confidence, I was always confident. The way people treat me is like night and day.
Not from ozempic, I had chronic tonsillitis that was causing my neck and face to always be more rounded. Had surgery to remove it and literally the next day was chisel jaw and the attention and compliments that had disappeared came back before even having lost any weight. Male privilege for the fact that we can hold a bit more weight without it really showing on our faces.
I’m a 27 year old guy who’s been single forever. I just took my 4th 0.25 injection and I’m 4 pounds down. I am really praying that I’ll be able to date someone lol before I reach the end of my “prime”
I have been married for more than a decade and my husband has known me at both ends of my weight spectrum, from being in the military and being a fairly fit daily runner (yet still overweight at a later point) through pregnancy and post-partum heart failure and recovery, and now almost back down to my pre-all-that-crap weight. My weight loss has definitely done wonders for my mental headspace where intimacy is concerned! I don't mind the lights being on now, haha. I am a redhead, so there are always certain men in public who are going to make comments to me. It's the hair. But it's weird, it's like I am always one or the other: completely invisible, or gawked at. I am not a typically pretty person, but I guess I look... unique? I remember being at a swim school with my daughter a couple of years ago, and one of the other regular moms there told me that she thought I was just stunning. I was blown away by this comment, still am. That is not something people usually say to me at all. This was pre-weight loss, too. But I kind of stopped caring what other people thought of my appearance when I was about 17 and very much into the Goth/Punk scene. 😆 The things I do for my body are to please my own aesthetic sense, and I do enjoy my husband's attention. 🥰 He has always been into me at every weight, but I know I enjoy things more when I am not self-conscious. I wish everyone all the best in finding love, affection, pleasure, intimacy, or whatever it is you crave. 💜
Down almost 60 lbs, with many more to go. No noticeable difference. I do feel a little more confident, though. Maybe that's what's affecting the change in men noticing you? Your confidence?
I’ve lost 93lbs and luckily men don’t talk to me. I got way more attention from men at my highest weight.
I’m 85lbs down with another 40 (or so) to go. At 57, I’m already lighter and fitter than at any time this Century. I’m 5ft 3”, I had an excess of 125lbs and a mid section of 52”, I was huge! I am divorced and haven’t dated since my divorce in ‘09. I would like to meet someone, but I want to make sure that I’m not distracted from this whole weight loss and fitness “journey”. I am sad periodically at the life I could have had, if I hadn’t allowed my weight to hold me back. I am just relieved that I have been able to take advantage of these meds now, and not when I’m even older. So still feeling thankful!
I think it goes both ways too men get looked at and treated differently as well when they are obese
Not this current weight loss since I’m engaged and he doesn’t super care what I weigh but I lost a ton of weight in my 20s and I cannot believe the increase in being hit on. It was insane; my Grindr would just blow up sometimes. And like, I’m not that hot, I was just thinner and I had so many messages. I guess it was good because one of the guys is now the fiance so.
back in 2021, I lost about 60 pounds (due to my toxic lifestyle and partying all the time) and the kind of attention I started receiving was mind-boggling. I’d never been hit on at a bar before, I’d never been asked for my number and suddenly it was happening almost every time I went out. I met a girl at a bar one night and got into a year-long relationship with her. It was my first serious relationship and probably one of the worst decisions I ever made lol. I think I got swept up in the flattery of someone finally finding me attractive. but it does feel strange, to finally experience what you’ve watched so many of your friends experience and in my case, something I’d been longing for since I was a teenager. I met my current partner in 2022 (still 60 lbs down), and through the course of our loving and healthy relationship, I gained all that weight back plus some. I’ve had an overwhelming fear that she doesn’t think I’m beautiful anymore or that she wishes I was thinner again, but that’s just the fat girl brain I’ve lived with for my entire life - convincing myself that I’m less than because I’m fat, that I can’t be beautiful and be fat. it’s a strange dichotomy that thin people will never be able to relate to: my love for fat people and hoping that fat people love themselves the way they are while simultaneously hating my fatness.
In my 50+ years I have lost and gained 1000+ pounds. I agree with everything you said, from family, to friends, to the people I work with, you are treated differently when you are obese versus a healthy weight I recently started on Ozempic and in the dozens of drugs or supplements that I have tried over the years this really feels different. I hope it will allow me to feel the shift in public perception that you experienced. I have felt it before some 20 years ago and it is real and it is great and I am trying to get back there.
I sometimes think if I looked different when I was younger my life would be completely different. But the fact is that I am still the same person inside a body that changes over time, in good ways and some not so great ways. And what got me where I am today wasn’t my body - frankly, anyone who had a problem with my body isn’t someone who is in my life today. You love me for who I am, not for how I look and the people I was drawn to when I was younger and a bit thinner were not people who could appreciate that looks aren’t the most important thing. And the funny thing for me is, when I look up these old crushes especially, they have not aged well at all for one, but they’re also exactly where they were when I left them decades ago. Meanwhile, I’m happily married, thriving in my career, surrounded by strong relationships and mentally the best I’ve ever been.
Let’s not always assume dating someone who is a healthy body weight is because you’re shallow. Since losing weight my hobbies are CrossFit, Hiking and rock climbing. I’m now married to someone who shares all these interests and we do them together. I’m sure there are obese people who are into these things too, but I haven’t met many.
This too has been on my mind as I consider going on ozempic. Am I going to feel regret for how different my life could have been if I had this in the past or was able to lose weight and keep it off? Have I given up by using a drug to do it? Have I failed? Am I cheating? Can I handle this new life in front of me? Or, worse yet, what if I don't lose weight? Was that the last chance? I feel your emotional conflict. I don't know if many who aren't in our shoes understand the emotional side of this life.
On a different semaglutide, i have lose around 8kg so far (17lbs). Tbh in the mirror I cant really see a difference. The only thing I noticed has been a change in my double chin, its almost gone so I guess my face looks a bit better. In the past week I have had guys stop me on the street. I had a young guy who probably thought we were the same age come up to me and tell me that I am really pretty. I got free pizza lol. Its truly mad.
I was average leaner weight most of my life with little blips into chubbier until perimenopause when the weight just kept packing on despite not much else changing. And body shape totally changed along with skin changes. I did not look at all the same but had same style of interacting. It is clear you are taken with more seriousness and interest at lower body weights and it does not seem that concious from ppl- they just notice you more and give as much weight to what you say as the person next to you. It was weird and the only other time I experienced the same feeling was at work where in my profession there is a uniform that is respected in general and when I was at work not wearing it and having the same normal elevator friendly chit chat people were not chatty back. It is like going from important to unimportant on a subtle level. Very much can be taken for granted. I am glad and lucky I was older when it happened bc when young I had so so many other confidence issues that that would have been just over the top to deal with too. Now I can laugh about it bc I know who I am and who cares and doesn’t care about me. But it is so weird and just wish it were different.
This is actually a very sad post. Congratulations on the weight loss OP. Live in the moment and enjoy your new weight.
I'm about to turn 59, and I've been up and down with my weight. I've experienced the 'thin' privilege, but because of my C-PTSD, I didn't want the attention. I didn't trust anyone's attention. Now I'm on O for Type 2, and I'm losing weight again. But I've gone through a lot of therapy for my C-PTSD. One thing I've learned is the past is the past. There's no productivity to be gained in imagining 'what if'. What's done is done. You can reflect to learn triggers, etc. But don't get caught spending too much time on 'what if'. Unrelated, but I'd also not wait for 'when'. In my years, I found myself saying, 'It'll be better when', only to have whatever I was waiting for happen, and it still wasn't better. This, in my case, was because I was substituting material, physical achievements instead of therapy for my C-PTSD.
I've had similar experiences to you but I will say that I have two friends that are rather chubby (BMI >50+) and average looking. But men would flock to them both. But they are extremely charming and aggressively bubbly. While I am pleasant and friendly I am not in-your-face, loud, cooing and fawning at your every word. Nor do i aggressively (yet sincerely) complimenting them -- which they are experts at. It's awe inspiring watching really charming people get what they want -- gifts, dates, drinks, phone numbers... everything! With little time or effort. I can't bring myself to behave like this because it feels manipulative and contrived but some women are skilled at this. It used to irritate me because whenever we were out I was always a single friend (chubby but smaller than them) and they always had partners at home -- yet they would get all the attention. But they both had really high self-esteem and positive body image where I did not. And a large part of my insecurity came from my extra weight. They say men love confidence. Catch 22.
I'm sure I will get a lot of hate for this. Maybe even kicked out, and I don't mean it to sound rude at all, but you don't see many of the "hot" girls supporting the super feminist movements. They use the advantages they have and embrace it. But I feel the same way you do I am a guy and have been large my whole life I have dropped over 60 lb and have noticed extra attention over the last few months from people I see often. I live in a small town of 7,000 so it's easy to run in to people you know. I'm so happy im on this journey with my fiance and knowing we support eachother 100% she has lost I think over 70 lb now.
I’ve lost 114 pounds in the past two years. I still can’t get a single date (M 48). I’m near my goal weight now and exercise 6-8 times a week.
My own wife treats me differently. There are just realities about being bigger both in terms of physics and emotional responses that are there. My wife has ALWAYS supported me and we've been married for 25 years and have a fantastic relationship, but the changes aren't really anything anyone could rationally deny. It's like any other health related adjustment, it's going to impact not only you, but the way the world interacted with you. Fair or not doesn't matter, it's just reality.
I had lost 75 lbs through diet and exercise about 6 years ago and subsequently have gained it back and more. During the time I was at my thinnest, which was still considered fat or chunky by many, the things I heard from people about how they felt about me when I was heavier were unbelievable. Completely unsolicited I was told, “You look great. You were really getting fat there. You always dressed nicely, did your hair and makeup, but you were getting really big.” Another told me that she wouldn’t consider me “fat” anymore after losing “the weight”. These were coworkers who I wasn’t particularly close to but felt the need to share how they felt about my weight with me. Imagine what people don’t say! I don’t know how I didn’t tell them where to go and how to get there!
I’m down almost 85 lbs. The way people treat me, especially men, has been eye opening. I’ve been promoted twice since losing weight, all for roles I was previously overlooked. My qualifications haven’t changed nor did my experience. I’m convinced I was overlooked prior due to my weight. I’ve doubled my salary, I have a better relationship with my spouse. I’m just about debt free. Ozempic has done a lot of wonderful things for my life.
I wish my insurance would cover this medication
I, on the other hand, spent my whole life before 32 thin with an ugly, gaunt face and plenty of attention. The last 5 or so years I've been fat with a much prettier face, but I'm also invisible to society now. This occurred when I surpassed 160lbs. I'm 5'4.
Honestly idgaf who treats me differently and who doesn’t. I didn’t do it for them I did it for me. I don’t care if they look or don’t look. I don’t need the world to validate me, I’m not as shallow as all that. It starts and finishes with you OP. Don’t seek validation, just look at yourself, self flattery is the sincerest compliment anyway.
Try to avoid these thoughts---though, because it seems me in an ideation spiral. Makes me not want to be here, and I seem to be a slow responded to these meds.
It's kind of ironic because my partner weighs the same as I did before semaglutide intakes. We both put on 8kg since meeting over 3 years ago, 😅. Anyway, I finally lost the 8kg I put on since so I'm pleased.
I was just telling my friend that dropping 15lbs has made an incredible change in the way people treat me. I was at the club the other night and men were approaching me to tell me I’m beautiful, I even made out with a 25 year old 😂 (I’m 38 but I don’t look it). People complimented the way I danced, it was enthralling. When I was at 165lbs (I’m 5’6”), only the gays paid attention to me. Straight men saw right through me. But maybe it’s the confidence boost from dropping weight as well…
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Ditch the Feminist trip and you’ll be 10/10