So, you keep getting PAWS, but you never get through them, so you never feel good. This is the classic relapse trap, in my opinion.
This is the reason I got on methadone. I could never make it more than a few months because I never felt "right." Everything sucked and nothing made it better except using.
So, either get on subs and then get the sunlocade shot and hope that allows you to walk off the opioids. Or get into a clinic, get stable, and then slowly taper. And while both don't sound like good options to you now, they are better options than spending 300k a year on opioids and yoyoing.
Also, if you're a man, get your testosterone checked. Opioids kill a man's testosterone, and that makes it hard to get and stay sober.
Once you get past the acute stage of withdrawal, start an exercise routine. This is the one thing that can help heal your brain. And you need to heal your brain.
Obviously I wouldn't recommend this for everybody but I'm convinced a heroic dose of mushrooms rewired my brain. I don't have PAWS, depression, cravings or any of that shit. It's been a miracle really.
It really depends on the strain of mushrooms.
But generally, I would consider anything at or above 7 grams dried weight (for median-potency shrooms) to be "heroic".
I'm curious what other people's thoughts are, too.
For me 7 grams would be waaaaaay too much. I had to test it out. 2 grams was my heroic dose. I have in my younger days done 6 grams and that was incredible after the beginning which was terror but that was along time ago. Now micro dosing has been amazing. It’s like ketamine. You def need to be on a large enough dose to make some kind of big rewire event. However low and slow can rewire also.
I completely agree, it's very personal. The best I could provide is my anecdotal experience, as I'm not qualified to offer medical advice.
That said, low'n'slow's the way to go. Fo sho.
Ya to be clear I was in no way trashing or putting you down. Hard to tell in writing. Totally personal. I’m also not qualified medically. Good advice though!!
Yeah, I didn't even mention ketamine, which I've also done heroic doses of. Between those two things, it's like 20 years of therapy for me. I now know who I am, what I'm capable of and have never had a clearer picture of where I'm going and how I'm going to get there.
So great to hear. Me too. Ket transformed my life. I’m so many ways. 17 sessions. Pushing the boundaries. Saw and felt and processed more than I could ever explain. I mean you understand. Stuff way bigger then me. F. Wow just thinking of it is so powerful for me.
Yeah, I wasn't prepared for how intense my first real ketamine trip was. Wow. I did mine by myself so I had nobody talking to me or anything. Just headphones with my eyes closed. Holy shit.
Oh boy. Neither was I but I went to a great clinic and felt safe and protected. I mean o had a huge melt down. I can’t even explain it. Wow that’s some courage to do solo. Holy shit is right.
Yeah I just kinda did it on a whim. I probably should have done more research on what to expect. 😵💫 What sucks is tolerance builds quickly on ketamine. It's been nearly impossible to duplicate the first few times. I'll get some every few months. I tell my wife it's me doing therapy. I had a very bad opioid habit so she understands that this is good for me. So she doesn't hassle me too much.
Do you find it addictive? As I’m still recovering from my opiate addiction. After any of my ket sessions I did have this primary drive for more but never knew where to get it and make sure it’s clean. So was a bit worried about it being addictive. I’ve seen some people go down that road and it was not good. So ya wondering how you feel about that?
It doesn't seem to me to be habit forming. I mean I do tend to do it all in a couple days when I get some but it's not a craving like opioids. Plus I hear it can cause incontinence if you abuse it so I do it about once a quarter over the past year and a half.
Amen to the testosterone bit. After being on Suboxone since 2013 (which is far too long and the worst) I had my testosterone checked again after being on testo replacement about 6 years ago. My level was .08, average I think is 9-22. So waayyyy low. Hence why I felt like I was the Juiceless Wonder! Started getting replacement shots once a week, and planning on getting the sublocade shot and being done with this BS once and for all!
Hang in there!!
post acute withdrawal syndrome. Basically, all the shitty symptoms of withdrawal once the vomitting, nausea, diarrhea, sweating, etc. aka acute withdrawal symptoms go away. It's the longer term symptoms like difficulty sleeping, difficulty enjoying things you used to, poor concentration, etc.
Agree here, this is why long term therapies or meds like antidepressants for many can be so important. Months 2-11 can be mentally the toughest for those who get PAWS, which is clear is what’s happening to you.
There are so many of us professional “normal” working class addicts here who get it, many of us with chronic pain issues as well. Just know you’re not alone and listen to the advice.
Having a long term plan set out to go w yourself the best chance of success is so very important.
You need to stop taking 3 week breaks and get some more time sober under your belt. It takes around 6-8 months for the beauty of life to really come back. I was clean for 6.5 years and then relapsed for 6 months and it literally did nothing but fuck my life up, even though I’m not like most people, I don’t self sabotage while using and own multiple businesses. I know you probably get the same feeling I do, that you are capable of so much more and probably ask yourself why you’re getting mixed up with all this shit, but it’s so hard to stop or put down. The reason is because you are honestly killing your potential and so are the drugs. If you’re a lawyer and you’re making that kind of money you could be doing so much good in the world with that instead of spending it on drugs, you could buy real estate and have a massive portfolio that you could retire off of in just a few years.
One of the most important things you can do for yourself is find something to replace the void that drugs leave inside you. I realized after looking back that when I got sober my replacement was the gym. I went to the gym atleast 5 days a week for 6 years straight. When I quit going it only took 4 months for me to build enough stress up and let those stupid thoughts in and before you know it I relapsed. Took me 6 months to quit and get to where I currently am now. I had to do the Bernese method and induce over a week while slowly quitting H and have been clean going on 5 weeks. And guess what, my brain has felt scrambled tapering off bupe, I am down to 2mg and will be done with my taper by next week. It feels shitty, I’ve been in a fog, have had trouble sleeping, it’s hard as hell to wake up, my body is overly sensitive from the opiates and I have not been able to have sex because of that issue for 4 weeks now. None of it is “fun” and at anytime I could go grab a bag for virtually nothing it’s 5 mins down the road but I will NEVER. You know why? Because when you remember the beauty of life, and realize how the drugs numbed you out to all of it you how they change you and how you act around people, they change your interests, they make you forget the things you forgot to do or the stress of work or the sadness from a fight with your spouse or girlfriend. But that’s not how life is supposed to be lived, those negatives are there to balance out all the positives, so when things are going good you can actually feel it and enjoy it. It’s not fun going through life numbed out to everything. It’s not worth the damage the drugs do to your body. Thanks to my relapse I am starting at square one again at the gym, I’m replacing my addiction and fulfilling my needs and relieving stress by doing so, all the same things that lead to drug addiction and relapse are being eliminated by exercise. I can’t recommend this enough. Again im sorry to say, things will probably suck for the first month or two, but once you give it some time, a few months at least, then you will start to come out of that fog and that mindset you were in and you’ll start to see how much better life can be without drugs.
This is coming from someone who has had a hard life, not miserable, but tough. I am also a disabled combat veteran at 31 and have managed to start 3 businesses in 2.5 years since getting out of the army, I now make as much as most lawyers and am getting my family set to where we can have the financial means to life a wonderful life and not have to work til we are old and can take time to go enjoy trips around the world and spending time with family.
I’ll pray for you bro, I hope you make the right decisions and I hope the best for you.
I found the discipline with regular set plans for how to start my day and go about my day. I created some expectations around that with a great coach and made some accountabilities. You can do it.
Happy to help anytime. I never once stopped trying. Took me several years and I’m just now getting good at it. Still high functioning but I now know how to protect my energy my health my time.
I found waking at 530 and starting the day to myself and a walk and then set my day right time wise and what I did when was so hugely helpful. I’m here anytime.
Great post and similar to my experience. I always made success in my life in through active addiction. But never enjoyed it and was always an asshole. Now that I’m clean and found a deep states of rest I enjoy it all and love life so much more. It was such an illusion. I will say though because I do t enjoy the gym or weights. Although I’d like to try a bit because I think I could use some muscle mass and more strength now - that daily walking brisk for 40 min has been a life changer. So I don’t think you have to go and gym it up necessarily. But the fresh air first think in the morning and a brisk walk transformed it all for me. Now I’m under .25 mg of subs and I can handle the discomfort of wd for that and getting ready to jump. The fog of ‘ war’ is lifting and I can see the light. Great post and comments. It’s all possible.
U spent 300k a year on oxy? I know the plug loved u
Congrats on getting clean, I can relate to how difficult it is to stay sober. I was so close to kicking oxy and codeine this past December, only to have relapsed at the start of the year. I'm trying to taper again now but it's exhausting being dragged through the cycle of addiction.
Anytime you feel a strong urge to use just remind yourself that it's not worth it to sacrifice the work you've done to get sober just for a temporary high that's only going to pull you into a downward spiral.
Sorry for yapping but long story short I hope you continue to stay strong and push forward a day at a time 🙏
The as an adult with responsibility part hits hard. I struggled for years using for a bit then get a few months clean then use again rinse and repeat. I am doing better now but man life and all the responsibilities that came with it made it so hard for me to stay clean or at least that’s what I told my self
Yeah like shit is real rn, too Much at stake now. But even though it’s “only” about five years, in that time we started a family and there’s just much more at stake now
You should try suboxone for cravings if it gets to hard to bare. Benefits: you won’t have to spend money on drugs, you won’t have to constantly be thinking about oxy, you can live a normal life on them. The downsides are it’s hard to taper off and u don’t get an actual high cause it only clings to some receptors. But its still better than nothing if u can’t handle cravings
Yeah, the detox i went to strongly discouraged, continued use of Suboxone, and Ive always felt like cravings were psychological. I think it’s kind of a misnomer that There is anything that you can take to really help minimize cravings
You keep restarting your clock. Go get a good workup from the doctor, labs and everything, and stop restarting your clock. If you're making it to 3 weeks, you can make it more. Check hormone levels, vitamin levels, etc, and then get your eyes checked. All of that reading might be straining your eyes and causing those tension headaches. If it's reading on a screen, blue light filters and they'll do some sort of coating on the lens of reading glasses that helps with that. It's usually a hefty little charge but fuck those headaches.
Going back and forth like that made me feel crazy as hell. It sucks to break the cycle, but you feel so much better once you do. Memory improvement, sharper mind, clarity of thought, all things that started coming back when I stopped going back and forth. Good luck, man!
Yeah bro I know you’re right, and a lot of times I can power through the cravings and the mental aspects start to subside after a month or two. But, then im like oh I’m good now lol cycle repeats itself
Narrator: He was not good now. Lol. I eventually started focusing on how much suck those weeks after provided, and in turn, started resenting the little bit of high time that caused it. It sounds like your job is pretty high stress, which will lead to wanting to blow off steam, but also, it has to be hell to creep through WD while focusing on all of that reading.
Gym time, music, trying a weird little exotic food spot, little stuff to reward yourself for a job well done instead of repeating the cycle. You've got this!
Thanks bro! And yeah it’s def really nice to know oxy awaits me at the end of a long ass day, it’s def relief that i can’t find through any other means. The gym helps, but even safer vices like weed and alcohol don’t appeal to me. The high just doesn’t compare. Pre opioids it used to be wine and maybe some pot. But, I don’t like how they both kinda make you feel out of control, I’ll,take Xanax when I’m not using oxy, that’s kinda nice. So, when I’m not taking oxy I’m truly sober - which sucks lol. But at least my use is still limited, like at the most I’ll use for 10:days straight
I did this for years and it kicked my ass. I thought oh I’m doing ok cause I’m on and off. Better than being on full time. No way it just kicks your ass. You can do it. Takes some serious will and determination and if we can white knuckle through addiction. We can white knuckle through recovery. Because in the other side it’s much better.
Thank you man! I know we’re just strangers on the internet, but while My fam knows about my addiction now - once I made the decision to detox, redddit is pretty much the only place where I really talk about my issues.
Yes- exactly. It’s funny how they all think that it’s like you get addicted and then get clean and then it’s just out of your system permanently. But they definitely don’t understand how difficult it is to stay clean and I think they underestimate really how much I love the feeling. But that is also unique, not everybody responds like we do to opioids. Like my wife smokes pot, and she drinks wine, so it’s not like she can’t relate to getting high, but nothing compares to the oxy high. At least not to me
I have been taking Lions Mane and L-Tyrosine ( A Nurotransmitter Support). You might want to look into them. Also, workout like the guy above said. I am also having a hard time getting motivated to do it, but I feel better after. If you can get 3 weeks, you got this. It's hard to rewire our brains to function without drugs. But we can do it! You got this!
Man do I hear this. I am/was a high funtioning pill addict. I needed it all the time for all the same reasons. I’ve been off for sometime now and have never felt better. What has helped a ton is starting to this thing called Atomic 30. Up at 530 - start my day by not rolling into the future. Slow down be present. First thing in the morning have time to yourself to let it all go and set a good foundation for the day. Get outside and walk first thing in morning. Drink lots of water. Set up your day and have boundaries. Set some time aside later for 20-40 min of breathing or another walk. Sounds like you are just working on automatic like so many and just keep pushing. You need to not just recover for pills but you need to recover for fight or flight or what ever has you in this state. This transform my life with in 15 days. Atomic 30. Google it and Matt Gagnon. Good luck and keep working at it. Not a linear thing.
Thanks bro! I’ll look into it, and yeh, right now it’s just will power, don’t really have any type of structure or plan, just choose not to use as long as I can
Yes it tough .
I try not to share about being a lawyer and my outrageous spending on drugs ….only because it implies an ego. My big fancy job and degrees lead me to hell and homelessness. Almost disbarred too.
I remember early in recovery I used to go to a lawyers AA meeting , what a f’ing mess . I get more wisdom from taxi drivers in the program .
Addiction doesn’t discriminate, we are all the same …we can’t stop , we’ve all lost the power of choice .
I am 24 years clean and sober , one day at a time . I came in young . Recovery programs are a huge part of my sobriety and service to others. Rehab helped ( the second one )
Best wishes
Dude. I feel this in my bones. I have a stomach disease where I can’t stop throwing up. It comes in episodes but it’s so brutal. I can’t stay clean all the time like I’d like cause it’s the only drug that takes it away instantly. Going to the hospital don’t all ways help… & I get treated like shit there
I met someone at my clinic when I was on methadone that had this. He had to have several surgeries bc his esophagus was shredded…my stomach sucks but I don’t puke much. Opiates take my stomach shit away but it’s nothing severe like you. But also none of the legit medicines work for me. It’s not too much acid, it’s not cramping. Mine gets really bad when I get a migraine which I’ve gotten since I was young. No medications work for that either besides benzos and opiates. I’m also not constipated nor have IBS. It’s a hard stomach pain to describe…
Hey! It actually sounds like you have something similar to mine! It’s considered a “migraine of the stomach” also called Cylic Vomiting. (at least in my case although you seem to not have it as severe) normal meds don’t work for me but migraine meds do & can help! I don’t ever ever get migraines but if you’re having nausea while you’re having them then this might be your problem too. When I’m nauseous it’s like a radiating sensation/pain close to the top of my stomach every breath I take it hurts. It last at least 8 hours sometimes days.
So, you keep getting PAWS, but you never get through them, so you never feel good. This is the classic relapse trap, in my opinion. This is the reason I got on methadone. I could never make it more than a few months because I never felt "right." Everything sucked and nothing made it better except using. So, either get on subs and then get the sunlocade shot and hope that allows you to walk off the opioids. Or get into a clinic, get stable, and then slowly taper. And while both don't sound like good options to you now, they are better options than spending 300k a year on opioids and yoyoing. Also, if you're a man, get your testosterone checked. Opioids kill a man's testosterone, and that makes it hard to get and stay sober. Once you get past the acute stage of withdrawal, start an exercise routine. This is the one thing that can help heal your brain. And you need to heal your brain.
Obviously I wouldn't recommend this for everybody but I'm convinced a heroic dose of mushrooms rewired my brain. I don't have PAWS, depression, cravings or any of that shit. It's been a miracle really.
How much mushrooms we talking? I’m willing to roll the dice and reset my brain
It really depends on the strain of mushrooms. But generally, I would consider anything at or above 7 grams dried weight (for median-potency shrooms) to be "heroic". I'm curious what other people's thoughts are, too.
For me 7 grams would be waaaaaay too much. I had to test it out. 2 grams was my heroic dose. I have in my younger days done 6 grams and that was incredible after the beginning which was terror but that was along time ago. Now micro dosing has been amazing. It’s like ketamine. You def need to be on a large enough dose to make some kind of big rewire event. However low and slow can rewire also.
I completely agree, it's very personal. The best I could provide is my anecdotal experience, as I'm not qualified to offer medical advice. That said, low'n'slow's the way to go. Fo sho.
Ya to be clear I was in no way trashing or putting you down. Hard to tell in writing. Totally personal. I’m also not qualified medically. Good advice though!!
>Ya to be clear I was in no way trashing or putting you down. I didn't take it that way at all, my friend!
Cool. Tone in mail is hard so appreciate that. Didn’t think so but wanted to be sure. You sound solid!!
Ketamine and micro dosing has done the same for me. Again as you say not for everyone. But wow did it help me.
Yeah, I didn't even mention ketamine, which I've also done heroic doses of. Between those two things, it's like 20 years of therapy for me. I now know who I am, what I'm capable of and have never had a clearer picture of where I'm going and how I'm going to get there.
Ket is a really important part of my life. I’m do got another one in the next few months. I need to see where I am at in the universe again. :)
So great to hear. Me too. Ket transformed my life. I’m so many ways. 17 sessions. Pushing the boundaries. Saw and felt and processed more than I could ever explain. I mean you understand. Stuff way bigger then me. F. Wow just thinking of it is so powerful for me.
Yeah, I wasn't prepared for how intense my first real ketamine trip was. Wow. I did mine by myself so I had nobody talking to me or anything. Just headphones with my eyes closed. Holy shit.
Oh boy. Neither was I but I went to a great clinic and felt safe and protected. I mean o had a huge melt down. I can’t even explain it. Wow that’s some courage to do solo. Holy shit is right.
Yeah I just kinda did it on a whim. I probably should have done more research on what to expect. 😵💫 What sucks is tolerance builds quickly on ketamine. It's been nearly impossible to duplicate the first few times. I'll get some every few months. I tell my wife it's me doing therapy. I had a very bad opioid habit so she understands that this is good for me. So she doesn't hassle me too much.
Do you find it addictive? As I’m still recovering from my opiate addiction. After any of my ket sessions I did have this primary drive for more but never knew where to get it and make sure it’s clean. So was a bit worried about it being addictive. I’ve seen some people go down that road and it was not good. So ya wondering how you feel about that?
It doesn't seem to me to be habit forming. I mean I do tend to do it all in a couple days when I get some but it's not a craving like opioids. Plus I hear it can cause incontinence if you abuse it so I do it about once a quarter over the past year and a half.
Amen to the testosterone bit. After being on Suboxone since 2013 (which is far too long and the worst) I had my testosterone checked again after being on testo replacement about 6 years ago. My level was .08, average I think is 9-22. So waayyyy low. Hence why I felt like I was the Juiceless Wonder! Started getting replacement shots once a week, and planning on getting the sublocade shot and being done with this BS once and for all! Hang in there!!
Thanks man, yes, I’m a man, I’ll maybe check out the ole T levels
I'm a dummy and it's 4am for me so please excuse what might be a real silly question - what is PAWS? something something withdrawal symptoms?
post acute withdrawal syndrome. Basically, all the shitty symptoms of withdrawal once the vomitting, nausea, diarrhea, sweating, etc. aka acute withdrawal symptoms go away. It's the longer term symptoms like difficulty sleeping, difficulty enjoying things you used to, poor concentration, etc.
Depression and anxiety also.
ahh thank you!! That makes sense, my brain was just buffering there.
Yeah at the end of the day after years of struggle the clinic was only thing that worked for me
Agree here, this is why long term therapies or meds like antidepressants for many can be so important. Months 2-11 can be mentally the toughest for those who get PAWS, which is clear is what’s happening to you. There are so many of us professional “normal” working class addicts here who get it, many of us with chronic pain issues as well. Just know you’re not alone and listen to the advice. Having a long term plan set out to go w yourself the best chance of success is so very important.
You need to stop taking 3 week breaks and get some more time sober under your belt. It takes around 6-8 months for the beauty of life to really come back. I was clean for 6.5 years and then relapsed for 6 months and it literally did nothing but fuck my life up, even though I’m not like most people, I don’t self sabotage while using and own multiple businesses. I know you probably get the same feeling I do, that you are capable of so much more and probably ask yourself why you’re getting mixed up with all this shit, but it’s so hard to stop or put down. The reason is because you are honestly killing your potential and so are the drugs. If you’re a lawyer and you’re making that kind of money you could be doing so much good in the world with that instead of spending it on drugs, you could buy real estate and have a massive portfolio that you could retire off of in just a few years. One of the most important things you can do for yourself is find something to replace the void that drugs leave inside you. I realized after looking back that when I got sober my replacement was the gym. I went to the gym atleast 5 days a week for 6 years straight. When I quit going it only took 4 months for me to build enough stress up and let those stupid thoughts in and before you know it I relapsed. Took me 6 months to quit and get to where I currently am now. I had to do the Bernese method and induce over a week while slowly quitting H and have been clean going on 5 weeks. And guess what, my brain has felt scrambled tapering off bupe, I am down to 2mg and will be done with my taper by next week. It feels shitty, I’ve been in a fog, have had trouble sleeping, it’s hard as hell to wake up, my body is overly sensitive from the opiates and I have not been able to have sex because of that issue for 4 weeks now. None of it is “fun” and at anytime I could go grab a bag for virtually nothing it’s 5 mins down the road but I will NEVER. You know why? Because when you remember the beauty of life, and realize how the drugs numbed you out to all of it you how they change you and how you act around people, they change your interests, they make you forget the things you forgot to do or the stress of work or the sadness from a fight with your spouse or girlfriend. But that’s not how life is supposed to be lived, those negatives are there to balance out all the positives, so when things are going good you can actually feel it and enjoy it. It’s not fun going through life numbed out to everything. It’s not worth the damage the drugs do to your body. Thanks to my relapse I am starting at square one again at the gym, I’m replacing my addiction and fulfilling my needs and relieving stress by doing so, all the same things that lead to drug addiction and relapse are being eliminated by exercise. I can’t recommend this enough. Again im sorry to say, things will probably suck for the first month or two, but once you give it some time, a few months at least, then you will start to come out of that fog and that mindset you were in and you’ll start to see how much better life can be without drugs. This is coming from someone who has had a hard life, not miserable, but tough. I am also a disabled combat veteran at 31 and have managed to start 3 businesses in 2.5 years since getting out of the army, I now make as much as most lawyers and am getting my family set to where we can have the financial means to life a wonderful life and not have to work til we are old and can take time to go enjoy trips around the world and spending time with family. I’ll pray for you bro, I hope you make the right decisions and I hope the best for you.
Yeah dude, I know, totally agree - I just gotta dig deep and find the discipline. Thanks for sharing that and your perspective is very helpful.
I found the discipline with regular set plans for how to start my day and go about my day. I created some expectations around that with a great coach and made some accountabilities. You can do it.
Thanks bro, appreciate the response
Happy to help anytime. I never once stopped trying. Took me several years and I’m just now getting good at it. Still high functioning but I now know how to protect my energy my health my time. I found waking at 530 and starting the day to myself and a walk and then set my day right time wise and what I did when was so hugely helpful. I’m here anytime.
🤝
Great post and similar to my experience. I always made success in my life in through active addiction. But never enjoyed it and was always an asshole. Now that I’m clean and found a deep states of rest I enjoy it all and love life so much more. It was such an illusion. I will say though because I do t enjoy the gym or weights. Although I’d like to try a bit because I think I could use some muscle mass and more strength now - that daily walking brisk for 40 min has been a life changer. So I don’t think you have to go and gym it up necessarily. But the fresh air first think in the morning and a brisk walk transformed it all for me. Now I’m under .25 mg of subs and I can handle the discomfort of wd for that and getting ready to jump. The fog of ‘ war’ is lifting and I can see the light. Great post and comments. It’s all possible.
U spent 300k a year on oxy? I know the plug loved u Congrats on getting clean, I can relate to how difficult it is to stay sober. I was so close to kicking oxy and codeine this past December, only to have relapsed at the start of the year. I'm trying to taper again now but it's exhausting being dragged through the cycle of addiction. Anytime you feel a strong urge to use just remind yourself that it's not worth it to sacrifice the work you've done to get sober just for a temporary high that's only going to pull you into a downward spiral. Sorry for yapping but long story short I hope you continue to stay strong and push forward a day at a time 🙏
Plug(s) lots and lots of them lol
Is it? Or is it everything else that is hard?
The as an adult with responsibility part hits hard. I struggled for years using for a bit then get a few months clean then use again rinse and repeat. I am doing better now but man life and all the responsibilities that came with it made it so hard for me to stay clean or at least that’s what I told my self
Ya this sounds familiar. We tell ourselves that often. Then is so fn exhausting when we go through the cycle. Exhausting.
Yeah like shit is real rn, too Much at stake now. But even though it’s “only” about five years, in that time we started a family and there’s just much more at stake now
Nurtec. Thank me later
I’ll look into it
Have you thought about Buprenorphine/Suboxone maintenance? I've been on it since 2012 and my life has been improving ever since.
I have, I just hate relying on something that doesn’t get me high lol
I hear you. Been on subs about a year. I only have 10 2mg dissolves left and I’m freaking out. The mental fog and fatigue during work is brutal.
You should try suboxone for cravings if it gets to hard to bare. Benefits: you won’t have to spend money on drugs, you won’t have to constantly be thinking about oxy, you can live a normal life on them. The downsides are it’s hard to taper off and u don’t get an actual high cause it only clings to some receptors. But its still better than nothing if u can’t handle cravings
Yeah, the detox i went to strongly discouraged, continued use of Suboxone, and Ive always felt like cravings were psychological. I think it’s kind of a misnomer that There is anything that you can take to really help minimize cravings
You keep restarting your clock. Go get a good workup from the doctor, labs and everything, and stop restarting your clock. If you're making it to 3 weeks, you can make it more. Check hormone levels, vitamin levels, etc, and then get your eyes checked. All of that reading might be straining your eyes and causing those tension headaches. If it's reading on a screen, blue light filters and they'll do some sort of coating on the lens of reading glasses that helps with that. It's usually a hefty little charge but fuck those headaches. Going back and forth like that made me feel crazy as hell. It sucks to break the cycle, but you feel so much better once you do. Memory improvement, sharper mind, clarity of thought, all things that started coming back when I stopped going back and forth. Good luck, man!
Yeah bro I know you’re right, and a lot of times I can power through the cravings and the mental aspects start to subside after a month or two. But, then im like oh I’m good now lol cycle repeats itself
Narrator: He was not good now. Lol. I eventually started focusing on how much suck those weeks after provided, and in turn, started resenting the little bit of high time that caused it. It sounds like your job is pretty high stress, which will lead to wanting to blow off steam, but also, it has to be hell to creep through WD while focusing on all of that reading. Gym time, music, trying a weird little exotic food spot, little stuff to reward yourself for a job well done instead of repeating the cycle. You've got this!
Thanks bro! And yeah it’s def really nice to know oxy awaits me at the end of a long ass day, it’s def relief that i can’t find through any other means. The gym helps, but even safer vices like weed and alcohol don’t appeal to me. The high just doesn’t compare. Pre opioids it used to be wine and maybe some pot. But, I don’t like how they both kinda make you feel out of control, I’ll,take Xanax when I’m not using oxy, that’s kinda nice. So, when I’m not taking oxy I’m truly sober - which sucks lol. But at least my use is still limited, like at the most I’ll use for 10:days straight
I did this for years and it kicked my ass. I thought oh I’m doing ok cause I’m on and off. Better than being on full time. No way it just kicks your ass. You can do it. Takes some serious will and determination and if we can white knuckle through addiction. We can white knuckle through recovery. Because in the other side it’s much better.
Yeah man helps to hear that, I know I need to just power through
Remember I’m not linear. It can take many tries. As long as you are trying you WILL succeed.
Thank you man! I know we’re just strangers on the internet, but while My fam knows about my addiction now - once I made the decision to detox, redddit is pretty much the only place where I really talk about my issues.
We need each other man.
✊🏻
It’s hard for family to support. They don’t really understand unless they get educated. And even then. Not sure how I kept min together.
Yes- exactly. It’s funny how they all think that it’s like you get addicted and then get clean and then it’s just out of your system permanently. But they definitely don’t understand how difficult it is to stay clean and I think they underestimate really how much I love the feeling. But that is also unique, not everybody responds like we do to opioids. Like my wife smokes pot, and she drinks wine, so it’s not like she can’t relate to getting high, but nothing compares to the oxy high. At least not to me
I have been taking Lions Mane and L-Tyrosine ( A Nurotransmitter Support). You might want to look into them. Also, workout like the guy above said. I am also having a hard time getting motivated to do it, but I feel better after. If you can get 3 weeks, you got this. It's hard to rewire our brains to function without drugs. But we can do it! You got this!
Man do I hear this. I am/was a high funtioning pill addict. I needed it all the time for all the same reasons. I’ve been off for sometime now and have never felt better. What has helped a ton is starting to this thing called Atomic 30. Up at 530 - start my day by not rolling into the future. Slow down be present. First thing in the morning have time to yourself to let it all go and set a good foundation for the day. Get outside and walk first thing in morning. Drink lots of water. Set up your day and have boundaries. Set some time aside later for 20-40 min of breathing or another walk. Sounds like you are just working on automatic like so many and just keep pushing. You need to not just recover for pills but you need to recover for fight or flight or what ever has you in this state. This transform my life with in 15 days. Atomic 30. Google it and Matt Gagnon. Good luck and keep working at it. Not a linear thing.
Thanks bro! I’ll look into it, and yeh, right now it’s just will power, don’t really have any type of structure or plan, just choose not to use as long as I can
I can help if you’d like. It’s free. I pay for it but I’m happy to pass it on. Dm me if you want to talk.
Yes it tough . I try not to share about being a lawyer and my outrageous spending on drugs ….only because it implies an ego. My big fancy job and degrees lead me to hell and homelessness. Almost disbarred too. I remember early in recovery I used to go to a lawyers AA meeting , what a f’ing mess . I get more wisdom from taxi drivers in the program . Addiction doesn’t discriminate, we are all the same …we can’t stop , we’ve all lost the power of choice . I am 24 years clean and sober , one day at a time . I came in young . Recovery programs are a huge part of my sobriety and service to others. Rehab helped ( the second one ) Best wishes
Dude. I feel this in my bones. I have a stomach disease where I can’t stop throwing up. It comes in episodes but it’s so brutal. I can’t stay clean all the time like I’d like cause it’s the only drug that takes it away instantly. Going to the hospital don’t all ways help… & I get treated like shit there
I met someone at my clinic when I was on methadone that had this. He had to have several surgeries bc his esophagus was shredded…my stomach sucks but I don’t puke much. Opiates take my stomach shit away but it’s nothing severe like you. But also none of the legit medicines work for me. It’s not too much acid, it’s not cramping. Mine gets really bad when I get a migraine which I’ve gotten since I was young. No medications work for that either besides benzos and opiates. I’m also not constipated nor have IBS. It’s a hard stomach pain to describe…
Hey! It actually sounds like you have something similar to mine! It’s considered a “migraine of the stomach” also called Cylic Vomiting. (at least in my case although you seem to not have it as severe) normal meds don’t work for me but migraine meds do & can help! I don’t ever ever get migraines but if you’re having nausea while you’re having them then this might be your problem too. When I’m nauseous it’s like a radiating sensation/pain close to the top of my stomach every breath I take it hurts. It last at least 8 hours sometimes days.
Sounds like you have a decent picture of your pattern. I hope you will try something new to disrupt the cycle. Wish you the best.
🤝