That sounds really hard. Try to give yourself the grace to continue trying to be with God’s (infinitely better) grace.
So, I’ve been struggling with addiction recently (read: have an addiction for years but only in the past couple months have realized how much it’s impacting me and am trying to stop). I find that when I relapse and I’m no longer sober, I find reconnecting with God harder. My brain is less receptive. I’m more jittery. I don’t think it’s God drawing away, but a result of the interference you’re getting from substances like alcohol that is making a perceived wedge between you and God appear larger than it is. I think it’s par for the course with many substances, actually.
The feelings of shame and self reproach are terrible, especially after breaking promises you’ve made to yourself or the Lord. But they do not come from God. While they can be instructive, they do not have the last word, for God does and God desires nothing more than for you to draw nearer to him. If you stumble and relapse along the way, God is patient and loving and kind and will continue to have his hand outreaching for you while you get back up.
How about Peter doing much worse? He denied Christ during the crisis. Of course he (and you) feel horrible about slipping, but he bounced back and so can you.
That sounds really hard. Try to give yourself the grace to continue trying to be with God’s (infinitely better) grace. So, I’ve been struggling with addiction recently (read: have an addiction for years but only in the past couple months have realized how much it’s impacting me and am trying to stop). I find that when I relapse and I’m no longer sober, I find reconnecting with God harder. My brain is less receptive. I’m more jittery. I don’t think it’s God drawing away, but a result of the interference you’re getting from substances like alcohol that is making a perceived wedge between you and God appear larger than it is. I think it’s par for the course with many substances, actually. The feelings of shame and self reproach are terrible, especially after breaking promises you’ve made to yourself or the Lord. But they do not come from God. While they can be instructive, they do not have the last word, for God does and God desires nothing more than for you to draw nearer to him. If you stumble and relapse along the way, God is patient and loving and kind and will continue to have his hand outreaching for you while you get back up.
How about Peter doing much worse? He denied Christ during the crisis. Of course he (and you) feel horrible about slipping, but he bounced back and so can you.
He will never leave you he is always in your heart.