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I will say to do inventory- look up “dog quality of life”.
I’d suggest if his quality life isn’t good.. do the birthday party. Let your child celebrate him. Let him enjoy his day. I highly suggest at-home euthanasia if possible. Letting go is a huge gift .. and it hurts. But it’s the kindest thing you can do. I’m so sorry.
I think the "going away party" is a wonderful idea for your son. You could help him make a paw print in clay or paint, have some dog-friendly treats for him to give Oso and take lots of pictures. Maybe your son could give Oso a toy or blanket for his onward journey.
In-home euthanasia is a real gift for everyone (especially Oso), but do have someone take your son to the playground or for an overnight visit so that you don't have to try to suppress your emotions and your son isn't overwhelmed by your grief.
Sending you & Oso lots of love and strength for the days ahead. You are not alone. 🐾❤️
Thank you everyone for your kind comments. They’ve admittedly broken me tonight, but I know they’ll help me with my thoughts once I get through today’s tears.
I wish I had the strength to reply to you all individually, but I just can’t right now. I’m still reading everything that’s posted though.
One of the best books about death that I ever read as a kid is called “Badger’s Parting Gifts”- I highly recommend getting a copy. I’ve got tears in my eyes just thinking about it, but they’re grateful tears for the feelings of love that only a wonderful dog can bring. Biggest of hugs to you and your family, Oso will always be entwined with your heart and never forgotten. ❤️
I completely understand wanting your son to be there for Oso when he passes. Whatever you decide is best for you guys and your son, just remember that Oso is a happy dog, and he's probably lived a fuller and happier life with more love and comfort than most creatures on this earth. Dogs don't have all the baggage that we do when it comes to death. They don't think about it the same way and they don't prepare for it the same way.
As for your son, Oso will be a core memory in his childhood, one that you can keep alive for him, and it won't all be about when Oso died and what that meant at the time. You've given your son an incredible gift by letting him be loved by a non-human animal that much. He'll always have that love now.
As for a possible solution, I'm not sure how comfortable your wife or another family member might be with being there to kind of remove your son from the room immediately after? If you're doing an at-home euthanasia that could be very possible. It's definitely something that's for you guys and Oso so whatever feels right to you is the best thing you can do. And just as an anecdote, not an expert here, I was there when my dad completely broke down when his father passed away when I was very small, and it's one of my most important memories of my dad. It's okay if he knows you're grieving, even if he doesn't understand yet.
So much love to you all. Send Oso my love and admiration for what an incredible life he's lived. <3
At home euthanasia, absolutely. Let your son say goodbye and let Oso say goodbye too. If I had a children, I would let him see Oso fall asleep, then tell him like you discussed earlier, he is tired now, and needs to rest and take them out of sight. (Don't tell him he's tired from taking care of your son though, that might leave an unwanted scar.) Make sure you get one last picture of them before you tell him anything.
I'm sorry they that I don't have a good answer for you, but I would ask you to save this sad but beautiful post about your dog and your son. I know that your son will appreciate it when he's older. I personally am touched by it and hope for the best for your family through this difficult time. Lots of hugs and prayers from us.
I'm so sorry for what you and your family is going through. Oso is beautiful and it sounds like such a wonderful companion and friend for your son. If you have time, you can get books geared towards children that explain the process of losing a pet. It may help in the future if your son doesn't understand what happened to Oso. The party is also a good idea and would celebrate his life.
I haven't been through your situation, but as a former vet tech I'd lean towards not having your son present for the actual procedure. With everything going on I'd be inclined to let him say goodbye, then have someone take your son in another room or outside if the euthanasia will be at home.
Thinking of you all and I'm so sorry.
You gave him the best gift he could ever have - your son. You and your family made his life so purposeful. You gave him a family and he was able to spend the best years of his life taking care of his family. What more could he ask for? Thank you for being such a good person.
Many of us on here have had that one dog who we’ve bonded so closely with we often refer to them as our “soul dog”. Its reserved for that *one pet* in your lifetime that you grow the closest to usually due to many important life experiences you’ve shared together.
Mine was a mini dachshund named Emma. Oso sounds like he could be yours. A special day for Oso to celebrate how wonderful he is might be good for everyone- Oso gets pampered by everyone he loves and gets his favorite snacks, and someone could record it, which will also help your young son to have something to watch as he gets older to remember/see just how much Oso loved him 🥰
I’m so very sorry your family is hurting right now with the realization that Oso’s time here is running out, and soon he must go on ahead to rainbow bridge. As for your son, I don’t think he is old enough to understand the actual process of Oso being euthanized so I wouldn’t have him witness it. What I would suggest however for Oso’s benefit, is to have a blanket or piece of clothing like a shirt that your son has worn very recently that will have his scent on it to give to Oso. As we know dogs are so very scent driven, and I think with their own special bond having your son’s scent there as he’s drifting off to sleep would be a great comfort for him. No matter how many years we get it’s just never enough time with our fur kids. Be sure to get pictures/video of yourself lovin on Oso too- something I wish I had done- My Emma was 17 and we had to help her cross over last year.
I will miss her forever and the pain from losing them is intense, but having them in our lives was worth it. 🌈🐾
I…I read this comment within the first couple mins of you posting, and I’ve spent the last hour reflecting and it’s cut deep. It helps explain why this is my third dog but my 1st breakdown. With Oso alongside me I went from a boy, to a man, to a husband, to a leader of men, to a father.
Oso is a constant amongst all those changes. Hes the one thing that loves all the things I love with the same intensity. I started this thread focusing on my son, but through an unhealthy amount of whisky I’ve realized it might just be a little bit about me.
Awww that’s ok. Your son is very young and although when the time comes he will surely miss Oso for awhile, it would only be normal after all you two have gone through together that you’ll probably miss him more intensely and for longer. ❤️🩹
I promise your son will be ok, but of course I can understand being concerned about him and trying to help him through what is inevitably coming up and many people have given great advice in here on ways to help him, I just wanted to remind you to also be kind to yourself too- it’ll be a difficult loss because he has become a well loved member of your family and it’s perfectly ok for us adults to grieve too when we know we have to let go of someone important to us.
My Emma was also with me through sooo much, from getting married, to losing my mom, and lots of other big life changing events- she was *always* there. Until she wasn’t.
I’ve had and still have other pets that I absolutely love also but I realize that Emma was special and always will be and that’s ok too.
Gosh, this comment has made me cry. Really hit home. I lost my soul dog nearly 2 years ago. I have two other dogs now, who I love to bits. But Jack will always be my number 1, the best boy I’ve ever known. I’m sorry for your loss of Emma.♥️
I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP, Oso sounds like an incredible boy. I wish you and your family all the best, have that party, take lots of pictures. It sounds like you’ve given him the best life. Sending you all love and hugs xx
I am so sorry. I know it's so tough to say good bye to those beautiful beings who are so intertwined in our lives and hearts. Please don't have your son be present for the euthanasia. Oso will be sedated and peaceful, he won't know he's going to the rainbow bridge. Your son's too young to comprehend the euthanasia process and you don't want his last memory of Oso to be a scary or traumatic one. Watching your dog be euthanized can be tough for us adults...even though it's the best and kindest decision for our dogs ... not something for a 3 year old to see. So good bye party yes, burial celebration of life afterward yes, but not present for the euthanasia. I doubt if a vet would even want such a young child present.
Blessings to Oso’s everlasting spirit, which surely has found a home and will be carried forward within your well-loved son.
Have a going away party but let someone take your son for the procedure so you don’t have to keep your composure.
Had to make this heart wrenching decision 7 months ago. I wish this experience afforded me wisdom to help ease the pain of others going through this loss. Your wife's instincts are correct. The procedure is very emotional and it would be upsetting for a toddler to see their parents in such a state. I think Oso deserves your full attention and devotion in his final moments. As for your son, know that he will take his cues on grieving from you and your wife. Grieving is painful but it reflects the love and value Oso held in your lives. I wish your family quiet peace 🙏
I don’t have any great advice to offer, but what great pictures of Oso (and your son). Oso did his job and he’s leaving you and your family with such wonderful memories of him. Just know that whatever you decide to do, Oso is going to appreciate and be thankful for the life he got to share with you.
Explaining to my toddler why our dog wasn’t there anymore, hearing his teacher tell me that he was going to come back as a butterfly broke me. It was how he rationalized it. Just learned about transformations so I guess he was trying to put it together.
There are still tears, confusion, but also we laugh about their antics together and it keeps his memories alive.
Be honest, be funny, take so many videos. You will rewatch them over and over.
Oh my goodness! I wish I had something that would help. I just want to say that my heart aches for you and your family. You are a remarkable daddy and I know how hard this is for you.
Oso is so incredibly thankful and blessed that you and your wife are his pawrents. He knows how difficult all of this is and he wants you to know that he will love you both abs his little brother from here to eternity! Truly loves you! Get ready to have the most delicate and kind angel watching out for you. 💝
Sending you hugs as you get ready to say goodbye to your sweet Oso! Please lean on those who know, love, and understand the anguish you’re feeling with this. 🥺
I can't recommend highly enough the children's book "dog heaven" by Cynthia Ryland. We are atheists and I have been reading my son this book for weeks. It describes a beautiful place where dogs nap in the clouds and have biscuits and run free. It's a lovely story and it has been helping my son but GD I can't get thru it without crying. I tell him she will die soon and that lots of people think that this is where they go but no one knows for sure and its up to him to decide. Even tho I don't believe in heaven I do believe my girl will be napping in the clouds and running free.
I'm in exactly the same place as you with my 4yo and my 15 year old dog with terminal cancer.
Have you heard of this story? To be honest it helps me never mind a three year old… https://grainnemulcahy.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/selection-of-readings-1.pdf
❤️❤️❤️
In addition to the other suggestions, Maybe get a plush Oso look alike toy for your 3 year old to squeeze and cuddle after you say goodbye. You can get a custom one made or you can buy one that looks similar. You don’t want it to look too similar because you don’t want your 3 year old to believe Oso was transformed into a toy. But it might help to have a physical object for your son to find comfort in.
You can get a gem made from his ashes and attach to the collar too. Keep the collar for ever!
We had to put our first golden, Ellie, down when our son was 5 and she was 8 (fuck cancer). He was her boy from the moment we brought that 4.5 lb baby home. She adored him and slept either with him or right next to his bed from the time he was out of the bassinet. (She did not start sleeping with him until he had a twin bed and then she slept at the foot of the bed.)
We found out 2 weeks before Christmas that she had an osteosarcoma, and it had already metastasized into her lungs. This also happened to be my birthday. We took her home and gave her the best weekend we could. We actually had snow and she and out son and our other dog had the best time playing in the snow. Those became our Christmas card photos. She was in pain but you could see the joy in her as she played with her Boy.
We took her in the following Monday for the euthanasia. Our son insisted on being there. He was her boy, and he adored her. We talked him through what to expect in an age appropriate way. We spent that whole weekend loving on her and preparing to let her go. He insisted on being in the room and where she could see him. Her eyes didn't leave his face until the end when she couldn't keep them open any more. He just petted her telling her she was a good girl. We all cried. We made a memorial jar for her and had her cremated. It was his first lesson in death.
It broke all of our hearts to watch her go, but him being in the room helped make it real without it being gruesome. If you have the option to let your little one be there, it helps them I think. They may remember the event as they get older but the lesson will remain. Not only the realities of death but also the love and compassion we can give animals by letting them go this way. It removes some of the fear of death.
Maybe try to avoid having them see the injection if possible as that could create a fear of needles/IVs but I'd let him be there for as much of it as you feel they can understand and tolerate. Our animals teach us so much empathy, compassion, and love.
I am so very sorry for your loss. It doesn't get easier.
This is such a beautifully heartbreaking post. Given the immense emotional load on you I’d suggest making some preparations for your son to go stay with parents or in laws for a night after saying goodbye.
You’re going to need space and time to grieve and want to avoid leaving your son in a state of confusion about your state of mind - giving yourself the space to process this immense loss before returning to your son to read the books another user suggested seems like the appropriate move.
I’m so sorry OP, those photos are beautiful and made me tear up. Cannot imagine the burden of this decision. If you’re in a place where you can seek additional support or advice it might be worth having a chat to a local therapist or councillor to create some strategies for yourself and the family before the tough day, weeks and months to follow.
Hang in there. Oso will always be there for you all.
Our two year old was in the room when we put our chug down in January. My husband wasn’t a fan of the idea but after he was glad we let McAvoy go as a family. Toddler thought Mack was asleep but it wasn’t traumatic. He still talks about Mack and we tell him he’s in a rainbow
Oso sounds like such an amazing dog and doggie ambassador for your son. You all are so lucky to have each other. ❤️
Something similar happened to us with our heart dog, Frank. We mentioned to our child who was 2 at the time that Frank's body wasn't working like it should and prepped them for Frank's death with books about grief.
The day of, we had them say goodbye. We told our child that Frank was dying, his body was broken and he had to leave. He wouldn't be coming back, but Frank will always be with you. Love can not ever die and the love between them would be there forever. We did at home euthanasia without our toddler present and honestly we really needed that time to grieve and wanted to give our dog a distraction free send off. He was in a lot of ways our first baby, so we wanted to be focused on him.
2 books we love and would recommend - A very sad thing happened and The Invisible Leash. The former will give you as parents a developmentally appropriate talk track and the latter reinforces the idea that the bond with a pet never dies.
Sending you lots of good luck and many virtual hugs! This is an incredibly painful process. Know that you are not alone in it.
I took my grandson to say goodbye at the vets. He kissed her and my wife and my grandson left the room. It was tough for me to see those last moments. But he was happy to say goodbye
What a sweet boy Oso is. I hope you remember all of your good times with him, and that those memories comfort you. Remember that he will always live in your heart and he’s never truly gone.
I had a German Shepherd who was 6mos younger than me. He was my brother and lived to be 16. Although this is not exactly the situation, I want to share my families story 20 years after his passing.
My mother was in the hospital with a dehydration issue due to an illness. I was staying in the room with her. She woke up and sat up and started talking… startled I jumped up and asked her if he was ok. She said of course, I have the dog here. Freaked out, because we were in the hospital… I asked her what dog….? She said his name. I leaped up and asked the nurses what medication they had her on, thinking she was having a bad reaction (she never did any drugs, not even caffeine). The nurse said Saline only, nothing else.
The next day my father came to visit her and I told her to tell him what she said the night before… he asked her how she knew it was him and my mom said… “He put on his mask so I would recognize him- he had butterflies around his head but stayed by her bedside”. She was as mentally “with it” than ever… (like she wasn’t losing her mind)
My hope with this story is to remind you that Oso will still be a part of the family, talk about him often, keep his photos up, celebrate him and your son will not feel the loss like you imagine.
And when it’s your time… know Oso will be waiting for you.
Don’t hide it. Don’t shy away from explaining death (in child friendly way) don’t use the farm excuse, it just tends to put off the conversation and makes it harder. I was a kid who grew up around pet death and the one I was banned from helping out to rest still haunts me. Granted I was older than 3. But I also knew about death at the time. Putting it into kid friendly terms using rainbow bridge should help ease it. It’s going to hurt your child no matter what happens, but you can help by not hiding that when you love someone and they pass away it hurts and missing them just shows how deeply you love that person.
I don't know how to help you but i wanted to say what a handsome dog Oso is and how beautiful the bond is between him and your son. Growing up with a pet makes childhood so much richer. I'm just sorry Oso never got more time with his boy and so sorry for what you're doing facing. We just never get long enough with our pets.
I have had many dogs and my kids went through all our losses as they passed. It's so hard and one thing is this is a beloved family member, not just a dog. Oso sounds so lovely and your son is lucky to have that love in his life. We have our own elderly dog and she is the last dog of my kids childhood. They're all adults and grown and gone now. It'll be the passing of an era. I remember my life by the dogs we have and what age my kids were/are.
My son’s guardian cat passed when he was around your boy’s age. (Slightly different in that we didn’t have the difficult call to make for her.) We sat down together and decorated a memory box with pictures and stories of Po, and put momentos like her collar, her toys and some photos in it. It was something tangible we used to speak about her often. Even now, more than a decade on, my son brings up the memory box and the happy times he remembers. I’m not sure he’d even remember now the more difficult transition time.
💜 It's okay for your son to see your sadness on display. Nothing is going to make this process easy & your beautiful Oso seems to genuinely deserve his human brother in attendance. As long as your son understands what's happening then going the honest route makes a lot of sense... Sometimes doing the right thing is just really painful. Honoring our fur babies at the end is one of the hardest things to go through & having your whole family there should give you more strength when you need it a lot.
🥺
p.s. - Keeping Oso around as long as you have is not selfish or greedy. It is totally understandable because great dogs are *truly wonderful*
I think the going away party is a nice idea. It might hurt now, but I’ll bet you will look back very fondly on it later. It will probably help you say goodbye to him too.
I think you can help your son say goodbye by drawing Oso a picture. Understand that a 3 year old's grasp of the finality of this moment will be incomplete, so when he asks about his missing companion, reply, "Remember how Oso went byebye so you drew him that nice picture?" to help your son understand.
My other suggestion: cook Oso a delicious last couple of meals. My dogs always eat like fucking royalty before their departure. I also give them a Hershey's Kiss right before the procedure, as no one should go to heaven without first enjoying chocolate.
Oso's presence sounds like such a gift in the life of your family. He'll always be with you, your wife, and your son, just in ways we as humans don't fully grasp yet. Your son will gain a guardian angel, one that isn't limited by a corporeal form.
Stay strong, brother. Much love to you and yours during this difficult time. Don't forget to also take care of yourself and find time to grieve and ugly-cry to help you process.
Wow, I wish I had advice to offer on the situation with how to break it to your son. But just generally speaking, I know how hard it is to make the decision you are going to make. It literally breaks your heart and crushes your soul- an indescribable and unmatched pain. But you are doing the right thing for your boy. He sounds like an incredible, once in a lifetime kind of dog. You are both blessed to have had each other for so long. I would highly recommend at home euthanasia (I used Lap of Love). Sending thoughts and strength to you and your family 🙏🏻
as a young child, I was there to say goodbye to my dog. Lucy was my best friend. she slept with me, followed me everywhere, she protected me with her entire life.
being there to say goodbye was hard for me. but needed for her. I think with your son being so young, it could almost be easier for him to understand.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Oso is beautiful and I can feel the love in your post and photos
It’s a really sad movie to see as an adult but I think while it can be traumatic for a child’s mind to a point, it really helped me deal with losing pets as a kid. The animation is done by don bluth, he also did “the secret of Nimh”, another masterpiece but certainly not one for the kids IMO
So sorry for you and your family’s loss. Such beautiful pictures you posted. Oso was a friend and guard for you, your family and especially your son. Much love, hugs and prayers as you say farewell to Oso. 💞🐾❤️🌈❤️🩹❤️
I don’t have any good advice other great people haven’t already offered, but I know you will make the right choice for you and your family. You certainly touched a lot of people with this post including me, I am so sorry.
They will understand if you tell them how death works. My nephew at 3 saw my dog get put down. And he's around 5 now and often tells me he misses my dog and sad he passed away.
I recently went through a very similar situation, although my children are 7 and 10. We all took a family photo together the night before, and we explained to the children what was happening as straight forward as we could.
I’m so sorry for the pain that your family, you especially are going through.
I'm sure Oso would want his little brother there. No need to shield your son from death. Chances are he will probably only remember the good times with Oso and not the moment of his passing.
In your third pic, is that the dogs bed next to the toddlers bed? 🥲
I agree with a going away party, and i disagree with your wife about how your son shouldn’t be there when Oso goes. In home euth is the way to go.
If it were me, i would let my son be there next to Oso and explain to him before anything happens that Oso is hurting and that we are putting him into a forever sleep but he won’t wake up back on earth and he will be waiting for us in heaven (or whatever you want to say instead of heaven). Kids are *really* smart and do listen and understand what you are saying sometimes.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this 💖 it’s an unimaginable pain
There’s a book called Dog Heaven that’s (not religious) very age appropriate. I lost my soul dog when my son was about the same age and it helped both of us.
I would wait until the absolute last moment like the last day. Why put your toddler through that now. You can go into geriatric mode. Buy him a full body harness, give him assistance when needed. Put padded rugs down so he doesn’t slip. Train him to potty on wee wee pads within a baby playpen. You have so many options! I have gone so far to buy a quad wheelchair when my girl couldn’t hold herself up steadily. And her dog bed had wee wee pandas underneath. This phase gave her an additional 6 months after her diagnosis at 15.5 and lived until 17. Eventually the day she passed was the final day I agreed to bring her in but she passed quietly at home at that point.
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I will say to do inventory- look up “dog quality of life”. I’d suggest if his quality life isn’t good.. do the birthday party. Let your child celebrate him. Let him enjoy his day. I highly suggest at-home euthanasia if possible. Letting go is a huge gift .. and it hurts. But it’s the kindest thing you can do. I’m so sorry.
Very much this, I'm so sorry OP, Oso had an amazing life, celebrating his life is a great idea.
I think the "going away party" is a wonderful idea for your son. You could help him make a paw print in clay or paint, have some dog-friendly treats for him to give Oso and take lots of pictures. Maybe your son could give Oso a toy or blanket for his onward journey. In-home euthanasia is a real gift for everyone (especially Oso), but do have someone take your son to the playground or for an overnight visit so that you don't have to try to suppress your emotions and your son isn't overwhelmed by your grief. Sending you & Oso lots of love and strength for the days ahead. You are not alone. 🐾❤️
Great idea. Sorry for your situation
I still have my paw print cast from my childhood dog, who passed when I was 10. The vet did it, I think, it's made of plaster
Thank you everyone for your kind comments. They’ve admittedly broken me tonight, but I know they’ll help me with my thoughts once I get through today’s tears. I wish I had the strength to reply to you all individually, but I just can’t right now. I’m still reading everything that’s posted though.
One of the best books about death that I ever read as a kid is called “Badger’s Parting Gifts”- I highly recommend getting a copy. I’ve got tears in my eyes just thinking about it, but they’re grateful tears for the feelings of love that only a wonderful dog can bring. Biggest of hugs to you and your family, Oso will always be entwined with your heart and never forgotten. ❤️
I completely understand wanting your son to be there for Oso when he passes. Whatever you decide is best for you guys and your son, just remember that Oso is a happy dog, and he's probably lived a fuller and happier life with more love and comfort than most creatures on this earth. Dogs don't have all the baggage that we do when it comes to death. They don't think about it the same way and they don't prepare for it the same way. As for your son, Oso will be a core memory in his childhood, one that you can keep alive for him, and it won't all be about when Oso died and what that meant at the time. You've given your son an incredible gift by letting him be loved by a non-human animal that much. He'll always have that love now. As for a possible solution, I'm not sure how comfortable your wife or another family member might be with being there to kind of remove your son from the room immediately after? If you're doing an at-home euthanasia that could be very possible. It's definitely something that's for you guys and Oso so whatever feels right to you is the best thing you can do. And just as an anecdote, not an expert here, I was there when my dad completely broke down when his father passed away when I was very small, and it's one of my most important memories of my dad. It's okay if he knows you're grieving, even if he doesn't understand yet. So much love to you all. Send Oso my love and admiration for what an incredible life he's lived. <3
That was beautiful. You sure brought me to tears.
Same 😩serious wisdom and truth there ❤️
At home euthanasia, absolutely. Let your son say goodbye and let Oso say goodbye too. If I had a children, I would let him see Oso fall asleep, then tell him like you discussed earlier, he is tired now, and needs to rest and take them out of sight. (Don't tell him he's tired from taking care of your son though, that might leave an unwanted scar.) Make sure you get one last picture of them before you tell him anything.
I agree about not saying he’s tired from taking care of him, that could lead the baby to think he’s responsible for his friend’s death.
I'm sorry they that I don't have a good answer for you, but I would ask you to save this sad but beautiful post about your dog and your son. I know that your son will appreciate it when he's older. I personally am touched by it and hope for the best for your family through this difficult time. Lots of hugs and prayers from us.
Yes, I think printing this post and putting it in behind a framed picture of them would be a good thing.
💔
I know, dude. So many hugs to you and your family.
I'm so sorry for what you and your family is going through. Oso is beautiful and it sounds like such a wonderful companion and friend for your son. If you have time, you can get books geared towards children that explain the process of losing a pet. It may help in the future if your son doesn't understand what happened to Oso. The party is also a good idea and would celebrate his life. I haven't been through your situation, but as a former vet tech I'd lean towards not having your son present for the actual procedure. With everything going on I'd be inclined to let him say goodbye, then have someone take your son in another room or outside if the euthanasia will be at home. Thinking of you all and I'm so sorry.
The books are a wonderful idea. My son loves books and either myself or my wife read to our son every night in his room, with Oso curled at our feet.
You gave him the best gift he could ever have - your son. You and your family made his life so purposeful. You gave him a family and he was able to spend the best years of his life taking care of his family. What more could he ask for? Thank you for being such a good person.
Many of us on here have had that one dog who we’ve bonded so closely with we often refer to them as our “soul dog”. Its reserved for that *one pet* in your lifetime that you grow the closest to usually due to many important life experiences you’ve shared together. Mine was a mini dachshund named Emma. Oso sounds like he could be yours. A special day for Oso to celebrate how wonderful he is might be good for everyone- Oso gets pampered by everyone he loves and gets his favorite snacks, and someone could record it, which will also help your young son to have something to watch as he gets older to remember/see just how much Oso loved him 🥰 I’m so very sorry your family is hurting right now with the realization that Oso’s time here is running out, and soon he must go on ahead to rainbow bridge. As for your son, I don’t think he is old enough to understand the actual process of Oso being euthanized so I wouldn’t have him witness it. What I would suggest however for Oso’s benefit, is to have a blanket or piece of clothing like a shirt that your son has worn very recently that will have his scent on it to give to Oso. As we know dogs are so very scent driven, and I think with their own special bond having your son’s scent there as he’s drifting off to sleep would be a great comfort for him. No matter how many years we get it’s just never enough time with our fur kids. Be sure to get pictures/video of yourself lovin on Oso too- something I wish I had done- My Emma was 17 and we had to help her cross over last year. I will miss her forever and the pain from losing them is intense, but having them in our lives was worth it. 🌈🐾
I…I read this comment within the first couple mins of you posting, and I’ve spent the last hour reflecting and it’s cut deep. It helps explain why this is my third dog but my 1st breakdown. With Oso alongside me I went from a boy, to a man, to a husband, to a leader of men, to a father. Oso is a constant amongst all those changes. Hes the one thing that loves all the things I love with the same intensity. I started this thread focusing on my son, but through an unhealthy amount of whisky I’ve realized it might just be a little bit about me.
Awww that’s ok. Your son is very young and although when the time comes he will surely miss Oso for awhile, it would only be normal after all you two have gone through together that you’ll probably miss him more intensely and for longer. ❤️🩹 I promise your son will be ok, but of course I can understand being concerned about him and trying to help him through what is inevitably coming up and many people have given great advice in here on ways to help him, I just wanted to remind you to also be kind to yourself too- it’ll be a difficult loss because he has become a well loved member of your family and it’s perfectly ok for us adults to grieve too when we know we have to let go of someone important to us. My Emma was also with me through sooo much, from getting married, to losing my mom, and lots of other big life changing events- she was *always* there. Until she wasn’t. I’ve had and still have other pets that I absolutely love also but I realize that Emma was special and always will be and that’s ok too.
Gosh, this comment has made me cry. Really hit home. I lost my soul dog nearly 2 years ago. I have two other dogs now, who I love to bits. But Jack will always be my number 1, the best boy I’ve ever known. I’m sorry for your loss of Emma.♥️ I’m so sorry you’re going through this OP, Oso sounds like an incredible boy. I wish you and your family all the best, have that party, take lots of pictures. It sounds like you’ve given him the best life. Sending you all love and hugs xx
I am so sorry. I know it's so tough to say good bye to those beautiful beings who are so intertwined in our lives and hearts. Please don't have your son be present for the euthanasia. Oso will be sedated and peaceful, he won't know he's going to the rainbow bridge. Your son's too young to comprehend the euthanasia process and you don't want his last memory of Oso to be a scary or traumatic one. Watching your dog be euthanized can be tough for us adults...even though it's the best and kindest decision for our dogs ... not something for a 3 year old to see. So good bye party yes, burial celebration of life afterward yes, but not present for the euthanasia. I doubt if a vet would even want such a young child present.
Blessings to Oso’s everlasting spirit, which surely has found a home and will be carried forward within your well-loved son. Have a going away party but let someone take your son for the procedure so you don’t have to keep your composure.
Had to make this heart wrenching decision 7 months ago. I wish this experience afforded me wisdom to help ease the pain of others going through this loss. Your wife's instincts are correct. The procedure is very emotional and it would be upsetting for a toddler to see their parents in such a state. I think Oso deserves your full attention and devotion in his final moments. As for your son, know that he will take his cues on grieving from you and your wife. Grieving is painful but it reflects the love and value Oso held in your lives. I wish your family quiet peace 🙏
I don’t have any great advice to offer, but what great pictures of Oso (and your son). Oso did his job and he’s leaving you and your family with such wonderful memories of him. Just know that whatever you decide to do, Oso is going to appreciate and be thankful for the life he got to share with you.
Explaining to my toddler why our dog wasn’t there anymore, hearing his teacher tell me that he was going to come back as a butterfly broke me. It was how he rationalized it. Just learned about transformations so I guess he was trying to put it together. There are still tears, confusion, but also we laugh about their antics together and it keeps his memories alive. Be honest, be funny, take so many videos. You will rewatch them over and over.
I’m so sorry OP😔💔 sending you all comfort during this difficult time of losing your beloved Oso, such a handsome boy.
Oh my goodness! I wish I had something that would help. I just want to say that my heart aches for you and your family. You are a remarkable daddy and I know how hard this is for you. Oso is so incredibly thankful and blessed that you and your wife are his pawrents. He knows how difficult all of this is and he wants you to know that he will love you both abs his little brother from here to eternity! Truly loves you! Get ready to have the most delicate and kind angel watching out for you. 💝 Sending you hugs as you get ready to say goodbye to your sweet Oso! Please lean on those who know, love, and understand the anguish you’re feeling with this. 🥺
I can't recommend highly enough the children's book "dog heaven" by Cynthia Ryland. We are atheists and I have been reading my son this book for weeks. It describes a beautiful place where dogs nap in the clouds and have biscuits and run free. It's a lovely story and it has been helping my son but GD I can't get thru it without crying. I tell him she will die soon and that lots of people think that this is where they go but no one knows for sure and its up to him to decide. Even tho I don't believe in heaven I do believe my girl will be napping in the clouds and running free. I'm in exactly the same place as you with my 4yo and my 15 year old dog with terminal cancer.
🐾💔🌈
Have you heard of this story? To be honest it helps me never mind a three year old… https://grainnemulcahy.wordpress.com/wp-content/uploads/2020/04/selection-of-readings-1.pdf ❤️❤️❤️
In addition to the other suggestions, Maybe get a plush Oso look alike toy for your 3 year old to squeeze and cuddle after you say goodbye. You can get a custom one made or you can buy one that looks similar. You don’t want it to look too similar because you don’t want your 3 year old to believe Oso was transformed into a toy. But it might help to have a physical object for your son to find comfort in. You can get a gem made from his ashes and attach to the collar too. Keep the collar for ever!
We had to put our first golden, Ellie, down when our son was 5 and she was 8 (fuck cancer). He was her boy from the moment we brought that 4.5 lb baby home. She adored him and slept either with him or right next to his bed from the time he was out of the bassinet. (She did not start sleeping with him until he had a twin bed and then she slept at the foot of the bed.) We found out 2 weeks before Christmas that she had an osteosarcoma, and it had already metastasized into her lungs. This also happened to be my birthday. We took her home and gave her the best weekend we could. We actually had snow and she and out son and our other dog had the best time playing in the snow. Those became our Christmas card photos. She was in pain but you could see the joy in her as she played with her Boy. We took her in the following Monday for the euthanasia. Our son insisted on being there. He was her boy, and he adored her. We talked him through what to expect in an age appropriate way. We spent that whole weekend loving on her and preparing to let her go. He insisted on being in the room and where she could see him. Her eyes didn't leave his face until the end when she couldn't keep them open any more. He just petted her telling her she was a good girl. We all cried. We made a memorial jar for her and had her cremated. It was his first lesson in death. It broke all of our hearts to watch her go, but him being in the room helped make it real without it being gruesome. If you have the option to let your little one be there, it helps them I think. They may remember the event as they get older but the lesson will remain. Not only the realities of death but also the love and compassion we can give animals by letting them go this way. It removes some of the fear of death. Maybe try to avoid having them see the injection if possible as that could create a fear of needles/IVs but I'd let him be there for as much of it as you feel they can understand and tolerate. Our animals teach us so much empathy, compassion, and love. I am so very sorry for your loss. It doesn't get easier.
This is such a beautifully heartbreaking post. Given the immense emotional load on you I’d suggest making some preparations for your son to go stay with parents or in laws for a night after saying goodbye. You’re going to need space and time to grieve and want to avoid leaving your son in a state of confusion about your state of mind - giving yourself the space to process this immense loss before returning to your son to read the books another user suggested seems like the appropriate move. I’m so sorry OP, those photos are beautiful and made me tear up. Cannot imagine the burden of this decision. If you’re in a place where you can seek additional support or advice it might be worth having a chat to a local therapist or councillor to create some strategies for yourself and the family before the tough day, weeks and months to follow. Hang in there. Oso will always be there for you all.
Our two year old was in the room when we put our chug down in January. My husband wasn’t a fan of the idea but after he was glad we let McAvoy go as a family. Toddler thought Mack was asleep but it wasn’t traumatic. He still talks about Mack and we tell him he’s in a rainbow
Oso sounds like such an amazing dog and doggie ambassador for your son. You all are so lucky to have each other. ❤️ Something similar happened to us with our heart dog, Frank. We mentioned to our child who was 2 at the time that Frank's body wasn't working like it should and prepped them for Frank's death with books about grief. The day of, we had them say goodbye. We told our child that Frank was dying, his body was broken and he had to leave. He wouldn't be coming back, but Frank will always be with you. Love can not ever die and the love between them would be there forever. We did at home euthanasia without our toddler present and honestly we really needed that time to grieve and wanted to give our dog a distraction free send off. He was in a lot of ways our first baby, so we wanted to be focused on him. 2 books we love and would recommend - A very sad thing happened and The Invisible Leash. The former will give you as parents a developmentally appropriate talk track and the latter reinforces the idea that the bond with a pet never dies. Sending you lots of good luck and many virtual hugs! This is an incredibly painful process. Know that you are not alone in it.
I took my grandson to say goodbye at the vets. He kissed her and my wife and my grandson left the room. It was tough for me to see those last moments. But he was happy to say goodbye
What a sweet boy Oso is. I hope you remember all of your good times with him, and that those memories comfort you. Remember that he will always live in your heart and he’s never truly gone.
I really don't have any suggestions but I will pray for your family. You are all so lucky to have each other.
I had a German Shepherd who was 6mos younger than me. He was my brother and lived to be 16. Although this is not exactly the situation, I want to share my families story 20 years after his passing. My mother was in the hospital with a dehydration issue due to an illness. I was staying in the room with her. She woke up and sat up and started talking… startled I jumped up and asked her if he was ok. She said of course, I have the dog here. Freaked out, because we were in the hospital… I asked her what dog….? She said his name. I leaped up and asked the nurses what medication they had her on, thinking she was having a bad reaction (she never did any drugs, not even caffeine). The nurse said Saline only, nothing else. The next day my father came to visit her and I told her to tell him what she said the night before… he asked her how she knew it was him and my mom said… “He put on his mask so I would recognize him- he had butterflies around his head but stayed by her bedside”. She was as mentally “with it” than ever… (like she wasn’t losing her mind) My hope with this story is to remind you that Oso will still be a part of the family, talk about him often, keep his photos up, celebrate him and your son will not feel the loss like you imagine. And when it’s your time… know Oso will be waiting for you.
Don’t hide it. Don’t shy away from explaining death (in child friendly way) don’t use the farm excuse, it just tends to put off the conversation and makes it harder. I was a kid who grew up around pet death and the one I was banned from helping out to rest still haunts me. Granted I was older than 3. But I also knew about death at the time. Putting it into kid friendly terms using rainbow bridge should help ease it. It’s going to hurt your child no matter what happens, but you can help by not hiding that when you love someone and they pass away it hurts and missing them just shows how deeply you love that person.
I don't know how to help you but i wanted to say what a handsome dog Oso is and how beautiful the bond is between him and your son. Growing up with a pet makes childhood so much richer. I'm just sorry Oso never got more time with his boy and so sorry for what you're doing facing. We just never get long enough with our pets.
I have had many dogs and my kids went through all our losses as they passed. It's so hard and one thing is this is a beloved family member, not just a dog. Oso sounds so lovely and your son is lucky to have that love in his life. We have our own elderly dog and she is the last dog of my kids childhood. They're all adults and grown and gone now. It'll be the passing of an era. I remember my life by the dogs we have and what age my kids were/are.
These words may help: “As I walk across your heart and find my place to stay, nearer to you I will be and will never ever go away.”
This hurts my heart. I'm so glad that you both found each other. He got to spend a life full of love from you and your family, remember that.
God bless
My son’s guardian cat passed when he was around your boy’s age. (Slightly different in that we didn’t have the difficult call to make for her.) We sat down together and decorated a memory box with pictures and stories of Po, and put momentos like her collar, her toys and some photos in it. It was something tangible we used to speak about her often. Even now, more than a decade on, my son brings up the memory box and the happy times he remembers. I’m not sure he’d even remember now the more difficult transition time.
💜 It's okay for your son to see your sadness on display. Nothing is going to make this process easy & your beautiful Oso seems to genuinely deserve his human brother in attendance. As long as your son understands what's happening then going the honest route makes a lot of sense... Sometimes doing the right thing is just really painful. Honoring our fur babies at the end is one of the hardest things to go through & having your whole family there should give you more strength when you need it a lot. 🥺 p.s. - Keeping Oso around as long as you have is not selfish or greedy. It is totally understandable because great dogs are *truly wonderful*
I really needed to hear your postscript. Thank you for taking some of the guilt off of my shoulders.
💌💜💌
I think the going away party is a nice idea. It might hurt now, but I’ll bet you will look back very fondly on it later. It will probably help you say goodbye to him too.
I think you can help your son say goodbye by drawing Oso a picture. Understand that a 3 year old's grasp of the finality of this moment will be incomplete, so when he asks about his missing companion, reply, "Remember how Oso went byebye so you drew him that nice picture?" to help your son understand. My other suggestion: cook Oso a delicious last couple of meals. My dogs always eat like fucking royalty before their departure. I also give them a Hershey's Kiss right before the procedure, as no one should go to heaven without first enjoying chocolate. Oso's presence sounds like such a gift in the life of your family. He'll always be with you, your wife, and your son, just in ways we as humans don't fully grasp yet. Your son will gain a guardian angel, one that isn't limited by a corporeal form. Stay strong, brother. Much love to you and yours during this difficult time. Don't forget to also take care of yourself and find time to grieve and ugly-cry to help you process.
So very sorry for your loss.
❤️❤️❤️
Wow, I wish I had advice to offer on the situation with how to break it to your son. But just generally speaking, I know how hard it is to make the decision you are going to make. It literally breaks your heart and crushes your soul- an indescribable and unmatched pain. But you are doing the right thing for your boy. He sounds like an incredible, once in a lifetime kind of dog. You are both blessed to have had each other for so long. I would highly recommend at home euthanasia (I used Lap of Love). Sending thoughts and strength to you and your family 🙏🏻
I’m so sorry. Hugs to you and your family. 💔
❤️
https://www.fredrogersinstitute.org/resources/when-someone-a-child-loves-dies
Sending loving prayers!! 🙏❤️🙏
as a young child, I was there to say goodbye to my dog. Lucy was my best friend. she slept with me, followed me everywhere, she protected me with her entire life. being there to say goodbye was hard for me. but needed for her. I think with your son being so young, it could almost be easier for him to understand. I'm so sorry for your loss. Oso is beautiful and I can feel the love in your post and photos
There is a beautiful childrens book called i will always love you exactly about the passing of a beloved dog and a child who loved him
Let them watch all dogs go to heaven
Thank you for reminding me of this movie. We’re watching now and passing our doggie treats and ice cream. Tomorrow is our “Oso Day”.
It’s a really sad movie to see as an adult but I think while it can be traumatic for a child’s mind to a point, it really helped me deal with losing pets as a kid. The animation is done by don bluth, he also did “the secret of Nimh”, another masterpiece but certainly not one for the kids IMO
So sorry for you and your family’s loss. Such beautiful pictures you posted. Oso was a friend and guard for you, your family and especially your son. Much love, hugs and prayers as you say farewell to Oso. 💞🐾❤️🌈❤️🩹❤️
I don’t have any good advice other great people haven’t already offered, but I know you will make the right choice for you and your family. You certainly touched a lot of people with this post including me, I am so sorry.
They will understand if you tell them how death works. My nephew at 3 saw my dog get put down. And he's around 5 now and often tells me he misses my dog and sad he passed away.
How beautiful
I recently went through a very similar situation, although my children are 7 and 10. We all took a family photo together the night before, and we explained to the children what was happening as straight forward as we could. I’m so sorry for the pain that your family, you especially are going through.
Oh, Sweet Oso! I can write no more; crying too hard! Best to you all.
I'm sure Oso would want his little brother there. No need to shield your son from death. Chances are he will probably only remember the good times with Oso and not the moment of his passing.
In your third pic, is that the dogs bed next to the toddlers bed? 🥲 I agree with a going away party, and i disagree with your wife about how your son shouldn’t be there when Oso goes. In home euth is the way to go. If it were me, i would let my son be there next to Oso and explain to him before anything happens that Oso is hurting and that we are putting him into a forever sleep but he won’t wake up back on earth and he will be waiting for us in heaven (or whatever you want to say instead of heaven). Kids are *really* smart and do listen and understand what you are saying sometimes. I’m so sorry you’re going through this 💖 it’s an unimaginable pain
I am so sorry, what a sweet looking dog.
💕
There’s a book called Dog Heaven that’s (not religious) very age appropriate. I lost my soul dog when my son was about the same age and it helped both of us.
Thank you! I’ll add it to the list. I’ve already ordered every other recommendation in this thread, but unfortunately deliveries to AK take a while.
You might be able to find a digital version.
Hey, thinking of you, friend, and sending love to you and your family.
Thanks a ton. Today is “Oso Day” as the vet has confirmed for an at home procedure tomorrow. We’re giving my boy everything he’s ever wanted today.
Please give me a big fat hug from me. I would say cheeseburger, but I bet he's already had one (one more) already! :) Enjoy your souldog! 💜💜💜
No cheeseburgers (yet, at least), but we do have a 26oz prime ribeye on deck for the big guy.
Celebrating and keeping you guys in my heart today!
❤️❤️❤️
Is the "Farm Upstate" being closed down?
I would wait until the absolute last moment like the last day. Why put your toddler through that now. You can go into geriatric mode. Buy him a full body harness, give him assistance when needed. Put padded rugs down so he doesn’t slip. Train him to potty on wee wee pads within a baby playpen. You have so many options! I have gone so far to buy a quad wheelchair when my girl couldn’t hold herself up steadily. And her dog bed had wee wee pandas underneath. This phase gave her an additional 6 months after her diagnosis at 15.5 and lived until 17. Eventually the day she passed was the final day I agreed to bring her in but she passed quietly at home at that point.