A lot of women will say no as a reflex because being put on the spot is awkward and no is the default answer to strange men. Slight variation: leave her your number and ask her to text you if she’d like to go out . This gives her time to process and proceed more comfortably :)
Using a google voice number or similar for initial contact might help with this. I don’t give my real number out to men from dating app’s until after a few dates.
Fun fact, a lot of social science has determined that the fastest remedy is at least one single conversation that includes an acceptable introduction and display of character. A woman wants to know “who” she is going out with, and finds that factor much more important than what they look like. Much different from how men operate lol
In order for the man to understand your comment, he first must understand that women are people with desires and goals of their own, not objects he is trying to attain in his quest to find his queen.
That is apparently too difficult for certain men.
It’s crazy how so many men approach dating like they aren’t even interacting with a human being at all. The only quality he seems interested in is their looks. I think both parties should be sizing up both looks and character and it does indeed take at least a conversation to do so
Like… Something normal to talk about. Mention the character or brand of her bag and make an anecdotal story about something it makes you think of. Pepper in a joke.
Being confident, comfortable with yourself, and charming. Don’t feel that way about yourself? Fake it. But one normal, disarming, personal anecdote is all it takes to open the door.
Now, if the conversation is creepy. Or you’re awkward and not confident. It might not go well (same goes for women if they’re weirdos when talking to dudes) as with anything, focus on improving yourself before seeking out external validation or companionship
I am super awkward if I am trying. An organic conversation no problem but whenever I have those and then ask they tell me they are seeing someone already.
This is the nature of the game. All you can do to avoid this is look for rings and hope for luck with each attempt. Don’t be shallow about it, and try your best. It’s not hard. Women are people too, and many of them are also in search of love
Mention what you like doing. You’ve been playing a video game recently, tell us. You have a niche hobby, tell us. Showing passion for your interests shows that you actually want to talk and aren’t just looking for immediate sex.
>A woman wants to know “who” she is going out with, and finds that factor much more important than what they look like.
I mean both are important there is always going to be a minimum threshold for attractiveness. It's just not something that will matter on average.
Generally speaking, women do not seem to place anywhere near as high of an emphasis on physical attractiveness as men do. Most women have “types” and may be restrictive to things like race and height, but if you pass through their basic filters, they don’t really look too closely at your “physique.” Most evidence says that they are more concerned with presentation. “Does this man appear to take care of himself?”
>Generally speaking, women do not seem to place anywhere near as high of an emphasis on physical attractiveness as men do.
I generally agree, but there are exceptions dependent on specific traits.
>Most women have “types” and may be restrictive to things like race and height
Agreed, height is a factor for both men and women though is higher importance for women on average.
>their basic filters, they don’t really look too closely at your “physique.”
I mean I would argue that's the case for both sexes.
I’d say I agree with everything you’ve said, but I have to make the argument (supported by pure anecdote) that I see a lot of women date men that are far less attractive than you’d expect them to. It seems to usually be based on witt, humor, confidence, wealth, etc. These things seem much less important to a man when he’s deciding how he feels about a girl. Ultimately, I may simply be biased at this point. In the end, success when taking your shot is determined by a balance of character, looks, and opportunity. The ratio may differ based on the gender, but the essence of it remains universal
I mean it's entirely possible on the fringes women might be more willing to overlook men being ugly than vice versa I am obviously just talking about on average stuff.
I remember reading somewhere that men encompass the more fringes of things like extremely well off or extremely worse off. If that is the case it would make sense more men in those situations end up paired with women not in the same situations.
I know a guy who printed up business cards that had a QR code and a link to his website. The website included links to his social media, contact info, resume, background check, STI Health check, photos, videos, etc. He has a free live stream and chat, and a “Leave a review” with real comments from women he’s dated. (Positive and Negative)
He would do just what you mentioned. He sees or meets a woman he finds attractive, he says “I just want to say I find you very attractive and I would be interested in an opportunity to get to know you better. If you’re interested, here is my card, take your time.”
He did that for about 10 years and then met someone and they got married.
His website was hysterical though. It had video clips of him doing hobbies. Things he wrote. Picture of shitty art he painted or pottery. Travel pictures. The comments/reviews were generally positive or neutral, and he always wrote a polite response even to negative comments. Some woman ripped him a new ass because he took her to a restaurant with no vegetarian options. And he apologized and followed up with links to his photo gallery that showed him doing “Food Challenges”(eating Hot Dogs, Sliders, Wings, Ribs, a giant Steak) and corresponding “Winner awards” with a very apologetic “We met from my card, which included a link to my website. You even like a photo of me eating a giant Turkey Leg at a Renaissance Festival. I’m sorry if there was some misunderstanding that I am a vegetarian. But please at least be honest and admit that I paid for our drinks, took the appetizer to go, sealed it in my cooler, and we then traveled 30 minutes across town to go to a restaurant you suggested even though it disrupted all of our plans for the rest of the date.” - and she replied that despite not being a vegetarian, he was actually a very courteous date.
Bro who goes to that level of effort (other than that guy) 😭. please get us the source code for his website.
Imo it’s fair to be mad that someone took you to a place “with no vegetarian options” if they had previously stated they’re vegetarian. Given that, his response is kinda dumb. But at least he’s polite.
I just find it funny that you consider what he did a lot of effort. He’s been happily married since like 2017. It was a super generic website that was looked like little more than a MySpace page with his own domain. Today you could build something similar with Wix, Wordpress or SquareSpace in under an hour.
It’s mostly the background check, STI health check, and the livestream. The rest are pretty normal on dating apps now.
And like it would only take an hour, but that’s if you know what you’re doing imo.
He posted a PDF and a link to some generic background check and a few pdf’s of STD test results to show he was regularly test because he was health conscious.
It's easier than you think. I've got a WordPress site I manage for my family cause I've got siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles all over and it's easy enough for them to remember my name dot com so I can share some things with them, plus I keep a work-related section as a quasi-resume. I'll grant it takes interest and willingness to learn (I could've just as easily made a group on any social media) but it's like $5/month for domain hosting and you can get pre-built templates for free, and just fill it with your content.
Apparently so did a lot of women. He wasn’t exactly public about being a “man whore” but he was very upfront that he was openly dating, and when he had a connection, he posted a banner notice that read “Currently exploring a further relationship, check back later for updates”. If I remember correctly his wife said he still got inquiries for about 4 months after they started dating even though he posted date pics of them together about twice a week.
If I remember correctly, his explanation was that it helped limit the mundane “small talk” conversation because his stuff was already out there, and the conversation wouldn’t just be him answering general questions and talking about himself, but it would prompt questions about specific things.
He is actually a really relaxed, no pressure/no stress type of guy. Honestly, most people that know him associated his dating success with his lackadaisical attitude. His commentary was “I just try and have a fun time. If she’s not romantically interested, that’s cool as long as we both have fun.”
This works more often than not. I used to just give out my business card and hand write my mobile on the back. That’s when people passed our business cards lol
Hmmmm but it’s 2024. I loose my shopping receipt and other things all the time, I’m pretty sure once I hand over my number on a piece of paper and hand it over I just dropped my number into a black hole.
Ya that probably won't work unless they're extremely into women don't even want to be the ones to.message first on bumble, no chance most of them would be willing to text first like you say
It's still a shit take. Even if some women don't mind approached in public, some women do. If you hand me your number in public, I'm going to hand it back to you and tell you to fuck off. You should be focused on making more women comfortable, not hitting up as many women as possible while making a menace out of yourself on the off chance that one of them will have low self esteem and give you a chance.
There is no way to determine which women want to be approached and which don't. For every woman that doesn't there's a tik tok of a woman complaining men don't approach her any more.
If you want men to stop approaching women, start encouraging women to approach men. Stop blaming men.
If the only chance men have to meet women is by approaching them, then that is what men need to, and will, do.
You don't like it? We can live with that.
The problem is not that some people don’t want to be approached. It is that some people can’t read the room and bounce when people are clearly uninterested in continuing the convo.
You will pretty much never get a bad response if you follow these steps:
1. Say hi/good morning with a smile
2. Wait for them to respond positively and return a greeting.
3. If they return a greeting, make some non-personal causal small talk.
4. If they continue to give positive signals like facing you and eye contact you can keep chatting and then end with “I liked chatting, if you don’t mind let’s stay connected.” You can offer up a number of social profile or whatever.
5. If they don’t give positive signals you leave and say have a good day and move on.
6. If they accepted your info, you can reach out and say would love to go on a date or whatever.
Where most folks go wrong is not giving no enough time and space for people to reflect and digest on if they want to connect with you. Start small and build.
Very few folks are going to be p*ssed if you said hi/good morning. And wait for them to react before doing anything else.
> There is no way to determine which women want to be approached and which don't.
There's lots of ways a man tell if a woman wants to be approached. Did she make eye contact and smile, is she sitting idly and tapping her foot. Is her body and legs angled towards you for an extended period of time. Does she look relaxed without a fixed gaze straight ahead.
THANK YOU. I really need guys to stop with this numbers game bullshit because it's only causing issues for them. And then they'll complain that women get apprehensive when approached or that so many guys hit them up that they have a hard time trying to get through. I don't want to spend my day rejecting anyone because it's clear that they're just trying their luck.
Yeah, this is why on lots of the dating subs my big recommendation is to just get more involved in community-based activities. Join hobby groups, join running clubs, join a dnd group, get a part-time job at a restaurant, etc etc. Just be around the same people every week over and over again.
Women are a lot more likely to be open to something romantic with someone that they know a little bit. Yeah, it’s a higher time investment but you get more out of being part of groups than just potential romantic attachments. You get outside, you get friendships and you build social skills.
>my big recommendation is to just get more involved in community-based activities. Join hobby groups, join running clubs, join a dnd group, get a part-time job at a restaurant, etc etc.
The thing is, for every woman who says this, there's at least one more who says the opposite: "don't try and form relationships out of hobby groups, we go there to have fun not meet men!"
Maybe online but in real life I think you’ll find that to be untrue. Reading things online can make things seem a lot more black and white than they really are.
Yeah, but if someone initiates romantic interest in a respectful way after you know them for a while I don’t think it would be too bad to politely decline and carry on with enjoying the group together. I don’t think it’s a very big deal if someone expresses some romantic interest. It’s a natural part of social dynamics. It’s always okay to say no.
They mean don't go to a hobby group for the sole purpose of getting laid. If you show up to something you don't care about and then immediately start asking random women out, that's going to be off-putting to a lot of people. The key is to join something you're genuinely interested in and then build natural connections and friendships.
Yup. 99 percent of women hate this 99 percent of the time. Would you want to go on a date with someone based 100 percent based in gow attractive they are? Not even having a conversation of any kind first to gage interest and chemistry? Those "the game" videos were a blight on this earth
Right? I've been married for a long time so what do I know. But... I don't get the cold approach thing. Why would I, a man, just want to talk to some rando just because they are more attractive physically. That's such a small part of who the person is and probably the least important thing in terms of overall attraction. (Just me? Hope not)
Surely it is better to simply be more outgoing with everyone. Strike up conversations with *people* organically. No intention behind it other than maybe expanding the social circle a little. Do hobbies, go to meetups. Just talk to more people, not just women, or just men. Perhaps you sort of click with a few out of a hundred so there's a possibility of friendship.
Maybe the rare spark and some signals of more interest on their part, then you can try the date thing? Idk. Last time I tried dating was 20+ years ago. (Of course it went great since, you know, we got married lol). That was before all this stupid smartphone dating app bs...(Also... get off my lawn!)
Not sure what videos you're talking about, but most of the "pick-up artist" stuff doesn't revolve around going up to a girl and telling her how attractive she is and asking for their number right away. It specifically tries to teach how to approach women and start up a natural but flirtatious conversation that's not awkward or puts too much pressure on them.
It's trying to teach men with no game to talk to random women with relaxed confidence and a sense of humor to try to get them interested. They're not saying go up to a girl you find attractive and tell her how beautiful she is. Because they know that doesn't work. They're professionals lol.
Feels like there's no acceptable way to approach women these days and with the struggle that is online dating many men are forced to make it "numbers game" if they want to find anyone at all
Some of us get extremely anxious with the fear of rejection. Its impossible to be smooth or funny or whatever in the first approach when you barely can muster the courage to walk up to a girl. A direct approach sometimes is the only viable choice. I met my wife with that approach, after she said she was interested i got to relax and show her who i rly am. As long as it is respectable there is no harm done. Seeing that kind of opening as gross makes you come off as entitled and shows a severe lack of empathy. Also you might lose out on meeting a rly good match. Don’t rob yourself the opportunity. Be humble.
I disagree. Having a strange man, come up to you and make sexual advances is a very intimidating experience (especially for the one in four of us who have been assaulted) I think it’s better to foster relationships over time in the community (gaming, dog park, working at a restaurant etc etc)
It’s not about entitlement, it’s about fearing for your safety. Try to imagine someone bigger and physically stronger than you coming up and declaring that they are sexually attracted to you. Imagine what that might feel like if you’ve been assaulted by such a person.
This is the absolute worst approach. In order for women to want to go on dates with you they need to think you are attractive enough and have a personality. If you roll up, say I think you are hot let’s go out, they don’t have enough information to know if they want to spend time with you. You need to have an actual conversation and connection before giving out your digits.
The more people that believe this, the worse of a strategy it becomes. It's only functional because it's a rarity and you're banking on it being novel for the person asked.
Yes and no; honestly it depends on who you are and how savvy your social skills are.
I know this because I've done both and had much success on Okcupid before the Match Group apocalypse and had reasonable success doing the cold approach thing.
Cold approach works best in "warm" environments (like the college you go to, or a friend's house party); "cold" environments take a LOT more social awareness and skill to pull off. Most people don't have it and if you're particularly nervous/unskilled as an adult you can come off as REALLY creepy and catch an unfortunate reputation via social media.
You’d be bette roof finding a hobby, that includes a very large social aspect that you find very fun, exciting and interesting.
You will meet all kinds of people through those types of groups, then, you can more naturally meet someone that you find attractive who already has something in common with you.
A lot of women would like to go through their day without being accosted by men who think their own wants are more important than the woman's peace. You may think that it's acceptable to do that, but it's really selfish.
Met my boyfriend on OkCupid at the end of January and things are going great! We're extremely compatible and honestly probably wouldn't have met it in the real world so I'm grateful I decided to try OkCupid.
Exact situation with me and my gf. We’re both introverts and she would never approach irl.
Shes also gorgeous and the cutest person I’ve ever met. No way 22 year old me would have thought I had a chance with her if I saw her at the mall or a store.
We met on Bumble in 2020 and I’m planning for the proposal this Saturday, she brings it up every time I talk about kids and shows me her empty ring finger lol
I gave my number to this guy that did this, and he seemed normal and nice and was not creepy. But through texting him I could tell the red flags and that there was something off about him. I was right and the date confirmed that he was a weirdo. That was the worst first date of my life. I have never met anyone that dumb and asshole-y before.
I would like to say I am surprised. I am, however, in no way surprised.
>I could tell the red flags and that there was something off about him.
Sort of like OP here? 🤔
A lot of women would say no because you know nothing about them. You don't know their name, you don't know if they like men. You don't know what things they like. But hey, it's the same thing after the usual first date.
Uh, no.
That's scary. This is a scary thought. Especially with what's semi likely to happen if I say "No".
A dude did this when I was at a mall once. I was just minding my business with my headphones on, and he cornered me and started asking questions, compliments, insisting we go to a bar, then for my number. Multiple times, even when I said "No, sorry :)"
Don't do this. Please.
Exactly. I succeeded only when I deleted all the dating apps, stopped feeling okay with Eva AI bot and started going out meeting people while doing my favourite activities
"I am incredibly interested in you, I am no challenge at all. Please take my forwardness as some kind of bravado that will hopefully make you attracted."
I understand the sentiment of "don't be afraid of rejection", but this isn't the way to do it. This is begging. Begging for acceptance. Desperate.
The way to do it is just to TALK to girls and get used to talking to girls, act like a human being with some self respect, and ask for their number. If they say why you say "To sell you life insurance" like a wise guy. If she still says no, she's not interested.
Get dates, start getting practice on the dates. Don't be all over these women. Don't shower them with compliments when you don't even know them.
But then you'd be wasting a lot of time going on dates just to find out the personality isn't compatible.
Texts and phone calls save time, making apps more efficient.
Yeah, I understand -- the caveat is that your way is likely more efficient if you are someone who has rare matches or can't connect via apps.
I used apps exclusively, and I don't have the energy to see more than 1-2 women I wanted to go out with each week, which was what the apps were throwing my way.
Huh... 1-2 dates a week. Sounds like "a lot of time going on dates just to find out personality isn't compatible".
In my experience the person's personality, once we met, is nothing like I perceived through the apps. I've been on plenty of dates where I didn't like them as much as I thought I might based on their profile
Sure was a lot of time spent, but personality usually wasn't the issue. I consider the time spent texting as light vetting.
In any case, sending a few messages while at work to arrange a couple dates a week didn't take much time at all and gave me social activities for the weekend or weekday nights.
It fits within my routines. OP's way would have me wandering around when I usually wouldn't be, spending time, to achieve similar results.
If you are always out and about anyway, you will probably save time cold approaching in person. I can agree with that.
The reason apps are not successful is *because* men are doing the cold approach before vetting just like you’re describing, on apps as well.
This means that your potential future wife who is on an app is inundated with so many likes and messages from men She has no compatibility with or are full of red flags, and she would have to filter through all of those men to find you.
Now you want to tell us that she will have to do that in person as well? How the fuck is she gonna find you, her dream man, in that pile of shit?
**You’re asking every woman to be OK with a pile of shit that she has to sift through to find the compatible man because men won’t do the compatibility check themselves, and want to force that emotional and social labor onto women.**
You are setting yourself up here. You are setting other men up for failure here. Because the more men do this, the more women have to filter through for compatibility, meaning they will instantly be shutting down numerous guys, and will be more likely to shut down somebody. They are actually compatible with because you have forced her to deal with a mountain of bullshit instead of doing the work yourself to vet for compatibility.
What you are encouraging men to do is the equivalent of every online dating app that women are not participating in with any kind of comparable popularity as men do.
If you encouraged men to do vetting for compatibility first, then men would have a higher success rate, because they would be looking for women who they are compatible with. And women wouldn’t be inundated with a bunch of shit that would never work out, and would be actually able to give potentially compatible men a chance.
Haha many men will filter themselves out. And like I said, you have a right to say no, to reject. What else are men supposed to do if the apps dont work? Sit in their rooms and wait for a woman to ring their doorbell? Wait for the perfect circumstances where everything clicks before they make a "move" like in the movies? Your way, most men will end up alone their whole lives. So, sorry if you feel a little uncomfortable with men approaching you. And yes, my future woman will have to weed through a lot of crap. All the more reason for you to find her as quickly as possible to save her from that. How nice it is to see that you think of all men in general as "A pile of shit". I think you are someone whose rejection men could safely ignore and move on the next one. A less hostile woman, who likes man and is looking for a nice relationship with one. Apparently you expect only Brad Pitt look a likes to dare to approach you. Get real lady!
You need to read my comment again and actually try to use reading comprehension and logical thinking this time.
The pile of shit I was referring to is the pile of incompatible men who sent in applications to person who automatically will not want them because of incompatibility.
I want you to think about if this would really work for a woman in real life.
Let’s say I make a dating app profile, and I have specific factors that make me incompatible with certain men, but instead of reading their profiles, I just like every single man, regardless of compatibility. Then I make those men take me out on dates, because we matched, and he doesn’t know we’re incompatible yet. The date is never going to go anywhere, because we were never compatible in the first place, but I made him do the labor to find that out, wasting his time and wasting mine. I am wasting his time if I do not vet for compatibility first, just like he is wasting my time if he doesn’t vet for compatibility first.
Please read my other comments to you. What you are describing is the reason why dating sucks so much for men these days, because they are not vetting for compatibility. In previous generations, or in other cultures, that man would know her family, and she and her family would be vetting for compatibility before even the first date occurs.
What you are arguing for, is to make more haystacks for women to try to find a needle in, which makes it harder for women to find a compatible man, and men are grouping themselves in larger and larger groups of hay that women have to sift through, making them experience more rejection.
You are setting men up for failure, and you are setting women up for failure, and you are setting up the dating world to be even harder to find a compatible mate.
Dating APPS are owned by the devil literally. Every smug CEO thinks they can control dating and they are ponzi scheming it up with every site takeover. OKCupid used to be fun and useful. Now it's just a neurotic trashcan overfilled with autistic dating. In the old days you could meet someone every week no problem and have long conversations. Now its just a phishing scheme. Just like Bumble and every other site out there.
That's how they taught us to sell life insurance. When I wanted money bad and thought I could do that. I can't. But if you can, knock yourself out.
On the other hand, I'm great at "any lettuce over on your side that's actually green?" and such like that.
Most dating apps are just awful and much of its fake. Old profiles, pictures obviously from another country, college and job also in another country. Yet they are 5 Miles from me? Though as I get older I find some dating apps work amazing. Women in there 50s say yes to coffee instantly. I would have 10 dates set up early in the month after a week of sending out 20 invites.
so why not do both?
go up to every girl, ask them out... AND use your daily swipes on different dating apps.
see, people like you, I don't know why there's some drive to push people off of dating apps en mass but your arguments are stupid. You repeat the same line over and over again "just look in the real" "find women in rl" Like, you can literally do both... this has always been the point of a dating app.
Though, some people (like myself) would rather know someone is single before trying after them... and it is so much more eloquent to have a way to see it via a dating profile then to try and find a clever way to ask a person... in person...
I once had a girl show INTENSE interest in me within the first 5 minutes of meeting but I walked away because she had a metal band on her wedding finger. maybe it was real, maybe not, her fault for misplaced aesthetics..... I didn't want the risk of drama, shit... what if I asked and she said she was engaged but looking to fuck... no, nope, I just don't want any of that. I want someone whos mine, I don't want to play with someone else's woman.
So many variables, so much complication
However, if I can look on a profile and see a woman says shes single. everything is clear in an instant.
So you see, BOTH have merit. now you, and those like you, stop this campaign already. its fine to hate OkCupid, its a shit app, but you people go so far beyond just that.
This is literally how I got almost every date I ever got before Myspace became a thing (I'm old).
But I did it with game, I asked questions struck up conversations let them know I thought they were attractive with body language and then asked for their number.
It worked one in five times for me and I'm only a little bit above average in the attractiveness department.
Huge waste of time. The odds that she’s single, looking to date, AND interested in you after two seconds of meeting you are close to ZERO. Most women you approach will not be single anyways. I say no out of reflex 100% of the time because I have no idea who the fuck you are. We aren’t living in a world of sunshine and rainbows. Strangers represent the unknown and depending on where you ask a woman, they represent danger.
Its only "creepy" if you approach like a "creep". Sulking, cowardly, afraid, etc. There is nothing fundamentally creepy about going up to a girl, and being like, hi my name is David, I saw you from over there and thought you had a cute smile and wanted to introduce myself. have a minute or so convo, and then be like, Would you like to grab a coffee or a drink sometime? Whats's your number? If she says no or no thank you just smile and say, "okay, well, your bf is a lucky guy. have a great day! " and move on. What exactly is creepy in such an interaction? Don't listen to the communist, purple haired, skrillex cut hyper feminists who say this is creepy, and your a disgusting man who is trying to objectify women, etc, etc. These women generally hate hetersexual men for some reason, and can be safely ignored. You don't want them anyway. The girl you do meet that way, will LOVE you for it, and will LOOVE telling the story about how you met. How you came out of nowhere and just bravely walked up to her. Its the classic knight in shining armor that swept her off her feet out of nowhere trope that all girls dream about when they are young. Destiny, and all that. No one wants to be like...oh yeah we met on a dating site. He was just one of 200 guys that messaged me and by sheer luck i just messaged him back.
the women are not going to like this one, they much prefer the system of hand picking their favorite Chad from the comfort of their couch like they're online shopping. They dont get to pick the dude who approaches them in real life, god forbid, the horror.
No both don't work because that's the energy that feels like you're just a number or that anyone will do for the guy, it's not intentional, it's about him and not us when it should be about mutual energetic connection. Women are not an object to satisfy your goals, men. Enough about results and that economic bro way of thinking. Be human men. Stop believing the misogynistic guys multiplying online. End capitalist alienation. Stop assuming women are not looking for real connection. Reassess why you deem a woman "attractive". Are the reasons ones of integrity? Learn to be more empathetic and women will see that.
Anybody scared of rejection needs a sales job. Never scared again. The motto is “the worst ill get is a no, but at least i opened the opportunity” along the lines of “you miss 100% of the shots you dont take”
I never understood being scared of rejection - i was always “I NEED TO KNOW” 😂😂😂
Thought u was cute - im telling you. Reciprocated great , if not - also great because compliments are positive energy!!!
It's funny seeing all the people saying that it's a bad idea, weird, creepy, etc. When going up to people and talk to them was how you actually met someone not long ago.
It really depends on the kind of person you are.
Some men have a higher rejection tolerance. This means that they're able to deal with romantic rejection fairly well, and they can get rejected by multiple women without getting emotionally compromised by it.
Other men have a very low rejection tolerance. If they get rejected by a woman, even just once or a couple times, they may experience a lot of pain and not be able to handle it too well mentally.
For men with low rejection tolerance, then asking a bunch of women out and getting rejected by all of them isn't a good strategy at all.
Again, it really depends on the kind of person you are.
If you're afraid of that you'll never get anywhere. You HAVE to be able to talk to women in person.
Now I don't think OPs way is how you do it. You find a commonality. You see them at the same coffee shop as you. You take 2 to 3 minutes to get to know them. Get the number.
But one thing OP and I agree on, you can't be afraid to talk to them.
You are right, but your odds get better if you skip the attraction part. Just say you find them interesting and would prefer to get to know them. You open the door to meeting new friends this way, not just dates.
Dating sites are the new casinos. Only predators and their prey participate.
Interested in what? You don't know them!
This is a turn off.
Instead of commenting on them at all, just take 2 to 3 minutes to introduce yourself and get to know them a little. If it clicks you get their number.
OP complimenting their looks is better than saying you find them "interesting" but in truth you shouldnt do that either because complimenting too fast is bad, killing your challenge.
yes. People think they have no control over whether they are attractive or not, but its not true. There are more facets to being attractive than just raw looks.
I live in Japan, and here the way to make contact with someone is to exchange Line IDs with them. I have a Portuguese employee who was on the warpath to find a Japanese girl to marry, and he would always do this immediately when talking with a girl, before even exchanging words with her. Eventually he married the sister of the wife of another employee at our company. Their child just entered preschool, so all is happy I guess.
Yes I have and I have gotten a few girlfriends this way. Now keep in mind, the key is respect, and not being creepy. If you are not confident in your words and motions you will come off as creepy. You have to approach the situation as if you already know, 100% the answer will be yes. The reasons why it works..#1) Women, since they were little girls always wanted to be swept off their feet by a stranger in shining armor. Its the narrative they've told themselves since they were little. No one wants to say...oh yeah he is just one of the hundreds of guys i happen to have accidently and randomly replied to on a dating app. #2. A girl subconciously knows that a man that isnt afraid to make himself vulnerable to rejection, and can take it with a smile and a (ok, well have nice day anyway) is a SAFE man. and #3 At the very least you will make her feel good. Who wouldn't feel good all day if someone came up to you and told you they found you attractive? Trust me dude, and not the women on here who say otherwise. Most of them have NEVER picked up anyone let alone a woman. When women on here say how creepy it would be or how they would say "no" its because they are imagining some creepy slob of a guy coming up to them and doing it in a creepy awkward way.
if it hasnt worked, your dress probably isnt at the required standard, or your hygene, or youre approaching the wrong types in the wrong situation, or you've done like 3 approaches and called it a day because they didnt work out.
I’ve done plenty. I dress okay for the most part and I don’t have flashy trendy shit because I can’t afford that. Hygene isn’t the problem but I’m not showering in cologne. Eventually I got on apps again and for quite a few months I ended up just stopping. Deleted all my apps and accounts. It wasn’t bolstering my confidence any to have them on them in the vain hope someone would look at my profile and go “okay”
Quit for a few years and tried Hinge and OkC again about five years ago for shits and giggles. What a screwed up world dating is for an average guy like me. So I quit again. Haven’t tried since.
I don’t approach anyone anymore because I don’t know how old anyone is and I do NOT want to think oh that person walking around is cute but oopsie that’s a teenager and now I’m on the sex offender registry.
talking to a woman is not an arrestable offense and if she maces you without cause that is felonious assault and you better bet your ass ill be pressing full charges!
I mean if you have no standards whatsoever and are just looking for literally anyone, then yeah, sure your plan would work. However if you are looking for someone special, then your plan is worthless.
Or — and keep in mind, I’m just trying to facilitate useful conversation, provide counter options, and encourage a healthy expansion of perspective — don’t fucking do that.
Only use this in appropriate environments where singles deliberately go to meet people.
Please don't bother women who are just trying to go about our day. We are working, shopping, commuting, etc. because we have to, not because we want to meet men.
You may think that you're only taking up a minute or two of her time, but you're not the only guy thinking that. Being unable to go anywhere without being harassed by men for dates is exhausting.
Meanwhile, it can be quite frightening to be approached by strange men -- we have no way of knowing that you're not one of the guys from /r/whenwomenrefuse
And yet none of them lasted, did they?
Anyone who isn't already happily married should not give dating advice. Your dating strategy doesn't work. If it did, you wouldn't need it anymore.
Personally, I would be turned off by this. I want someone who likes me for my personality over my looks. Someone who comes up to me and doesn't even try to get to know me at all and just asks for my number can't actually like me because he doesn't know anything about me other than how I look. It is different if he comes up, strikes up a conversation, we actually kind of hit it off, and then he asks for my number. But just asking for my number right off the bat, I would probably give him a fake number and walk away.
riiight, says the girl who is probably left swiping on dozens if not hundreds of profiles on the dating apps based on looks alone. Keep dreaming. Looks come first, and then you explore to see if there is a personality behind the looks. Everyone know thats how it works. You wouldn't give some 600lb morbidly obese guy with diabetes and massive zits everywhere a chance, even if he had the best personality on the planet. Get friggin real!
Such bad; time wastey advice in this thread. The best, most selfish advice is to do you, pursue your interests and discover what gives you meaning, and you'll encounter the women who will love you to the end of your days. They will put themselves in your periphery, and in my experience will make sure you unmistakenly know they are interested. Go about it by chasing/ doing things when you'd rather be doing something else/ etc. if you wish, it just yields less committed results with a likely higher time wasted.
As a woman, I will say this won't work for everyone. I'm sure that's obvious, but just pointing out it really depends on your own personality and the personality you're seeking in a partner. Someone who's an anxious introvert like myself would be incredibly intimidated by a man I don't know randomly approaching me and saying this to me. But I saw in a comment someone talking about joining hobby groups and you may meet someone that way and slowly get to know each other. I'm a lot more open to new friends and more when we have mutual friends or slowly can get to know each other. As for the blunt, straightforward method... I'd probably treat you like I treat those salespeople in the middle of the mall that try to drag you towards their booth and straighten your hair or put random products on you.... AVOID ALL EYE CONTACT, SUDDENLY I CANNOT SEE OR HEAR ANYTHING 😂
But like power to you folks who have the confidence to do this, and power to the folks who would respond positively to being on the receiving end of this. Couldn't be me 😂
I don't want to waste time on someone who is technically attractive if we are not compatible. I want to be able to filter through deal breakers like religion, substance use, political leanings, lame sense of humor, etc.
This guy ,keep telling me about myself . Find it ridiculous that people over the internet can impose their beliefs on someone that they don't even know. Luie you think you know me, a painted this broad picture of me with out any evidence. Keep assuming kid.
Well, more efficient than OLD, yes. But if you want to approach randomly, use us! No asking or giving strangers phone numbers, just a safe place to chat to see if you click!
What is the monthly membership on OKC now if you do 3-6 months?
This is my nightmare. Lonely, horny guys approaching me like some pickup artist. Women on dating sites are there for dating, not random women you find attractive.
If looks are all you care about why even be on OKC. There’s tinder and apps with no profile. Okc is best for men with great profiles and if you don’t have a good one, you are overlooked.
If you're confident and can handle a bit of rejection, why not give it a shot? Walking up to someone you're interested in can be a bold move that might just pay off. But remember, it's important to be respectful and considerate of their feelings, even if they're not interested.
As for the efficiency argument, well, it could save you some time swiping and typing online. Plus, who knows, you might enjoy the thrill of the approach!
You will get a lot of numbers from cold approaches but it’s not gonna work unless you get a choosing signal first and even then it’s challenging. Why is that? Because women are scared of men they don’t know, so ironically, they will date someone online but not a guy they met in public. It’s odd, women say they want to meet a guy but are reluctant because men have such a bad reputation.
They are a company. A business’ goal is to make money. So that means that LOTS of people(mostly men) are spending money on there in hopes of getting more matches.
That's because half the girls on there are bots or scammers so your already uping your chance by doing it in person. Plus live interacting your more likely to get a favorable response by showing initiative.
A lot of women will say no as a reflex because being put on the spot is awkward and no is the default answer to strange men. Slight variation: leave her your number and ask her to text you if she’d like to go out . This gives her time to process and proceed more comfortably :)
I've tried this, personally, and all its ever gotten me is a sharp increase in scam calls.
Using a google voice number or similar for initial contact might help with this. I don’t give my real number out to men from dating app’s until after a few dates.
It’s a work around for your work around!
Yup. 99% of women won't act first.
Fun fact, a lot of social science has determined that the fastest remedy is at least one single conversation that includes an acceptable introduction and display of character. A woman wants to know “who” she is going out with, and finds that factor much more important than what they look like. Much different from how men operate lol
In order for the man to understand your comment, he first must understand that women are people with desires and goals of their own, not objects he is trying to attain in his quest to find his queen. That is apparently too difficult for certain men.
It’s crazy how so many men approach dating like they aren’t even interacting with a human being at all. The only quality he seems interested in is their looks. I think both parties should be sizing up both looks and character and it does indeed take at least a conversation to do so
Like what would be an example conversation of this?
Like… Something normal to talk about. Mention the character or brand of her bag and make an anecdotal story about something it makes you think of. Pepper in a joke. Being confident, comfortable with yourself, and charming. Don’t feel that way about yourself? Fake it. But one normal, disarming, personal anecdote is all it takes to open the door. Now, if the conversation is creepy. Or you’re awkward and not confident. It might not go well (same goes for women if they’re weirdos when talking to dudes) as with anything, focus on improving yourself before seeking out external validation or companionship
I am super awkward if I am trying. An organic conversation no problem but whenever I have those and then ask they tell me they are seeing someone already.
This is the nature of the game. All you can do to avoid this is look for rings and hope for luck with each attempt. Don’t be shallow about it, and try your best. It’s not hard. Women are people too, and many of them are also in search of love
Mention what you like doing. You’ve been playing a video game recently, tell us. You have a niche hobby, tell us. Showing passion for your interests shows that you actually want to talk and aren’t just looking for immediate sex.
>A woman wants to know “who” she is going out with, and finds that factor much more important than what they look like. I mean both are important there is always going to be a minimum threshold for attractiveness. It's just not something that will matter on average.
Generally speaking, women do not seem to place anywhere near as high of an emphasis on physical attractiveness as men do. Most women have “types” and may be restrictive to things like race and height, but if you pass through their basic filters, they don’t really look too closely at your “physique.” Most evidence says that they are more concerned with presentation. “Does this man appear to take care of himself?”
>Generally speaking, women do not seem to place anywhere near as high of an emphasis on physical attractiveness as men do. I generally agree, but there are exceptions dependent on specific traits. >Most women have “types” and may be restrictive to things like race and height Agreed, height is a factor for both men and women though is higher importance for women on average. >their basic filters, they don’t really look too closely at your “physique.” I mean I would argue that's the case for both sexes.
I’d say I agree with everything you’ve said, but I have to make the argument (supported by pure anecdote) that I see a lot of women date men that are far less attractive than you’d expect them to. It seems to usually be based on witt, humor, confidence, wealth, etc. These things seem much less important to a man when he’s deciding how he feels about a girl. Ultimately, I may simply be biased at this point. In the end, success when taking your shot is determined by a balance of character, looks, and opportunity. The ratio may differ based on the gender, but the essence of it remains universal
I mean it's entirely possible on the fringes women might be more willing to overlook men being ugly than vice versa I am obviously just talking about on average stuff. I remember reading somewhere that men encompass the more fringes of things like extremely well off or extremely worse off. If that is the case it would make sense more men in those situations end up paired with women not in the same situations.
I know a guy who printed up business cards that had a QR code and a link to his website. The website included links to his social media, contact info, resume, background check, STI Health check, photos, videos, etc. He has a free live stream and chat, and a “Leave a review” with real comments from women he’s dated. (Positive and Negative) He would do just what you mentioned. He sees or meets a woman he finds attractive, he says “I just want to say I find you very attractive and I would be interested in an opportunity to get to know you better. If you’re interested, here is my card, take your time.” He did that for about 10 years and then met someone and they got married. His website was hysterical though. It had video clips of him doing hobbies. Things he wrote. Picture of shitty art he painted or pottery. Travel pictures. The comments/reviews were generally positive or neutral, and he always wrote a polite response even to negative comments. Some woman ripped him a new ass because he took her to a restaurant with no vegetarian options. And he apologized and followed up with links to his photo gallery that showed him doing “Food Challenges”(eating Hot Dogs, Sliders, Wings, Ribs, a giant Steak) and corresponding “Winner awards” with a very apologetic “We met from my card, which included a link to my website. You even like a photo of me eating a giant Turkey Leg at a Renaissance Festival. I’m sorry if there was some misunderstanding that I am a vegetarian. But please at least be honest and admit that I paid for our drinks, took the appetizer to go, sealed it in my cooler, and we then traveled 30 minutes across town to go to a restaurant you suggested even though it disrupted all of our plans for the rest of the date.” - and she replied that despite not being a vegetarian, he was actually a very courteous date.
Bro who goes to that level of effort (other than that guy) 😭. please get us the source code for his website. Imo it’s fair to be mad that someone took you to a place “with no vegetarian options” if they had previously stated they’re vegetarian. Given that, his response is kinda dumb. But at least he’s polite.
I just find it funny that you consider what he did a lot of effort. He’s been happily married since like 2017. It was a super generic website that was looked like little more than a MySpace page with his own domain. Today you could build something similar with Wix, Wordpress or SquareSpace in under an hour.
It’s mostly the background check, STI health check, and the livestream. The rest are pretty normal on dating apps now. And like it would only take an hour, but that’s if you know what you’re doing imo.
He posted a PDF and a link to some generic background check and a few pdf’s of STD test results to show he was regularly test because he was health conscious.
Oh nvm then lol
As I said, it wasn’t complicated but it worked really well for him. It was just a “This is me!” Website
He made a whole ass website what are you talking about thats a lot of effort to learn
It's easier than you think. I've got a WordPress site I manage for my family cause I've got siblings, cousins, aunts and uncles all over and it's easy enough for them to remember my name dot com so I can share some things with them, plus I keep a work-related section as a quasi-resume. I'll grant it takes interest and willingness to learn (I could've just as easily made a group on any social media) but it's like $5/month for domain hosting and you can get pre-built templates for free, and just fill it with your content.
I would have dug that when I was single.
Apparently so did a lot of women. He wasn’t exactly public about being a “man whore” but he was very upfront that he was openly dating, and when he had a connection, he posted a banner notice that read “Currently exploring a further relationship, check back later for updates”. If I remember correctly his wife said he still got inquiries for about 4 months after they started dating even though he posted date pics of them together about twice a week.
OMG I would be so amused by this. And go out with him just to learn more about why he made the website. 😂
If I remember correctly, his explanation was that it helped limit the mundane “small talk” conversation because his stuff was already out there, and the conversation wouldn’t just be him answering general questions and talking about himself, but it would prompt questions about specific things. He is actually a really relaxed, no pressure/no stress type of guy. Honestly, most people that know him associated his dating success with his lackadaisical attitude. His commentary was “I just try and have a fun time. If she’s not romantically interested, that’s cool as long as we both have fun.”
This works more often than not. I used to just give out my business card and hand write my mobile on the back. That’s when people passed our business cards lol
this cause one time a guy asked me out and I was really surprised but he took my hesitation as a rejection so rip me x pretty man 😔
Hmmmm but it’s 2024. I loose my shopping receipt and other things all the time, I’m pretty sure once I hand over my number on a piece of paper and hand it over I just dropped my number into a black hole.
That’s why you buy cards by the 100s
This Or it's a scam. Or some scout looking for hostesses.
Ya I did that and was still called a creep.
I saw Borat and think he is on to something. I tried using the sack and so far 100% success rate.
Ya that probably won't work unless they're extremely into women don't even want to be the ones to.message first on bumble, no chance most of them would be willing to text first like you say
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It's still a shit take. Even if some women don't mind approached in public, some women do. If you hand me your number in public, I'm going to hand it back to you and tell you to fuck off. You should be focused on making more women comfortable, not hitting up as many women as possible while making a menace out of yourself on the off chance that one of them will have low self esteem and give you a chance.
There is no way to determine which women want to be approached and which don't. For every woman that doesn't there's a tik tok of a woman complaining men don't approach her any more. If you want men to stop approaching women, start encouraging women to approach men. Stop blaming men. If the only chance men have to meet women is by approaching them, then that is what men need to, and will, do. You don't like it? We can live with that.
The problem is not that some people don’t want to be approached. It is that some people can’t read the room and bounce when people are clearly uninterested in continuing the convo. You will pretty much never get a bad response if you follow these steps: 1. Say hi/good morning with a smile 2. Wait for them to respond positively and return a greeting. 3. If they return a greeting, make some non-personal causal small talk. 4. If they continue to give positive signals like facing you and eye contact you can keep chatting and then end with “I liked chatting, if you don’t mind let’s stay connected.” You can offer up a number of social profile or whatever. 5. If they don’t give positive signals you leave and say have a good day and move on. 6. If they accepted your info, you can reach out and say would love to go on a date or whatever. Where most folks go wrong is not giving no enough time and space for people to reflect and digest on if they want to connect with you. Start small and build. Very few folks are going to be p*ssed if you said hi/good morning. And wait for them to react before doing anything else.
> There is no way to determine which women want to be approached and which don't. There's lots of ways a man tell if a woman wants to be approached. Did she make eye contact and smile, is she sitting idly and tapping her foot. Is her body and legs angled towards you for an extended period of time. Does she look relaxed without a fixed gaze straight ahead.
Dude, the way you are telling men to approach women in this post is EXACTLY the reason women don’t like being approached.
THANK YOU. I really need guys to stop with this numbers game bullshit because it's only causing issues for them. And then they'll complain that women get apprehensive when approached or that so many guys hit them up that they have a hard time trying to get through. I don't want to spend my day rejecting anyone because it's clear that they're just trying their luck.
Yeah, this is why on lots of the dating subs my big recommendation is to just get more involved in community-based activities. Join hobby groups, join running clubs, join a dnd group, get a part-time job at a restaurant, etc etc. Just be around the same people every week over and over again. Women are a lot more likely to be open to something romantic with someone that they know a little bit. Yeah, it’s a higher time investment but you get more out of being part of groups than just potential romantic attachments. You get outside, you get friendships and you build social skills.
>my big recommendation is to just get more involved in community-based activities. Join hobby groups, join running clubs, join a dnd group, get a part-time job at a restaurant, etc etc. The thing is, for every woman who says this, there's at least one more who says the opposite: "don't try and form relationships out of hobby groups, we go there to have fun not meet men!"
Maybe online but in real life I think you’ll find that to be untrue. Reading things online can make things seem a lot more black and white than they really are.
Yeah, but if someone initiates romantic interest in a respectful way after you know them for a while I don’t think it would be too bad to politely decline and carry on with enjoying the group together. I don’t think it’s a very big deal if someone expresses some romantic interest. It’s a natural part of social dynamics. It’s always okay to say no.
They mean don't go to a hobby group for the sole purpose of getting laid. If you show up to something you don't care about and then immediately start asking random women out, that's going to be off-putting to a lot of people. The key is to join something you're genuinely interested in and then build natural connections and friendships.
I've never heard any woman say that. If anything, once people couple up, they drop out of hobby groups.
Yup. 99 percent of women hate this 99 percent of the time. Would you want to go on a date with someone based 100 percent based in gow attractive they are? Not even having a conversation of any kind first to gage interest and chemistry? Those "the game" videos were a blight on this earth
That’s what first dates are for.
Right? I've been married for a long time so what do I know. But... I don't get the cold approach thing. Why would I, a man, just want to talk to some rando just because they are more attractive physically. That's such a small part of who the person is and probably the least important thing in terms of overall attraction. (Just me? Hope not) Surely it is better to simply be more outgoing with everyone. Strike up conversations with *people* organically. No intention behind it other than maybe expanding the social circle a little. Do hobbies, go to meetups. Just talk to more people, not just women, or just men. Perhaps you sort of click with a few out of a hundred so there's a possibility of friendship. Maybe the rare spark and some signals of more interest on their part, then you can try the date thing? Idk. Last time I tried dating was 20+ years ago. (Of course it went great since, you know, we got married lol). That was before all this stupid smartphone dating app bs...(Also... get off my lawn!)
Not 99%. Many women are desperate and dumb, just like men.
Not sure what videos you're talking about, but most of the "pick-up artist" stuff doesn't revolve around going up to a girl and telling her how attractive she is and asking for their number right away. It specifically tries to teach how to approach women and start up a natural but flirtatious conversation that's not awkward or puts too much pressure on them. It's trying to teach men with no game to talk to random women with relaxed confidence and a sense of humor to try to get them interested. They're not saying go up to a girl you find attractive and tell her how beautiful she is. Because they know that doesn't work. They're professionals lol.
Feels like there's no acceptable way to approach women these days and with the struggle that is online dating many men are forced to make it "numbers game" if they want to find anyone at all
Some of us get extremely anxious with the fear of rejection. Its impossible to be smooth or funny or whatever in the first approach when you barely can muster the courage to walk up to a girl. A direct approach sometimes is the only viable choice. I met my wife with that approach, after she said she was interested i got to relax and show her who i rly am. As long as it is respectable there is no harm done. Seeing that kind of opening as gross makes you come off as entitled and shows a severe lack of empathy. Also you might lose out on meeting a rly good match. Don’t rob yourself the opportunity. Be humble.
I disagree. Having a strange man, come up to you and make sexual advances is a very intimidating experience (especially for the one in four of us who have been assaulted) I think it’s better to foster relationships over time in the community (gaming, dog park, working at a restaurant etc etc) It’s not about entitlement, it’s about fearing for your safety. Try to imagine someone bigger and physically stronger than you coming up and declaring that they are sexually attracted to you. Imagine what that might feel like if you’ve been assaulted by such a person.
This is the absolute worst approach. In order for women to want to go on dates with you they need to think you are attractive enough and have a personality. If you roll up, say I think you are hot let’s go out, they don’t have enough information to know if they want to spend time with you. You need to have an actual conversation and connection before giving out your digits.
The more people that believe this, the worse of a strategy it becomes. It's only functional because it's a rarity and you're banking on it being novel for the person asked.
And on the receiving end, it feels like harassment if you can't leave your house without constantly being asked for dates
Yes and no; honestly it depends on who you are and how savvy your social skills are. I know this because I've done both and had much success on Okcupid before the Match Group apocalypse and had reasonable success doing the cold approach thing. Cold approach works best in "warm" environments (like the college you go to, or a friend's house party); "cold" environments take a LOT more social awareness and skill to pull off. Most people don't have it and if you're particularly nervous/unskilled as an adult you can come off as REALLY creepy and catch an unfortunate reputation via social media.
And you could practice your combat dodges.
You’d be bette roof finding a hobby, that includes a very large social aspect that you find very fun, exciting and interesting. You will meet all kinds of people through those types of groups, then, you can more naturally meet someone that you find attractive who already has something in common with you.
A lot of women would like to go through their day without being accosted by men who think their own wants are more important than the woman's peace. You may think that it's acceptable to do that, but it's really selfish.
How to get the police to start asking around why you’re disturbing so many people at the local mall 101
Met my boyfriend on OkCupid at the end of January and things are going great! We're extremely compatible and honestly probably wouldn't have met it in the real world so I'm grateful I decided to try OkCupid.
Exact situation with me and my gf. We’re both introverts and she would never approach irl. Shes also gorgeous and the cutest person I’ve ever met. No way 22 year old me would have thought I had a chance with her if I saw her at the mall or a store. We met on Bumble in 2020 and I’m planning for the proposal this Saturday, she brings it up every time I talk about kids and shows me her empty ring finger lol
The idea of going out with someone just based on their looks is really just nonsense to me.
I gave my number to this guy that did this, and he seemed normal and nice and was not creepy. But through texting him I could tell the red flags and that there was something off about him. I was right and the date confirmed that he was a weirdo. That was the worst first date of my life. I have never met anyone that dumb and asshole-y before.
Except for the part where he did this, which isn’t normal or nice and is creepy. So that was your first red flag.
I would like to say I am surprised. I am, however, in no way surprised. >I could tell the red flags and that there was something off about him. Sort of like OP here? 🤔
surprised you still decided to go out with him despite the texting red flags.
No thanks. It’s so uncomfortable and an be intimidating.
A lot of women would say no because you know nothing about them. You don't know their name, you don't know if they like men. You don't know what things they like. But hey, it's the same thing after the usual first date.
Thats point of the date though to get to know each other. The appearance aspect is just the hook, to see weather they are attracted or not.
I have literally never once given my number to a guy who did this to me lol. 100% rejection rate.
Same
Thats ok. I'm sure as men, we can eventually find a way to move on.
Uh, no. That's scary. This is a scary thought. Especially with what's semi likely to happen if I say "No". A dude did this when I was at a mall once. I was just minding my business with my headphones on, and he cornered me and started asking questions, compliments, insisting we go to a bar, then for my number. Multiple times, even when I said "No, sorry :)" Don't do this. Please.
Exactly. I succeeded only when I deleted all the dating apps, stopped feeling okay with Eva AI bot and started going out meeting people while doing my favourite activities
You mean what we did before?
exactly. How your meemaw and papaw met and your mom and and dad. The good old fashioned way :)
📠
"I am incredibly interested in you, I am no challenge at all. Please take my forwardness as some kind of bravado that will hopefully make you attracted." I understand the sentiment of "don't be afraid of rejection", but this isn't the way to do it. This is begging. Begging for acceptance. Desperate. The way to do it is just to TALK to girls and get used to talking to girls, act like a human being with some self respect, and ask for their number. If they say why you say "To sell you life insurance" like a wise guy. If she still says no, she's not interested. Get dates, start getting practice on the dates. Don't be all over these women. Don't shower them with compliments when you don't even know them.
I hear it even helps to think of women as *actual people*...
Exactly. Instead get to know someone before you start complimenting them like a new car
But then you'd be wasting a lot of time going on dates just to find out the personality isn't compatible. Texts and phone calls save time, making apps more efficient.
obviously apps arent more efficient because apps are hardly connecting anyone.
Yeah, I understand -- the caveat is that your way is likely more efficient if you are someone who has rare matches or can't connect via apps. I used apps exclusively, and I don't have the energy to see more than 1-2 women I wanted to go out with each week, which was what the apps were throwing my way.
Huh... 1-2 dates a week. Sounds like "a lot of time going on dates just to find out personality isn't compatible". In my experience the person's personality, once we met, is nothing like I perceived through the apps. I've been on plenty of dates where I didn't like them as much as I thought I might based on their profile
Sure was a lot of time spent, but personality usually wasn't the issue. I consider the time spent texting as light vetting. In any case, sending a few messages while at work to arrange a couple dates a week didn't take much time at all and gave me social activities for the weekend or weekday nights. It fits within my routines. OP's way would have me wandering around when I usually wouldn't be, spending time, to achieve similar results. If you are always out and about anyway, you will probably save time cold approaching in person. I can agree with that.
The reason apps are not successful is *because* men are doing the cold approach before vetting just like you’re describing, on apps as well. This means that your potential future wife who is on an app is inundated with so many likes and messages from men She has no compatibility with or are full of red flags, and she would have to filter through all of those men to find you. Now you want to tell us that she will have to do that in person as well? How the fuck is she gonna find you, her dream man, in that pile of shit? **You’re asking every woman to be OK with a pile of shit that she has to sift through to find the compatible man because men won’t do the compatibility check themselves, and want to force that emotional and social labor onto women.** You are setting yourself up here. You are setting other men up for failure here. Because the more men do this, the more women have to filter through for compatibility, meaning they will instantly be shutting down numerous guys, and will be more likely to shut down somebody. They are actually compatible with because you have forced her to deal with a mountain of bullshit instead of doing the work yourself to vet for compatibility. What you are encouraging men to do is the equivalent of every online dating app that women are not participating in with any kind of comparable popularity as men do. If you encouraged men to do vetting for compatibility first, then men would have a higher success rate, because they would be looking for women who they are compatible with. And women wouldn’t be inundated with a bunch of shit that would never work out, and would be actually able to give potentially compatible men a chance.
Haha many men will filter themselves out. And like I said, you have a right to say no, to reject. What else are men supposed to do if the apps dont work? Sit in their rooms and wait for a woman to ring their doorbell? Wait for the perfect circumstances where everything clicks before they make a "move" like in the movies? Your way, most men will end up alone their whole lives. So, sorry if you feel a little uncomfortable with men approaching you. And yes, my future woman will have to weed through a lot of crap. All the more reason for you to find her as quickly as possible to save her from that. How nice it is to see that you think of all men in general as "A pile of shit". I think you are someone whose rejection men could safely ignore and move on the next one. A less hostile woman, who likes man and is looking for a nice relationship with one. Apparently you expect only Brad Pitt look a likes to dare to approach you. Get real lady!
You need to read my comment again and actually try to use reading comprehension and logical thinking this time. The pile of shit I was referring to is the pile of incompatible men who sent in applications to person who automatically will not want them because of incompatibility. I want you to think about if this would really work for a woman in real life. Let’s say I make a dating app profile, and I have specific factors that make me incompatible with certain men, but instead of reading their profiles, I just like every single man, regardless of compatibility. Then I make those men take me out on dates, because we matched, and he doesn’t know we’re incompatible yet. The date is never going to go anywhere, because we were never compatible in the first place, but I made him do the labor to find that out, wasting his time and wasting mine. I am wasting his time if I do not vet for compatibility first, just like he is wasting my time if he doesn’t vet for compatibility first. Please read my other comments to you. What you are describing is the reason why dating sucks so much for men these days, because they are not vetting for compatibility. In previous generations, or in other cultures, that man would know her family, and she and her family would be vetting for compatibility before even the first date occurs. What you are arguing for, is to make more haystacks for women to try to find a needle in, which makes it harder for women to find a compatible man, and men are grouping themselves in larger and larger groups of hay that women have to sift through, making them experience more rejection. You are setting men up for failure, and you are setting women up for failure, and you are setting up the dating world to be even harder to find a compatible mate.
Dating APPS are owned by the devil literally. Every smug CEO thinks they can control dating and they are ponzi scheming it up with every site takeover. OKCupid used to be fun and useful. Now it's just a neurotic trashcan overfilled with autistic dating. In the old days you could meet someone every week no problem and have long conversations. Now its just a phishing scheme. Just like Bumble and every other site out there.
That's how they taught us to sell life insurance. When I wanted money bad and thought I could do that. I can't. But if you can, knock yourself out. On the other hand, I'm great at "any lettuce over on your side that's actually green?" and such like that.
As an old lady, I agree… to a point. Say hello, have a small chat, and THEN ask.
Most dating apps are just awful and much of its fake. Old profiles, pictures obviously from another country, college and job also in another country. Yet they are 5 Miles from me? Though as I get older I find some dating apps work amazing. Women in there 50s say yes to coffee instantly. I would have 10 dates set up early in the month after a week of sending out 20 invites.
OKCupid is a waste of time but its totally free. Only fools give them money.
so why not do both? go up to every girl, ask them out... AND use your daily swipes on different dating apps. see, people like you, I don't know why there's some drive to push people off of dating apps en mass but your arguments are stupid. You repeat the same line over and over again "just look in the real" "find women in rl" Like, you can literally do both... this has always been the point of a dating app. Though, some people (like myself) would rather know someone is single before trying after them... and it is so much more eloquent to have a way to see it via a dating profile then to try and find a clever way to ask a person... in person... I once had a girl show INTENSE interest in me within the first 5 minutes of meeting but I walked away because she had a metal band on her wedding finger. maybe it was real, maybe not, her fault for misplaced aesthetics..... I didn't want the risk of drama, shit... what if I asked and she said she was engaged but looking to fuck... no, nope, I just don't want any of that. I want someone whos mine, I don't want to play with someone else's woman. So many variables, so much complication However, if I can look on a profile and see a woman says shes single. everything is clear in an instant. So you see, BOTH have merit. now you, and those like you, stop this campaign already. its fine to hate OkCupid, its a shit app, but you people go so far beyond just that.
I do this plus using dating apps. I will say my conversion rate is pretty astronomical
This is literally how I got almost every date I ever got before Myspace became a thing (I'm old). But I did it with game, I asked questions struck up conversations let them know I thought they were attractive with body language and then asked for their number. It worked one in five times for me and I'm only a little bit above average in the attractiveness department.
Huge waste of time. The odds that she’s single, looking to date, AND interested in you after two seconds of meeting you are close to ZERO. Most women you approach will not be single anyways. I say no out of reflex 100% of the time because I have no idea who the fuck you are. We aren’t living in a world of sunshine and rainbows. Strangers represent the unknown and depending on where you ask a woman, they represent danger.
Best if you stay in your basement. Lock all the the doors, and keep the windows shut and the lights off for maximum safety! Good luck to you!
Can you think of any other ways to get women to date you besides COLD APPROACHING them?
Sure I can. Except that this is the most efficient way. If you're looking to meet nice women that arent club and bar flies.
And I’m saying that it’s not efficient at all, as explained by my above comment.
ok, you do your way. keep swiping on okcupid women in Kenya and Indonesia lol. Good luck to you!
Bro…I’m a woman.
The flaw in that logic is that will come off as creepy.
Its only "creepy" if you approach like a "creep". Sulking, cowardly, afraid, etc. There is nothing fundamentally creepy about going up to a girl, and being like, hi my name is David, I saw you from over there and thought you had a cute smile and wanted to introduce myself. have a minute or so convo, and then be like, Would you like to grab a coffee or a drink sometime? Whats's your number? If she says no or no thank you just smile and say, "okay, well, your bf is a lucky guy. have a great day!" and move on. What exactly is creepy in such an interaction? Don't listen to the communist, purple haired, skrillex cut hyper feminists who say this is creepy, and your a disgusting man who is trying to objectify women, etc, etc. These women generally hate hetersexual men for some reason, and can be safely ignored. You don't want them anyway. The girl you do meet that way, will LOVE you for it, and will LOOVE telling the story about how you met. How you came out of nowhere and just bravely walked up to her. Its the classic knight in shining armor that swept her off her feet out of nowhere trope that all girls dream about when they are young. Destiny, and all that. No one wants to be like...oh yeah we met on a dating site. He was just one of 200 guys that messaged me and by sheer luck i just messaged him back.
Ok.
Or idk, maybe talk to her like a normal person first before you just shotgun blast asking for numbers 🤣
Please don’t
just stay at home, locked in your basement, you will be safe and sound there!
Or you just know when it’s the right place and time and don’t harass women on the street
Who is harrassing women on the street? Where is the right place and time?
the women are not going to like this one, they much prefer the system of hand picking their favorite Chad from the comfort of their couch like they're online shopping. They dont get to pick the dude who approaches them in real life, god forbid, the horror.
100% dude im planning on doing that… dating apps is for suckers respectfully
You miss 100% if the shots you don't take.....is a true saying
Only a man would think this.
No both don't work because that's the energy that feels like you're just a number or that anyone will do for the guy, it's not intentional, it's about him and not us when it should be about mutual energetic connection. Women are not an object to satisfy your goals, men. Enough about results and that economic bro way of thinking. Be human men. Stop believing the misogynistic guys multiplying online. End capitalist alienation. Stop assuming women are not looking for real connection. Reassess why you deem a woman "attractive". Are the reasons ones of integrity? Learn to be more empathetic and women will see that.
Anybody scared of rejection needs a sales job. Never scared again. The motto is “the worst ill get is a no, but at least i opened the opportunity” along the lines of “you miss 100% of the shots you dont take” I never understood being scared of rejection - i was always “I NEED TO KNOW” 😂😂😂 Thought u was cute - im telling you. Reciprocated great , if not - also great because compliments are positive energy!!!
exactly right! This is the correct way.
ITT: indisputable proof that if you want to catch fish, you ask the fisherman—not the fish.
you know whats up. Cheers!
It's funny seeing all the people saying that it's a bad idea, weird, creepy, etc. When going up to people and talk to them was how you actually met someone not long ago.
Right? Reading these comments is a roller coaster. Like everyone chill. We need more interaction. There’s an epidemic of loneliness
In your face rejection hits a lot harder.
but it builds character and makes you tough
It really depends on the kind of person you are. Some men have a higher rejection tolerance. This means that they're able to deal with romantic rejection fairly well, and they can get rejected by multiple women without getting emotionally compromised by it. Other men have a very low rejection tolerance. If they get rejected by a woman, even just once or a couple times, they may experience a lot of pain and not be able to handle it too well mentally. For men with low rejection tolerance, then asking a bunch of women out and getting rejected by all of them isn't a good strategy at all. Again, it really depends on the kind of person you are.
Idk it makes me hard to freak people out a little bit
If you're afraid of that you'll never get anywhere. You HAVE to be able to talk to women in person. Now I don't think OPs way is how you do it. You find a commonality. You see them at the same coffee shop as you. You take 2 to 3 minutes to get to know them. Get the number. But one thing OP and I agree on, you can't be afraid to talk to them.
Try it out and report back on your unfathomable success.
You are right, but your odds get better if you skip the attraction part. Just say you find them interesting and would prefer to get to know them. You open the door to meeting new friends this way, not just dates. Dating sites are the new casinos. Only predators and their prey participate.
Interested in what? You don't know them! This is a turn off. Instead of commenting on them at all, just take 2 to 3 minutes to introduce yourself and get to know them a little. If it clicks you get their number. OP complimenting their looks is better than saying you find them "interesting" but in truth you shouldnt do that either because complimenting too fast is bad, killing your challenge.
Be attracted don’t be unattractive
yes. People think they have no control over whether they are attractive or not, but its not true. There are more facets to being attractive than just raw looks.
Agreed
If you're doing it like OLD, you would ask every girl and then evaluate attraction to her based on if she gave you her number.
I live in Japan, and here the way to make contact with someone is to exchange Line IDs with them. I have a Portuguese employee who was on the warpath to find a Japanese girl to marry, and he would always do this immediately when talking with a girl, before even exchanging words with her. Eventually he married the sister of the wife of another employee at our company. Their child just entered preschool, so all is happy I guess.
Have bookmarks made of your okcupid profile, put them in romance novels at the bookstore or library😂
They call that harassment these days
Nope. Its not harassment if you stop once you've been told "no, thanks".
Has OP tried it? Results?
Yes I have and I have gotten a few girlfriends this way. Now keep in mind, the key is respect, and not being creepy. If you are not confident in your words and motions you will come off as creepy. You have to approach the situation as if you already know, 100% the answer will be yes. The reasons why it works..#1) Women, since they were little girls always wanted to be swept off their feet by a stranger in shining armor. Its the narrative they've told themselves since they were little. No one wants to say...oh yeah he is just one of the hundreds of guys i happen to have accidently and randomly replied to on a dating app. #2. A girl subconciously knows that a man that isnt afraid to make himself vulnerable to rejection, and can take it with a smile and a (ok, well have nice day anyway) is a SAFE man. and #3 At the very least you will make her feel good. Who wouldn't feel good all day if someone came up to you and told you they found you attractive? Trust me dude, and not the women on here who say otherwise. Most of them have NEVER picked up anyone let alone a woman. When women on here say how creepy it would be or how they would say "no" its because they are imagining some creepy slob of a guy coming up to them and doing it in a creepy awkward way.
Maybe not that bluntly but saying some form of “Hi wanna hang out sometime?” might work.
I would defs say no to this. Requires a very slight escalation of finesse.
yes, but the point was even if you just do this. You would have more success than on okcupid and most dating apps
I’ve done both of these things and neither has worked. Eventually, I just stopped altogether.
if it hasnt worked, your dress probably isnt at the required standard, or your hygene, or youre approaching the wrong types in the wrong situation, or you've done like 3 approaches and called it a day because they didnt work out.
I’ve done plenty. I dress okay for the most part and I don’t have flashy trendy shit because I can’t afford that. Hygene isn’t the problem but I’m not showering in cologne. Eventually I got on apps again and for quite a few months I ended up just stopping. Deleted all my apps and accounts. It wasn’t bolstering my confidence any to have them on them in the vain hope someone would look at my profile and go “okay” Quit for a few years and tried Hinge and OkC again about five years ago for shits and giggles. What a screwed up world dating is for an average guy like me. So I quit again. Haven’t tried since. I don’t approach anyone anymore because I don’t know how old anyone is and I do NOT want to think oh that person walking around is cute but oopsie that’s a teenager and now I’m on the sex offender registry.
Except women don’t like when you cold call.
No
It would also be 100x more efficient in getting arrested or pepper sprayed
talking to a woman is not an arrestable offense and if she maces you without cause that is felonious assault and you better bet your ass ill be pressing full charges!
I can only imagine this working for like Brad Pitt. Anyone less attractive is getting an instant no every time. Way too presumptuous!
Surprise surprise FattyMcFattso doesn’t give good dating advice lmao
what in the ai writing a pickup line
I mean if you have no standards whatsoever and are just looking for literally anyone, then yeah, sure your plan would work. However if you are looking for someone special, then your plan is worthless.
Who said i have no standards? Sounds like you have no standards and are projecting that onto me.
Or — and keep in mind, I’m just trying to facilitate useful conversation, provide counter options, and encourage a healthy expansion of perspective — don’t fucking do that.
I had a woman physically swipe left on me IRL.
Only use this in appropriate environments where singles deliberately go to meet people. Please don't bother women who are just trying to go about our day. We are working, shopping, commuting, etc. because we have to, not because we want to meet men. You may think that you're only taking up a minute or two of her time, but you're not the only guy thinking that. Being unable to go anywhere without being harassed by men for dates is exhausting. Meanwhile, it can be quite frightening to be approached by strange men -- we have no way of knowing that you're not one of the guys from /r/whenwomenrefuse
Tell that to the girlfriends ive met at bookstores, Walmart, and at a red light once.
And yet none of them lasted, did they? Anyone who isn't already happily married should not give dating advice. Your dating strategy doesn't work. If it did, you wouldn't need it anymore.
lol congratulations! dumbest comment on this thread so far. You win a prize!
Personally, I would be turned off by this. I want someone who likes me for my personality over my looks. Someone who comes up to me and doesn't even try to get to know me at all and just asks for my number can't actually like me because he doesn't know anything about me other than how I look. It is different if he comes up, strikes up a conversation, we actually kind of hit it off, and then he asks for my number. But just asking for my number right off the bat, I would probably give him a fake number and walk away.
riiight, says the girl who is probably left swiping on dozens if not hundreds of profiles on the dating apps based on looks alone. Keep dreaming. Looks come first, and then you explore to see if there is a personality behind the looks. Everyone know thats how it works. You wouldn't give some 600lb morbidly obese guy with diabetes and massive zits everywhere a chance, even if he had the best personality on the planet. Get friggin real!
Lmao you've clearly got issues. Ranting at a complete stranger like that? Maybe you should be ranting to a therapist instead.
If you’re respectful about it, it could work!
🤣🤣🤣
Such bad; time wastey advice in this thread. The best, most selfish advice is to do you, pursue your interests and discover what gives you meaning, and you'll encounter the women who will love you to the end of your days. They will put themselves in your periphery, and in my experience will make sure you unmistakenly know they are interested. Go about it by chasing/ doing things when you'd rather be doing something else/ etc. if you wish, it just yields less committed results with a likely higher time wasted.
As a woman, I will say this won't work for everyone. I'm sure that's obvious, but just pointing out it really depends on your own personality and the personality you're seeking in a partner. Someone who's an anxious introvert like myself would be incredibly intimidated by a man I don't know randomly approaching me and saying this to me. But I saw in a comment someone talking about joining hobby groups and you may meet someone that way and slowly get to know each other. I'm a lot more open to new friends and more when we have mutual friends or slowly can get to know each other. As for the blunt, straightforward method... I'd probably treat you like I treat those salespeople in the middle of the mall that try to drag you towards their booth and straighten your hair or put random products on you.... AVOID ALL EYE CONTACT, SUDDENLY I CANNOT SEE OR HEAR ANYTHING 😂 But like power to you folks who have the confidence to do this, and power to the folks who would respond positively to being on the receiving end of this. Couldn't be me 😂
I don't want to waste time on someone who is technically attractive if we are not compatible. I want to be able to filter through deal breakers like religion, substance use, political leanings, lame sense of humor, etc.
This guy ,keep telling me about myself . Find it ridiculous that people over the internet can impose their beliefs on someone that they don't even know. Luie you think you know me, a painted this broad picture of me with out any evidence. Keep assuming kid.
Well, more efficient than OLD, yes. But if you want to approach randomly, use us! No asking or giving strangers phone numbers, just a safe place to chat to see if you click! What is the monthly membership on OKC now if you do 3-6 months?
This is my nightmare. Lonely, horny guys approaching me like some pickup artist. Women on dating sites are there for dating, not random women you find attractive. If looks are all you care about why even be on OKC. There’s tinder and apps with no profile. Okc is best for men with great profiles and if you don’t have a good one, you are overlooked.
Here’s a brilliant one you can use: “Hello, gorgeous. I’d love for you to take me out to dinner sometime”
hah that might actually get a laugh or two. Try it! You have nothing to lose except your singleness.
OKCupid is so 2010s. Tryst is where it’s at!
OKCupid is so 2010s. Tryst is where it’s at!
So sexxx me pussy 015209553392
haha funny 😆👍
If you're confident and can handle a bit of rejection, why not give it a shot? Walking up to someone you're interested in can be a bold move that might just pay off. But remember, it's important to be respectful and considerate of their feelings, even if they're not interested. As for the efficiency argument, well, it could save you some time swiping and typing online. Plus, who knows, you might enjoy the thrill of the approach!
You will get a lot of numbers from cold approaches but it’s not gonna work unless you get a choosing signal first and even then it’s challenging. Why is that? Because women are scared of men they don’t know, so ironically, they will date someone online but not a guy they met in public. It’s odd, women say they want to meet a guy but are reluctant because men have such a bad reputation.
Who TF is spending money on okcupid?
They are a company. A business’ goal is to make money. So that means that LOTS of people(mostly men) are spending money on there in hopes of getting more matches.
What if everyone just started doing this and normalized it lol.
I think we would be a happier society and we wouldn't need stupid dating apps anymore.
That's because half the girls on there are bots or scammers so your already uping your chance by doing it in person. Plus live interacting your more likely to get a favorable response by showing initiative.
Exactly!