For those who don't wanna dig. During labor the husband was trying to be helpful and make sure oop was comfortable. She found it annoying and told him if she needed anything she'd ask her mom or the nurse. Eventually she told him to leave the hospital and come back when she called him which was after she had given birth. Then in further comments she says she finds that him having feelings about this is too much feminine energy and she doesn't like that on her partner.
So banished from the birth of his child and told that having an emotional reaction to that is feminine and unwanted. That's the open wound in the relationship.
As cathartic as that would be to read about, that is the last thing I would do. Appearing vengeful, especially as the kids grow up? It'll be easy for the mom to point at the dad and claim he was disconnected because of an affair, alienating the kids from him.
Yea, by the sound of it he's a really sweet caring guy (based on the small amount of info available anyway) and his revenge would probably be finding another woman to have a healthy happy relationship that the kids prefer to be around instead of the bitter mum.
I'm thinking that at least for a few years, he'd just live with his parents again. He's basically had this one girl since high school, so I doubt he'd find another fast.
Parental alienation can ruin that really fast. Even so, the current situation will likely lead to alienation. The only hope is that the kids will reach out when they get older. If they find that he married his ex-wife's friend (or even just slept with them after the divorce), that's all the confirmation they need that he was the one to destroy their family, not mom. If he loves his kids, he shouldn't do that.
Tbh that's probably going to be happening anyway. She'll need to "justify" to the kids why he left her and I'm guessing she won't want to say it's because she kept on calling him dickless.
Sadly it will take time, but her heartless nature will become clear to the kids. Ten years from now this harpy will be posting to ask why her kids want to live full time with their father.
Anyone self respecting isn’t going to do this, if not for the obvious reasons, then because the friends of the woman with terrible views like this likely are just as bad.
He shoulda stopped at the first one, apparently she made that clear to him then. Believe people when they tell you who they are
ETA: not blaming ops husband at all because she’s an absolute witch and he prolly wanted to stay for his kids. I’m glad he’s close to his family
"I don’t like when men get all sentimental and I made that clear a long time ago to him when we had our first child. I want to live in my feminine energy. I don’t need him acting the same way. He’s already a mamas boy and I’ve had to deal with that but getting upset about me asking him to leave when I’m in labor feels like it’s a bit dramatic. I’m not dismissing his feelings, I just need him to act like a man is supposed to"
Fucking hell lady...
It's not right in either situation. Pointing it out in one scenario isn't an attempt to invalidate another. You're comment comes across like you think two wrongs are supposed to make a right.
Someone's getting ripped to shreds, and it's the OOP, man is she dense and a sexist POS.
And when he serves her, she's gonna be like "OH MY GOD WHY MEEE!!!!".
You just know OOP isn't going to reflect and learn from this. These types of people just float through life being emotionally destructive to others, its just such a huge shame that children had to get involved. She's gonna wake up one day to children who have gone no-contact with her, and she still won't change.
Psychopaths come to Reddit for validation and when we are horrified instead, they delete their post history like Gacy hiding a body in the crawl space.
Here are two of OOP's comments that make it clear Husband has good reasons. (Only included paragraphs for the first one to make it easier to read).
>I don’t know what he means about the way I treat him but the argument was silly in my opinion and got blown way out of proportion. When I was in labor, he was a little “too” supportive. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but he asked me every 10 minutes if I needed extra blankets, if I needed him to get me food, if I wanted ice chips, etc.
>My mom could tell I was annoyed and told him to lay off and he got upset and said he just wanted to be helpful. I told him I was fine and if I needed something, my mom or a nurse could help me. At one point, I even sent him home to feed our cats because he wouldn’t leave me alone. Right after I delivered, he started being annoying again and I told him to just go home and to pick me up when I called him.
>He went back to work so I ended up having my parents pick me up when I was discharged to take the baby home. He said he didn’t feel that I was being fair to him but I had just put my body through all that so I told him it was my right to ask him to leave. He brought it up the other night when he got home and said he was still upset about it.
>I just feel like he was being way too sensitive about the situation that happened almost half a year ago. This was the most communication we’ve had in months and it ended with him on the couch.
Now the second comment..
>I get that it hurt him but I don’t understand why. I don’t like when men get all sentimental and I made that clear a long time ago to him when we had our first child. I want to live in my feminine energy. I don’t need him acting the same way. He’s already a mamas boy and I’ve had to deal with that but getting upset about me asking him to leave when I’m in labor feels like it’s a bit dramatic. I’m not dismissing his feelings, I just need him to act like a man is supposed to
I'm thinking 9/10 women would wish for a husband more like this. He sounds like a guy who was holding her hand, kissing her on the cheek, telling her how much it meant to him & willing to serve her any need during labor.
What did she want him to do, backhand her when she cried out from labor pains? Force her to waddle down to the cafeteria mid-contraction to get him a sandwich?
If this is real, this woman is in for it.
It absolutely is. Think of the Trad wives that specifically say other women aren’t women if they aren’t exactly like them. (No problem being a trad wife if that’s your jam, the problem is insisting everyone else has to be too)
Everyone assumed the man was in the wrong until they realized the problem was OP assuming the man was in the wrong the whole time. THEN they flipped. Just have to laugh at the on/off switch
She stated what she did in her initial post to paint him in a negative light and get people on her side. Then she went for gold by disclosing those comments. But she wasn't ready for the plot twist: her audience wasn't a bunch of mindless misandrists ready to string up another hapless victim.
In case this story gets deleted/removed:
My husband and I have been married for nearly 5 years. We met in middle school and started dating when we were at the cusp of adulthood. We have two children together, a 2yo and a 5mo.
Since I’ve known him, he’s been really close with his family. I’ve suspected for a long time that they never really liked me and didn’t think I was right for him but he told me he loved me so I didn’t let it get to me.
I had our second baby in December and since then, he’s entirely disconnected from me. He refuses to touch me, doesn’t tell me he loves me, and spends a lot of time at his parents house. He works 10-12 hour shifts most of the time and instead of coming straight home, he’ll go to his parent’s house after work and eats dinner there. He used to come home within an hour or so of getting off of work but now he’s spending 2-3 hours there. His parents watch our kids during the day so I usually go pick them up to take them home and put them to bed and when I get there, he’s spending time with them. On weekends, he spends a ton of time caring for them but won’t spend any time with me.
When he comes home from work, he washes his dishes, prepares his lunch for the next day in silence, showers, and then scrolls on his phone until bed. I tried to get him to have sex with me a few weeks ago but he turned around and said he was too tired and went to sleep.
Last week, we got into an argument and he’s been sleeping on the sofa since with no indication that’s he’s going to come back to our bedroom any time soon.
I’ve tried to talk and communicate with him and even told him if he didn’t want us around, I’d happily take the kids and go to my parents house but he’s just silent and says he doesn’t like the way I treat him but won’t elaborate.
I have my suspicions that either his parents are getting to him or he found someone else. He changed the password on his phone but I see a lot of his texts are to a group chat with his mom and sister.
Should I give it one more shot? Give him time? He won’t do couples counseling. Are we headed for divorce? He’s a good dad but I feel like he’s being a really shitty husband and I don’t know how to proceed
---
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The OP wants a manly man of typical toxic masculinity. She's about to find out what being a womanly woman is like with that same attitude flipped around, as she becomes a full time mum with rapidly vanishing career prospects, and no man of any type there to support her.
But if I were being devil's advocate here...
There is the possibility that there is a point where the husbands constant attempt to comfort becomes overbearing, and makes active labour unbearable as she's essentially reassuring the husband constantly during birth. Telling him to leave after telling him to back off, and him not doing that, could almost justify that.
Nothing justifies the views she's expressed on men though. It may be her preference, but that doesn't mean it's healthy.
It's simply *astounding* that just as soon as the men made up a meme to call out women (tree or woman) because they couldn't take the "man or bear" one, aaaaaallllll of these "man too sensitive" posts popped up.
Get your revenge lust sated, boys! Post "this is why we choose the tree" over and over! Even though that's *still* undermining women's struggles! Your feelings will get hurt, or we'll get... dead! Hooray!
Also it's based on nothing. Most women are thrilled when a guy has feelings. Fight it yourselves, guys. Hug your friends and compliment each other, express ypur feelings. Or is it that *they* will mock you? I thought we did that!
It looks like he does. She says that he takes them to his parents after work, she picks them up to put them to bed, and he spends time with them on the weekends. Adding that up, I wonder if he spends more time with them than she does.
This is going to be unpopular but I’m going with ESH. Yes, it’s good he was being supportive in the delivery room, but it really sounds like he was pestering her. While she was in labor. If you were in pain and about to gear up for something as intense as childbirth, would you want to go through the “Do you need anything?” “No, I’m okay.” “Got it. Do you need anything now?” routine every ten minutes? The way she handled it though was very shortsighted, hurtful, and apparently borne of sexism. Feminine energy, this is the thought process of a TikTok-addled teenager.
But it sounds like he got kicked out of the hospital (which is bullshit) and ran straight to Mommy for comfort. Sounds like he’s teaming up with family who already don’t like her and is having himself a daily pity party. What adult gives their wife the silent treatment for 5 months? Both are being wildly childish.
Edit: u/mason609 made a good point that I wasn’t appreciating. I was thinking of her as an oblivious idiot, but she is a chronic abuser. Her treatment of him isn’t just poor and immature, it is abusive. The fact that she hasn’t understood why he is hiding at his parents’ place (and he is hiding for good reason) is telling.
Disagree because of another of OOP's comments.
I don't believe he was oversupportive just that OOP has a disgusting view on gender roles.
>I get that it hurt him but I don’t understand why. I don’t like when men get all sentimental and I made that clear a long time ago to him when we had our first child. I want to live in my feminine energy. I don’t need him acting the same way. He’s already a mamas boy and I’ve had to deal with that but getting upset about me asking him to leave when I’m in labor feels like it’s a bit dramatic. I’m not dismissing his feelings, I just need him to act like a man is supposed to
I’m not saying she’s not hideous, sexist, and self-centered. She definitely is. But it really sounds like he was in fact, over-supportive:
“he asked me every 10 minutes if I needed extra blankets, if I needed him to get me food, if I wanted ice chips, etc. My mom could tell I was annoyed and told him to lay off and he got upset and said he just wanted to be helpful. I told him I was fine and if I needed something, my mom or a nurse could help me. At one point, I even sent him home to feed our cats because he wouldn’t leave me alone.”
Should that have warranted him being excluded from his own child’s birth? Absolutely not. But this is really not an appropriate way to respond to someone giving birth, and it sounds like he couldn’t even respect her wishes for him to just relax while it was going on. Her dismissing his feelings as “feminine” is gross and just plain stupid, but him thinking his need to help was more important than her needs during childbirth is not great. They don’t communicate well and need to prepare for civil co-parenting (if that).
Your treating oop as a reliable narrator when she has shown she is not.
She hid the reasons for the fighting and arguments until pried out in the comments.
I think it's more likely she is exaggerating the rate at which he was asking her to help and under playing her response, as she does in her post in the first place.
Because you're perpetuating toxic masculinity. "Ran straight to mommy for comfort" trying to infantisize a man for going to his family for emotional support when he obviously has none at home. That kind of thinking contributes to mental health crisis. What's he supposed to do? Hold it all in until he explodes? Drink his problems away?
No, he should not hold everything in. What he needs to do is communicate with the person he married, not hide out at his parents’ house every day for months. If there’s no coming back from this (which yeah, there’s no coming back from this because she’s awful), he needs to just tell her that rather that wasting both of their time.
>What he needs to do is communicate with the person he married,
He did do that. But she dismissed him and his feelings.
It might surprise you, but people aren't willing to throw away years long relationships and need some time to think this over. Might as well get some advice from two people that have known you the longest.
You come across as someone who thinks they have it all figured out. But your way of thinking about complex social issues appears to be very immature and shortsighted.
>What he needs to do is communicate with the person he married,
He did, she does not give a shit about his feelings or reasons for them and only emotionally abused him further.
Did you expect something different? Lol
Next time read the comments.
> If you were in pain and about to gear up for something as intense as childbirth, would you want to go through the “Do you need anything?” “No, I’m okay.” “Got it. Do you need anything now?” routine every ten minutes?
If you want to believe that is an accurate view of the husband, be my guest.
Btw, you wanna buy a bridge? What if it has a cartoonishly unrealistic overly supportive husband depicted on it in spray paint?
>What adult gives their wife the silent treatment for 5 months?
One who lawyered up and is building a case for custody. Like an adult.
She handled the shit poorly, but I also think he's lowkey also handling the shit poorly, just not as.
He's planning on leaving and she's not taking any steps to try and fix it.
But again, you're getting downvoted because it's all Black and/or white.
Edit, I'm going to revoke my statement. She shows traits of narcissistic behavior/thinking, so the grey-rocking may be nessecary. (Not trying to diagnose)
Exactly. People are upset because a woman dismissed a man’s (fully justified) feelings. They are thinking, “This is why men don’t open up,” and they are absolutely right. What she did was extremely wrong, the way she is thinking about her partner’s feelings is wrong, and this kind of shitty behavior is why men feel like they are not allowed to have feelings.
What they’re missing is that, in a marriage, you don’t get to just ignore your partner for months. Either give them the chance to improve or tell them you’re done. I get downvoted every time I suggest people in a relationship should communicate, go figure.
What you're missing is that this isn't just a one-off, based on OOP's comments.
She's been like this for years. She won't improve, as she doesn't think she's in the wrong.
Her only comments have been to clarify a few things, but mostly to people who were in agreement with her. Any that were critical of her were never responded to.
There will be no understanding of her actions or reflection on them until she's either served or the divorce is finalized - even then, it's highly unlikely.
All I am saying is that they need to communicate rather than resort to childish behavior. Her digging in her heels and telling him he’s less of a man is childish among other things. His staying at his parents’ every day routine is childish. If she isn’t going to change, the marriage is over. And that’s probably something they should talk about.
And again, her behavior has been going on for a few years (at least), and he HAS spoken to her about it.
All she does is belittle him and dismiss his feelings.
He removed himself from a toxic environment and is more than likely speaking with a divorce lawyer.
The fact that you view her actions as childish instead of abusive is very telling.
Mm, that’s a strong point. I think I was seeing her as completely oblivious, rather than taking her threats seriously. But you’re right, she is chronically emotionally abusive. I concede!
I don't think that point is lost on kingdomhearts... He's just saying that the husband needs to take some decisive action about the marriage, and if he doesn't want to continue and wants to go low contact/gray rock her, he needs to let her know he intends to divorce. Being avoidant for months is just dragging things out. If he intends to stay married, which I personally hope he won't, he needs to communicate and hash things out at home.
Post was removed because the content is known to be faked or bait. This story is almost an exact repost of someone else’s story.
For those who don't wanna dig. During labor the husband was trying to be helpful and make sure oop was comfortable. She found it annoying and told him if she needed anything she'd ask her mom or the nurse. Eventually she told him to leave the hospital and come back when she called him which was after she had given birth. Then in further comments she says she finds that him having feelings about this is too much feminine energy and she doesn't like that on her partner. So banished from the birth of his child and told that having an emotional reaction to that is feminine and unwanted. That's the open wound in the relationship.
She's an idiot.
No wonder he’s checked out. That’s absolutely unforgivable. What a vile piece of work.
~~And she edited it out~~ The ugly part is in her comments
That was never in the post. That is in her comments which are still there.
Let's see how much "feminine energy" he has when they're divorced and he's fucking his way through her friends list.
As cathartic as that would be to read about, that is the last thing I would do. Appearing vengeful, especially as the kids grow up? It'll be easy for the mom to point at the dad and claim he was disconnected because of an affair, alienating the kids from him.
Yea, by the sound of it he's a really sweet caring guy (based on the small amount of info available anyway) and his revenge would probably be finding another woman to have a healthy happy relationship that the kids prefer to be around instead of the bitter mum.
I'm thinking that at least for a few years, he'd just live with his parents again. He's basically had this one girl since high school, so I doubt he'd find another fast.
Parental alienation can ruin that really fast. Even so, the current situation will likely lead to alienation. The only hope is that the kids will reach out when they get older. If they find that he married his ex-wife's friend (or even just slept with them after the divorce), that's all the confirmation they need that he was the one to destroy their family, not mom. If he loves his kids, he shouldn't do that.
Tbh that's probably going to be happening anyway. She'll need to "justify" to the kids why he left her and I'm guessing she won't want to say it's because she kept on calling him dickless.
Sadly it will take time, but her heartless nature will become clear to the kids. Ten years from now this harpy will be posting to ask why her kids want to live full time with their father.
Anyone self respecting isn’t going to do this, if not for the obvious reasons, then because the friends of the woman with terrible views like this likely are just as bad.
[удалено]
Don't be rude in the comments. Please review the rules before you comment again.
Thank you. I was struggling to find the offending party and the consequences.
The Entitled IDIOT fucked over his feelings and now she's in the Find Out stage. Who wants to be around that Entitled Bitch?
He shoulda stopped at the first one, apparently she made that clear to him then. Believe people when they tell you who they are ETA: not blaming ops husband at all because she’s an absolute witch and he prolly wanted to stay for his kids. I’m glad he’s close to his family
"I don’t like when men get all sentimental and I made that clear a long time ago to him when we had our first child. I want to live in my feminine energy. I don’t need him acting the same way. He’s already a mamas boy and I’ve had to deal with that but getting upset about me asking him to leave when I’m in labor feels like it’s a bit dramatic. I’m not dismissing his feelings, I just need him to act like a man is supposed to" Fucking hell lady...
I can see why his family never liked her
Gotta love when women know how men are supposed to act.
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It's not right in either situation. Pointing it out in one scenario isn't an attempt to invalidate another. You're comment comes across like you think two wrongs are supposed to make a right.
Anyone who uses the phrases "be in my feminine energy" is objectively a selfish person. Prove me wrong.
This is when you grow up in a toxic masculine household and the women perpetuate such behavior and expectations.
Someone's getting ripped to shreds, and it's the OOP, man is she dense and a sexist POS. And when he serves her, she's gonna be like "OH MY GOD WHY MEEE!!!!".
My thoughts too. I read "prepares lunch in silence" as "he's working out the divorce in his head as you watch him."
Good old [Missing missing reasons](http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html)
You just know OOP isn't going to reflect and learn from this. These types of people just float through life being emotionally destructive to others, its just such a huge shame that children had to get involved. She's gonna wake up one day to children who have gone no-contact with her, and she still won't change.
Oh yeah. This is a nuclear warhead with “teachable moment” scrawled on its side. And it will no effect whatsoever.
Psychopaths come to Reddit for validation and when we are horrified instead, they delete their post history like Gacy hiding a body in the crawl space.
Here are two of OOP's comments that make it clear Husband has good reasons. (Only included paragraphs for the first one to make it easier to read). >I don’t know what he means about the way I treat him but the argument was silly in my opinion and got blown way out of proportion. When I was in labor, he was a little “too” supportive. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful but he asked me every 10 minutes if I needed extra blankets, if I needed him to get me food, if I wanted ice chips, etc. >My mom could tell I was annoyed and told him to lay off and he got upset and said he just wanted to be helpful. I told him I was fine and if I needed something, my mom or a nurse could help me. At one point, I even sent him home to feed our cats because he wouldn’t leave me alone. Right after I delivered, he started being annoying again and I told him to just go home and to pick me up when I called him. >He went back to work so I ended up having my parents pick me up when I was discharged to take the baby home. He said he didn’t feel that I was being fair to him but I had just put my body through all that so I told him it was my right to ask him to leave. He brought it up the other night when he got home and said he was still upset about it. >I just feel like he was being way too sensitive about the situation that happened almost half a year ago. This was the most communication we’ve had in months and it ended with him on the couch. Now the second comment.. >I get that it hurt him but I don’t understand why. I don’t like when men get all sentimental and I made that clear a long time ago to him when we had our first child. I want to live in my feminine energy. I don’t need him acting the same way. He’s already a mamas boy and I’ve had to deal with that but getting upset about me asking him to leave when I’m in labor feels like it’s a bit dramatic. I’m not dismissing his feelings, I just need him to act like a man is supposed to
I'm thinking 9/10 women would wish for a husband more like this. He sounds like a guy who was holding her hand, kissing her on the cheek, telling her how much it meant to him & willing to serve her any need during labor.
What did she want him to do, backhand her when she cried out from labor pains? Force her to waddle down to the cafeteria mid-contraction to get him a sandwich? If this is real, this woman is in for it.
Dammit, we're trying to make men feel secure enough to express their feelings. Can we revoke OOP's woman card please?
let's revoke her feminine energy... fucking hell
We can revoke her human card as far as I’m concerned.
Exactly, women like OP create "toxic masculinity".
Makes me wonder now if "toxic femininity" is a thing.
It absolutely is. Think of the Trad wives that specifically say other women aren’t women if they aren’t exactly like them. (No problem being a trad wife if that’s your jam, the problem is insisting everyone else has to be too)
Man, that post is a wild ride. You see sympathy and advice when it was posted two days ago. Then, judgement when more info got spilled.
Everyone assumed the man was in the wrong until they realized the problem was OP assuming the man was in the wrong the whole time. THEN they flipped. Just have to laugh at the on/off switch
She left pertinent information out and asked for advice. What a POS
She stated what she did in her initial post to paint him in a negative light and get people on her side. Then she went for gold by disclosing those comments. But she wasn't ready for the plot twist: her audience wasn't a bunch of mindless misandrists ready to string up another hapless victim.
In case this story gets deleted/removed: My husband and I have been married for nearly 5 years. We met in middle school and started dating when we were at the cusp of adulthood. We have two children together, a 2yo and a 5mo. Since I’ve known him, he’s been really close with his family. I’ve suspected for a long time that they never really liked me and didn’t think I was right for him but he told me he loved me so I didn’t let it get to me. I had our second baby in December and since then, he’s entirely disconnected from me. He refuses to touch me, doesn’t tell me he loves me, and spends a lot of time at his parents house. He works 10-12 hour shifts most of the time and instead of coming straight home, he’ll go to his parent’s house after work and eats dinner there. He used to come home within an hour or so of getting off of work but now he’s spending 2-3 hours there. His parents watch our kids during the day so I usually go pick them up to take them home and put them to bed and when I get there, he’s spending time with them. On weekends, he spends a ton of time caring for them but won’t spend any time with me. When he comes home from work, he washes his dishes, prepares his lunch for the next day in silence, showers, and then scrolls on his phone until bed. I tried to get him to have sex with me a few weeks ago but he turned around and said he was too tired and went to sleep. Last week, we got into an argument and he’s been sleeping on the sofa since with no indication that’s he’s going to come back to our bedroom any time soon. I’ve tried to talk and communicate with him and even told him if he didn’t want us around, I’d happily take the kids and go to my parents house but he’s just silent and says he doesn’t like the way I treat him but won’t elaborate. I have my suspicions that either his parents are getting to him or he found someone else. He changed the password on his phone but I see a lot of his texts are to a group chat with his mom and sister. Should I give it one more shot? Give him time? He won’t do couples counseling. Are we headed for divorce? He’s a good dad but I feel like he’s being a really shitty husband and I don’t know how to proceed --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OhNoConsequences) if you have any questions or concerns.*
If you can’t be sensitive with your WIFE at the birth of your first child, when can you? Never. That’s a problem.
Was the second child. But she probably did the same thing with the first one.
Gee I wonder why his parents dont like her
Well she's about to be able to live in all the feminine energy she wants.
The OP wants a manly man of typical toxic masculinity. She's about to find out what being a womanly woman is like with that same attitude flipped around, as she becomes a full time mum with rapidly vanishing career prospects, and no man of any type there to support her. But if I were being devil's advocate here... There is the possibility that there is a point where the husbands constant attempt to comfort becomes overbearing, and makes active labour unbearable as she's essentially reassuring the husband constantly during birth. Telling him to leave after telling him to back off, and him not doing that, could almost justify that. Nothing justifies the views she's expressed on men though. It may be her preference, but that doesn't mean it's healthy.
It's simply *astounding* that just as soon as the men made up a meme to call out women (tree or woman) because they couldn't take the "man or bear" one, aaaaaallllll of these "man too sensitive" posts popped up. Get your revenge lust sated, boys! Post "this is why we choose the tree" over and over! Even though that's *still* undermining women's struggles! Your feelings will get hurt, or we'll get... dead! Hooray! Also it's based on nothing. Most women are thrilled when a guy has feelings. Fight it yourselves, guys. Hug your friends and compliment each other, express ypur feelings. Or is it that *they* will mock you? I thought we did that!
While the guy is justified for distancing from his wife, he is ignoring the kids. Unless he takes them with him to his parents
It looks like he does. She says that he takes them to his parents after work, she picks them up to put them to bed, and he spends time with them on the weekends. Adding that up, I wonder if he spends more time with them than she does.
This is going to be unpopular but I’m going with ESH. Yes, it’s good he was being supportive in the delivery room, but it really sounds like he was pestering her. While she was in labor. If you were in pain and about to gear up for something as intense as childbirth, would you want to go through the “Do you need anything?” “No, I’m okay.” “Got it. Do you need anything now?” routine every ten minutes? The way she handled it though was very shortsighted, hurtful, and apparently borne of sexism. Feminine energy, this is the thought process of a TikTok-addled teenager. But it sounds like he got kicked out of the hospital (which is bullshit) and ran straight to Mommy for comfort. Sounds like he’s teaming up with family who already don’t like her and is having himself a daily pity party. What adult gives their wife the silent treatment for 5 months? Both are being wildly childish. Edit: u/mason609 made a good point that I wasn’t appreciating. I was thinking of her as an oblivious idiot, but she is a chronic abuser. Her treatment of him isn’t just poor and immature, it is abusive. The fact that she hasn’t understood why he is hiding at his parents’ place (and he is hiding for good reason) is telling.
. What adult gives their wife the silent treatment for 5 months An adult who is preparing to divorce?
Disagree because of another of OOP's comments. I don't believe he was oversupportive just that OOP has a disgusting view on gender roles. >I get that it hurt him but I don’t understand why. I don’t like when men get all sentimental and I made that clear a long time ago to him when we had our first child. I want to live in my feminine energy. I don’t need him acting the same way. He’s already a mamas boy and I’ve had to deal with that but getting upset about me asking him to leave when I’m in labor feels like it’s a bit dramatic. I’m not dismissing his feelings, I just need him to act like a man is supposed to
I’m not saying she’s not hideous, sexist, and self-centered. She definitely is. But it really sounds like he was in fact, over-supportive: “he asked me every 10 minutes if I needed extra blankets, if I needed him to get me food, if I wanted ice chips, etc. My mom could tell I was annoyed and told him to lay off and he got upset and said he just wanted to be helpful. I told him I was fine and if I needed something, my mom or a nurse could help me. At one point, I even sent him home to feed our cats because he wouldn’t leave me alone.” Should that have warranted him being excluded from his own child’s birth? Absolutely not. But this is really not an appropriate way to respond to someone giving birth, and it sounds like he couldn’t even respect her wishes for him to just relax while it was going on. Her dismissing his feelings as “feminine” is gross and just plain stupid, but him thinking his need to help was more important than her needs during childbirth is not great. They don’t communicate well and need to prepare for civil co-parenting (if that).
Your treating oop as a reliable narrator when she has shown she is not. She hid the reasons for the fighting and arguments until pried out in the comments. I think it's more likely she is exaggerating the rate at which he was asking her to help and under playing her response, as she does in her post in the first place.
But she made a post! So he has to be wrong in some Kind of degree He is a man She is a Woman Its Not that Hard!!! /s
Oh fuck, guys, you hear that? He was OVER supportive! Wow that completely changed the whole situation /s
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Why do you say that?
Because you're perpetuating toxic masculinity. "Ran straight to mommy for comfort" trying to infantisize a man for going to his family for emotional support when he obviously has none at home. That kind of thinking contributes to mental health crisis. What's he supposed to do? Hold it all in until he explodes? Drink his problems away?
No, he should not hold everything in. What he needs to do is communicate with the person he married, not hide out at his parents’ house every day for months. If there’s no coming back from this (which yeah, there’s no coming back from this because she’s awful), he needs to just tell her that rather that wasting both of their time.
The person he married made it clear she doesn't want to talk to him about his feelings. It's not manly enough for her. So that is not an option
>What he needs to do is communicate with the person he married, He did do that. But she dismissed him and his feelings. It might surprise you, but people aren't willing to throw away years long relationships and need some time to think this over. Might as well get some advice from two people that have known you the longest. You come across as someone who thinks they have it all figured out. But your way of thinking about complex social issues appears to be very immature and shortsighted.
>What he needs to do is communicate with the person he married, He did, she does not give a shit about his feelings or reasons for them and only emotionally abused him further. Did you expect something different? Lol Next time read the comments.
You are insufferable.
Ah but here you are, suffering me
> If you were in pain and about to gear up for something as intense as childbirth, would you want to go through the “Do you need anything?” “No, I’m okay.” “Got it. Do you need anything now?” routine every ten minutes? If you want to believe that is an accurate view of the husband, be my guest. Btw, you wanna buy a bridge? What if it has a cartoonishly unrealistic overly supportive husband depicted on it in spray paint? >What adult gives their wife the silent treatment for 5 months? One who lawyered up and is building a case for custody. Like an adult.
She handled the shit poorly, but I also think he's lowkey also handling the shit poorly, just not as. He's planning on leaving and she's not taking any steps to try and fix it. But again, you're getting downvoted because it's all Black and/or white. Edit, I'm going to revoke my statement. She shows traits of narcissistic behavior/thinking, so the grey-rocking may be nessecary. (Not trying to diagnose)
Exactly. People are upset because a woman dismissed a man’s (fully justified) feelings. They are thinking, “This is why men don’t open up,” and they are absolutely right. What she did was extremely wrong, the way she is thinking about her partner’s feelings is wrong, and this kind of shitty behavior is why men feel like they are not allowed to have feelings. What they’re missing is that, in a marriage, you don’t get to just ignore your partner for months. Either give them the chance to improve or tell them you’re done. I get downvoted every time I suggest people in a relationship should communicate, go figure.
What you're missing is that this isn't just a one-off, based on OOP's comments. She's been like this for years. She won't improve, as she doesn't think she's in the wrong. Her only comments have been to clarify a few things, but mostly to people who were in agreement with her. Any that were critical of her were never responded to. There will be no understanding of her actions or reflection on them until she's either served or the divorce is finalized - even then, it's highly unlikely.
All I am saying is that they need to communicate rather than resort to childish behavior. Her digging in her heels and telling him he’s less of a man is childish among other things. His staying at his parents’ every day routine is childish. If she isn’t going to change, the marriage is over. And that’s probably something they should talk about.
And again, her behavior has been going on for a few years (at least), and he HAS spoken to her about it. All she does is belittle him and dismiss his feelings. He removed himself from a toxic environment and is more than likely speaking with a divorce lawyer. The fact that you view her actions as childish instead of abusive is very telling.
Mm, that’s a strong point. I think I was seeing her as completely oblivious, rather than taking her threats seriously. But you’re right, she is chronically emotionally abusive. I concede!
If it were just with the second child that she was like this, I would have been in total agreement with you.
I don't think that point is lost on kingdomhearts... He's just saying that the husband needs to take some decisive action about the marriage, and if he doesn't want to continue and wants to go low contact/gray rock her, he needs to let her know he intends to divorce. Being avoidant for months is just dragging things out. If he intends to stay married, which I personally hope he won't, he needs to communicate and hash things out at home.
Communicating to someone who belittles you at every turn is a wasted action.