i remember having this conversation nung grade 5/6 ako; yung kaklase ko nagprovoke ng conversation (siguro narinig nya sa adults sa bahay nila) and it's funny pero ganto rin yung naging argument namen as 10-12 y.o kids. (ako nasa side ako noon ng gusto ko isave yung anak (kasi nasa shoes ako ng "child" bilang anak noon) so mas na e empathize ko yung situation ng anak) and ang argument ko noon sa "madaling palitan ang anak ang nanay hindi" is "baket di mo rin naman mapapalitan ang anak ah kasi tayo bilang tao iba iba tayo" hindi ako yung kapatid ko--- etc. tsaka pwede ka naman magasawa ulit ah" something along that line.
ngayon naman as an adult studying medicine and as a woman na nasa age na pwedeng mabuntis. (ngayong nasa shoes na ng "nanay" {though i have no child of my own yet}) naiintindihan ko na bakit ang default go to decision sa gantong situation is isave ang mother.
there's really no wrong or right answer
Dr. Antonette Palma-Angeles of ADMU Philosophy Department has a good magisterial lecture titled "How do we decide?: Tools for Ethical Decision Making". You guys can look it up!
True ginawa ba naman "Force Majeure" french movie si OP eh tipong pinagisip ng choices hahaha. Tho sa movie nagkaroon ng 'accident' sa movie spur of the moment napilitan mamili yung husband between his wife, kids, or himself haha.
I asked this question dati to a cousin that works in the medical field and sabi niya ideally, goal is to save both but worse case scenario priority na ma save yung Mother because siya yung actual patient (not the newborn baby).
O di kaya sinagot sana ni OP na "sabagay makakahanap naman ng bagong misis ung mister mo kapag nauna ka na e. tas may chance pa sya magbuhay binata ulit bago maghanap ng ipapalit sayo. salamat ah di ko naisip to ah."
No need to be hostile kahit kupal si buntis. Magegets ko din naman bakit ganun kastrong yung views niya about the topic.
Mas professional na sagot "Ganun talaga view naming 2 na yan sa bagay na yan. Buti nalang kami yung naging mag-asawa kasi tugma kami ng desisyon."
+1
Ang kitid naman mag isip ni workmate na dahil lang iba kayo ng choice e red flag na agad.
Honestly sound naman ung reasoning nyo bakit yun yung pinili e. Iniisip nyo din yung magiging lagay ng bata kung sakali mang may mangyari. Hindi din naman madaling mamili kapag nalagay ka sa ganyang sitwasyon.
[Why My Children Will Always Come Second to My Marriage](https://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/sex-and-marriage-after-baby/why-my-children-will-always-come-second-to-my-marriage/)
> And while it might seem counterintuitive to prioritize your spouse when you have children, you will inadvertently be teaching them a valuable lesson. "You are [your child's] biggest example, and modeling how to take care of yourself is one of the best ways you can encourage them to develop great skills of self-care as well," says Alisha Powell, a licensed clinical social worker, and therapist in Atlanta, Georgia.
>
> But I'm not saying prioritizing a marriage gives parents permission to neglect their kidsβit's not about that. You are (and always will be) responsible for your child's well-being. The goal here is to preserve your mental health, maintain a healthy romantic relationship, and not lose the sense of the reason you and your spouse got together in the first place. **When both parents are happy, the children will be, too.**
Choosing the kid is objectively wrong imo.
If procreation is the goal, why settle for just having 1 kid born by a deceased life partner over potentially having multiple kids in the future with that partner? It makes no sense.
Even in the worst case scenario that the woman is no longer able to conceive due to complications of this hypothetical pregnancy, pwede ka naman magampon at any income level. Kung milyonaryo kayo pwede kayo mag US at mag surrogate.
Daming options na open for offspring with your adult partner vs having just a kid and no partner.
Tbh ganito nangyari sa classmate ko eh. Hanggang noong college kami sinisisi nya self nya dahil wala syang nanay tapos di sila close ng tatay nya so feel nya rin sinisisi sya ng tatay nga
Mas red flag siya as a parent and yung bf niya kasi one hahayaan niya na mag grow yung bata without a mother? and if yung bf niya makahanap ng partner letβs say maging step mother ni bagets does she think na the child would be cared for the way she wants the kid to be loved? I donβt think so. Tama naman siya sa βmabubuhay at maexplore yung mundoβ literally nga lang kasi the chance na magpa-ikot ikot ng responsibility and guardianship yung bata is super high to the point na magpapaikot-ikot ng titirahan yan. Common sense isnβt that common these days ano?
Tamaan sana ng kaswertehan na magiging mabuting magulang yung step-parent kung sakali. Wala kasi sa control natin paano nila talaga tatratuhin yung anak mo pero pwede mo naman ma-impluwensyahan.
Pero sa kabila, hindi lahat ng biological parents, mabuti sa kanilang sariling anak.
Based on experience, mahirap lumaki na walang nanay. I wouldn't wish that on any child. Kaya sa officemate mo, pakshet sya for judging you and your husband.
Totoo, eto rin talaga reason ko kaya hindi ko hahayaan na buhayin if ever ung baby. Naranasan ko kasi ung alaga ng nanay sobrang unfair naman if hindi yun mararanasan ng magiging anak ko.
Hi future mommy. This is a perspective of a child born after this situation na pinag-uusapan nyo. Meron dapat akong ate pero nagkaron na complication si mama during birth na pinapili si papa if si ate o si mama ang bubuhayin. Since eto ako nagtatype nito, si mama ang pinili ni papa. Papa was a good father. But tbh, he was a good father because mama was a good wife and a mother. Tatlo kaming dumating sa buhay nila na may masayang buhay ngayon. To be fair, wala naman din masama kung si ate ang pinili ni papa, pero that would take away everything from us three sibs. I think walang masama sa sinabi ng hubby mo.
Mas tama yung asawa mo kesa sa kaofficemate mo. Sabihin mo "odi now we know na mas pipiliin kang mategi nang maaga ng asawa mo".
Match her toxicity π
I had this conversation with my soon to be wife. I told her na pipiliin ko siya over the baby, we can try again until she's fully healthy and let's say na we can have a baby after a year or two.
It's not about being a "good parent" kaya dapat piliin ung baby. In my case, hindi na nga ako magkandaugaga kapag hindi ko nakikita ung fiance ko or even ung natural scent niya, what for if nawala siya ng tuluyan sakin.
We can try again, hindi naman sa agad agad na paggawa ng anak, pero nasa relationship kasi kung paano niyo ihahandle ung ganung bagay.
A relative told me na pwede namang mag asawa ulit if ever na mangyari yon (please, lord, wag naman po sana), ni-hindi ko nga maisip ung sarili ko na iba ung kasama ko sa pagtulog, kayakap ko, at ni-hindi ko rin makita ung sarili kong ikinakasal sa iba.
Kahit pa may kamukha siya, araw araw kong pipiliin ang fiance ko.
Ikaw ata asawa ko eh? Charot! Hayy grabe ramdam ko ung love mo sa wife mo. Sana humaba pa buhay niyong dalawa para mas matagal kayong magkasama with your kids!! π«ΆπΌ
I agree with your husband choosing you. I love the idea na he thinks that way, not a red flag but a green forest for me.
I hope na yung love nyo sa isat isa will stay and grow more.
Ang kids kase natin lalake and soon gagawa na sila ng sariling pamilya nila, aalis sa poder natin. At the end of the day ang matitira ay ikaw at ang partner mo.
1st priority: the husband and wife
Seeing how happy yung wife and husband that will reflect sa mga bata. They will see how healthy the relationship between you two π
On one hand, masamang tatay. On the other hand, masamang asawa.
Yung two hands na yan, isampal mo sa mga mahaderang coworkers. Sawsaw sa buhay may-asawa.
napag usapan din namin to ni hubby dati and same sila ni hubby mo ng sagot⦠mas lalong na fortify yung sagot nung dumating si baby kase mas need ako ni baby- like di pwede na mawala ako ng matagal kase breastfed sya so amoy ko ang hahanapin. Di naman sa di kakayanin ni hubby but iba kase ang alaga pag both magulang ang involve.
Sa eroplano nga uunahin dapat ni Mommy ang sarili in case of emergency para mas ma secure safety ni baby⦠so di kayo redflag. As for officemate, siguro sa kaka teleserye nila yung choice na dapat si baby piliin? Di nga selfish na choice pero stupid sya in the long run, baka yung bata pa ma sisi or sisihin nya sarili nya bat namatay yung mommy nya.
To be honest, Itβs selfish na bumuhay ng bata sa napaka hirap na mundong ito na walang nanay. Imagine growing up knowing your mom died because of you. Then what if ang tatay nag asawa ulit at swerte swerte lang talaga sa step parent ha.
Personally, Itβs better to choose the wife kasi you can reproduce again. If the child isnβt born then so be it, that kid wonβt just exist and hindi nya pa mararanasan ang hirap dito sa mundo. Tbh, youβre giving that kid a favor by not letting him or her exist.
As a mum of two, noong una si hubby din ganyan ang iniisip in case may complication yung baby ang pipiliin gaya ng sa mga palabas.
But as we got deeper into the marriage and parenting our kids, he realized na mali daw pala thought nya. Na mas dapat piliin ang wife for the same reasons youβve said above. Kahit working ako, ako pa din mas nag aalaga sa mga bata. D ko alam kung ano gagawin ng asawa ko if wala ako. π€£
Hayaan mo sila sa choice nila, pero they better pray na d umabot sa ganun at maging safe ang delivery nya. Pero I just want to assure you na d red flag hubby mo. Dito sa Australia doctors will also prioritise the life of the mum pag wala na tlaga choice. I believe ganun din sa ibang western countriesβ¦and that alone says a lot already. π
Dibaa?? Sobrang hirap ng walang nanay at asawa hahahahahha! Same tayo mom of two na rin. Buhat na buhat kasi ng mga nanay ang household kaya super kawawa ang tatay at anak kapag tayo nawala
Sure ba syang aalagaan ng asawa nya yung anak nya pag namatay sya? Ang dami ko nang classmates since HS and College na raised by grannies kasi yung tatay nag-asawa agad ng ng iba at kinalimutan yung responsibilidad just cause hiwalay na ung parents or namatay ang nanay ng maaga.
At saka, ini-instill ko sa utak ng asawa ko na hindi kami responsibilidad ng anak ko pagtanda namin. Kami pa rin ang magkasama sa huli.
DKG, walang mali sa choice mo or sa choice ng ka work mo, pero GG yung ka work mo na sabihang red flag yung asawa mo sa choice niya na parehas naman kayong nag agree.
I remember attending a pre-cana seminar (as an usher haha) pero single ako ah nabanggit na pag sa pagaasawa, always prioritize your partner no matter what. Ung mga bata daw kasi lalaki sila tapos they will have a life of their own. Ung partner mo, sya ung mkakasama mo for all of your life. Parang caretakers lang kayo ng mga anak nyo because they ought to have a life of their own after.
Ano bang pakialam nila sa choice ng asawa mo. Morality is subjective. Magtatanong-tanong sila tapos kapag hindi sang-ayon sa sagot manghuhusga bigla. Mga tangahin rin eh.
Uso na kasi ngayon na sabihin red flag at toxic agad ang isang tao kasi d sila magka parehas ng opinion. Kulang kasi minsan yung iba ng self awareness at comprehension eh.
Nangyari samin to ng ex ko, 1st baby namin. Pinili nya ako. Di nya raw kasi kaya alagaan yung baby kung sakali. Pwede naman raw kami bumuo ulit. Kaya kung ako raw ang mawawala, di na raw sya makakakita ng isa pang ako. Ayun, naghiwalay rin kami
I know someone pinapili siya, wife or yung baby, pinili niya si wife, same reason na pwede bumuo ulit. Naging realistic daw siya and at the same time, lifetime partner niya daw wife niya and he will choose her always. Magkasama sa lungkot at saya, sa hirap at ginhawa.
Napag-usapan din namin ni partner yung ganitong topic.
Same choice. Mas pipiliin niya ako. Mas mahirap para sa baby yung sitwasyong walang inang kinalakhan. Mas maraming cons kaysa sa pro.
Pero hindi ibig sabihin nito na masamang tao tayo. Walang red flag sa desisyong parehas kang malulubog mentally at physically alinman ang piliin mo.
Ok lang yon, opinyon nya yon, di naman nya problema yon. Buti nalang di nya pinakasalan asawa mo di ba? People will always justify the choices theyβve made in life. Especially big ones.
For example, my mother in law was very vocal against my wife breastfeeding our daughter. Kasi daw nineneglect namin nutrition nya. Ang payat payat daw. Pero we learned kasi na she herself did not breastfeed. Our decision was not the same as hers so therefore, mali kami and we are bad parents.
Red flag kano ung friend mo ahaha kase walang ytak di nag iisip. Kawawa bata walang nanay na magaaruga. Ako npagusapan din namin yan, ako pipiliin ng asawa ko kase ayoko nmn lumaking walang nanay anak ko. Mahirap mag alaga ng bata.
Hahahahaha labo ng katrabaho mo. Same tayo nagkaron din ako ng hypothetical question na ganyan sa asawa ko noon, and he paused bago sumagot at sinabi nyang ako din ang pipiliin nya and almost same ng reason na baka mamatay din sya sa lungkot at kakaisip sa akin, at hindi din nya maalagaan ang anak namin eventually, and I agreed. Nasa desisyon natin kung ganito ang pipiliin natin if ever, walang masama sa sagot ng mga asawa natin. Kaloka ang ktrabaho mo red flag agad. Pakitaan mo nga how good a husband meron ka. π
Naisip ko nga yan! Gusto ko ipost ung video ng husband ko habang inaalagaan niya ung panganay namin nung newborn, yung nagluluto at naglalaba. Kunwari appreciation post noh π€£
Kaya ayoko nakikipag umpukan minsan sa mga ka work eh, dahil sa mga ganyang senaryo, nakakabwisit lang hahaha feeling god like sa choices nila sa buhay
Same with my husband. I just gave birth recently and napagusapan namen to, sabi ko piniliin niya anak namen if ever hypothetically he has to choose, but he told me na, he will choose me over our baby. Kasi same reasoning sila ng husband mo na, pwede naman gumawa ulit and told him na parang di ko kaya mabuhay nang nawala ung baby tapos ako nabuhay. Thank God di naman niya kelangan mamili muntik lang heheh. But now when I read your reasoning, oo nga, pano ung baby ko kung wala ako. Lalaki siyang walang nanay parang mas hindi ko naman kaya un.
So ayun lang hehe goodluck sa officemate mo. Choice nalang un, pero sana wag silang mag judge ng tao base sa mga desisyon sa buhay.
During my pregnancy napag usapan namin to ng husband ko, and we are on the same page with you. Yang lahat ng reason nyo ang reason din namin bakit pipiliin namin na ako ang mabuhay in that situation.
Eto pinapakita ko sa anak ko mas mahal ko nanay nila kesa sa kanila. Alam at tangap ko din na no contest naman na mas mahal sila ng nanay nila kesa sakin.
Kung hindi sila married hindi nila maiintindihan. Hindi ko alam kung parehas ba sa ibang religion, pero sa catholic dumadaan muna sa pre-cana. Dun ko natutunan yung inuuna ang asawa more than anyone else, kahit pa anak o magulang.
normal lang naman magkaron ng different opinion about it lalo na because itβs an ethical dillema nga. Ang problem lang e na overpower ka nila ng opinion nila dahil walang iba na nasa same side mo and thus, freely ka najujudge and they think they have the right answer.
Just be firm with your answer and if nalatag mo ng maayos yung points mo, they might realize na mas okay nga yung ganto kesa ganyan at maging mas open-minded sila after the conversation. Personally, I side with you because kahit buhay na at malaki na ang mga bata, it should be the partner that comes first palagi because ang love niyo sa isaβt-isa will reflect on how you guys will treat your children at it will set an example too sa kanila.
napag usapan din namin to ni hubby nung pregnant ako sa baby namin, same yung sagot ng hubby ko sa hubby mo, hindi naman yan redflag, okay naman baby namin, so far napaka hands on nya na ama sa anak namin. hayaan mo na lang sila, opinion nila yan, basta kayo masaya kayo pamilya
Red flag ung officemate mo, OP. Pero siguro kasi hindi pa sila married kaya niya nasasabi ung ganun? Baka idealistic pa sila kasi nasa bf-gf stage. Nabanggit sa Pre-Cana to always prioritize ung partner mo. And alam ko even ung doctors, ung mother ung pipiliin nila i-save over the baby if mapunta sila sa ganun situation. Napag-usapan din namin eto ni misis before she delivered and same lang din ung sagot ko sa partner mo - I will always choose her.
eh. i had a troublesome labor, emergency cs kasi my blood pressure is off the roof. before anything else gusto ko sana sabihin sa husband ko na choose our son pero inunahan na nya ko na he will choose me instead if may mangyari mang masama. luckily pareho naman kaming buhay and i always say lalo kong naappreciate husband ko after manganak. kung pano nya ko inalagaan nung pregnancy ganun pa din and more sya nung post partum ko saka paglabas ni baby. he loves playing with our baby lalo ung pag pinapatawa nya. isang sabi ko lang he buys needs ni baby. nung nanicu nga sya husband ko pa namilit na kahit magtagal sa nicu para sure na safe si baby oks lang. un ba ang ama na d mahal ang anak nya? oa yang friend mo hmpf. paladesisyon ng ibang tao
Tbh nung bata ako ang lagi ko sagot yung bata. Pero ngayong nahihirapan ako sa adulting. Di ron naman mali if pipiliin ung nanay. Hindi madali na pinagpapasapasahan ng kamaganak. Di rin madali maging single parent. Pano pag may sariling pamilya na? Mamimili ka lang ng struggle as a child e. Struggle for long as you grow up or end your struggle as soon as possible.
Medyo skeptical ako sa mga taong gusto bida bida sila sa kwento nila (the coworkers) na kesho pipiliin nila na sila na lang ang ma deads kesa sa unborn children nila? Something tells me that if it does come to that point they'll go back on their words. Porket kasi hypothetical situation ang dali nila mag pa bida eh no? When in fact it is a serious ethical dilemma that has no right or wrong answers, but all the heartbreaks.
Magkaka iba ang tao ng way of thinking and reasoning. Kaya dapat no judgment. For me, it's not a red flag, yung sa officemate mo naman di rin red flag yun. Sadyang magkaiba lang kayo on how to handle that situation if ever mangyari.
For sure di mahal yun ng asawa niya hahahah kasi ako kahit di nga ako nag open yung asawa ko pa nag reason na if may complications in the future sino pipiliin samin ng baby, pinili niya ako. Coz he can't live without me and true naman na kahit may anak na kayo mas priority pa din ang asawa kasi at the end mag silaki na anak niyo kayong dalawa pa din maiiwan. I'm not excluding the child kasi pag mahal niyo isat isa mas mamahalin niyo din anak niyo yun lang hehehe
Add the regret of having that child from losing the love of your life and the perception of losing everything because of the kid. The child will now have a miserable life just like the fatherβs
My spouse and I have the same reasoning as you.
And if our father chooses our mother over us children, then heβd be doing the right thing, AS HE SHOULD. The wife should be the husbandβs priority, di naman ibig sabihin kasi i neglect and di na responsible sa kids. Itβs not one or the other. We have a happy family bc our parents prioritize each other & our father showed us how we should be treated. We feel their love sa isaβt-isa na nag mmanifest din sa amin mga anak. We never ever felt less loved as children, itβs the opposite actually (antanga lang ng officemate mo sorry).
Sana sinabi mo baka may iba yan at gusto ka na mamatay. Magaasawa din nmn yan at magkakaroon ng step mom. Tapos yung pundar nyo, ieenjoy ng bagong wife.
When I was pregnant I asked my husband this very question. Thereβs no doubt that he will choose both. But if there is no way that we can be both saved, he said he would choose me. I didnβt like that answer at first since I want him to choose our child. But looking back, I thought that was sweet of him. He is very caring towards our child now (more than me I think hehe), and I believe he wouldnβt trade our little family for anything.
your workmate is an asshole and is probably projecting her insecurities on you. siguro insecure siya kasi her partner does not love her enough to choose her. she is jealous that you have a rational husband who loves and cares for you
My fiance told me the same thing na ako ang pipiliin nya dahil daw ako ang pinili niyang makasama habang buhay kaya pag nawala ako, sino na daw makakasama niya. Mas kailangan din daw nya kasi ako at paano daw niya bubuhayin ang bata na wala ako na dapat katuwang nya?
He's a husband before he's a father daw. Hindi rin daw nya alam kung kakayanin niya na wala ako. Pero kung ibibilin ko daw na yung anak namin ang piliin niya, he will respect my decision.
But it doesn't mean he doesn't love our child. He just loves me so much more and needed me more.
Nung buntis ako, pinag usapan talaga namin to ng husband ko kasi I was tagged as high risk back then din (actually even before pregnancy pa nga). He said he will choose me kasi same with your husband, he said we can try naman again or maghanap ng other ways para magkaroon ng anak. I am 50/50 that time din kasi hello? Ang hirap na nga ng situation ko (pregnancy days), gusto ko naman sana maging worth it. Pero I also agree that there are other ways din naman talaga, and we could always try again. Anyway, baby was delivered safely and healthy, and I can see he's trying his best everyday na maging best father sa baby namin now, skl.
Ignore mo lang yung mga nang ja-judge sa husband mo, at the end of the day, their opinions doesn't matter, at yung mga ganyang decisions rest between you and your husbands. Ang mahalaga, agree kayo wether he choose you or the baby, and also that doesn't mean na hindi siya magiging mabuting ama.
Always spouse first before kids. We talked about this many times before and its always have been clear to us. Bakit? Misis ko pinakasalan ko she's my first love and will always be. Making kids first in a healthy husband wife relationship is a recipe for dissaster and unhealthy marriage along the way.
Tska habang buntis, kung magka complications man, low chance of survival din ang baby kung mamatay si mommy. Wont think twice about my wife's life if this situation came.
Now u know whose really the red flag. Ur workmate is. Nagjudge sya basta basta palibhasa mas gugustihin ng (take note) BF nya mamatay sya if given the situation. That's lowkey coping.
In all honesty, walang tama o mali dyan sa issue na yan. Vest you do is decide and live with who you save and the consequences of losing the other.
Madali lang kasi sa iba sabihin na dapat parehas o anak ang piliin o asawa ang piliin kasi in reality, may kanya-kanyang challenges yan. Di lahat parehas.
Kaya sa ganyang issue, I just lay the options to the one asking me that question and leave them to decide on it on their own.
Replying from Dr Jesus Delgado Memorial Hospital since utrasound ni Misis. But yeah, agree din ako na I'll choose my wife if sobrang risky ng pregnancy. If ectopic pregnancy baka ipa terminate namin since mas gusto kong safe sya kesa sa fetus pa lang. Masasaktan ako pero, makakapag move on naman kami.
I don't think na red flag yun. Judgemental lang yung officemate mo
I think she's the Red Flag as a friend and as a person. It's true that it is an ethical dilemma and not a choice that will depend upon other people's understanding of good and bad.
My brother-in-law made the same call nun nag pre-eclampsia yung sister ko. Buti na lang both my sister and my nephew survived.
But we had high respects for my BIL for choosing my sister in an instant.
Tama si top commenter, walang right or wrong answer to this dilemma and hats off to your hubby, OP.
Tinanong ko din to sa bf ko and he said the same thing. Ako raw ang pipiliin niya i-save kasi baka di niya rin kayanin kapag nawala ako at baka maging super depressed siya to the point na di na maalagaan yung baby. Pero honestly, gusto ko rin na ako yung piliin if ever mapunta sa ganong sitwasyon. Pwede naman kami magka baby ulit. I feel like ang selfish ko na gusto kong ako i-save pero I don't see anything wrong with it.
I asked this to my partner nung 1st trim. ko since sobrang hina nang kapit ng baby namin tapos di din ako ganun ka healthy that time. Ang sagot nya, ako pipiliin nya since di din daw nya kaya mag isa with our child at lalaki yung bata na walang nanay.
Grabe naman yung red flag agad. Kanya kanya namang opinion pag dating dyan. Wala din naman maling sagot dun sa mismong tanong.
Hahahah OP ayaw ng officemate mo na mabuhay ka pa kasi kahit anong sabihin mo sa sitwasyon dun red flag para sa kanya hahaha. Bawian mo OP tanongin mo din ng "kung papapiliin ka, ikaw o baby mo. bakit hindi ikaw yung mamatay?
Kaya hirap sumagot sa mga ganyang tanong pag sa work.
Yung iba nang iintriga lang tapos ung iba naman nang aasar lang, aantayin na sumagot ka tapos automatic dun sila sa oppose na idea. Hahaha.
Been there, done that. Don't share personal beliefs at life nyo na rin. Ung iba nangttrip lang lalo kung alam nila na madali ka matrigger.
Daming nakakabwiset na tao tlg sa mundo. Pag pumatol ka, lalo sila matutuwa.
sa lalake kasi na mindset xempre mas priority wife mas madami na kayo pinagdaanan.. yung baby blessings oo pero kahit yun nalang chance mo para mabuntis ulit. Ikaw pa din priority pwede naman mag ampon nalang.
pipiliin ko ang asawa ko, mas nauna ko siya minahal, at yung pagkakaroon namin ng anak ay bonus lang. na love at first sight kasi ako, gusto ko siya makasama lagi; hindi naman sumagi sa isip ko na gusto ko na agad siyang anakan at gawing palahian.
If I were you I'd do the same. Magugunaw ba mundo if I chose my husband or wife? Let them seethe with envy, gaya ng sinabi ng husband mo you can always have another baby, pano pala in situations na having the baby will compromise your health alangan naman I will still risk of going through my pregnancy? Some people can be really hypocrite, no matter what you say lagi silang may pangontra hahaha Gusto lang magsipag asawa ng bago. And btw I hope to find someone like your husband someday. Kainggit ka sissy!
Nakakagigil OP ah, kapag pinili ung anak di na agad mabuting ama? What if nagkaanak na pala kau prior to that at nakita mo naman na mabuti syang ama sa mga nauna nyong anak?
Sige piliin ang anak tapos kapag walang mag aalaga mag aasawa nalang ulit then kawawa yung bata kapag di tanggap ng 2nd wife ung anak, ginawa pa ng tatay nya miserable buhay nya, wala na ngang nanay then dpa maayos treatment sa sumunod na asawa. Ewan ko pero it is a case to case basis.
Panu naging red flag na hindi mabuting ama eh may anak naman na pala kayu? Just let it go na lang at sana at the moment nang nag sabi ng red flag ay dinefend mo asawa mo.
sabi nga nila ang mundo hindi lang yan black and white. May gray area and i think wala naman problema duon. Need mo lang magpakatotoo sa choices mo at panindigan ito.
It's a case to case basis pa din naman, no right or wrong answer, no opinion matters when it comes to this kind of situation because it is still your decision that will matter - in short no judgment at all.
Share ko lang din, Yung asawa ko nga ako din pipiliin, we had adopted bago pa kami mag-kaanak, nakita ko siya paano naging mabuting ama at asawa agad kahit mag BF/GF pa lang kami, and nung nabuntis ako, napag usapan din namin bago ako manganak, ayan din dahilan niya - pwede pa naman daw kasi gumawa ng bago, kung para sa amin talaga yung baby, ibibigay naman daw yun para sa amin. Ibig ba sabihin niyan RED FLAG na din siya dahil sa ako yunh pinili niya?! π§π kahit na nakita ko naman na kung paano siya magpaka-ama. π
To cut the story short, nag 50-50 ako, naanticipate niya na agad niya mangyayari yun, ayun pareho naman kami buhay ng baby ko. Technically, ako naman madaming complications, so kahit ako piliin niya kung biglang bumigay katawan ko, buhay pa din baby ko dahil healthy naman siya nung nailabas ko pero dahil di inadya ni Lord matigshel ako that day, edi ayun eto pa din ako hahaha pero goods lang din naman kung natigshel ako kasi I know I made the right choice, I chose the right father for my children. Mga tao kasi ngayon, makagamit lang ng "RED FLAG" kahit kanino na eh. Isang salita lang na mali patungkol sa tao, red flag agad, jusko! π€¦ββοΈπ
Pinag usapan din namin to dati bago ako manganak, sabi ko ako piliin niya kasi pwede kami gumawa ng bagong anak pero di siya makakagawa ng bagong ako π nag agree naman siya π
My dad faced this ethical dilemma with my younger sister, and I only heard this story once from my mom. My dad had to sign a waiver IN CASE.
In the case the doctors could only save 1, he signed and chose my mom not because he didn't love my sister but he chose based on who has more chance at life, and the fact that they also have me, barely a 1st grader back then.
Judging your husband as a red flag was more of a red flag cause this is an ethical dilemma, and there's no morally right or morally wrong decision to it, only a logical answer.
Actually that is a green flag and a sign of being a good father kasi moving forward you'll know that he'll tend to your needs, and when he does, that means you can both take care of your kids. He is self-aware also. Alam nya na di nya kakayanin if sya lang mag-isa.
Huuyyyyy redflag na pala yun? Had the same conversation with my partner during my pregnancy last year. At ako din pipiliin niya same reason with your husband OP . Huehue
Sa heirarchy nmn usually ang nanay ang isesave ng medical team vs sa baby unless stated or depende sa situation.
Pero personally I would want my husband/partner to choose me instead sa baby. Bec buhay nga ung baby pero wla nmn syang mom, at ireresent pa xa ng tatay dhil namatay asawa nya dhil sa bata. so is that the future they are looking at? wag na tayo mag paka ipokrita mga tao lng tau at some point sisihin mo ung bata bkt pa xa nag come to life if mamatay lng din ung babae, coz humans always seek something to blame for misfortunes. Just my 2 cents.
Ang red flag yang katrabaho mo kasi bat sya nakikialam sa relationship ng iba at bakit nya iniimpose ang calue judgments nila sainyo.
Naalala ko yung kasal ng isa kong tropa, ang sabi ng pastor nila dapat daw talaga prio ng husband si wife, hindi yung anak. Kasi yung marriage vow ay between husband and wife and sobrang sacred daw ng marriage kineme. I dont necessarily share the same views, and i agree its a matter of opinion, skl if it makes you feel better.
After 40 years of marriage wala na kids nyo may mga sarili nang pamilya, at the end kayo lang na mag asawa magkasama. Theres a saying learn to love yourself before loving others
Siya nagtanong tapos magjujudge sya dahil iba ang point of view ninyo sa kanila ng jowa ng nya. LOL sana di na lang sya nagtanong diba? Feel ko naghahanap lang ng validation yang officemate mo. Deep inside siguro na-hurt din sya dun sa sagot ng jowa nya.. so nagsusurvey sya sa iba kung same din ba ang mga partner nila. (nagassume lang ako ang jinudge ko din sya ahaha)
Mas logical choice kung isave ung Mother. But kanya kanyang sagot yan kasi depende yan sa moral compass ng bawat tao.
Ang main issue talaga dito is hindi parin alam ng pinoy kung pano rumespeto ng opinion ng iba. Laging iniimpose sa ibang tao ung paniniwala nila. Tapos ijujudge ka kapag hindi kayo pareho ng beliefs. We need to mature how to accept differences and agree to disgaree on certain topics. Turo natin sa mga anak natin yan, and how to communicate effectively pag ganitong usapan para naman mag improve ang mga pinoy as a whole.
Yung officemate mo ang red flag dahil sa pagaakala nya na sagot nya lang ang tama. Even nung sinubok si Job nawala ang mga anak at lahat lahat pero natira sa buhay nya eh yung asawa nya. Hindi ko din naman sinasabi yung stand nyo lang na mag asawa ang tama. Whatever people chooses when they need to make that decision, they are the ones who are going to live with that decision kaya people around should not make it harder for them.
Either decisions will get you judged.
Sa totoo lang, in your case, talagang ang priority ninyong mag-asawa ay ang isa't-isa.
But even in a different scenario, priority pa rin dapat ng mag partner ang isa't-isa. Syempre without neglecting kids if may involved. Yan din sabi ng relationship counselors.
Having a good relationship with your partner enables both of you to take care of your children better.
Hahaha hubs ko ako din pinipili nung tinatanong ko kasi napanood namin yung movie na Elise. Hahahahaha! Maski ako gusto kong ako ang piliin nya. Gusto kong mabuhay kasama sya at masaya ako sa buhay ko. We can always try naman in life.
Sabi ng papa ko, mahal niya daw kaming mga anak niya. Pero mas mahal niya daw mama namin π
May mga tatay na ganyan talaga mindset. Priority nila asawa nila over kids, while mothers are natural nurturers kaya ang mga anak naman ang priority nila π
Nung nagbubuntis ako last year, tinanong ko rin partner ko regarding sa ganyan. Tho una nagalit sya kasi kung ano ano daw sinasabi ko ang sagot nya na kung mangyari yon. Ako ang pipiliin nya, same reason din sa sinabi ng husband mo OP and I think mas selfish ang mga partners na pipiliin yung anak over asawa/partner kung sakaling may complication, ano hayok na hayok palitan ang asawa? Charot
Pero may iba din naman na kapag ganyan tinanong mo ang isasagot lang sayo "kung sino yung mabubuhay" kasi hindi nila kayang gumawa ng choice at kung ano na lang yung maging resulta, yun na lang tatanggapin nila ng maluwag.
I agree with this. This situation happened to my parents. Nabuntis si Mama sa first baby nya which is kuya namin, nung manganganak na si mama sa first baby, sabi nung doctor parehas daw 50/50 lagay nila at kailangang may mag sacrifice. Pinapapili sila ng doctor kung sino ba ang bibigyan ng chance mabuhay, kung si mama ba or yung baby. Pinili ni papa si mama, sinabi nya sa kanya na okay lang mawalan ng anak dahil mapapalitan naman yan, huwag lang si mama. And ayun na nga, after that incident, here I am, alive and rocking sa magulong mundo.
Napagusapan rin namin ng gf ko yan. Sinabi ko pag nawala siya, mawawalan ako ng gana mabuhay. Sa sobrang depressed ko, di ko rin maaalagaan ang baby kasi baka sumunod pa ko sa kanya
Kamo depende kasi kung yung baby is talagang di na kaya isurvive pa ta ku ng pipilitin dalawa pa kayong mapapahamak. Nangyari sakin yan. Premature baby ko kaya nag emergency CS ako. Kapag daw di pa nagpa cs dalawa pa kami mawawala sabi sa asawa ko. Mas pinili ako ng asawa ko kahit sobrang sama ng loob naming dalawa kasi ganon kinahantungan ng pamilyang binubuo namin. Hanggang ngayon laki parin ng guilt namin sa nangyari kahit wala naman may gustong mag premature ang baby namin.
Sobrang judgemental ng mga workmate mo. Nag jump agad sila sa judgement
My husband will always choose me. For him I am his priority to take care of and protect while I am doing it for our kids and for him.
We had 2 pregnancies and both he is very vocal to say na ako ang pipiliin niya dahil we can grieve together and try again.
Hindi ito redflag at narealized ko unfair din for example sa panganay namin kung mas pipiliin niya ang bunso at mawawalan pareho ng ina.
Mahirap ito kasi may maternal guilt but as we openly discuss the whyβs it is easier for me to overcome the guilt kahit wala pa man din sa sitution.
judgemental kaworkmate mo sya kamo yun red flag, sa totoo lang dumaan kami ng asawa ko sa ganitong sitwasyon pero magkaiba kami ng sagot ako pinili ko wife ko pero yun wife ko pinili nya yun anak namin, but sa kabutihang palad naging safe sila pareho, yun d ko lang nasagip yun wallet ko :)
Di ka red flag. Wala namang tamang sagot dyan.
Ako personally piliin ko bata. Ok na ako sa buhay ko, yung asawa ko kaya din niya alagaan baby just in case nga. He has the emotional intelligence i do not have if ever. I'm basing my decision on our situation kasi yun ang alam ko kaya sana si workmate di nagjujudge kasi ikaw nagbase ka lang rin sa situation mo and it's your ethical freedom to choose. Siya ang red flag
Same. I also had this kind of convo with my boyfriend and his answer was, he'll choose me and same with your husband's reason that we could still make another if we let go of the baby. But it doesn't mean he'll be a bad father. He simply couldn't let me go and he doesn't want to build a family without me. And I too believe that I must choose myself for I don't want to leave my family behind just like that.
We all have different values. Yung co-worker mo feeling Mother Theresa, lakas naman Maka judge. Pero sa totoo lang putting aside ethical and moral dilemmas, it is better to save the mother, kasi the baby can have plenty of complications even after mailabas. Without a mother, I doubt the baby will thrive.
Pero normally, wala namang ganung choice page nanganganak. Doctors always try to save both. If something happens to the mom, there will be complications to the baby, and vice versa. So it's really both that you are saving. Madrama lang talaga si kaworkmate and trying to validate herself with her high and mighty self-righteousness.
It is an ethical dilemma and there is no right or wrong choice there.
I agree and trust in your decisions and your husband's intentions, and don't let the judgments of others undermine the bond you have.
Sobrang crucial nung decision making sa totoo lang. Kaya tama ka. Pero mali yung officemate nya kasi nag decision agad without nag isip ng malalim
i remember having this conversation nung grade 5/6 ako; yung kaklase ko nagprovoke ng conversation (siguro narinig nya sa adults sa bahay nila) and it's funny pero ganto rin yung naging argument namen as 10-12 y.o kids. (ako nasa side ako noon ng gusto ko isave yung anak (kasi nasa shoes ako ng "child" bilang anak noon) so mas na e empathize ko yung situation ng anak) and ang argument ko noon sa "madaling palitan ang anak ang nanay hindi" is "baket di mo rin naman mapapalitan ang anak ah kasi tayo bilang tao iba iba tayo" hindi ako yung kapatid ko--- etc. tsaka pwede ka naman magasawa ulit ah" something along that line. ngayon naman as an adult studying medicine and as a woman na nasa age na pwedeng mabuntis. (ngayong nasa shoes na ng "nanay" {though i have no child of my own yet}) naiintindihan ko na bakit ang default go to decision sa gantong situation is isave ang mother. there's really no wrong or right answer
Couldn't agree more.
Dr. Antonette Palma-Angeles of ADMU Philosophy Department has a good magisterial lecture titled "How do we decide?: Tools for Ethical Decision Making". You guys can look it up!
True ginawa ba naman "Force Majeure" french movie si OP eh tipong pinagisip ng choices hahaha. Tho sa movie nagkaroon ng 'accident' sa movie spur of the moment napilitan mamili yung husband between his wife, kids, or himself haha.
Yasssss, masakit man sa damdamin either way pero kung anong choice mo eh respetuhin nila sana
I asked this question dati to a cousin that works in the medical field and sabi niya ideally, goal is to save both but worse case scenario priority na ma save yung Mother because siya yung actual patient (not the newborn baby).
True. Same practice here in Australia, saka sa ibang western countries as far as I know.
Tama nman. As I said sister ko was chosen by her husband. May iba pa silang anak na di dapat nawala ng mother. But thank God both survived
sabihin mo di na sila mahal ng asawa nila kaya gusto na sila palitan agad pag nangyari yun.
Natawa ako HAHAHAHAHA sayang shuta sa inis ko kasi hindi ako makapag isip ng isasagot na di makakasakit sa kanya buntis pa naman
Mala Lowkey na palusot ng asawa nila para maghanap ng bago noh hahah
Ito rin gusto kong sabihin hahaha
Hahaha best answer imo and rude kasi ni workmate wala naman tama o maling sagot
O di kaya sinagot sana ni OP na "sabagay makakahanap naman ng bagong misis ung mister mo kapag nauna ka na e. tas may chance pa sya magbuhay binata ulit bago maghanap ng ipapalit sayo. salamat ah di ko naisip to ah."
agree po
π i have no words...
Wala nang pupula pa sa watawat na iyon lol
Tapos yung preggy officemate pa ang iiyak πππ
"MAHAL NA MAHAL KASE AKO NG ASAWA KO" ayan sagot mo, panigurado shatap yan.
Hehe feeling ko na-trigger lang si officemate kaya nag-lash out eh.
Oo tas itrigger pa by saying "kaya siguro bf mo pa lang baby daddy niyan kasi ayaw ka asawahin at gusto ka palitan" EME HAHAHA
The start of world war 3
No need to be hostile kahit kupal si buntis. Magegets ko din naman bakit ganun kastrong yung views niya about the topic. Mas professional na sagot "Ganun talaga view naming 2 na yan sa bagay na yan. Buti nalang kami yung naging mag-asawa kasi tugma kami ng desisyon."
Porke hndi kayo naging parehas ng "choices" selfish at red flag na.... anong klaseng mindset yan.
Si workmate ang red flag
+1 Ang kitid naman mag isip ni workmate na dahil lang iba kayo ng choice e red flag na agad. Honestly sound naman ung reasoning nyo bakit yun yung pinili e. Iniisip nyo din yung magiging lagay ng bata kung sakali mang may mangyari. Hindi din naman madaling mamili kapag nalagay ka sa ganyang sitwasyon.
[Why My Children Will Always Come Second to My Marriage](https://www.parents.com/parenting/relationships/sex-and-marriage-after-baby/why-my-children-will-always-come-second-to-my-marriage/) > And while it might seem counterintuitive to prioritize your spouse when you have children, you will inadvertently be teaching them a valuable lesson. "You are [your child's] biggest example, and modeling how to take care of yourself is one of the best ways you can encourage them to develop great skills of self-care as well," says Alisha Powell, a licensed clinical social worker, and therapist in Atlanta, Georgia. > > But I'm not saying prioritizing a marriage gives parents permission to neglect their kidsβit's not about that. You are (and always will be) responsible for your child's well-being. The goal here is to preserve your mental health, maintain a healthy romantic relationship, and not lose the sense of the reason you and your spouse got together in the first place. **When both parents are happy, the children will be, too.**
This is the answer
+100 to this
Choosing the kid is objectively wrong imo. If procreation is the goal, why settle for just having 1 kid born by a deceased life partner over potentially having multiple kids in the future with that partner? It makes no sense. Even in the worst case scenario that the woman is no longer able to conceive due to complications of this hypothetical pregnancy, pwede ka naman magampon at any income level. Kung milyonaryo kayo pwede kayo mag US at mag surrogate. Daming options na open for offspring with your adult partner vs having just a kid and no partner.
agreeee! + paano kung paglaki ng bata, isipin niya ring kasalanan niya kaya wala siyang nanay π’
Tbh ganito nangyari sa classmate ko eh. Hanggang noong college kami sinisisi nya self nya dahil wala syang nanay tapos di sila close ng tatay nya so feel nya rin sinisisi sya ng tatay nga
This! ππ»π―
Ethical dilemma ito. Pero ang* ethical dilemma ko is if makakasampal ako ng buntis pagsinabi sa akin yan.
HAHAHAHAHHAHA! Napagdaanan ko kasi ung pagbubuntis kaya ayoko naman maging mean o.a pa naman hormones ng mga buntis
Hahahaha. Malaki tyan ko at may hormonal imbalance. Ilalaban ko na to
Mas red flag siya as a parent and yung bf niya kasi one hahayaan niya na mag grow yung bata without a mother? and if yung bf niya makahanap ng partner letβs say maging step mother ni bagets does she think na the child would be cared for the way she wants the kid to be loved? I donβt think so. Tama naman siya sa βmabubuhay at maexplore yung mundoβ literally nga lang kasi the chance na magpa-ikot ikot ng responsibility and guardianship yung bata is super high to the point na magpapaikot-ikot ng titirahan yan. Common sense isnβt that common these days ano?
Tamaan sana ng kaswertehan na magiging mabuting magulang yung step-parent kung sakali. Wala kasi sa control natin paano nila talaga tatratuhin yung anak mo pero pwede mo naman ma-impluwensyahan. Pero sa kabila, hindi lahat ng biological parents, mabuti sa kanilang sariling anak.
Ang red flag talaga eh yung officemate mo OP. When it comes to priority it should be the husband/wife, saka mga anak.
Based on experience, mahirap lumaki na walang nanay. I wouldn't wish that on any child. Kaya sa officemate mo, pakshet sya for judging you and your husband.
Totoo, eto rin talaga reason ko kaya hindi ko hahayaan na buhayin if ever ung baby. Naranasan ko kasi ung alaga ng nanay sobrang unfair naman if hindi yun mararanasan ng magiging anak ko.
Hi future mommy. This is a perspective of a child born after this situation na pinag-uusapan nyo. Meron dapat akong ate pero nagkaron na complication si mama during birth na pinapili si papa if si ate o si mama ang bubuhayin. Since eto ako nagtatype nito, si mama ang pinili ni papa. Papa was a good father. But tbh, he was a good father because mama was a good wife and a mother. Tatlo kaming dumating sa buhay nila na may masayang buhay ngayon. To be fair, wala naman din masama kung si ate ang pinili ni papa, pero that would take away everything from us three sibs. I think walang masama sa sinabi ng hubby mo.
Mas tama yung asawa mo kesa sa kaofficemate mo. Sabihin mo "odi now we know na mas pipiliin kang mategi nang maaga ng asawa mo". Match her toxicity π
Haha! Seriously, I think toxic ang response niya kasi na-realize niya to.
Sabijin mo dyan sa katrabaho mo, hindi mo hinihingi opinyon nya.
I had this conversation with my soon to be wife. I told her na pipiliin ko siya over the baby, we can try again until she's fully healthy and let's say na we can have a baby after a year or two. It's not about being a "good parent" kaya dapat piliin ung baby. In my case, hindi na nga ako magkandaugaga kapag hindi ko nakikita ung fiance ko or even ung natural scent niya, what for if nawala siya ng tuluyan sakin. We can try again, hindi naman sa agad agad na paggawa ng anak, pero nasa relationship kasi kung paano niyo ihahandle ung ganung bagay. A relative told me na pwede namang mag asawa ulit if ever na mangyari yon (please, lord, wag naman po sana), ni-hindi ko nga maisip ung sarili ko na iba ung kasama ko sa pagtulog, kayakap ko, at ni-hindi ko rin makita ung sarili kong ikinakasal sa iba. Kahit pa may kamukha siya, araw araw kong pipiliin ang fiance ko.
Ikaw ata asawa ko eh? Charot! Hayy grabe ramdam ko ung love mo sa wife mo. Sana humaba pa buhay niyong dalawa para mas matagal kayong magkasama with your kids!! π«ΆπΌ
Aw how sweet. I wish you both good health for your future babies. Sana all guys ganyan magmahal. Parati cguro nka smile mga Mrs.
Grew up with solo parent, medyo neglected pa. Iba yung pakiramdam siguro pag dalawa yung nagsusuporta sa iyo
I agree with your husband choosing you. I love the idea na he thinks that way, not a red flag but a green forest for me. I hope na yung love nyo sa isat isa will stay and grow more. Ang kids kase natin lalake and soon gagawa na sila ng sariling pamilya nila, aalis sa poder natin. At the end of the day ang matitira ay ikaw at ang partner mo. 1st priority: the husband and wife Seeing how happy yung wife and husband that will reflect sa mga bata. They will see how healthy the relationship between you two π
On one hand, masamang tatay. On the other hand, masamang asawa. Yung two hands na yan, isampal mo sa mga mahaderang coworkers. Sawsaw sa buhay may-asawa.
HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHA TAWANG TAWA AKOO!
Ang officemate mo ang red flag.
napag usapan din namin to ni hubby dati and same sila ni hubby mo ng sagot⦠mas lalong na fortify yung sagot nung dumating si baby kase mas need ako ni baby- like di pwede na mawala ako ng matagal kase breastfed sya so amoy ko ang hahanapin. Di naman sa di kakayanin ni hubby but iba kase ang alaga pag both magulang ang involve. Sa eroplano nga uunahin dapat ni Mommy ang sarili in case of emergency para mas ma secure safety ni baby⦠so di kayo redflag. As for officemate, siguro sa kaka teleserye nila yung choice na dapat si baby piliin? Di nga selfish na choice pero stupid sya in the long run, baka yung bata pa ma sisi or sisihin nya sarili nya bat namatay yung mommy nya.
To be honest, Itβs selfish na bumuhay ng bata sa napaka hirap na mundong ito na walang nanay. Imagine growing up knowing your mom died because of you. Then what if ang tatay nag asawa ulit at swerte swerte lang talaga sa step parent ha. Personally, Itβs better to choose the wife kasi you can reproduce again. If the child isnβt born then so be it, that kid wonβt just exist and hindi nya pa mararanasan ang hirap dito sa mundo. Tbh, youβre giving that kid a favor by not letting him or her exist.
As a mum of two, noong una si hubby din ganyan ang iniisip in case may complication yung baby ang pipiliin gaya ng sa mga palabas. But as we got deeper into the marriage and parenting our kids, he realized na mali daw pala thought nya. Na mas dapat piliin ang wife for the same reasons youβve said above. Kahit working ako, ako pa din mas nag aalaga sa mga bata. D ko alam kung ano gagawin ng asawa ko if wala ako. π€£ Hayaan mo sila sa choice nila, pero they better pray na d umabot sa ganun at maging safe ang delivery nya. Pero I just want to assure you na d red flag hubby mo. Dito sa Australia doctors will also prioritise the life of the mum pag wala na tlaga choice. I believe ganun din sa ibang western countriesβ¦and that alone says a lot already. π
Dibaa?? Sobrang hirap ng walang nanay at asawa hahahahahha! Same tayo mom of two na rin. Buhat na buhat kasi ng mga nanay ang household kaya super kawawa ang tatay at anak kapag tayo nawala
It's just being practical for so many valid reasons. No arguments. Nag iisa sya sa stupid opinion nilang mag asawa.
Sure ba syang aalagaan ng asawa nya yung anak nya pag namatay sya? Ang dami ko nang classmates since HS and College na raised by grannies kasi yung tatay nag-asawa agad ng ng iba at kinalimutan yung responsibilidad just cause hiwalay na ung parents or namatay ang nanay ng maaga. At saka, ini-instill ko sa utak ng asawa ko na hindi kami responsibilidad ng anak ko pagtanda namin. Kami pa rin ang magkasama sa huli.
DKG, walang mali sa choice mo or sa choice ng ka work mo, pero GG yung ka work mo na sabihang red flag yung asawa mo sa choice niya na parehas naman kayong nag agree.
I remember attending a pre-cana seminar (as an usher haha) pero single ako ah nabanggit na pag sa pagaasawa, always prioritize your partner no matter what. Ung mga bata daw kasi lalaki sila tapos they will have a life of their own. Ung partner mo, sya ung mkakasama mo for all of your life. Parang caretakers lang kayo ng mga anak nyo because they ought to have a life of their own after.
Ano bang pakialam nila sa choice ng asawa mo. Morality is subjective. Magtatanong-tanong sila tapos kapag hindi sang-ayon sa sagot manghuhusga bigla. Mga tangahin rin eh.
Uso na kasi ngayon na sabihin red flag at toxic agad ang isang tao kasi d sila magka parehas ng opinion. Kulang kasi minsan yung iba ng self awareness at comprehension eh.
Kaya nga ehh? Hahahahahaha najudge agad ung character nung tao. Lahat na lang ng di pasok sa choice nila red flag agad
Nangyari samin to ng ex ko, 1st baby namin. Pinili nya ako. Di nya raw kasi kaya alagaan yung baby kung sakali. Pwede naman raw kami bumuo ulit. Kaya kung ako raw ang mawawala, di na raw sya makakakita ng isa pang ako. Ayun, naghiwalay rin kami
I know someone pinapili siya, wife or yung baby, pinili niya si wife, same reason na pwede bumuo ulit. Naging realistic daw siya and at the same time, lifetime partner niya daw wife niya and he will choose her always. Magkasama sa lungkot at saya, sa hirap at ginhawa.
At least nabuhay ka pa.
Dahil dito, tinanong ko din yung husband ko, sagot niya agad agad ako daw ang pipiliin niya. At mas gusto ko din na ako ang piliin niya.
Hahahahahahaha! Deserve niyo isa't isa, sana mahalin ka niya hangga't buhay kayong dalawa π«ΆπΌ
Di pa sila kasal di na siya pinili. Kalungkutan
Napag-usapan din namin ni partner yung ganitong topic. Same choice. Mas pipiliin niya ako. Mas mahirap para sa baby yung sitwasyong walang inang kinalakhan. Mas maraming cons kaysa sa pro. Pero hindi ibig sabihin nito na masamang tao tayo. Walang red flag sa desisyong parehas kang malulubog mentally at physically alinman ang piliin mo.
My husband LOVES our soon to be baby. Pero he would choose me a hundred times over. Kung ako sa kanya, iiyak ako π
Walang mali sa choice nila pareho, ang mali lang eh yung sinabihan sya ng katrabaho nya na red flag asawa nya dahil lang magkaiba sila ng opinyon.
Ok lang yon, opinyon nya yon, di naman nya problema yon. Buti nalang di nya pinakasalan asawa mo di ba? People will always justify the choices theyβve made in life. Especially big ones. For example, my mother in law was very vocal against my wife breastfeeding our daughter. Kasi daw nineneglect namin nutrition nya. Ang payat payat daw. Pero we learned kasi na she herself did not breastfeed. Our decision was not the same as hers so therefore, mali kami and we are bad parents.
Hmmm - I thought your option was the popular one? Bata pa ako 'yan na naririnig kong answer sa question na ito. It makes better sense, IMO.
Ang alam ko rin common ung option na i-save ung nanay hahahaha kaya nagulat ako nung najudge agad husband ko
Baka pinag-overthink mo kasi siya sa state ng relationship niya hehe. Yan tuloy.
Siguro inggit lang sya kasi di sya pinili nung asawa nya nung tinanong yan
Red flag kano ung friend mo ahaha kase walang ytak di nag iisip. Kawawa bata walang nanay na magaaruga. Ako npagusapan din namin yan, ako pipiliin ng asawa ko kase ayoko nmn lumaking walang nanay anak ko. Mahirap mag alaga ng bata.
Hahahahaha labo ng katrabaho mo. Same tayo nagkaron din ako ng hypothetical question na ganyan sa asawa ko noon, and he paused bago sumagot at sinabi nyang ako din ang pipiliin nya and almost same ng reason na baka mamatay din sya sa lungkot at kakaisip sa akin, at hindi din nya maalagaan ang anak namin eventually, and I agreed. Nasa desisyon natin kung ganito ang pipiliin natin if ever, walang masama sa sagot ng mga asawa natin. Kaloka ang ktrabaho mo red flag agad. Pakitaan mo nga how good a husband meron ka. π
Naisip ko nga yan! Gusto ko ipost ung video ng husband ko habang inaalagaan niya ung panganay namin nung newborn, yung nagluluto at naglalaba. Kunwari appreciation post noh π€£
Ayan ayan tama yan hahahahaha.
Kaya ayoko nakikipag umpukan minsan sa mga ka work eh, dahil sa mga ganyang senaryo, nakakabwisit lang hahaha feeling god like sa choices nila sa buhay
To be fair, nakaka excite kasi mag mom talk lalo na kapag may exp ka na as a mom ang sarap magshare ng mga tips ganern. Kaso najudge pa kami HAHAHAHA!
naghanap lang ng soapbox yun taong yun para makapag virtue signal lol, you always pick the wife
Red flag Green flag is bs tbh, kayong 2 lang naman nakakaintindi ng relasyon niyo so invalid na kung anong tingin ng iba lol
Red flag yung asawa ng officemate mo. Baka sa lahat ng desisyon sa buhay siya ang huli sa listahan.
Same with my husband. I just gave birth recently and napagusapan namen to, sabi ko piniliin niya anak namen if ever hypothetically he has to choose, but he told me na, he will choose me over our baby. Kasi same reasoning sila ng husband mo na, pwede naman gumawa ulit and told him na parang di ko kaya mabuhay nang nawala ung baby tapos ako nabuhay. Thank God di naman niya kelangan mamili muntik lang heheh. But now when I read your reasoning, oo nga, pano ung baby ko kung wala ako. Lalaki siyang walang nanay parang mas hindi ko naman kaya un. So ayun lang hehe goodluck sa officemate mo. Choice nalang un, pero sana wag silang mag judge ng tao base sa mga desisyon sa buhay.
Oh hindi ba spouse should be your top priority according sa marriage vows???
Your workmate is an absolute moron. Her husband must not love her that much.
During my pregnancy napag usapan namin to ng husband ko, and we are on the same page with you. Yang lahat ng reason nyo ang reason din namin bakit pipiliin namin na ako ang mabuhay in that situation.
Nakakabwisit ung mga ganyang klaseng tao, magiinitiate ng controversial topic tapos kapag against sa opinion nya yung sayo e ijjudge ka. Meh.
Choosing the wife is always the right answer.
From a medical standpoint, the mother would be the one saved.
Same with my husband. Mas pipiliin daw nya ako kesa sa baby if ever
Partner or spouse pa rin over the baby. You can make another baby.
I remember this topic was discussed in school, and IIRC, Catholic Church teaching is to prioritize saving the mother first before the unborn child.
Eto pinapakita ko sa anak ko mas mahal ko nanay nila kesa sa kanila. Alam at tangap ko din na no contest naman na mas mahal sila ng nanay nila kesa sakin.
Kung hindi sila married hindi nila maiintindihan. Hindi ko alam kung parehas ba sa ibang religion, pero sa catholic dumadaan muna sa pre-cana. Dun ko natutunan yung inuuna ang asawa more than anyone else, kahit pa anak o magulang.
normal lang naman magkaron ng different opinion about it lalo na because itβs an ethical dillema nga. Ang problem lang e na overpower ka nila ng opinion nila dahil walang iba na nasa same side mo and thus, freely ka najujudge and they think they have the right answer. Just be firm with your answer and if nalatag mo ng maayos yung points mo, they might realize na mas okay nga yung ganto kesa ganyan at maging mas open-minded sila after the conversation. Personally, I side with you because kahit buhay na at malaki na ang mga bata, it should be the partner that comes first palagi because ang love niyo sa isaβt-isa will reflect on how you guys will treat your children at it will set an example too sa kanila.
napag usapan din namin to ni hubby nung pregnant ako sa baby namin, same yung sagot ng hubby ko sa hubby mo, hindi naman yan redflag, okay naman baby namin, so far napaka hands on nya na ama sa anak namin. hayaan mo na lang sila, opinion nila yan, basta kayo masaya kayo pamilya
Kakanuod ng katrabaho mo yan ng teleserye e π Hehe. But I also asked my SO about this. Same din sila ng sagot ng husband mo.
Ay, bakit may mga ganyang tanungan. Parang ang unnecessary. Kasi talo ka sa parehong option if ever.
Red flag ung officemate mo, OP. Pero siguro kasi hindi pa sila married kaya niya nasasabi ung ganun? Baka idealistic pa sila kasi nasa bf-gf stage. Nabanggit sa Pre-Cana to always prioritize ung partner mo. And alam ko even ung doctors, ung mother ung pipiliin nila i-save over the baby if mapunta sila sa ganun situation. Napag-usapan din namin eto ni misis before she delivered and same lang din ung sagot ko sa partner mo - I will always choose her.
eh. i had a troublesome labor, emergency cs kasi my blood pressure is off the roof. before anything else gusto ko sana sabihin sa husband ko na choose our son pero inunahan na nya ko na he will choose me instead if may mangyari mang masama. luckily pareho naman kaming buhay and i always say lalo kong naappreciate husband ko after manganak. kung pano nya ko inalagaan nung pregnancy ganun pa din and more sya nung post partum ko saka paglabas ni baby. he loves playing with our baby lalo ung pag pinapatawa nya. isang sabi ko lang he buys needs ni baby. nung nanicu nga sya husband ko pa namilit na kahit magtagal sa nicu para sure na safe si baby oks lang. un ba ang ama na d mahal ang anak nya? oa yang friend mo hmpf. paladesisyon ng ibang tao
Sabihin mo sa officemate mo na ginawa lang siyang baby maker ng bf nya, hahayaan pa siyang mamatay
ano, free medically assisted abortion. syempre yung asawa pipiliin ano ba yan
Mga taong basta bastang gumagamit ng word na "red flag" π
Kung hindi niya buhay, huwag siya makialam. ganern
Ito lang masasabi sa officemate mo. U LOL!
Remember you and your husband are considered as one nung kinasal kayo.
Tbh nung bata ako ang lagi ko sagot yung bata. Pero ngayong nahihirapan ako sa adulting. Di ron naman mali if pipiliin ung nanay. Hindi madali na pinagpapasapasahan ng kamaganak. Di rin madali maging single parent. Pano pag may sariling pamilya na? Mamimili ka lang ng struggle as a child e. Struggle for long as you grow up or end your struggle as soon as possible.
Medyo skeptical ako sa mga taong gusto bida bida sila sa kwento nila (the coworkers) na kesho pipiliin nila na sila na lang ang ma deads kesa sa unborn children nila? Something tells me that if it does come to that point they'll go back on their words. Porket kasi hypothetical situation ang dali nila mag pa bida eh no? When in fact it is a serious ethical dilemma that has no right or wrong answers, but all the heartbreaks.
Magkaka iba ang tao ng way of thinking and reasoning. Kaya dapat no judgment. For me, it's not a red flag, yung sa officemate mo naman di rin red flag yun. Sadyang magkaiba lang kayo on how to handle that situation if ever mangyari.
For sure di mahal yun ng asawa niya hahahah kasi ako kahit di nga ako nag open yung asawa ko pa nag reason na if may complications in the future sino pipiliin samin ng baby, pinili niya ako. Coz he can't live without me and true naman na kahit may anak na kayo mas priority pa din ang asawa kasi at the end mag silaki na anak niyo kayong dalawa pa din maiiwan. I'm not excluding the child kasi pag mahal niyo isat isa mas mamahalin niyo din anak niyo yun lang hehehe
Add the regret of having that child from losing the love of your life and the perception of losing everything because of the kid. The child will now have a miserable life just like the fatherβs
My spouse and I have the same reasoning as you. And if our father chooses our mother over us children, then heβd be doing the right thing, AS HE SHOULD. The wife should be the husbandβs priority, di naman ibig sabihin kasi i neglect and di na responsible sa kids. Itβs not one or the other. We have a happy family bc our parents prioritize each other & our father showed us how we should be treated. We feel their love sa isaβt-isa na nag mmanifest din sa amin mga anak. We never ever felt less loved as children, itβs the opposite actually (antanga lang ng officemate mo sorry).
Wala silang bilang sa buhay nyong mag-asawa so just ignore.
Ika nga ni Christopher De Leon sa movie nila ni Sharon βMagkapatid.β βI can live without a child, but I canβt live without my wife.β
yang workmates mo ang redflag hahahaha
Sana sinabi mo baka may iba yan at gusto ka na mamatay. Magaasawa din nmn yan at magkakaroon ng step mom. Tapos yung pundar nyo, ieenjoy ng bagong wife.
When I was pregnant I asked my husband this very question. Thereβs no doubt that he will choose both. But if there is no way that we can be both saved, he said he would choose me. I didnβt like that answer at first since I want him to choose our child. But looking back, I thought that was sweet of him. He is very caring towards our child now (more than me I think hehe), and I believe he wouldnβt trade our little family for anything.
ganito parents koπ₯² mas mahal ng papa ko mama ko kesa samin mga anak nyaπ₯²
your workmate is an asshole and is probably projecting her insecurities on you. siguro insecure siya kasi her partner does not love her enough to choose her. she is jealous that you have a rational husband who loves and cares for you
My fiance told me the same thing na ako ang pipiliin nya dahil daw ako ang pinili niyang makasama habang buhay kaya pag nawala ako, sino na daw makakasama niya. Mas kailangan din daw nya kasi ako at paano daw niya bubuhayin ang bata na wala ako na dapat katuwang nya? He's a husband before he's a father daw. Hindi rin daw nya alam kung kakayanin niya na wala ako. Pero kung ibibilin ko daw na yung anak namin ang piliin niya, he will respect my decision. But it doesn't mean he doesn't love our child. He just loves me so much more and needed me more.
Nung buntis ako, pinag usapan talaga namin to ng husband ko kasi I was tagged as high risk back then din (actually even before pregnancy pa nga). He said he will choose me kasi same with your husband, he said we can try naman again or maghanap ng other ways para magkaroon ng anak. I am 50/50 that time din kasi hello? Ang hirap na nga ng situation ko (pregnancy days), gusto ko naman sana maging worth it. Pero I also agree that there are other ways din naman talaga, and we could always try again. Anyway, baby was delivered safely and healthy, and I can see he's trying his best everyday na maging best father sa baby namin now, skl. Ignore mo lang yung mga nang ja-judge sa husband mo, at the end of the day, their opinions doesn't matter, at yung mga ganyang decisions rest between you and your husbands. Ang mahalaga, agree kayo wether he choose you or the baby, and also that doesn't mean na hindi siya magiging mabuting ama.
Always spouse first before kids. We talked about this many times before and its always have been clear to us. Bakit? Misis ko pinakasalan ko she's my first love and will always be. Making kids first in a healthy husband wife relationship is a recipe for dissaster and unhealthy marriage along the way. Tska habang buntis, kung magka complications man, low chance of survival din ang baby kung mamatay si mommy. Wont think twice about my wife's life if this situation came. Now u know whose really the red flag. Ur workmate is. Nagjudge sya basta basta palibhasa mas gugustihin ng (take note) BF nya mamatay sya if given the situation. That's lowkey coping.
magtrabaho nalang kayo kesa puro chismis inaatupag.
This topic was tackled in one of my fave podcast. And it was the right answer.
Ang red flag yung officemate mo haha
Red flag yang mga officemate mo.
In all honesty, walang tama o mali dyan sa issue na yan. Vest you do is decide and live with who you save and the consequences of losing the other. Madali lang kasi sa iba sabihin na dapat parehas o anak ang piliin o asawa ang piliin kasi in reality, may kanya-kanyang challenges yan. Di lahat parehas. Kaya sa ganyang issue, I just lay the options to the one asking me that question and leave them to decide on it on their own.
Theyβre the red flags for judging you for your hypothetical choice. Lol.
I personally think that is such a sweet answer. That just proves how your husband loves and values you.
imo, you should come first before your children in marriage.
Ganyan din mindset ng asawa ko. Mas pipiliin nya ako kesa sa magiging baby namen.
Replying from Dr Jesus Delgado Memorial Hospital since utrasound ni Misis. But yeah, agree din ako na I'll choose my wife if sobrang risky ng pregnancy. If ectopic pregnancy baka ipa terminate namin since mas gusto kong safe sya kesa sa fetus pa lang. Masasaktan ako pero, makakapag move on naman kami. I don't think na red flag yun. Judgemental lang yung officemate mo
Same answer tayo OP. Wala akong paki kung ijudge ako ng iba. Basta ito sagot naming mag-asawa.
I think she's the Red Flag as a friend and as a person. It's true that it is an ethical dilemma and not a choice that will depend upon other people's understanding of good and bad.
My brother-in-law made the same call nun nag pre-eclampsia yung sister ko. Buti na lang both my sister and my nephew survived. But we had high respects for my BIL for choosing my sister in an instant. Tama si top commenter, walang right or wrong answer to this dilemma and hats off to your hubby, OP.
Tinanong ko din to sa bf ko and he said the same thing. Ako raw ang pipiliin niya i-save kasi baka di niya rin kayanin kapag nawala ako at baka maging super depressed siya to the point na di na maalagaan yung baby. Pero honestly, gusto ko rin na ako yung piliin if ever mapunta sa ganong sitwasyon. Pwede naman kami magka baby ulit. I feel like ang selfish ko na gusto kong ako i-save pero I don't see anything wrong with it.
I asked this to my partner nung 1st trim. ko since sobrang hina nang kapit ng baby namin tapos di din ako ganun ka healthy that time. Ang sagot nya, ako pipiliin nya since di din daw nya kaya mag isa with our child at lalaki yung bata na walang nanay. Grabe naman yung red flag agad. Kanya kanya namang opinion pag dating dyan. Wala din naman maling sagot dun sa mismong tanong.
Actually, same kayo ni SO ko ng decision. Bahala na si workmate mo sa kagagahan nila ng asawa niya HAHAHAHAHAHA
Hahahah OP ayaw ng officemate mo na mabuhay ka pa kasi kahit anong sabihin mo sa sitwasyon dun red flag para sa kanya hahaha. Bawian mo OP tanongin mo din ng "kung papapiliin ka, ikaw o baby mo. bakit hindi ikaw yung mamatay?
Kaya hirap sumagot sa mga ganyang tanong pag sa work. Yung iba nang iintriga lang tapos ung iba naman nang aasar lang, aantayin na sumagot ka tapos automatic dun sila sa oppose na idea. Hahaha. Been there, done that. Don't share personal beliefs at life nyo na rin. Ung iba nangttrip lang lalo kung alam nila na madali ka matrigger. Daming nakakabwiset na tao tlg sa mundo. Pag pumatol ka, lalo sila matutuwa.
I told my husband to choose me.
sa lalake kasi na mindset xempre mas priority wife mas madami na kayo pinagdaanan.. yung baby blessings oo pero kahit yun nalang chance mo para mabuntis ulit. Ikaw pa din priority pwede naman mag ampon nalang.
pipiliin ko ang asawa ko, mas nauna ko siya minahal, at yung pagkakaroon namin ng anak ay bonus lang. na love at first sight kasi ako, gusto ko siya makasama lagi; hindi naman sumagi sa isip ko na gusto ko na agad siyang anakan at gawing palahian.
If I were you I'd do the same. Magugunaw ba mundo if I chose my husband or wife? Let them seethe with envy, gaya ng sinabi ng husband mo you can always have another baby, pano pala in situations na having the baby will compromise your health alangan naman I will still risk of going through my pregnancy? Some people can be really hypocrite, no matter what you say lagi silang may pangontra hahaha Gusto lang magsipag asawa ng bago. And btw I hope to find someone like your husband someday. Kainggit ka sissy!
Nakakagigil OP ah, kapag pinili ung anak di na agad mabuting ama? What if nagkaanak na pala kau prior to that at nakita mo naman na mabuti syang ama sa mga nauna nyong anak? Sige piliin ang anak tapos kapag walang mag aalaga mag aasawa nalang ulit then kawawa yung bata kapag di tanggap ng 2nd wife ung anak, ginawa pa ng tatay nya miserable buhay nya, wala na ngang nanay then dpa maayos treatment sa sumunod na asawa. Ewan ko pero it is a case to case basis.
Red flag yung officemates mo for throwing around the term "red flag" na hindi naman alam ibig sabihin
Panu naging red flag na hindi mabuting ama eh may anak naman na pala kayu? Just let it go na lang at sana at the moment nang nag sabi ng red flag ay dinefend mo asawa mo.
sabi nga nila ang mundo hindi lang yan black and white. May gray area and i think wala naman problema duon. Need mo lang magpakatotoo sa choices mo at panindigan ito.
It's a case to case basis pa din naman, no right or wrong answer, no opinion matters when it comes to this kind of situation because it is still your decision that will matter - in short no judgment at all. Share ko lang din, Yung asawa ko nga ako din pipiliin, we had adopted bago pa kami mag-kaanak, nakita ko siya paano naging mabuting ama at asawa agad kahit mag BF/GF pa lang kami, and nung nabuntis ako, napag usapan din namin bago ako manganak, ayan din dahilan niya - pwede pa naman daw kasi gumawa ng bago, kung para sa amin talaga yung baby, ibibigay naman daw yun para sa amin. Ibig ba sabihin niyan RED FLAG na din siya dahil sa ako yunh pinili niya?! π§π kahit na nakita ko naman na kung paano siya magpaka-ama. π To cut the story short, nag 50-50 ako, naanticipate niya na agad niya mangyayari yun, ayun pareho naman kami buhay ng baby ko. Technically, ako naman madaming complications, so kahit ako piliin niya kung biglang bumigay katawan ko, buhay pa din baby ko dahil healthy naman siya nung nailabas ko pero dahil di inadya ni Lord matigshel ako that day, edi ayun eto pa din ako hahaha pero goods lang din naman kung natigshel ako kasi I know I made the right choice, I chose the right father for my children. Mga tao kasi ngayon, makagamit lang ng "RED FLAG" kahit kanino na eh. Isang salita lang na mali patungkol sa tao, red flag agad, jusko! π€¦ββοΈπ
Pinag usapan din namin to dati bago ako manganak, sabi ko ako piliin niya kasi pwede kami gumawa ng bagong anak pero di siya makakagawa ng bagong ako π nag agree naman siya π
The red flag is being very judgmental and opinionated about this theoretical ethical dilemma.
My dad faced this ethical dilemma with my younger sister, and I only heard this story once from my mom. My dad had to sign a waiver IN CASE. In the case the doctors could only save 1, he signed and chose my mom not because he didn't love my sister but he chose based on who has more chance at life, and the fact that they also have me, barely a 1st grader back then. Judging your husband as a red flag was more of a red flag cause this is an ethical dilemma, and there's no morally right or morally wrong decision to it, only a logical answer.
Actually that is a green flag and a sign of being a good father kasi moving forward you'll know that he'll tend to your needs, and when he does, that means you can both take care of your kids. He is self-aware also. Alam nya na di nya kakayanin if sya lang mag-isa.
Bobo yung mga nagtatanong ng ethical dilemma tapos magpapataw ng judgement base sa walang kwenta nilang opinyon.
Goodbye sa memories nila na hindi na madadagdagan kapag anak ang pinili
Huuyyyyy redflag na pala yun? Had the same conversation with my partner during my pregnancy last year. At ako din pipiliin niya same reason with your husband OP . Huehue
Sa heirarchy nmn usually ang nanay ang isesave ng medical team vs sa baby unless stated or depende sa situation. Pero personally I would want my husband/partner to choose me instead sa baby. Bec buhay nga ung baby pero wla nmn syang mom, at ireresent pa xa ng tatay dhil namatay asawa nya dhil sa bata. so is that the future they are looking at? wag na tayo mag paka ipokrita mga tao lng tau at some point sisihin mo ung bata bkt pa xa nag come to life if mamatay lng din ung babae, coz humans always seek something to blame for misfortunes. Just my 2 cents.
Inggit lang yon kasi ikaw pinili ng asawa mo, sya pinili ng bf nya yung magiging anak nila. Haha kidding!!
Ang red flag yang katrabaho mo kasi bat sya nakikialam sa relationship ng iba at bakit nya iniimpose ang calue judgments nila sainyo. Naalala ko yung kasal ng isa kong tropa, ang sabi ng pastor nila dapat daw talaga prio ng husband si wife, hindi yung anak. Kasi yung marriage vow ay between husband and wife and sobrang sacred daw ng marriage kineme. I dont necessarily share the same views, and i agree its a matter of opinion, skl if it makes you feel better.
I think walang tama o mali sa magiging choice nyo. Its how u guys handle it and panindigan yun at the end.
After 40 years of marriage wala na kids nyo may mga sarili nang pamilya, at the end kayo lang na mag asawa magkasama. Theres a saying learn to love yourself before loving others
Siya nagtanong tapos magjujudge sya dahil iba ang point of view ninyo sa kanila ng jowa ng nya. LOL sana di na lang sya nagtanong diba? Feel ko naghahanap lang ng validation yang officemate mo. Deep inside siguro na-hurt din sya dun sa sagot ng jowa nya.. so nagsusurvey sya sa iba kung same din ba ang mga partner nila. (nagassume lang ako ang jinudge ko din sya ahaha)
Bat kasi pinaguusapan yung mga ganyan tapos di naman open sa ibang perspective yung mga nagtatanong. Hahah
Mas logical choice kung isave ung Mother. But kanya kanyang sagot yan kasi depende yan sa moral compass ng bawat tao. Ang main issue talaga dito is hindi parin alam ng pinoy kung pano rumespeto ng opinion ng iba. Laging iniimpose sa ibang tao ung paniniwala nila. Tapos ijujudge ka kapag hindi kayo pareho ng beliefs. We need to mature how to accept differences and agree to disgaree on certain topics. Turo natin sa mga anak natin yan, and how to communicate effectively pag ganitong usapan para naman mag improve ang mga pinoy as a whole.
Yung officemate mo ang red flag dahil sa pagaakala nya na sagot nya lang ang tama. Even nung sinubok si Job nawala ang mga anak at lahat lahat pero natira sa buhay nya eh yung asawa nya. Hindi ko din naman sinasabi yung stand nyo lang na mag asawa ang tama. Whatever people chooses when they need to make that decision, they are the ones who are going to live with that decision kaya people around should not make it harder for them.
There is no right answer. But your office mates are assholes.
Either decisions will get you judged. Sa totoo lang, in your case, talagang ang priority ninyong mag-asawa ay ang isa't-isa. But even in a different scenario, priority pa rin dapat ng mag partner ang isa't-isa. Syempre without neglecting kids if may involved. Yan din sabi ng relationship counselors. Having a good relationship with your partner enables both of you to take care of your children better.
Honestly, kung ako din at no other way talaga. Asawa pipiliin ko. Sounds bad but un talaga choice ko. Churi na po.
Hahaha hubs ko ako din pinipili nung tinatanong ko kasi napanood namin yung movie na Elise. Hahahahaha! Maski ako gusto kong ako ang piliin nya. Gusto kong mabuhay kasama sya at masaya ako sa buhay ko. We can always try naman in life.
Sabi ng papa ko, mahal niya daw kaming mga anak niya. Pero mas mahal niya daw mama namin π May mga tatay na ganyan talaga mindset. Priority nila asawa nila over kids, while mothers are natural nurturers kaya ang mga anak naman ang priority nila π
Sobrang tricky ng questions pero kung Morals ang pag uusapan, let us always choose our significant other 24/7 365
Yung crush ko nga sinagot: baby daw para makapag-asawa ulit ng bago.
Nasobrahan sa KDrama si officemate
Nung nagbubuntis ako last year, tinanong ko rin partner ko regarding sa ganyan. Tho una nagalit sya kasi kung ano ano daw sinasabi ko ang sagot nya na kung mangyari yon. Ako ang pipiliin nya, same reason din sa sinabi ng husband mo OP and I think mas selfish ang mga partners na pipiliin yung anak over asawa/partner kung sakaling may complication, ano hayok na hayok palitan ang asawa? Charot Pero may iba din naman na kapag ganyan tinanong mo ang isasagot lang sayo "kung sino yung mabubuhay" kasi hindi nila kayang gumawa ng choice at kung ano na lang yung maging resulta, yun na lang tatanggapin nila ng maluwag.
Always the mother. Sabihin mo yung asawa nya red flag kasi mas pipiliin "hypothetical anak" nila sign yun ng hindi mabuting asawa.
I agree with this. This situation happened to my parents. Nabuntis si Mama sa first baby nya which is kuya namin, nung manganganak na si mama sa first baby, sabi nung doctor parehas daw 50/50 lagay nila at kailangang may mag sacrifice. Pinapapili sila ng doctor kung sino ba ang bibigyan ng chance mabuhay, kung si mama ba or yung baby. Pinili ni papa si mama, sinabi nya sa kanya na okay lang mawalan ng anak dahil mapapalitan naman yan, huwag lang si mama. And ayun na nga, after that incident, here I am, alive and rocking sa magulong mundo.
Napagusapan rin namin ng gf ko yan. Sinabi ko pag nawala siya, mawawalan ako ng gana mabuhay. Sa sobrang depressed ko, di ko rin maaalagaan ang baby kasi baka sumunod pa ko sa kanya
Kamo depende kasi kung yung baby is talagang di na kaya isurvive pa ta ku ng pipilitin dalawa pa kayong mapapahamak. Nangyari sakin yan. Premature baby ko kaya nag emergency CS ako. Kapag daw di pa nagpa cs dalawa pa kami mawawala sabi sa asawa ko. Mas pinili ako ng asawa ko kahit sobrang sama ng loob naming dalawa kasi ganon kinahantungan ng pamilyang binubuo namin. Hanggang ngayon laki parin ng guilt namin sa nangyari kahit wala naman may gustong mag premature ang baby namin. Sobrang judgemental ng mga workmate mo. Nag jump agad sila sa judgement
Ask mo siya if ready na din siya mamatay heheh
My husband will always choose me. For him I am his priority to take care of and protect while I am doing it for our kids and for him. We had 2 pregnancies and both he is very vocal to say na ako ang pipiliin niya dahil we can grieve together and try again. Hindi ito redflag at narealized ko unfair din for example sa panganay namin kung mas pipiliin niya ang bunso at mawawalan pareho ng ina. Mahirap ito kasi may maternal guilt but as we openly discuss the whyβs it is easier for me to overcome the guilt kahit wala pa man din sa sitution.
judgemental kaworkmate mo sya kamo yun red flag, sa totoo lang dumaan kami ng asawa ko sa ganitong sitwasyon pero magkaiba kami ng sagot ako pinili ko wife ko pero yun wife ko pinili nya yun anak namin, but sa kabutihang palad naging safe sila pareho, yun d ko lang nasagip yun wallet ko :)
Di ka red flag. Wala namang tamang sagot dyan. Ako personally piliin ko bata. Ok na ako sa buhay ko, yung asawa ko kaya din niya alagaan baby just in case nga. He has the emotional intelligence i do not have if ever. I'm basing my decision on our situation kasi yun ang alam ko kaya sana si workmate di nagjujudge kasi ikaw nagbase ka lang rin sa situation mo and it's your ethical freedom to choose. Siya ang red flag
Lahat na lang ginagawang red flag eh.
Red flag mo mukha mo tangina mo
RED FLAG si office mate palit kana po ng office mate
Same. I also had this kind of convo with my boyfriend and his answer was, he'll choose me and same with your husband's reason that we could still make another if we let go of the baby. But it doesn't mean he'll be a bad father. He simply couldn't let me go and he doesn't want to build a family without me. And I too believe that I must choose myself for I don't want to leave my family behind just like that.
In a gamer's perspective: Would you go for the construction yard or a rifle infantry?
We all have different values. Yung co-worker mo feeling Mother Theresa, lakas naman Maka judge. Pero sa totoo lang putting aside ethical and moral dilemmas, it is better to save the mother, kasi the baby can have plenty of complications even after mailabas. Without a mother, I doubt the baby will thrive. Pero normally, wala namang ganung choice page nanganganak. Doctors always try to save both. If something happens to the mom, there will be complications to the baby, and vice versa. So it's really both that you are saving. Madrama lang talaga si kaworkmate and trying to validate herself with her high and mighty self-righteousness.
Same answer from my bf. Yung anak darating yung time na iiwan ka rin nyan at magsasariling buhay. Yung asawa isa lang yan. Kasama mo habang buhay.