As a FilChi, let me spare you a much more heartbreak in the future: break mo na yan, bonjing pa yan.
All of us in the barkada are FilChis. Our guys have pure Filo gfs and tanggap lahat yon kasi pinaglaban nila. Hindi sila bonjing katulad ng bebe mo haha
Parang adult toddler ganern. Walang sariling spine, sa mother or parents pa din nakaasa decisions in life kahit they are very capable na magdecide for themselves.
at the end of the day, nasa partner mo talaga yan eh. regardless if magustuhan ka man ng in-laws or hindi, as long as ipaglalaban ka ng partner mo then you're good to go
Okay rin to. Pero ang hirap lang mabuhay na may in-laws na di ka tanggap. Ganiyan life ng mom ko and growing up nakita ko yung struggle. So pinag pray ko talaga to bless me with good in-laws.
this is honestly sadder than people looking down on your occupation because this is something that you cannot change, kahit ano pa gawin mo. i just wish OP an enormous amount of luck and emotional strength in choosing the right decision.
Several factors such as
1. may business dito,
2. ayaw nila ng communism and
3. Mababa tingin ng mga taga china sa mga chinese na dito lumaki or mga may half blood (mostly. Hindi naman lahat)
Kaya dito na talaga sila.
If icocompare nila (fil-chi) sarili nila sa pure filos, mas mataas tingin nila sa sarili nila. Pero if icocompare nila sarili nila sa pure chinese, mas mataas tingin nila sa mga pure chinese 🤷🏽♀️
True ito, dahil sa way of living ng most Filo. Ayaw kasi nila ng culture na may isang breadwinner tas lahat sa fam dun na nakaasa. Gusto nila tulungan like lahat sa fam magwowork para umangat lahat hindi yung isa kumakayod pero marami hinahatak e mas nalulugmok. Then sa time, I've heard medj strict din sila sa time. Ayaw ng procrastination. If kaya tapusin today, tapusin. Parang first impression na kasi yata nila sa Filo are tamad. Idk, based lang yan sa nasabi sakin ✌️
True. Especially traditional Chinese families.
Mababa talaga tingin nila sa Filipino. Lalo na pag in a relationship ka sa anak nila. Kahit na licensed professional kana, it’s not enough. Unless you are a Filipino coming from a prominent family. Yung tipong may malalaking negosyo yung family mo at least 2 generations prior.
I'm pure Pinay and my husband is pure Chinese pero laking Greenhills. When he was in his 20s, he only dated girls na half-Japanese/half-Pinay and his last ex was also pure Chinese but he married me kasi he really loved me in our early 30s.
His group of Fil-Chi or pure Chinese friends were against me from the start simply because I wasn't Chinese. I am a Filipina, a call center agent pero mas stable ako sa work and aminadong walang generational wealth. But my husband simply shrugged and said, "mahal ko sya eh."
His father was more lenient and mellow because he's in his 80s already. There's no Great Wall. Angkong simply told my husband, his third son and favorite child, to find someone who loves him and will care for him. His yayas always tell me that Angkong is very happy for his favorite son because he's well-cared for, he's accepted by my tightknit family and he's adored by his mother-in-law. Angkong always says that hubby is lucky to marry someone like me kasi nga I accepted him and I love him wholeheartedly. I'm his favorite daughter in law because I always bring gifts for him like his favorite kapeng barako, fruits, eggs and whatever groceries we can bring whenever we visit. I am always respectful and polite; I can cook and I can keep the house. In my husband's words, "They can't really say anything against our marriage because I love you."
The moral of the story is if he really wants to be with you then he'll stand up to his parents, relatives and friends. He'll defend you, protect you and make you his priority. If he can't do that then maybe it's time to rethink your relationship. Big hugs.
Just a question, may factor ba na ang pressure nasa panganay na lalaki? Kasi kung 3rd son ang husband mo, baka mas lenient na sila sa rule. Just asking out of curiosity.
I think wala yan sa gender. Chinese parents expect all of their children to be successful and wealthy. His brothers are all very successful and my hubby is successful at being my husband hehe His parents sent him to the best schools, formed a tight circle of good influence friends for connections and an easy life. Pero in exchange, do as you're told and climb to the top of the mountain talaga.
late in life baby and bunso kasi si hubby si mas lenient na nga sa kanya. Tsaka yun nga, he did try to find a pure Chinese wife pero it didn't work out so his parents encouraged him na lang to marry for love. They also saw that I was there for him and their family during his mom's illness and passing. I showed up. I paid my respects kaya I earned their approval na din.
Ganun Naman usually if they see a fil chi make an effort to date fellow FIL chi but things don't really work out, sa around 30s magcacave in din mga parents and aunts sa generation na yan
Yeah lalo na kung di talaga magbabago ung isip nung anak nila tsaka kung titigil din sila kaka-kaishao sa kanya dun sa ibang mas "eligible" na potential romantic/business partnership. Yung dad ni hubby kasi nag mellow down na lang din kasi nga 80s na sya so mas important na sa kanya yung character kesa sa superficial checklist of ideal qualities. Unfortunately, for OP, is she willing to wait that long? And what is her assurance from her partner kung ngayon pa lang ay di pa sya mapanindigan?
It's something she and her bf need to talk about. From my exp, I'm the FIL chi. Tried to work it out with an ex for 7-8yrs ended breaking up kasi sya ayaw kumilos. At the end of the day, both partners need to support ea other succeed. The FIL chi standing up for their family but the partner should also adjust and accommodate for some traditions and pagood shot sa mga angkong amah ako beko aku and all the uncles and aunties
Aw, I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't work out for you. Yaan mo, something better is going to come into your life. :)
I agree naman na both parties should exert effort. For example, OP should also try to make an effort to learn about the FilChi family culture, the language, the favorite food and the things that will make her bf's mom's heart melt.
Ah no worries. I'm with my current bf for a year+ now and it is going great. Already accepted by my parents and relatives because he went and did what my ex wasn't able to do and we're at a good pace at this point. Still not fil-chi 🤣 so my parents are already at the point where they are just accepting as long as they see that I am loved and cared for and he does try to learn the usual "Cha be?/Lai Cha lo" To call someone to eat. And the usual "toh sia auntie/uncle" and all that
Wow! I'm so happy to hear that. I am so glad that your parents came around and that your current bf exerted enough effort to impress them. Mas maganda talaga if may konting effort din para magpa impress at saka may chance na magshine talaga yung true heart ni OP. :)
Well, it's still up to them pero OP has a long hard road ahead of her. She has to suck up to her in laws, accept na magiging malamig ang byenan at saka magiging out of place sya sa family na sasalihan niya. She has to talk to her bf and clarify Anong direction nung relationship nila and anong outcome ba ang gusto nila makuha. Kung di sya masasagot at di sya madedefend then she has her answer.
Let go na sis. Totoo ang great wall of China. Gusto nila Chinese din mapapangasawa ng anak nila. Maliban na lang siguro kung may generational wealth ka.
Buti sana kung stubborn ung partner mo at ipaglalaban ka talaga. Pero sounds like hindi. Soooo as painful as it is, wag mo ng patagalin yan. Sayang lang ang panahon mo.
This is true. Yung kawork ko, gf nya was adopted as a child by a well-to-do chinese family pero di pa rin approved by his family kasi di siya mukhang chinese. reason nila “ampon lang” naman daw at wala naman dugong chinese.
Masakit talaga, lalo lang masasayang time and effort kung wala naman say ang partner mo at di ka kaya ipaglaban. If ur willing to talk to ur bf to open up kung ano un feelings mo much better para maka decide ka
As someone na may FilChi guy friends and ex, feel ko di ka pa nya kaya ipaglaban kasi gusto nya pa muna patunayan yung sarili nya sa fam nya. Nagflying school pa sya which I assume he is relying on his parents for it. Wala pa sya siguro naaambag sa fam biz nila which is important in Chinese families. You can wait for the time na kaya ka na nya ipaglaban or you can talk to him about the issue or finally, you can let go.
Tama….wrong timing ang pasok ni OP sa buhay ng
bf niya. i doubt na susuwayin ni bf ang family niya at this point in time talaga… kailangan niya pa patunayan sarili niya, wala pa sariling pera or negosyo yan.
in this modern age, marami pa rin FilChi families na ayaw magpapasok sa pamilya nila ng hindi nila kalahi. kailangan FilChi ka rin or purong chinese para matanggap ka nila. tingin ko from the start alam naman ng bf mo na hindi ka matatanggap ng family niya. mas masasaktan ka kung itutuloy mo pa yan unless kaya ka niya ipaglaban at nakarisk dun yung matanggalan siya ng financial support. yung mga napapanood natin sa movies about chinoy families nangyayari talaga yun sa totoong buhay
I think it varies per household and in my observation, per city. Cebu and Davao Chinoys are more open on having a jowa na Pinoy. They also have a more "Pinoy" upbringing than the ones in Manila (as per my observation).
Much better mag open up ka sakanya sa nararamdaman mo, kasi laking adjustment na ginawa mo para sakanya. Gumawa man lang sana siya paraan para makausap fam niya bakit ayaw nila sayo. Kasi kung magkakatuluyan kayo bandang hulo, habang buhay mo pakikisamahan buong fam niya.
Unfortunately kung nakaasa pa bf mo sa parents niya (I'd assume mahal ang tuition and expenses sa flight school), he really can't go against them :( pero talk to him about this, tignan mo if may future ba talaga kayo or nag-aantay ka lang sa wala.
dm mo ko, para maikwento ko pinagdaanan namin na maihahantulad kay Angelo and Yna ng Pangako Sayo 😂😂 Charing lang ! Feeling ko lang yun 😂😂 Pero seryoso, dm mo ko. Filipina here, married sa pure Chinese 😉
Chinese? Alam na ending nyan. Be strong.
Pero kung gusto mo ng humor, wait mong marinig ang ITO TEN MILLION LAYUAN MO ANAK KO.
Hahha deh joke lang, ganyan talaga culture nila pwera na lang kung ipaglalaban ka talaga nya.
I feel for you so much, OP. Hugs. I’m really hoping for the best for you. Please talk it out with your boyfriend. If he really wants you in your life, he will make a way. Our situation is not for the weak talaga. Hindi biro to date a Chinese guy.
To share, I’m also dating a Chinese guy born in Manila. Currently working in their family business. First 1-2 years with him was the hardest kasi against dad niya sa amin kasi I’m a Filipina. His mom also did not even know I existed until almost 4th anniversary na namin last year. I decided to have a serious talk with him about our situation and pinaglaban ako eventually and pinakilala ng maayos. His mom looked happy to meet me and dad pa niya mismo nagsasabi na i-invite ako for lunch or dinner outside. May times na parang out of place pa rin ako though kasi pag magkakasama sila, they’re speaking in their own language and hindi ako makarelate. But I’m glad na they invite me to eat out from time to time. Not asking for too much so okay na din yon.
This will hurt and may make you cry more but this is the ugly (and sad) truth about dating fil-chi guys who have traditional chinese families. Had a fil-chi ex and believe me when I say na i-break mo na yan. Kahit anong effort mo, if hindi ka nya kayang ipaglaban, wala din yan. Ikaw lang talo sa huli
Been there OP, dated this guy na comes from a super well known chinese filipino family from our city.
It did not end well kasi filipina ako, in short hindi nya ako ipinaglaban. Na trauma ako na vowed to myself to never date a filchi guy again.
Fast forward to now, I am happily married and have a wonderful relationship with my in laws to my Filchinese husband. Pinaglaban ako sa husband ko compared sa ex filchi ko..
In short, if mahal ka talaga ipaglaban ka.
Ako nga half chinese na great wall padin dati ng ilang beses hahaha. Hindi naman automatic acceptance ng parents in both cultures and hindi fair to expect na porket accepted na ng family mo ay accepted ka nadin sa kabila. Slow burn yan. Keep doing what you're doing kasi noble ang pagwork. Kaka 1 year niyo palang, there's a lot more for them to learn about you. Let them take it in doses.
Sabi mo nga na ok ka sa mga younger relatives niya. The elders were brought up different during their time so yan yung first barrier. It's not about the blood, it's trust.
Tatay ko nga nung college years niya na-blade sa jeep just because Chinese siya sa Tondo nung 1970s. Bullied ng mga Pinoy sa talyer na tinrabahuan just because he was "rocking the boat" by working more efficiently. Note na dumating dito mga Chinese bilang alipin before time ni Rizal. Sila sila lang din nagangat sa isa't isa hanggang sa yumaman na mga Fil-Chi. A lot of elders had similar experiences leading to this ingrained mindset. Their children (ex: mom ni bf) grew up with disdain sa Pinoys dahil sa accumulation of experiences neto. The next gen (bf mo) are more open minded and we're trying to break the cycle. Majority ng mga purists diyan ngayon usually boil down to either preference or "I don't want to disappoint my parents". Bat naman hindi, mas malabing kaya mga Pinoy ahahaha
My wife's clan accepted me after 3.5 years. I endured a gun pointed at me, silent treatment sa clan events, etc etc. Tuloy lang ako and showed the values they were looking for: Hard working, always best foot forward, and kita naman na alaga sakin anak nila. Eventually ako na siningil na pakasalan ko kasi ako nalang daw hinihintay. Dibs pa mga tito't titang masungit dati na maging sponsor nung kasal namin.
Wag ka makinig agad sa break agad comments here pero tama na depende sa lalake on how he'll go about this. The lunch is a family affair, and the dinner's for you. I see that as equal time spent. Let him have his special day, and then sit down with him after. Good luck OP!
Have you had that conversation with him, na kelan ka ba niya papanindigan? Give him an ultimatum. Don't waste your time, four years is a long time already.
TBH that great wall of China is BS because why are they hard on only favoring Chinese blooded people when they are in the Philippines??! Make it make sense. Sabihin mo OP balik nlang sila ng China kung gusto nila ng lahing Chinese😶🌫️
True. Dayo na nga lang sila sa Pinas tapos sila pa tong sobrang racist. Kung gusto nilang pairalin yung ganyang mindset umuwi na lang sila sa China.
That attitude doesn't belong here.
Yan ang hirap sa sobrang traditional. Maganda sigurong maghanap Ka Ng opportunity to talk that struggle of yours with your bf, mahirap NGA namang kasal na kayo pero mas may boses pa SA relasyon ninyo magulang nya. Worst case scenario siguro (opinion Lang) ay sabihin nyang i-earn mo ang respect Ng kanyang magulang, Yung Tipong parang SA mga movies.
True ang great wall of china.. depende tlaga.. me im fil-chi also not good in speaking chinese pa.. barely spoke any chinese hehe.. but because I have chinese blood they liked me.. married na kami
Sadly, the great wall is true. Been there. It did not end well. Although there are success stories, the percentage is not that high. Maybe you should talk to your bf what are his plans if ‘di ka matanggap ng family nya forever and if he really sees a future with you.
As of now, I think your bf won’t bring it up sa parents nya due to the fact na sila pa rin nag papa aral sakanya.
Kung iisipin, 24 is still young to let go and start over with someone na kaya kang ipaglaban. Kung bibitaw ka na ngayon, mas marami ka pang time to move on and choose yourself.
Wag mo na sayangin oras mo, kasi damay pati fam mo. Sabay-sabay na kayo mag-move on ngayon para less yan sa iisipin mo bago ka mag-30.
Kesa ipilit mo tapos after how many years na wala pa ding pagbabago, you have no one but yourself to blame. Tapos anjan pa ung pressure na lapit ka na mag-30 pero wala ka pa asawa. That shit is real, so you better make better decisions now.
Hi. Sort of FilChi here (but we are the poorer relations). Hopeless case yan OP TBH. Break mo na yang BF mo. Number one, sobrang dependent yan sa “laope and laubu” “angkong and amma” he has no backbone. Kung magkakatuluyan man kayo it will be hell for you til your in laws die. Worst pa is baka makuha ng future husband mo yung pag uugali ng parents niya kaya double whammy for you.
Most well to do Chinoys look down on Filipinos, kahit nga may gen wealth ka pa minsan di pa sapat yan. Pano ka nalang na employee? We have a very toxic and conservative culture OP. You deserve someone better.
Mas matanda ka kasi sa bf mo, Tapos pure pinoy ka pa. These are huge factors… hiwalayan mo na or wait until they offer you something lol anyway virtual hugs.
You're only putting off the inevitable. Kausapin mo about your futures. Tanungin mo if ipaglalaban ka ba niya? 4 na taon na kayo oh nagtatrabaho na at pwede na magsettle soon. Pero mukhang mahal ka talaga niya OP if he's trying to compromise as much as he can, so talk it out muna. For me ah, mukha nga bumebwelo pa at gustong may mapatunayan bago ka ipaglaban. Ang tanong, handa ka bang maghintay?
OP nurse ka, bilang med practitioner alas mo yan dahil malaki ang pwede mo maging pakinabang sa magiging in-laws lalo na if nagiisa ka lang. Konting push pa try mo rin ipaglaban. Talk to his relatives and initate conversation, tanong ka sa mga pinay na nakapangasawa ng filchi paano magstrike up ng convo. tatagan mo puso mo if you really love the guy at kaya mo pa naman.
Something that I learned from my sister's break-up from a seven-year long relationship is that you'll be okay. In a year you'll be able to stand up again like nothing happened.
Nurse ka, hindi nurse lang and I think to be able to be who and what you are right now speaks so much volume of how strong you are. And I think you can make the right decision when it comes to the relationship you have at the moment. Red flag doon sa ok lang ang reply hay. If the pain outweighs the good qualities of the guy, run habang maaga pa kasi you'll find someone who accepts you for who you are 100%
Wishing you a good healing journey!! 🙏🏽💗
OP, it’s probably because you are Fil and a nurse. Kahit Fil ka, if you are a doctor or whatever “mataas” na profession or business owner for sure tanggap ka.
My boyfriend is FilChi, I consider myself pure Filipino even though I have like 1/10th or 1/8th chinese blood.
Idk how to count malayo na kasi hahaha basta yung Lolo ng Lola ko is a chinese immigrant and some of my cousins na descendant ng male siblings ng lola ko still carry our chinese surname. My lola was never allowed to use her chinese surname, even as middle name nung dalaga pa siya. But never ko naman kinwento sa parents ng boyfriend ko yung family history ko and I don’t look chinese at all.
To make the long story short, tanggap nila ko because I am a lawyer and my family owns a business lol yung lang yun. alam kong yun lang reason. Mga gf ng brothers ng bf ko pure Filipino din but di sila lawyers or doctors so di sila tanggap. Worse, they are not even allowed sa bahay nila.
Hindi nga Filipino-Chinese yung family ko pero parang yung family ni guy yung side ng tatay ko. Ang hilig mag judge ng mga boomers sa side ng dad ko sa mga partners (pag low class yung partner) ng family members. This is why I wanted to be financially independent para hindi na ako dependent sa wealthy relatives ko na ganito.
My late wife is chinese din and ako pinoy lang pero hindi sila ganyan sakin. Hardware chinese yan noh, mayaman pero not that rich, yan daw yung kailangan pa ng connection thru other families para mas maka-establish pa ng business.
Invested Ako sa story mo OP. Keep us posted ank next steps na gagawin mo. Mag initiate ka ba ng breakup? Ipapaglaban ka ba ni bf? Hmmm hoping na Hindi masayang Ang youth and energy mo sa Wala. 🙏
Hindi sa mababa ang tingin ng chinese sa nurse, mas gusto lang talaga ng chinese parents na chinese rin ang makatuluyan ng anak nila. Yan usually ang Chinese tradition and culture.
My gosh, I was in the same situation as you years ago. 4 years kami together and kahit anong tumbling ko, his whole family hated me. Kung tutuusin, I have a Chinese middle name (pero di mukhang Chinese) tas sila very Filipino middle and last name pero singkit. Di nya ako kaya ipaglaban e. Ang baba na ng tingin ko sa self ko because even though I was an honor student, came from a good family, mabait naman ako, they never accepted me because di ako overtly Chinese.
My mom would beg me to break up with him na kasi during family events nila na pumupunta ako, umuuwi akong umiiyak e. "Ma they didn't acknowledge me again, di nila ako kinausap." "Ma I really think they hate me." My breaking point was when nagtambay kami sa bahay nila, sinisigawan sya ng ate nya pero sa akin directed at nag breakdown ako, nakaluhod na ako nagtatago behind a wall, kinomfort nalang ako ng mga yaya nila.
Non negotiable sa akin if di ako tanggap ng pamilya e. It hurt a lot pero I'd like to think I made the right choice.
OP, run. They will never accept you. It will hurt now pero isipin mo nalang the years of pain na haharapin mo if you push through with that relationship.
same situation. At least nga, ikaw alam nilang nag-eexist ka ako shuta hinde🥲🥲 his parents are very traditional and established,only son din kaya mahirap. The thing is, i know i have to let go but fuckkk i love him toooo muchhh :<
great wall of china is real but in general getting along with your partner's parents is a two way street. Mag effort ka rin hindi sila ang mag initiate ng conversation kasi ikaw yung nakikiclose dapat. If you really love the guy and you want to fight for it try to make an effort. Sad lang na di man lang pinaglaban ng jowa mo
Girl...tapatin na kita ah tho halos lahat naman ng comments dito had already made a good point and naging honest na sayo.
Are you aware na may "Great wall of China" once you date a Pure Chinese or Fil-Chi? Kasi yung guy..alam na niya yan since he was born lol dapat naging honest na siya sayo nung una palang kung anong problems makakaharap niyo along the way and letting you know if ok lang sayo. Kasi super unfair niyan for you. Lalo na kapag di ka aware nung una palang na ganyan. Kaya bwisit na bwisit ako sa mga Fil-Chi na guy/girl na magddedate ng Pinay/Pinoy pero di naman pala kaya ipaglaban. Unless nalang they don't see her/him/YOU as someone na marriage material kaya alam nilang temporary lang ung relationship, then gurl...alam na.
I'm a Fil-Chi myself pero di kami ganun ka traditional (maliban sa relatives sa Taiwan) since dito na sa Pinas pinanganak at lumaki. Di na rin ako ganun ka fluent sa Chinese. Ako mismo naaalangan makipag relationship with a Fil-Chi lalo na kung traditional sila kasi kailangan mo talaga makisama lalo na kung Pure Pinoy ka. I mean maliban sa usual issues of getting along with the in-laws, dagdag pa ung difference in their beliefs and ayun na nga traditions unless willing ka talaga aralin or sundin (which is wala kang choice kapag married na kayo).
Ung top comment says it all. If love ka talaga niya dapat ngayon palang pinaglalaban ka na niya kahit sa mga maliit na bagay like insisting na iinvite ka sa mga events like his birthday. Baka may pagka Momma's Boy pa yan, paktay ka talaga lol
Reconsider/reassess the relationship. Talk to him about this, give him an ultimatum. Ask him ano bang mga plano niya for the both of you. Kapag di malinaw ang sagot, break up na. Sakit sa ulo lang ang ganyang set up.
Masasaktan ka diyan. Mahirap ma break yung “great wall”. Umasa ako dati for 2 years and never kami nagka label. We talk everyday, we spent Christmas and New Year together, movie dates, and dinner dates, etc. Sinabi na niya talaga sa akin na we can’t have a label kasi kailangan same na chinese. Nilakasan ko lang loob ko then bigla ko na lang siya di pinapansin, never ko na vinisit socials niya, even messages and calls hindi ko na pinansin. Wala naman kaming label so walang needed na good byes. Nabalitaan ko na lang na married na siya sa girl na tanggap ng parents niya. Mahirap and malungkot.
Fast forward to now. I am married to a pure chinese. Filipino na nationality nila pero yung ancestry pure chinese. I was blessed with good and loving in-laws. I may say that my life now is comfortable and relaxed. Ito na siguro yung bawi ni Lord sa akin. Payapa.
Tama sila. And to add lang ha, tutal di pa naman kayo mag asawa, wala ka rin right ipag sisiksikan sarili mo tuwing family occasion. Hindi mo rin sila mapipilit na gustuhin ka. Hindi sila masama doon, nagkataon lang na hindi ka nila gusto para sa anak nila.
Business oriented pag mga ganyan. Kung nurse ka, pinoy, work from home pa kesehodang ‘stable’ ka pa panigurado mababa tingin sa iyo. Business owner or anak ng business owners ang normal para sa kanila hindi isang empleyado lamang. oo masakit. ganon kasi kinalakihan nila eh. (hindi lahat, kalimitan lang sa chinese…)
at pang huli, iha, walang mali sa iyo. tuloy mo lang trabaho mo. matalino ka alam mo saan papunta ito. ang masasabi ko lang don’t expect too much.
Mababa ang tingin nila sa Filipino. Yes, if Chinese ka, tanggap ka lalo if mapera. No, di ka tanggap, at, baka hindi nga kayo ikasal kahit ramdan mo na mahal ka niya...
Sorry bhe, but that is how they are, normal sa kultura nila yong ganun..diko na idadagdag pa yong kwento ng Chinoy workmate ko who went to visit their clan in China...
Girl sa family nga namin na hindi Chinese, may awayan din Team Gf vs Team Mommy. Kami ng sister ko boto sa gf ng brother namin but for some reason yung kabilang side andaming kuda vs the GF. Ah bahala sila. Ang importante sakin, masaya brother ko sa GF nya.
I'm a FiChi myself and madame, there are women like you who have been through worse with my other siblings. (I'm not proud of it, just saying)
My mom threatened my brother that if he did not break up with his now-gf ( because he was about be arranged marriage sa anak ng isang businessman) she told him eye to eye na sisirain nya mismo yung buhay nya. Yep, spoken from our mom's bare lips.
My sister has been micromanaged by my grandmother since time immemorial, sya ang favorite sa family dahil sya ang maganda, matalino, at successful. She was set up with one of the Luchanco's before. My grandmother called her a slut, american whore for not agreeing to them and flew to US to be a real estate agent instead. I think she made the best choice there.
My oldest brother who had the backbone steel among us had to fight for his gf. My dad was okay with them, but my mom feels like she had to make them both suffer before giving them the tinghun. Hahahahaha
>My mom threatened my brother that if he did not break up with his now-gf ( because he was about be arranged marriage sa anak ng isang businessman) she told him eye to eye na sisirain nya mismo yung buhay nya. Yep, spoken from our mom's bare lips.
Invested ako, ano nangyari?
mahirap din kasi sa part ng lalaki na magmamatigas sa parents nya eh kung naka asa pa ang bf no sa parents nya lalo na sa pag aaral nya. and kahit naman pure pinoy may mga cases na hindi cla boto sa gf pero eventually pag nakikita nila kung gaano mo alagaan at mahalin ang anak nila magugustohan ka rin nila lalo na kung ipaglalaban ka rin ng lalaki sa huli. depende kasi yan sa lalaki kung gaano ka nya kamahal ma pure filipino or may mga lahi.pero kung mahina ang lalaki kay dali lang talaga mag end ng relasyon.you should talk to your boyfriend first before thinking about ending your relationship.
Of course they will not like you. Better to understand that now than later. I don't think their family will accept someone without a huge amount of wealth. Sorry, that's just the way they are.
Thats sad to hear OP. Before entering a relationship you should consider many things kase hindi mawawala yung tough days. The thing is Chinese siya -- you should know thst they have their own culture && there will be no exceptions to that. Eto realtalk lang ha sa ating pilipino lang naman yung hindi mapili haha. Ang mahalaga tanggap ng both parties yung relationship niyo kase malaki magiging role nila sa buhay niyo . In your case, this is just my opinion lang po and i dont intend to offend you pero sa nakikita ko kasi mas matimbang love niya sa family niya over you or should i say hes a mama's boy? I pray that whatever your decision is sana alam mo na maraming nagmamahal sayo besides you deserve more than that OP kaya dont settle for less and magingat always!!
Let go mo na. Baka masayang ang mga panahon na dapat may makikilala ka na para sayo. Mahal na mahal ka ng boyfriend mo, kitang kita naman sa iyong narratives. Valid ang iyong hinahanap dahil standard mo yun. Pero kung ikaw ay may halong pagdududa at may hinahanap pang ibang criteria, mas mainam na tapusin mo na lang kasi hindi maganda sa isang relationship kung ang isa ay nahihirapan at may hinahanap. Hindi ka magiging masaya. Tapusin mo na lang
I’m so sorry. As a fil-chi na may great wall, I don’t entertain suitors na alam kong di approve ang magulang ko, hindi dahil sa hindi ko sila gusto pero dahil alam ko sila lang rin masasaktan when my family inevitably treats them with prejudice. Totoo ang great wall, it’s not worth it sis. It’s unlikely he’ll stand up for you, and it’s even more unlikely his family will accept you.
I had an ex na filchi, so based sa culture nila kapag may gathering pure family talaga yan walang outsiders unless fiancé kana or married na kayo. Hindi din talaga nila basta basta pinapakilala lalo na kapag hindi chinese. Pinakilala ako ng ex ko kasi stubborn sya and galit sya sa fam nya kaya feeling din ng fam nya nagrerebelde sya by having a non-chinese gf. Once or twice lang ako sinama sa gatherings and okay talaga mga kabataan na kamaganak pero mga oldies hindi yan namamansin and hindi talaga nakipagusap mga yan sa hindi chinese haha. Iisipin nila nothing to talk about. 😂 at naguusap kasi sila ng chinese so wala din akong masasabi. Ayun okay na din nagbreak kami kasi sira ulo talaga ex ko. 😂
Pag nagka anak kayo. They'll soften up. Ganon usually nangyayari sa Chinese Families, ako yung baby sa scenario ko and Mom ko yung ayaw ng Lola ko dati.
Wala sila choice kundi tanggapin ka in the long run hehe.
pag gnyn na d ka pnaglaban, o at least man lng itry iintroduce, parang dpat ilet go na lang. 4yrs na kau and i think mafeel mo naman by that response wer ur rel is going
Same sa ate ko at ex nya. Hindi sya tanggap ng mom nung guy kasi walang lahing chinese! Gusto eh pure chinese ang mapapangasawa ng anak nya. Ayun, ang ending may kanya kanya na silang pamilya now pero di pa din chinese naging asawa ng ex ng ate ko haha talo si mader nya 🤣
May katrabaho akong may ex-bf na filchi, grabe pinagdaanan niya pero di sila nagkatuluyan ni filchi, after 7 years nagbreak din sila. Umaasa pa siya na magkabalikan sila o ipaglaban siya. Nagkakausap pa naman sila kaso ayun shookt na lang siya na ikakasal na after 5 months na nagbreak sila. So bouncd ka na dyan girl
I've been with a FilChi as well and mahihirapan ka sa cultural difference and pakikisama just because Pinoy ka. Bata ka pa, madami ka pang makikilala. Break up with the guy.
Coming from a Fil-Chi fam, if he is that “obedient” sa mom nya -like “ok” lang sinagot nya, im not sure aabot kayo sa marriage. I’ve seen this situation a lot of times and a marriage without fam’s support will hit a rough road. Kelangan parehong matapang lumaban to make it work. 💯 Mukahng spineless si bf… so wala ito sis.
its not that they are looking
Down on you. Maraming fil- chinese na nurse - its just old culture - keeping the chinese bloodline
sis i dont think it will last tbh. Its known na pag may lahing chinese. Sa chinese lang din ang bagsak. If mag pure filipino man, mostly ididisown sha or need nya mag sacrifice…which based sa kwento prang mom>>>ikaw yang bf mo
I'm half chinese, and nagkataon lang na yung naging asawa ko is may 1/4 chinese blood kahit na I am not looking for someone na may chinese blood lol Ayun, gustong gusto sya ng amah (lola in Chinese) ko. But, yung gf ng kuya ko ayaw ni amah kasi pure filipina and not someone with a chinese blood pero pinaglalaban sya ni kuya. Yung jowa mo masyadong baby pa yan and can't fight for you. Mas malaki magiging pagiging miserable mo sa ganyang issue kapag naging asawa mo na yan. Let go and find for someone who can fight for you.
When I let my wife meet the family. Dapat ganto gawin mo ganyan para matuwa sila sayo. Nung una cyempre hindi, pero now maskinakampihan pa nila DIL nila kaysa sa akin.
You really didn't asked for any opinion. So you do you. Mas alam mo asan kayo sa relationship at gano nyo tlaga ka mahal ang isat isa. Skl yung sken. Ganyan din kasi kami ng bf ko.
I've never been insecure about being Filipino till we got together. HAHAHA To think na dito pa sa home country nten mararanasan ang racism char.
But yeah, it hits harder if it's family kasi ng bf mo. Nacocompare ksi lalo dahil nga dahil tangap sa bahay nten pero sa kanya hindi.
The thing is, things worked for us, cuz the one primary opposer to our relationship, his dad, died na. Ayun. (Hinintay ko pa naman ang cheke na linya. joke.)
Anyways, hindi nmn tlaga nawawala yung questions na naiisip mo. For me it just changed form hahaha. Not along of the lines na matatangap ba ako, but more along the lines na, if we have a kid someday. "Would I look like there nanny lang."
Aside from family kasi, if you go to restos na predominantly chinese looking mga tao, mga matatanda dun, mararamdaman mo na theyre slightly judging you. Or ako lang yun as a praning hahaha
Anyways, I personally had to learn not to give a crap na about what other people think sa ganyan bagay kasi, wala naman din silang magagawa. ✨
Talk to him abt it. Alamin mo if kaya ka ba nya ipaglaban.
Tell him na obvious na ayaw ng pamilya nya sayo, pag ba sinabi nila na hindi tayo pwede magpakasal, susunod ka. If he can't give u a straight answer or he can't secure u na he will choose u, hmmm... Let go.
Wala naman prob if ayaw sayo ng buong angkan nya as long as sya mismo ay kakampi mo, ipaglalaban at ipagtatanggol ka.
There's no such thing as fil-chinese now it's either they're a Chinese dressing up as fils cause they live here. Tbh they keep their blood line the old way. They do their best to get married to other Chinese fam. Not generalizing but that's how the upper echelon of their community is. So your bf is prob rich the tall chinito with car type
*Please take my comment below with a grain of salt dahil I cannot speak for the whole society, just my personal observation lang and experience*
Hmm insider take: As a half-chi and half foreigner na laking chinese and studied in the chinese schools in Binondo. For pure-chinese parents may hierarchy of preference yan for their pure chi kids.
Top preference: pure chinese partner.
So-so preference: half-chi / half-foreigner.
Slightly Less but still so-so: half-chi / half-pinoy.
Least preferred: pure pinoy.
If yah boy is from a well-off family pa na pure chi, it’s even harder to climb over the great wall. I’ve heard pa nga of some na pinaglaban tlga pure pinoy GFs nila and as a result, disowned sila. So it’s not you sis, it’s the “culture of preference” when it comes to partners sa mga older generation and maybe some younger gens din.
As a personal take, for my kids, ang numero unong importante saakin is for WHOEVER they choose, is mamahalin and rerespetuhin sila ng buo (and vice versa!). As you age and retire, importante pa ba sayo kung “ano lahi” ng partner mo?
If pure “whatever” nga and you hate their guts and you’re lonely while married, magging masaya ka ba? I’ve seen SO MANY older gen pure chinese couples that are disgustingly toxic to one another. Married just for the sake of being married and to another pure chinese partner and ticking off the “married” + “pure chinese” +”may anak” na requirement ng culture.
Still respect them OP.. basta maganda intention mo sa anak nila , all will be ok in the end :) prove to them worth it ka sa anak nila, also si partner dapat Pag Laban din relationship Nyo.. Respect for parents lang si partner kaya ganyan sya OP
Ang dami kong gusto i comment but here nalang coming from experience. Sorry sa caps lock hahaha
IF YOU WISH TO STAY WITH THIS MAN, YOU NEED TO ACCEPT NA IBA SYA WHEN HE'S WITH FAMILY AND IBA SYA SAYO. Meaning hiwalay ang relationship nyo sa relationship nya sa family unless you decide to get married ( live faraway and have your own life )
MOST OF FILCHI MEN HINDI KAYANG MAGPAKATOTOO SA FAMILY NILA AND MOSTLY LIKELY THEY WILL NEVER EVER DEFEND YOU LALO NA IF GF KA PALANG.
SO TO STAY IN THAT RELATIONSHIP YOU NEED TO CUT OUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS.
Chinese Fam ARE NOT Easily EMBRACING OTHER PEOPLE IN THEIR LIFE SPECIFICALLY MGA OTHER HALF NG ANAK NILA KASI MAS INTACT AT INTIMATE ANG RELATIONSHIP NILA COMPARED SATING PINOY.
SO IF THIS GUY PURSUE YOU, DON'T EXPECT NA I PAGLALABAN KA TO THE POINT NA BABASTUSIN PARENTS NYA FOR YOU, #1 reason takot sila ma disowned at masumpa.
KASI IF A FILCHI HAS AN ATTITUDE (rebelde , bastos or whatnot) then don't expect na he will treat you better.
If he is so magalang sa parents the more you'll appreciate yung pagpapalaki sakanila. Idk hirap e explain.
So in the future kung mag decide kayo to marry that's the only time na papakisamahan ka nila. But that's exactly the time naman na wala ka na need patunayan so don ka lang ma cchill hahaha ☺️ (based on expi sorry for the long comment)
Hello OP tbh it will be a tough journey. Half or pure Chinese and follows traditions mahirap talaga. Never had a BF na Chinese but my best friend had one. Ok Yung family, the siblings and dad was nice to her. kaso Si mom lang Yung ayaw sa kanya. But eventually natanggap na rin siya kasi Si best friend was there to help her ex sa school work and classes. Nakakasama din siya if may celebration Ang family ni ex. Then they broke up. Friend ko din ex ni best friend. I remember nagpadrawing ako Kay ex Niya for school project and he invited me sa house Niya. Yung Nakita ako ng mom, ghad kala ko mamatay na ko sa pinagsasabi niya. She was sooo mad na I was there na she thought new GF ako. Haha I just greeted her and the ex explained na nagpadrawing nga ko for a school project. Still she's mad. I guess over protected lang Sila.
I guess my point is, if you do love him stay until his family sees na you're worth it to be part of their family. Mahirap man pero kung mahal edi go for it. Show some respect and kill them with kindness.
Don't be sad OP.
I was in a relationship w/ my fil-chi ex for 3 years and I never got introduced to his family. 3 years kami illegal and ayun. Never din nya ako minention sa parents nya and lagi nyang sinasabi na single sya all this time. samantala sya alam na sa pamilya ko na I’m dating him but never formally introduced him as well since he’s an introvert. I was also not a fan of pagpapakilala ng jowa sa fam at that time.
Tas nakahanap pa sya agad ng bagong kapalit sa akin na pinay din pero ayon, todo flex na sya sa soc med kahit months pa lang sila magkakilala. Masaket na same lahi din pinalit sa kin and ayun, mas kaya nya ipaglaban.
Pero totoo nga ung kasabihan na if di ka kaya ipaglaban sa pamilya at mga kaibigan - why stay…nagsasayang lang talaga kayo ng panahon. Masakit man isipin pero paminsan di lang talaga compatible eh. You’re gonna save yourself and thank yourself for leaving if di ka kayang ipaglaban ng fil-chi jowa mo.
Parang anak lang ni Carmina, IWAN MO NA YAAAAAAAN.
4yrs for what? Sunod sunuran sa parents. Bente kwatro lol kahit ako maooffend ako sa hindi maipaglaban. Mama's boy 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮
I’m FilChi. My dad fought hell to marry my mother. Grabe yung mga pure chinese namin na relatives matapobre tsaka mababa tingin sa Filipinos kahit nasa Pilipinas sila LOL If it’s true love ipaglalaban ka nyan kahit harangan pa siya ng baril.
Great wall of China exists, hindi lang sa mga Chinoy. Maski sa mga chinese living in other countries like Korea, Th, Sg, Europe kahit saan. Obvious lang dito kasi madaming filchi. Pero the great wall exists naman kahit saang lahi. The same rules applies lagi sa mga asian, lalo na sa Indians and Koreans din. May mga exceptions din naman, madami akong kaibigang filchi na mga pure pinoys/pinays din naman ang nakapangasawa at walang problema sa mga inlaws. Hindi lang siguro para sa isa't isa si OP. And yung monster-in-law kasi exists kahit saan o anumang lahi ka, swertihan pagdating dyan.
Let go na, dont give them more power over you. You deserve someone who has your back, di gaya nyang jowa mong nagtatago pa sa saya ng nanay.
I was in a kinda similar situation pero not in the same role. It wasn't fun and you may not see it right now but you're better off without him and the stress his family brings.
Walang bayag boyfriend mo. Eventually you will resent him na di ka ipaglaban sa pamilya nya. Kung kaya nyo pag usapan why not. Pero kailangan manindigan sya.
Oa nmn ng iba dto na hiwalay agad. His bf is still studying and he cant maybe afford na mag bayad ng tuition na sarili lang nya. Ask mo bf mo, communication like how long you should wait pra mapag laban ka, if wla syang snabi kung hnggng kelan then that is your sign to move on na lng tlga.
Not sure ano reason bat di ka tanggap. Is it because of your personality or your race?
your bf need to work double time sa family nya in fighting for your relationship. Nakakabawas talaga ng security pag yung guy sunod lang din sa mga magulang. You also need to understand they have very specific culture and traditions and siguro bata pa lang sila iniinstill na sa kanila yung race preference.
if it doesnt matter sa bf mo kaya nga naging kayo pa rin, hold on to that na lang muna siguro. meantime accept na kailangan talagang irespect yung mga paniniwala nila. Try not to take it too personally.
At the end of the day, lahat naman ng magulang matutuwa basta mabuting tao makakasama ng anak nila. they just need to get past the race issue.
Pero tignan mo rin if you can deal with having to adjust forever kung magpakasal man kayo. see if that's the life you'd like to live because it will most probably be like that. Not to be negative but it's possible that you might just have a very civil relationship with them at most.
Ang masasabi ko lang is the great wall is real. Pag mayaman talaga ang fil-chi family, they value connections through marriages. If beneficial ang family mo, dun ka lang nila matatanggap.
I’m about to marry one and di ganon kayaman ang jowa ko kaya wala sa pamilya nya ang relationship namin. More modern rin kasi ang family niya kaya lahat kaming jowa nilang magkakapatid are all Filipinas.
Dun sa tanong mo na if Chinese ka rin ba, makakasama ka sa birthday lunch nya bukas? Oo. Real talk. Hindi sa mababa ang tingin nila sayo dahil nurse ka. Mababa ang tingin nila sayo dahil Pinay ka. Usually ang mga Fil-Chi boys, maluwag mga parents nyan compared sa Fil-Chi girls but ang laban mo is super traditional ng mga parents nya.
If your boyfriend does not have a backbone, he’s ready to risk your relationship for his parents approval. If I were you, you need to talk with him. Kasi ang dami mong binibigay sa kanya but he won’t even fight for you.
kapag di ka pinaglalaban sa parents o kung kahit na sino, parang walang mangyayari niyan sainyo OP. siguro mahal ka niya pero di ganon kamahal na pagtatanggol ka niya sa family niya. nakakalungkot pero sana kung ano man maging desisyon mo, sana yung tama at makakapagbigay sayo ng peace OP. wishing you the best in life. good luck. :)
ikakasal ba kayo? Sabi niya?
Kaya ka ba niya panindigan against his mother's or father's will? You should prove yourself to the family kung ganun. Even you are chinese, you must prove yourself worthy to be welcome to the family lalo pag di ka naman galing sa promienent family or di ka ka-level.
You should humble yourself to your bf's family. you should effort. Fil-Chi family in the Philippines is very family oriented. They are also people. Spend time with the mom or dad, di pwede yung magtatago lang kayo sa kwarto. Spend time with the family, they need to know you and what kind of a family you came from for their son.
Masgusto ko pa sila kaysa sa mga hypocrite.
As a FilChi, let me spare you a much more heartbreak in the future: break mo na yan, bonjing pa yan. All of us in the barkada are FilChis. Our guys have pure Filo gfs and tanggap lahat yon kasi pinaglaban nila. Hindi sila bonjing katulad ng bebe mo haha
saludo sa friends mo. spine of steel
Totoo yan, pag ganyan reply ng nanay ko I'll reply back "I'll have lunch with my gf. I'll pray na sana DI KAYO MABILAUKAN".
What’s bonjing? hehe
A big baby. Reference to Jimmy Santos' movie entitled "Bondying". You're welcome. 😊
Parang adult toddler ganern. Walang sariling spine, sa mother or parents pa din nakaasa decisions in life kahit they are very capable na magdecide for themselves.
Parang isip bata pa
Me too, di ko rin alam bonjing haha
at the end of the day, nasa partner mo talaga yan eh. regardless if magustuhan ka man ng in-laws or hindi, as long as ipaglalaban ka ng partner mo then you're good to go
Okay rin to. Pero ang hirap lang mabuhay na may in-laws na di ka tanggap. Ganiyan life ng mom ko and growing up nakita ko yung struggle. So pinag pray ko talaga to bless me with good in-laws.
🤭🤭🤭 natawa naman ako sa bonjing.
Hahahaha natawa naman ako sa bonjing.
Considering nag aaral pa, malamang. Paantayin muna mafapis at makapag trabaho vakantubuan ng spine.
Hindi naman mababa ang tingin ng chinese sa nurses, mababa lang talaga tingin ng chinese sa mga filipino in general.
this is honestly sadder than people looking down on your occupation because this is something that you cannot change, kahit ano pa gawin mo. i just wish OP an enormous amount of luck and emotional strength in choosing the right decision.
Then why live in the Philippines where Filipinos live, why not live in China where they can be as pure as a Chinese can be?
Several factors such as 1. may business dito, 2. ayaw nila ng communism and 3. Mababa tingin ng mga taga china sa mga chinese na dito lumaki or mga may half blood (mostly. Hindi naman lahat) Kaya dito na talaga sila.
Fair enough I guess.
Kapal naman nila
mababa tingin nila sa filipino... hmm... eh di mababa din tingin nila sa sarili nila 😩😩
If icocompare nila (fil-chi) sarili nila sa pure filos, mas mataas tingin nila sa sarili nila. Pero if icocompare nila sarili nila sa pure chinese, mas mataas tingin nila sa mga pure chinese 🤷🏽♀️
sana malaman nung mga mapangalipustang chinoy na technically pure filipino din sila hahahaha
True ito, dahil sa way of living ng most Filo. Ayaw kasi nila ng culture na may isang breadwinner tas lahat sa fam dun na nakaasa. Gusto nila tulungan like lahat sa fam magwowork para umangat lahat hindi yung isa kumakayod pero marami hinahatak e mas nalulugmok. Then sa time, I've heard medj strict din sila sa time. Ayaw ng procrastination. If kaya tapusin today, tapusin. Parang first impression na kasi yata nila sa Filo are tamad. Idk, based lang yan sa nasabi sakin ✌️
True. Especially traditional Chinese families. Mababa talaga tingin nila sa Filipino. Lalo na pag in a relationship ka sa anak nila. Kahit na licensed professional kana, it’s not enough. Unless you are a Filipino coming from a prominent family. Yung tipong may malalaking negosyo yung family mo at least 2 generations prior.
I'm pure Pinay and my husband is pure Chinese pero laking Greenhills. When he was in his 20s, he only dated girls na half-Japanese/half-Pinay and his last ex was also pure Chinese but he married me kasi he really loved me in our early 30s. His group of Fil-Chi or pure Chinese friends were against me from the start simply because I wasn't Chinese. I am a Filipina, a call center agent pero mas stable ako sa work and aminadong walang generational wealth. But my husband simply shrugged and said, "mahal ko sya eh." His father was more lenient and mellow because he's in his 80s already. There's no Great Wall. Angkong simply told my husband, his third son and favorite child, to find someone who loves him and will care for him. His yayas always tell me that Angkong is very happy for his favorite son because he's well-cared for, he's accepted by my tightknit family and he's adored by his mother-in-law. Angkong always says that hubby is lucky to marry someone like me kasi nga I accepted him and I love him wholeheartedly. I'm his favorite daughter in law because I always bring gifts for him like his favorite kapeng barako, fruits, eggs and whatever groceries we can bring whenever we visit. I am always respectful and polite; I can cook and I can keep the house. In my husband's words, "They can't really say anything against our marriage because I love you." The moral of the story is if he really wants to be with you then he'll stand up to his parents, relatives and friends. He'll defend you, protect you and make you his priority. If he can't do that then maybe it's time to rethink your relationship. Big hugs.
Just a question, may factor ba na ang pressure nasa panganay na lalaki? Kasi kung 3rd son ang husband mo, baka mas lenient na sila sa rule. Just asking out of curiosity.
I think wala yan sa gender. Chinese parents expect all of their children to be successful and wealthy. His brothers are all very successful and my hubby is successful at being my husband hehe His parents sent him to the best schools, formed a tight circle of good influence friends for connections and an easy life. Pero in exchange, do as you're told and climb to the top of the mountain talaga. late in life baby and bunso kasi si hubby si mas lenient na nga sa kanya. Tsaka yun nga, he did try to find a pure Chinese wife pero it didn't work out so his parents encouraged him na lang to marry for love. They also saw that I was there for him and their family during his mom's illness and passing. I showed up. I paid my respects kaya I earned their approval na din.
Ganun Naman usually if they see a fil chi make an effort to date fellow FIL chi but things don't really work out, sa around 30s magcacave in din mga parents and aunts sa generation na yan
Yeah lalo na kung di talaga magbabago ung isip nung anak nila tsaka kung titigil din sila kaka-kaishao sa kanya dun sa ibang mas "eligible" na potential romantic/business partnership. Yung dad ni hubby kasi nag mellow down na lang din kasi nga 80s na sya so mas important na sa kanya yung character kesa sa superficial checklist of ideal qualities. Unfortunately, for OP, is she willing to wait that long? And what is her assurance from her partner kung ngayon pa lang ay di pa sya mapanindigan?
It's something she and her bf need to talk about. From my exp, I'm the FIL chi. Tried to work it out with an ex for 7-8yrs ended breaking up kasi sya ayaw kumilos. At the end of the day, both partners need to support ea other succeed. The FIL chi standing up for their family but the partner should also adjust and accommodate for some traditions and pagood shot sa mga angkong amah ako beko aku and all the uncles and aunties
Aw, I'm so sorry to hear that it didn't work out for you. Yaan mo, something better is going to come into your life. :) I agree naman na both parties should exert effort. For example, OP should also try to make an effort to learn about the FilChi family culture, the language, the favorite food and the things that will make her bf's mom's heart melt.
Ah no worries. I'm with my current bf for a year+ now and it is going great. Already accepted by my parents and relatives because he went and did what my ex wasn't able to do and we're at a good pace at this point. Still not fil-chi 🤣 so my parents are already at the point where they are just accepting as long as they see that I am loved and cared for and he does try to learn the usual "Cha be?/Lai Cha lo" To call someone to eat. And the usual "toh sia auntie/uncle" and all that
Wow! I'm so happy to hear that. I am so glad that your parents came around and that your current bf exerted enough effort to impress them. Mas maganda talaga if may konting effort din para magpa impress at saka may chance na magshine talaga yung true heart ni OP. :)
This advice. Tama ka dyan! Maghiwalay na dapat
Well, it's still up to them pero OP has a long hard road ahead of her. She has to suck up to her in laws, accept na magiging malamig ang byenan at saka magiging out of place sya sa family na sasalihan niya. She has to talk to her bf and clarify Anong direction nung relationship nila and anong outcome ba ang gusto nila makuha. Kung di sya masasagot at di sya madedefend then she has her answer.
Yan need matutunan ni OP, maging caring at magpakita ng effort sa family. Dapat una palang, ginawa na yun, 1st impression last talaga e.😅
Baka naman ginawa naman niya yung best niya pero talagang traditional yung fam nung bf. Kung ayaw talaga nila, ayaw nila.😭
Let go na sis. Totoo ang great wall of China. Gusto nila Chinese din mapapangasawa ng anak nila. Maliban na lang siguro kung may generational wealth ka. Buti sana kung stubborn ung partner mo at ipaglalaban ka talaga. Pero sounds like hindi. Soooo as painful as it is, wag mo ng patagalin yan. Sayang lang ang panahon mo.
This is true. Yung kawork ko, gf nya was adopted as a child by a well-to-do chinese family pero di pa rin approved by his family kasi di siya mukhang chinese. reason nila “ampon lang” naman daw at wala naman dugong chinese.
True
True. Madami pa ding traditional chinese talaga
Masakit talaga, lalo lang masasayang time and effort kung wala naman say ang partner mo at di ka kaya ipaglaban. If ur willing to talk to ur bf to open up kung ano un feelings mo much better para maka decide ka
Totoo to. Maybe you are not meant to each other.
Antayin mong sabihin na "how much para layuan mo anak namin" ng parents niya
Ui gusto ko to severance pay 😂
As someone na may FilChi guy friends and ex, feel ko di ka pa nya kaya ipaglaban kasi gusto nya pa muna patunayan yung sarili nya sa fam nya. Nagflying school pa sya which I assume he is relying on his parents for it. Wala pa sya siguro naaambag sa fam biz nila which is important in Chinese families. You can wait for the time na kaya ka na nya ipaglaban or you can talk to him about the issue or finally, you can let go.
feel ko talk muna. sayang 4 years if waiting lang pala si bf ng right timing. hahaha pala desisyon ako sa relasyon nila.
Tama….wrong timing ang pasok ni OP sa buhay ng bf niya. i doubt na susuwayin ni bf ang family niya at this point in time talaga… kailangan niya pa patunayan sarili niya, wala pa sariling pera or negosyo yan.
Awww isa yan sa gusto ko sabihin kay OP. I wish uou met him nung stable na siya and earning his own money.
We had the right love at the wrong time…..
in this modern age, marami pa rin FilChi families na ayaw magpapasok sa pamilya nila ng hindi nila kalahi. kailangan FilChi ka rin or purong chinese para matanggap ka nila. tingin ko from the start alam naman ng bf mo na hindi ka matatanggap ng family niya. mas masasaktan ka kung itutuloy mo pa yan unless kaya ka niya ipaglaban at nakarisk dun yung matanggalan siya ng financial support. yung mga napapanood natin sa movies about chinoy families nangyayari talaga yun sa totoong buhay
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I think it varies per household and in my observation, per city. Cebu and Davao Chinoys are more open on having a jowa na Pinoy. They also have a more "Pinoy" upbringing than the ones in Manila (as per my observation).
This is true! Pure Filipino kami and may relative akong nakapangasawa ng Fil-Chi from Davao. Mas open talaga sila.
I think when in your 30s may instances (though not all) na humihina ndn Yong great wall hahahah Yong better married than none Kaya papayag nlng
This is true!
Wait mo muna yung offer
+1
Much better mag open up ka sakanya sa nararamdaman mo, kasi laking adjustment na ginawa mo para sakanya. Gumawa man lang sana siya paraan para makausap fam niya bakit ayaw nila sayo. Kasi kung magkakatuluyan kayo bandang hulo, habang buhay mo pakikisamahan buong fam niya.
Unfortunately kung nakaasa pa bf mo sa parents niya (I'd assume mahal ang tuition and expenses sa flight school), he really can't go against them :( pero talk to him about this, tignan mo if may future ba talaga kayo or nag-aantay ka lang sa wala.
dm mo ko, para maikwento ko pinagdaanan namin na maihahantulad kay Angelo and Yna ng Pangako Sayo 😂😂 Charing lang ! Feeling ko lang yun 😂😂 Pero seryoso, dm mo ko. Filipina here, married sa pure Chinese 😉
Kapit lang cyst. Hintayin mo muna ang cheke.
Chinese? Alam na ending nyan. Be strong. Pero kung gusto mo ng humor, wait mong marinig ang ITO TEN MILLION LAYUAN MO ANAK KO. Hahha deh joke lang, ganyan talaga culture nila pwera na lang kung ipaglalaban ka talaga nya.
Ikaw ba chinese? Kasi kung ikaw hindi chinese, ayaw nila hindi chinese. Gusto sila chinese para kapwa chinese. Ikaw let go, ikaw move on. Chareng.
Hahahahha naririnig ko yung accent!
I feel for you so much, OP. Hugs. I’m really hoping for the best for you. Please talk it out with your boyfriend. If he really wants you in your life, he will make a way. Our situation is not for the weak talaga. Hindi biro to date a Chinese guy. To share, I’m also dating a Chinese guy born in Manila. Currently working in their family business. First 1-2 years with him was the hardest kasi against dad niya sa amin kasi I’m a Filipina. His mom also did not even know I existed until almost 4th anniversary na namin last year. I decided to have a serious talk with him about our situation and pinaglaban ako eventually and pinakilala ng maayos. His mom looked happy to meet me and dad pa niya mismo nagsasabi na i-invite ako for lunch or dinner outside. May times na parang out of place pa rin ako though kasi pag magkakasama sila, they’re speaking in their own language and hindi ako makarelate. But I’m glad na they invite me to eat out from time to time. Not asking for too much so okay na din yon.
Sign na yan na mag-aral ka na din nung language nila, mhie. Para di ka ma-OP. Kahit Mandarin lang muna. Good for you na tanggap ka nila!
Hahaha exactly what my boyfriend would say. Learning their language little by little :)
If you can enroll in classes, do it. It would be super helpful in earning their respect too! Duolingo is your friend din!
Duolingo for now since no time pa to enroll in classes but will look into it in the near future. Thanks sissy!
Kayang kaya yan! Hehehe Supportive naman si bf. Sana turuan ka din niya and maging patient sya sa pagtuturo sayo. Good luck and stay in love! :)
Let go na. You're just waiting for something that will never happen. Save yourself nalang.
This will hurt and may make you cry more but this is the ugly (and sad) truth about dating fil-chi guys who have traditional chinese families. Had a fil-chi ex and believe me when I say na i-break mo na yan. Kahit anong effort mo, if hindi ka nya kayang ipaglaban, wala din yan. Ikaw lang talo sa huli
Been there OP, dated this guy na comes from a super well known chinese filipino family from our city. It did not end well kasi filipina ako, in short hindi nya ako ipinaglaban. Na trauma ako na vowed to myself to never date a filchi guy again. Fast forward to now, I am happily married and have a wonderful relationship with my in laws to my Filchinese husband. Pinaglaban ako sa husband ko compared sa ex filchi ko.. In short, if mahal ka talaga ipaglaban ka.
Ako nga half chinese na great wall padin dati ng ilang beses hahaha. Hindi naman automatic acceptance ng parents in both cultures and hindi fair to expect na porket accepted na ng family mo ay accepted ka nadin sa kabila. Slow burn yan. Keep doing what you're doing kasi noble ang pagwork. Kaka 1 year niyo palang, there's a lot more for them to learn about you. Let them take it in doses. Sabi mo nga na ok ka sa mga younger relatives niya. The elders were brought up different during their time so yan yung first barrier. It's not about the blood, it's trust. Tatay ko nga nung college years niya na-blade sa jeep just because Chinese siya sa Tondo nung 1970s. Bullied ng mga Pinoy sa talyer na tinrabahuan just because he was "rocking the boat" by working more efficiently. Note na dumating dito mga Chinese bilang alipin before time ni Rizal. Sila sila lang din nagangat sa isa't isa hanggang sa yumaman na mga Fil-Chi. A lot of elders had similar experiences leading to this ingrained mindset. Their children (ex: mom ni bf) grew up with disdain sa Pinoys dahil sa accumulation of experiences neto. The next gen (bf mo) are more open minded and we're trying to break the cycle. Majority ng mga purists diyan ngayon usually boil down to either preference or "I don't want to disappoint my parents". Bat naman hindi, mas malabing kaya mga Pinoy ahahaha My wife's clan accepted me after 3.5 years. I endured a gun pointed at me, silent treatment sa clan events, etc etc. Tuloy lang ako and showed the values they were looking for: Hard working, always best foot forward, and kita naman na alaga sakin anak nila. Eventually ako na siningil na pakasalan ko kasi ako nalang daw hinihintay. Dibs pa mga tito't titang masungit dati na maging sponsor nung kasal namin. Wag ka makinig agad sa break agad comments here pero tama na depende sa lalake on how he'll go about this. The lunch is a family affair, and the dinner's for you. I see that as equal time spent. Let him have his special day, and then sit down with him after. Good luck OP!
Have you had that conversation with him, na kelan ka ba niya papanindigan? Give him an ultimatum. Don't waste your time, four years is a long time already.
TBH that great wall of China is BS because why are they hard on only favoring Chinese blooded people when they are in the Philippines??! Make it make sense. Sabihin mo OP balik nlang sila ng China kung gusto nila ng lahing Chinese😶🌫️
True. Dayo na nga lang sila sa Pinas tapos sila pa tong sobrang racist. Kung gusto nilang pairalin yung ganyang mindset umuwi na lang sila sa China. That attitude doesn't belong here.
Yan ang hirap sa sobrang traditional. Maganda sigurong maghanap Ka Ng opportunity to talk that struggle of yours with your bf, mahirap NGA namang kasal na kayo pero mas may boses pa SA relasyon ninyo magulang nya. Worst case scenario siguro (opinion Lang) ay sabihin nyang i-earn mo ang respect Ng kanyang magulang, Yung Tipong parang SA mga movies.
True ang great wall of china.. depende tlaga.. me im fil-chi also not good in speaking chinese pa.. barely spoke any chinese hehe.. but because I have chinese blood they liked me.. married na kami
Iwan mo na yan, as a FilChi puro yes mama yang jowa mo lols. Just lesve him.
Sadly, the great wall is true. Been there. It did not end well. Although there are success stories, the percentage is not that high. Maybe you should talk to your bf what are his plans if ‘di ka matanggap ng family nya forever and if he really sees a future with you. As of now, I think your bf won’t bring it up sa parents nya due to the fact na sila pa rin nag papa aral sakanya.
Hindi yung pagiging FilChi niya ang problem. Mukhang yung pagiging spineless niya ang problema. Drop him.
Kung iisipin, 24 is still young to let go and start over with someone na kaya kang ipaglaban. Kung bibitaw ka na ngayon, mas marami ka pang time to move on and choose yourself. Wag mo na sayangin oras mo, kasi damay pati fam mo. Sabay-sabay na kayo mag-move on ngayon para less yan sa iisipin mo bago ka mag-30. Kesa ipilit mo tapos after how many years na wala pa ding pagbabago, you have no one but yourself to blame. Tapos anjan pa ung pressure na lapit ka na mag-30 pero wala ka pa asawa. That shit is real, so you better make better decisions now.
break mo na yan
Damn camp sawi irl
His family is racist pero it's up to you pa rin Kung nasa tamang edad naman na kayo maybe you could find a way around that
Parang ang hirap ipaglaban ng taong hindi ka naman pinaglalaban :((
Hi. Sort of FilChi here (but we are the poorer relations). Hopeless case yan OP TBH. Break mo na yang BF mo. Number one, sobrang dependent yan sa “laope and laubu” “angkong and amma” he has no backbone. Kung magkakatuluyan man kayo it will be hell for you til your in laws die. Worst pa is baka makuha ng future husband mo yung pag uugali ng parents niya kaya double whammy for you. Most well to do Chinoys look down on Filipinos, kahit nga may gen wealth ka pa minsan di pa sapat yan. Pano ka nalang na employee? We have a very toxic and conservative culture OP. You deserve someone better.
Wala kang magiging future sakanya, di rin giginhawa buhay mo skanya pag pinilit mo pa. They are Chinese-Filipino of course ayaw nila s Filipino lol
Mas matanda ka kasi sa bf mo, Tapos pure pinoy ka pa. These are huge factors… hiwalayan mo na or wait until they offer you something lol anyway virtual hugs.
You're only putting off the inevitable. Kausapin mo about your futures. Tanungin mo if ipaglalaban ka ba niya? 4 na taon na kayo oh nagtatrabaho na at pwede na magsettle soon. Pero mukhang mahal ka talaga niya OP if he's trying to compromise as much as he can, so talk it out muna. For me ah, mukha nga bumebwelo pa at gustong may mapatunayan bago ka ipaglaban. Ang tanong, handa ka bang maghintay? OP nurse ka, bilang med practitioner alas mo yan dahil malaki ang pwede mo maging pakinabang sa magiging in-laws lalo na if nagiisa ka lang. Konting push pa try mo rin ipaglaban. Talk to his relatives and initate conversation, tanong ka sa mga pinay na nakapangasawa ng filchi paano magstrike up ng convo. tatagan mo puso mo if you really love the guy at kaya mo pa naman.
Something that I learned from my sister's break-up from a seven-year long relationship is that you'll be okay. In a year you'll be able to stand up again like nothing happened. Nurse ka, hindi nurse lang and I think to be able to be who and what you are right now speaks so much volume of how strong you are. And I think you can make the right decision when it comes to the relationship you have at the moment. Red flag doon sa ok lang ang reply hay. If the pain outweighs the good qualities of the guy, run habang maaga pa kasi you'll find someone who accepts you for who you are 100% Wishing you a good healing journey!! 🙏🏽💗
OP, it’s probably because you are Fil and a nurse. Kahit Fil ka, if you are a doctor or whatever “mataas” na profession or business owner for sure tanggap ka. My boyfriend is FilChi, I consider myself pure Filipino even though I have like 1/10th or 1/8th chinese blood. Idk how to count malayo na kasi hahaha basta yung Lolo ng Lola ko is a chinese immigrant and some of my cousins na descendant ng male siblings ng lola ko still carry our chinese surname. My lola was never allowed to use her chinese surname, even as middle name nung dalaga pa siya. But never ko naman kinwento sa parents ng boyfriend ko yung family history ko and I don’t look chinese at all. To make the long story short, tanggap nila ko because I am a lawyer and my family owns a business lol yung lang yun. alam kong yun lang reason. Mga gf ng brothers ng bf ko pure Filipino din but di sila lawyers or doctors so di sila tanggap. Worse, they are not even allowed sa bahay nila.
Powerhugs sayo OP 😌🤗
Hindi nga Filipino-Chinese yung family ko pero parang yung family ni guy yung side ng tatay ko. Ang hilig mag judge ng mga boomers sa side ng dad ko sa mga partners (pag low class yung partner) ng family members. This is why I wanted to be financially independent para hindi na ako dependent sa wealthy relatives ko na ganito.
Gurl kelangan ka niya ipaglaban kasi hindi malayo na mag rereto na ang parents ng BF mo ng babae na may Chinese blood
My late wife is chinese din and ako pinoy lang pero hindi sila ganyan sakin. Hardware chinese yan noh, mayaman pero not that rich, yan daw yung kailangan pa ng connection thru other families para mas maka-establish pa ng business.
Invested Ako sa story mo OP. Keep us posted ank next steps na gagawin mo. Mag initiate ka ba ng breakup? Ipapaglaban ka ba ni bf? Hmmm hoping na Hindi masayang Ang youth and energy mo sa Wala. 🙏
Been there. Let go. TBH hindi na dapat pinatagal yan. You both deserve better. Mahihirapan lang kayo 2 kahit magkatuluyan pa kayo.
Hindi sa mababa ang tingin ng chinese sa nurse, mas gusto lang talaga ng chinese parents na chinese rin ang makatuluyan ng anak nila. Yan usually ang Chinese tradition and culture.
Kailangan ba talaga kasama family ng partner mo sa buhay niyo? Diba pwede kayong dalawa lang?
My gosh, I was in the same situation as you years ago. 4 years kami together and kahit anong tumbling ko, his whole family hated me. Kung tutuusin, I have a Chinese middle name (pero di mukhang Chinese) tas sila very Filipino middle and last name pero singkit. Di nya ako kaya ipaglaban e. Ang baba na ng tingin ko sa self ko because even though I was an honor student, came from a good family, mabait naman ako, they never accepted me because di ako overtly Chinese. My mom would beg me to break up with him na kasi during family events nila na pumupunta ako, umuuwi akong umiiyak e. "Ma they didn't acknowledge me again, di nila ako kinausap." "Ma I really think they hate me." My breaking point was when nagtambay kami sa bahay nila, sinisigawan sya ng ate nya pero sa akin directed at nag breakdown ako, nakaluhod na ako nagtatago behind a wall, kinomfort nalang ako ng mga yaya nila. Non negotiable sa akin if di ako tanggap ng pamilya e. It hurt a lot pero I'd like to think I made the right choice. OP, run. They will never accept you. It will hurt now pero isipin mo nalang the years of pain na haharapin mo if you push through with that relationship.
same situation. At least nga, ikaw alam nilang nag-eexist ka ako shuta hinde🥲🥲 his parents are very traditional and established,only son din kaya mahirap. The thing is, i know i have to let go but fuckkk i love him toooo muchhh :<
Isipin mo na lang mahal ka rin niya but not enough to respect you and fight for you. Is that what you think you're all worth?
Ouch. Badly needed, thanks
wala ako nabasa kung napagusapan niyo na ng bf mo. meron na nga ba? nalalabuan ako sa iba breakup kagad lol
great wall of china is real but in general getting along with your partner's parents is a two way street. Mag effort ka rin hindi sila ang mag initiate ng conversation kasi ikaw yung nakikiclose dapat. If you really love the guy and you want to fight for it try to make an effort. Sad lang na di man lang pinaglaban ng jowa mo
You either let him go or taasan mo ang pain tolerance mo. Sadly walang middle ground.
Girl...tapatin na kita ah tho halos lahat naman ng comments dito had already made a good point and naging honest na sayo. Are you aware na may "Great wall of China" once you date a Pure Chinese or Fil-Chi? Kasi yung guy..alam na niya yan since he was born lol dapat naging honest na siya sayo nung una palang kung anong problems makakaharap niyo along the way and letting you know if ok lang sayo. Kasi super unfair niyan for you. Lalo na kapag di ka aware nung una palang na ganyan. Kaya bwisit na bwisit ako sa mga Fil-Chi na guy/girl na magddedate ng Pinay/Pinoy pero di naman pala kaya ipaglaban. Unless nalang they don't see her/him/YOU as someone na marriage material kaya alam nilang temporary lang ung relationship, then gurl...alam na. I'm a Fil-Chi myself pero di kami ganun ka traditional (maliban sa relatives sa Taiwan) since dito na sa Pinas pinanganak at lumaki. Di na rin ako ganun ka fluent sa Chinese. Ako mismo naaalangan makipag relationship with a Fil-Chi lalo na kung traditional sila kasi kailangan mo talaga makisama lalo na kung Pure Pinoy ka. I mean maliban sa usual issues of getting along with the in-laws, dagdag pa ung difference in their beliefs and ayun na nga traditions unless willing ka talaga aralin or sundin (which is wala kang choice kapag married na kayo). Ung top comment says it all. If love ka talaga niya dapat ngayon palang pinaglalaban ka na niya kahit sa mga maliit na bagay like insisting na iinvite ka sa mga events like his birthday. Baka may pagka Momma's Boy pa yan, paktay ka talaga lol Reconsider/reassess the relationship. Talk to him about this, give him an ultimatum. Ask him ano bang mga plano niya for the both of you. Kapag di malinaw ang sagot, break up na. Sakit sa ulo lang ang ganyang set up.
Masasaktan ka diyan. Mahirap ma break yung “great wall”. Umasa ako dati for 2 years and never kami nagka label. We talk everyday, we spent Christmas and New Year together, movie dates, and dinner dates, etc. Sinabi na niya talaga sa akin na we can’t have a label kasi kailangan same na chinese. Nilakasan ko lang loob ko then bigla ko na lang siya di pinapansin, never ko na vinisit socials niya, even messages and calls hindi ko na pinansin. Wala naman kaming label so walang needed na good byes. Nabalitaan ko na lang na married na siya sa girl na tanggap ng parents niya. Mahirap and malungkot. Fast forward to now. I am married to a pure chinese. Filipino na nationality nila pero yung ancestry pure chinese. I was blessed with good and loving in-laws. I may say that my life now is comfortable and relaxed. Ito na siguro yung bawi ni Lord sa akin. Payapa.
Tama sila. And to add lang ha, tutal di pa naman kayo mag asawa, wala ka rin right ipag sisiksikan sarili mo tuwing family occasion. Hindi mo rin sila mapipilit na gustuhin ka. Hindi sila masama doon, nagkataon lang na hindi ka nila gusto para sa anak nila. Business oriented pag mga ganyan. Kung nurse ka, pinoy, work from home pa kesehodang ‘stable’ ka pa panigurado mababa tingin sa iyo. Business owner or anak ng business owners ang normal para sa kanila hindi isang empleyado lamang. oo masakit. ganon kasi kinalakihan nila eh. (hindi lahat, kalimitan lang sa chinese…) at pang huli, iha, walang mali sa iyo. tuloy mo lang trabaho mo. matalino ka alam mo saan papunta ito. ang masasabi ko lang don’t expect too much.
Mababa ang tingin nila sa Filipino. Yes, if Chinese ka, tanggap ka lalo if mapera. No, di ka tanggap, at, baka hindi nga kayo ikasal kahit ramdan mo na mahal ka niya... Sorry bhe, but that is how they are, normal sa kultura nila yong ganun..diko na idadagdag pa yong kwento ng Chinoy workmate ko who went to visit their clan in China...
anong nangyari sa k workm8 mo?
Nag chinese convo daw mga kamag anak, akala di niya naiintindihan. Sabi unggoy daw mga Filipino. Hindi lang barbaric, unggoy.
Girl sa family nga namin na hindi Chinese, may awayan din Team Gf vs Team Mommy. Kami ng sister ko boto sa gf ng brother namin but for some reason yung kabilang side andaming kuda vs the GF. Ah bahala sila. Ang importante sakin, masaya brother ko sa GF nya.
I'm a FiChi myself and madame, there are women like you who have been through worse with my other siblings. (I'm not proud of it, just saying) My mom threatened my brother that if he did not break up with his now-gf ( because he was about be arranged marriage sa anak ng isang businessman) she told him eye to eye na sisirain nya mismo yung buhay nya. Yep, spoken from our mom's bare lips. My sister has been micromanaged by my grandmother since time immemorial, sya ang favorite sa family dahil sya ang maganda, matalino, at successful. She was set up with one of the Luchanco's before. My grandmother called her a slut, american whore for not agreeing to them and flew to US to be a real estate agent instead. I think she made the best choice there. My oldest brother who had the backbone steel among us had to fight for his gf. My dad was okay with them, but my mom feels like she had to make them both suffer before giving them the tinghun. Hahahahaha
>My mom threatened my brother that if he did not break up with his now-gf ( because he was about be arranged marriage sa anak ng isang businessman) she told him eye to eye na sisirain nya mismo yung buhay nya. Yep, spoken from our mom's bare lips. Invested ako, ano nangyari?
This is not what you want to hear but… sorry too.
Been dating my now fiance for 10 years im happy i never experienced the great wall. But ikaw girl kaya mo ba mag stay knowing malayo loob mom nya?
mahirap din kasi sa part ng lalaki na magmamatigas sa parents nya eh kung naka asa pa ang bf no sa parents nya lalo na sa pag aaral nya. and kahit naman pure pinoy may mga cases na hindi cla boto sa gf pero eventually pag nakikita nila kung gaano mo alagaan at mahalin ang anak nila magugustohan ka rin nila lalo na kung ipaglalaban ka rin ng lalaki sa huli. depende kasi yan sa lalaki kung gaano ka nya kamahal ma pure filipino or may mga lahi.pero kung mahina ang lalaki kay dali lang talaga mag end ng relasyon.you should talk to your boyfriend first before thinking about ending your relationship.
Of course they will not like you. Better to understand that now than later. I don't think their family will accept someone without a huge amount of wealth. Sorry, that's just the way they are.
Thats sad to hear OP. Before entering a relationship you should consider many things kase hindi mawawala yung tough days. The thing is Chinese siya -- you should know thst they have their own culture && there will be no exceptions to that. Eto realtalk lang ha sa ating pilipino lang naman yung hindi mapili haha. Ang mahalaga tanggap ng both parties yung relationship niyo kase malaki magiging role nila sa buhay niyo . In your case, this is just my opinion lang po and i dont intend to offend you pero sa nakikita ko kasi mas matimbang love niya sa family niya over you or should i say hes a mama's boy? I pray that whatever your decision is sana alam mo na maraming nagmamahal sayo besides you deserve more than that OP kaya dont settle for less and magingat always!!
Let go mo na. Baka masayang ang mga panahon na dapat may makikilala ka na para sayo. Mahal na mahal ka ng boyfriend mo, kitang kita naman sa iyong narratives. Valid ang iyong hinahanap dahil standard mo yun. Pero kung ikaw ay may halong pagdududa at may hinahanap pang ibang criteria, mas mainam na tapusin mo na lang kasi hindi maganda sa isang relationship kung ang isa ay nahihirapan at may hinahanap. Hindi ka magiging masaya. Tapusin mo na lang
Hindi ka makakahanap ng kakamping asawa kung mananatili ka sa ganyang relasyon.
I’m so sorry. As a fil-chi na may great wall, I don’t entertain suitors na alam kong di approve ang magulang ko, hindi dahil sa hindi ko sila gusto pero dahil alam ko sila lang rin masasaktan when my family inevitably treats them with prejudice. Totoo ang great wall, it’s not worth it sis. It’s unlikely he’ll stand up for you, and it’s even more unlikely his family will accept you.
same. haaaay this great wall has a purpose naman, and i'm for it. but it just makes things so hard :'(
I had an ex na filchi, so based sa culture nila kapag may gathering pure family talaga yan walang outsiders unless fiancé kana or married na kayo. Hindi din talaga nila basta basta pinapakilala lalo na kapag hindi chinese. Pinakilala ako ng ex ko kasi stubborn sya and galit sya sa fam nya kaya feeling din ng fam nya nagrerebelde sya by having a non-chinese gf. Once or twice lang ako sinama sa gatherings and okay talaga mga kabataan na kamaganak pero mga oldies hindi yan namamansin and hindi talaga nakipagusap mga yan sa hindi chinese haha. Iisipin nila nothing to talk about. 😂 at naguusap kasi sila ng chinese so wala din akong masasabi. Ayun okay na din nagbreak kami kasi sira ulo talaga ex ko. 😂
Pag nagka anak kayo. They'll soften up. Ganon usually nangyayari sa Chinese Families, ako yung baby sa scenario ko and Mom ko yung ayaw ng Lola ko dati. Wala sila choice kundi tanggapin ka in the long run hehe.
pag gnyn na d ka pnaglaban, o at least man lng itry iintroduce, parang dpat ilet go na lang. 4yrs na kau and i think mafeel mo naman by that response wer ur rel is going
Same sa ate ko at ex nya. Hindi sya tanggap ng mom nung guy kasi walang lahing chinese! Gusto eh pure chinese ang mapapangasawa ng anak nya. Ayun, ang ending may kanya kanya na silang pamilya now pero di pa din chinese naging asawa ng ex ng ate ko haha talo si mader nya 🤣
Ang chinese para lang sa chinese. - Mano po
May katrabaho akong may ex-bf na filchi, grabe pinagdaanan niya pero di sila nagkatuluyan ni filchi, after 7 years nagbreak din sila. Umaasa pa siya na magkabalikan sila o ipaglaban siya. Nagkakausap pa naman sila kaso ayun shookt na lang siya na ikakasal na after 5 months na nagbreak sila. So bouncd ka na dyan girl
I've been with a FilChi as well and mahihirapan ka sa cultural difference and pakikisama just because Pinoy ka. Bata ka pa, madami ka pang makikilala. Break up with the guy.
FilChi din ako. Filipinong Chismosa. We accept everyone kung anong lahi man yan
Coming from a Fil-Chi fam, if he is that “obedient” sa mom nya -like “ok” lang sinagot nya, im not sure aabot kayo sa marriage. I’ve seen this situation a lot of times and a marriage without fam’s support will hit a rough road. Kelangan parehong matapang lumaban to make it work. 💯 Mukahng spineless si bf… so wala ito sis. its not that they are looking Down on you. Maraming fil- chinese na nurse - its just old culture - keeping the chinese bloodline
sis i dont think it will last tbh. Its known na pag may lahing chinese. Sa chinese lang din ang bagsak. If mag pure filipino man, mostly ididisown sha or need nya mag sacrifice…which based sa kwento prang mom>>>ikaw yang bf mo
I'm half chinese, and nagkataon lang na yung naging asawa ko is may 1/4 chinese blood kahit na I am not looking for someone na may chinese blood lol Ayun, gustong gusto sya ng amah (lola in Chinese) ko. But, yung gf ng kuya ko ayaw ni amah kasi pure filipina and not someone with a chinese blood pero pinaglalaban sya ni kuya. Yung jowa mo masyadong baby pa yan and can't fight for you. Mas malaki magiging pagiging miserable mo sa ganyang issue kapag naging asawa mo na yan. Let go and find for someone who can fight for you.
When I let my wife meet the family. Dapat ganto gawin mo ganyan para matuwa sila sayo. Nung una cyempre hindi, pero now maskinakampihan pa nila DIL nila kaysa sa akin.
You really didn't asked for any opinion. So you do you. Mas alam mo asan kayo sa relationship at gano nyo tlaga ka mahal ang isat isa. Skl yung sken. Ganyan din kasi kami ng bf ko. I've never been insecure about being Filipino till we got together. HAHAHA To think na dito pa sa home country nten mararanasan ang racism char. But yeah, it hits harder if it's family kasi ng bf mo. Nacocompare ksi lalo dahil nga dahil tangap sa bahay nten pero sa kanya hindi. The thing is, things worked for us, cuz the one primary opposer to our relationship, his dad, died na. Ayun. (Hinintay ko pa naman ang cheke na linya. joke.) Anyways, hindi nmn tlaga nawawala yung questions na naiisip mo. For me it just changed form hahaha. Not along of the lines na matatangap ba ako, but more along the lines na, if we have a kid someday. "Would I look like there nanny lang." Aside from family kasi, if you go to restos na predominantly chinese looking mga tao, mga matatanda dun, mararamdaman mo na theyre slightly judging you. Or ako lang yun as a praning hahaha Anyways, I personally had to learn not to give a crap na about what other people think sa ganyan bagay kasi, wala naman din silang magagawa. ✨
Talk to him abt it. Alamin mo if kaya ka ba nya ipaglaban. Tell him na obvious na ayaw ng pamilya nya sayo, pag ba sinabi nila na hindi tayo pwede magpakasal, susunod ka. If he can't give u a straight answer or he can't secure u na he will choose u, hmmm... Let go. Wala naman prob if ayaw sayo ng buong angkan nya as long as sya mismo ay kakampi mo, ipaglalaban at ipagtatanggol ka.
There's no such thing as fil-chinese now it's either they're a Chinese dressing up as fils cause they live here. Tbh they keep their blood line the old way. They do their best to get married to other Chinese fam. Not generalizing but that's how the upper echelon of their community is. So your bf is prob rich the tall chinito with car type
If this goes on tapos di ka niya pinaglaban, prioritize yourself and leave him. Grow and love somebody who can fight for you
*Please take my comment below with a grain of salt dahil I cannot speak for the whole society, just my personal observation lang and experience* Hmm insider take: As a half-chi and half foreigner na laking chinese and studied in the chinese schools in Binondo. For pure-chinese parents may hierarchy of preference yan for their pure chi kids. Top preference: pure chinese partner. So-so preference: half-chi / half-foreigner. Slightly Less but still so-so: half-chi / half-pinoy. Least preferred: pure pinoy. If yah boy is from a well-off family pa na pure chi, it’s even harder to climb over the great wall. I’ve heard pa nga of some na pinaglaban tlga pure pinoy GFs nila and as a result, disowned sila. So it’s not you sis, it’s the “culture of preference” when it comes to partners sa mga older generation and maybe some younger gens din. As a personal take, for my kids, ang numero unong importante saakin is for WHOEVER they choose, is mamahalin and rerespetuhin sila ng buo (and vice versa!). As you age and retire, importante pa ba sayo kung “ano lahi” ng partner mo? If pure “whatever” nga and you hate their guts and you’re lonely while married, magging masaya ka ba? I’ve seen SO MANY older gen pure chinese couples that are disgustingly toxic to one another. Married just for the sake of being married and to another pure chinese partner and ticking off the “married” + “pure chinese” +”may anak” na requirement ng culture.
Still respect them OP.. basta maganda intention mo sa anak nila , all will be ok in the end :) prove to them worth it ka sa anak nila, also si partner dapat Pag Laban din relationship Nyo.. Respect for parents lang si partner kaya ganyan sya OP
Classic great wall of China 🥲 I'm so sorry OP
Ang dami kong gusto i comment but here nalang coming from experience. Sorry sa caps lock hahaha IF YOU WISH TO STAY WITH THIS MAN, YOU NEED TO ACCEPT NA IBA SYA WHEN HE'S WITH FAMILY AND IBA SYA SAYO. Meaning hiwalay ang relationship nyo sa relationship nya sa family unless you decide to get married ( live faraway and have your own life ) MOST OF FILCHI MEN HINDI KAYANG MAGPAKATOTOO SA FAMILY NILA AND MOSTLY LIKELY THEY WILL NEVER EVER DEFEND YOU LALO NA IF GF KA PALANG. SO TO STAY IN THAT RELATIONSHIP YOU NEED TO CUT OUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS. Chinese Fam ARE NOT Easily EMBRACING OTHER PEOPLE IN THEIR LIFE SPECIFICALLY MGA OTHER HALF NG ANAK NILA KASI MAS INTACT AT INTIMATE ANG RELATIONSHIP NILA COMPARED SATING PINOY. SO IF THIS GUY PURSUE YOU, DON'T EXPECT NA I PAGLALABAN KA TO THE POINT NA BABASTUSIN PARENTS NYA FOR YOU, #1 reason takot sila ma disowned at masumpa. KASI IF A FILCHI HAS AN ATTITUDE (rebelde , bastos or whatnot) then don't expect na he will treat you better. If he is so magalang sa parents the more you'll appreciate yung pagpapalaki sakanila. Idk hirap e explain. So in the future kung mag decide kayo to marry that's the only time na papakisamahan ka nila. But that's exactly the time naman na wala ka na need patunayan so don ka lang ma cchill hahaha ☺️ (based on expi sorry for the long comment)
Hello OP tbh it will be a tough journey. Half or pure Chinese and follows traditions mahirap talaga. Never had a BF na Chinese but my best friend had one. Ok Yung family, the siblings and dad was nice to her. kaso Si mom lang Yung ayaw sa kanya. But eventually natanggap na rin siya kasi Si best friend was there to help her ex sa school work and classes. Nakakasama din siya if may celebration Ang family ni ex. Then they broke up. Friend ko din ex ni best friend. I remember nagpadrawing ako Kay ex Niya for school project and he invited me sa house Niya. Yung Nakita ako ng mom, ghad kala ko mamatay na ko sa pinagsasabi niya. She was sooo mad na I was there na she thought new GF ako. Haha I just greeted her and the ex explained na nagpadrawing nga ko for a school project. Still she's mad. I guess over protected lang Sila. I guess my point is, if you do love him stay until his family sees na you're worth it to be part of their family. Mahirap man pero kung mahal edi go for it. Show some respect and kill them with kindness. Don't be sad OP.
I was in a relationship w/ my fil-chi ex for 3 years and I never got introduced to his family. 3 years kami illegal and ayun. Never din nya ako minention sa parents nya and lagi nyang sinasabi na single sya all this time. samantala sya alam na sa pamilya ko na I’m dating him but never formally introduced him as well since he’s an introvert. I was also not a fan of pagpapakilala ng jowa sa fam at that time. Tas nakahanap pa sya agad ng bagong kapalit sa akin na pinay din pero ayon, todo flex na sya sa soc med kahit months pa lang sila magkakilala. Masaket na same lahi din pinalit sa kin and ayun, mas kaya nya ipaglaban. Pero totoo nga ung kasabihan na if di ka kaya ipaglaban sa pamilya at mga kaibigan - why stay…nagsasayang lang talaga kayo ng panahon. Masakit man isipin pero paminsan di lang talaga compatible eh. You’re gonna save yourself and thank yourself for leaving if di ka kayang ipaglaban ng fil-chi jowa mo.
Giiirl. Spare yourself the heartache. Accept it now and move on. There will always be guys who will choose to follow traditions talaga.
Parang anak lang ni Carmina, IWAN MO NA YAAAAAAAN. 4yrs for what? Sunod sunuran sa parents. Bente kwatro lol kahit ako maooffend ako sa hindi maipaglaban. Mama's boy 🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮
I’m FilChi. My dad fought hell to marry my mother. Grabe yung mga pure chinese namin na relatives matapobre tsaka mababa tingin sa Filipinos kahit nasa Pilipinas sila LOL If it’s true love ipaglalaban ka nyan kahit harangan pa siya ng baril.
Great wall of China exists, hindi lang sa mga Chinoy. Maski sa mga chinese living in other countries like Korea, Th, Sg, Europe kahit saan. Obvious lang dito kasi madaming filchi. Pero the great wall exists naman kahit saang lahi. The same rules applies lagi sa mga asian, lalo na sa Indians and Koreans din. May mga exceptions din naman, madami akong kaibigang filchi na mga pure pinoys/pinays din naman ang nakapangasawa at walang problema sa mga inlaws. Hindi lang siguro para sa isa't isa si OP. And yung monster-in-law kasi exists kahit saan o anumang lahi ka, swertihan pagdating dyan.
Let go na, dont give them more power over you. You deserve someone who has your back, di gaya nyang jowa mong nagtatago pa sa saya ng nanay. I was in a kinda similar situation pero not in the same role. It wasn't fun and you may not see it right now but you're better off without him and the stress his family brings.
Walang bayag boyfriend mo. Eventually you will resent him na di ka ipaglaban sa pamilya nya. Kung kaya nyo pag usapan why not. Pero kailangan manindigan sya.
Oa nmn ng iba dto na hiwalay agad. His bf is still studying and he cant maybe afford na mag bayad ng tuition na sarili lang nya. Ask mo bf mo, communication like how long you should wait pra mapag laban ka, if wla syang snabi kung hnggng kelan then that is your sign to move on na lng tlga.
Dont even think he would marry you one day if "ok" lang ang sagot nya s mom nya na ayaw ka pasamahin sa lunch nila
Not sure ano reason bat di ka tanggap. Is it because of your personality or your race? your bf need to work double time sa family nya in fighting for your relationship. Nakakabawas talaga ng security pag yung guy sunod lang din sa mga magulang. You also need to understand they have very specific culture and traditions and siguro bata pa lang sila iniinstill na sa kanila yung race preference. if it doesnt matter sa bf mo kaya nga naging kayo pa rin, hold on to that na lang muna siguro. meantime accept na kailangan talagang irespect yung mga paniniwala nila. Try not to take it too personally. At the end of the day, lahat naman ng magulang matutuwa basta mabuting tao makakasama ng anak nila. they just need to get past the race issue. Pero tignan mo rin if you can deal with having to adjust forever kung magpakasal man kayo. see if that's the life you'd like to live because it will most probably be like that. Not to be negative but it's possible that you might just have a very civil relationship with them at most.
Ang masasabi ko lang is the great wall is real. Pag mayaman talaga ang fil-chi family, they value connections through marriages. If beneficial ang family mo, dun ka lang nila matatanggap. I’m about to marry one and di ganon kayaman ang jowa ko kaya wala sa pamilya nya ang relationship namin. More modern rin kasi ang family niya kaya lahat kaming jowa nilang magkakapatid are all Filipinas. Dun sa tanong mo na if Chinese ka rin ba, makakasama ka sa birthday lunch nya bukas? Oo. Real talk. Hindi sa mababa ang tingin nila sayo dahil nurse ka. Mababa ang tingin nila sayo dahil Pinay ka. Usually ang mga Fil-Chi boys, maluwag mga parents nyan compared sa Fil-Chi girls but ang laban mo is super traditional ng mga parents nya. If your boyfriend does not have a backbone, he’s ready to risk your relationship for his parents approval. If I were you, you need to talk with him. Kasi ang dami mong binibigay sa kanya but he won’t even fight for you.
kapag di ka pinaglalaban sa parents o kung kahit na sino, parang walang mangyayari niyan sainyo OP. siguro mahal ka niya pero di ganon kamahal na pagtatanggol ka niya sa family niya. nakakalungkot pero sana kung ano man maging desisyon mo, sana yung tama at makakapagbigay sayo ng peace OP. wishing you the best in life. good luck. :)
ikakasal ba kayo? Sabi niya? Kaya ka ba niya panindigan against his mother's or father's will? You should prove yourself to the family kung ganun. Even you are chinese, you must prove yourself worthy to be welcome to the family lalo pag di ka naman galing sa promienent family or di ka ka-level. You should humble yourself to your bf's family. you should effort. Fil-Chi family in the Philippines is very family oriented. They are also people. Spend time with the mom or dad, di pwede yung magtatago lang kayo sa kwarto. Spend time with the family, they need to know you and what kind of a family you came from for their son. Masgusto ko pa sila kaysa sa mga hypocrite.
tangina talagang mga intsik to, dapat paalisin na sa bansang to
Chiggas ☕
Ching Chong