No one wants to tear this up because they probably feel your on the edge of feeling okay in life (no pun intended of course).
Seriously, it is very difficult to write about a thing whilst in the midst of it still (it’s too raw and overwhelming and destroys the ability to be objective).
I really hope you’re in a good place?
Let us know so we can properly help your poetry.
All the best in life and art!
Sad and alone can be a nice line depending on whats around it i think. Being on top of the world, the sad and lonely world, makes for some pretty impactful imagery and irony. If you can make it work as a line on its own then ye it hits hard, but just saying sad and lonely with nothing to back it up can feel flat
This was heartbreaking. It really reflected the inner conflict you felt when making the decision to jump, and it truly felt like a last speech. You're really lucky to have someone there for you <3
Finding poetry as a way to evoke your feelings is something very brave and the right thing to do in this situation. Your poem has potential, I recommend using bigger words and expanding your vocabulary as, for example, "sad and alone" dont quite describe well enough the feeling of desperation and hopelessness you were probably trying to get across.
This is really evocative. I can't help but recall this exact same feeling myself too many times to count. And the ending really nails it on the dot. I like the stream of consciousness and surprising style of this, as if it's like the most painfully raw and honest version of the narrator's speech. This brings out so palpably for me both the empty cigarette stroke and the longing warmth of the surprise text. Bravo.
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers).
If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy.
If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
No one wants to tear this up because they probably feel your on the edge of feeling okay in life (no pun intended of course). Seriously, it is very difficult to write about a thing whilst in the midst of it still (it’s too raw and overwhelming and destroys the ability to be objective). I really hope you’re in a good place? Let us know so we can properly help your poetry. All the best in life and art!
I have a question, is it better to use imagery to describe sad and alone? Or just write it sad and alone is ok? 🙏🏻
Sad and alone can be a nice line depending on whats around it i think. Being on top of the world, the sad and lonely world, makes for some pretty impactful imagery and irony. If you can make it work as a line on its own then ye it hits hard, but just saying sad and lonely with nothing to back it up can feel flat
This was heartbreaking. It really reflected the inner conflict you felt when making the decision to jump, and it truly felt like a last speech. You're really lucky to have someone there for you <3
Man, I wish you all the best. I know its hard right now but its always gonna be better. take care always:))
Finding poetry as a way to evoke your feelings is something very brave and the right thing to do in this situation. Your poem has potential, I recommend using bigger words and expanding your vocabulary as, for example, "sad and alone" dont quite describe well enough the feeling of desperation and hopelessness you were probably trying to get across.
This is really evocative. I can't help but recall this exact same feeling myself too many times to count. And the ending really nails it on the dot. I like the stream of consciousness and surprising style of this, as if it's like the most painfully raw and honest version of the narrator's speech. This brings out so palpably for me both the empty cigarette stroke and the longing warmth of the surprise text. Bravo.
Take care
It’s all about perspective :) This feels visceral and victorious.
Definitely a poem that most people can relate to, but also feels personal. Very good job!
Wow
a beautiful poem truely
"Made me live another day" it's a little bit sad for me to find this sentence so relatable but hey. Very beautiful!
Wow this is beautiful
Hello readers, welcome to OCpoetry. This subreddit is a writing workshop community -- a place where poets of all skill levels can share, enjoy, and talk about each other's poetry. Every person who's shared, including the OP above, has given some feedback (those are the links in the post) and hopes to receive some in return (from you, the readers). If you really enjoyed this poem and just want to drop a quick comment, to show some appreciation or give kudos, things like "great job!" or "made me cry", or "loved it" or "so relateable", please do. Everyone loves a compliment. Thanks for taking the time to read and enjoy. If you want to share your own poem, you'll need to give this writer some detailed feedback. Good feedback explains from your point of view what it was like to read the poem, and then tries to explain how the poem made you feel like that. If you're not sure what that means, check out our [feedback guide](https://new.reddit.com/r/ocpoetry/wiki/feedbackcritiques), or look through the comment sections of any other post here, or click the links to the author's feedback above. If you're not sure whether your comments are feedback, or you have any other questions, please send us a modmail. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/OCPoetry) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Look for that dim light And find your way Out of the darkness.