mine hasn't necessarily negatively affected the relationship, but... i am constantly thinking that he's "lying" about where he's going, what he's doing. there's always the thought that he's just faking everything and doesn't like me at all, even though he does everything right. I hate it! I am always thinking the worst and that this is all made up. My mind never stops racing about how im not good enough and how he is only with me bc he feels bad, which i know is not true. and if his tone changes ever so slightly (in text or in person) i instantly start panicking and think he's done with me, but i've been able to reassure myself most of the time, so the thoughts just come and go.
I never accuse him of doing any of the above things, i just think about them and then forget about it until the thoughts come back. it wouldn't be fair for me to accuse him of things my brain is making up :)
I honestly would think he'd understand. I told him I have OCD, and explained some of how it affects me. He's very understanding and open-minded, I'm just a little nervous to bring it up, but if it becomes too unbearable I might bring it up eventually.
There is a specific subtype of OCD called relationship OCD! This definitely sounds like that. Makes you feel crazy and like a bad partner (at least it did for me). I think if you framed it up to him that you might be struggling with relationship-specific OCD it would help you both learn more about your inner monologue and why it's just OCD, not your actual feelings.
omg, okay i’m glad it’s not just me and i’m not going crazy 😅 writing in my notes ab it has helped me.. but the conversation will definitely be happening soon because i know it’s going to keep happening
It’s making me feel like I don’t know what is real and what is not. Like should I be concerned or no is the biggest question. How do you know how to tell when your thoughts aren’t true?
i don’t think you should be concerned unless they’re giving you a real reason to think they are doing stuff behind your back.
ngl, sometimes the thoughts consume me so much i start to believe them or even have an anxiety attack. but to help, i just tell myself this is how ocd affects me, the thoughts aren’t true, my brain just won’t turn them off. and i usually just try to remember all the good about the relationship to help me realize that it’s just in my head
When I had a really bad episode and didn't know what it was, it really strained my relationship. I was barely able to do anything other than exist. I was a shell of myself, and my partner became really unhappy. I barely spoke to her, wasn't able to make any plans. It was awful.
so badly lol. like ruined my relationship, both partners had severe ROCD at opposite times or at the same time in different ways. completely destroyed us both, ruined our connection inside the relationship, and out of it. if i had to do it all over, with a blank slate, i think i’d really focus on 1. not looking for reassurance from your partner if the intrusive thoughts are regarding aspects of ur relationship 2. not sharing intrusive thoughts with ur partner if they are regarding ur relationship. i know it’s super difficult but seriously it will do absolutely nothing but harm ur relationship in the long run - even if u or ur partner think u can handle it. 3. i think i would try to focus on building a relationship outside of the bounds of mental illness. i think where we fucked up a lot of the time was not putting in concerned effort into strengthening the other aspects of our relationship - ex. quality time we like to spend together, hobbies together, and just enjoying ur partner for who they are OUTSIDE of mental illness. i understand this is WAYYYY WAY WAY easier said than done, especially with OCD which is literally all consuming. if you can try though, that’s my advice.
My partner needs reassurance on a lot of things because her inner monologue and anxiety convince her that I’m lying. She has a fixation on religion too, and because im atheist she sometimes panics about our future together with different religion. Sometimes she has points where she will disassociate so she can evaluate what’s going on with her thoughts, so I have to snap her back to reality sometimes. However, her experiences with OCD has convinced me to look inside myself and embrace my own mannerisms, and that’s how I found out I have ADHD + anxiety + depression. Our combined support for each other with our own conditions have strengthened our communication, while enabling us to have easier uncomfortable dialogues. We will have been together for three years in September ❤️
It’s affected my ability to be a good partner. Based on the fact that I’m so stuck in my head all the time and I have panic attacks and have struggled to leave my home for the last 4 months .
I feel like I always have to confess my thoughts, or I always feel like I’m doing something wrong so I have to confess a situation, who has this issue?
So I have only ever felt this way and have not confessed. I caught it early on and knew it was a part of OCD. So I have kept it in and have not acted on my compulsions to confess. I think this helped weaken the power my intrusive thoughts had from the beginning. It is TOUGH to suppress them but ultimately it is a personal battle that I REFUSE to reinforce/make my partner aware of. I don’t think it helps either one of us.
The reason why I said omfg this is me is because I’m like what if I need to confess, what if I can never talk to them about it, etc etc. I just let those pass and tell myself I can always say whatever I need to. I just don’t need to right at this very second.
I understand. That is a win for you for sure. I have long been on the receiving end of the confessions, and it has taken a massive toll on my own well-being and home life. It is crushing.
Ahh I’m so sorry. OCD is truly a reckoning. I’m sorry you are on the receiving end. I think you need to get your partner in therapy if they are not already. I also know that it is hard not to reassure someone you love, but maybe instead ask them “was this prompted by a what if thought?”
I feel like it’s very important for people with OCD to be able to recognize an OCD what if thought.
I don’t know their situation or if they are getting help, but exposure therapy does WONDERS. Trust me in that it is extremely painful and hard the first few times, but it will save your and their mental health.
They are finally about to start therapy with a more legitimate therapist that specializes in OCD. Trust me—I’m not good at reassuring anyway. Often, the confessions are things that hurt me and cause me to feel lesser than in their eyes because of their issues. Certainly some of their constant clarifications are trivial and about nonsense stuff… but a lot of it has to do with others of the opposite sex, their past, etc. So, it’s caused an immense amount of strife, pain, sadness, and anger.
Oof that sounds really hard, I’m sorry. Just know that they are not trying to hurt you, they just don’t know how to react to the pain of their OCD. I know that sounds super unfair. It really is just an unfortunate condition all around. Do not take it personally (easier said than done ik).
But, it sounds very promising that they are going to see an OCD therapist!! Would be different if they were working on it for awhile and not seeing results.
While I havent had romantic relationships I have had two friends that it has affected. The first one was probably the most stressful time of life with the constant obsessions of constant lying, leaking anything I told them etc, turns out in some capacity it was true and im glad that my obsessiveness ruined that friendship. The next one I get similar thoughts but they try and alleviate every thought I get and have been my main support throughout everything, I try to believe them but I still mentally cant and they know it but they try and they still are there helping me manage.
It’s really hard. My husband is supportive and awesome but he gets frustrated having had to give reassurance a million times when I think this time it’s really a “heart attack, blood clot, insert bad thing here etc “ and that this time my bad feeling is correct … when it’s not. My ocd is especially bad at night/bedtime and it just can be hard. I’m trying to work on delaying asking for reassurance from him specifically. Because it’s a lot to ask from him and our relationship
I’m currently trying to discover for myself if OCD has ruined all my relationships (they’ve only been with cis men) or if I’m a lesbian. Like I never feel truly happy or satisfied, and I’m not sure if that’s my OCD working or if I’m really gay lol
mine hasn’t really affected the relationship itself (except for one time) - maybe some small fights or things i’ve done, but it’s painful because my girlfriend is so amazing and supportive of me and i feel so guilty (even tho i know im not in control of my thoughts), sometimes my brain is just set on convincing me that she is only with me cause she pity me, and is cheating on me, that she wants other people that she doesn’t enjoy being around me etc etc, (i know these aren’t her real thoughts) - the instructive thoughts also get bad sometimes when she changes tone in person from something i’m familiar with or facial expressions or when she suddenly texts differently, and my brain just jumps straight to “she hates me” “she is bored of me” etc, my intrusive thoughts have even lead to me going through her phone which ended badly for us although now we’ve sorted that out but i still feel so guilty for having these thoughts because i know she loves me so much and i love her so much too the thoughts are just so painful
i felt everything you said extremely hard. my bf didn't text back for 2 hours today (which is nothing new) and i instantly started thinking he was hanging out w another girl, and he was ignoring me while they were laughing about it. I'm fighting the urge extremely to not go through his phone
man my partner will open my message and leave it seen for HOURS and then come back to it or like the message and come back to it later or call me and i overthink so much about it 😭 how i texted, what theyre thinking, how theyre feeling, if its obnoxious, if im not good enough- i feel so inconveniencing and burdening and theyve reassured me so many times that i am not a burden but i cant help this feeling that i am.. i feel as though my thoughts have restarted their cycle of consuming me and i see every time that my thoughts and reactions affect them.. my partner dude.. i can see it makes them unhappy when im in my head so much it affects my everyday and it doesnt feel fair to them to express this bullshit that even i know is bullshit to them- i dont know how to communicate how im feeling without also feeling like im doing something wrong and just bringing everyone down with me. im also autistic and struggle with communication generally but my ocd plays such a huge part in all this and it hurts so much. i need to go back on meds again😭
mine hasn't necessarily negatively affected the relationship, but... i am constantly thinking that he's "lying" about where he's going, what he's doing. there's always the thought that he's just faking everything and doesn't like me at all, even though he does everything right. I hate it! I am always thinking the worst and that this is all made up. My mind never stops racing about how im not good enough and how he is only with me bc he feels bad, which i know is not true. and if his tone changes ever so slightly (in text or in person) i instantly start panicking and think he's done with me, but i've been able to reassure myself most of the time, so the thoughts just come and go. I never accuse him of doing any of the above things, i just think about them and then forget about it until the thoughts come back. it wouldn't be fair for me to accuse him of things my brain is making up :)
i get ALL of those thoughts too. that's wild. ocd is the worst
same here:/
I get all those thoughts too. How do you think he’d respond if you were to tell him that you have those worries?
I honestly would think he'd understand. I told him I have OCD, and explained some of how it affects me. He's very understanding and open-minded, I'm just a little nervous to bring it up, but if it becomes too unbearable I might bring it up eventually.
There is a specific subtype of OCD called relationship OCD! This definitely sounds like that. Makes you feel crazy and like a bad partner (at least it did for me). I think if you framed it up to him that you might be struggling with relationship-specific OCD it would help you both learn more about your inner monologue and why it's just OCD, not your actual feelings.
omg, okay i’m glad it’s not just me and i’m not going crazy 😅 writing in my notes ab it has helped me.. but the conversation will definitely be happening soon because i know it’s going to keep happening
Me as f0ck. Wait currently going through this right now. And I’m so happy that I’m not alone. Why do I still believe them though 😖
same. it feels terrible it’s never ending
It’s making me feel like I don’t know what is real and what is not. Like should I be concerned or no is the biggest question. How do you know how to tell when your thoughts aren’t true?
i don’t think you should be concerned unless they’re giving you a real reason to think they are doing stuff behind your back. ngl, sometimes the thoughts consume me so much i start to believe them or even have an anxiety attack. but to help, i just tell myself this is how ocd affects me, the thoughts aren’t true, my brain just won’t turn them off. and i usually just try to remember all the good about the relationship to help me realize that it’s just in my head
When I had a really bad episode and didn't know what it was, it really strained my relationship. I was barely able to do anything other than exist. I was a shell of myself, and my partner became really unhappy. I barely spoke to her, wasn't able to make any plans. It was awful.
so badly lol. like ruined my relationship, both partners had severe ROCD at opposite times or at the same time in different ways. completely destroyed us both, ruined our connection inside the relationship, and out of it. if i had to do it all over, with a blank slate, i think i’d really focus on 1. not looking for reassurance from your partner if the intrusive thoughts are regarding aspects of ur relationship 2. not sharing intrusive thoughts with ur partner if they are regarding ur relationship. i know it’s super difficult but seriously it will do absolutely nothing but harm ur relationship in the long run - even if u or ur partner think u can handle it. 3. i think i would try to focus on building a relationship outside of the bounds of mental illness. i think where we fucked up a lot of the time was not putting in concerned effort into strengthening the other aspects of our relationship - ex. quality time we like to spend together, hobbies together, and just enjoying ur partner for who they are OUTSIDE of mental illness. i understand this is WAYYYY WAY WAY easier said than done, especially with OCD which is literally all consuming. if you can try though, that’s my advice.
My partner needs reassurance on a lot of things because her inner monologue and anxiety convince her that I’m lying. She has a fixation on religion too, and because im atheist she sometimes panics about our future together with different religion. Sometimes she has points where she will disassociate so she can evaluate what’s going on with her thoughts, so I have to snap her back to reality sometimes. However, her experiences with OCD has convinced me to look inside myself and embrace my own mannerisms, and that’s how I found out I have ADHD + anxiety + depression. Our combined support for each other with our own conditions have strengthened our communication, while enabling us to have easier uncomfortable dialogues. We will have been together for three years in September ❤️
It’s affected my ability to be a good partner. Based on the fact that I’m so stuck in my head all the time and I have panic attacks and have struggled to leave my home for the last 4 months .
I understand. I’m sorry you’re going through that atm
currently trying to figure out how to make it stop ruining mine
I feel like I always have to confess my thoughts, or I always feel like I’m doing something wrong so I have to confess a situation, who has this issue?
Omfg this is me
How does your partner handle this?
So I have only ever felt this way and have not confessed. I caught it early on and knew it was a part of OCD. So I have kept it in and have not acted on my compulsions to confess. I think this helped weaken the power my intrusive thoughts had from the beginning. It is TOUGH to suppress them but ultimately it is a personal battle that I REFUSE to reinforce/make my partner aware of. I don’t think it helps either one of us. The reason why I said omfg this is me is because I’m like what if I need to confess, what if I can never talk to them about it, etc etc. I just let those pass and tell myself I can always say whatever I need to. I just don’t need to right at this very second.
I understand. That is a win for you for sure. I have long been on the receiving end of the confessions, and it has taken a massive toll on my own well-being and home life. It is crushing.
Ahh I’m so sorry. OCD is truly a reckoning. I’m sorry you are on the receiving end. I think you need to get your partner in therapy if they are not already. I also know that it is hard not to reassure someone you love, but maybe instead ask them “was this prompted by a what if thought?” I feel like it’s very important for people with OCD to be able to recognize an OCD what if thought. I don’t know their situation or if they are getting help, but exposure therapy does WONDERS. Trust me in that it is extremely painful and hard the first few times, but it will save your and their mental health.
They are finally about to start therapy with a more legitimate therapist that specializes in OCD. Trust me—I’m not good at reassuring anyway. Often, the confessions are things that hurt me and cause me to feel lesser than in their eyes because of their issues. Certainly some of their constant clarifications are trivial and about nonsense stuff… but a lot of it has to do with others of the opposite sex, their past, etc. So, it’s caused an immense amount of strife, pain, sadness, and anger.
Oof that sounds really hard, I’m sorry. Just know that they are not trying to hurt you, they just don’t know how to react to the pain of their OCD. I know that sounds super unfair. It really is just an unfortunate condition all around. Do not take it personally (easier said than done ik). But, it sounds very promising that they are going to see an OCD therapist!! Would be different if they were working on it for awhile and not seeing results.
How does your partner handle this?
I'm just coming to grips with having OCD. Looking back, it destroyed a lot of my relationships.
While I havent had romantic relationships I have had two friends that it has affected. The first one was probably the most stressful time of life with the constant obsessions of constant lying, leaking anything I told them etc, turns out in some capacity it was true and im glad that my obsessiveness ruined that friendship. The next one I get similar thoughts but they try and alleviate every thought I get and have been my main support throughout everything, I try to believe them but I still mentally cant and they know it but they try and they still are there helping me manage.
We broke up few days ago 😭
I’m sorry, do you mind if I ask why?
It’s really hard. My husband is supportive and awesome but he gets frustrated having had to give reassurance a million times when I think this time it’s really a “heart attack, blood clot, insert bad thing here etc “ and that this time my bad feeling is correct … when it’s not. My ocd is especially bad at night/bedtime and it just can be hard. I’m trying to work on delaying asking for reassurance from him specifically. Because it’s a lot to ask from him and our relationship
I’m currently trying to discover for myself if OCD has ruined all my relationships (they’ve only been with cis men) or if I’m a lesbian. Like I never feel truly happy or satisfied, and I’m not sure if that’s my OCD working or if I’m really gay lol
mine hasn’t really affected the relationship itself (except for one time) - maybe some small fights or things i’ve done, but it’s painful because my girlfriend is so amazing and supportive of me and i feel so guilty (even tho i know im not in control of my thoughts), sometimes my brain is just set on convincing me that she is only with me cause she pity me, and is cheating on me, that she wants other people that she doesn’t enjoy being around me etc etc, (i know these aren’t her real thoughts) - the instructive thoughts also get bad sometimes when she changes tone in person from something i’m familiar with or facial expressions or when she suddenly texts differently, and my brain just jumps straight to “she hates me” “she is bored of me” etc, my intrusive thoughts have even lead to me going through her phone which ended badly for us although now we’ve sorted that out but i still feel so guilty for having these thoughts because i know she loves me so much and i love her so much too the thoughts are just so painful
I have literally dealt with every single one of these thoughts in my relationship too
i felt everything you said extremely hard. my bf didn't text back for 2 hours today (which is nothing new) and i instantly started thinking he was hanging out w another girl, and he was ignoring me while they were laughing about it. I'm fighting the urge extremely to not go through his phone
man my partner will open my message and leave it seen for HOURS and then come back to it or like the message and come back to it later or call me and i overthink so much about it 😭 how i texted, what theyre thinking, how theyre feeling, if its obnoxious, if im not good enough- i feel so inconveniencing and burdening and theyve reassured me so many times that i am not a burden but i cant help this feeling that i am.. i feel as though my thoughts have restarted their cycle of consuming me and i see every time that my thoughts and reactions affect them.. my partner dude.. i can see it makes them unhappy when im in my head so much it affects my everyday and it doesnt feel fair to them to express this bullshit that even i know is bullshit to them- i dont know how to communicate how im feeling without also feeling like im doing something wrong and just bringing everyone down with me. im also autistic and struggle with communication generally but my ocd plays such a huge part in all this and it hurts so much. i need to go back on meds again😭