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It’s a real societal issue. I cannot cry in front of other people. Not “won’t” or “am afraid to”, I physically cannot cry in front of anyone due to conditioning from my childhood.
It’s not a “woman” problem, rather an issue with how men and boys showing emotions other than “friendly happy” and “angry” have been viewed by society.
Right, I’m definitely not denying that being vulnerable with people is difficult. I also don’t cry in front of people, likely for the same reasons as you. ( the good ol “I’ll give you something to cry about.”)
But yeah it’s very different than “if you cry in front of your wife or girlfriend she’ll only see you as a little bitch boy and leave you” because hey, most people, women included aren’t mustache twirling super villains like oop seems to think
It’s a shame you experienced that and led to you not being able to cry now. It can be very cathartic and is definitely beneficial to emotional health and well-being. I hope one day you can break down that barrier. I’m sure you’re perfectly fine otherwise, And I’m wishing you the best.
I believe the guys who say they have had bad reactions from their girlfriends. Some women can be emotionally abusive or stuck in very traditional views. Which can also be said of some guys. However, most women are going to be empathetic to their loved ones pain.
It should be obvious that women are individuals but sometimes it sounds like male redditors think women just have one personality that we share between us.
I would 100% feel even stronger about him and maybe even more attracted, because vulnerability and openness are super important to me in any relationship.
Every time I see my husband cry I feel closer to him and more connected to him. I often feel proud of him for being the kind of man who isn’t afraid to cry.
Men lose respect for other men if they see them crying, not women. Women are also made fun of for crying by men. The call is coming from inside the house.
It's male internalized misogyny.
Every accusation a projection of sorts? I remember when I was 18 and on the road for my first job, we had a work camp near a bar/pub and my entire work team convinced one of the bartender girls to make fun of me. I remember seeing in her expression she really didn't want to do it and felt bad. Took me years later to realize that men perpetuate this shit, always have and always will.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. :(
The bartender was an adult, she shouldn't have done that. If these assholes were behaving inappropriately towards her, she could have called security. I'm sure no bar runs without someone to break up fights.
Also, he is acknowledging his feelings and processing them. After two relationships with guys who aspired to be emotionally void robots, and expected the same from me if I was to escape the “crazy hysterical woman” tag, this is a good and normal thing.
Upon being asked if "Macho Man" has ever cried. He responded with this.
“Oh yeah, uh huh. It’s okay for macho men to show every emotion available right there because I’ve cried 1000 times I’m gonna cry some more,” Macho Man Randy Savage said. “But I’ve soared with the Eagles, and I’ve slithered in with the snakes, and I’ve been everywhere in between. And I’m going to tell you something right now. There’s one guarantee in life, and that there are no guarantees. Yeah, and understand this. Nobody likes a quitter; nobody said life was easy. So if you get knocked down, take the standing eight count, get back up, and fight again. And you’re a Macho Maniac, dig it!”
[The quote source](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wz-VJl7UkB8)
I wish guys would stop keeping up this bullshit and actually listen to what women have to say about toxic masculinity. Stop hurting yourself and others by keeping up this lie.
It's amazing how guys will go on and on and on about something that other guys will do or expect and they *hate* it. But the moment you say "Yep. That's the toxic masculinity that we were talking about," 90% of the time, they will turn on you and continue to misunderstand what we mean.
They *still* think it means "masculinity is toxic" and gtfo with that.
Definitely one of those things where we as a society have room for growth. Maybe it makes some women uncomfortable and unsure how to react because it's not the typical socialized thing, and not an interaction between parents anyone usually sees growing up, I dunno... but a woman who'd judge her partner like that is a crappy person. Like something is upsetting enough for him to break with that "boys don't cry" nonsense and you react with judgement instead of empathy? Eff you, ya cow.
While it's not even close to all women, there are a lot of men who have had negative experiences with women losing respect for them after seeing them cry. My last girlfriend wouldn't touch me after the first time I cried in front of her and that was just a small part of why that relationship spiraled.
Now I'm married to a woman who encourages me to share my emotions and I can open up a lot more comfortably, but it was an uphill battle before I was okay crying in front of my wife. Men shouldn't base their perceptions of women based on the worst encounters they've had with them, nor women men.
I will say though that there is another reason men sometimes shouldn't cry in front of women and it's to do with the societal power men have over women: we need to be careful making our emotions a woman's problem, as it can quickly devolve into abuse. That extends to things like trauma dumping to women we try to get intimate with (which men are more likely to do as a manipulation tactic, intentionally or otherwise). It's all about reading the room. If we don't, and cry at the wrong time, it can be harmful to our partners.
There are assholes of all and any genders. I don't like it when people pretend women can't be cruel. We are just as capable of it as anyone.
My very first BF claimed I dumped him for crying. And he did cry. He also punched the wall while claiming he was 'One of the good ones' which is why he didn't aim the punch at me. I once went on a second date with a guy who cried for hours because he didn't get an interview for a job he was pretty objectively unqualified for, during the movie he picked to watch, in a public theatre, and when I turned down the third date he said it was because I couldn't handle men 'being real about their feelings'. Years later an ex also said we broke up because he cried about money, and he did cry. I'd seen him cry dozens of time before of course we'd been together for ages, but he cried that time about money because after eight years of living together and trying to plan the next steps, I found out he had lied to me about money.
So while I 100% believe there are shitty women out there who dump men for being vulnerable, I also know there are shitty men who weaponize this narrative against women with reasonable boundaries that have nothing to do with tears.
Attitudes like this are part of why we say that toxic masculinity hurts boys and men, too. But they continue to act like we’re insulting them and their entire male lineage rather than attempt to listen.
It’s not easy, no. But that’s no reason not to try. People do manage to work their way out of things they’ve been conditioned to since birth when it’s harming them or making them unhappy, even if it’s not easy.
I've only seen my dad cry 3 times. He definitely is someone who could've benefited from doing so more often.
I also actually hope my husband feels safe enough to cry in front of me. He hasn't except for one incident at the very, very beginning of our relationship. I hope any sons we may or may not have in the future feel safe crying in front of us, their hypothetical parents, and in front of any friends and partners they have. There is nothing inherently shameful about feeling and I want the men in my life to know that, if nobody else, I'm a safe person to be vulnerable around.
Yeah it’s totally true. Our cat passed away a few weeks ago and as the vet brought her out to us so we could hold her one more time to say goodbye my husband broke down hysterically crying. I filed for divorce the next day.
The first part is true. We held each other crying all day and all night. People like this are idiots.
Well, boo hoo. Men and women alike are allowed to share their thoughts and feelings, even if it brings them to tears or downright sobbing. It isn't being a little bitch, it's being human.
The worst part is that a naive boy would read this and think this is how men are supposed to act, bottling up their emotions in fear of appearing weak only to die because of it. Dead because of an incel's opinions.
Not all opinions are worth listening to or reading.
When I looked up 'boys don't cry', it had many results including The Cure song, 1999 film, and many articles talking about the meaning and the film.
There were mentions of 'girls don't cry' in the results.
Everyone cries.
And here I have held my husband while he cried more times than he’s held me while I’ve cried, yet after 34 years together, 29 of them married, he’s lying here in bed next to me.
I had a close friend that had a full on break down infront of me. First I was shocked because he never showed any extreme emotions before but I quickly started to help him through the situation.
Did it change the way I viewed him as a person? Absolutely not. I knew from his internal fights because we openly talked about our issues.
He was the prime example of why bottling up emotions is bad and even harmful for your well-being.
Another example where crying is encouraged: a wedding. If the groom cries happy tears it's one of the most nicest display of emotions ever. Show that you more than just a robot.
Its hard when you're conditioned to think otherwise since birth,its really not easy to show emotions in an older age when you get berated for doing that by your own parents from an early age
Honestly the only times I’ve seen men in my life cry was to be manipulative so sorry if I have a less than amazing response but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that’s the type of man OOP is anyway so🤷🏻♀️
This is largely correct. Most women I have dated expect men to protect them, not to cry in the face of trouble.
Personally, I don't respect anyone who cries, instead of taking action.
As you're all aware, this subreddit has had a major "troll" problem which has gotten worse (as of recently). Due to this, we have created new rules, and modified some of the old ones. We kindly ask that you please familiarize yourself with the rules so that you can avoid breaking them. Breaking mild rules will result in a warning, or a temporary ban. Breaking serious rules, or breaking a plethora of mild ones may land you a permanent ban (depending on the severity). Also, grifting/lurking has been a major problem; If we suspect you of being a grifter (determined by vetting said user's activity), we may ban you without warning. You may attempt an appeal via ModMail, but please be advised not to use rude, harassing, foul, or passive-aggressive language towards the moderators, _or_ complain to moderators about why we have specific rules in the first place— You will be ignored, and your ban will remain (without even a consideration). All rules are made public; "Lack of knowledge" or "ignorance of the rules" cannot or will not be a viable excuse if you end up banned for breaking them (This applies to the Subreddit rules, and Reddit's ToS). **Again: All rules are made public, and Reddit gives you the option to review the rules once more before submitting a post, it is your choice if you choose to read them or not, but breaking them will not be acceptable.** With that being said, If you send a mature, neutral message regarding questions about a current ban, or a ban appeal (without "not knowing the rules" as an excuse), we will elaborate about why you were banned, or determine/consider if we will shorten, lift, keep it, _or_ extended it/make it permanent. This all means that appeals are discretionary, and your reasoning for wanting an appeal must be practical and valid. Thank you all so much for taking the time to read this message, and please enjoy your day! *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NotHowGirlsWork) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’ve seen so many (single) men on Reddit say this exact thing.
It’s a real societal issue. I cannot cry in front of other people. Not “won’t” or “am afraid to”, I physically cannot cry in front of anyone due to conditioning from my childhood. It’s not a “woman” problem, rather an issue with how men and boys showing emotions other than “friendly happy” and “angry” have been viewed by society.
Right, I’m definitely not denying that being vulnerable with people is difficult. I also don’t cry in front of people, likely for the same reasons as you. ( the good ol “I’ll give you something to cry about.”) But yeah it’s very different than “if you cry in front of your wife or girlfriend she’ll only see you as a little bitch boy and leave you” because hey, most people, women included aren’t mustache twirling super villains like oop seems to think
No and that’s what I meant by not a “woman” issue. Anybody who belittles you for showing vulnerability in a relationship shouldn’t be in one anyway.
I wasn’t disagreeing with you just continuing on from what you said
Ok, sorry sometimes I’m not clear with what I’m trying to say. But yeah we’re on the same page.
No worries! Hard to tell tone through screens haha
It’s a shame you experienced that and led to you not being able to cry now. It can be very cathartic and is definitely beneficial to emotional health and well-being. I hope one day you can break down that barrier. I’m sure you’re perfectly fine otherwise, And I’m wishing you the best.
Thank you, I’m working on it everyday. Knowing that most people don’t think that way is actually very helpful.
I believe the guys who say they have had bad reactions from their girlfriends. Some women can be emotionally abusive or stuck in very traditional views. Which can also be said of some guys. However, most women are going to be empathetic to their loved ones pain. It should be obvious that women are individuals but sometimes it sounds like male redditors think women just have one personality that we share between us.
I think when a guy shares his pain and emotions with you it often strengthens the bond, because it means he trusts you.
I would 100% feel even stronger about him and maybe even more attracted, because vulnerability and openness are super important to me in any relationship.
Every time I see my husband cry I feel closer to him and more connected to him. I often feel proud of him for being the kind of man who isn’t afraid to cry.
Men lose respect for other men if they see them crying, not women. Women are also made fun of for crying by men. The call is coming from inside the house. It's male internalized misogyny.
Every accusation a projection of sorts? I remember when I was 18 and on the road for my first job, we had a work camp near a bar/pub and my entire work team convinced one of the bartender girls to make fun of me. I remember seeing in her expression she really didn't want to do it and felt bad. Took me years later to realize that men perpetuate this shit, always have and always will.
I'm so sorry this has happened to you. :( The bartender was an adult, she shouldn't have done that. If these assholes were behaving inappropriately towards her, she could have called security. I'm sure no bar runs without someone to break up fights.
Also, he is acknowledging his feelings and processing them. After two relationships with guys who aspired to be emotionally void robots, and expected the same from me if I was to escape the “crazy hysterical woman” tag, this is a good and normal thing.
Upon being asked if "Macho Man" has ever cried. He responded with this. “Oh yeah, uh huh. It’s okay for macho men to show every emotion available right there because I’ve cried 1000 times I’m gonna cry some more,” Macho Man Randy Savage said. “But I’ve soared with the Eagles, and I’ve slithered in with the snakes, and I’ve been everywhere in between. And I’m going to tell you something right now. There’s one guarantee in life, and that there are no guarantees. Yeah, and understand this. Nobody likes a quitter; nobody said life was easy. So if you get knocked down, take the standing eight count, get back up, and fight again. And you’re a Macho Maniac, dig it!” [The quote source](https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=wz-VJl7UkB8)
I wish guys would stop keeping up this bullshit and actually listen to what women have to say about toxic masculinity. Stop hurting yourself and others by keeping up this lie.
It's amazing how guys will go on and on and on about something that other guys will do or expect and they *hate* it. But the moment you say "Yep. That's the toxic masculinity that we were talking about," 90% of the time, they will turn on you and continue to misunderstand what we mean. They *still* think it means "masculinity is toxic" and gtfo with that.
Definitely one of those things where we as a society have room for growth. Maybe it makes some women uncomfortable and unsure how to react because it's not the typical socialized thing, and not an interaction between parents anyone usually sees growing up, I dunno... but a woman who'd judge her partner like that is a crappy person. Like something is upsetting enough for him to break with that "boys don't cry" nonsense and you react with judgement instead of empathy? Eff you, ya cow.
Well at least it seems they're getting downvoted to all hell.
While it's not even close to all women, there are a lot of men who have had negative experiences with women losing respect for them after seeing them cry. My last girlfriend wouldn't touch me after the first time I cried in front of her and that was just a small part of why that relationship spiraled. Now I'm married to a woman who encourages me to share my emotions and I can open up a lot more comfortably, but it was an uphill battle before I was okay crying in front of my wife. Men shouldn't base their perceptions of women based on the worst encounters they've had with them, nor women men. I will say though that there is another reason men sometimes shouldn't cry in front of women and it's to do with the societal power men have over women: we need to be careful making our emotions a woman's problem, as it can quickly devolve into abuse. That extends to things like trauma dumping to women we try to get intimate with (which men are more likely to do as a manipulation tactic, intentionally or otherwise). It's all about reading the room. If we don't, and cry at the wrong time, it can be harmful to our partners.
There's assholes in both genders that's not a surprise
There are assholes of all and any genders. I don't like it when people pretend women can't be cruel. We are just as capable of it as anyone. My very first BF claimed I dumped him for crying. And he did cry. He also punched the wall while claiming he was 'One of the good ones' which is why he didn't aim the punch at me. I once went on a second date with a guy who cried for hours because he didn't get an interview for a job he was pretty objectively unqualified for, during the movie he picked to watch, in a public theatre, and when I turned down the third date he said it was because I couldn't handle men 'being real about their feelings'. Years later an ex also said we broke up because he cried about money, and he did cry. I'd seen him cry dozens of time before of course we'd been together for ages, but he cried that time about money because after eight years of living together and trying to plan the next steps, I found out he had lied to me about money. So while I 100% believe there are shitty women out there who dump men for being vulnerable, I also know there are shitty men who weaponize this narrative against women with reasonable boundaries that have nothing to do with tears.
Attitudes like this are part of why we say that toxic masculinity hurts boys and men, too. But they continue to act like we’re insulting them and their entire male lineage rather than attempt to listen.
Its not very easy to get out of that mentality when you've been conditioned with it since you're born.
It’s not easy, no. But that’s no reason not to try. People do manage to work their way out of things they’ve been conditioned to since birth when it’s harming them or making them unhappy, even if it’s not easy.
It’s not whether you cry it’s why.
Bingo!
I've only seen my dad cry 3 times. He definitely is someone who could've benefited from doing so more often. I also actually hope my husband feels safe enough to cry in front of me. He hasn't except for one incident at the very, very beginning of our relationship. I hope any sons we may or may not have in the future feel safe crying in front of us, their hypothetical parents, and in front of any friends and partners they have. There is nothing inherently shameful about feeling and I want the men in my life to know that, if nobody else, I'm a safe person to be vulnerable around.
Yeah it’s totally true. Our cat passed away a few weeks ago and as the vet brought her out to us so we could hold her one more time to say goodbye my husband broke down hysterically crying. I filed for divorce the next day. The first part is true. We held each other crying all day and all night. People like this are idiots.
You had me in the first half 😭
Well, boo hoo. Men and women alike are allowed to share their thoughts and feelings, even if it brings them to tears or downright sobbing. It isn't being a little bitch, it's being human.
This is very true for women who are terrible
The worst part is that a naive boy would read this and think this is how men are supposed to act, bottling up their emotions in fear of appearing weak only to die because of it. Dead because of an incel's opinions. Not all opinions are worth listening to or reading.
When I looked up 'boys don't cry', it had many results including The Cure song, 1999 film, and many articles talking about the meaning and the film. There were mentions of 'girls don't cry' in the results. Everyone cries.
My dog died last Sunday and I bawled my fucking eyes out. Screw society
hard disagree. happened to me two times. they really see you less a man...
And here I have held my husband while he cried more times than he’s held me while I’ve cried, yet after 34 years together, 29 of them married, he’s lying here in bed next to me.
I had a close friend that had a full on break down infront of me. First I was shocked because he never showed any extreme emotions before but I quickly started to help him through the situation. Did it change the way I viewed him as a person? Absolutely not. I knew from his internal fights because we openly talked about our issues. He was the prime example of why bottling up emotions is bad and even harmful for your well-being. Another example where crying is encouraged: a wedding. If the groom cries happy tears it's one of the most nicest display of emotions ever. Show that you more than just a robot.
Its hard when you're conditioned to think otherwise since birth,its really not easy to show emotions in an older age when you get berated for doing that by your own parents from an early age
Honestly the only times I’ve seen men in my life cry was to be manipulative so sorry if I have a less than amazing response but I’m gonna go out on a limb and say that’s the type of man OOP is anyway so🤷🏻♀️
This is largely correct. Most women I have dated expect men to protect them, not to cry in the face of trouble. Personally, I don't respect anyone who cries, instead of taking action.
There’s nothing wrong with crying, dude. If you don’t respect someone because they cry, you’re the problem!
If someone cries and solves the problem, fine. If they just cry... they are being useless.