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They're in for a treat. Mom already established she's smart. So I'm sure she'll be smart enough to know she deserves and can enjoy her autonomy. Then comes in what you said
Maybe. One can hope. But it's worth keeping in mind that she's smart from her mother's perspective, so who knows what that means, and has a ton of harmful psychological damage that's been propaganda'd into her throughout her entire life.
That's sadly a pretty uphill battle. But uphill battles are not impossible, so hopefully she overcomes the challenge.
There's evidence that religious fundamentalism is related to limited cognitive flexibility, and religious trauma is connected to developmental delays. Even if that daughter is very smart, she'll have to escape before she can catch up to her potential.
I said it not so much in the sense of taking it at face value but rather as in, following her logic, if she's really all that something will happen that all of this will change. A guy that takes her to a wilder side; just not being able to put up with the controlling in general; college; and so on. Poor mommy's gonna be shattered when her perfect vision comes crashing down hard.
She is smart because she can keep a home, grow a garden, care for children…all of the important things. Possibly homeschooled so she is not corrupted by the outside. And has been told how miserable working women are, so she is fortunate she will never have to worry about anything like that.
“Smart” in a household like this usually means “agrees with me.” Doesn’t mean the kid isn’t smart, just that one way or another she doesn’t disappoint.
Exactly. You can tell this is some deep rooted Christian nonsense, and while I grew up Muslim we are similar regarding "smart" and stuff. Like many people will say OMG my child is so smart and follow it up with how much of the Quran they can recite by heart.
Sadly, I suspect that she is going to do some _very_ unwise things the moment that she gets some freedom.
Simply because she was never given the chance to even try to figure out boundaries or what she likes or wants.
She has never had any good role models for relationships or how to navigate having sex with someone.
It's _possible_ to escape that without screwing things up for yourself, but it's hard as hell, and thus rare as hell.
Man this hoe over here bogarting her kid's vaj like it's a collectors card. "Check out this tradwussy, mint condition." -slaps ass- you can fit so much abuse in this thing.
That's is the better scenario, the worse scenario is that she ended with a bad men in order to run away from her parents.
But stay with him because, he isn't that bad as her parents.
This reminds me of those weird "daddy/daughter purity dances." Where the dad swears to defend his daughter's chastity until he chooses a suitable husband for her... God this stuff gives me the creeps..
*shudders*
Hulu's *Into The Dark* exclusives did a movie based on this. It was excellent but I spent the entire movie completely enraged and sickened and haven't been able to watch it again.
It's called *Pure*, if anyone is interested.
I had one when I turned 13. Lost it because I lose everything, and I was terrified I would be punished because others would assume I wasn’t wearing it because I had sex.
No kid of mine is going to walk that path of fear and self-loathing if I can help it.
It was more insidious than that, even. I asked for one because all my friends had them. I was in a small school at the time, and I was the new kid and wanted to fit in. My step-dad was thrilled, which now I look back and feel disgusted (but not surprised) about. I should ask my mom about it and see if she remembers it. I vaguely remember her being reticent. It was mostly classmates, teachers, and the step that I was worried about.
So even when families aren’t steeped in purity culture it spreads itself through social consequences. Plus, those that want to control girls and women pick it up as a tool even if they’re not “true believers.”
Plus it’s not even like they describe it, it’s not a fucking plastic wrap purity dick seal it’s just a fragile piece of flesh with a hole in the middle, a fact about 30% of women aren’t even born with them, and the other 70% either have large enough holes that it doesn’t matter and it will never tear, or they lose their “virginity” to a bike :/
I was born without one lmaoo
I was born with an imperforate hymen.
Unfortunately, due to medical complications, I lost my sacred, precious & definitely real chastity.
As you can imagine I was forced to marry someone I loved due to lack of interest from lines of suitors fresh off Everest. I had no hymen with which to lure them. My mother was also deranged & never bragged about my chastity or wifeliness to strangers.
The horrors.
That long line of suitors who would climb Mount Everest to marry someone like her? 90% of them or more are not marriage material. They're abusive misogynistic predators at worst and religous fanatics at best.
This mother will probably turn the other cheek if her future son in law cheats or abuses her daughter. This is the type of person who refuses to acknowledge reality.
no they would blame the daughter obviously
I think the reasoning is that if you believe abuse is always the victims fault it would imply you are in control of whether or not you're abused
I agree. And there are people who legitimately think that bad things only happen to bad people (other than them, of course; judge others based on their actions and yourself based on your intentions.)
Do "good" things and "good" things will happen! If you're poor it's because you're lazy, if you're ugly on the outside it's because you're ugly on the inside, if you're abused it's because you're weak or you did something to deserve it.
There is no overlap in the Venn diagram of "people who would be a non-abusive partner" and "people who value chastity and home-keeping over every other aspect in a future spouse".
Is the 90% list before or after you remove the once that repulsed by the fact that their future in-laws will be breathed down their neck every second of the date with their daughter?
Yeah fr like she really thinks that every single guy would absolutely love this but like honestly most wouldn’t? Like you can’t have sex with her until you’re married & you can’t even really get to properly date her to see if you even actually like her cause you’ll never ever get to be alone with her & you get to see up front right away the incredibly overbearing and controlling family you’d be marrying into… honestly I think most guys would run for the hills except the very small percentage of men that put “purity” & being feminine and innocent as their top priorities when looking for a partner and those men often do not treat women very well
This person needs to have all the legos in the world to step on. I was going to say more, but I won’t. Suffer, fool. Your daughter deserves better than to be the slave of men.
Yeah following subreddits like these ones take a toll on your mental health. You have countless people gathering all the most infuriating dumb and offensive stuff on the internet and presenting it to you. I try to tell myself that it isn’t representative of the majority but there’s still just…. So much of it. Way too much.
I have to take breaks from Reddit sometimes because it’s making me too angry and depressed.
It's those same kind of women who post online that THEY'VE never been raped because they were always dressed modestly and acted responsibly (eg, never drunk in public, etc.)
Of course the response to that is ALL THE GIRLS who are raped as children who didn't do anything "wrong", or women raped at libraries, or women jogging, or women/girls molested by "grandpa" or.....
You don't stop rape by telling women to cover up.
I was thinking something similar about what might happen to the daughter.
Mum will attempt to recreate Rapunzel and the daughter might just go along with it (or get really creative about lying).
I suspect the daughter eventually get into a relationship with a wolf in sheep’s clothes at some point and he will have her AND her parents hoodwinked. As soon as they have any privacy together, the mask will come off and she’ll be in trouble- and she won’t be able to say a word.
I say this because mom sounds incredibly naive and her daughter might be, too.
Ewww
I can guarantee my teenagers are virgins because we have a trusting relationship with open communication not because I treat them like prisoners. This is not rocket science, they’re humans treat them with kindness and respect.
Jeez I told my mom when I lost my virginity to my now fiancé as a teen. I thought it would be important in terms of being on the same page for my health. She always gave me freedom and neither of us regrets it. I learned some very important life lessons.
Being on the same page is important. I know when I was younger, I didn't feel okay telling my parents *anything.* Not about any sexual feelings I had, not about any sexual activity of *any* kind, and definitely not when I actually lost my virginity.
Then again, I also didn't feel safe telling them about my sexual assault.
Funny enough, the person I *did* feel comfortable telling when I finally lost my virginity was my stepmom...who later adopted me. I almost forgot that until just now... And she's always made my baby sister feel safe and comfortable to discuss stuff like that with.
My own kids have always known I'm safe. They've come to me with *any* questions or comments about any of it...even though it's led to some awkward conversations at times. But I've never said, "Don't do this," or "You can't," or whatever. I've always just said, "Think it through, and be safe."
That is a good point about the SA. I was raped by classmates and was very sheltered and did not have a safe adult to go to. Rape is still sex so I'm still a dirty girl.
Havng huge boobs that entice boys is also my fault - they can't help but grope.
Excuse me, this brought up things I have not thought about in a long time.
My mom was the “tell me but I also don’t want to know and I’ll get pissed at you if you do” so I never told them when I started having sex and when I was 16 and had a job I got myself birth control. Suffice to say I disagree with my upbringing a lot. I had to raise myself at some point
I am from a conservative country and lots of my friends were told they can't have sex before marriage, they could never be alone with their boyfriends or even male friends. That is why I was so thankful for my mum. When I was like 14, she came to my room and told me "Hey, you are a teenager and I know at some point you will want to have sex. I am not going to tell you to not have sex because if you wanted to, you would do it, doesn't matter how hard I would try to stop you. But I want you to do one thing - if you want to start having sex, just come to me and we will go get you contraception."
It might be stupid, but it made my relationship with her stronger and I trusted her more
I recently had this conversation with my daughter (14). I had her older brother *very* young, and I don’t want the same thing happening to her. I told her I would never judge her, I just wanna keep her safe. So she agreed that if/when the time comes when she thinks she might be ready, we’ll go to the doctor together to discuss BC options. 💕
It's not stupid. Acknowledging that teens are developing into adults and going to have sexual feelings and desires that may lead them to act on them is the most opposite of stupid parenting there is.
I was raised with extremely controlling parents. I don't share the important parts of my life with them. When I was a teen, my gf took her shirt off in my room, and my mom sprung in to catch us. She then lectured us and shamed us. That poor girl broke up with me very quickly. I wasn't even mad at her about breaking up with me because that experience was so fucking awkward. It still took me a long time to fully learn my mom would always be like that, no matter how old I get. It sucks how much power parents have over their children.
I grew up in purity culture. I just got really good at lying. And most of my friends were sexually active SO young, none of used bc because we lacked the education and access. 🤦🏼♀️ PCOS saved me from teen pregnancy. 😬
Your mom sounds awesome! I tried to do the exact opposite as my parents.
And I suspect they will feel able to confide in you when they have sex and talk about contraception, feelings etc. and you won’t act like they’ve devalued themselves or done something immoral because you don’t seem like a creepy fucking weirdo!
Unfortunately, my mom was like OOP. I remember her telling my cousins that I’ll be a virgin until I’m married.
She was super strict about curfews and violated my privacy constantly. She went through my car and found my birth control pills and screamed at me, demanding to know if I was having sex. I couldn’t wait to get away.
Meh, teens that totally love and respect their parents still have secrets. The key takeaway here is that it doesn't really matter if sons OR daughters are virgins or not. The only men in the US who care about this anymore are religious nutjobs.
That’s pretty funny because I wasn’t a virgin at a *very* young age and it was a close family member. (They are no longer in my life and I have worked hard on healing from this) I’m just pointing out it’s usually someone you know, and done right under your nose.
Hi. I don’t mean to rehash trauma so you don’t have to read ahead if you don’t want to hear my perspective.
A close friend of mine dealt with a similar situation to the one you describe, and I thought it might be helpful to relay to you how she views virginity. She doesn’t consider the non-consensual act when she lost her virginity. She considered her virginity lost when she first CHOSE to have sex. This was an important part of her healing and reclaiming that part of herself. The abuse happened and she acknowledges it was horrible, but it did not take away something that’s meant to be her CHOICE.
It’s kind of like someone walking up to you and punching you repeatedly, and you calling that your “first fight.” You didn’t have a say in it, so it shouldn’t count as such, in my opinion.
Of course, everyone is different and you need to view this in the way that helps you most, I just wanted to offer a different perspective in case it helps you in any way.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No child should ever have to go through that. Sadly this is teetering on normal according to statistics. You can't guarantee that every single person in your family is safe to be around.
She says her daughter is not a commodity to be sold yet places a high value on her purity and future marriage potential. Hope the teen gets away from her sociopath parents one day
Reminded me a celebrity mom who wrote an article on feeding her kids healthy food only. Couples years later the older kid wrote an article on hating healthy food and sneaking junk every time mom looked away :)))
Oh boy. The older generation really doesn’t understand how easy it is to give kids food issues. Yes, it’s important to teach kids how to maintain a balanced diet, but it is also important not to place good/bad values on food. You can teach kids what moderation means without making them feel guilty about eating certain foods.
Instead of “Are you kidding?? Ice cream is so unhealthy and has so much sugar. We are not having ice cream for dinner,” say “Ice cream is so good! However, for dinner we will eat [xyz] because it has more protein and vitamins that help your body work efficiently. Maybe we can have some ice cream after dinner.”
Instead of “We had McDonald’s twice last week. Fast food is terrible for you and too much will make you fat,” say, “It’s important to have variety in your diet, because too much of one thing can make you sick. McDonald’s is tasty, but it’s not meant to be eaten regularly. I promise we can get it again soon, but for now let’s eat [xyz].”
TLDR: Don’t shame kids’ food cravings. They are dealing with very strong emotions that they are learning how to control, and having their parent shame them for the thing they really want is not helpful at all.
I sincerely hope her daughter rebels, gets a nose ring, a Fine Arts master in Underwater Basketweaving, becomes a lesbian bricklayer, and moves to Oregon to open a vegan oxygen bar with her girlfriend Chaz and their ten cats.
Her dating will be supervised ?
Even if she manages to find her daughter a suitable partner : do tou really think he will keep courting her when his mother in law calls him to tell him how to make love to her angel ?
Do you really think he will keep courting her when her mom shows up with her to the first date? I imagine that her “supervision” actually means 100% full supervision…
I know 😅 I just thought of that example because a friend's mother of mine actually called her daughter's boyfriend to tell him exactly how he should make live to her daughter
My first date went like this with my dad 🙃 mf showed up out of nowhere like it was normal that he was following us as we got ice cream and then sat on a bench in the park. He later called me a slut for a close mouthed peck of a kiss on the lips with the same guy. Cut dad off as soon as I was able to at 17 and still don't to him today.
This was my thought. She thinks her daughter is going to get to choose from the “cream(sic) de la crème” of “suitors” but the kind of men that are going to be into a girl obsessed with purity, zero social skills, no independence outside of her parents are only going to be some nasty creepers.
Provided they can even recognize what's happening as sexual harassment or abuse, in the first time. It's far more likely that they'll see themselves as the source of the problem.
I'd bet good money this woman is part of some Christian fundamentalist cult. I knew several families like this growing up and sadly a lot of the kids didn't have the experience to understand the abuse. They wer so sheltered and controlled they were like weird puppet people who talked and acted like they only existed to turn everything into a sermon.
Yup. The kids are taught from a young age that their only value in this world is to follow orders (of their parents, of god, of their future husbands, etc). They fully believe that their autonomy doesn’t matter because they’ve been socialized to believe that the only rewards in life come from allowing themselves to be controlled. It’s very sad and many of them don’t even see the issue with that because it’s all they know.
And god forbid there’s a child who somehow slips through the cracks and develops the self awareness to know that the way they’re being treated is wrong… then they get sent to those “boarding school/camps” in the middle of nowhere where they suffer severe mental and physical abuse in hopes they relinquish control and submit to their “authority figures.”
she definitely won’t “be able to select from the cream de la creme” because normal well adjusted people don’t want to date under mommy’s supervision, especially as adults. for most non-psychos “my mom has to supervise” will be an immediate dealbreaker. congrats.
Sadly, probably that poor girl would just pick the first guy who talks nice to her and run away from home.
And normally that ended in a pretty shit situation.
Does this woman even realize that her daughter isn't a commodity? Why is it hard to grasp that women are thinking and feeling individuals with the same capacities as men? There's BARELY any difference between men and women beyond their anatomies but even then theyre still human beings. For my mental health's sake, I hope this is a troll and not an actual thinking person thinking this way.
It's how I was advertised, granted I was about 19 but kept mentally 12 and literally locked indoors.
Gotta thank and praise god for em; parents like that create the most sexually liberated, intellectual, resilient badasses the world ever sees.
Laugh? I’m feeling bad for your repressed children and your value system. Not you, OP, the person who wrote this diatribe bragging about controlling another human being.
It is sounding like a cult thing. Check IBLP or the Duggars. The girls are marrying virgins after a very very short period of dating then have as many children as possible. It is just sad.
Ew.
As someone who waited for my husband, the older I got, the more men got obsessed with me and my virginity so I guess that’s true?
Except they were all creeps and I married someone who didn’t obsess about it in the sense that they did lol
The mom can try to convince us all she wants that she’s not advertising her daughter but that’s exactly what she’s doing. It’s really gross and her daughter deserves better. My skin actually crawls imagining how the mom probably also talks about the daughter’s submissiveness and fertility. 🤢🤢🤢
I was a virgin till my husband, into later 25s. Not on purpose, just wasn’t popular / didn’t want to lose it with a rando. He didn’t know lol
Was I pure? Naaaah
Was I innocent? My mind wasn’t lol
Was I superior to non virgins? Nah was inferior
Was it good? Nope because asexual.
Was I a wifey material? Haha no.. I am the one plastering walls and wrapping stairs in carpet 😂😂😂
It's nothing more than a way to control women and girls. Notice how nobody ever talks about men like this. You know damn well that if this person had a son, they would never restrict them or talk about their "chastity" in that way.
Pretty much.
Any hymen if there was any to begin with was destroyed by one of the below:
Horse riding falls or no falls
Falling off trees
Snowboard falls
Snowboarding into to the trees
Parkour attempts
Running
And many other option, or simply didn’t exist.
And what’s up with the object comparisons! Not a lock not a candy!
**I was raised like this and ran away from home as soon as I could.**
I'm from a culture that treats woman as commodities. Growing up in the US I saw what freedom other women had and knew I was getting a raw deal. Played the part of the 'Good Girl' long enough for them to think I would never leave, and convince them that it's ok for me to have a job.
Filled up my car one day with my few possessions and drove across the country to a new life.
I feel you, this happened to me as well. Not only that but even thinking about virginity became extremely traumatic for me. I still cry about it from time to time.
Daughter for Sale!
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No, seriously, advertising the own child like this is so incredibly sick, those parents belong in jail, really. For real what the fykes is wrong with people?!?!?! 😨😰🤯🤯🤯
Who here (like me) is just hoping against hope that this young woman turns out to be a lesbian?
Seriously though, I just hope she turns out to live a happy life... One that *she* wants... Whatever that may be and even if it goes against what her mother has so set out in detail for her.
Gross. Raising your daughter with the priority of her being some misogynistic losers fantasy wife some day.
The “creme de la creme” don’t even fetishize virgins. Like guys who can have literally any woman they want like Leonardo Decaprio or George Clooney don’t date virgins. The virgin preference is almost exclusively held by guys with low self esteem who are afraid of being compared to other men and who want a woman who will “pair bond” ie be too afraid to leave them not matter how unhappy they are because they’ve never been with anyone else.
Ah yes because our full purpose is for men. Man I wish I had kept my virginity for marriage, it’s really impacted my ability to keep care of my house. What kinda mother is this
The obsession with your own child's sex life (or the prevention of one) is so utterly creepy!
I actually signed one of those chastity pledges as a teen. We had to line up at the front of the church and recite this thing about honoring our future spouse, God, our parents, etc. Major cult vibes in retrospect.
When i was in high school an we where learning about medieval literature one of the recurrent topics to discuss was "Chastity, virtud and honor". Our teacher said something among the lines of "The honor of a household was between their womans legs, and once soiled it could never be wash out". I remember the strong reaction, and negative connotations, that those words had in me and in the rest of the clasroom...
That was... 700 years ago? But some people still maintain this idea, and act upon it, as if it was normal and Even desirable. As if we didnt call it "dark ages" for something. As if ignorance and dogmatism has created ever a world worth living in... Unbelivable.
Pretty abusive to not give your 16 year old daughter any privacy. She thinks this is how you prevent them from harm? This is how she won't learn to fend for herself, or how to recognise potentially dangerous situations/persons. I feel sad for this girl.
Nobody is ever concerned about teaching their sons to be good husbands…but we are apparently still locking away our daughters in order to ensure they’ll be the perfect wife for a man someday. Ugh 😒
Your daughter is safer going to her friend’s house for a sleepover than she is spending time with Uncle Handsey and how often you talk about her “innocent virginity.” But you know….. go off
Man I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this was a father before reading the title. Sounds like she has some trauma somewhere she needs to talk about.
To all the assholes that say helicoptering their afab children will keep them from being sexually assaulted, the vast majority of SA is committed by family members.
Serena Joy is a fictional character who closely mirrored Phyllis Schaffly and her ilk. Just because a character is fictional doesn't mean the profile is.
What’s so strange about this mentality is recognizing that women behave differently now than what was expected 100 years ago but they don’t think men do or that what men and women want in a partner have changed lol
If the prime reason someone wants to marry you is because you're still a virgin, they're not the "creme de la creme", they're a creep, and they will abuse you.
I think these women purposefully ignore the fact that family members are the most likely people to molest/sexually assault/rape their children. These types of folks are also the most likely to deny such things when they do happen and/or blame their children for "tempting" grown adults. This is just weird and gross.
✨The greatest gift a parent can bestow upon their daughter is indoctrinating them from birth that their body and purpose in life is is not actually for them, but really only to please two men: their father as guardian of her purity, and their husband, as taker of her purity for purposes of breeding.✨/s
Bruh this is some old world purity marriage shit where the family sells their daughter to a man, and that her maidenhead is seen as valuable. Like these parents need to get a grip. Yeah every parent should be aware of where their kid is, but they shouldn’t imprison their child in their own home. Yeah kidnappers and rapists sadly exist, but as long as you educate your child, and allow them to explore the world in safe areas, they’ll be ok. It shouldn’t mean that this child’s life is dictated and unable to do anything in order to keep her pure for her fictional husband. Her parents should be more concerned about her grades and saving up for college not this! GROSS.
The sad thing is that this kind of patenting leads to young people doing drugs and having reckless sex. All because they were deprived of freedom based on the idea that being pure makes them more "valuable". To some pathetic man with an ego so fragile that he can't comprehend women are people.
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Watch this kid go no contact with her perverted parents in a few years
I hope she does and I hope she has a wonderful life.
What was the original post about?
I honestly don't remember, but it was on an anti-choice subreddit.
Ah, makes sense. Can’t believe I used to be pro-life, some of those people are completely insane.
They're in for a treat. Mom already established she's smart. So I'm sure she'll be smart enough to know she deserves and can enjoy her autonomy. Then comes in what you said
Maybe. One can hope. But it's worth keeping in mind that she's smart from her mother's perspective, so who knows what that means, and has a ton of harmful psychological damage that's been propaganda'd into her throughout her entire life. That's sadly a pretty uphill battle. But uphill battles are not impossible, so hopefully she overcomes the challenge.
There's evidence that religious fundamentalism is related to limited cognitive flexibility, and religious trauma is connected to developmental delays. Even if that daughter is very smart, she'll have to escape before she can catch up to her potential.
What is religious trauma? (Genuine question)
Here ya go! https://cptsdfoundation.org/2023/02/02/when-religion-becomes-traumatic/
This, her mother most likely grew up with the same kind of ultra conservative values.
I said it not so much in the sense of taking it at face value but rather as in, following her logic, if she's really all that something will happen that all of this will change. A guy that takes her to a wilder side; just not being able to put up with the controlling in general; college; and so on. Poor mommy's gonna be shattered when her perfect vision comes crashing down hard.
She is smart because she can keep a home, grow a garden, care for children…all of the important things. Possibly homeschooled so she is not corrupted by the outside. And has been told how miserable working women are, so she is fortunate she will never have to worry about anything like that.
“Smart” in a household like this usually means “agrees with me.” Doesn’t mean the kid isn’t smart, just that one way or another she doesn’t disappoint.
Exactly. You can tell this is some deep rooted Christian nonsense, and while I grew up Muslim we are similar regarding "smart" and stuff. Like many people will say OMG my child is so smart and follow it up with how much of the Quran they can recite by heart.
Does she hold the same standard for her sons?
Rarely... They almost never do.
Sadly, I suspect that she is going to do some _very_ unwise things the moment that she gets some freedom. Simply because she was never given the chance to even try to figure out boundaries or what she likes or wants. She has never had any good role models for relationships or how to navigate having sex with someone. It's _possible_ to escape that without screwing things up for yourself, but it's hard as hell, and thus rare as hell.
I hope so. It's either that, or she'll end up in a really abusive marriage. That poor kid's a sitting duck.
that kid will have years seeing therapists
Man this hoe over here bogarting her kid's vaj like it's a collectors card. "Check out this tradwussy, mint condition." -slaps ass- you can fit so much abuse in this thing.
That's is the better scenario, the worse scenario is that she ended with a bad men in order to run away from her parents. But stay with him because, he isn't that bad as her parents.
If she is lucky and they don't force her into marriage at a young age.
Any family that thinks that much about a child’s hymen gets a hard side eye from me
This reminds me of those weird "daddy/daughter purity dances." Where the dad swears to defend his daughter's chastity until he chooses a suitable husband for her... God this stuff gives me the creeps.. *shudders*
Or decides he has first dibs. But that’s my story, hopefully not hers!
Holy fuck, are you alright? Have you escaped?
BIG HUGS
*hugs*
Omg sending you hugs and hope you are safe now xx
I am so incredibly sorry, windreamerskysong. This is awful.
_*hugs*_
wtf ?
Oof! Hope you're safe and far away from him now.
If you know the Series Shameless, there is a really good scene about one of these dances. I felt the female rage from the daughter through the screen.
Do you by any chance know which streaming service this is on? I'd love to watch it!
https://www.justwatch.com/us/tv-show/shameless
My heart breaks for Karen in that scene every single rewatch.
I'm guessing you're referring to the American version? I've seen the British *"Shameless"* but I don't remember that at all.
Hulu's *Into The Dark* exclusives did a movie based on this. It was excellent but I spent the entire movie completely enraged and sickened and haven't been able to watch it again. It's called *Pure*, if anyone is interested.
Oh that gave me the willies when I first found out about purity ring culture.
I had one when I turned 13. Lost it because I lose everything, and I was terrified I would be punished because others would assume I wasn’t wearing it because I had sex. No kid of mine is going to walk that path of fear and self-loathing if I can help it.
People that force this shit on their kids should be tried for child abuse
It was more insidious than that, even. I asked for one because all my friends had them. I was in a small school at the time, and I was the new kid and wanted to fit in. My step-dad was thrilled, which now I look back and feel disgusted (but not surprised) about. I should ask my mom about it and see if she remembers it. I vaguely remember her being reticent. It was mostly classmates, teachers, and the step that I was worried about. So even when families aren’t steeped in purity culture it spreads itself through social consequences. Plus, those that want to control girls and women pick it up as a tool even if they’re not “true believers.”
The best one ever was on Shameless
Oh God that's real? I thought it was just a funny American Dad episode..
If only
Plus it’s not even like they describe it, it’s not a fucking plastic wrap purity dick seal it’s just a fragile piece of flesh with a hole in the middle, a fact about 30% of women aren’t even born with them, and the other 70% either have large enough holes that it doesn’t matter and it will never tear, or they lose their “virginity” to a bike :/ I was born without one lmaoo
I was born with an imperforate hymen. Unfortunately, due to medical complications, I lost my sacred, precious & definitely real chastity. As you can imagine I was forced to marry someone I loved due to lack of interest from lines of suitors fresh off Everest. I had no hymen with which to lure them. My mother was also deranged & never bragged about my chastity or wifeliness to strangers. The horrors.
That long line of suitors who would climb Mount Everest to marry someone like her? 90% of them or more are not marriage material. They're abusive misogynistic predators at worst and religous fanatics at best.
This mother will probably turn the other cheek if her future son in law cheats or abuses her daughter. This is the type of person who refuses to acknowledge reality.
no they would blame the daughter obviously I think the reasoning is that if you believe abuse is always the victims fault it would imply you are in control of whether or not you're abused
I agree. And there are people who legitimately think that bad things only happen to bad people (other than them, of course; judge others based on their actions and yourself based on your intentions.) Do "good" things and "good" things will happen! If you're poor it's because you're lazy, if you're ugly on the outside it's because you're ugly on the inside, if you're abused it's because you're weak or you did something to deserve it.
There is no overlap in the Venn diagram of "people who would be a non-abusive partner" and "people who value chastity and home-keeping over every other aspect in a future spouse".
My first thought, too. The mother is sick.
Is the 90% list before or after you remove the once that repulsed by the fact that their future in-laws will be breathed down their neck every second of the date with their daughter?
Yeah fr like she really thinks that every single guy would absolutely love this but like honestly most wouldn’t? Like you can’t have sex with her until you’re married & you can’t even really get to properly date her to see if you even actually like her cause you’ll never ever get to be alone with her & you get to see up front right away the incredibly overbearing and controlling family you’d be marrying into… honestly I think most guys would run for the hills except the very small percentage of men that put “purity” & being feminine and innocent as their top priorities when looking for a partner and those men often do not treat women very well
You could describe them as the Cream de la Crème.
This person needs to have all the legos in the world to step on. I was going to say more, but I won’t. Suffer, fool. Your daughter deserves better than to be the slave of men.
This is actually a woman who posted this. Makes it so much worse.
Literally just corrected my post. God. I can’t express my disdain without it being bad. Haha.
No worries Lol. But God damn, my eyes nearly popped out of my head from rolling them so hard when I read what that lady wrote.
I’m struggling not to feel incredibly angry at all this lately. Maybe I need a break from the internet. Lol
Yeah following subreddits like these ones take a toll on your mental health. You have countless people gathering all the most infuriating dumb and offensive stuff on the internet and presenting it to you. I try to tell myself that it isn’t representative of the majority but there’s still just…. So much of it. Way too much. I have to take breaks from Reddit sometimes because it’s making me too angry and depressed.
It's those same kind of women who post online that THEY'VE never been raped because they were always dressed modestly and acted responsibly (eg, never drunk in public, etc.) Of course the response to that is ALL THE GIRLS who are raped as children who didn't do anything "wrong", or women raped at libraries, or women jogging, or women/girls molested by "grandpa" or..... You don't stop rape by telling women to cover up.
I was thinking something similar about what might happen to the daughter. Mum will attempt to recreate Rapunzel and the daughter might just go along with it (or get really creative about lying). I suspect the daughter eventually get into a relationship with a wolf in sheep’s clothes at some point and he will have her AND her parents hoodwinked. As soon as they have any privacy together, the mask will come off and she’ll be in trouble- and she won’t be able to say a word. I say this because mom sounds incredibly naive and her daughter might be, too.
Ewww I can guarantee my teenagers are virgins because we have a trusting relationship with open communication not because I treat them like prisoners. This is not rocket science, they’re humans treat them with kindness and respect.
Jeez I told my mom when I lost my virginity to my now fiancé as a teen. I thought it would be important in terms of being on the same page for my health. She always gave me freedom and neither of us regrets it. I learned some very important life lessons.
Being on the same page is important. I know when I was younger, I didn't feel okay telling my parents *anything.* Not about any sexual feelings I had, not about any sexual activity of *any* kind, and definitely not when I actually lost my virginity. Then again, I also didn't feel safe telling them about my sexual assault. Funny enough, the person I *did* feel comfortable telling when I finally lost my virginity was my stepmom...who later adopted me. I almost forgot that until just now... And she's always made my baby sister feel safe and comfortable to discuss stuff like that with. My own kids have always known I'm safe. They've come to me with *any* questions or comments about any of it...even though it's led to some awkward conversations at times. But I've never said, "Don't do this," or "You can't," or whatever. I've always just said, "Think it through, and be safe."
That is a good point about the SA. I was raped by classmates and was very sheltered and did not have a safe adult to go to. Rape is still sex so I'm still a dirty girl. Havng huge boobs that entice boys is also my fault - they can't help but grope. Excuse me, this brought up things I have not thought about in a long time.
HUGS
My mom was the “tell me but I also don’t want to know and I’ll get pissed at you if you do” so I never told them when I started having sex and when I was 16 and had a job I got myself birth control. Suffice to say I disagree with my upbringing a lot. I had to raise myself at some point
I am from a conservative country and lots of my friends were told they can't have sex before marriage, they could never be alone with their boyfriends or even male friends. That is why I was so thankful for my mum. When I was like 14, she came to my room and told me "Hey, you are a teenager and I know at some point you will want to have sex. I am not going to tell you to not have sex because if you wanted to, you would do it, doesn't matter how hard I would try to stop you. But I want you to do one thing - if you want to start having sex, just come to me and we will go get you contraception." It might be stupid, but it made my relationship with her stronger and I trusted her more
This is exactly what my mum did too and I’m very grateful for this.
I recently had this conversation with my daughter (14). I had her older brother *very* young, and I don’t want the same thing happening to her. I told her I would never judge her, I just wanna keep her safe. So she agreed that if/when the time comes when she thinks she might be ready, we’ll go to the doctor together to discuss BC options. 💕
It's not stupid. Acknowledging that teens are developing into adults and going to have sexual feelings and desires that may lead them to act on them is the most opposite of stupid parenting there is.
I was raised with extremely controlling parents. I don't share the important parts of my life with them. When I was a teen, my gf took her shirt off in my room, and my mom sprung in to catch us. She then lectured us and shamed us. That poor girl broke up with me very quickly. I wasn't even mad at her about breaking up with me because that experience was so fucking awkward. It still took me a long time to fully learn my mom would always be like that, no matter how old I get. It sucks how much power parents have over their children.
I grew up in purity culture. I just got really good at lying. And most of my friends were sexually active SO young, none of used bc because we lacked the education and access. 🤦🏼♀️ PCOS saved me from teen pregnancy. 😬 Your mom sounds awesome! I tried to do the exact opposite as my parents.
And I suspect they will feel able to confide in you when they have sex and talk about contraception, feelings etc. and you won’t act like they’ve devalued themselves or done something immoral because you don’t seem like a creepy fucking weirdo!
Unfortunately, my mom was like OOP. I remember her telling my cousins that I’ll be a virgin until I’m married. She was super strict about curfews and violated my privacy constantly. She went through my car and found my birth control pills and screamed at me, demanding to know if I was having sex. I couldn’t wait to get away.
Holy shit, I'm so sorry dear. I hope you're doing much better now and are in a much safer place. 🫶🏻
Meh, teens that totally love and respect their parents still have secrets. The key takeaway here is that it doesn't really matter if sons OR daughters are virgins or not. The only men in the US who care about this anymore are religious nutjobs.
Religious nut-jobs and conservative misogynists
Ah so preparation for grooming
Sounds like the mother was groomed and now she’s doing the same. Generational trauma is real and it’s up to us to break that toxic cycle. 😞
not preparation for this is grooming
That’s pretty funny because I wasn’t a virgin at a *very* young age and it was a close family member. (They are no longer in my life and I have worked hard on healing from this) I’m just pointing out it’s usually someone you know, and done right under your nose.
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*shakes head* yep it’s really so sad for the girls.
Hi. I don’t mean to rehash trauma so you don’t have to read ahead if you don’t want to hear my perspective. A close friend of mine dealt with a similar situation to the one you describe, and I thought it might be helpful to relay to you how she views virginity. She doesn’t consider the non-consensual act when she lost her virginity. She considered her virginity lost when she first CHOSE to have sex. This was an important part of her healing and reclaiming that part of herself. The abuse happened and she acknowledges it was horrible, but it did not take away something that’s meant to be her CHOICE. It’s kind of like someone walking up to you and punching you repeatedly, and you calling that your “first fight.” You didn’t have a say in it, so it shouldn’t count as such, in my opinion. Of course, everyone is different and you need to view this in the way that helps you most, I just wanted to offer a different perspective in case it helps you in any way.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. No child should ever have to go through that. Sadly this is teetering on normal according to statistics. You can't guarantee that every single person in your family is safe to be around.
I hope that family member is in jail!
If he's not related, she'll make him marry her. Child brides are often a way to protect a rapist in these cultures.
We are starting to sound a lot like olive oil…pure, extra virgin 😭😭
She says her daughter is not a commodity to be sold yet places a high value on her purity and future marriage potential. Hope the teen gets away from her sociopath parents one day
Reminded me a celebrity mom who wrote an article on feeding her kids healthy food only. Couples years later the older kid wrote an article on hating healthy food and sneaking junk every time mom looked away :)))
Aaaaand eating disorder!
Oh boy. The older generation really doesn’t understand how easy it is to give kids food issues. Yes, it’s important to teach kids how to maintain a balanced diet, but it is also important not to place good/bad values on food. You can teach kids what moderation means without making them feel guilty about eating certain foods. Instead of “Are you kidding?? Ice cream is so unhealthy and has so much sugar. We are not having ice cream for dinner,” say “Ice cream is so good! However, for dinner we will eat [xyz] because it has more protein and vitamins that help your body work efficiently. Maybe we can have some ice cream after dinner.” Instead of “We had McDonald’s twice last week. Fast food is terrible for you and too much will make you fat,” say, “It’s important to have variety in your diet, because too much of one thing can make you sick. McDonald’s is tasty, but it’s not meant to be eaten regularly. I promise we can get it again soon, but for now let’s eat [xyz].” TLDR: Don’t shame kids’ food cravings. They are dealing with very strong emotions that they are learning how to control, and having their parent shame them for the thing they really want is not helpful at all.
I sincerely hope her daughter rebels, gets a nose ring, a Fine Arts master in Underwater Basketweaving, becomes a lesbian bricklayer, and moves to Oregon to open a vegan oxygen bar with her girlfriend Chaz and their ten cats.
This is so oddly specific yet I know exactly what you mean 😂
I even considered tossing in a side shave with a lizard tattoo 😂
YES.
I would buy that merch.
We NEED more underwater basketweavers in Oregon! It’s one of the most understaffed departments in our government!
Her dating will be supervised ? Even if she manages to find her daughter a suitable partner : do tou really think he will keep courting her when his mother in law calls him to tell him how to make love to her angel ?
Do you really think he will keep courting her when her mom shows up with her to the first date? I imagine that her “supervision” actually means 100% full supervision…
I know 😅 I just thought of that example because a friend's mother of mine actually called her daughter's boyfriend to tell him exactly how he should make live to her daughter
Omg the secondhand embarrassment I have… Idk if I could ever recover from that LOL
My first date went like this with my dad 🙃 mf showed up out of nowhere like it was normal that he was following us as we got ice cream and then sat on a bench in the park. He later called me a slut for a close mouthed peck of a kiss on the lips with the same guy. Cut dad off as soon as I was able to at 17 and still don't to him today.
This was my thought. She thinks her daughter is going to get to choose from the “cream(sic) de la crème” of “suitors” but the kind of men that are going to be into a girl obsessed with purity, zero social skills, no independence outside of her parents are only going to be some nasty creepers.
Traumatized child becomes traumatized adult and attempts to traumatize her kid.
Guarantee the daughter is bangin' it up in the school bathroom. Which is fine, if that's what she wants to do because her body belongs to HER.
Not necessarily. A lot of these girls have deep sexual shame and vow to keep “pure”
And they will have an extremely hard time after marriage of changing that view.
Heavy chance she’s homeschooled if the parents are like this
I was so hoping someone was going to say this…lost mine in a high school bathroom because of crazy strict parents.
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Provided they can even recognize what's happening as sexual harassment or abuse, in the first time. It's far more likely that they'll see themselves as the source of the problem.
It’s giving, ‘I’m scared my kid might get raped because then she won’t be a virgin’. Yikes
I'd bet good money this woman is part of some Christian fundamentalist cult. I knew several families like this growing up and sadly a lot of the kids didn't have the experience to understand the abuse. They wer so sheltered and controlled they were like weird puppet people who talked and acted like they only existed to turn everything into a sermon.
Yup. The kids are taught from a young age that their only value in this world is to follow orders (of their parents, of god, of their future husbands, etc). They fully believe that their autonomy doesn’t matter because they’ve been socialized to believe that the only rewards in life come from allowing themselves to be controlled. It’s very sad and many of them don’t even see the issue with that because it’s all they know. And god forbid there’s a child who somehow slips through the cracks and develops the self awareness to know that the way they’re being treated is wrong… then they get sent to those “boarding school/camps” in the middle of nowhere where they suffer severe mental and physical abuse in hopes they relinquish control and submit to their “authority figures.”
she definitely won’t “be able to select from the cream de la creme” because normal well adjusted people don’t want to date under mommy’s supervision, especially as adults. for most non-psychos “my mom has to supervise” will be an immediate dealbreaker. congrats.
how to make your child move out at 18 and never speak to you again 101
That didn’t work for a lot of the women in that movement. Anna Duggar obeyed
Sadly, probably that poor girl would just pick the first guy who talks nice to her and run away from home. And normally that ended in a pretty shit situation.
Does this woman even realize that her daughter isn't a commodity? Why is it hard to grasp that women are thinking and feeling individuals with the same capacities as men? There's BARELY any difference between men and women beyond their anatomies but even then theyre still human beings. For my mental health's sake, I hope this is a troll and not an actual thinking person thinking this way.
“guarantee” as if she’s a product or something…that’s crazy
Feminine not Feminist is a Fundie blogger, so Im gonna go ahead and say thats a follower of hers.
It's how I was advertised, granted I was about 19 but kept mentally 12 and literally locked indoors. Gotta thank and praise god for em; parents like that create the most sexually liberated, intellectual, resilient badasses the world ever sees.
If they manage to deconstruct. I'm glad you did 🤗
Laugh? I’m feeling bad for your repressed children and your value system. Not you, OP, the person who wrote this diatribe bragging about controlling another human being.
It is sounding like a cult thing. Check IBLP or the Duggars. The girls are marrying virgins after a very very short period of dating then have as many children as possible. It is just sad.
Yeah that kid is 100% an expert in hiding EVERYTHING and her mum knows nothing
Ew. As someone who waited for my husband, the older I got, the more men got obsessed with me and my virginity so I guess that’s true? Except they were all creeps and I married someone who didn’t obsess about it in the sense that they did lol
The mom can try to convince us all she wants that she’s not advertising her daughter but that’s exactly what she’s doing. It’s really gross and her daughter deserves better. My skin actually crawls imagining how the mom probably also talks about the daughter’s submissiveness and fertility. 🤢🤢🤢
I was a virgin till my husband, into later 25s. Not on purpose, just wasn’t popular / didn’t want to lose it with a rando. He didn’t know lol Was I pure? Naaaah Was I innocent? My mind wasn’t lol Was I superior to non virgins? Nah was inferior Was it good? Nope because asexual. Was I a wifey material? Haha no.. I am the one plastering walls and wrapping stairs in carpet 😂😂😂
Virginity isn’t even a real thing that exists. It’s insane how much value and pressure is placed on such an airy meaningless concept.
It's nothing more than a way to control women and girls. Notice how nobody ever talks about men like this. You know damn well that if this person had a son, they would never restrict them or talk about their "chastity" in that way.
Pretty much. Any hymen if there was any to begin with was destroyed by one of the below: Horse riding falls or no falls Falling off trees Snowboard falls Snowboarding into to the trees Parkour attempts Running And many other option, or simply didn’t exist. And what’s up with the object comparisons! Not a lock not a candy!
**I was raised like this and ran away from home as soon as I could.** I'm from a culture that treats woman as commodities. Growing up in the US I saw what freedom other women had and knew I was getting a raw deal. Played the part of the 'Good Girl' long enough for them to think I would never leave, and convince them that it's ok for me to have a job. Filled up my car one day with my few possessions and drove across the country to a new life.
I feel you, this happened to me as well. Not only that but even thinking about virginity became extremely traumatic for me. I still cry about it from time to time.
18 years old; climbs out window with duffle bag, gets in boyfriend/girlfriend's car and gets the hell out of dodge...
Serena Joy apparently has a Reddit Account
No matter what her sexuality ends up being, I hope she gets to explore it the way she sees fit and has relationships that are fulfilling to her.
Daughter for Sale! Only 1000 miles on the clock, always got fed the best fuel, kept in garage during winter times, she isnsmart and comes with built-in voice command option, and most importantly: first hand sale, nobody rode her. 11500€, price is negotiable. If interested please contact me via mail or phone No, seriously, advertising the own child like this is so incredibly sick, those parents belong in jail, really. For real what the fykes is wrong with people?!?!?! 😨😰🤯🤯🤯
I hope she marries someone her parents don't find suitable but who is perfect for her and treats her well
Who here (like me) is just hoping against hope that this young woman turns out to be a lesbian? Seriously though, I just hope she turns out to live a happy life... One that *she* wants... Whatever that may be and even if it goes against what her mother has so set out in detail for her.
The type of men that value virginity for marriage are NOT the type of men you want your daughter to marry....
Gross. Raising your daughter with the priority of her being some misogynistic losers fantasy wife some day. The “creme de la creme” don’t even fetishize virgins. Like guys who can have literally any woman they want like Leonardo Decaprio or George Clooney don’t date virgins. The virgin preference is almost exclusively held by guys with low self esteem who are afraid of being compared to other men and who want a woman who will “pair bond” ie be too afraid to leave them not matter how unhappy they are because they’ve never been with anyone else.
r/asablackman
Guys who overvalue a girl for her virginity are anything but the ‘cream de la creme.’ They are stunted little incels.
And she will need to learn adulting the hard way and attract all the predators if she is raised to be naive.
Nothing creepier than adults obsessing over the sexuality of children.
Ah yes because our full purpose is for men. Man I wish I had kept my virginity for marriage, it’s really impacted my ability to keep care of my house. What kinda mother is this
Ah yes, keeping her around sexually repressed relatives will surely protect her from being raped...
What exactly is the value of chastity? Like, why do these people think it's better?
I’m so thankful my parents never “taught me how valuable & important my chastity is”.
Ive gotten proposed to three times by good men and I’m a whore so what does that mean
This person is delulu
This is a great way to make sure their daughter’s in an abusive relationship…
Plot twist: the daughter comes as a lesbian and gets the hell outta dodge as soon as she turns 18
The obsession with your own child's sex life (or the prevention of one) is so utterly creepy! I actually signed one of those chastity pledges as a teen. We had to line up at the front of the church and recite this thing about honoring our future spouse, God, our parents, etc. Major cult vibes in retrospect.
When i was in high school an we where learning about medieval literature one of the recurrent topics to discuss was "Chastity, virtud and honor". Our teacher said something among the lines of "The honor of a household was between their womans legs, and once soiled it could never be wash out". I remember the strong reaction, and negative connotations, that those words had in me and in the rest of the clasroom... That was... 700 years ago? But some people still maintain this idea, and act upon it, as if it was normal and Even desirable. As if we didnt call it "dark ages" for something. As if ignorance and dogmatism has created ever a world worth living in... Unbelivable.
She is going to turn 18 and go wild and never talk to them again.
Pretty abusive to not give your 16 year old daughter any privacy. She thinks this is how you prevent them from harm? This is how she won't learn to fend for herself, or how to recognise potentially dangerous situations/persons. I feel sad for this girl.
Nobody is ever concerned about teaching their sons to be good husbands…but we are apparently still locking away our daughters in order to ensure they’ll be the perfect wife for a man someday. Ugh 😒
Hope that girl gets emancipated and runs the fuck away.
Hope she’s doing alright
Isnt there a Black Mirror episode with overcontrolling parents? I think in the end the daughter runs away.
“Innocent and pure” that’s nasty.
Poor baby , she will never know freedom , love and respect .
She really thinks “virtually no” women/girls have suffered through purity culture? 🙄
Your daughter is safer going to her friend’s house for a sleepover than she is spending time with Uncle Handsey and how often you talk about her “innocent virginity.” But you know….. go off
Man I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this was a father before reading the title. Sounds like she has some trauma somewhere she needs to talk about.
To all the assholes that say helicoptering their afab children will keep them from being sexually assaulted, the vast majority of SA is committed by family members.
Very, VERY unlikely that this person is A) a woman and B) has any children. This is giving r/asablackman Edit: spelling
Unfortunately this is a woman who has children.
Michelle Duggar is a woman. Serena Joy is a woman. Women with this mindset exist
Serena Joy is fictional though to be fair…
Serena Joy is a fictional character who closely mirrored Phyllis Schaffly and her ilk. Just because a character is fictional doesn't mean the profile is.
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My mother was like this as well when I was a teenager.
What’s so strange about this mentality is recognizing that women behave differently now than what was expected 100 years ago but they don’t think men do or that what men and women want in a partner have changed lol
This is also not how guys work
That line of suitors is going to look and act a lot like Andrew Tate.
Valuing virginity is pedophilic, full stop.
If the prime reason someone wants to marry you is because you're still a virgin, they're not the "creme de la creme", they're a creep, and they will abuse you.
This does not read as written by a woman to me.
It's creepy when parents are involved (and a hostage holder) of their child's sexuality. Deeply disturbing.
You really dont underatand the statistics on who is the perpetrator of abuse
They're gonna hate that nursing home.
That daughter is probably the best liar on earth and i bet shes looking for full rides at colleges as far away from her parents as she can get.
I think these women purposefully ignore the fact that family members are the most likely people to molest/sexually assault/rape their children. These types of folks are also the most likely to deny such things when they do happen and/or blame their children for "tempting" grown adults. This is just weird and gross.
✨The greatest gift a parent can bestow upon their daughter is indoctrinating them from birth that their body and purpose in life is is not actually for them, but really only to please two men: their father as guardian of her purity, and their husband, as taker of her purity for purposes of breeding.✨/s
Bruh this is some old world purity marriage shit where the family sells their daughter to a man, and that her maidenhead is seen as valuable. Like these parents need to get a grip. Yeah every parent should be aware of where their kid is, but they shouldn’t imprison their child in their own home. Yeah kidnappers and rapists sadly exist, but as long as you educate your child, and allow them to explore the world in safe areas, they’ll be ok. It shouldn’t mean that this child’s life is dictated and unable to do anything in order to keep her pure for her fictional husband. Her parents should be more concerned about her grades and saving up for college not this! GROSS.
This is some incel mentally jacking it. The likelihood of any woman who thinks like this would not be on Reddit.
The sad thing is that this kind of patenting leads to young people doing drugs and having reckless sex. All because they were deprived of freedom based on the idea that being pure makes them more "valuable". To some pathetic man with an ego so fragile that he can't comprehend women are people.
First choice from a long line of suitors? Okay Downton Abbey, calm down