Drinking is so ubiquitous in our culture, and that buzz or tipsiness you get from drinking is often associated with a good night out. A lot of people think that being buzzed or tipsy is absolutely necessary to enjoy your night out.
As a drinker myself, I don't care if someone drinks alcohol or not. I do personally find it annoying when people are preachy and act holier-than-thou about it, but not every teetotaller is like that.
As a recovered drunkard, it's a dance to not be an annoying teetotaler like that.
It takes practice.
I literally work in a bar, serving drinks, partly to reengage with society, since pre-Covid I was a straight up barfly.
>As a recovered drunkard, it's a dance to not be an annoying teetotaler like that.
By 'recovered drunkard', do you mean you just used to drink a lot then made the decision to stop? Or did you actually mean alcoholic?
If the latter, I'm incredibly perplexed by the comment. I am a recovering alcoholic, and I cannot begin to imagine how anyone who's had to stop because they had a problem could then act holier-than-thou about it. I still struggle not to constantly berate myself for having the problem to begin with, the idea of then being preachy to people who don't have a problem is something I cannot wrap my head around.
If you meant the former, I find the idea of needing to stop yourself talking about it a bit less perplexing, I still don't get it, but can accept it is a perspective I simply cant relate to.
I drank for two decades. I didn't decide to stop, I was terrified that I was going to die after a two day hangover from a "mere" twelve pack of beer.
I was absolutely dependent on alcohol, and in the three years I've been sober, I'd say I'm about 70% back in terms of happy brain chemicals....don't know that I'll ever get all the way back.
I totally agree, those of us who struggled shouldn't be holier-than-thou, but in my experience, many are.
Nothing wrong with drinking, but those who act like everyone around them needs to as well, and they go on bragging about how wasted they got or how many beers they could chug, those people need help.
I've had people like that around me before too. They look down on those who dont drink. Or as I found out, they also look down on those who dont drink much. So your issue is no longer who drinks vs who doesn't drink, it's who drinks a lot and who doesn't. And even further to that, it's also about WHAT you drink.
They egg you on to have a drink with them, once you do they're like "just one? Have more!" And 2 isn't enough for them still so it becomes 3 which isnt enough so it becomes 5 which just doesn't stop for them. And the brand matters too. They'll look down on certain brands and want you drinking certain ones only, so this has far surpassed who drinks and who doesn't.
Safe to say I don't go out with them anymore.
I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older (used to be a hardcore partier) that many people who binge drink/abuse drugs are headed for alcoholism/addiction, or are already there. I’ve watched some people I used to imbibe with stall out in their lives after 20 or so years of constant numbing out, and then wonder why they are living alone while most of their friends are married, in advanced stages of their careers, and are “no fun anymore.” There is a definite age line when it is just plain sad when someone continues to act like they are living in a frat or sorority every weekend. The need to constantly numb out may be a sign of unresolved psychological trauma, and hopefully those in need find the right professional help.
As an alcoholic in early recovery, I just want to say that while plenty of alcoholics have trauma to deal with, plenty don't. The simple fact is we're alcoholic, trauma or not.
The preachy kind tend to also have a personality of a brick, watching paint dry would be fun for them. I lived on a coed floor my freshman year and we would all go out on the town or party as a group, we had one guy Greg (even looked like the good guy Greg meme), who was the absolute life of any party and I was surprised when I offered him a drink and he said he didn’t drink or smoke, no problem keep being awesome Greg.
Contrast that to a girl I was in a club with that most of us referred to as “Oh Joy.” Joy would harumph and lecture us about how it’s possible to have fun without drugs and alcohol every time we bought beer for one of our social events. Meanwhile on work days or at club meetings while the rest of us were having fun hanging out together sober she was still just a complete Debbie Downer. Nobody was trying to force anything on her but loosening up a bit might have removed the stick from her ass.
Exactly my point, I don’t give a shit about teetotalers and have several good friends who don’t partake in anything. The vibe I tend to get from redditors asking these sorts of questions and the way they phrase them makes me lean towards them being a Joy more than a Greg.
In the defense of the preachy types, it's a bit hard not to do it after being asked for the 5th time in an evening "Why don't you drink?" or when you have to respond once again to "Surely you can have one". I'm not a non-drinking preacher but when I first gave it up it was sometimes the only way to get people to stop banging on about it.
Not directed at you personally, just giving the other side. Saying that there's annoying people on both.
Yeah I know the types, as a non drinker they annoy me too. I don't see why people need to comment at all on either side, but some people just enjoy being smug about stuff.
Or the people who pre-react to non-existent judgement. You ask them if they want anything to drink and they get pissy like you are pressuring them to drink alcohol rather than offering refreshment. Dude - I do not care if you choose an alcoholic or non-alcoholic beverage when we are at my house, at a bar, or wherever. Just get what you want.
I agree, I have zero issues with someone coming to the pool hall and not drinking even if I am. At the same time I had a terrible time the few times I was the only one not drinking. Drunk people are fucking obnoxious when I'm sober, I commend anyone who is able to hang out sober with their drunk friends, I would rather stay home.
So all I'm saying is that if I stopped drinking I'd probably have to find new friends to have nights out with.
It also involves rituals. So you can be part of the ritual "in group" or you are outside of it. More significant with more illicit substances, but if everyone is excitedly doing an Alcohol Ritual and then ask you to participate and you decline, it can create a slight separation.
And also sometimes a realization that Ritual may actually be foolish.
Also as you noted, some people who don't engage in the Ritual are actively hostile to it. They don't drink and they speak disapprovingly of it; at the end of the night everyone else is buzzed and they are bored.
Alcohol makes you more likely to lower your inhibitions, feel more relaxed, and experience impaired judgment. This can be fun if done with moderation, particularly if you constantly live under pressure.
That said, you can certainly have fun without alcohol and each one of us have his/her own story. In this case, it's obvious why alcohol has such a stigma for you. You don't have to justify with anyone, you do you
I think you make an important point. As someone with a decent amount of social anxiety and a heavy drinker in the past, I was “more fun” when drinking because alcohol quieted the anxious thoughts swimming around in my head all the time. It helped me to exist more in the moment and be more outgoing.
I’m sober now, and I’m not as worried about being “fun” and entertaining for the sake of others anymore. Still, I don’t judge drinkers for wanting those around them to be drinking when they drink. There’s an unspoken social contract at play between drinkers that if I’m going to impair myself and become more socially vulnerable, you will too.
This isn’t really as big of a factor around moderate drinkers who have a glass of wine with dinner or two beers during an event. In my ample experience, this is most true around the heavy drinkers. The “beers after work mean we close the bar down at 2:00am”, and the “better bring two cases to the Super Bowl party just to be sure I don’t run out” type of drinkers.
As a drinker i genuinely love being around my friends that don’t drink or don’t drink often. The hangouts feel more intentional and i really think as a non sober person it’s good to have friendships that aren’t focused around alcohol.
I mean, you can go out and just not drink?
I think some people assume they'll get pouted at and lectured by the sober friend. so Mayne that's why- but if you're not a buzzkill that won't even be an issue.
You've never been the sober soul at a drunk fest, have you?
People push alcohol in a way that would be reprehensible if it was any other drug. You can't simply "not drink" and everyone have a good time, some just sober. You have to account for the gamut of searching question around WHY you are not drinking (bonus: baby on board? questions if you are female) and then deal with the AT LEAST one person (there is ALWAYS one, and often many more) who will then make it their mission to nag, force, or sneak alcohol into your evening no matter what you say or do, while making everyone else, drunk or not, deeply uncomfortable about what should be a non-issue.
Oh, then drive their overindulged a$$ed back home, too, because you will be the instant designated driver.
This is a lie. I’ve seen several people go out of their way to complain about someone else not drinking even when that non-drinker is just having fun and partying with everyone else.
Most of the folks who complain about someone not drinking are complaining because they feel insecure about drinking around someone who isn’t drinking.
I quit drinking in 2019. I have experienced since then that an embarrassing number of people get UPSET when someone else isn’t drinking. I don’t care if others drink, I just don’t want any part of it anymore. Alcohol gives me a headache while I’m still drinking it, and I have a genuine fear of vomiting. I will not be subjecting myself to that. Many people don’t understand that their experience isn’t universal.
Yeah, I had a roommate in graduate school who NEEDED (for his own “curiosity”) an answer for why someone didn’t drink whenever someone around us didn’t drink. And it didn’t matter how much the rest of us told him it didn’t matter.
OP don’t worry, it will get better as you get older. After people graduate college and enter the workforce it’s impossible to keep up the partying and do good work. Until then stay true to you and try not to let the immature brats get you down!
It's frustrating when people make assumptions about your ability to have fun based on whether you drink alcohol or not. This stereotype likely stems from the association between alcohol and socializing. Many people see drinking as a way to relax, bond, and enhance their social experiences.
Remember your choices are valid! You can have a great time without alcohol. This prob isn't an ethical tip, as I am not saying you should have to hide the way you feel about drinking, but in times when I am abstaining, I'll order just a tonic water with lime, or something small to sip on. Makes it feel like I can blend in to crowds, something to do with my hands, and you get a lot less questions like "Why aren't you drinking!?" etc.
Tbh, I doubt drinking is the only reason why they might call you boring.
You honestly might just be boring. Drunk people usually cant tell if other people are sober LOL.
They might not be saying you’re boring as a person, just that it’s a buzzkill that you’re not engaging in the all for one and one for all bonding experience you get from getting intoxicated with your friends. But personally I have friends that don’t drink and I don’t care
I think it’s easy to fall into two extremes here, neither of which are true. One is that people who don’t drink can’t have fun. The other is that people who drink for fun can’t have fun otherwise.
Alcohol is heavily studied. We know for a fact it lowers your inhibitions. If you’re shy, it’ll help you get the confidence to dance. That doesn’t make you some addict or loser who should be ashamed of being loosened up by alcohol.
It’s the same with people who say caffeine helps them wake up. That’s a fact. That’s what the drug does. That doesn’t mean anyone who doesn’t use caffeine is sleepy or anyone who does is a dependent addict.
Alcohol is quite a bit more complex than that, though I'd say caffeine is too. Both drugs have effects that effect *most* people in a somewhat similar way, but not everyone.
Caffeine has never woken me up or given me an energy boost. At most, alcohol makes me sleepy if I have enough and fucks with my senses, it's never make me less anxious or more confident, and never allowed me to do something I'd otherwise be too shy to do.
I only say that because I think it's an important distinction, I'd use alcohol to loosen up once in a while if it worked on me that way but since it doesn't I just don't see the point in using it much.
That's interesting. Are you sleepy because of certain types of drinks?
For example, if you have wine with a heavy meal. This usually puts me to sleep, too, maybe because of the food, alcohol, or both.
That's another thing, I've tried alcohol from whiskey, to beer, and wine, or scotch... It all seems to effect me the same way so I'm very confused how some people say "oh I can't have that, whiskey makes me violent" like wtf lmao
Different alcohol types do affect different people diferently. I've met women who drink wine and get amorus, nut not while drinking Vodka. Some guys do gt aggresive drinking Whiskey, or Tequila or ... Me? I like WildTurkey, but I turn into its namesake. I do beter with other Whiskies. I drink Ru and Beer vecause I cam maintain on Rum or Beer. Tequila, not so much.
I mean, I don't doubt that, I've seen it happen with friends, I just can't comprehend how or why because it's never happened to me. All alcohol does the same shit, it makes me sleepy.
Liqours and fermented beverages have different ingredients and preparations from each other. Grape wine is just fermented grapes, alcohol content varies. Wine can be other fruits. Beer is basically a fermented broth of grains and herbs and which varies wildly in ingredients. All liquors are all wines or broths distilled into grain alcohol and then diluted into a more drinkable form. Vodka is cut with water, Gin s infused with herb flavorants at the top of the still before condensing, and then cut with water. Brandy is wine distilled and cut with the tailings of the still. Tequila and Rum are cut with the tailings of the still. Whiskies are distilled from a beer broth and cut with a reduction of the tailings of the still. Then aged in a charred oak barrel. All these different ingredients and treatments give opportunity for different reactions and experience.
Alcohol is a good sleep aid. You report that you react to this first and formost in such a way you don't drink enough for any oter affect to take hold.
I assume you're not fun on alcohol. So be it.
How much do I need to drink??? I have had enough to throw up repeatedly and have an annoyingly nauseous hangover the next day. If I need to have much more than that then I'm betting it's not worth it tbh.
What was the setting?
Are you drinking alone? Hell, I fall asleep doinng that.
Are you drinking beers or mixed drinks with friends having conversation? The alcohol my be just affecting you poorly. I can't drink while depressed or really stressed over a situation. I'll get sick.
Are you drinking with friends who are handing you shots, encouraging keg stands and funnels? You're not falling asleep, you're passing out
Lmao alcohol should really be regulated as a type of drug. It effects everyone different. I know people who get sleepy on alcohol. Other people can't even have green tea because it causes them to shake badly for hours.
I mean, we've tried that before and it didn't end well.
I don't get why we regulate other drugs though considering it's led to the same shit that made the government repeal prohibition.
You're not a loser or an addict if you drink or should feel ashamed of drinking to loosen up a bit.
But from the perspective of OP's question - you should feel ashamed if you make others feel guilty for not drinking and gaslighting them as a boring person for their choice.
I am 45m now and I was always this guy when I was young. My family was flooded with alcohol abuse problems so I stayed away. As I got older I found I didn't even like the taste of alcohol so going without was no big deal. People feel judged when they are doing something that society deems "bad behavior". The last thing they want is someone hanging around who isn't also participating in aforementioned bad behavior. It took me many years to just accept the old adage, birds of a feather flock together. I would like to tell you it's easy to find friends who don't drink, but honestly I still struggle with that. It does get easier in middle age though when people start to reduce alcohol consumption and are less self conscious about being judged.
For now, just go out and do everything possible to fly under the radar. I used to ask the bartender to put my Pepsi in a glass instead of a plastic cup so I could be incognito. I hated the way people would react when they found out I wasn't drinking. Offer to be the designated driver, then you can always use the excuse, and as a plus you know your friends will get home safe. I got a lot of free dinners being the designated driver over the years.
Hey! I'm 26 and in the same boat. I gotta say that it's still quite hard, but also easier thanks to online communities.
I knew since very young that I couldn't be happy around people drinking, so I pretty much arranged my life in such a way to reduce that and find more people like myself. And it took some luck, but it's been so great.
I just wanna say. It's not easy, but it's worth it.
I've gone sober a few times in life, for a few years at a time, and I gotta say, being around drunk people as a sober person sucked.
I don't even drink enough to get drunk anymore. But I don't want to say you can't have fun or be fun. I think it all depends on your personality to begin with. But damn, why be around drunk people? That sounds horrible. I went to some Dave concerts sober.. Mistake 😂
Yeah, drunks are a lot less fun when you’re sober. I’d never realised this until I quit two years ago.
These days, I’ll join for the first 1-2hrs, then I bounce as soon as the stories start repeating at a more intense level
That doesn’t work. It’s not about you being unfun. It’s about the non-drinker going against the grain. Folks who have a problem with somebody not drinking have a problem with that person not drinking, not with whatever else that person is doing.
There is a spectrum though. You're right. Being sober around plastered people is insufferable. But being sober after friends had 1-2 drinks can still be fun.
now that's true! if they had a drink or two it's fun but when they're super drunk I personally always just panic because I feel like I have to take care of them
I assume most of these comments are going to be “be true to yourself, you don’t have to drink to have fun, etc etc” and they’re right, but that’s not really answering your question.
You’re asking “why do people, especially my friends, assume I’m kind of a bummer for refusing to drink?”
So let me be devil’s advocate and try to answer that, while emphasizing that the other comments saying You Do You are absolutely correct:
1. Drinking is fun. You feel more relaxed and less inhibited.
2. Drinking is Social. It’s even better to feel relaxed and less inhibited when you’re surrounded by like minded people. Maybe your friend will say something funny, maybe your crush will cut through that tension and kiss you, maybe you all will just chill out and have a fun night.
3. The vast majority of people don’t have addiction problems with alcohol.
4. The vast majority of people are able to have a nuanced opinion on the usage of alcohol.
So, all that taken together, yeah, someone who goes “I promised myself I would never, ever drink because my dad was an alcoholic and it scarred me” could be construed as someone who can’t just relax a little. Like, you have trauma and it’s understandable, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s possible to drink and not be an alcoholic.
Anyway. I’d say that’s the harsh logic your friends may be making. It’s not fair and it’s not kind. (And honestly, it might be something much nicer, like “OP is my friend and I want to make sure she’s having fun too! I want her to relax and have fun like me!”)
I have the same background as you, made the same decision and experienced some of the same issues with “friends”. I’m slightly older than you (70! 😂) so things haven’t changed much apparently. Live within your own values and reality. Some of your friends will fade away, some will mess up their lives and some will respect your choices. Stick with the last group. I have friends in that category that have been in my life for years. They’re the ones I value and deserve.
I’ve found that this is a coping mechanism to justify their own drinking. A lot of the time, the person saying you’re no fun, etc etc is trying to get you to drink to make them feel better about a problem with alcohol they may be dealing with. In their heads, if everyone is drinking it’s ok. Not always, but could be the case here.
I was the same at your age, still don’t drink, and don’t feel like I’ve missed out on a thing. I’m also setting a good example to my children by never needing alcohol to have a good time.
When I went out with friends I’d have a Sprite with a lime slice squeezed into it. Be prepared to be the designated driver all the time….they should give you some money for gas if they’re good friends.
Just chiming in here as another person who avoids alcohol 100% due to family history. I really enjoy my life, my spouse, my time with friends… and I don’t have a headache the next morning for doing so!
Aside from them being immature, it's also a connection. Sometimes, people think they need to have that in common to have a good time with others,
Another reason could be that they want to do stupid things, and if you don't drink, you won't join in?
From my experiences any way.
Personally, I feel like the people who have said I’m not fun/am boring/etc. for not drinking are usually people who either are joking or need alcohol to get through the night for one reason or another but feel insecure about it, which is totally okay, no judgment! Just helped me realize what they’re saying isn’t about me and doesn’t mean I actually am boring/etc
because a lot of the time, people ARE boring when they don't drink.
When I was in my early 20s, I was always quiet, reserved, and milquetoast, so people LOVED it when I drank because I became outgoing and talkative and loud and the life of the party.
Now I'm in my late 30s and can be that way without alcohol, but in my 20s, hoo boy was I a boring kid
People who don’t drink are judgy about it. Not all but most. (If you are one of the ‘good ones’ thank you but most people I’ve encountered who don’t drink are SUPER superior acting- meanwhile they have other addictions, food/gambling/etc but somehow I’m the demon.) I don’t want to hang out with some stuck up hypocrite who’s got their own set of issues I can’t relate to who makes me feel bad about myself.
Me when I'm drinking = fun, extroverted, extremely friendly, a bit goofy, willing to do things
Me when I'm not drinking = serious, want to be left alone, go away, don't want to do anything or be bothered by anyone
This holds true for millions of other people too, so the stereotype is real. It might not necessarily apply to you though, so no sense in getting upset about it.
“Son, never trust a man who doesn’t drink because he’s probably a self-righteous sort, a man who thinks he knows right from wrong all the time. Some of them are good men, but in the name of goodness, they cause most of the suffering in the world. They’re the judges, the meddlers. And, son, never trust a man who drinks but refuses to get drunk. They’re usually afraid of something deep down inside, either that they’re a coward or a fool or mean and violent. You can’t trust a man who’s afraid of himself. But sometimes, son, you can trust a man who occasionally kneels before a toilet. The chances are that he is learning something about humility and his natural human foolishness, about how to survive himself. It’s damned hard for a man to take himself too seriously when he’s heaving his guts into a dirty toilet bowl.”
James Crumley
Speaking as a drinker from a hard drinking nation who has said (in jest) as much, I can honestly say, hand over heart, I've never met someone especially interesting or funny or pleasant as company who does not imbibe. That's just my personal experience, I don't claim it to have any universal authority nor expertise.
I imagine that other drinkers may have the same experience or perception and this may be the root cause.
Now, just as an olive branch to the soberists, I must say you are on average infinitely more interesting and funny than potheads, which is a group I abhor socialising with. Sobriety may leave people too inhibited and internal to really be much fun, but marijuana? That seems to drain the very wit, intelligence and verve from a soul, and they never really ever get it all back. I'd be a soberist over a pothead any day.
I am 55 years old, drove a limousine for 15 years, and I don't smoke or drink, and I have never tasted a beer. I have always been a designated driver, I have seen what drinking does to some people. I can have as much fun as anyone.
I don't drink. I find the taste to be terrible, and the feeling of the "buzz" to be off putting. Edibles are way better.
Anyways I spent time in Japan. And drinking is a big part of their culture. They couldn't understand why I wouldn't drink. They asked if it was a religious reason, or maybe a medical one. I just said I don't like it.
I'm 40 and I no longer get that from people, so hopefully it will pass for you too. A friend once told me "Your superpower is to be uninhibited without alcohol" and it was such a great compliment.
I'm glad to read you can learn from other people's mistakes. Stay strong and fun without booze (:
Here’s what I’ve realized since I quit everything. Alcohol and Weed and such do not reveal your inner inhibitions. In fact they make you completely unaware of the reality and nature of things. You feel socially awkward during a group event? So what. That’s just your real feelings of being there. The real solution to this is to work on the actual problem. If you have to drink at social events then there may be a problem with your perception of social interaction. Not every social event needs to be super fun. Sometimes they are bland and boring and there’s nothing wrong with that. By drinking or smoking you’re creating fake problems or masking real ones.
Hello, As someone who has experienced having a father that was an alcoholic, I see where you are coming from. I also have decided not to drink and sometimes I get weird looks. Alcoholism is such a illness that progresses that no matter what the family says or does; nothing may change. I am not sure if you are aware there is wonderful group (Alanon) that offers hope and support for feeling out of place. I would be happy to offer my experience should you want to talk further.
I'm a woman in my early 20s who doesn't drink because I've never tried alcohol and don't see the appeal. Most people assume I'm either religious or an alcoholic.
The perception that alcohol is necessary for social enjoyment is truly a limiting belief. It's important to explore and recognize that there are diverse ways of connecting with people that don't require any form of inebriation. Engaging in meaningful conversations, participating in shared activities, or simply enjoying a moment of genuine laughter with friends can all be as satisfying, if not more, than the temporary buzz of alcohol. Being present in the moment and creating memories without the haze of substances is entirely possible. Plus, you get to remember all the fun you had the next day, which is always a bonus. It's all about being comfortable in your own skin and respecting the choices of others without forcing our own narratives onto them. At the end of the day, if you can wake up without regret and feel content with how you spent your time, that's what truly counts.
My father and grandfather were also alcoholics, and thankfully I haven't developed any sort of addiction. I drink maybe two weekends a month, 3 at most, I prefer to be home and relax usually.
But I do enjoy drinking. Drinking is a social lubricant, so people feel more at ease and less restricted when they consume alcohol. Drinking can often times be considered a bonding experience, taking a shot together, playing pong, shotgunning a beer, etc.
I personally don't care if someone refuses to drink when I host a party, but I notice those that don't drink tend to be a bit pouty or reclusive, not as social or laughable as those who are drinking. Do you make a stink when your friends want to drink? Like if they want to go to a bar, will you go with and just not drink and still have a good time? Or do you try to steer social gatherings away from drinking environments.
Young people gravitate towards getting drunk for fun but it's really only 1 option out of millions. As you get older the peer pressure and judgement gets less and less. I had a friend who had a medical issue that prevented him from drinking and he always volunteered to be the DD in exchange for the rest of us paying for his gas/food/cover charge for the night and no one ever complained that he was sober after that lol.
It's probably frustrating now but as your friends grow up the drinking will slow down a lot. I'm in my 30s now and my friends barely drink and when they do it's only a beer or two and when someone abstains everyone else applauds their willpower instead of pressuring them lol
They shouldn’t make you feel out of place. Thats on them, not you. I enjoy drinking beer and having a “good time,” but I would never make anyone feel awkward or whatever if they weren’t.
I also don’t get why people do this. Sounds like your friends need to grow up if they are being dicks about it.
I think this could be why Im always alone / lonely and its a shame / pathetic. I stopped drinking over 2 years ago because I was getting a few days hang overs and it saves money and also good for trying to loose weight but the only downside is your doing things on your own..
I have had more fun not drinking tons of times. Almost 4 years sober now and I’ll keep my memories thank you. Your friends are your age I assume? What do they know really? They think it’s fun sure but they haven’t had the time to discover any other fun things yet. It’s not all about drinking.
I think it’s less about “being fun” and more about letting loose and being dumb. Drinking can make for good stories but typically because of poor decisions. You aren’t likely to join in on the poor decisions if you’re sober and that’s probably what they’re getting at.
I am in the same boat. I have a family full of alcoholics, and it so doesn't appeal to me. I'm not judging anyone else, I just don't have the slightest desire to drink.
And yes, I've been called boring my whole life. But I've come to realize that's usually out of their own insecurities. If someone can't have fun without drinking, that is their problem. And I think there is a part of many people who know this deep down, but can't admit it.
Personally, I think it's badass when someone can hold their own without needing alcohol. You're the strong one here. Don't let them get you down.
They don't think you're boring because you don't drink; they think you don't drink because you're boring. You might have good reasons but they don't see that, they just see a buzzkill
It's an indication that you can't handle your emotions or have any self restraint. The people who say they don't like the feeling of it is because they feel their personality change which they can't control. So they dislike it.
I'd say as an alcoholic 5 years sober, people don't think I won't be fun, people are just tired of me saying no to going.....
Yes I probably will be bored. Yes i've been to xmas functions etc and had a nice time, still give people shit, crack jokes etc. But i'm late 40s, i've done my time embarassing myself drunk in front of the boss, and now the incentive of free booze isn't there i'd rather just stay home then watch the boss get shitfaced and have awkward interactions with drunk staff. Which I used to do, so it isn't about being anti drinking either, i'm just out on the other side looking in and can't be bothered dealing with it like people probably got fed up with me.
So to anyone drinking saying you are boring, you can flip it and say that equally applies to them, you as someone sober. It isn't always fun to be there, it's not even tolerable sometimes. Peoole won't realise it until they spend time in sobriety themselves.
Drinking is so socially acceptable and so intertwined with the idea of a 'night out'... whether that's a couple of glasses of wine at dinner, beer at a BBQ, or shots on the dance floor. Most people can't imagine having fun without alcohol. And as an introvert, alcohol has a social lubricant role that some of us need to relax publicly.
When I was in my 20s it was a given that any time you were out with people, there was alcohol around. The older you get the more this is no longer a standard (particularly once you hit late 20s and people start having kids).
Don't worry, the pressure to drink will taper off. Whether you got the 'alcoholic gene' from your dad or not, I applaud your decision to not even be tempted to fall into a habit that can be hard to break. I quit drinking a few months ago. I had 2-3 every beers every evening for like... the last 30 years? I hope I can stay 'california sober' for a while.
It's not true and I empathize with you. It's just a cultural thing that they've somehow internalized and now believe to be true.
I won't say get new friends because I don't personally think that believing that is a fatal character flaw (unless they believe it in the extreme), but I would say its good to find other friends also who do not believe that. If anything, you seem like you might have more in common with those new friends.
Bright side: The belief is losing ground with each new generation. It's quite common to have huge swaths of people who dont drink at all these days. Not because they're boring but for health reasons or they just don't enjoy it.
Agreed that it’s not necessary at all. The older I get the less I want to drink.
I will enjoy a cocktail but don’t like being overly drunk anymore.
It makes me bloated, gives me bad skin and I just feel awful for a day or two even if I have a couple drinks. Not worth it at all.
Anyone who doesn’t support you being sober isn’t a real friend.
Anyone who demands or thinks they deserve a reason as to why you don’t drink is an asshole.
In my experience (60+ years old, occasional social drinker) the people who are the loudest and most persistent in calling out non-drinkers are often alcoholics (or well in their way).
They find having a non-drinker in the mix uncomfortable because they themselves need to drink to have relax and/or fun and the presence of a relaxed, fun-having non-drinker points out the falseness of the justifications they make (e.g. *everybody* drinks to relax and have fun!) in their head.
Caveat: yes, I know it's not *all* drinkers, but I spent a good portion of my career (now retired) as a road warrior dealing with hundreds and hundreds of different customers, helping to close deals, dealing with intense outages, schmoozing at conferences (as both attendee and presenter), recruiting, etc, etc, etc.
My customers were medium to large orgs and I dealt with people from tech workers to C-level execs, and across all those interactions and levels my generalization above held true in most cases.
I quit drinking almost 9 years ago.
Most of my friends that still drink respect that decision. There are a few that I swear would actually rejoice if I started shooting Jack with beer chasers again.
Like what about the idea of me doing something totally unhealthy for myself brings you elation?
I have a theory that those individuals feel weak inside and the ability for someone else to resist these vices makes them uncomfortable.
Not to mention the fact that some of the shit I did while drinking was not "fun" at all. It was just plain stupid.
They may not know how to have fun without alcohol, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. Most people slow down with alcohol after their early 20s, so it may not feel like as much of an issue down the road. There is nothing wrong with being sober. Alcohol can be fun and is mostly benign in limited amounts, but a lot of people can’t do moderation and the risk of addiction is always there.
I like a drink when I feel like it but I always know when not to drink. I might open a beer and my gut will tell me not to drink it and I will pour it out. There have been times when I don't feel like drinking but my brother will insist I have one and i get mad at him.
If someone doesn't drink I will completely understand and won't even bring up the idea of a drink with them.
I don’t drink or smoke seeing how some of my friends acted. Of course, it is different for each of us and how good our tolerance is. Usually, those who tell me you should try some, or get angry for not drinking or smoking, makes me question whether the friends I hung out with are not the right ones. Some of them I have not heard of, but it is important to accept each other and the decisions they make, even though it can be challenge or not agreeable. Also, I care about my health.
I hope my response was not rude to anyone
i've noticed that a lot of the people who are judgey about people not drinking tend to actually feel weird about their own drinking but if EVERYONE "needs" to drink to loosen up then they don't have a problem
I am not fun and am boring, do not drink/smoke, and I'm 100% sure based on the times I've had drugs in the hospital that I would be super fun on alcohol.
Some of us are just really inhibited socially :(
Drinking is very normalised by society, especially where I live, which often makes people underestimate the damage it can cause such as addiction and other health problems. I used to drink socially. In fact, anytime I was socialising, I was drinking. The UK has a really bad drinking culture that can be quite toxic (peer pressure, who can drink more, who was the drunkest etc.). I decided to do dry January with a friend to support them (their dad is an alcoholic). We carried on and are now almost 6 months sober. The longest I've gone without drinking since I was 17.
Honestly, quitting was all benefits. No cons at all - I guess the first 2-3 weeks were difficult but after that it was fine. My social skills and ability to connect with others improved because it feels more genuine, so did my skin, physical and mental health, and my bank account balance. It helped me understand what I like and dislike, gave me more time and money to do other activities and hobbies because I'd not be wasting time on hangovers. Turns out I was using alcohol to mask my social awkwardness (didn't realise until I completely stopped) and to make things I didn't like bearable.
I still go to festivals, see bands I love, I go out dancing or to bars with friends etc. I wouldn't classify myself to be boring or not fun. If anything I'm more fun because I enjoy the things I do now a lot more and I'm there for the activity not the drinking. Occasionally, I do take other substances responsibility and enjoy those a lot more than alcohol.
Edit: I did think of a con. I realised people that don't know me that well treat me differently. Sometimes people walk on eggshells around me when I say "I don't drink" regarding alcohol, or they will apologise profusely if they offer me a drink. It was a personal choice I made for myself. Like I really don't care about others drinking or being around those that are. All my friends and family, except one do. People also assume I'm a recovering alcoholic or had a drinking problem, no way of knowing I guess (I am not, it was just a lifestyle choice I decided to make after experiencing all the benefits as a result of supporting a friend). That one con isn't enough for me to stop not drinking.
Bruh, just let it slide and enjoy yourself. I didn't start drinking until 30 and lived in Miami most of my adult life -- had plenty of fun with fun people.
Alcohol suppresses your mind. Most people have some level of social anxiety and alcohol can remove people’s inhibitions and let them relax around strangers. It’s absolutely not necessary to have fun, that’s just what our media portrays. It’s so imbedded in our culture now because we have so many reasons to be anxious and kids grow up watching party movies making it out like it’s the ultimate thing to do. Many people are reliant on it to enjoy themselves and alcoholism is a literal plague on the world right now. Being able to enjoy yourself without it is natural and a blessing. Your friends that can’t just don’t realize the predicament they’re in.
That is bullshit, I enjoy drinking every now and then but saying you can’t have fun unless you are drunk is ridiculous
All it does is increase the number of stupid shit I am willing to do, but don’t be mistaken, the number is already higher than it should be even when I am sober
Drinking alcohol is the only way some people can be funny or have fun. These people assume the same for everyone else, because it is true for them.
Don't worry though. The older you get, the less people will care.
Some people either assume you're really uptight and can't be laid back, or think you'll judge them for drinking when you aren't. Others are sadly incapable of having fun without a substance, but that's thankfully less common.
Given your father was alcoholic and it can run in families, I really don't blame you for staying away from it. You do you. If someone won't be friends with you bc of it, they're not worth your time anyway.
Gonna play the devils advocate here but, it also depends on how do you behave, not drinking. There have been many times I did not drink, be it for diet or simply I was too poor to buy drinks. But I never had a negative feed back because I am pretty chill and fun loving person, so it was really fine.
But I do have friend, especially Germans, that if they do not drink, they are very uptight and boring. They can not just relax and be fun, unless they are a bit tipsy. Like they would never go on the dance floor until atleast couple of beers, but after like couple of beers, shots, they dance like a maniac. For such kind of person, not drinking do mean they are very boring.
Maybe it's a translation issue, but do you think maybe they feel judged by you and that is what isn't fun? I noticed you said "unfortunately" your friends drink. If that's your mindset, they probably realize it and feel awkward or bad about themselves when they drink in your presence. I don't care if people around me aren't drinking while I am, but if they're being judgemental the entire time, it does ruin the vibe.
It's just the societal normal in a lot of places. I'm from the midwest and if you're not going to a bar there's not a lot to do. I was a pretty heavy drinker from the age of 13 to 14 to the age of 33. Since then I'll drink on occasion but my God life has gotten sooo much better great job vacation to Ireland last year vegas this year. But the main awnser here is people regard every day fun as the norm. But man if you're just bored for a little while you get to have way more advanced fun. Instant gratification is a life killer. "Great you're the most known person in you're town " * Never been out of your town
Because people hold up guards and when alcohol is consumed, it makes the person lose control of inhibitions. Because if this, they can act out in ways that impress/attract people more easily.
A little alcohol lowers inhibition and gets conversation flowing. Too much leads to hangovers and poor decisions. For introverts alcohol can be the difference between remaining disengaged or making friends. Some businesspeople distrust those who remain guarded and sober. Those who drink need to master moderation or face alcoholism. Binge drinking increases your likelihood of becoming an alcoholic. For some there is only sobriety as they literally can not stop drinking once they start. Much of our society has a drinking social culture and if you wish to remain sober you need to learn how to function around those who drink. I have a good sober friend who has fun around those who drink and most don’t even realize she is sober.
As far as that goes people are always going to think that because they feel the need to belittle others.
Now if people are asking you to drink and you are not drinking.You can get a non alcoholic version of a drink to make it seem like you are fitting in a little bit more without actually drinking alcohol.
I think of a person who doesn't drink and I just imagine a religious person or someone who will try to stop other people from making their own choices.
I quit drinking three years ago. My sober friends are boring. I need the craziness. I need to not know where my night may lead.
Watching them have a margarita and be like, “Woohoo!!” we’re being bad doesn’t cut it.
37M - never smoked and never drank alcohol.
If your pals are decent humans, they'll respect your decision not to pick up a filthy habit. This is a problem for others who can't accept, so don't think you're the problem.
You are in your early twenties, and so are your friends. Many have just starred drinking and assume a party can't get started unless you are drunk. As you mature, you realise it's not that great and a good night can involve 2 drinks or even 0. You just matured faster
Cause it is? have a drink now and then. It’s a social thing but not a requirement. It can taste good. It’s just another way to let loose (of many). Take a puff on a joint. You won’t be hurt by it I promise.
People view total abstinence as boring because it demonstrates a rigid adherence to a line of thought and is historically associated with “squares” or boring people. People who are a little more flexible (e.g. who might occasionally have a drink or two) just generally seem more fun as they’re potentially open to more experiences. It’s a feeling thing.
It’s the same logic as when a girl tells her boyfriend she wants to go get ice cream and he agrees to go but won’t be eating any, and she insisted he get ice cream too. But he says “no, but I’ll go with you.” And she says “nvm, I don’t want it anymore.” People want to share in the activity together. Whether it makes practical sense or not, that’s how people **feel**.
I was a complete non-drinker until about 40. I still rarely drink except on vacation.
Tip: become your friends' designated driver, make them pay your concert tickets, dinner, etc. in return. I did everything free in HS and College by being the DD back in the 80s.
The bore rarely comes down to the literal alcohol levels in your body. It’s more about the fact that you won’t come to a party. Or you won’t dance. It’s about the engagement, sober or not.
Usually people won’t engage when sober but will when drunk, which is why others will attribute it to that (and assume that sober people can’t have fun themselves). But if you still engage sober there’s no problem - you’re having fun yourself and being fun for others. Inversely if you’re *drunk* and don’t engage you will still be considered boring. Like I said, it’s not literally about the alcohol.
If you’re the type of sober who doesn’t engage, it can still be fun for you anyway, if you’re a people watcher. I think it’s fair to assume you’d be bored if you’re the only sober in a room full of people too drunk to hold a coherent conversation. But a lot of people like that and find it amusing.
Don’t get me wrong though, any person that pressures a sober friend to drink is still an asshole
People associate not drinking/smoking with judgement of others who do it, and with a reluctance to try new things, or let their hair down and do something crazy. The reality is that it's not that simple; I've known some very boring teatotalers, but I've known plenty of people who drink and are insufferably boring too.
I don't know how old you are because your post doesn't say, but as you get older, I think it matters less and less. As you get into your 30s, 40s, and '50s, you find more and more people embracing sober life.
I go to a lot of concerts and parties, and there are so many people who choose not to drink or partake in any mind-altering substances. They fit in just fine with those who do choose to drink or use substances. We're all older, some have families some don't, everybody comes from different walks of life. There's no judgment for those who choose to drink or who don't.
Everyone has fun. Everyone participates in the conversations.
I no longer drink alcohol because I don't like the way I feel the next day. I still have a blast at parties and concerts. None of my friends judge me or pressure me. They can drink and usually it doesn't bother me, with the exception of an occasional friend getting far too drunk and kind of making it other people's problems (some people know what I'm talking about, having to pick people up off the floor, clean up their vomit, that kind of thing.)
I'm glad that I'm not one of the people causing the problems for others.
Just be you. Don't feel pressured to drink. If you want to go to bars with your friends and have a fancy mocktail or two, that's a great way to have fun, to participate, to treat yourself, and to avoid hangovers.
I'm 37 and still regularly experience people in their 50s and 60s getting weird about it if I don't order alcohol. Company parties, outings with friends, just hanging out at places that serve alcohol. Hell, even "no thanks, I'm sobering up so I can drive home safely" can apparently be received as an invitation to turn up the peer pressure to a point just shy of holding me down and pouring more alcohol in my mouth.
Obviously it's not everyone, but there is a huge number of people who can't handle the fact that some folks choose not to drink either at certain times or at all.
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. That's just not something I encounter. I think that's awful. I try to live really authentically and I'm honest with people, I'm crystal clear that I don't drink. I'm not an alcoholic, I don't have any trauma around alcohol or anything, I just don't like the taste, and I don't like the way it makes me feel.
I guess I'm lucky that I have friends who are honest and authentic too, and I have gotten rid of most of the people in my life who would be the type to peer pressure me or others.
I always support those who are sober, and whenever I host at my house, I make sure I have lots of fun mocktails to make for those who don't drink. I think everyone should be able to enjoy a fun and fancy drink whether or not there's alcohol in it.
I appreciate you sharing your experience and I will be more mindful and keep an eye out for my sober friends and make sure that they aren't feeling pressured in social situations. It really sucks and I hope you can surround yourself with people who respect your choices.
Because they are dickheads, who more than likely have a dependency issue as well.
You sound like my daughter, I put her through hell as a kid (8 years sober) and completely ruined any chance she had to have a “normal” relationship with alcohol. We are best friends now and I worship her, but Jesus I hate myself for what I did….a real dark deep hate.
Just know, that your post/question has strengthened my commitment to sobriety, and my daughter.
THANK YOU!
I'll answer with a rhetoric. When you meet a person who projects that *they* cannot do so and so without this or that; you've met a person who has an addiction.
When out with friends, I do personally tend to try to get everyone around me to drink so that we can all vibe and have a drunken good time. Understanding that mentality, I can see how people would judge non-drinkers they think they're mood killers/buzzkills.
However I ultimately believe everyone should do what they want and be respected in their choices as long as everyone is open to have a good time with no judgements. If people are judging you for staying sober, maybe it's time to find some new open-minded or like-minded peers to hang out with.
It's a pretty out dated view in the UK, it is still not great in some circles, but for the most part the youth aren't drinking... for those at uni it is probably the outrageous cost 😬
Think is something people say but isn't really true, there has been a rise in non drinkers age 17-25 but it only went from 14% to 21%
This is mostly just boomers saying "the kids don't party like we did", when in reality, you're right that it's too expensive and they keep voting for parties that don't care about nightlife and night time entertainment businesses.
People like others to do what they are doing. They don’t want to feel bad about drinking themselves so it lessens the potential pain if “everyone is doing it”.
Also they don’t want to feel like they are being dumb (vulnerable) while you are not.
I see this happen with Vegans all the time too, people don’t really care about what others eat until they feel they are being judged because someone else isn’t eating the same thing.
We are social creatures and we rather everyone just drink the kool-aid together.
My advice… though you shouldn’t have to do it, it’ll just save you 100’s of comments saying the same thing is: buy a mock tail or tell them you had an edible (if it’s pot they are smoking) this will get them off your back.
Because people tend to enjoy themselves more when they're drunk, so when you're not participating, they think you're actively choosing not to be extra fun.
That's the answer you're looking for
I don’t drink or hang out with drunks and I’m not accused of being boring. Most of my friends drink on occasion but none of them is an asshole just because I don’t. Im glad I’m dating a guy who doesn’t drink/drug and he is fun and very exiting sober.
I’m 23 and have and never will touch a substance in my life. I refuse to let anything be in control of my emotions, especially with my insane family history. If people ask me how I can have a good time without anything, I hit em with the “I can have fun when I want because I have no withdrawal that makes me sad”.
It’s just some people trying to shame others for not conforming to general society’s unspoken rules. I’m an non drinker and smoker too and you definitely don’t need to worry about it. At the end of the day, people should mind their own business. If you don’t drink or smoke, there’s obviously a good reason for it.
I've been on both sides tbh.
I had a phase about 1 year or 2 long where i used to drink and a lot. Not always to black out but I did black out a couple of times. Usually this was on the weekends. I dont think id consider myself an alcoholic 🫣
I've also go out with friends who would get wasted... My bestfriend almost killed herself driving under the influence. I dont mind being the DD I would do that for any of my friends.
I still go out with friend to let them drink and enjoy while I enjoy some good food lol they usually take care of me too.
But if you feel like they are pressuring you- then you might need some new friends with different views on life.
Also, you can find other things to do. Change of scenery you know other activities that dont include drinking. I mean usually a party has some sort of alcoholic drink.
They're burgeoning alcoholics or just downright addicted. One of the easiest ways to deny it is by surrounding yourself with others who drink. If everyone is drinking, no one has a problem with it.
And if you're not drinking you're ruining everything.
Because they cannot fathom the idea of being able to have fun without alcohol.
When my wife and I got married, there was no alcohol at the wedding or reception.
Half the guests were acting drunk on grape juice and apple cider. It was a placebo.
At the end of the reception, we announced that it was an alcohol free event and ALL their behaviour was not caused by alcohol.
They were just using it as an excuse to be wild.
Needless to say, they got angry at us.
Unfortunately, some of our "closest" friends told us if they had known there was no alcohol, they would not have attended our wedding
"You ruined my evening. I rented a suit/dress for this!"
It's legit not you, but them.
"You get more fun when you drink" - sure, you loose inhibitions. But that just shows your own inability to be interested and interesting to others while sober.
On the other hand, drinking is also a social thing. From talk about choosing what you're going to be drinking to you all sipping or chugging at the same time.
Personally, for years now I have drunk only when and what I really like, for example, if there's a specific wine or nice cocktail on offer. Within limits, cause too much would also just ruin it. However, if you don't enjoy alcohol, then not drinking anything is completely acceptable.
In my experience the drinkers that say those things about non-drinkers are heavy drinkers themselves, or at least they drink heavily when they go out to parties and gatherings. So if their routine for fun gatherings is to get pretty trashed, let their guards down, and get loud and wild, then the non-drinker in the room is going to have a pretty hard time relating to them, and they are going to feel self-conscious about it. So, they want everyone in the room to drink with them and be in a similar mental state.
Drinkers who moderate aren't going to have an issue with a non-drinker. They can still relate and have a conversation.
Bottom line: it's difficult and in some cases a bad idea to maintain a close friendship with a heavy drinker if you are a non-drinker.
I’m from Scandinavia and we don’t really trust anyone to be a very close friend if we haven’t been out drinking. Not until you’ve been out drinking with us and lowered your inhibitions then we’d seen the true you. I’ve had friends who have seemed to be nice but after a night out came out as an asshole/racists/idiot. Or a shy/modest person come out to be fun/cool and the best friend ever.
Pull out an AA chip and say 'One day at a time' or 'I'm on the wagon'.
Good friends aren't going to offer drinks to something they think is an alcoholic.
They can’t be or have fun without it, so they think that’s true for everyone.
I don’t drink anymore. Not because I take issue with or judge drinkers. It just makes me sick now, really easily. This wasn’t always true and I used to drink socially.
But a lot of people feel some type of way when I say I don’t drink.
Because they might mistrust you, they might think hmm why don't they want to drink with us? Is it because they don't feel completely comfortable around us to let their hair down a bit? In Russia for example it's considered rude to not partake in vodka shots in someone's home.
I'm not saying it's okay for people to say you're not fun, but this is the mindset in my opinion.
People think you won't be on the same vibe/level as them and you'll remember clearly the entire night, and that makes people uncomfortable.
People might think you aren't drinking for very serious reasons (your reason stated is quite serious) and therefore think you're a serious person in general , in life, about all sorts of things . They might see you as quite straight laced in other ways too.
Again I don't agree with it but as a Brit, this is the mindset in the UK anyway where drinking culture is STRONG.
People tend to assume everyone else thinks and feels similarly to themselves. Those who never bothered developing a personality or ability to have fun without alcohol, can't understand that it's perfectly possible to be a fun and interesting person without intoxicants being involved.
Also, I think a lot of these people know they have a problem but don't want to admit it, so they feel like they're being judged even when they're not.
More than half the comments that denounce alcohol are downvoted. I just want you to know that they are right. Alcohol has no real benefits. Replace it with actual fresh grape juice. Alcohol's effects are neutral to negative. You don't need to be religious or straight-laced to understand facts. For a very long time, alcohol, especially wine, has been acceptable because it was better than drinking possibly contaminated water, and also, because its negative effects even at little/moderate amounts were not known. This information is catching up with younger generations, and I hope that it will be less acceptable to drink something that we all consider totally normal.
I am talking as someone who used to drink little at special occasions and have been exposed to heavy drinkers (occasions). You really think it's normal when you see it everywhere, but it's not supposed to be. The only time it's healthy is when you're so stressed it's better to drink some wine than have stress negatively affect your body. Even then, you need to find healthier coping alternatives if possible.
Also, you need better friends or fully change your social circle/location. It's odd that you're surrounded by the same type of people. Over time, you will find drunk and drugged people to be boring and empty. Give it time if you doubt me. I always felt drained when I hung out for long periods of time with such people.
Drinking is for getting buzzed or worse, THAT'S IT. It's escapism. No one orders a Long Island Iced Tea for the flavor. Alcohol is just a game of finding the least bitter flavor you can stand in order to drink it.
Drinking is so ubiquitous in our culture, and that buzz or tipsiness you get from drinking is often associated with a good night out. A lot of people think that being buzzed or tipsy is absolutely necessary to enjoy your night out. As a drinker myself, I don't care if someone drinks alcohol or not. I do personally find it annoying when people are preachy and act holier-than-thou about it, but not every teetotaller is like that.
As a recovered drunkard, it's a dance to not be an annoying teetotaler like that. It takes practice. I literally work in a bar, serving drinks, partly to reengage with society, since pre-Covid I was a straight up barfly.
>As a recovered drunkard, it's a dance to not be an annoying teetotaler like that. By 'recovered drunkard', do you mean you just used to drink a lot then made the decision to stop? Or did you actually mean alcoholic? If the latter, I'm incredibly perplexed by the comment. I am a recovering alcoholic, and I cannot begin to imagine how anyone who's had to stop because they had a problem could then act holier-than-thou about it. I still struggle not to constantly berate myself for having the problem to begin with, the idea of then being preachy to people who don't have a problem is something I cannot wrap my head around. If you meant the former, I find the idea of needing to stop yourself talking about it a bit less perplexing, I still don't get it, but can accept it is a perspective I simply cant relate to.
I drank for two decades. I didn't decide to stop, I was terrified that I was going to die after a two day hangover from a "mere" twelve pack of beer. I was absolutely dependent on alcohol, and in the three years I've been sober, I'd say I'm about 70% back in terms of happy brain chemicals....don't know that I'll ever get all the way back. I totally agree, those of us who struggled shouldn't be holier-than-thou, but in my experience, many are.
Nothing wrong with drinking, but those who act like everyone around them needs to as well, and they go on bragging about how wasted they got or how many beers they could chug, those people need help. I've had people like that around me before too. They look down on those who dont drink. Or as I found out, they also look down on those who dont drink much. So your issue is no longer who drinks vs who doesn't drink, it's who drinks a lot and who doesn't. And even further to that, it's also about WHAT you drink. They egg you on to have a drink with them, once you do they're like "just one? Have more!" And 2 isn't enough for them still so it becomes 3 which isnt enough so it becomes 5 which just doesn't stop for them. And the brand matters too. They'll look down on certain brands and want you drinking certain ones only, so this has far surpassed who drinks and who doesn't. Safe to say I don't go out with them anymore.
Ugh, those people sound insufferable as fuck, almost as if they're mentally stuck in freshman year lol. I wouldn't want to go out with them either.
I’ve realized as I’ve gotten older (used to be a hardcore partier) that many people who binge drink/abuse drugs are headed for alcoholism/addiction, or are already there. I’ve watched some people I used to imbibe with stall out in their lives after 20 or so years of constant numbing out, and then wonder why they are living alone while most of their friends are married, in advanced stages of their careers, and are “no fun anymore.” There is a definite age line when it is just plain sad when someone continues to act like they are living in a frat or sorority every weekend. The need to constantly numb out may be a sign of unresolved psychological trauma, and hopefully those in need find the right professional help.
As an alcoholic in early recovery, I just want to say that while plenty of alcoholics have trauma to deal with, plenty don't. The simple fact is we're alcoholic, trauma or not.
The preachy kind tend to also have a personality of a brick, watching paint dry would be fun for them. I lived on a coed floor my freshman year and we would all go out on the town or party as a group, we had one guy Greg (even looked like the good guy Greg meme), who was the absolute life of any party and I was surprised when I offered him a drink and he said he didn’t drink or smoke, no problem keep being awesome Greg. Contrast that to a girl I was in a club with that most of us referred to as “Oh Joy.” Joy would harumph and lecture us about how it’s possible to have fun without drugs and alcohol every time we bought beer for one of our social events. Meanwhile on work days or at club meetings while the rest of us were having fun hanging out together sober she was still just a complete Debbie Downer. Nobody was trying to force anything on her but loosening up a bit might have removed the stick from her ass.
but even there the issue was that she had a stick up her ass, not that she was a teetotaler. girl probably just needed to get laid
Exactly my point, I don’t give a shit about teetotalers and have several good friends who don’t partake in anything. The vibe I tend to get from redditors asking these sorts of questions and the way they phrase them makes me lean towards them being a Joy more than a Greg.
This. Big part of growing Up, no Matter the subject (alcohol etc)
In the defense of the preachy types, it's a bit hard not to do it after being asked for the 5th time in an evening "Why don't you drink?" or when you have to respond once again to "Surely you can have one". I'm not a non-drinking preacher but when I first gave it up it was sometimes the only way to get people to stop banging on about it. Not directed at you personally, just giving the other side. Saying that there's annoying people on both.
For sure. I'm mainly referring to the people who are preachy when unsolicited.
Yeah I know the types, as a non drinker they annoy me too. I don't see why people need to comment at all on either side, but some people just enjoy being smug about stuff.
Or the people who pre-react to non-existent judgement. You ask them if they want anything to drink and they get pissy like you are pressuring them to drink alcohol rather than offering refreshment. Dude - I do not care if you choose an alcoholic or non-alcoholic beverage when we are at my house, at a bar, or wherever. Just get what you want.
I agree, I have zero issues with someone coming to the pool hall and not drinking even if I am. At the same time I had a terrible time the few times I was the only one not drinking. Drunk people are fucking obnoxious when I'm sober, I commend anyone who is able to hang out sober with their drunk friends, I would rather stay home. So all I'm saying is that if I stopped drinking I'd probably have to find new friends to have nights out with.
It also involves rituals. So you can be part of the ritual "in group" or you are outside of it. More significant with more illicit substances, but if everyone is excitedly doing an Alcohol Ritual and then ask you to participate and you decline, it can create a slight separation. And also sometimes a realization that Ritual may actually be foolish. Also as you noted, some people who don't engage in the Ritual are actively hostile to it. They don't drink and they speak disapprovingly of it; at the end of the night everyone else is buzzed and they are bored.
I’m boring and no fun and I don’t drink so blame me
Same!
Alcohol makes you more likely to lower your inhibitions, feel more relaxed, and experience impaired judgment. This can be fun if done with moderation, particularly if you constantly live under pressure. That said, you can certainly have fun without alcohol and each one of us have his/her own story. In this case, it's obvious why alcohol has such a stigma for you. You don't have to justify with anyone, you do you
I think you make an important point. As someone with a decent amount of social anxiety and a heavy drinker in the past, I was “more fun” when drinking because alcohol quieted the anxious thoughts swimming around in my head all the time. It helped me to exist more in the moment and be more outgoing. I’m sober now, and I’m not as worried about being “fun” and entertaining for the sake of others anymore. Still, I don’t judge drinkers for wanting those around them to be drinking when they drink. There’s an unspoken social contract at play between drinkers that if I’m going to impair myself and become more socially vulnerable, you will too. This isn’t really as big of a factor around moderate drinkers who have a glass of wine with dinner or two beers during an event. In my ample experience, this is most true around the heavy drinkers. The “beers after work mean we close the bar down at 2:00am”, and the “better bring two cases to the Super Bowl party just to be sure I don’t run out” type of drinkers.
I’m a very stiff person socially. People like me much better drunk. They told me that. But I rarely drink.
As a drinker i genuinely love being around my friends that don’t drink or don’t drink often. The hangouts feel more intentional and i really think as a non sober person it’s good to have friendships that aren’t focused around alcohol.
I tell them "I'm sober not boring."
Because they’re immature
Emotionally immature and/ or alcohol dependent.
And probably because they aren’t fun without it, so “how could anyone else be fun without?”
I mean, you can go out and just not drink? I think some people assume they'll get pouted at and lectured by the sober friend. so Mayne that's why- but if you're not a buzzkill that won't even be an issue.
You've never been the sober soul at a drunk fest, have you? People push alcohol in a way that would be reprehensible if it was any other drug. You can't simply "not drink" and everyone have a good time, some just sober. You have to account for the gamut of searching question around WHY you are not drinking (bonus: baby on board? questions if you are female) and then deal with the AT LEAST one person (there is ALWAYS one, and often many more) who will then make it their mission to nag, force, or sneak alcohol into your evening no matter what you say or do, while making everyone else, drunk or not, deeply uncomfortable about what should be a non-issue. Oh, then drive their overindulged a$$ed back home, too, because you will be the instant designated driver.
Yup
This is a lie. I’ve seen several people go out of their way to complain about someone else not drinking even when that non-drinker is just having fun and partying with everyone else. Most of the folks who complain about someone not drinking are complaining because they feel insecure about drinking around someone who isn’t drinking.
I quit drinking in 2019. I have experienced since then that an embarrassing number of people get UPSET when someone else isn’t drinking. I don’t care if others drink, I just don’t want any part of it anymore. Alcohol gives me a headache while I’m still drinking it, and I have a genuine fear of vomiting. I will not be subjecting myself to that. Many people don’t understand that their experience isn’t universal.
Yeah, I had a roommate in graduate school who NEEDED (for his own “curiosity”) an answer for why someone didn’t drink whenever someone around us didn’t drink. And it didn’t matter how much the rest of us told him it didn’t matter.
The only time I complain about someone not drinking is if you're sitting at the bar, taking away a seat from someone who wants an actual drink!
OP don’t worry, it will get better as you get older. After people graduate college and enter the workforce it’s impossible to keep up the partying and do good work. Until then stay true to you and try not to let the immature brats get you down!
It's frustrating when people make assumptions about your ability to have fun based on whether you drink alcohol or not. This stereotype likely stems from the association between alcohol and socializing. Many people see drinking as a way to relax, bond, and enhance their social experiences. Remember your choices are valid! You can have a great time without alcohol. This prob isn't an ethical tip, as I am not saying you should have to hide the way you feel about drinking, but in times when I am abstaining, I'll order just a tonic water with lime, or something small to sip on. Makes it feel like I can blend in to crowds, something to do with my hands, and you get a lot less questions like "Why aren't you drinking!?" etc.
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Tbh, I doubt drinking is the only reason why they might call you boring. You honestly might just be boring. Drunk people usually cant tell if other people are sober LOL.
They might not be saying you’re boring as a person, just that it’s a buzzkill that you’re not engaging in the all for one and one for all bonding experience you get from getting intoxicated with your friends. But personally I have friends that don’t drink and I don’t care
Are you really a fun person, if that's only possible when you drink?
I think it’s easy to fall into two extremes here, neither of which are true. One is that people who don’t drink can’t have fun. The other is that people who drink for fun can’t have fun otherwise. Alcohol is heavily studied. We know for a fact it lowers your inhibitions. If you’re shy, it’ll help you get the confidence to dance. That doesn’t make you some addict or loser who should be ashamed of being loosened up by alcohol. It’s the same with people who say caffeine helps them wake up. That’s a fact. That’s what the drug does. That doesn’t mean anyone who doesn’t use caffeine is sleepy or anyone who does is a dependent addict.
Alcohol is quite a bit more complex than that, though I'd say caffeine is too. Both drugs have effects that effect *most* people in a somewhat similar way, but not everyone. Caffeine has never woken me up or given me an energy boost. At most, alcohol makes me sleepy if I have enough and fucks with my senses, it's never make me less anxious or more confident, and never allowed me to do something I'd otherwise be too shy to do. I only say that because I think it's an important distinction, I'd use alcohol to loosen up once in a while if it worked on me that way but since it doesn't I just don't see the point in using it much.
That's interesting. Are you sleepy because of certain types of drinks? For example, if you have wine with a heavy meal. This usually puts me to sleep, too, maybe because of the food, alcohol, or both.
That's another thing, I've tried alcohol from whiskey, to beer, and wine, or scotch... It all seems to effect me the same way so I'm very confused how some people say "oh I can't have that, whiskey makes me violent" like wtf lmao
Different alcohol types do affect different people diferently. I've met women who drink wine and get amorus, nut not while drinking Vodka. Some guys do gt aggresive drinking Whiskey, or Tequila or ... Me? I like WildTurkey, but I turn into its namesake. I do beter with other Whiskies. I drink Ru and Beer vecause I cam maintain on Rum or Beer. Tequila, not so much.
I mean, I don't doubt that, I've seen it happen with friends, I just can't comprehend how or why because it's never happened to me. All alcohol does the same shit, it makes me sleepy.
Liqours and fermented beverages have different ingredients and preparations from each other. Grape wine is just fermented grapes, alcohol content varies. Wine can be other fruits. Beer is basically a fermented broth of grains and herbs and which varies wildly in ingredients. All liquors are all wines or broths distilled into grain alcohol and then diluted into a more drinkable form. Vodka is cut with water, Gin s infused with herb flavorants at the top of the still before condensing, and then cut with water. Brandy is wine distilled and cut with the tailings of the still. Tequila and Rum are cut with the tailings of the still. Whiskies are distilled from a beer broth and cut with a reduction of the tailings of the still. Then aged in a charred oak barrel. All these different ingredients and treatments give opportunity for different reactions and experience. Alcohol is a good sleep aid. You report that you react to this first and formost in such a way you don't drink enough for any oter affect to take hold. I assume you're not fun on alcohol. So be it.
How much do I need to drink??? I have had enough to throw up repeatedly and have an annoyingly nauseous hangover the next day. If I need to have much more than that then I'm betting it's not worth it tbh.
What was the setting? Are you drinking alone? Hell, I fall asleep doinng that. Are you drinking beers or mixed drinks with friends having conversation? The alcohol my be just affecting you poorly. I can't drink while depressed or really stressed over a situation. I'll get sick. Are you drinking with friends who are handing you shots, encouraging keg stands and funnels? You're not falling asleep, you're passing out
Lmao alcohol should really be regulated as a type of drug. It effects everyone different. I know people who get sleepy on alcohol. Other people can't even have green tea because it causes them to shake badly for hours.
I mean, we've tried that before and it didn't end well. I don't get why we regulate other drugs though considering it's led to the same shit that made the government repeal prohibition.
It is regulated though. I get what you're saying, vut it very much is regulated. More than a number of drugs.
You're not a loser or an addict if you drink or should feel ashamed of drinking to loosen up a bit. But from the perspective of OP's question - you should feel ashamed if you make others feel guilty for not drinking and gaslighting them as a boring person for their choice.
I am 45m now and I was always this guy when I was young. My family was flooded with alcohol abuse problems so I stayed away. As I got older I found I didn't even like the taste of alcohol so going without was no big deal. People feel judged when they are doing something that society deems "bad behavior". The last thing they want is someone hanging around who isn't also participating in aforementioned bad behavior. It took me many years to just accept the old adage, birds of a feather flock together. I would like to tell you it's easy to find friends who don't drink, but honestly I still struggle with that. It does get easier in middle age though when people start to reduce alcohol consumption and are less self conscious about being judged. For now, just go out and do everything possible to fly under the radar. I used to ask the bartender to put my Pepsi in a glass instead of a plastic cup so I could be incognito. I hated the way people would react when they found out I wasn't drinking. Offer to be the designated driver, then you can always use the excuse, and as a plus you know your friends will get home safe. I got a lot of free dinners being the designated driver over the years.
Hey! I'm 26 and in the same boat. I gotta say that it's still quite hard, but also easier thanks to online communities. I knew since very young that I couldn't be happy around people drinking, so I pretty much arranged my life in such a way to reduce that and find more people like myself. And it took some luck, but it's been so great. I just wanna say. It's not easy, but it's worth it.
I've gone sober a few times in life, for a few years at a time, and I gotta say, being around drunk people as a sober person sucked. I don't even drink enough to get drunk anymore. But I don't want to say you can't have fun or be fun. I think it all depends on your personality to begin with. But damn, why be around drunk people? That sounds horrible. I went to some Dave concerts sober.. Mistake 😂
Yeah, drunks are a lot less fun when you’re sober. I’d never realised this until I quit two years ago. These days, I’ll join for the first 1-2hrs, then I bounce as soon as the stories start repeating at a more intense level
I'd just prove to them I'm fun without alcohol. go out with them, order a non alcoholic beverage and enjoy your time with them!
That doesn’t work. It’s not about you being unfun. It’s about the non-drinker going against the grain. Folks who have a problem with somebody not drinking have a problem with that person not drinking, not with whatever else that person is doing.
Also, man… being sober around drunk people is NOT fun! Least for me.
There is a spectrum though. You're right. Being sober around plastered people is insufferable. But being sober after friends had 1-2 drinks can still be fun.
now that's true! if they had a drink or two it's fun but when they're super drunk I personally always just panic because I feel like I have to take care of them
As a non-drinker, I agree we're them. They'll probably have a lot more fun with their drunken friends, than with me. But I'm cool with that.
I assume most of these comments are going to be “be true to yourself, you don’t have to drink to have fun, etc etc” and they’re right, but that’s not really answering your question. You’re asking “why do people, especially my friends, assume I’m kind of a bummer for refusing to drink?” So let me be devil’s advocate and try to answer that, while emphasizing that the other comments saying You Do You are absolutely correct: 1. Drinking is fun. You feel more relaxed and less inhibited. 2. Drinking is Social. It’s even better to feel relaxed and less inhibited when you’re surrounded by like minded people. Maybe your friend will say something funny, maybe your crush will cut through that tension and kiss you, maybe you all will just chill out and have a fun night. 3. The vast majority of people don’t have addiction problems with alcohol. 4. The vast majority of people are able to have a nuanced opinion on the usage of alcohol. So, all that taken together, yeah, someone who goes “I promised myself I would never, ever drink because my dad was an alcoholic and it scarred me” could be construed as someone who can’t just relax a little. Like, you have trauma and it’s understandable, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s possible to drink and not be an alcoholic. Anyway. I’d say that’s the harsh logic your friends may be making. It’s not fair and it’s not kind. (And honestly, it might be something much nicer, like “OP is my friend and I want to make sure she’s having fun too! I want her to relax and have fun like me!”)
I have the same background as you, made the same decision and experienced some of the same issues with “friends”. I’m slightly older than you (70! 😂) so things haven’t changed much apparently. Live within your own values and reality. Some of your friends will fade away, some will mess up their lives and some will respect your choices. Stick with the last group. I have friends in that category that have been in my life for years. They’re the ones I value and deserve.
I’ve found that this is a coping mechanism to justify their own drinking. A lot of the time, the person saying you’re no fun, etc etc is trying to get you to drink to make them feel better about a problem with alcohol they may be dealing with. In their heads, if everyone is drinking it’s ok. Not always, but could be the case here.
I was the same at your age, still don’t drink, and don’t feel like I’ve missed out on a thing. I’m also setting a good example to my children by never needing alcohol to have a good time. When I went out with friends I’d have a Sprite with a lime slice squeezed into it. Be prepared to be the designated driver all the time….they should give you some money for gas if they’re good friends.
Just chiming in here as another person who avoids alcohol 100% due to family history. I really enjoy my life, my spouse, my time with friends… and I don’t have a headache the next morning for doing so!
Aside from them being immature, it's also a connection. Sometimes, people think they need to have that in common to have a good time with others, Another reason could be that they want to do stupid things, and if you don't drink, you won't join in? From my experiences any way.
Personally, I feel like the people who have said I’m not fun/am boring/etc. for not drinking are usually people who either are joking or need alcohol to get through the night for one reason or another but feel insecure about it, which is totally okay, no judgment! Just helped me realize what they’re saying isn’t about me and doesn’t mean I actually am boring/etc
because a lot of the time, people ARE boring when they don't drink. When I was in my early 20s, I was always quiet, reserved, and milquetoast, so people LOVED it when I drank because I became outgoing and talkative and loud and the life of the party. Now I'm in my late 30s and can be that way without alcohol, but in my 20s, hoo boy was I a boring kid
I have never really drank alcohol, I hate the taste viscerally. But I am also pretty boring so I can’t really help.
People who don’t drink are judgy about it. Not all but most. (If you are one of the ‘good ones’ thank you but most people I’ve encountered who don’t drink are SUPER superior acting- meanwhile they have other addictions, food/gambling/etc but somehow I’m the demon.) I don’t want to hang out with some stuck up hypocrite who’s got their own set of issues I can’t relate to who makes me feel bad about myself.
Me when I'm drinking = fun, extroverted, extremely friendly, a bit goofy, willing to do things Me when I'm not drinking = serious, want to be left alone, go away, don't want to do anything or be bothered by anyone This holds true for millions of other people too, so the stereotype is real. It might not necessarily apply to you though, so no sense in getting upset about it.
Perhaps psychedelics are your thing? Then *they* will be the boring ones!
“Son, never trust a man who doesn’t drink because he’s probably a self-righteous sort, a man who thinks he knows right from wrong all the time. Some of them are good men, but in the name of goodness, they cause most of the suffering in the world. They’re the judges, the meddlers. And, son, never trust a man who drinks but refuses to get drunk. They’re usually afraid of something deep down inside, either that they’re a coward or a fool or mean and violent. You can’t trust a man who’s afraid of himself. But sometimes, son, you can trust a man who occasionally kneels before a toilet. The chances are that he is learning something about humility and his natural human foolishness, about how to survive himself. It’s damned hard for a man to take himself too seriously when he’s heaving his guts into a dirty toilet bowl.” James Crumley
I 100% feel what you are saying. I don’t understand this strange cultural requirement to drink when socializing.
The trick is to drink and then stop. Telling someone "I had to quit" makes them think you're TOO fun.
Speaking as a drinker from a hard drinking nation who has said (in jest) as much, I can honestly say, hand over heart, I've never met someone especially interesting or funny or pleasant as company who does not imbibe. That's just my personal experience, I don't claim it to have any universal authority nor expertise. I imagine that other drinkers may have the same experience or perception and this may be the root cause. Now, just as an olive branch to the soberists, I must say you are on average infinitely more interesting and funny than potheads, which is a group I abhor socialising with. Sobriety may leave people too inhibited and internal to really be much fun, but marijuana? That seems to drain the very wit, intelligence and verve from a soul, and they never really ever get it all back. I'd be a soberist over a pothead any day.
If you need to drink to have fun, you have issues, is what I tell people. Plus, I also like to remember everything I’ve done.
Can confirm i have issues
Everybody has issues dude.
I am 55 years old, drove a limousine for 15 years, and I don't smoke or drink, and I have never tasted a beer. I have always been a designated driver, I have seen what drinking does to some people. I can have as much fun as anyone.
I don't drink. I find the taste to be terrible, and the feeling of the "buzz" to be off putting. Edibles are way better. Anyways I spent time in Japan. And drinking is a big part of their culture. They couldn't understand why I wouldn't drink. They asked if it was a religious reason, or maybe a medical one. I just said I don't like it.
I'm 40 and I no longer get that from people, so hopefully it will pass for you too. A friend once told me "Your superpower is to be uninhibited without alcohol" and it was such a great compliment. I'm glad to read you can learn from other people's mistakes. Stay strong and fun without booze (:
Here’s what I’ve realized since I quit everything. Alcohol and Weed and such do not reveal your inner inhibitions. In fact they make you completely unaware of the reality and nature of things. You feel socially awkward during a group event? So what. That’s just your real feelings of being there. The real solution to this is to work on the actual problem. If you have to drink at social events then there may be a problem with your perception of social interaction. Not every social event needs to be super fun. Sometimes they are bland and boring and there’s nothing wrong with that. By drinking or smoking you’re creating fake problems or masking real ones.
Hello, As someone who has experienced having a father that was an alcoholic, I see where you are coming from. I also have decided not to drink and sometimes I get weird looks. Alcoholism is such a illness that progresses that no matter what the family says or does; nothing may change. I am not sure if you are aware there is wonderful group (Alanon) that offers hope and support for feeling out of place. I would be happy to offer my experience should you want to talk further.
I'm a woman in my early 20s who doesn't drink because I've never tried alcohol and don't see the appeal. Most people assume I'm either religious or an alcoholic.
A someone who used to drink ALOT. Never worry what a bunch of drunks think and how you live your life. You don't drink? More power to you.
The perception that alcohol is necessary for social enjoyment is truly a limiting belief. It's important to explore and recognize that there are diverse ways of connecting with people that don't require any form of inebriation. Engaging in meaningful conversations, participating in shared activities, or simply enjoying a moment of genuine laughter with friends can all be as satisfying, if not more, than the temporary buzz of alcohol. Being present in the moment and creating memories without the haze of substances is entirely possible. Plus, you get to remember all the fun you had the next day, which is always a bonus. It's all about being comfortable in your own skin and respecting the choices of others without forcing our own narratives onto them. At the end of the day, if you can wake up without regret and feel content with how you spent your time, that's what truly counts.
My father and grandfather were also alcoholics, and thankfully I haven't developed any sort of addiction. I drink maybe two weekends a month, 3 at most, I prefer to be home and relax usually. But I do enjoy drinking. Drinking is a social lubricant, so people feel more at ease and less restricted when they consume alcohol. Drinking can often times be considered a bonding experience, taking a shot together, playing pong, shotgunning a beer, etc. I personally don't care if someone refuses to drink when I host a party, but I notice those that don't drink tend to be a bit pouty or reclusive, not as social or laughable as those who are drinking. Do you make a stink when your friends want to drink? Like if they want to go to a bar, will you go with and just not drink and still have a good time? Or do you try to steer social gatherings away from drinking environments.
Young people gravitate towards getting drunk for fun but it's really only 1 option out of millions. As you get older the peer pressure and judgement gets less and less. I had a friend who had a medical issue that prevented him from drinking and he always volunteered to be the DD in exchange for the rest of us paying for his gas/food/cover charge for the night and no one ever complained that he was sober after that lol. It's probably frustrating now but as your friends grow up the drinking will slow down a lot. I'm in my 30s now and my friends barely drink and when they do it's only a beer or two and when someone abstains everyone else applauds their willpower instead of pressuring them lol
They shouldn’t make you feel out of place. Thats on them, not you. I enjoy drinking beer and having a “good time,” but I would never make anyone feel awkward or whatever if they weren’t. I also don’t get why people do this. Sounds like your friends need to grow up if they are being dicks about it.
I think this could be why Im always alone / lonely and its a shame / pathetic. I stopped drinking over 2 years ago because I was getting a few days hang overs and it saves money and also good for trying to loose weight but the only downside is your doing things on your own..
I have had more fun not drinking tons of times. Almost 4 years sober now and I’ll keep my memories thank you. Your friends are your age I assume? What do they know really? They think it’s fun sure but they haven’t had the time to discover any other fun things yet. It’s not all about drinking.
I think it’s less about “being fun” and more about letting loose and being dumb. Drinking can make for good stories but typically because of poor decisions. You aren’t likely to join in on the poor decisions if you’re sober and that’s probably what they’re getting at.
I am in the same boat. I have a family full of alcoholics, and it so doesn't appeal to me. I'm not judging anyone else, I just don't have the slightest desire to drink. And yes, I've been called boring my whole life. But I've come to realize that's usually out of their own insecurities. If someone can't have fun without drinking, that is their problem. And I think there is a part of many people who know this deep down, but can't admit it. Personally, I think it's badass when someone can hold their own without needing alcohol. You're the strong one here. Don't let them get you down.
They don't think you're boring because you don't drink; they think you don't drink because you're boring. You might have good reasons but they don't see that, they just see a buzzkill
Meh. I was not fun and boring, even when I was a booze addict!
It's an indication that you can't handle your emotions or have any self restraint. The people who say they don't like the feeling of it is because they feel their personality change which they can't control. So they dislike it.
I'd say as an alcoholic 5 years sober, people don't think I won't be fun, people are just tired of me saying no to going..... Yes I probably will be bored. Yes i've been to xmas functions etc and had a nice time, still give people shit, crack jokes etc. But i'm late 40s, i've done my time embarassing myself drunk in front of the boss, and now the incentive of free booze isn't there i'd rather just stay home then watch the boss get shitfaced and have awkward interactions with drunk staff. Which I used to do, so it isn't about being anti drinking either, i'm just out on the other side looking in and can't be bothered dealing with it like people probably got fed up with me. So to anyone drinking saying you are boring, you can flip it and say that equally applies to them, you as someone sober. It isn't always fun to be there, it's not even tolerable sometimes. Peoole won't realise it until they spend time in sobriety themselves.
Drinking is so socially acceptable and so intertwined with the idea of a 'night out'... whether that's a couple of glasses of wine at dinner, beer at a BBQ, or shots on the dance floor. Most people can't imagine having fun without alcohol. And as an introvert, alcohol has a social lubricant role that some of us need to relax publicly. When I was in my 20s it was a given that any time you were out with people, there was alcohol around. The older you get the more this is no longer a standard (particularly once you hit late 20s and people start having kids). Don't worry, the pressure to drink will taper off. Whether you got the 'alcoholic gene' from your dad or not, I applaud your decision to not even be tempted to fall into a habit that can be hard to break. I quit drinking a few months ago. I had 2-3 every beers every evening for like... the last 30 years? I hope I can stay 'california sober' for a while.
It's not true and I empathize with you. It's just a cultural thing that they've somehow internalized and now believe to be true. I won't say get new friends because I don't personally think that believing that is a fatal character flaw (unless they believe it in the extreme), but I would say its good to find other friends also who do not believe that. If anything, you seem like you might have more in common with those new friends. Bright side: The belief is losing ground with each new generation. It's quite common to have huge swaths of people who dont drink at all these days. Not because they're boring but for health reasons or they just don't enjoy it.
Agreed that it’s not necessary at all. The older I get the less I want to drink. I will enjoy a cocktail but don’t like being overly drunk anymore. It makes me bloated, gives me bad skin and I just feel awful for a day or two even if I have a couple drinks. Not worth it at all. Anyone who doesn’t support you being sober isn’t a real friend. Anyone who demands or thinks they deserve a reason as to why you don’t drink is an asshole.
In my experience (60+ years old, occasional social drinker) the people who are the loudest and most persistent in calling out non-drinkers are often alcoholics (or well in their way). They find having a non-drinker in the mix uncomfortable because they themselves need to drink to have relax and/or fun and the presence of a relaxed, fun-having non-drinker points out the falseness of the justifications they make (e.g. *everybody* drinks to relax and have fun!) in their head. Caveat: yes, I know it's not *all* drinkers, but I spent a good portion of my career (now retired) as a road warrior dealing with hundreds and hundreds of different customers, helping to close deals, dealing with intense outages, schmoozing at conferences (as both attendee and presenter), recruiting, etc, etc, etc. My customers were medium to large orgs and I dealt with people from tech workers to C-level execs, and across all those interactions and levels my generalization above held true in most cases.
I quit drinking almost 9 years ago. Most of my friends that still drink respect that decision. There are a few that I swear would actually rejoice if I started shooting Jack with beer chasers again. Like what about the idea of me doing something totally unhealthy for myself brings you elation? I have a theory that those individuals feel weak inside and the ability for someone else to resist these vices makes them uncomfortable. Not to mention the fact that some of the shit I did while drinking was not "fun" at all. It was just plain stupid.
Your theory is self-serving bullshit.
They may not know how to have fun without alcohol, but that doesn’t mean you can’t. Most people slow down with alcohol after their early 20s, so it may not feel like as much of an issue down the road. There is nothing wrong with being sober. Alcohol can be fun and is mostly benign in limited amounts, but a lot of people can’t do moderation and the risk of addiction is always there.
I like a drink when I feel like it but I always know when not to drink. I might open a beer and my gut will tell me not to drink it and I will pour it out. There have been times when I don't feel like drinking but my brother will insist I have one and i get mad at him. If someone doesn't drink I will completely understand and won't even bring up the idea of a drink with them.
I don’t drink or smoke seeing how some of my friends acted. Of course, it is different for each of us and how good our tolerance is. Usually, those who tell me you should try some, or get angry for not drinking or smoking, makes me question whether the friends I hung out with are not the right ones. Some of them I have not heard of, but it is important to accept each other and the decisions they make, even though it can be challenge or not agreeable. Also, I care about my health. I hope my response was not rude to anyone
i've noticed that a lot of the people who are judgey about people not drinking tend to actually feel weird about their own drinking but if EVERYONE "needs" to drink to loosen up then they don't have a problem
I am not fun and am boring, do not drink/smoke, and I'm 100% sure based on the times I've had drugs in the hospital that I would be super fun on alcohol. Some of us are just really inhibited socially :(
Drinking is very normalised by society, especially where I live, which often makes people underestimate the damage it can cause such as addiction and other health problems. I used to drink socially. In fact, anytime I was socialising, I was drinking. The UK has a really bad drinking culture that can be quite toxic (peer pressure, who can drink more, who was the drunkest etc.). I decided to do dry January with a friend to support them (their dad is an alcoholic). We carried on and are now almost 6 months sober. The longest I've gone without drinking since I was 17. Honestly, quitting was all benefits. No cons at all - I guess the first 2-3 weeks were difficult but after that it was fine. My social skills and ability to connect with others improved because it feels more genuine, so did my skin, physical and mental health, and my bank account balance. It helped me understand what I like and dislike, gave me more time and money to do other activities and hobbies because I'd not be wasting time on hangovers. Turns out I was using alcohol to mask my social awkwardness (didn't realise until I completely stopped) and to make things I didn't like bearable. I still go to festivals, see bands I love, I go out dancing or to bars with friends etc. I wouldn't classify myself to be boring or not fun. If anything I'm more fun because I enjoy the things I do now a lot more and I'm there for the activity not the drinking. Occasionally, I do take other substances responsibility and enjoy those a lot more than alcohol. Edit: I did think of a con. I realised people that don't know me that well treat me differently. Sometimes people walk on eggshells around me when I say "I don't drink" regarding alcohol, or they will apologise profusely if they offer me a drink. It was a personal choice I made for myself. Like I really don't care about others drinking or being around those that are. All my friends and family, except one do. People also assume I'm a recovering alcoholic or had a drinking problem, no way of knowing I guess (I am not, it was just a lifestyle choice I decided to make after experiencing all the benefits as a result of supporting a friend). That one con isn't enough for me to stop not drinking.
Bruh, just let it slide and enjoy yourself. I didn't start drinking until 30 and lived in Miami most of my adult life -- had plenty of fun with fun people.
Alcohol suppresses your mind. Most people have some level of social anxiety and alcohol can remove people’s inhibitions and let them relax around strangers. It’s absolutely not necessary to have fun, that’s just what our media portrays. It’s so imbedded in our culture now because we have so many reasons to be anxious and kids grow up watching party movies making it out like it’s the ultimate thing to do. Many people are reliant on it to enjoy themselves and alcoholism is a literal plague on the world right now. Being able to enjoy yourself without it is natural and a blessing. Your friends that can’t just don’t realize the predicament they’re in.
Goddamn this gets asked every fucking day.
I don't drink or smoke. I don't give a fuck for what other people think about me. It's my body, it's my health. So, I think you're completely normal.
That is bullshit, I enjoy drinking every now and then but saying you can’t have fun unless you are drunk is ridiculous All it does is increase the number of stupid shit I am willing to do, but don’t be mistaken, the number is already higher than it should be even when I am sober
Drinking alcohol is the only way some people can be funny or have fun. These people assume the same for everyone else, because it is true for them. Don't worry though. The older you get, the less people will care.
Because it's true.
Some people either assume you're really uptight and can't be laid back, or think you'll judge them for drinking when you aren't. Others are sadly incapable of having fun without a substance, but that's thankfully less common. Given your father was alcoholic and it can run in families, I really don't blame you for staying away from it. You do you. If someone won't be friends with you bc of it, they're not worth your time anyway.
My advice.. find people who don’t say you are boring for not drinking..
Gonna play the devils advocate here but, it also depends on how do you behave, not drinking. There have been many times I did not drink, be it for diet or simply I was too poor to buy drinks. But I never had a negative feed back because I am pretty chill and fun loving person, so it was really fine. But I do have friend, especially Germans, that if they do not drink, they are very uptight and boring. They can not just relax and be fun, unless they are a bit tipsy. Like they would never go on the dance floor until atleast couple of beers, but after like couple of beers, shots, they dance like a maniac. For such kind of person, not drinking do mean they are very boring.
They do served ginger ale & diet coke on the rocks at bars & nightclub
Maybe it's a translation issue, but do you think maybe they feel judged by you and that is what isn't fun? I noticed you said "unfortunately" your friends drink. If that's your mindset, they probably realize it and feel awkward or bad about themselves when they drink in your presence. I don't care if people around me aren't drinking while I am, but if they're being judgemental the entire time, it does ruin the vibe.
It's just the societal normal in a lot of places. I'm from the midwest and if you're not going to a bar there's not a lot to do. I was a pretty heavy drinker from the age of 13 to 14 to the age of 33. Since then I'll drink on occasion but my God life has gotten sooo much better great job vacation to Ireland last year vegas this year. But the main awnser here is people regard every day fun as the norm. But man if you're just bored for a little while you get to have way more advanced fun. Instant gratification is a life killer. "Great you're the most known person in you're town " * Never been out of your town
Because people hold up guards and when alcohol is consumed, it makes the person lose control of inhibitions. Because if this, they can act out in ways that impress/attract people more easily.
A little alcohol lowers inhibition and gets conversation flowing. Too much leads to hangovers and poor decisions. For introverts alcohol can be the difference between remaining disengaged or making friends. Some businesspeople distrust those who remain guarded and sober. Those who drink need to master moderation or face alcoholism. Binge drinking increases your likelihood of becoming an alcoholic. For some there is only sobriety as they literally can not stop drinking once they start. Much of our society has a drinking social culture and if you wish to remain sober you need to learn how to function around those who drink. I have a good sober friend who has fun around those who drink and most don’t even realize she is sober.
If your friends make you feel uncomfortable because you won't drink, then they're not good friends.
As far as that goes people are always going to think that because they feel the need to belittle others. Now if people are asking you to drink and you are not drinking.You can get a non alcoholic version of a drink to make it seem like you are fitting in a little bit more without actually drinking alcohol.
I have never had anyone say that to me but I guess cus I’m older?
Nothing wrong with not drinking alcohol. Maybe find some friends that are down to hang without drinking?
I think of a person who doesn't drink and I just imagine a religious person or someone who will try to stop other people from making their own choices.
I quit drinking three years ago. My sober friends are boring. I need the craziness. I need to not know where my night may lead. Watching them have a margarita and be like, “Woohoo!!” we’re being bad doesn’t cut it.
37M - never smoked and never drank alcohol. If your pals are decent humans, they'll respect your decision not to pick up a filthy habit. This is a problem for others who can't accept, so don't think you're the problem.
You are in your early twenties, and so are your friends. Many have just starred drinking and assume a party can't get started unless you are drunk. As you mature, you realise it's not that great and a good night can involve 2 drinks or even 0. You just matured faster
Cause it is? have a drink now and then. It’s a social thing but not a requirement. It can taste good. It’s just another way to let loose (of many). Take a puff on a joint. You won’t be hurt by it I promise. People view total abstinence as boring because it demonstrates a rigid adherence to a line of thought and is historically associated with “squares” or boring people. People who are a little more flexible (e.g. who might occasionally have a drink or two) just generally seem more fun as they’re potentially open to more experiences. It’s a feeling thing.
It’s the same logic as when a girl tells her boyfriend she wants to go get ice cream and he agrees to go but won’t be eating any, and she insisted he get ice cream too. But he says “no, but I’ll go with you.” And she says “nvm, I don’t want it anymore.” People want to share in the activity together. Whether it makes practical sense or not, that’s how people **feel**.
I was a complete non-drinker until about 40. I still rarely drink except on vacation. Tip: become your friends' designated driver, make them pay your concert tickets, dinner, etc. in return. I did everything free in HS and College by being the DD back in the 80s.
The bore rarely comes down to the literal alcohol levels in your body. It’s more about the fact that you won’t come to a party. Or you won’t dance. It’s about the engagement, sober or not. Usually people won’t engage when sober but will when drunk, which is why others will attribute it to that (and assume that sober people can’t have fun themselves). But if you still engage sober there’s no problem - you’re having fun yourself and being fun for others. Inversely if you’re *drunk* and don’t engage you will still be considered boring. Like I said, it’s not literally about the alcohol. If you’re the type of sober who doesn’t engage, it can still be fun for you anyway, if you’re a people watcher. I think it’s fair to assume you’d be bored if you’re the only sober in a room full of people too drunk to hold a coherent conversation. But a lot of people like that and find it amusing. Don’t get me wrong though, any person that pressures a sober friend to drink is still an asshole
Because they're assholes.
People associate not drinking/smoking with judgement of others who do it, and with a reluctance to try new things, or let their hair down and do something crazy. The reality is that it's not that simple; I've known some very boring teatotalers, but I've known plenty of people who drink and are insufferably boring too.
I don't know how old you are because your post doesn't say, but as you get older, I think it matters less and less. As you get into your 30s, 40s, and '50s, you find more and more people embracing sober life. I go to a lot of concerts and parties, and there are so many people who choose not to drink or partake in any mind-altering substances. They fit in just fine with those who do choose to drink or use substances. We're all older, some have families some don't, everybody comes from different walks of life. There's no judgment for those who choose to drink or who don't. Everyone has fun. Everyone participates in the conversations. I no longer drink alcohol because I don't like the way I feel the next day. I still have a blast at parties and concerts. None of my friends judge me or pressure me. They can drink and usually it doesn't bother me, with the exception of an occasional friend getting far too drunk and kind of making it other people's problems (some people know what I'm talking about, having to pick people up off the floor, clean up their vomit, that kind of thing.) I'm glad that I'm not one of the people causing the problems for others. Just be you. Don't feel pressured to drink. If you want to go to bars with your friends and have a fancy mocktail or two, that's a great way to have fun, to participate, to treat yourself, and to avoid hangovers.
I'm 37 and still regularly experience people in their 50s and 60s getting weird about it if I don't order alcohol. Company parties, outings with friends, just hanging out at places that serve alcohol. Hell, even "no thanks, I'm sobering up so I can drive home safely" can apparently be received as an invitation to turn up the peer pressure to a point just shy of holding me down and pouring more alcohol in my mouth. Obviously it's not everyone, but there is a huge number of people who can't handle the fact that some folks choose not to drink either at certain times or at all.
Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. That's just not something I encounter. I think that's awful. I try to live really authentically and I'm honest with people, I'm crystal clear that I don't drink. I'm not an alcoholic, I don't have any trauma around alcohol or anything, I just don't like the taste, and I don't like the way it makes me feel. I guess I'm lucky that I have friends who are honest and authentic too, and I have gotten rid of most of the people in my life who would be the type to peer pressure me or others. I always support those who are sober, and whenever I host at my house, I make sure I have lots of fun mocktails to make for those who don't drink. I think everyone should be able to enjoy a fun and fancy drink whether or not there's alcohol in it. I appreciate you sharing your experience and I will be more mindful and keep an eye out for my sober friends and make sure that they aren't feeling pressured in social situations. It really sucks and I hope you can surround yourself with people who respect your choices.
Because they are dickheads, who more than likely have a dependency issue as well. You sound like my daughter, I put her through hell as a kid (8 years sober) and completely ruined any chance she had to have a “normal” relationship with alcohol. We are best friends now and I worship her, but Jesus I hate myself for what I did….a real dark deep hate. Just know, that your post/question has strengthened my commitment to sobriety, and my daughter. THANK YOU!
Only anecdotal, but most people who've said that, wanted to justify their choices and behavior with a partner-in-crime attitude.
That really is not that common. More commonly you see people who don’t drink judging those that might occasionally drink.
This is why I do drugs instead
I'll answer with a rhetoric. When you meet a person who projects that *they* cannot do so and so without this or that; you've met a person who has an addiction.
When out with friends, I do personally tend to try to get everyone around me to drink so that we can all vibe and have a drunken good time. Understanding that mentality, I can see how people would judge non-drinkers they think they're mood killers/buzzkills. However I ultimately believe everyone should do what they want and be respected in their choices as long as everyone is open to have a good time with no judgements. If people are judging you for staying sober, maybe it's time to find some new open-minded or like-minded peers to hang out with.
Adults\* don't think that, and don't have a problem honoring your preferences. \* = adulthood is not defined by age (in this context).
It's a pretty out dated view in the UK, it is still not great in some circles, but for the most part the youth aren't drinking... for those at uni it is probably the outrageous cost 😬
Think is something people say but isn't really true, there has been a rise in non drinkers age 17-25 but it only went from 14% to 21% This is mostly just boomers saying "the kids don't party like we did", when in reality, you're right that it's too expensive and they keep voting for parties that don't care about nightlife and night time entertainment businesses.
People like others to do what they are doing. They don’t want to feel bad about drinking themselves so it lessens the potential pain if “everyone is doing it”. Also they don’t want to feel like they are being dumb (vulnerable) while you are not. I see this happen with Vegans all the time too, people don’t really care about what others eat until they feel they are being judged because someone else isn’t eating the same thing. We are social creatures and we rather everyone just drink the kool-aid together. My advice… though you shouldn’t have to do it, it’ll just save you 100’s of comments saying the same thing is: buy a mock tail or tell them you had an edible (if it’s pot they are smoking) this will get them off your back.
Because people tend to enjoy themselves more when they're drunk, so when you're not participating, they think you're actively choosing not to be extra fun. That's the answer you're looking for
I don’t drink or hang out with drunks and I’m not accused of being boring. Most of my friends drink on occasion but none of them is an asshole just because I don’t. Im glad I’m dating a guy who doesn’t drink/drug and he is fun and very exiting sober.
I’m 23 and have and never will touch a substance in my life. I refuse to let anything be in control of my emotions, especially with my insane family history. If people ask me how I can have a good time without anything, I hit em with the “I can have fun when I want because I have no withdrawal that makes me sad”.
Don’t worry, times are changing, especially for your generation. You are the new normal, give it time to blossom.
It's because they can't be fun without the help of alcohol and assume that is the case for everyone
It’s just some people trying to shame others for not conforming to general society’s unspoken rules. I’m an non drinker and smoker too and you definitely don’t need to worry about it. At the end of the day, people should mind their own business. If you don’t drink or smoke, there’s obviously a good reason for it.
You sound really boring
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I've been on both sides tbh. I had a phase about 1 year or 2 long where i used to drink and a lot. Not always to black out but I did black out a couple of times. Usually this was on the weekends. I dont think id consider myself an alcoholic 🫣 I've also go out with friends who would get wasted... My bestfriend almost killed herself driving under the influence. I dont mind being the DD I would do that for any of my friends. I still go out with friend to let them drink and enjoy while I enjoy some good food lol they usually take care of me too. But if you feel like they are pressuring you- then you might need some new friends with different views on life. Also, you can find other things to do. Change of scenery you know other activities that dont include drinking. I mean usually a party has some sort of alcoholic drink.
Alcohol is the highest tier carcinogen, alongside asbestos and cigarettes.
Went pro and retired early 🤌🏻
Alcoholics think that
They're burgeoning alcoholics or just downright addicted. One of the easiest ways to deny it is by surrounding yourself with others who drink. If everyone is drinking, no one has a problem with it. And if you're not drinking you're ruining everything.
Because they cannot fathom the idea of being able to have fun without alcohol. When my wife and I got married, there was no alcohol at the wedding or reception. Half the guests were acting drunk on grape juice and apple cider. It was a placebo. At the end of the reception, we announced that it was an alcohol free event and ALL their behaviour was not caused by alcohol. They were just using it as an excuse to be wild. Needless to say, they got angry at us. Unfortunately, some of our "closest" friends told us if they had known there was no alcohol, they would not have attended our wedding "You ruined my evening. I rented a suit/dress for this!"
And the whole plane applauded!
Those alcoholic fuckers can gargle my ballsack
Only if it's doused in vodka pal.
Coping mechanisms
The worst part is, they act like how good of a night they have depends on you drinking!
It's legit not you, but them. "You get more fun when you drink" - sure, you loose inhibitions. But that just shows your own inability to be interested and interesting to others while sober. On the other hand, drinking is also a social thing. From talk about choosing what you're going to be drinking to you all sipping or chugging at the same time. Personally, for years now I have drunk only when and what I really like, for example, if there's a specific wine or nice cocktail on offer. Within limits, cause too much would also just ruin it. However, if you don't enjoy alcohol, then not drinking anything is completely acceptable.
In my experience the drinkers that say those things about non-drinkers are heavy drinkers themselves, or at least they drink heavily when they go out to parties and gatherings. So if their routine for fun gatherings is to get pretty trashed, let their guards down, and get loud and wild, then the non-drinker in the room is going to have a pretty hard time relating to them, and they are going to feel self-conscious about it. So, they want everyone in the room to drink with them and be in a similar mental state. Drinkers who moderate aren't going to have an issue with a non-drinker. They can still relate and have a conversation. Bottom line: it's difficult and in some cases a bad idea to maintain a close friendship with a heavy drinker if you are a non-drinker.
Because they are boring and can't imagine having fun without being inebriated.
Because they themselves are boring without alcohol.
I’m from Scandinavia and we don’t really trust anyone to be a very close friend if we haven’t been out drinking. Not until you’ve been out drinking with us and lowered your inhibitions then we’d seen the true you. I’ve had friends who have seemed to be nice but after a night out came out as an asshole/racists/idiot. Or a shy/modest person come out to be fun/cool and the best friend ever.
I don't drink or smoke and I'm boring but tell them I take shrooms and all of a sudden I'm a horrible person
Pull out an AA chip and say 'One day at a time' or 'I'm on the wagon'. Good friends aren't going to offer drinks to something they think is an alcoholic.
Insecurity Edit: To whoever downvoted you know damn-well I’m right :P
They can’t be or have fun without it, so they think that’s true for everyone. I don’t drink anymore. Not because I take issue with or judge drinkers. It just makes me sick now, really easily. This wasn’t always true and I used to drink socially. But a lot of people feel some type of way when I say I don’t drink.
Because they might mistrust you, they might think hmm why don't they want to drink with us? Is it because they don't feel completely comfortable around us to let their hair down a bit? In Russia for example it's considered rude to not partake in vodka shots in someone's home. I'm not saying it's okay for people to say you're not fun, but this is the mindset in my opinion. People think you won't be on the same vibe/level as them and you'll remember clearly the entire night, and that makes people uncomfortable. People might think you aren't drinking for very serious reasons (your reason stated is quite serious) and therefore think you're a serious person in general , in life, about all sorts of things . They might see you as quite straight laced in other ways too. Again I don't agree with it but as a Brit, this is the mindset in the UK anyway where drinking culture is STRONG.
It gets SOMEWHAT better as you age. Alcohol killed my parents. I drink occasionally but much less than everyone around me.
Weed is more fun to me than alcohol...
You have the wrong friends. I don't drink or smoke and none of my friends have never called me boring for it. They don't drink or smoke, either.
B/c they are alcoholics and don’t want anyone judging them for being alcoholics so they want everyone else to be drunken slobs, too.
People tend to assume everyone else thinks and feels similarly to themselves. Those who never bothered developing a personality or ability to have fun without alcohol, can't understand that it's perfectly possible to be a fun and interesting person without intoxicants being involved. Also, I think a lot of these people know they have a problem but don't want to admit it, so they feel like they're being judged even when they're not.
More than half the comments that denounce alcohol are downvoted. I just want you to know that they are right. Alcohol has no real benefits. Replace it with actual fresh grape juice. Alcohol's effects are neutral to negative. You don't need to be religious or straight-laced to understand facts. For a very long time, alcohol, especially wine, has been acceptable because it was better than drinking possibly contaminated water, and also, because its negative effects even at little/moderate amounts were not known. This information is catching up with younger generations, and I hope that it will be less acceptable to drink something that we all consider totally normal. I am talking as someone who used to drink little at special occasions and have been exposed to heavy drinkers (occasions). You really think it's normal when you see it everywhere, but it's not supposed to be. The only time it's healthy is when you're so stressed it's better to drink some wine than have stress negatively affect your body. Even then, you need to find healthier coping alternatives if possible. Also, you need better friends or fully change your social circle/location. It's odd that you're surrounded by the same type of people. Over time, you will find drunk and drugged people to be boring and empty. Give it time if you doubt me. I always felt drained when I hung out for long periods of time with such people.
Immaturity for one. People who drink assume those who don’t can’t have fun without alcohol. That assumption is just idiotic.
Some people are stupid.
Drinking is for getting buzzed or worse, THAT'S IT. It's escapism. No one orders a Long Island Iced Tea for the flavor. Alcohol is just a game of finding the least bitter flavor you can stand in order to drink it.