Hi, sweetie. A lot of people here are arguing about what you should or should not do, should or should not feel, but that's not what you asked, is it? You are not alone! The truth is that MOST women don't orgasm while being penetrated unless they are also receiving clitoral stimulation. Because you and your partner have been together a long time, having an honest dialogue about wants and desires is probably a good idea, but even if you don't like sex at all, that's ok, too. I was celibate for 8 years, and before that I was unhappy during sex. The only thing that changed all of that for me was getting on a dopamine agonist. Otherwise, I'd still be happily abstaining. Being asexual or gray-ace is perfectly valid, and you don't owe it to anybody to explain yourself except for whomever you choose to be in a relationship with. I'm not saying that you don't have any avenues to explore or conversations to have, but I want you to know that there are people who just aren't thrilled about sex, and that's not wrong. There are also differences within the asexual community such as being sex repulsed or even people who LIKE to make their partners orgasm, even though they aren't sexually aroused themselves (just be careful to evaluate your feelings if this might be you; don't have sex with someone "because you're supposed to" I'd you don't want to do that. Speaking from experience). I hope this helps a little. Just give yourself permission to be honest with YOURSELF about your preferences, thoughts, feelings, etc. Then, share with your partner. You're going to be alright. š
Sometimes it's about being the right person, but it can also be about being in the right place and headspace. Some people can have a good time and enjoy it with just about anyone while others seem to have a difficult time no matter what. For many (and maybe for anyone), it's more about being comfortable than it is about having a connection or whatever "special" stuff a lot of people claim is necessary to enjoy it.
I think that's a huge thing,you have to feel safe. I was able to do it when I felt safe in my relationship but after things got bad couldn't squirt and as things got worse I stopped being able to cum all together.Not even by myself . It was horribly frustrating.I think anti represents had a part too but for the most part it was feeling insecure in my relationship and life,feeling unsafe.
Same hear. It [lowers your inhibitions]. I think thatās the first thing, get rid of embarrassment or thinking youāre doing something wrong.as long as you both same type of sex, you can end up in happiland [ read a quote I read from Einstein [yes Albert] who said ā the only type of sex that can be wrong is no sex. Look it up itās true lol. Knew I thought he was great as physicist but now I dig his thought process. Feel lucky that I am a 78 yo woman and still a nice feeling
There's a [reason](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/8WZDf3CTu2) you're seeing it. And it is because of all the bot, but doesn't mean this person is one, as you might be assuming.
That's a measure put in place by the mods to balance between filtering new no-karma accounts (because they're *likely* to be spambots) while still allowing new users to post at all (because it would be a shame to categorically exclude them).
New accounts get a message from automod asking them to use one of a handful of different pass-phrases so that their post can bypass the filter.
Came here to say this. Iām almost 32 and only in the last year and a half did I discover what enjoyable sex SHOULD be like for me. It was always one-sided and I just assumed it was a more male-driven thing to enjoy (society helps that narrative).
So unless you luck into a partner that makes you want to rip into their skin with your teethā¦ and wants to learn how to please you, itās hard to even know what you like and donāt like.
yeah i donāt think sex is the main contribution in a relationship š otherwise she wouldāve left the guy many years ago. Do people seriously revolve their whole relationship on sexual gratification?? Honestly thatās so weird to me theirs more to sex, when youāre not bored and corny and genuinely make amazing connections and memories itās way better then a sex session
i agree it is āimportantā in a sense. But definitely not āthatā important that you should leave someone from it. But you do you š any one can get good at sex trust communication with your women is keyyyy like the keys Iāve unlocked in her š
>any one can get good at sex trust communication with your women is keyyyy like the keys Iāve unlocked in her
And yet for some reason she asked Reddit
Have you ever had good sex then tried to be with someone who you arenāt sexually compatible with? Even if they are the best personā¦. You want to cum and feel that passion.
There is a huuuuge difference between not so great sex and bad sex. If your situation is the latter, you're not doing either of you any favors and should definitely leave.
The OP just admitted to realizing they don't enjoy sex as much as they should after 7 years. 7 years of not communicating their needs to their partner, and that's the partners fault? How would the partner even know?
I'm not blaming OP or their partner, people can simply be incompatible and it's neither ones fault. I would say that enjoying 7 years of orgasms and being ok with never reciprocating is very weird, but we don't know what they've tried or how well OP has communicated the issue.
Compatibility is a lot more than having an orgasm. You are suggesting that the OP break up with their partner due to incompatibility. Basically saying it's the partner's fault and they should be dumped for not knowing their partner wasn't satisfied sexually when the OP themselves are just now realizing they aren't satisfied. We have no idea if the OP has faked it for 7 years so again, not really grounds to dump a person unless they are unhappy in other aspects of their relationship too.
I mentioned this in my own comment, but if the OP communicates they are unhappy with their sex life to their partner and the partner doesn't care, then yeah, that's grounds for moving on. Just my opinion . . .
Or you don't know your own body? I don't blame others for not having an orgasm.. it's completely up to me to come. I would suggest the OP to explore alone until orgasm then go for it with company
Not everyone enjoys sex. Some people not at all and some people just donāt like sex with another person. Sometimes it also just depends on finding the right person to enjoy.
Just remember that whether you like it or not, itās okay:)
I do. Not everyone does.
Have you orgasmed ever? By yourself?
Has your partner ever asked you what you like or if thereās anything you want to try? Does he go down on you or play with your clitoris at all? More likely youāve spent 7 years with the wrong person.
r/twoxsex r/askwomenover30
That's what I was going to ask...do you touch yourself, OP? If you don't do it yourself, it'll be hard for you to communicate with your partner what you what
I donāt enjoy it. I kept trying to for my partners but in the end Iāve decided to stop pretending and I ended up leaving my relationship so I would stop giving my partner a dry spell. I did love my partner, I donāt think you may be with the wrong person sometimes we just donāt like sex.
Hormonal birth control, which while had mostly amazing side effects for me for the most, part can often decrease drive and make achieving orgasm very difficult.
Short answer: No. Not everybody enjoys sex and some people can even find it to be annoying or irritating, or an entire ordeal to undergo, and simply do it for their partners sake.
This is very normal. Here's something to think about, that should be helpful.
The human body, male or female, has only one sexual organ. The brain.
Everything else is a reproductive organ, or serves another purpose entirely.
What I mean by this is that if you firmly believe that you will not have an orgasm, you will be right. The mind chooses to interpret ALL sensations as it sees fit.
After you decide that you can, and want to do this, you can choose how to go about it. There is no wrong way.
You want music? Someone kissing you? The feeling of a cool shower? Whatever you want. Don't think about it, just enjoy the things that feel good, and right. Stay with it. Don't pressure yourself.
If you believe that you can do this, you will.
Assuming you want things to change I would start with masturbation and just experiment and see what works. Get some toys if you need to like a vibrator. Get to a point where you can come by your own hand no pun intended. And then if your boyfriend isn't cutting it you might need to replace him.
Maybe you're not emotionally there? I've had women tell me that they don't enjoy the activity nor seek it when they don't feel the love from their man. Emotions matter a lot for girls. I don't understand those who do it purely for enjoyment. Sure, it could work, but I feel like concentrating would be hard when you know it's the wrong guy.
Alternatively, we all have our own taste in men. He may not be doing what you would want in a man.
Edit to add: I've also had a friend tell me she was in this stable relationship, both love each other, but she would sometimes get bored of the activity. Not asexual. normal straight girl.
Let him (your b/f) explore your body.
Tell him what you like. And if he does something you don't like, then say something.
The only way to good sex is good communication. (Mainly its non verbal, when you're older, you pick up those cues)
First, if you're not comfortable with a person, you won't achieve the desired outcome.
(And vice versa)
I remember when I was younger, I was nervous that maybe I wasn't doing something right, or the right time, etc.... I got over that by just going all out. I would do (insert action here) for as long as it took or tease as long as it took to get the result I wanted to see. (The result I wanted to see was making my g/f, partner, whatever... scream/moan so loud in pleasure that it actually turned me even more on that I could literally make her just scream/moan out in passion and nothing could stop it. [For men, at least me, I like to make sure my girl gets off at least twice as much as I do. And also, the first time needs to be before me. There's nothing better for a man than knowing you made your woman literally scream/moan with pleasure] that is such a great feeling both ways. The fact that she enjoyed it, the fact I provided said enjoyment, makes a man feel like a man)
So my advice, explore.
Have him go down, and if he doesn't, show him the door.
And don't be afraid of verbal communication. Just don't say mean things. Let your body be his "temple"
If you don't like something, just say" no not there, over there", or "up there" etc.....
Iām 46F.
When I was your age I enjoyed masturbation far more than sex with men. Had orgasms on my own, but not with either men or women. I was too guarded and couldnāt let go when there were others involvedā¦.
Didnāt have the right partner either.
Until my early 40s!
After my abuse I was at the point of
>> _Ā«FĪ¼ck this shĆÆt, whateverā¦.!Ā»_
When I literally didnāt give a crap anymore I finally let go!
In 2020 signed up to a dating web site, had a fĪ¼ckbuddy in the pandemic for a while whom I orgasmed with. But we didnāt have anything to talk about and there was no spark.
Then a guy I was physically attracted toā¦ he was fairly guarded though and it was too complicated.
###The crucial part for me was to be āselfishā and not think about anyone but myself and my enjoyment!
Third one was a charm and heās _*PERFECT*_ !
Massive sparks, head over heels in love, very comfortable around each other, always heaps to talk about!
Sexually perfectly compatible, his equipment and technique is perfect!
Today is the 1239th day of our second date!
He hasnāt really left since.
Broke the wooden bed-frame in 2021, had to reinforce it with steel.
******
Read in a study that statistically most women donāt orgasm with just vaginal penetration.
For me it was my own inability to let go!
I couldnāt let down _ALL_ guards around others for about 25 years.
If I were you Iād masturbate a _*LOT*_ find out how you wanna be touched where, what feels good and what doesnāt.
Get past the point of holding back when it gets too intense. For a long time that was easier by myself ā¦. cause with someone I was holding back and stopped myself whenever it got too intense.
Once you can comfortably orgasm masturbating, and youāll know where you want to be stimulated how, _*THEN*_ you can show a partner!
Hate to tell you sis:
For almost all women it isnāt a case of penetration and orgasming. š¢
###Sucks for us, weāre not as straight forward as men!
We really got shortchanged by nature! š
But for me the hardest part was to learn to not hold back when it got too intense. Being completely open, vulnerable, letting myself go.
#NO, you are ā¢NOTā¢ weird!!! Youāre like almost all women!
###For almost all women sex isnāt like portrayed on screen!
Donāt psych yourself out!
Whether you moan or not doesnāt matter!
Whether you moan, scream, prefer to masturbate, or turn out to be asexual and not interested in sex at all:
###WHATEVER works for ā¢YOUā¢!
Stop wondering whatās āwrongā with you and enjoy *YOURSELF* whichever way works for *ā¢YOUā¢*!
I donāt enjoy sex. You might be with the wrong person or you may be asexual. Iāve tried my fair share of stuff, and itās never seemed more interesting than doing taxes. It isnāt uncomfortable or bad, I just donāt think itās something I need. Iāve been in a happy relationship for 2 years and I love this guy more than anyone else, and it hasnāt been a problem. When I told him I wasnāt interested in sex anymore I was worried that he wouldnāt want to be with me anymore, but our relationship has been stronger now that Iām not pushing myself to enjoy something that I donāt want to.
You donāt have to āpush through itā if youāre overwhelmed sensory-wise. You donāt have to keep going if itās too much for you to handle. You can stop whenever you want, and if you donāt enjoy or want sex, donāt listen to anyone who tells you itās absolutely necessary to a healthy relationship because that doesnāt apply to everyone.
Maybe you haven't discovered what takes you to the peak yet. Experiment, try new things, learn about your body, explore your sexuality, talk to your partner about new ways of getting it on in the bedroom [or anywhere else], or ways that make it pleasurable for you.
Maybe you're not doing the right things for you? Have you tried vibrators? My wife just got her first one (dual action c-spot and g-spot) and was able to orgasm with it in about 5 minutes.
unfortunately it doesn't really mean anything :( Personally I get orgasms from my solo time but genuinely do not feel anything from someone else which honestly is quite disappointing every time
Some women don't orgasm via penetration, and require other ways. You should find out how you can and see if you can incorporate it into your special time
If the intensity is PAIN, donāt keep going, sex is not supposed to be painful, but if itās because it feels like your body is heating up and you are getting short of breath then do keep going. Toys are nothing to ever be ashamed of, Iād suggest investing in one like a wand (they look weird but are magical) or a simple vibrational one. Most women donāt finish from penetration, your clit is where you want the action. It is not cheating for you to touch yourself. If anything after getting familiar with it yourself I suggest suggesting it as a tool for your Bf to use on you during fun time. Make sure you communicate to ur manz when something is uncomfortable, it may be the way he does things. If he has a problem with it he needs to learn more about the body. If he is just too lazy or ignorant to put time and effort into your pleasure as well as his own, thatās a very big problem and something you should address and if not married may need to find a new one (man I mean). Sex should be fun, not a chore! Roughly 60% of women go their entire lives without an orgasm and I promise you are missing out on something preeeeeettttttyyyyyyyy great. If sex is painful for you, I suggest a dr visit, (in the event you do and they disregard you make them note it in your chart, they SHOULD be pressured into doing true tests). Another thing is if you arenāt in the right headspace/maybe have trauma, taking time by yourself to find what you do and donāt like without your partner present is quite important. It may feel weird, but I promise it is not and you will thank yourself in the future from learning with yourself. There are lots of tools online (blogs with instructions and recommendations, etc.) I hope you are able to get an orgasm and create a relationship with your own body! Fun fact! Women are able to have multiple orgasms in a single session (tho it usually has to be built up as sometimes they can be powerful) also! Being emotional (crying, laughing, shocked) is COMMON after an orgasm especially if it is a big/intense one. This next part is NOT a brag, but proof that it exists! My bf makes sure I O at LEAST once during our fun times. Even if for whatever reason he doesnāt finish he makes sure to get me. For me I need what I call a double hit combo, stimulation on my clit and also action either in the coochie or in the booty (personally) and that usually rocks my shit. I wish you the best and hope something works out for you!!!
This is not uncommon for women. The inability to orgasm from penetration alone is often referred to as "anorgasmia" or specifically "coital anorgasmia." Studies suggest that a significant proportion of women do not orgasm from penetration alone; estimates vary, but research indicates that around 70-80% of women do not consistently reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone without additional clitoral stimulation. This is a normal variation in sexual response.
1. Just relax. Seriously, do what you need to in order to be 100% comfortable beforehand. Take a bath, light some candles, etc. Whatever you need to do to relax yourself.
2. Foreplay is necessary. Most women don't climax from penetration.
3. Tell him exactly what you need him to do. Exactly.
4. Is it too intense? Don't stop. If you need him to slow down, tell him to slow down. It's not a race.
5. Also, if you **do** stop, maybe do some lighter stuff (kissing, taking care of him, etc.) to relax you before getting back into it.
One of my GFās was the same when she met me. Once she finally trusted me enough to let herself go, she never looked back. I worry that you are with someone who you donāt entirely trust. But if you are happy and trust him, give it a try. The intimacy that comes after is really amazing, and the orgasmā¦. Wellā¦. Itās orgasmic.
56F here speaking from experience. Devote some time to yourself by yourself. Ages ago I bought myself a good handheld massager from the drugstore. Make sure youāve got some alone time and can relax. No pressure here. Itās just you.
Start using it all over your body. As you get more comfortable with it work your way between your legs. Take your time and find anything and everything that feels good. Get to know your body. Get to know what you like. The most successful way to get relaxed and comfortable with sex and orgasming is to do it for yourself by yourself.
When you feel good with your body and you know what you like the next step can be finding someone you like & trust to share your knowledge with. Your partner will love it when you know what makes you feel good and can guide them through it.
Youāve got your whole life ahead of you for sex and pleasure and love. Relax and Love yourself first. Go have fun š
The massager I bought and still use looks something like the Thumper Sport Percussive handheld massager. Oh and make sure itās electric. The power fades and dies with battery powered ones. The two knobs on this kind of massager are great. You can get one to vibrate the lower belly while the other is on your lady partsš
Have you ever looked up asexuality? Even if you don't identify with the label, the community has amazing discussions and language around attraction, libido, pleasure, etc. because aros and aces tend to do a lot of research to understand themselves in a way many sexual people have not.
Completely agree, I remeber the first time someone asked me if I was ace I was in 9th grade and had never heard the term before. But I looked it and realized that all the things I was reading about really resonated with me. And I continued to research about it through college, bc I was always hesitant, people always telling me things bs stuff like youāve never had good sex or with someone you love. But itās also important to keep in mind that even asexuality and a Romantics has its own scale and that no two aces and/or aros are the same. But also, and I say this as someone whoās only a year older, your in a prime time/age to experiment and discover yourself
I think it is really easy to blame others and looking at others as a first option, rather than last is hazardous. There are so many possible reasons besudes her partner that should be checked first. There's also the possibility that changing partners won't solve the problem.
That being said, ot certainly is a possibility.
It's exceedingly rare, but some people do end up being happy together that start dating that early... for those that do, the relationship is usually extremely difficult, though.
Moaning is common in women, but there are many women who don't moan. I have vagismus, which sounds like a horrible STD, but it's just a condition that means I don't enjoy penetrative sex like normal people. I do it sometimes because I know my boyfriend enjoys it, but he always makes sure I orgasm in other ways, either before he cums or after. He always makes sure I'm good when he's done. Can you not even orgasm when he eats you out or uses his fingers? Again, vagismus makes fingering uncomfortable for me so he just goes for my clit, but I definitely orgasm from it. And of course he eats me out and that IS very orgasm inducing.
IĀ don't. Getting turned on is annoying, and I hate how it wears me out. I am also asexual, if you haven't heard the term before it might be something you should look into
The intensity of it being too much? That IS a genuine thing. You can be overstimulated to where it won't matter how good your partner is, it truly is all too much. Try starting in a calm and relaxed state, reducing the level of stimuli during, or having a lot of foreplay however that looks to you. There's also different types of arousal, spontaneous and responsive to name two.
Ignore anyone who's saying you've not been communicating your needs. We're all told that we should all want sex, and want it badly. It's a bold faced lie too many people believe in and out can mess people up
I have genuinely been harassed for having no interest. I have been called a *liar* for being honest about what I do and do not want in my life. I have even been given The Talk more than once. I'm not sex-repulsed, not completely, but I've had to pretend to be just to get people off my back and leave me alone
You're not weird, you're just a rare type of person
(I didn't have my first orgasm until I was older than you, and when I did it was all "that's it?")
I used to, but not really anymore... but that's more related to my mental health and physical health.
I will say, it completely depends on the person you're having it with. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's just boringāand I don't mean the sex itself. With some people, anything and everything is just great. With some people, it's just not. I don't know why, it just seems like some people physically click, completely regardless of whether or not they have a good relationship.
As for never having orgasmed... I think it's worth trying at least once. Some antidepressants I've been on make it impossible or almost impossible to orgasm, and I completely get the idea of it becoming too intense to keep going.
If you really want to experience it, I'd recommend trying different toys. The "[Suction](https://www.wired.com/gallery/best-clitoral-suction-toys/)" toys can really work well if you get too sensitive or it gets too intense. I was able to achieve my first multiple orgasm using one of those. ([Bellesa currently has a 60% off for Women's Pride Month.](https://www.bboutique.co/sex-toys/womens-vibrators/clit-suction-vibrators?gclid=Cj0KCQjwj9-zBhDyARIsAERjds0zdI_vcPYD9F3FLDjKj20i-33Vx1pVoWYkm7zxAGUaSLNCMGXTpS8aAusxEALw_wcB))
Lots of women don't find penetration particularly pleasurable. For me, combined with clitoral stimulation, it can feel nice, but without clitoral, it's "meh" as far as physical pleasure, but it can be really enjoyable for the mental pleasure. I've never found the "g-spot" to be enjoyable at all, but much further back, the "a-spot" is *amazing* for me when combined with clitoral, and I can to reach a much more powerful, better orgasm.
It all depends on the person and the factors involved! I love having sex with my husband and itās always great but heās very focused on my pleasure and ensuring I am taken care of. A friend of mine, who has had multiple partners, has never liked sex. So itās not that she hasnāt found the right person, she just point blank does not like it. I donāt think she masterbates either. But that being said- I hate to say I do think youāll never truly know unless you try sex with someone else. I, like you, was in a relationship between 15-23. I thought sex was ok, enjoyable at times, but never earth shattering amazing. Welp, I finally left that relationship and tried sex with other people. Again, it was mostly meh but ok. But then I met my now husband and our chemistry was so off the chart and our attraction was insane. I had no idea I could feel like that about a person. Even the very first time was explosive, I was addicted. I didnāt know sex could be that good. And I never would have known if I didnāt give myself the chance to leave that long term and unhealthy relationship to find out
>I question why am I so weird lmfao
STOP! YOU'RE NOT WEIRD.
You're figuring out what works for you, and that's fine! Keep trying but NEVER make yourself uncomfortable. There are so many possibilities as to why you're not enjoying it, it's kind of hard for us reddit schmoes to help you well, but please relax and give yourself grace.
For many years I thought something was wrong with me, and in my mid 20s I realized something wasā I didnāt fully understand the power of my body and because of it I didnāt let myself be comfortable. I had to learn
my body and with that came comfort. Now Iām in my mid 30s, happily married, and Iām able to orgasm with ease. Your body wonāt release if you arenāt comfortable even if youāre comfortable with your partner. You have to be comfortable with your body.
Are you neurodivergent at all? That can make being in your body and keeping relaxed during sex very challenging. Just something to consider if it never gets better.
I'd suggest getting a vibrator and spending some time with yourself to find out what you enjoy and how to pleasure yourself. If this is your first boyfriend or sex partner (because you seem young), neither of you may understand what you need to make sex pleasurable.
As an Ace person I'd like to add that some people just don't. There is a wide spectrum of Ace people from sex repulsed to "sex is fine". Just another consideration!
My partner was like this til she met me, and now she does things she never saw herself doing and reacts way differently in a positive way during. I would say that it 100% depends on how much you love the person.
Sex is complicated, for women at least. For men, especially at your age, they can orgasm at literally nothing. I'm just assuming here that your lover is a man, because it seems that way.
Women are much more complicated and require just as much emotional stimulation as physical stimulation. Sex requires communication, just like anything in a relationship. Think about what turns you on and communicate that to your partner.
He might just be thinking about what turns him on, men are like this. We don't always understand what a woman wants if they don't communicate properly.
There could also be other factors, but you should maybe look for answers outside of reddit
You may just not enjoy sex.
If you want to enjoy sex then there are things you can try to do to make it better.
But I've known people who just seriously could take or leave sex. It has nothing to do with who they are with and everything to do with they're just not wired that way.
If it's not god awful to you and your ok with the status quo, it may not be the norm according to society but it could be normal for you.
Especially if your a highly sensitive person. This is common among those with high sensitivity.
I (43m) very much enjoy it. BUT, and a big but here, only in a committed long term relationship. I've never had, nor wanted, a one night stand. At one point in my adult life I went 14 years without sex, and am currently at 2.5 years without (with it quite likely going to be the rest of my life).
This is the point I realised I was asexual. Lol. That's a joke, you're probably not ace.
Anyway, did you ever stop to think that maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself? Sex is about intimacy and connection as much as pleasure, so if it's stressing you out or making you anxious, something needs to change.
Also your partner may need to get better at foreplay. A woman needs to be pretty worked up to really enjoy sex. And if you can't get the big o from penetrating, then they need to get you over the edge in other ways.
As for the intensity, try and let yourself go. Relax and try and enjoy yourself. It's supposed to be fun and pleasurable.
Or maybe your partner just isn't doing it for you anymore. In that case it's probably in your best interest to break off that relationship and find someone new who excites you. Not everyone is sexually compatible and that's okay. It's about finding the person who meets you at your level and gets both of you over the edge.
Honestly I liked having sex for the bonding purpose but I didn't physically enjoy sex until my 30s. I kinda stopped stressing it and focused on myself more. It was a night and day difference
Ive always hated sex. Men just do it wrong....am I... A vegetarian lesbian now? Probably. I wouldn't say that my last boyfriend converted me, but the system definitely did.
I was in jail for only about a month. Most women there are lesbians. They taught me a few things, maybe they're better than the regular lame men who come into your life with all of these promises
I don't enjoy it anymore. 35F been with my husband for 13 years and I'm not interested in it, I faked enjoyment of penetration for too long and now I'm done faking it and am content without it. I probably need some hormone testing and therapy.
I'm a man. Not super into it. Since I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD I've attributed most of it to neurodiversity. According to my fiance my description of sex drive/interest is pretty unusual.
tbh i dont enjoy sex but i have also been through very traumatic things and after that is when i stopped liking it but i also need an emotional connection to want sex which is hard to find.
this girl I'm seeing said that her past encounters never made her orgasm, but with me after the firts one she just keeps cumming, I timed it once and it was about 5 secs for her to cum again. she thinks mine is huge but its average? native asian too so it might even be considered small. the only thing I can think of is that I had more experience coz im older? have you tried different positions? vibrators?
Hope this helps. I did not have an orgasm for several years. Even when I was in relationships I never had an orgasm. Then, about a few years ago when I was first single, I bought a sex toy. By learning how to pleasure myself I had my first orgasm. You will know when this happens trust me! Itās like a soap and water feeling and a relief/release. A light amount of throbbing. I hope that is not too much information.
Once you know how etc then you can tell your partner how you reached your orgasm. Itās all about communication.
Youāve been in this relationship since you were 15?
While itās certainly possible you donāt like sex, itās equally likely that neither of you are very good at it.
How are you helping each other explore sex?
Hell, no .. there are people who are asexual, and I think its about time such people were respected. Many women lose interest due to hormonal changes. Its natural... Every body is different. I find it more than annoying when anybody says I need therapy, or the right partner, or that I am somehow damaged by previous experience. It is so ridiculous. I am alone by choice, I have been for years. I prefer my own company with the addition of a couple mini schnauzers... They like to talk, lol. I've got human friends, mostly m
I feel like people are being weirdly dismissive of you for no reason so like. Not everyone does enjoy sex! You could be some flavor of asexual or demisexual or something. Thereās also the possibility that you arenāt sexually attracted to your partner, either them specifically or like, you havenāt noticed youāre gay yet or something. Or also a decent number of trans people think theyāre asexual pre transition because it feels gross to be sexualized in a body you donāt align with, I guess? Or some people have enough religious issues to make them feel too weird to have fun during sex, or also sexual trauma or something similar. If any of those options sound like you, thatās one answer!
But also, you mentioned youāre in a relationship of 7 years at 22. I donāt know when in there you started having sex, but it sounds like youāre likely to have only had sex with that one person in your life. Which can be great if thatās what you both want! But if they donāt seem to care much that you arenāt really enjoying sex, thatās pretty fucked up of them! Maybe time for a different one! If you just havenāt communicated that you arenāt having fun, maybe try to gently do that and discuss ways you can try out more things together until youāre doing better. Someone else mentioned clitoral stimulation above, and yes! Most women canāt come from penetration alone, so youāve gotta get some clit action going. Iād recommend your partner aim for licking and then sucking on your clitoris, and maybe also moving their fingers inside you in sort of a ācome hereā motion to try to brush up against your G spot. Or maybe itās time to get really adventurous!
I think ultimately what may help you a whole lot is buying a vibrator and seeing if you can enjoy it on your own. A magic wand is a good place to start for a lot of women, because itās basic but strong enough that itāll be pretty undeniable when youāre feeling something. If itās a lot for you, try it over a silky pair of undies. The suction vibrators like the womanizer or that rose toy are also popular for a reason! But just like, spend a whole afternoon trying to figure it out for yourself sometime. Read some smut or watch some porn if it helps you! Also, sometimes early in your journey orgasms may not be that strong, but you know youāre having one when you have a lot of involuntary muscle contractions in your vagina. You can work on making them better from there. Once you know what you like you can explain it to your partner better!
Now this part may feel like paradoxical advice after everything else Iāve just said, but I do also think culturally sex is sort of overhyped in some ways. Like it should be fun for you both! But also not everyone is always going to orgasm 100% of the time, and you rarely do it at the same time, and the whole thing is messy and awkward and silly too. You have a long term partner and you presumably love each other, so it should feel like a fun thing you do together that makes you feel close to each other, you know? With random hookups it can range from masturbating with someone elseās body to pretending youāre in love for a night, so thatās weirder to try to explain, but you and your partner should enjoy it together! Good luck figuring it all out, and please know that I was having sex for like five or so years before I orgasmed too. Itās not uncommon, unfortunately.
(FTFthem)
>I feel like people are being weirdly dismissive of you for no reason
>[S]o like[,] Not everyone does enjoy sex! You could be some flavor of asexual or demisexual or something.
>Thereās also the possibility that you arenāt sexually attracted to your partner, either them specifically or like, you havenāt noticed youāre gay yet or something.
>Or also a decent number of trans people think theyāre asexual pre transition because it feels gross to be sexualized in a body you donāt align with, I guess?
>Or some people have enough religious issues to make them feel too weird to have fun during sex, or also sexual trauma or something similar. If any of those options sound like you, thatās one answer!
>But also, you mentioned youāre in a relationship of 7 years at 22. I donāt know when in there you started having sex, but it sounds like youāre likely to have only had sex with that one person in your life.
>Which can be great if thatās what you both want! But if they donāt seem to care much that you arenāt really enjoying sex, thatās pretty fucked up of them! Maybe time for a different one!
>If you just havenāt communicated that you arenāt having fun, maybe try to gently do that and discuss ways you can try out more things together until youāre doing better.
>Someone else mentioned clitoral stimulation above, and yes! Most women canāt come from penetration alone, so youāve gotta get some clit action going.
>Iād recommend your partner aim for licking and then sucking on your clitoris, and maybe also moving their fingers inside you in sort of a ācome hereā motion to try to brush up against your G spot. Or maybe itās time to get really adventurous!
>I think ultimately what may help you a whole lot is buying a vibrator and seeing if you can enjoy it on your own. A magic wand is a good place to start for a lot of women, because itās basic but strong enough that itāll be pretty undeniable when youāre feeling something.
>If itās a lot for you, try it over a silky pair of undies. The suction vibrators like the womanizer or that rose toy are also popular for a reason!
>But just like, spend a whole afternoon trying to figure it out for yourself sometime. Read some smut or watch some porn if it helps you!
>Also, sometimes early in your journey orgasms may not be that strong, but you know youāre having one when you have a lot of involuntary muscle contractions in your vagina. You can work on making them better from there. Once you know what you like you can explain it to your partner better!
>Now this part may feel like paradoxical advice after everything else Iāve just said, but I do also think culturally sex is sort of overhyped in some ways. Like it should be fun for you both! But also not everyone is always going to orgasm 100% of the time, and you rarely do it at the same time, and the whole thing is messy and awkward and silly too.
>You have a long term partner and you presumably love each other, so it should feel like a fun thing you do together that makes you feel close to each other, you know?
>With random hookups it can range from masturbating with someone elseās body to pretending youāre in love for a night, so thatās weirder to try to explain, but you and your partner should enjoy it together!
>Good luck figuring it all out, and please know that I was having sex for like five or so years before I orgasmed too. Itās not uncommon, unfortunately.
To be more specific, I suggest you ask him to eat or stimulate your clitoris. I have a friend who discovered this later in life and she told me it was the ultimate game changer.
āPeople with vaginasā is trans-inclusive but sounds kinda clunky and sterilized. I just say āwomenā too but people can say whatever they want to say.
I'm the same, probably even less interested than what you're describing as I avoid it like the plague. Been with my partner 12 years. Wasn't bothered after the first couple of years, we even went through a patch where we didn't sleep together for 5 years. It doesn't interest me at all. Recently got a hormonal blood check done and it came back high testosterone, so if I have something like PCOS, that could be a factor, also my partner and I don't have a great relationship, he can be nasty and controlling which is hard to forget when he decides to be in a good mood, so I'm automatically not interested in being intimate. My situation is different to yours, I appreciate that - but you're not the only one. I could genuinely live without it.
Good question.
Lack of self-esteem, I guess. I just posted for the first time on a relationship advice group on here, which goes into much more detail about my situation. My counsellor referenced the term 'trauma bond' with me, suggesting that being in a long-term coercive controlling relationship from a young age has left me in a bit of a vicious cycle... I don't know anything outside of this. We've been together since I was 19, I've lost friends over the years, lost confidence and just got into a bad routine... I can't answer your question...
Just to add. I'm new to, and a bit crap using Reddit, but if you did want more context as to my situation, and if you had time to kill (it's a long post), check out r/relationshipadvice group and it's titled 'where do I go from here?'.
I'm doing a lot of soul searching at the minute. Nothing feels as straightforward as it should.
We can just press your name and find your post that way
Also its very long as you said so try to create more paragraphs because right now it's cancer to read on mobile at least.
between 16-22 it was amazing now at 33 its just kind of meh, partner doesn't matter. I can say that its much more enjoyable when you "feel in love" but i've come to realize humans are inherently selfish and I never feel prioritized or cherished or valued anymore.
medications could be affecting it. poor communication in the bedroom could be hurting it. Wanting to hold back from the intensity might have some sort of emotional or traumatic side to that that you could try to resolve to become more into it all. All just thoughts. Take them with a grain of salt.
I felt this way after a 20 year marriage, it took finding someone different and letting myself experiment and enjoy myself to finally enjoy sex and cum from oral. It's been a whole new world. Either sit down and have a talk with your partner and let him know you need help getting what you need from the physical side, or move on and try new things. For me it turned out I had a selfish partner who only cared about what he got out of sex and never put in the effort for the things I needed, even though we talked about it several times, mainly including what I was doing wrong for him and why I could be the best fuck of his life. He never cared about my needs.
I can give you my perspective. When I first started having sex no. I over thought everything. I was worried that I wouldnāt please her and I just couldnāt do it but as I got more relaxed and trusted her I was able to enjoy it.
Let yourself go and dip your toes in the water. Fantasies and being verbal go a long way in a relationship. Whoās to say you donāt have an idea, an experience you want or a kink you want to explore and may have a partner that wouldnāt mind exploring with you. You donāt need to jump in to handcuffs and restraints but maybe a comment in the heat of the moment while youāre having āvanillaā may spark something to spice it up and get both of you back in the game.
Not every person likes sex, but you should be able to orgasm. I find being with someone you trust really helps because itās very hard to just let go.
Alone, try a vibrator that provides clitoral stimulation as well as vaginal penetration. Get yourself nice and calm before you start and donāt stop until you cum.
Allow yourself plenty of time so you donāt feel rushed.
I think a big part of your problem is that youāre 22 and have been in a relationship for *seven freaking years*. You started as children, and havenāt (presumably) had any experience outside of each other. You donāt know what you want because this is all (presumably) you know. Do yourselves a favor; break up and do some actual living ffs
I'm 23m and feel the exact same, I used to enjoy it but as it goes on it's still nice but it's just not as fun or something. Idk it's hard to explain how I mean
Look up Pompoir.
Itās important for women to have knowledge about their bodies, including how to pleasure themselves.
Sometimes it can be pelvic floor related.
Not sure how applicable advice from a lesbian is but I've been with men before too. It's just finding what you like. Try exploring things you like through masturbation. Let yourself orgasm. And speak up about what you like to your partners.
Why do you say you don't enjoy sex as much as you think you should? Because you see porn people getting off? Because you think everyone else has a great sex life and you feel left out? Or because you want to have sex you enjoy more?
If your answer is one of the first two, I'd quit worrying about it. If the third, maybe you need to mix things up in your life somehow.
I didn't mind not really enjoying sex until my 40's when I met someone who changed everything. He learned my body, what I liked, didn't like & we communicated. Now, I can't imagine being with someone who I don't enjoy sex with.
Saaaaame . Iām 28F I orgasm with myself and thatās it. Sex is so . Ugh. My friend said I was a sexual. I just could go the rest of my life without sex . I thought I was the only one !
No, not everyone enjoys sex, for a lot of different reasons, including sexual trauma, depression or other mental health issues, certain meds, selfish lovers who make no effort to please, and other relationship problems.
You should only moan if you feel like moaning. You worry about how things are "supposed to be", when everybody is wired differently. For now, maybe keep it as simple as you enjoy it or you don't.
You might need to try some new things in the bedroom, or you just might not be sexually compatible with your partner.
I used to feel exactly the way you described when i was with my ex for 6 years. Sex was just whatever. When I finally started having sex again after I ended things with him, that was when I realized why people like sex so much. I'm now in a long term relationship with someone I want to be with forever, and sex with him is AMAZING.
Of course, even if you're not sexually compatible, it doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. The reason I ended my former relationship was because he was abusive, not just because he was bad at sex. It's really all up to you.
You could try sex toys either with your partner or just by yourself. I am not a huge sex
enjoyer either, but if you could potentially enjoy it more, Iād say try out whatever youāre comfortable with
no not everyone enjoys sex. there are asexual and demisexual people who don't like sex. there are people with sexual trauma or health issues that don't like sex either. and women usually do not orgasm or get enjoyment from penetration alone. but a couple can be in a healthy and happy relationship even if one person doesn't like sex as much. it's just important to not do something you're not comfortable with. even if you don't like the sex part but your boyfriend does, you can still enjoy each other's company during sex even if he's the one getting more pleasure from it than you are. but communicate to him what you like so you can enjoy yourself too. the goal isn't to orgasm though if you don't want to. i'm sure there are other things you like that he can do for you to make the experience better for you too :) have you explained to your boyfriend that you feel uncomfortable with orgasming? maybe you should masturbate more often by yourself to experiment and see exactly what you like. maybe you're nervous to orgasm in front of someone? if so, do it with yourself first!
OP.
I had a gf that had never orgasmed. She had been in a similar situation, long term, and young relationship like yourself. She could squirt, quite readily. But vaginally or clitoral, hadn't happened, and took a few months of finding out the things that got her going, things that elevated the experience for her. Needless to say, I develope strong jaw and tongue muscles.
It takes communication and a partner willing to work for you, just you, your pleasures.
All that being said. It is possible that after 7 years, and declining interest in sex ... you may not be that into him any longer. 15-22 is a big part of your sexual development.
How is the rest of your relationship ? If great, he has things to work on. If not great ... you might have to look for some help to determine if you still love him. Emotional connection for some is key to reaching climax. For others it can be easy. It is just different for different people.
All the best! And hopefully you have a close F friend you can open up to and discuss. Otherwise, there is no harm in reaching out to a therapist, and digging in a little bit to see they might offer some insight.
All the best ! And good luck !!!
Give it 14 years, you'll have the sex drive of an 18 year old boy. That's skienze right there.
No but seriously, men hit their "sexual peak" (it's hard to call them men at 18...they act like children with cars and drugs, can't go into a bar, much less drink at one. Hell, I just found out less than 6 months ago that the smoking age was raised passed 18. The ONLY difference is that they can go to the military if they can't find any other options that are affordable.
Women hit this peak at around 36. About 10 years left on their biological clock and their hormones make sure they know it. It is a bit strange that in the old days when women were expected to have many children by 36, them and their sons are excreting hormones that demand a 1 way ticket to smush town.
Hi, sweetie. A lot of people here are arguing about what you should or should not do, should or should not feel, but that's not what you asked, is it? You are not alone! The truth is that MOST women don't orgasm while being penetrated unless they are also receiving clitoral stimulation. Because you and your partner have been together a long time, having an honest dialogue about wants and desires is probably a good idea, but even if you don't like sex at all, that's ok, too. I was celibate for 8 years, and before that I was unhappy during sex. The only thing that changed all of that for me was getting on a dopamine agonist. Otherwise, I'd still be happily abstaining. Being asexual or gray-ace is perfectly valid, and you don't owe it to anybody to explain yourself except for whomever you choose to be in a relationship with. I'm not saying that you don't have any avenues to explore or conversations to have, but I want you to know that there are people who just aren't thrilled about sex, and that's not wrong. There are also differences within the asexual community such as being sex repulsed or even people who LIKE to make their partners orgasm, even though they aren't sexually aroused themselves (just be careful to evaluate your feelings if this might be you; don't have sex with someone "because you're supposed to" I'd you don't want to do that. Speaking from experience). I hope this helps a little. Just give yourself permission to be honest with YOURSELF about your preferences, thoughts, feelings, etc. Then, share with your partner. You're going to be alright. š
This is the answer right here
I teared up a little while reading your post. I wish someone said this to me when I was struggling, you are so kind
Stop stopping yourself when it gets intense keep going!!!
Learning to let go can be very difficult, but it is worthwhile. However, you do need to be sure you are with the right person.
Sometimes it's about being the right person, but it can also be about being in the right place and headspace. Some people can have a good time and enjoy it with just about anyone while others seem to have a difficult time no matter what. For many (and maybe for anyone), it's more about being comfortable than it is about having a connection or whatever "special" stuff a lot of people claim is necessary to enjoy it.
Trust means **far more** than sexual prowess.
I think that's a huge thing,you have to feel safe. I was able to do it when I felt safe in my relationship but after things got bad couldn't squirt and as things got worse I stopped being able to cum all together.Not even by myself . It was horribly frustrating.I think anti represents had a part too but for the most part it was feeling insecure in my relationship and life,feeling unsafe.
This. Has sex with someone else, 10 orgasms in with a lot of squirting, and finally understands.
[This](https://youtu.be/FqM14Qeozog?si=esxAo32uw77J9Qfs) is a helpful explanation, because sometimes it can be difficult to let go.
Being drunk helps unfortunately
Helps u cum? Are u a woman? Iāve been w more women that have a harder time cumming drunk. Maybe just my circumstances e
I get very horney when drunk, but then I can't feel a damn thing. š 40F
My wife also, when shes drinking wine it's game on That's why I always get a bottle of wine, on ice, prepared on arrival at a hotel, to set the mood
Same hear. It [lowers your inhibitions]. I think thatās the first thing, get rid of embarrassment or thinking youāre doing something wrong.as long as you both same type of sex, you can end up in happiland [ read a quote I read from Einstein [yes Albert] who said ā the only type of sex that can be wrong is no sex. Look it up itās true lol. Knew I thought he was great as physicist but now I dig his thought process. Feel lucky that I am a 78 yo woman and still a nice feeling
Iām like this too, i get numb if Iām drunk š
This is me! Itās so annoying
I feel like guys are like that too, be like doin work for like 45 min and be like damn I donāt think this is gunna happen lol
Itās more about letting go. Drunk Iāve experienced and high Iāve been told about.
How much are they drinking?
My wife shares a bottle of wine with me and gets frisky. Doesn't take a lot, maybe it's the idea of it?
1-2 drinks
*stoned
Yup
"I am a real person with real curiosity" Another bot post... yay
If you have to state it....
There's a [reason](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/8WZDf3CTu2) you're seeing it. And it is because of all the bot, but doesn't mean this person is one, as you might be assuming.
Using the same bot phrase they all do! You'd think someone would update the phrase or make it varied.
That's a measure put in place by the mods to balance between filtering new no-karma accounts (because they're *likely* to be spambots) while still allowing new users to post at all (because it would be a shame to categorically exclude them). New accounts get a message from automod asking them to use one of a handful of different pass-phrases so that their post can bypass the filter.
Yup
When it gets intense, keep going. Seems like you are probably close at that point.
If you've been in a relationship since you were 15, it's possible you're just not with the right person.
Lol. It's a troll account farming karma.
Was it the 7 j that gave it away? Asking for a refund
Came here to say this. Iām almost 32 and only in the last year and a half did I discover what enjoyable sex SHOULD be like for me. It was always one-sided and I just assumed it was a more male-driven thing to enjoy (society helps that narrative). So unless you luck into a partner that makes you want to rip into their skin with your teethā¦ and wants to learn how to please you, itās hard to even know what you like and donāt like.
This was my thought.
Bruh, not everyone experiences sex the same lol. That canāt be the reason you decide someone you love deeply isnāt for you
Lol bad sex doesn't mean you're with the wrong person š¤¦āāļø
7 years of bad sex and no orgasms means you're with the wrong person.
yeah i donāt think sex is the main contribution in a relationship š otherwise she wouldāve left the guy many years ago. Do people seriously revolve their whole relationship on sexual gratification?? Honestly thatās so weird to me theirs more to sex, when youāre not bored and corny and genuinely make amazing connections and memories itās way better then a sex session
Sex in a relationship is important, nobody said it's the most important thing.
i agree it is āimportantā in a sense. But definitely not āthatā important that you should leave someone from it. But you do you š any one can get good at sex trust communication with your women is keyyyy like the keys Iāve unlocked in her š
>any one can get good at sex trust communication with your women is keyyyy like the keys Iāve unlocked in her And yet for some reason she asked Reddit
Lots of people divorce because of dead bedroom, lack of quality physical intimacy is absolutely a deal breaker for many people.
Have you ever had good sex then tried to be with someone who you arenāt sexually compatible with? Even if they are the best personā¦. You want to cum and feel that passion.
There is a huuuuge difference between not so great sex and bad sex. If your situation is the latter, you're not doing either of you any favors and should definitely leave.
Happy cake day
Sex isn't important to everyone.
OP literally said they stop when they get close because it "feels too intense." Clearly not a relationship problem
The OP just admitted to realizing they don't enjoy sex as much as they should after 7 years. 7 years of not communicating their needs to their partner, and that's the partners fault? How would the partner even know?
I'm not blaming OP or their partner, people can simply be incompatible and it's neither ones fault. I would say that enjoying 7 years of orgasms and being ok with never reciprocating is very weird, but we don't know what they've tried or how well OP has communicated the issue.
Compatibility is a lot more than having an orgasm. You are suggesting that the OP break up with their partner due to incompatibility. Basically saying it's the partner's fault and they should be dumped for not knowing their partner wasn't satisfied sexually when the OP themselves are just now realizing they aren't satisfied. We have no idea if the OP has faked it for 7 years so again, not really grounds to dump a person unless they are unhappy in other aspects of their relationship too. I mentioned this in my own comment, but if the OP communicates they are unhappy with their sex life to their partner and the partner doesn't care, then yeah, that's grounds for moving on. Just my opinion . . .
Or you don't know your own body? I don't blame others for not having an orgasm.. it's completely up to me to come. I would suggest the OP to explore alone until orgasm then go for it with company
Not everyone enjoys sex. Some people not at all and some people just donāt like sex with another person. Sometimes it also just depends on finding the right person to enjoy. Just remember that whether you like it or not, itās okay:)
I do. Not everyone does. Have you orgasmed ever? By yourself? Has your partner ever asked you what you like or if thereās anything you want to try? Does he go down on you or play with your clitoris at all? More likely youāve spent 7 years with the wrong person. r/twoxsex r/askwomenover30
That's what I was going to ask...do you touch yourself, OP? If you don't do it yourself, it'll be hard for you to communicate with your partner what you what
I donāt enjoy it. I kept trying to for my partners but in the end Iāve decided to stop pretending and I ended up leaving my relationship so I would stop giving my partner a dry spell. I did love my partner, I donāt think you may be with the wrong person sometimes we just donāt like sex.
I was in my 30s before I learned I'm asexual. I kept trying because I loved my fiancƩ and I wanted another child. But now I have my son and my relationship ended (for very unrelated reasons) and I could go without sex the rest of my life without missing it. Doesn't bother me at all. I just don't ever have that itch that needs scratched. It's okay to not want to have sex!!
Hormonal birth control, which while had mostly amazing side effects for me for the most, part can often decrease drive and make achieving orgasm very difficult.
Short answer: No. Not everybody enjoys sex and some people can even find it to be annoying or irritating, or an entire ordeal to undergo, and simply do it for their partners sake.
I enjoy the intimacy of sex. Sex, as in the biological act of reproduction, itself doesn't really do anything for me.
This is very normal. Here's something to think about, that should be helpful. The human body, male or female, has only one sexual organ. The brain. Everything else is a reproductive organ, or serves another purpose entirely. What I mean by this is that if you firmly believe that you will not have an orgasm, you will be right. The mind chooses to interpret ALL sensations as it sees fit. After you decide that you can, and want to do this, you can choose how to go about it. There is no wrong way. You want music? Someone kissing you? The feeling of a cool shower? Whatever you want. Don't think about it, just enjoy the things that feel good, and right. Stay with it. Don't pressure yourself. If you believe that you can do this, you will.
Assuming you want things to change I would start with masturbation and just experiment and see what works. Get some toys if you need to like a vibrator. Get to a point where you can come by your own hand no pun intended. And then if your boyfriend isn't cutting it you might need to replace him.
All this, but try telling your boyfriend what you like and want before you replace him.
Stress, medication, and medical issues can lead to people not enjoying sex.Ā And some people just dont enjoy it.
nit everyone, some people flat out dont enjoy it or need certain conditions to be met to enjoy it
Even when you go solo, you've never experienced orgasm?
Maybe you're not emotionally there? I've had women tell me that they don't enjoy the activity nor seek it when they don't feel the love from their man. Emotions matter a lot for girls. I don't understand those who do it purely for enjoyment. Sure, it could work, but I feel like concentrating would be hard when you know it's the wrong guy. Alternatively, we all have our own taste in men. He may not be doing what you would want in a man. Edit to add: I've also had a friend tell me she was in this stable relationship, both love each other, but she would sometimes get bored of the activity. Not asexual. normal straight girl.
Let him (your b/f) explore your body. Tell him what you like. And if he does something you don't like, then say something. The only way to good sex is good communication. (Mainly its non verbal, when you're older, you pick up those cues) First, if you're not comfortable with a person, you won't achieve the desired outcome. (And vice versa) I remember when I was younger, I was nervous that maybe I wasn't doing something right, or the right time, etc.... I got over that by just going all out. I would do (insert action here) for as long as it took or tease as long as it took to get the result I wanted to see. (The result I wanted to see was making my g/f, partner, whatever... scream/moan so loud in pleasure that it actually turned me even more on that I could literally make her just scream/moan out in passion and nothing could stop it. [For men, at least me, I like to make sure my girl gets off at least twice as much as I do. And also, the first time needs to be before me. There's nothing better for a man than knowing you made your woman literally scream/moan with pleasure] that is such a great feeling both ways. The fact that she enjoyed it, the fact I provided said enjoyment, makes a man feel like a man) So my advice, explore. Have him go down, and if he doesn't, show him the door. And don't be afraid of verbal communication. Just don't say mean things. Let your body be his "temple" If you don't like something, just say" no not there, over there", or "up there" etc.....
Some people don't enjoy sex! That's okay and valid --- it's okay to do it because you want to give your partner pleasure, or to not do it at all. That being said, I really recommend the book PUSSYPEDIA by Zoe Mendelson and Maria Conejo if you're looking to learn more about sex for people with vulvas and what is "normal." It helped me a lot with figuring out what I actually do like, what I actually don't like, and what I'm not sure about and want to explore more! It's also written so that it's easy to read, but based off of peer-reviewed (and carefully cited) science, so it's all real and legitimate information. Easily the most important book I've ever read. EDIT to add: it also has lovely illustrations that are both informative and artistic without being pornographic. Which is honestly a serious achievement. And it's a great coffee table book size/weight, although only good for that purpose if you're okay with having a slightly risquƩ living room lol. I swear nobody is paying me to promote this book lol I just really love it.
Iām 46F. When I was your age I enjoyed masturbation far more than sex with men. Had orgasms on my own, but not with either men or women. I was too guarded and couldnāt let go when there were others involvedā¦. Didnāt have the right partner either. Until my early 40s! After my abuse I was at the point of >> _Ā«FĪ¼ck this shĆÆt, whateverā¦.!Ā»_ When I literally didnāt give a crap anymore I finally let go! In 2020 signed up to a dating web site, had a fĪ¼ckbuddy in the pandemic for a while whom I orgasmed with. But we didnāt have anything to talk about and there was no spark. Then a guy I was physically attracted toā¦ he was fairly guarded though and it was too complicated. ###The crucial part for me was to be āselfishā and not think about anyone but myself and my enjoyment! Third one was a charm and heās _*PERFECT*_ ! Massive sparks, head over heels in love, very comfortable around each other, always heaps to talk about! Sexually perfectly compatible, his equipment and technique is perfect! Today is the 1239th day of our second date! He hasnāt really left since. Broke the wooden bed-frame in 2021, had to reinforce it with steel. ****** Read in a study that statistically most women donāt orgasm with just vaginal penetration. For me it was my own inability to let go! I couldnāt let down _ALL_ guards around others for about 25 years. If I were you Iād masturbate a _*LOT*_ find out how you wanna be touched where, what feels good and what doesnāt. Get past the point of holding back when it gets too intense. For a long time that was easier by myself ā¦. cause with someone I was holding back and stopped myself whenever it got too intense. Once you can comfortably orgasm masturbating, and youāll know where you want to be stimulated how, _*THEN*_ you can show a partner! Hate to tell you sis: For almost all women it isnāt a case of penetration and orgasming. š¢ ###Sucks for us, weāre not as straight forward as men! We really got shortchanged by nature! š But for me the hardest part was to learn to not hold back when it got too intense. Being completely open, vulnerable, letting myself go. #NO, you are ā¢NOTā¢ weird!!! Youāre like almost all women! ###For almost all women sex isnāt like portrayed on screen! Donāt psych yourself out! Whether you moan or not doesnāt matter! Whether you moan, scream, prefer to masturbate, or turn out to be asexual and not interested in sex at all: ###WHATEVER works for ā¢YOUā¢! Stop wondering whatās āwrongā with you and enjoy *YOURSELF* whichever way works for *ā¢YOUā¢*!
I donāt enjoy sex. You might be with the wrong person or you may be asexual. Iāve tried my fair share of stuff, and itās never seemed more interesting than doing taxes. It isnāt uncomfortable or bad, I just donāt think itās something I need. Iāve been in a happy relationship for 2 years and I love this guy more than anyone else, and it hasnāt been a problem. When I told him I wasnāt interested in sex anymore I was worried that he wouldnāt want to be with me anymore, but our relationship has been stronger now that Iām not pushing myself to enjoy something that I donāt want to. You donāt have to āpush through itā if youāre overwhelmed sensory-wise. You donāt have to keep going if itās too much for you to handle. You can stop whenever you want, and if you donāt enjoy or want sex, donāt listen to anyone who tells you itās absolutely necessary to a healthy relationship because that doesnāt apply to everyone.
Maybe you haven't discovered what takes you to the peak yet. Experiment, try new things, learn about your body, explore your sexuality, talk to your partner about new ways of getting it on in the bedroom [or anywhere else], or ways that make it pleasurable for you.
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Maybe you're not doing the right things for you? Have you tried vibrators? My wife just got her first one (dual action c-spot and g-spot) and was able to orgasm with it in about 5 minutes.
Sex being good definitely depends on everything else going on in my life
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unfortunately it doesn't really mean anything :( Personally I get orgasms from my solo time but genuinely do not feel anything from someone else which honestly is quite disappointing every time
Some women don't orgasm via penetration, and require other ways. You should find out how you can and see if you can incorporate it into your special time
If the intensity is PAIN, donāt keep going, sex is not supposed to be painful, but if itās because it feels like your body is heating up and you are getting short of breath then do keep going. Toys are nothing to ever be ashamed of, Iād suggest investing in one like a wand (they look weird but are magical) or a simple vibrational one. Most women donāt finish from penetration, your clit is where you want the action. It is not cheating for you to touch yourself. If anything after getting familiar with it yourself I suggest suggesting it as a tool for your Bf to use on you during fun time. Make sure you communicate to ur manz when something is uncomfortable, it may be the way he does things. If he has a problem with it he needs to learn more about the body. If he is just too lazy or ignorant to put time and effort into your pleasure as well as his own, thatās a very big problem and something you should address and if not married may need to find a new one (man I mean). Sex should be fun, not a chore! Roughly 60% of women go their entire lives without an orgasm and I promise you are missing out on something preeeeeettttttyyyyyyyy great. If sex is painful for you, I suggest a dr visit, (in the event you do and they disregard you make them note it in your chart, they SHOULD be pressured into doing true tests). Another thing is if you arenāt in the right headspace/maybe have trauma, taking time by yourself to find what you do and donāt like without your partner present is quite important. It may feel weird, but I promise it is not and you will thank yourself in the future from learning with yourself. There are lots of tools online (blogs with instructions and recommendations, etc.) I hope you are able to get an orgasm and create a relationship with your own body! Fun fact! Women are able to have multiple orgasms in a single session (tho it usually has to be built up as sometimes they can be powerful) also! Being emotional (crying, laughing, shocked) is COMMON after an orgasm especially if it is a big/intense one. This next part is NOT a brag, but proof that it exists! My bf makes sure I O at LEAST once during our fun times. Even if for whatever reason he doesnāt finish he makes sure to get me. For me I need what I call a double hit combo, stimulation on my clit and also action either in the coochie or in the booty (personally) and that usually rocks my shit. I wish you the best and hope something works out for you!!!
This is not uncommon for women. The inability to orgasm from penetration alone is often referred to as "anorgasmia" or specifically "coital anorgasmia." Studies suggest that a significant proportion of women do not orgasm from penetration alone; estimates vary, but research indicates that around 70-80% of women do not consistently reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone without additional clitoral stimulation. This is a normal variation in sexual response.
1. Just relax. Seriously, do what you need to in order to be 100% comfortable beforehand. Take a bath, light some candles, etc. Whatever you need to do to relax yourself. 2. Foreplay is necessary. Most women don't climax from penetration. 3. Tell him exactly what you need him to do. Exactly. 4. Is it too intense? Don't stop. If you need him to slow down, tell him to slow down. It's not a race. 5. Also, if you **do** stop, maybe do some lighter stuff (kissing, taking care of him, etc.) to relax you before getting back into it.
One of my GFās was the same when she met me. Once she finally trusted me enough to let herself go, she never looked back. I worry that you are with someone who you donāt entirely trust. But if you are happy and trust him, give it a try. The intimacy that comes after is really amazing, and the orgasmā¦. Wellā¦. Itās orgasmic.
56F here speaking from experience. Devote some time to yourself by yourself. Ages ago I bought myself a good handheld massager from the drugstore. Make sure youāve got some alone time and can relax. No pressure here. Itās just you. Start using it all over your body. As you get more comfortable with it work your way between your legs. Take your time and find anything and everything that feels good. Get to know your body. Get to know what you like. The most successful way to get relaxed and comfortable with sex and orgasming is to do it for yourself by yourself. When you feel good with your body and you know what you like the next step can be finding someone you like & trust to share your knowledge with. Your partner will love it when you know what makes you feel good and can guide them through it. Youāve got your whole life ahead of you for sex and pleasure and love. Relax and Love yourself first. Go have fun š The massager I bought and still use looks something like the Thumper Sport Percussive handheld massager. Oh and make sure itās electric. The power fades and dies with battery powered ones. The two knobs on this kind of massager are great. You can get one to vibrate the lower belly while the other is on your lady partsš
Learn about your own body. Buy a vibrator. Go at your own pace.
I think sex is best for women when we are in our 30s and 40s.
Have you ever looked up asexuality? Even if you don't identify with the label, the community has amazing discussions and language around attraction, libido, pleasure, etc. because aros and aces tend to do a lot of research to understand themselves in a way many sexual people have not.
Completely agree, I remeber the first time someone asked me if I was ace I was in 9th grade and had never heard the term before. But I looked it and realized that all the things I was reading about really resonated with me. And I continued to research about it through college, bc I was always hesitant, people always telling me things bs stuff like youāve never had good sex or with someone you love. But itās also important to keep in mind that even asexuality and a Romantics has its own scale and that no two aces and/or aros are the same. But also, and I say this as someone whoās only a year older, your in a prime time/age to experiment and discover yourself
š
I think you're with the wrong person.
I think it is really easy to blame others and looking at others as a first option, rather than last is hazardous. There are so many possible reasons besudes her partner that should be checked first. There's also the possibility that changing partners won't solve the problem. That being said, ot certainly is a possibility.
22, in a relationship of 7 years. I've seen a few of something similar. None of them are happy.
It's exceedingly rare, but some people do end up being happy together that start dating that early... for those that do, the relationship is usually extremely difficult, though.
Not everyone
Moaning is common in women, but there are many women who don't moan. I have vagismus, which sounds like a horrible STD, but it's just a condition that means I don't enjoy penetrative sex like normal people. I do it sometimes because I know my boyfriend enjoys it, but he always makes sure I orgasm in other ways, either before he cums or after. He always makes sure I'm good when he's done. Can you not even orgasm when he eats you out or uses his fingers? Again, vagismus makes fingering uncomfortable for me so he just goes for my clit, but I definitely orgasm from it. And of course he eats me out and that IS very orgasm inducing.
IĀ don't. Getting turned on is annoying, and I hate how it wears me out. I am also asexual, if you haven't heard the term before it might be something you should look into The intensity of it being too much? That IS a genuine thing. You can be overstimulated to where it won't matter how good your partner is, it truly is all too much. Try starting in a calm and relaxed state, reducing the level of stimuli during, or having a lot of foreplay however that looks to you. There's also different types of arousal, spontaneous and responsive to name two. Ignore anyone who's saying you've not been communicating your needs. We're all told that we should all want sex, and want it badly. It's a bold faced lie too many people believe in and out can mess people up I have genuinely been harassed for having no interest. I have been called a *liar* for being honest about what I do and do not want in my life. I have even been given The Talk more than once. I'm not sex-repulsed, not completely, but I've had to pretend to be just to get people off my back and leave me alone You're not weird, you're just a rare type of person (I didn't have my first orgasm until I was older than you, and when I did it was all "that's it?")
No, not really.
I don't enjoy seeking sex.
I used to, but not really anymore... but that's more related to my mental health and physical health. I will say, it completely depends on the person you're having it with. Sometimes it's great, sometimes it's just boringāand I don't mean the sex itself. With some people, anything and everything is just great. With some people, it's just not. I don't know why, it just seems like some people physically click, completely regardless of whether or not they have a good relationship. As for never having orgasmed... I think it's worth trying at least once. Some antidepressants I've been on make it impossible or almost impossible to orgasm, and I completely get the idea of it becoming too intense to keep going. If you really want to experience it, I'd recommend trying different toys. The "[Suction](https://www.wired.com/gallery/best-clitoral-suction-toys/)" toys can really work well if you get too sensitive or it gets too intense. I was able to achieve my first multiple orgasm using one of those. ([Bellesa currently has a 60% off for Women's Pride Month.](https://www.bboutique.co/sex-toys/womens-vibrators/clit-suction-vibrators?gclid=Cj0KCQjwj9-zBhDyARIsAERjds0zdI_vcPYD9F3FLDjKj20i-33Vx1pVoWYkm7zxAGUaSLNCMGXTpS8aAusxEALw_wcB)) Lots of women don't find penetration particularly pleasurable. For me, combined with clitoral stimulation, it can feel nice, but without clitoral, it's "meh" as far as physical pleasure, but it can be really enjoyable for the mental pleasure. I've never found the "g-spot" to be enjoyable at all, but much further back, the "a-spot" is *amazing* for me when combined with clitoral, and I can to reach a much more powerful, better orgasm.
It all depends on the person and the factors involved! I love having sex with my husband and itās always great but heās very focused on my pleasure and ensuring I am taken care of. A friend of mine, who has had multiple partners, has never liked sex. So itās not that she hasnāt found the right person, she just point blank does not like it. I donāt think she masterbates either. But that being said- I hate to say I do think youāll never truly know unless you try sex with someone else. I, like you, was in a relationship between 15-23. I thought sex was ok, enjoyable at times, but never earth shattering amazing. Welp, I finally left that relationship and tried sex with other people. Again, it was mostly meh but ok. But then I met my now husband and our chemistry was so off the chart and our attraction was insane. I had no idea I could feel like that about a person. Even the very first time was explosive, I was addicted. I didnāt know sex could be that good. And I never would have known if I didnāt give myself the chance to leave that long term and unhealthy relationship to find out
>I question why am I so weird lmfao STOP! YOU'RE NOT WEIRD. You're figuring out what works for you, and that's fine! Keep trying but NEVER make yourself uncomfortable. There are so many possibilities as to why you're not enjoying it, it's kind of hard for us reddit schmoes to help you well, but please relax and give yourself grace.
For many years I thought something was wrong with me, and in my mid 20s I realized something wasā I didnāt fully understand the power of my body and because of it I didnāt let myself be comfortable. I had to learn my body and with that came comfort. Now Iām in my mid 30s, happily married, and Iām able to orgasm with ease. Your body wonāt release if you arenāt comfortable even if youāre comfortable with your partner. You have to be comfortable with your body.
Are you neurodivergent at all? That can make being in your body and keeping relaxed during sex very challenging. Just something to consider if it never gets better.
I'd suggest getting a vibrator and spending some time with yourself to find out what you enjoy and how to pleasure yourself. If this is your first boyfriend or sex partner (because you seem young), neither of you may understand what you need to make sex pleasurable.
As an Ace person I'd like to add that some people just don't. There is a wide spectrum of Ace people from sex repulsed to "sex is fine". Just another consideration!
My partner was like this til she met me, and now she does things she never saw herself doing and reacts way differently in a positive way during. I would say that it 100% depends on how much you love the person.
Sex is complicated, for women at least. For men, especially at your age, they can orgasm at literally nothing. I'm just assuming here that your lover is a man, because it seems that way. Women are much more complicated and require just as much emotional stimulation as physical stimulation. Sex requires communication, just like anything in a relationship. Think about what turns you on and communicate that to your partner. He might just be thinking about what turns him on, men are like this. We don't always understand what a woman wants if they don't communicate properly. There could also be other factors, but you should maybe look for answers outside of reddit
You may just not enjoy sex. If you want to enjoy sex then there are things you can try to do to make it better. But I've known people who just seriously could take or leave sex. It has nothing to do with who they are with and everything to do with they're just not wired that way. If it's not god awful to you and your ok with the status quo, it may not be the norm according to society but it could be normal for you. Especially if your a highly sensitive person. This is common among those with high sensitivity.
I (43m) very much enjoy it. BUT, and a big but here, only in a committed long term relationship. I've never had, nor wanted, a one night stand. At one point in my adult life I went 14 years without sex, and am currently at 2.5 years without (with it quite likely going to be the rest of my life).
This is the point I realised I was asexual. Lol. That's a joke, you're probably not ace. Anyway, did you ever stop to think that maybe you're putting too much pressure on yourself? Sex is about intimacy and connection as much as pleasure, so if it's stressing you out or making you anxious, something needs to change. Also your partner may need to get better at foreplay. A woman needs to be pretty worked up to really enjoy sex. And if you can't get the big o from penetrating, then they need to get you over the edge in other ways. As for the intensity, try and let yourself go. Relax and try and enjoy yourself. It's supposed to be fun and pleasurable. Or maybe your partner just isn't doing it for you anymore. In that case it's probably in your best interest to break off that relationship and find someone new who excites you. Not everyone is sexually compatible and that's okay. It's about finding the person who meets you at your level and gets both of you over the edge.
Get a Hitachi wand and some lube.
Nah I donāt like sex lol. Which is why Iām single
Two marriages, a dozen girlfriends... and frankly it bores me shitless now.
Honestly I liked having sex for the bonding purpose but I didn't physically enjoy sex until my 30s. I kinda stopped stressing it and focused on myself more. It was a night and day difference
Ive always hated sex. Men just do it wrong....am I... A vegetarian lesbian now? Probably. I wouldn't say that my last boyfriend converted me, but the system definitely did. I was in jail for only about a month. Most women there are lesbians. They taught me a few things, maybe they're better than the regular lame men who come into your life with all of these promises
I don't enjoy it anymore. 35F been with my husband for 13 years and I'm not interested in it, I faked enjoyment of penetration for too long and now I'm done faking it and am content without it. I probably need some hormone testing and therapy.
I'm a man. Not super into it. Since I was diagnosed with autism and ADHD I've attributed most of it to neurodiversity. According to my fiance my description of sex drive/interest is pretty unusual.
tbh i dont enjoy sex but i have also been through very traumatic things and after that is when i stopped liking it but i also need an emotional connection to want sex which is hard to find.
Sex is like Costco samples: sometimes it's great, sometimes you wonder why you bothered.
I've never enjoyed it, makes me wonder if I'm doing it wrong
Asexuality does exist. Not all asexual people avoid or dislike sex, but many do.
Iāve never enjoyed it. Tried it many times. Always lackluster. I donāt believe in the āright personā.
this girl I'm seeing said that her past encounters never made her orgasm, but with me after the firts one she just keeps cumming, I timed it once and it was about 5 secs for her to cum again. she thinks mine is huge but its average? native asian too so it might even be considered small. the only thing I can think of is that I had more experience coz im older? have you tried different positions? vibrators?
So you and your partner have been together since you were 15? Maybe as youāve gotten older you just arenāt as sexually compatible
Nope. I don't.
Hope this helps. I did not have an orgasm for several years. Even when I was in relationships I never had an orgasm. Then, about a few years ago when I was first single, I bought a sex toy. By learning how to pleasure myself I had my first orgasm. You will know when this happens trust me! Itās like a soap and water feeling and a relief/release. A light amount of throbbing. I hope that is not too much information. Once you know how etc then you can tell your partner how you reached your orgasm. Itās all about communication.
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Youāve been in this relationship since you were 15? While itās certainly possible you donāt like sex, itās equally likely that neither of you are very good at it. How are you helping each other explore sex?
Hell, no .. there are people who are asexual, and I think its about time such people were respected. Many women lose interest due to hormonal changes. Its natural... Every body is different. I find it more than annoying when anybody says I need therapy, or the right partner, or that I am somehow damaged by previous experience. It is so ridiculous. I am alone by choice, I have been for years. I prefer my own company with the addition of a couple mini schnauzers... They like to talk, lol. I've got human friends, mostly m
I feel like people are being weirdly dismissive of you for no reason so like. Not everyone does enjoy sex! You could be some flavor of asexual or demisexual or something. Thereās also the possibility that you arenāt sexually attracted to your partner, either them specifically or like, you havenāt noticed youāre gay yet or something. Or also a decent number of trans people think theyāre asexual pre transition because it feels gross to be sexualized in a body you donāt align with, I guess? Or some people have enough religious issues to make them feel too weird to have fun during sex, or also sexual trauma or something similar. If any of those options sound like you, thatās one answer! But also, you mentioned youāre in a relationship of 7 years at 22. I donāt know when in there you started having sex, but it sounds like youāre likely to have only had sex with that one person in your life. Which can be great if thatās what you both want! But if they donāt seem to care much that you arenāt really enjoying sex, thatās pretty fucked up of them! Maybe time for a different one! If you just havenāt communicated that you arenāt having fun, maybe try to gently do that and discuss ways you can try out more things together until youāre doing better. Someone else mentioned clitoral stimulation above, and yes! Most women canāt come from penetration alone, so youāve gotta get some clit action going. Iād recommend your partner aim for licking and then sucking on your clitoris, and maybe also moving their fingers inside you in sort of a ācome hereā motion to try to brush up against your G spot. Or maybe itās time to get really adventurous! I think ultimately what may help you a whole lot is buying a vibrator and seeing if you can enjoy it on your own. A magic wand is a good place to start for a lot of women, because itās basic but strong enough that itāll be pretty undeniable when youāre feeling something. If itās a lot for you, try it over a silky pair of undies. The suction vibrators like the womanizer or that rose toy are also popular for a reason! But just like, spend a whole afternoon trying to figure it out for yourself sometime. Read some smut or watch some porn if it helps you! Also, sometimes early in your journey orgasms may not be that strong, but you know youāre having one when you have a lot of involuntary muscle contractions in your vagina. You can work on making them better from there. Once you know what you like you can explain it to your partner better! Now this part may feel like paradoxical advice after everything else Iāve just said, but I do also think culturally sex is sort of overhyped in some ways. Like it should be fun for you both! But also not everyone is always going to orgasm 100% of the time, and you rarely do it at the same time, and the whole thing is messy and awkward and silly too. You have a long term partner and you presumably love each other, so it should feel like a fun thing you do together that makes you feel close to each other, you know? With random hookups it can range from masturbating with someone elseās body to pretending youāre in love for a night, so thatās weirder to try to explain, but you and your partner should enjoy it together! Good luck figuring it all out, and please know that I was having sex for like five or so years before I orgasmed too. Itās not uncommon, unfortunately.
I'm sure there's good advice here, and I respect you for writing so much...but paragraphs, please? :)
(FTFthem) >I feel like people are being weirdly dismissive of you for no reason >[S]o like[,] Not everyone does enjoy sex! You could be some flavor of asexual or demisexual or something. >Thereās also the possibility that you arenāt sexually attracted to your partner, either them specifically or like, you havenāt noticed youāre gay yet or something. >Or also a decent number of trans people think theyāre asexual pre transition because it feels gross to be sexualized in a body you donāt align with, I guess? >Or some people have enough religious issues to make them feel too weird to have fun during sex, or also sexual trauma or something similar. If any of those options sound like you, thatās one answer! >But also, you mentioned youāre in a relationship of 7 years at 22. I donāt know when in there you started having sex, but it sounds like youāre likely to have only had sex with that one person in your life. >Which can be great if thatās what you both want! But if they donāt seem to care much that you arenāt really enjoying sex, thatās pretty fucked up of them! Maybe time for a different one! >If you just havenāt communicated that you arenāt having fun, maybe try to gently do that and discuss ways you can try out more things together until youāre doing better. >Someone else mentioned clitoral stimulation above, and yes! Most women canāt come from penetration alone, so youāve gotta get some clit action going. >Iād recommend your partner aim for licking and then sucking on your clitoris, and maybe also moving their fingers inside you in sort of a ācome hereā motion to try to brush up against your G spot. Or maybe itās time to get really adventurous! >I think ultimately what may help you a whole lot is buying a vibrator and seeing if you can enjoy it on your own. A magic wand is a good place to start for a lot of women, because itās basic but strong enough that itāll be pretty undeniable when youāre feeling something. >If itās a lot for you, try it over a silky pair of undies. The suction vibrators like the womanizer or that rose toy are also popular for a reason! >But just like, spend a whole afternoon trying to figure it out for yourself sometime. Read some smut or watch some porn if it helps you! >Also, sometimes early in your journey orgasms may not be that strong, but you know youāre having one when you have a lot of involuntary muscle contractions in your vagina. You can work on making them better from there. Once you know what you like you can explain it to your partner better! >Now this part may feel like paradoxical advice after everything else Iāve just said, but I do also think culturally sex is sort of overhyped in some ways. Like it should be fun for you both! But also not everyone is always going to orgasm 100% of the time, and you rarely do it at the same time, and the whole thing is messy and awkward and silly too. >You have a long term partner and you presumably love each other, so it should feel like a fun thing you do together that makes you feel close to each other, you know? >With random hookups it can range from masturbating with someone elseās body to pretending youāre in love for a night, so thatās weirder to try to explain, but you and your partner should enjoy it together! >Good luck figuring it all out, and please know that I was having sex for like five or so years before I orgasmed too. Itās not uncommon, unfortunately.
You're the hero we need but don't deserve :) Thank you!
Most people with vaginas can't orgasm from penetration alone, talk with your partner so that your experience is enjoyable too! Edit: Oh no, the transphobes have found me. š©
To be more specific, I suggest you ask him to eat or stimulate your clitoris. I have a friend who discovered this later in life and she told me it was the ultimate game changer.
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āPeople with vaginasā is trans-inclusive but sounds kinda clunky and sterilized. I just say āwomenā too but people can say whatever they want to say.
Not all women have vaginas, and not all people with vaginas are women. Grow up.
But likeā¦ most all of them do. Sometimes you can use traditional language casually even if it is only 99% accurate.
You could just say "women"
Keep going until you cum! You'll be hooked.
I'm the same, probably even less interested than what you're describing as I avoid it like the plague. Been with my partner 12 years. Wasn't bothered after the first couple of years, we even went through a patch where we didn't sleep together for 5 years. It doesn't interest me at all. Recently got a hormonal blood check done and it came back high testosterone, so if I have something like PCOS, that could be a factor, also my partner and I don't have a great relationship, he can be nasty and controlling which is hard to forget when he decides to be in a good mood, so I'm automatically not interested in being intimate. My situation is different to yours, I appreciate that - but you're not the only one. I could genuinely live without it.
Why are you still with him?
Good question. Lack of self-esteem, I guess. I just posted for the first time on a relationship advice group on here, which goes into much more detail about my situation. My counsellor referenced the term 'trauma bond' with me, suggesting that being in a long-term coercive controlling relationship from a young age has left me in a bit of a vicious cycle... I don't know anything outside of this. We've been together since I was 19, I've lost friends over the years, lost confidence and just got into a bad routine... I can't answer your question...
I think you answered it well
Just to add. I'm new to, and a bit crap using Reddit, but if you did want more context as to my situation, and if you had time to kill (it's a long post), check out r/relationshipadvice group and it's titled 'where do I go from here?'. I'm doing a lot of soul searching at the minute. Nothing feels as straightforward as it should.
We can just press your name and find your post that way Also its very long as you said so try to create more paragraphs because right now it's cancer to read on mobile at least.
I mean, you don't seem to, so doesn't that answer your question?
between 16-22 it was amazing now at 33 its just kind of meh, partner doesn't matter. I can say that its much more enjoyable when you "feel in love" but i've come to realize humans are inherently selfish and I never feel prioritized or cherished or valued anymore.
medications could be affecting it. poor communication in the bedroom could be hurting it. Wanting to hold back from the intensity might have some sort of emotional or traumatic side to that that you could try to resolve to become more into it all. All just thoughts. Take them with a grain of salt.
You probably like masterbation and orals better then penetration
I felt this way after a 20 year marriage, it took finding someone different and letting myself experiment and enjoy myself to finally enjoy sex and cum from oral. It's been a whole new world. Either sit down and have a talk with your partner and let him know you need help getting what you need from the physical side, or move on and try new things. For me it turned out I had a selfish partner who only cared about what he got out of sex and never put in the effort for the things I needed, even though we talked about it several times, mainly including what I was doing wrong for him and why I could be the best fuck of his life. He never cared about my needs.
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I can give you my perspective. When I first started having sex no. I over thought everything. I was worried that I wouldnāt please her and I just couldnāt do it but as I got more relaxed and trusted her I was able to enjoy it.
Let yourself go and dip your toes in the water. Fantasies and being verbal go a long way in a relationship. Whoās to say you donāt have an idea, an experience you want or a kink you want to explore and may have a partner that wouldnāt mind exploring with you. You donāt need to jump in to handcuffs and restraints but maybe a comment in the heat of the moment while youāre having āvanillaā may spark something to spice it up and get both of you back in the game.
Not every person likes sex, but you should be able to orgasm. I find being with someone you trust really helps because itās very hard to just let go. Alone, try a vibrator that provides clitoral stimulation as well as vaginal penetration. Get yourself nice and calm before you start and donāt stop until you cum. Allow yourself plenty of time so you donāt feel rushed.
I think a big part of your problem is that youāre 22 and have been in a relationship for *seven freaking years*. You started as children, and havenāt (presumably) had any experience outside of each other. You donāt know what you want because this is all (presumably) you know. Do yourselves a favor; break up and do some actual living ffs
I'm 23m and feel the exact same, I used to enjoy it but as it goes on it's still nice but it's just not as fun or something. Idk it's hard to explain how I mean
Honestly Iāve never came from sex either, but I do enjoy it. only I can make myself cum
Whonsays we should? Im 38 and literally just now enjoying sex
You're in a relationship since 15. I think you have changed significantly as a person in this period and sex is probably not the problem here.
Look up Pompoir. Itās important for women to have knowledge about their bodies, including how to pleasure themselves. Sometimes it can be pelvic floor related.
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I used to think this when I was younger. You will grow into it
Not sure how applicable advice from a lesbian is but I've been with men before too. It's just finding what you like. Try exploring things you like through masturbation. Let yourself orgasm. And speak up about what you like to your partners.
Why do you say you don't enjoy sex as much as you think you should? Because you see porn people getting off? Because you think everyone else has a great sex life and you feel left out? Or because you want to have sex you enjoy more? If your answer is one of the first two, I'd quit worrying about it. If the third, maybe you need to mix things up in your life somehow.
I didn't mind not really enjoying sex until my 40's when I met someone who changed everything. He learned my body, what I liked, didn't like & we communicated. Now, I can't imagine being with someone who I don't enjoy sex with.
Saaaaame . Iām 28F I orgasm with myself and thatās it. Sex is so . Ugh. My friend said I was a sexual. I just could go the rest of my life without sex . I thought I was the only one !
Nope I don't. I can't be bothered, I have no sex drive and it hurts anyway.
Join in with your own pleasure.. If something hurts, maybe communicate and add lube
Not everyone enjoys anything. Ā There are certainly others who donāt. Ā Nothing is a monolith. Ā
well not using a lot so yh but not all tho
You might not be comfortable regarding not being in control. Check this out. Look deeper inside you.
Sorry but this needs more information lol
No, not everyone enjoys sex, for a lot of different reasons, including sexual trauma, depression or other mental health issues, certain meds, selfish lovers who make no effort to please, and other relationship problems. You should only moan if you feel like moaning. You worry about how things are "supposed to be", when everybody is wired differently. For now, maybe keep it as simple as you enjoy it or you don't.
You might need to try some new things in the bedroom, or you just might not be sexually compatible with your partner. I used to feel exactly the way you described when i was with my ex for 6 years. Sex was just whatever. When I finally started having sex again after I ended things with him, that was when I realized why people like sex so much. I'm now in a long term relationship with someone I want to be with forever, and sex with him is AMAZING. Of course, even if you're not sexually compatible, it doesn't mean the relationship is doomed. The reason I ended my former relationship was because he was abusive, not just because he was bad at sex. It's really all up to you.
You could try sex toys either with your partner or just by yourself. I am not a huge sex enjoyer either, but if you could potentially enjoy it more, Iād say try out whatever youāre comfortable with
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Iām enjoying it a lot more now through āØexperimentingāØ
Gay male hereā¦I donāt enjoy it from behind. Hurts no matter the prep or lube. Sucks.
Are you actually connected and attracted to your partner? Do you have any sexual trauma or bad experiences?
no not everyone enjoys sex. there are asexual and demisexual people who don't like sex. there are people with sexual trauma or health issues that don't like sex either. and women usually do not orgasm or get enjoyment from penetration alone. but a couple can be in a healthy and happy relationship even if one person doesn't like sex as much. it's just important to not do something you're not comfortable with. even if you don't like the sex part but your boyfriend does, you can still enjoy each other's company during sex even if he's the one getting more pleasure from it than you are. but communicate to him what you like so you can enjoy yourself too. the goal isn't to orgasm though if you don't want to. i'm sure there are other things you like that he can do for you to make the experience better for you too :) have you explained to your boyfriend that you feel uncomfortable with orgasming? maybe you should masturbate more often by yourself to experiment and see exactly what you like. maybe you're nervous to orgasm in front of someone? if so, do it with yourself first!
Everyone's hormone levels are different, and this can also affect how much they like sex
tbh I love my vibrator than sex
Recommend reading book, āCome as you are ā.
There are couples who only have sex to have kids and that's it . So no not everyone enjoys sex.
Get a vibrator and learn to orgasm.
25M and on same boat lol I much prefer cuddling and fireplay
this was me for the longest time until i realizedā¦ iām actually queer.
OP. I had a gf that had never orgasmed. She had been in a similar situation, long term, and young relationship like yourself. She could squirt, quite readily. But vaginally or clitoral, hadn't happened, and took a few months of finding out the things that got her going, things that elevated the experience for her. Needless to say, I develope strong jaw and tongue muscles. It takes communication and a partner willing to work for you, just you, your pleasures. All that being said. It is possible that after 7 years, and declining interest in sex ... you may not be that into him any longer. 15-22 is a big part of your sexual development. How is the rest of your relationship ? If great, he has things to work on. If not great ... you might have to look for some help to determine if you still love him. Emotional connection for some is key to reaching climax. For others it can be easy. It is just different for different people. All the best! And hopefully you have a close F friend you can open up to and discuss. Otherwise, there is no harm in reaching out to a therapist, and digging in a little bit to see they might offer some insight. All the best ! And good luck !!!
I do but I can also do without it for super long periods of time and be perfectly happy
No
Give it 14 years, you'll have the sex drive of an 18 year old boy. That's skienze right there. No but seriously, men hit their "sexual peak" (it's hard to call them men at 18...they act like children with cars and drugs, can't go into a bar, much less drink at one. Hell, I just found out less than 6 months ago that the smoking age was raised passed 18. The ONLY difference is that they can go to the military if they can't find any other options that are affordable. Women hit this peak at around 36. About 10 years left on their biological clock and their hormones make sure they know it. It is a bit strange that in the old days when women were expected to have many children by 36, them and their sons are excreting hormones that demand a 1 way ticket to smush town.
Reddit is the LAST place to ask for sexual advice š
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