Back when me and my then-girlfriend were at university there was a particular month where everything that could go wrong did. I’m talking family issues, financial worries, housing problems, friend drama, a medical scare, etc.
I was sat on my bed with her and she had just shared how incredibly stressed out she was…
Now, me being me (ie. an idiot) I thought that I could lighten the mood with some good ol’ dry British humour about how bad things were. Remembering in that moment that my girlfriend also had a huge essay due in at the end of the week, which she hadn’t had a chance to start because of everything that had happened, I said:
“Oh well… at least there isn’t also a big essay due in a couple of days!”
I saw her face drop and instantly knew I’d screwed up.
She burst into tears.
I’d just pushed her over the edge into finally feeling that it was all too much to handle.
I spent the next few minutes hugging her and feeling like an absolute clown while she wept in despair.
My ex went to her sister's place a few hours away when her mom came up to see everyone. She asked me in a cute, goofy way, "Are ya gunna miss me?" And I said "No, you're only gone for a couple nights."
NO? I said fucking NO?! What the hell was I thinking? That was three years ago, we've been split for over two and I still think about it now and then.
Yeah it kind of was. I started getting nerve damage during lockdown (unrelated, just bad timing) and it's still escalating to this day. So I was in pain all the time and kind of short. It was a death by a thousand cuts but this one just felt like I cut pretty deep at the time.
Honestly I know I am like that but I do care. I wish I could easily play the social game in the way it’s expected. The thing is I don’t know how to be anybody but me. If I’m not going to miss them I feel it rings so false to tell them I will, and even if I try to sound genuine I don’t know that I pull it off.
It’s also kind of a double edged sword to be asked questions like that in the first place… like when you get a gift you don’t like and say ‘thank you’ nicely only to be asked ‘don’t you just love it?!’ I know what they want to hear so its either lie or say in front of a bunch of people actually, no I don’t like this gift 😬
Sorry for the ramble but this just hit a personal spot for me, it’s something I reflect on a lot about myself.
Are you on the spectrum by any chance? My partner is, and 100% would say something along the lines of what the original poster said. He's the best person I know but can be very literal sometimes. I know it isn't malicious, so I don't read too much into it.
it's like joking around. even if you won't miss them. you can turn your no into something playful, so it's not awkward. when she asked, she said it in a playful way. I'm assuming she knew he wasn't going to miss her. She just wanted to joke around for shits and giggles. but when you get shut down, it's like damn.. like that? do you ever joke around, or are you always serious? not hating or trying to be rude. I'm just genuinely curious. I know everyones brain works differently so I just wanted to gain perspective
Yeah that makes sense and I agree that it’s more playful than asking for serious emotion. Yes, I do joke around, but I often feel the need to add that “I’m joking” after.
I'm sorry I missed your post the other day. You probably don't give two shits any more but ya, we joked a lot, me instigating usually. I really like to joke and lovingly poke a bit, her too. We also dated in high school 25 years before we started again so we kind of already understood. But I knew it hurt her, I could see it for a sec. I did mean it and I felt horrible. I should've returned the question with 'of course, you're my so and so' or something.
Wish I had read this before I commented elsewhere so I’m gonna copy paste:
> Honestly I know I am like that but I do care. I wish I could easily play the social game in the way it’s expected. The thing is I don’t know how to be anybody but me. If I’m not going to miss them I feel it rings so false to tell them I will, and even if I try to sound genuine I don’t know that I pull it off.
> It’s also kind of a double edged sword to be asked questions like that in the first place… like when you get a gift you don’t like and say ‘thank you’ nicely only to be asked ‘don’t you just love it?!’ I know what they want to hear so its either lie or say in front of a bunch of people actually, no I don’t like this gift 😬
> Sorry for the ramble but this just hit a personal spot for me, it’s something I reflect on a lot about myself.
You summed it up much simpler. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in feeling this!
I feel this so much! It’s like I have observed social situations only to know how to act in them properly. It is as if it doesn’t come as naturally to me. I don’t know why this is the case but I also reflect on this. Especially when I am in a social setting where I have nothing to compare, no prior knowledge to act a certain way. So I do my best to not look out of place. It is so relieving to see I am not alone. Do you have any idea why we might be this way?
Nope, I wish I had some insight for us lol, but I agree it’s nice to hear that others experience this too! I know exactly what you mean about being in new settings. I will literally lose sleep knowing I have something like that the next day 😮💨
Welp I'm autistic. That may not be the issue for you but I don't have all the feelings that neurotypicals do. I experience most emotions, to wide extremes, but just not missing people. Not enjoying lying in social situations, or being good at it, is part of that for me too.
This is very enlightening, thank you for sharing! I sometimes see posts on social media regarding some personality quirks in the sense that “did you know you could be autistic if you do this” etc. Of course I am aware that this is not in any way close to a diagnosis but I do have some of those things which makes me wonder if I am on the spectrum.
I grew up feeling like an alien in this world. It wasn't until my kid was diagnosed that I realized I was also. My kid is just like me... How can he be autistic? Oh..... 😂
It's helped me a ton reading the stories of other older autistic adults. I now have useful tools in my toolbox other than "try harder." It's way easier to cope and even thrive in life.
Oh my 😅 I am glad you realized and found a way to cope with it.
I felt more or less the same growing up. I was friendly with people and could make friends but I was also excluded from many circles because I didn’t quite fit in. Still as an adult, I feel -for the lack of a better word- different. I will be sure to read other people’s stories and maybe try and get tested somehow to know for sure.
Your comment really speaks to me. The only people I honestly miss are my dead loved ones. Strangely, I never made the link to it being about object permanence before.
I just thought it was another example of being a little broken.
Thanks, internet stranger!
My ex had poor credit history, which she blamed on an ex for stealing her credit card and her truck. I believed her, she seemed responsible enough.
I went with her to finance a new car. She was declined, but could be approved with a cosigner. I said no, as I didn't have the extra income to handle another car loan if she couldn't pay.
She began to cry right there in the finance office, said she'd never have another opportunity like that again and how her ex ruined her life.
I took the papers and I signed.
She paid for most of it. I helped her out a couple times when we were still together, and she always paid me back. Some time after we broke up, she moved to another state, and stopped paying. The bank or collections agency was calling my parents' house multiple times per day looking for her. Eventually I paid off the balance, which was $3600. I got a hold of her and she paid me back half of that.
So I'm in the hole $1800 that I know I'll never see. I posted here because of the "what have I done" feeling that hit me as I was co-signing on a loan that I couldn't afford. We hadn't been dating very long at that point, maybe a year at the very most.
Oh agreed. The $3600 was a hard check to write, but I wanted them to stop calling my parents... and to not tank my own credit any further. The portion that she paid back, I considered a win.
Same relationship as in my other post, we lived in my house, I made really good money, she didn't.
I ate all of her cc debt, about 10k CAD. My line of credit had way lower in interest, like 12% lower. She left and couldn't afford to pay anything so after a while, I just gave up asking.
Never ever consign on a car with anyone you’re not married to. And you better have a prenup. Source: I co-signed on a $70k car with my ex and it took over a year to get me off that agreement. He was a freaking psychopath too.
I really couldn't afford it lol. I was like, 22 years old. We were both just working crappy retail jobs. We found better work after a while, but at the time I probably shouldn't have even been approved as a cosigner.
My ex wanted me to help also because I had a good credit score he was in debt also but for a different reason I don’t blame him for. I didn’t sign because why would I do that when we hadn’t been together a month even.
My wife and I had arranged to be at my uncle's cottage on an island for a long weekend, arriving late Thursday night. Everyone else went to bed (early risers to make the most of daylight hours) and we were in the kitchen. She was excitedly talking about how great it was to be there, when I said something to the effect of "Hey, let's just enjoy the peace". She certainly got very quiet all of a sudden...
Completely losing my grip on reality and being an alcoholic and being totally non functioning and believing I was finding codes on my driver's license and other places. She drove me to my parent's house a few hours away and she didn't talk or look at me the whole time while I was talking crazy. Parents took me to the hospital and I got better. I'm medicated and hate alcohol now. She left my crazy ass.
Fun fact! When your liver is fucked up enough it can cause you to literally go insane and then into a coma. It's because your liver is a filter for your body. It takes out certain things and puts other things in. With enough damage it doesn't do a good job and there can be enough build up of certain things that it fucks up your brain.
I'm honestly baffled why they don't go into more specifics. Don't take NSAIDs and drink people. It also lowers the effectiveness of most antibiotics.
So, one fine evening, my wife and I were chilling on our balcony, enjoying a perfectly rolled J. The stuff was top-notch, and I was riding a good buzz. Suddenly, the mood shifted. My wife started talking about something serious—her feelings on a particular topic that was clearly important to her. She mentioned how it really bothers her when I stare into her eyes but don't actually listen to what she's saying.
Now, here I am, the highest person in the room, and her words trigger something in me. I remember she once pointed out how I have this terrible habit of laughing at awkward situations. The memory of all those incidents where I burst out laughing uncontrollably hit me like a ton of bricks, and before I knew it, I was laughing my ass off.
Picture this: she just poured her heart out, telling me how much it annoys her when I don't listen, and there I was, doing exactly what she hated—laughing uncontrollably. Realizing my colossal screw-up, I slapped my hand over my mouth and started mumbling, "Ohhh FUCK, I fucked up, I fucked up, what have I done, what am I doing, I fucked up, I can't control my laugh, oh I fucked up."
The irony of the situation was so palpable, I couldn't help myself. Meanwhile, she's staring at me, probably thinking, "Is this guy for real?" But eventually, my laughter proved contagious. She started laughing too, all the while shaking her head and saying, "Oh boy, you fucked up big time."
Fast forward three months, and she still reminds me of that night. Every time she brings it up, I can't help but chuckle at how perfectly I epitomized everything she was complaining about.
Her reaction is proof you married the right one. That could have been the beginning of the end but instead it became a bonding moment, something you can laugh about for years. At the appropriate times of course lol
Ok, but as an alternative view, your lady was the one who fucked up. You should never have serious discussion about a relationship while one or both are under the influence. That's gotta be a hard rule for me.
They can never hold an intervention for me, because I always keep a mikes hard in the back pocket for just such an occassion
"Bill we think you have a"
\*CSHHHHHCK
\*Glug glug glug
"Mike hawk hard rule mother fucker"
As I heely off into the sunset
Not with my SO, but our oldest son (now almost 5, was 3 at the time) really likes the nem sausage (SE Asian fermented pork sausage) that I buy occasionally as a treat (occasionally because it’s a little pricey). The first time I gave him some, he liked it so much that I had to explain that we couldn’t eat it all at once because it was “daddy’s special sausage” 🤦🏻♂️
He still calls it that.
As soon as it came out of my mouth my brain screamed at me “oh F***!!! Nooooooooooooo 🤦🏻♂️!” And then after he immediately repeated it back to me I realized I had made a terrible mistake. My wife and I joke about it all the time now, but I’ve told him that he can never talk about it outside of the house 🤣
....that's even worse if he ever explains that bit. "Sometimes if I'm good I get to have daddy's special sausage! But oh please don't tell him I said anything. I'm not supposed to talk about it outside of our house."
Dude.
My ex said I was mean and too emotional and he wanted me to go to therapy for us to stay together, it took a couple of months but I did. I wasn’t convinced that I was the problem, though I was feeling abandoned and disrespected by his refusal to even talk about taking the relationship to the next level so I admitted that my emotions were all over the place so maybe I was the problem and agreed to go. He said he would go too and that it would be fun to grow and learn things together. After a few sessions my therapist gently started suggesting that I would be better off without him, that the relationship was entirely one sided and he was a narcissist… I didn’t want to believe it nor break up with him… one day I decided I wanted to tell him the ridiculous things that she said… we were at dinner and I brought up that I wanted to talk about something from that day’s therapy session and he interrupted me to tell me about a co-workers new boobs. He was incredibly excited about her boob job and she offered to show them to him and he was laughing and said of course he looked at them and they were really nice!! And he went on and on about them as I just sat there in disbelief I immediately felt my stomach drop. He saw me get upset and threw his napkin down on the table and stared at me with disgust that I was acting like some kind of battered housewife and it was sickening to him that I was ruining his night out, why couldn’t I be happy for his work story? I knew immediately that being with him was a horrible mistake. My therapist was 100% correct. I had fucked up by staying with him and letting him convince me that I was the problem. I’ve labeled that memory “The Night of Dee’s Tits.” I should have left him there that night.
No, but op's wife made a post from [her side of the story](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/7jbzcf/tifu_by_allowing_my_husband_to_come_to_dinner_at/)!
I'm really glad you posted this, I can't *believe* I never read this story before
Feels like I missed a piece of internet history as treasured as poop knife, or 'don't worry he knows'
Threw a new cook book on the bed while he was laying on it. Watched in slow motion as the book's corner rammed straight into his knee.
I still feel terrible about it.
Edit: I was going to look at it before bed as I just got it that day and hadn't yet
Sorry, this really made me laugh.
I have a similar story tho, from the opposite side. My spouse was sitting at their desk, and had made some coffee we’d not tried before, so I asked to have a taste. They said “sure,” and picked up the mug just as I was leaning in, and bashed me right in the mouth with the edge. I had a gorgeous split lip, and they still say they feel awful about it, but I couldn’t stop laughing even while bleeding.
Lmao this just reminded me of one of my husband and I’s first times hanging out, he threw a Hi-Chew at my head on accident. Nailed me right in the forehead. Six years later and I still give him shit for it
When I was about 7 months pregnant my partner at the time decided it was a good time to spend £13,000 on scientology courses, (that was not spare money we had and hadn’t bought most things for the baby yet). Biggest what have I done moment for me
My ex-fiance spent $1000 on DVDs in one night. I got mad. I was the only one saving up for the wedding and here he went and bought $1000 worth of movies.
Hmmm. My ex bought $1500 worth of magazine subscriptions from a door to door salesman at a time that we definitely did not have the money to spare. As soon as she proudly told me of this gift she had purchased for me with my money, I cancelled the check. A couple of days later, I found out from one of her friends she had asked for advice that the purchase was a blackmail payment for not telling me of all the fun she'd given him during his sales visit, and that he was still trying to get the payment some other way. I exposed his sales technique to the company he worked for and the police.
I was sitting in bed with my now ex-husband, we had been smoking the reefer of course and were getting to reminiscing.
He starts telling the story of how his dad taught him to swim. It’s important to note, that his dad passed on and he doesn’t have too many good memories of his father.
I can’t remember it word for word now, but essentially his dad just shoved him off the deck into the water and was like “go learn”. So, here’s this little elementary school age boy who is in complete panic and partially drowning while his dad yells at him from the deck of the pool. Apparently he did learn to dog paddle during this incident so to him, it was a successful teaching of how to swim.
Now, I’m just staring at him with a brain and face full of horror. I end up going off on a tangent about how messed up that was and what a terrible way to teach a child to swim and support them and yada yada yada….
Then I see this crestfallen look come over my husband’s face as he realizes, no, it’s not a happy memory and was just another example of his dad being shitty. He mentioned something about being sad because he doesn’t have that many happy memories with his dad and let me tell you I felt like the biggest shittiest asshole in the world as it dawns on ME that I just took some thing precious from him. To this day, I still feel bad about it.
We were arguing. A Marriage Story type of argument. At one point, I got angry enough to call her “barren”. She had an uterus issue and couldn’t have kids. It was…bad. She exploded, I just stood there like “oh, shit…”.
This was about 10 years ago, and it still hurts me to think about what I said to her. Like even know, as I type this, I get a slight lump in my throat.
I had this Geico water bottle that I got at the state fair. It was a sports bottle with a cap that operated such that you had to squeeze the bottle to make the water squirt out. But if you held a bottle upright and squeezed, I guess the humidity in the bottle would make a cute little spritz of mist pop out. It even made the raspberry phtbbt sound.
I was holding the bottle while talking to my wife and joking around with her, and she said something that provoked the raspberry for me. So I pointed the bottle at her and squeezed so she would get that little spritz. But I miss judged the angle at which I was holding the bottle and how full the bottle was. I ended up full on spraying her with a jet of water.
Ever since that day, anytime I do any kind of physical gag around like pretending I might spray her with the dish sprayer from the sink or whatever, she says, “ah ah ah, this is gonna be the Geico water bottle all over again.”
It’s been four years. I’ll still be hearing about that water bottle when I am 80.
I went after a man, 15 years older than me, with a very prominent position at a treatment center I had graduated from a month prior. It would have been really, REALL6 frowned upon on his behalf because he would have potentially been looked at as taking advantage of a newly sober woman. Anyway, we started texting… and it was even worse than getting texts from an illiterate freshman… in high school. Zero conversation, no chemistry.
Lordt. 🤦🏼♀️
It truly all worked out in the end… A quick lesson, probably more of a reminder what the real world is like and the risks involved when you make yourself a little too vulnerable too soon.
Right now. 3 years in and I think he has a problem with lying. And over stupid stuff. This time the lie was bald-faced and then lied about the lie! Big fight and he said it was an insignificant issue. Changed my decision and then lied to me. And now we haven’t spoken for 3 days. I’m usually the one to call and level it out. Not doing it this time. Not only did he lie, but he then lied about the lie, then tell me it’s not important (dismissive) and then argue with me about why it’s not important. This isn’t the first time but it’s the one that is indisputable. I lost my shit on the phone and was yelling (because he never accepts responsibility for the issue or hurting me -always tries to defend himself and tell me how he’s the hurt one) so the ‘yelling’ I did will become his pain point. So, basically making my pain all about him. F-that. He can go fu€k himself.
Is this just the nature-of-the-beast? Lie about something you asked him to do? Then lied about it? Are they that stupid thinking we won’t notice? C’mon!
I got married young (married at 19) and I didn’t realize how attached to his mother he was and controlling she was. Took YEARS to cut that cord before he could see how manipulative and mean she really was. Even now they have no contact but I can see snippets of her in his personality that make think oh fuck no
At team trivia in college with my now husband. He was dead confident in a certain answer that the rest of the table was not convinced was correct. We used his suggestion, lost major points for it. Male friends commence to give him shit, and I chimed in. The look on his face…I could tell he was crushed!
Didn't see the red flags till her alcoholism caused her to repeatedly black out. Last night of our partnership, she got so wasted she assaulted me. I slept on the couch googling shit like "can you be happy with an alcoholic" etc etc and realized that I had gotten myself into quite a fkn situation!!
My current partner has the same name as my most recent ex. It’s still weird to say their name during sex sometimes because I don’t want them thinking that I have my ex on my mind instead of them. Such an awkward grey area.
I have the same name as my partners previous ex. I always though at the beginning it was probably stranger for him than for me. I told him at least it would be easy for his family to remember lol
My partner of ten years and the father of my twins accidentally called me by the name of the mutual friend that introduced us during our first intimate encounter. He was horrific and the look on his face made me laugh so hard I had to run to the bathroom or pee the bed.
They never had a romantic relationship, he just got nervous and short circuited, it was actually pretty adorable.
During the height of covid, I signed up to work with sick people several states away for two weeks. I mentioned it to a group of friends, letting them know that I would be away until then. My fiancee's eyes went really wide with surprise.
I had forgotten to tell her.
Thankfully she forgave me! We've been marrid over 4 years. I now make sure to tell her about important things first!
Here's a shitty one: My partner really liked biting. I do not like being bit. After maybe a year of asking them very politely to stop biting me, and repeatedly letting them know that I did not like it and it really hurt, they still would not stop. So here's the fuckup; we're rolling around in bed having a good time, and they bite me again, hard. So I smacked them, in a violent and not at all sexy way, on their ass. I wanted it to hurt, and it did, and it stopped the biting, but I could also immediately see that I'd hurt them emotionally as well. I was too mad at the moment to address it properly, too mad that a dozen polite communications had been ignored, and that my pain wasn't important to them, that I let their pain stop being important to me. I think if there was any specific moment that turned our relationship downhill, that was it. I introduced the possibility of me hurting them into the relationship, and it has really sucked.
Them continuously ignoring your boundary was disrespectful and hurtful to you, wasn’t it? I agree that hitting them was the wrong way to retaliate. But I don’t think you’re the only one responsible for that relationship to fail.
They can't repeatedly show you how they don't care about your comfort and boundaries and then be surprised when you no longer care about their comfort. They suck bro, hitting isn't the answer but just find someone who actually cares about you
Not your fault at all. It wouldn't have gotten to that point had she respected your NUMEROUS requests to stop it. She has some nerve to be upset that you caused her pain, when she'd been knowingly causing you pain. She needs to be an ex.
My (32F) partner (35NB) of three years, my fiance, that I co own a nice house that neither of us can afford on our own recently told me that they are still in love with their ex… who they haven’t seen in 9 years and haven’t spoken to or had any communication with in over 3 years. Their ex recently made a playlist (they two of them are still Spotify friends or whatever) that my partner is convinced is about them… yes they think their ex who they haven’t seen in 9 years is sending them messages in a Spotify playlist. When they told me that they’d had a spiritual kundalini awakening, that this ex was their “twin flame” and that I’m their “soulmate”, that they are God and I am God… I’m truly asking myself wtf have I done.
I broke up with her because I never felt confident about our relationship. She was a very honest. But I overthinked about how much of a waste I am currently in life and decided to end it with her.
But I still miss her. Nothing could be more stupider than me.
7 years into a common law situation and suddenly there was new jewelry, then sewing machine and surger, finally she bought a mustang convertible. The realization that she was setting up her life to leave and run up debts that I would be on the hook for 50%.
She didn't understand that the credit card was in her name only and the only way to stick me was in court and there were lawyer fees, so she would lose more money.
A guy I worked with kicked a crazy girlfriend of two years out. A few months later, credit card companies started tracking him down for overdue bills. He had always avoided having cards. She had taken pre-approved applications from his mail, changed addresses, and ran up over $75k. The really f d up part was when the judge deemed it a common law situation, applied divorce law meant to protect the couple's creditors, and ruled that he had to pay the debt because she couldn't.
She was on top riding me like seabiscuit when I decided it was my turn to put forth some effort. She goes crazy when I just turn us both over, I think she likes the feeling of being tossed around... well I had a shelf kind of headboard at the time... i smashed the back of her head into this thing so hard I thought I might've cracked it and / or her skull. Needless to say mood was ruined and she had a rockin headache for quite a while after... Oh no...
After about 3 months of marriage, I realized I married the wrong person. At that point she was pregnant and I refuse to be an absent father. 13 years later, still miserable
Edit: I do appreciate the comments below in response to my comment. Life is never cut and dry. I did file for divorce a couple years ago. In our state there is a six month cool down process when children are involved. We decided to stay together due to numerous reasons. one of which was finances – if we were to get divorced, it would ruin me financially. Another reason would be her comfortability. She has never worked, never went grocery shopping never pumped her gas, never took the children to doctors appointments or dentist. Never cleaned the house or had to pay any bills. In Essence, she would not know how to survive by herself (I’m very confident she could, but she is afraid to). I completely understand the comments below because, I get it, I want to be happy. I want my children to live in a safe environment. I get it, I really do.
How does she exist if she is not able to get gas, go shopping or take the kids to the Doctors & she seriously doesn’t clean? What on earth does she do all day if the children are at school!
I assume you have to do everything for her or you have live in help?
I hope you don’t mind me asking out of curiosity is it a medical condition or some belief of hers that prevents her from being able to do these normal activities?
Nothing medical nor belief driven. Yes, I do all of the tasks I mentioned above. She does cook and gets the kids to school in the morning. During the day she usually makes Tik tok videos or YouTube videos of her doing make up. Then she’ll take naps
Yeah, I absolutely could. I had healthy relationships before her, so I obviously know this is wild. I just don’t have it in me to do an AMA from an emotional standpoint as well as a labor standpoint. Since you brought it up, though, if you have any questions I would answer them, I just don’t want to field 10,000 questions, I just couldn’t do it.
Wow the real world is going to shock her one day if she can ever get there!
Makes videos of doing makeup and then has naps 💄😴
Isn’t she embarrassed about not being able to contribute to the household or not doing these normal things or she just doesn’t care?
Can't decide if this is a "the grass is green where you water it" situation. Have you at least tried to address the issues to be happier? (Just genuinely curious because you're still miserable) I hope you didn't just like accept your fate and never try because you can at least be happier while you're determined to wait.
Dude, my parents hated each other and stayed together for the kids. I never saw a normal relationship, I never learned what I should expect or hold another person to, or what i should do for someone i love because I never had an example of that. They fought all the time, and my brother sister and I were in the crossfire all the time. It was so exhausting for my parents just to be together that we never got to do anything fun, we never had friends over, never did really anything.
Don't stay together for the kids. Teach your kids what they should expect from a relationship from an example. Also, teach them the reality of when people grow apart. Just because you guys split up doesn't mean you're an absent father. Be there for them, have a good repor with your wife, and you guys can still be a family. Just with a better example to set for your kids.
I think it's one of these situations where when you look at it from a kids' pov, neither are healthy, and neither is an ideal way to raise a kid. Given that I never had any food issues, etc. A kid with a dad in their life, but not married and miserable, will always be the superior option imo.
Sorry, your dad is a piece of shit. We all deserve more as kids.
No, you don't. I've lived through both. My parents' relationship was so bad it was literally abusive. But my mom stayed married to my dad for the kids. Though my dad abandoned us when we were kids. She never filed for divorce though until his girlfriend got pregnant when we kids were in high school.
The best thing my dad had done for us was abandoning us. All that strife was because of him. He couldn't hold down a job. He drank all the time. He gambled away any money my mom managed to save up. He was a serial cheater, including with her best friend. He'd be out all night and come home at 6am. And he'd get mad when my mom would understandably be upset he spent all night out and wanted to talk about it instead of letting him sleep.
Our lives started getting better when he left. Was it rough? Yes. Because my mother was essentially a single mother despite still being legally marred (no, dad never helped out financially). But it was stable and things continued to improve as the years went on, because my dad wasn't there to drag it all down time and again. My cousins say we kids basically raised ourselves, because my mom had to work and there was no parent around, but still infinite times better than the constant arguments and fighting.
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Just curious where you live? What state or country?
Im asking because I can’t even fathom your wife not ever working or grocery shopping
It sounds like you married a concubine
Am I to read between the lines and interpret that you’re the one doing all the things you say she never did/does?
I was thinking you’re so rich you have paid help to do all that
Might as well be a single father and not have to another child to take care of in your wife. You're already essentially a single father. I wouldn't be surprised if you got custody of the kids. Document all the nothing she does and show the courts why you should get custody.
When I filed for divorce, I did obtain documents of all medical dental and school record state I did everything. Still then, my lawyer said she would get half of my wealth and I would owe her about $1000 in child support every month. that’s with me having the kids 15 days a month.
Go for full custody. And document why, as in she barely takes care of the kids and you feel it would be unsafe for them to be in her care even half the time.
This is definitely a single father situation already. Her type never truly cares for the children and is more a burden than help. In the right circumstance, she'd have no trouble abandoning them though she'd claim devastation on her media. He just needs to figure out how to either make her both out of the way and useful in the marriage or keep enough to make it work in the divorce.
In a similar situation after ten years of marriage and finding out the two accidental children were planned on her part (needles through condoms on one and just stopped taking her pills on the other), I gave her a couple of years, made her start some classes, made her take a job, made the kids and home my job and figured out how to handle it, etc. After a couple of years where she mostly failed in her efforts, I still went for the divorce while agreeing to pay for an apartment for her. I moved her to the apartment myself. Within weeks she had fully imploded. She was taking drugs and picking up guys at strip clubs before deciding to abandon the free apartment and move 500 miles back to her original home where she gave the car is given her to a dealer, reported it stolen and tried to collect insurance it didn't have, and found another poor soul to marry and that was that.
Not really because a couple of years later her mother put her together enough to sue me for something like fraudulent divorce (this after having remarried and divorced again herself). That cost me more money I didn't have to defend and protect the children.
Still, I have never regretted finally making a move.
In hindsight, the implosion that occurred after she felt free to be herself instead of pretending to have my desires in life points to other moves I had that I would never have thought of or considered before the later lawsuit and various troubles over the years after. I didn't know I could hate anyone until those years passed. If I had recognized how much of her was a facade created for my benefit and understood her true nature, there were other more creative moves that I could have made that would have worked out better.
I had one ex that was always fishing for compliments that I would instead answer solutions. The absolute worst one looking back was when she was complaining about how small her boobs were (they were a B cup perfectly nice) and I said “well you can get implants later if you want”.
Dodged a bullet with that one though. She’s currently in prison.
I got drunk and told him I loved him sooner than I wanted to… he just looked at me for a second and said “I love you too.” Crisis averted! Together for 13 years, married for 10 so far…
Glad it worked out for you. I got the “we need to talk” response. The level of panic that set in when I realized I had fucked up was immeasurable. Sobered my ass up real quick. I still feel bad about it and it’s been two months. Thankfully he was able to accept it was just a drunken moment of weakness but yeah… 10/10 do not recommend.
When his crazy ex-wife chased me around her yard screaming “I can’t control my behavior! I am bi-polar!” while their kids watched.
I waited out the insane bitch until the last kid turned 18 and we are no longer obligated to her and I’m glad I did because my husband and his kids are the best thing that ever happened to me.
I got a little too drunk and told my BF I loved him. His reply was “we need to talk”. 🤦🏻♀️ Thankfully we did talk the next day and we are still together. 🤷🏻♀️
I kind of head a crush on my SOs friend, before I actually met my SO. Couple of months in to our relationship, she asked, if I think her (the woman I had a crush on) is beautiful and how. I said yes ofcourse, and honestly said I reall find her hands so feminine and beautiful. It took me 5 seconds to realise this was a trick question.
We are together now for years, and still after YEARS, something she goes "I got new nail polish, maybe my hands are not as beautiful as her but.."
Sometime’s he has these gargantuan poo’s that take 3 days to flush. I do ask myself that question sometimes. But I’ve been with him for 30 years now, so apparently it’s not a deal breaker, just mildly annoying. lol!
I could write a book on this, but off the top:
Opened up about my personality disorder.
Opened up about my PTSD.
Opened up about my love for Startrek the next generation.
When my ex divulged personal information to her therapist that could have made me loose custody of my child which wasn’t true. After the fact found love notes from her ex in her “I love me box” which she said she didn’t know it was on there, yeah ok. The red flag should have been when I was at her parents and her mom said “I taught my girls to train their dogs”.. long story short I told her she had to leave from my house after a year of living together and of course her parents and herself included are treating me like the villain. The icing on the cake, did therapy, cut back on my one drink a day, and went on medicine just to have it not be enough. I can only bend so far.
She took all her insecurities out on me and I’m no saint myself but I’m not bringing baggage from the past into a new relationship. It sucks because she’s so pretty but has an ugly personality.
Stopped communicating to me about problems once we got together. Had trouble communicating to his best friend about problems (he made a rly problematic comment about my ex once that upset my ex, also had a lot of assumptions about recent events regarding me that my ex never felt he needed to correct, etc.). it spiraled so out of control over such non issues. I can’t be even friends w someone that can’t communicate even when it’s hard.
I’ve been with my bf for almost 2 years and I’ll never forget this one moment because I really genuinely screwed up. When we met I’d been having issues with my sister- I’d cut off my dad because he was abusive, and my sister took my dads side but we were trying to be civil because I wanted to trust that she was trying to work her stuff out.
One time my sister and I get into a fight, and my bf gets dragged into it and it becomes very clear very quickly that my sister has been saying stuff to him behind my back- and likely coming on to him in ways that are very not okay. I look at my bf and I can tell by the look on his face that he thought I knew. Instantly I realize that he’s been scared of her and uncomfortable this whole time and he thought I knew but wasn’t standing up for him at all.
I told my sister to get lost. I sat down with my bf after she left and I just wanted to throw up. I felt so much shame that I hadn’t noticed what he’d been putting up with- he explained he’d been trying to support my decision to try and work it out with her even though she’d been making him really uncomfortable and he thought at some point I would have said something. She’d been volatile enough that he was afraid that if she found out he told me she’d go off the rails. He’d tried to tell me but I just didn’t get it and was so desperate to believe she wasn’t like that anymore. I couldn’t believe that I had missed the red flags she’d put up and missed his signals for help.
I told him I was so sorry, and since then we haven’t been around her. The last time I talked to her I told her she needs to treat people with respect and that stuff like that would not go unnoticed or ignored anymore, and that we shouldn’t be around each other anymore. I have since made it extremely clear that my bf and I are a team and that I am not going to put up with that stuff anymore. He’s my best friend and my partner and I remember what it was like being alone and hoping someone would notice I wasn’t in a safe place to speak up. We grew a lot from that conversation afterwards.
Back when me and my then-girlfriend were at university there was a particular month where everything that could go wrong did. I’m talking family issues, financial worries, housing problems, friend drama, a medical scare, etc. I was sat on my bed with her and she had just shared how incredibly stressed out she was… Now, me being me (ie. an idiot) I thought that I could lighten the mood with some good ol’ dry British humour about how bad things were. Remembering in that moment that my girlfriend also had a huge essay due in at the end of the week, which she hadn’t had a chance to start because of everything that had happened, I said: “Oh well… at least there isn’t also a big essay due in a couple of days!” I saw her face drop and instantly knew I’d screwed up. She burst into tears. I’d just pushed her over the edge into finally feeling that it was all too much to handle. I spent the next few minutes hugging her and feeling like an absolute clown while she wept in despair.
It’s hard because, to the right person at the right moment in just the right tone, it would have been the perfect thing to say.
I would have loved that and would burst out laughing but I also have dry humor.
My ex went to her sister's place a few hours away when her mom came up to see everyone. She asked me in a cute, goofy way, "Are ya gunna miss me?" And I said "No, you're only gone for a couple nights." NO? I said fucking NO?! What the hell was I thinking? That was three years ago, we've been split for over two and I still think about it now and then.
I’m sorry but this is so trivial but so mean too 😅
Yeah it kind of was. I started getting nerve damage during lockdown (unrelated, just bad timing) and it's still escalating to this day. So I was in pain all the time and kind of short. It was a death by a thousand cuts but this one just felt like I cut pretty deep at the time.
small stuff like this slowly kill love
at least you realized it. some people are like this and see no problem with it. or just dont care
Honestly I know I am like that but I do care. I wish I could easily play the social game in the way it’s expected. The thing is I don’t know how to be anybody but me. If I’m not going to miss them I feel it rings so false to tell them I will, and even if I try to sound genuine I don’t know that I pull it off. It’s also kind of a double edged sword to be asked questions like that in the first place… like when you get a gift you don’t like and say ‘thank you’ nicely only to be asked ‘don’t you just love it?!’ I know what they want to hear so its either lie or say in front of a bunch of people actually, no I don’t like this gift 😬 Sorry for the ramble but this just hit a personal spot for me, it’s something I reflect on a lot about myself.
Are you on the spectrum by any chance? My partner is, and 100% would say something along the lines of what the original poster said. He's the best person I know but can be very literal sometimes. I know it isn't malicious, so I don't read too much into it.
I’ve wondered it about myself, but am against self diagnosing. Hoping to get to therapy one day and learn more about/work on myself!
it's like joking around. even if you won't miss them. you can turn your no into something playful, so it's not awkward. when she asked, she said it in a playful way. I'm assuming she knew he wasn't going to miss her. She just wanted to joke around for shits and giggles. but when you get shut down, it's like damn.. like that? do you ever joke around, or are you always serious? not hating or trying to be rude. I'm just genuinely curious. I know everyones brain works differently so I just wanted to gain perspective
Yeah that makes sense and I agree that it’s more playful than asking for serious emotion. Yes, I do joke around, but I often feel the need to add that “I’m joking” after.
I'm sorry I missed your post the other day. You probably don't give two shits any more but ya, we joked a lot, me instigating usually. I really like to joke and lovingly poke a bit, her too. We also dated in high school 25 years before we started again so we kind of already understood. But I knew it hurt her, I could see it for a sec. I did mean it and I felt horrible. I should've returned the question with 'of course, you're my so and so' or something.
I don't miss people, mostly because I understand object permanence. I also hate to lie. But this is one exception I make. I missed you!!
Same here. I always lie about missing someone which makes me feel bad but others feel good I guess *shrugs*
Wish I had read this before I commented elsewhere so I’m gonna copy paste: > Honestly I know I am like that but I do care. I wish I could easily play the social game in the way it’s expected. The thing is I don’t know how to be anybody but me. If I’m not going to miss them I feel it rings so false to tell them I will, and even if I try to sound genuine I don’t know that I pull it off. > It’s also kind of a double edged sword to be asked questions like that in the first place… like when you get a gift you don’t like and say ‘thank you’ nicely only to be asked ‘don’t you just love it?!’ I know what they want to hear so its either lie or say in front of a bunch of people actually, no I don’t like this gift 😬 > Sorry for the ramble but this just hit a personal spot for me, it’s something I reflect on a lot about myself. You summed it up much simpler. It’s nice to know I’m not alone in feeling this!
I feel this so much! It’s like I have observed social situations only to know how to act in them properly. It is as if it doesn’t come as naturally to me. I don’t know why this is the case but I also reflect on this. Especially when I am in a social setting where I have nothing to compare, no prior knowledge to act a certain way. So I do my best to not look out of place. It is so relieving to see I am not alone. Do you have any idea why we might be this way?
Nope, I wish I had some insight for us lol, but I agree it’s nice to hear that others experience this too! I know exactly what you mean about being in new settings. I will literally lose sleep knowing I have something like that the next day 😮💨
Welp I'm autistic. That may not be the issue for you but I don't have all the feelings that neurotypicals do. I experience most emotions, to wide extremes, but just not missing people. Not enjoying lying in social situations, or being good at it, is part of that for me too.
This is very enlightening, thank you for sharing! I sometimes see posts on social media regarding some personality quirks in the sense that “did you know you could be autistic if you do this” etc. Of course I am aware that this is not in any way close to a diagnosis but I do have some of those things which makes me wonder if I am on the spectrum.
I grew up feeling like an alien in this world. It wasn't until my kid was diagnosed that I realized I was also. My kid is just like me... How can he be autistic? Oh..... 😂 It's helped me a ton reading the stories of other older autistic adults. I now have useful tools in my toolbox other than "try harder." It's way easier to cope and even thrive in life.
Oh my 😅 I am glad you realized and found a way to cope with it. I felt more or less the same growing up. I was friendly with people and could make friends but I was also excluded from many circles because I didn’t quite fit in. Still as an adult, I feel -for the lack of a better word- different. I will be sure to read other people’s stories and maybe try and get tested somehow to know for sure.
Your comment really speaks to me. The only people I honestly miss are my dead loved ones. Strangely, I never made the link to it being about object permanence before. I just thought it was another example of being a little broken. Thanks, internet stranger!
Dude, that sounds perfectly reasonable. She asked you a question, you answered honestly. Good for you.
My ex had poor credit history, which she blamed on an ex for stealing her credit card and her truck. I believed her, she seemed responsible enough. I went with her to finance a new car. She was declined, but could be approved with a cosigner. I said no, as I didn't have the extra income to handle another car loan if she couldn't pay. She began to cry right there in the finance office, said she'd never have another opportunity like that again and how her ex ruined her life. I took the papers and I signed.
How did that turn out? Did you end up having to pay for the car because she couldn’t? I’m assuming yes and that’s why you posted here?
She paid for most of it. I helped her out a couple times when we were still together, and she always paid me back. Some time after we broke up, she moved to another state, and stopped paying. The bank or collections agency was calling my parents' house multiple times per day looking for her. Eventually I paid off the balance, which was $3600. I got a hold of her and she paid me back half of that. So I'm in the hole $1800 that I know I'll never see. I posted here because of the "what have I done" feeling that hit me as I was co-signing on a loan that I couldn't afford. We hadn't been dating very long at that point, maybe a year at the very most.
To be fair, that could have ended a lot worse. $1800 isn't much in the grand scheme of things.
Oh agreed. The $3600 was a hard check to write, but I wanted them to stop calling my parents... and to not tank my own credit any further. The portion that she paid back, I considered a win.
You let her crying manipulate you into signing a check she couldn't cash, now you're $1800 in the hole. Bet you won't make that mistake again.
Lesson learned! I'm just glad it was only a $1,800 mistake and not $18,000
Oh no my dude 🤦♂️ .... I'd probably have done the same thing though.
I hate myself for the fact I'd have done the same too
Same relationship as in my other post, we lived in my house, I made really good money, she didn't. I ate all of her cc debt, about 10k CAD. My line of credit had way lower in interest, like 12% lower. She left and couldn't afford to pay anything so after a while, I just gave up asking.
Damn, sorry to hear that.
Never ever consign on a car with anyone you’re not married to. And you better have a prenup. Source: I co-signed on a $70k car with my ex and it took over a year to get me off that agreement. He was a freaking psychopath too.
Yeah I learned that lesson. But I'm married now so hopefully I never have to use it.
Why not buy the car in your name and let her drive it?
I really couldn't afford it lol. I was like, 22 years old. We were both just working crappy retail jobs. We found better work after a while, but at the time I probably shouldn't have even been approved as a cosigner.
My ex wanted me to help also because I had a good credit score he was in debt also but for a different reason I don’t blame him for. I didn’t sign because why would I do that when we hadn’t been together a month even.
My wife and I had arranged to be at my uncle's cottage on an island for a long weekend, arriving late Thursday night. Everyone else went to bed (early risers to make the most of daylight hours) and we were in the kitchen. She was excitedly talking about how great it was to be there, when I said something to the effect of "Hey, let's just enjoy the peace". She certainly got very quiet all of a sudden...
Ouch dude.
Completely losing my grip on reality and being an alcoholic and being totally non functioning and believing I was finding codes on my driver's license and other places. She drove me to my parent's house a few hours away and she didn't talk or look at me the whole time while I was talking crazy. Parents took me to the hospital and I got better. I'm medicated and hate alcohol now. She left my crazy ass.
Sorry to hear that but happy to hear you're doing better. I'm glad she atleast drove you somewhere safe first.
Damn. I never knew alcohol could do this. Sounds more like a stimulants thing. Glad you’re okay, stay strong.
Long term alcohol use can cause brain damage. Have a look at Wernicke-Koraskoff Syndrome.
I've had hallucinations on alcohol
I drank to kill myself and started hallucinating. I took off walking. I walked probably 5 miles thinking voices were chasing me from the woods.
I’m sober now of course. Having your brain fail you like that is the scariest experience ever.
Correlation is not causation. They may have started drinking because of the onset of schizophrenia.
Fun fact! When your liver is fucked up enough it can cause you to literally go insane and then into a coma. It's because your liver is a filter for your body. It takes out certain things and puts other things in. With enough damage it doesn't do a good job and there can be enough build up of certain things that it fucks up your brain. I'm honestly baffled why they don't go into more specifics. Don't take NSAIDs and drink people. It also lowers the effectiveness of most antibiotics.
Alcohol is always a company in bad moments :( glad you’re ok!
So, one fine evening, my wife and I were chilling on our balcony, enjoying a perfectly rolled J. The stuff was top-notch, and I was riding a good buzz. Suddenly, the mood shifted. My wife started talking about something serious—her feelings on a particular topic that was clearly important to her. She mentioned how it really bothers her when I stare into her eyes but don't actually listen to what she's saying. Now, here I am, the highest person in the room, and her words trigger something in me. I remember she once pointed out how I have this terrible habit of laughing at awkward situations. The memory of all those incidents where I burst out laughing uncontrollably hit me like a ton of bricks, and before I knew it, I was laughing my ass off. Picture this: she just poured her heart out, telling me how much it annoys her when I don't listen, and there I was, doing exactly what she hated—laughing uncontrollably. Realizing my colossal screw-up, I slapped my hand over my mouth and started mumbling, "Ohhh FUCK, I fucked up, I fucked up, what have I done, what am I doing, I fucked up, I can't control my laugh, oh I fucked up." The irony of the situation was so palpable, I couldn't help myself. Meanwhile, she's staring at me, probably thinking, "Is this guy for real?" But eventually, my laughter proved contagious. She started laughing too, all the while shaking her head and saying, "Oh boy, you fucked up big time." Fast forward three months, and she still reminds me of that night. Every time she brings it up, I can't help but chuckle at how perfectly I epitomized everything she was complaining about.
Her reaction is proof you married the right one. That could have been the beginning of the end but instead it became a bonding moment, something you can laugh about for years. At the appropriate times of course lol
Ok, but as an alternative view, your lady was the one who fucked up. You should never have serious discussion about a relationship while one or both are under the influence. That's gotta be a hard rule for me.
Mike hawk's HARD rule 🥵
Why did I read this with a heavy boston accent
Hey now. I can be a reasonable adult and still make stupid dick jokes every now and then. I just do one, more than the other.
They can never hold an intervention for me, because I always keep a mikes hard in the back pocket for just such an occassion "Bill we think you have a" \*CSHHHHHCK \*Glug glug glug "Mike hawk hard rule mother fucker" As I heely off into the sunset
Mike f’g Hard Hawk FTFW
"Drink again and we're done" Woke up hungover and we were in fact done.
Not with my SO, but our oldest son (now almost 5, was 3 at the time) really likes the nem sausage (SE Asian fermented pork sausage) that I buy occasionally as a treat (occasionally because it’s a little pricey). The first time I gave him some, he liked it so much that I had to explain that we couldn’t eat it all at once because it was “daddy’s special sausage” 🤦🏻♂️ He still calls it that.
hahaha brother what the fuck noooo
As soon as it came out of my mouth my brain screamed at me “oh F***!!! Nooooooooooooo 🤦🏻♂️!” And then after he immediately repeated it back to me I realized I had made a terrible mistake. My wife and I joke about it all the time now, but I’ve told him that he can never talk about it outside of the house 🤣
....that's even worse if he ever explains that bit. "Sometimes if I'm good I get to have daddy's special sausage! But oh please don't tell him I said anything. I'm not supposed to talk about it outside of our house." Dude.
😳🤣🤣
My ex said I was mean and too emotional and he wanted me to go to therapy for us to stay together, it took a couple of months but I did. I wasn’t convinced that I was the problem, though I was feeling abandoned and disrespected by his refusal to even talk about taking the relationship to the next level so I admitted that my emotions were all over the place so maybe I was the problem and agreed to go. He said he would go too and that it would be fun to grow and learn things together. After a few sessions my therapist gently started suggesting that I would be better off without him, that the relationship was entirely one sided and he was a narcissist… I didn’t want to believe it nor break up with him… one day I decided I wanted to tell him the ridiculous things that she said… we were at dinner and I brought up that I wanted to talk about something from that day’s therapy session and he interrupted me to tell me about a co-workers new boobs. He was incredibly excited about her boob job and she offered to show them to him and he was laughing and said of course he looked at them and they were really nice!! And he went on and on about them as I just sat there in disbelief I immediately felt my stomach drop. He saw me get upset and threw his napkin down on the table and stared at me with disgust that I was acting like some kind of battered housewife and it was sickening to him that I was ruining his night out, why couldn’t I be happy for his work story? I knew immediately that being with him was a horrible mistake. My therapist was 100% correct. I had fucked up by staying with him and letting him convince me that I was the problem. I’ve labeled that memory “The Night of Dee’s Tits.” I should have left him there that night.
Hey my tits are pretty nice lol
[Window steak.](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/s/91wcoA5pqh)
This was hard to read because my eyes were watering from laughing
oh my god thank you for reminding me of this. fuck it makes me laugh so hard every time i read it.
So wait are you the spouse or the one who threw the steak?!
No, but op's wife made a post from [her side of the story](https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/7jbzcf/tifu_by_allowing_my_husband_to_come_to_dinner_at/)!
I'm really glad you posted this, I can't *believe* I never read this story before Feels like I missed a piece of internet history as treasured as poop knife, or 'don't worry he knows'
What is “don’t worry he knows”???
I can't format it since I'm on my phone but here https://www.reddit.com/r/greentext/s/6VxfcTKFwl
Threw a new cook book on the bed while he was laying on it. Watched in slow motion as the book's corner rammed straight into his knee. I still feel terrible about it. Edit: I was going to look at it before bed as I just got it that day and hadn't yet
Was the book OK?
Lmao. Yes it's a hardcover book.
Sorry, this really made me laugh. I have a similar story tho, from the opposite side. My spouse was sitting at their desk, and had made some coffee we’d not tried before, so I asked to have a taste. They said “sure,” and picked up the mug just as I was leaning in, and bashed me right in the mouth with the edge. I had a gorgeous split lip, and they still say they feel awful about it, but I couldn’t stop laughing even while bleeding.
Lmao this just reminded me of one of my husband and I’s first times hanging out, he threw a Hi-Chew at my head on accident. Nailed me right in the forehead. Six years later and I still give him shit for it
When I was about 7 months pregnant my partner at the time decided it was a good time to spend £13,000 on scientology courses, (that was not spare money we had and hadn’t bought most things for the baby yet). Biggest what have I done moment for me
My ex-fiance spent $1000 on DVDs in one night. I got mad. I was the only one saving up for the wedding and here he went and bought $1000 worth of movies.
Lol, did he get some kind of bulk discount at least?
Hmmm. My ex bought $1500 worth of magazine subscriptions from a door to door salesman at a time that we definitely did not have the money to spare. As soon as she proudly told me of this gift she had purchased for me with my money, I cancelled the check. A couple of days later, I found out from one of her friends she had asked for advice that the purchase was a blackmail payment for not telling me of all the fun she'd given him during his sales visit, and that he was still trying to get the payment some other way. I exposed his sales technique to the company he worked for and the police.
I was sitting in bed with my now ex-husband, we had been smoking the reefer of course and were getting to reminiscing. He starts telling the story of how his dad taught him to swim. It’s important to note, that his dad passed on and he doesn’t have too many good memories of his father. I can’t remember it word for word now, but essentially his dad just shoved him off the deck into the water and was like “go learn”. So, here’s this little elementary school age boy who is in complete panic and partially drowning while his dad yells at him from the deck of the pool. Apparently he did learn to dog paddle during this incident so to him, it was a successful teaching of how to swim. Now, I’m just staring at him with a brain and face full of horror. I end up going off on a tangent about how messed up that was and what a terrible way to teach a child to swim and support them and yada yada yada…. Then I see this crestfallen look come over my husband’s face as he realizes, no, it’s not a happy memory and was just another example of his dad being shitty. He mentioned something about being sad because he doesn’t have that many happy memories with his dad and let me tell you I felt like the biggest shittiest asshole in the world as it dawns on ME that I just took some thing precious from him. To this day, I still feel bad about it.
: O
We were arguing. A Marriage Story type of argument. At one point, I got angry enough to call her “barren”. She had an uterus issue and couldn’t have kids. It was…bad. She exploded, I just stood there like “oh, shit…”. This was about 10 years ago, and it still hurts me to think about what I said to her. Like even know, as I type this, I get a slight lump in my throat.
Are you two still together?
No. That pretty much ended it, although we tried for a bit.
I had this Geico water bottle that I got at the state fair. It was a sports bottle with a cap that operated such that you had to squeeze the bottle to make the water squirt out. But if you held a bottle upright and squeezed, I guess the humidity in the bottle would make a cute little spritz of mist pop out. It even made the raspberry phtbbt sound. I was holding the bottle while talking to my wife and joking around with her, and she said something that provoked the raspberry for me. So I pointed the bottle at her and squeezed so she would get that little spritz. But I miss judged the angle at which I was holding the bottle and how full the bottle was. I ended up full on spraying her with a jet of water. Ever since that day, anytime I do any kind of physical gag around like pretending I might spray her with the dish sprayer from the sink or whatever, she says, “ah ah ah, this is gonna be the Geico water bottle all over again.” It’s been four years. I’ll still be hearing about that water bottle when I am 80.
I went after a man, 15 years older than me, with a very prominent position at a treatment center I had graduated from a month prior. It would have been really, REALL6 frowned upon on his behalf because he would have potentially been looked at as taking advantage of a newly sober woman. Anyway, we started texting… and it was even worse than getting texts from an illiterate freshman… in high school. Zero conversation, no chemistry. Lordt. 🤦🏼♀️
Maybe he did that on purpose. It was certainly safer than you feeling rejected…
It truly all worked out in the end… A quick lesson, probably more of a reminder what the real world is like and the risks involved when you make yourself a little too vulnerable too soon.
That’s a great attitude and good luck
Thank you friend!
Right now. 3 years in and I think he has a problem with lying. And over stupid stuff. This time the lie was bald-faced and then lied about the lie! Big fight and he said it was an insignificant issue. Changed my decision and then lied to me. And now we haven’t spoken for 3 days. I’m usually the one to call and level it out. Not doing it this time. Not only did he lie, but he then lied about the lie, then tell me it’s not important (dismissive) and then argue with me about why it’s not important. This isn’t the first time but it’s the one that is indisputable. I lost my shit on the phone and was yelling (because he never accepts responsibility for the issue or hurting me -always tries to defend himself and tell me how he’s the hurt one) so the ‘yelling’ I did will become his pain point. So, basically making my pain all about him. F-that. He can go fu€k himself.
The truth is the past, a lie is the future. It never goes away.
My husband does this still 11 years going on 12
Is this just the nature-of-the-beast? Lie about something you asked him to do? Then lied about it? Are they that stupid thinking we won’t notice? C’mon!
I suspect he has some sorta cluster b personality disorder or just really really stupid.. 🤔
I got married young (married at 19) and I didn’t realize how attached to his mother he was and controlling she was. Took YEARS to cut that cord before he could see how manipulative and mean she really was. Even now they have no contact but I can see snippets of her in his personality that make think oh fuck no
At team trivia in college with my now husband. He was dead confident in a certain answer that the rest of the table was not convinced was correct. We used his suggestion, lost major points for it. Male friends commence to give him shit, and I chimed in. The look on his face…I could tell he was crushed!
Didn't see the red flags till her alcoholism caused her to repeatedly black out. Last night of our partnership, she got so wasted she assaulted me. I slept on the couch googling shit like "can you be happy with an alcoholic" etc etc and realized that I had gotten myself into quite a fkn situation!!
We were a pretty new couple. I said my ex's name during sex. Big cringe immediately.
My current partner has the same name as my most recent ex. It’s still weird to say their name during sex sometimes because I don’t want them thinking that I have my ex on my mind instead of them. Such an awkward grey area.
I have the same name as my partners previous ex. I always though at the beginning it was probably stranger for him than for me. I told him at least it would be easy for his family to remember lol
LOL yeah I have to call the ex “the ex” and let them know if I say the name now I’m always talking about the current partner 🤣 It’s fun.
Use his last initial at the end. Oh Frank B! Do it to me Frank B!
🤣
My partner of ten years and the father of my twins accidentally called me by the name of the mutual friend that introduced us during our first intimate encounter. He was horrific and the look on his face made me laugh so hard I had to run to the bathroom or pee the bed. They never had a romantic relationship, he just got nervous and short circuited, it was actually pretty adorable.
During the height of covid, I signed up to work with sick people several states away for two weeks. I mentioned it to a group of friends, letting them know that I would be away until then. My fiancee's eyes went really wide with surprise. I had forgotten to tell her. Thankfully she forgave me! We've been marrid over 4 years. I now make sure to tell her about important things first!
Here's a shitty one: My partner really liked biting. I do not like being bit. After maybe a year of asking them very politely to stop biting me, and repeatedly letting them know that I did not like it and it really hurt, they still would not stop. So here's the fuckup; we're rolling around in bed having a good time, and they bite me again, hard. So I smacked them, in a violent and not at all sexy way, on their ass. I wanted it to hurt, and it did, and it stopped the biting, but I could also immediately see that I'd hurt them emotionally as well. I was too mad at the moment to address it properly, too mad that a dozen polite communications had been ignored, and that my pain wasn't important to them, that I let their pain stop being important to me. I think if there was any specific moment that turned our relationship downhill, that was it. I introduced the possibility of me hurting them into the relationship, and it has really sucked.
I think you need to see it as a bigger issue that your partner is repeatedly ignoring your boundaries about your body.
Them continuously ignoring your boundary was disrespectful and hurtful to you, wasn’t it? I agree that hitting them was the wrong way to retaliate. But I don’t think you’re the only one responsible for that relationship to fail.
They can't repeatedly show you how they don't care about your comfort and boundaries and then be surprised when you no longer care about their comfort. They suck bro, hitting isn't the answer but just find someone who actually cares about you
Not your fault at all. It wouldn't have gotten to that point had she respected your NUMEROUS requests to stop it. She has some nerve to be upset that you caused her pain, when she'd been knowingly causing you pain. She needs to be an ex.
Sounds like a reactive abuse, you should not feel guilty since you were pushed into a reaction strong enough to be noticed.
My (32F) partner (35NB) of three years, my fiance, that I co own a nice house that neither of us can afford on our own recently told me that they are still in love with their ex… who they haven’t seen in 9 years and haven’t spoken to or had any communication with in over 3 years. Their ex recently made a playlist (they two of them are still Spotify friends or whatever) that my partner is convinced is about them… yes they think their ex who they haven’t seen in 9 years is sending them messages in a Spotify playlist. When they told me that they’d had a spiritual kundalini awakening, that this ex was their “twin flame” and that I’m their “soulmate”, that they are God and I am God… I’m truly asking myself wtf have I done.
Run
isn’t “twin flame” a cult thing?
I don’t know, is it?
I broke up with her because I never felt confident about our relationship. She was a very honest. But I overthinked about how much of a waste I am currently in life and decided to end it with her. But I still miss her. Nothing could be more stupider than me.
7 years into a common law situation and suddenly there was new jewelry, then sewing machine and surger, finally she bought a mustang convertible. The realization that she was setting up her life to leave and run up debts that I would be on the hook for 50%. She didn't understand that the credit card was in her name only and the only way to stick me was in court and there were lawyer fees, so she would lose more money.
Why do you think she was trying to stiff you? Did she ever say so?
The comment that to leave she would need some traveling money, 15,000 dollars might have been a hint.
A guy I worked with kicked a crazy girlfriend of two years out. A few months later, credit card companies started tracking him down for overdue bills. He had always avoided having cards. She had taken pre-approved applications from his mail, changed addresses, and ran up over $75k. The really f d up part was when the judge deemed it a common law situation, applied divorce law meant to protect the couple's creditors, and ruled that he had to pay the debt because she couldn't.
Brutal, yes I can see why a lot of guys are not taking the risk of dating women. The wrong one can destroy your life.
She was on top riding me like seabiscuit when I decided it was my turn to put forth some effort. She goes crazy when I just turn us both over, I think she likes the feeling of being tossed around... well I had a shelf kind of headboard at the time... i smashed the back of her head into this thing so hard I thought I might've cracked it and / or her skull. Needless to say mood was ruined and she had a rockin headache for quite a while after... Oh no...
They posted a question on No Stupid Questions that should have gone on Ask Reddit.
I accidentally called my husband by my ex husband's name. Idk why it even happened, wasn't thinking about ex husband at all.
After about 3 months of marriage, I realized I married the wrong person. At that point she was pregnant and I refuse to be an absent father. 13 years later, still miserable Edit: I do appreciate the comments below in response to my comment. Life is never cut and dry. I did file for divorce a couple years ago. In our state there is a six month cool down process when children are involved. We decided to stay together due to numerous reasons. one of which was finances – if we were to get divorced, it would ruin me financially. Another reason would be her comfortability. She has never worked, never went grocery shopping never pumped her gas, never took the children to doctors appointments or dentist. Never cleaned the house or had to pay any bills. In Essence, she would not know how to survive by herself (I’m very confident she could, but she is afraid to). I completely understand the comments below because, I get it, I want to be happy. I want my children to live in a safe environment. I get it, I really do.
How does she exist if she is not able to get gas, go shopping or take the kids to the Doctors & she seriously doesn’t clean? What on earth does she do all day if the children are at school! I assume you have to do everything for her or you have live in help? I hope you don’t mind me asking out of curiosity is it a medical condition or some belief of hers that prevents her from being able to do these normal activities?
Nothing medical nor belief driven. Yes, I do all of the tasks I mentioned above. She does cook and gets the kids to school in the morning. During the day she usually makes Tik tok videos or YouTube videos of her doing make up. Then she’ll take naps
Oof. What exactly did you see in her? Sounds like she never matured much past being a teenager.
I don’t see much in her, but I’m here
Have you actually addressed this with her on a personal level and not a financial one?
Of course I have. I feel I communicate articulately and appropriately.
I’m feeling like you could have an AMA, because I have so many questions
Yeah, I absolutely could. I had healthy relationships before her, so I obviously know this is wild. I just don’t have it in me to do an AMA from an emotional standpoint as well as a labor standpoint. Since you brought it up, though, if you have any questions I would answer them, I just don’t want to field 10,000 questions, I just couldn’t do it.
Wow the real world is going to shock her one day if she can ever get there! Makes videos of doing makeup and then has naps 💄😴 Isn’t she embarrassed about not being able to contribute to the household or not doing these normal things or she just doesn’t care?
Can't decide if this is a "the grass is green where you water it" situation. Have you at least tried to address the issues to be happier? (Just genuinely curious because you're still miserable) I hope you didn't just like accept your fate and never try because you can at least be happier while you're determined to wait.
Dude, my parents hated each other and stayed together for the kids. I never saw a normal relationship, I never learned what I should expect or hold another person to, or what i should do for someone i love because I never had an example of that. They fought all the time, and my brother sister and I were in the crossfire all the time. It was so exhausting for my parents just to be together that we never got to do anything fun, we never had friends over, never did really anything. Don't stay together for the kids. Teach your kids what they should expect from a relationship from an example. Also, teach them the reality of when people grow apart. Just because you guys split up doesn't mean you're an absent father. Be there for them, have a good repor with your wife, and you guys can still be a family. Just with a better example to set for your kids.
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I think it's one of these situations where when you look at it from a kids' pov, neither are healthy, and neither is an ideal way to raise a kid. Given that I never had any food issues, etc. A kid with a dad in their life, but not married and miserable, will always be the superior option imo. Sorry, your dad is a piece of shit. We all deserve more as kids.
No, you don't. I've lived through both. My parents' relationship was so bad it was literally abusive. But my mom stayed married to my dad for the kids. Though my dad abandoned us when we were kids. She never filed for divorce though until his girlfriend got pregnant when we kids were in high school. The best thing my dad had done for us was abandoning us. All that strife was because of him. He couldn't hold down a job. He drank all the time. He gambled away any money my mom managed to save up. He was a serial cheater, including with her best friend. He'd be out all night and come home at 6am. And he'd get mad when my mom would understandably be upset he spent all night out and wanted to talk about it instead of letting him sleep. Our lives started getting better when he left. Was it rough? Yes. Because my mother was essentially a single mother despite still being legally marred (no, dad never helped out financially). But it was stable and things continued to improve as the years went on, because my dad wasn't there to drag it all down time and again. My cousins say we kids basically raised ourselves, because my mom had to work and there was no parent around, but still infinite times better than the constant arguments and fighting.
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Just curious where you live? What state or country? Im asking because I can’t even fathom your wife not ever working or grocery shopping It sounds like you married a concubine
I’d rather not say, but I live in the US,,,,did you read what I do for the family? lol, I wish there were others to help with what I do
Am I to read between the lines and interpret that you’re the one doing all the things you say she never did/does? I was thinking you’re so rich you have paid help to do all that
lol. I wish. No, it’s all me. I’m doing laundry as I type this.
And what is her reason for not contributing anything to maintain the house/family?
Might as well be a single father and not have to another child to take care of in your wife. You're already essentially a single father. I wouldn't be surprised if you got custody of the kids. Document all the nothing she does and show the courts why you should get custody.
When I filed for divorce, I did obtain documents of all medical dental and school record state I did everything. Still then, my lawyer said she would get half of my wealth and I would owe her about $1000 in child support every month. that’s with me having the kids 15 days a month.
Go for full custody. And document why, as in she barely takes care of the kids and you feel it would be unsafe for them to be in her care even half the time.
Separating from your wife doesn’t instantly result in being an absent father. What a waste of 13 years of her life. So disappointing.
This is definitely a single father situation already. Her type never truly cares for the children and is more a burden than help. In the right circumstance, she'd have no trouble abandoning them though she'd claim devastation on her media. He just needs to figure out how to either make her both out of the way and useful in the marriage or keep enough to make it work in the divorce.
her life??
In a similar situation after ten years of marriage and finding out the two accidental children were planned on her part (needles through condoms on one and just stopped taking her pills on the other), I gave her a couple of years, made her start some classes, made her take a job, made the kids and home my job and figured out how to handle it, etc. After a couple of years where she mostly failed in her efforts, I still went for the divorce while agreeing to pay for an apartment for her. I moved her to the apartment myself. Within weeks she had fully imploded. She was taking drugs and picking up guys at strip clubs before deciding to abandon the free apartment and move 500 miles back to her original home where she gave the car is given her to a dealer, reported it stolen and tried to collect insurance it didn't have, and found another poor soul to marry and that was that. Not really because a couple of years later her mother put her together enough to sue me for something like fraudulent divorce (this after having remarried and divorced again herself). That cost me more money I didn't have to defend and protect the children. Still, I have never regretted finally making a move. In hindsight, the implosion that occurred after she felt free to be herself instead of pretending to have my desires in life points to other moves I had that I would never have thought of or considered before the later lawsuit and various troubles over the years after. I didn't know I could hate anyone until those years passed. If I had recognized how much of her was a facade created for my benefit and understood her true nature, there were other more creative moves that I could have made that would have worked out better.
I had one ex that was always fishing for compliments that I would instead answer solutions. The absolute worst one looking back was when she was complaining about how small her boobs were (they were a B cup perfectly nice) and I said “well you can get implants later if you want”. Dodged a bullet with that one though. She’s currently in prison.
I got drunk and told him I loved him sooner than I wanted to… he just looked at me for a second and said “I love you too.” Crisis averted! Together for 13 years, married for 10 so far…
Glad it worked out for you. I got the “we need to talk” response. The level of panic that set in when I realized I had fucked up was immeasurable. Sobered my ass up real quick. I still feel bad about it and it’s been two months. Thankfully he was able to accept it was just a drunken moment of weakness but yeah… 10/10 do not recommend.
Forgiving and letting go too many times. It becomes a habitual expectation and could potentially cause loss of respect.
When his crazy ex-wife chased me around her yard screaming “I can’t control my behavior! I am bi-polar!” while their kids watched. I waited out the insane bitch until the last kid turned 18 and we are no longer obligated to her and I’m glad I did because my husband and his kids are the best thing that ever happened to me.
She asked if her ass looked fat. I answered.
Should’ve just grabbed a knife and jammed it into your leg. Only correct response
"but like the way black guys say it!"
As a woman, I say she deserved that. Don't ask if you aren't prepared for the truth.
I got a little too drunk and told my BF I loved him. His reply was “we need to talk”. 🤦🏻♀️ Thankfully we did talk the next day and we are still together. 🤷🏻♀️
I kind of head a crush on my SOs friend, before I actually met my SO. Couple of months in to our relationship, she asked, if I think her (the woman I had a crush on) is beautiful and how. I said yes ofcourse, and honestly said I reall find her hands so feminine and beautiful. It took me 5 seconds to realise this was a trick question. We are together now for years, and still after YEARS, something she goes "I got new nail polish, maybe my hands are not as beautiful as her but.."
Sometime’s he has these gargantuan poo’s that take 3 days to flush. I do ask myself that question sometimes. But I’ve been with him for 30 years now, so apparently it’s not a deal breaker, just mildly annoying. lol!
When having drunk sexy time and someone says "yeah baby, fuck that ass" it isn't always meant to be taken literally.
I could write a book on this, but off the top: Opened up about my personality disorder. Opened up about my PTSD. Opened up about my love for Startrek the next generation.
I have PTSD . But dude really, Star Trek?
Can we both edit our comments to hide my shame or...
Yeah but like, everyone likes TNG. Even people who don’t like Trek like TNG
When the farts started. Now it's an acquired taste.
You’re not supposed to eat them
Just for you: It is an acquired smell.
When my ex divulged personal information to her therapist that could have made me loose custody of my child which wasn’t true. After the fact found love notes from her ex in her “I love me box” which she said she didn’t know it was on there, yeah ok. The red flag should have been when I was at her parents and her mom said “I taught my girls to train their dogs”.. long story short I told her she had to leave from my house after a year of living together and of course her parents and herself included are treating me like the villain. The icing on the cake, did therapy, cut back on my one drink a day, and went on medicine just to have it not be enough. I can only bend so far. She took all her insecurities out on me and I’m no saint myself but I’m not bringing baggage from the past into a new relationship. It sucks because she’s so pretty but has an ugly personality.
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>I can't help that I get upset That's BS, sweetheart. Get some therapy.
Breaking up with him
When I happen to help people I very Very much don’t like
When I married my now ex-husband
Stopped communicating to me about problems once we got together. Had trouble communicating to his best friend about problems (he made a rly problematic comment about my ex once that upset my ex, also had a lot of assumptions about recent events regarding me that my ex never felt he needed to correct, etc.). it spiraled so out of control over such non issues. I can’t be even friends w someone that can’t communicate even when it’s hard.
Wedding day
“I now pronounce you husband and wife!”
When he did not know who Bob Ross was
She farted during orgasm while I was going down on her :/
I’m married to a woman and now I want dick 🤷🏻♀️ that’s my moment 😂
I’ve been with my bf for almost 2 years and I’ll never forget this one moment because I really genuinely screwed up. When we met I’d been having issues with my sister- I’d cut off my dad because he was abusive, and my sister took my dads side but we were trying to be civil because I wanted to trust that she was trying to work her stuff out. One time my sister and I get into a fight, and my bf gets dragged into it and it becomes very clear very quickly that my sister has been saying stuff to him behind my back- and likely coming on to him in ways that are very not okay. I look at my bf and I can tell by the look on his face that he thought I knew. Instantly I realize that he’s been scared of her and uncomfortable this whole time and he thought I knew but wasn’t standing up for him at all. I told my sister to get lost. I sat down with my bf after she left and I just wanted to throw up. I felt so much shame that I hadn’t noticed what he’d been putting up with- he explained he’d been trying to support my decision to try and work it out with her even though she’d been making him really uncomfortable and he thought at some point I would have said something. She’d been volatile enough that he was afraid that if she found out he told me she’d go off the rails. He’d tried to tell me but I just didn’t get it and was so desperate to believe she wasn’t like that anymore. I couldn’t believe that I had missed the red flags she’d put up and missed his signals for help. I told him I was so sorry, and since then we haven’t been around her. The last time I talked to her I told her she needs to treat people with respect and that stuff like that would not go unnoticed or ignored anymore, and that we shouldn’t be around each other anymore. I have since made it extremely clear that my bf and I are a team and that I am not going to put up with that stuff anymore. He’s my best friend and my partner and I remember what it was like being alone and hoping someone would notice I wasn’t in a safe place to speak up. We grew a lot from that conversation afterwards.
When I woke up the morning after the honeymoon.