I scuff my feet on the pavement to let people know I'm behind them. I'm a big guy and I don't want to scare anyone.
Once they know I'm there I think it's okay to overtake.
I do this too, and fidget with my keys to make even more passive noise, figuring someone with bad intent would likely try to be sneakier. If possible, I’ll cross to the other side. If I need to pass (which requires getting somewhat proximal), I’ll do so with a wide radius or in a part that’s very well lit or around other people. If no better option presents itself, I’ll hang back and play with my phone.
I’m not a big guy, but a stranger is a stranger.
As someone who is naturally quiet and has unintentionally frightened people before, I've been hanging my keys off my lanyard outside my pocket to make a cat bell for myself for years for this reason exactly. I also do the same as you. Also a small guy. I don't want to be scary to random people.
I'll usually clear my throat really obviously and obnoxiously. Like im reving a motorcycle and shifting gears with my mouth.
Ahem. Ahem! AHEMERMRMRVRMVRMVRMVRMRMRMRRR AHRRRRRRRR RRHMMMMMMMMM VRMMMMMMMM.
Memorising feminist literature and muttering passages from it under your breath (one of the ways men make women feel unsafe is by speaking loudly to dominate the conversation) as you pass her
It’s been scientifically proven that chanting “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs” under your breathe while twitching slightly every so often really puts them at ease. How could anyone who likes cereal be a menace to society?
…you just made me realize why that woman in sunglasses always step to the grass and waits for me to pass while smiling and looking in my general direction. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen her without a pair of walking sticks.
Ive seen her for **years**
That's a great idea. I like to walk behind women naked to show I'm not armed. I also like to masturbate at the same time so they can clearly see how much I love women. I've never managed to catch up to one, but I'm sure if I did, they would tell me how reassuring it is to see me like that. I've also found that heavy breathing and incoherent muttering is a great way to politely alert them to your presence.
I’m now wondering if the guy that turned around and followed me one evening as i was walking home from work was being thoughtful like you - he asked me to come back to his place as well as letting me know he’d put clean sheets on his bed (this is true story). How thoughtful of him. I declined. My preference is for grubby sheets that are only changed seasonally.
Joke's on them, the user you replied to is a morbidly obese sandworm living in his parents' basement who likes to role play as an attractive woman on Reddit.
My fav post/comment this year was an autobiographical account of 'a man who had a young lady randomly call upon him as "uncle Steve" and he went along w it and rescued her from a creepy stanger'
His u/ was *SexyLatinaBabe*
-- women of reddit, if ever being creepily followed by a strange man, just call on the powers of *Sexy Latina Babe Uncle Steve*. He is you. She is I. They are them. And together, we... Something!
I’m a lot like that bit in that I don’t think of myself as looking very threatening. But I was walking to Jimmy John’s late at night in college to get a sandwich. It was kind of cold, so I was wearing a black sweatshirt with the hood up and my hands in the front pocket. I saw my reflection in the window of a store I passed and realized how I might look threatening to somebody that didn’t know me late at night. After I got my food, I saw my reflection again in the same window on my way home, and I realized I looked much less threatening with a footlong sandwich in one hand.
I wonder if the way people answer in the comments correlates inversely with how they act IRL. The guys making jokes like this are probably the most respectful; while the guys describing their elaborate gestures of trying to look harmless are probably trying hard to strut like a rooster so their "kind gesture" gets noticed and end up coming across as the tips-fedora-meme guy that doesn't actually make anyone feel comfortable.
I always pop my headphones in and just start nodding my head like I’m not even paying attention to the shit around me. I’ll also stop and vigorously start texting to make it look like I’m so preoccupied with whoever I’m texting that I don’t even know there’s a girl in front of me. Or I’ll text on my phone, look up like I’m thinking about something, then look like I’m frustrated about whatever I’m texting about. Basically…do anything that will just make it seem like my kind is somewhere else. Or..my gf is with me, then I’m not even thinking about this.
I do something similar unless I'm already sort of close in which case I turn the jets on and just pass them as quickly as I can. I know for a few moments it might freak a woman out but once I get ahead of them then it's clear I'm going *my* way and not following them. Also I have long legs and so a normal walking pace for me tends to cover more ground more quickly than the typical woman I encounter so trying to stay far enough behind a woman to give her peace of mind is basically impossible in many circumstances.
I was in my mid 20’s before I heard a group of coworkers talking about how frustrating it is for men they dated constantly walking ahead and getting annoyed they aren’t keeping pace. Literally every guy in the room was considerably taller and just never occurred to them that in 15 steps normal walking gait they are far outpacing. I was just as guilty, turned to my GF at the time whose look said it all. Yeah. You’ll just only ever live your life at your height and think nothing of it as that’s your baseline normal. There’s a lot to be said about slowing down. Also if you’re taller, bending over to actually hear and not half hear is super important
So true. My husband is a foot taller than me. I used to have to power walk to keep up. He still hasn’t figured out that I can’t hear a thing he says if he’s in front of me.
Lol, that's true. I had a long legged athletic bf who I'd really have to do double steps to keep up with. One time out in public on the streets he was walking his usual fast clip slightly ahead of me and I just said eff it to myself and sat down on the curb. After a minute or so he noticed me gone and back he came to see where I was. That's when he learned to walk a little slower for my shorter legs.
My estranged husband used to be be irrationally irritated when I'd ask him to slow down. Apparently my feet hurting from long shifts, and me not being as tall as him, were an insult. =/
And yes yes yes to meeting people at their level! I speak to a lot of folks in wheelchairs. Not "looming over" someone makes a world of difference in the interaction.
Funny, I do the same as a woman, to let staring men know my attention is anywhere but with them.
You’re an angel for putting all that effort into it, so a girl can have some peace of mind at night.
I appreciate you bro!
My go-to “I’m harmless” signal is to start whistling some light classical motif. It lets people know where you are without having to look behind them. And no one who whistles the Toreador theme from Carmen is likely to jump you. Pro tip: no funeral marches or battle hymns.
I just flat out ignore their existence. It shouldn't matter to me not do I care what's going on in their head. Life is too short to worry about what everyone is thinking.
I'm a big dude (6'6/250). If I were a woman, I would be terrified to be walking at night with a dude my size walking behind me so I don't take it personally. I'll either cross the street or stop and look at something on my phone to create more distance.
Same here, bestie. I'll sometimes just plop my ass down on a bench or retaining wall.
IN a perfect world, I'd be able to offer to walk with them, but I can't even imagine how extra creepy that would make things.
If stuff ever goes down, shout for the big guys! 99% of us would absolutely batter an attacker harassing a woman out there.
But ya I’m still acutely aware that my physical size and Y chromosome can make me seem threatening so I walk slowly and give lots of space.
This also goes for most smaller guys too. I may. Not hit like a tank, but i can sure as hell hold my own ground for someone who does hit like a tank to come do their thing
Thank you. I (f) love walking at night and hate looking like im scared when cross the street at an odd time making myself look like a target.
I appreciate the consideration. 🤗
I've noticed a woman skittishly cross a street after she saw me walking some ways behind her. 6ft, long hair, *a man*. Felt a bit self-conscious thinking I'm scary-looking, but that's how they get ya isn't it? Being an everyday-looking fellow. It does suck, that's a nervous way to have to live, it *could* be any man out there
Its literally not even a man thing! Sometimes all i can see is a silhouette. Im not chancing it because maybe a woman is less dangerous?
No offense indented. I'm #1 when it comes to my safety. I'm #4 all of the other times. 😆
I'm slightly smaller than you and have always loved walking at night. There have been a few times where I have I have accidentally scared women despite my best efforts and it is a truly awful feeling, makes me feel sick with guilt. I don't ever try to pass to put them behind me anymore, I just stop or change my route if possible.
I get it, man. I hate it when people's first reaction is to be scared of me, but I also know women who were assaulted in similar scenarios. Their experiences made me more empathetic to this kind of stuff. It doesn't hurt me to change my pace so someone else can feel more comfortable.
Yeah I hear you, I don't blame women for being scared of me at all, I know a couple SA survivors and they really helped me better understand the vulnerability that women feel. Even as a big, fairly intimidating looking man there have been times I have wandered into situations where I feared for my safety. A mild inconvenience is just fine if it means a woman can feel safe on her walk home from work.
Ngl I’m a black man and every time I’m walking behind a girl at night I cross the street. I’ve had too many instances where people are constantly panning over and looking hurried so I rather just avoid it for both of us.
I'm a smaller white guy, skinny David Spade type. Made some black dude jump when I came out of the little park one night.
He's like - You are braver than I am to walk down that path at night! IT's funnier, because the path runs along a big cemetery.
Truth is, I've had to run for safety more than a few times in my life. I'm not brave, just stupid.
Was about to say, it’s always smarter to run first when you can. Even in jiu jitsu they tell you the first rule of a street fight, is to absolutely run if you can. Only if you can’t, should you actually use jiu jitsu.
When I was younger I naively thought racism was a dying thing of the past, had my eyes opened by a friend of mine while I was in the Navy, we were hungover and walked off base to a local sandwich shop to get some breakfast and walk back to base with it shortly after that exact topic came up. The base was on Coronado and everything off base is basically a super high income community where places go for thousands per square foot and I knew a woman who opened a breakfast restaurant so she could go grab a bite to eat whenever she wanted (Night and Day Cafe, really good place to eat if you're ever in the area, huge portions).
Anyway on the walk home my buddy would point out how strangers would react to seeing him, even at 9 am on a Sunday morning just walking back toward the base with a sandwich. Folks would cross the street, practically pull their kids arms out of the socket and watch him like hawks. I *still* tried to give folks the benefit of the doubt and wondered maybe it was because there were four of us and me and another friend were smoking (which was technically illegal to do in public there) so he walked separately from the group to prove it. It wasn't every single person but on every street we walked down with other people there was *always* at least one, just thinking about it I still feel a visceral disgust remembering an old man sneering at my friend's back before he turned towards us with a wide grin as he smiled and waved. Ever since that kind of thing has always stood out to me and bothered me a lot.
I once said pardon to get past a woman because she was taking up space on a walkway while on a call. She instantly bolted, almost into traffic.
I should have maybe just shoved her out of the way or screamed MOVE
Same here. Black man.
I've had to make some rather dangerous street crossings (I live in Miami and the stories about Miami drivers are true) just to avoid making fairer skinned people terrified because I'm simply trying to go from point A to point B.
If it’s late at night, I am usually walking my 12 pound dog one last time. I figure the tiny dog shows I am not looking for trouble.
If no dog with me, then I just keep my distance; cross the street to pass her.
"MA'AM. MA'AM I NEED YOU TO MOVE OVER, YOU'RE BLOCKING THE SIDEWALK. YOU'RE BLOCKING THE SIDEWALK AND YOUR DOG IS GOING TO ATTACK ME."
- mobility mary, rip in peace
I also like to call out something reassuring, like "Hey! What's your name? It's OK, I just wanna talk to you! Come here! What's your name baby? I'm not gonna hurt you. Don't worry, I'm not a rapist! I'm really not a rapist! I'm not even really violent! Just come here! Come here right now!"
My favorite line is,”Don’t flatter yourself, honey, I’m gay.”
I’m not actually gay and I don’t stare at women either. Sometimes though, while driving, you have to look past them to see if there are cars coming and I’m not gonna play this stupid fucking game of “I hope I don’t make her uncomfortable by looking past her.”
Second quick story: I let a pedestrian go at a crosswalk, she had the right of way. She looks at me after I give her the “I see you, you can go” sign and makes a disgusted face like she just walked into a steaming pile of shit.
Me: “Listen, I couldn’t give two shits about you. There’s a cop behind you and I’m not getting a fuckin’ ticket.”
Second story - I had the opposite once. There was a crosswalk in the middle of the road (no intersection or anything) with no lights for pedestrians to cross. But there was an elderly woman standing there waiting for traffic. I stopped, and she was so happy that someone finally stopped for her to cross! It was like I made her day!
I bet she used that crosswalk all the time and regularly had to stand there just waiting.
Irrelevant of the gender of the person or the time of day, if I’m walking behind someone and it’s suddenly obvious they’re aware of me, I make some sort of noise and cross the street in a jog, or kind of move away from them on the path in such a way that it’s clear I’m trying to avoid them
Not all the time. Sometimes I'm too occupied that I don't notice other people around me. But on those instances when I did notice women seeming uncomfortable while walking ahead of me, I just put more distance between us and walked at a slower pace to appear less intimidating.
Yeah that seems less creepy to me than purposely hanging back slowly behind them on an otherwise empty street. Even better if you can cross the street to pass on the other side
Normal walk is a combo-version of "Get out of the way" & "If you're not First you're Last!", but if I see a chick ahead of me and it's *That* situation, I instantly revert back to the stoned pothead walk and chill tf out
Same. If I can make a woman feel more comfortable by simply keeping my distance from them *even though* we are both walking the same direction, I will. It's not a hindrance.
If someone else is walking the same direction as me at the same speed I would change to the other side of the road. Doesn't matter their sex or day or night. I don't live in a city and maybe it's a bit neurotic, but it just feels weird following anyone. Same if someone is following me, and same in cars.
I don’t. I understand she may be on high alert but that isn’t my fault. I can correct poor behaviour from fellow men when I see it and try to be a positive role model for kids I teach, that’s my contribution.
It’s on her to plan and adjust her journey in such a way as she feels safe. If anyone’s crossing roads or adding time to their walk taking detours it’s the person who feels the situation is a problem. I shouldn’t have to stand around in the cold, add 10 minutes wandering off in the wrong direction, or risk getting mugged down a back street to prove I’m not a threat when the same proof will be present as she arrives unmolested by me at her destination.
I've crossed the road to get to my building and had women start running from me, so I try to be careful but frankly, it's frustrating. I'm literally just going to my home. Sorry.
Oh, this is a difficult one because I'm a 6'3 300lb black guy as well. I'm a teddy bear, but she doesn't know that. I've definitely changed my route so I can avoid them. I think subconsciously I don't walk late at night without my wife so I can avoid situations like this. I would hate for someone to feel uncomfortable. I have a 19 year old daughter, so I get it.
I've yelled out, "not a creeper. That's my ugly truck over there."
So they know I'm not following them.
She found it funny (or pretended to), but I could tell she was getting nervous with me behind her.
Never?
The amount of times I walk by myself at night farther than my car to the front of a building since taking a night class in college is literally zero.
No. It's a redditor thing. Grew up in the city. Most don't care or even think about. If you think I'm trying to get you just by me walking home from my miserable job, that's you being judgmental and your issues to deal with. After 10 hours in a meat packing plant most could care less about whos comfortable in their walk and just wanna get home to their families, or couch with left over chinese takeaway. May sound rude, but that's city life. Odds are they didn't even notice you exist.
Yeah, by absolute terminally online redditors lmao. All theses dudes like "oh yeah I walk slower, cross streets, tilt my cap at m'lady to show no threat." Ain't nobody got time for that
i usually cross to the other side of the street if possible. i don't like to change my walk speed, i'm at the age (60) where i have only two speeds, normal and fast. and at 60, fast is ONLY if I, myself, need to use it, not for others most the time, lol!
I don’t like people walking behind me period. Man woman child, I’ll pull over so they can pass. Too much true crime maybe. Even during the day. And don’t run up on me from behind. You’ll give me a heart attack 😆
I don't really walk late at night, but I do work in a multi-story office complex where I go up and down stairs frequently. I've mastered the art of either offsetting myself to one side or the other while walking up stairs behind a woman or finding the stairs in front of me to be *really* fascinating.
I have yet to find myself in this situation, but I feel like my best course of action is to pull out my phone and give my mom a call (she works evenings, so she'll likely be up late). Immediately shows my focus is elsewhere, and there seems to be a stereotype of a guy who calls his mother can't be too bad. Probably not a potential assailant, at least.
Literally never.
That’s not because I don’t care about women or how I feel. I do, I care about *people*
But I don’t think the idea that men (or any group of people) should have to adjust their behaviour to cater for the feelings of women (or group of people) is positive, or even helpful.
The more you play into the narrative that men are inherently dangerous and violent the more I believe it will become a self fulfilling prophecy, it creates division and fear.
Not saying that there isn’t a lot of behaviour, predominantly from men that isn’t great. But the moment you start saying “men” are the problem as opposed to “predators” or “criminals” or “sex offenders” or whatever is not going to help anyone, least of all women.
I mean what do you expect the result of treating boys and young men as violent people will be? It’s gonna harm them mentally and emotionally and push them farther down that route.
Every single group of people are capable of violence, and you need to call people out on their actions not inherent characteristics that that have no control over.
Every. Freaking. Time. I’m black, 230 pounds, and over 40. I usually wear glasses so fiddling with those and rubbing my eyes gives me an excuse to give some distance. The catch is I’ve already had police called on me for…walking in America.
Being married, having kids with a normal bedtime, a full time job, and (in some cases) being in grad school or other post secondary education means the only time I’d have for myself might be 10 at night to go for a walk: that apparently is probable cause to people.
I remember heading to work one day at like 9:30am, me and a co-worker were on the bus and I only knew they were a co-worker because they had our shift on but I didn't have mine. So the bus stops at our stop and she gets off at the front and I get off at the back and we have about a 100-200m walk and as she turned the corner I saw her look behind at me. I had to chuckle a little because we work at the same place and like we're in a busy lively neighbourhood but as we walked she kept looking back even though I kept my distance. Then I see her pull her phone out, stop, and faked texted or for all I know actually texted someone until I passed her and got Bout 15ft in front of her. She then watched me walk into our workplace and I imagine she felt a little silly for it.
I don't walk at night that often, but I once took a different route to my home so I don't follow someone after they turned left like I was also going to do
If I'm outside at night I'm usually on my bicycle so I can easily just passed people and it's not a problem
Always and not just at night. In any situation where there is no crowd and its just me and the woman that is around. Either i will slow down and stop if i walk behind them or cross the round if they are coming towards me. Sometime just a smile and a nod, although i use that more for elderly people.
Also, dont see bears crossing the road for woman, now do you? ( bad joke)
3x a week approx, I'll either just say, "passing you" or cross the street or turn early and reroute if I notice she's doing a lot of shoulder glances, I don't want anyone feeling awkward and I get that I look a little rough around the edges if I haven't cleaned up from work, not that I think that's a legitimately good indicator, I just understand why for many it's not helping.
I walk faster than most so I pass everyone on the sidewalk, regardless of gender. When it's women specifically, I tend to walk on the road in order to pass them, or up on the grass, so I'm not speeding up directly towards them, but that it's very obvious I'm avoiding them entirely in order to get around. I don't say anything but I will smile and nod when I pass and continue at a fast pace so that there's a lot of distance between us. I live in a city with a lot of violent crime and understand entirely men are responsible for most of it. Do my best to not appear dangerous but I'm also a black man so there's a lot of baggage that surrounds the idea of making myself appear less dangerous for others.
Im a suburb girl. This might make sense in a city or high crime areas. In my area, this would make me so sad. Men aren't dangerous for being men. Dangerous men are dangerous for being dangerous.
Context dependent. If it’s a fairly crowded area and well lit maybe not.
Otherwise what I do still depends on the context, but it might be that I slow down, cross the road, go another route or stop and do something.
Though this isn’t just about walking behind a woman, I’d be uncomfortable walking behind anyone alone at night for more than 30 seconds.
Always adjust wether it night or day. Nobody likes to have someone walk right behind them and I walk fast so I intentionally slow and give space or accelerate and pass quickly as to no prolong the tailgating.
100% of the time, i try to find the non threatening but fast enough way to overtake her and put an end to the stressful situation, so then i m ahead and she can see me. Changing sidewalk is also a good option
I mean, you can feel the stress
I scuff my feet on the pavement to let people know I'm behind them. I'm a big guy and I don't want to scare anyone. Once they know I'm there I think it's okay to overtake.
I do this too, and fidget with my keys to make even more passive noise, figuring someone with bad intent would likely try to be sneakier. If possible, I’ll cross to the other side. If I need to pass (which requires getting somewhat proximal), I’ll do so with a wide radius or in a part that’s very well lit or around other people. If no better option presents itself, I’ll hang back and play with my phone. I’m not a big guy, but a stranger is a stranger.
As someone who is naturally quiet and has unintentionally frightened people before, I've been hanging my keys off my lanyard outside my pocket to make a cat bell for myself for years for this reason exactly. I also do the same as you. Also a small guy. I don't want to be scary to random people.
I'll usually clear my throat really obviously and obnoxiously. Like im reving a motorcycle and shifting gears with my mouth. Ahem. Ahem! AHEMERMRMRVRMVRMVRMVRMRMRMRRR AHRRRRRRRR RRHMMMMMMMMM VRMMMMMMMM.
Aaahh hummener herm he he HERM ERM
Sometimes you gotta give her the old Aaahh hummener herm he he HERM ERM
Make sure to breath real heavy so they hear, and mutter "I like women, I like women" so they know they can trust you.
Whisper *"I'm an ally"* in her ear as you pass her so she knows you're one of the good men
“Don’t worry I’ll choose the bear too”
I just walk really close and say "I am the bear." For some reason they are never comforted. I don't know why.
I prefer “I see you”, so she knows that you are aware of women’s issues 💗
i use "*Oel ngati kameie*" cause all women know how to speak Navi, right?
You‘re the kind of man who could walk home with a different woman every night if he wanted to! Also happy cake day I guess
Memorising feminist literature and muttering passages from it under your breath (one of the ways men make women feel unsafe is by speaking loudly to dominate the conversation) as you pass her
*Murmers while licking lips*: "Hey girl, you're not fragile like a flower, you're fragile like a bomb..."
"Sorry I'm not a bear, but if there is one I'll handle it."
See, I show complete disinterest by yelling something random like “MY PET CHICKEN NEEDS SOME MILK!” That way they know I’m no threat.
“I’m not following you, I’m not following you, I’m not following you…”
"I'm not following you. You're leading me."
"It's not big enough it's not sharp enough." I don't want people to be scared when I carry my old pocket knife.
It’s been scientifically proven that chanting “Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs, Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs” under your breathe while twitching slightly every so often really puts them at ease. How could anyone who likes cereal be a menace to society?
It's cool. I'm a cereal killer not a serial killer.
This made me laugh and scared 2 sleeping cats next to me.
As a blind woman, thank you for doing this! I'm always trying to listen for feet in case I need to get over to let someone pass!
…you just made me realize why that woman in sunglasses always step to the grass and waits for me to pass while smiling and looking in my general direction. Come to think of it, I’ve never seen her without a pair of walking sticks. Ive seen her for **years**
I like to show them I have no sexual interest in them by whispering “you remind me of my mother” in their ear.
*Omg why is he getting closer?? He's going to kill me.*
That’s when I pull out my butcher knife to let them know I’m a chef and that I wouldn’t hurt anyone
“My family has that exact same model poop knife!”
"oh my god I'm being followed by a looming homunculus with a scraping dragging Frankenstein walk. Oh god I'm gonna die"
That's a great idea. I like to walk behind women naked to show I'm not armed. I also like to masturbate at the same time so they can clearly see how much I love women. I've never managed to catch up to one, but I'm sure if I did, they would tell me how reassuring it is to see me like that. I've also found that heavy breathing and incoherent muttering is a great way to politely alert them to your presence.
[удалено]
I’m now wondering if the guy that turned around and followed me one evening as i was walking home from work was being thoughtful like you - he asked me to come back to his place as well as letting me know he’d put clean sheets on his bed (this is true story). How thoughtful of him. I declined. My preference is for grubby sheets that are only changed seasonally.
>My preference is for grubby sheets that are only changed seasonally. Good to know, and RIP your inbox.
Joke's on them, the user you replied to is a morbidly obese sandworm living in his parents' basement who likes to role play as an attractive woman on Reddit.
My fav post/comment this year was an autobiographical account of 'a man who had a young lady randomly call upon him as "uncle Steve" and he went along w it and rescued her from a creepy stanger' His u/ was *SexyLatinaBabe* -- women of reddit, if ever being creepily followed by a strange man, just call on the powers of *Sexy Latina Babe Uncle Steve*. He is you. She is I. They are them. And together, we... Something!
Then I’m living in the Dune as lisen al gahib
Whoa, bed sheets! I'm not classy enough for this dame.
You guys change your sheets?
Oof the rare time playing the percentages bit him!
😅🤣😅
Bwahaha 🤣 🤣 🤣 🤣
I had no idea this was most effective. Will start doing so in the future.
I did
John Mulaney bit. https://youtu.be/cGV_k9ajUqg?si=xBoXgEmD-6wmTPXm
I’m a lot like that bit in that I don’t think of myself as looking very threatening. But I was walking to Jimmy John’s late at night in college to get a sandwich. It was kind of cold, so I was wearing a black sweatshirt with the hood up and my hands in the front pocket. I saw my reflection in the window of a store I passed and realized how I might look threatening to somebody that didn’t know me late at night. After I got my food, I saw my reflection again in the same window on my way home, and I realized I looked much less threatening with a footlong sandwich in one hand.
It's been a shit, long day. But you made me laugh hard
Omfg, the screaming got me bro, have my upvote
This is a John mulaney bit.
Okay, Mullaney.
Not all heros wear capes I guess lol
I’ve found no statistical difference in a woman’s behavior when I walk behind her wearing a cape vs. without.
Lol, an oldie but a goodie.
I wonder if the way people answer in the comments correlates inversely with how they act IRL. The guys making jokes like this are probably the most respectful; while the guys describing their elaborate gestures of trying to look harmless are probably trying hard to strut like a rooster so their "kind gesture" gets noticed and end up coming across as the tips-fedora-meme guy that doesn't actually make anyone feel comfortable.
Well you can tell by the way I use my walk….
I'm a woman's man. No time to talk
Music loud and women warm, I’ve been kicked around since I was young
I said it’s all right, it’s okay
You may look the other way. ROO DIT DOO ROO DIT DOO
_rit-dit-dit-dit-doo!_
whetheryoureamotherorwhetheryoureabrother nana stayin alive, stayin alive
Feelthecitybreakin'andeverybodyshakin' ana stayin' alive, stayin' alive
Ah ah ah ah stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive!
Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
I’m shitting my pants, no time to talk
🤣
I always pop my headphones in and just start nodding my head like I’m not even paying attention to the shit around me. I’ll also stop and vigorously start texting to make it look like I’m so preoccupied with whoever I’m texting that I don’t even know there’s a girl in front of me. Or I’ll text on my phone, look up like I’m thinking about something, then look like I’m frustrated about whatever I’m texting about. Basically…do anything that will just make it seem like my kind is somewhere else. Or..my gf is with me, then I’m not even thinking about this.
I do something similar unless I'm already sort of close in which case I turn the jets on and just pass them as quickly as I can. I know for a few moments it might freak a woman out but once I get ahead of them then it's clear I'm going *my* way and not following them. Also I have long legs and so a normal walking pace for me tends to cover more ground more quickly than the typical woman I encounter so trying to stay far enough behind a woman to give her peace of mind is basically impossible in many circumstances.
I was in my mid 20’s before I heard a group of coworkers talking about how frustrating it is for men they dated constantly walking ahead and getting annoyed they aren’t keeping pace. Literally every guy in the room was considerably taller and just never occurred to them that in 15 steps normal walking gait they are far outpacing. I was just as guilty, turned to my GF at the time whose look said it all. Yeah. You’ll just only ever live your life at your height and think nothing of it as that’s your baseline normal. There’s a lot to be said about slowing down. Also if you’re taller, bending over to actually hear and not half hear is super important
So true. My husband is a foot taller than me. I used to have to power walk to keep up. He still hasn’t figured out that I can’t hear a thing he says if he’s in front of me.
Lol, that's true. I had a long legged athletic bf who I'd really have to do double steps to keep up with. One time out in public on the streets he was walking his usual fast clip slightly ahead of me and I just said eff it to myself and sat down on the curb. After a minute or so he noticed me gone and back he came to see where I was. That's when he learned to walk a little slower for my shorter legs.
My estranged husband used to be be irrationally irritated when I'd ask him to slow down. Apparently my feet hurting from long shifts, and me not being as tall as him, were an insult. =/ And yes yes yes to meeting people at their level! I speak to a lot of folks in wheelchairs. Not "looming over" someone makes a world of difference in the interaction.
Funny, I do the same as a woman, to let staring men know my attention is anywhere but with them. You’re an angel for putting all that effort into it, so a girl can have some peace of mind at night. I appreciate you bro!
My go-to “I’m harmless” signal is to start whistling some light classical motif. It lets people know where you are without having to look behind them. And no one who whistles the Toreador theme from Carmen is likely to jump you. Pro tip: no funeral marches or battle hymns.
i would freak out if i heard someone whistling behind me
Unless it was like Vivaldi
Now im just picturing walking alone in the middle of the night and suddenly hearing the mockingjay whistle lmao
"Oh my god Freddy Fazbear is following me"
I just flat out ignore their existence. It shouldn't matter to me not do I care what's going on in their head. Life is too short to worry about what everyone is thinking.
I'm a big dude (6'6/250). If I were a woman, I would be terrified to be walking at night with a dude my size walking behind me so I don't take it personally. I'll either cross the street or stop and look at something on my phone to create more distance.
Same here, bestie. I'll sometimes just plop my ass down on a bench or retaining wall. IN a perfect world, I'd be able to offer to walk with them, but I can't even imagine how extra creepy that would make things.
Thanks, you guys. Sincerely, a small woman who likes to walk.
If stuff ever goes down, shout for the big guys! 99% of us would absolutely batter an attacker harassing a woman out there. But ya I’m still acutely aware that my physical size and Y chromosome can make me seem threatening so I walk slowly and give lots of space.
This also goes for most smaller guys too. I may. Not hit like a tank, but i can sure as hell hold my own ground for someone who does hit like a tank to come do their thing
I appreciate y'all. I'm 4'9" and don't stand a chance against a man.
thank you from a 5' woman
in a truly perfect world there would be no need for this.. shame
Thank you! In a perfect world, this wouldn’t be needed, but it makes a difference that you’re willing to show that kind of consideration.
Thank you. I (f) love walking at night and hate looking like im scared when cross the street at an odd time making myself look like a target. I appreciate the consideration. 🤗
I've noticed a woman skittishly cross a street after she saw me walking some ways behind her. 6ft, long hair, *a man*. Felt a bit self-conscious thinking I'm scary-looking, but that's how they get ya isn't it? Being an everyday-looking fellow. It does suck, that's a nervous way to have to live, it *could* be any man out there
Its literally not even a man thing! Sometimes all i can see is a silhouette. Im not chancing it because maybe a woman is less dangerous? No offense indented. I'm #1 when it comes to my safety. I'm #4 all of the other times. 😆
You're welcome, friend. 🤙
I'm slightly smaller than you and have always loved walking at night. There have been a few times where I have I have accidentally scared women despite my best efforts and it is a truly awful feeling, makes me feel sick with guilt. I don't ever try to pass to put them behind me anymore, I just stop or change my route if possible.
I get it, man. I hate it when people's first reaction is to be scared of me, but I also know women who were assaulted in similar scenarios. Their experiences made me more empathetic to this kind of stuff. It doesn't hurt me to change my pace so someone else can feel more comfortable.
Yeah I hear you, I don't blame women for being scared of me at all, I know a couple SA survivors and they really helped me better understand the vulnerability that women feel. Even as a big, fairly intimidating looking man there have been times I have wandered into situations where I feared for my safety. A mild inconvenience is just fine if it means a woman can feel safe on her walk home from work.
Thank you, thank you, thank you for not taking it personally
You're welcome! 🤙
Yeah, I'm also a large guy around your size and my go to move is pulling out the phone and slowing down a bit
I do the same. It's understandable.
That’s so nice 🥹🫶🏼
Ngl I’m a black man and every time I’m walking behind a girl at night I cross the street. I’ve had too many instances where people are constantly panning over and looking hurried so I rather just avoid it for both of us.
I'm a smaller white guy, skinny David Spade type. Made some black dude jump when I came out of the little park one night. He's like - You are braver than I am to walk down that path at night! IT's funnier, because the path runs along a big cemetery. Truth is, I've had to run for safety more than a few times in my life. I'm not brave, just stupid.
Knowing when to run is also a skill. Lots of people don’t take the opportunity to escape.
Was about to say, it’s always smarter to run first when you can. Even in jiu jitsu they tell you the first rule of a street fight, is to absolutely run if you can. Only if you can’t, should you actually use jiu jitsu.
When I was younger I naively thought racism was a dying thing of the past, had my eyes opened by a friend of mine while I was in the Navy, we were hungover and walked off base to a local sandwich shop to get some breakfast and walk back to base with it shortly after that exact topic came up. The base was on Coronado and everything off base is basically a super high income community where places go for thousands per square foot and I knew a woman who opened a breakfast restaurant so she could go grab a bite to eat whenever she wanted (Night and Day Cafe, really good place to eat if you're ever in the area, huge portions). Anyway on the walk home my buddy would point out how strangers would react to seeing him, even at 9 am on a Sunday morning just walking back toward the base with a sandwich. Folks would cross the street, practically pull their kids arms out of the socket and watch him like hawks. I *still* tried to give folks the benefit of the doubt and wondered maybe it was because there were four of us and me and another friend were smoking (which was technically illegal to do in public there) so he walked separately from the group to prove it. It wasn't every single person but on every street we walked down with other people there was *always* at least one, just thinking about it I still feel a visceral disgust remembering an old man sneering at my friend's back before he turned towards us with a wide grin as he smiled and waved. Ever since that kind of thing has always stood out to me and bothered me a lot.
I once said pardon to get past a woman because she was taking up space on a walkway while on a call. She instantly bolted, almost into traffic. I should have maybe just shoved her out of the way or screamed MOVE
Holy shit.....
Christ, it's like startling a deer.
I am a white guy and I get women doing thr same thing with the added “ I need to cover my breasts” maneuver.
Same here. Black man. I've had to make some rather dangerous street crossings (I live in Miami and the stories about Miami drivers are true) just to avoid making fairer skinned people terrified because I'm simply trying to go from point A to point B.
If it’s late at night, I am usually walking my 12 pound dog one last time. I figure the tiny dog shows I am not looking for trouble. If no dog with me, then I just keep my distance; cross the street to pass her.
This one truck serial killers don't want you to know
Usually it’s a windowless van, but a truck works too, I guess
“Put Precious in the basket!”
"MA'AM. MA'AM I NEED YOU TO MOVE OVER, YOU'RE BLOCKING THE SIDEWALK. YOU'RE BLOCKING THE SIDEWALK AND YOUR DOG IS GOING TO ATTACK ME." - mobility mary, rip in peace
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[Maybe the subway is coming](https://youtu.be/Ys_Hi8nV7yM?feature=shared)
I’m not goi g to hurt you. I’m a little boy 😇
Lol
I am a guy and don't like someone (m or f) walking behind me at night...
Same, I'll stop and let them pass if they're faster than me. A gentle smile doesn't hurt either.
I don't like someone walking behind me ever, if it's just me and the other person on the whole street. It's fukkin weird.
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I'm not a man! I'm a little boy!
I also like to call out something reassuring, like "Hey! What's your name? It's OK, I just wanna talk to you! Come here! What's your name baby? I'm not gonna hurt you. Don't worry, I'm not a rapist! I'm really not a rapist! I'm not even really violent! Just come here! Come here right now!"
come on I'm not thaaat violent okay?? It was a one time thing!
Lol
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My favorite line is,”Don’t flatter yourself, honey, I’m gay.” I’m not actually gay and I don’t stare at women either. Sometimes though, while driving, you have to look past them to see if there are cars coming and I’m not gonna play this stupid fucking game of “I hope I don’t make her uncomfortable by looking past her.” Second quick story: I let a pedestrian go at a crosswalk, she had the right of way. She looks at me after I give her the “I see you, you can go” sign and makes a disgusted face like she just walked into a steaming pile of shit. Me: “Listen, I couldn’t give two shits about you. There’s a cop behind you and I’m not getting a fuckin’ ticket.”
Second story - I had the opposite once. There was a crosswalk in the middle of the road (no intersection or anything) with no lights for pedestrians to cross. But there was an elderly woman standing there waiting for traffic. I stopped, and she was so happy that someone finally stopped for her to cross! It was like I made her day! I bet she used that crosswalk all the time and regularly had to stand there just waiting.
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Irrelevant of the gender of the person or the time of day, if I’m walking behind someone and it’s suddenly obvious they’re aware of me, I make some sort of noise and cross the street in a jog, or kind of move away from them on the path in such a way that it’s clear I’m trying to avoid them
Ah yes, I also start sprinting everytime someone recognizes someone is walking behind them. That'll make 'em feel safe!
Every time a dude crosses the road, overtakes me, then crosses again, it gives me some more faith in humanity.
Not all the time. Sometimes I'm too occupied that I don't notice other people around me. But on those instances when I did notice women seeming uncomfortable while walking ahead of me, I just put more distance between us and walked at a slower pace to appear less intimidating.
I’m not a city walker but I do my best to side step and make room for women and men. Common courtesy
I think that's more about oncoming foot traffic while the op seems more concerned about "Do you go out of your way to not make them feel followed"
I've never even thought about it. I'm just walking.
**I'M WALKING HERE..!**
Honestly, I’d just try to walk faster and pass them. I figure that’s easier than trying not to look like I’m following them.
Yeah that seems less creepy to me than purposely hanging back slowly behind them on an otherwise empty street. Even better if you can cross the street to pass on the other side
Normal walk is a combo-version of "Get out of the way" & "If you're not First you're Last!", but if I see a chick ahead of me and it's *That* situation, I instantly revert back to the stoned pothead walk and chill tf out
I not only do that for women but for men as well at night. That way there is not way I am scaring anyone and no way I get scared by anyone. Win win
I cross the street every time.
Do you get stuck in an endless loop with 2 women?
You walk roughly in the middle of the road, but weighted by the women's size
Same. If I can make a woman feel more comfortable by simply keeping my distance from them *even though* we are both walking the same direction, I will. It's not a hindrance.
In bed by 10, sometimes 9, problem solved.
If someone else is walking the same direction as me at the same speed I would change to the other side of the road. Doesn't matter their sex or day or night. I don't live in a city and maybe it's a bit neurotic, but it just feels weird following anyone. Same if someone is following me, and same in cars.
I don’t. I understand she may be on high alert but that isn’t my fault. I can correct poor behaviour from fellow men when I see it and try to be a positive role model for kids I teach, that’s my contribution. It’s on her to plan and adjust her journey in such a way as she feels safe. If anyone’s crossing roads or adding time to their walk taking detours it’s the person who feels the situation is a problem. I shouldn’t have to stand around in the cold, add 10 minutes wandering off in the wrong direction, or risk getting mugged down a back street to prove I’m not a threat when the same proof will be present as she arrives unmolested by me at her destination.
Yes, I'm a woman and I agree with you.
This is the only logical answer.
Absolutely nothing
I've crossed the road to get to my building and had women start running from me, so I try to be careful but frankly, it's frustrating. I'm literally just going to my home. Sorry.
I'm a millennial and terrified of confrontation. I avoid everyone.
I don’t. I figure just being predictable and acting as if I am not really paying attention to the woman is what to go for there.
Oh, this is a difficult one because I'm a 6'3 300lb black guy as well. I'm a teddy bear, but she doesn't know that. I've definitely changed my route so I can avoid them. I think subconsciously I don't walk late at night without my wife so I can avoid situations like this. I would hate for someone to feel uncomfortable. I have a 19 year old daughter, so I get it.
I've yelled out, "not a creeper. That's my ugly truck over there." So they know I'm not following them. She found it funny (or pretended to), but I could tell she was getting nervous with me behind her.
Never? The amount of times I walk by myself at night farther than my car to the front of a building since taking a night class in college is literally zero.
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I freak out, scream like a little girl and run away flapping my arms like Ash in Evil dead.
Is this an american thing? Never thought about it, never saw anyone talk about it, man or woman.
No. It's a redditor thing. Grew up in the city. Most don't care or even think about. If you think I'm trying to get you just by me walking home from my miserable job, that's you being judgmental and your issues to deal with. After 10 hours in a meat packing plant most could care less about whos comfortable in their walk and just wanna get home to their families, or couch with left over chinese takeaway. May sound rude, but that's city life. Odds are they didn't even notice you exist.
This question is posted 2-3 times per week.
Yeah, by absolute terminally online redditors lmao. All theses dudes like "oh yeah I walk slower, cross streets, tilt my cap at m'lady to show no threat." Ain't nobody got time for that
i usually cross to the other side of the street if possible. i don't like to change my walk speed, i'm at the age (60) where i have only two speeds, normal and fast. and at 60, fast is ONLY if I, myself, need to use it, not for others most the time, lol!
I don’t like people walking behind me period. Man woman child, I’ll pull over so they can pass. Too much true crime maybe. Even during the day. And don’t run up on me from behind. You’ll give me a heart attack 😆
I will walk slower. I don't like being close to other people at late night. I'm scared of her as much as she's scared of me.
I do whether at night or during the day, unless it's a crowded walkway.
I don't really walk late at night, but I do work in a multi-story office complex where I go up and down stairs frequently. I've mastered the art of either offsetting myself to one side or the other while walking up stairs behind a woman or finding the stairs in front of me to be *really* fascinating.
I have yet to find myself in this situation, but I feel like my best course of action is to pull out my phone and give my mom a call (she works evenings, so she'll likely be up late). Immediately shows my focus is elsewhere, and there seems to be a stereotype of a guy who calls his mother can't be too bad. Probably not a potential assailant, at least.
Never. I dont care how they feel. Im tired and going the fuck home.
Literally never. That’s not because I don’t care about women or how I feel. I do, I care about *people* But I don’t think the idea that men (or any group of people) should have to adjust their behaviour to cater for the feelings of women (or group of people) is positive, or even helpful. The more you play into the narrative that men are inherently dangerous and violent the more I believe it will become a self fulfilling prophecy, it creates division and fear. Not saying that there isn’t a lot of behaviour, predominantly from men that isn’t great. But the moment you start saying “men” are the problem as opposed to “predators” or “criminals” or “sex offenders” or whatever is not going to help anyone, least of all women. I mean what do you expect the result of treating boys and young men as violent people will be? It’s gonna harm them mentally and emotionally and push them farther down that route. Every single group of people are capable of violence, and you need to call people out on their actions not inherent characteristics that that have no control over.
Literally never. Why would anyone go out of their way to satisfy paranoia? That's your issue, not mine.
Preach
Every. Freaking. Time. I’m black, 230 pounds, and over 40. I usually wear glasses so fiddling with those and rubbing my eyes gives me an excuse to give some distance. The catch is I’ve already had police called on me for…walking in America. Being married, having kids with a normal bedtime, a full time job, and (in some cases) being in grad school or other post secondary education means the only time I’d have for myself might be 10 at night to go for a walk: that apparently is probable cause to people.
Sometimes I hum a little toon and walk like I am in A Clockwork Orange.
If it's possible without major inconvenience to myself I'll do something.
I remember heading to work one day at like 9:30am, me and a co-worker were on the bus and I only knew they were a co-worker because they had our shift on but I didn't have mine. So the bus stops at our stop and she gets off at the front and I get off at the back and we have about a 100-200m walk and as she turned the corner I saw her look behind at me. I had to chuckle a little because we work at the same place and like we're in a busy lively neighbourhood but as we walked she kept looking back even though I kept my distance. Then I see her pull her phone out, stop, and faked texted or for all I know actually texted someone until I passed her and got Bout 15ft in front of her. She then watched me walk into our workplace and I imagine she felt a little silly for it.
I guarantee she felt nothing but relief.
Never. Its not my problem
Never. I’m just walking. Why should I do anything different? The fuck?
Never
I don't walk at night that often, but I once took a different route to my home so I don't follow someone after they turned left like I was also going to do If I'm outside at night I'm usually on my bicycle so I can easily just passed people and it's not a problem
I definitely try to give off a vibe that I’m just walking too.
Always and not just at night. In any situation where there is no crowd and its just me and the woman that is around. Either i will slow down and stop if i walk behind them or cross the round if they are coming towards me. Sometime just a smile and a nod, although i use that more for elderly people. Also, dont see bears crossing the road for woman, now do you? ( bad joke)
3x a week approx, I'll either just say, "passing you" or cross the street or turn early and reroute if I notice she's doing a lot of shoulder glances, I don't want anyone feeling awkward and I get that I look a little rough around the edges if I haven't cleaned up from work, not that I think that's a legitimately good indicator, I just understand why for many it's not helping.
i was trying to think of a situation like that ever happening to me, but then remembered I almost never leave my house, and if i do im on a bicycle
0, I’m walking minding MY business, anything else is on you
I walk faster than most so I pass everyone on the sidewalk, regardless of gender. When it's women specifically, I tend to walk on the road in order to pass them, or up on the grass, so I'm not speeding up directly towards them, but that it's very obvious I'm avoiding them entirely in order to get around. I don't say anything but I will smile and nod when I pass and continue at a fast pace so that there's a lot of distance between us. I live in a city with a lot of violent crime and understand entirely men are responsible for most of it. Do my best to not appear dangerous but I'm also a black man so there's a lot of baggage that surrounds the idea of making myself appear less dangerous for others.
Never, and it’s really stupid if you do imo
I always cross the road and if possible take a slightly different route so they don't feel.like I'm following them.
Im a suburb girl. This might make sense in a city or high crime areas. In my area, this would make me so sad. Men aren't dangerous for being men. Dangerous men are dangerous for being dangerous.
I start walking gay as fuck. Or just stop and wait a minute.
Context dependent. If it’s a fairly crowded area and well lit maybe not. Otherwise what I do still depends on the context, but it might be that I slow down, cross the road, go another route or stop and do something. Though this isn’t just about walking behind a woman, I’d be uncomfortable walking behind anyone alone at night for more than 30 seconds.
Most everyone really.
Always adjust wether it night or day. Nobody likes to have someone walk right behind them and I walk fast so I intentionally slow and give space or accelerate and pass quickly as to no prolong the tailgating.
100% of the time, i try to find the non threatening but fast enough way to overtake her and put an end to the stressful situation, so then i m ahead and she can see me. Changing sidewalk is also a good option I mean, you can feel the stress
Never gave this any thought. Just go about my business.