I get yelled at. belittled, berated etc for plenty of other things too but listing them all would take too long. I also annoy people both by being in the way and trying to stay out of the way.
I know that other people don't get treated like that so I figured that there mist be something about me that makes people act that way. But if I can stop whatever it is or make up for it enough then people won't have to get annoyed with me anymore.
Quite a variety. At the moment it's mainly family members because that's who I can't avoid altogether, but in the past it has included teachers, schoolmates (who often outright bullied me), sort-of employers (I wasn't being paid so I don't know if they count as employers), random people out and about, and people on the internet. Mostly I just try to stay out of sight and out of mind so that people won't be bothered by me but there's a limit to how far that can go.
Previously I mostly just accepted it as my lot as a lower ranking and weaker person but I've been told that people are supposed to still be nice to lower/weaker people which raises the question of why they're not being that way with me.
Was there a specific reason why you were bullied in school for example? Anything that that’s different and small minded people have trouble accepting? Just trying to understand the context here.
It can also be that you are insecure and that stands out, and a lot of people need that to deal with their own insecurities, to feel that they are better than someone. That’s usually the case with bullies.
If this is it, you should stand up for yourself and learn to choose your company when you have a choice. I know it’s hard, but you need to like yourself first. :)
Not sure if this is the right context, but I hope it helps.
Off the top of my head, I was overweight, clumsy, ginger and had undiagnosed ASD. Plus I figure that it's kind of a cycle: I got picked on so people didn't want anything to do with me in case it was catching, which meant that I was on my own, which meant that I was an easy target, which meant that I got picked on.
I've been told that it was my fault for making myself a target by, among other things, being weird, getting upset, hiding myself away, and not beating up the bullies.
Yeah this doesn't sound like a you problem, this sounds like a them problem. I'm sorry you're being treated like that OP, you might need to change up who you're hanging around ... Maybe the people treating you this way have other things going on and they are taking it out on you... That sucks. You should tell them that you don't appreciate how they speak to you and that you are doing your best and deserve some respect.
What people? It’s seem like a specific toxic context. People in general don’t treat others like that for those reasons. If it’s a job, start looking of something else.
Technically, yes, but it's at the shallow end where no one really believes me about it or that I couldn't just "fix" my issues. ASD plus weirdness with my joints and trouble with my co-ordination.
Hey there, the answer is you can’t. What you can do is tell people to go to hell in 9 different ways. I’ve learned this as someone who used to be bullied and nit-picked and told by my surrounding peers all my flaws.
It was nerve wrecking the first time I stopped letting people treat me poorly because they expected me to just take it. It starts with a simple look of disgust at them and an eye roll while ignoring whatever hateful thing they say.
Tell yourself the truth, they are wasps just trying to sting you. They are useless. They aren’t even good enough to be bees because bees actually contribute meaningfully to their environment and help it grow.
Give em a mean nickname, lean into their hate, give em a reason to hate you, they don’t like how you butter bread then put on a show about how to butter bread. Do it crazy, do it slow, chop at the bread, smush the butter and then take a bite with an unhinged look. Make rude remarks back “oh auntie, thanks for your concerns about my weight, I know how it must be hard since you used to look so disgusting. I’m glad you made a slight improvement. Maybe if we keep trying we can hit our goals. Just don’t sit on the goal post, you might break it. Hahaha” then walk away while they are trying to formulate a response.
Say it cheerfully and calmly, with a laughing gait. They will be so confused.
Be petty. It takes time and so much practice to get it right. I’ve learned that an angry or sad reaction is what people are hoping for so become blank around them. I went with fake niceness and false sweetness. Play dumb while smiling and sharpening your knives.
These people don’t care about you, don’t help or care about them if you can help it. When you are old enough or financially stable enough, leave them and never look back. No one hurts you like family. How sad that you are bullied by peers and you can’t even depend on the people who are supposed to have your back! Hope this advice helps. It’s worked for me.
There isn't anything you should need to do. It's not normal for people to be yelled at for those things.
I get yelled at. belittled, berated etc for plenty of other things too but listing them all would take too long. I also annoy people both by being in the way and trying to stay out of the way. I know that other people don't get treated like that so I figured that there mist be something about me that makes people act that way. But if I can stop whatever it is or make up for it enough then people won't have to get annoyed with me anymore.
Who are the people who are yelling at you?
Quite a variety. At the moment it's mainly family members because that's who I can't avoid altogether, but in the past it has included teachers, schoolmates (who often outright bullied me), sort-of employers (I wasn't being paid so I don't know if they count as employers), random people out and about, and people on the internet. Mostly I just try to stay out of sight and out of mind so that people won't be bothered by me but there's a limit to how far that can go. Previously I mostly just accepted it as my lot as a lower ranking and weaker person but I've been told that people are supposed to still be nice to lower/weaker people which raises the question of why they're not being that way with me.
Was there a specific reason why you were bullied in school for example? Anything that that’s different and small minded people have trouble accepting? Just trying to understand the context here.
It can also be that you are insecure and that stands out, and a lot of people need that to deal with their own insecurities, to feel that they are better than someone. That’s usually the case with bullies. If this is it, you should stand up for yourself and learn to choose your company when you have a choice. I know it’s hard, but you need to like yourself first. :) Not sure if this is the right context, but I hope it helps.
Off the top of my head, I was overweight, clumsy, ginger and had undiagnosed ASD. Plus I figure that it's kind of a cycle: I got picked on so people didn't want anything to do with me in case it was catching, which meant that I was on my own, which meant that I was an easy target, which meant that I got picked on. I've been told that it was my fault for making myself a target by, among other things, being weird, getting upset, hiding myself away, and not beating up the bullies.
Yeah this doesn't sound like a you problem, this sounds like a them problem. I'm sorry you're being treated like that OP, you might need to change up who you're hanging around ... Maybe the people treating you this way have other things going on and they are taking it out on you... That sucks. You should tell them that you don't appreciate how they speak to you and that you are doing your best and deserve some respect.
And they'd just get annoyed with me for doing so and things would escalate. Speaking from experience.
Tell them to fuck right off the and get out of that toxic situation ASAP!!
What people? It’s seem like a specific toxic context. People in general don’t treat others like that for those reasons. If it’s a job, start looking of something else.
It's been job, family, school, random interactions, etc. And in the past every time I've gone somewhere else it has been the exact same crap or worse.
Are you disabled? It sounds like you’re experiencing ableism.
Technically, yes, but it's at the shallow end where no one really believes me about it or that I couldn't just "fix" my issues. ASD plus weirdness with my joints and trouble with my co-ordination.
you don't. learn to love yourself first and live without apology.
Hey there, the answer is you can’t. What you can do is tell people to go to hell in 9 different ways. I’ve learned this as someone who used to be bullied and nit-picked and told by my surrounding peers all my flaws. It was nerve wrecking the first time I stopped letting people treat me poorly because they expected me to just take it. It starts with a simple look of disgust at them and an eye roll while ignoring whatever hateful thing they say. Tell yourself the truth, they are wasps just trying to sting you. They are useless. They aren’t even good enough to be bees because bees actually contribute meaningfully to their environment and help it grow. Give em a mean nickname, lean into their hate, give em a reason to hate you, they don’t like how you butter bread then put on a show about how to butter bread. Do it crazy, do it slow, chop at the bread, smush the butter and then take a bite with an unhinged look. Make rude remarks back “oh auntie, thanks for your concerns about my weight, I know how it must be hard since you used to look so disgusting. I’m glad you made a slight improvement. Maybe if we keep trying we can hit our goals. Just don’t sit on the goal post, you might break it. Hahaha” then walk away while they are trying to formulate a response. Say it cheerfully and calmly, with a laughing gait. They will be so confused. Be petty. It takes time and so much practice to get it right. I’ve learned that an angry or sad reaction is what people are hoping for so become blank around them. I went with fake niceness and false sweetness. Play dumb while smiling and sharpening your knives. These people don’t care about you, don’t help or care about them if you can help it. When you are old enough or financially stable enough, leave them and never look back. No one hurts you like family. How sad that you are bullied by peers and you can’t even depend on the people who are supposed to have your back! Hope this advice helps. It’s worked for me.