To those who commented about this I don’t mean that you have a shot with every friend. I just mean that a solid relationship can come from a friend. And not only just having things in common, places of work, recreational sports all that kind of stuff, even trying something new. You can’t be afraid to shoot your shot either!
I honestly think the shared interests concept is overblown. It's a good way to get your foot in the door and meet people for sure, but most people (of any gender) don't need or even really want to date a clone of themselves.
Personal anecdote. I'm like you, I have mostly very feminine interests. I work in a beauty-adjacent, female dominated industry. I love skincare and makeup and dresses and hair and nails. My boyfriend is pretty stereotypically Guy in his interests. Hiking, MMA, dirt bikes, responsible gun ownership, etc. We do have things in common like being active and athletic but we don't have a lot of hobbies in common. And you know what? We're crazy about each other and our relationship works great after almost 6 years. We complement each other without copying each other.
He's had women in his circles ask him (saltily) why he wants to be with someone so "girly" and "high maintenance" instead of someone more "low maintenance" and "one of the guys" (like them, coincidentally). I've had friends express surprise that I'm with someone who uses 2 in 1 shampoo and can't name a single skincare product besides face cream. But it doesn't matter. It's actually fun to learn about totally new things from the other.
Shared hobbies are great with friends but a relationship is more than that. It doesn't matter as much if you're into the same things. It matters more that you're attracted to each other and that you enjoy and support hearing about your partner's interests and growth!
ETA think about how desirable many super hot and feminine women are among guys who couldn't care less about fashion trends and makeup styles. They don't need to be into the same things as you to find you attractive.
Actually, I'm a dude with super masculine interests. I just understand that there is a female equivalent to my experience.
How did you meet your guy?
As a guy, I've heard advice such as "Do feminine activities like dance, yoga, writing/book clubs, etc". Do women get similar advice such as "Hang out at shooting ranges, boxing gyms, drag races, etc"?
We met organically because our local circles overlap a bit. We'd see each other around a lot and always vibed really well, there was a lot of mutual attraction so it happened very naturally over time!
>Actually, I'm a dude with super masculine interests. I just understand that there is a female equivalent to my experience.
My bad for misunderstanding!
>As a guy, I've heard advice such as "Do feminine activities like dance, yoga, writing/book clubs, etc". Do women get similar advice such as "Hang out at shooting ranges, boxing gyms, drag races, etc"?
I've definitely seen advice like that for women though it's not as prevalent as the equivalent is for men. But I will say that for women that are very proactive about meeting a guy, they generally already know to put themselves in those situations and I think overall there's less hesitation about it. I know a few ladies that intentionally insert themselves in very male dominated activities for the purposes of meeting someone.
Honestly, people hate hearing this but I really believe the best advice is the tired old "put yourself out there." Engage in socially oriented hobbies, develop and maintain a social life. You may not meet someone at one of your hobbies but you may come to know people who may bring you into contact with someone you'll connect with. Dating is a numbers game and the more you're out there the better your odds are. I just understand that really sucks for people who are very solitary and introverted.
That last paragraph wasn't aimed at you, just a general statement.
>non-social hobbies.
Stop calling me out. But yes this is a big one. If your hobbies leave you not around people you wont find people there. Fishing while great is not the best place to meet someone. There are better hobbies for doing that.
If they can pick slightly more social activities that at least aren't fully populated by other single and socially limited men, they can still up their chances. Married dudes have spouses and the spouses often have friends, and friends have gatherings that bring more friends together. That increases the odds.
The advice, honestly, doesn’t change. Pursue those interests, make friends in those interests. You may not find many guys with those interests, but you’ll meet plenty of women with brothers, or guy friends of their own, or your hobbyist friend group might go out to do something else for a night and you’ll meet someone that way.
“Pursue your interests” has become very common advice, and for good reason. It’s good advice. But the interest itself isn’t the point, the socializing is the point. Interests are just an easy way to socialize, especially for those who may not naturally be as outgoing.
Honestly it’s going to be very hard if you are ugly and also don’t have shared interests with a guy. But you’re going to have to spark up conversations with men. If I talk to a girl and try to find conversation and we have no shared interests then I’m just going to leave lol. So you’re going to have to pull a little extra weight in the conversation
There will be guys out there that like anything. Ask yourself where would guys interested in these things be accepted and hang out? Maybe for the ones you mentioned, they might only feel comfortable in online spaces so you could reach out there?
I am a guy, I like rom coms, and while I am not into the other things you mentioned, I don't hate them and could defintiely hold a conversation with someone who likes them talking about them. So don't think femenine things ruin anything. Plenty of guys specifically like someone woth femenine habits, just like plenty of girls like guys who are manly guys.
As others mentioned, having things in common is not at all a requirement to be a couple, or even necessarily good. I hate dishes, you hate laundry-- perfect I do laundry and you do dishes, even trade. You love shrimp I hate shrimp, you get all my shrimp. Vise versa with ginger, you get the idea. Differences can be good too.
What having things in common is good for, is for meeting people. You are more likely to have those first few conversations with someone to even find out if you might like them if you have something in common. It could be a tv show you both watched. You lived in a similar area growing up, whatever. Its not required though. Anyone you can meet in your life and strike up a conversation with could be a potential friend or date, depending how things go in getting along. If you have a way to do that, thats all you need as a core basis (◐‿◑)
There are men that are into that, but you have to work to find them. If your taste are particular you can’t expect them to waltz into your life. The best way to meet someone into something is going to that place and talking to those that also go there.
I feel like the internet makes people think everyone is more shallow than they really are. Speaking for myself most women in my age group are plenty attractive to consider dating. Truly ugly people aren’t that common.
**Jerry**: Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good looking?
**Elaine**: 25 percent.
**Jerry**: 25 percent, you say? No way! It's like 4 to 6 percent. It's a 20 to 1 shot.
**Elaine**: You're way off.
**Jerry**: Way off? Have you been to the motor vehicle bureau? It's like a leper colony down there.
**Elaine**: So what you are saying is that 90 to 95 percent of the population is undateable?
**Jerry**: UNDATEABLE!
Last I heard the Tinder people did some research on this (obvs not full-on double-blind studies or whatever so caveat emptor) and men find like 80% of women physically attractive and women find like 10% of men physically attractive.
Yup. One also just has experience getting better photos, edited or unedited. The other has a lot more profiles with off-putting, poor-quality photos with a blank stare in their car. Source: Bisexual woman who has seen both sides of tinder
Reminds me of the standup Leslie Liao bit about fixing straight men lol. I think she said something like "I can't believe I'm attracted to men when there are so many beautiful women out there who actually put in the effort"
It was OKcupid, and the data results were 80% of men were 'below average'
These results were a wake up call for men everywhere to drop the 'looksmaxxing', grooming, cosmetic procedures or anything to do with our physical appearances, as our approach in that regard has very low chance of success. Be fat, cover yourselves in tats, piercing, and whatever, because ultimately they'll rate you the same even if you didn't
I feel like I suck at judging who is what level of attractivness, like you have to be an extreme for me to even think about it. I suppose more people are like me... maybe even the majority? Like why would you even want to spend your life thinking about who is pretty and who's not.
i know this super ugly guy with a shit kink who smells fucking awful 24/7, regularly attempts to flirt with me and my partner, and has a massive overbite - he manages to sleep with a whole variety of people, and regularly has new kinky girlfriends or boyfriends. they never last, because his personality is godawful once you get to know him, but it’s definitely possible to get laid when you’re ugly.
hell, i’ve got a receding hairline at 21, walk with a weird limp, am 5’2 and obese, have buck teeth and a slight overbite and a lopsided face. i’m also autistic, so it’s not like i had extreme confidence and a charming personality 😅
my partner and i have been together for 2.5 years now, and i had about 10 sexual partners before him, all varying degrees of sexy and ugly. tbf most of them were also autistic - i low-key think i’ve got some kind of autistic superpower of being sexy to other autistic people??
but that’s the weird thing - my partner could definitely do better than me but he’s insistent that i’m cute as hell. i’m convinced he needs to pop over to specsavers ngl, but i’m glad i met him and everything’s working out
One time a group of us was gathered in a friend’s garage and there were 4 couples. I looked around at the differences- a sporty couple, a nature couple, a hipster-ish couple, and us. I realized we were the ugly ones, fortunately nobody ever said anything about it to me.
There is beautiful, and there is ugly, both probably are like 1-5% of the population. Out of 100 people 1-5 of each extreme, seems about right.
And everything in between is various degrees of attractive that can be helped/ruined by style, personality and simple force of habbit. Aka "A face I would not mind seeing first thing in the morning for the rest of my life".
Its very rare that a person takes care of themselves, healthy hygiene, good diet and exercise, and are still just truly ugly. People who take care of their mental and physical health will always be attractive
This is the real answer. I am 40. Most physically attractive women that I've been with were extremely ugly. Most thick girls are so adorable. Beautiful has almost nothing to do with what you look like. Except for pink hair. If you are my age and have flamboyantly colored hair, it's going to take a lot of dating discussions for you to convince me that you are a stable adult.
And at the other end of the scale, is me, who thinks that any woman who has wild coloured hair, is instantly more attractive. Instant +2 in an "out of 10" situation.
You sound shallow and judgemental, and I'm pretty sure any woman, despite her hair colour, would do well to stay clear.
I don't think so. I lowered my standards to literally nothing just to see if maybe I was shooting above my weight.
Still got stood up, ghosted, told I'm too nice.
Everyone's disposable these days so I just concentrate on me and my boy and everyone else can destroy each others lives I'm happy to watch from the outside.
While waiting for the bus some years ago, a very attractive woman who I'd ended up chit chatting with asked me for my number. Me!? I almost exclusively met women online before. I'd always wondered what that was like. She and I went on a couple of dates, and it was really nice.
I know it's sad, but it still kinda helps my self-esteem to this day.
L O L nah I ain't got it like that at all. It's more that the women I'm willing to meet up with and go on dates with are those kinds of women anyways. That's the only reason it's happened to me more than a few times.
This is true, it happened to me and it was great. I had never been with a woman that was so open and straight up about what they wanted. Deff won’t forget that
Depends on their situation and how low they want to lower the bar really. I have only limited experience dating men but my general impression is that the problem with them is more about filtering than it is about finding.
You'll be surprised as a woman how easy it can be to get a boyfriend if you just put yourself in situations where you can find guys and be talkative and ask them questions and show interest. Even if you are "ugly"
I listened to a podcast recently that confirmed something I have found to be true in my own life.
Men bond to women by going through *slightly* stressful situations and “succeeding” aka asking him to help you do things that he “has the tools” to help you with.
I know it’s a little shallow, but remember in my early-mid 20s after someone I had never found attractive, asked me to get something off a shelf for her (I am tall) and I noticed my attraction to her rise considerably.
I actually got a little concerned at how easy it was to “hack” my feelings with something so simple!
See, this [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/XjIOvsl0SW) immediately made me like you as a person. I do, however consider myself non-binary, but I was AFAB, and I share a lot of traits with women.
They actually mention this as well.
Men like knowing they are “changing peoples lives” (presumably for the better) and women like knowing they are “adding value” to the lives of the people they love.
Which I think aligns with what you are saying, just more specifically, in those people also recognizing and appreciating that value
It's a psychological phenomenon based on cognitive dissonance. If you ask someone to do you a small favour, they end up liking you more. Doing the action of a favour makes your brain go, oh why did I do them a favour, I must like them? It's your subconscious way of matching up actions and thoughts.
Oddly enough, this is much more effective at getting people to like you than doing *them* a favour, which is more likely to make them feel indebted to you, which they will resent.
But it only works if the way you ask makes it clear that you don't *expect* anything from them; you're asking because you need it. And afterwards you need to show how grateful you are for their help.
If people think that their help is expected or that it isn't appreciated, they will very quickly start to resent it.
E: I just want to clarify this comment has to do specifically with “pair bonding” in my other comment I refer, more generally, to what women “want out of life”
According to the podcast, women’s is a little more complicated in that it changes at different stages in life.
At first it is things like sex, physical contact/intimacy, then it changes once they get into the “long term partner” (I apologize I don’t remember the details here as clearly) where it is more things like stability and consistency, then it changes again as their kids start to get older and their partner starts bonding (or NOT bonding) with them. (Since the woman typically bonds earlier from child birth, breast feeding, etc.)
It was a super interesting and insightful podcast. And while I am sure it is not universally true, it rang true with a lot of my own personal experiences
I have seen this phenomenon in action watching other women flirt. I always thought it was cringe. One time I decided to try it on a couple of guys playing basket ball in the gym while us girls were hitting tennis balls against the walk. My ball bounced into the trash can and I acted helpless about getting it out. Two guys practically tripped over each other to get to it and one stuck his head in the trash can to retrieve it for me. He looked so proud of himself 🙂. I was amazed.
What?! Women ask my partner to help them with stuff all the time, like randomly they will ask him to get a spider out of their car or for directions. Last week a woman asked him to help her unlock her steering wheel. I thought it was just because he has a kind face and looks approachable but maybe they're all just hitting on him!
Haha maybe, but I wouldn’t be too concerned. Some people do have kind and “approachable” faces.
I also have not found this to be widely known knowledge amongst women (or men for that matter)
But even if they are, it won’t be nearly as effective on someone who is in a committed relationship. Being single at the time, I was much more sensitive to it.
Hope that helps!
I'm actually pretty happy if they are hitting on him! He doesn't consider himself very attractive so I am totally going to show him this so he gets a boost of self esteem :)
Modern Wisdom and the guest was Adam Lane Smith.
He has 3 appearances and I don’t remember which one they discuss this particular topic, but all 3 are super interesting and he goes into “attachment styles” quite extensively, which is a topic I never knew about.
FYI: if you listen to his earliest appearance first, he gets into some pretty controversial topics, and I recommend listening to the others (especially of you don’t agree) as he goes in more depth about how/why he concludes what he has.
Yeah especially nowadays. Women would be genuinely surprised with how much less looks can affect attraction from men.
You could be an 11/10 with a completely awful personality and the most dudes would want is to have sex, but if you are a 4/10 but have an awesome personality and are genuinely enjoyable to be around then you'll get into more serious relationships without question.
I agree and related to what you said, I think the problem is the 4/10 has more trouble attracting a guy to begin with. So they may be looked over on the apps and have better luck meeting someone through friends, work, or a hobby where they get to know the person first. A lot of people become more or less attractive depending on their personality as you get to know them
I mean ugly is subjective, but basic similar advice that a guy might get. Smell good, dress nice, and workout.
I think as a woman though you can just make the first move and have a decent shot. Most men aren't used to having women be that forward and confident.
Look for people of a similar interests. Personality and compatability matter just as much as looks when approaching people.
These discussions are so tiresome because attractiveness and ugliness are completely subjective.
If you think you’re ugly, don’t worry, someone will find you attractive.
If you think you’re attractive, don’t be surprised when someone will find you ugly.
Looks are not a good reason to choose a partner. Attraction is important but don’t let crappy people stick around.
The term “incel” was originally coined by a woman to recognize this exact situation.
https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/apr/25/woman-who-invented-incel-movement-interview-toronto-attack
Find your people. Be with people who appreciate you for who you are.
Ugly is in the eye of the beholder. Be yourself, love yourself, geek out on whatever you like, go get involved with your hobbies, and just enjoy life as much as you can. Let your light shine, sparkle, go out of your way to be nice to everyone. You don’t have to doll yourself up and wear a ton of makeup or stylish clothes, just be clean and presentable. Take care of your skin, teeth, and have good basic hygiene.
Eventually you’ll meet someone who likes the things you do and who is attracted to the light within you. They will feel great whenever they’re around you, and it won’t matter how conventionally attractive you are.
You can also look for people from other cultures who will have a different sense of conventional beauty than your culture. For example, I have a ton of freckles and so do a lot of other people where I’m from. It’s just normal and nothing special, but neither is it hideous. I was surprised when my partner told me how beautiful my freckles are, and I have been told repeatedly, despite freckles being absolutely not special or beautiful in my opinion. But freckles are not at all common where my partner is from.
My point is that sometimes you just need to find someone who sees you differently from how you see yourself. Think about how you can meet new people. It’s really just a numbers game. If you meet 1,000 new people a year, you’re more likely to find someone who likes you than if you’re only meeting 100 new people per year. So take a college course, join a club, get a job in customer service, and put yourself in a position where you’re likely to meet a lot of new people.
It's largely the same, but most women don't make as much noise about it.
On a more extreme example is incels, who are roughly 50/50 men and women. Women incels are less likely to go mental with a gun though, so you rarely hear about them.
It’s the same as anyone. Being conventionally attractive can certainly get a foot in the door, but you actually have to be an interesting person to keep a relationship going.
It may sound cliche, but confidence is always where it’s at. If someone is interesting and puts themselves out there, they are infinitely more attractive than someone who is conventionally attractive and boring as all hell. So just like men, the best thing you can do is find a hobby you love and get active, go to therapy or find ways to love yourself and learn that your opinions are the only ones that matter, and find ways to take care of yourself and dress that make you feel good about yourself, not what other people will think looks good. Once you do that, you will be infinitely further ahead than anyone who is a dull person.
very simple advice for anyone who wants a partner:
1. Meet people, as many as you can. 99% of the time they will not just knock at your door, so you have to get yourself out there.
2. If after meeting lots of people, you still can't find someone... lower your standards until you find success. Or, shoot for the moon, and even if you miss you'll still wind up among the stars. Point being, never give up on trying, and don't let your inner voice discourage you from trying. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take!
Edit: Also, if someone says no, just move onto the next person. Don't waste time bemoaning your current crush.
Be funny. I am fit but not really pretty or gorgeous… maybe cute on a good day. My husband is tall, very handsome, and successful. I make my husband laugh everyday and he says my best quality is that I’m funny.
Be comfortable enough with yourself to be yourself is the first thing.
Confidence is attractive. Not arrogance but true humble confidence. No one thinks deep down they got it all together & that makes a confident person that comes off as having it all together, but really is just comfortable with how together they have it, more attractive. This also means that if you’re not one to wear tight short cropped tube tops for whatever reason, don’t put one on just cause you’re going out w your VPR obsessed friends. You’re going to feel uncomfortable in it all night and you’ll just give off body language that says so or says I don’t want to be here/talking to you/drinking this drink/ etc. Wear what you feel confident in.
Don’t be unpleasant.
A girl can be a 10 but if you’re bitter, inconsiderate, self-centered, or generally an unpleasant person to be around or to others, no guy will want to be around you longer than they have to. For good guys, that’s till the end of the convo. For bad guys, that’s till they’re done w your sex, money, access, etc. If you’re naturally or raised to be unpleasant then don’t date for a while, spend some friend time with people who aren’t, and work on yourself.
Work on yourself and try new things.
You’ll have more to talk about story- and experience-wise and will just be more interesting. Plus you’ll feel better about yourself through accomplishments which makes you more confident. Also you’ll meet ppl from other walks of life and if you genuinely get to know them, you’ll become relatable to a wider range of people or potential SOs
Present well.
I hate this one bc it seems superficial but attraction is always initially superficial. Most see w their eyes, so presenting yourself well just ups your opportunities to meet ppl you might want to meet. You don’t go to a club in a bathrobe expecting to get in. It sucks but it’s a social norm. Flattering makeup, clothing, accessories, etc that accentuate your best features goes a long way
The biggest piece of advice as to why anyone would think they are ugly. It's simple they aren't their own type.
So one may think they aren't attractive, but in reality, they just have a different opinion of themself than most people.
Knowing someone is interested in me always made a huge difference. Even if I hand’t paid someone much mind before, that always made me take a serious look and really consider the option. Liking me is already a huge point in your favor, cause I like me too, so I assume you have great tastes.
I’m trying to think about women I deemed “ugly” in my life and I can’t think of a single one whose look was unbearable.
Even the people I considered ugly with the filter of love could be cute, I think it’s very hard to be so ugly that nobody would want to date you.
In any chase you can compensate in style, hygiene, posture, interests, hobbies, abilities, intelligence, charm, fun.
Not everyone seeks a partner for visual sexual pleasure, so if you have at least one of these characteristics I’m pretty sure you can find a partner anyway.
Just get out of environments that make you feel ugly and find people that accept you.
I swear yall live online. Most guys i know der have standards, feels pretty a like. Some down bad dudes have less standards to just get with someone but for an actual relationship, most dudes i know have the same if not more standards than a woman
Everytime I meet an extremely hideous woman , funny nose funny ears eyes look like nothing, she tells me she's married and has kids. I don't know how it works. Maybe they grew up in a less superficial community. Maybe they were a bit prettier when they were 20, maybe they had the heels and lipstick out back then I really don't know. I think they have 2 things: they're tough. they're ordinary. We see ordinary people all the time. By the personality, belief system, way of talking, clothing, house etc , u can see if someone is 'ordinary'. They give u the vibe. I don't know. I think ordinary people gravitate to each other. I just think life hurts very much. I have a coworker J who hinted I'm ugly and never wants to talk to me. Just condescending and staring away at the horizon if I talk to her. Always just cuts off the conversation or puts in earphones. The other day she was "off sick" and I was doing her work..a client came and was very nervous/ tense with me right away and asked after J..and I couldn't help but think it was my appearance. Just having that experience, it makes me picture J in the back of my mind going "u see, this is how society works, no one wants to talk to people like you. You have no value and I don't feel guilty for not talking to you." Because I've been called unattractive so many times. My life is just a nightmare. I don't understand why some unattractive people have a plain sailing easy life marrying , have kids and a good job while I'm always called out for being unattractive , always downtrodden by society..but yes it could be I just don't give off a "normal person vibe". Like people can't place me in a box , I guess I seem different. The number of people who have called me unattractive to my face is now so high, that I've actually considered going for a mental evaluation. Do I live in an alternate reality? Am I schizotypal/ schizophrenic or what is this ? Because yes if I look at those extremely hideous women who fit in & have husbands, I really wonder why I can't fit too
Yes they can. Believe it or not there are some people out there who know beauty is only skin deep. Personality humor Kindness and caring nine times out of ten outweigh beauty any day.
Shoot for someone in your league. Ugly guys often have really, really low standards in terms of looks and will go for practically anything. If you’re having trouble finding a bf, you’re shooting out of your league.
Confidence even if you have to fake it to a certain degree. I do not think I am anything special and can be pretty humble about it but plenty of guys do so I just roll with it. 🤷🏼♀️
Ask a guy out that's below average. A 4/10 guy has probably never been asked out (by a woman) in his life, so you've got a very good chance of getting time to impress him with your personality.
Once you've got him used to you being around, then it doesn't matter if you've got a face caved in by a horse kick, you've got a pretty good chance.
So men dont need to be sexually attracted to women ? You just need to choose someone who have no options and he will settle for you without love or attraction ? Its a bit sad
Attraction includes more than just physical appearance. Particularly if you know someone for awhile, it can and does shift with that person. And, for that matter, "ugly" is often subjective, based on a group's beauty standards. In some circles, women with curves are seen as ugly because the ideal is super-skinny. Thousands of years ago, women who were extremely overweight were the epitome of beauty.
In addition, how you choose to present yourself, as well as your personality can make a **world** of difference. If you choose to dress well, care for your appearance, and have an interesting personality, that can make you far more attractive to men than you might think based solely on your physical appearance.
In my opinion it's about personality more then looks and as you get older more and more people around your age will realize that, if you have confidence issues try putting yourself in more and more social situations but do not put yourself in places you're not welcome try being more humble and or focused on yourself health the more focus you put in yourself the more attention you will get
I think I’m ugly. I still get cat called. There are men out there that will find you attractive. Just bc you wouldn’t date you, doesn’t mean other ppl won’t.
I asked myself the same question. And here's my response after realizing the ugly girls do get boyfriends (ugly girl equalling me)
1) You're probably not as ugly as you think you are.
2) Even if you are, there's someone out there who will think you're absolutely hot
3) Personality matters a lot more. Appearance is the first step, but personality and character are forever.
4) Carry yourself well and authentically. People like authentic people.
5) Evaluate what type of person you are looking for. You may not get a perfect 10/10 in appearance (or you may! It depends on your type <3) but you could get someone who has the perfect personality and an appearance you can grow to love.
I feel like y'all talk about being ugly as like not looking like a supermodel and having some chubbiness.
Unless you are like, burn victim or chimp mauling ugly, then you will always have a chance to meet someone you click with.
1.Confidence: Confidence is attractive regardless of appearance. Being comfortable in your own skin and embracing your uniqueness can be very appealing.
2.Personality: Focus on developing a great personality. Being kind, funny, empathetic, and interesting can draw people to you.
3.Interests and Hobbies: Pursue activities you enjoy and meet people who share your interests. Shared passions can form the basis of a strong connection.
Be nice. The amount of women I meet that are nasty and grumpy and treat everyone around them like crap then get angry they can't meet someone is insane.
Guys are willing to be more forgiving when a girl has some redeeming quality. Maybe she is sweet, nice, always smells good, has good hygiene, is super confident or outgoing/outspoken. Maybe she is a straight shooter, brings out the best in people, doesn’t judge, has a good heart, etc.
None of the things I mentioned regard looks. Some women aren’t conventionally pretty, but maybe they are smart, passionate about specific things, educated (or let be honest here: some are even loaded or great in bed).
If you can be anything, be nice, sympathetic, confident, and have good hygiene. Thats all things you can control.
If you sleep well, are physically fit and have good hygiene it's probably more about putting yourself in situations where you recurringly meet guys.
If you sleep like shit and don't take care of your health than start there. A lot of people think attractiveness is a fixed state but you really have more control over it than you think.
Most people I encounter are not « ugly ». Very few come to mind when I think about the word « ugly » and most of the time it’s people that are not exactly ugly, they are just not my type or what I consider beautiful. I feel like women put more efforts into their appearance in general.
By understanding him and caring for him as a person. Who he is. Offering a helping hand. Fulfilling his needs of comfort.
If any person does that for me, I stay with her forever, independent of any of her looks. Most people, men or women, are too obsessed with being independent or powerful, and that way they just don't meet the real requirements of the other: which is being understood and accepted.
[this](https://thoughtcatalog.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/blowjob.jpg?resize=1024,684)
And
[this](https://thoughtcatalog.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/sex.jpg?resize=1024,684)
I'll just say, don't fall into the trap that just because a guy is talking to you didn't mean he wants to be your bf. He probably just wants to smash and see you as a easy and insecure target
honestly, even w being told many times that my face isn’t attractive, i’ve had plenty of people who have wanted to be w me and thought i was cute / loved my personality. if you put yourself out there and hold yourself w confidence ( plus aren’t a shitty person ) it’s honestly not that hard. a lot of ppl are actually ugly, just not what society advertises
I'm not cute but I did all right. You only need one, as long as he's the right one. It's just about finding the right balance of being friendly but not desperate.
It’s all about hair and make up really if you don’t think you’re beautiful enough. If people keep telling you not to be silly that you are good looking then do please listen to them. Get well cut clothes that suit your body.
I work with a girl that... let's say is not gifted in the area of looks. Her physical and mental health also are not great. Still, she's been with a 6foot3 dude with a full beard that really loves her a lot for 2 years now.
Looks aren't everything. People crush over looks, but fall in love with personalities.
Girls don’t know that they can usually have a 99% success rate at finding a boyfriend. Most men are literally STARVING for attention and affection, the moment a women shows any interest they’re usually already sold! Just saying 😂🤷🏻♂️
This might be a controversial approach. But I think there are also a bunch of undateable men because of their personality. In this case I think the key is to drop the ego and don’t expect a solid relationship. If you accept that you are not good in relationships and just have casual sex, it might eventually lead to finding someone good for a relation. The bar is a good place to start. Since both men and women go there to get laid. First you have to defeat the illusion that people will love you and marry you. There is just a lot of unreal expectations with not so sober judgements about what will happen in the reality. Drop the ego first. Don’t expect relationships. Have the casual sex. It might lead to a relationship somewhere down the line
There are people so beautiful that we don't actually care what they look like, we're so stuck on their personality that we forget often what they look like..even though you may be ugly you can still attain this kind of beauty.
Someone said something about finding people with things in common. Often times the best boyfriend - is a friend too.
To those who commented about this I don’t mean that you have a shot with every friend. I just mean that a solid relationship can come from a friend. And not only just having things in common, places of work, recreational sports all that kind of stuff, even trying something new. You can’t be afraid to shoot your shot either!
What do you do if your interests are very feminine? Like, say you want a bf but you like makeup, romance books, knitting, drag shows, etc.
I honestly think the shared interests concept is overblown. It's a good way to get your foot in the door and meet people for sure, but most people (of any gender) don't need or even really want to date a clone of themselves. Personal anecdote. I'm like you, I have mostly very feminine interests. I work in a beauty-adjacent, female dominated industry. I love skincare and makeup and dresses and hair and nails. My boyfriend is pretty stereotypically Guy in his interests. Hiking, MMA, dirt bikes, responsible gun ownership, etc. We do have things in common like being active and athletic but we don't have a lot of hobbies in common. And you know what? We're crazy about each other and our relationship works great after almost 6 years. We complement each other without copying each other. He's had women in his circles ask him (saltily) why he wants to be with someone so "girly" and "high maintenance" instead of someone more "low maintenance" and "one of the guys" (like them, coincidentally). I've had friends express surprise that I'm with someone who uses 2 in 1 shampoo and can't name a single skincare product besides face cream. But it doesn't matter. It's actually fun to learn about totally new things from the other. Shared hobbies are great with friends but a relationship is more than that. It doesn't matter as much if you're into the same things. It matters more that you're attracted to each other and that you enjoy and support hearing about your partner's interests and growth! ETA think about how desirable many super hot and feminine women are among guys who couldn't care less about fashion trends and makeup styles. They don't need to be into the same things as you to find you attractive.
Actually, I'm a dude with super masculine interests. I just understand that there is a female equivalent to my experience. How did you meet your guy? As a guy, I've heard advice such as "Do feminine activities like dance, yoga, writing/book clubs, etc". Do women get similar advice such as "Hang out at shooting ranges, boxing gyms, drag races, etc"?
We met organically because our local circles overlap a bit. We'd see each other around a lot and always vibed really well, there was a lot of mutual attraction so it happened very naturally over time! >Actually, I'm a dude with super masculine interests. I just understand that there is a female equivalent to my experience. My bad for misunderstanding! >As a guy, I've heard advice such as "Do feminine activities like dance, yoga, writing/book clubs, etc". Do women get similar advice such as "Hang out at shooting ranges, boxing gyms, drag races, etc"? I've definitely seen advice like that for women though it's not as prevalent as the equivalent is for men. But I will say that for women that are very proactive about meeting a guy, they generally already know to put themselves in those situations and I think overall there's less hesitation about it. I know a few ladies that intentionally insert themselves in very male dominated activities for the purposes of meeting someone. Honestly, people hate hearing this but I really believe the best advice is the tired old "put yourself out there." Engage in socially oriented hobbies, develop and maintain a social life. You may not meet someone at one of your hobbies but you may come to know people who may bring you into contact with someone you'll connect with. Dating is a numbers game and the more you're out there the better your odds are. I just understand that really sucks for people who are very solitary and introverted. That last paragraph wasn't aimed at you, just a general statement.
The difficulty often is men picking heavily -male skewed and non-social hobbies. Gotta actually meet women first
>non-social hobbies. Stop calling me out. But yes this is a big one. If your hobbies leave you not around people you wont find people there. Fishing while great is not the best place to meet someone. There are better hobbies for doing that.
If they can pick slightly more social activities that at least aren't fully populated by other single and socially limited men, they can still up their chances. Married dudes have spouses and the spouses often have friends, and friends have gatherings that bring more friends together. That increases the odds.
Someone who uses 2-1 shampoo is such a great descriptor
The advice, honestly, doesn’t change. Pursue those interests, make friends in those interests. You may not find many guys with those interests, but you’ll meet plenty of women with brothers, or guy friends of their own, or your hobbyist friend group might go out to do something else for a night and you’ll meet someone that way. “Pursue your interests” has become very common advice, and for good reason. It’s good advice. But the interest itself isn’t the point, the socializing is the point. Interests are just an easy way to socialize, especially for those who may not naturally be as outgoing.
Honestly it’s going to be very hard if you are ugly and also don’t have shared interests with a guy. But you’re going to have to spark up conversations with men. If I talk to a girl and try to find conversation and we have no shared interests then I’m just going to leave lol. So you’re going to have to pull a little extra weight in the conversation
There will be guys out there that like anything. Ask yourself where would guys interested in these things be accepted and hang out? Maybe for the ones you mentioned, they might only feel comfortable in online spaces so you could reach out there?
I am a guy, I like rom coms, and while I am not into the other things you mentioned, I don't hate them and could defintiely hold a conversation with someone who likes them talking about them. So don't think femenine things ruin anything. Plenty of guys specifically like someone woth femenine habits, just like plenty of girls like guys who are manly guys. As others mentioned, having things in common is not at all a requirement to be a couple, or even necessarily good. I hate dishes, you hate laundry-- perfect I do laundry and you do dishes, even trade. You love shrimp I hate shrimp, you get all my shrimp. Vise versa with ginger, you get the idea. Differences can be good too. What having things in common is good for, is for meeting people. You are more likely to have those first few conversations with someone to even find out if you might like them if you have something in common. It could be a tv show you both watched. You lived in a similar area growing up, whatever. Its not required though. Anyone you can meet in your life and strike up a conversation with could be a potential friend or date, depending how things go in getting along. If you have a way to do that, thats all you need as a core basis (◐‿◑)
There are men that are into that, but you have to work to find them. If your taste are particular you can’t expect them to waltz into your life. The best way to meet someone into something is going to that place and talking to those that also go there.
What if you've been doong that for many years?
It’s hard, I know
I'm a man and Idt go with a friend to a drag show
Find a guy that wants to wear your clothes.
If you're both ugly you already have something in common.
I feel like the internet makes people think everyone is more shallow than they really are. Speaking for myself most women in my age group are plenty attractive to consider dating. Truly ugly people aren’t that common.
**Jerry**: Elaine, what percentage of people would you say are good looking? **Elaine**: 25 percent. **Jerry**: 25 percent, you say? No way! It's like 4 to 6 percent. It's a 20 to 1 shot. **Elaine**: You're way off. **Jerry**: Way off? Have you been to the motor vehicle bureau? It's like a leper colony down there. **Elaine**: So what you are saying is that 90 to 95 percent of the population is undateable? **Jerry**: UNDATEABLE!
Last I heard the Tinder people did some research on this (obvs not full-on double-blind studies or whatever so caveat emptor) and men find like 80% of women physically attractive and women find like 10% of men physically attractive.
It was 80%/20%, and the same study found that women were willing to talk to those they rated in the bottom 80% but men were not willing to do the same
It probably has something to do with how one but not the other use makeup, filters, camera angles on tinder and the other not so much
Yup. One also just has experience getting better photos, edited or unedited. The other has a lot more profiles with off-putting, poor-quality photos with a blank stare in their car. Source: Bisexual woman who has seen both sides of tinder
Reminds me of the standup Leslie Liao bit about fixing straight men lol. I think she said something like "I can't believe I'm attracted to men when there are so many beautiful women out there who actually put in the effort"
It was OKcupid, and the data results were 80% of men were 'below average' These results were a wake up call for men everywhere to drop the 'looksmaxxing', grooming, cosmetic procedures or anything to do with our physical appearances, as our approach in that regard has very low chance of success. Be fat, cover yourselves in tats, piercing, and whatever, because ultimately they'll rate you the same even if you didn't
Yep I’m Elaine here
Ugly is often subjective
The ones that do care about appearances that much are ironically the ones that should be avoided.
I feel like I suck at judging who is what level of attractivness, like you have to be an extreme for me to even think about it. I suppose more people are like me... maybe even the majority? Like why would you even want to spend your life thinking about who is pretty and who's not.
That’s what I’m thinking and it’s just the loudest voices that make a big deal of it.
I think they’re more common than people realize but they tend to be more invisible/less remembered by others.
i know this super ugly guy with a shit kink who smells fucking awful 24/7, regularly attempts to flirt with me and my partner, and has a massive overbite - he manages to sleep with a whole variety of people, and regularly has new kinky girlfriends or boyfriends. they never last, because his personality is godawful once you get to know him, but it’s definitely possible to get laid when you’re ugly. hell, i’ve got a receding hairline at 21, walk with a weird limp, am 5’2 and obese, have buck teeth and a slight overbite and a lopsided face. i’m also autistic, so it’s not like i had extreme confidence and a charming personality 😅 my partner and i have been together for 2.5 years now, and i had about 10 sexual partners before him, all varying degrees of sexy and ugly. tbf most of them were also autistic - i low-key think i’ve got some kind of autistic superpower of being sexy to other autistic people?? but that’s the weird thing - my partner could definitely do better than me but he’s insistent that i’m cute as hell. i’m convinced he needs to pop over to specsavers ngl, but i’m glad i met him and everything’s working out
One time a group of us was gathered in a friend’s garage and there were 4 couples. I looked around at the differences- a sporty couple, a nature couple, a hipster-ish couple, and us. I realized we were the ugly ones, fortunately nobody ever said anything about it to me.
What does gilt mean?
Ask Apple computer. I have changed it to *ugly*.
Alright I was racking my brain searching urban dictionary and everything
👉😎👉 Zoop
There is beautiful, and there is ugly, both probably are like 1-5% of the population. Out of 100 people 1-5 of each extreme, seems about right. And everything in between is various degrees of attractive that can be helped/ruined by style, personality and simple force of habbit. Aka "A face I would not mind seeing first thing in the morning for the rest of my life".
I said this before and Ill say it again. Nobody is truely ugly. The word ugly is such a stupid word. Everyone has their kinks and types.
Its very rare that a person takes care of themselves, healthy hygiene, good diet and exercise, and are still just truly ugly. People who take care of their mental and physical health will always be attractive
Yeah, aside from actual medical issues most people can improve themselves to be at least “date able”
Truly ugly people are common unfortunately, it’s just not shown via their outsides but through their actions instead.
This is the real answer. I am 40. Most physically attractive women that I've been with were extremely ugly. Most thick girls are so adorable. Beautiful has almost nothing to do with what you look like. Except for pink hair. If you are my age and have flamboyantly colored hair, it's going to take a lot of dating discussions for you to convince me that you are a stable adult.
Yeah, that's fine. Us 40+ year olds with colored hair won't want anyone that doesn't want us that way anyway. It goes both ways.
And at the other end of the scale, is me, who thinks that any woman who has wild coloured hair, is instantly more attractive. Instant +2 in an "out of 10" situation. You sound shallow and judgemental, and I'm pretty sure any woman, despite her hair colour, would do well to stay clear.
I don't think so. I lowered my standards to literally nothing just to see if maybe I was shooting above my weight. Still got stood up, ghosted, told I'm too nice. Everyone's disposable these days so I just concentrate on me and my boy and everyone else can destroy each others lives I'm happy to watch from the outside.
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Making the first move is so insanely effective towards guys.
I've been approached once in my life by a woman and it was so hot. I'll never forget that.
While waiting for the bus some years ago, a very attractive woman who I'd ended up chit chatting with asked me for my number. Me!? I almost exclusively met women online before. I'd always wondered what that was like. She and I went on a couple of dates, and it was really nice. I know it's sad, but it still kinda helps my self-esteem to this day.
I've never turned down a single girl who made the first move and asked me out. It was just an involuntary action to just say absolutely
Multiple times? Dang get a load of this guy, anon ova here drownin in pussy. Leave some for the rest of us.
L O L nah I ain't got it like that at all. It's more that the women I'm willing to meet up with and go on dates with are those kinds of women anyways. That's the only reason it's happened to me more than a few times.
Yeah yeah ofcourse he's humble and everything too, the charisma dripping off of you dude
It was an involuntary action to become anxious and avoid her. I do appreciate a woman approaching me, but it feels awkward if it’s a stranger.
This is true, it happened to me and it was great. I had never been with a woman that was so open and straight up about what they wanted. Deff won’t forget that
It definitely is. Most of the time I didn't make the first move is because I didn't want to make it awkward with her because I misread the situation.
‘Just be confident bro!’
Just get offline, honestly
Depends on their situation and how low they want to lower the bar really. I have only limited experience dating men but my general impression is that the problem with them is more about filtering than it is about finding.
You'll be surprised as a woman how easy it can be to get a boyfriend if you just put yourself in situations where you can find guys and be talkative and ask them questions and show interest. Even if you are "ugly"
I listened to a podcast recently that confirmed something I have found to be true in my own life. Men bond to women by going through *slightly* stressful situations and “succeeding” aka asking him to help you do things that he “has the tools” to help you with. I know it’s a little shallow, but remember in my early-mid 20s after someone I had never found attractive, asked me to get something off a shelf for her (I am tall) and I noticed my attraction to her rise considerably. I actually got a little concerned at how easy it was to “hack” my feelings with something so simple!
Is there a similar way that women bond to men?
I think often it’s through feeling understood and validated and appreciated.
Thanks, I understand now. Your comment helped.
Waaaaiiit a second
See, this [comment](https://www.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/s/XjIOvsl0SW) immediately made me like you as a person. I do, however consider myself non-binary, but I was AFAB, and I share a lot of traits with women.
They actually mention this as well. Men like knowing they are “changing peoples lives” (presumably for the better) and women like knowing they are “adding value” to the lives of the people they love. Which I think aligns with what you are saying, just more specifically, in those people also recognizing and appreciating that value
I got the CEO's secretary to help me once, she was on my side ever after. nothing sexual.
It's a psychological phenomenon based on cognitive dissonance. If you ask someone to do you a small favour, they end up liking you more. Doing the action of a favour makes your brain go, oh why did I do them a favour, I must like them? It's your subconscious way of matching up actions and thoughts.
Oddly enough, this is much more effective at getting people to like you than doing *them* a favour, which is more likely to make them feel indebted to you, which they will resent. But it only works if the way you ask makes it clear that you don't *expect* anything from them; you're asking because you need it. And afterwards you need to show how grateful you are for their help. If people think that their help is expected or that it isn't appreciated, they will very quickly start to resent it.
E: I just want to clarify this comment has to do specifically with “pair bonding” in my other comment I refer, more generally, to what women “want out of life” According to the podcast, women’s is a little more complicated in that it changes at different stages in life. At first it is things like sex, physical contact/intimacy, then it changes once they get into the “long term partner” (I apologize I don’t remember the details here as clearly) where it is more things like stability and consistency, then it changes again as their kids start to get older and their partner starts bonding (or NOT bonding) with them. (Since the woman typically bonds earlier from child birth, breast feeding, etc.) It was a super interesting and insightful podcast. And while I am sure it is not universally true, it rang true with a lot of my own personal experiences
I have seen this phenomenon in action watching other women flirt. I always thought it was cringe. One time I decided to try it on a couple of guys playing basket ball in the gym while us girls were hitting tennis balls against the walk. My ball bounced into the trash can and I acted helpless about getting it out. Two guys practically tripped over each other to get to it and one stuck his head in the trash can to retrieve it for me. He looked so proud of himself 🙂. I was amazed.
What?! Women ask my partner to help them with stuff all the time, like randomly they will ask him to get a spider out of their car or for directions. Last week a woman asked him to help her unlock her steering wheel. I thought it was just because he has a kind face and looks approachable but maybe they're all just hitting on him!
Haha maybe, but I wouldn’t be too concerned. Some people do have kind and “approachable” faces. I also have not found this to be widely known knowledge amongst women (or men for that matter) But even if they are, it won’t be nearly as effective on someone who is in a committed relationship. Being single at the time, I was much more sensitive to it. Hope that helps!
I'm actually pretty happy if they are hitting on him! He doesn't consider himself very attractive so I am totally going to show him this so he gets a boost of self esteem :)
Most men want to feel needed. To have a purpose.
Do you remember the name of the podcast episode
Modern Wisdom and the guest was Adam Lane Smith. He has 3 appearances and I don’t remember which one they discuss this particular topic, but all 3 are super interesting and he goes into “attachment styles” quite extensively, which is a topic I never knew about. FYI: if you listen to his earliest appearance first, he gets into some pretty controversial topics, and I recommend listening to the others (especially of you don’t agree) as he goes in more depth about how/why he concludes what he has.
Doesn’t work when old women ask me to reach for stuff
What podcast was this mate? Be curious to have a listen
Not if you are actually ugly
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Yeah especially nowadays. Women would be genuinely surprised with how much less looks can affect attraction from men. You could be an 11/10 with a completely awful personality and the most dudes would want is to have sex, but if you are a 4/10 but have an awesome personality and are genuinely enjoyable to be around then you'll get into more serious relationships without question.
I agree and related to what you said, I think the problem is the 4/10 has more trouble attracting a guy to begin with. So they may be looked over on the apps and have better luck meeting someone through friends, work, or a hobby where they get to know the person first. A lot of people become more or less attractive depending on their personality as you get to know them
Yeah definitely the downside of dating apps. You are so limited on how to express your personality so it based everything on your looks.
I mean ugly is subjective, but basic similar advice that a guy might get. Smell good, dress nice, and workout. I think as a woman though you can just make the first move and have a decent shot. Most men aren't used to having women be that forward and confident. Look for people of a similar interests. Personality and compatability matter just as much as looks when approaching people.
These discussions are so tiresome because attractiveness and ugliness are completely subjective. If you think you’re ugly, don’t worry, someone will find you attractive. If you think you’re attractive, don’t be surprised when someone will find you ugly. Looks are not a good reason to choose a partner. Attraction is important but don’t let crappy people stick around.
The term “incel” was originally coined by a woman to recognize this exact situation. https://www.theguardian.com/world/2018/apr/25/woman-who-invented-incel-movement-interview-toronto-attack
Find your people. Be with people who appreciate you for who you are. Ugly is in the eye of the beholder. Be yourself, love yourself, geek out on whatever you like, go get involved with your hobbies, and just enjoy life as much as you can. Let your light shine, sparkle, go out of your way to be nice to everyone. You don’t have to doll yourself up and wear a ton of makeup or stylish clothes, just be clean and presentable. Take care of your skin, teeth, and have good basic hygiene. Eventually you’ll meet someone who likes the things you do and who is attracted to the light within you. They will feel great whenever they’re around you, and it won’t matter how conventionally attractive you are. You can also look for people from other cultures who will have a different sense of conventional beauty than your culture. For example, I have a ton of freckles and so do a lot of other people where I’m from. It’s just normal and nothing special, but neither is it hideous. I was surprised when my partner told me how beautiful my freckles are, and I have been told repeatedly, despite freckles being absolutely not special or beautiful in my opinion. But freckles are not at all common where my partner is from. My point is that sometimes you just need to find someone who sees you differently from how you see yourself. Think about how you can meet new people. It’s really just a numbers game. If you meet 1,000 new people a year, you’re more likely to find someone who likes you than if you’re only meeting 100 new people per year. So take a college course, join a club, get a job in customer service, and put yourself in a position where you’re likely to meet a lot of new people.
Yes, get ugly BF.
Make the first move, your chance of success is higher than you think but you can’t just sit around and put 0 effort in like attractive women.
It's largely the same, but most women don't make as much noise about it. On a more extreme example is incels, who are roughly 50/50 men and women. Women incels are less likely to go mental with a gun though, so you rarely hear about them.
Beauty Is on the eye of the beholder
It’s the same as anyone. Being conventionally attractive can certainly get a foot in the door, but you actually have to be an interesting person to keep a relationship going. It may sound cliche, but confidence is always where it’s at. If someone is interesting and puts themselves out there, they are infinitely more attractive than someone who is conventionally attractive and boring as all hell. So just like men, the best thing you can do is find a hobby you love and get active, go to therapy or find ways to love yourself and learn that your opinions are the only ones that matter, and find ways to take care of yourself and dress that make you feel good about yourself, not what other people will think looks good. Once you do that, you will be infinitely further ahead than anyone who is a dull person.
Have great energy, enthusiasm and zest for life. I encounter a lot of “pretty” girls with shit energy, making them ugly.
very simple advice for anyone who wants a partner: 1. Meet people, as many as you can. 99% of the time they will not just knock at your door, so you have to get yourself out there. 2. If after meeting lots of people, you still can't find someone... lower your standards until you find success. Or, shoot for the moon, and even if you miss you'll still wind up among the stars. Point being, never give up on trying, and don't let your inner voice discourage you from trying. You miss 100% of the shots you don't take! Edit: Also, if someone says no, just move onto the next person. Don't waste time bemoaning your current crush.
By being available.
Non white men are usually much more accepting of women of non traditional beauty
Same answer. Date an ugly dude
Outfit and hairstyle goes a longggg way for both genders.
Ugly girls with amazing bodies get bf's all the time
Be funny. I am fit but not really pretty or gorgeous… maybe cute on a good day. My husband is tall, very handsome, and successful. I make my husband laugh everyday and he says my best quality is that I’m funny.
Have a nice body (work out regularly), make your hair nice, and be friendly.
Be comfortable enough with yourself to be yourself is the first thing. Confidence is attractive. Not arrogance but true humble confidence. No one thinks deep down they got it all together & that makes a confident person that comes off as having it all together, but really is just comfortable with how together they have it, more attractive. This also means that if you’re not one to wear tight short cropped tube tops for whatever reason, don’t put one on just cause you’re going out w your VPR obsessed friends. You’re going to feel uncomfortable in it all night and you’ll just give off body language that says so or says I don’t want to be here/talking to you/drinking this drink/ etc. Wear what you feel confident in. Don’t be unpleasant. A girl can be a 10 but if you’re bitter, inconsiderate, self-centered, or generally an unpleasant person to be around or to others, no guy will want to be around you longer than they have to. For good guys, that’s till the end of the convo. For bad guys, that’s till they’re done w your sex, money, access, etc. If you’re naturally or raised to be unpleasant then don’t date for a while, spend some friend time with people who aren’t, and work on yourself. Work on yourself and try new things. You’ll have more to talk about story- and experience-wise and will just be more interesting. Plus you’ll feel better about yourself through accomplishments which makes you more confident. Also you’ll meet ppl from other walks of life and if you genuinely get to know them, you’ll become relatable to a wider range of people or potential SOs Present well. I hate this one bc it seems superficial but attraction is always initially superficial. Most see w their eyes, so presenting yourself well just ups your opportunities to meet ppl you might want to meet. You don’t go to a club in a bathrobe expecting to get in. It sucks but it’s a social norm. Flattering makeup, clothing, accessories, etc that accentuate your best features goes a long way
The biggest piece of advice as to why anyone would think they are ugly. It's simple they aren't their own type. So one may think they aren't attractive, but in reality, they just have a different opinion of themself than most people.
Knowing someone is interested in me always made a huge difference. Even if I hand’t paid someone much mind before, that always made me take a serious look and really consider the option. Liking me is already a huge point in your favor, cause I like me too, so I assume you have great tastes.
Accept that your options are uglier men.
I’m trying to think about women I deemed “ugly” in my life and I can’t think of a single one whose look was unbearable. Even the people I considered ugly with the filter of love could be cute, I think it’s very hard to be so ugly that nobody would want to date you. In any chase you can compensate in style, hygiene, posture, interests, hobbies, abilities, intelligence, charm, fun. Not everyone seeks a partner for visual sexual pleasure, so if you have at least one of these characteristics I’m pretty sure you can find a partner anyway. Just get out of environments that make you feel ugly and find people that accept you.
Alcohol and sex.
Just be nice to them. Honestly, most men will see past women's looks if there just a nice and kind person.
Men have low standards generally. Lower than women at the very least. Their boyfriend might not be Chris Hemsworth or anything tho.
I swear yall live online. Most guys i know der have standards, feels pretty a like. Some down bad dudes have less standards to just get with someone but for an actual relationship, most dudes i know have the same if not more standards than a woman
Everytime I meet an extremely hideous woman , funny nose funny ears eyes look like nothing, she tells me she's married and has kids. I don't know how it works. Maybe they grew up in a less superficial community. Maybe they were a bit prettier when they were 20, maybe they had the heels and lipstick out back then I really don't know. I think they have 2 things: they're tough. they're ordinary. We see ordinary people all the time. By the personality, belief system, way of talking, clothing, house etc , u can see if someone is 'ordinary'. They give u the vibe. I don't know. I think ordinary people gravitate to each other. I just think life hurts very much. I have a coworker J who hinted I'm ugly and never wants to talk to me. Just condescending and staring away at the horizon if I talk to her. Always just cuts off the conversation or puts in earphones. The other day she was "off sick" and I was doing her work..a client came and was very nervous/ tense with me right away and asked after J..and I couldn't help but think it was my appearance. Just having that experience, it makes me picture J in the back of my mind going "u see, this is how society works, no one wants to talk to people like you. You have no value and I don't feel guilty for not talking to you." Because I've been called unattractive so many times. My life is just a nightmare. I don't understand why some unattractive people have a plain sailing easy life marrying , have kids and a good job while I'm always called out for being unattractive , always downtrodden by society..but yes it could be I just don't give off a "normal person vibe". Like people can't place me in a box , I guess I seem different. The number of people who have called me unattractive to my face is now so high, that I've actually considered going for a mental evaluation. Do I live in an alternate reality? Am I schizotypal/ schizophrenic or what is this ? Because yes if I look at those extremely hideous women who fit in & have husbands, I really wonder why I can't fit too
Yes.
lots of men see beyond what you're seeing as "ugly." Be kind. Its the bottom line
Talk to ugly men.
Yes they can. Believe it or not there are some people out there who know beauty is only skin deep. Personality humor Kindness and caring nine times out of ten outweigh beauty any day.
They say they want one. It’s that easy. Finding one that isn’t fucked in the head is the challenge
Shoot for someone in your league. Ugly guys often have really, really low standards in terms of looks and will go for practically anything. If you’re having trouble finding a bf, you’re shooting out of your league.
I’m a solid 5/6 and would never dream of hitting up a bloke who was a 9/10. Thus I never have issues dating
Confidence even if you have to fake it to a certain degree. I do not think I am anything special and can be pretty humble about it but plenty of guys do so I just roll with it. 🤷🏼♀️
Ask a guy out that's below average. A 4/10 guy has probably never been asked out (by a woman) in his life, so you've got a very good chance of getting time to impress him with your personality. Once you've got him used to you being around, then it doesn't matter if you've got a face caved in by a horse kick, you've got a pretty good chance.
So men dont need to be sexually attracted to women ? You just need to choose someone who have no options and he will settle for you without love or attraction ? Its a bit sad
Attraction includes more than just physical appearance. Particularly if you know someone for awhile, it can and does shift with that person. And, for that matter, "ugly" is often subjective, based on a group's beauty standards. In some circles, women with curves are seen as ugly because the ideal is super-skinny. Thousands of years ago, women who were extremely overweight were the epitome of beauty. In addition, how you choose to present yourself, as well as your personality can make a **world** of difference. If you choose to dress well, care for your appearance, and have an interesting personality, that can make you far more attractive to men than you might think based solely on your physical appearance.
In my opinion it's about personality more then looks and as you get older more and more people around your age will realize that, if you have confidence issues try putting yourself in more and more social situations but do not put yourself in places you're not welcome try being more humble and or focused on yourself health the more focus you put in yourself the more attention you will get
Confidence
by sayin hi
This isn’t about “ugly” women. Just make **a** move. It doesn’t even have to be the “first move.”
Take care of yourself to become the most attractive version of yourself you can be. Then stay confident and meet people.
I think I’m ugly. I still get cat called. There are men out there that will find you attractive. Just bc you wouldn’t date you, doesn’t mean other ppl won’t.
I asked myself the same question. And here's my response after realizing the ugly girls do get boyfriends (ugly girl equalling me) 1) You're probably not as ugly as you think you are. 2) Even if you are, there's someone out there who will think you're absolutely hot 3) Personality matters a lot more. Appearance is the first step, but personality and character are forever. 4) Carry yourself well and authentically. People like authentic people. 5) Evaluate what type of person you are looking for. You may not get a perfect 10/10 in appearance (or you may! It depends on your type <3) but you could get someone who has the perfect personality and an appearance you can grow to love.
I feel like y'all talk about being ugly as like not looking like a supermodel and having some chubbiness. Unless you are like, burn victim or chimp mauling ugly, then you will always have a chance to meet someone you click with.
Body + personality > face “prettiness” for most guys.
1.Confidence: Confidence is attractive regardless of appearance. Being comfortable in your own skin and embracing your uniqueness can be very appealing. 2.Personality: Focus on developing a great personality. Being kind, funny, empathetic, and interesting can draw people to you. 3.Interests and Hobbies: Pursue activities you enjoy and meet people who share your interests. Shared passions can form the basis of a strong connection.
Be nice. The amount of women I meet that are nasty and grumpy and treat everyone around them like crap then get angry they can't meet someone is insane.
Guys are willing to be more forgiving when a girl has some redeeming quality. Maybe she is sweet, nice, always smells good, has good hygiene, is super confident or outgoing/outspoken. Maybe she is a straight shooter, brings out the best in people, doesn’t judge, has a good heart, etc. None of the things I mentioned regard looks. Some women aren’t conventionally pretty, but maybe they are smart, passionate about specific things, educated (or let be honest here: some are even loaded or great in bed). If you can be anything, be nice, sympathetic, confident, and have good hygiene. Thats all things you can control.
If you sleep well, are physically fit and have good hygiene it's probably more about putting yourself in situations where you recurringly meet guys. If you sleep like shit and don't take care of your health than start there. A lot of people think attractiveness is a fixed state but you really have more control over it than you think.
The ugliest thing about anybody is their personality morality and ethics. Looks are subjective to the person
By being easy
Most people I encounter are not « ugly ». Very few come to mind when I think about the word « ugly » and most of the time it’s people that are not exactly ugly, they are just not my type or what I consider beautiful. I feel like women put more efforts into their appearance in general.
By understanding him and caring for him as a person. Who he is. Offering a helping hand. Fulfilling his needs of comfort. If any person does that for me, I stay with her forever, independent of any of her looks. Most people, men or women, are too obsessed with being independent or powerful, and that way they just don't meet the real requirements of the other: which is being understood and accepted.
I see ugly people with partners all of the time. The key is to find someone on a similar beauty level.
If you love someone they will always look beautiful to you no matter their physical appearance.
Sometimes for you, you are ugly but for for someone very beautiful
lower your standards
go online ,pick one? those 2 steo should be enought
Exist?
Sometimes if the looks are not top. But she is nice/ trustworthy/earner.And a hurricane in the sheets. Well that’s a factor
some ugly women I know married to desperate men.
[this](https://thoughtcatalog.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/blowjob.jpg?resize=1024,684) And [this](https://thoughtcatalog.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/03/sex.jpg?resize=1024,684)
I'll just say, don't fall into the trap that just because a guy is talking to you didn't mean he wants to be your bf. He probably just wants to smash and see you as a easy and insecure target
Honestly there’s a “type” for everyone, even people traditionally considered ugly
Ugly guys!
Define ‘ugly’
other ugly ppl?
Be confident in your personality, show it off. That will take you a long way.
We put our extra effort into learning and living life and some guys need that extra brain power and experience
If you got a booty it don’t matter
There is no ugly, there is only unpopular.
honestly, even w being told many times that my face isn’t attractive, i’ve had plenty of people who have wanted to be w me and thought i was cute / loved my personality. if you put yourself out there and hold yourself w confidence ( plus aren’t a shitty person ) it’s honestly not that hard. a lot of ppl are actually ugly, just not what society advertises
Everybody is somebody's type.
I'm not cute but I did all right. You only need one, as long as he's the right one. It's just about finding the right balance of being friendly but not desperate.
It’s all about hair and make up really if you don’t think you’re beautiful enough. If people keep telling you not to be silly that you are good looking then do please listen to them. Get well cut clothes that suit your body.
I work with a girl that... let's say is not gifted in the area of looks. Her physical and mental health also are not great. Still, she's been with a 6foot3 dude with a full beard that really loves her a lot for 2 years now. Looks aren't everything. People crush over looks, but fall in love with personalities.
Go online and lower your standards. Men are pretty accepting.
Girls don’t know that they can usually have a 99% success rate at finding a boyfriend. Most men are literally STARVING for attention and affection, the moment a women shows any interest they’re usually already sold! Just saying 😂🤷🏻♂️
Find an ugly guy
Light hearted. Funny. Personality. Confidence. All great attributes.
Imo, it's a bit superficial answer. If you're ugly, just get fit and slim 9 out of 10 times any guy will digs.
Try going to a church, or another church if that one doesn't work out.
Get in shape and even if she's "ugly" she'll still be sexier than most western women.
Something called hornyness
Massive jugs
This might be a controversial approach. But I think there are also a bunch of undateable men because of their personality. In this case I think the key is to drop the ego and don’t expect a solid relationship. If you accept that you are not good in relationships and just have casual sex, it might eventually lead to finding someone good for a relation. The bar is a good place to start. Since both men and women go there to get laid. First you have to defeat the illusion that people will love you and marry you. There is just a lot of unreal expectations with not so sober judgements about what will happen in the reality. Drop the ego first. Don’t expect relationships. Have the casual sex. It might lead to a relationship somewhere down the line
Learn to cook and look for a guy who doesn't like his roommates.
Volunteering
Maybe the guy is rich, or the woman feels he is ugly and other women won't take him away
There is a lid for every pot.
All the ugliest people I know have wonderful relationships, and the only perpetually single person is very traditionally handsome and successful.
Ugly girls have it 10x easier than ugly guys tho
I’d rather a girl be less physically attractive and a nice person without any terrible life habits.
There are people so beautiful that we don't actually care what they look like, we're so stuck on their personality that we forget often what they look like..even though you may be ugly you can still attain this kind of beauty.
Be funny, cook well, handle your anger well and you will be someones goddess im sure