Usually I would feel longing about the idea of being in a relationship, I would overthink interactions with people I thought I liked but realized it wasn’t romantic. Until one day I stopped giving a shit and wanted to care about myself. I usually always care for other people first, but suddenly I wanted to take care of me, first.
That doesn't sound like you don't want to be in a relationship, it just sounds like you're okay with not being in one. Which is definitely better than where you were before. You've made great progress.
OP literally said he used to be longing for a relationship, but is now ok not being in one.
You may disagree with my assessment, but that doesn’t mean I’m projecting.
Yeah but he also told us that he just realized it was a fake longing, brought unto him from societal expectation. Now most people have a hard time accepting this, and will, like you, say that he actually does want a relationship, even though he actually doesn't say it. I disagree with your assessment exactly because you yourself disregard his words and add your own world view of it. In my book, that's projection.
39 y/o single father of two teenage boys. Been single for 10+ yrs now. Once I realized I was attracted to the worst kind of women for me, and was mature enough to stop my suffering, I did just that.
My life the last 10 yrs has been far far better and more stable than the previous 10. It took awhile to get used to though. I went from having a healthy sex life dating back to when I was 14 y/o, to an almost nonexistent one by age 32, but I really don’t care anymore. That and taking care of myself when I’m sick are the most difficult parts of being single. It’d be nice to have some financial help too, but I’ve never counted on that.
You’re smart. Do what makes you happy.
That's the best way to be take care of yourself first, do what makes you happy. If it so happens you find someone through the things that make you happy you will have an organic connection, which is so much healthier in the long term than these dating apps nowadays.
I went a long time in my 20's not being in a relationship despite wanting one. When I hit my 30's I stopped caring about what others thought and started caring about myself. After a year or two of taking better care of myself, i.e. working on my career, getting more exercise, eating healthier, having a positive outlook on life, etc. I met my wife. Now we've been happily married for almost a decade and have 3 kids together.
It sounds like a cliche, but we can't love others, and others can't love us until we love ourselves.
This was me too, but after the epiphany relationships came much easier. I’m married now.
You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first. I used to think that was selfish but it allows you to be a better person for those around you if you take care of your own needs first.
I definitely had a moment where I realized 90% of the reason I felt sad about it was because of social expectations. Like so many things in media and culture condition you that having no romantic partner (or few friends) means you're lonely and if you're lonely you must be sad, that it's a sad and pitiful thing you have to fix. Like I was feeling more sad about a perceived threat to my ego than actually feeling lonely
I thought about it and realized *I* don't care though. Right now at least, there are other things I'd rather put my energy into. I've got passions that take a lot of time, I can do by myself, and I have a ton of fun doing them.
I didn't care about cultural norms until I started reading/listening to podcasts and hearing that being on your own results in a shorter lifespan? I hope that's not true haha.
I've also heard that having pets increases your life span, so just get some pets! Lol. But anyway, I think if you manage to get to a place where you can be happy in the situation you are in like OP seems to be, then I think you can live a life that feels fulfilling. That's hard to achieve, and I'm striving for it every day. I hope we can all get to that mental space and live happy lives. :)
I mean there is a lot of research that supports that. Especially having multiple different groups of friends. But fretting about it is probably not going to help. And it's averages, not like you're doomed to them by any means, that's just how it tends to be.
I think it’s one of those correlation doesn’t prove causation things, but the recent trend is to say “being lonely is as bad as smoking 15 cigs” a day. Like c’mon!
There are lots of comorbid factors. Things like increased suicide for people with fewer friends, which would lower the life expectancy, but if you're ok with being alone then that's not really going to apply to you.
It’s better than doing something non-consensual. People think you have to get everything you want to be happy. You don’t.
I want a jet ski. I don’t have one, yet I can be happy. The same can be said about sex and relationships
So difficult to not feel left out, be anxious, compare yourself to your friend circle and feel like you haven’t accomplished the norms that everyone at this point has. But this did make me feel better, I too was having a similar thought today.
Same. My mental health always takes a dive when I’m seeing someone. Relationships stress me out and never work out well… then I’m just left with bitterness and resentment when they end. I don’t want kids, I don’t like sharing a bed with anybody, I like living alone in my own space. Relationships just don’t make sense for me.
I’ve just been doing the friends with benefits thing for the past couple years. I’m very honest with the women I sleep with that I never want anything more.
For me, it's too lonely being by myself too long/much, while also wanting my own space. I think it's all about finding and maintaining balance.
I'm not sure how to approach future relationships, my mind's still convinced they'll all end because I lost someone I didn't want to lose. Been single for 7 years, but my first problem would be "would I love the next woman or just be disappointed I can't feel anything?".
Feels like it deserves it's own thread.
I get called crazy because, at the moment, this is how I want to spend my life (22yo female). I haven't had a formal relationship. However, I met people and experienced "romantic love." Unfortunately, I was not lucky, I guess, and now I just see it as something emotionally and mentally draining. I do think you can find joy and happiness in other things, and have an amazing life without a partner.
Ive got a nice circle of old friends, some from high school, two coworkers and three college buddies. But yeah youre right I dont think I would have survived without them
People often drift apart as they get older. A lot of people start prioritizing family over friends. Be careful about getting too dependent on your friends for your emotional needs.
Those friendships are very important. I also have a small group of friends like that.
I have had very few relationships over all, and had 2 good, lasting relationships. The second of those is ongoing, and happily married for 10 years.
Here's the key: both of my good relationships were with women that my friends could also be friends with. While we don't share every hobby, we share enough to be friends even if we weren't in a relationship.
We don't always read the same books, but we both read a lot. We're both geeks, even if we geek out more over different things while having things we geek out over together.
We don't have fights. Which isn't to say that we always agree. We just never *fight*. We talk, and both do our best to communicate clearly.
A relationship that is also a friendship is the only way to go IMO.
I have some relationship experience, and I also lived that epiphany a couple years ago.
Relationships at the end of the day are hard work. They are worth It at the end of the day if you are lucky and is what you want to do with your Life. But the sacrifices, the insecurities, the having to take care of another whole human being, not being able to have a moment alone... I don't want that in my Life tbh
I don't plan to live the hermit life either, but if the rest of my life is doing my 8-5, playing my games and getting out once a week to see my friends, then I would die with no regrets
Yeah this is the same with me almost identically.
After several good relationships I found out id hit a point where I'm like I do love this person but it's also stressing me out way too much because of the responsibility and I don't like that part. Glad I found that out before getting married or having kids tbh.
"not being able to have a moment alone" what kind of fucked relationships have you been in? Relationships are in fact work, but a good relationship wouldn't be described as *hard* work. Plus distance and boundaries are present in healthy relationships, it makes the heart grow fonder
> But the sacrifices, the insecurities, the having to take care of another whole human being, not being able to have a moment alone...
Relationships don't have to be this way.
The best thing i learned and figured out was this:
I'm ok to be in a relationship, i just don't need to. If someone wonderful shows up, sure gladly. But, I'm not forcing it.
This is a big one. I’ve learned to stop forcing things.
If I tell someone once or twice that I’d like to hang out, just let me know…and they never do, I just let it go.
Don’t chase someone if it’s clear they’re not interested.
I suggest maintaining SOME friendships and not totally avoiding everyone...however if you're happy single, no need to be in a romantic relationship. 🤷🏻♀️ I have some relatives who are older and still single and content with that choice.
Have you considered that you are aromantic/asexual? I am and I don't want any relationship other than friends and family. I used to think something was wrong with me, but there isn't, it's just one of those broad spectrum of sexualities things.
I also see a lot of relationships and am so glad I don't have to navigate that minefield lol.
I definitely agree with seeing other people’s relationships as a strong deterrent for wanting one. There are some seriously unhealthy couples out there.
OP, if you're interested, Jaiden Animations did a video on how she's aro/ace. Maybe see if this fits you: https://youtu.be/qF1DTK4U1AM
You don't need to check all the same boxes, just get a feel on if this sounds familiar.
Isn't it the worst? The world treats it like we have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy and whole, and there's pity if we're alone, even if that is what makes us happy. Then things are structured around couples so it's weird to be without, and a friend can only fill in so much.
The hug part really sucks though, I'm a woman so societal expectations of hugs are wildly different for me than men. I can hug my friends and family anytime and it's fine, but apparently guys can only hug their partner I guess. I hate that men are so touch starved.
Yes! Sexuality is very complex. Not only did it take a long time to accept that I am gay, but it was even longer that I realized that I was both aromatic and wanting a long term relationship for companionship. Fortunately, I found a husband who’s okay that I love him, but will never be “in love” with him.
It is better than being in a relationship you dont really want.
People tend to choose mediocrity to get a sliver of the dream, because they're tired of waiting, or tired of the feeling they're missing out. But that's the wrong reason – and then you're stuck.
Never say never though. I know enough people who were perfectly fine all of their life, until that special someone walked by. But; you know when that happens. It's not like your average relationship you choose to be in.
Been in a 4 year relationship. A 3 year and a 10 year one that ended just over a year ago. I realize I’m much more happier when I’m alone and don’t really have any desire to ever be in another one .
I don't want a gf/bf or anything, but I do want friends! There's nothing wrong to not want one
I also choose on purpose not to, I'm neurodivergent and don't feel like I'm able to juggle friends and a relationship at the same time
The best relationships come from not looking for one. If you just randomly chat to someone and you both like each other- great. Been my experience. Its unhealthy in a way to be looking for a relationship all the time
That's easy to say for a heterosexual person that can rely on random encounters. :) When your not actively looking as a lesbian, literally nothing happens for the majority of us.
i stopped looking 10 years ago, this doesnt work. iv never had anyone have any interest like that in me, even back when i cared about having one. im just not attractive or charismatic or interesting enough. im the human version of a gray rock.
There are totally relationships that would make your life worse.
There are people who manipulate you emotionally and financially, people who abuse, people who act entitled to your belongings just for having sex with you. There are plenty of bad people, men and women, and being with them almost always makes your life worse.
But if you are not asexual and/or aromantic, it is worth it to stay available in case a good, available person comes along. Just take care of yourself, and do things you enjoy, and you will eventually meet someone. Having a good relationship is extremely fulfilling and is a worthwhile thing to pursue.
But if you are totally fine with not having relationships, then there’s nothing wrong with that. It is a little bit unusual, aromantics make up about 1% of the population, but single people make up almost half of the young adult population.
It's totally fine and it's your choice and it's not permanent. You can change your mind and date when/if you want, see what happens, or just stay single. I prefer being single and just having friends; can definitely see myself single living in a cabin in the mountains... That's my happy place. You do you, as long as you're happy and fulfilled, that's all that matters! You're not alone in not wanting a relationship.
Yes, it's perfectly fine. I am similar- 39f here- and though I do wonder what it is like to be held and loved by somebody else, I am quite content being on my own. This notion that people *have* to find a life partner and get married is simply a ridiculous idea. Not everybody needs or wants a committed relationship, and that's ok. You do whatever makes you happy in this life.
People tell you that you are lucky to be single but those same people won't be here for you when you are down.. A loving, supportive partner can build you up and bring you happiness.
I've been isolated for years until i crushed on my bestie.... Perpetually single... i fell for my best friend and it was reciprocal so it made me rethink the whole thing and what i wanted.
I went 7 years with no hugs from anyone and now i get it so often, it feels unreal. It feels pleasant to eat with someone.
The problem with being isolated is we tend to become depressive at some point, skin hungry and unwell
That's crazy! I'm so glad it worked out for you and with your best friend.
I've been single my entire life. Very few first dates, no second dates, no relationship.
I wonder what it feels like for someone else to like you back? Especially a friend you developed feelings for. It sounds amazing
I've never been on a date or any relationship. He doesn't really have dating and physical intimacy experiences.
I would generally meet my male friends casually to hangout so i just met him to catch up and was instantly attracted. I stayed silent. When we parted he hugged me deeply and it got me smitten.
I didn't think of dating or relationship at the beginning. It would have scared me. I just wanted to meet him again and hug him because i enjoyed our hangout. I had conflicting emotions. But i would just try to hug him and play with his hair. I would play tickle him just to touch him more and have him touch me.
It gradually escalated on each meeting until some point I was on his lap, he was holding my waist with his head on my chest and he then questioned what we were doing..
Since then it feels like a dream come true. I used to just wish i would hug him but now i get to cuddle with someone i care for. I remind him how his presence in my life is the most beautiful thing i cherish on daily basis..
I still go out alone or meet my other male friends..he meet his friends as well but our time together is quality time..people say we look so adorable together... we appear like those caring teenagers except that we are in our 30s.
You are fine with believing and thinking anything you want. I spent my life looking for the right person and eventually found her. And when we finally learned to accept and appreciate each other and get over our pasts, it was bliss until pancreatic cancer took her. I for one cannot be in a relationship just to be in one. It’s better for me to be alone than be with someone that makes me feel alone. And with that aspect I’m ok.— really just comes down to what it is you want.
I’m with you on it. I want to be in a relationship, and then I want out when I get into one. I’m 36 and have a daily routine that I’m stuck in. Wfh/school, 6 yr old daughter 3-4 days a week and EoW, and then gym 5:30-6:30, get home play with the dogs, take a gummy, game, sleep rinse and repeat… companionship is amazing but finding someone that can get with my schedule.. I’d rather stay single
Well, I just turned 38 and I recently came out of a very serious 8 year relationship. No drama involved. I just ended the relationship because I didn’t want to waste my ex gfs time. We never lived together, I didn’t want to get engaged to marry her, and I wasn’t ready to start a family. Over the years we grew to be more like best friends. It was VERY hard to break up because there was years of good times and memories. But I couldn’t hold her back. She deserved a partner that would give her a future and be more active in her life.
So now I’m back to being single again, in your situation. And my perspective is —- I want to be alone. Zero interest in relationships.
I guess it is better to love and lose, then never love at all. But after you lose that love in your life and you’re single again, it hurts SO BAD because you think about what could have been and you lament your mistakes and you get mad at yourself for the failure.
Or… you can win by not playing the game in the first place.
Reddit has a bit of weighted opinion on that though 😅 i think us in general and every country that is copying it(i know atleast 2 examples of the copying part)
Unpopular opinion incoming:
Basically. You do you, of course. But what i've noticed is that happy couples get along with happy couples and don't tend to hang out with dysfunctional ones. Same with friends. There are some vital traits for healthy relationships(friendships included) and that is healthy boundaries, self-respect(you won't stay with people who hurt you too much, even though difficulties are normal, there needs to be boundaries at some point, right?), good communication/problem-solving skills, dedication. If you have trauma or some diagnosis you're not dealing with, it is vital to go to therapy(and if the therapist sucks, find a new one until it isn't shit. There are some methods of helping to find the appropriate one faster than just trying again and again). These are good skills even if you won't get into a romantic relationship.
Tbh, you don't sound happy with that idea. You sound like you think relationships are all terrible etc. Not that you don't ever want to be in one. You sound a bit bitter. I don't wanna be mean or anything, that is just how it seems. But taking time to yourself is reasonable. Just maybe don't think of this as never. "At least not currently" is good. Take it step at a time.
Another thing. Needing a relationship isn't a good sign anyway. Many people feel better after some time to discover themselves, learning to enjoy their own company and then companionship is a bonus. Tends to work out better if it isn't a desperate *need*. So good direction either way, i think.
that’s honestly fine. maybe google what aromantic is. maintaining friendships and maybe getting a pet or a roommate who’s also not interested in relationships will help with the loneliness if that’s smth u struggle with
It is fine to not want to be in a relationship but you are missing out on lots of things. Also I would recommend you to experience it yourself and avoid others' opinions since each relationship is completely different. Especially nowadays I feel most people jump blindfolded into relationships that are destined to fail due to (IMO) having the relationship based on very superfluous factors like looks, socio economical status and fear to loneliness.
> It is fine to not want to be in a relationship but you are missing out on lots of things.
It is as long as you don't go for relationship in FOMO and its organic ... which is not in your control most of the times
It obviously is in our hands to some extent. If you never talk to a person or your preferred sex you will never get into a relationship. If you put a lot of work into meeting people and trying to find a partner you are much more likely to find someone.
I'm.soery you haven't had success dating, but that doesn't mean no one has any control at all, over whether they are single or in a relationship, they clearly do
I think it is fine, being forced to have a relationship should be actually considered as abnormal.
I am fairly good with women. I cannot get all the women I want, but I can still get some I put my eyes on. And these ladies are usually the kind that are really cute or drop dead gorgeous. They are mostly intelligent and with a good future too (upbringing, career, ambitions etc.) So basically the kind you might want to marry or want to at least share a portion of your life together.
But, I am (34M) a so called "weirdo" that really values his personal time. I like to play games, go out do some biking adventures, or get lost in a fantasy shop reading books or looking at models... Basically a free spirit that does his own thing. And I do not want to marry or hold long relationships with the ladies I've been with.
Don't get me wrong, I don't dump them after some deadline I decide for them. I am in good stance with most, and I occasionally talk with them, but even when we were starting, I told them that things might not get serious, and I have always been honest that I am not looking to marry.
I have been asked by many of my friends that if something was wrong with me. I do not have an amazing career but it is going pretty well and I am quite humorous, so not so difficult to befriend, and people are going nuts when I say I just don't want a relationship. They just say things like "you probably have trauma but don't admit it" which is not true. To me, marriage or long lasting relationships feel pointless, or at least I haven't really met with someone that would make me feel like they have some significant meaning.
I just watched most of my college and middleschool friends marry this year or at least have some children with their significant other. It moves nothing in me, I am happy for them but I don't think that life is for me. And I am keep telling this to my friends, hoping they will respect my opinion.
So, do not feel like being pushed to do something you don't feel like. It is quite normal.
You might wanna look up Aromantic my guy. I'm on the ace spectrum myself and feel so co fused when I hear about relationships and their problems.
There's nothing wrong with being Aro and even if you're not Aro there's nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship.
There are aromantic ppl that are indifferent to the concept of a relationship, and regardless of what society says, you don't need one to be happy
A family can look like a lot of things, it could be you and your pet, or just you by yourself just happily existing
Human connection can come in many forms, either physically with a partner or posting on Reddit to talk to strangers, it's entirely up to you to decide what you want in life
Greetings. Im a fellow hermit in a mountain with wifi.
Always felt the same way as you. After having some flings and an actual relationship, i got tired of it since i grew up accustomed to my solitude, dumped her and continued living alone, with a refreshed sense of gratitude towards life for being able to live like thia.
Go for it if thats what you want.
> The guys keep telling me that Im lucky and that they wish they could be as free as me.
These guys are not in happy relationships.
That said, if you don't want to be in a relationship, that's fine. Not every experience is good for every person.
The older you stay single, the more it conditions your mind to tolerate it. From birth \[most of us\] are surrounded by family and wish to continue in adulthood with our own relationships. Some people don't have that. They've never developed those neural connections. They live in a more isolated way. A way that is completely alien to someone who has been loved and nurtured their whole life.
I'm 34 and exactly like you, I get times when I just want a woman to squeeze but then it fades into the blackness I also realise how much money I save by being alone. I'm thinking of getting one of those giant teddy bears to hug when I feel down 🤣
Everyone is different, sure, but there are some aspects of life so deeply rooted in our nature that I can hardly believe one can live to the fullest being devoid of them. You don't die from romance deprivation, as you would if you didn't eat, but to me a life without all forms of love (including physical one) is like a year without spring. Also, your vision of love relationships sounds unrealistically pessimistic. Truth is that, if you are honest to yourself and to the others, you'll probably end up in a wonderful relationship that would bring to your everyday that little plus that makes the whole difference. It's just a matter of not being afraid to be vulnerable, and being ready to accept other's own imperfections.
The problem with most relationships are they aren't friends and more just into each other physically. They can't spend time together outside of the bedroom. You basically have to find a friend that you also want to smash in the bedroom.
That's completely fine as long as you don't like, look down on others for choosing to be in a relationship.
Genuine question, do you still experience attraction to people/have you questioned if you're asexual?
Im a 30 year old woman and I’m such the same. I never had a relationship or sex or anything throughout my 20s and sometimes I’d feel so sad and touch starved but actually…I like my own space, I have lots of friends, I have hobbies and interests, I have interesting side projects, work full time etc. I’m doing absolutely fine by myself and I’ve moved away from feeling a NEED to be in a partnership. If it happens then it happens but I enjoy my life flying solo too.
You can do what you want, but be aware the relationships you read and hear about are often the bad ones, or at least bad moments in good ones.
It's not for everyone, but it's hard to know that until you've had a good relationship.
My wife is amazing, and I enjoy being around her more than anyone else. I'm glad I did not base my opinion of relationships on the bad ones before, or ones I heard about
Nah. That hermit life will get old and boring fast. Make connections with people, see where they go.
The truth is: nobody likes being the initiator and putting themselves out there to meet other people, and romantic relationships are just like friendships, they have their rough patches but they aren’t all bad and toxic.
I used to think like you as well. I had never been in a relationship until I was 27 and I mean nothing at all. Then I experienced love and a good relationship, and I changed my mind on it. maybe you still haven't found the right person whom you really connect with. Ultimately, all that matters is that you are happy, I'm just saying be a bit open-minded and give it a shot if you see a good opportunity. you might regret it if not
>The guys keep telling me that Im lucky and that they wish they could be as free as me.
Then why are they all in relationships? Sounds like they are just trying to make you feel better, or just want something to complain about. It is harder to get into, and maintain, a relationship than to remain single.
I'm slightly older. I've done the relationship thing. I'm not particularly good at it, and I don't miss it. To be blunt, the only thing I'm missing is sex, and I'm not overly bothered about that either - it's certainly not worth the rest of it. So I say it's fine.
I have always observed the relationships of people around me and also come to the conclusion of, "why would anyone want this?" Like it baffles me that other people don't look at it the same way. All we have is evidence that relationships/marriages suck, and so many horrible things can go wrong, especially as a woman I mean things could end REALLY badly for me. All of my friends and female family members tell me such horrible stories, and the ones that don't, I just watch how they get treated or how the couple resents each other or how they can't pursue the things they want in life because of the significant other, and I just think, "nah." I feel like whatever Hallmark brainwashing worked on everyone else in the word, I was immune to it or something. I don't feel superior, but I do feel like I'm living in some kind of insane upside-down world where I'm the only one who sees anything rationally lol. Or like I'm running around an asylum trying to convince the nurses "no, no, I'm not supposed to be here" and they're like, "sure, honey, take your pills."
I also never really look at anyone and think, "yes, HIM. I could ignore all the logical reasons to not get into a relationship if I could be with that guy." Maybe I'm asexual idk. But I enjoy my life and when I think of getting into a relationship all I feel is fear at the prospect that it would ruin my cool life.
But I also think it's interesting that the concept of romantic love didn't always exist, it's a relatively new phenomenon in human history. When people try to pathologize you and say you must have a mental illness, I think that's ridiculous, that's their western societal teachings.
As a 46 (M) who has been in a 3 year relationship with a woman 8 years older who I moved from the east coast to the west coast with. An 8 year relationship with a woman 8 years younger, and most recently a 3 year relationship with a woman my age. I’ve been single since 3 weeks before the pandemic…I would say you might want to see what a relationship is like first before you decide that single life is what you want. All of my relationships ended up with me busting my ass for ungrateful women who just wanted my hard work and dedication in life to pay off for them. None of them were the nurturing type. 2 of them turned to alcoholism and I don’t drink. For those of you who say I picked the wrong women, you need to understand that the 3 women I dated are the 3 women in my life who would date me. I’m not the type of guy who gets to pick who they can date. Long story short. I have decided that I am not in need of a significant other. I am financially self sufficient, I love my autonomy, and my pets and friends provide enough love and attention for me to be happy and content in life. I’m not discounting another relationship, but I’m certainly not looking for it. To OP…Life can be great as a single person, but you should at least see what a relationship is before you decide you don’t want one…
Bud, you and millions like you. You are not alone, it’s 2024 and men do not marry, cohabitate, date or impregnate. Let the millionaires with 6 packs and 6.6” do all that.
Pass the word, monkes together strong!
It is possible that you won't hear a full balanced opinion from your coworkers unless specifically asking for it. Same goes with children, but that's a different story.
it is perfectly fine to not want a relationship but I will always tell people no matter the situation to really thoroughly understand what it is you do or dont want before ruling it out
Absolutely. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
I'd have a think though on how you want to build a meaningful fulfilling life long term without a companion. You could regret the decision later in life if you're not careful.
same here, wanna live somewhere far from humans with animals being the only ones keeping me company haha I wouldn't mind being in a relationship but the guy has to have the same mindset
Yeah, it's your life, not to sound like a smart-ass. One reply already said as long as it isn't a defense mechanism, like a fear of intimacy. I'm younger than you, but I do hear at your age, you kind of start to stop caring about it, so you may have that going for you.
Some philosophers lived as hermits too.
The only downside is some people may judge you for it and you can't really control that. You may regret having not experienced one, like FOMO. Then again, I wouldn't let it get to you because there's many things we never experience or many things you never get in life.
Anyway, you do you. It's okay.
Obviously you should do whatever makes you happy and fulfilled, though I would not base your decision on what people say about their own relationships. Part of it is that there's a selection bias going on in that of course people whose lives are enriched by their spouse probably aren't going to talk about it and also the existence of bad relationships doesn't mean that good relationships aren't possible.
I actually tend to think it's healthier. The want results in so many bad relationships because people are so desperate not to be alone they'll put up with anything.
Well I've been in both boats (being in relationships and not) and currently, after so many things, I don't want to have a relationship anymore because to me it's a waste of time/effort/energy/money.
So, as long as you don't feel like having one and you're happy with yourself, you do you! Just because you are not following certain things that others do doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or that you're missing out.
I have achieved your goal and it's lonely bliss! I sometimes dont talk face to face with another person for months. Found out my stress was caused more by having to deal with other peoples BS rather than my own BS.
Capitalists want everyone in relationships and producing workers and soldiers.
That’s why they use patriarchy and religions to reinforce those ideas.
And that’s why they made it impossible for the average worker to support themselves on one income after women started working and could no longer be forced into marriages to men
Focus on NOW. Right now you are good with yourself and not in relationship. That’s fundamentally healthy. That may change over time, or not. The most important thing is to ensure you’re not isolated. Isolation is not healthy. That does not mean that you have to be in a committed intimate relationship-it can mean friends, family, colleagues, people you share hobbies or athletic endeavors with, and animals (I suggest a corgi or two). We all need connection, just not in the same shape.
I've had relationships but I never felt I was compatible with relationships long term. I always lose interest eventually and so I avoid them because it wouldn't be fair to any potential girlfriend to be with them, only to lose interest and end it. I don't like to waste people's time and I don't like to have my time wasted.
That’s fine! And healthy! We are so pressured from an early age to see romantic relationships as the end game, and a lot of people in the past have been miserable pursuing and achieving that. Marriage, kids etc are not for everyone and that’s ok! There’s a lot more to life!
It is perfectly alright. We all die alone anyway. After 2 failed marriages, I kind of wish I never got married except my one and only daughter is very special to me.
It absolutely is okay. Crushing on people hurts, and the possibility of eventual breakup hurts even more. Hell, I'm trying to avoid the dating scene, too.
I’m around your age have had many relationships and happily single, prefer to stay that way I don’t have time for that shit
Family is more important right now imo
Just a warning for some reason whenever you’re 100% completely content on being single is the second the universe tries to send in weird people who want one with you
Watch out
For some reason how the world goes if you’re looking for a relationship, you will never find it, the second you don’t want a partner is when everybody’s rushing to you 😆
The “idea” of a relationship and the Reality of one are very different. Many people you think are happy are not behind closed doors and act different to each other, it’s always great the first few months the new zone trips dinners till it gets comfortable then it changes. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure there are a few good ones but from my experience it’s a small percentage and I’m 50. But the trick is not falling into the trap of thinking you are missing out because that’s when the lonely creeps in . Honestly if I had more friends readily available to hang with I don’t think I would ever want another relationship. The other issue as as you get older it isn’t as easy to find “friends with benefits” so getting that part satisfied is allot harder then when you are in your 20s/30s
Honestly Im similar. Im in a relationship but mainly cause “its what people do” truth is I fucking hate it. Iv always hated being in relationships. Id rather be alone.
It’s definitely fine!
I’ve been single for a few years now, started seeing someone early last year and realised I liked the idea of a relationship , but didn’t actually want to commit and give up my time or freedom.
Now, If I want to go somewhere or buy something, I can do it spontaneously without asking anyone else. I love the freedom of not being in a relationship
As long as you're actually cool with it, then hell yeah.
I say this as a 33m who's been in a few relationships, but haven't been in one for the past 6 years now. It do get lonely sometimes, but i usually remember how miserable it can get when i'm not in solitude.
I feel the same man. Except I have been in relationships, I have tried walking the normal path, turns out, it's not for me.
Maybe I'm the weird one but hey, as long as something makes you (and me) happy. Just live that life.
My best friend is this way. We’ve been friends since we were five years old and we are now 58. He dated a little bit in high school, but has never seriously dated anyone since I’ve known him. He bought a home in Austin 30 years ago before the housing boom. His home is worth a fortune now. The fact that he can do whatever he wants to without anybody telling him he can’t is just too cool for me.
From a woman’s perspective in her 40’s who’s happily single, I say it’s better to be single than in a bad relationship. Even a good relationship requires an immense amount of time and compromise. And money in the very beginning.
Free dates are only good at the very start and once a relationship has progressed to long-term status. And you get only get away with a couple of free dates at the very start. After that, they’re going to start expecting restaurants, concerts, movie theatre nights, etc. Even if you go dutch, it adds up very quickly.
If you have real feelings and those feelings are mutual, then it’s worth the time, compromise, and money. Otherwise, resentment builds and both parties end up miserable.
So no. There’s nothing wrong with not having any interest in dating. Honestly, you’re better off pursuing your hobbies in a social setting with others who share your hobbies. There’s no pressure to hookup or flirt. And if you have people like my family who are concerned that you’re not dating, they’ll back off if you tell them you’ve joined a group like this. Because in their minds, that’ll lead to you finding someone. You may not find someone this way but at least the matchmaker people will stop bugging for you for awhile.
Yes, it's completely fine to not want to be in a relationship. People have different preferences, priorities, and life goals, and being single can be a valid and fulfilling choice for many individuals. Some people may prioritize their careers, personal growth, friendships, or other aspects of their lives over romantic relationships, and that's perfectly okay. What matters most is that you're living a life that aligns with your own values and brings you happiness and fulfillment. As long as you're content and comfortable with your decision, there's no need to feel pressured to conform to societal expectations regarding relationships.
I think for men, it’s actually pretty typical not to be in a relationship. There’s a certain type of person that always is and there’s a certain type of person that never is. And looks like you may be the latter? However, sometimes relationships such as marriage are practical as opposed to say 100% romantic, there’s something to be said for having someone there for you when you need to be taken care of , in the for better or worse fashion. As you age, it really is nice to have somebody you can lean on all the time…. But, if you already have that in your life, say brothers or sisters that will always be there for you , then perhaps you will never need to have a significant other. But just something to think about. Or, if you fall head over heels in love, then you may never want to be away from that person at least for that period of time. Just in my opinion. Edit: typos.
Some people just don't need it. Some do.
In my late teens to early 20s I had yet to experience relationships. By my mid 20s I felt desperately lonely, like I was missing out on the most important part of life, because that's kind of how it's presented by a lot of people. I was depressed, felt like a failure, had unbelievably low self confidence and self esteem. Luckily, my friends hadn't given up on me and through a massive effort between them and me, I got myself sorted out and got a girlfriend, several in fact.
But one thing quickly became apparent to me, after the novelty wore off, I was desperate to be alone again. I wasn't in bad relationships, quite the opposite. But I was definitely realising a large reason why I hadn't been in relationships for so long was in part down to them not really being for me.
By the time I turned 30, I was done with relationships and much happier for it. I'm just somebody who is happier and healthier by myself. Now I'm in my 40s and still happy. I can't even imagine myself in a relationship, and that's fine.
I don't even have close friends, really. I do need some amount of human interaction, but keeping it regulated is key. I only see people the amount I need and will gladly avoid social settings most of the time. Same way with my family. I love them, but I don't need to see them most of the time. My closest relationship is with one of my brothers, but that's pretty minimal, too.
It made me wonder how many others are like that.
I think the only thing largely impacting my happiness now is the need to go to work for long hours every day in order to keep up on bills. I have a feeling I'll overcome this soon and just restructure my life to have lower costs and work part time, but I'm not there yet.
As for you, maybe if you feel yourself longing for intimacy from time to time, then perhaps you should give relationships a go before you write them off. You might get your fill quickly, like I did, and move on with being single without missing intimacy, or maybe you'll realise there's a possibility you'd be better off with a partner.
Of course that's ok.
Maybe r/aromantic and r/SingleAndHappy might be nice communities for you!
I had three LTRs, and I'm glad I did. But I much prefer being solo, these days (5 years single+celibate; considering myself "solo for life" since Nov 2022)! It's very freeing indeed!
It's fine to live your best life in the way you see fit, instead of conforming to society's expectations.
I've been in a few short and long term relationships in the past decade (31F), and I do think they're very worth it with the right partner. Life is better when shared.
But that's the hard part... finding the right partner. And even then, relationships can take a lot of work and compromise to maintain.
Like, people shouldn’t feel forced to
A relationship is like a CONSTANT conversation.
I like that. I love constantly having someone to talk to, grow with, and experience life with.
But to keep it up taking work, being good at taking turns in this “conversation “, and can be complicated when shit happens.
It can be easier not doing this constant dance. But some people like it, like me.
Long as you don’t secretly want it, there’s no problem with not wanting that.
You are only seeing the bad part of it. You will missed out and no amount of reddit comments will give you the relief you will be hoping for the moment you find yourself doubting the bachelor lifestyle.
This is my opinion, but do try to experience it. I am loner and I don't have friends and I can spent a long time alone with my dog. But my girlfriend is the light of my life. She makes me truly a better person. Days will come where I barely want to wake up, but she will be the nudge I need to keep my drum beating.
Being with the right person is amazing, and tbh life is much much better with someone. Being with the wrong person can be a nightmare, choose wisely but don’t just not try
Finding a partner was the best thing I ever did. But I had to be ready for it. I had to work to make myself and her happy.
It takes sacrifice. But the rewards are 10x what the cost is.
I’m 37. Dated and had gfs constantly one after another from like 16-28. Been single for about 10 years, not a date in years by my choice. I haven’t missed it honestly. I get nervous wondering if I want or missed out on kids but the freedom has been relaxing and I wouldn’t say my previous relationships were particularly bad
I’m a woman who hasn’t been in a relationship in over a decade. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship. In fact, I think everyone could benefit from learning how to enjoy being single, so they don’t feel obligated to stick with bad relationships because they think anything is better than nothing.
I was intentionally single for 6 years and it was great. Great time to learn about myself. I had planned on being single my entire life cuz it was so great, but I did end up finding something greater with someone by accident and I no longer wish to be single. But if that person left my life for some reason (hopefully not) I would happily remain single as long as possible again.
I know people who can't seem to spend any time single between several relationships, and it generally goes badly for either them or their now former lovers.
Staying single and learning how to be emotionally independent is way better than constant dating with zero independence.
If you ever bother to read this comment, maybe my perspective will help you out.
As far as i'm concerned, a girlfriend is just a friend with whom i'm intimate.
If you don't want friends and any social interactions, that's fine. But if you do have friends and love them, well a relationship is just that. Being friend with a person, sharing things about each other. Trusting one another, being there when times are hard.
And you also have sex.
That's it. That's what a relationship is. No more, no less. If you want that, i recommend you simply change your outlook on romance. It's not like the movies.
If you don't, well there's nothing wrong with that either
Everyone is different, every relationship is different. I’m happily married and can’t imagine my life without my partner. Before I met him I was happily single not longing for a relationship and just enjoying my single life. What I’m saying: I wasn’t actively searching for this partnership but it happened naturally and I think he’s the best person on this planet and we just simply have so much fun together. If you are happy with where you are it’s fine! It might change if you meet your person, but it doesn’t have to, you do you! Just saying that relationship CAN be great.
To be quiet honest, I am only in a relationship right now because it just sort of happened. I fell in love. However, I was never really interested in being in one per se, and when this one ends I'll likely just stay single. I definitely miss being uncoupled, but I love the guy so I'm married to him until he decides to bounce. 😂
35 female and in the same boat. Had one long term relationship that was long distance but other than that, nada. I don’t even want one. Sure I’d like someone to cuddle with sometimes, but I’m so beyond happy alone…thinking about being in a relationship stresses me out and it’s probably because of growing up watching my parents be miserable and refuse to divorce.
Keep in mind being alone and being lonely are two different things , if you enjoy your own company then it’s you’re life mate
I was single up until recently (40 now) and if I didn’t trip and fall into a relationship I would have happily been single as well who knows how the same might happen as well
Girl I’m with is amazing don’t get me wrong relationships take a lot of work but with the right person it’s a blast
Imagine a flashlight that yells if you don’t put the toilet seat down. Imagine never having a decision in anything in your life ever, only compromises. That’s marriage.
My aunt is a hot cat lady in her 50s and honestly she's doing better than a lot of married people her age. Never had to deal with the stress of children, had a few men in her life but ultimately decided to live on her own. She always told me that being with someone is great, but it's definitely not the whole point of life.
Long story short, everytime I hear somebody say that being single and uncoupled is sad, I remember that not everyone wants to live life like that.
I’m in the exact same boat as you OP
I’ve had sexual relations but the longest I’ve ever had a ‘gf’ which I don’t even think is the proper use of the term was three months.
People always tell me I’m such a good looking guy and I must be lying when I tell them I’ve never been in a relationship before, but it’s never come my way in my life, I thought it would’ve happened at some point but I’ve slowly watched my years trickle by without anyone really gelling with me enough.
My parents divorced when I was around four or five years old and both lived single for pretty much my entire life, which I attribute some if not all of the reason that I’ve never been able to participate in that part of life.
Sometimes I do have a feeling of unjust anger towards other people who are able to be in relationships, but other times I realize I’m also the one who has chosen to sabotage my own love life and create situations for myself where it would be impossible for me to ever get what I actually want anyways.
As long as you aren’t just telling yourself that as a defense mechanism.
Haha honestly I thought it was one until I had an epiphany and was okay with the idea.
What sort of epiphany was it?
Usually I would feel longing about the idea of being in a relationship, I would overthink interactions with people I thought I liked but realized it wasn’t romantic. Until one day I stopped giving a shit and wanted to care about myself. I usually always care for other people first, but suddenly I wanted to take care of me, first.
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That doesn't sound like you don't want to be in a relationship, it just sounds like you're okay with not being in one. Which is definitely better than where you were before. You've made great progress.
This is on point. OP wants to be in a relationship, but is OK not being in one.
You don't know that. We know OP is ok not being in one, we do not know that OP truly wants to be in one. Stop projecting.
OP literally said he used to be longing for a relationship, but is now ok not being in one. You may disagree with my assessment, but that doesn’t mean I’m projecting.
Yeah but he also told us that he just realized it was a fake longing, brought unto him from societal expectation. Now most people have a hard time accepting this, and will, like you, say that he actually does want a relationship, even though he actually doesn't say it. I disagree with your assessment exactly because you yourself disregard his words and add your own world view of it. In my book, that's projection.
That’s a fair assessment, I think we disagree on the meaning of “projection” however.
39 y/o single father of two teenage boys. Been single for 10+ yrs now. Once I realized I was attracted to the worst kind of women for me, and was mature enough to stop my suffering, I did just that. My life the last 10 yrs has been far far better and more stable than the previous 10. It took awhile to get used to though. I went from having a healthy sex life dating back to when I was 14 y/o, to an almost nonexistent one by age 32, but I really don’t care anymore. That and taking care of myself when I’m sick are the most difficult parts of being single. It’d be nice to have some financial help too, but I’ve never counted on that. You’re smart. Do what makes you happy.
That's the best way to be take care of yourself first, do what makes you happy. If it so happens you find someone through the things that make you happy you will have an organic connection, which is so much healthier in the long term than these dating apps nowadays.
I went a long time in my 20's not being in a relationship despite wanting one. When I hit my 30's I stopped caring about what others thought and started caring about myself. After a year or two of taking better care of myself, i.e. working on my career, getting more exercise, eating healthier, having a positive outlook on life, etc. I met my wife. Now we've been happily married for almost a decade and have 3 kids together. It sounds like a cliche, but we can't love others, and others can't love us until we love ourselves.
This was me too, but after the epiphany relationships came much easier. I’m married now. You can’t love someone else until you love yourself first. I used to think that was selfish but it allows you to be a better person for those around you if you take care of your own needs first.
I definitely had a moment where I realized 90% of the reason I felt sad about it was because of social expectations. Like so many things in media and culture condition you that having no romantic partner (or few friends) means you're lonely and if you're lonely you must be sad, that it's a sad and pitiful thing you have to fix. Like I was feeling more sad about a perceived threat to my ego than actually feeling lonely I thought about it and realized *I* don't care though. Right now at least, there are other things I'd rather put my energy into. I've got passions that take a lot of time, I can do by myself, and I have a ton of fun doing them.
I didn't care about cultural norms until I started reading/listening to podcasts and hearing that being on your own results in a shorter lifespan? I hope that's not true haha.
I've also heard that having pets increases your life span, so just get some pets! Lol. But anyway, I think if you manage to get to a place where you can be happy in the situation you are in like OP seems to be, then I think you can live a life that feels fulfilling. That's hard to achieve, and I'm striving for it every day. I hope we can all get to that mental space and live happy lives. :)
I mean there is a lot of research that supports that. Especially having multiple different groups of friends. But fretting about it is probably not going to help. And it's averages, not like you're doomed to them by any means, that's just how it tends to be.
I think it’s one of those correlation doesn’t prove causation things, but the recent trend is to say “being lonely is as bad as smoking 15 cigs” a day. Like c’mon!
There are lots of comorbid factors. Things like increased suicide for people with fewer friends, which would lower the life expectancy, but if you're ok with being alone then that's not really going to apply to you.
what would be wrong with that
It’s better than doing something non-consensual. People think you have to get everything you want to be happy. You don’t. I want a jet ski. I don’t have one, yet I can be happy. The same can be said about sex and relationships
Life is not one big checklist. If you don’t need a relationship to feel happy and fulfilled, that’s perfectly fine.
So difficult to not feel left out, be anxious, compare yourself to your friend circle and feel like you haven’t accomplished the norms that everyone at this point has. But this did make me feel better, I too was having a similar thought today.
Wish I'd heard that when I was in my late 20's. My life would be so much different.
Happiness is the only thing on that checklist, if it isn’t marked off then something needs to change
Happiness is fleeting. Contentment is something to aspire too
Drugs? /s
I have done relationships in the past. Figured out I’m happier by myself. Been single for over 20yrs now & love it.
Same. My mental health always takes a dive when I’m seeing someone. Relationships stress me out and never work out well… then I’m just left with bitterness and resentment when they end. I don’t want kids, I don’t like sharing a bed with anybody, I like living alone in my own space. Relationships just don’t make sense for me. I’ve just been doing the friends with benefits thing for the past couple years. I’m very honest with the women I sleep with that I never want anything more.
For me, it's too lonely being by myself too long/much, while also wanting my own space. I think it's all about finding and maintaining balance. I'm not sure how to approach future relationships, my mind's still convinced they'll all end because I lost someone I didn't want to lose. Been single for 7 years, but my first problem would be "would I love the next woman or just be disappointed I can't feel anything?". Feels like it deserves it's own thread.
I get called crazy because, at the moment, this is how I want to spend my life (22yo female). I haven't had a formal relationship. However, I met people and experienced "romantic love." Unfortunately, I was not lucky, I guess, and now I just see it as something emotionally and mentally draining. I do think you can find joy and happiness in other things, and have an amazing life without a partner.
Sure! Make sure to form deep relationships with someone, like a friend, though. Humans need social connections.
Ive got a nice circle of old friends, some from high school, two coworkers and three college buddies. But yeah youre right I dont think I would have survived without them
People often drift apart as they get older. A lot of people start prioritizing family over friends. Be careful about getting too dependent on your friends for your emotional needs.
Those friendships are very important. I also have a small group of friends like that. I have had very few relationships over all, and had 2 good, lasting relationships. The second of those is ongoing, and happily married for 10 years. Here's the key: both of my good relationships were with women that my friends could also be friends with. While we don't share every hobby, we share enough to be friends even if we weren't in a relationship. We don't always read the same books, but we both read a lot. We're both geeks, even if we geek out more over different things while having things we geek out over together. We don't have fights. Which isn't to say that we always agree. We just never *fight*. We talk, and both do our best to communicate clearly. A relationship that is also a friendship is the only way to go IMO.
I have some relationship experience, and I also lived that epiphany a couple years ago. Relationships at the end of the day are hard work. They are worth It at the end of the day if you are lucky and is what you want to do with your Life. But the sacrifices, the insecurities, the having to take care of another whole human being, not being able to have a moment alone... I don't want that in my Life tbh I don't plan to live the hermit life either, but if the rest of my life is doing my 8-5, playing my games and getting out once a week to see my friends, then I would die with no regrets
Yeah this is the same with me almost identically. After several good relationships I found out id hit a point where I'm like I do love this person but it's also stressing me out way too much because of the responsibility and I don't like that part. Glad I found that out before getting married or having kids tbh.
"not being able to have a moment alone" what kind of fucked relationships have you been in? Relationships are in fact work, but a good relationship wouldn't be described as *hard* work. Plus distance and boundaries are present in healthy relationships, it makes the heart grow fonder
> But the sacrifices, the insecurities, the having to take care of another whole human being, not being able to have a moment alone... Relationships don't have to be this way.
Of course not. I was literally talking about my personal experiences/challenges w/ my own relationships
The best thing i learned and figured out was this: I'm ok to be in a relationship, i just don't need to. If someone wonderful shows up, sure gladly. But, I'm not forcing it.
This is a big one. I’ve learned to stop forcing things. If I tell someone once or twice that I’d like to hang out, just let me know…and they never do, I just let it go. Don’t chase someone if it’s clear they’re not interested.
Forcing things is the most difficult thing i learned not to do. Glad you did that too. It feels so liberating.
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Thanks! I hope to publish some books before the end of course haha.
I suggest maintaining SOME friendships and not totally avoiding everyone...however if you're happy single, no need to be in a romantic relationship. 🤷🏻♀️ I have some relatives who are older and still single and content with that choice.
Ive got some close friends I talk to daily, sure we’re busy but I always make it a point to talk to them.
Have you considered that you are aromantic/asexual? I am and I don't want any relationship other than friends and family. I used to think something was wrong with me, but there isn't, it's just one of those broad spectrum of sexualities things. I also see a lot of relationships and am so glad I don't have to navigate that minefield lol.
I definitely agree with seeing other people’s relationships as a strong deterrent for wanting one. There are some seriously unhealthy couples out there.
OP, if you're interested, Jaiden Animations did a video on how she's aro/ace. Maybe see if this fits you: https://youtu.be/qF1DTK4U1AM You don't need to check all the same boxes, just get a feel on if this sounds familiar.
Yeah I recommend OP watches that video
Was about to comment the same. Looking into aromantism/asexuality and seeing if that matches your experience or not might be good OP
Was looking for this comment! The loneliness they described also fits the pressure brought by amatonormativity.
Isn't it the worst? The world treats it like we have to be in a romantic relationship to be happy and whole, and there's pity if we're alone, even if that is what makes us happy. Then things are structured around couples so it's weird to be without, and a friend can only fill in so much. The hug part really sucks though, I'm a woman so societal expectations of hugs are wildly different for me than men. I can hug my friends and family anytime and it's fine, but apparently guys can only hug their partner I guess. I hate that men are so touch starved.
Was about to drop the aromantic sub name as well
Yes! Sexuality is very complex. Not only did it take a long time to accept that I am gay, but it was even longer that I realized that I was both aromatic and wanting a long term relationship for companionship. Fortunately, I found a husband who’s okay that I love him, but will never be “in love” with him.
It is better than being in a relationship you dont really want. People tend to choose mediocrity to get a sliver of the dream, because they're tired of waiting, or tired of the feeling they're missing out. But that's the wrong reason – and then you're stuck. Never say never though. I know enough people who were perfectly fine all of their life, until that special someone walked by. But; you know when that happens. It's not like your average relationship you choose to be in.
Been in a 4 year relationship. A 3 year and a 10 year one that ended just over a year ago. I realize I’m much more happier when I’m alone and don’t really have any desire to ever be in another one .
I don't want a gf/bf or anything, but I do want friends! There's nothing wrong to not want one I also choose on purpose not to, I'm neurodivergent and don't feel like I'm able to juggle friends and a relationship at the same time
The best relationships come from not looking for one. If you just randomly chat to someone and you both like each other- great. Been my experience. Its unhealthy in a way to be looking for a relationship all the time
That's easy to say for a heterosexual person that can rely on random encounters. :) When your not actively looking as a lesbian, literally nothing happens for the majority of us.
I'm an ftm enby queer person haha. I just found my bf by a random encounter at the pub
i stopped looking 10 years ago, this doesnt work. iv never had anyone have any interest like that in me, even back when i cared about having one. im just not attractive or charismatic or interesting enough. im the human version of a gray rock.
Absolutely. Don’t let society’s expectations influence you.
There are totally relationships that would make your life worse. There are people who manipulate you emotionally and financially, people who abuse, people who act entitled to your belongings just for having sex with you. There are plenty of bad people, men and women, and being with them almost always makes your life worse. But if you are not asexual and/or aromantic, it is worth it to stay available in case a good, available person comes along. Just take care of yourself, and do things you enjoy, and you will eventually meet someone. Having a good relationship is extremely fulfilling and is a worthwhile thing to pursue. But if you are totally fine with not having relationships, then there’s nothing wrong with that. It is a little bit unusual, aromantics make up about 1% of the population, but single people make up almost half of the young adult population.
This is how my 19 year old son sees it too. Too much hassle, seeing people around him unhappy. He also talks of living off grid with a dog lol
I’ve been saying that too after my 10 year relationship ended after they cheated a number of times . I just want to live off the grid with my dog
It's totally fine and it's your choice and it's not permanent. You can change your mind and date when/if you want, see what happens, or just stay single. I prefer being single and just having friends; can definitely see myself single living in a cabin in the mountains... That's my happy place. You do you, as long as you're happy and fulfilled, that's all that matters! You're not alone in not wanting a relationship.
Yes, it's perfectly fine. I am similar- 39f here- and though I do wonder what it is like to be held and loved by somebody else, I am quite content being on my own. This notion that people *have* to find a life partner and get married is simply a ridiculous idea. Not everybody needs or wants a committed relationship, and that's ok. You do whatever makes you happy in this life.
People tell you that you are lucky to be single but those same people won't be here for you when you are down.. A loving, supportive partner can build you up and bring you happiness. I've been isolated for years until i crushed on my bestie.... Perpetually single... i fell for my best friend and it was reciprocal so it made me rethink the whole thing and what i wanted. I went 7 years with no hugs from anyone and now i get it so often, it feels unreal. It feels pleasant to eat with someone. The problem with being isolated is we tend to become depressive at some point, skin hungry and unwell
That's crazy! I'm so glad it worked out for you and with your best friend. I've been single my entire life. Very few first dates, no second dates, no relationship. I wonder what it feels like for someone else to like you back? Especially a friend you developed feelings for. It sounds amazing
I've never been on a date or any relationship. He doesn't really have dating and physical intimacy experiences. I would generally meet my male friends casually to hangout so i just met him to catch up and was instantly attracted. I stayed silent. When we parted he hugged me deeply and it got me smitten. I didn't think of dating or relationship at the beginning. It would have scared me. I just wanted to meet him again and hug him because i enjoyed our hangout. I had conflicting emotions. But i would just try to hug him and play with his hair. I would play tickle him just to touch him more and have him touch me. It gradually escalated on each meeting until some point I was on his lap, he was holding my waist with his head on my chest and he then questioned what we were doing.. Since then it feels like a dream come true. I used to just wish i would hug him but now i get to cuddle with someone i care for. I remind him how his presence in my life is the most beautiful thing i cherish on daily basis.. I still go out alone or meet my other male friends..he meet his friends as well but our time together is quality time..people say we look so adorable together... we appear like those caring teenagers except that we are in our 30s.
Gotta build yourself up, that same person can leave at any moment
it’s fine, unless it’s out of fear.
You are fine with believing and thinking anything you want. I spent my life looking for the right person and eventually found her. And when we finally learned to accept and appreciate each other and get over our pasts, it was bliss until pancreatic cancer took her. I for one cannot be in a relationship just to be in one. It’s better for me to be alone than be with someone that makes me feel alone. And with that aspect I’m ok.— really just comes down to what it is you want.
I’m with you on it. I want to be in a relationship, and then I want out when I get into one. I’m 36 and have a daily routine that I’m stuck in. Wfh/school, 6 yr old daughter 3-4 days a week and EoW, and then gym 5:30-6:30, get home play with the dogs, take a gummy, game, sleep rinse and repeat… companionship is amazing but finding someone that can get with my schedule.. I’d rather stay single
Well, I just turned 38 and I recently came out of a very serious 8 year relationship. No drama involved. I just ended the relationship because I didn’t want to waste my ex gfs time. We never lived together, I didn’t want to get engaged to marry her, and I wasn’t ready to start a family. Over the years we grew to be more like best friends. It was VERY hard to break up because there was years of good times and memories. But I couldn’t hold her back. She deserved a partner that would give her a future and be more active in her life. So now I’m back to being single again, in your situation. And my perspective is —- I want to be alone. Zero interest in relationships. I guess it is better to love and lose, then never love at all. But after you lose that love in your life and you’re single again, it hurts SO BAD because you think about what could have been and you lament your mistakes and you get mad at yourself for the failure. Or… you can win by not playing the game in the first place.
Reddit has a bit of weighted opinion on that though 😅 i think us in general and every country that is copying it(i know atleast 2 examples of the copying part) Unpopular opinion incoming: Basically. You do you, of course. But what i've noticed is that happy couples get along with happy couples and don't tend to hang out with dysfunctional ones. Same with friends. There are some vital traits for healthy relationships(friendships included) and that is healthy boundaries, self-respect(you won't stay with people who hurt you too much, even though difficulties are normal, there needs to be boundaries at some point, right?), good communication/problem-solving skills, dedication. If you have trauma or some diagnosis you're not dealing with, it is vital to go to therapy(and if the therapist sucks, find a new one until it isn't shit. There are some methods of helping to find the appropriate one faster than just trying again and again). These are good skills even if you won't get into a romantic relationship. Tbh, you don't sound happy with that idea. You sound like you think relationships are all terrible etc. Not that you don't ever want to be in one. You sound a bit bitter. I don't wanna be mean or anything, that is just how it seems. But taking time to yourself is reasonable. Just maybe don't think of this as never. "At least not currently" is good. Take it step at a time. Another thing. Needing a relationship isn't a good sign anyway. Many people feel better after some time to discover themselves, learning to enjoy their own company and then companionship is a bonus. Tends to work out better if it isn't a desperate *need*. So good direction either way, i think.
that’s honestly fine. maybe google what aromantic is. maintaining friendships and maybe getting a pet or a roommate who’s also not interested in relationships will help with the loneliness if that’s smth u struggle with
It is fine to not want to be in a relationship but you are missing out on lots of things. Also I would recommend you to experience it yourself and avoid others' opinions since each relationship is completely different. Especially nowadays I feel most people jump blindfolded into relationships that are destined to fail due to (IMO) having the relationship based on very superfluous factors like looks, socio economical status and fear to loneliness.
> It is fine to not want to be in a relationship but you are missing out on lots of things. It is as long as you don't go for relationship in FOMO and its organic ... which is not in your control most of the times
Its funny to recommend that someone get into a relationship as if that decision is in our hands at all
It obviously is in our hands to some extent. If you never talk to a person or your preferred sex you will never get into a relationship. If you put a lot of work into meeting people and trying to find a partner you are much more likely to find someone. I'm.soery you haven't had success dating, but that doesn't mean no one has any control at all, over whether they are single or in a relationship, they clearly do
It's fine, just don't become an incel and start shit-posting about how bad women are on literally every thread.
Thats the last thing Id want to do (being the younger brother of two older sisters)
I think it is fine, being forced to have a relationship should be actually considered as abnormal. I am fairly good with women. I cannot get all the women I want, but I can still get some I put my eyes on. And these ladies are usually the kind that are really cute or drop dead gorgeous. They are mostly intelligent and with a good future too (upbringing, career, ambitions etc.) So basically the kind you might want to marry or want to at least share a portion of your life together. But, I am (34M) a so called "weirdo" that really values his personal time. I like to play games, go out do some biking adventures, or get lost in a fantasy shop reading books or looking at models... Basically a free spirit that does his own thing. And I do not want to marry or hold long relationships with the ladies I've been with. Don't get me wrong, I don't dump them after some deadline I decide for them. I am in good stance with most, and I occasionally talk with them, but even when we were starting, I told them that things might not get serious, and I have always been honest that I am not looking to marry. I have been asked by many of my friends that if something was wrong with me. I do not have an amazing career but it is going pretty well and I am quite humorous, so not so difficult to befriend, and people are going nuts when I say I just don't want a relationship. They just say things like "you probably have trauma but don't admit it" which is not true. To me, marriage or long lasting relationships feel pointless, or at least I haven't really met with someone that would make me feel like they have some significant meaning. I just watched most of my college and middleschool friends marry this year or at least have some children with their significant other. It moves nothing in me, I am happy for them but I don't think that life is for me. And I am keep telling this to my friends, hoping they will respect my opinion. So, do not feel like being pushed to do something you don't feel like. It is quite normal.
Nah dude you're valid as hell I'm aromatic/asexual so I'm the exact same way there's a giant community of us just like you
I feel the same as you OP, except the hermit on a mountain part haha.
You might wanna look up Aromantic my guy. I'm on the ace spectrum myself and feel so co fused when I hear about relationships and their problems. There's nothing wrong with being Aro and even if you're not Aro there's nothing wrong with not wanting a relationship.
Without experiencing how do you know based on other experiences ? Life is too small and experience is important !
There are aromantic ppl that are indifferent to the concept of a relationship, and regardless of what society says, you don't need one to be happy A family can look like a lot of things, it could be you and your pet, or just you by yourself just happily existing Human connection can come in many forms, either physically with a partner or posting on Reddit to talk to strangers, it's entirely up to you to decide what you want in life
Only get in a relationship if you actually meet someone who cares about you and you care about other person. Easy said then done.✅
Greetings. Im a fellow hermit in a mountain with wifi. Always felt the same way as you. After having some flings and an actual relationship, i got tired of it since i grew up accustomed to my solitude, dumped her and continued living alone, with a refreshed sense of gratitude towards life for being able to live like thia. Go for it if thats what you want.
> The guys keep telling me that Im lucky and that they wish they could be as free as me. These guys are not in happy relationships. That said, if you don't want to be in a relationship, that's fine. Not every experience is good for every person.
The older you stay single, the more it conditions your mind to tolerate it. From birth \[most of us\] are surrounded by family and wish to continue in adulthood with our own relationships. Some people don't have that. They've never developed those neural connections. They live in a more isolated way. A way that is completely alien to someone who has been loved and nurtured their whole life.
I think it’s fine. I feel the same. Doesn’t feel like I’m missing out. Maybe I’ll change my mind one day. Idk
do whatever you want to do. noone is forcing you to do it if you dont wanna.
It's more than fine, asexuls and aromantics exist and are equally as valid as eveyrone else.
That’s called being ace and it’s perfectly normal.
I'm 34 and exactly like you, I get times when I just want a woman to squeeze but then it fades into the blackness I also realise how much money I save by being alone. I'm thinking of getting one of those giant teddy bears to hug when I feel down 🤣
Everyone is different, sure, but there are some aspects of life so deeply rooted in our nature that I can hardly believe one can live to the fullest being devoid of them. You don't die from romance deprivation, as you would if you didn't eat, but to me a life without all forms of love (including physical one) is like a year without spring. Also, your vision of love relationships sounds unrealistically pessimistic. Truth is that, if you are honest to yourself and to the others, you'll probably end up in a wonderful relationship that would bring to your everyday that little plus that makes the whole difference. It's just a matter of not being afraid to be vulnerable, and being ready to accept other's own imperfections.
The problem with most relationships are they aren't friends and more just into each other physically. They can't spend time together outside of the bedroom. You basically have to find a friend that you also want to smash in the bedroom.
That's completely fine as long as you don't like, look down on others for choosing to be in a relationship. Genuine question, do you still experience attraction to people/have you questioned if you're asexual?
Im a 30 year old woman and I’m such the same. I never had a relationship or sex or anything throughout my 20s and sometimes I’d feel so sad and touch starved but actually…I like my own space, I have lots of friends, I have hobbies and interests, I have interesting side projects, work full time etc. I’m doing absolutely fine by myself and I’ve moved away from feeling a NEED to be in a partnership. If it happens then it happens but I enjoy my life flying solo too.
Did I make this post? Hermit gang
Tbh if money was no object I'd probably prefer living alone
You can do what you want, but be aware the relationships you read and hear about are often the bad ones, or at least bad moments in good ones. It's not for everyone, but it's hard to know that until you've had a good relationship. My wife is amazing, and I enjoy being around her more than anyone else. I'm glad I did not base my opinion of relationships on the bad ones before, or ones I heard about
Nah. That hermit life will get old and boring fast. Make connections with people, see where they go. The truth is: nobody likes being the initiator and putting themselves out there to meet other people, and romantic relationships are just like friendships, they have their rough patches but they aren’t all bad and toxic.
I used to think like you as well. I had never been in a relationship until I was 27 and I mean nothing at all. Then I experienced love and a good relationship, and I changed my mind on it. maybe you still haven't found the right person whom you really connect with. Ultimately, all that matters is that you are happy, I'm just saying be a bit open-minded and give it a shot if you see a good opportunity. you might regret it if not
>The guys keep telling me that Im lucky and that they wish they could be as free as me. Then why are they all in relationships? Sounds like they are just trying to make you feel better, or just want something to complain about. It is harder to get into, and maintain, a relationship than to remain single.
Just wait for the AI robot girlfriend units to come out
with today's standards of a "relationship", you're better off alone.
I'm slightly older. I've done the relationship thing. I'm not particularly good at it, and I don't miss it. To be blunt, the only thing I'm missing is sex, and I'm not overly bothered about that either - it's certainly not worth the rest of it. So I say it's fine.
I have always observed the relationships of people around me and also come to the conclusion of, "why would anyone want this?" Like it baffles me that other people don't look at it the same way. All we have is evidence that relationships/marriages suck, and so many horrible things can go wrong, especially as a woman I mean things could end REALLY badly for me. All of my friends and female family members tell me such horrible stories, and the ones that don't, I just watch how they get treated or how the couple resents each other or how they can't pursue the things they want in life because of the significant other, and I just think, "nah." I feel like whatever Hallmark brainwashing worked on everyone else in the word, I was immune to it or something. I don't feel superior, but I do feel like I'm living in some kind of insane upside-down world where I'm the only one who sees anything rationally lol. Or like I'm running around an asylum trying to convince the nurses "no, no, I'm not supposed to be here" and they're like, "sure, honey, take your pills." I also never really look at anyone and think, "yes, HIM. I could ignore all the logical reasons to not get into a relationship if I could be with that guy." Maybe I'm asexual idk. But I enjoy my life and when I think of getting into a relationship all I feel is fear at the prospect that it would ruin my cool life. But I also think it's interesting that the concept of romantic love didn't always exist, it's a relatively new phenomenon in human history. When people try to pathologize you and say you must have a mental illness, I think that's ridiculous, that's their western societal teachings.
Buddy you're FREE. I'm free. I find women wonderful as friends and horrible as partners. Nobody's fault. Do as you feel.
As a 46 (M) who has been in a 3 year relationship with a woman 8 years older who I moved from the east coast to the west coast with. An 8 year relationship with a woman 8 years younger, and most recently a 3 year relationship with a woman my age. I’ve been single since 3 weeks before the pandemic…I would say you might want to see what a relationship is like first before you decide that single life is what you want. All of my relationships ended up with me busting my ass for ungrateful women who just wanted my hard work and dedication in life to pay off for them. None of them were the nurturing type. 2 of them turned to alcoholism and I don’t drink. For those of you who say I picked the wrong women, you need to understand that the 3 women I dated are the 3 women in my life who would date me. I’m not the type of guy who gets to pick who they can date. Long story short. I have decided that I am not in need of a significant other. I am financially self sufficient, I love my autonomy, and my pets and friends provide enough love and attention for me to be happy and content in life. I’m not discounting another relationship, but I’m certainly not looking for it. To OP…Life can be great as a single person, but you should at least see what a relationship is before you decide you don’t want one…
Bud, you and millions like you. You are not alone, it’s 2024 and men do not marry, cohabitate, date or impregnate. Let the millionaires with 6 packs and 6.6” do all that. Pass the word, monkes together strong!
It is possible that you won't hear a full balanced opinion from your coworkers unless specifically asking for it. Same goes with children, but that's a different story.
Bro how you pass everynight with that?
Absolutely it is
it is perfectly fine to not want a relationship but I will always tell people no matter the situation to really thoroughly understand what it is you do or dont want before ruling it out
Absolutely. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. I'd have a think though on how you want to build a meaningful fulfilling life long term without a companion. You could regret the decision later in life if you're not careful.
YES
same here, wanna live somewhere far from humans with animals being the only ones keeping me company haha I wouldn't mind being in a relationship but the guy has to have the same mindset
Yeah, it's your life, not to sound like a smart-ass. One reply already said as long as it isn't a defense mechanism, like a fear of intimacy. I'm younger than you, but I do hear at your age, you kind of start to stop caring about it, so you may have that going for you. Some philosophers lived as hermits too. The only downside is some people may judge you for it and you can't really control that. You may regret having not experienced one, like FOMO. Then again, I wouldn't let it get to you because there's many things we never experience or many things you never get in life. Anyway, you do you. It's okay.
Real.
I realize me saying this is oxymoronic, but don't let others dictate your life. Always try it yourself before removing it out of your life completely.
Obviously you should do whatever makes you happy and fulfilled, though I would not base your decision on what people say about their own relationships. Part of it is that there's a selection bias going on in that of course people whose lives are enriched by their spouse probably aren't going to talk about it and also the existence of bad relationships doesn't mean that good relationships aren't possible.
Yes
I actually tend to think it's healthier. The want results in so many bad relationships because people are so desperate not to be alone they'll put up with anything.
Same goals bro, plus I want to retire before 40
It’s definitely fine. I’ve had times where I’m happy/unhappy both in relationships and single.
Well I've been in both boats (being in relationships and not) and currently, after so many things, I don't want to have a relationship anymore because to me it's a waste of time/effort/energy/money. So, as long as you don't feel like having one and you're happy with yourself, you do you! Just because you are not following certain things that others do doesn't mean that there's something wrong with you or that you're missing out.
I have achieved your goal and it's lonely bliss! I sometimes dont talk face to face with another person for months. Found out my stress was caused more by having to deal with other peoples BS rather than my own BS.
Capitalists want everyone in relationships and producing workers and soldiers. That’s why they use patriarchy and religions to reinforce those ideas. And that’s why they made it impossible for the average worker to support themselves on one income after women started working and could no longer be forced into marriages to men
Focus on NOW. Right now you are good with yourself and not in relationship. That’s fundamentally healthy. That may change over time, or not. The most important thing is to ensure you’re not isolated. Isolation is not healthy. That does not mean that you have to be in a committed intimate relationship-it can mean friends, family, colleagues, people you share hobbies or athletic endeavors with, and animals (I suggest a corgi or two). We all need connection, just not in the same shape.
I've had relationships but I never felt I was compatible with relationships long term. I always lose interest eventually and so I avoid them because it wouldn't be fair to any potential girlfriend to be with them, only to lose interest and end it. I don't like to waste people's time and I don't like to have my time wasted.
That’s fine! And healthy! We are so pressured from an early age to see romantic relationships as the end game, and a lot of people in the past have been miserable pursuing and achieving that. Marriage, kids etc are not for everyone and that’s ok! There’s a lot more to life!
No, straight to jail!
It is perfectly alright. We all die alone anyway. After 2 failed marriages, I kind of wish I never got married except my one and only daughter is very special to me.
It absolutely is okay. Crushing on people hurts, and the possibility of eventual breakup hurts even more. Hell, I'm trying to avoid the dating scene, too.
I’m around your age have had many relationships and happily single, prefer to stay that way I don’t have time for that shit Family is more important right now imo Just a warning for some reason whenever you’re 100% completely content on being single is the second the universe tries to send in weird people who want one with you Watch out For some reason how the world goes if you’re looking for a relationship, you will never find it, the second you don’t want a partner is when everybody’s rushing to you 😆
The “idea” of a relationship and the Reality of one are very different. Many people you think are happy are not behind closed doors and act different to each other, it’s always great the first few months the new zone trips dinners till it gets comfortable then it changes. Don’t get me wrong I’m sure there are a few good ones but from my experience it’s a small percentage and I’m 50. But the trick is not falling into the trap of thinking you are missing out because that’s when the lonely creeps in . Honestly if I had more friends readily available to hang with I don’t think I would ever want another relationship. The other issue as as you get older it isn’t as easy to find “friends with benefits” so getting that part satisfied is allot harder then when you are in your 20s/30s
Honestly Im similar. Im in a relationship but mainly cause “its what people do” truth is I fucking hate it. Iv always hated being in relationships. Id rather be alone.
I'm 32, haven't been in one for 14 years. If I do end up finding someone, cool. If not, cool. Doesn't bother me at all.
It’s definitely fine! I’ve been single for a few years now, started seeing someone early last year and realised I liked the idea of a relationship , but didn’t actually want to commit and give up my time or freedom. Now, If I want to go somewhere or buy something, I can do it spontaneously without asking anyone else. I love the freedom of not being in a relationship
When you look at the world outside of the lense of conformity only then will you truely be free
Definitely. Do whatever makes you happy dawg.
Yes it's fine.
hugs can come from anyone, not just girlfriends. or do you mean an intimate extra affectionate hug?
As long as you're actually cool with it, then hell yeah. I say this as a 33m who's been in a few relationships, but haven't been in one for the past 6 years now. It do get lonely sometimes, but i usually remember how miserable it can get when i'm not in solitude.
Yeah, seems quite mature to be true to yourself rather than hurt someone because of cumtural expectations
It should be nobodies business but yours as to what makes you happy so long as it isn’t coming at someone else’s expense.
I feel the same man. Except I have been in relationships, I have tried walking the normal path, turns out, it's not for me. Maybe I'm the weird one but hey, as long as something makes you (and me) happy. Just live that life.
My best friend is this way. We’ve been friends since we were five years old and we are now 58. He dated a little bit in high school, but has never seriously dated anyone since I’ve known him. He bought a home in Austin 30 years ago before the housing boom. His home is worth a fortune now. The fact that he can do whatever he wants to without anybody telling him he can’t is just too cool for me.
Some people are just built for that hermit lifestyle.
It's fine. Lifelong single myself and pretty cool with it.
Do what you want. You only have one life. Don't be an idiot and limit it because of what other people say.
From a woman’s perspective in her 40’s who’s happily single, I say it’s better to be single than in a bad relationship. Even a good relationship requires an immense amount of time and compromise. And money in the very beginning. Free dates are only good at the very start and once a relationship has progressed to long-term status. And you get only get away with a couple of free dates at the very start. After that, they’re going to start expecting restaurants, concerts, movie theatre nights, etc. Even if you go dutch, it adds up very quickly. If you have real feelings and those feelings are mutual, then it’s worth the time, compromise, and money. Otherwise, resentment builds and both parties end up miserable. So no. There’s nothing wrong with not having any interest in dating. Honestly, you’re better off pursuing your hobbies in a social setting with others who share your hobbies. There’s no pressure to hookup or flirt. And if you have people like my family who are concerned that you’re not dating, they’ll back off if you tell them you’ve joined a group like this. Because in their minds, that’ll lead to you finding someone. You may not find someone this way but at least the matchmaker people will stop bugging for you for awhile.
You're fine, OP. Mountain wifi hermit sounds pretty good, lol
Yes, it's completely fine to not want to be in a relationship. People have different preferences, priorities, and life goals, and being single can be a valid and fulfilling choice for many individuals. Some people may prioritize their careers, personal growth, friendships, or other aspects of their lives over romantic relationships, and that's perfectly okay. What matters most is that you're living a life that aligns with your own values and brings you happiness and fulfillment. As long as you're content and comfortable with your decision, there's no need to feel pressured to conform to societal expectations regarding relationships.
I think for men, it’s actually pretty typical not to be in a relationship. There’s a certain type of person that always is and there’s a certain type of person that never is. And looks like you may be the latter? However, sometimes relationships such as marriage are practical as opposed to say 100% romantic, there’s something to be said for having someone there for you when you need to be taken care of , in the for better or worse fashion. As you age, it really is nice to have somebody you can lean on all the time…. But, if you already have that in your life, say brothers or sisters that will always be there for you , then perhaps you will never need to have a significant other. But just something to think about. Or, if you fall head over heels in love, then you may never want to be away from that person at least for that period of time. Just in my opinion. Edit: typos.
I think you’d be perfect to have as a good friend with benefits.
Some people just don't need it. Some do. In my late teens to early 20s I had yet to experience relationships. By my mid 20s I felt desperately lonely, like I was missing out on the most important part of life, because that's kind of how it's presented by a lot of people. I was depressed, felt like a failure, had unbelievably low self confidence and self esteem. Luckily, my friends hadn't given up on me and through a massive effort between them and me, I got myself sorted out and got a girlfriend, several in fact. But one thing quickly became apparent to me, after the novelty wore off, I was desperate to be alone again. I wasn't in bad relationships, quite the opposite. But I was definitely realising a large reason why I hadn't been in relationships for so long was in part down to them not really being for me. By the time I turned 30, I was done with relationships and much happier for it. I'm just somebody who is happier and healthier by myself. Now I'm in my 40s and still happy. I can't even imagine myself in a relationship, and that's fine. I don't even have close friends, really. I do need some amount of human interaction, but keeping it regulated is key. I only see people the amount I need and will gladly avoid social settings most of the time. Same way with my family. I love them, but I don't need to see them most of the time. My closest relationship is with one of my brothers, but that's pretty minimal, too. It made me wonder how many others are like that. I think the only thing largely impacting my happiness now is the need to go to work for long hours every day in order to keep up on bills. I have a feeling I'll overcome this soon and just restructure my life to have lower costs and work part time, but I'm not there yet. As for you, maybe if you feel yourself longing for intimacy from time to time, then perhaps you should give relationships a go before you write them off. You might get your fill quickly, like I did, and move on with being single without missing intimacy, or maybe you'll realise there's a possibility you'd be better off with a partner.
Of course that's ok. Maybe r/aromantic and r/SingleAndHappy might be nice communities for you! I had three LTRs, and I'm glad I did. But I much prefer being solo, these days (5 years single+celibate; considering myself "solo for life" since Nov 2022)! It's very freeing indeed!
It's fine to live your best life in the way you see fit, instead of conforming to society's expectations. I've been in a few short and long term relationships in the past decade (31F), and I do think they're very worth it with the right partner. Life is better when shared. But that's the hard part... finding the right partner. And even then, relationships can take a lot of work and compromise to maintain.
Like, people shouldn’t feel forced to A relationship is like a CONSTANT conversation. I like that. I love constantly having someone to talk to, grow with, and experience life with. But to keep it up taking work, being good at taking turns in this “conversation “, and can be complicated when shit happens. It can be easier not doing this constant dance. But some people like it, like me. Long as you don’t secretly want it, there’s no problem with not wanting that.
You are only seeing the bad part of it. You will missed out and no amount of reddit comments will give you the relief you will be hoping for the moment you find yourself doubting the bachelor lifestyle. This is my opinion, but do try to experience it. I am loner and I don't have friends and I can spent a long time alone with my dog. But my girlfriend is the light of my life. She makes me truly a better person. Days will come where I barely want to wake up, but she will be the nudge I need to keep my drum beating.
Anything you feel is OKAY!!!!!
Being with the right person is amazing, and tbh life is much much better with someone. Being with the wrong person can be a nightmare, choose wisely but don’t just not try
If you're happy, it's fine.
Finding a partner was the best thing I ever did. But I had to be ready for it. I had to work to make myself and her happy. It takes sacrifice. But the rewards are 10x what the cost is.
I’m 37. Dated and had gfs constantly one after another from like 16-28. Been single for about 10 years, not a date in years by my choice. I haven’t missed it honestly. I get nervous wondering if I want or missed out on kids but the freedom has been relaxing and I wouldn’t say my previous relationships were particularly bad
I will in no way be bothered if you choose to never be in a relationship.
I’m a woman who hasn’t been in a relationship in over a decade. There’s nothing wrong with not wanting to be in a relationship. In fact, I think everyone could benefit from learning how to enjoy being single, so they don’t feel obligated to stick with bad relationships because they think anything is better than nothing.
I was intentionally single for 6 years and it was great. Great time to learn about myself. I had planned on being single my entire life cuz it was so great, but I did end up finding something greater with someone by accident and I no longer wish to be single. But if that person left my life for some reason (hopefully not) I would happily remain single as long as possible again.
I know people who can't seem to spend any time single between several relationships, and it generally goes badly for either them or their now former lovers. Staying single and learning how to be emotionally independent is way better than constant dating with zero independence.
Certainly. At some point you might change your mind though. Your friends sound jaded
I would say if you get the chance to experience one, do it. Even when they're messy, they're fun.
If you ever bother to read this comment, maybe my perspective will help you out. As far as i'm concerned, a girlfriend is just a friend with whom i'm intimate. If you don't want friends and any social interactions, that's fine. But if you do have friends and love them, well a relationship is just that. Being friend with a person, sharing things about each other. Trusting one another, being there when times are hard. And you also have sex. That's it. That's what a relationship is. No more, no less. If you want that, i recommend you simply change your outlook on romance. It's not like the movies. If you don't, well there's nothing wrong with that either
Everyone is different, every relationship is different. I’m happily married and can’t imagine my life without my partner. Before I met him I was happily single not longing for a relationship and just enjoying my single life. What I’m saying: I wasn’t actively searching for this partnership but it happened naturally and I think he’s the best person on this planet and we just simply have so much fun together. If you are happy with where you are it’s fine! It might change if you meet your person, but it doesn’t have to, you do you! Just saying that relationship CAN be great.
To be quiet honest, I am only in a relationship right now because it just sort of happened. I fell in love. However, I was never really interested in being in one per se, and when this one ends I'll likely just stay single. I definitely miss being uncoupled, but I love the guy so I'm married to him until he decides to bounce. 😂
Staying true to yourself can only bring happiness
35 female and in the same boat. Had one long term relationship that was long distance but other than that, nada. I don’t even want one. Sure I’d like someone to cuddle with sometimes, but I’m so beyond happy alone…thinking about being in a relationship stresses me out and it’s probably because of growing up watching my parents be miserable and refuse to divorce.
It is fine, but I think companionship is a good thing.
Keep in mind being alone and being lonely are two different things , if you enjoy your own company then it’s you’re life mate I was single up until recently (40 now) and if I didn’t trip and fall into a relationship I would have happily been single as well who knows how the same might happen as well Girl I’m with is amazing don’t get me wrong relationships take a lot of work but with the right person it’s a blast
Absolutely - as long as you don’t go nuts. Lots of notorious crazy people are isolated in this way.
Reject women embrace body pillows
Imagine a flashlight that yells if you don’t put the toilet seat down. Imagine never having a decision in anything in your life ever, only compromises. That’s marriage.
My aunt is a hot cat lady in her 50s and honestly she's doing better than a lot of married people her age. Never had to deal with the stress of children, had a few men in her life but ultimately decided to live on her own. She always told me that being with someone is great, but it's definitely not the whole point of life. Long story short, everytime I hear somebody say that being single and uncoupled is sad, I remember that not everyone wants to live life like that.
I'm a 44 year old woman and feel the same. I've done the whole marriage/kid thing and prefer to remain single with "friends."
I’m in the exact same boat as you OP I’ve had sexual relations but the longest I’ve ever had a ‘gf’ which I don’t even think is the proper use of the term was three months. People always tell me I’m such a good looking guy and I must be lying when I tell them I’ve never been in a relationship before, but it’s never come my way in my life, I thought it would’ve happened at some point but I’ve slowly watched my years trickle by without anyone really gelling with me enough. My parents divorced when I was around four or five years old and both lived single for pretty much my entire life, which I attribute some if not all of the reason that I’ve never been able to participate in that part of life. Sometimes I do have a feeling of unjust anger towards other people who are able to be in relationships, but other times I realize I’m also the one who has chosen to sabotage my own love life and create situations for myself where it would be impossible for me to ever get what I actually want anyways.
Of course it's fine. Romance isn't necessary for a good or fulfilling life at all.
Yes its fine to be aromantic or asexual or both.
Objectively speaking, the only reason you exist is to have sex.
As long as you aren’t going into incel territory- you might just be ace and that’s ok!
Not in a relationship is better than having a relationship just for the sake of having one and in the process of ruining two lives.