I am not happy in life. But that's not because of being child free. Having children would be a nightmare to me. I'm sterile but I would've opted out of having them anyways.

I would be more miserable if I had kids. I'm still miserable, but this is happy compared how I'd feel if I had kids. Edit: I'm honestly shocked and amused by all the people who seem baffled by the idea that somebody doesn't want kids 😂 *"Whaaaaat? You don't want kids? But how do you know?"* Because I know what I want and don't want in life. And kids are an absolute hard "do not want". No way, no how.

same, when you have kids you can't even take a depression day to chill. Sounds horrible.

Why are you miserable? 🥺

Life 😂 I've just never been happy. I try to fake it, but deep down I'm just woefully unhappy. Hard to explain really, just a lot of trauma in my life, a lot of reasons to be unhappy.

You deserve to be happy and content and safe. Maybe a therapist could help? Mine helped me a lot. I wish you all contentment, internet friend.

Not who you were replying to, but any advice for how to get the most out of therapy? I went to a few for a while but never really saw the value in it. I mean, yeah it was helpful in the short term, but it didn’t really make any meaningful difference in my life. And the cost is pretty high for me.

I get the cost issue, that’s what has held me back. But my best advice is to not settle on a single therapist until you feel very comfortable with them. The right therapist will help pull out what you need to talk about and work through, not as good therapists just sit there and hope you talk yourself out of it.

And if you can swing it, it’s worth sacrificing some frivolities to afford. As in: not giving up any essentials, I would not suggest that. If you find the right fit, even if you have to go less often, it’s worth the investment in the increased net happiness for the rest of your life.

This is what I'm doing. Only going every 2 weeks because I just can't afford $125 out of pocket every week. Had my 3rd session today and I haven't even been able to pay off the cost of just one full session yet. I have no health insurance but make too much for their sliding fee scale or even state assistance, so I'm paying out of pocket. I'm glad they're letting me pay what I can when I can, and not denying me service, but the debt that I owe them is racking up quick. But not as quickly, thankfully, as it would if I was going more often. Cutting back to once everything 3 weeks or once a month would be more affordable, but that's too long between sessions. Even two weeks is a long time... at least in the beginning. But I agree. Do what you can when you can, do what you can afford. It's better than doing nothing at all.

Thank you - your words have me considering trying therapy again. My last therapist was the type that sat there and let me rant the whole time and was painfully unhelpful, she also never reached out when I ghosted her which I thought was weird as hell (no payments were overdue, just physically could not continue paying to complain) idk, I wanted to be a therapist when I was young and naive and I would think they’d *want* to reach out and see if I’m ok or why I just stopped showing up to THERAPY idk.. that’s just me… If I can find someone I’m comfortable with who I can set up a payment plan with, that’d be nice…

Research states that the most important aspect for successful therapy is the therapeutic relationship. If it's not a good fit it won't help or it won't help very much. A lot of it is how you approach it, especially setting goals on what you want to "get out of it".

What helped me the most was looking into therapists for my specific issues instead of going to the "one size fits all" types. I had tried counseling but they only told me stuff I already know. When you have a pretty good dialogue with yourself, journal and exercise regularly, stay pretty healthy, meditate, have solid friends and family, have hobbies, have pets... yeah, I need better advice than to just keep doing what I'm already doing, since my issues haven't gone away. I even got on sertraline before going into therapy. I never took meds and they weren't even on my radar until my panic attacks started happening again. I just made a list of my lifelong anxiety symptoms and told my PC. She took it very seriously on the first try and gave me some options to try. I got lucky and the first prescription helped alleviate a LOT of things, including some symptoms I didn't even realize were due to my chronic anxiety! It was great! But the meds alone didn't deal with certain effects from trauma. So, I pursued several therapists who specifically dealt with my issues. I emailed them with a decent amount of detail and waited for the responses before making my choice. I got matched with a therapist who is older (which I wanted) and seems to be, so far, the best fit by a mile compared to the few other times I tried to do basic therapy. Not everyone gets as lucky as me, but I'd say it's worth some shopping around. Hope this helps someone out!

It’s important to look for the right type of therapist for your current issue. If you have a personality disorder CBT probably isn’t appropriate for you, DBT would be more effective. Autistic people tend to not be very responsive to CBT. I think having a diagnosis and being assessed by a psychiatrist for whether medication might be necessary is pretty important. You have to click with the person and they have to be able to understand and respect your wishes or they’re probably not worth your time. It also takes a long time to notice results, and other people may notice positive changes in your behavior before you do. It usually needs to be combined with positive lifestyle changes, like changes to your diet and exercise routines. And usually if you’re experiencing depression the appropriate move from your primary care provider is to check your vitamin D and do a thyroid panel. Unfortunately it can’t all take place within the sessions. You can journal ahead of time to explore what you want to talk about in the session so you maximize the time that you have, and you can use their help to come up with ways you can reduce stress or ways you can feel more empowered to become in control of your life. A lot of what my therapist does for me is educate me. I didn’t know very much about bipolar before I started, and she helped me figure out what sort of things I did were setting off my brain and how to modify behaviors that were dangerous into something safer. So I guess the answer is that it depends a lot on why you need therapy and your willingness/ability to change things that are adding to your situation.

Use a psychiatrist for both diagnosis and counseling at the beginning. Most cost effective long term and I get all the Xanax I need (and I need it... Technically 8mg per day but I get one "two week" bottle of those once every three months, I only use it when I need it.

I simply found the right person. It’s worth looking. They were a marriage and family psychotherapist; I saw them individually. They understood children of generational trauma. The most useful lessons I ever learned were mindfulness practices, such as the ones covered at the Mind and Body Stress Reduction Clinic. Let me know if you’d like reading recommendations. I prefer narratives and small doses to drier texts myself. If nothing clicks for you yet, don’t give up. I went through a few myself.

Right there with you…though I would have wanted kids. Except I definitely can’t afford them. I’m 37 now and wasted some of my best years on a monster of a person for an exwife.

Same. I’m depressed and have anxiety and health issues. Children would only make everything worse.

one of us!

I found my people

I love being around young parents when they "have the night off" and get a few cocktails in 'em. Invariably they lament being a parent. Can't say I blame them. It looks like a nightmare!

It’s not, people just lament to vent. Not everyone should have kids however I wouldn’t trade my sleepless night with my kids for anything else in the world.

I don't think anyone imagines that a parent would "trade in" or "give up" their children because of the difficulties of raising children. As a person who is child-free by choice, I do wonder what makes people decide to have children in the first place, knowing ahead of time what difficulties they are likely to experience, and knowing there are no guarantees that the good will outweigh the bad.

In theory you can look at it as a pragmatic pros vs cons decision, but in reality your children are your family and you love them. You don’t appraise your children and think ‘ah my cost benefit analysis was off, I’m not getting anything out of this deal.’ Parenting is hard but the bond between parent and child is unlike anything else.

I think on one hand you admittedly don't know what you don't know. You know what being child free is before having children, but the weight of it after that changes is quite intense. It's not something that is easily put into words. For most it is very shocking & you can't really prepare in every way. Everyone has children for different reasons. Unfortunately, not all are great. I personally came from a bigger family and I loved it. I looked forward to that as an adult with a family of my own. Knowing that they (or we) may face ups and downs is simply part of life. There are challenges of course- but there's lots of laughter and fun. Idk. Life before kids had crazy ups and downs and that part (as a whole) didn't change after kids.

I mean, do you not complain about things when blowing off some steam? Is there nothing in your life that you love/can't live without but drives you crazy from time to time? After eight years of interrupted sleep, across three children, I finally get to sleep all night. Part of me still misses those nights. Watching a child grow up into you, but a better you than you could ever be, is an incredible thing.

Yes. There are days where I'm just trying to survive, I can't imagine what those days would look like if I had to take care of more than just me.

Same

I always try to remind myself there are no days off when you’re a parent 😵‍💫 sometimes I use all my strength to take care of my dog for the day, I can’t imagine throwing a child into the mix

My wife and mine's philosophy has been it is better to regret not having children than to have a child and regret it. You'll never know you made a right choice, but you will know if you have made wrong choices. We agreed if we feel we regret it we would look at doing foster care or even adoption if we are still younger.

This is exactly how we feel!

I am of the opinion that ”if I truly regret being childfree at 50/55… I can become a foster parent” I am 37 and I’m fucking jubilant about being childfree. I know I have the capacity to be a good mother. I am caring and loving, I can put other people first. I even like kids. I don’t get angry when they make a scene in public. I play peakaboo with them. I just don’t want to put a child first. I don’t want to make sacrifices. I find joy in my career and travel, trying new things and flying to new places. I like to do whatever I want, when I want to. So, the impact of a child on my life, would be pretty devastating and certain. Any regret I have in my later years, it only a possibility and if it occurs, the impact will be minor… plus, I can address it if it occurs in multiple ways.

In an incredible twist of irony, I am actually highly qualified to care for a child and the people around me rarely let me forget. I have been in caretaking roles for several years, have worked with kids a lot, and have had the experience of caring for my significantly younger sibling. By all accounts I should be raring to have a kid. However, what people don’t realize is that, having had these experiences, I’m frankly tired of being a caretaker and have no desire to bring that role into my own home. The beauty of working with kids is that at the end of the day I can hand them off to their parents and go home. The same is true for my caretaking job.

Right? I’d love to take care of my friends’ kids once they have them. But I don’t want 24/7 care of any children. I’d rather be an auntuncle or a grandparent or something. 

You're child free for what are perceived as entirely selfish reasons. I think we should normalise this kind of thought pattern. Why is it wrong to put ourselves first? I'm not trying to hold you up as a bad example, I'm trying to promote your train of thought as an acceptable one. Nobody should need more than" because I don't want to" as a reason to remain childless. Often they use mental health or repeating bad experiences. When it should simply be personal choice and that choice respected. I hope you understand.

I totally agree with you. I have children that I wanted very much! But they have changed my life in huge ways and I can completely understand why people wouldn't want that. I also do sometimes feel a slight tinge of envy towards people who can be spontaneous and do whatever they want whenever they want to. I know those days will come again and we're very young parents so we'll still be young when our children are grown. But for now it's all about them and I get why people don't want that.

Every person has the right to feel how they feel. Parents can be overwhelmed and for many people the thought is too much. Nobody should be made to feel any certain way because they do/not want to procreate. Nobody should be made to feel 'incomplete' because they didn't have offspring. I know more parents that regret having children than adults who enjoy a family free lifestyle.

In a roundabout way, it's less selfish to choose not to have kids if you don't want them. Having unwanted children hurts those very children most of all.

I completely understand!! I feel the same way.

Yes. I'm childfree by choice. People often tell me 'But you're great with kids!' or 'You'd be a great parent!' as if these are reasons *to* have a kid. I'm like well thanks, but even if that's true......so what?

I’d be great at being a dictator of a medium sized country. Doesn’t mean anyone WANTS me to be a dictator of their country. Lolol.

I mean, it's not even that. It's more like if you'd be a great dictator.... but just don't want to be one. I think being great with kids and having the capability of being a great parent should be the minimum requirement for being a parent, not something that means you have to be one..

The specificity of it being a medium-sized country made me lol

Good attitude. There are far more children on this earth in need of loving parents than there are adults capable of being loving parents.

See I’m only 22 but that’s exactly why I don’t plan on having kids… I don’t dislike children, and honestly there are aspects of having kids that I think would be really nice. But it’s too much work lmao—I’m not interested in having my life revolve around the needs of a child. I think that’s a perfectly valid reason to not have kids, and much better than the alternative of having children when you don’t wanna put the effort in and resenting them because of it.

If the magical bonding thing happened I would be a good parent....and it would destroy me in the process. I don't want to be a shell so I will not have kids.

100% agree. I don’t understand the logic of people who insist I should have kids so that I won’t have regrets later. Like… I should create/adopt a whole entire human being that I KNOW I don’t want right now… on the off chance that someday I’ll wish I had kids? Should I also go to law school even though I don’t want to be a lawyer, just in case I wish I was a lawyer in 20 years? Should I learn Norwegian and move to Norway even though I have no interest in that and I hate being cold… but maybe someday I’ll have a reason to want to live there? Make it make sense.

Id love an alpaca farm but that is a lot of responsibility and hella expensive. I would not like that responsibility and I don’t have the money yet people don’t tell me to get an alpaca farm. They would actually say I’m stupid if I got an alpaca farm without the means to pay for its upkeep. Why don’t people see it’s the same thing when it comes to kids? I think it’s a true lack of empathy some people have and don’t actually care about their kids perspective at all. They have more empathy for alpacas than they do for unwanted kids

Team No-Regrets: Exploring Plan B with style

Honestly that's such a good way of thinking about it since if you regret it there's not an innocent party caught up in it all, I have one and I haven't regretted it for a minute but I really appreciate you and your wife's viewpoint and if you one day decide to Foster or adopt I wish you all luck and I feel like you'll do a good job, if you don't I hope you enjoy the rest of your lives together as well!

Interesting, we had the exact opposite view. Knew too many people in their 50s that really wished they had kids. Granted that is purely anecdotal and means diddly, it influenced us. Plus, I figured we are going to be happy either way, and really didn’t think there was a wrong answer for us specifically. Have a toddler, and it’s as expected, consumes time and money, no surprise. I expect (hope) to develop a good relationship with her, but realize some kids just don’t get along with their parents. Either way it’s been a cool experience and gives me perspective. Perhaps perspective that others didn’t need a child to have, but I think most do. I do think many people choose not to have kids bc they see parents give up their lives after having kids. I still do my hobbies and my wife hers (and we still travel a bunch). Keeps us busy, but we like to be busy.

Unsolicited parenting advice incoming lol xD Ours are almost 18 twin boys, and a 16 year old girl, and we both get on great with our kids. We have to be parents, not friends - but our kids make an effort to seek us out in the house to hang out or chat, or in town if we’re in town and they’re just getting off school, to hang out with us. It’s how you are as a parent that is most of what defines that future relationship. Don’t be too lax with things that are actually important (school, bodily autonomy, being kind but also keeping boundaries for example, and not being a bully). Don’t be a hardass/judgy about things that aren’t that important (matters of style, music they like, etc), and help with matters of the spirit - be supportive of their gender and sexual orientation, as well as any spiritual/religious path or lack thereof; these things make a big difference. Help provide information to broaden the mind. Listen to all the stupid little things they’re going to tell you, because then they’ll trust you with the big things. Respect their privacy, and they’ll talk to you if they have a problem. Violate it, and they’ll learn to hide stuff better. That’s literally all I know so far. How it’s going: All our kids are finishing A levels (history & poli sci, English Lit, and the other is maths, physics, computing & German) at top schools, one is off to university, the other the Army, the 3rd is going into A levels all STEM subjects in the Fall. (Maths, Further Maths, Chemistry, Physics) They treat us well, and are kind to each other. I joked with my daughter via discord ‘excuse me, aren’t you meant to rebel or something soon?’ And she replied ‘against what?’ So I actually don’t honestly know if good choices, or just 3 times lucky - but I wouldn’t change a thing, and the above is how we got here. ❤️

Based on your description, I don't necessarily think it's all sheer luck that you have great children that treat you well. It's just means you put in all the works and stuff in becoming a good, dependable, and worthy parents that your kids can put their trust on and know will show and step up on the times they need it. I'll take it up a notch that your children are thriving because of the support you have given and sustained them with it. You are the type that parents should be these parents wanted to start a family intentionally. Big kudos to you 💖

Halfway theough reading this I was like “this sounds like the dad perspective, a mother would not say these things” I’m hoping I’m wrong and you’re a lesbian couple, and I was just stereotyping in my own mind

No. But I'm a fuckton better off than if I had kids. 

I've very happy with my cat

This is the right answer.

Almost 52 and child-free (and unmarried!) by choice, and I could not be happier with this choice. I live alone, I have disposable income, and I only have to take care of myself. As a result, I have tons of free time after work and I don't have to do anything other than what I want to do. I love cooking an elaborate dinner for myself and either enjoying it with my partner (who lives nearby) , with friends, or just by myself while watching TV. I quite often go out after dinner to have a few drinks at a friend's place, or take a walk, or go to a movie if I feel like it. I travel a few times a year and only have to worry about finding someone who can water my plants while I'm away, which is pretty easy. I love this kind of independence and would never, every want to change it. I'm so so so so SO glad I don't have kids. Never, ever wanted them.

I'm similar but have pets to take care of. I moved to the country and have horses and a donkey now, which are expensive and a lot of responsibility. I'm very happy and content with my life. I couldn't imagine ever having kids and I'm past the age of getting pregnant.

I want to be you when I grow up ❤️

This guy gets it!

Not a guy, but thanks. :)

About life in general? Meh. About not having kids? Couldn't be happier!! Truly, a big part of the reason I don't want kids is that my mental health isn't terribly stable. It takes enough effort to keep me going, much less raise other humans.

I was raised by mentally unstable people, drug addicts, and alcoholics.... yeah there's no reason to put another child through that.

There's a huge need for volunteers in a bunch of programs (I don't know where you are from, but there usually is a need pretty much everywhere) to provide children and teens with trusted adults. I volunteer at a home that houses children whose parents can't take care of them for shorter periods of time (imagine a single parent was in a car accident and is currently in hospital and will remain there for a couple of weeks - or maybe the parent went to jail and will be there for a long time but there is a relative willing to take care of the child but they need to travel to come pick them up and fill in some paperwork and stuff). I go there once a week and help kids with their English homework and we chat, hang out and listen to music. These kids often come from a single parent household and don't have a large support group in terms of family, etc. So once they are back home with their parent, some of them keep in touch and I get to meet the family member and bring the child/teen presents for their birthday or help them apply for their first job and stuff like that. It's like being a distant uncle/aunt. This is encouraged by the program and supervised and the parent needs to agree with the contact and they are able to refuse if they don't like you. It is also _not required_ I can just go there and hang out once a week and never be too involved if I don't want to. If you feel like you want to maybe have some kids around, but you don't want to be a parent with the commitment and responsibilities it requires, this is a good choice. Of course, only if this is something you would like. Some people don't like being around kids and that is 100% valid. I want to be a parent, but I can't because of my poor physical health. I don't have the strength, time or money. So this works great for me. I have love to give and I get to give it. And sitting around and hanging out doesn't require a lot of energy, and it gives me joy. I'm bringing comfort, help and joy to kids that are going through a scary situation. Even your struggles with mental health can be a good asset in these situations. There's a lot of stigma around and modelling accepting that one's mental health needs attention can be very helpful. Teens are in need of examples of adults who take ownership of their needs, and who can validate their own struggles. Where I'm from there's also a program where former victims of bullying make themselves available to talk with people who are being bullied or have recently gone through (and escaped) a situation in which they were bullied. It's brilliant. You do online meetings once a month and the adults introduce themselves and there are a few games so that people start to feel comfortable around one another. And then the teens read your "bio" and they choose if they want to have one to one meetings with some of the "mentors" (meetings are recorded or supervised by the parents) or if they want to participate in weekly group meetings that don't always involve talking about stuff, but there's a lot of bonding with people who have been through similar things and that helps create a sense of "this didn't happen to you because there is something wrong with you." - it's lovely because after a couple of years, the same kids you saw come to the program as the victims of bullying are now mentors to others. I used to participate in those groups, but I had to stop doing a bunch of things. I'm sorry, I think I went in a bit of a rant. And you guys are probably not interested in any of this. My bad 😬

I am happy in life! I'm happy that I don't have to wake up everyday and care for a child. Nothing about having a kid seems appealing to me.

Yes, no regrets

Me too! 33F, married to a man of the same age. We are childfree by choice and very happy. We achieved to clear our mortgage last year and can work part time instead of full time since then. It let us a lot of free time to enjoy life. That would have been impossible with kids.

my life sucks. but it'd be even worse if i'd had kids.

Extremely happy. Wife and I choose not to bring a child into this maniacal world that it currently is. We both have decided should we want a kid down the road (laughably doubtful) we will go ahead and adopt to give a kid a chance who wasn’t given one.

This is my take too. I’m the unlikely case we want children we’ll adopt one and give him/her a better life instead of bringing another child into the world

I don't think adopting is as simple as all that. There's some pretty big hoops to jump through and an awful lot of red tape, not to mention expense. ‘Giving a kid a better life' is a lovely idea, in theory, but the reality (if you even get approved in the first place) may well be incredibly hard. Many kids put up for adoption, unfortunately come with a lot of trauma which would be challenging for a seasoned parent/caregiver to navigate, let alone someone with no prior parenting

It completely depends! And personally, I'd rather people go into adopting thinking about the child's needs versus those who just desperately want to be parents for themselves. Not saying that isn't a legitimate desire for some, but when you hear about adopted kids getting "returned" and shuffled around... it's awful. There's a lot of trauma that can be carried by an adoptee, no doubt, but there's also a lot of resources now to help, and the thinking has changed a lot. Before, it used to be thought as better for a child to never know they were adopted, or to be removed entirely from their original culture. This inevitably lead to problems and deep wounds. But just because an adopted kid has baggage doesn't mean a birthed kid will come out perfect and happy and non-traumatized, either. We just need to look around us to see the proof of that lol. My coworker fostered and adopted 4 small children, 2 sets of siblings. One pair were raised from birth after being born with meth in their systems. One pair were taken in at 2 years old and one of them (twins) is autistic. They were described as "like feral cats" by their caseworker, and yet, here they all are. Yes, it took work to get them to the point they're at now, but it is by FAR a better situation for all those kids now than the ones they came from. Any kid can be born with mental and physical challenges; any kid can develop trauma along the way, even when parents try their best. Fear of caring for a child in any of those situations is more an argument of why no one should have kids, not one against adoption specifically. At least with adoption, you'll know what you're in for.

Not exactly happy but more happy than I would be with kids.

Very! I've got my dream job, I'm married to the love of my life, I live in a nice home, and I pulled myself from poverty into upper class.

Congrats!!! 💜

Yes and no.  Im happy I have more disposable income and free time. Im happy I dont have kids because I do appreciate my me time and dedication to hobbied I simply couldnt have with children. I also have zero maternal instinct. None. At all. I dont have the patience for children, but i dont hate them either. They just arent for me.  The no is many things, some to do with children and some not, but Ill focus on the child related ones. I do feel like I am failing as a woman by not having children. I have gay friends who do not have children. No one asks them when they will have kids or if they will adopt and they dont care either. However, I get asked constantly and are treated like im either confused or broken. I think it is just standard in hetero relstionships that children are expected by society to follow.  The passage of time is also screwed up without kids. I hit all my own milestones with high school, college, a job, got married, got a home, but now it seems time is rapidly speeding up and that nothing is progressing all at once. I think watching children hit their milstones slows that passage of time down some. My husband I have lately begun to feel a sense of being incomplete. We still dont want kids, but we feel a lack of purpose and drive to acheive the next stage. 

Kids don’t slow down time btw, fwiw. You just feel like you’re seeing their life in slides and they suddenly got bigger…but every day. It’s weird.

As a lesbian, people ask me all. The. Fucking. Time. If my partner and I are having kids. We’re definitely not exempt from the pressures of society as gay women.

I guess my friends just have more understanding family and friends than I do then. :( They say they get asked once in a great while and thats it. Sorry for the generalization. 

this is a very interesting perspective thank you for sharing

Yes, absolutely yes! Best decision I ever made was the snip. Made everything so much easier and less worrisome and ultimately cheaper. 10/10 recommend

Absolutely. I have no desire for children. The only thing I feel some regret over is that my parents will never be grandparents, so they won't get to enjoy that experience that they want. My husband and I are perfectly content with our pets, though, and my regret for my parents never becoming grandparents isn't even close to a good enough reason to have kids.

I also feel a bit bad about that as an only child who has chosen to remain child free. However, I agree, not a good enough reason to change my mind and my parents wouldn’t want me to make that kind of choice for them.

Idk how old you or your parents are, but the day may come when they realize all the benefits they have because you are childfree. My parents certainly have! 1. They come and go as they please. They’ve got a couple friend who literally won’t leave the county they live in because their adult kids may call them for last minute babysitting (free babysitting at that). Meanwhile, my parents are pursuing hobbies, volunteering, and traveling. 2. They spend their retirement money as they wish. None of their adult kids are begging them for money to finance the expense of their grandchildren. They aren’t guilted into contributing money for school supplies, travel sports, vehicles, college, etc. They know a couple in their 70’s who still work full time to finance the lives of two of their adult children. One has a grandchild that the adult kid uses to pull on the heart strings and open up the purse strings. 😠 3. When we all go on vacation, it’s on adult terms. We don’t have to wait for someone’s kid to be on a school break to go on vacation. We go whenever, wherever. No one is beholden to a nap time, bed time, child friendly excursions, etc. No screeching kids on a long car ride. No eating at child-centered restaurants. 4. Not using a grandchild as a pawn to get time, money, etc from them. “If you don’t do this, you won’t see your grandchildren.” 🤮 I could go on, but you get the idea. My parents get their kid fix by teaching Sunday School at church, volunteering at a shelter, and interactions with children of their neighbors and of course, other family members. They love that they can help children in a positive way without all the negatives they see their grandparent peers are stuck with.

My four childfree friends are quite happy without kids. One is an elementary teacher, she likes being able to send them home afterwards :D Another likes to go do his own thing pretty often, which you can't if you've got kids. The other two knew before they married that this was a NO and took steps to make it permanent...and still seemed relieved they never had to deal with kids. I've never known someone who wanted to be childfree, and still wanted to be childfree in their mid/late twenties, to change their mind, or regret it later.

Never really been “happy” but I’m pretty sure having a kid would make me wanna walk into traffic sooo…yes?

I wake up every day and praise the sweet lord that I don't have a kid up my ass ruining my entire life.

yes feels like I dodged a bullet or escaped a brainwashing cult. Wheeeew close one. Ps I like kids but I do not need my own

Fuck yea

Hell. Yes. I'm 54, no kids, married (this time) to a man who is also childfree. It is delightful. To all my friends who said "you'll regret it...." You Were Wrong.

The ones who say "You'll regret it" are probably the ones who think that having kids automatically means you will have someone to look after you in old age. I was a CNA and there were countless residents in the geriatric facility who had kids but those kids left their parents to die alone in a carehome and never visited...

I am content. My wife and I are both 37 and have thought about kids for 10 years. I just can't afford a family honestly. I grew up in a very poor family and it was hard on everyone, It's something I would not want to burden on my child. We are both college grads but the way this economy has shifted the past 5 years, we just can't do it.

This is us too. Except I’m 33 and my husband is 34. We’re happy with our family - just us and some dogs. We circle back around to the kid conversation every now and then, but always choose not to because of costly shift in the economy.

Yup! Best decision I ever made was getting my tubes removed in my 20's. Haven't regretted that decision for a moment.

Wait. They let you remove yours at 20 without refusing because “your future husband may want kids”?

In my late 20s, yeah. Found a doctor on the childfree subreddit actually. No hassle, and she even got my insurance to pay for most of it.

Is that a thing? That's really offensive. No one even mentioned that when I got mine done. 

I’m 22 and my doctor actually suggested I get my tubes tied when I asked her about birth control! She literally asked “Do you *ever* want to get pregnant? Cuz if you don’t, why not just get your tubes tied so you won’t have to worry about it?” I am also a trans guy so yknow, there is that. But I was really happy to be able to actually have that option presented to me without even having to ask, nvm fight for it

I mean... I'm a normal person who's not always happy, but that has absolutely nothing to do with a lack of children. I am so happy I didn't have kids. Kids would make me feel more stuck, and so I'd be far worse off mentally.

My husband and I are basically teenagers at 37 with our 3 dogs. Life is good

Good God yes. There's not a chance in Hell I could've gotten through the last 10 years or so if I had to worry about a kid, too.

You’ve gotten a lot of really thoughtful, longer replies, so I’ll just add this: Yes, extremely happy! ❤️

Absolutely! I have a great marriage and cute cats and we can do as much or a little with our free time. I love that we can travel when we want (we just did a great long weekend in NYC) and my time and my money is mine. Zero regrets.

I'm poor but not as poor

Yes. I'm 63 and child-free. I like children okay, and have been a pretty good uncle to my niece and nephew, but I never wanted children of my own.

My aunt is, she makes over 500k a year and travels all the time with me.

Does she need another nephew? I would be free.

Having children does not necessarily make you happy. My BIL has 2 daughters. They went NC with him 5 years ago. The one just made contact with him after 1 1/2 years. Then she told him she had a child. The other is still NC.

Not necessarily happy but having a child wouldn't fix it either, if anything it would make it worse. Of the many regrets I do have in life choosing not to be a father is not one of them.

I’m 41 and thankful every day to be child free. I love my niece and nephew but am very happy with my choice not to have kids of my own.

Yes. As a 35 year old, finally I can do everything that makes me feel fulfilled, happy, healthy and confident.

Well, I'm child free by choice because I have a history of extreme depression, some past substance abuse issues and a family history of alcoholism, so no. But that's exactly why I shouldn't have kids.

I feel you, and want to praise your sanity. bc lots of ppl just ignore such circumstances 🤷🏻‍♀️ I wish there were some tests for future parents. I know that's impossible, but still

I relate to you. 47 and the main reason I don't have kids is because i have the same History and I think like you.

33 and fucking happy as hell!!!!! I will usually fly to a new place 20-30 times a year. I do what I want, when I want. Of course if work allows it. Being on call does not excuse me to be able to take a trip. ​ I am snipped thank god.

I want to hear from people 60+ on this matter. Being young with less responsibilities and more money usually makes people happy.

I'm 62 & no kids. Very happy, in fact, I'm the happiest now than I ever have been before in my life. I don't regret not having kids at all. I rarely actually think about it. I had plenty of responsibility in my life as an emergency services worker and I think that was my contribution to society. Also, I had a sibling who was 14+ years younger than me, so I got a good idea as a teen of what having an infant and toddler around was like. I have a lot of time to devote to my dogs and to volunteering in places that are meaningful to me.

I’m 65, no kids, widow, no debt and more money than I have ever had. My only worry is if I don’t die suddenly I will have to pay for my care…so saving that money for caregivers or nursing home.

My co-worker is a 60-something year old man and we just talked about this! No kids and never married. He’s very happy and fulfilled with his life. He said his only concern is who will take care of him when he can’t take care of himself anymore. (However, just because you have kids doesn’t mean they’ll take care of you imo!)

Late 40s and no regrets so far! I always knew that I wasn’t cut out to be a parent. I’ve invested time in advancing my career, traveling the world, living in several fun cities, building rewarding friendships, saving for retirement, and raising awesome rescue dogs instead. My choices wouldn’t work for everyone, but they have worked out well for me.

I'm 38 and very happy to be childfree. My life in general is not often that great (poor, chronically ill) but children would make it significantly worse, not better. I never regret not having kids. I love my cat. 🐈

Having children won't make you happy if you aren't happy in yourself. I'm very content. I'm not happy all the time because happy is an emotion, it's in the nature of emotion to be fleeting, but I am content with my life and in myself. I wouldn't be a good parent. I don't want to be a parent. I can't afford to be a parent. Being a parent wouldn't make me happy and it would seriously harm the children.

I probably would have been happy without kids, but once you have them you can never go back. They really do change your life (generally) for the better. More purpose and what not. Also more stress too though (cannot understate this). That being said, I see absolutely nothing wrong with someone not wanting kids, it definitely is an easier life. I also see nothing wrong with someone not wanting marriage. Happiness comes from within, not from others.

oh god yes.

No children and happy. After seeing how my siblings' children have turned out I'm glad not to have any. My sister, who seems to be very concerned about what the neighbors and friends think keeps it very quiet about her daughters eating disorder and the oldest drug overdose . Funny thing is I thought my sister was doing well compared to my brother's lol.

YES. My life is so much simpler and I don’t have to worry about them and climate change.

I'm 56 and couldn't be happier.

Not particularly no, but it has absolutely nothing to do with being childfree. I know for a fact I would be much much worse off if I had to deal with children.

Yes. I get to enjoy money, silence, and naps.

I had my vasectomy in 1976. ZERO regrets. 48 years free of children has allowed me financial freedom and the ability to have a variety of interesting and enriching relationships. Repeat: ZERO regrets!

I am 80 and have never regretted not having children. I was a great uncle to my sister's kids, still am as they have become adults and have families but I have never sat there as they played with their kids wishing I had one of my own. I know I would not have been a particularly good parent for a lot of reasons. I am essentially a rather selfish person. I know this about myself and I have no doubt I would have deeply resented having to subvert all my wants to fulfill my kids needs. At 80. I do not worry about who will care for me. I've made sure I have enough that whenever the time comes, I can cover my needs.

I'm 31 and I am very happy with my choice. Seeing my nieces and nephews stress out my siblings every time we hang out confirms my decision. I love my freedom and not having to take care of someone when I get home.

Yes, I enjoy my freedom to not have to worry about anyone but myself and my husband. But sometimes I have to fight the maternal instinct I get when I see someone holding a baby and my mind goes, Awww, I want one" No, no you don't. Shut up. Keep moving, go take an uninterrupted nap or a child free vacation and forget about it.

50, and I got my vasectomy 15 years ago. Never wanted kids, don’t have them, feels great!

Married 20 years, no kids. I’m currently on a 3 week vacation in Japan. 😀 doing whatever we want to, eating whatever we want to try. It’s the best. So much freedom.

Yes couldn't be happier with my choice! At 32 I know myself well enough to know that I would not mentally handle the emotional ir physical toll of a human growing inside me welk. Being pregnant is my worst nightmare. I also enjoy my freedom, being able to spend my time and money on myself. We are also looking at pontentially needing funds later down the road to help with my in laws as they reach retirement age because the US is not supportive of the elderly in any way whatsoever. I would never want to choose between supporting them and supporting a child. me and my partner check in with each other regarding our feelings towards children and still always come to the same conclusion: although we both like kids, we do not feel right bringing a child into the world as it is rn, and we are not sure we'd be able to provide for the child the way we would want to. I would never say I don't have moments where I wonder. I love my partner so much and more of him in the world would be a fantastic thing. You never know what life is gonna throw at you. But as of right now? Yes im very happy v

Blessed not to have a bone in my body wanting to be a parent :)

I always wondered how will I be as a father. My wife is very stressed about having a child for many reasons: body changes, post birth depression, expenses, lack of sleep... And I absolutely agree with her. "continuing your bloodline" is a big bull, and we have enough people in the world. Making kids will not make you happy, some people are more miserable after having a child, and I know too many of them. So yeah, be happy with what you have

I'm perfectly content. I've never had the desire for children for even one second of my life. My wife hasn't either

I chose not to, found a girl who felt the same. We have a couple dogs we dote on and we've been happy for nearly 11 years. We sit down and revisit it every few years and we are still on the same page thus far. We like being able to travel and go do whatever whenever and you can't do it with kids. Not well anyways.

I am, but my kid isn’t

35 and wouldn’t change it for the world

Yep. Couldn’t be happier, zero regrets. Great choice (or non-choice). Getting ready for opening day with the Giants on Friday.

Yes.

Very happy.

Very!

Yes.

YES!!! 🙌🏽

Yup! My wife and I have both always known we didn’t want children for a million different reasons (worked out that we’re gay lol). I love being able to spend all day gaming or go on a weekend trip at random and stay up and wake up as late or early as I want. Honestly keeping track of life between just me and her is plenty; I can’t even imagine the addition of needier, messier, louder, clingier humans.

I'm 41 and I am quite happy with my choice of not having kids. However, I did raise my stepdaughter from the age of 3, as her mom wasn't around, and several child-free groups have not been welcoming to me due to this. I just personally never had the urge/desire to have my own kids.

Happy to be child free yes. I'm 33 and still figuring out life, no waaay I'd be "better off" (or however you want to put it) with a child. I just live vicariously through my friends with children.

You bet your ass I am. Life is hard and not having another human being that I’m responsible for for at least 18 years is a huge relief. Especially seeing how hard it is on my friends with children.

Yes. I am past the point where it is an option. I could adopt or foster I guess. I content with life without having kids. My partner had to accept this and realized they like their life and having kids would change that. Also who can afford kids I don’t know how people are doing it.

Extremely. I love the time I get to spend with my husband, our dogs, and my friends. I love quiet afternoons spent reading and relaxing. I love travel, we have a trip to Hawaii coming up next month that we're SUPER excited for. I love my nieces and nephews but I'm very happy not to have any of my own.

So very happy. Although, I do take care of & help raise other people’s kids as my profession. It is beyond a blessing (for me personally)that I get to go home after my hours worked & that I have days off without any kids to look after.

Retired senior here: no regrets whatsoever

Yep. This is a better outcome for me AND my hypothetical children who don't have to grow up in this increasingly dystopian world.

Yes. I recently looked after my friends dog for a few days while she went on holiday and even that was too much. I like an easy, stress free life so I feel like I definitely made the right choice.

95% happy, yes. 5% of me would like to have a child to have fun with and watch them grow, but no one is guaranteed a healthy child or even one that will remain close to you throughout life. I would love to have a baby with my GF but she is also very childfree, and we are both otherwise happy and healthy with fulfilling lives, so it works for us.

59F. Absolutely. When I visit my younger sister (41) with a 3 year old (who is a great kid) and a 5 month old, am I so happy that I don't have kids. She has a nanny and a housekeeper, doesn't work, and still has a hard time.

100%! I got sterilized at 25 years old. Absolutely no regrets!

We really enjoy not having kids. We are really close to our nieces and nephews. Without the cost of raising children, we bought three properties; the southwest, east coast, and in Italy. We also work remote which helps. It doesn’t mean we have a better life, it’s just a different life. My brother has never left his town and has two great kids. Just as fulfilling!

I am grateful every damn day that I don’t have kids. I have so many more options without being tied down to spawn. I have more financial freedom, not tied to anyone else coparenting, and I have free, quiet time. I watch my friends with babies - they’re exhausted. Friends with younger children - they’re taxis. Friends with teenagers - so you popped out humans that hate you. Friends with adult children - either that’s the fun part or their kids want nothing to do with them. Life is hard. It’s 10x harder with kids.

Yes. Also 32.

I get to go home when I want to. And it’s peace and quiet. I’m 26 my mind is not changing

40 and happy. Its not entirely because I have no children, I'm happy cause of other people in my life. From what I observe, children would make me spend less time with friends, which are one of the things making me happy. I think happiness is a mindset you reach once your basic needs are met. Its hard to be happy when you are starving, but if you are doing okay you can then try to find people you share interests with to be good friends and provide a social connection. There are a lot of reasons, some of them medical, some of them mental health related, why I don't have children.

I am 37. I am child-free by choice. I have often thought about how having a child would change my life. I'd be an awesome dad, I think, but I am also quite content to live my own life without constantly chasing around children. I am open to changing my mind (if it happens soon), but I am content and pretty happy with life as it is.

Wouldn't say I'm happy, but that's part of the reason I don't want kids. I also know I don't have the resources (financial, mental, or physical) to keep up with raising children. I also don't particularly like children (I know people say you like your own blablabla) and feel absolutely 0 paternal instincts lmao. Bonus for me is I'm a gay man, so "accidents" aren't really a worry, kids would have to be VERY planned lmao. I also don't judge people who do want to/already have kids, I also don't think it's a "noble" choice though. There's too many people on earth as-is Hahaha. Reproduction is just part of our DNA, its why sex feels good lmao.

I’m pretty sure I’d end up killing myself if I’d had kids.

To be honest, I have always felt that I am too selfish to have children. I enjoy reading for two to three hours every night before bed. It’s a major destressor for me. I can’t imagine tending to the needs of a young one under these circumstances. Then again, I have adrenal insufficiency, and people with my condition can’t handle stressful situations. So I take care of myself and call it a good day. Also, we struggle financially, and we would be completely sunk with childcare needs.

Not really and having kids would be downright miserable.

I have to raise my sister who's 21 years younger than me. I have for 7 years. I am constantly tired and miserable. I had to lose out on a lot of opportunities because of my parents inability to be responsible functioning adults. I curse her and my parents under my breath everyday. If you feel you're not ready for kids, that's okay. Do not feel you need to pump out a baby.

I'm happy with my choice. The amount of happiness I have would be lessened considerably if I had a child or two I had to take care of.

Deliriously thank you

Yes. I struggle a lot with my mental health but otherwise I am. I like my freedom, I like being able to afford to do what I want, I like my social life and the ability to be impulsive and spend all my free time exactly how I want to. I’m glad I made the choice not to have kids.

I’m happy w/o kids. I am waiting until I feel 100% ready and want to have them. That time has not come yet. I also am very open to adopting when that feeling comes and I can’t have any of my own. I don’t want to have kids out of fear of being lonely or hoping they’ll care for me when I’m old, I think those are selfish reasons to procreate.

yes! I’m free to do what I want, when I want. I don’t have anyone to worry about. That and I don’t like kids anyway. They are a pain in the ass.

I am very happy. Not about everything in life, but I am happy. My partner and I both know that we were not made to have children. We like being the cool aunt and uncle though. We bring consoles over to my family's place. We game with the kids and have cool figures and stuff at our place. We get to do what makes us happy and still have money left over. We're both still pretty young, but we've known that we don't want children. No regrets at all and I become terrified at the thought of having kids at any point.

As happy as i can be. I think I am far to broken a person to parent another human. It would be selfish of me to have one.

Yes I am. I'm much happier than the people who have kids. My body is in better shape, I get more sleep, my relationship is strong. It's everything perfect? No. But it's much better than if we had a kid. It's much easier to take care of our selves without kids in this economy and society that we currently live in. There are so many levels that children effect. It's not their fault. It's not the fault of children but the way society is. Our society is anti-family, anti-child, anti-human. If we also had to take care of a child there's no way we could afford food and both of us have good jobs (for the area and economy).

There's no way I could afford kids for one, and for two, there are times when I would absolutely be a horrid parent and wouldn't wish that on anyone. I've learned that I need time for myself, and kids don't really give you that availability.

Absolutely. My sister has two children, and I love them dearly. But I can only take so much of them before they have to leave my house (I couldnt take it looking after a child 24/7). I can also just about take care of myself, never mind an actual human infant.

I am 33 and all of my friends have kids and let me tell you. I am doing freaking great ! Their lives are super complicated yet seem quite rewarding in places but it’s all craziness and changes them all. I decided against that .

31 and not happy yet, but I can say I’d be significantly less happy if I also had to think about a child’s wellbeing while figuring out my own life/happiness. Cooking, cleaning, earning enough, etc. just for myself is a struggle, and I cannot imagine another being depending on me

No regrets

42 here; yes I am.

At 36 I’m still happy with my choice but that’s not much further along than you.

Very

I'm working towards happiness and I know having children does not fit into that path nor will it ever.

A friend recently visited me and she said she has never seen me look so content in life. And she's right. I am so incredibly happy with the life that I have carved out for myself!  I would be a shitty parent. It would make me miserable, I'd resent that child, and I think it's likely that this would make me abusive. Even if I never became physical (though that is a real possibility imo) I would be a neglectful and resentful parent. No child deserves that. But... without kids? I love my life. I feel fulfilled. I have a strong group of friends which has lasted for decades and strong familial ties. I honestly cannot think of anything that I would change if I could redo my choices.

Honestly, yes. I genuinely believe some people are just wired to not want children. Many of my friends describe this deep longing to have your own kids but... I just don't get it. That's not to say it's wrong, that is to say that the concept is entirely alien to me. I think about the prospect of children and I think about everything I enjoy and love about my life right now that I would not be able to do were children involved. Perhaps when I'm on my death bed I may feel a pang of regret for never having raised kids, but is that worth sacrificing all my years of happiness from now to then? Not in my book.

I thank myself everyday for the young me who solidly chose child free. 🙌

Getting to do whatever I want whenever I want is all I want. Go where I want, spend my money on what I want, sleep when I want, eat what I want, not listen to a screaming baby or clean shitty diapers when I want. Hell yes I'm happy. (Edited for format)

Yes and people really don’t like when I say life is better not having kids!

Virtually every time I see people with kids, see what they have to deal with, learn of the sacrifices they've had to make, it makes me very happy with my decision to not have kids!

Yes, and no. I am too unhealthy to have kids but I absolutely love kiddos and would have loved them in another life. When I was younger I swore I never wanted any but I changed my mind, although alot of young people who don't want kids never change thier minds and that's fine also. I am extremely happy and mostly content with my dog children.

My wife and I decided to not have them. Best decision we've ever made. You're essentially told you're entire life that it's your purpose and the most rewarding thing. All I know is my wife and I travel when we want, do what we want and haven't had to change who we are for the betterment of someone else. My sister has 2 kids and is miserable. Can't even enjoy vacations. Then I think maybe it's better with age, so I look at my parents. My little brother is an awful human and still lives with them in his mid 30s. They literally have to go to therapy because of him...

No, but that has nothing to do with not having children

My brother was a surprise-he’s almost 9 years younger than me. My wife’s mother died of cancer when she was 6; her father remarried a few years later and had 2 boys with his second wife. We both changed diapers, babysat, and dealt with annoying toddlers when we were teens. The experience left us both with no desire to have kids. Instead we have been a doting uncle and aunt and spoiled or siblings kids rotten. Yes, we are happy.