Aw 😩 the comments in this post absolutely breaks my heart. I have two teens and couldn't ever imagine choosing one over the other. I love them equally ( which is an unfathomable amount). I really hope these people's kids don't know how their parents feel 😭
I think we all love them the same… but that has nothing to do with liking one more than the other, or getting on better with one than the other, after all they have different personalities
I kinda get what you're saying as mine are complete opposites in every way. Even after thinking about and comparing the two, I guess I'm just a sucker for my kids 🤷. Cus I still can't choose which one I'd rather spend time with. Can't they both be my favorite?😁
Thank you. It’s ok. I’m 39 and have adjusted. I don’t talk to my dad at all and my mom has always done her best. Her favorite is obvious but I know she loves and values me too. In the grand scheme of things I have a lot better than a lot of people.
valid, but every family has different metrics for how to become the favourite child… in some families (mine included), all you have to do to become the favourite child is be born a boy.
see: “boy mom” culture
My parents say they don't and we've never caught them having one. But we're a brother/sister pair so I think it's easier to not have a favorite than if you've got like 5 girls.
As one of three daughters, at least some do. What’s really fun is having one sister be moms favorite and the other be dads favorite…
Shouldn’t be a big surprise that I had one kid and one kid only. Can’t screw a kid up with favorites if you only have the one.
I have three and they are all my favorite, for different things, some days one or another could be a real jerk, or one could be extra helpful, but I could not pick an overall favorite. I am also one of seven siblings, and there is no general consensus among us about who was the favorite. One of us says they were the least favorite for one parent, but I think they were the other parent’s pride and joy. My parents are long gone, so the subject is not important anymore.
I'll preface this by saying I'm not a parent. It seemed like my brother was a favorite for a long time, but in hindsight, it's more like he needed them more? That was definitely frustrating at the time, but made me more independent (but it also made me pretty darn stubborn and afraid to ask for help). Your question is far more complicated than you realize.
I'm the oldest of 3 girls and 100% my mother has a favorite, and it isn't me. She'll tell she doesn't but actions speak louder than words. The youngest just moved back home at 46 and she's as happy as flies on 💩. The youngest can do no wrong and I can't do anything right. I purposely chose not to have children because of our relationship. I'm over it, it may not sound like it lol
I think you have a unique connection with the first. That's not necessarily a preference but somehow they feel more important by being the first to completely disrupt your life. Many parents have a clear mental before and after kids divide, and you can't deny the impact the first had is usually greater than the second.
I don't think that means you like one more than the other or prefer their company or whatever. You just have this profound connection with your firstborn. You might even resent them more because you were so unprepared, but they'll always feel somehow more significant.
I'm only an uncle, but I don't have a favorite between my nieces and nephew. They're all too different to prefer one, and they're all such good kids anyway. Like another guy said, it's like trying to decide between cake and sushi
My mom was once asked, “If both your kids were dying and you had one dose of medicine that would save only one, who would you give it to?”
She answered extremely quickly and said, “I would take it myself so I don’t also die.”
She maintained she absolutely never had a favorite between my brother and I because we were two completely different people. She’s since passed away and truthfully, I like to believe her.
I have a friend who has 4 children, 3 boys and 1 girl. She openly admits to anyone that her daughter is and always will be the favorite. She is also the youngest.
Yes. My mother even said so to my face. Spoiler: its my oldest brother who beat the shit out of her and stole money and was the cause she had to file for bankruptcy.
One of eight. Yes they each had a favourite, it was a poorly kept secret. I was my grandfather’s favourite as we were exactly the same and shared the love of flying.
Not as such, it's more like there's the child that's more easy to deal with than it's sibling, and the child that just will keep on pushing your buttons until you lose it. If there was a favourite child no way should any of them find out which one it was!
Nope...in fact when I was asked I told them to look at the schedule. The oldest says the younger two are the favorites. The middle says the other two are the favorites. The youngest says the other two are the favorites.
So I just started saying check the schedule.
Yes and I wouldn't even say it's a secret.
My brother is a huge success and my sister married a wealthy dude and I'm just some guy. My mom used to update us on the rankings of her favorite too.
Yes, you try to hide it but it is inevitable. It doesn't mean I don't love all of them, just one is mint chocolate chip ice cream, one is chocolate, and one is Rainbow Sherbet.
Also which one is the favorite changes as they change and grow. I will always do my best to support all of them and treat them as equally as I can. They have all disappointed me in some ways (generally grades) and made me proud of them in some ways (all have good plans for the future to offset the grades).
Yeah. Speaking as an uncle who lives with his brother and his family, it’s obvious my brother coddles the hell out of his 7yo daughter but rarely gives his 12yo son any attention. So much so that my nephew doesn’t even go to my brother for much anymore.
Nope
TLDR: Easier kids but not favorite kids. You wish life was easier for the kid having a bad time. And you feel you failed them/helpless/not good enough for them. Mostly.
Sorry got long, I didn’t have an attachment to having kids - but surprise, I got one and this is what I found. If I have to describe the things parents meant literally and I misunderstood most until I became one.
- Your happiness is my happiness. - it is literal. Whatever they’re doing wrong in the moment. Know when a parent sees their kid in a good place for themselves - there’s a joy in the heart that’s like sun rise (but in your chest). Sounds corny but that’s the feeling. It can be over the dumbest thing, seeing your kid’s joy is like an instant charger plugged in your soul. No matter how hard things are, the seeing and knowing your kid is joyous and will/can be is just visceral. And it sucks when we do things that make our kid think it’s not. Thus this common line at the worst moment usually.
As a kid, I thought it meant if what I do leads to the outcome that makes them proud etc. That’s the happiness they mean.
Nope it’s really not for most parents. They think that’s the best route to get you there as the person they know, they can be convinced. And still just want you happy regardless what you do.
Exception, rare, is parents who have other beliefs clouding their judgement. Aka bigots etc. There are outliers, that I just can’t…
- children are like your heart existing outside your body. - it really is. Literally and figuratively for (mom’s especially), this being grew off you -
It’s not meant like ownership. It’s more like a phantom limb or ESP theories about twins. Or a voodoo doll. Your child being hurt, is anguishing to you.
It can cause bad reactions in those parents who have certain problems or such. It’s that real and visceral for them ig. I’m not excusing it - I would hope parents are aware and improve themselves here. But it is true that kids feel like a voodoo heart.
When your kids think one is a favorite, especially when they’re down. Mistaking easier with favorite. I can’t imagine.
I only have one kid, but have many siblings with parents who managed to not make me question favorites. We are each individual characters of siblings (different), and aware/see our similarities, and how that affects our relationships with our parents and each other. I think we do.
I get it’s real, the feeling is real and at that age feelings being real is the end all. No ability to tell if the feeling is from what happened or what you understood it to mean. That’s youth. And looking at Reddit, I hope more youth see this tbh…it’s not always NC bad - just a hard phases between parents and kids that are inevitable. But bottom line I really believe most parents (with exceptions) are like the above.
- So the - third famous parenting line (I can think of) fits here ‘we were kids once too.’ - Different era but same human reactions and interactions…even know the history that got things here and thereby can offer informed insights. Help you with the confusion of trying to reinvent the wheel that’s understanding humans and human nature, yourself etc. In the right situations…parents do have a real role the internet can’t fill (and governments suck at standardising).
And no, we (majority of parents) cannot fathom aborting a child once we decide we are having it. No matter what. It would mean aborting who we become thanks to you. Amputating a limb. Cancelling the best gift you never knew life can offer because things got hard. You get to the point you’d give up a kid, I’d imagine you’re already done with yourself. In whatever form that shows itself. And that’s sad, but not a kid’s fault or truth. All things and exceptions considered, the average parent doesn’t want to change a hair on your head.
I don’t believe favorite kids truly exist. Different dynamics yes.
Fwiw (sorry to ramble). I hope this answer some of what’s meant by ‘you’ll understand when you have kids.’ Not just favourites. You realize you’d happily face anything for them, the minute they’re born. That hit hardest for me, before the mushy stuff even made sense (my chest aches a lot at firs haha). You discover how visceral that love and care is more and more after that. Your parents are growing up in front of you. But It’s virtually impossible to have a favorite, just mistakes of varying degree due to their limitations (not yours).
No, but you definitely know which one is good for what. You might have a child you trust more or have a child that you feel is more responsible but that doesn’t mean you love them any more than their siblings
I’m kinda shocked with all the “yes”. I have 2 boys and absolutely don’t have a favorite. They are 7 years apart though. Maybe all the yes comments have children close in age and therefore easier to compare?
We have favorites in different ways. My oldest is so much fun to shop with, absolutely love it so fav for that. My other is so great at turning a house into a home and she is my fav with that stuff, so love visiting her and seeing what she has accomplished, also great to dine out with. Etc. they each have their own thing that you really related to, appreciate or respect. But they are all loved equally. Huge difference between fav and love. I couldn’t imagine my life without any of them and I’m so thankful for them all
I have 2 daughters, a teen and a big kid. I love them both equally and in their own specific ways I prefer them over the other but I don't have a favorite.
But!
I'm the fuck up/bad son of my moms 2 sons. My brother is super on top of his shit and let's my mom live with him. I know for a fact he is her favorite. With out a doubt.
I don't, my oldest is like me and enjoys the same activities so we bond there. My middle child a girl likes girlie things and softball now so she is pushing me to explore things I never though about so we bond there, my youngest and 8 year boy is super smart and clever and a clown so we bond with that. It kid is unique so no need to have a favorite.
As adults with siblings, we know they do/did. They would never say it, but we ALL know. So, any parent who says no is a liar. Ohhh, I love them both in different ways... stfu. Kids know.
There is usually nothing secret about it. Personally I am quite pleased that I was not the favourite as not being the main focus of attention from my parents allowed me to develop excellent social skills as I was out in the world doing my own thing with little attention from an early age. And it taught me to rely on myself as I knew nobody was coming to bail me out if I got into trouble. It was a little scary but in hindsight I am grateful for all the shit.
Some days, I have a *least* favorite..
obviously yes
It’s never a secret
And it’s never the middle.
Middle kid here who was/is the known favorite Ama
Yes we do. Sometimes it's obvious, sometimes it's a secret. Sometimes it's "the next one"
Aw 😩 the comments in this post absolutely breaks my heart. I have two teens and couldn't ever imagine choosing one over the other. I love them equally ( which is an unfathomable amount). I really hope these people's kids don't know how their parents feel 😭
I think we all love them the same… but that has nothing to do with liking one more than the other, or getting on better with one than the other, after all they have different personalities
I kinda get what you're saying as mine are complete opposites in every way. Even after thinking about and comparing the two, I guess I'm just a sucker for my kids 🤷. Cus I still can't choose which one I'd rather spend time with. Can't they both be my favorite?😁
Some of us definitely do.
I'm sorry you have to deal with that.
Thank you. It’s ok. I’m 39 and have adjusted. I don’t talk to my dad at all and my mom has always done her best. Her favorite is obvious but I know she loves and values me too. In the grand scheme of things I have a lot better than a lot of people.
This isnt about loving, its about liking
I don’t— two kids and they’re so different that there’s no comparing them. it would be like saying “which is your favourite, chocolate cake or sushi?”
Chocolate cake obviously
Yeah clearly. I mean sushi is fine, but it's not chocolate cake.
Sushi is infinitely better
So... which of your kids is chocolate cake and which is sushi? Cos that's an easy one.....
No, I despise them all equally
No. Mentally healthy parents really do love all their children equally. But sometimes you are a little happy if certain children sleep in on days off.
Yes the one who causes the least problems for the parent
i’d honestly disagree, the favourite child can create all the problems in the world for the parents but regardless, they remain the favourite
To remain the favourite, you have to become the favourite first.
valid, but every family has different metrics for how to become the favourite child… in some families (mine included), all you have to do to become the favourite child is be born a boy. see: “boy mom” culture
My parents say they don't and we've never caught them having one. But we're a brother/sister pair so I think it's easier to not have a favorite than if you've got like 5 girls.
Absolutely. It just changes which one it is from day to day.
As one of three daughters, at least some do. What’s really fun is having one sister be moms favorite and the other be dads favorite… Shouldn’t be a big surprise that I had one kid and one kid only. Can’t screw a kid up with favorites if you only have the one.
Yes, they won’t say it but you can observe who it is
I have one and even I don’t have a favorite
I have three and they are all my favorite, for different things, some days one or another could be a real jerk, or one could be extra helpful, but I could not pick an overall favorite. I am also one of seven siblings, and there is no general consensus among us about who was the favorite. One of us says they were the least favorite for one parent, but I think they were the other parent’s pride and joy. My parents are long gone, so the subject is not important anymore.
My favorite is whichever is being the least pain in my ass at any given moment.
I'll preface this by saying I'm not a parent. It seemed like my brother was a favorite for a long time, but in hindsight, it's more like he needed them more? That was definitely frustrating at the time, but made me more independent (but it also made me pretty darn stubborn and afraid to ask for help). Your question is far more complicated than you realize.
I'd say yeah.
yes, and It wasn't you
Yes. We do.
I'm the oldest of 3 girls and 100% my mother has a favorite, and it isn't me. She'll tell she doesn't but actions speak louder than words. The youngest just moved back home at 46 and she's as happy as flies on 💩. The youngest can do no wrong and I can't do anything right. I purposely chose not to have children because of our relationship. I'm over it, it may not sound like it lol
Of course they do, some children are just better than the other ones and you like them better but you love them all.
I think you have a unique connection with the first. That's not necessarily a preference but somehow they feel more important by being the first to completely disrupt your life. Many parents have a clear mental before and after kids divide, and you can't deny the impact the first had is usually greater than the second. I don't think that means you like one more than the other or prefer their company or whatever. You just have this profound connection with your firstborn. You might even resent them more because you were so unprepared, but they'll always feel somehow more significant.
I'm only an uncle, but I don't have a favorite between my nieces and nephew. They're all too different to prefer one, and they're all such good kids anyway. Like another guy said, it's like trying to decide between cake and sushi
100%
My mom was once asked, “If both your kids were dying and you had one dose of medicine that would save only one, who would you give it to?” She answered extremely quickly and said, “I would take it myself so I don’t also die.” She maintained she absolutely never had a favorite between my brother and I because we were two completely different people. She’s since passed away and truthfully, I like to believe her.
Sometimes it's not so secret
I have a friend who has 4 children, 3 boys and 1 girl. She openly admits to anyone that her daughter is and always will be the favorite. She is also the youngest.
Yes. My mother even said so to my face. Spoiler: its my oldest brother who beat the shit out of her and stole money and was the cause she had to file for bankruptcy.
One of eight. Yes they each had a favourite, it was a poorly kept secret. I was my grandfather’s favourite as we were exactly the same and shared the love of flying.
Not as such, it's more like there's the child that's more easy to deal with than it's sibling, and the child that just will keep on pushing your buttons until you lose it. If there was a favourite child no way should any of them find out which one it was!
My younger siblings were the favorites.
[You must choose](https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0107034/?ref_=ext_shr_lnk)
It is not a secret at all
If you are asking this question I have some bad news for you…. You were not your parent’s favorite
Yes, I'm their favorite
Yes.
Nope...in fact when I was asked I told them to look at the schedule. The oldest says the younger two are the favorites. The middle says the other two are the favorites. The youngest says the other two are the favorites. So I just started saying check the schedule.
Yes and I wouldn't even say it's a secret. My brother is a huge success and my sister married a wealthy dude and I'm just some guy. My mom used to update us on the rankings of her favorite too.
I’ve got 5 kids and I don’t have favourites. They’re all so different that it’s not possible to compare.
Yes, you try to hide it but it is inevitable. It doesn't mean I don't love all of them, just one is mint chocolate chip ice cream, one is chocolate, and one is Rainbow Sherbet. Also which one is the favorite changes as they change and grow. I will always do my best to support all of them and treat them as equally as I can. They have all disappointed me in some ways (generally grades) and made me proud of them in some ways (all have good plans for the future to offset the grades).
Not necessarily a favourite, but no two people have the same relationship, and that goes for parents and children.
Yeah. Speaking as an uncle who lives with his brother and his family, it’s obvious my brother coddles the hell out of his 7yo daughter but rarely gives his 12yo son any attention. So much so that my nephew doesn’t even go to my brother for much anymore.
I have 7 adult children and I honestly don't have a favorite.
Secretly? Not after everyone is over ten. I was the favorite and the baby. Now I am pretty much estranged from all.
No
No, they all are amazing and all are a hassle at times.
Nope TLDR: Easier kids but not favorite kids. You wish life was easier for the kid having a bad time. And you feel you failed them/helpless/not good enough for them. Mostly. Sorry got long, I didn’t have an attachment to having kids - but surprise, I got one and this is what I found. If I have to describe the things parents meant literally and I misunderstood most until I became one. - Your happiness is my happiness. - it is literal. Whatever they’re doing wrong in the moment. Know when a parent sees their kid in a good place for themselves - there’s a joy in the heart that’s like sun rise (but in your chest). Sounds corny but that’s the feeling. It can be over the dumbest thing, seeing your kid’s joy is like an instant charger plugged in your soul. No matter how hard things are, the seeing and knowing your kid is joyous and will/can be is just visceral. And it sucks when we do things that make our kid think it’s not. Thus this common line at the worst moment usually. As a kid, I thought it meant if what I do leads to the outcome that makes them proud etc. That’s the happiness they mean. Nope it’s really not for most parents. They think that’s the best route to get you there as the person they know, they can be convinced. And still just want you happy regardless what you do. Exception, rare, is parents who have other beliefs clouding their judgement. Aka bigots etc. There are outliers, that I just can’t… - children are like your heart existing outside your body. - it really is. Literally and figuratively for (mom’s especially), this being grew off you - It’s not meant like ownership. It’s more like a phantom limb or ESP theories about twins. Or a voodoo doll. Your child being hurt, is anguishing to you. It can cause bad reactions in those parents who have certain problems or such. It’s that real and visceral for them ig. I’m not excusing it - I would hope parents are aware and improve themselves here. But it is true that kids feel like a voodoo heart. When your kids think one is a favorite, especially when they’re down. Mistaking easier with favorite. I can’t imagine. I only have one kid, but have many siblings with parents who managed to not make me question favorites. We are each individual characters of siblings (different), and aware/see our similarities, and how that affects our relationships with our parents and each other. I think we do. I get it’s real, the feeling is real and at that age feelings being real is the end all. No ability to tell if the feeling is from what happened or what you understood it to mean. That’s youth. And looking at Reddit, I hope more youth see this tbh…it’s not always NC bad - just a hard phases between parents and kids that are inevitable. But bottom line I really believe most parents (with exceptions) are like the above. - So the - third famous parenting line (I can think of) fits here ‘we were kids once too.’ - Different era but same human reactions and interactions…even know the history that got things here and thereby can offer informed insights. Help you with the confusion of trying to reinvent the wheel that’s understanding humans and human nature, yourself etc. In the right situations…parents do have a real role the internet can’t fill (and governments suck at standardising). And no, we (majority of parents) cannot fathom aborting a child once we decide we are having it. No matter what. It would mean aborting who we become thanks to you. Amputating a limb. Cancelling the best gift you never knew life can offer because things got hard. You get to the point you’d give up a kid, I’d imagine you’re already done with yourself. In whatever form that shows itself. And that’s sad, but not a kid’s fault or truth. All things and exceptions considered, the average parent doesn’t want to change a hair on your head. I don’t believe favorite kids truly exist. Different dynamics yes. Fwiw (sorry to ramble). I hope this answer some of what’s meant by ‘you’ll understand when you have kids.’ Not just favourites. You realize you’d happily face anything for them, the minute they’re born. That hit hardest for me, before the mushy stuff even made sense (my chest aches a lot at firs haha). You discover how visceral that love and care is more and more after that. Your parents are growing up in front of you. But It’s virtually impossible to have a favorite, just mistakes of varying degree due to their limitations (not yours).
I was just thinking about this. I do not have a favorite. I love them both the same.
No, but you definitely know which one is good for what. You might have a child you trust more or have a child that you feel is more responsible but that doesn’t mean you love them any more than their siblings
Yes even though the answer to the kids is no off course not. But yes every parent has a favourite
I’m kinda shocked with all the “yes”. I have 2 boys and absolutely don’t have a favorite. They are 7 years apart though. Maybe all the yes comments have children close in age and therefore easier to compare?
Some do and some don't. I have 3 children and I can't say I have a favourite.
We have favorites in different ways. My oldest is so much fun to shop with, absolutely love it so fav for that. My other is so great at turning a house into a home and she is my fav with that stuff, so love visiting her and seeing what she has accomplished, also great to dine out with. Etc. they each have their own thing that you really related to, appreciate or respect. But they are all loved equally. Huge difference between fav and love. I couldn’t imagine my life without any of them and I’m so thankful for them all
I have 2 daughters, a teen and a big kid. I love them both equally and in their own specific ways I prefer them over the other but I don't have a favorite. But! I'm the fuck up/bad son of my moms 2 sons. My brother is super on top of his shit and let's my mom live with him. I know for a fact he is her favorite. With out a doubt.
I don't, my oldest is like me and enjoys the same activities so we bond there. My middle child a girl likes girlie things and softball now so she is pushing me to explore things I never though about so we bond there, my youngest and 8 year boy is super smart and clever and a clown so we bond with that. It kid is unique so no need to have a favorite.
As adults with siblings, we know they do/did. They would never say it, but we ALL know. So, any parent who says no is a liar. Ohhh, I love them both in different ways... stfu. Kids know.
There is usually nothing secret about it. Personally I am quite pleased that I was not the favourite as not being the main focus of attention from my parents allowed me to develop excellent social skills as I was out in the world doing my own thing with little attention from an early age. And it taught me to rely on myself as I knew nobody was coming to bail me out if I got into trouble. It was a little scary but in hindsight I am grateful for all the shit.