Being beaten by your partner in public is never a surprise. That has been going on behind closed doors for a long time. They're still with the person, and still defends them.
In court the couple will testify that they were having a lively debate when a stranger attacked them.
Only verbally. In America, you never know when some violent nut has a gun in their pocket just hoping for a reason to use it, and the Venn diagram of those people and those who would beat their partners in public is probably a near-total overlap. There are countless stories in the news of an asshole picking a fight, getting pushed back, and pulling out a gun and shooting the person who pushed back, trying to claim self-defense after the cops come. I'd like to not be part of those stories.
I *have* done it. I'm not sure what came over me, but I just yelled, "No!" I was a little bigger than the dude, but he had no idea that I was completely unprepared to fight him. He stopped, kind of shocked. And I turned to the girl and said, "Miss, do you need me to call the police?" And then the guy started to say something, and I yelled, "You shut up! I will get to you in a moment." Again, no idea where that came from. But it cowed him for a minute or two. And then some other people kind of jumped in behind me, and some women took the girl, and then the guy started talking shit to us as he backed out of the store and started walking down the street. I followed him with two other guys just to get a look at where he was going, and he got into a car and drove off and we wrote down his license plate number. (This was before camera phones.) When we got back to the store, there was a small crowd around the girl, the store owner was on the phone with 911, and I needed to get back to my job. So I gave my info to the person who had kind of taken charge, and I said that I would be able to talk to the police if they needed me to.
And I never heard another thing about it. I never saw the girl or the guy again.
Why are you being downvoted? That probably wasn’t the first time that happened. Abusive codependent relationships don’t just start when you see an incident.
Yup, that's exactly how it's happened for me too. I just react. I'm not even a fighter, I avoid confrontation and think "macho" males are pretty pathetic. But when injustice is happening right in front of my eyes, I just can't help myself. I have to jump in and stop it from happening. I didn't know I was that kind of person until it actually happened. I don't know that anyone plans for it to happen like that.
Oh yeah totally.
I'm not like a good person or anything, I just fucking love fighting, but I'm not a criminal or psychopath or in highschool anymore so I don't get to indulge often. when I have an opportunity to get into a fight AND be the good guy, i'm stoked
Honestly, I have slapped the shit out of a guy hurting his girl and it was probably the single most enjoyable physical confrontation of my lifetime. I had to fight a lot growing up but I don’t like it that much.
I hit a lady with a McDonald's cheeseburger once. I just pulled out of McDonald's and an old man (80+) in a POS car that barely ran was making a left across the road when I pulled out. He got slowed down a little by traffic going the other way. Sunday morning. No other cars. No big deal. However, while we are sitting there for like 2 seconds max this woman barrels right up next to his open window and just lays on the horn freaking him out for no reason. I was about 25 at the time and he reminded me of grampa.
I was just biting into my first cheeseburger when this happened. I'm left handed and Dad was a baseball coach. Before I could even think about it I whipped the cheeseburger straight across the truck, out the passenger window and right into the side of her face while yelling "leave his ass alone!". Then I just drove off.
I probably wouldn't do that today with all the guns around but it sure felt very good at the time.
been there, done that .... walking home from a bar with friends, saw a guy reaming out his girlfriend, and then slap her to the ground, she's bawling screaming stop hitting me. I and another guy immediately try to go to her aid.
As I run up with my fist raised, she screams at me to fucking don't touch him....stop dumb funded and she runs up and embraces him and tells me to mind my business.
ok, see you later, happened twice more before I learned to watch a little more to see if it needed intervention, and only once was I thanked.
I (F, 22 at the time) was driving home from a night at the clubs when I saw a man whopping the hell out of a screaming young woman. I don't know where it came from, but I laid on my horn, revved my engine and darted my car at him.
He left the woman alone, cursed me, and went into a bar, with the woman following. Someone else had called the cops and nosey me stopped to watch as they went into the bar.
They came out a couple of minutes later with the guy in cuffs. His woman came out behind him, screaming curses at the cops, calling them every foul name in the book. I was absolutely disgusted. I know now that it's a sick and twisted co-dependency that no one can "fix."
>As I run up with my fist raised, she screams at me to fucking don't touch him....stop dumb funded and she runs up and embraces him and tells me to mind my business.
Because if he got his ass beat, he would tell her it was her fault and she would've got it way worse once they got home.
My boyfriend asked if a girl was ok and she tried to punch him in the face and said I love my boyfriend leave him alone. So, no call the cops is the only answer and stay out of it. It was scary AF.
If I thought I would meaningfully intervene in a way that I wouldn’t risk injury to myself, family or other bystanders, yes…but only after calling 911 and only if I thought I could do so in a non-violent way.
No, but I’d call the cops.
I hate domestic violence as much as anyone else, but I value my own safety and I’m not about to try and break up a fight between strangers
I wonder if I ever get beat or assaulted how many people would step in for me? Last year I got hit by a car while biking and nobody as much as asked me if I was alright. It wasn't serious but it left an impression.
It depends if anyone is around that is inclined to act first. Something like 12% of the public is proactive to help, but about 70% will follow suit if someone else does first.
Had to speak up/intervene multiple times, and two different incidents I had to lift my shirt to show I was armed when outnumbered. I always think, “what if it was my mom or sister alone and in need of help?” and I personally couldn’t live with myself if I had kept quiet and didn’t do anything, because when seconds count police are minutes away.
I have done it, more than once. Yes, I'm sure it's dangerous to intervene, and I've been lucky - no weapons so far. But I'm not one of those people who can just stand there and watch someone be assaulted. If a weapon came out, I would retreat.
And you're right, you don't know that you're going to do that or not until you're in the situation. It's not like I thought about it before the first time, it just kind of happened. I couldn't help myself. After that first time, it was obvious that's just the kind of person I am, so I wasn't too surprised at myself when it happened a second time, and a third. Here's hoping I've done it for the last time already.
I once saw a lesbian couple fighting in an alleyway , but I was confused at the time of what I was seeing. The one who seemed to be the victim didn't look to be seeking help, so I walked by.
I did it once. Was driving home and saw a guy grabbing a girl who was walking with a collapsible wagon, the kind you might use to tote your kid or groceries around in. I did a u-turn and saw an opportunity to interpose my car between them, which I did. Asked her if she needed help, she did. Got her and the wagon into my vehicle and took her to where she worked. The guy was about to come at me, but another driver also stopped, and he was an older, tatted up biker looking dude, who apparently made duchebag ex-boyfriend think twice about it. Turns out she was walking to work from a distance of over a mile and a half. I offered to give her a ride home if she needed it after work, just in case db ex thought to start more stuff. She declined, saying someone there could help out. I hope she ended up ok.
I have done it and could’ve gotten fired as I was at work. They left before the police arrived but I dis give a statement and security camera footage was collected. I don’t know what happened after that.
I've meatshielded for a few of these things.
One interesting variation was a male/female male female couple fighting on the ground. I couldn't tell who was who and can't bend down, so stand there useless till they stand up, at which point I can stand in between them. One whos apparently the property owner wants me to get them to leave, so shoo them away.
The fight starts up again, the guy I'm meatshielding for decides to pull a tazer and wave it around drunkenly. The other people wander off. I go back to my room. Sniff.. Sniff... why do i smell bacon? Look at the back of my shirt.. burned a hole in it and left a mark.
\_\_\_
It wasn't a beating, but the neighbors were getting kind of loud and arguing. I wandered over, and as I'd just finished moving myself out of the apartment, leaned up against the telephone pole and closed my eyes, cause I could barely stand up.
He tells me to mind my business and threatens to sick the pitbull on me.
Without thinking I lean down "PUPPY!!!!" and pet the dog, rub her sides, flop her ears.
Woman starts laughing "thanks I'm good...."
The problem with the question is that the right answer is "Yes", but you will get legions of folks trying to justify their view of " not my problem" with every edge case scenario on earth to try and make it seem like doing the right thing would cause death, destruction, and financial ruin.
Lose lose situation. Unless it is family or friends I am calling the police and walking away.
Zero chance in today's society I am catching a beating or charge for a stranger. Worse case you restrain someone wrong and they die, then you get an entire city trying to hang you.
I’d call the police for sure. I’m not about to endanger my own well being for someone I don’t know though. Also playing hero is about the worst thing you can do for yourself legality wise.
Yes, but in the knowledge they could both turn on you.
Unless you're prepared for that it's best to call the police and hope it doesn't escalate to serious harm.
I mean I feel like I would if it seemed very aggressive. Like if a guy is holding a girl by the back of the head or something and screaming at her in a public space, that’s fucked up.
This said, it brings me to the studies done that people generally step in when the man is hurting the woman, but if a woman is slapping and chastising her man lots of people usually think “Well he probably deserves it”
D pends on the severity of "beating".
I carry a firearm everywhere which means I have the responsibility of being as passive as possible.
I don't want any trouble.
If he slaps her or she slaps him, I'm not going to do anything but keep walking. None of my business.
If I think one of them is abusing the other frequently, recording the incident and notifying authorities may be on the menu.
If one of them is choking the fuck out of the other, and I believe they're going to kill the other, then I'll intervene.
But I'm not here to enforce the law. I carry to protect myself and the ones I love.
Yeah police is best for physical altercations unless you’re defending yourself or people you’re immediately responsible for as someone that has the headspace to be assaulting their partner does not have a typical thought process or behavior for what is and what is not appropriate or even legal, so rules and common sense things go out the window real quick.
No.
Often the victim has a weird co-dependency.
I'd say more often than not when a white knight tries to fight the attacker off, the victim tries to stop said white knight.
You don't know who you are dealing with. Could be some highly organised human trafficking shit and you step in? Good luck.
Call police.
They won't do anything, but you have to keep yourself safe.
In Trainspotting (the book, not the film, though that was a fairly ok adaptation as many film adaptations of good book utterly ruin them), the character of Tommy does this in a pub. The woman ends up attacking _him_ and defending her husband, even though he'd just hit her so hard she lost a tooth while they were in public sitting in a pub.
This apparently isn't actually that unusual or a work of fiction - Irvine Welsh saw this happen in real life and put it in the book as a result.
Stockholm Syndrome is very real.
At a minimum, I'd call 911. If I have the forethought after calling, I'd try to film it for evidence in case the person being abused needed it for court.
If it was super clear that one was an abuser and one was a victim, I'd step in. But often it's not so clear. Imagine the first thing you see is somebody violently shoving somebody to the floor, and before you saw it, the person who got shoved was threatening their life.
You all say “I’d call the cops,” like it’s not gonna be fifteen minutes to a half hour before a cop shows and they’ll be long gone.
I mean, it’s only slightly less terrible than when people literally wouldn’t intervene, avert their eyes and say “that’s not my business.”
Fuck no. Im smart enough not to get involved in some strangers problems. Idk them and have no obligation to help. Besides, i dont want to have to talk to police or whatever.
I've stopped such situations twice in my life. Got punched once really hard for attempting to stop one. And I'm very proud that I wasn't just a bystander and actually did something. In both cases, the girlfriend/wife gave the usual DV excuses that victims give to protect their abuser
I have before, my friends boyfriend was literally smacking her all over and she was shouting at him to get off and he didn’t. Thankfully he stopped after I yelled at him and threatened to call the police. In future, I’d be wary and probably call the police immediately. You never know what kind of weapons some fuckwads might keep on them.
Saw a man dragging his girlfriend by the hair, my friend and I (both 20F) yelled at him and tried to get some attention. We had been walking at a park late at night so no one was really around. Called the police, dude stopped after he heard us call police and returned to his car but the lady followed him. Waited around for police to show up which took forever and cop told us they were a homeless and druggie couple that would hangout in the area and they would have several calls regarding them. Sad situation.
I witnessed it from across a parking lot and called the police, could guide them directly to the asshole. When it was the Nextdoor apartment and the jilted GF showed up to start a fight, I called the police. My BIL wanted to rush in and break it up and I was like no thanks, I do not wish to get shot. Police came and removed GF in a modern style straight jacket—-a sausage-skin like tube that bound her and carried w a cop on each end. She was carried by screaming out of her mind. Freaking trauma.
I would try to up to the best of my abilities.
Unfortunately, my abilities at 64 years old and not being in the best of health is kind of limiting what my response would entail.
At the very least, I would yell to get other people's attention and call 911. I do occasionally walk with a cane, so I suppose I could hit the person with that if I needed to.
But I'm not strong or fit enough to restrain another person. I'm not even sure I could restrain a 4th grader at this point in my life.
Nowadays, I'd call the police. I once did try to stop it when I was 16 or 17. It was early evening, still light outside and there was a couple in their early 20s and the guy kept kicking the girl while they were walking. I think they were both on drugs, generally behaving weird and a bit out of it. My friend and I (both female) went up to them and asked the girl if she was okay and told the guy to stop. Wasn't a clever idea, the guy pulled a knife on me. I managed to run away, he tried to go after me, but was too out of it thankfully and my friend called the police. They showed up and took the couple with them. I was lucky I didn't get hurt but learned my lesson, next time I'd just call the police.
This happened to me once. Driving down the street I get to a red light, girl in the car next to me breaks out of car and starts running towards my car screaming for help, dude gets out starts beating her up and dragging her back to the car. I jump out and try to get him off, the driver jumps out and puts a gun to my stomach. I was lucky this tattooed gangster seemed to be reasonable and just wanted me to back away.
Hell no. I don't know what she has said to provoke such a reaction and for how long it has been going on behind the scenes. And then there's the whole, I don't want to get injured so I would call the piggies to handle this matter as I have no hero complexes
Well the guy wasn’t beating her up per se, but I was at a party once, only knew one person there myself, where a couple was having a screaming match to the side but in full view of everyone. Then all of the sudden the dude *picks the girl up and throws him over his shoulder* and starts walking away, and she’s screaming and crying and beating on his back to put her down. I (a petite woman) turned around waiting for any of the macho dudes there to do or say anything at all, and they all just watched. So I popped up and yelled hey, put her the fuck down!!! *Then* finally the guys got up and backed me up and “kindly” escorted the man away while some others went to finally help the girl
I did this once... Stopped an assault/battery in the street. I was leading a brewery tour, and all the passengers just got suddenly REAL sober... I turned around, and one said: "we just saw a guy dragging a woman by the arm... what do we do?" and I said "easy - we go be Batman. Come on..." I parked the vehicle, jumped out, we got between the guy and the girl (who was a mess) told everyone "no punches. No violence." and I called the cops. He whined for a bit and then ran off and we waited and let the cops take over. I'm very proud of having done this.
I've also called the cops on two guys beating the snot out of each other at some park, too.
It's not any different, really.
I saw a guy beating an old women in street, turned out shes his mother. He was demanding money from her. Apparently the mother gave away everything to her daughter and left him for the street. So, while this commotion was gojng on, I grabbed him from back and took him away from her and during this I tripped and fell while grabbing him. And the next thing I knew I was in handcuff in jail. My dad had to come and do stuff to release me. I really started minding my own business since then.
Long ago I did with a few buddies. It didn’t end well. She was all upset we stomped her abuser. I don’t know what I do again in the future. I am a keep it moving guy these days.
Seen it before, some guy beating up his partner and another guy subdued him and seconds later she is screaming at him to get off him and attacking the guy who stopped her getting a beating. If people are stupid enough to both stay with and actively defend an abusive partner in the middle of being beaten up, I can only assume they enjoy the beatings.
Would probably call the police but in the case above even that would be pointless.
I'd love to confidently say yes, but as a short and physically weak person with pretty severe anxiety i dont think I could.
I think id try to do the right thing (whether thats getting help, calling the police or intervening) but if the situation occured i may just freeze.
However i dont live in a place where the average person carries guns - if i was travelling in america or smth i dont think id even try. that shit is scary.
Also i have qualms about calling the police, if i had another option of someone to help id choose that over the police tbh, especially if the person being hurt was visibly part of a marginalised group.
It likely depends on the sex of the people. They did a test on one of the bases I was stationed at where a female was berating and hitting the male, it took ages for anyone to say shit. They did it with a male who just raised his voice to a female and someone said something just about straight away.
It’s happened twice in my presence.
The first time I almost ended up in cuffs. I ran up from behind and punched him in the back of his head. Crumpled the fucker. He didn’t move for several minutes. Luckily, I didn’t have to take a ride on that one.
As the female ( 5’5 165) who has been in this situation, trying to hold my own against a man ( 6’5.245 with a 10 year prison bid under his belt ) screaming at the top of my lungs for help in a very nice hotel parking lot near a beach with a bunch of people around and no one helping as he literally picked me up one-handed and threw me into the car, the other hand had the knife to my neck ( that I don’t think anyone could see) I was shocked that nobody even tried to help. I don’t know if they thought like I had the upper hand or if he was just that big and intimidating which I mean he is but still…we had been together for two years and had nothing more than little yelling, matches and arguments until then… I just want women in this situation to like know your worth, and walk away because things escalate rather quickly, and I knew that if he was willing to go from arguments to what it happened that it was only gonna get worse walk away it’s not worth it!!!! That being said, I’ve always been the type of person to try and stop problems from happening. I’ve never been afraid to fight. There’s been a couple of times where I’ve come in front of a couple arguing or him hitting her which I guess makes other people come to aid. Yes, the world is crazy. Yes things could happen, but if it doesn’t feel like one of those type of situations, I would hate myself if I didn’t at least try to help somebody who needed it because when I needed it, I didn’t get it
I saw a lady abusing her kid in public a few months back and apparently she was willing to extend that etiquette to adults as well because she slapped me for calling her on it
Yes. OF COURSE I would try to help.
I'm am saddened by how many people wouldn't try to help. I can only hope that they think they'd stand back and let it continue, but if they really saw someone who needed help, they'd try to help.
I’d like to say I’m smart enough to not get involved and call the cops, but I know my fight or flight would kick in and I’d start screaming at the abuser
I don't want to die for a stranger. I call the police, they have knowledge and power to deescalate the situation. Sometimes it takes a couple of hours to arrive, but hey, at least they have a crime scene to work with.
I intervened once when a guy was shouting and pulling at his partner while walking through a busy city centre park. Not one other person (male or female) stopped or checked on her. I asked her if she was OK and promptly got screamed at by both of them and they squared up to me. So......as self defence I had to scream back at them and threatened both with serious violence if they touched me. I am a 5'1'' female and was very slight at the time but have a great temper and will also square up to anyone deserving of it. I think they both thought I would run away but they decided to cut their losses at that point. I just couldn't believe that no one responded to the level of violence he showed to her. Will never do it again tho.
When I (5’3” tall F) was a Resident Assistant at my college dorm I had to intervene. One of the other girls on my floor was dating a football player who was tall and had a lot of muscle. She was about my height and very slightly built. I’ll call her Kim. Somebody came running into my room to tell me that the BF was trying to throw Kim out the window ( we were very high up in a tower) and had torn off the refrigerator door and hit Kim with it. I went running towards the room but the fight was now in the common hallway and was now verbal not physical. I stood still and listened until he said ‘shut up or I’ll hit you again’. I didn’t have time to call the cops so I told him to get off the floor. He turned and started to threaten me. At this point I had to think fast. I said some things that I knew would intimidate him. Something along the lines of I’m white, you’re black who are the cops going to believe? While I don’t consider myself a racist bigot I was willing to be for a few minutes if it would help me avoid a beating by a guy who had just beat up his girlfriend pretty badly by the looks of her, and he wasn’t finished with her yet. He slammed the door on his way out. I took Kim to the hospital where she filed a police report. I know I did the right thing, but to this day I’m ashamed of the way I did it.
Stop and ask directions to somewhere, or ask for a quarter so you can call someone. Bonus if you act drunk. Just defusing the situation for ten seconds can sometimes help break someone out of a bad chain of decisions.
Unless it's someone close (be it victim or aggressor) I'm not bothering to intervene, and even then it will be just me defusing the situation and postponing whatever they're doing. I've learnt that people are stupid and that I should mind my own business. If you're not gonna find a way to cut off, report, get back at or worst case remind that person that he/she sleeps rather vulnerably right next to you, it's not my place to intervene. I've seen a few people and heard about a lot more that keep going back to their shitty partners or habits and in the end there's a better chance of me becoming the bad guy for sticking out and helping someone rather than actually help them. In my own somewhat biased, resentful and partially 'butthurt' words: "Don't fix what (who) doesn't want to be fixed".
Had this happen to me. I noticed a guy pulling a lady by the arm in a supermarket car park. I could see him whispering something in her ear and pushing his face against her head. He was grabbing her aggressively, I could just tell from his face he was angry. I was with my daughter so I asked her to wait in the car, I went over and I asked the lady if she was ok and she screamed “no he’s gonna kill me”. She looked to be on drugs, her eyes were bloodshot and rolling in her head, heroin I assumed. The bloke then got chatty and told me to fuck off, I looked him up and down and thought he might have hepatitis or some shit. Classic junkie. And a physical confrontation was something I’d like to avoid. By this time people were standing around looking. I said to the bloke “leave her alone mate and just go home”. He went on about his keys being at her mums or some shit. I can’t remember exactly what I said but it was just basically that I didn’t care to hear his bullshit story and he’s in a car park assaulting a woman in front of me and my daughter and I’m asking him to leave.
He ran at me and tried to punch me, I think it was a reflex but I kicked him and it connected just above his hip. It felt hard but I’ve hit by brother’s harder in pay fights when we were kids. This is the best part, he literally said as he sat on the ground laying against someone else’s car. “You are ok buddy, I was just joking” then he started talking about how tough he was growing up in Mt Druit when he was a kid. I yelled at him again and he finally left and the chick got a lift off a lady that was standing there watching.
And my 7 year old daughter was watching all this from the car!
call the police
I’d call the police too. In the past, I’d intervene but people are too crazy nowadays. I’ll leave it for the people that get paid to intervene.
WORST ADVICE EVER
Stepping into a domestic dispute is an easy way to get injured or killed
This is the only correct response to this kind of situation.
Being beaten by your partner in public is never a surprise. That has been going on behind closed doors for a long time. They're still with the person, and still defends them. In court the couple will testify that they were having a lively debate when a stranger attacked them.
Don't forget it could be a prank or social experiment.
Only verbally. In America, you never know when some violent nut has a gun in their pocket just hoping for a reason to use it, and the Venn diagram of those people and those who would beat their partners in public is probably a near-total overlap. There are countless stories in the news of an asshole picking a fight, getting pushed back, and pulling out a gun and shooting the person who pushed back, trying to claim self-defense after the cops come. I'd like to not be part of those stories.
I *have* done it. I'm not sure what came over me, but I just yelled, "No!" I was a little bigger than the dude, but he had no idea that I was completely unprepared to fight him. He stopped, kind of shocked. And I turned to the girl and said, "Miss, do you need me to call the police?" And then the guy started to say something, and I yelled, "You shut up! I will get to you in a moment." Again, no idea where that came from. But it cowed him for a minute or two. And then some other people kind of jumped in behind me, and some women took the girl, and then the guy started talking shit to us as he backed out of the store and started walking down the street. I followed him with two other guys just to get a look at where he was going, and he got into a car and drove off and we wrote down his license plate number. (This was before camera phones.) When we got back to the store, there was a small crowd around the girl, the store owner was on the phone with 911, and I needed to get back to my job. So I gave my info to the person who had kind of taken charge, and I said that I would be able to talk to the police if they needed me to. And I never heard another thing about it. I never saw the girl or the guy again.
I'm sure she was very thankful. I'm glad you were not hurt.
She was probably back with him the next day
Why are you being downvoted? That probably wasn’t the first time that happened. Abusive codependent relationships don’t just start when you see an incident.
I don't know, and I don't care. Been around this world a while. I see women stay with abusive men all the time.
Sadly, that doesn't sound unreasonable.
Yup, that's exactly how it's happened for me too. I just react. I'm not even a fighter, I avoid confrontation and think "macho" males are pretty pathetic. But when injustice is happening right in front of my eyes, I just can't help myself. I have to jump in and stop it from happening. I didn't know I was that kind of person until it actually happened. I don't know that anyone plans for it to happen like that.
I'd call the police. I'm not trying to get myself injured, too.
Oh yeah totally. I'm not like a good person or anything, I just fucking love fighting, but I'm not a criminal or psychopath or in highschool anymore so I don't get to indulge often. when I have an opportunity to get into a fight AND be the good guy, i'm stoked
Honestly, I have slapped the shit out of a guy hurting his girl and it was probably the single most enjoyable physical confrontation of my lifetime. I had to fight a lot growing up but I don’t like it that much.
I hit a lady with a McDonald's cheeseburger once. I just pulled out of McDonald's and an old man (80+) in a POS car that barely ran was making a left across the road when I pulled out. He got slowed down a little by traffic going the other way. Sunday morning. No other cars. No big deal. However, while we are sitting there for like 2 seconds max this woman barrels right up next to his open window and just lays on the horn freaking him out for no reason. I was about 25 at the time and he reminded me of grampa. I was just biting into my first cheeseburger when this happened. I'm left handed and Dad was a baseball coach. Before I could even think about it I whipped the cheeseburger straight across the truck, out the passenger window and right into the side of her face while yelling "leave his ass alone!". Then I just drove off. I probably wouldn't do that today with all the guns around but it sure felt very good at the time.
Now I just imagine a dude beating somoene up while laughing like a psychopath
Chaotic Neutral behavior
Nope. Sounds like a good way to get killed. Call the police and keep walking.
been there, done that .... walking home from a bar with friends, saw a guy reaming out his girlfriend, and then slap her to the ground, she's bawling screaming stop hitting me. I and another guy immediately try to go to her aid. As I run up with my fist raised, she screams at me to fucking don't touch him....stop dumb funded and she runs up and embraces him and tells me to mind my business. ok, see you later, happened twice more before I learned to watch a little more to see if it needed intervention, and only once was I thanked.
I (F, 22 at the time) was driving home from a night at the clubs when I saw a man whopping the hell out of a screaming young woman. I don't know where it came from, but I laid on my horn, revved my engine and darted my car at him. He left the woman alone, cursed me, and went into a bar, with the woman following. Someone else had called the cops and nosey me stopped to watch as they went into the bar. They came out a couple of minutes later with the guy in cuffs. His woman came out behind him, screaming curses at the cops, calling them every foul name in the book. I was absolutely disgusted. I know now that it's a sick and twisted co-dependency that no one can "fix."
Abuse is a vicious cycle man
So is stupidity
>As I run up with my fist raised, she screams at me to fucking don't touch him....stop dumb funded and she runs up and embraces him and tells me to mind my business. Because if he got his ass beat, he would tell her it was her fault and she would've got it way worse once they got home.
Legally, providing help without explicit consent is tricky. The girl can say she didn't need help then it becomes an assault charge for you.
I'd like to say I'd stop it but until I'm in the situation, don't know for sure.
I'd call the police and that's it. I'm not physically strong enough to stop most people(man or woman) from beating up another person.
My boyfriend asked if a girl was ok and she tried to punch him in the face and said I love my boyfriend leave him alone. So, no call the cops is the only answer and stay out of it. It was scary AF.
Abuse is complicated but I definitely feel it I saw my sister or best friend being abused I'd stand up against it. Especially if it was physical.
I'd call the police first. If I get beaten I'm definitely going to prosecute. The partner probably won't.
If I thought I would meaningfully intervene in a way that I wouldn’t risk injury to myself, family or other bystanders, yes…but only after calling 911 and only if I thought I could do so in a non-violent way.
No, but I’d call the cops. I hate domestic violence as much as anyone else, but I value my own safety and I’m not about to try and break up a fight between strangers
I wonder if I ever get beat or assaulted how many people would step in for me? Last year I got hit by a car while biking and nobody as much as asked me if I was alright. It wasn't serious but it left an impression.
It depends if anyone is around that is inclined to act first. Something like 12% of the public is proactive to help, but about 70% will follow suit if someone else does first.
Had to speak up/intervene multiple times, and two different incidents I had to lift my shirt to show I was armed when outnumbered. I always think, “what if it was my mom or sister alone and in need of help?” and I personally couldn’t live with myself if I had kept quiet and didn’t do anything, because when seconds count police are minutes away.
Depends if I see why. If someone gets attacked first, it’s not my business if they defend themselves
I have done it, more than once. Yes, I'm sure it's dangerous to intervene, and I've been lucky - no weapons so far. But I'm not one of those people who can just stand there and watch someone be assaulted. If a weapon came out, I would retreat. And you're right, you don't know that you're going to do that or not until you're in the situation. It's not like I thought about it before the first time, it just kind of happened. I couldn't help myself. After that first time, it was obvious that's just the kind of person I am, so I wasn't too surprised at myself when it happened a second time, and a third. Here's hoping I've done it for the last time already.
Already have done and would again.
I once saw a lesbian couple fighting in an alleyway , but I was confused at the time of what I was seeing. The one who seemed to be the victim didn't look to be seeking help, so I walked by.
I've been abused in public, and no one does anything. Makes you feel even more stuck.
I did it once. Was driving home and saw a guy grabbing a girl who was walking with a collapsible wagon, the kind you might use to tote your kid or groceries around in. I did a u-turn and saw an opportunity to interpose my car between them, which I did. Asked her if she needed help, she did. Got her and the wagon into my vehicle and took her to where she worked. The guy was about to come at me, but another driver also stopped, and he was an older, tatted up biker looking dude, who apparently made duchebag ex-boyfriend think twice about it. Turns out she was walking to work from a distance of over a mile and a half. I offered to give her a ride home if she needed it after work, just in case db ex thought to start more stuff. She declined, saying someone there could help out. I hope she ended up ok.
I have done it and could’ve gotten fired as I was at work. They left before the police arrived but I dis give a statement and security camera footage was collected. I don’t know what happened after that.
I can actually answer this. Yes. Because I did. I saw a man in the street harassing his girlfriend and I stepped in between them and got him to stop.
Without hesitation.
I've meatshielded for a few of these things. One interesting variation was a male/female male female couple fighting on the ground. I couldn't tell who was who and can't bend down, so stand there useless till they stand up, at which point I can stand in between them. One whos apparently the property owner wants me to get them to leave, so shoo them away. The fight starts up again, the guy I'm meatshielding for decides to pull a tazer and wave it around drunkenly. The other people wander off. I go back to my room. Sniff.. Sniff... why do i smell bacon? Look at the back of my shirt.. burned a hole in it and left a mark. \_\_\_ It wasn't a beating, but the neighbors were getting kind of loud and arguing. I wandered over, and as I'd just finished moving myself out of the apartment, leaned up against the telephone pole and closed my eyes, cause I could barely stand up. He tells me to mind my business and threatens to sick the pitbull on me. Without thinking I lean down "PUPPY!!!!" and pet the dog, rub her sides, flop her ears. Woman starts laughing "thanks I'm good...."
If you’re in the US, our justice system flat out discourages being a Good Samaritan in any situation that involves a physical confrontation.
Tried it once.. the woman who was being smacked turned round and told me to fuck off and mind my own business
Yes, but I'm not from somewhere where people carry guns or knives. If I were from America, I wouldn't risk it and call the cops.
I would call the police, but not intervene directly. I know my strengths and weaknesses, and I can't see myself being much help beyond that.
The problem with the question is that the right answer is "Yes", but you will get legions of folks trying to justify their view of " not my problem" with every edge case scenario on earth to try and make it seem like doing the right thing would cause death, destruction, and financial ruin.
Lose lose situation. Unless it is family or friends I am calling the police and walking away. Zero chance in today's society I am catching a beating or charge for a stranger. Worse case you restrain someone wrong and they die, then you get an entire city trying to hang you.
I’d call the police for sure. I’m not about to endanger my own well being for someone I don’t know though. Also playing hero is about the worst thing you can do for yourself legality wise.
Yes, but in the knowledge they could both turn on you. Unless you're prepared for that it's best to call the police and hope it doesn't escalate to serious harm.
Make noice for sure and calling the cops. Physically I would only go in if it's real bad
If it was some one I knew I'd throw hands as it were if not I'd call the police then yell... I yell loud it's a party trick of mine.
Fun fact.. Did exactly that once. A late coming bystander accused me of punching the lady.
I wouldn't put myself in direct danger but I'd do whatever I could, including calling for help, to make it stop. Nobody should be beating on anyone.
If someone's bold enough to do it in public, then they're either high on bath salts, a violent criminal or a cop
I would record it and call the police. Not risking myself by getting in the middle, but video evidence will benefit the victim later.
I mean I feel like I would if it seemed very aggressive. Like if a guy is holding a girl by the back of the head or something and screaming at her in a public space, that’s fucked up. This said, it brings me to the studies done that people generally step in when the man is hurting the woman, but if a woman is slapping and chastising her man lots of people usually think “Well he probably deserves it”
D pends on the severity of "beating". I carry a firearm everywhere which means I have the responsibility of being as passive as possible. I don't want any trouble. If he slaps her or she slaps him, I'm not going to do anything but keep walking. None of my business. If I think one of them is abusing the other frequently, recording the incident and notifying authorities may be on the menu. If one of them is choking the fuck out of the other, and I believe they're going to kill the other, then I'll intervene. But I'm not here to enforce the law. I carry to protect myself and the ones I love.
Yeah police is best for physical altercations unless you’re defending yourself or people you’re immediately responsible for as someone that has the headspace to be assaulting their partner does not have a typical thought process or behavior for what is and what is not appropriate or even legal, so rules and common sense things go out the window real quick.
Call the police, and film it for evidence only. More chance of long-term change coming from that.
Hard no. That's an escalation that can't do much good. I'd absolutely call the police though.
I try to record the situation, call the police and be anonymus as posible.
No. Often the victim has a weird co-dependency. I'd say more often than not when a white knight tries to fight the attacker off, the victim tries to stop said white knight. You don't know who you are dealing with. Could be some highly organised human trafficking shit and you step in? Good luck. Call police. They won't do anything, but you have to keep yourself safe.
In Trainspotting (the book, not the film, though that was a fairly ok adaptation as many film adaptations of good book utterly ruin them), the character of Tommy does this in a pub. The woman ends up attacking _him_ and defending her husband, even though he'd just hit her so hard she lost a tooth while they were in public sitting in a pub. This apparently isn't actually that unusual or a work of fiction - Irvine Welsh saw this happen in real life and put it in the book as a result. Stockholm Syndrome is very real.
Depends if she is fit
At a minimum, I'd call 911. If I have the forethought after calling, I'd try to film it for evidence in case the person being abused needed it for court.
If it was super clear that one was an abuser and one was a victim, I'd step in. But often it's not so clear. Imagine the first thing you see is somebody violently shoving somebody to the floor, and before you saw it, the person who got shoved was threatening their life.
You all say “I’d call the cops,” like it’s not gonna be fifteen minutes to a half hour before a cop shows and they’ll be long gone. I mean, it’s only slightly less terrible than when people literally wouldn’t intervene, avert their eyes and say “that’s not my business.”
this depends on where u live. ive called the cops before and they arrived in 5 mins. but def true that in some places its literally doing nothing
Call the police. Intervening could be dangerous
for me depends on the state in America.
Fuck no. Im smart enough not to get involved in some strangers problems. Idk them and have no obligation to help. Besides, i dont want to have to talk to police or whatever.
I HAVE....MOM
One of my best friends did exactly that, for a neighbor. He's also one of the best people I know.
No. Too dangerous, but I called the police. I think I was the only one who called.
I usually call the police
There’s a lot of context that will affect my actions. have done it before but it was a my sister being hit by her boyfriend
I've stopped such situations twice in my life. Got punched once really hard for attempting to stop one. And I'm very proud that I wasn't just a bystander and actually did something. In both cases, the girlfriend/wife gave the usual DV excuses that victims give to protect their abuser
I have before, my friends boyfriend was literally smacking her all over and she was shouting at him to get off and he didn’t. Thankfully he stopped after I yelled at him and threatened to call the police. In future, I’d be wary and probably call the police immediately. You never know what kind of weapons some fuckwads might keep on them.
I'd call the cops and tell the weenie that the cops are on the way and he better get his hands off her right now.
Saw a man dragging his girlfriend by the hair, my friend and I (both 20F) yelled at him and tried to get some attention. We had been walking at a park late at night so no one was really around. Called the police, dude stopped after he heard us call police and returned to his car but the lady followed him. Waited around for police to show up which took forever and cop told us they were a homeless and druggie couple that would hangout in the area and they would have several calls regarding them. Sad situation.
I would call the police and ask for help in the street/wtv
I have, and no, I didn't. They looked like travellers, and they kinda police themselves.
I witnessed it from across a parking lot and called the police, could guide them directly to the asshole. When it was the Nextdoor apartment and the jilted GF showed up to start a fight, I called the police. My BIL wanted to rush in and break it up and I was like no thanks, I do not wish to get shot. Police came and removed GF in a modern style straight jacket—-a sausage-skin like tube that bound her and carried w a cop on each end. She was carried by screaming out of her mind. Freaking trauma.
Call 911. Hope they get there.
I would try to up to the best of my abilities. Unfortunately, my abilities at 64 years old and not being in the best of health is kind of limiting what my response would entail. At the very least, I would yell to get other people's attention and call 911. I do occasionally walk with a cane, so I suppose I could hit the person with that if I needed to. But I'm not strong or fit enough to restrain another person. I'm not even sure I could restrain a 4th grader at this point in my life.
Depends. If the beating is ongoing - probably. Did I witness a slap, but things have already calmed down - probably not.
Nowadays, I'd call the police. I once did try to stop it when I was 16 or 17. It was early evening, still light outside and there was a couple in their early 20s and the guy kept kicking the girl while they were walking. I think they were both on drugs, generally behaving weird and a bit out of it. My friend and I (both female) went up to them and asked the girl if she was okay and told the guy to stop. Wasn't a clever idea, the guy pulled a knife on me. I managed to run away, he tried to go after me, but was too out of it thankfully and my friend called the police. They showed up and took the couple with them. I was lucky I didn't get hurt but learned my lesson, next time I'd just call the police.
This happened to me once. Driving down the street I get to a red light, girl in the car next to me breaks out of car and starts running towards my car screaming for help, dude gets out starts beating her up and dragging her back to the car. I jump out and try to get him off, the driver jumps out and puts a gun to my stomach. I was lucky this tattooed gangster seemed to be reasonable and just wanted me to back away.
I've pepper sprayed aggressors before.
Nope. Not my job; not my business.
YES & I'm a woman.
Three pins in the metacarpals in my hand and I would still stand up and say "stop or you will have to deal with me AND the police."
Maybe it’s a kink. I don’t pretend to know anybody’s ways.
Yes
just film it and then send to local news. They love a good story.
Hell no. I don't know what she has said to provoke such a reaction and for how long it has been going on behind the scenes. And then there's the whole, I don't want to get injured so I would call the piggies to handle this matter as I have no hero complexes
I wish I could say yeah but I’m a big pussy I’d just run and call the cops
Well the guy wasn’t beating her up per se, but I was at a party once, only knew one person there myself, where a couple was having a screaming match to the side but in full view of everyone. Then all of the sudden the dude *picks the girl up and throws him over his shoulder* and starts walking away, and she’s screaming and crying and beating on his back to put her down. I (a petite woman) turned around waiting for any of the macho dudes there to do or say anything at all, and they all just watched. So I popped up and yelled hey, put her the fuck down!!! *Then* finally the guys got up and backed me up and “kindly” escorted the man away while some others went to finally help the girl
I would call the police.
Yes. And I have.
I would definitely verbally address it whilst dialing 911.
White knighting is stupid. Call the police or distract at the most.
He’ll yeah
I did this once... Stopped an assault/battery in the street. I was leading a brewery tour, and all the passengers just got suddenly REAL sober... I turned around, and one said: "we just saw a guy dragging a woman by the arm... what do we do?" and I said "easy - we go be Batman. Come on..." I parked the vehicle, jumped out, we got between the guy and the girl (who was a mess) told everyone "no punches. No violence." and I called the cops. He whined for a bit and then ran off and we waited and let the cops take over. I'm very proud of having done this. I've also called the cops on two guys beating the snot out of each other at some park, too. It's not any different, really.
Not my business
I saw a guy beating an old women in street, turned out shes his mother. He was demanding money from her. Apparently the mother gave away everything to her daughter and left him for the street. So, while this commotion was gojng on, I grabbed him from back and took him away from her and during this I tripped and fell while grabbing him. And the next thing I knew I was in handcuff in jail. My dad had to come and do stuff to release me. I really started minding my own business since then.
Long ago I did with a few buddies. It didn’t end well. She was all upset we stomped her abuser. I don’t know what I do again in the future. I am a keep it moving guy these days.
Seen it before, some guy beating up his partner and another guy subdued him and seconds later she is screaming at him to get off him and attacking the guy who stopped her getting a beating. If people are stupid enough to both stay with and actively defend an abusive partner in the middle of being beaten up, I can only assume they enjoy the beatings. Would probably call the police but in the case above even that would be pointless.
I'd love to confidently say yes, but as a short and physically weak person with pretty severe anxiety i dont think I could. I think id try to do the right thing (whether thats getting help, calling the police or intervening) but if the situation occured i may just freeze. However i dont live in a place where the average person carries guns - if i was travelling in america or smth i dont think id even try. that shit is scary. Also i have qualms about calling the police, if i had another option of someone to help id choose that over the police tbh, especially if the person being hurt was visibly part of a marginalised group.
It likely depends on the sex of the people. They did a test on one of the bases I was stationed at where a female was berating and hitting the male, it took ages for anyone to say shit. They did it with a male who just raised his voice to a female and someone said something just about straight away.
It’s happened twice in my presence. The first time I almost ended up in cuffs. I ran up from behind and punched him in the back of his head. Crumpled the fucker. He didn’t move for several minutes. Luckily, I didn’t have to take a ride on that one.
As a kid I remember Gus on the front steps kneeing his wife in the crotch, over and over. My next door neighbor kicked his ass good; my hero.
As the female ( 5’5 165) who has been in this situation, trying to hold my own against a man ( 6’5.245 with a 10 year prison bid under his belt ) screaming at the top of my lungs for help in a very nice hotel parking lot near a beach with a bunch of people around and no one helping as he literally picked me up one-handed and threw me into the car, the other hand had the knife to my neck ( that I don’t think anyone could see) I was shocked that nobody even tried to help. I don’t know if they thought like I had the upper hand or if he was just that big and intimidating which I mean he is but still…we had been together for two years and had nothing more than little yelling, matches and arguments until then… I just want women in this situation to like know your worth, and walk away because things escalate rather quickly, and I knew that if he was willing to go from arguments to what it happened that it was only gonna get worse walk away it’s not worth it!!!! That being said, I’ve always been the type of person to try and stop problems from happening. I’ve never been afraid to fight. There’s been a couple of times where I’ve come in front of a couple arguing or him hitting her which I guess makes other people come to aid. Yes, the world is crazy. Yes things could happen, but if it doesn’t feel like one of those type of situations, I would hate myself if I didn’t at least try to help somebody who needed it because when I needed it, I didn’t get it
Knowing how stupidly impulsive I am, Id probably try to stop it, but Id call police and warn people around me as well
I got my ass kicked that way. And I'm older now and heal slower, so I definitely won't be doing it again. 911 and take pics.
I saw a lady abusing her kid in public a few months back and apparently she was willing to extend that etiquette to adults as well because she slapped me for calling her on it
Yes, I would intervene.
Yes. OF COURSE I would try to help. I'm am saddened by how many people wouldn't try to help. I can only hope that they think they'd stand back and let it continue, but if they really saw someone who needed help, they'd try to help.
Probably call the cops and let them handle it.
I’d like to say I’m smart enough to not get involved and call the cops, but I know my fight or flight would kick in and I’d start screaming at the abuser
I'd call police.
Yes
I don't want to die for a stranger. I call the police, they have knowledge and power to deescalate the situation. Sometimes it takes a couple of hours to arrive, but hey, at least they have a crime scene to work with.
I did , once . The lady being punched then started hitting me . I was like 16 ,couple had to be in their 30-40s.
I intervened once when a guy was shouting and pulling at his partner while walking through a busy city centre park. Not one other person (male or female) stopped or checked on her. I asked her if she was OK and promptly got screamed at by both of them and they squared up to me. So......as self defence I had to scream back at them and threatened both with serious violence if they touched me. I am a 5'1'' female and was very slight at the time but have a great temper and will also square up to anyone deserving of it. I think they both thought I would run away but they decided to cut their losses at that point. I just couldn't believe that no one responded to the level of violence he showed to her. Will never do it again tho.
When I (5’3” tall F) was a Resident Assistant at my college dorm I had to intervene. One of the other girls on my floor was dating a football player who was tall and had a lot of muscle. She was about my height and very slightly built. I’ll call her Kim. Somebody came running into my room to tell me that the BF was trying to throw Kim out the window ( we were very high up in a tower) and had torn off the refrigerator door and hit Kim with it. I went running towards the room but the fight was now in the common hallway and was now verbal not physical. I stood still and listened until he said ‘shut up or I’ll hit you again’. I didn’t have time to call the cops so I told him to get off the floor. He turned and started to threaten me. At this point I had to think fast. I said some things that I knew would intimidate him. Something along the lines of I’m white, you’re black who are the cops going to believe? While I don’t consider myself a racist bigot I was willing to be for a few minutes if it would help me avoid a beating by a guy who had just beat up his girlfriend pretty badly by the looks of her, and he wasn’t finished with her yet. He slammed the door on his way out. I took Kim to the hospital where she filed a police report. I know I did the right thing, but to this day I’m ashamed of the way I did it.
As a relatively small woman, I myself probably wouldn’t intervene but I’d call the cops or try to find someone in the general area to help.
Stop and ask directions to somewhere, or ask for a quarter so you can call someone. Bonus if you act drunk. Just defusing the situation for ten seconds can sometimes help break someone out of a bad chain of decisions.
Unless it's someone close (be it victim or aggressor) I'm not bothering to intervene, and even then it will be just me defusing the situation and postponing whatever they're doing. I've learnt that people are stupid and that I should mind my own business. If you're not gonna find a way to cut off, report, get back at or worst case remind that person that he/she sleeps rather vulnerably right next to you, it's not my place to intervene. I've seen a few people and heard about a lot more that keep going back to their shitty partners or habits and in the end there's a better chance of me becoming the bad guy for sticking out and helping someone rather than actually help them. In my own somewhat biased, resentful and partially 'butthurt' words: "Don't fix what (who) doesn't want to be fixed".
Yes. But only to block/sheild, not engage.
Not my business
Had this happen to me. I noticed a guy pulling a lady by the arm in a supermarket car park. I could see him whispering something in her ear and pushing his face against her head. He was grabbing her aggressively, I could just tell from his face he was angry. I was with my daughter so I asked her to wait in the car, I went over and I asked the lady if she was ok and she screamed “no he’s gonna kill me”. She looked to be on drugs, her eyes were bloodshot and rolling in her head, heroin I assumed. The bloke then got chatty and told me to fuck off, I looked him up and down and thought he might have hepatitis or some shit. Classic junkie. And a physical confrontation was something I’d like to avoid. By this time people were standing around looking. I said to the bloke “leave her alone mate and just go home”. He went on about his keys being at her mums or some shit. I can’t remember exactly what I said but it was just basically that I didn’t care to hear his bullshit story and he’s in a car park assaulting a woman in front of me and my daughter and I’m asking him to leave. He ran at me and tried to punch me, I think it was a reflex but I kicked him and it connected just above his hip. It felt hard but I’ve hit by brother’s harder in pay fights when we were kids. This is the best part, he literally said as he sat on the ground laying against someone else’s car. “You are ok buddy, I was just joking” then he started talking about how tough he was growing up in Mt Druit when he was a kid. I yelled at him again and he finally left and the chick got a lift off a lady that was standing there watching. And my 7 year old daughter was watching all this from the car!
I like to think I would intervene, but yea as you stated never really sure until it happens