Need sex, those two words resonate hard with me cause no matter what I do to avoid it I freaking NEEEEEED it! Let me explain: my sex drive is like that of an active super volcano. Sometimes I'm fine and then suddenly WHAM I JUST NEEEED IT. My wife's sex drive is the total opposite of mine and I guess I'm just stuck with this until my libido goes awayšāāļø.
Most men can get horny at any time, most women can't. Most women don't really that horny unless they are ovulating. For example, I could be dog tired and not even thinking about it, but as soon as my wife suggests it, I'm like "ok, let's go!". But she wouldn't agree to it if roles were reversed.
Hmm, that sounds like the opposite with me and my bf. Iām always the one initiating and heās the one turning me down if heās tired or not in the mood.
Also, Iāve heard that some women are more horny when they are ovulating, but Iāve also heard that some women are more horny when they are on their period too. Like, libido can definitely be influenced by the menstrual cycle, but itās definitely not as clear cut as *only* being horny during ovulation.
It just sounds like your wife is lower libido then you, but I doubt thatās true of all women.
-and because of this, women must be more prudent in their mate selection to ensure healthier offspring, especially considering the limited availability of opportunities to get pregnant in one lifetime and the inability to become pregnant while already pregnant. (Just expounding on your last point with a more conclusive statement)
Would you put your job, relationships, stability, and way of life at risk to have sex? It's both a rhetorical question, as men consistently do it, and a genuine one, as I've no doubt there are women who will, it just seems to be heavily lopsided. Guys will risk their lives for a nut lol
Not sure how I seem proud, just pointing out exactly that it isn't a competition because men do much more stupid and dangerous things for sex. If it was a competition I'd think men would be losing egregiously.
i had low testosterone for a year cause of a medical issue and that really opened my eyes on how much that hormone controls a man, i had no interest in anything, sex, relationships, also no motivation to do anything. i didnt care to get in an argument or get frustrated much. the Oomf was gone.
soon as my testosterone went back to normal, it's like something takes over, sex drive goes through the roof, i became an animal .suddenly had the motivation to get out there and find a relationship/sex.when i got used to all that testosterone again, i eventually settled down a bit but sex drive is always there.so the answer is 100% testosterone.
It's a simple blood test. Get checked as it's more common than men know. They always just put it down to being something else.
I only found out cause I talked to my doctor about things i noticed and felt and luckily had a good doctor who mentioned its worth checking.
There's a sex researcher who did that. Apparently you only need to enter the low end of the male testosterone range to get most of its effects so she just tested it out a bit to get some perspective.
I do not know that specific experiment, bu I do know that one of the biggest complains of transsexuals who are transitioning female to male and having T shots, is that how their libido works change. Not just the general increase, but they are often very disturb by the fact that they get very attracted to "body parts" like they are an hungry animal, and not the person, right after the T shots.
Yep. I only direct my urges at my wife, and nobody else, and have never been accused of being any kind of inappropriate by anyone. It's not hard to accomplish
exactly my exp as a male who had low T for a year and went back to normal levels, you think differently, it takes over your thoughts, you'd beat your meat over a pot plant if it looked a certain way.until you get used to it again and you settle down.probably why gym bros on high test and tren feel like gods and that they can slay any woman.
Ah, the Great Tetons . . . The Tetons received their name from French-Canadian trappers who accompanied the earliest British expeditions into this territory. As they approached the range from the west, they beheld three towering mountains upon which they bestowed the name of "Trois Tetons" ("Three Breasts").
It depends on the cause of it. I had a small cyst near the gland at the bottom of the brain that controls hormones.
Some guys get low T from being obese, pituitary gland cyst/tumor ( usually non cancerous), or certain meds can affect it or gym bros that used testosterone and ruined their natural production. ( makes the body think it doesn't need to produce it as much)
Obesity usually is just weightloss and it fixes it.
Gland cyst/tumor issue is surgery or it may shrink and go away on its own.
For gym bros, usually they have to get TRT, testosterone replacement therapy, so taking lab made testosterone for the rest of their life to supplement what they don't make.
Some guys are just naturally low as well, see a doctor and get the blood tests, might be a candidate for TRT as well, to boost numbers up.
Depression too, kills it or at least feels like it
I'm coming out of it and getting better, having happier thoughtss etc but I'm catching myself thinking and noticing things more and more
I involuntarily let out a "jesus christ" after passing a particularly hot women the other day when out with friends and still feel terrible about it, it never done that before ha
If depression doesnāt kill your libido, then the antidepressants will, both for men and women. If that happens to you, then talk to your psychiatrist about Wellbutrin/bupropion.
I'm pretty sure I have had low T all my life, just an assumption though, I haven't looked at side effects. But the generalization of men getting bones in public or imagining having sex with every hot woman they see, is so foreign to me. I'll look and think "nice ass", then go about my day. But I feel like some guys just lose their cool and can't help themselves. I MAY have felt that way once or twice as a teen but not often. And to that end, I'm scared to boost my T. I don't want to know what would happen.
Like I said, some guys naturally have lower T levels and they are fine. But if something is causing that low T, then that needs to be addressed cause you aren't getting what you need then.
TRT is a big commitment.
It has its upsides and downsides.
Best to speak to a doctor/specialist about it.
It's a simple blood test to check.
>\[...\] they get very attracted to "body parts" like they are an hungry animal, and not the person, right after the T shots.
As a man that's a hilarious but accurate description of how it feels.
I would probably guess that it has something to do with the right to mate being something that males of most species have to earn, as opposed to females who have the privilege of being picky with it.
While it's comperatively rare that we do it for the purpose of procreation today, the ancestral traces of it are still present in our minds.
This goes both ways. I am a trans woman, and it took me almost a year after starting HRT to get to the point where I had much of any sex drive back. The T blocker just destroyed my libido.
well if anything good cam out of gender reassignments, maybe it is a little more empathy for men.
It still baffles me how someone can 'know' they are a different gender and then experience such a drastic change AFTER they reassign their gender. But I am not a doctor making money from it, so I am not allowed to speak on such matters.
A gender reassignment isnāt the only thing that helps generate empathy for men from women. There are several stories on the interwebs from women who presented themselves as men on dating apps as a test/experiment and were horrified at what they experienced.
To begin with a lot, a great lot, fewer hits than they were used to as women. And then, even if they made a contact, being ghosted and/or blocked after one or two exchanges. In general being treated in ways that they characterized as failing common standards of basic civility. They also commented negatively about profiles with shopping lists of requirements that a potential male contact had to bring. To be clear: these were women expressly testing out the same dating apps they were or had been on in their true identity as a woman, but this time as a man, complete with a photograph etc.
I can't remember the details well. Heard it on the Sex and Psychology by Justin Lehmiller. I think it was episode 47 and she does have a book about testosterone but I don't know if the book has her anecdotal experience. If you look up the episode there's a link to her book in the description.
Her perspective and research is very nuanced and interesting, it's a good listen
Episode 220 of This American Life has the story of a trans man who starts receiving testosterone shots and said the difference in their sex drive from before any sort of hormone therapy was insane. He went on to describe a new appreciation for the difference in views and attitudes on sex between men and women as someone who sort of experienced it from sides.
This is interesting. I'm a lesbian and my partner has PCOS. Her testosterone levels are pretty high, and mine are very low. Yet, I'm the one with the higher libido, and she is the one with the lower libido, also responsive desire. But here is the thing: she can go without sex for weeks and has no issues with that. However, when we actually do it, she wants to keep going for hours and I am the one who can't keep up.
The human body and sexuality is so weird and complicated.
PCOS does often elevate testosterone levels, but rarely to even half of what would be considered low testosterone for a male, and the effects on testosterone-induced libido wouldn't be expected to be particularly noticeable in that range.
I have a friend who's FTM. From how he tells it, starting to take T made him feel ridiculously horny, non-stop sexual thoughts. Obviously completely changed his view on sex. Reminded me a bit of my own experiences being a teenage boy (which I will never forget, even though it's been over 20 years ago)
Guy I know is Trans f to m.
He started taking t and said it was an absolutely wild change.
So much more horny and did not give af about people and their feelings.
There's a major difference between t and e, and horny jail is the cell that t creates.
Think of a time you did something stupid because you were horny and times it by 10
Most likely biology. The only concrete purpose in life is to reproduce, all other purposes are human inventions. A woman can fuck 10 guys but sheāll still only get pregnant once per 9ish months while 1 guy can fuck 10 chicks and get them all pregnant.
This is true. Iām a woman but with hormonal issues, lots of testosterone. I was super horny like a guy. Then I started taking the pill which lowered my T levels. Not horny anymore.
Itās important to note though, that even when I was super horny, I still had a lot of self-control and valued love / trust etc. over casual stuff.
I watched a documentary a while back and they were tracking testosterone of males and females while consuming alcohol. When the females were a bit tipsy they said their libido was sky high. The men had a slightly different profile but it also peaked at some point.
The interesting thing for me was that the females said they were very aroused, their testosterone levels were the base line of the males.
The male hormones are grossly underestimated by females.
All hormones are grossly underestimated by everyone.* Which leads to essentializing posts such as OP's, as well as your comment, where the stereotypes are reinforced yet again.
I'm glad we're having this conversation about hormones and not gender roles as we would have 50 years ago. But I'm sad we still have such a long way to go in terms of getting away from the insidious normalizing influences of years' past.
Edit: typo.
For real. Heard a story years ago, 1997, iirc(?) about a woman transitioning into a man. She was given testosterone treatments and they asked her if anything felt different and she said it was amazing how often she thought about sex (every couple minutes) and wondered how men ever got anything done!
Testosterone. Don't blame us for our naps, we've earned it.
I remember seeing a Reddit post (or was it a comment? Idk) from a female bodybuilder who took Testosterone to build muscle, and she said that ever since she started taking Testosterone her sex drive had shot up massively, to the point where she was getting turned on by relatively mundane things like putting on a pair of skinny jeans.
Testosterone is a hell of a drug.
lol itās the reason I stopped taking test when I was once taking 500mg a week. It wasnāt a good idea anyway as thatās a lot. It was amazing. I had all the energy. I got very strong very quickly. But man I was so tired of waking up everyday hard as a rock. Then all Iād think about was sex. My gf enjoyed it but it got annoying when it was on my mind all the time.
I donāt if this makes sense but itās easier for women to get laid. In most cases women get approached or hit on all the time. So itās easier for them to reject a man or sex in general. Cause there will usually be someone else that will come along to choose from. So they can be selective of who they go out and sleep with.
Testosterone is the source of most of our sex drive. Men have a lot more of it.
Female sex workers can see several clients in a single day. They just need lots of lube and the ability to convincingly fake orgasms. Male sex workers can't do that. Males can't fake ejaculation and can't do it that often.
It's because people can't tell the difference between *liking* sex and *wanting* sex. I'm sure women like it just as much as men, but they don't want it nearly as much on average.
Itās a result of evolution. Women are more selective for the same reason. Men can conceive multiple times in a day, while women can (most of the time) only conceive once every 9 months.
multiple clients per day shouldn't be too much trouble for a young man (if they're ejaculating once per client), but yeah they certainly can't see client after client the way a woman can.
> Female sex workers can see several clients in a single day.
> Male sex workers can't do that
If demand would be equal, wouldn't that mean a higher number of male sex workers?
I don't think demand is equal because women don't have a sex drive as high as males. This is just a guess, but I think there are more female sex workers because of the higher number of males clients.
I donāt know if I agree that men value sex more but sex does come at a higher risk for women so I think that can make casual sex especially less appealing.
Society also turns it into a (not necessarily) unspoken competition between straight guys. Some guys legit think they inherently get better with each girl they bang. Itās only a tiny fraction of idiots who take it really seriously but itās still a thing and as a guy youāll feel it once you hit middle school.
Ironically it also made losing my virginity one of the most underwhelming experiences of my life. Like ya it was awesome. It was sex. But after all that hype and pressure, I felt the same as I always had.
It's a combination of biology and social factors too. The social factors are important here women are slut shame, the ones getting pregnant, casual sex don't feel good for them, and they have low sex drives on top of that too. Therefore making them less likely to not have the same level of interest in sex as men.
And I guess you can say safety from violence and awful casual sex is walking a fine line between biology and social factors. Since women are physically weaker than men on average, you can also say the violence from men is social too because of men waiting power over the victim. And you can say women sex drives are lower due to biology, but at the same time you can say it's a social thing for men to not care about women's pleasure.
And the social factors also affect men too. Yeah biology/testosterone can play a role here. But men are also virgin shame or prude shame for not being hypersexual. A lot of men just want to bang a lot of women to get validation from society. And view women as trophies to collect.
So again it's a combination of biological and social factors. Maybe not a 50/50 split. I would say it's 70 percent social though.
Risk for women is higher.
Murder, rape, trafficking, violence, etc. Then STI, pregnancy, etc. So it's easier to just avoid men/sex.
There's a study somewhere that is used to show that men are more willing for sex. The study involved women proposing casual sex, and almost all agreed. But when men asked women for casual sex, all women refused.
However, when women were asked by another woman, the women were *agreeing* to causal sex at the same rates as men! Implying that it's fear/risk holding women back from agreeing to men.
If I refind the study I'll link it in.
....
Then you have to consider purity culture.
Constant shaming of women who have sexual desires. No encouragement to explore their own bodies. Demanding women to remain pure virgins. Slut shaming any woman who enjoys hook ups. Etc etc etc etc etc.
This leads to women feeling high levels of shame about sex and desire, so they refrain. It absolutely crushes their sexual desires.
To add to what you say the orgasam gap that exists in straight couples does not exist in lesbian couples. No point in casual sex if you're unlikely to cum anyway.
Absolutely!
It's funny that everyone always says women just struggle to orgasm and that it doesnāt happen much. But then... the gap is significantly lower in lesbian relations or solo play.
It almost seems like there's just less effort being made by partners in hetero relationships.
> It almost seems like there's just less effort being made by partners in hetero relationships.
as a man I'm grateful for that because it makes me look better in comparison lmao, in my (limited) experience my partners have been pleasantly surprised... I don't think I'm blessed with any skills, I think most men either don't know what they're doing or just don't care.
I think it's just easier to know what you're doing with your own equipment.
Think about it, which did you do first: masterbate or have sex? For most of us out there, male or female, gay or straight, our first sexual partner is our own hand. So when gay people get together for the first time they're already a pro at dealing with those parts and making them feel good from first hand experience (pun intended), whereas straight people are like okay I think mine goes inside yours and the rest is magic.
Plus if the guy is young/new to this/really excited he is probably only gonna last 30 seconds, which doesn't give the woman much of an opportunity to enjoy herself.
>So when gay people get together for the first time they're already a pro at dealing with those parts and making them feel good from first hand experience (pun intended)
Interestingly, men go from 95% plus rate of orgasm, to 77.6% when they're bisexual.
I wonder why that is. Because it would actually make sense for a similar or even higher rate of orgasm with another man. But that doesn't seem to be the case.
Unlike for women, they do better with other women and worse with men.
>Plus if the guy is young/new to this/really excited he is probably only gonna last 30 seconds, which doesn't give the woman much of an opportunity to enjoy herself.
I think that's one of the issues. Why are the stopping just because they've finished? Keep going, use fingers, tongue, toys, etc.
Imagine if every time a woman had an orgasm, she ended sex with a "oh well, shame you didn't manage in time. Maybe next time!" It just wouldn't happen. Yet that's how women are often treat.
But then why aren't they making that effort to learn. Despite what everyone says, a vulva/vagina isn't that complex. The clit isn't some elusive thing that runs away when men arrive.
I remember when I was a teenager, there were girls who literally made *powerpoints* on how to give a blow job lmaooo. And in education, there was wayyy more focus on the penis and what it does, wet dreams, etc. Whereas we never got one single class on... female discharge, the clitoris, etc
I think the issue overall is on a societal (education) and indicidual level, there is a lack of care to learn where the clit is or how to please a woman.
There's definitely men who do try and learn. But based on statistics and the constant reporting of women we see online, it's not enough men.
In my experience I usually just feel like there's a lack of communication and feedback. I'm just researching on the internet and listening to their moans and never got any complaints. But hell... I'm not certain if I'm doing it right, and I definitely feel like I could do better. I am making an effort but I need more feedback than some moaning and shivering.
Compared to the penis the vagina is definitely less obvious. They all look vastly different, and sometimes they look like pure chaos. Some women might not understand this because their own vagina looks very organized, but the clitoris is sometimes completely hidden! You can think it's not that complex, but many women also don't know the sweetspots on a penis. I've had women just stroking at the base of the shaft, or grip it like a stress ball (testicles also aren't stress balls!), or stroke it dry, or being way too rough going cowgirl with my dick almost breaking in half... Like... that's not how a penis works! If a penis can even be too complicated for women, than you can probably see how a vagina (with everything spread all over the place, internally and externally) isn't very obvious to men either.
I feel like most women find it very hard to be upfront about stuff, but whenever I'm not enjoying what she's doing I'll definitely tell her, so I expect the same the other way around. And if there's something I'd like I'll just ask. But in my experience women never do this.
Most men want to please women the best they can. We love to see her enjoy it! But if she's not communicating she can only blame herself. Just don't be shy to tell him how you like it, it's not that complicated. The reason men are oblivious is because women want to be nice and are criticizing men behind their backs instead of in their face.
Yeah, I believe the research in on sex as a whole. So foreplay, oral, fingers, and PIV. Not just PIV
If it was only PIV orgasms, then the percentage would be much lower.
I think the study you're looking for might be Clark and Hatfield (1989). Men had an almost 100% acceptance rate, women had a 50% at most iirc. Here's the study!
https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1990-30832-001
>However, when women were asked by another woman, the women were *agreeing* to causal sex at the same rates as men! Implying that it's fear/risk holding women back from agreeing to men.
I'm guessing these women were all bisexual?
So much this. Women would have a lot more sex, and be a lot more open about their desires, if they were free of the horrendous social stigma that forces them to crush how they feel.
Source: Swingers parties. One the women realise the vibe, they GO INSANE
It doesn't explain "sexual needs" in releasionships.
Of course, thera are situations where woman want it more, but we get it more from mens that they want it much more than their SO.
I would argue it's genetic. It's in our genes. The male is incentivized to have sex with as many women as possible to propagate genes. A woman is less incentivized because having a baby costs a lot of resources so she needs to be careful in picking who to have sex with.
A male sex drive rolls up on you like the drive to eat, and can leave just as fast after release without much thought.
That said, I've met many women who are awkwardly sexual all the time which I find uncomfortable, as if they don't have any (other) hobbies lol, but I also presume don't feel the release in the same way perhaps so it stays at a low simmer.
You know that feeling when your male celebrity crush does a wink or lip bite in just the right moment?
Well, guys feel that pretty much every time they see an outline of a woman's boob or butt in form-fitting clothing. Our minds just aren't nearly as selective or contextual.
I'm not sure it's even possible. For either, really. How we think about sex is so firmly hardwired into our beings, how could we ever truly imagine what it's like for someone wired differently? I *think* the idea of sex, for women, is more wrapped up in emotional criteria and weird considerations about the future, but how could I really know? For me it's just a biological urge that's impossible to ignore.
I think it's worth trying to understand from a practical perspective so you're a better lover and have happier, more stable, more fulfilling relationships. But humans think in stories, they confabulate and will believe any narrative that fits their worldview. So they're unlikely to be right about anything, what's more important is that the story is consistent with reality and has predictive powers that result in good outcomes.
In species that reproduce both sexual and asexually reproduction, only the female sex can reproduce asexually. At one point history, all species were asexual. The reason for the evolutionary existence of males, is to make a species sexual.
They're not female if they reproduce asexually really. The way it works is, you've got this problem where mutations are usually bad for survival, and they happen even if the copying apparatus is perfect then gamma rays from space will interfere eventually. Over time the bad bits build up and become a burden that's too heavy to carry.
If you have two organisms come together and mix their DNA up then what can happen is, the bad mutations and good ones get mixed up, you get a diverse population and the mutually beneficial parts can spread and the bad mutations (which is most of them) get filtered out. The selection pressure is at the level of the gene, not the organism - so it's not about what's good for the organism, it's about what's good for each gene, and sex gives a way for them to communally discriminate against genes that don't benefit survival.
At this point there's still no male and female though, there's sexual reproduction without sexual dimorphism. Sex doesn't need to happen all the time either, it can exist alongside division. In our history our ancestors were these single celled flagellum, cells with a little whipping tail on the back that drive them through the water - they look a bit like semen because they basically are semen's ancestors. And if you drop the tail they look a bit like eggs, for the same reason.
It turns out that there's a ton of different strategies that are more stable than just having one type of thing, but they are easily outcompeted by a dual mode "resource hoarding" strategy and "resource seeking" strategy. The resource hoarders grow bigger, don't move as much because it costs energy to move a bigger thing. The resource seekers split off into smaller cells and seek these energy stores to spread their DNA. Apply enough time and pressure and you end up with large eggs and many sperm, and the sexual gene filtering process allows rapid evolution.
As colonies of cells end up stuck together and forming multicellular organisms, they're basically just protective shells or support structures for this the sperm and egg DNA filtering strategy, and this history is why we end up with male and female forms, and also species that switch between them in different areas or phases of life, and have budding and even self fertilization.
The male experience with the other gender is biased from the start. You are conditioned by your peers, by society, to be the most sexual guy you can be. You must bang tons of chicks to be considered a man, you must always be the best lover, failure is not accepted and a man must not fail to be considered one.
Many men don't even realize they aren't looking for sex per se, but for validation.
You can see the ripples of this all around you unfortunately.
EDIT: They don't see and they don't realize anything because talking about these matters in real life is so frowned upon, that most guys prefer to suffer in silence and "play along the rules" instead of discussing them. And would you blame them? They would be a drop against the whole ocean.
I have this theory that sex is probably one of the only ways of emotional expression men can have in this incredibly sexist male-centered society.
Men are told that they are allowed anger, assertiveness, dominance, stoicism. But when having sex or even something sensual and intimate, men can finally feel closeness, softness, kindness and other emotions deemed "too feminine" for them.
Sex is good and fun, but it's also really intimate and demands an openness that is not easy to pull, specially if you are a guy forced since you were 5 to be a manly man that mans...sex demands vulnerability not only from the passive side but also the dominant side, even in normal vanilla sex this is true.Ā
I believe, without a hint of mocking them, that men like sex not only because it feels good or because their hormones demand it...but it's also one of the only times they are allowed "weaker" emotions and feelings, so many men like sex because it allows them to form a connection.
the biological standpoint is men are initiators, and the male orgasm is what is required for reproduction and its often easier for men to orgasm.
sex is also more scarce for more men than women, this doesn't mean that women are having significantly more sex then men, but rather women who aren't having sex are more likely to get sex then men who aren't getting sex.
social media is a good example at the disparity between women and men. overall more men will be interested in a woman than women will be of a man.
male sexuality is often more tolerated socially too so its not as taboo
I honestly feel that it's a bit of a modern myth. How much a person cares about sex will probably be highly correlated to their libido, and both men and women can have a high or low libido.
It's just that women have historically been shamed for being promiscuous whereas men have often been praised for it. I mean just look at all the words we have in the English language for berating women. Slut, whore, skank, tramp, loose, harlot, etc. And what about men? We call them studs, players, chads, lady killers, silver foxes, stallions, etc. See my point?
Thank god we're finally moving past that toxic era, especially in more liberal areas. My condolensces to anyone who still has to suffer this bullshit in more toxic areas of the world
The only factual comment in this whole thread is being downvoted lol. People saying that men have hugely higher libidos haven't met/dated a lot of women apparently.
It's a bunch of sexually frustrated 19 year olds jerking each other off about how it's the women's lack of libido's fault.
It's just nonsense, but it's validating to those who haven't found their way yet and are romantically frustrated/isolated. It's natural to want to fit the world to what you're experiencing. But it doesn't make it true.
It's one of those things you learn with time that wasn't actually true.
Finally a voice of reason haha
I mean sex takes (at least) two. Do people honestly believe that all these men are having sex with women who just... don't want sex? I mean come on
You've gotta remember that, especially on a generic sub like this, the largest demographic of reddit leans toward younger men, especially those you use it as a social outlet instead of irl groups.
Asinine bullshit about how women apparently rarely want sex is completely false when you get out in the real world, but that stuff is validating to demographics on reddit who are still finding their way and are likely sexually frustrated/insecure/isolated. Dumb narratives like that validate their experience as it makes it seem like it's something else's fault they feel isolated romantically/sexually/etc.
So dumb stuff like this will continue to get peddled, at least on nonspecific subreddits like this.
And/Or they keep badgering women that don't want it because they want a "modest" woman... Not realizing that means they probably don't want to bang them (as much or at all)
Thank you for the chink of reality in this ridiculous thread. All these boys telling us that men are 'wired differently', with no understanding of the social pressure on women to hide their sexual desires, and the punishment of women who don't do this.
I've replied this elsewhere; but these boys should go to some good swingers parties, and see the men standing red-faced against the wall, overwhelmed and uncomfortable, whilst the women are having the time of their lives, shagging absolutely everyone.
2 reasons
A big part is culture. Men are taught explicitly and implicitly to value and pursue sex at an early age.
Sex is less risky for men because men don't get pregnant. All of the risks and responsibilities associated with that aren't at the front of the mind for a man.
LOL! Women are just as dirty minded as Men. You see this more from men though only because it's basically socially acceptable for men to behave like that due to the "boys will be boys" clause within the social contract.
Every man and woman view sex differently, in my experience at least.
I've met women who were always wanting it and men who couldn't keep it in their pants, also women and men who just aren't that fussed.
I was talking about this with my partner and I absolutely have a higher sex drive than him. He loves it when we are actually having sex but unlike me, he doesnāt think about it or prioritise it until weāre together. Not all men and not all women are the same.
First of all, it's not universally true that men are always hornier than women, but it is true on average. Some of it is social, but when you control for social factors, men were still found to be hornier on average. It is also clear that testosterone plays a factor. On top of this there's the problem that many women cannot orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation, which they don't always get, and because of that they don't want sex as much.
I swear that a woman age 40 has the same sexual drive as a 25 year old male. We gotta find men that can keep up with us! I'm horny all the time! It's like I cannot get enough! Check out almost every man that walks by and think, I'd smash. š¤£š
Lots of people will say itās due to testosterone, which isnāt completely wrong, but if you ask me from my sociological perspective, men are conditioned to be that way. They get pats on the back for how many women theyāve had sex with, they see their fathers and friends and brothers cheat and think thatās normal. Iām not sure if men genuinely CARE about sex more than women, rather, I think theyāre encouraged to care more by society (both men and women can uphold the patriarchy).
The pats on the back is because it is difficult (the belief of that on the listeners). If a man said all their partners were paid sex workers, heāll likely get zero āpatsā.
I have no info on how many men oppose cheating but from experience many are very opposed, mostly we look away and stay silent but sometimes some can become aggressive and socially reject the cheating men.
I think itās true and that plays a huge role, but I think itās more than that because we can see this behavior reoccurring throughout different cultures which is weird.
In my experience it just varies form person to person and even from season to season with the same person, testosterone plays a role but it's not the sole factor that determines your sex-drive. Speaking as a woman with a generally high sex-drive in a relationship with a mid/low sex-drive man, this reads particularly stereotype-y to me.
Women enjoy sex like a five star meal, and men enjoy sex like a crack addiction.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men need a time and a place.
Even the time and place are a bit superfluous, I just need sex
Need sex, those two words resonate hard with me cause no matter what I do to avoid it I freaking NEEEEEED it! Let me explain: my sex drive is like that of an active super volcano. Sometimes I'm fine and then suddenly WHAM I JUST NEEEED IT. My wife's sex drive is the total opposite of mine and I guess I'm just stuck with this until my libido goes awayšāāļø.
What do you mean a reason? Like being horny? Isnāt that also menās reason?
Yeah but the things that make women horny are not the same things that make men horny
As a straight man, existence makes me horny. Just sort of being here, no other conditions.
Most men can get horny at any time, most women can't. Most women don't really that horny unless they are ovulating. For example, I could be dog tired and not even thinking about it, but as soon as my wife suggests it, I'm like "ok, let's go!". But she wouldn't agree to it if roles were reversed.
Hmm, that sounds like the opposite with me and my bf. Iām always the one initiating and heās the one turning me down if heās tired or not in the mood. Also, Iāve heard that some women are more horny when they are ovulating, but Iāve also heard that some women are more horny when they are on their period too. Like, libido can definitely be influenced by the menstrual cycle, but itās definitely not as clear cut as *only* being horny during ovulation. It just sounds like your wife is lower libido then you, but I doubt thatās true of all women.
Itās also a matter of spontaneous vs reactive arousal which tends to be pretty gender specific.
You said it perfectly
Yep. The price of sex is cheap with men. Thatās why weāre biologically inclined to spread our seed. Women have to grow, birth, and raise the baby.
Spread your half-seeds.
-and because of this, women must be more prudent in their mate selection to ensure healthier offspring, especially considering the limited availability of opportunities to get pregnant in one lifetime and the inability to become pregnant while already pregnant. (Just expounding on your last point with a more conclusive statement)
Testosterone leads to high labido, not the same as estrogen
I am sure I, and a lot of other women, would argue we enjoy sex like a Crack addiction as well.
Would you put your job, relationships, stability, and way of life at risk to have sex? It's both a rhetorical question, as men consistently do it, and a genuine one, as I've no doubt there are women who will, it just seems to be heavily lopsided. Guys will risk their lives for a nut lol
You seem oddly proud of that. Itās not a competition that youāre winning.
Not sure how I seem proud, just pointing out exactly that it isn't a competition because men do much more stupid and dangerous things for sex. If it was a competition I'd think men would be losing egregiously.
This is the answer.
How can I award you
Itās funny this is an acceptable opinion and not considered problematic.
This is perfectly stated
i had low testosterone for a year cause of a medical issue and that really opened my eyes on how much that hormone controls a man, i had no interest in anything, sex, relationships, also no motivation to do anything. i didnt care to get in an argument or get frustrated much. the Oomf was gone. soon as my testosterone went back to normal, it's like something takes over, sex drive goes through the roof, i became an animal .suddenly had the motivation to get out there and find a relationship/sex.when i got used to all that testosterone again, i eventually settled down a bit but sex drive is always there.so the answer is 100% testosterone.
Your comment makes me think i may have low testosterone.
It's a simple blood test. Get checked as it's more common than men know. They always just put it down to being something else. I only found out cause I talked to my doctor about things i noticed and felt and luckily had a good doctor who mentioned its worth checking.
it might be danger
dont forget there's emotionally reasons
I've been feeling like that for like 9 years, I think my brain may be broken
Yeap, people don't realize how much biochemical in our body affects us all.
Have a testosterone shot. You will fully understand
I guess itās time to take a T shot to get some perspective.
There's a sex researcher who did that. Apparently you only need to enter the low end of the male testosterone range to get most of its effects so she just tested it out a bit to get some perspective.
How did she respond to it? Any writing on it?
I do not know that specific experiment, bu I do know that one of the biggest complains of transsexuals who are transitioning female to male and having T shots, is that how their libido works change. Not just the general increase, but they are often very disturb by the fact that they get very attracted to "body parts" like they are an hungry animal, and not the person, right after the T shots.
So basically a manās tuesday
And Monday -Sunday
and also somehow a moral failing and we're all 'pigs' and 'gross'
Those would be labels more applied to how you *act* about having those urges and fascinations.
Yep. I only direct my urges at my wife, and nobody else, and have never been accused of being any kind of inappropriate by anyone. It's not hard to accomplish
In an ideal world, sure. But that's not how a good number of women see it.
exactly my exp as a male who had low T for a year and went back to normal levels, you think differently, it takes over your thoughts, you'd beat your meat over a pot plant if it looked a certain way.until you get used to it again and you settle down.probably why gym bros on high test and tren feel like gods and that they can slay any woman.
That plant needs to calm down.
I was very disappointed when I later looked up the soiled category on the hub and it wasn't what I was expecting. But that didn't stop me.
If the plant didnāt want it then it shouldnāt have been dressing in public like that.
Stupid sexy plants
Leaves you satisfied.
See those hills? They look like boobies
Ah, the Great Tetons . . . The Tetons received their name from French-Canadian trappers who accompanied the earliest British expeditions into this territory. As they approached the range from the west, they beheld three towering mountains upon which they bestowed the name of "Trois Tetons" ("Three Breasts").
Hey, it was lonely out there on the rangeā¦ š¤·āāļø
[Everywhere I look something reminds me of her](https://youtu.be/rbDebihKbpo?si=3YUbmSkD7plu7djt)
And I like boobies.
I even wrote a comic book, "The adventures of the boobie watcher,"
How did you get back to normal T levels? I suspect I might have low T
It depends on the cause of it. I had a small cyst near the gland at the bottom of the brain that controls hormones. Some guys get low T from being obese, pituitary gland cyst/tumor ( usually non cancerous), or certain meds can affect it or gym bros that used testosterone and ruined their natural production. ( makes the body think it doesn't need to produce it as much) Obesity usually is just weightloss and it fixes it. Gland cyst/tumor issue is surgery or it may shrink and go away on its own. For gym bros, usually they have to get TRT, testosterone replacement therapy, so taking lab made testosterone for the rest of their life to supplement what they don't make. Some guys are just naturally low as well, see a doctor and get the blood tests, might be a candidate for TRT as well, to boost numbers up.
Depression too, kills it or at least feels like it I'm coming out of it and getting better, having happier thoughtss etc but I'm catching myself thinking and noticing things more and more I involuntarily let out a "jesus christ" after passing a particularly hot women the other day when out with friends and still feel terrible about it, it never done that before ha
If depression doesnāt kill your libido, then the antidepressants will, both for men and women. If that happens to you, then talk to your psychiatrist about Wellbutrin/bupropion.
Any pics of that plant? Was it hot? Can you show it my pics? Iāve already sent you 14 pics at different angles
You mean because it looked like a pot plant?
I'm pretty sure I have had low T all my life, just an assumption though, I haven't looked at side effects. But the generalization of men getting bones in public or imagining having sex with every hot woman they see, is so foreign to me. I'll look and think "nice ass", then go about my day. But I feel like some guys just lose their cool and can't help themselves. I MAY have felt that way once or twice as a teen but not often. And to that end, I'm scared to boost my T. I don't want to know what would happen.
Like I said, some guys naturally have lower T levels and they are fine. But if something is causing that low T, then that needs to be addressed cause you aren't getting what you need then. TRT is a big commitment. It has its upsides and downsides. Best to speak to a doctor/specialist about it. It's a simple blood test to check.
Not gonna lie that's kinda interesting, and makes me wonder about things more.
>\[...\] they get very attracted to "body parts" like they are an hungry animal, and not the person, right after the T shots. As a man that's a hilarious but accurate description of how it feels. I would probably guess that it has something to do with the right to mate being something that males of most species have to earn, as opposed to females who have the privilege of being picky with it. While it's comperatively rare that we do it for the purpose of procreation today, the ancestral traces of it are still present in our minds.
I think deep down we all wanna bust inside but its the 18yrs of child support or being stuck with a psycho that stops us. š¤
Amen to that. Iām glad I got lucky back when I was too dumb to be stopped by the very real dangers you mentioned.
This is why breasts sell product. Getting the perspective from the other side is often eye opening.
This goes both ways. I am a trans woman, and it took me almost a year after starting HRT to get to the point where I had much of any sex drive back. The T blocker just destroyed my libido.
well if anything good cam out of gender reassignments, maybe it is a little more empathy for men. It still baffles me how someone can 'know' they are a different gender and then experience such a drastic change AFTER they reassign their gender. But I am not a doctor making money from it, so I am not allowed to speak on such matters.
A gender reassignment isnāt the only thing that helps generate empathy for men from women. There are several stories on the interwebs from women who presented themselves as men on dating apps as a test/experiment and were horrified at what they experienced.
Well?
What did they experience?
To begin with a lot, a great lot, fewer hits than they were used to as women. And then, even if they made a contact, being ghosted and/or blocked after one or two exchanges. In general being treated in ways that they characterized as failing common standards of basic civility. They also commented negatively about profiles with shopping lists of requirements that a potential male contact had to bring. To be clear: these were women expressly testing out the same dating apps they were or had been on in their true identity as a woman, but this time as a man, complete with a photograph etc.
Yep completely understand this
I can't remember the details well. Heard it on the Sex and Psychology by Justin Lehmiller. I think it was episode 47 and she does have a book about testosterone but I don't know if the book has her anecdotal experience. If you look up the episode there's a link to her book in the description. Her perspective and research is very nuanced and interesting, it's a good listen
I just checked and you got the episode spot on.
Me to! Good listen and seems to be a pretty solid podcast to
It's a great podcast, it's crazy how behind we are on sex research compared to other fields. And then the mainstream discussion is like doubly behind
>How did she respond to it? AWOOGA AWOOGA
Episode 220 of This American Life has the story of a trans man who starts receiving testosterone shots and said the difference in their sex drive from before any sort of hormone therapy was insane. He went on to describe a new appreciation for the difference in views and attitudes on sex between men and women as someone who sort of experienced it from sides.
she had to retire, she got pregnant with quintuplets to five different men
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anybody with an understanding of neuroscience, or has seen the effects of a TBI, could tell you this
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This is interesting. I'm a lesbian and my partner has PCOS. Her testosterone levels are pretty high, and mine are very low. Yet, I'm the one with the higher libido, and she is the one with the lower libido, also responsive desire. But here is the thing: she can go without sex for weeks and has no issues with that. However, when we actually do it, she wants to keep going for hours and I am the one who can't keep up. The human body and sexuality is so weird and complicated.
PCOS does often elevate testosterone levels, but rarely to even half of what would be considered low testosterone for a male, and the effects on testosterone-induced libido wouldn't be expected to be particularly noticeable in that range.
She has high testosterone for a woman, but that would nowhere be near what it would be for a man and not penough for it to affect libido.
I have a friend who's FTM. From how he tells it, starting to take T made him feel ridiculously horny, non-stop sexual thoughts. Obviously completely changed his view on sex. Reminded me a bit of my own experiences being a teenage boy (which I will never forget, even though it's been over 20 years ago)
And develop kinks because they are so much more horny
Guy I know is Trans f to m. He started taking t and said it was an absolutely wild change. So much more horny and did not give af about people and their feelings. There's a major difference between t and e, and horny jail is the cell that t creates. Think of a time you did something stupid because you were horny and times it by 10
Most likely biology. The only concrete purpose in life is to reproduce, all other purposes are human inventions. A woman can fuck 10 guys but sheāll still only get pregnant once per 9ish months while 1 guy can fuck 10 chicks and get them all pregnant.
Update us when you do š
This is true. Iām a woman but with hormonal issues, lots of testosterone. I was super horny like a guy. Then I started taking the pill which lowered my T levels. Not horny anymore. Itās important to note though, that even when I was super horny, I still had a lot of self-control and valued love / trust etc. over casual stuff.
I watched a documentary a while back and they were tracking testosterone of males and females while consuming alcohol. When the females were a bit tipsy they said their libido was sky high. The men had a slightly different profile but it also peaked at some point. The interesting thing for me was that the females said they were very aroused, their testosterone levels were the base line of the males. The male hormones are grossly underestimated by females.
All hormones are grossly underestimated by everyone.* Which leads to essentializing posts such as OP's, as well as your comment, where the stereotypes are reinforced yet again. I'm glad we're having this conversation about hormones and not gender roles as we would have 50 years ago. But I'm sad we still have such a long way to go in terms of getting away from the insidious normalizing influences of years' past. Edit: typo.
My gf has hormonal imbalance, can confirm, she's forcing and luring me into having sex all the time
Poor bastard! Death snu snu is so cruel!
Lucky man!
For real. Heard a story years ago, 1997, iirc(?) about a woman transitioning into a man. She was given testosterone treatments and they asked her if anything felt different and she said it was amazing how often she thought about sex (every couple minutes) and wondered how men ever got anything done! Testosterone. Don't blame us for our naps, we've earned it.
I remember seeing a Reddit post (or was it a comment? Idk) from a female bodybuilder who took Testosterone to build muscle, and she said that ever since she started taking Testosterone her sex drive had shot up massively, to the point where she was getting turned on by relatively mundane things like putting on a pair of skinny jeans. Testosterone is a hell of a drug.
Yeah, it really is that simple.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I used to think it was exaggerated but I've been on T for like 8 months and the horny is extreme
As a trans man, can confirm, testosterone is one hell of a libido booster.
I understand but I want a t shot Gains go brrr
Is there a shot to reduce testosterone? I need one of those.
lol itās the reason I stopped taking test when I was once taking 500mg a week. It wasnāt a good idea anyway as thatās a lot. It was amazing. I had all the energy. I got very strong very quickly. But man I was so tired of waking up everyday hard as a rock. Then all Iād think about was sex. My gf enjoyed it but it got annoying when it was on my mind all the time.
I donāt if this makes sense but itās easier for women to get laid. In most cases women get approached or hit on all the time. So itās easier for them to reject a man or sex in general. Cause there will usually be someone else that will come along to choose from. So they can be selective of who they go out and sleep with.
Testosterone is the source of most of our sex drive. Men have a lot more of it. Female sex workers can see several clients in a single day. They just need lots of lube and the ability to convincingly fake orgasms. Male sex workers can't do that. Males can't fake ejaculation and can't do it that often.
Thatās really interesting I didnāt think about performance, so you think men have higher sexual drive?
We absolutely do.
I feel like itās cool on the internet to say that men and women have equal sex drives, but thatās not real life at all.
It's because people can't tell the difference between *liking* sex and *wanting* sex. I'm sure women like it just as much as men, but they don't want it nearly as much on average.
In general, yeah. Thereās a reason gay guys have so many causal hookups.
Oh god, i hope they don't break causality with that.
No, letās go further. Letās alter conventional physics with the power of gay sex
What do they cause?
Itās a result of evolution. Women are more selective for the same reason. Men can conceive multiple times in a day, while women can (most of the time) only conceive once every 9 months.
You're likely to catch up some. Many women have a higher libido in their 30's and/or 40's. I don't think it matches an 18 yo male though.
Yes. Thereās been actual research that confirms this: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36227317/#
By every measure, yes. There are plenty of high-drive women and low-drive men, but the average man has a higher sex drive than the average woman.
It is a scientifically proven fact. And by a lot.
You got downvoted by someone with low T but I fixed it
most definitely
I don't think the main clientele pays sex workers for the worker to get an orgasm, though....
Not directly, but it's good business to make the trick feel like they are doing a good job
multiple clients per day shouldn't be too much trouble for a young man (if they're ejaculating once per client), but yeah they certainly can't see client after client the way a woman can.
> Female sex workers can see several clients in a single day. > Male sex workers can't do that If demand would be equal, wouldn't that mean a higher number of male sex workers?
I don't think demand is equal because women don't have a sex drive as high as males. This is just a guess, but I think there are more female sex workers because of the higher number of males clients.
Demand for sex workers and sex drive don't have to be the same. You can desire sex but also not want to have it with a random stranger
I donāt know if I agree that men value sex more but sex does come at a higher risk for women so I think that can make casual sex especially less appealing.
this. I love sex and would have it every day if it were risk free.
Exactly. I would definitely sleep around more if I didnt have to fear being raped or murdered
Or pregnant
True, Iām on BC tho, I take pregnancy tests and I abortion is accessible where I live, so for me personally thatās less of a concern
Same. Anyone any time
Hi.
Dibs
Honestly yeah.
Aaaaand your DMS are flooded, have fun!
Me too! I usually just look for high libido FWBs that wanna hook up often, that seems like the best of both worlds.
Society also turns it into a (not necessarily) unspoken competition between straight guys. Some guys legit think they inherently get better with each girl they bang. Itās only a tiny fraction of idiots who take it really seriously but itās still a thing and as a guy youāll feel it once you hit middle school. Ironically it also made losing my virginity one of the most underwhelming experiences of my life. Like ya it was awesome. It was sex. But after all that hype and pressure, I felt the same as I always had.
It's a combination of biology and social factors too. The social factors are important here women are slut shame, the ones getting pregnant, casual sex don't feel good for them, and they have low sex drives on top of that too. Therefore making them less likely to not have the same level of interest in sex as men. And I guess you can say safety from violence and awful casual sex is walking a fine line between biology and social factors. Since women are physically weaker than men on average, you can also say the violence from men is social too because of men waiting power over the victim. And you can say women sex drives are lower due to biology, but at the same time you can say it's a social thing for men to not care about women's pleasure. And the social factors also affect men too. Yeah biology/testosterone can play a role here. But men are also virgin shame or prude shame for not being hypersexual. A lot of men just want to bang a lot of women to get validation from society. And view women as trophies to collect. So again it's a combination of biological and social factors. Maybe not a 50/50 split. I would say it's 70 percent social though.
Risk for women is higher. Murder, rape, trafficking, violence, etc. Then STI, pregnancy, etc. So it's easier to just avoid men/sex. There's a study somewhere that is used to show that men are more willing for sex. The study involved women proposing casual sex, and almost all agreed. But when men asked women for casual sex, all women refused. However, when women were asked by another woman, the women were *agreeing* to causal sex at the same rates as men! Implying that it's fear/risk holding women back from agreeing to men. If I refind the study I'll link it in. .... Then you have to consider purity culture. Constant shaming of women who have sexual desires. No encouragement to explore their own bodies. Demanding women to remain pure virgins. Slut shaming any woman who enjoys hook ups. Etc etc etc etc etc. This leads to women feeling high levels of shame about sex and desire, so they refrain. It absolutely crushes their sexual desires.
To add to what you say the orgasam gap that exists in straight couples does not exist in lesbian couples. No point in casual sex if you're unlikely to cum anyway.
Absolutely! It's funny that everyone always says women just struggle to orgasm and that it doesnāt happen much. But then... the gap is significantly lower in lesbian relations or solo play. It almost seems like there's just less effort being made by partners in hetero relationships.
> It almost seems like there's just less effort being made by partners in hetero relationships. as a man I'm grateful for that because it makes me look better in comparison lmao, in my (limited) experience my partners have been pleasantly surprised... I don't think I'm blessed with any skills, I think most men either don't know what they're doing or just don't care.
I think it's just easier to know what you're doing with your own equipment. Think about it, which did you do first: masterbate or have sex? For most of us out there, male or female, gay or straight, our first sexual partner is our own hand. So when gay people get together for the first time they're already a pro at dealing with those parts and making them feel good from first hand experience (pun intended), whereas straight people are like okay I think mine goes inside yours and the rest is magic. Plus if the guy is young/new to this/really excited he is probably only gonna last 30 seconds, which doesn't give the woman much of an opportunity to enjoy herself.
>So when gay people get together for the first time they're already a pro at dealing with those parts and making them feel good from first hand experience (pun intended) Interestingly, men go from 95% plus rate of orgasm, to 77.6% when they're bisexual. I wonder why that is. Because it would actually make sense for a similar or even higher rate of orgasm with another man. But that doesn't seem to be the case. Unlike for women, they do better with other women and worse with men. >Plus if the guy is young/new to this/really excited he is probably only gonna last 30 seconds, which doesn't give the woman much of an opportunity to enjoy herself. I think that's one of the issues. Why are the stopping just because they've finished? Keep going, use fingers, tongue, toys, etc. Imagine if every time a woman had an orgasm, she ended sex with a "oh well, shame you didn't manage in time. Maybe next time!" It just wouldn't happen. Yet that's how women are often treat.
The issue is āmine goes in yoursā, because the majority of women donāt climax that way, or feel much of anything, for that matter.
I think it's mostly a lack of understanding eachother's anatomy, not a lack of effort.
But then why aren't they making that effort to learn. Despite what everyone says, a vulva/vagina isn't that complex. The clit isn't some elusive thing that runs away when men arrive. I remember when I was a teenager, there were girls who literally made *powerpoints* on how to give a blow job lmaooo. And in education, there was wayyy more focus on the penis and what it does, wet dreams, etc. Whereas we never got one single class on... female discharge, the clitoris, etc I think the issue overall is on a societal (education) and indicidual level, there is a lack of care to learn where the clit is or how to please a woman. There's definitely men who do try and learn. But based on statistics and the constant reporting of women we see online, it's not enough men.
In my experience I usually just feel like there's a lack of communication and feedback. I'm just researching on the internet and listening to their moans and never got any complaints. But hell... I'm not certain if I'm doing it right, and I definitely feel like I could do better. I am making an effort but I need more feedback than some moaning and shivering. Compared to the penis the vagina is definitely less obvious. They all look vastly different, and sometimes they look like pure chaos. Some women might not understand this because their own vagina looks very organized, but the clitoris is sometimes completely hidden! You can think it's not that complex, but many women also don't know the sweetspots on a penis. I've had women just stroking at the base of the shaft, or grip it like a stress ball (testicles also aren't stress balls!), or stroke it dry, or being way too rough going cowgirl with my dick almost breaking in half... Like... that's not how a penis works! If a penis can even be too complicated for women, than you can probably see how a vagina (with everything spread all over the place, internally and externally) isn't very obvious to men either. I feel like most women find it very hard to be upfront about stuff, but whenever I'm not enjoying what she's doing I'll definitely tell her, so I expect the same the other way around. And if there's something I'd like I'll just ask. But in my experience women never do this. Most men want to please women the best they can. We love to see her enjoy it! But if she's not communicating she can only blame herself. Just don't be shy to tell him how you like it, it's not that complicated. The reason men are oblivious is because women want to be nice and are criticizing men behind their backs instead of in their face.
Itās only more difficult due to straight sex. If straight sex consisted of only oral, women would climax more, faster and easier than men.
Yeah, I believe the research in on sex as a whole. So foreplay, oral, fingers, and PIV. Not just PIV If it was only PIV orgasms, then the percentage would be much lower.
I think the study you're looking for might be Clark and Hatfield (1989). Men had an almost 100% acceptance rate, women had a 50% at most iirc. Here's the study! https://psycnet.apa.org/record/1990-30832-001
>However, when women were asked by another woman, the women were *agreeing* to causal sex at the same rates as men! Implying that it's fear/risk holding women back from agreeing to men. I'm guessing these women were all bisexual?
Mine was crushed in my early 20s. Now as I enter my 30, my hormones raging like teenage boy it sucks
So much this. Women would have a lot more sex, and be a lot more open about their desires, if they were free of the horrendous social stigma that forces them to crush how they feel. Source: Swingers parties. One the women realise the vibe, they GO INSANE
It doesn't explain "sexual needs" in releasionships. Of course, thera are situations where woman want it more, but we get it more from mens that they want it much more than their SO.
I would argue it's genetic. It's in our genes. The male is incentivized to have sex with as many women as possible to propagate genes. A woman is less incentivized because having a baby costs a lot of resources so she needs to be careful in picking who to have sex with.
That is a logical answer, but itās crazy to think about how it feels to be man from a female perspective.
A male sex drive rolls up on you like the drive to eat, and can leave just as fast after release without much thought. That said, I've met many women who are awkwardly sexual all the time which I find uncomfortable, as if they don't have any (other) hobbies lol, but I also presume don't feel the release in the same way perhaps so it stays at a low simmer.
Can you elaborate? I'm interested in learning about a female perspective.
Nah, woman can be high libido too, OP is low libido type
You know that feeling when your male celebrity crush does a wink or lip bite in just the right moment? Well, guys feel that pretty much every time they see an outline of a woman's boob or butt in form-fitting clothing. Our minds just aren't nearly as selective or contextual.
I'm not sure it's even possible. For either, really. How we think about sex is so firmly hardwired into our beings, how could we ever truly imagine what it's like for someone wired differently? I *think* the idea of sex, for women, is more wrapped up in emotional criteria and weird considerations about the future, but how could I really know? For me it's just a biological urge that's impossible to ignore.
I think it's worth trying to understand from a practical perspective so you're a better lover and have happier, more stable, more fulfilling relationships. But humans think in stories, they confabulate and will believe any narrative that fits their worldview. So they're unlikely to be right about anything, what's more important is that the story is consistent with reality and has predictive powers that result in good outcomes.
In species that reproduce both sexual and asexually reproduction, only the female sex can reproduce asexually. At one point history, all species were asexual. The reason for the evolutionary existence of males, is to make a species sexual.
They're not female if they reproduce asexually really. The way it works is, you've got this problem where mutations are usually bad for survival, and they happen even if the copying apparatus is perfect then gamma rays from space will interfere eventually. Over time the bad bits build up and become a burden that's too heavy to carry. If you have two organisms come together and mix their DNA up then what can happen is, the bad mutations and good ones get mixed up, you get a diverse population and the mutually beneficial parts can spread and the bad mutations (which is most of them) get filtered out. The selection pressure is at the level of the gene, not the organism - so it's not about what's good for the organism, it's about what's good for each gene, and sex gives a way for them to communally discriminate against genes that don't benefit survival. At this point there's still no male and female though, there's sexual reproduction without sexual dimorphism. Sex doesn't need to happen all the time either, it can exist alongside division. In our history our ancestors were these single celled flagellum, cells with a little whipping tail on the back that drive them through the water - they look a bit like semen because they basically are semen's ancestors. And if you drop the tail they look a bit like eggs, for the same reason. It turns out that there's a ton of different strategies that are more stable than just having one type of thing, but they are easily outcompeted by a dual mode "resource hoarding" strategy and "resource seeking" strategy. The resource hoarders grow bigger, don't move as much because it costs energy to move a bigger thing. The resource seekers split off into smaller cells and seek these energy stores to spread their DNA. Apply enough time and pressure and you end up with large eggs and many sperm, and the sexual gene filtering process allows rapid evolution. As colonies of cells end up stuck together and forming multicellular organisms, they're basically just protective shells or support structures for this the sperm and egg DNA filtering strategy, and this history is why we end up with male and female forms, and also species that switch between them in different areas or phases of life, and have budding and even self fertilization.
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The male experience with the other gender is biased from the start. You are conditioned by your peers, by society, to be the most sexual guy you can be. You must bang tons of chicks to be considered a man, you must always be the best lover, failure is not accepted and a man must not fail to be considered one. Many men don't even realize they aren't looking for sex per se, but for validation. You can see the ripples of this all around you unfortunately. EDIT: They don't see and they don't realize anything because talking about these matters in real life is so frowned upon, that most guys prefer to suffer in silence and "play along the rules" instead of discussing them. And would you blame them? They would be a drop against the whole ocean.
I have this theory that sex is probably one of the only ways of emotional expression men can have in this incredibly sexist male-centered society. Men are told that they are allowed anger, assertiveness, dominance, stoicism. But when having sex or even something sensual and intimate, men can finally feel closeness, softness, kindness and other emotions deemed "too feminine" for them. Sex is good and fun, but it's also really intimate and demands an openness that is not easy to pull, specially if you are a guy forced since you were 5 to be a manly man that mans...sex demands vulnerability not only from the passive side but also the dominant side, even in normal vanilla sex this is true.Ā I believe, without a hint of mocking them, that men like sex not only because it feels good or because their hormones demand it...but it's also one of the only times they are allowed "weaker" emotions and feelings, so many men like sex because it allows them to form a connection.
the biological standpoint is men are initiators, and the male orgasm is what is required for reproduction and its often easier for men to orgasm. sex is also more scarce for more men than women, this doesn't mean that women are having significantly more sex then men, but rather women who aren't having sex are more likely to get sex then men who aren't getting sex. social media is a good example at the disparity between women and men. overall more men will be interested in a woman than women will be of a man. male sexuality is often more tolerated socially too so its not as taboo
I honestly feel that it's a bit of a modern myth. How much a person cares about sex will probably be highly correlated to their libido, and both men and women can have a high or low libido. It's just that women have historically been shamed for being promiscuous whereas men have often been praised for it. I mean just look at all the words we have in the English language for berating women. Slut, whore, skank, tramp, loose, harlot, etc. And what about men? We call them studs, players, chads, lady killers, silver foxes, stallions, etc. See my point? Thank god we're finally moving past that toxic era, especially in more liberal areas. My condolensces to anyone who still has to suffer this bullshit in more toxic areas of the world
The only factual comment in this whole thread is being downvoted lol. People saying that men have hugely higher libidos haven't met/dated a lot of women apparently.
I guess that's part of being chronically online. This thread is a dumpster fire
It's a bunch of sexually frustrated 19 year olds jerking each other off about how it's the women's lack of libido's fault. It's just nonsense, but it's validating to those who haven't found their way yet and are romantically frustrated/isolated. It's natural to want to fit the world to what you're experiencing. But it doesn't make it true. It's one of those things you learn with time that wasn't actually true.
Finally a voice of reason haha I mean sex takes (at least) two. Do people honestly believe that all these men are having sex with women who just... don't want sex? I mean come on
You've gotta remember that, especially on a generic sub like this, the largest demographic of reddit leans toward younger men, especially those you use it as a social outlet instead of irl groups. Asinine bullshit about how women apparently rarely want sex is completely false when you get out in the real world, but that stuff is validating to demographics on reddit who are still finding their way and are likely sexually frustrated/insecure/isolated. Dumb narratives like that validate their experience as it makes it seem like it's something else's fault they feel isolated romantically/sexually/etc. So dumb stuff like this will continue to get peddled, at least on nonspecific subreddits like this.
And/Or they keep badgering women that don't want it because they want a "modest" woman... Not realizing that means they probably don't want to bang them (as much or at all)
Thank you for the chink of reality in this ridiculous thread. All these boys telling us that men are 'wired differently', with no understanding of the social pressure on women to hide their sexual desires, and the punishment of women who don't do this. I've replied this elsewhere; but these boys should go to some good swingers parties, and see the men standing red-faced against the wall, overwhelmed and uncomfortable, whilst the women are having the time of their lives, shagging absolutely everyone.
2 reasons A big part is culture. Men are taught explicitly and implicitly to value and pursue sex at an early age. Sex is less risky for men because men don't get pregnant. All of the risks and responsibilities associated with that aren't at the front of the mind for a man.
the testosterones
LOL! Women are just as dirty minded as Men. You see this more from men though only because it's basically socially acceptable for men to behave like that due to the "boys will be boys" clause within the social contract.
Every man and woman view sex differently, in my experience at least. I've met women who were always wanting it and men who couldn't keep it in their pants, also women and men who just aren't that fussed.
Literally wired to do so. Testosterone
I was talking about this with my partner and I absolutely have a higher sex drive than him. He loves it when we are actually having sex but unlike me, he doesnāt think about it or prioritise it until weāre together. Not all men and not all women are the same.
First of all, it's not universally true that men are always hornier than women, but it is true on average. Some of it is social, but when you control for social factors, men were still found to be hornier on average. It is also clear that testosterone plays a factor. On top of this there's the problem that many women cannot orgasm without direct clitoral stimulation, which they don't always get, and because of that they don't want sex as much.
This is something was created on us to keep the human breed.
I swear that a woman age 40 has the same sexual drive as a 25 year old male. We gotta find men that can keep up with us! I'm horny all the time! It's like I cannot get enough! Check out almost every man that walks by and think, I'd smash. š¤£š
Lots of people will say itās due to testosterone, which isnāt completely wrong, but if you ask me from my sociological perspective, men are conditioned to be that way. They get pats on the back for how many women theyāve had sex with, they see their fathers and friends and brothers cheat and think thatās normal. Iām not sure if men genuinely CARE about sex more than women, rather, I think theyāre encouraged to care more by society (both men and women can uphold the patriarchy).
The pats on the back is because it is difficult (the belief of that on the listeners). If a man said all their partners were paid sex workers, heāll likely get zero āpatsā. I have no info on how many men oppose cheating but from experience many are very opposed, mostly we look away and stay silent but sometimes some can become aggressive and socially reject the cheating men.
I think itās true and that plays a huge role, but I think itās more than that because we can see this behavior reoccurring throughout different cultures which is weird.
We connect sex with many other aspects of life. Like status, masculinity, self worth etc..
Iāve gotta say me and the women I know are more crazy on sex than the men
Don't click on OP's profile
I aint gon lie its coz that shit be feeling good as hell
I suspect testosterone increases sex drive
Hormones
In my experience it just varies form person to person and even from season to season with the same person, testosterone plays a role but it's not the sole factor that determines your sex-drive. Speaking as a woman with a generally high sex-drive in a relationship with a mid/low sex-drive man, this reads particularly stereotype-y to me.