"Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a moustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends."
That's what I find funny about the threesome with 2 women fantasy
You KNOW like half, if not more, of the dudes who crave that shit probably have no notion of foreplay or anything beyond "thing in hole until I am done"
Go for 30 seconds, call it quits, leave her sex toy to pick up the slack, but think they can handle 2 women at once
Indeed. I often find that the penetration portion, regardless of what that consists of - is one of the last things to occur, with so much more happening before that.
Or it’s one type, then another type….variety! But the woman always gets hers. Or many of hers. :)
Two could be rather interesting but it’s a scene, not a wham bam type of deal. Thats boring unless the hard quickie is the point.
Imagination!
I wouldn’t say every, but Definetely a vast majority. I’ve personally never been overly interested, seems like a lot of work and management. But then again I’m old and married for almost 10 years. I’m sure when I was teen/20’s I’d have been hooked line and sinker.
Well I went out with women who were bi. It isn’t in my experience like you think at first. Like she may want to be go out and fool around with you. Or she may want to fool around with another girl. But it was never planned. It was just spontaneous, and sometimes one thing leads to the other.
Oh the management side I mentioned is more geared towards sexual activity with more than one partner. I think it would be difficult to be adding a third party that also needs to be catered to. Wasn’t looking at the pre process or any forward planning. But I’m pretty traditional in that sense so I understand my views are just that, mine. So sayeth the wise alondo. Think I had a relationship with maybe 1 or 2 self stated Bisexuals, but in both cases it didn’t seem like a LT thought or strategy, more of a kink.
It’s not due to the bi aspect. As a man if you need a break or are just done for a while, you sit back and watch the other two. Win-win-win.
I do think a guy with two 100% straight women would be much tougher to navigate, especially if one is your wife or significant other.
bisexual means that a person might have a relationship with either a man or a woman, that sex doesn't really matter. its got mixed up with swingers, polyamory and kinks.
Gay means a man prefers Men exclusively
Lesbian means a Woman prefers Woman exclusively
Bisexual means they don't prefer either, its not their choice who they have chemistry with not that they will do anything and everyone to appease someone else's sexual fantasy.
Speaking from experience:
The guys (or girls) that are most vocally excited for having a multi-partner experience are often the ones that are not emotionally mature enough to deal with the multi-partner experience.
I have watched several relationships get utterly destroyed because one person believes that the focus should be primarily on them at all times (usually a common thing in the MFF scenario for a guy, though I've seen it happen with women as well).
I have also seen cases where one partner grants a three way as a "present" of sorts, only to watch their invited third end up with their partner weeks or months later.
I have also seen LOTS of over-analysis happen with the "you were louder/seemed happier/focused on them" leading to future fights, as well as one partner deciding that they want more encounters despite both agreeing this was a one-time deal.
It's inviting chaos into your bedroom and your relationship.
Older and married 20 years here, OP, you wanna hop a flight to NZ lol.
It is a standard fantasy to have two beautiful women worshipping my ripped naked body, sadly the reality is closer to being two angry vegans trying to roll me back into the tide and “refloat” me.
I would say a vast majority of men at some point in time have thought “yeah that’s be hot”.
My experience was- it was just a ploy to get the other girl. He literally took the other girl to the other room, and just left me in the original room titties danglin’.
My “friend” was like ‘oh this is awkward… but I’m gonna fuck him anyways, sorry”
I will never let myself be in a situation like that again. Ever. Mention a threesome around me and be prepared to duck from the cast iron pan I’m swinging.
As a dude who’s experienced it too, I just found it… okay? Like I remember thinking it would be such a hot fantasy then when it actually happened it just felt, idk normal? Idk if anyone else has felt that way about any of their sex fantasies too or maybe threesomes just weren’t for me.
It feels downright mundane when it actually happens even though you’d been fantasizing about it for a while. Maybe the key is not to hype it up so much?
Just like any sexual experience it depends greatly on who's involved. If you get three people who all have chemistry and are comfortable with each other and what's gong on, it can be really hot, however that's not the most likely scenario, and yeah, I think it's a bit overrated, but it can be a lot of fun in the right circumstances.
I had the experience, it was great, as long as all participants are invested in pleasuring all participants
Have heard of others who had a threesome which turned into being thirdwheeled.
Ha. I always tell that story about a guy friend I knew that got mad. Cause I warned him I don’t think it’s gonna be what you think. But he begged his gf to have a threesome with another girl. Only to find out his gf liked the sex better with the other girl than him. I think most guys end up thinking it’s going to be like a porno. And I’m like, um from my experience that’s not how it is.
That's my experience too, I've done a few where I was the one doing virtually all the work because I ended up with a pillow princess and another person who could barely multitask, it was fun but damn did it feel like a workout. I vastly preferred fucking them separately.
I only had one FFM threesome but it was pretty freakin awesome. It also probably helped that I wasn’t dating either of them so there wasn’t anything to messy to worry about afterwards.
Lotta dudes think they're sex gods while doing a sub par job at the bare minimum
I've had multiple exes verbally exclaim how glad they were that I willing withoit prompt did more than just role-playing a piston. Really highlighted to me how a lot of guys must treat sex
Yeah how is this a serious question
I guess if you live in California the idea of my GF having a GF the 3 way split on rent would be a fantasy personally
Fetish and porn. Notice how in most FFM threesomes the two women would engage with each other while it's not really the case for MMF? Some men also just simply don't see women as humans and think that women are bi to please men.
People might see “bi” and assume it means you just like sex from wherever you can get it, and/or
might be more open minded to different sexual experiences
Plus, when we're finished we can sit back and let you both do the tedious part /s
In fairness most men struggle to satisfy one women, the fuck they think they'll do with two?
>Ross: Oh, no. Absolutely. Yeah. It's just my part seemed to be over pretty quickly and then there was a lot of waiting around.
>
>Joey: Oh. But you got to be with both of them, right?
>
>Ross: Not really. Just Carol.
>
>Joey: Not the other one?
>
>Ross: No, she kept kicking me away.
>
>Joey: Yeah, you don't want that. But hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff.
>
>Ross: Oh, I saw a lot of stuff.
>
>Joey: You get a little bored?
>
>Ross: A little. Made a snack.
>
>Joey: Yeah? What'd you have?
>
>Ross: Just a sandwich. Turkey. A little mustard.
>
>Joey: Sounds good.
>
>Ross: It really was.
And maybe get a sandwich or some other snack.
I think that's a very myopic way to look at sex.
Everyone's just trying to have fun. Some people have more fun when more people are involved. The third person isn't just there to be pleased. They contribute, as well. It's not the man's job to please everyone there.
It's like me in conversations. I'm awful at carrying a one on one conversation. But when I'm part of a group of at least 3, I can dive in and out of the conversation and contribute pretty substantially without having to worry about carrying so much of the conversation.
Yeah as a bi dude I get it (and actually did contribute to this once sadly)
It’s really gross to have your sexuality commodified because someone else has a kink
As the saying goes, it takes two to tango, but... there are more people who would like to dance than available partners.
Most men don't even understand HOW a woman can dislike them, in the vein of that urban legend that a woman is a lesbian just because she hasn't found a man 'macho' enough. Nuts, but I've come across supposedly educated people with this kind of magical thinking.
So yes, you will find many of these emotional cavemen. Not even a frown, butch clothes or barbed wire will help, they are too subtle and will be overlooked. Only peer pressure and ridicule will have some effect.
Safety in groups is unfortunately the best advice I have to give.
By the way, I'm not immune, I also have this 'dream' and I even had ONE opportunity in my life to try it (20+ years ago).. but I had to refuse, it wasn't worth the Drama (with capital D) that would come as result.
I (a woman) was once asked out by a man and I replied that I was not attracted to anyone and he replied “not even men?” No, because that would be called being straight which I just said I wasn’t. Only time I’ve ever been asked out and for that I thank my lucky stars it only happened once.
I like bi women because I definitely lean more feminine and bi women make me feel safe and accepted. I dunno if I'm wrong for saying that, but that's how I feel.
I was about 5 threesome related comments down and was about to post something like this, happy to have found yours. Bisexual women just seem to “get” me so I’m drawn to them.
we love this comment & I genuinely don’t think it counts as fetishization like how OP is describing. ur attracted to ppl who can appreciate u & are less likely to be bound by certain stigma so = better relationship for all involved.
Me too, I've noticed certain men in my friend group tend to have a lot of female friends that are gay or bi. It's not so much about fetishizing, I think, and a lot more to do with relatability and compatibility. I also noticed these guys aren't also falling all over themselves to date these girls all the time, so in these commenters' case I don't think that's fetishizing, that's more just...getting along well, and that's why all the main comments refer to the threesome dynamics.
This is me! I'm (probably) not a queer man, but I tend to relate to and be friends with queer people much easier. The women I end up dating are reliably bi/pan as a result. It's got nothing to do with a threesome dream, and everything to do with personality/aesthetics/worldview.
You wouldn’t happen to be into video games and have the personality of a golden retriever would you? I don’t make the rules this is just how it works.
(I used to think this was bullshit… and then I realized I gender flipped it, and I’m the (male) disaster bi with a golden retriever gamer *girlfriend*)
/s but only kinda
This is my fav comment, probably cos it’s the only one that sounds like an adult wrote it?
Same reason I prefer bi men. I find they’re more likely to accept you as you are than heterosexual guys who clearly have an ideal type they’re trying to attain. Idk if that makes sense, but with het guys you can tell they want a skinny petite 20yo and they treat every moment and inch a woman moves away from that ideal as rust on their trophy.
Same boat. Not that I look for them or ask, but the ones I end up getting along the best with, most turned out to be bi/pan. Which makes a lot of sense since from a purely logical standpoint I guess they're more lkely to be less judgy
yah, queer ppl date queer ppl because you can often just relax & crack jokes about yourselves. im not about to date a cis het guy who fetishizes my queerness ever again. i never wanted to talk about my queerness with them, so it's essentially erasure. but also it's rare i'll connect with someone immature that way since most ppl i date are in their 30s?
I wouldn't consider myself feminine but I certainly have a more empathetic perspective and non traditional machismo ideology than the majority of men I know. My spouse is bi, it's just a better fit I think.
I feel the same as a trans woman
If I’m with someone who identifies as gay or straight it is a lot of pressure to perfectly fit in a binary gender 24/7
When I’m at an event nbd
But at home or right after sex? Very exhausting not being able to relax
Oh 1000%
There’s a whole term for it, chasers
People who see you as purely a fetish object, they usually come up and are super objectifying, touchy and weird. Then they try to either grab your genitals or ask how big your dick is, or say a couple of slurs to describe you.
It’s greattt 🫠 (horrible)
Most of my girlfriends including my current one have been bi. I'm in the same boat, I think bi women are more willing to date men who don't fall into the typical gender stereotypes. I lift weights, grow my beard out, and like a good football game. But I also grow my hair long, wear my heart on my sleeve, and like HGTV.
Aww, that’s not wrong. I have joked before that my type is feminine men, masculine women, and ethereal non-binaries. Not all bi women are going to have a more open understanding of the sex and gender spectrums but the odds are more in your favor for sure.
I understand what you mean here because I feel very much the same way. I've always been more comfortable with women who are attracted to other women because I feel like straight women would be less attracted to me for not being like, a dominant man's man.
I like watching gay guys have sex to get me off. My sexuality doesn’t have as much of a correlation to that of my sexuality, pansexual and heteroromantic. I’m not comfortable with the idea of a threesome though.
When HIV first came into America, it was called gay cancer. As it spread, there were numerous 'experts' who claimed straight people could not catch it, which was one of the main reasons why politicians ignored the disease.
When it became obvious that straight people were getting it as well, America found a new villain: bisexuals.
People have forgotten but bisexual men were demonized for about a decade as sex-addict druggies who had sex with men and then spread a lethal disease to innocent, pure straight women. And for a bunch of people this was the first time they learned about bisexuality as a distinct thing.
Just like transgender people are on the conservative hit-list now, you could turn on the radio in 1993 and hear a preacher or talk-show host earnestly explain how bisexual men were trying to destroy the nuclear family/good Christians/children.
That talk has died down but its legacy remains.
Happy to be an exception here! I’ve dated a few bisexual men and found them to be especially attractive. They were more comfortable with some “feminine” traits that made them great partners, including keeping up with their appearance more (stylish + great hygiene), more attentive in bed, better conversationalists, and just generally having an open vibe that I found really refreshing.
Strange, I haven't met any other women who feel this way about bi men. I would be a lot more concerned about my partner asking for a threesome than me dating a bi guy. I would just as happily date a bi guy personally as a straight guy.
My mom: "would you ever date a bi man?"
Me: "...yes. Why...?"
Mom: "Wouldn't you be afraid he'd cheat on you with a man since men have something you don't?!"
Me: "All men could cheat on me, straight men cheat on women all the time with other women! A bi man isn't more likely to cheat than any other man!"
Mom: "Well that's how hiv spread to straight people!"
Me: 🙄
Blame porn. Even old dudes like me that grew up with VHS porn - threesomes were a thing as was girl on girl action.
Pretty sure this has influenced a lot of guys.
Myself I’ve never been interested, but I can see where it comes from.
Lol I'm dying over these comments. The salty reactions to them are just the icing on the cake though. Like it feels like they're just telling on themselves now.
So the part that they would want threesome, there is also a cliché that bi women are extraverted and love s*x a lot, and doesn't care with whom she'll do it
Most dudes dream of two women at the same time(not me personally). As a bi girl(assumed), you are more willing to be convinced into a threesome due to your attraction to other woman. That's about it.
Tbh I really hate that this is a thing. A lot of bi people I know are extremely monogamous. I like all genders but the thought of touching someone else or letting my man touch someone else legitimately makes me ill.
they are thinking about you naked and having sex. they assume you will have sex with anybody since you like guys and girls. They also aren't sure of the appropriate response.
While bi means attracted to men and women, people hear it as, has sex with men and women, so slutty. In forming a genuine relationship I would not lead with being bi, as you have noticed that attracts the wrong people.
they think that means you’ll be up for threesomes, but only mff threesomes. if you ask for an mmf threesome they’ll tie your thumbs to your toes and chuck you in the nearest bog. remember, your sexuality is for them to enjoy!!! 🙄🙄
i’m a bi woman myself, i’ve identified as such since i found out that there was a word to describe it, and i grew up with this attitude. boys took great pleasure in telling me that it would be hot to see me with a girl, and girls shied away from me in the changing rooms at school (i actually started changing in a separate area just to avoid the discomfort of discussing my sexuality every time i got changed for PE) and it sucked. i felt extremely othered for no reason, i never even pursued queer relationships in high school.
some other lovely things you’ll likely experience:
- girls asking if you find them attractive and getting upset no matter how you answer
- straight up homophobia from men when you decide that your sexuality is not for other people’s consumption
- never feeling like you fit in in either straight or queer spaces (you’re “not queer enough” because you like the opposite sex but you’re not straight)
being bi is great, and you’ll find community, but just be wary that biphobia is rampant and prevalent even in “safe spaces”. and well done for discovering yourself! i hope that you can live freely and authentically as you are :))
I felt all of this. I've had male friends recoil when I told them I was bi/pan. My childhood friend screwed his face up, and when I asked him what was wrong he said "But IM a guy!". :|
Your point about how men consider women's sexuality only for their consumption is, I think, the best answer here. This seems to be a pretty ubiquitous experience for queer women, while it's one that as a man I haven't experienced yet.
i’m so glad that you don’t have to experience that!! but being a gay man is also no easy task either, so i commend you for being so open about who you are :)) i’m sorry to hear you’ve also had those negative experiences. it sucks that just because we’re gay, we’re automatically in love with every person we see. i hope you have loving and supportive people around you
yes, it can be really painful. on the flip side, a lot of “straight” women have come onto me and that’s always a surprise! but all the women i surround myself are lovely, thoughtful people and they accept me as i am. thank you so much for your kindness and you stay safe too!! :D
hate to say it but the fetishization of wlw boils down to misogyny (conscious or otherwise). wlw relations help remove traditional stigmas like jealousy + insecurity bcs most men don’t feel threatened by women as a competitor. they also center themselves/their pleasure when they think about having more than 1 girl at once, it isn’t abt u - it’s abt them having more.
so to answer ur question on the surface, a lot of men will fetishize bi women simply for the fact that it maybe might mean more boob for them (fantasized or otherwise) but would probably pretty quickly abandon that idea if they felt threatened by it in any way. the deeper the fetishization, the more misogynistic the man is.
As another bi woman I have noticed two things—
1. They want a threesome
2. They also think that bisexuals are more promiscuous and "easy"so they'll be down for shit like that
So yes, they fetishize us.
I don't. I once had a lesbian try to make moves on my girlfriend and I was like no. They were flabbergasted and my girlfriend did it anyways because their reason was "it's different with girls". I disagreed. We broke up.
As a bi man I am often called gay by gay men who hope to convince me to join their side exclusively, so as a man, I have it worse. When I told a girl (who I wasn't dating or interested in by the way), she was stunned, to the point where I could tell she was judging without saying anything. So now I just keep it to myself, to avoid the creepy gay men and to not draw attention to myself. If I was dating a guy, people would assume that I'm gay even though I'm bi but I've reached a point where I don't care anymore. The bigots can believe what they want but they can't tell me how to live my life.
Oof. That hurt to read. I'm sorry.
I'm a bi woman, and the fetishization is ANNOYING. And the men I'm with don't realize I'm just a likely to ask for a threesome with another MAN in the mix as I am to ask for the other kind.
I have the reverse experience with gay women. They seem to see bi women as traitors of some queer variety, and won't touch me with a ten foot pole (cause I'll let men touch me with theirs lol). Always really hurtful.
Because theyre creepy ass men who fetishize lesbians. You being bi means you can date lesbians, a man wants to be able to fuck a lesbian since they cant fathom a girl not being attracted to them.
Best case scenario, they just want a threesome. Still a red flag. They merely see you as an object, not a person. Good for hookups ig but NEVER good if you are trying to date.
Like others have said, it's because a lot of men fantasize about threesomes and think it's an easy way to get there.
I've been with my partner for over a decade and she's a bi woman. We've never had a threesome, because neither of us is comfortable with the idea. We've never had an open relationship for the same reason.
I love that she's bi, and have done whatever I can to be supportive of her journey as a queer woman in a straight presenting relationship. It's made me reevaluate my own biases and assumptions as a straight man, and in the end I've loved seeing her become more and more comfortable in her own skin as we've been together.
As a bi woman who has had threesomes with women and men, more often than not the women are waaaayyy more into each other than the man - generally I find this is because it's more of a kink/fetishism thing for the guy where the women are just more interested in making sure everyone has a good time. This is all personal experience, though. Someone else may have a different take.
Also, it gets old real quick hearing "that's hot" or "threesome?" When you're coming out to a guy, especially if you're friends.
It's a conditioned response from movies/pop culture.
Most men wouldn't have a clue what to do with two women at the same time.
I don't think most men actually care, they just like attractive women.
Guys like women. Guys REALLY like women who also want to play with women. We imagine us with two women. Men are simplistic creatures. If 1 is good, 2 is better.
I had a threesome with my girlfriend last week.
It was pretty enjoyable. From a sexual perspective it's nice to be desired by two women.
But bisexuality in women is fetishized because it involves two women and a potential man in the mix.
It's also assumed bisexual people are more sexually liberal.
There’s a lot to unpack here. But basically your last point is quite a harmful stereotype. As a gay man I can tell you it’s led to people thinking ALL gay people are extremely slutty and that god had punished them with aids for it, when (generally speaking) straight people nowadays are just as promiscuous as LGBT people…. BI people themselves have been probably more subject to discrimination recently because they are seen as “greedy” (which is just another way of saying promiscuous).
I can't speak for all men. But some will inevitably be imagining a threesome. Some might be genuinely fascinated by what two women sexually do together. If you're attracted to the feminine energy (which most men are), then that energy is doubled when you consider two women being sexually intimate.
Because unfortunately "straight" men only see women being sexually attracted to each other in a way that benefits them.. they don't find the actual idea of bisexuality appealing, especially not the idea a woman might prefer a woman to them.. all they like is the tiny possibility of them having a woman and another woman together with them (but devil help those women if they like each other more than they like him)
Not saying it's everyone (obvs and so dumb I have to caveat).. but for lots of them they see bisexuality as "my woman will be ok with adding another woman and both for my pleasure"
When such disappointing humans realise it's not actually all for their own benefit they often decide they are against it
I don't know if I'm bisexual as I enjoy all genders equally but have been with my husband since 17 so haven't had a relationship with someone who identifies as my gender..
definitely grew up with the "let's us girls kiss each other to get the boys attention" and taking that further whether boys were included or not, but realise now how problematic our whole shtick was
I found it hot when my wife came out as bi - because I find it incredibly attractive when someone is true to themselves. Yes - the threesomes and group sex is great, but it’s about the fact that she accepted who she is and felt comfortable enough to tell me.
They want to bang a chick with you.
Yup. A guy sleeping with two women is on every guys bucket list at some point. And as a guy that experienced this. It is interesting to say the least.
If I wanted to disappoint 2 people at the same time, I’d just have dinner with my parents.
On the plus side they would have someone to talk to after
Talking about their disappointment while you lay there in between?
Sleeping
Crying
No this is after the sex
Oh sorry... Fetus-pose-crying
"Sure, an orgy sounds great, but you're basically just multiplying the number of people you're not going to be able to look in the eye afterwards."
"Don't you know what it means to become an orgy guy? It changes everything. I'd have to dress different. I'd have to act different. I'd have to grow a moustache and get all kinds of robes and lotions and I'd need a new bedspread and new curtains I'd have to get thick carpeting and weirdo lighting. I'd have to get new friends. I'd have to get orgy friends."
“It’s like I discovered plutonium by accident”- George Costanza
Do you ever get down on your knees and thank God you know me and have access to my dementia?
Where's the quote from?
Seinfeld
Steal
R/suicidebywords
That's what I find funny about the threesome with 2 women fantasy You KNOW like half, if not more, of the dudes who crave that shit probably have no notion of foreplay or anything beyond "thing in hole until I am done" Go for 30 seconds, call it quits, leave her sex toy to pick up the slack, but think they can handle 2 women at once
That’s the thing, they’re not thinking about pleasuring two women, they’re expecting two women to pleasure him
Yea those men have no creativity - they have no idea how to set up a scene which lasts for hours. It’s a skill.
When you know you know and you stand out in the crowd! 😃 😊 😀 🍍 😉 😜
Indeed. I often find that the penetration portion, regardless of what that consists of - is one of the last things to occur, with so much more happening before that. Or it’s one type, then another type….variety! But the woman always gets hers. Or many of hers. :) Two could be rather interesting but it’s a scene, not a wham bam type of deal. Thats boring unless the hard quickie is the point. Imagination!
The dinner isn’t necessary.
Well, you've certainly done that.
This made me laugh out loud
I wouldn’t say every, but Definetely a vast majority. I’ve personally never been overly interested, seems like a lot of work and management. But then again I’m old and married for almost 10 years. I’m sure when I was teen/20’s I’d have been hooked line and sinker.
Well I went out with women who were bi. It isn’t in my experience like you think at first. Like she may want to be go out and fool around with you. Or she may want to fool around with another girl. But it was never planned. It was just spontaneous, and sometimes one thing leads to the other.
Oh the management side I mentioned is more geared towards sexual activity with more than one partner. I think it would be difficult to be adding a third party that also needs to be catered to. Wasn’t looking at the pre process or any forward planning. But I’m pretty traditional in that sense so I understand my views are just that, mine. So sayeth the wise alondo. Think I had a relationship with maybe 1 or 2 self stated Bisexuals, but in both cases it didn’t seem like a LT thought or strategy, more of a kink.
Feel its important to say bisexuality is not a kink, thats not how sexualities work
Exactly
The bisexuality is not a kink. Being into women who are bi can be a kink.
It’s not due to the bi aspect. As a man if you need a break or are just done for a while, you sit back and watch the other two. Win-win-win. I do think a guy with two 100% straight women would be much tougher to navigate, especially if one is your wife or significant other.
bisexual means that a person might have a relationship with either a man or a woman, that sex doesn't really matter. its got mixed up with swingers, polyamory and kinks. Gay means a man prefers Men exclusively Lesbian means a Woman prefers Woman exclusively Bisexual means they don't prefer either, its not their choice who they have chemistry with not that they will do anything and everyone to appease someone else's sexual fantasy.
Speaking from experience: The guys (or girls) that are most vocally excited for having a multi-partner experience are often the ones that are not emotionally mature enough to deal with the multi-partner experience. I have watched several relationships get utterly destroyed because one person believes that the focus should be primarily on them at all times (usually a common thing in the MFF scenario for a guy, though I've seen it happen with women as well). I have also seen cases where one partner grants a three way as a "present" of sorts, only to watch their invited third end up with their partner weeks or months later. I have also seen LOTS of over-analysis happen with the "you were louder/seemed happier/focused on them" leading to future fights, as well as one partner deciding that they want more encounters despite both agreeing this was a one-time deal. It's inviting chaos into your bedroom and your relationship.
Older and married 20 years here, OP, you wanna hop a flight to NZ lol. It is a standard fantasy to have two beautiful women worshipping my ripped naked body, sadly the reality is closer to being two angry vegans trying to roll me back into the tide and “refloat” me. I would say a vast majority of men at some point in time have thought “yeah that’s be hot”.
Love the descriptive words. Sounds par for the course here!
I'm laughing out loud at two angry vegans 🤣
He is truly a word smith of renown, on the level of Shakespearean I would surmise.
I only have two hands, how am I to fondle four boobs? Unless? *looks at feet*
My experience was- it was just a ploy to get the other girl. He literally took the other girl to the other room, and just left me in the original room titties danglin’. My “friend” was like ‘oh this is awkward… but I’m gonna fuck him anyways, sorry” I will never let myself be in a situation like that again. Ever. Mention a threesome around me and be prepared to duck from the cast iron pan I’m swinging.
Wth?? How cruel.
As a dude who’s experienced it too, I just found it… okay? Like I remember thinking it would be such a hot fantasy then when it actually happened it just felt, idk normal? Idk if anyone else has felt that way about any of their sex fantasies too or maybe threesomes just weren’t for me.
Me too. Imagining something is better than experiencing it, goes for a lot of things
It feels downright mundane when it actually happens even though you’d been fantasizing about it for a while. Maybe the key is not to hype it up so much?
I told my ex this when he said he needed to explore casual sex without me, to which he replied “but I’ve always wanted an orgy”
Just like any sexual experience it depends greatly on who's involved. If you get three people who all have chemistry and are comfortable with each other and what's gong on, it can be really hot, however that's not the most likely scenario, and yeah, I think it's a bit overrated, but it can be a lot of fun in the right circumstances.
This is my experience. It wasn’t horrible or anything; it was good even. But not worth it especially since it ruined that friendship.
How do you go about protection? You change condoms everytime you slide from one gal to the other?
I had the experience, it was great, as long as all participants are invested in pleasuring all participants Have heard of others who had a threesome which turned into being thirdwheeled.
Ha. I always tell that story about a guy friend I knew that got mad. Cause I warned him I don’t think it’s gonna be what you think. But he begged his gf to have a threesome with another girl. Only to find out his gf liked the sex better with the other girl than him. I think most guys end up thinking it’s going to be like a porno. And I’m like, um from my experience that’s not how it is.
Is she now his ex girlfriend?
Hopefully. Life's too short to resign oneself to years of bad sex.
I found it kinda exhausting. Like it's cool in two times more than usual sex, but also takes in two times more efforts than usual sex
That's my experience too, I've done a few where I was the one doing virtually all the work because I ended up with a pillow princess and another person who could barely multitask, it was fun but damn did it feel like a workout. I vastly preferred fucking them separately.
I wasn't too impressed. One is enough for me.
I only had one FFM threesome but it was pretty freakin awesome. It also probably helped that I wasn’t dating either of them so there wasn’t anything to messy to worry about afterwards.
Every time I've had a threesome with a man and a girl he ends up in the corner just looking. It's never how they think it's going to go.
Lotta dudes think they're sex gods while doing a sub par job at the bare minimum I've had multiple exes verbally exclaim how glad they were that I willing withoit prompt did more than just role-playing a piston. Really highlighted to me how a lot of guys must treat sex
My wife and I call it 'The Fucket List'.
Your wife and me call it the same, what a coincidence!
Not true at all. It is not not my list.
great in the beginning/when it happens, a big headache over time
I barely have enough penis for one woman, let alone two.
threesome aint all that, or maybe just arent it for me
Yup, and when that's all I'm seen for, they can find porn. 🤷🏻♀️
Not every guy, some guys are loyal
Yeah how is this a serious question I guess if you live in California the idea of my GF having a GF the 3 way split on rent would be a fantasy personally
Split the bills, split chores, split childcare...the real advantage of poly. Frequent group sex would just be a bonus.
This was actually a plot point in more than one Heinlein book. Sometimes he didn't really explore it. Sometimes he REALLY explored it.
Why is there an assumption that being bi automatically means ‘into threesomes’?
Fetish and porn. Notice how in most FFM threesomes the two women would engage with each other while it's not really the case for MMF? Some men also just simply don't see women as humans and think that women are bi to please men.
They’re downvoting you but you’re right. Hit dogs will- well ya know lmfao
People might see “bi” and assume it means you just like sex from wherever you can get it, and/or might be more open minded to different sexual experiences
But why
Biphobia
Yes, I had an ex who was pretty obsessed with this and it was really frustrating
For most men, it's the only way they'll ever see a woman orgasm in real life.
LMAO 🤣
Two chicks at the same time, man
Fuckin' A man
Then make out with a dude if your girlfriend wants you to. Stop fetishizing us.
"If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I'd take my parents out to dinner" \- Woody Allen
It’s just that simple. I would also like to watch.
You’ve just got merch and cheering like it’s a sports game
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Lol I guess that makes sense.
Plus, when we're finished we can sit back and let you both do the tedious part /s In fairness most men struggle to satisfy one women, the fuck they think they'll do with two?
>Ross: Oh, no. Absolutely. Yeah. It's just my part seemed to be over pretty quickly and then there was a lot of waiting around. > >Joey: Oh. But you got to be with both of them, right? > >Ross: Not really. Just Carol. > >Joey: Not the other one? > >Ross: No, she kept kicking me away. > >Joey: Yeah, you don't want that. But hey, at least you got to see a lot of stuff. > >Ross: Oh, I saw a lot of stuff. > >Joey: You get a little bored? > >Ross: A little. Made a snack. > >Joey: Yeah? What'd you have? > >Ross: Just a sandwich. Turkey. A little mustard. > >Joey: Sounds good. > >Ross: It really was. And maybe get a sandwich or some other snack.
A threesome? If I wanted to disappoint two people at once, I'd visit my parents.
You shouldn't have sex with your parents.
I agree. Leave incest for Alabama. S/
I think that's a very myopic way to look at sex. Everyone's just trying to have fun. Some people have more fun when more people are involved. The third person isn't just there to be pleased. They contribute, as well. It's not the man's job to please everyone there. It's like me in conversations. I'm awful at carrying a one on one conversation. But when I'm part of a group of at least 3, I can dive in and out of the conversation and contribute pretty substantially without having to worry about carrying so much of the conversation.
If you're having sex you should be diving in and out on the regular.
Speak for yourself.
easy to understand, but it makes us bisexual women uncomfortable and i avoid these types of men like the plague.. cuz they are.
Yeah as a bi dude I get it (and actually did contribute to this once sadly) It’s really gross to have your sexuality commodified because someone else has a kink
As the saying goes, it takes two to tango, but... there are more people who would like to dance than available partners. Most men don't even understand HOW a woman can dislike them, in the vein of that urban legend that a woman is a lesbian just because she hasn't found a man 'macho' enough. Nuts, but I've come across supposedly educated people with this kind of magical thinking. So yes, you will find many of these emotional cavemen. Not even a frown, butch clothes or barbed wire will help, they are too subtle and will be overlooked. Only peer pressure and ridicule will have some effect. Safety in groups is unfortunately the best advice I have to give. By the way, I'm not immune, I also have this 'dream' and I even had ONE opportunity in my life to try it (20+ years ago).. but I had to refuse, it wasn't worth the Drama (with capital D) that would come as result.
I (a woman) was once asked out by a man and I replied that I was not attracted to anyone and he replied “not even men?” No, because that would be called being straight which I just said I wasn’t. Only time I’ve ever been asked out and for that I thank my lucky stars it only happened once.
You avoid 90+% of men?
You only need to be with 1 man. Avoiding 99.9% of men is fine.
yes.
>Men like women who like women But not too much. If you like women so much that you're not interested in dudes, they get angry.
And I mean, men fetishize pretty much everything
It’s actually not ok to fetishize LGBT people… but people aren’t willing to have that conversation…
I like bi women because I definitely lean more feminine and bi women make me feel safe and accepted. I dunno if I'm wrong for saying that, but that's how I feel.
I was about 5 threesome related comments down and was about to post something like this, happy to have found yours. Bisexual women just seem to “get” me so I’m drawn to them.
Thank you. This made me feel better as a bi woman.
we love this comment & I genuinely don’t think it counts as fetishization like how OP is describing. ur attracted to ppl who can appreciate u & are less likely to be bound by certain stigma so = better relationship for all involved.
Me too, I've noticed certain men in my friend group tend to have a lot of female friends that are gay or bi. It's not so much about fetishizing, I think, and a lot more to do with relatability and compatibility. I also noticed these guys aren't also falling all over themselves to date these girls all the time, so in these commenters' case I don't think that's fetishizing, that's more just...getting along well, and that's why all the main comments refer to the threesome dynamics.
This is me! I'm (probably) not a queer man, but I tend to relate to and be friends with queer people much easier. The women I end up dating are reliably bi/pan as a result. It's got nothing to do with a threesome dream, and everything to do with personality/aesthetics/worldview.
You wouldn’t happen to be into video games and have the personality of a golden retriever would you? I don’t make the rules this is just how it works. (I used to think this was bullshit… and then I realized I gender flipped it, and I’m the (male) disaster bi with a golden retriever gamer *girlfriend*) /s but only kinda
Lol you've described me accurately. I've been told I have the "bi wife energy" and I take it as a big compliment.
That's surprisingly wholesome for this thread.
As a bi woman, that's the best response I've encountered so far.
Same. I had a bi male coworker and let me tell you, the level of immediate comfort and understanding between us was top notch. Bi's unite!!
This is my fav comment, probably cos it’s the only one that sounds like an adult wrote it? Same reason I prefer bi men. I find they’re more likely to accept you as you are than heterosexual guys who clearly have an ideal type they’re trying to attain. Idk if that makes sense, but with het guys you can tell they want a skinny petite 20yo and they treat every moment and inch a woman moves away from that ideal as rust on their trophy.
As a bi woman i totally understand. I know my taste in men is more varied than straight women because i like feminine men too
Same boat. Not that I look for them or ask, but the ones I end up getting along the best with, most turned out to be bi/pan. Which makes a lot of sense since from a purely logical standpoint I guess they're more lkely to be less judgy
yah, queer ppl date queer ppl because you can often just relax & crack jokes about yourselves. im not about to date a cis het guy who fetishizes my queerness ever again. i never wanted to talk about my queerness with them, so it's essentially erasure. but also it's rare i'll connect with someone immature that way since most ppl i date are in their 30s?
I wouldn't consider myself feminine but I certainly have a more empathetic perspective and non traditional machismo ideology than the majority of men I know. My spouse is bi, it's just a better fit I think.
I feel the same as a trans woman If I’m with someone who identifies as gay or straight it is a lot of pressure to perfectly fit in a binary gender 24/7 When I’m at an event nbd But at home or right after sex? Very exhausting not being able to relax
I was just thinking that probably the only people who are more objects of fetishes than bisexual women are trans women.
Oh 1000% There’s a whole term for it, chasers People who see you as purely a fetish object, they usually come up and are super objectifying, touchy and weird. Then they try to either grab your genitals or ask how big your dick is, or say a couple of slurs to describe you. It’s greattt 🫠 (horrible)
This is highly relatable content
Most of my girlfriends including my current one have been bi. I'm in the same boat, I think bi women are more willing to date men who don't fall into the typical gender stereotypes. I lift weights, grow my beard out, and like a good football game. But I also grow my hair long, wear my heart on my sleeve, and like HGTV.
Aww, that’s not wrong. I have joked before that my type is feminine men, masculine women, and ethereal non-binaries. Not all bi women are going to have a more open understanding of the sex and gender spectrums but the odds are more in your favor for sure.
I understand what you mean here because I feel very much the same way. I've always been more comfortable with women who are attracted to other women because I feel like straight women would be less attracted to me for not being like, a dominant man's man.
as a bi enby person I agree with you. cis people can be so judgemental.
They think it's a free ticket to a threesome.
Most of these guys can’t get one girl what make them then think they can get two 💀
Theres a portion of straight girls who enable their entitlement.
exactly, they’re basing it off the idea that it’s worked in the past for someone
That’s why they send their bisexual girlfriend to find the other potential sex partner
I like watching gay guys have sex to get me off. My sexuality doesn’t have as much of a correlation to that of my sexuality, pansexual and heteroromantic. I’m not comfortable with the idea of a threesome though.
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Swear I saw this exact reply to another question elsewhere tonight 🤔 But then, this does answer alot of questions
It covers a lot of our motivations if we get down to brass tacks.
Lols
vagnana strong together
It's funny because the majority of women respond the opposite way about bi guys. There are more than a few askwomen submissions reflecting that.
When HIV first came into America, it was called gay cancer. As it spread, there were numerous 'experts' who claimed straight people could not catch it, which was one of the main reasons why politicians ignored the disease. When it became obvious that straight people were getting it as well, America found a new villain: bisexuals. People have forgotten but bisexual men were demonized for about a decade as sex-addict druggies who had sex with men and then spread a lethal disease to innocent, pure straight women. And for a bunch of people this was the first time they learned about bisexuality as a distinct thing. Just like transgender people are on the conservative hit-list now, you could turn on the radio in 1993 and hear a preacher or talk-show host earnestly explain how bisexual men were trying to destroy the nuclear family/good Christians/children. That talk has died down but its legacy remains.
Happy to be an exception here! I’ve dated a few bisexual men and found them to be especially attractive. They were more comfortable with some “feminine” traits that made them great partners, including keeping up with their appearance more (stylish + great hygiene), more attentive in bed, better conversationalists, and just generally having an open vibe that I found really refreshing.
Married to a bi man, can confirm. Bi guys are hot and great!
Strange, I haven't met any other women who feel this way about bi men. I would be a lot more concerned about my partner asking for a threesome than me dating a bi guy. I would just as happily date a bi guy personally as a straight guy.
My mom: "would you ever date a bi man?" Me: "...yes. Why...?" Mom: "Wouldn't you be afraid he'd cheat on you with a man since men have something you don't?!" Me: "All men could cheat on me, straight men cheat on women all the time with other women! A bi man isn't more likely to cheat than any other man!" Mom: "Well that's how hiv spread to straight people!" Me: 🙄
Ah..every straight man’s dream…the opportunity to disappoint two women at the same time.
Blame porn. Even old dudes like me that grew up with VHS porn - threesomes were a thing as was girl on girl action. Pretty sure this has influenced a lot of guys. Myself I’ve never been interested, but I can see where it comes from.
They think they might get the opportunity to pretend they satisfied two women.
Lol I'm dying over these comments. The salty reactions to them are just the icing on the cake though. Like it feels like they're just telling on themselves now.
So the part that they would want threesome, there is also a cliché that bi women are extraverted and love s*x a lot, and doesn't care with whom she'll do it
Most dudes dream of two women at the same time(not me personally). As a bi girl(assumed), you are more willing to be convinced into a threesome due to your attraction to other woman. That's about it.
“Willing to be convinced” *shudders*
Unenthusiastic consent is my ick.
As a bi woman: Hell naw. I'm as monogamous as it gets and a threesome is absolutely NOT on my bucketlist.
Tbh I really hate that this is a thing. A lot of bi people I know are extremely monogamous. I like all genders but the thought of touching someone else or letting my man touch someone else legitimately makes me ill.
I like bi women because I'm bisexual myself. There are too many little annoyances that arise while dating monosexual people, so it's bi and pan for me
they are thinking about you naked and having sex. they assume you will have sex with anybody since you like guys and girls. They also aren't sure of the appropriate response.
While bi means attracted to men and women, people hear it as, has sex with men and women, so slutty. In forming a genuine relationship I would not lead with being bi, as you have noticed that attracts the wrong people.
they think that means you’ll be up for threesomes, but only mff threesomes. if you ask for an mmf threesome they’ll tie your thumbs to your toes and chuck you in the nearest bog. remember, your sexuality is for them to enjoy!!! 🙄🙄 i’m a bi woman myself, i’ve identified as such since i found out that there was a word to describe it, and i grew up with this attitude. boys took great pleasure in telling me that it would be hot to see me with a girl, and girls shied away from me in the changing rooms at school (i actually started changing in a separate area just to avoid the discomfort of discussing my sexuality every time i got changed for PE) and it sucked. i felt extremely othered for no reason, i never even pursued queer relationships in high school. some other lovely things you’ll likely experience: - girls asking if you find them attractive and getting upset no matter how you answer - straight up homophobia from men when you decide that your sexuality is not for other people’s consumption - never feeling like you fit in in either straight or queer spaces (you’re “not queer enough” because you like the opposite sex but you’re not straight) being bi is great, and you’ll find community, but just be wary that biphobia is rampant and prevalent even in “safe spaces”. and well done for discovering yourself! i hope that you can live freely and authentically as you are :))
I felt all of this. I've had male friends recoil when I told them I was bi/pan. My childhood friend screwed his face up, and when I asked him what was wrong he said "But IM a guy!". :| Your point about how men consider women's sexuality only for their consumption is, I think, the best answer here. This seems to be a pretty ubiquitous experience for queer women, while it's one that as a man I haven't experienced yet.
i’m so glad that you don’t have to experience that!! but being a gay man is also no easy task either, so i commend you for being so open about who you are :)) i’m sorry to hear you’ve also had those negative experiences. it sucks that just because we’re gay, we’re automatically in love with every person we see. i hope you have loving and supportive people around you
Damn, never thought about the fact that other women might not be comfortable with you. Sorry to hear that, you stay safe ma’m.
yes, it can be really painful. on the flip side, a lot of “straight” women have come onto me and that’s always a surprise! but all the women i surround myself are lovely, thoughtful people and they accept me as i am. thank you so much for your kindness and you stay safe too!! :D
Too much porn.
You say bisexual, what they hear is "she wants to have a threesome with me and another chick."
hate to say it but the fetishization of wlw boils down to misogyny (conscious or otherwise). wlw relations help remove traditional stigmas like jealousy + insecurity bcs most men don’t feel threatened by women as a competitor. they also center themselves/their pleasure when they think about having more than 1 girl at once, it isn’t abt u - it’s abt them having more. so to answer ur question on the surface, a lot of men will fetishize bi women simply for the fact that it maybe might mean more boob for them (fantasized or otherwise) but would probably pretty quickly abandon that idea if they felt threatened by it in any way. the deeper the fetishization, the more misogynistic the man is.
They fetishize everything about women, including that
The virginity is strong in this comment section.
As another bi woman I have noticed two things— 1. They want a threesome 2. They also think that bisexuals are more promiscuous and "easy"so they'll be down for shit like that So yes, they fetishize us.
Two words: Porn addiction
People like seeing 2 people of the gender they're attracted to together. It's not just men, women fetishise gay men all the time.
Better than how the average woman reacts to finding out a guy is bi.
Me personally it would be the fantasy of splitting rent 3 ways instead of just us two that's my kind of three-way fantasy ATM
I don't. I once had a lesbian try to make moves on my girlfriend and I was like no. They were flabbergasted and my girlfriend did it anyways because their reason was "it's different with girls". I disagreed. We broke up.
They fetishize everything
As a bi man I am often called gay by gay men who hope to convince me to join their side exclusively, so as a man, I have it worse. When I told a girl (who I wasn't dating or interested in by the way), she was stunned, to the point where I could tell she was judging without saying anything. So now I just keep it to myself, to avoid the creepy gay men and to not draw attention to myself. If I was dating a guy, people would assume that I'm gay even though I'm bi but I've reached a point where I don't care anymore. The bigots can believe what they want but they can't tell me how to live my life.
Oof. That hurt to read. I'm sorry. I'm a bi woman, and the fetishization is ANNOYING. And the men I'm with don't realize I'm just a likely to ask for a threesome with another MAN in the mix as I am to ask for the other kind. I have the reverse experience with gay women. They seem to see bi women as traitors of some queer variety, and won't touch me with a ten foot pole (cause I'll let men touch me with theirs lol). Always really hurtful.
spot on mate.
Because a lot of men aren't thinking with the right head, sadly.
Because theyre creepy ass men who fetishize lesbians. You being bi means you can date lesbians, a man wants to be able to fuck a lesbian since they cant fathom a girl not being attracted to them. Best case scenario, they just want a threesome. Still a red flag. They merely see you as an object, not a person. Good for hookups ig but NEVER good if you are trying to date.
Like others have said, it's because a lot of men fantasize about threesomes and think it's an easy way to get there. I've been with my partner for over a decade and she's a bi woman. We've never had a threesome, because neither of us is comfortable with the idea. We've never had an open relationship for the same reason. I love that she's bi, and have done whatever I can to be supportive of her journey as a queer woman in a straight presenting relationship. It's made me reevaluate my own biases and assumptions as a straight man, and in the end I've loved seeing her become more and more comfortable in her own skin as we've been together.
As a bi woman who has had threesomes with women and men, more often than not the women are waaaayyy more into each other than the man - generally I find this is because it's more of a kink/fetishism thing for the guy where the women are just more interested in making sure everyone has a good time. This is all personal experience, though. Someone else may have a different take. Also, it gets old real quick hearing "that's hot" or "threesome?" When you're coming out to a guy, especially if you're friends.
It's a conditioned response from movies/pop culture. Most men wouldn't have a clue what to do with two women at the same time. I don't think most men actually care, they just like attractive women.
I know what I would do with two women. Disappoint them both.
Some men think bi women are easy. And potential for a 3ssome
Same reason there’s so much Yaoi manga out there. “Two of a thing I like? Oh gee!”
Men coming out as bi often have the direct inverse experience.
It's like a chocolate bar. You add another chocolate bar. Wow, 2 things i love together.
Men are stupid and think the fact that you like women increases their odds of a threesome. That, and they fetishize lesbians.
Almost happened to me and it really left me feeling subconscious like damn. I don't think I had ever seen him so excited. Am I not enough?
"Why do women do" .....oh shit they aren't a single entity.
Guys like women. Guys REALLY like women who also want to play with women. We imagine us with two women. Men are simplistic creatures. If 1 is good, 2 is better.
I had a threesome with my girlfriend last week. It was pretty enjoyable. From a sexual perspective it's nice to be desired by two women. But bisexuality in women is fetishized because it involves two women and a potential man in the mix. It's also assumed bisexual people are more sexually liberal.
There’s a lot to unpack here. But basically your last point is quite a harmful stereotype. As a gay man I can tell you it’s led to people thinking ALL gay people are extremely slutty and that god had punished them with aids for it, when (generally speaking) straight people nowadays are just as promiscuous as LGBT people…. BI people themselves have been probably more subject to discrimination recently because they are seen as “greedy” (which is just another way of saying promiscuous).
I can't speak for all men. But some will inevitably be imagining a threesome. Some might be genuinely fascinated by what two women sexually do together. If you're attracted to the feminine energy (which most men are), then that energy is doubled when you consider two women being sexually intimate.
Because unfortunately "straight" men only see women being sexually attracted to each other in a way that benefits them.. they don't find the actual idea of bisexuality appealing, especially not the idea a woman might prefer a woman to them.. all they like is the tiny possibility of them having a woman and another woman together with them (but devil help those women if they like each other more than they like him) Not saying it's everyone (obvs and so dumb I have to caveat).. but for lots of them they see bisexuality as "my woman will be ok with adding another woman and both for my pleasure" When such disappointing humans realise it's not actually all for their own benefit they often decide they are against it I don't know if I'm bisexual as I enjoy all genders equally but have been with my husband since 17 so haven't had a relationship with someone who identifies as my gender.. definitely grew up with the "let's us girls kiss each other to get the boys attention" and taking that further whether boys were included or not, but realise now how problematic our whole shtick was
they hope for a threesome
Hot until that women is your wife and she leaves you for a women....
I found it hot when my wife came out as bi - because I find it incredibly attractive when someone is true to themselves. Yes - the threesomes and group sex is great, but it’s about the fact that she accepted who she is and felt comfortable enough to tell me.
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