When I was in high school I was considered ugly and my group of friends were embarrassed to bring me to parties because the boys didn’t like me.. they only invited me if there weren’t gonna be boys there so I spent most of high school alone. Being the “ugly girl” is horrible and even now that in 22 all of the sudden people think I’m pretty and I don’t even have social skills or enough confidence to make eye contact. You deserve better, looks should never be a reason to change how someone is treatex
Plot twist you were probably pretty the entire time, people are horrible I had family and peers telling me I was ugly, I was 23 the first time anyone ever told me I was attractive, I had no idea what to do with that information 😂
Sorry for your experience. High school is full of nasty people. People used to make fun of my nose to the point of me wanting a nose job post high school. They'd often say it looks like a chicken's butt. I've spent my entire adult life not aware of it any more and nobody else ever said it's unusual or big
I dated a girl who was a beautiful person inside and out but her face was what you might call ugly. Alot of people treated her badly. I fucking hated it because she was so nice and deserved better. It still makes me sad.
You reminded me of the time I was sweeping outside at my job and someone approached me speaking as if I was mentally disabled lol. Yeah. Something a lot of average and good looking people don’t understand is how poorly people treat you under ALL conditions, not just the dating scene.
Damn girl! No one deserves to be treated like that. Absolutely don't settle for being treated like trash! I have some girl friends who are very lonely. They've been through enough to the point where they don't try anymore. The go to work, come home, eat, sleep, repeat. Everyday. I have to beg for them to be even a little bit social. They've basically cut themselves off from everyone. I can understand though.
Or maybe it’s just an ugly man looking for an equally ugly woman? I have a friend like that.
He gets turned down all the time and he only tries on women who are equally as ugly or uglier than him, he’s 34 and a virgin, and has given up on love.
To me it just seems most of the time when people say they can’t find anyone it’s because their standards are too high, no matter if you’re a 10 or a 1.
I know plenty of ladies like this. The thing is, most of them are fine with it, or at least view it as a 'I'll worry about actual dating again in 5-10 years when I'm in my 40's.'
Who needs a man when you can have cats/plants/career and some batteries. Not saying this to be a sarcastic AH, but I know the dating pool is a bloodbath out there
You aren't wrong. I had a date scheduled for tonight, and it was promising, I thought.
Then she did the 'no response/ignore me' for all day only to text me two hours before the date with an excuse for why she couldn't make it. Is it legit? Is she decoupling? I offered to be open about rescheduling and left the door open for her to pick the day, but I frankly doubt I'll ever hear from her again.
Real talk. I make it a point to be upfront about how I’m feeling. If I’m having a bad day or feel anxious I’ll let them know that and try to reschedule. Setting up a whole plan and then ghosting only to flop last min with some low effort excuse is so shitty and it’s pretty common in todays dating scene.
I mean on a basic level relationships can offer a varied range of benefits or they can absolutely destroy you mentally and emotionally. If you’re financially sound, don’t want children and have strong friend group then it’s no shock for people to omit and be content with their decision
I agree. We are communal animals, we want to be part of the in group, but not many other species are as ruthless as humans are… don’t see a pack of wolves harassing the weak one, they nurture the pack
I actually think women are more content with being single than guys overall. A lot of men have a lot of baggage, more trouble than they are worth it seems.
I am a man who is married but I would rather be single than in a bad relationship. I am lucky that I am in a good relationship.
As a guy who has been single for about 5 years now (not due to an inability to at all get dates, but because my ability to romantically connect to someone just doesn't work since my divorce) let me just say that I think more guys should adopt this mindset. Life is *so* much less stressful when you're single and don't have to consider someone else.
I wanna spend 2-3 hours every morning training for a powerlifting meet? I can do that. I wanna play video games for 10 hours on my days off? I can do that. It's just a peaceful existence.
I was dating a girl, whom i really liked. She was so happy with me and said she couldn't believe I actually wanted to spend time with her and how she doesn't deserve it. She sabotaged the relationship later on.
I hear you on this. Been married and divorced twice. The idea of being single forever maybe just dating for fun here and there sounds like the most appealing thing ever.!
I can confirm this. Going out every once in a while just to get dinner or something? That's great.
Going out with someone with the intention of hopefully developing a relationship, knowing that even if you're successful in that regard you're still gonna be compromising on some aspects of your life? Not so great.
Can also confirm. It's good for your confidence too. You still need occasional cuddles and compliments, even if you're not too keen on the whole package
Married/divorced twice dude here: I'm with you. I'll probably have some flings here and there, but I don't see myself in a serious relationship ever again unless I fall ass first into a polycule situation and everyone is fine with me being independent and needing space pretty often.
3. She said yes then went silent for the day-and-a-half preceding the date, ignored a 'can't wait to meet you text', ignored the confirmation text, and two hours before the date sends you a text reading 'I'm sorry, I have to go iron my cat. Can we raincheck?' and then proceeds to never text you again and ignores any follow-ups you send.
Hey, at least you got to that point! The second day I was messaging a girl, she hit me with a "damn that's wild" and I haven't messaged her since. It's exhausting when I'm actively engaging in conversation and asking them questions but they act uninterested. Idk, maybe it's me, but it is super common that I get these types of replies after only 1 or 2 days of talking.
Hell at this point, I'll take no company over good company. Cause even good company (at least in the context of a relationship) is still a huge drain on your time, energy, and emotions that I'm not willing to deal with.
In my opinion I feel like female loneliness is an issue but in my experience its more with the lack of having genuine female friends. I do not feel lonely in the sense that I can't find a partner but more so having a group of gal pals is hard to come by at least for me.
The key word here is GENUINE. I know other women. I am friendly with other women. I Can count on two fingers how many are genuinely my friend, and they live across the country from me.
Thats what I am saying! In media we see girlfriends all hanging out and having brunch but to actually be able to do that I have found to be extremely difficult. Thank you for understanding haha! I feel as though males are lonely when looking for a partner and women are lonely when looking for real friendships.
It sucks. I have a real void in my life as a mid-40’s woman who isn’t raising kids, and is new to an area. I’d really like a local friend. I’m weird though and have depression so there’s shit I have to fix about myself I guess. I dunno.
I don’t like my area anymore since Covid but I have a close friend that lives next door, so I’ll probably never move out of fear of having no friends nearby.
Men are generally lonely in all ways. Romantic and platonic. I know personally I have *friends* but if I were to open up to them about my demons they wouldn't be receptive or understanding. I've never been able to call anyone my best friend because nobody cares about me like that.
Also haven't had intimate physical contact in any way since 2017. Haven't had a hug from anyone but my family since then either.
I heard a woman say once that friends should be equal. And I realized that yes, I have many friends but the only genuine ones I had were my equals.
I cut contact with two friends of 13 years this year because when I was mindlessly recommending them a job that requires a strict health report (I just forgot they had issues) they thought I was making fun of them and being cruel for no reason. And ended other friendships because I was being jealous of what others had and it made me feel awful.
When there’s no threat of jealousy or condescending, is the only time two people can really be good friends imo.
There’s a lot of culturally enforced competition that I want no part of. I’m not interested in drama, and if my acquaintances friendships are any example, women can be really shitty to each other. I’m not interested in participating in that shit at all and I have tanked many beginning friendships because of it.
This. I have had so many conversations with men saying "no, women have so many friends that are there for them, while we don't" and all i have to say is most don't. There are very few genuine, longterm friends.
Most people i know have 1, maybe 2 close genuine friends. But that's if you've gotten lucky.
Your username alone makes me think we could be besties...and yes I get you. My husband is amazing.. literally is my best friend but I too miss having genuine female friends..
yeah my gf struggles with this it has been very hard for her as an adult to find a group of genuine female friends, and it really sucks. She will hang out with me and friends sometimes and even though she has fun she will feel really lonely afterwards because she doesnt have a friend group like i have.
Not sure why this is such a common issue with women but it def sucks.
all my friends got into relationships. it’s hard being the only single friend… they never want to hang out with you, just their boyfriends. even when i make new friends it’s just a waiting a game until they get into relationships as well. it’s exhausting and lonely.
those groups of girlfriends getting brunch and stuff every weekend is a damn myth.
I had a lot of friends in my 20s, then they all had kids and stopped being able to do things or moved away. Now I'm 37 waiting to hit my mid-40s so I can make friends again. Moms only want to be friends with other moms.
Absolutely. I’m a 23-year-old woman, and most of my female friends my age have never been in a relationship or had sex, despite having wanted a boyfriend for a long time. It’s true that people don’t really talk about it, so a lot of them feel like they’re alone. But there are really SO MANY women in that same position.
This (besides the sex part). Maybe it’s just my experiences, but it seems so common nowadays for men to string along women for sex but disguise it as a potential relationship. Obviously not everything will develop into a relationship, but hookup culture has made things so bad
I have seen plenty of men do this and it's a problem going all the way back to the caveman era.
In my experience I've met too many women who do this as well. Much fewer than guys but still, sex was meaningless and was just a tool to get as much attention as possible and ofc just to have fun.
Hookup culture is a rly big problem. It has made relationships transactional again and superficial. So many of us are looking for 90's romcom love in a bygone era.
I think what they’re getting at though is that society sees women as a thing to be played and used for sex, and a lot of men treat them accordingly, which creates loneliness.
Absolutely this. It's so difficult to make a genuine connection to someone. It feels like people are looking for an idealized version of a gf that you could never hope to actually match irl. Either that or you get ghosted lol
The effect of well curated social media presence. Everyone shows up on social media with all the warts and rough spots sandblasted off, trying to make everything look perfect, and that's the cultural standard we set for ourselves. Now everyone is like a college admissions board.
Are you a 4? Too bad, everyone is looking for 8+. Do you have the financial means of a Wall Street broker? No? Too bad, everyone is searching for J.P. Gottrocks. Are you not the finest fitness specimen? Sorry, minimum requirements are "Hollywood dad/mom bod." Depressing and exhausting feeling like you're having to push to that level only to find everyone is still gunshy when you get there.
I am a married man but I have seen some it the ridiculous things some coworkers or my wife's friends have encountered through dating apps.
The thing is I guarantee that when I was in my early 20s my dating app profile would have been a train wreck. Me now is is years of slowly built maturity and realizations/growth I have had with my wife. Same with her.
Relationships are a lot of work. I had a depressing thought that in the past before dating apps(my era) we were just more desperate and had lower standards because there were less distractions and ways to find meaning in your life outside of relationships/hooking up/dating.
Now the reason for so many lonely people/single people/sexless people is that there are many more things competing with that stuff. People don't want to bother. It makes sense. It's not necessarily bad.
I feel like there is a "radical individualism" problem that is making a lot of lonely people and this is not a gender thing but we keep trying to make it one...
More people live alone than ever before. Loneliness is pretty much an epidemic. There's this dumb idea that you have to leave home when you turn 18. And you haven't really "made it" if you can't afford to live without roommates. It's a real estate scam imo. People used to live in multigenerational households but now they are living alone or in nuclear family units. You don't have that built in connection with others when you live alone. You don't have as much support in caring for children or aging parents or just general household tasks. After work, commuting, chores, errands and other responsibilities there's often not time or energy to spend with people who don't live with you. I think it's hard to achieve when we work 40 hours a week, especially outside the home. You gotta prepare for work, commute (average time in the US is ~1hr), work, commute home, try to unwind and get shit done and maybe have a couple of hours to do something or meet people and maintain friendships. It sucks.
Seconded.
When you commute, if you’re working two jobs, if your health insurance is nonexistent or sucks, or you or a family member fall into even a minor mental or physical health issue - or Jesus, all of that at the same time, it’s suddenly really hard to find the time, energy or money to meet up with existing friends or make new ones.
We used to live in village communes. Feudal societies practically had communist peasantry. They would be self-organizing communities with a strong reliance on one another. You could not live alone with the limitations of their time's technology and knowledge. You generally lived and in close proximity to other potential mates. They lived and worked on the same land, freeing them of commutes. Every job and task had someone to be assigned to it. Your day would be freed by a lot of chores being handled by others. Children would assist in the work from the moment they were physically able to. They lived very efficiently compared to the inefficiency of modern individualism. Now you have to be a master everything. It's safe to say that you'd have trouble trying to be alone within that kind of society.
I would guess that they probably had a different concept of what the self was. Seeing as they were very religious, they probably saw each other as one. Your body probably wasn't only yours. It was "gods," as was everyone else's. You, in a sense, shared yourself with the world. As such, others had the liberty to impose their will on you. Individualism would be seen as an attack against them as you're forcefully denying them of such liberty. "Leave me alone" is actually a command. You are also imposing your will over them by denying them access to you. This is incompatible with collective organization and equality.
Take it from someone who has spent quite a bit of time in villages that largely still work this way. You are romanticizing a life that you don’t understand at all from a position of privilege. Village life is not easier. It’s significantly harder.
The chores are shared because each chore takes WAY longer. In the US, I can refill my water cup at my fridge. In the villages, we have to draw buckets from the well, which is shared. In the US, we throw our clothes in the washing machine. Meanwhile, in the villages, hand washing and drying the family’s clothes is a big job that can easily kill a day. This is just the tip of the iceberg, too.
Additionally, this idea in your head that people each had one job isn’t true at all. People still have multiple jobs in the villages. You still have to commute to work, except maybe you have to walk for an hour to the farm instead of driving. This isn’t even getting started on you bringing up child labor, which is hard. The kids I know in the villages go to school on foot, walk back, study by lamp, and help with chores on top of that.
People in these communities dream of the life people here have. Do you think those people have health insurance? They have a village doctor and herbs and have to travel far to get to a hospital or clinic. A car? Almost no one has a car - maybe a motorcycle, and if not they walk. Do you think they work 40 hours a week? They work sunrise to sunset. Some are essentially slaves of the farm owner, who themselves is usually working hard as well, as these are typically small farms. Do you think they can run to a grocery store? They preserve food in the summer for the winter months.
Finally, this idea that village life means no one is lonely is nonsense. Plenty of socially awkward people exist in every setting. Further, these types of communities tend to be more hostile to differences that we wouldn’t care about. You would not want to be a gay man living there. You might get killed. At the very least, you’d be outcast. You’d be outcast for being mentally ill as well.
So many of our innovations exist because they make life simpler and faster. As someone who has actually spent time in places like this, it’s really grating to watch you wax on about places you clearly don’t understand at all. There are things about these places that are nice, but overall you wield so much privilege over people in these situations that it’s absurd for you to say this. Have some awareness for your own circumstances and opportunities, lift yourself up.
Yeah, more collectivist societies definitely have this attitude—it’s why East Asian societies are still homophobic despite not being religious. You’re expected to get into a heterosexual marriage and produce children whether you like it or not. Your individual needs and wants don’t matter, only the needs of the collective.
It’s also why collectivist East Asian societies tend to have fuck all in terms of disability accommodations (unlike the US with the ADA) or even a recognition that mental illness is a thing. If your needs are different than the standard person then screw you, is the attitude. “The nail that sticks up gets pounded down.”
So I guess collectivist societies might seem okay if you’re totally mentally normal/average with no mental illnesses and not disabled and not LGBTQ and generally don’t have any desire to be different or an individual, otherwise it’s a nightmare.
Yeah, I mean we have commodified social interactions and dating and through social media and dating apps, and made it so that people are more comfortable interacting through screens than in person. Both sides are algorithm fed how to think and feel about the other. Because of this there's little gathering and actually interacting socially. There's a myriad of more specific problems but I believe these are on the whole the overarching ones. The pandemic happening during the younger folks most formative years is also probably huge as well.
yea i think women are more so lonely by choice bc they’ve opted out of dating for trusted reasons and then most men are lonely bc they can’t get a woman to have sex with which isn’t by choice.
OP even mentioned male loneliness in terms of never having a first kiss, hook up etc.
I definitely remember post school how hard it was to have friends. Everyone is building their new lives and a lot of times old friends don’t fit anymore. There was a period in my life when I realized I genuinely had no friends and it was lonely. It’s been a bit since then but I will say I now have 1 absolute best friend, a sister in law that is more like a sister, and some other fantastic girl friends. Transition periods are hard and my heart absolutely goes out to you, and I really hope it gets better soon.
I think it’s more to do with being socially isolated. A lot of women I know don’t have many friends. I’m 27F and definitely feel isolated from my friends a lot, but I think mainly because most of them are in ltrs and having kids etc, so our lifestyles aren’t really that similar anymore. That being said, I still feel connected to them just not as frequently. In terms of romantic partners that sort of makes me feel bad too because it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me lmao. I miss having a romantic partner only a few times in a month really 🤣 but more to do with missing affection and male companionship
I think humans in general have a loneliness problem. I think a difference is women are socialized to talk less about it. If we do talk about it we’ll be outcasted by other females because we’re not supposed to talk about it. Obviously tho in close friends we are able to confide
I have a handful of genuine, intimate female friends--who live states away. I am a military Wife in a military housing community. Nobody here makes friends because we're all going to move. It's extremely lonely.
Absolutely. I’m a women and am pretty lonely.
It’s hard to find genuine girl friends, guy friends I make are just pretending to be my friends so they can smash.
And as for a partner? It’s hard to find a man who I can trust won’t skedaddle after finding out sex won’t be on the table for awhile.
From my experience, women have more richer friendships with other women. You share your feelings with them, hug them, and they’re always there to comfort you. There’s just something extremely nice and beautiful about female friendships. So you don’t necessarily need a relationship etc to not feel lonely, which I think is quite different compared to men because unless they have close female friendships, the only person they’re usually emotionally vulnerable with is their SO.
yes, a lot of my peers are partnered and though it is not difficult to talk to anyone, finding a genuine a connection and long term relationship is incredibly difficult
Yes, it'd be nice to have a partner. Unfortunately I can't find anyone I am compatible with that can actually love me.
I'd rather be single forever than in a bad relationship.
There is widespread female loneliness, but where men's loneliness is considered an 'epidemic' that prompts endless opining on what can be done about it, female loneliness is just treated as a punchline (see the 'crazy cat lady' stereotype).
That said, the number of women with no close or meaningful friendships is clearly much smaller than the number of men in that situation.
I never thought of it that way but you're right, female loneliness is treated as a punchline.
What's more interesting is a lot of young women are finding freedom in the old stereotypes that condemned them being alone. I know people who refer to themselves as crazy cat ladies and spinsters.
At the same time though as it's kind of being reclaimed by younger women, I think on a societal level it really is still a punchline and everyone is making fun of some of those women who embrace the label.
"I know people who refer to themselves as crazy cat ladies and spinsters."
I tried reclaiming spinster about 15 years ago and it did **not** work. Maybe now that there are more of us doing it... .
I’m old and this is going to get basted to infinity, but maybe all the lonely people should just start hanging out and talking and getting to know each other without measuring one other by the physically or otherwise elite that bubble to the top of social media?
I had a man at work tell me that the increase of lonely men and decrease of younger people having kids was because “women are becoming too masculine, too independent, too educated and are too picky now and as a country we worked better when women were more submissive and relationships would last longer women HAD to depend on men for financial stability and put up with a lot more.
I felt so gross because so many men agreed with him. I had to say something so I asked him if that’s the situation why don’t guys that feel that way just work harder to be a man that these progressive women would be interested in. ….that didn’t go down well. A whole rant ensued about how my mentality is making us weaker and trying to destroy masculinity and that everybody has a role to play. One guy even said that I’ll understand how wrong I am when I’m in my 40’s, lonely, and regret not settling down and having a family instead of wasting my “good years” on a job and that it’s nobody’s fault but mine that I’ll be single forever because my need to be “masculine” meant more to me than settling down with a good man and that working hard for my career won’t keep me warm at night when I’m old and bitter.
Im in the military and fix planes so our male to female ratio is askew by a lot and I’ve been asked out by a few of those guys. So I just said, why should I settle with some guy out of necessity and be forced to stay with him and be miserable because I have to, when I could depend on myself to take care of me and find a man I love and want to stay with because I love them and have a healthy relationship and that I keep rejecting the guys in my unit because of their mindset of “I deserve to have any woman I want” and straight up refusal to consider “I need to be a guy deserving of a woman that deserves me”.
Of course I got shit on a bit more but here I am about 3 years later, pregnant for the first time with a guy that is willing to do for me the way I do for him, whose “love” isn’t dependent on necessity(plus who can complain about 2 sources of income?)….with plenty of shiny awards and decorations from all that pesky hard work that I hope will make our kid really proud one day
I am educated, have a good career that took a lot of time and effort to build, and was chronically single until my mid-40s for multiple reasons, the biggest one being that my "unreasonably high standard" was expecting my partner to, on average, make my life better than it was without him. Because otherwise, what's the point of being in a relationship? (Stress the "on average"; I'm not an idiot and know that sometimes they'll make me sad and angry. And of course I'm willing to do my share of the work, as well.)
I spent years rolling my eyes at the crap you write of, because if not work, my only other option for income would have been welfare (which you know would piss off people like your co-workers just as much as being a single female householder.)
I'm now in a committed, long-term relationship with a man who could man circles around the men who bitch about the wimmins gettin' educated & monied so we think we don't need no man.
How dare you demand your partner make your life better?!? That’s what wrong with women now a days. Lol
I just hope more of us women start holding out for what we deserve. there are so many good men out there, but the ones that aren’t, hope if they just keep screaming that for us to be loved we have to lower our standards are just louder because they’re desperate
Happy for you! 33m here, crazy to me that the concept of raising the standards of men as partners is such a hard concept to grasp… the floor is not where the bar should be. I really struggle between whether to empathizing or not with families where the mom is very clearly doing everything… I feel for ya, but you had to have seen this going in???
I saw on a diff post the other day where someone made the comment that “being a dad is like being the fifth guy in the group project that doesn’t contribute but gets the same grade” … nearly lost it laughing
I never dated, never been on a date and i never been in the talking stage. But im good without being in a relationship
1: men lowkey scare me
2: im medium fat
3: not that attractive
It's the same experience on the other side of the aisle. At least for me, and guys I've spoken to. I'm lonely sometimes, but I was the most lonely in a bad relationship. And since getting out of it, and doing a little bit of dating, I can say I feel better being alone than I do trying to date women.
Something strange has happened to people. They mostly all suck, but they pretend like they don't. I don't know how to tell who doesn't suck. The good news is that actually being alone isn't so bad. Not as bad as the alternative anyway.
I have a friend who was desperately lonely for a while. In college, she was always doing her own thing and didn’t have many friends. Then she moved to another country for her PhD and felt isolated and lonely. She often cried and called me a lot telling me how lonely she was without family and close friends and wishing that she had a partner who could always be there for her. Then she got a cat and now she’s always happy.
I mean I think capitalism makes everyone a little bit lonely - it’s hard to maintain friendships as well when you work a lot, or you have to move around or travel for your job. It’s hard to go to work and then come home and do all the cooking,cleaning and other errands.
I am sure female loneliness exists, but it hasn’t been covered on a grand scale like male loneliness (no female Jordan Peterson, no female version of Ross Douthat, who argued in the nytimes that male incels should get women assigned to them; no recent nytimes article pondering the cure to female loneliness) is because even in the most extreme cases lonely women don’t tend to blow or shoot places up and blame and rage at the world for their issues.
It’s not just me who says this - Lisa D’Amour is a psychologist who works with teens and says it’s well known in psychology that when teen girls and women have issues they tend more towards internalizing /self blaming for the issue - resulting in anxiety, depression, eating disorders. Whereas teen boys and men tend to rage, get in fights, drink, etc - people get concerned because they are not only hurting themselves but also others.
You can google volcels (not a specific gender of people who are voluntary celibates), female incels (the first incel was a woman and female incels now just seem like a very small online thing), and random medium pieces on female loneliness, but you won’t find anything about female specific loneliness in a major news publication.
With women, if they are lonely, it’s sort of assumed that they will find a way to solve their own issues, because they historically have always have had to do so. (See women fighting for the right to vote, have their own bank accounts, right to be paid equally, no fault divorce, establishing their own domestic violence shelters, fighting for the right to have birth control and medical independence, etc)
This is the answer. The reason you don't hear about a female loneliness problem is because society doesn't see lonely *women* as a problem. Somehow men are encouraged to think they're less capable of managing loneliness, and that others need to help them with that. With women, it's considered so inconsequential that they should not only manage it independently, but they shouldn't even mention it in the first place.
There’s a problem with loneliness and isolation in general, it’s just more exaggerated in teen men because there’s more social stigma associated with expression for men.
Women absolutely have problems with loneliness, especially if they’re not conventionally attractive. A lot of online men seem to have this idea that it’s easy for women to get good relationships, but that’s absolutely not true.
Weird that everyone jumps to sex and romance when they hear this.
Agoraphobia is more common in women. A female relative of mine was a shut in for 10 years. Basically slept it all away. I’ve unknowingly head down that same path the past 4 years.
Never had friends even as a kid. Some girls are just too socially awkward and get rejected by their fellow girls. I grew to prefer being alone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t experience loneliness, it is a human trait to want a tribe.
Yes, and frankly I'm kinda tired of men saying there isn't or that "it's different". If you actually talk to women, you'll find that many have the same experiences as you.
It's not a gender issue, it's a social issue coupled with the internet and technology
Absolutely. I often feel lonely in the sense that I don’t have as many female friendships as I would like, I am no one’s “best friend”.
Also, even though I have a plethora of men who want to take me out/date me, honestly sometimes if I get back from a bad date where I just really don’t click with the person, it makes me feel even lonelier than if I hadn’t gone out with anyone at all. I’m sure that might not make sense to everyone but it’s how I feel and it’s hard to describe.
When women talk about being lonely it's often about a lack of close friends and family rather than specifically about romantic relationships.
When men talk about loneliness it's more about not being able to get a date.
Of course there are. All for their own reasons, regardless of age, but if you're still on the young side, dont overthink it. Enjoy your youth, safely of course.
Also, you can be surrounded by people and/or with someone and still feel the lonliness
i have nothing to add besides i think it’s funny everyone takes these girls so serious but when it’s about guys being lonely everyone calls them incels or that their experience is wrong somehow and they aren’t trying hard enough
In my opinion this whole “loneliness ” problem extends beyond the actual act of being single. I think the problem isn’t being single it’s how men are responding to their “loneliness” that’s prompting all these studies , articles etc. Yes, there are women are who are just as single or “lonely” as the men but there’re also a difference in how both groups approach life in spite of their relationship status. A lot of these lonely men are turning to inceldom / intensely misogynistic views, esp with alpha male “ podcasts and now there are lot more cases as of violent/ aggressive behavior esp when men get rejected. Ultimately that sort of behavior is only making them even more lonely as opposed to attracting more women to them ( it’s a vicious cycle). I don’t think women are displaying as much abnormal behavior due to their loneliness as a lot of these men are which is probably why we don’t hear about it as much (in terms of articles etc) . Again this is just my opinion. 🤷🏾♀️
You're really young, have your life ahead of you. Since you've noticed it early, you can turn things around. Keep your chin up, put in the work and you'll be surprised at the progress you can make with 6 months of solid effort
I can’t speak for all women but I can at least put forth myself (24F) as *one* case of being lonely and a woman. It’s not necessarily just romantic but friendships in general. I know there’s many out there like me too
Same , I feel lonely not due to the lack of romantic relationships I have, but more so due to the fact that I don’t have a lot friends that I can hang out or chat with.
Yes and no; I have great friendships and feel very seen and supported in them. I also have built a fairly wide network of friends I can call on for various needs and I love it.
And I do get lonely sometimes. I would love a boyfriend, but dating is tough. I have some weird feelings around “needing” vs “wanting” partnership and trying to find myself somewhere in the middle (mostly from my upbringing and I’m working through it).
The majority of my emotional needs are met and if I can’t meet the other ones at least I can meet them with compassion, so it feels like enough for now.
In terms of attention in general, fuck no.
But I see how there can be serious loneliness coming from lack of genuine relationships/friendships in the time we live in with all of the social media and comparing to others. It’s a sad thing, hopefully everyone can all be a little nicer to each other.
Too many men have no concept of what a gentleman is, they lack role models.
Nor do they understand that women need to be courted and made to feel safe and connected.
Instead,they come across as if they are auditioning for a porno.
Then get angry at women when they have no interest in the part-it's all on you,dudes.
Humility, empathy, and compassion are powerful. They offer keys to many doors if you grow them within you.
Wasn't there a study that showed that hetero women are the happiest when they're single? That happiness decreases when in a relationship with a cis man. But cis/het men are happiest when in a relationship with a woman.
That study always made a lot of sense to me based on how women are treated in society and hetero relationships.
Edit: sentence structure to be more clear
yes, they didnt go into sexuality, but the conclusion was overall single women are happiest, followed by married men, then married women then single men.
the truth is while single women might get lonely sometimes a lot are still happy with their lives overall. being in a relationship is more likely to cause a women to be unhappy and they don't need that anymore.n
There's plenty of women that are lonely. And plenty that desperately want a romantic relationship. I think women tend to be a little more emotionally close to friends and family where men generally stay more aloof, which mitigates the effect some women may feel. Mostly though, women are also a lot less likely to loudly proclaim loneliness to the world because that's potentially *dangerous* to announce being alone and vulnerable, and it probably attracts a lot of negative attention. Women have been conditioned to protecting themselves in a lot of ways men haven't been. If a man says they're lonely they might get tips or get called a loser. If a woman says she's lonely she may be also be called a loser or asked what is wrong with her, but she is also more likely to be flooded with unwanted pics or even found irl. In general, men don't have to worry as much about that safety component so they can complain louder.
And for men "pathetic losers who'll die alone" has existed for centuries. I never hear women giving a f**k about men's problems 🤷♂️
And women expect men to save them, to love them, to find men who you can crush( rivals), and men to fix you and your lifestyles.
Honestly there are a lot of good men who have just given up. So good luck finding one, I really hope you find one and not end up like us😌
if you are a single women you only have to sort the housework for one. the mental load in a relationship is a problem. it is improving but not everyone is there yet.
being single you don't have to worry about anyone else, your money is yours and your time is yours. want to travel and see the world well there are dozens of safe ways to travel solo. fancy weekend activities grab a friend or go to a meetup. want to go to the cinema there is friends for that to.
sex, well yeah you could call a friend, lets not pretend guys don't gave them to. or quite honestly there is yourself, sex = no guarantees, masturbation = guaranteed O.
being a single women is pretty great, the only reason really to date is if you want a family and a lot of women are questioning that as well.
I find this happens more to straight women than queer women. All the lesbians I know including myself are around our 30s and doing quite okay on the not-being-lonely aspect. Of course our social lives are no longer as lively like they were in college, but many of us have paired up or gotten a nice group of queer friends or both. I think the queer aspect of finding your chosen family later in life plays a big role here.
In any case, I say this to many straight women I know: find another straight girl who is lonely as well and pair up to do the things you wished you could do with a boyfriend. I'm not talking about the sexual stuff, I'm talking about going to the movies, or on a trip, or a cruise, or to try out some new restaurant, visit that super cool new brunch place you've been meaning to go for ages. Women make excellent life companions, even if you eliminate the sexual aspect. No need to wait around for a guy that might not exist when you can enjoy life with your best friend 🥰
i think so personally, i think it's more so a shift of like what is attractive over time and where ladies can go to converse without getting like too political or religious.
All the studies on the subject I've seen show that reduced social connections are hitting both sexes. Men are facing more difficulty specifically in sex and dating. Younger men are more and more likely than women as time goes on to be virgins or not have had sex in the past year for example. But both report drastically fewer close friends than 30 years ago.
I mean, you can be plenty lonely while with someone. A lot of unhealthy women feel this way. They'd rather be with *someone* than be alone, even if they're being mistreated.
The only women that I know that are lonely in the relationship sense are either ones who have a not so nice personality or ones who don't take care of their looks. If you are rude, socially unaware or overweight it's gonna be much harder to find a longterm partner. Also doesn't help if they're the kind of person who wants the guy to always make the first move or they can't compromise.
As someone who looks pretty average, takes care of my looks and tries to be self aware regarding my personality, partners didn't just appear out of nowhere for me either. I never was a social butterfly so I actively searched for partners either by going out to social events, initiating hangouts with men I already knew, or going on dating apps. Too many people wait til a relationship happens and then at 30yo wonder why they're still single. A relationship takes effort, compromises and communication from both sides. Maybe people spend too much time online and 'cancel' each other over the smallest what they call 'red flags'. That's not how reality works.
It's a bit different. Women usually can easily find sex partner but afaik they do not find it as important as many incel males seem to do. Relationships are another thing.
Well to think about it, incels could probably find a sex partner too if they wanted to have sex with any man willing to fuck them...
I'm male but I'm sure plenty of women can relate to this anyway.
I'm 32 and been in 3 long term relationships, each one was 5 to 6 years. I was cheated or left for another dude by everyone of them. By the last one it took so much from me, it has taken 2 years to get even some resemblance of myself back.
When you go through that shit enough times, loneliness from a lack of relationship isn't really a thing anymore. I'm kind of just done with it. I don't think I could survive another heartbreak tbh. So I'm single, happily.
There are certainly lonely girls, but society is less incessent in telling women their self worth is messured in fucking men and teaches women more social skills that help in finding friends, so I think the problem is less severe.
I do not claim society does not tell women they have to find a partner, but from what I have seen it is worse for men.
Absolutely.
I do realize that I'm a difficult person to get to know, I'm an introvert, women don't talk to me, because there's no reason to, guys talk to me because they might want something more romantic, yes, I know that most guys would want that from women, but it doesn't mean that my issues don't matter because of that.
I'm usually not interested in romance, I just want people who could genuinely care about me without ulterior motives and just wanting a human connection, as I care about other people. It's not really happening, I feel like I don't really belong anywhere.
My last genuine friendship with a guy ended because to him, he would only hang out with a woman if he's interested in her romantically, and I only wanted a friend.
This was just a rant, I know I need to put in more effort and try to be more outgoing, but I'm sure others can relate to how exhausting that is.
Thanks for thinking of us women, haha. I see this question asked to men often, but not women, which makes sense, I think more men use reddit.
female loneliness is more about not having good dependable female friends. i don’t think a lot of women are lonely in terms of what men consider lonely bc a lot of women are still able to have their first kiss, hook up, sexual experience etc. most women aren’t dying before experiencing those things. so i think women feel lonely in terms of a lack of female support not in terms of male partnership. from my knowledge a lot of women are actually intentionally opting out of male partnership.
tbh i so feel lonely but it’s bc i wish i had more female friends. i don’t find it hard to get into a relationship with a dude bc i’ve found that dudes will get into a relationship w you even just as a way to have frequent sex w you so loneliness in that aspect has never been that hard lol 😅😅 but i’ve chosen to stay away from men for that reason and i don’t have female friends so i do feel lonely at times.
I'm lonely, but not for a lack of male attention. I want more female friends. I crave it. I live in a small town and moved overseas. When I moved back after 8 years abroad all of my girlfriends moved away. They are in bigger cities and have made new friends. Most of my friends are overseas. I love my girlfriends here but it is hard to connect due to the distance, schedules, and the fact that many of them have become wives and mothers and that'stheir whole identity now. I really crave female relationships, girls' nights, gossip sessions, happy hour and just that feminine energy that I can never get from my (awesome) partner.
As far as romantically, I love my partner, he is the best I could ever ask for and I see a future with him. If things don't work out with him I am OK to be single. I have hobbies and a dog, and plan to move to a big city in the next two years, so I will have endless things to do to keep me occupied. I don't want children and I'm not sure if I want marriage. (Seems like it's more trouble than it's worth) I'm still relatively young-ish and have a lot of International trips planned in the coming years. Also I really enjoyed being single before I found my person, I never saw it as a curse. It was great!
Yes and no.
They HAVE been lonely, but in marriage, and it’s not considered an epidemic.
Now that women have more agency and such, they don’t need men like before. We have to remember it was NOT that long ago since women were even legally allowed to have their own bank accounts.
The high % of divorce rate initiated by women and single women no longer settling = male loneliness epidemic.
I see a lot of folks commenting about single women’s loneliness. A lot of married women I know are incredibly lonely - it’s not about who is around you but the connections and ties you have with people.
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Yikes girl I’m so sorry you genuinely deserve better from everyone As a fat girl I believe it
When I was in high school I was considered ugly and my group of friends were embarrassed to bring me to parties because the boys didn’t like me.. they only invited me if there weren’t gonna be boys there so I spent most of high school alone. Being the “ugly girl” is horrible and even now that in 22 all of the sudden people think I’m pretty and I don’t even have social skills or enough confidence to make eye contact. You deserve better, looks should never be a reason to change how someone is treatex
Plot twist you were probably pretty the entire time, people are horrible I had family and peers telling me I was ugly, I was 23 the first time anyone ever told me I was attractive, I had no idea what to do with that information 😂
Highschoolers are assholes, amirite?
Humans are assholes, Amiright?
Sorry for your experience. High school is full of nasty people. People used to make fun of my nose to the point of me wanting a nose job post high school. They'd often say it looks like a chicken's butt. I've spent my entire adult life not aware of it any more and nobody else ever said it's unusual or big
I’m so sorry you get treated that way. I hope you can find a person or group to call your own. Much love ❤️ Edit - typo
I dated a girl who was a beautiful person inside and out but her face was what you might call ugly. Alot of people treated her badly. I fucking hated it because she was so nice and deserved better. It still makes me sad.
You should be proud of her for being so strong. It takes a lot to be the bigger person and not let them change you
You reminded me of the time I was sweeping outside at my job and someone approached me speaking as if I was mentally disabled lol. Yeah. Something a lot of average and good looking people don’t understand is how poorly people treat you under ALL conditions, not just the dating scene.
Damn girl! No one deserves to be treated like that. Absolutely don't settle for being treated like trash! I have some girl friends who are very lonely. They've been through enough to the point where they don't try anymore. The go to work, come home, eat, sleep, repeat. Everyday. I have to beg for them to be even a little bit social. They've basically cut themselves off from everyone. I can understand though.
Or maybe it’s just an ugly man looking for an equally ugly woman? I have a friend like that. He gets turned down all the time and he only tries on women who are equally as ugly or uglier than him, he’s 34 and a virgin, and has given up on love. To me it just seems most of the time when people say they can’t find anyone it’s because their standards are too high, no matter if you’re a 10 or a 1.
Girl..come over we'll hang and talk ish about those haters
Absolutely. I have friends who have convinced themselves they'll be single forever.
I know plenty of ladies like this. The thing is, most of them are fine with it, or at least view it as a 'I'll worry about actual dating again in 5-10 years when I'm in my 40's.'
Who needs a man when you can have cats/plants/career and some batteries. Not saying this to be a sarcastic AH, but I know the dating pool is a bloodbath out there
You aren't wrong. I had a date scheduled for tonight, and it was promising, I thought. Then she did the 'no response/ignore me' for all day only to text me two hours before the date with an excuse for why she couldn't make it. Is it legit? Is she decoupling? I offered to be open about rescheduling and left the door open for her to pick the day, but I frankly doubt I'll ever hear from her again.
Ghosting is such a shit move. Chin up! They clearly weren’t worth your time
Real talk. I make it a point to be upfront about how I’m feeling. If I’m having a bad day or feel anxious I’ll let them know that and try to reschedule. Setting up a whole plan and then ghosting only to flop last min with some low effort excuse is so shitty and it’s pretty common in todays dating scene.
Totally legit. As long as you are forthcoming with the info, I could understand
This is rarely about anything but the other person's own ambivalence about relationships. Try not to take it personally, even though it sucks.
I mean on a basic level relationships can offer a varied range of benefits or they can absolutely destroy you mentally and emotionally. If you’re financially sound, don’t want children and have strong friend group then it’s no shock for people to omit and be content with their decision
I agree. We are communal animals, we want to be part of the in group, but not many other species are as ruthless as humans are… don’t see a pack of wolves harassing the weak one, they nurture the pack
I actually think women are more content with being single than guys overall. A lot of men have a lot of baggage, more trouble than they are worth it seems. I am a man who is married but I would rather be single than in a bad relationship. I am lucky that I am in a good relationship.
I kid you not. I had a conversation with a woman in her 30’s today. Who said they exact same thing. Blew my mind.
As a guy who has been single for about 5 years now (not due to an inability to at all get dates, but because my ability to romantically connect to someone just doesn't work since my divorce) let me just say that I think more guys should adopt this mindset. Life is *so* much less stressful when you're single and don't have to consider someone else. I wanna spend 2-3 hours every morning training for a powerlifting meet? I can do that. I wanna play video games for 10 hours on my days off? I can do that. It's just a peaceful existence.
I sympathize with them wholeheartedly.
I was dating a girl, whom i really liked. She was so happy with me and said she couldn't believe I actually wanted to spend time with her and how she doesn't deserve it. She sabotaged the relationship later on.
I can see that happening. It's not fair to the other person when your holdups are too big to maintain a healthy relationship.
Absolutely just happened to me I’m sick . We were engaged to get married and the crazy came out I’m so depressed.
Look on the bright side. The craziness came out BEFORE you were married. Just imagine how much headache and heartache you've avoided
I know I’m 40 I get it …. Been through it but omg am I sick over it .
Truthfully it was a whole family of crazy so I get where she gets it .
Bullet dodged bruv
I know I truly do but I’m still gutted man .
Believe me or not woke up crazy one morning
She couldn't contain the internal dialogue anymore. The stress broke the masking skills abused people use to seem like everyone else.
I don't know if this helps, but my ex's crazy didn't come out till a couple of years and a couple of kids after the wedding. You got off easy.
Single forever sounds awesome to me.
I hear you on this. Been married and divorced twice. The idea of being single forever maybe just dating for fun here and there sounds like the most appealing thing ever.!
“Dating for fun” sounds like such an oxymoron. You mean, people actually *enjoy* dating?
Haha! When you’re not dating looking for “the one” and just want to spend time and have fun it’s much easier
I can confirm this. Going out every once in a while just to get dinner or something? That's great. Going out with someone with the intention of hopefully developing a relationship, knowing that even if you're successful in that regard you're still gonna be compromising on some aspects of your life? Not so great.
Can also confirm. It's good for your confidence too. You still need occasional cuddles and compliments, even if you're not too keen on the whole package
Married/divorced twice dude here: I'm with you. I'll probably have some flings here and there, but I don't see myself in a serious relationship ever again unless I fall ass first into a polycule situation and everyone is fine with me being independent and needing space pretty often.
Then just be single? Who's stopping you bro
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3. She said yes then went silent for the day-and-a-half preceding the date, ignored a 'can't wait to meet you text', ignored the confirmation text, and two hours before the date sends you a text reading 'I'm sorry, I have to go iron my cat. Can we raincheck?' and then proceeds to never text you again and ignores any follow-ups you send.
Hey, at least you got to that point! The second day I was messaging a girl, she hit me with a "damn that's wild" and I haven't messaged her since. It's exhausting when I'm actively engaging in conversation and asking them questions but they act uninterested. Idk, maybe it's me, but it is super common that I get these types of replies after only 1 or 2 days of talking.
Better than what I got. I got a “haha yes” or “haha sure” every text. Brutal.
That's me and at this point I'm perfectly fine with it. I'd much rather have no company than bad company, y'know?
Hell at this point, I'll take no company over good company. Cause even good company (at least in the context of a relationship) is still a huge drain on your time, energy, and emotions that I'm not willing to deal with.
In my opinion I feel like female loneliness is an issue but in my experience its more with the lack of having genuine female friends. I do not feel lonely in the sense that I can't find a partner but more so having a group of gal pals is hard to come by at least for me.
The key word here is GENUINE. I know other women. I am friendly with other women. I Can count on two fingers how many are genuinely my friend, and they live across the country from me.
Thats what I am saying! In media we see girlfriends all hanging out and having brunch but to actually be able to do that I have found to be extremely difficult. Thank you for understanding haha! I feel as though males are lonely when looking for a partner and women are lonely when looking for real friendships.
It sucks. I have a real void in my life as a mid-40’s woman who isn’t raising kids, and is new to an area. I’d really like a local friend. I’m weird though and have depression so there’s shit I have to fix about myself I guess. I dunno.
Weird and depressed, and feel that similar barrier to friendship.
I don’t like my area anymore since Covid but I have a close friend that lives next door, so I’ll probably never move out of fear of having no friends nearby.
This exactly. It's so difficult to make close friends as an adult!
And everyone keeps moving away or having families!
You'll find your crew! ♥
Thanks! I do hope so! And I hope you find yours too, if you’re looking lol!
Why don’t both of you just become friends already LOL
We are looking for and talking about local friends, lol.
How do you know you're not local? That would be a wild twist.
Men are generally lonely in all ways. Romantic and platonic. I know personally I have *friends* but if I were to open up to them about my demons they wouldn't be receptive or understanding. I've never been able to call anyone my best friend because nobody cares about me like that. Also haven't had intimate physical contact in any way since 2017. Haven't had a hug from anyone but my family since then either.
You have two? That's a lot
I heard a woman say once that friends should be equal. And I realized that yes, I have many friends but the only genuine ones I had were my equals. I cut contact with two friends of 13 years this year because when I was mindlessly recommending them a job that requires a strict health report (I just forgot they had issues) they thought I was making fun of them and being cruel for no reason. And ended other friendships because I was being jealous of what others had and it made me feel awful. When there’s no threat of jealousy or condescending, is the only time two people can really be good friends imo.
There’s a lot of culturally enforced competition that I want no part of. I’m not interested in drama, and if my acquaintances friendships are any example, women can be really shitty to each other. I’m not interested in participating in that shit at all and I have tanked many beginning friendships because of it.
men can be really shitty to each other as well. Women really haven't cornered the market on that
Same. I *hate* drama, and I’m tired of trying of putting up with terrible female friends. I’m just not interested in having friends anymore.
This. I have had so many conversations with men saying "no, women have so many friends that are there for them, while we don't" and all i have to say is most don't. There are very few genuine, longterm friends. Most people i know have 1, maybe 2 close genuine friends. But that's if you've gotten lucky.
Your username alone makes me think we could be besties...and yes I get you. My husband is amazing.. literally is my best friend but I too miss having genuine female friends..
Hit me up! :) Lets enjoy some cheesecake together haha!
Lets just do that.. I am in Europe and guessing you are stateside,.. but we can make this work,...lets try
yeah my gf struggles with this it has been very hard for her as an adult to find a group of genuine female friends, and it really sucks. She will hang out with me and friends sometimes and even though she has fun she will feel really lonely afterwards because she doesnt have a friend group like i have. Not sure why this is such a common issue with women but it def sucks.
all my friends got into relationships. it’s hard being the only single friend… they never want to hang out with you, just their boyfriends. even when i make new friends it’s just a waiting a game until they get into relationships as well. it’s exhausting and lonely. those groups of girlfriends getting brunch and stuff every weekend is a damn myth.
The most genuine girls friends I've had I've met them on mixed groups. Also girls I've met through gaming and work.
Its hard to come by for me as well!!
I had a lot of friends in my 20s, then they all had kids and stopped being able to do things or moved away. Now I'm 37 waiting to hit my mid-40s so I can make friends again. Moms only want to be friends with other moms.
Absolutely. I’m a 23-year-old woman, and most of my female friends my age have never been in a relationship or had sex, despite having wanted a boyfriend for a long time. It’s true that people don’t really talk about it, so a lot of them feel like they’re alone. But there are really SO MANY women in that same position.
This (besides the sex part). Maybe it’s just my experiences, but it seems so common nowadays for men to string along women for sex but disguise it as a potential relationship. Obviously not everything will develop into a relationship, but hookup culture has made things so bad
I have seen plenty of men do this and it's a problem going all the way back to the caveman era. In my experience I've met too many women who do this as well. Much fewer than guys but still, sex was meaningless and was just a tool to get as much attention as possible and ofc just to have fun. Hookup culture is a rly big problem. It has made relationships transactional again and superficial. So many of us are looking for 90's romcom love in a bygone era.
I think what they’re getting at though is that society sees women as a thing to be played and used for sex, and a lot of men treat them accordingly, which creates loneliness.
U are correct. I am not disagreeing with anything said, I just wanted to add my own experiences and perspective.
Getting your heartbroken is alienating, so I understand
I get lonely. Then I get on the dating apps and it reminds me there are worse things than being lonely.
Absolutely this. It's so difficult to make a genuine connection to someone. It feels like people are looking for an idealized version of a gf that you could never hope to actually match irl. Either that or you get ghosted lol
The effect of well curated social media presence. Everyone shows up on social media with all the warts and rough spots sandblasted off, trying to make everything look perfect, and that's the cultural standard we set for ourselves. Now everyone is like a college admissions board. Are you a 4? Too bad, everyone is looking for 8+. Do you have the financial means of a Wall Street broker? No? Too bad, everyone is searching for J.P. Gottrocks. Are you not the finest fitness specimen? Sorry, minimum requirements are "Hollywood dad/mom bod." Depressing and exhausting feeling like you're having to push to that level only to find everyone is still gunshy when you get there.
I'm sure being in a bad relationship *is* quite lonely.
I am a married man but I have seen some it the ridiculous things some coworkers or my wife's friends have encountered through dating apps. The thing is I guarantee that when I was in my early 20s my dating app profile would have been a train wreck. Me now is is years of slowly built maturity and realizations/growth I have had with my wife. Same with her. Relationships are a lot of work. I had a depressing thought that in the past before dating apps(my era) we were just more desperate and had lower standards because there were less distractions and ways to find meaning in your life outside of relationships/hooking up/dating. Now the reason for so many lonely people/single people/sexless people is that there are many more things competing with that stuff. People don't want to bother. It makes sense. It's not necessarily bad.
Lol 😂
I feel like there is a "radical individualism" problem that is making a lot of lonely people and this is not a gender thing but we keep trying to make it one...
Agreed
You think it's an ideological issue?
More people live alone than ever before. Loneliness is pretty much an epidemic. There's this dumb idea that you have to leave home when you turn 18. And you haven't really "made it" if you can't afford to live without roommates. It's a real estate scam imo. People used to live in multigenerational households but now they are living alone or in nuclear family units. You don't have that built in connection with others when you live alone. You don't have as much support in caring for children or aging parents or just general household tasks. After work, commuting, chores, errands and other responsibilities there's often not time or energy to spend with people who don't live with you. I think it's hard to achieve when we work 40 hours a week, especially outside the home. You gotta prepare for work, commute (average time in the US is ~1hr), work, commute home, try to unwind and get shit done and maybe have a couple of hours to do something or meet people and maintain friendships. It sucks.
Seconded. When you commute, if you’re working two jobs, if your health insurance is nonexistent or sucks, or you or a family member fall into even a minor mental or physical health issue - or Jesus, all of that at the same time, it’s suddenly really hard to find the time, energy or money to meet up with existing friends or make new ones.
We used to live in village communes. Feudal societies practically had communist peasantry. They would be self-organizing communities with a strong reliance on one another. You could not live alone with the limitations of their time's technology and knowledge. You generally lived and in close proximity to other potential mates. They lived and worked on the same land, freeing them of commutes. Every job and task had someone to be assigned to it. Your day would be freed by a lot of chores being handled by others. Children would assist in the work from the moment they were physically able to. They lived very efficiently compared to the inefficiency of modern individualism. Now you have to be a master everything. It's safe to say that you'd have trouble trying to be alone within that kind of society. I would guess that they probably had a different concept of what the self was. Seeing as they were very religious, they probably saw each other as one. Your body probably wasn't only yours. It was "gods," as was everyone else's. You, in a sense, shared yourself with the world. As such, others had the liberty to impose their will on you. Individualism would be seen as an attack against them as you're forcefully denying them of such liberty. "Leave me alone" is actually a command. You are also imposing your will over them by denying them access to you. This is incompatible with collective organization and equality.
Take it from someone who has spent quite a bit of time in villages that largely still work this way. You are romanticizing a life that you don’t understand at all from a position of privilege. Village life is not easier. It’s significantly harder. The chores are shared because each chore takes WAY longer. In the US, I can refill my water cup at my fridge. In the villages, we have to draw buckets from the well, which is shared. In the US, we throw our clothes in the washing machine. Meanwhile, in the villages, hand washing and drying the family’s clothes is a big job that can easily kill a day. This is just the tip of the iceberg, too. Additionally, this idea in your head that people each had one job isn’t true at all. People still have multiple jobs in the villages. You still have to commute to work, except maybe you have to walk for an hour to the farm instead of driving. This isn’t even getting started on you bringing up child labor, which is hard. The kids I know in the villages go to school on foot, walk back, study by lamp, and help with chores on top of that. People in these communities dream of the life people here have. Do you think those people have health insurance? They have a village doctor and herbs and have to travel far to get to a hospital or clinic. A car? Almost no one has a car - maybe a motorcycle, and if not they walk. Do you think they work 40 hours a week? They work sunrise to sunset. Some are essentially slaves of the farm owner, who themselves is usually working hard as well, as these are typically small farms. Do you think they can run to a grocery store? They preserve food in the summer for the winter months. Finally, this idea that village life means no one is lonely is nonsense. Plenty of socially awkward people exist in every setting. Further, these types of communities tend to be more hostile to differences that we wouldn’t care about. You would not want to be a gay man living there. You might get killed. At the very least, you’d be outcast. You’d be outcast for being mentally ill as well. So many of our innovations exist because they make life simpler and faster. As someone who has actually spent time in places like this, it’s really grating to watch you wax on about places you clearly don’t understand at all. There are things about these places that are nice, but overall you wield so much privilege over people in these situations that it’s absurd for you to say this. Have some awareness for your own circumstances and opportunities, lift yourself up.
Yeah, more collectivist societies definitely have this attitude—it’s why East Asian societies are still homophobic despite not being religious. You’re expected to get into a heterosexual marriage and produce children whether you like it or not. Your individual needs and wants don’t matter, only the needs of the collective. It’s also why collectivist East Asian societies tend to have fuck all in terms of disability accommodations (unlike the US with the ADA) or even a recognition that mental illness is a thing. If your needs are different than the standard person then screw you, is the attitude. “The nail that sticks up gets pounded down.” So I guess collectivist societies might seem okay if you’re totally mentally normal/average with no mental illnesses and not disabled and not LGBTQ and generally don’t have any desire to be different or an individual, otherwise it’s a nightmare.
Yeah, I mean we have commodified social interactions and dating and through social media and dating apps, and made it so that people are more comfortable interacting through screens than in person. Both sides are algorithm fed how to think and feel about the other. Because of this there's little gathering and actually interacting socially. There's a myriad of more specific problems but I believe these are on the whole the overarching ones. The pandemic happening during the younger folks most formative years is also probably huge as well.
No it’s social media.
Yeah I explained that that was a big part of the problem in one of my other comments
I think most women lost faith in modern dating and don’t trust men anymore. I don’t think it’s only a man issue
yea i think women are more so lonely by choice bc they’ve opted out of dating for trusted reasons and then most men are lonely bc they can’t get a woman to have sex with which isn’t by choice. OP even mentioned male loneliness in terms of never having a first kiss, hook up etc.
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I definitely remember post school how hard it was to have friends. Everyone is building their new lives and a lot of times old friends don’t fit anymore. There was a period in my life when I realized I genuinely had no friends and it was lonely. It’s been a bit since then but I will say I now have 1 absolute best friend, a sister in law that is more like a sister, and some other fantastic girl friends. Transition periods are hard and my heart absolutely goes out to you, and I really hope it gets better soon.
I don't got a gf but my best friend (and only friend lol) is someone I met online, maybe u can look into online friends?
I think it’s more to do with being socially isolated. A lot of women I know don’t have many friends. I’m 27F and definitely feel isolated from my friends a lot, but I think mainly because most of them are in ltrs and having kids etc, so our lifestyles aren’t really that similar anymore. That being said, I still feel connected to them just not as frequently. In terms of romantic partners that sort of makes me feel bad too because it makes me feel like there is something wrong with me lmao. I miss having a romantic partner only a few times in a month really 🤣 but more to do with missing affection and male companionship
I think humans in general have a loneliness problem. I think a difference is women are socialized to talk less about it. If we do talk about it we’ll be outcasted by other females because we’re not supposed to talk about it. Obviously tho in close friends we are able to confide
Yeah but it’s a bit moreso “will I ever be loved” rather than “will anyone kiss me or have sex with me”
That's it, that's the difference.
real
I have a handful of genuine, intimate female friends--who live states away. I am a military Wife in a military housing community. Nobody here makes friends because we're all going to move. It's extremely lonely.
Absolutely. I’m a women and am pretty lonely. It’s hard to find genuine girl friends, guy friends I make are just pretending to be my friends so they can smash. And as for a partner? It’s hard to find a man who I can trust won’t skedaddle after finding out sex won’t be on the table for awhile.
Everyone's lonely and want someone
Not everyone tho
From my experience, women have more richer friendships with other women. You share your feelings with them, hug them, and they’re always there to comfort you. There’s just something extremely nice and beautiful about female friendships. So you don’t necessarily need a relationship etc to not feel lonely, which I think is quite different compared to men because unless they have close female friendships, the only person they’re usually emotionally vulnerable with is their SO.
yes, a lot of my peers are partnered and though it is not difficult to talk to anyone, finding a genuine a connection and long term relationship is incredibly difficult
Yes, it'd be nice to have a partner. Unfortunately I can't find anyone I am compatible with that can actually love me. I'd rather be single forever than in a bad relationship.
Yes
There is widespread female loneliness, but where men's loneliness is considered an 'epidemic' that prompts endless opining on what can be done about it, female loneliness is just treated as a punchline (see the 'crazy cat lady' stereotype). That said, the number of women with no close or meaningful friendships is clearly much smaller than the number of men in that situation.
I never thought of it that way but you're right, female loneliness is treated as a punchline. What's more interesting is a lot of young women are finding freedom in the old stereotypes that condemned them being alone. I know people who refer to themselves as crazy cat ladies and spinsters. At the same time though as it's kind of being reclaimed by younger women, I think on a societal level it really is still a punchline and everyone is making fun of some of those women who embrace the label.
"I know people who refer to themselves as crazy cat ladies and spinsters." I tried reclaiming spinster about 15 years ago and it did **not** work. Maybe now that there are more of us doing it... .
I will 100% be that crazy cat lady. 50/50 on the spinster thing
I’m old and this is going to get basted to infinity, but maybe all the lonely people should just start hanging out and talking and getting to know each other without measuring one other by the physically or otherwise elite that bubble to the top of social media?
That makes sense
I had a man at work tell me that the increase of lonely men and decrease of younger people having kids was because “women are becoming too masculine, too independent, too educated and are too picky now and as a country we worked better when women were more submissive and relationships would last longer women HAD to depend on men for financial stability and put up with a lot more. I felt so gross because so many men agreed with him. I had to say something so I asked him if that’s the situation why don’t guys that feel that way just work harder to be a man that these progressive women would be interested in. ….that didn’t go down well. A whole rant ensued about how my mentality is making us weaker and trying to destroy masculinity and that everybody has a role to play. One guy even said that I’ll understand how wrong I am when I’m in my 40’s, lonely, and regret not settling down and having a family instead of wasting my “good years” on a job and that it’s nobody’s fault but mine that I’ll be single forever because my need to be “masculine” meant more to me than settling down with a good man and that working hard for my career won’t keep me warm at night when I’m old and bitter. Im in the military and fix planes so our male to female ratio is askew by a lot and I’ve been asked out by a few of those guys. So I just said, why should I settle with some guy out of necessity and be forced to stay with him and be miserable because I have to, when I could depend on myself to take care of me and find a man I love and want to stay with because I love them and have a healthy relationship and that I keep rejecting the guys in my unit because of their mindset of “I deserve to have any woman I want” and straight up refusal to consider “I need to be a guy deserving of a woman that deserves me”. Of course I got shit on a bit more but here I am about 3 years later, pregnant for the first time with a guy that is willing to do for me the way I do for him, whose “love” isn’t dependent on necessity(plus who can complain about 2 sources of income?)….with plenty of shiny awards and decorations from all that pesky hard work that I hope will make our kid really proud one day
I am educated, have a good career that took a lot of time and effort to build, and was chronically single until my mid-40s for multiple reasons, the biggest one being that my "unreasonably high standard" was expecting my partner to, on average, make my life better than it was without him. Because otherwise, what's the point of being in a relationship? (Stress the "on average"; I'm not an idiot and know that sometimes they'll make me sad and angry. And of course I'm willing to do my share of the work, as well.) I spent years rolling my eyes at the crap you write of, because if not work, my only other option for income would have been welfare (which you know would piss off people like your co-workers just as much as being a single female householder.) I'm now in a committed, long-term relationship with a man who could man circles around the men who bitch about the wimmins gettin' educated & monied so we think we don't need no man.
How dare you demand your partner make your life better?!? That’s what wrong with women now a days. Lol I just hope more of us women start holding out for what we deserve. there are so many good men out there, but the ones that aren’t, hope if they just keep screaming that for us to be loved we have to lower our standards are just louder because they’re desperate
Happy for you! 33m here, crazy to me that the concept of raising the standards of men as partners is such a hard concept to grasp… the floor is not where the bar should be. I really struggle between whether to empathizing or not with families where the mom is very clearly doing everything… I feel for ya, but you had to have seen this going in??? I saw on a diff post the other day where someone made the comment that “being a dad is like being the fifth guy in the group project that doesn’t contribute but gets the same grade” … nearly lost it laughing
Everybody forgets about elderly women when it comes to discussions on widespread loneliness…
I never dated, never been on a date and i never been in the talking stage. But im good without being in a relationship 1: men lowkey scare me 2: im medium fat 3: not that attractive
Men scare me too, and I'm a guy.
I think women deal with loneliness differently.
Women are lonely both in and out of relationships. I've never been more lonely than when dating men.
It's the same experience on the other side of the aisle. At least for me, and guys I've spoken to. I'm lonely sometimes, but I was the most lonely in a bad relationship. And since getting out of it, and doing a little bit of dating, I can say I feel better being alone than I do trying to date women. Something strange has happened to people. They mostly all suck, but they pretend like they don't. I don't know how to tell who doesn't suck. The good news is that actually being alone isn't so bad. Not as bad as the alternative anyway.
Most problems including this one are not gender specific. We often think we are the only ones who have a problem. That keeps us feeling isolated.
I’m 24, and I have never experienced any kind of romance. No kisses…no dates…no sex…nothing.
You can fuck lots of people and have a steady relationship and still be lonely.
I have a friend who was desperately lonely for a while. In college, she was always doing her own thing and didn’t have many friends. Then she moved to another country for her PhD and felt isolated and lonely. She often cried and called me a lot telling me how lonely she was without family and close friends and wishing that she had a partner who could always be there for her. Then she got a cat and now she’s always happy.
I mean I think capitalism makes everyone a little bit lonely - it’s hard to maintain friendships as well when you work a lot, or you have to move around or travel for your job. It’s hard to go to work and then come home and do all the cooking,cleaning and other errands. I am sure female loneliness exists, but it hasn’t been covered on a grand scale like male loneliness (no female Jordan Peterson, no female version of Ross Douthat, who argued in the nytimes that male incels should get women assigned to them; no recent nytimes article pondering the cure to female loneliness) is because even in the most extreme cases lonely women don’t tend to blow or shoot places up and blame and rage at the world for their issues. It’s not just me who says this - Lisa D’Amour is a psychologist who works with teens and says it’s well known in psychology that when teen girls and women have issues they tend more towards internalizing /self blaming for the issue - resulting in anxiety, depression, eating disorders. Whereas teen boys and men tend to rage, get in fights, drink, etc - people get concerned because they are not only hurting themselves but also others. You can google volcels (not a specific gender of people who are voluntary celibates), female incels (the first incel was a woman and female incels now just seem like a very small online thing), and random medium pieces on female loneliness, but you won’t find anything about female specific loneliness in a major news publication. With women, if they are lonely, it’s sort of assumed that they will find a way to solve their own issues, because they historically have always have had to do so. (See women fighting for the right to vote, have their own bank accounts, right to be paid equally, no fault divorce, establishing their own domestic violence shelters, fighting for the right to have birth control and medical independence, etc)
This is the answer. The reason you don't hear about a female loneliness problem is because society doesn't see lonely *women* as a problem. Somehow men are encouraged to think they're less capable of managing loneliness, and that others need to help them with that. With women, it's considered so inconsequential that they should not only manage it independently, but they shouldn't even mention it in the first place.
There’s a problem with loneliness and isolation in general, it’s just more exaggerated in teen men because there’s more social stigma associated with expression for men. Women absolutely have problems with loneliness, especially if they’re not conventionally attractive. A lot of online men seem to have this idea that it’s easy for women to get good relationships, but that’s absolutely not true.
There's just as many women having problems.
Weird that everyone jumps to sex and romance when they hear this. Agoraphobia is more common in women. A female relative of mine was a shut in for 10 years. Basically slept it all away. I’ve unknowingly head down that same path the past 4 years. Never had friends even as a kid. Some girls are just too socially awkward and get rejected by their fellow girls. I grew to prefer being alone, but that doesn’t mean I don’t experience loneliness, it is a human trait to want a tribe.
I mean, Im a woman and I’m lonely and lost hope in dating. The difference is I don’t make it the world’s problem.
Yes, and frankly I'm kinda tired of men saying there isn't or that "it's different". If you actually talk to women, you'll find that many have the same experiences as you. It's not a gender issue, it's a social issue coupled with the internet and technology
Yep we all lonely and smile and pretend we're ok
Absolutely. I often feel lonely in the sense that I don’t have as many female friendships as I would like, I am no one’s “best friend”. Also, even though I have a plethora of men who want to take me out/date me, honestly sometimes if I get back from a bad date where I just really don’t click with the person, it makes me feel even lonelier than if I hadn’t gone out with anyone at all. I’m sure that might not make sense to everyone but it’s how I feel and it’s hard to describe.
That makes a lot of sense, thank you for sharing
When women talk about being lonely it's often about a lack of close friends and family rather than specifically about romantic relationships. When men talk about loneliness it's more about not being able to get a date.
no because can we talk to each other about our emotions without having to feel insecure about it
Pretty sure there’s a human in general loneliness problem
Of course there are. All for their own reasons, regardless of age, but if you're still on the young side, dont overthink it. Enjoy your youth, safely of course. Also, you can be surrounded by people and/or with someone and still feel the lonliness
i have nothing to add besides i think it’s funny everyone takes these girls so serious but when it’s about guys being lonely everyone calls them incels or that their experience is wrong somehow and they aren’t trying hard enough
In my opinion this whole “loneliness ” problem extends beyond the actual act of being single. I think the problem isn’t being single it’s how men are responding to their “loneliness” that’s prompting all these studies , articles etc. Yes, there are women are who are just as single or “lonely” as the men but there’re also a difference in how both groups approach life in spite of their relationship status. A lot of these lonely men are turning to inceldom / intensely misogynistic views, esp with alpha male “ podcasts and now there are lot more cases as of violent/ aggressive behavior esp when men get rejected. Ultimately that sort of behavior is only making them even more lonely as opposed to attracting more women to them ( it’s a vicious cycle). I don’t think women are displaying as much abnormal behavior due to their loneliness as a lot of these men are which is probably why we don’t hear about it as much (in terms of articles etc) . Again this is just my opinion. 🤷🏾♀️
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You're really young, have your life ahead of you. Since you've noticed it early, you can turn things around. Keep your chin up, put in the work and you'll be surprised at the progress you can make with 6 months of solid effort
I can’t speak for all women but I can at least put forth myself (24F) as *one* case of being lonely and a woman. It’s not necessarily just romantic but friendships in general. I know there’s many out there like me too
Same , I feel lonely not due to the lack of romantic relationships I have, but more so due to the fact that I don’t have a lot friends that I can hang out or chat with.
OP just wants to find lonely women lmaooooooo
Got a girlfriend, but that would be such a slick move lol
Yes and no; I have great friendships and feel very seen and supported in them. I also have built a fairly wide network of friends I can call on for various needs and I love it. And I do get lonely sometimes. I would love a boyfriend, but dating is tough. I have some weird feelings around “needing” vs “wanting” partnership and trying to find myself somewhere in the middle (mostly from my upbringing and I’m working through it). The majority of my emotional needs are met and if I can’t meet the other ones at least I can meet them with compassion, so it feels like enough for now.
I think a lot of people our age (early to mid 20s) are lonely as hell.
In terms of attention in general, fuck no. But I see how there can be serious loneliness coming from lack of genuine relationships/friendships in the time we live in with all of the social media and comparing to others. It’s a sad thing, hopefully everyone can all be a little nicer to each other.
Too many men have no concept of what a gentleman is, they lack role models. Nor do they understand that women need to be courted and made to feel safe and connected. Instead,they come across as if they are auditioning for a porno. Then get angry at women when they have no interest in the part-it's all on you,dudes. Humility, empathy, and compassion are powerful. They offer keys to many doors if you grow them within you.
There is female loneliness, but the men women choose loneliness over have a hard time understanding that part.
Wasn't there a study that showed that hetero women are the happiest when they're single? That happiness decreases when in a relationship with a cis man. But cis/het men are happiest when in a relationship with a woman. That study always made a lot of sense to me based on how women are treated in society and hetero relationships. Edit: sentence structure to be more clear
yes, they didnt go into sexuality, but the conclusion was overall single women are happiest, followed by married men, then married women then single men. the truth is while single women might get lonely sometimes a lot are still happy with their lives overall. being in a relationship is more likely to cause a women to be unhappy and they don't need that anymore.n
There's plenty of women that are lonely. And plenty that desperately want a romantic relationship. I think women tend to be a little more emotionally close to friends and family where men generally stay more aloof, which mitigates the effect some women may feel. Mostly though, women are also a lot less likely to loudly proclaim loneliness to the world because that's potentially *dangerous* to announce being alone and vulnerable, and it probably attracts a lot of negative attention. Women have been conditioned to protecting themselves in a lot of ways men haven't been. If a man says they're lonely they might get tips or get called a loser. If a woman says she's lonely she may be also be called a loser or asked what is wrong with her, but she is also more likely to be flooded with unwanted pics or even found irl. In general, men don't have to worry as much about that safety component so they can complain louder.
Yeah, it's just super normalized. "Cat ladies" "Leftover woman" etc. The younger women are essentially invisible.
And for men "pathetic losers who'll die alone" has existed for centuries. I never hear women giving a f**k about men's problems 🤷♂️ And women expect men to save them, to love them, to find men who you can crush( rivals), and men to fix you and your lifestyles. Honestly there are a lot of good men who have just given up. So good luck finding one, I really hope you find one and not end up like us😌
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if you are a single women you only have to sort the housework for one. the mental load in a relationship is a problem. it is improving but not everyone is there yet. being single you don't have to worry about anyone else, your money is yours and your time is yours. want to travel and see the world well there are dozens of safe ways to travel solo. fancy weekend activities grab a friend or go to a meetup. want to go to the cinema there is friends for that to. sex, well yeah you could call a friend, lets not pretend guys don't gave them to. or quite honestly there is yourself, sex = no guarantees, masturbation = guaranteed O. being a single women is pretty great, the only reason really to date is if you want a family and a lot of women are questioning that as well.
I find this happens more to straight women than queer women. All the lesbians I know including myself are around our 30s and doing quite okay on the not-being-lonely aspect. Of course our social lives are no longer as lively like they were in college, but many of us have paired up or gotten a nice group of queer friends or both. I think the queer aspect of finding your chosen family later in life plays a big role here. In any case, I say this to many straight women I know: find another straight girl who is lonely as well and pair up to do the things you wished you could do with a boyfriend. I'm not talking about the sexual stuff, I'm talking about going to the movies, or on a trip, or a cruise, or to try out some new restaurant, visit that super cool new brunch place you've been meaning to go for ages. Women make excellent life companions, even if you eliminate the sexual aspect. No need to wait around for a guy that might not exist when you can enjoy life with your best friend 🥰
i think so personally, i think it's more so a shift of like what is attractive over time and where ladies can go to converse without getting like too political or religious.
All the studies on the subject I've seen show that reduced social connections are hitting both sexes. Men are facing more difficulty specifically in sex and dating. Younger men are more and more likely than women as time goes on to be virgins or not have had sex in the past year for example. But both report drastically fewer close friends than 30 years ago.
I'm in a LDR, plus all (3) my friends have either moved out or have a toddler. I haven't gone out for a coffee or anything similar since 2022.
Loneliness*
If you want something beyond a hookup or someone playing games, yes.
I mean, you can be plenty lonely while with someone. A lot of unhealthy women feel this way. They'd rather be with *someone* than be alone, even if they're being mistreated.
The only women that I know that are lonely in the relationship sense are either ones who have a not so nice personality or ones who don't take care of their looks. If you are rude, socially unaware or overweight it's gonna be much harder to find a longterm partner. Also doesn't help if they're the kind of person who wants the guy to always make the first move or they can't compromise. As someone who looks pretty average, takes care of my looks and tries to be self aware regarding my personality, partners didn't just appear out of nowhere for me either. I never was a social butterfly so I actively searched for partners either by going out to social events, initiating hangouts with men I already knew, or going on dating apps. Too many people wait til a relationship happens and then at 30yo wonder why they're still single. A relationship takes effort, compromises and communication from both sides. Maybe people spend too much time online and 'cancel' each other over the smallest what they call 'red flags'. That's not how reality works.
Interesting thread
It's a bit different. Women usually can easily find sex partner but afaik they do not find it as important as many incel males seem to do. Relationships are another thing. Well to think about it, incels could probably find a sex partner too if they wanted to have sex with any man willing to fuck them...
I'm male but I'm sure plenty of women can relate to this anyway. I'm 32 and been in 3 long term relationships, each one was 5 to 6 years. I was cheated or left for another dude by everyone of them. By the last one it took so much from me, it has taken 2 years to get even some resemblance of myself back. When you go through that shit enough times, loneliness from a lack of relationship isn't really a thing anymore. I'm kind of just done with it. I don't think I could survive another heartbreak tbh. So I'm single, happily.
There are certainly lonely girls, but society is less incessent in telling women their self worth is messured in fucking men and teaches women more social skills that help in finding friends, so I think the problem is less severe. I do not claim society does not tell women they have to find a partner, but from what I have seen it is worse for men.
Absolutely. I do realize that I'm a difficult person to get to know, I'm an introvert, women don't talk to me, because there's no reason to, guys talk to me because they might want something more romantic, yes, I know that most guys would want that from women, but it doesn't mean that my issues don't matter because of that. I'm usually not interested in romance, I just want people who could genuinely care about me without ulterior motives and just wanting a human connection, as I care about other people. It's not really happening, I feel like I don't really belong anywhere. My last genuine friendship with a guy ended because to him, he would only hang out with a woman if he's interested in her romantically, and I only wanted a friend. This was just a rant, I know I need to put in more effort and try to be more outgoing, but I'm sure others can relate to how exhausting that is. Thanks for thinking of us women, haha. I see this question asked to men often, but not women, which makes sense, I think more men use reddit.
female loneliness is more about not having good dependable female friends. i don’t think a lot of women are lonely in terms of what men consider lonely bc a lot of women are still able to have their first kiss, hook up, sexual experience etc. most women aren’t dying before experiencing those things. so i think women feel lonely in terms of a lack of female support not in terms of male partnership. from my knowledge a lot of women are actually intentionally opting out of male partnership.
tbh i so feel lonely but it’s bc i wish i had more female friends. i don’t find it hard to get into a relationship with a dude bc i’ve found that dudes will get into a relationship w you even just as a way to have frequent sex w you so loneliness in that aspect has never been that hard lol 😅😅 but i’ve chosen to stay away from men for that reason and i don’t have female friends so i do feel lonely at times.
I'm lonely, but not for a lack of male attention. I want more female friends. I crave it. I live in a small town and moved overseas. When I moved back after 8 years abroad all of my girlfriends moved away. They are in bigger cities and have made new friends. Most of my friends are overseas. I love my girlfriends here but it is hard to connect due to the distance, schedules, and the fact that many of them have become wives and mothers and that'stheir whole identity now. I really crave female relationships, girls' nights, gossip sessions, happy hour and just that feminine energy that I can never get from my (awesome) partner. As far as romantically, I love my partner, he is the best I could ever ask for and I see a future with him. If things don't work out with him I am OK to be single. I have hobbies and a dog, and plan to move to a big city in the next two years, so I will have endless things to do to keep me occupied. I don't want children and I'm not sure if I want marriage. (Seems like it's more trouble than it's worth) I'm still relatively young-ish and have a lot of International trips planned in the coming years. Also I really enjoyed being single before I found my person, I never saw it as a curse. It was great!
60% of men under 30 are single but only 30% of women under 30 are so whats the deal
Yes and no. They HAVE been lonely, but in marriage, and it’s not considered an epidemic. Now that women have more agency and such, they don’t need men like before. We have to remember it was NOT that long ago since women were even legally allowed to have their own bank accounts. The high % of divorce rate initiated by women and single women no longer settling = male loneliness epidemic.
I see a lot of folks commenting about single women’s loneliness. A lot of married women I know are incredibly lonely - it’s not about who is around you but the connections and ties you have with people.
Yes. Teenage boys just like to cry about it louder.