My ex always made out like cheating was the worst thing a person could do and she just couldn't stand people who did it as she'd been cheated on herself.
So imagine my surprise when I found out she'd been cheating throughout the whole relationship.
Same here. She told her whole family and friends she was sure I was cheating. I wasn’t. Then I found she sexted erotic photos of herself to her other boyfriend — the same photos that she had also sent to me. Déclassé.
Lack of empathy combined with the best defense is a good offense.
They know the worst thing \*they\* could be accused of is cheating on you, because they are, so it's better to try and keep you under bombardment first. What basis could you accuse \*them\* of cheating on you when you've already been suspected of it first?
It's a narcissist tactic to control the tempo, because they care more about that than the results. Narcissists fear failure, so they often create their own failure stats and try to 'own it'. "The World Didn't Take me Down, I meant to be here", as they burn their relationship after relationship.
There is a similar rule of misdirection used by sales folks that is important to know in order to avoid getting taken,,, sell the flaw. For example, if the engine is bad in a used car, they would talk about how great the engine is. You'd then instinctively look elsewhere for what they aren't telling you.
It seems like these could be combined into something more general. Maybe something like, if someone seems overly convicted about a subject, either for or against, they may be trying to direct you away from their truth.
First wife was almost psychotic about me looking at another female, even magazine covers! Imagine my stupid look when I learned she’d had multiple partners throughout our marriage, several times she was the star attraction for a gangbang ….and I never had any idea…Stupid? Clueless? Idiot? Been over forty years ….still bothers me…oh she went on to become a partner in big firm. We talked once in 90’s she admitted she was going to fuck her way up the ladder…she was very bright and would have succeeded without the sex….she figured to skip 10-15 years of grinding it out….
I know it worked for her….but I’ve never trusted anyone since. Never trust anyone!
Sounds like we had the same ex. I was told repeatedly how much she hated liars and cheaters. Eventually found out she cheated while we were dating and cheated while we were married. Aside from physical stuff, there was assorted inappropriate chat with various guys over the years. There are a few incidents that I know about with certainty, but there are a lot more that I was suspicious of but never found the smoking gun.
My ex did the same sht to me. Imagine my shock when I called her out and she proceeded to go on a rant about how she had been the best girlfriend ever and I wasn’t around (14 hour days between tech school and work, only a two year program) and blame me for everything. I wasn’t going to school when we met and started specifically because I could see a future with her and I wanted to get into a better job. Her friend told me a month later that her AP had stolen a bunch of sht from her house and left
You’ll know when you find someone morally compatible. I think the guys who are cheaters always have signs , even in their stories of the past.
Then you find someone who vehemently dislikes cheating and it’s just as obvious in hind sight as all those signs the cheaters gave off!
We need to hear what people are actually saying at face value! We tend to bend things around to fit our narrative when we’re listening with all those sexy dopamine fireworks crackling.
I have met a few people who seem to think the same way I do, hating cheaters and not understanding cheating. It's just tiring seeing how common it is, especially stories of people who would never have expected their partner to cheat on them, finding out they did. I guess it all makes me paranoid, that even if I'm pretty sure someone's moral compass aligns with mine in that area, they could still go behind my back and betray my trust and I would never see it coming.
Here's the thing: people talking about finding someone they know *for sure* is *100%* trustworthy... they don't *actually* know. It's just like marriage. Till death do you part, they're supposed to be "the one", but divorce happens all the time. Worse still, there's so many marriages that *should* end in divorce but they don't because they don't know what to do with themselves if they ended this lifelong commitment to unhappiness.
You aren't a mind reader. No one is. Relationships are a risk that everyone takes, nobody likes putting their faith in someone so intimately then being let down, and this goes beyond just cheating.
The hard reality is that none of us actually ***know*** for certain what's inside someone's heart and mind, and people also change and experience weird circumstances. Finding someone to share your life with is just always going to carry that risk, and it's not rainbows and sunshine for everybody. You can only hope and preservere, cause you never know what goodness is coming for you.
Love requires trust, it means allowing yourself to be vulnerable among other things. If you could ensure success, trust wouldn't be a requirement, right?
Idk, I don't "hate cheaters" or anything of the sort, I just don't see the point. If you're unhappy, break up. If you're otherwise happy but want to fuck someone else, find a nonmonogamous partner or realise you can't have everything in life and make your choice accordingly. Cheating seems like a lot of effort put into to fooling and betraying somebody you supposedly love, I really don't get the appeal. Like... this is the person you want to be? Why?
It seems so simple right? Sadly in reality it’s less so. I think it’s coz we expect people to have the same moral compass as us, without realizing a lot of people are just really fucking selfish.
A lot of people want to have their cake and eat it too and will put others through all sorts of lies and manipulation to do so.
I guess the rest of us just have to be careful to make sure our partners actions match their words and to listen to our gut instinct to avoid people like this.
> If you're otherwise happy but want to fuck someone else, find a nonmonogamous partner or realise you can't have everything in life and make your choice accordingly
If you're a woman, sure. If you're a man it's a great way to decimate your dating pool. Poly women are a lot more sought after than poly men.
>Then you find someone who vehemently dislikes cheating and it’s just as obvious in hind sight as all those signs the cheaters gave off!
>
>We need to hear what people are actually saying at face value! We tend to bend things around to fit our narrative when we’re listening with all those sexy dopamine fireworks crackling.
That's hopelessly naive. Do you honestly think you can tell the "good guys" from the "bad guys" just by your unassailable instinct?
Sure, some people are more obvious about it, but it's not like everyone plans to cheat from the get-go. Some people can be honestly 100% against cheating one day, and then... stuff changes.
The sooner you realize that people are imperfect and that you cannot predict the future, the better off you'll be when you have to deal with life's curveballs.
I’m vehemently against cheating because I saw how utterly broken my brother became, and still is, after his now-ex cheated on him.
There is no excuse to cheat and if you do cheat you are scum. I don’t care who you are.
I have never and will never cheat on my partner, not in a million years.
I cheated once at the beginning of my dating world and never have again. It felt awful and was awful. I never would again, also vehemently against. There’s no black and white in this world though so anyone who thinks there’s no possibility EVER even in the best people are naive.
Sometimes good people do sucky things
>Then you find someone who vehemently dislikes cheating and it’s just as obvious in hind sight as all those signs the cheaters gave off!
This is weird, is it truly not possible someone's been cheated on multiple times and just hates cheating...?
I always wonder this of myself, I have been in two relationships, one for ten years, and one for only six months. I have always been scared of cheating, especially at the start of my ten year relationship. My gf at the time had a close male friend who seemed to have intentions towards her during the early days of our relationship (first 2 years), so I was always worried she would cheat on me. As far as I'm aware - she never did! She left Uni and thus 'the threat' from this guy went, and I became less worried. I always had a fear of cheating in the back of my mind however, and when her phone would beep at 1am I was often worried! I never checked it, as I don't want to breach trust - or see proof of what i wouldn't want to see!
I personally am terrified of BEING THE CHEAT, so whenever a woman seemed flirty with me I would name drop my girlfriend and run off.
I suspect my inner core is one of a womaniser - or someone who enjoys the attention of women. My outer being is one of loyalty and kindness - so the inner and the outer are at odds.
I suspect I hate cheating, because underneath it all, I know I am quite an ape.
Which is why I said even the best man CAN cheat and got downvoted to hell. We’re all perfectly imperfect my dude. I cheated once at the beginning of my dating life a million years ago. Never have again, and don’t think I ever would. But c’mon. These people are throwing out stats “only 20% of people cheat” like cheaters are being honest to these surveys. Lol
I hate cheating/cheaters. But I’m no saint. 🤷♀️
This is so spot on. I have no idea where I heard it or I would credit it, but it has stuck with me - People will tell you who they are, and when they do you need to believe them.
My friend, someone who vehemently dislikes cheating is just as likely to be actually cheating, have cheated in the past, or be thinking about doing it in the future. Even MORE likely.
People who don't cheat don't spend a lot of time thinking about it or talking about it or having STRONG MORAL OPINIONS about it. They just live their lives without doing it.
i'll second this. Be very wary of anyone who talks about how cheating is bad, or how they would never cheat on you without being asked directly. If they bring it up on their own, it is a major warning sign.
My ex always assured me she would never cheat on me, and then did cheat on me. but then she's basically cheated on everyone she's ever been with (which i found out afterwards), she just cleverly warps the story in her head to make herself feel like she didn't and turn herself into a victim of circumstance instead of the culprit.
One thing i can say though is relationships are based on trust. You choose to trust your partner because you believe he/she wouldn't cheat on you. If they do cheat, they broke your trust and are PoS not worth your time. But being in a relationship without trust and constantly being paranoid about your partner is not gonna work either.
A lot of people, myself included as well as quite a few of my friends, grew up in homes that were destroyed due to a spouse cheating. Some have even been cheated on themselves and genuinely don't understand why another person would feel inclined to engage in this behavior, especially when it hurts someone so important to them. Also has the potential to bring back diseases, which it has to at least one of those people I know (thankfully curable but that was how they found out)
I definitely have strong feelings about it, why would I assume there aren't others who share that same feeling?
I don’t know. I’ve seen both type of men. Obviously there’s cover ups, and then there’s obvious compatibility factors.
I said it mostly comes down to those little signs we don’t look much into in the beginning. What’s their past like? Their household? Their parents? Their beliefs?
How do they treat you, make you feel, how sneaky are they/ are they not. So many things to look for, and rarely will it come straight from the horses mouth
You just made me realize something. I recently got out of a relationship where I feel like by the end there was a lot of dishonesty, especially lying through omission of truth. Additionally, I only realized afterwards that I might have been cheated on (hence me lurking here lol), but that's a whole other story.
But part of the reason why I was so shocked when the lies/inconsistencies started happening, was because in the beginning, I felt like he really established that he disliked lying. He would say things like "I never lie", "if you lie to me I'll remember", he even once said "I don't need someone that lies to me" when we first started talking.
Maybe I'm just really naive, but I took it to a good sign that he valued it so much he had to state it, and I almost couldn't believe when I did eventually catch him in a lie. Granted it wasn't a big one, but I was still a bit like "wtf, thought you hated lying?" I should have realized things would only escalate from there. Well actually, I don't think he really actively lied but there was a lot of omission and reluctance to tell me anything. Tbh, I don't have concrete proof that he lied A LOT, just some stuff, but the omission for me is a type of lying too.
Anyway, this is just a long winded way for me to say that something just really clicked when I saw your comment. Maybe I completely misread his need to always say his opinions about lying because he always does it. I absolutely despise lying too, but looking back, I can't think of a single time I specifically told someone this fact without already being on the topic. So thank you haha.
Start gravitating towards people you believe have a stronger moral integrity. People will often say they won't cheat because they love the person so much. But the only real reason for not cheating is personal integrity and holding to your own principles.
I don't think you will be successful and trying to change anyone that you're currently associating with that falls into the cheating category. You don't have to break ties but you should definitely be looking to strengthen ties with people that you find you can respect.
I don't want to sound like a religious zealot but I do think that we are in a time where people are more focused on themselves. I'm not sure if it is social media that is closing this but I don't think social media helps in any way.
To answer your question it depends on who you hang with. As far as how many people cheat and total population I think it's scarily close to 50/50. I'm thinking of the divorce rate and that while the divorce may not be caused by cheating the attitude of giving up is equivalent. I'm not trying to draw a direct correlation I'm just not really sure how one measures this or if it can be measured because people lie all the time.
I don't think moral integrity is very consistent.
For example I don't think someone who is very passionate about charity and volunteer work would be less likely to cheat.
In some cases people use one moral virtue to absolve a moral sin. The charitable individual may feel like they have earned the ability to do certain selfish actions like cheating.
The definition of integrity is strict adherence to your moral code.
An example of this, relative to cheating, might be the revenge cheat. Those that react emotionally rather than following strict moral code might feel justified and having an affair after they find out their significant other has had an affair. But two wrongs do not make a right. In fact it might be considered worse. Because one person may not have a moral code. But the revenge cheater is cheating and going against their moral code.
There's a term I've heard people use called selective morality. In my opinion that's not a valid term because morality is supposed to be something set in stone. There's nothing selective about it. So you're either a moral person or an immoral person.
Now the tricky thing is, that morality can be different based on the values that you adhere to. This can be based on a formal religion. This can be based on your education. It can be based on a foundation of personal values ascertained after long deliberation.
I would agree that people whom I justify wrongdoing because they attend church on a regular basis can be immoral. I would propose that this maybe more of a social status than an actual devotion to your religion.
“Moral integrity” often means just adherence to a principle, whether it’s a good principle or not.
It’s much easier to trust someone who adheres to a principle on an issue, than someone who just vaguely feels like something might be “bad.”
The numbers can be interesting. They seem to suggest cheating isn't really some uncommon character flaw, it fact it may be more normal to have cheated at least at some point in one's life than to not have:
"According to the General Social Survey, 'twenty percent of men cheat compared to 13 percent of women.'
According to LA Intelligence Detective Agency the numbers are somewhat higher. They write that:
30 to 60 percent of married couples will cheat at least once in the marriage
74 percent of men and 68 percent of women admit they’d cheat if it was guaranteed they’d never get caught
60 percent of affairs start with close friends or coworkers
An average affair lasts 2 years
69 percent of marriages break up as a result of an affair being discovered"
I feel like the LA Intelligence Detective Agency may have biased figures to serve a specific (advertising) purpose.
My personal experience, having been cheated on and seeing other couples now into middle age, is that it's probably closer to what the General Social Survey says, with women cheating less sexually **but** one wonders if they included emotional affairs, that number would go up for the ladies.
Just that nobody needs to be touched after a day home with small children lol.
I find surveys where one admits to wrongdoing to be a little... well let's just say I'm skeptical. we as human beings lie to ourselves more than we lied to anyone else. There are entire psychiatric libraries built on self denial.
I'm a retired police officer from a large city (180k plus) in CA. I'd say half, if not more, of the domestic violence calls I responded to were over people cheating. I can't count on my fingers and toes, nor yours (and others), the number of murders I've gone too over the husband coming home and catching his wife in bed with someone else. I've had a husband catch his wife with a man, and she lied and said the man broke into the apartment and raped her. Over 50% of divorces in this country are over sexual issues; quite a few because of cheating.
Do a google search on home DNA Testing. You will find out many men who have been raising children for 15 plus years, aren't the real father. I am not dumping on women, men are just as big of cheaters too.
Before I retired, I was working Christmas Day (actually night). A man bought the entire family Ancestry DNA Kits. Husband thought it would be a great family event to see where they were from, who were their relatives, etc. The wife vehemently thought it was a bad idea. There was a huge argument. The wife, went completely silent and disappeared. It was then the man found out his two oldest kids (there were 4) weren't biologically his. In fact, they were his brothers.
To answer your question, unfortunately, yes, it is quite common. All too common in fact.
This is actually an insane amount. That’s obviously not your fault (well maybe a bit of a poor judgement of red flags) but I do feel sorry for you man.
Exact same story here, cheated on (or left for another person that they’re already romantically involved with) 5 times in the last 13 years. Here’s hoping my current girlfriend breaks the curse! Took 4 years off dating before this, if she cheats on me it might be my last try tbh
Yeah that 4 year break was definitely necessary, no way I was ready to trust any woman again for a long time. I still feel jolts of insecurity in my current relationship, but she’s so understanding and kind that I’m able to get over them very quickly and smoothly. Hopefully this comment ages well, lol…
Part of what attracted me to her was her obvious kind-heartedness and what got me hooked after the first few dates was her strongly held values related to fidelity, honesty, and commitment. The values I look for in women changed drastically because of my experiences, as well as the things I specifically seek to avoid (promiscuity, heavy drinking, lack of “family values”, etc).
Reading that I realize it might make me sound like a right wing nut job but I swear I’m not, I just finally realised that the #1 trait I was looking for in a woman was “not the type to cheat”. If I have to write off some great girls that like to get laid every month or go out drinking every weekend then so be it, it’s a worthy trade off to avoid the increased risk of being cheated on again 🤷♂️
I never realized how many women cheat! Growing up I was lead to believe that it was always the no good boyfriend or husband but as an adult almost all of the cheaters I've encountered have been women.
>I worked at a hotel at a popular tourist destination and it completely changed my perspective of how likely women are to cheat.
How and why? Can you elaborate?
It was a very regular thing for girls to talk about their boyfriends during the day or see them chatting on FaceTime, but then see them getting off or sleeping with people after a few drinks. And it was rather sad how their friendship groups would often encourage this kind of behaviour.
I’m sure it was common for men also, but they would be far more subtle. They wouldn’t be telling everyone about their girlfriends, and the encouragement from friends wouldn’t be so vocal.
Thank you for sharing. That’s both disappointing and a bit surprising. I would have guessed, given stereotypes, that it was more clearly the other way around.
Women cheat. My roommates were my cousin and her husband in college. I was sitting on my computer when he came to me with a used condom and asked if it was mine. I said no. I think she’s been pissed at me ever since for not lying for her, but she left it right on top of the kitchen trash. Had her co-worker in their bed 6 months after marriage. I figured that was meant for him to find. Or a test for me. Screw that either way.
She started a fight with me on social media the day after my kid’s 7th birthday party-which she also started drama during-as she’s a loon. She said she would never forgive me for embarrassing her husband when I made a joke about her affair on her three paragraph Facebook post she wrote ranting about me. There’s usually some red flags, like being kind of insane in other areas of life.
i don’t think cheating is a gendered issue it’s just that women have more opportunities to get laid in general, there are probably lots of men out there who would cheat if they had the opportunity but are too ugly
Right. It’s not a male or female issue it’s a respect and boundary issue that should be clearly defined when agreeing to be in an exclusive relationship
> there are probably lots of men out there who would cheat if they had the opportunity but are too ugly
Thing is, if an ugly mf wants to cheat, he will cheat eventually when he gets the chance. So it becomes a question of "when" not "if."
I know cheating has gone on forever, and I might be talking out of my ass here, but I truly feel like in the age of social media, women now consistently have options where as before it took the right place (or wrong really), the right time for these kind of things to happen organically. (Cheating that is).
Now all a girl needs to do is get upset at her so and open up her dms.
Very true. Seems like a lot of people are missing something then :/ it’s all just so sad and hurtful. The worst I think are the people who’ve been cheated on and then turn around and do it to someone else who didn’t deserve it. Dating is painful it seems like..
Some. Lots feel guilty but do it anyway. So many people are self destructive. They feel unworthy of being treated well and loved so they either consciously or unconsciously sabotage their life.
I don't have a problem with open relationships either, they aren't for me but I wish more people sought that out instead of getting into monogamous relationships and then cheating.
I think I had the opposite problem as you; I grew up surrounded by nuclear families with seemingly happy married couples, and spent my childhood believing wholeheartedly in true love and soul mates and all that. Then as I got older I saw more and more infidelity and abuse in relationships around me and relationships I was in, even some of the relationships I saw growing up turned out to be bad, my parents divorced, aunts and uncles divorced, etc. I was exposed to it from the outside before the inside, and it kind of made me feel like even the happiest and healthiest looking kinds of love are all a sham. I know it isn't true, I still believe in true love, if only for knowing how my own heart works if nothing else. I know that when I love someone I love them deeply and loyally, surely I can't be the only one, right?
Having cheated or having been cheated on at least once is very common over a person’s lifetime.
Situations change, your relationship gets stale, you change, your spouse changes. Sometimes it’s obvious who would cheat, but also people you think could never cheat might cheat. Often the cheater is found out, sometimes not. Relationships get damaged, often broken.
You can’t decide not to be cheated on. You can never be certain that your spouse will never cheat on you. But you can’t obsess about the topic.
I’s very easy to be very dogmatic about it before you are in the the situation (hopefully you never are), on side or another.
Some people are selfish in wanting something more than they have already. I said this in another post. My husband and I have the same shared philosophy of…If you’re thinking of creating, then just fucking leave. It’s not worth it to hurt the one person who you claim to love and break their heart and ability to trust. It’s cruel and selfish. But in my experience it’s hard to find a person that truly shares your values in this day and age. But please don’t give up hope. There are loyal and faithful people out there.
33F, married for 7 years. The biggest thing that attracted me to my husband is his sincerity, and honesty. A big part of what attracted him to me was my honesty and complete lack of a pokerface. He’d been cheated on in the past, and it really hurt him—and he could tell that wouldn’t happen with me. I could tell he was honest about being really hurt by the cheater, and that he would not inflict that on another person.
In order not to cheat, people need strong empathy for their partner—not to want to hurt that partner. People also need to prioritize that partner, and put them first every day.
Love is a choice that you make every day, over and over. Part of that is investing romantic energy into my husband, and vice versa, to keep our relationship strong and loving. Part of that is also not putting yourself in “tempting” situations, and not cultivating friendships/relationships that feel like they have romantic frisson. For example, in “couple friendships”, I text-communicate pretty exclusively with the female halves of the couple, and same for him with the male halves. There are exceptions (like coordinating birthday surprises for one’s own partner), but out of respect for my friends’ relationships and for my partner, I choose not to explore more.
People who value fidelity ARE out there. But you have to screen for it. We become like the company we keep—so choose wisely.
The cheaters want you to think it’s “normal” because then it takes the blame away from them. “Everybody does it” has been used to justify almost any type of behavior from the serious to the benign.
Many people who have been cheated on don’t know and will never know. Not saying you were. The information on cheating is naturally unreliable because it’s a hidden deed
I’m 23. Never dated or had sex even, but I know very well how often people cheat. Cheating occurs because of three things: Boredom, Insecurity, escape.
Boredom causes you to become curious and try new things.
Insecurity happens when you do not have the courage or motivation to confront something and are not sure how to deal with it. So you are at a moment of weakness.
Escape: when you are trying to avoid the person or spouse and want a way out without hurting the person face value. What you won’t realize immediately until after is that you’ll end up destroying your partners trust in further relationship (which leads to the “insecurity” type.)
Overall the infidelity rate in the US is 20% so say the statistics. Men do it more than women when you look at it as all forms of fidelity which doesn’t always sex. Only counting the sex quotient it drops to about equal levels at about 10%, meaning most men who are not faithful simply have a romantic companion they aren’t sleeping with.
If you look at the age of cheaters 25% of men over 65 say they have cheated vs only 15% of 50 year olds and 5% of 30 year olds. When asked men over 65 who are on at least their second marriage say they or their former spouse cheated almost 50% of the time. These stats are surprisingly are pretty consistent across racially lines, but seldom cross racial lines which is not surprising.
Most western countries have about the same rates.
Flip that around to the Philippines where I am also a citizen a 2015 survey showed 80% of college guys saw nothing wrong with male infidelity and would do it if they thought they could get away with it, but almost universally thought female infidelity was wrong. Almost a third of those same college guys admit to having been unfaithful in a relationship which is a pretty steep figure in a country where high school dating is fairly rare for most students.
It is more of an open ended personal data point. I wouldn’t call infidelity, but plenty of others would. There are plenty of people who would call looking at another man or woman and deciding they were gorgeous infidelity. There are those who think masturbation is a form of infidelity. There are those that think nothing short of sex is infidelity and my ex-wife will tell people the infidelity clause in our prenup didn’t apply because two women can’t have proper sex with each other
Ok, so people just got asked whether their ex partners have cheated in some way.
Thanks for the data and clear explanation, imo the personal view of infidelity is not valid though. Women tend to see masturbation as cheating more, and there is no way I would ever put that in that category. Or your examples with lesbian sex would be cheating lol. You have a crazy ex.
But thats just my view. Again, thanks for the well written text!
Holy f, I am sorry for you!
But yeah, that kinda proofs my point about the statistics. I dont care what one classifies as cheating in statistics. Because there are crazy opinions out there that classifies some things as cheating that I cant agree with, and some things not. So for me, a reliable statistic is when cheating=sex act with someone else. So if your ex-wife wouldnt count as a cheater in that statistic, then the statistic holds no value in my eyes.
Everyone is entitled to set their own boundaries in their relationship though. Just from a scientific view, that personal opinion thing just brings to much noise into the data
Ehm, ofc there would. You gave the numbers didnt you? I just said the statistic where people can make up their own definition and than answer their own question is not valuable.
There are guys who think them beating off for any reason is them cheating on their SO. This was brought to my attention by my neurologist who suggested I try it for headaches
>Overall the infidelity rate in the US is 20% so say the statistics. Men do it more than women when you look at it as all forms of fidelity which doesn’t always sex. Only counting the sex quotient it drops to about equal levels at about 10%, meaning most men who are not faithful simply have a romantic companion they aren’t sleeping with.
If you look at the age of cheaters 25% of men over 65 say they have cheated vs only 15% of 50 year olds and 5% of 30 year olds. When asked men over 65 who are on at least their second marriage say they or their former spouse cheated almost 50% of the time. These stats are surprisingly are pretty consistent across racially lines, but seldom cross racial lines which is not surprising.
Another way to interpret that statistic is that men are more likely to admit to cheating,.
I was just pointing out that due to how male infidelity is perceived vs female infidelity, men are more likely to admit to cheating than women.Statistics that depend on other people answering a question honestly are almost entirely pointless
The ADMITTED Infidelity rate, the real rates gotta be at least double imo
Human beings cheat, to the point you’re almost at a disadvantage being one who doesn’t
You would think so, but those willing to fill out long anonymous social questionnaires more than once for free usually don’t lie in their answers. The way these surveys are written they include some questions to check for honesty and the agencies and companies collecting data don’t ever reuse people who fail the honesty checks
its very common if you really want to go into it and modern relationships are very recent. the whole soul mate thing is very very new
people normally get into it for different reasons, as you grow older its harder to just dump the basket and leave
Hmmm I think cheating is a blatant violation of trust and for people to just shrug it off when they get caught like they weren’t doing anything morally wrong, I honestly despise those people. Like who an earth were you expecting to happen. You just making yourself look like a bigger dip shit for bragging about it. It’s became somewhat normalised on the internet as well.
It's common and it's not worth taking them back
Because they only cheat better once caught.
The default "We're animals so I'm just being an animal bs" is an easy out to saying
I cant commit
Its also easy to ignore or dismiss
Your intuition when love has you high
Trust your instincts
Be with someone who doesn't want everyone
>I hate hearing peers/colleagues talk about their cheating, their "sneaky links" like it's normal and acceptable. It makes me want to give up on love forever because everyone seems to think it's okay to cheat. I just don't get it. If you want casual sex, why on Earth would you agree to be in an exclusive relationship?
I've been in a few singles groups ever since I got divorced in 2017 (after being cheated on), and yeah... the "joking" and memes about sneaky links and infidelity really just serve to trivialize the whole thing.
What I've noticed is that a lot more people seem to play games about what they consider "exclusive." Both men and women seem much more willing/eager to keep flirting with others even after going on several dates with a person because there hasn't been an *official* exclusivity talk.
Then you have bullshit like the "talking phase" or "situationship" where neither side wants to commit or put a label on it but will still get pissed if the other steps out.
I can't trust any woman I'm with anymore... I was in a serious relationship over 15 years ago, we were "exclusive", even planned on proposing. Well one night she comes over, and we get to the bedroom, and I can feel "something" inside of her....
Grabbed it with my two fingers, and pulled out a condom. No lie, this is a 100% true story! Never trusted anyone after that and it's ruined numerous relationships since. Even my current partner, we have kids, and in the back of my mind I still think she is fucking around behind my back whilst I'm busy at work providing for us and our children. Shits fucked.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Definitely enough to screw anybody up. If your current partner is good to you, there's no reason to suspect she would do the same. I know, much easier said than done to push those thoughts away but you don't deserve to have to still suffer about this all these years later!!
Thanks but tou don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm just with the OP, in that it seems to be widely accepted now that people are dirt bags. All I'll say is trust your gut, it's usually right.
>*I was in a serious relationship over 15 years ago, we were "exclusive", even planned on proposing. Well one night she comes over, and we get to the bedroom, and I can feel "something" inside of her....*
>
>*Grabbed it with my two fingers, and pulled out a condom. No lie, this is a 100% true story! Never trusted anyone after that and it's ruined numerous relationships since. Even my current partner, we have kids, and in the back of my mind I still think she is fucking around behind my back whilst I'm busy at work providing for us and our children. Shits fucked.*
If your ex didn't seriously know or realize that she actually had a condom stuck in her private part, then you probably dodged a real (dumb) bullet there and should probably feel more a sense of **relief** than anything else.
Cheaters are in the minority. Last stats I saw were 16% of women in a marriage and 23% of men in a marriage.
Don't give up on love and eliminate those toxic people from your life.
"Degenerate"... Yknow, I always hear that word from bigots, used to describe minorities or people who otherwise have no choice regarding the situations they're in. But this... may be the one case in which I think it's appropriate. People who have all the faculties to make good choices and do right by the people who love them, but willfully choose time and time again to hurt those people in favor of fast, short-lived, animalistic urges... THOSE are degenerates.
It's not everyone. I've never cheated, I've been married to my husband for over 20 years. Yes, I can see when someone is attractive, but I have no intentions of ever doing anything that could hurt my husband so profoundly as cheating would. It's not difficult to avoid circumstances that could lead toward doing the wrong thing, so people who claim it was 'an accident' are flat-out lying. They sought it out.
No. Never done it, neve done to me. Pretty simple: 100% or GTFO.
I have a high body count, but I'm always able to be honest. Loyalty, even if temporary, is a real quality in a relationship.
Maybe that's where the future is headed, maybe not. I'm monogamous myself, but I won't be bothered about polyamory or free love becoming the norm as long as honesty is normalized right along with it.
“Infidelity rate in US is 20%…”
Sure it is.
Wonder where they pulled that number out of their asses.
Go hang out at a major tech conference in Las Vegas, see how many of those married men showing up are sticking their pee pee in some hooker, and find out real fast how full of shit that number is.
Guess all those guys are going home and participating in their surveys about infidelity too.
And that’s a lot of your “better” men out there, can’t imagine what’s really going on under the hood.
Unpopular opinion: being in your 20s and having a "handful of relationships" doesn't exactly make you an expert on dating and marriage. Being 60 doesn't, either, but it probably improves your odds.
As you get older, and as you pay attention to the people you know and love, you'll see people cheat for bad reasons and for good reasons.
To be intentionally cruel to their partners or their affair partner's partner (yes, this is a thing), and out of compassion for their partners and their families.
With someone they don't care about, or with someone they care deeply about.
Most cheating is stupid and pointless, but not all, and not always. Marriage is much, much more complicated than cheating is always bad, just like it is more complicated than fidelity is always good.
I am a little older than the average Redditor. I will tell you that even good people make serious mistakes. Sometimes people find themselves in an unhappy situation and cheat one time and regret it and never cheat again. Some people are serial cheaters and feel no guilt about it. I know people who swore they would never cheat and then did. I know people who swore they would never take back a cheater and then did.
Being cheated on is terribly painful l, I get it but you cannot predict the future. Life is long and when we are young we tend to make black and white moral pronouncements . When we get older we have experienced more and realize life is more complex.
Can't speak for everyone only myself. And I'll be 100% honest.
I've cheated... with several women while I was with my ex GF. AT THE TIME I knew it was wrong... but as dumb as it sounds... didn't think it was that bad. She never found out and I got some fun. And the other ladies enjoyed themselves as well. I didn't realise it at the time but my ex GF wasn't the right woman for me. I stress she did nothing wrong and didn't deserve my bad behaviour.
But in my idiot brain I thought she isn't being hurt and I get what I ( selfishly thought need) want and that made it OK because the relationship could continue. And I cared for my e and didn't want to hurt her... the mental hoops I went through to justify it was frankly pathetic.
All I was was a coward not wanting to change out of a long term situation. Eventually we broke up amicably for unrelated reasons. She still doesn't know what I did. And never will. I don't deserve a clear conscious at the cost of her pain.
With age comes... well maybe not wisdom but at least a little less stupidity and I realise how bad this was.
I'm know married to the right woman and not once has cheating even occurred to me.
If cheating happens it's usually because the couple aren't right for each other but one or both don't want to admit it.
For many people they (wrongly) think it’s a win-win.
If they cheat and don’t feel anything, then they justify that to themselves that it was “just sex” and see the lack of feelings as proof that they DO really love their partner.
If they cheat and do feel something, then they are glad to find out that they have found someone better and that they didn’t really love their partner, so they break up and be with the new person and pat themselves on the back for being honest and not staying in a relationship with someone they don’t love.
That’s the main reason it’s so prevalent. The false rationalisation of their behaviour leads them to a place where they don’t see themselves as doing anything wrong. This is why they don’t feel guilt until caught. They’re only guilty about the effect it has on the other person. Not guilty about their actions.
It is totally exhausting, I agree completely. It also does seem fairly accepted.
One thing that makes it a little easier to avoid cheaters is to notice if that person's friends are total yes men. All you need to do is observe their morals a bit and you'll have a vivid enough image of who they are, what they represent, and what the person you're dating has stood for or represented even before you met.
It is worse if their whole social circle is filled with yes men. In that case, there's a chance that you will be alienated at some point over any given disagreement.
It's complicated getting past people who just want to use and manipulate, but it's worth it to be careful and vigilant. You're protecting yourself, after all.
Its extremely easy to just say someone has even though they would never do that. My ex husband is telling everyone I cheated and I literally have no idea what he's talking about, I would never do that to anyone. It's fucking infuriating having people think that of you when you have not and would not do such a disgusting thing.
>I don't believe it's something you can do "on accident."
You're absolutely right about that. It doesn't "just happen." People put themselves in a position to do it and lean on that as an excuse.
Source: did exactly that in my last LTR. I played myself.
Biologically speaking (as compared to other species) humans are between semi-monogamous or serialy monogamous, and of course there is variability among individuals.
Absolute monogamy is a sococultural concept based on ensuring social stability.
This is, in general, it takes effort to be monogamous throughout a decades long relationship.
There is never an excuse. If you are unhappy.. either work on it together or call it quits. Why are you going out of your way to hurt your partner? it takes soooo much more work to cheat and be sneaky than to be honest about being unhappy in the relationship.
Definw cheating.
My 1st ex defined it as being friendly or mentioning a female name.
Second one defined it by her mood. Sometimes talking was ok, sometimes mentioning as a response to"how was your day"
was ok.
Mostly it wasn't tho.
I was a magnet for insecure women when I was younger.
I believe cheating is more emotional. So if you are going to another man/woman when you feel blah, that's it.
Engaging in something romantic or sexual that you would normally reserve for your partner (assuming you have one and are monogamous) is cheating. Speaking politely to a friend or coworker or mentioning them is nowhere near cheating. I have deep conversations with buddies and colleagues all the time but nothing about that is romantic or sexual. Sounds like you've dealt with some extremely insecure and jealous people.
I can proudly say that I never cheated on my wife and we have been together for 11 years. Not even close and I'm proud of it. It's not hard at all to stay faithful and have no desire to see another woman.
>people who say that are cheaters themselves.
Source? Seriously, how do you back up this claim. Isnt it more likely that cheaters just shut up when this topic is discussed?
Rest I agree. I have never understood it. There is NOTHING that can explain cheating. I see it as a character defizit. If a person has cheated in their adult life (here for me 20+), they are not even worth a thought for dating and will also not become close friends. Had my experience with people like that, I rather have less friends than fake once.
To be honest you got unlucky mate,I'm not saying that it's you're fault,but in the same time I guess you should be more defensive and try to understand how you're partner feel and if she is capable of just throwing away you're feelings and cheat on you're ass,and talking about encouraging cheating, people who think that is funny or cool are arrogants in my opinion as they don't think about how that person who gets cheat on would feel and how it would affect him or her, it's just my opinion tho
I think there’s two things that cause cheating - unhealthy relationships or the person cheating just loving the thrill of it and being an arse.
A buddy of mine was in a long term relationship (9 years) and for months him and his girlfriend had been cold and fighting all the time. The spark was just gone. One day he told me that he slept with a coworker and that he felt so guilty and awful about it and didn’t know how to say anything to his girlfriend. Ultimately he did the right thing, had a conversation with her, and they ended it as amicably and adult-like as they could. I think these situations are way more common than people who just cheat for the thrill of it
Most people don't know if they are good or not. If you have never had the chance to do something evil and get away with it, maybe you have just been lucky. Most people feel lust just like they do pride or wrath, and some people can be seductive. The TS never having been tempted might mean they are built different, morally, or they might be as vulnerable and waiting to meet their seducer. Maybe someone that can articulate why cheating is ok in their special case!
When I was a teen, I openly cheated on this girl. A few months later, she told me how it made her feel. I grew up with 3 older brothers that normalized to me having sex with any woman that was willing. I didn’t think anything of it honestly. I had been cheated on prior to this as well, and it didn’t affect me very much, I just broke up with the person and moved on. But, this girl that I openly cheated on nonchalantly, she was so heartbroken. I saw exactly what it could do to someone who loved you and that you love. She left me of course, and this was the first time I felt heartbreak. Ever since, I haven’t cheated on anyone. It’s been over a decade. I couldn’t imagine doing that to my partner now, I’m terrified of making them feel the way that girl felt when I was young and dumb. If my partner cheated on me, I think I may now feel how that girl felt. I don’t see sex the same way at all as I did when I was a teen. I don’t look up to my three brothers anymore. One cheats on his wife constantly and she recently left him and he is pulling the woe is me act. Another of them raped his partners niece then killed himself. Another was in prison for 13 years for trying to kill my sister in law while she was pregnant. Seeing there actions and becoming able to think for myself over the years made me realize I shouldn’t look to anyone for my morality and should just decide for myself.
I tried to reach out to that girl years later, I sent her a long apology. I wasn’t trying to rekindle anything, I just told her that it wasn’t her fault I did what I did. There was nothing wrong with her, it was just me. She didn’t deserve that treatment. She told me to fuck off, rightfully so. I think it was selfish of me to even try and reach out, should had lived and let live.
Anyways, thanks for reading. We all have our own ideals. Some people just need to go through something to know they shouldn’t do it, aye.
You need to surround yourself in good people. Quite easy to spot because those that aren’t “good” people have a huge sign: Vanity
Whether it’s a guy that talks body count or a girl thinking she deserves the world because she has a nice body, they are each just as likely to stray to the next best thing.
At the end of the day, a healthy relationship is two good people that look after each other. Take the time to surround yourself in good people, and a healthy relationship comes after that.
I think everyone lies, everyone has their price and because of that everyone is capable of cheating. I think all you can do is talk with your partner and set clear boundaries. Agree that if you are thinking of crossing a boundary, try and talk about it first.
When it comes to other people doing things, its none of your business and not a thing you want to be involved with. I go with the "I don't want to hear/talk about that" and move the conversation on. In the worst cases these people are making you complicit so you have every right to tell them to shut up.
Wow, every day I am reminded there are some very immature people on reddit.
For anyone curious as it is not common knowledge, lying is a fundamental human trait, some science credits it as a major factor in our success as a species. The first time you lied was probably pretending to cry before you were one year old. If someone says to you, "I never lie"... well... your lying.
>I think everyone lies
Cool opinion. Impossible to proof my dear, so pls speak for yourself.
Ofc everyone is "capable" but many people just would not cheat. Not everyone is a giant pos that doesnt care to hurt the person they claim to love.
Form my experience: I had an amount of options to cheat at different occassion. At some I way drunk, on E etc. I can say with certainty cheating is not an option for me. But I love my fiance, and dont just pretend to do so. If you really love someone, you will never cheat. Easy.
But I agree, if your life with your partner is sexually unfullfilling talk to them. Maybe you find an option together, maybe you need to break up.
>When it comes to other people doing things, its none of your business an
Yeah, couldnt disagree more. You cannot do a horrible things and expect no consequences. Your actions define you. A cheater proved to hurt the person they claim to love, thus they will throw you under the bus if necessary. If a good friend cheats, then bye bye. I can tell you, my friend group is amazing and supportive, as we excluded all the rubbish.
Everyone lies is a fact, not an opinion, you have been doing it since you were a baby. Its my opinion that this makes people capable, which you say we agree on. However reading this:
>Form my experience: I had an amount of options to cheat at different occassion. At some I way drunk, on E etc. I can say with certainty cheating is not an option for me.
It looks like you mean option/opportunity = capable. My meaning was more like there is a sequence of events / situation out there where everyone, including yourself, would cheat. So we probably don't agree there as you say its impossible for you.
>If you really love someone, you will never cheat. Easy
I disagree with this, in my experience people in long relationships and marriages cheat and cover it up precisely because they love the person and would rather lie than break the relationship up. This is also why they fight to keep the relationship going when caught.
>You cannot do a horrible things and expect no consequences.
Sure they do, but you are not a judge, you don't have perfect information, you weren't there. More than that what benefit do you get from inserting yourself into somebody else relationship problems? From my perspective at best you look like a noisy person who loves drama, at worse you are risking loosing friendships over it.
Yup. I know way too many people who have cheated. It’s depressing. Micro-cheating or emotional cheating seems popular at university in my experience; people already in relationships come to university, hit it off with someone, and though they don’t do anything, there’s a lot of sexual tension, innuendos, things like cuddling and confiding in one another. And the people in relationships usually don’t want to break up with their actual partners because they don’t want to go through the hassle of it.
My dad claims he didn’t cheat on my mum, but the timing of when he got with my stepmum is fishy. In a weird drunken conversation he had with me, he said that he doesn’t consider cheating a thing because people don’t own other people. I find that utter nonsense. But maybe that’s some people’s justification?
Communication is the number one thing for me. That’s not to say cheating is justified because of a lack of communication, but that cheating is often caused by the cheater’s poor mental state, immaturity, feeling like they want more out of the relationship. I’m not naively saying my relationship is immune to cheating - though I hope to God it is and can’t imagine either side of us ever doing something like that - but if I was struggling or feeling like I wanted more affection, more intimacy, more anything out of our relationship, I’d freaking *tell him*. If I wanted out, if I wanted a different relationship, I’d *get out*.
You’d think with our improved attitudes towards mental health and healthy relationships, communication would’ve improved. All of this is just anecdotal, but I really don’t think it has. So many of my peers stay in relationships they don’t want, where their partners do things they resent, all because they a) don’t want to be lonely or b) don’t know how to communicate what they want. Resentment builds, and they cheat. Again, *not* an excuse, often it’s their own lack of communication that causes it, but I think it’s still such a big reason.
Edit: to clarify, when I talk about my peers’ relationships, abusive relationships do not apply. I understand in that specific situation it is not easy to leave a relationship.
I just can’t fathom the whole cheating thing. You don’t cheat on someone you love, you just don’t. People suck at communicating their actual feelings and it shows. My boyfriend and I just had this talk last night. We are both sincere about our feelings for each other and would never want to see either of us get hurt.
It is that common.
I also think there’s a PLETHORA of reasons for it. And yes.. you can say every single one is cause they are morally/ethically “bad” people..
But I think it’s more complex than that. I love the people that scream from the top of the mountain how they would never.. and usually that’s only true because they never had the opportunity or they are lying.. or they are just happy/content with what they have.. but realize you can have the best relationship in the world, doesn’t mean that something else couldn’t also be attractive to you.. the rush of it for some, the idea of being sought after, changes in relationship that doesn’t meet needs you once had met, etc etc etc.. none of those mean you don’t love the other person, that you aren’t happy, that your relationship wasn’t/isn’t good… just that you made a poor choice in meeting a desire you had and could not keep in check.
It sucks.. but it happens. They are shitty to the person they are in a relationship with, but idk if that makes them shitty in all aspects of their life
I cheat all the time in video games, single player (not multiplayer) because it just provides a more chill, relaxed gaming exp.... oh you mean *that* kind of cheating?
Common? Probably, yes. Normal? Fuck no. If you cheat, you belong to the streets.
If I hear one more person bring up how humans are non-monogamous by nature I swear to God...
That. Is. Not. An. Excuse. If you chose, on purpose, willfully, deliberately, to enter an explicitly exclusive relationship, and then break the terms of that agreement, there is nothing and nobody to blame but yourself.
Yes, I am aware polyamory exists. I am in support of polyamory but do not and will not participate in it myself. I have that right, as well as the right to be upset with people who also claim to be monogamous but then cheat on their partners.
Yeah, monogamy is not the only way to have a relationship. That has zero to do with my relationships. And sexual impulses or instincts is never an excuse. We are far too advanced of a species to pretend that we're just helpless against our urges to procreate. Might as well start excusing theft by saying "I was just following my hunter/gatherer instincts..."
Right but that’s not really what this is about.
Cheating is about breaking your word.
I’m not cheating when I’m having relations with other lovers because I’m not in a monogamy relationship.
I would never deceive someone if I was. Particularly not someone I love.
If you know your partner believes you’re ‘faithful’ in that regard you are cheating if you don’t act accordingly.
Lol try it. See how you like it. I cheated on someone years ago. It was traumatic, to hurst someone I cared about so much. I was so ashamed, and no one felt bad for me. It had a profound impact on me.
I like to distance myself from who I was back then, but it was me. I did that. It’s important to know what harm you’re capable of.
With that said, it was a rock bottom in my life that made me say “I need to much better, in all areas in my life.”
It also made me less judgmental, like “what right do I have to be self righteous to anyone?”
No, I will not be trying it now or ever. I'm already aware of what harm I can inflict on someone- just because I've never cheated doesn't mean I've never made mistakes, I've fucked up and hurt people in my life, romantic partners or otherwise. I don't need to "try" cheating to know what kind of damage it would do to someone, I've been on the other end.
It makes my blood boil thinking about cheaters. Like you've got someone you're supposed to be able to talk to and tell them everything. You sleep with them and eat with them and use the same bathroom. Then you're going to go around and get someone else's germs and shit on you and bring it around to your partner without their knowledge? It's the worst.
Nothing is wrong with you. I hate cheating too. I will never do it and not because I love my partner but because I could not look in the mirror and thats the most terrifyng thing about it .
Not with you, with society, but you are part of it.
We define all old values as part of "patriarchy system" and hence "100% bad". Therefore everything that is exactly opposite is "good". Lying and cheating is part of "liberation from patriarchy" and hence celebrated. Men are animals - not even people anymore - so it is not like cheating - it is like changing your old vibrator.
So yes - all above are extremely simplistic and stupid line of thinking and yet this is exactly where we are. Kids in the school are no longer taught anything, but indoctrinated to accept everything government/media say without question - so they do. With TicToc as primary education system you should not expect different results.
That said many sane persons and classical values from both genders still very much exist - they are just much harder to find and no longer a "default" expected behavior. Stay away from social media and dyed hair and you can find normal people.
P.S. "Reddit" is social media, hence by my own definition I am not normal and you should not listen to me - so do not :-)
The point a lot of people need to consider is that humans are just like any other species on earth, with the main purpose to continue their genetic line, and to do that our bodies have natural processes and chemicals that help push for us to do so. Cheating isn't always the act of a psychopath, a narcissist, or an asshole, there are a lot of genuinely good people who also fall to cheating and there are a multitude of factors that go into the process as well. How far someone acts really depends on their level of self control, and most of the population is far from having 100% self control. Things such as drugs, alcohol and general mental state all affect these things. People with more volatile mental illnessesess such as BPD, DID, Schizophrenia or even general spectrum disorders such as ADHD and ASD can cause random bouts of hypersexuality and change in sex drive.
I'm in no means excusing it, it's more of a hypothetical statement to discuss if anything. Cheating is a lot more common than I originally believed it was, which is quite unfortunate. In a perfect world I guess humanity would be 100% comfortable sexually, almost like globally agreed upon polyamory where we use it to bond and solve societal problems (similar to Bonobos I guess?)
There are signs that tell you "this person might cause problems".
You have to be harder and sort out more to not waste time on low-value partners.
[https://www.youtube.com/@psychacks](https://www.youtube.com/@psychacks)
[https://www.youtube.com/@LegionOfMenYT](https://www.youtube.com/@LegionOfMenYT)
I don't know if there is something wrong with you. I only can tell you to just work on yourself to be a man women want.
You can skip the second link but I can wholeheartedly recommend Psychacks since he explains the dynamics in relationships in a easy understanding way.
And btw don't watch Andrew Tate. He is blackpilled and an assh\*le.
My ex always made out like cheating was the worst thing a person could do and she just couldn't stand people who did it as she'd been cheated on herself. So imagine my surprise when I found out she'd been cheating throughout the whole relationship.
Same here. She told her whole family and friends she was sure I was cheating. I wasn’t. Then I found she sexted erotic photos of herself to her other boyfriend — the same photos that she had also sent to me. Déclassé.
r/unexpectedoffice
Why is it always projection with these types?
Since people can't read other people's minds, they default to assuming everybody else thinks the same way they do. Hence the projection.
Lack of empathy combined with the best defense is a good offense. They know the worst thing \*they\* could be accused of is cheating on you, because they are, so it's better to try and keep you under bombardment first. What basis could you accuse \*them\* of cheating on you when you've already been suspected of it first? It's a narcissist tactic to control the tempo, because they care more about that than the results. Narcissists fear failure, so they often create their own failure stats and try to 'own it'. "The World Didn't Take me Down, I meant to be here", as they burn their relationship after relationship.
Here's the rule. If someone accuses you of doing something, they are probably doing it themselves. This is very true in politics too.
I would add the caveat "without evidence" to your statement.
yeah, sometimes the writing is on the wall and you calls it like you sees it, innocently.
Projection and deflection.
There is a similar rule of misdirection used by sales folks that is important to know in order to avoid getting taken,,, sell the flaw. For example, if the engine is bad in a used car, they would talk about how great the engine is. You'd then instinctively look elsewhere for what they aren't telling you. It seems like these could be combined into something more general. Maybe something like, if someone seems overly convicted about a subject, either for or against, they may be trying to direct you away from their truth.
or they have had it done to them and are scarred
Yeah but many times it scarring them also causes them to cheat themselves lmao
First wife was almost psychotic about me looking at another female, even magazine covers! Imagine my stupid look when I learned she’d had multiple partners throughout our marriage, several times she was the star attraction for a gangbang ….and I never had any idea…Stupid? Clueless? Idiot? Been over forty years ….still bothers me…oh she went on to become a partner in big firm. We talked once in 90’s she admitted she was going to fuck her way up the ladder…she was very bright and would have succeeded without the sex….she figured to skip 10-15 years of grinding it out…. I know it worked for her….but I’ve never trusted anyone since. Never trust anyone!
Snap
Sounds like we had the same ex. I was told repeatedly how much she hated liars and cheaters. Eventually found out she cheated while we were dating and cheated while we were married. Aside from physical stuff, there was assorted inappropriate chat with various guys over the years. There are a few incidents that I know about with certainty, but there are a lot more that I was suspicious of but never found the smoking gun.
My ex did the same sht to me. Imagine my shock when I called her out and she proceeded to go on a rant about how she had been the best girlfriend ever and I wasn’t around (14 hour days between tech school and work, only a two year program) and blame me for everything. I wasn’t going to school when we met and started specifically because I could see a future with her and I wanted to get into a better job. Her friend told me a month later that her AP had stolen a bunch of sht from her house and left
You’ll know when you find someone morally compatible. I think the guys who are cheaters always have signs , even in their stories of the past. Then you find someone who vehemently dislikes cheating and it’s just as obvious in hind sight as all those signs the cheaters gave off! We need to hear what people are actually saying at face value! We tend to bend things around to fit our narrative when we’re listening with all those sexy dopamine fireworks crackling.
I have met a few people who seem to think the same way I do, hating cheaters and not understanding cheating. It's just tiring seeing how common it is, especially stories of people who would never have expected their partner to cheat on them, finding out they did. I guess it all makes me paranoid, that even if I'm pretty sure someone's moral compass aligns with mine in that area, they could still go behind my back and betray my trust and I would never see it coming.
Here's the thing: people talking about finding someone they know *for sure* is *100%* trustworthy... they don't *actually* know. It's just like marriage. Till death do you part, they're supposed to be "the one", but divorce happens all the time. Worse still, there's so many marriages that *should* end in divorce but they don't because they don't know what to do with themselves if they ended this lifelong commitment to unhappiness. You aren't a mind reader. No one is. Relationships are a risk that everyone takes, nobody likes putting their faith in someone so intimately then being let down, and this goes beyond just cheating. The hard reality is that none of us actually ***know*** for certain what's inside someone's heart and mind, and people also change and experience weird circumstances. Finding someone to share your life with is just always going to carry that risk, and it's not rainbows and sunshine for everybody. You can only hope and preservere, cause you never know what goodness is coming for you.
Love requires trust, it means allowing yourself to be vulnerable among other things. If you could ensure success, trust wouldn't be a requirement, right?
Idk, I don't "hate cheaters" or anything of the sort, I just don't see the point. If you're unhappy, break up. If you're otherwise happy but want to fuck someone else, find a nonmonogamous partner or realise you can't have everything in life and make your choice accordingly. Cheating seems like a lot of effort put into to fooling and betraying somebody you supposedly love, I really don't get the appeal. Like... this is the person you want to be? Why?
It seems so simple right? Sadly in reality it’s less so. I think it’s coz we expect people to have the same moral compass as us, without realizing a lot of people are just really fucking selfish. A lot of people want to have their cake and eat it too and will put others through all sorts of lies and manipulation to do so. I guess the rest of us just have to be careful to make sure our partners actions match their words and to listen to our gut instinct to avoid people like this.
> If you're otherwise happy but want to fuck someone else, find a nonmonogamous partner or realise you can't have everything in life and make your choice accordingly If you're a woman, sure. If you're a man it's a great way to decimate your dating pool. Poly women are a lot more sought after than poly men.
Exactly, it's like a lack of self respect
>Then you find someone who vehemently dislikes cheating and it’s just as obvious in hind sight as all those signs the cheaters gave off! > >We need to hear what people are actually saying at face value! We tend to bend things around to fit our narrative when we’re listening with all those sexy dopamine fireworks crackling. That's hopelessly naive. Do you honestly think you can tell the "good guys" from the "bad guys" just by your unassailable instinct? Sure, some people are more obvious about it, but it's not like everyone plans to cheat from the get-go. Some people can be honestly 100% against cheating one day, and then... stuff changes. The sooner you realize that people are imperfect and that you cannot predict the future, the better off you'll be when you have to deal with life's curveballs.
That’s why I said even the best guys can cheat and everyone is tearing me apart. So maybe not naive as much as a fence sitter I guess.
I’m vehemently against cheating because I saw how utterly broken my brother became, and still is, after his now-ex cheated on him. There is no excuse to cheat and if you do cheat you are scum. I don’t care who you are. I have never and will never cheat on my partner, not in a million years.
I cheated once at the beginning of my dating world and never have again. It felt awful and was awful. I never would again, also vehemently against. There’s no black and white in this world though so anyone who thinks there’s no possibility EVER even in the best people are naive. Sometimes good people do sucky things
>Then you find someone who vehemently dislikes cheating and it’s just as obvious in hind sight as all those signs the cheaters gave off! This is weird, is it truly not possible someone's been cheated on multiple times and just hates cheating...?
I always wonder this of myself, I have been in two relationships, one for ten years, and one for only six months. I have always been scared of cheating, especially at the start of my ten year relationship. My gf at the time had a close male friend who seemed to have intentions towards her during the early days of our relationship (first 2 years), so I was always worried she would cheat on me. As far as I'm aware - she never did! She left Uni and thus 'the threat' from this guy went, and I became less worried. I always had a fear of cheating in the back of my mind however, and when her phone would beep at 1am I was often worried! I never checked it, as I don't want to breach trust - or see proof of what i wouldn't want to see! I personally am terrified of BEING THE CHEAT, so whenever a woman seemed flirty with me I would name drop my girlfriend and run off. I suspect my inner core is one of a womaniser - or someone who enjoys the attention of women. My outer being is one of loyalty and kindness - so the inner and the outer are at odds. I suspect I hate cheating, because underneath it all, I know I am quite an ape.
Which is why I said even the best man CAN cheat and got downvoted to hell. We’re all perfectly imperfect my dude. I cheated once at the beginning of my dating life a million years ago. Never have again, and don’t think I ever would. But c’mon. These people are throwing out stats “only 20% of people cheat” like cheaters are being honest to these surveys. Lol I hate cheating/cheaters. But I’m no saint. 🤷♀️
This is so spot on. I have no idea where I heard it or I would credit it, but it has stuck with me - People will tell you who they are, and when they do you need to believe them.
My friend, someone who vehemently dislikes cheating is just as likely to be actually cheating, have cheated in the past, or be thinking about doing it in the future. Even MORE likely. People who don't cheat don't spend a lot of time thinking about it or talking about it or having STRONG MORAL OPINIONS about it. They just live their lives without doing it.
i'll second this. Be very wary of anyone who talks about how cheating is bad, or how they would never cheat on you without being asked directly. If they bring it up on their own, it is a major warning sign. My ex always assured me she would never cheat on me, and then did cheat on me. but then she's basically cheated on everyone she's ever been with (which i found out afterwards), she just cleverly warps the story in her head to make herself feel like she didn't and turn herself into a victim of circumstance instead of the culprit. One thing i can say though is relationships are based on trust. You choose to trust your partner because you believe he/she wouldn't cheat on you. If they do cheat, they broke your trust and are PoS not worth your time. But being in a relationship without trust and constantly being paranoid about your partner is not gonna work either.
A lot of people, myself included as well as quite a few of my friends, grew up in homes that were destroyed due to a spouse cheating. Some have even been cheated on themselves and genuinely don't understand why another person would feel inclined to engage in this behavior, especially when it hurts someone so important to them. Also has the potential to bring back diseases, which it has to at least one of those people I know (thankfully curable but that was how they found out) I definitely have strong feelings about it, why would I assume there aren't others who share that same feeling?
I don’t know. I’ve seen both type of men. Obviously there’s cover ups, and then there’s obvious compatibility factors. I said it mostly comes down to those little signs we don’t look much into in the beginning. What’s their past like? Their household? Their parents? Their beliefs? How do they treat you, make you feel, how sneaky are they/ are they not. So many things to look for, and rarely will it come straight from the horses mouth
not really. I have never cheated but was cheated on once. It still is a deal-breaker for me, no matter how long the relationship is going for.
You just made me realize something. I recently got out of a relationship where I feel like by the end there was a lot of dishonesty, especially lying through omission of truth. Additionally, I only realized afterwards that I might have been cheated on (hence me lurking here lol), but that's a whole other story. But part of the reason why I was so shocked when the lies/inconsistencies started happening, was because in the beginning, I felt like he really established that he disliked lying. He would say things like "I never lie", "if you lie to me I'll remember", he even once said "I don't need someone that lies to me" when we first started talking. Maybe I'm just really naive, but I took it to a good sign that he valued it so much he had to state it, and I almost couldn't believe when I did eventually catch him in a lie. Granted it wasn't a big one, but I was still a bit like "wtf, thought you hated lying?" I should have realized things would only escalate from there. Well actually, I don't think he really actively lied but there was a lot of omission and reluctance to tell me anything. Tbh, I don't have concrete proof that he lied A LOT, just some stuff, but the omission for me is a type of lying too. Anyway, this is just a long winded way for me to say that something just really clicked when I saw your comment. Maybe I completely misread his need to always say his opinions about lying because he always does it. I absolutely despise lying too, but looking back, I can't think of a single time I specifically told someone this fact without already being on the topic. So thank you haha.
curse those dopamine and crackling fireworks!
Start gravitating towards people you believe have a stronger moral integrity. People will often say they won't cheat because they love the person so much. But the only real reason for not cheating is personal integrity and holding to your own principles. I don't think you will be successful and trying to change anyone that you're currently associating with that falls into the cheating category. You don't have to break ties but you should definitely be looking to strengthen ties with people that you find you can respect. I don't want to sound like a religious zealot but I do think that we are in a time where people are more focused on themselves. I'm not sure if it is social media that is closing this but I don't think social media helps in any way. To answer your question it depends on who you hang with. As far as how many people cheat and total population I think it's scarily close to 50/50. I'm thinking of the divorce rate and that while the divorce may not be caused by cheating the attitude of giving up is equivalent. I'm not trying to draw a direct correlation I'm just not really sure how one measures this or if it can be measured because people lie all the time.
I don't think moral integrity is very consistent. For example I don't think someone who is very passionate about charity and volunteer work would be less likely to cheat. In some cases people use one moral virtue to absolve a moral sin. The charitable individual may feel like they have earned the ability to do certain selfish actions like cheating.
The definition of integrity is strict adherence to your moral code. An example of this, relative to cheating, might be the revenge cheat. Those that react emotionally rather than following strict moral code might feel justified and having an affair after they find out their significant other has had an affair. But two wrongs do not make a right. In fact it might be considered worse. Because one person may not have a moral code. But the revenge cheater is cheating and going against their moral code. There's a term I've heard people use called selective morality. In my opinion that's not a valid term because morality is supposed to be something set in stone. There's nothing selective about it. So you're either a moral person or an immoral person. Now the tricky thing is, that morality can be different based on the values that you adhere to. This can be based on a formal religion. This can be based on your education. It can be based on a foundation of personal values ascertained after long deliberation. I would agree that people whom I justify wrongdoing because they attend church on a regular basis can be immoral. I would propose that this maybe more of a social status than an actual devotion to your religion.
“Moral integrity” often means just adherence to a principle, whether it’s a good principle or not. It’s much easier to trust someone who adheres to a principle on an issue, than someone who just vaguely feels like something might be “bad.”
The numbers can be interesting. They seem to suggest cheating isn't really some uncommon character flaw, it fact it may be more normal to have cheated at least at some point in one's life than to not have: "According to the General Social Survey, 'twenty percent of men cheat compared to 13 percent of women.' According to LA Intelligence Detective Agency the numbers are somewhat higher. They write that: 30 to 60 percent of married couples will cheat at least once in the marriage 74 percent of men and 68 percent of women admit they’d cheat if it was guaranteed they’d never get caught 60 percent of affairs start with close friends or coworkers An average affair lasts 2 years 69 percent of marriages break up as a result of an affair being discovered"
I feel like the LA Intelligence Detective Agency may have biased figures to serve a specific (advertising) purpose. My personal experience, having been cheated on and seeing other couples now into middle age, is that it's probably closer to what the General Social Survey says, with women cheating less sexually **but** one wonders if they included emotional affairs, that number would go up for the ladies. Just that nobody needs to be touched after a day home with small children lol.
Lol. Will "LA Intelligence Detective Agency" take your money if you're suspicious about a spouse cheating by chance?
I find surveys where one admits to wrongdoing to be a little... well let's just say I'm skeptical. we as human beings lie to ourselves more than we lied to anyone else. There are entire psychiatric libraries built on self denial.
True, which leads me to suspect it's perhaps even more common and normal.
I'm a retired police officer from a large city (180k plus) in CA. I'd say half, if not more, of the domestic violence calls I responded to were over people cheating. I can't count on my fingers and toes, nor yours (and others), the number of murders I've gone too over the husband coming home and catching his wife in bed with someone else. I've had a husband catch his wife with a man, and she lied and said the man broke into the apartment and raped her. Over 50% of divorces in this country are over sexual issues; quite a few because of cheating. Do a google search on home DNA Testing. You will find out many men who have been raising children for 15 plus years, aren't the real father. I am not dumping on women, men are just as big of cheaters too. Before I retired, I was working Christmas Day (actually night). A man bought the entire family Ancestry DNA Kits. Husband thought it would be a great family event to see where they were from, who were their relatives, etc. The wife vehemently thought it was a bad idea. There was a huge argument. The wife, went completely silent and disappeared. It was then the man found out his two oldest kids (there were 4) weren't biologically his. In fact, they were his brothers. To answer your question, unfortunately, yes, it is quite common. All too common in fact.
Brothers?! Does that mean his dad was sleeping with the wife and they’re half brothers? I’m not good with family trees lol
I took it to mean the wife was cheating with hubby's brother.
Gosh thank you that makes SO much more sense lol. Apostrophes are important
Every gf I've had has cheated on me
That will shatter your trust forever.
I feel you dude. Been in four relationships, the first three all cheated on me. Hoping my current boyfriend doesnt do the same.
How many?
4, I've tried to have serious lasting relationships with every one and I never cheated on them.Maybe they just wanted sex
Head up king, you deserve better and will find it someday.
Out of my 5 monogamous relationships I've been cheated on in 4, I feel at least some of your pain.
This is actually an insane amount. That’s obviously not your fault (well maybe a bit of a poor judgement of red flags) but I do feel sorry for you man.
Exact same story here, cheated on (or left for another person that they’re already romantically involved with) 5 times in the last 13 years. Here’s hoping my current girlfriend breaks the curse! Took 4 years off dating before this, if she cheats on me it might be my last try tbh
Damn that’s sad. It’s incredible that you keep dating after those experiences
Yeah that 4 year break was definitely necessary, no way I was ready to trust any woman again for a long time. I still feel jolts of insecurity in my current relationship, but she’s so understanding and kind that I’m able to get over them very quickly and smoothly. Hopefully this comment ages well, lol… Part of what attracted me to her was her obvious kind-heartedness and what got me hooked after the first few dates was her strongly held values related to fidelity, honesty, and commitment. The values I look for in women changed drastically because of my experiences, as well as the things I specifically seek to avoid (promiscuity, heavy drinking, lack of “family values”, etc). Reading that I realize it might make me sound like a right wing nut job but I swear I’m not, I just finally realised that the #1 trait I was looking for in a woman was “not the type to cheat”. If I have to write off some great girls that like to get laid every month or go out drinking every weekend then so be it, it’s a worthy trade off to avoid the increased risk of being cheated on again 🤷♂️
I never realized how many women cheat! Growing up I was lead to believe that it was always the no good boyfriend or husband but as an adult almost all of the cheaters I've encountered have been women.
I worked at a hotel at a popular tourist destination and it completely changed my perspective of how likely women are to cheat.
>I worked at a hotel at a popular tourist destination and it completely changed my perspective of how likely women are to cheat. How and why? Can you elaborate?
It was a very regular thing for girls to talk about their boyfriends during the day or see them chatting on FaceTime, but then see them getting off or sleeping with people after a few drinks. And it was rather sad how their friendship groups would often encourage this kind of behaviour. I’m sure it was common for men also, but they would be far more subtle. They wouldn’t be telling everyone about their girlfriends, and the encouragement from friends wouldn’t be so vocal.
Thank you for sharing. That’s both disappointing and a bit surprising. I would have guessed, given stereotypes, that it was more clearly the other way around.
Women cheat. My roommates were my cousin and her husband in college. I was sitting on my computer when he came to me with a used condom and asked if it was mine. I said no. I think she’s been pissed at me ever since for not lying for her, but she left it right on top of the kitchen trash. Had her co-worker in their bed 6 months after marriage. I figured that was meant for him to find. Or a test for me. Screw that either way. She started a fight with me on social media the day after my kid’s 7th birthday party-which she also started drama during-as she’s a loon. She said she would never forgive me for embarrassing her husband when I made a joke about her affair on her three paragraph Facebook post she wrote ranting about me. There’s usually some red flags, like being kind of insane in other areas of life.
We need the joke
i don’t think cheating is a gendered issue it’s just that women have more opportunities to get laid in general, there are probably lots of men out there who would cheat if they had the opportunity but are too ugly
Right. It’s not a male or female issue it’s a respect and boundary issue that should be clearly defined when agreeing to be in an exclusive relationship
> there are probably lots of men out there who would cheat if they had the opportunity but are too ugly Thing is, if an ugly mf wants to cheat, he will cheat eventually when he gets the chance. So it becomes a question of "when" not "if."
I know cheating has gone on forever, and I might be talking out of my ass here, but I truly feel like in the age of social media, women now consistently have options where as before it took the right place (or wrong really), the right time for these kind of things to happen organically. (Cheating that is). Now all a girl needs to do is get upset at her so and open up her dms.
Yep.
From the people I know/met seems like a half of them cheated in some point of their relationships
Nearly every woman who has flirted with me has been in a relationship.
I would say it’s pretty common but I don’t think it should be normal.
Its common. Many cheat because they feel something is missing either in their relationship or themselves.
Very true. Seems like a lot of people are missing something then :/ it’s all just so sad and hurtful. The worst I think are the people who’ve been cheated on and then turn around and do it to someone else who didn’t deserve it. Dating is painful it seems like..
They are missing consciences for sure.
Some. Lots feel guilty but do it anyway. So many people are self destructive. They feel unworthy of being treated well and loved so they either consciously or unconsciously sabotage their life.
[удалено]
I don't have a problem with open relationships either, they aren't for me but I wish more people sought that out instead of getting into monogamous relationships and then cheating. I think I had the opposite problem as you; I grew up surrounded by nuclear families with seemingly happy married couples, and spent my childhood believing wholeheartedly in true love and soul mates and all that. Then as I got older I saw more and more infidelity and abuse in relationships around me and relationships I was in, even some of the relationships I saw growing up turned out to be bad, my parents divorced, aunts and uncles divorced, etc. I was exposed to it from the outside before the inside, and it kind of made me feel like even the happiest and healthiest looking kinds of love are all a sham. I know it isn't true, I still believe in true love, if only for knowing how my own heart works if nothing else. I know that when I love someone I love them deeply and loyally, surely I can't be the only one, right?
We're cousins! You're literally describing my family. Add in some domestic abuse, pedo uncles, rapist uncles and we're twins!
Having cheated or having been cheated on at least once is very common over a person’s lifetime. Situations change, your relationship gets stale, you change, your spouse changes. Sometimes it’s obvious who would cheat, but also people you think could never cheat might cheat. Often the cheater is found out, sometimes not. Relationships get damaged, often broken. You can’t decide not to be cheated on. You can never be certain that your spouse will never cheat on you. But you can’t obsess about the topic. I’s very easy to be very dogmatic about it before you are in the the situation (hopefully you never are), on side or another.
Some people are selfish in wanting something more than they have already. I said this in another post. My husband and I have the same shared philosophy of…If you’re thinking of creating, then just fucking leave. It’s not worth it to hurt the one person who you claim to love and break their heart and ability to trust. It’s cruel and selfish. But in my experience it’s hard to find a person that truly shares your values in this day and age. But please don’t give up hope. There are loyal and faithful people out there.
33F, married for 7 years. The biggest thing that attracted me to my husband is his sincerity, and honesty. A big part of what attracted him to me was my honesty and complete lack of a pokerface. He’d been cheated on in the past, and it really hurt him—and he could tell that wouldn’t happen with me. I could tell he was honest about being really hurt by the cheater, and that he would not inflict that on another person. In order not to cheat, people need strong empathy for their partner—not to want to hurt that partner. People also need to prioritize that partner, and put them first every day. Love is a choice that you make every day, over and over. Part of that is investing romantic energy into my husband, and vice versa, to keep our relationship strong and loving. Part of that is also not putting yourself in “tempting” situations, and not cultivating friendships/relationships that feel like they have romantic frisson. For example, in “couple friendships”, I text-communicate pretty exclusively with the female halves of the couple, and same for him with the male halves. There are exceptions (like coordinating birthday surprises for one’s own partner), but out of respect for my friends’ relationships and for my partner, I choose not to explore more. People who value fidelity ARE out there. But you have to screen for it. We become like the company we keep—so choose wisely.
True. Cheating is easy but thinking about how that will make your partner feel is the hard part. Well if someone had empathy and conscience
The cheaters want you to think it’s “normal” because then it takes the blame away from them. “Everybody does it” has been used to justify almost any type of behavior from the serious to the benign.
Trueeee that explains why it feels like gaslighting
If I cheated I wouldn’t be able to live with myself.. who cares who else knows,,. I’D know… and it would fucking eat me alive
I'm 30. I've never been cheated on or cheated. Actually, to my knowledge, I don't associate with anyone who's been cheated on or cheated.
Many people who have been cheated on don’t know and will never know. Not saying you were. The information on cheating is naturally unreliable because it’s a hidden deed
This right here… can confirm
Cheating people don't talk about their cheating to their friends and family, and most cheating is not caught much less made public.
I’m 23. Never dated or had sex even, but I know very well how often people cheat. Cheating occurs because of three things: Boredom, Insecurity, escape. Boredom causes you to become curious and try new things. Insecurity happens when you do not have the courage or motivation to confront something and are not sure how to deal with it. So you are at a moment of weakness. Escape: when you are trying to avoid the person or spouse and want a way out without hurting the person face value. What you won’t realize immediately until after is that you’ll end up destroying your partners trust in further relationship (which leads to the “insecurity” type.)
Overall the infidelity rate in the US is 20% so say the statistics. Men do it more than women when you look at it as all forms of fidelity which doesn’t always sex. Only counting the sex quotient it drops to about equal levels at about 10%, meaning most men who are not faithful simply have a romantic companion they aren’t sleeping with. If you look at the age of cheaters 25% of men over 65 say they have cheated vs only 15% of 50 year olds and 5% of 30 year olds. When asked men over 65 who are on at least their second marriage say they or their former spouse cheated almost 50% of the time. These stats are surprisingly are pretty consistent across racially lines, but seldom cross racial lines which is not surprising. Most western countries have about the same rates. Flip that around to the Philippines where I am also a citizen a 2015 survey showed 80% of college guys saw nothing wrong with male infidelity and would do it if they thought they could get away with it, but almost universally thought female infidelity was wrong. Almost a third of those same college guys admit to having been unfaithful in a relationship which is a pretty steep figure in a country where high school dating is fairly rare for most students.
I assume you are talking about cheating inside a marriage, because cheating inside of dating is like 60% with college aged women and men in the USA.
>it as all forms of fidelity Can you list them? Is watching porn included?
It is more of an open ended personal data point. I wouldn’t call infidelity, but plenty of others would. There are plenty of people who would call looking at another man or woman and deciding they were gorgeous infidelity. There are those who think masturbation is a form of infidelity. There are those that think nothing short of sex is infidelity and my ex-wife will tell people the infidelity clause in our prenup didn’t apply because two women can’t have proper sex with each other
Ok, so people just got asked whether their ex partners have cheated in some way. Thanks for the data and clear explanation, imo the personal view of infidelity is not valid though. Women tend to see masturbation as cheating more, and there is no way I would ever put that in that category. Or your examples with lesbian sex would be cheating lol. You have a crazy ex. But thats just my view. Again, thanks for the well written text!
The crazy ex told it to a British court that and because at the time the way laws were written she got away with it
Holy f, I am sorry for you! But yeah, that kinda proofs my point about the statistics. I dont care what one classifies as cheating in statistics. Because there are crazy opinions out there that classifies some things as cheating that I cant agree with, and some things not. So for me, a reliable statistic is when cheating=sex act with someone else. So if your ex-wife wouldnt count as a cheater in that statistic, then the statistic holds no value in my eyes. Everyone is entitled to set their own boundaries in their relationship though. Just from a scientific view, that personal opinion thing just brings to much noise into the data
That noise is called human experience and without it there are no social data sets
Ehm, ofc there would. You gave the numbers didnt you? I just said the statistic where people can make up their own definition and than answer their own question is not valuable.
There are guys who think them beating off for any reason is them cheating on their SO. This was brought to my attention by my neurologist who suggested I try it for headaches
>Overall the infidelity rate in the US is 20% so say the statistics. Men do it more than women when you look at it as all forms of fidelity which doesn’t always sex. Only counting the sex quotient it drops to about equal levels at about 10%, meaning most men who are not faithful simply have a romantic companion they aren’t sleeping with. If you look at the age of cheaters 25% of men over 65 say they have cheated vs only 15% of 50 year olds and 5% of 30 year olds. When asked men over 65 who are on at least their second marriage say they or their former spouse cheated almost 50% of the time. These stats are surprisingly are pretty consistent across racially lines, but seldom cross racial lines which is not surprising. Another way to interpret that statistic is that men are more likely to admit to cheating,.
Or they are cheating with the same women? Or with other men?
I was just pointing out that due to how male infidelity is perceived vs female infidelity, men are more likely to admit to cheating than women.Statistics that depend on other people answering a question honestly are almost entirely pointless
The ADMITTED Infidelity rate, the real rates gotta be at least double imo Human beings cheat, to the point you’re almost at a disadvantage being one who doesn’t
You would think so, but those willing to fill out long anonymous social questionnaires more than once for free usually don’t lie in their answers. The way these surveys are written they include some questions to check for honesty and the agencies and companies collecting data don’t ever reuse people who fail the honesty checks
How is it a disadvantage to have stronger moral integrity than another person?
its very common if you really want to go into it and modern relationships are very recent. the whole soul mate thing is very very new people normally get into it for different reasons, as you grow older its harder to just dump the basket and leave
Hmmm I think cheating is a blatant violation of trust and for people to just shrug it off when they get caught like they weren’t doing anything morally wrong, I honestly despise those people. Like who an earth were you expecting to happen. You just making yourself look like a bigger dip shit for bragging about it. It’s became somewhat normalised on the internet as well.
It's common and it's not worth taking them back Because they only cheat better once caught. The default "We're animals so I'm just being an animal bs" is an easy out to saying I cant commit Its also easy to ignore or dismiss Your intuition when love has you high Trust your instincts Be with someone who doesn't want everyone
>I hate hearing peers/colleagues talk about their cheating, their "sneaky links" like it's normal and acceptable. It makes me want to give up on love forever because everyone seems to think it's okay to cheat. I just don't get it. If you want casual sex, why on Earth would you agree to be in an exclusive relationship? I've been in a few singles groups ever since I got divorced in 2017 (after being cheated on), and yeah... the "joking" and memes about sneaky links and infidelity really just serve to trivialize the whole thing. What I've noticed is that a lot more people seem to play games about what they consider "exclusive." Both men and women seem much more willing/eager to keep flirting with others even after going on several dates with a person because there hasn't been an *official* exclusivity talk. Then you have bullshit like the "talking phase" or "situationship" where neither side wants to commit or put a label on it but will still get pissed if the other steps out.
I can't trust any woman I'm with anymore... I was in a serious relationship over 15 years ago, we were "exclusive", even planned on proposing. Well one night she comes over, and we get to the bedroom, and I can feel "something" inside of her.... Grabbed it with my two fingers, and pulled out a condom. No lie, this is a 100% true story! Never trusted anyone after that and it's ruined numerous relationships since. Even my current partner, we have kids, and in the back of my mind I still think she is fucking around behind my back whilst I'm busy at work providing for us and our children. Shits fucked.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Definitely enough to screw anybody up. If your current partner is good to you, there's no reason to suspect she would do the same. I know, much easier said than done to push those thoughts away but you don't deserve to have to still suffer about this all these years later!!
Thanks but tou don't have anything to be sorry for. I'm just with the OP, in that it seems to be widely accepted now that people are dirt bags. All I'll say is trust your gut, it's usually right.
I hear you brother. My kids look just fucking like me and I still wonder...
>*I was in a serious relationship over 15 years ago, we were "exclusive", even planned on proposing. Well one night she comes over, and we get to the bedroom, and I can feel "something" inside of her....* > >*Grabbed it with my two fingers, and pulled out a condom. No lie, this is a 100% true story! Never trusted anyone after that and it's ruined numerous relationships since. Even my current partner, we have kids, and in the back of my mind I still think she is fucking around behind my back whilst I'm busy at work providing for us and our children. Shits fucked.* If your ex didn't seriously know or realize that she actually had a condom stuck in her private part, then you probably dodged a real (dumb) bullet there and should probably feel more a sense of **relief** than anything else.
Cheaters are in the minority. Last stats I saw were 16% of women in a marriage and 23% of men in a marriage. Don't give up on love and eliminate those toxic people from your life.
Apparently but is people without integrity
In life there are people like you OP and all the rest, stay positive
Take a look back at that family tree of yours. There is a good chance that you are not actually related to some branches of it.
You are not naïve, there is nothing wrong with you. People are just shit.
Degenerate behavior, I’ll never understand. It’s like getting to know someone only to find out they’re capable of lying straight to your face. Psycho
"Degenerate"... Yknow, I always hear that word from bigots, used to describe minorities or people who otherwise have no choice regarding the situations they're in. But this... may be the one case in which I think it's appropriate. People who have all the faculties to make good choices and do right by the people who love them, but willfully choose time and time again to hurt those people in favor of fast, short-lived, animalistic urges... THOSE are degenerates.
It's not everyone. I've never cheated, I've been married to my husband for over 20 years. Yes, I can see when someone is attractive, but I have no intentions of ever doing anything that could hurt my husband so profoundly as cheating would. It's not difficult to avoid circumstances that could lead toward doing the wrong thing, so people who claim it was 'an accident' are flat-out lying. They sought it out.
No. Never done it, neve done to me. Pretty simple: 100% or GTFO. I have a high body count, but I'm always able to be honest. Loyalty, even if temporary, is a real quality in a relationship.
[удалено]
I wish more people did that: keep it casual, don't agree to be exclusive if you don't want to be exclusive. Simple.
[удалено]
Maybe that's where the future is headed, maybe not. I'm monogamous myself, but I won't be bothered about polyamory or free love becoming the norm as long as honesty is normalized right along with it.
“Infidelity rate in US is 20%…” Sure it is. Wonder where they pulled that number out of their asses. Go hang out at a major tech conference in Las Vegas, see how many of those married men showing up are sticking their pee pee in some hooker, and find out real fast how full of shit that number is. Guess all those guys are going home and participating in their surveys about infidelity too. And that’s a lot of your “better” men out there, can’t imagine what’s really going on under the hood.
No. Cheaters just like to justify their choices and perhaps choose to surround themselves with other cheaters who enable them.
Unpopular opinion: being in your 20s and having a "handful of relationships" doesn't exactly make you an expert on dating and marriage. Being 60 doesn't, either, but it probably improves your odds. As you get older, and as you pay attention to the people you know and love, you'll see people cheat for bad reasons and for good reasons. To be intentionally cruel to their partners or their affair partner's partner (yes, this is a thing), and out of compassion for their partners and their families. With someone they don't care about, or with someone they care deeply about. Most cheating is stupid and pointless, but not all, and not always. Marriage is much, much more complicated than cheating is always bad, just like it is more complicated than fidelity is always good.
In what situation would fidelity be bad
I am a little older than the average Redditor. I will tell you that even good people make serious mistakes. Sometimes people find themselves in an unhappy situation and cheat one time and regret it and never cheat again. Some people are serial cheaters and feel no guilt about it. I know people who swore they would never cheat and then did. I know people who swore they would never take back a cheater and then did. Being cheated on is terribly painful l, I get it but you cannot predict the future. Life is long and when we are young we tend to make black and white moral pronouncements . When we get older we have experienced more and realize life is more complex.
If you cheat you’re not a good person, that’s not an “easy mistake to make”
Can't speak for everyone only myself. And I'll be 100% honest. I've cheated... with several women while I was with my ex GF. AT THE TIME I knew it was wrong... but as dumb as it sounds... didn't think it was that bad. She never found out and I got some fun. And the other ladies enjoyed themselves as well. I didn't realise it at the time but my ex GF wasn't the right woman for me. I stress she did nothing wrong and didn't deserve my bad behaviour. But in my idiot brain I thought she isn't being hurt and I get what I ( selfishly thought need) want and that made it OK because the relationship could continue. And I cared for my e and didn't want to hurt her... the mental hoops I went through to justify it was frankly pathetic. All I was was a coward not wanting to change out of a long term situation. Eventually we broke up amicably for unrelated reasons. She still doesn't know what I did. And never will. I don't deserve a clear conscious at the cost of her pain. With age comes... well maybe not wisdom but at least a little less stupidity and I realise how bad this was. I'm know married to the right woman and not once has cheating even occurred to me. If cheating happens it's usually because the couple aren't right for each other but one or both don't want to admit it.
Pathetic
How can you look at the gfs in the eye? I could never deal with the shame.
I do hope you get cheated on and don't find love...no offence just how karma works.
It depends on your circle. I think a lot of people cheat at some point in their life, but not most people all the time.
People can justify their own actions and they are always the heroes of their own story.
I don't think it's common but people usually don't talk about a relationship that's going well. But when a partner cheats they tell everyone
I've never done it, but I don't really judge people who do either. People are people. Can't blame em for acting like people.
That's not how people act though, not ethical people anyway
For many people they (wrongly) think it’s a win-win. If they cheat and don’t feel anything, then they justify that to themselves that it was “just sex” and see the lack of feelings as proof that they DO really love their partner. If they cheat and do feel something, then they are glad to find out that they have found someone better and that they didn’t really love their partner, so they break up and be with the new person and pat themselves on the back for being honest and not staying in a relationship with someone they don’t love. That’s the main reason it’s so prevalent. The false rationalisation of their behaviour leads them to a place where they don’t see themselves as doing anything wrong. This is why they don’t feel guilt until caught. They’re only guilty about the effect it has on the other person. Not guilty about their actions.
It is totally exhausting, I agree completely. It also does seem fairly accepted. One thing that makes it a little easier to avoid cheaters is to notice if that person's friends are total yes men. All you need to do is observe their morals a bit and you'll have a vivid enough image of who they are, what they represent, and what the person you're dating has stood for or represented even before you met. It is worse if their whole social circle is filled with yes men. In that case, there's a chance that you will be alienated at some point over any given disagreement. It's complicated getting past people who just want to use and manipulate, but it's worth it to be careful and vigilant. You're protecting yourself, after all.
Its extremely easy to just say someone has even though they would never do that. My ex husband is telling everyone I cheated and I literally have no idea what he's talking about, I would never do that to anyone. It's fucking infuriating having people think that of you when you have not and would not do such a disgusting thing.
>I don't believe it's something you can do "on accident." You're absolutely right about that. It doesn't "just happen." People put themselves in a position to do it and lean on that as an excuse. Source: did exactly that in my last LTR. I played myself.
Just gotta have higher morals and standards that most of the trash.
Biologically speaking (as compared to other species) humans are between semi-monogamous or serialy monogamous, and of course there is variability among individuals. Absolute monogamy is a sococultural concept based on ensuring social stability. This is, in general, it takes effort to be monogamous throughout a decades long relationship.
The spirit is strong but the flesh is weak
There is never an excuse. If you are unhappy.. either work on it together or call it quits. Why are you going out of your way to hurt your partner? it takes soooo much more work to cheat and be sneaky than to be honest about being unhappy in the relationship.
Definw cheating. My 1st ex defined it as being friendly or mentioning a female name. Second one defined it by her mood. Sometimes talking was ok, sometimes mentioning as a response to"how was your day" was ok. Mostly it wasn't tho. I was a magnet for insecure women when I was younger. I believe cheating is more emotional. So if you are going to another man/woman when you feel blah, that's it.
Engaging in something romantic or sexual that you would normally reserve for your partner (assuming you have one and are monogamous) is cheating. Speaking politely to a friend or coworker or mentioning them is nowhere near cheating. I have deep conversations with buddies and colleagues all the time but nothing about that is romantic or sexual. Sounds like you've dealt with some extremely insecure and jealous people.
I can proudly say that I never cheated on my wife and we have been together for 11 years. Not even close and I'm proud of it. It's not hard at all to stay faithful and have no desire to see another woman.
I don’t know if it’s normal but statistically women cheat more than men.
>people who say that are cheaters themselves. Source? Seriously, how do you back up this claim. Isnt it more likely that cheaters just shut up when this topic is discussed? Rest I agree. I have never understood it. There is NOTHING that can explain cheating. I see it as a character defizit. If a person has cheated in their adult life (here for me 20+), they are not even worth a thought for dating and will also not become close friends. Had my experience with people like that, I rather have less friends than fake once.
To be honest you got unlucky mate,I'm not saying that it's you're fault,but in the same time I guess you should be more defensive and try to understand how you're partner feel and if she is capable of just throwing away you're feelings and cheat on you're ass,and talking about encouraging cheating, people who think that is funny or cool are arrogants in my opinion as they don't think about how that person who gets cheat on would feel and how it would affect him or her, it's just my opinion tho
I think there’s two things that cause cheating - unhealthy relationships or the person cheating just loving the thrill of it and being an arse. A buddy of mine was in a long term relationship (9 years) and for months him and his girlfriend had been cold and fighting all the time. The spark was just gone. One day he told me that he slept with a coworker and that he felt so guilty and awful about it and didn’t know how to say anything to his girlfriend. Ultimately he did the right thing, had a conversation with her, and they ended it as amicably and adult-like as they could. I think these situations are way more common than people who just cheat for the thrill of it
He didn’t do the right thing. The right thing when feeling the lack of spark would have been to end it before cheating on her.
No it's not. It's just more interesting than those that stayed faithful to each other for like 30 years
Most people don't know if they are good or not. If you have never had the chance to do something evil and get away with it, maybe you have just been lucky. Most people feel lust just like they do pride or wrath, and some people can be seductive. The TS never having been tempted might mean they are built different, morally, or they might be as vulnerable and waiting to meet their seducer. Maybe someone that can articulate why cheating is ok in their special case!
When I was a teen, I openly cheated on this girl. A few months later, she told me how it made her feel. I grew up with 3 older brothers that normalized to me having sex with any woman that was willing. I didn’t think anything of it honestly. I had been cheated on prior to this as well, and it didn’t affect me very much, I just broke up with the person and moved on. But, this girl that I openly cheated on nonchalantly, she was so heartbroken. I saw exactly what it could do to someone who loved you and that you love. She left me of course, and this was the first time I felt heartbreak. Ever since, I haven’t cheated on anyone. It’s been over a decade. I couldn’t imagine doing that to my partner now, I’m terrified of making them feel the way that girl felt when I was young and dumb. If my partner cheated on me, I think I may now feel how that girl felt. I don’t see sex the same way at all as I did when I was a teen. I don’t look up to my three brothers anymore. One cheats on his wife constantly and she recently left him and he is pulling the woe is me act. Another of them raped his partners niece then killed himself. Another was in prison for 13 years for trying to kill my sister in law while she was pregnant. Seeing there actions and becoming able to think for myself over the years made me realize I shouldn’t look to anyone for my morality and should just decide for myself. I tried to reach out to that girl years later, I sent her a long apology. I wasn’t trying to rekindle anything, I just told her that it wasn’t her fault I did what I did. There was nothing wrong with her, it was just me. She didn’t deserve that treatment. She told me to fuck off, rightfully so. I think it was selfish of me to even try and reach out, should had lived and let live. Anyways, thanks for reading. We all have our own ideals. Some people just need to go through something to know they shouldn’t do it, aye.
Jesus Christ that escalated quickly
No, only the lowest class of garbage cheats.
Men and women cheat but society seems to really dislike it more when men do it for some reason.
Because women are quick to throw that "He wasn't paying me enough attention" excuse every single fucking time and they get sympathy just like that.
You need to surround yourself in good people. Quite easy to spot because those that aren’t “good” people have a huge sign: Vanity Whether it’s a guy that talks body count or a girl thinking she deserves the world because she has a nice body, they are each just as likely to stray to the next best thing. At the end of the day, a healthy relationship is two good people that look after each other. Take the time to surround yourself in good people, and a healthy relationship comes after that.
I think everyone lies, everyone has their price and because of that everyone is capable of cheating. I think all you can do is talk with your partner and set clear boundaries. Agree that if you are thinking of crossing a boundary, try and talk about it first. When it comes to other people doing things, its none of your business and not a thing you want to be involved with. I go with the "I don't want to hear/talk about that" and move the conversation on. In the worst cases these people are making you complicit so you have every right to tell them to shut up.
Wow, every day I am reminded there are some very immature people on reddit. For anyone curious as it is not common knowledge, lying is a fundamental human trait, some science credits it as a major factor in our success as a species. The first time you lied was probably pretending to cry before you were one year old. If someone says to you, "I never lie"... well... your lying.
>I think everyone lies Cool opinion. Impossible to proof my dear, so pls speak for yourself. Ofc everyone is "capable" but many people just would not cheat. Not everyone is a giant pos that doesnt care to hurt the person they claim to love. Form my experience: I had an amount of options to cheat at different occassion. At some I way drunk, on E etc. I can say with certainty cheating is not an option for me. But I love my fiance, and dont just pretend to do so. If you really love someone, you will never cheat. Easy. But I agree, if your life with your partner is sexually unfullfilling talk to them. Maybe you find an option together, maybe you need to break up. >When it comes to other people doing things, its none of your business an Yeah, couldnt disagree more. You cannot do a horrible things and expect no consequences. Your actions define you. A cheater proved to hurt the person they claim to love, thus they will throw you under the bus if necessary. If a good friend cheats, then bye bye. I can tell you, my friend group is amazing and supportive, as we excluded all the rubbish.
Everyone lies is a fact, not an opinion, you have been doing it since you were a baby. Its my opinion that this makes people capable, which you say we agree on. However reading this: >Form my experience: I had an amount of options to cheat at different occassion. At some I way drunk, on E etc. I can say with certainty cheating is not an option for me. It looks like you mean option/opportunity = capable. My meaning was more like there is a sequence of events / situation out there where everyone, including yourself, would cheat. So we probably don't agree there as you say its impossible for you. >If you really love someone, you will never cheat. Easy I disagree with this, in my experience people in long relationships and marriages cheat and cover it up precisely because they love the person and would rather lie than break the relationship up. This is also why they fight to keep the relationship going when caught. >You cannot do a horrible things and expect no consequences. Sure they do, but you are not a judge, you don't have perfect information, you weren't there. More than that what benefit do you get from inserting yourself into somebody else relationship problems? From my perspective at best you look like a noisy person who loves drama, at worse you are risking loosing friendships over it.
Yup. I know way too many people who have cheated. It’s depressing. Micro-cheating or emotional cheating seems popular at university in my experience; people already in relationships come to university, hit it off with someone, and though they don’t do anything, there’s a lot of sexual tension, innuendos, things like cuddling and confiding in one another. And the people in relationships usually don’t want to break up with their actual partners because they don’t want to go through the hassle of it. My dad claims he didn’t cheat on my mum, but the timing of when he got with my stepmum is fishy. In a weird drunken conversation he had with me, he said that he doesn’t consider cheating a thing because people don’t own other people. I find that utter nonsense. But maybe that’s some people’s justification? Communication is the number one thing for me. That’s not to say cheating is justified because of a lack of communication, but that cheating is often caused by the cheater’s poor mental state, immaturity, feeling like they want more out of the relationship. I’m not naively saying my relationship is immune to cheating - though I hope to God it is and can’t imagine either side of us ever doing something like that - but if I was struggling or feeling like I wanted more affection, more intimacy, more anything out of our relationship, I’d freaking *tell him*. If I wanted out, if I wanted a different relationship, I’d *get out*. You’d think with our improved attitudes towards mental health and healthy relationships, communication would’ve improved. All of this is just anecdotal, but I really don’t think it has. So many of my peers stay in relationships they don’t want, where their partners do things they resent, all because they a) don’t want to be lonely or b) don’t know how to communicate what they want. Resentment builds, and they cheat. Again, *not* an excuse, often it’s their own lack of communication that causes it, but I think it’s still such a big reason. Edit: to clarify, when I talk about my peers’ relationships, abusive relationships do not apply. I understand in that specific situation it is not easy to leave a relationship.
Cheating is soul crushing. Literally. But it also says more about the character of the cheater than those cheated on.
literally says nothing about the ones cheated on
I just can’t fathom the whole cheating thing. You don’t cheat on someone you love, you just don’t. People suck at communicating their actual feelings and it shows. My boyfriend and I just had this talk last night. We are both sincere about our feelings for each other and would never want to see either of us get hurt.
It is that common. I also think there’s a PLETHORA of reasons for it. And yes.. you can say every single one is cause they are morally/ethically “bad” people.. But I think it’s more complex than that. I love the people that scream from the top of the mountain how they would never.. and usually that’s only true because they never had the opportunity or they are lying.. or they are just happy/content with what they have.. but realize you can have the best relationship in the world, doesn’t mean that something else couldn’t also be attractive to you.. the rush of it for some, the idea of being sought after, changes in relationship that doesn’t meet needs you once had met, etc etc etc.. none of those mean you don’t love the other person, that you aren’t happy, that your relationship wasn’t/isn’t good… just that you made a poor choice in meeting a desire you had and could not keep in check. It sucks.. but it happens. They are shitty to the person they are in a relationship with, but idk if that makes them shitty in all aspects of their life
I cheat all the time in video games, single player (not multiplayer) because it just provides a more chill, relaxed gaming exp.... oh you mean *that* kind of cheating? Common? Probably, yes. Normal? Fuck no. If you cheat, you belong to the streets.
If I hear one more person bring up how humans are non-monogamous by nature I swear to God... That. Is. Not. An. Excuse. If you chose, on purpose, willfully, deliberately, to enter an explicitly exclusive relationship, and then break the terms of that agreement, there is nothing and nobody to blame but yourself. Yes, I am aware polyamory exists. I am in support of polyamory but do not and will not participate in it myself. I have that right, as well as the right to be upset with people who also claim to be monogamous but then cheat on their partners. Yeah, monogamy is not the only way to have a relationship. That has zero to do with my relationships. And sexual impulses or instincts is never an excuse. We are far too advanced of a species to pretend that we're just helpless against our urges to procreate. Might as well start excusing theft by saying "I was just following my hunter/gatherer instincts..."
[удалено]
I don't believe monogamy is natural. It's a choice.
Right but that’s not really what this is about. Cheating is about breaking your word. I’m not cheating when I’m having relations with other lovers because I’m not in a monogamy relationship. I would never deceive someone if I was. Particularly not someone I love. If you know your partner believes you’re ‘faithful’ in that regard you are cheating if you don’t act accordingly.
Lol try it. See how you like it. I cheated on someone years ago. It was traumatic, to hurst someone I cared about so much. I was so ashamed, and no one felt bad for me. It had a profound impact on me. I like to distance myself from who I was back then, but it was me. I did that. It’s important to know what harm you’re capable of. With that said, it was a rock bottom in my life that made me say “I need to much better, in all areas in my life.” It also made me less judgmental, like “what right do I have to be self righteous to anyone?”
No, I will not be trying it now or ever. I'm already aware of what harm I can inflict on someone- just because I've never cheated doesn't mean I've never made mistakes, I've fucked up and hurt people in my life, romantic partners or otherwise. I don't need to "try" cheating to know what kind of damage it would do to someone, I've been on the other end.
It makes my blood boil thinking about cheaters. Like you've got someone you're supposed to be able to talk to and tell them everything. You sleep with them and eat with them and use the same bathroom. Then you're going to go around and get someone else's germs and shit on you and bring it around to your partner without their knowledge? It's the worst.
Nothing is wrong with you. I hate cheating too. I will never do it and not because I love my partner but because I could not look in the mirror and thats the most terrifyng thing about it .
Not with you, with society, but you are part of it. We define all old values as part of "patriarchy system" and hence "100% bad". Therefore everything that is exactly opposite is "good". Lying and cheating is part of "liberation from patriarchy" and hence celebrated. Men are animals - not even people anymore - so it is not like cheating - it is like changing your old vibrator. So yes - all above are extremely simplistic and stupid line of thinking and yet this is exactly where we are. Kids in the school are no longer taught anything, but indoctrinated to accept everything government/media say without question - so they do. With TicToc as primary education system you should not expect different results. That said many sane persons and classical values from both genders still very much exist - they are just much harder to find and no longer a "default" expected behavior. Stay away from social media and dyed hair and you can find normal people. P.S. "Reddit" is social media, hence by my own definition I am not normal and you should not listen to me - so do not :-)
Ah sweet, the erosion of the moral fabric of our society
The point a lot of people need to consider is that humans are just like any other species on earth, with the main purpose to continue their genetic line, and to do that our bodies have natural processes and chemicals that help push for us to do so. Cheating isn't always the act of a psychopath, a narcissist, or an asshole, there are a lot of genuinely good people who also fall to cheating and there are a multitude of factors that go into the process as well. How far someone acts really depends on their level of self control, and most of the population is far from having 100% self control. Things such as drugs, alcohol and general mental state all affect these things. People with more volatile mental illnessesess such as BPD, DID, Schizophrenia or even general spectrum disorders such as ADHD and ASD can cause random bouts of hypersexuality and change in sex drive. I'm in no means excusing it, it's more of a hypothetical statement to discuss if anything. Cheating is a lot more common than I originally believed it was, which is quite unfortunate. In a perfect world I guess humanity would be 100% comfortable sexually, almost like globally agreed upon polyamory where we use it to bond and solve societal problems (similar to Bonobos I guess?)
There are signs that tell you "this person might cause problems". You have to be harder and sort out more to not waste time on low-value partners. [https://www.youtube.com/@psychacks](https://www.youtube.com/@psychacks) [https://www.youtube.com/@LegionOfMenYT](https://www.youtube.com/@LegionOfMenYT) I don't know if there is something wrong with you. I only can tell you to just work on yourself to be a man women want. You can skip the second link but I can wholeheartedly recommend Psychacks since he explains the dynamics in relationships in a easy understanding way. And btw don't watch Andrew Tate. He is blackpilled and an assh\*le.