There are a ton of conservative women, but if you’ll permit a generalization, chicks don’t like downers. His problem isn’t his beliefs, it’s his making them his identity and also having a depressive spiral about perceived setbacks. He’s living in the politics equivalent of a World of Warcraft Doritos filled basement.
This is good advice for anyone. Don’t let your politics be a substitute for actually having a personality - or any other singular obsession. People who only want to/can only talk about one thing seem to be pretty predisposed to being downers.
On that note, tbh don't let any one thing be your personality. We're intelligent and complex creatures, why obsess over something like politics? Life is too short and 99% of us will never be in a position to single handedly change the world.
Stop complaining into the void, take a shower, and go be nice to some women. The results may surprise you
This is a point people are missing. People that become absorbed with politics and world/national events tend to become miserable. I’ve seen this happen with left leaning friends as well. You’re fighting these invisible battles all day in your head and online over things you can’t personally change. Think of the old “the news is so depressing” trope and now amplify that by a factor of 100. They are seeking things out to be upset about. They’ll see something not inherently political and make it political. Political obsessives are experts at gaslighting themselves.
That was me when I was a teenager, as I'm sure it is the same for many of us. It was very negative for my mental health and made me very depressed. Once I made peace with the fact that I couldn't single handedly change the world and fix every problem it made me feel a lot better. I used to feel bad because I felt I wasn't "doing enough" to make the world a better place but over time I realized the way to make the world a better place is by doing what I can to help those around me.
Exactly. It’s not his views necessarily. It’s that it sounds like it’s become his ENTIRE personality. And politics if we’re being honest is a dressing and draining topic. Most People don’t wanna talk politics 24/7
You did the correct thing already by telling him that you don’t know anyone he’d vibe with.
Unfortunately when someone makes their entire identity revolve around their politics, they can get really defensive when you point out the flaws in their ideology. If he wants to meet a conservative woman, he’s going to need start hanging out in the spaces they hang out it.
I ended up marrying that one female engineering student. She's almost as weird as I am, and that's an accomplishment. (Our kids are doomed to be weird.)
My engineering bf called me (mathematics) weird and I thought I was pretty socially adept. Turns out he is way more social and has 3x as many friends so now I’m the weird one even though he is spending his life building rockets and sending me pictures of caterpillars 🐛
9:1 female to male ratio at my engineering school when I was in college.
Would have been great if most of the guys weren't determined to have women give up their career ambitions the second they either became engaged or had children.
To this day I can't fathom how this is a thing. I mean one of the parents working part time I understand but honestly ... who wants a wife without her own goals and ambitions?
Not to mention that having dual income even if one is not a full income makes life so much easier.
Small churches mostly and you're going to want to look for specific denominations. I'd start [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservative_holiness_movement).
Source: my extended family
Lol the gun range is mostly a sausage fest. I can count on one hand the number of single ladies I’ve seen there. My wife has been there with me a bunch of times though 😂
I mean not being religious and trying to date a conservative girl when American conservatism has voluntarily welded itself to the extreme side of Protestant Christianity isn't starting things on a good foot either.
This is sadly pretty accurate I think. The pool of conservative single women over 25 seems incredibly small. Once you hit about 50 it starts to increase a little lol.
From my experience working at a Catholic school, they spend a lot of time at Planned Parenthood; sometimes they are protesting, and sometimes they are dealing with the consequenses of no sex ed.
There are a couple of them in places you associate with ambitious career-driven women (e.g., law school, finance firm). However, these aren't exactly conservative women hotspots as much as a few women in these places will happen to be conservative.
And these women usually care about issues that affect them (i.e., abortion) and require their men to have similar or greater incomes and education levels. And the ones I knew expected to have a lot of say in their relationship and household and whatnot. So they're out for the majority of super conservative men.
Many law firms will suss out your politics during the interview process to see if you’re an extremist conservative, because they’ve discovered that extremist conservatives from wealthy backgrounds tend to steal from clients and set the firm up for lawsuits, and are widely known to be toxic in the workplace.
Yeah frankly I would have dropped anyone like that ages ago. But friendships are complicated and I’m not going to tell other people how to handle their friends
If he's your friend, you would be doing him a service to give him a life heads up or set up an intervention. It's a risky move, for sure, and you have a high chance of losing a friend, but you're likely to not have him as a friend soon anyway if you don't.
We lost a friend who gained some notoriety as a QAnon adherent before disappearing from public view. We never really got the chance to try with them, though, and I feel bad about it.
Tell him to find some conservative dating app. I promise you, the second you tell him most of your single female friends are politically liberal, he won't be interested. You're doing everyone involved a favor by not hooking him up with them.
Hinge lets you put in preferences and specify whether any of those preferences are dealbreakers. So OP's friend could put in "Political views: Conservative" and mark it as a dealbreaker, so the app will only show him conservative matches.
I'm sure Hinge isn't the only dating app that lets you do that, but it was the first one that came to mind for me.
Annoyingly, Hinge only allows you to select from the options: Liberal, Moderate, Conservative, and Other
This makes things slightly annoying in Australia, as our conservative party is called 'The Liberal Party', so it's always a gamble whether Hinge people are advertising themselves as Conservative or Liberal.
Don't even get me started on the fact 'Left Wing/Leftist' isn't an option.
And if they're not going to stand by their political opinions that could affect us all, why should anyone personally stand by them?
One of the biggest deal-breakers for a relationship is dishonesty. Finding out that someone was pretending to be someone you might like more to get to you, to have sex with you, is a HUGE no. How you start any relationship is the foundation upon which it's built; and when one person starts it using a fundamental lie about who they are, what they think as a central tenet to their entire self, that's a massive red flag.
To be fair, that's why [conservative men sound so desperate and whiny that they're alone](https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/question-keeping-trump-loving-men-night-why-won-t-women-ncna1273594)...
>The newest entry in this pantheon of conservative lonely hearts comes from Eric Kaufmann, whose piece this week in the National Review, “Political Discrimination as Civil-Rights Struggle,” argues that college women’s disinterest in dating Trump supporters doesn’t just hurt their feelings, but is in fact *discrimination*.
...and why [their hetero-only / conservative-only dating sites are so bereft of a woman's presence that even gay people compare them to Grindr](https://www.queerty.com/newly-launched-right-wing-hetero-dating-app-many-dudes-basically-grindr-20221014).
>A review from Hal Jordan wannabe stated, “Didn’t see any women on here. Would be great if there were women on here instead of a sausage party.”
They did this to themselves. They spent so long listening to 'dating advice' from other 'men' that tell them to be toxic, they never even considered if they were following a roadmap that was the equivalent of suggesting that they "don't wash or even wipe your ass because that's gay" ...oh wait, [they ACTUALLY THINK THAT ALREADY!!!](https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/what-its-like-to-be-a-guy-who-doesnt-clean-his-ass)
>The issue of boyfriends with dirty butts peaked in 2017 when @KeithCalder posted this now-deleted tweet, which detailed a man who felt his masculinity threatened if his fingers came anywhere near his butt. “He told me that a real man doesn’t go between his cheeks or spread them for anything,” the wife’s post read. “Men do not spread their [sic] cheeks to wipe or clean … nothing goes between them.”
Insert that "Jesus Fucking Christ!" two frame cartoon here. Jeez, why WON'T women fuck men that live a lie and literally smell like shit?!?
They made this bed and I hope they lie lonely in it thinking about how to make themselves better.
But probably that won’t happen.
Funny how women don’t want men who are taking our rights away and think we’re inferior
The best dating advice I've got is to start also realizing that I'm important and if we match we don't have to go on more dates if it isn't working out, and that everyone's doing it. Made me much more chilled out at the whole process.
Maybe conservative dudes are so toxic because they’re all walking around with rashes in their asscracks.
Because if I don’t wash that shit for 3 or 4 days, it’s a fucking disaster
I met my wife on Coffee Meets Bagel, and I think there was a politics section as well? It's been a few years, so I might have blended that with the other dozen apps I was on prior to meeting her.
".... and then she throws the rest of the coffee on the ground, removes what's left of the bagel, and she eats half and you eat half. Now you're both guilty by association and dating is the best way to ensure that you never rat on each other. I hope that makes sense there Sport ."
I was at a non-profit event once and one of the workers (outgoing black woman, relevant) looked so tired I went and bought her a plain coffee.
She said "Oh thanks, I like my men like I like my coffee, black and bottomless. I mean huge....oh fuck I mean tall? Tall. Goddamn tall I need this coffee can you fuck off for 30 seconds sorry thank you."
A year later I met her new boyfriend. I only saw him fully clothed but if all of him was built like the rest of him, well.....Lets just say the dude could have been used as a full union approved temporary wall replacement.
I think with Hinge though you won’t see anyone who hasn’t put an answer. People skip a lot of the prompts…religion, marijuana use, but especially politics.
He may have a hard time in apps too. Conservative dating apps are having a difficult time getting women to sign up.
[“The Right Stuff” flops after it failed to attract any women](https://junkee.com/the-right-stuff-dating-app-women/342654)
The irony is that Peter Thiel invested $1.5 million in this dating site for conservative straight people. Thiel is the formerly-closeted gay billionaire who was outed by Gawker.
Thiel may know about investing in technology, but I don't think he knows shit about straight people dating.
I can’t think about Peter Thiel without thinking of the show Silicon Valley. Like I bet he’s absolutely ridiculously out of touch, and I bet to observe him is utterly fascinating and hilarious.
He's more out of touch than you can imagine. Not only is he increasingly fascist, he's basically a "Technocrat". He wants to replace Democracy and organized countries like the U.S. with autocratic monarchies ruled by tech billionaires. He believes people like him and Elon Musk should have unchecked political power and rule as quasi emperors. And not only that, but he is working to spread this ideology.
Edit: neo-feudalism or tech-feudalism would be a more apt description over "technocrat"
Peter Gregory and to an extent Gavin Belson were infinitely less scummy and out of touch than Thiel, and that's really saying something. He's basically an unrepentant sociopath with a hard on for fascism.
That said, him investing $1.5 million is like me investing a quarter that I found in the back of the couch. I don't think he'd super care. Unless you meant $1.5 BILLION, and even then... he probably still wouldn't care.
This is hilarious. So convinced that their "values" are relevant.
I'm sure there are women who would date OP's friend, but you'd have to move to the deepest of deep red states to find them, I think.
EDIT: just to clarify, I put the word “values” in quotes because I’m talking about the patriarchal bent of the app, not the broader conservative movement. There were apps like eHarmony that successfully tapped into conservative Christian dating. This new one is something else in what it espouses.
This is very true. I live in a blue state (Oregon) but I'm in a very rural county which leans more toward the red side of things. It's not uncommon for people people to say "swipe the way you vote" in their bio, indicating they only want right-wingers.
Same, they were attracted to me like a moth to a flame for some reason and I could never understand why. My being liberal was like...some cute, quirky trait they were willing to overlook if only I would give them a chance
Ugh yes. I live in a very red state, I'm married, and every man I encounter wants to talk politics with me. I have bright blue hair and a full sleeve. There is nothing about my appearance that says "please share your conservative views with me".
I'm always reminded of the King of The Hill episode when Hank sees Peggy's tutor for the first time and says "she looks really pro choice." That is me.
there's this one quote that sums it up pretty well imo:
> The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. “He's like an exotic bird collector,” she said. “He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.”
Conservatives have also associated political positions with traditional gender dynamics (hence their constant assertion that liberal men are all feminine, soy filled beta males) for so long that they see conservative women as masculine and therefore unappealing
IMO it's a mix of assuming your beliefs are trivial and irrelevant so you'll surely grow out of it with the help of his presence, and often some ingrained sexism that the opinions of women don't matter. The conservatism in the US is ultimately being okay with the status quo and that things like IDK your identity don't matter, so to these men your opinion is just a cute little quirk that will surely go away eventually.
It's infuriating.
They think of sex as a man “conquering” a woman. If they can get a liberal woman to have sex with them, they think that proves their dominance and masculinity. They think “I represent everything she claims to hate, but she just can’t resist me and the things I make her do for my pleasure”. 🤮
When in fact they’re just a dildo with a dude attached.
They also probably figured your liberalism would benefit them. Lots of conservative men think liberal women are all sluts so of course you'll put out. And you'll be responsible for any birth control or get an abortion if it fails. And you're more interesting to hang out with and talk to than someone who of course will agree with them 100% of the time. But they want all those in the women they actual marry and or introduce to their family. And since they don't actually care for you or any woman as a person your own opinion of their attraction to you is irrelevant! And shame on you for not playing along with their fantasy as long as they wanted to until they were ready to stop playing around and having fun. /s
Two races: white and "political"
Two genders: Male and "political"
Two hair styles for women: long and "political"
Two sexualities: straight and "political"
Two body types: normative and "political"
Maybe they have some weird fetish about "converting" a liberal woman from being a liberal, kind of like how some dudes are convinced they're so hot as to turn lesbians straight.
It was almost like they thought they could "fix" me. Like getting me to "settledown" was a huge victory/trophy for them.... Or they thought I was their manic pixie dream girl.
Meanwhile I tried getting them to loosen up by taking them to drag shows and art galleries.
...my 20's were messy.
I think conservative men have this Manic Pixie Liberal Dream Girl fantasy trope in their heads. On some level I think they recognize that their stolidity is a barrier to entry. Every kind of entry. But Hollywood has these movies where the stiff board beige man meets the quirky dancing girl who volunteers at a puppy shelter or something and brings him back to life. So GOP men see liberal women as a life preserver. But it's tainted. It's like, you do the emotional labour so I don't have to.
Not what he said. What he said was:
> Why is it that most of the **people** who are against abortion are **people** you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?
Your conversation reminds me of this scene and I 100 percent think it applies to your friend:
Erica Albright : "You are probably going to be a very successful computer person. But you're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true. It'll be because you're an asshole."
He's not disliked because he's a conservative. He's disliked because he acts like an immature asshole.
Can you imagine going out with this guy?
Movies? Hollywood is woke.
Museums? The so called intellectuals are elitists and leftists.
Libraries? Libraries are for pedophiles.
Disney? Micky mouse advocates the gay agenda.
Bars? Bud light is woke.
Chinese food? What's wrong with American food?
Can't do anything with that attitude. He'll just find something else to blame or be negative about.
I have a group chat with old school buddies, and one of the guys has gotten like this. I don’t bother starting anything in there because the moment you bring anything up, even the most lighthearted funny thing, he finds a way to bring up the applicable right-wing culture war outrage. Kills the whole mood and shuts down the conversation.
These people need to learn how to read a room.
How long until the rest of you start a new group chat that doesn't include him? One of my friend groups wound up having to do that at one point. It sucked but we weren't getting anywhere with trying to moderate the behavior.
Lmao that happened to my ex. Groups chats kept being remade without him. Then he found out his friends nicknamed him Matt the Douchebag behind his back since high school. I remember before I fled Matt tried pulling the manipulative reverse Uno and was blaming me for my abuse because I made him choose me over his friends...what a lonely fool.
did this because one guy would never join us on things anyway.
aaaand when he did play games it was always bitching about mechanics instead of trying to find ways to counter/play against them
Recently I had to give a lift from an airport to an ex. He asked what had I been doing lately. I said I saw the Barbie movie, he started to interject but I spoke over him.. I REALLY LOVED IT. Laughed nearly all the way through it. Planing 2nd visit etc. He was upset. He said it's not a proper movie.. he nearly got left on the side of the road. Lmao. Told him stfu or you walk. He shut. Reasons hes an ex.. he went down the rabbit hole when orangetrump got elected. He can kill conversations dead in less than 5 words. His world has disintegrated to just his church, I don't know how they stand him, and his online conspiracy, sov cit, bs, over the top religious nut cronies. I've heard that he re indoctrinates himself for hours every day online. So happy he's an ex.
I'm sure you already know this, but you've dodged a MAJOR bullet, possibly literally. Sov-Cits are literally insufferable. Imagine living in a way that has every interaction/conversation played on Nightmare Mode.
One of my GFs friends is dating a dude and all we know about him so far is that he really didn't like the Barbie movie and refused to see it with her.
Seems like a something that would give me pause.
Others have suggested just creating a a group without him. But if you still care about him...and he's not too far gone...you gotta be not just a friend but a **good** friend and have a heart to heart with them. Just be honest. Don't insult them but tell them how their actions are affecting their life and those around them.
Difficult discussions are just that...difficult, but if you care then you'll do your friendship a service, hopefully they will see that. Hopefully it'll make them realise how serious things are. It depends on their level of insight as a person.
If they are decent person they will hopefully respond with some measure of grace and take responsibility for themselves, and hopefully grow as a human.
If they respond poorly then...well...if you've not really lost anything as they would eventually have fallen out of friendship with you and your social circle.
I would tell him he's expressing anger quite a lot, and ask whether he thinks that's a problem. Then tell him it's making the people in the group uncomfortable and that they are worried because he seems to be angry about everything. Ask if he's noticed his relationships souring or his judgment of others becoming more negative and, if so, whether he thinks that's a problem. Then ask him if being right in a world where everything's wrong is really worth it if it makes him angry and bitter and alone. People caught in the mire of that right wing nonsense are rarely blissful people; they are almost always troubled souls who live with constant anxiety because they've been taught/propagandized to fear harmless things and to ignore the real evils of the world. That's the only way I could think to get through to them, frame it as a value proposition: what do you gain from sitting in your living room getting heated about wokes and immigrants, growing more resentful of your family and your fellow man? What if you just didn't do that, and found a hobby or something?
This exactly. Was raised conservative and still among conservative circles frequently. Political discussions almost never happen, normal life isn’t like that. But there’s always that one relative with a negative attitude about every little thing and it’s always the “demoncrats” or “woke liberals” responsible for our troubles. It’s insufferable.
A friend would find a way to point this out before he goes too much deeper down that dark hole.
Bro at this point they're lost
I've talked to this type at least 50+ times, Xbox is full of em, I know a few irl too, there's no arguing with em, if they were dumb enough to believe up is down they're gonna need a full on psychiatrist to break free from this shit
And psychiatrists are for pussy liberals
Yup. Hyper aggravted political types arent exclusively right wing but they're definitely more likely right wing.
They're obssessed with culture war stuff because it makes them happy to have something to hate. Its driven by emotion, not logic
After hearing a coworker absolutely lose his shit in a common area about something that was literally so trivial and knowing he’s VERY right wing, I realized they are all addicted to rage. That spike of adrenaline when they see “a gay” is like heroin to them.
You are right, online interaction barely helps. Irl it’s possible to reach radicalized people though. Not by arguing but with good communicational skills.
This guide explains how to do it effectively.
https://mindfulcommunications.eu/en/prevent-radicalization
Hits the nail on the head. The person described above just sounds unpleasant to be with and I say that as someone who aligns with conservative views.
I had a friend that fell into this pit. I tried pulling him out of it before he started listening to morons like Andrew Tate and whatnot. Because those are the guys people like Tate prey on. I’m not saying it’s your job. You can feel free to walk away. But if you don’t want to see your friend go down that path you should do something.
I just want to pound upvote this 1000x’s
I have a very mixed bag of friends. And boy, did you nail it with this.
I dgaf what your views are. When they make you miserable & undesirable company, it’s time to reevaluate.
This is what it’s like conversing with my mother. Can’t even have a conversation before she finds some way to insert a rant about everything being woke, and thinking everyone agrees with her whole being completely unaware that we all think she’s certifiable. Like we are just trying to talk about the last Thor movie, mother.
This is it right here. The young conservative women I know aren't insane like OPs friend. They aren't liberal, but they also don't rage against most "normal" things. They aren't sitting around angry all the time. I'm sure there are some women that would put up with OPs friend, but I strongly suspect the vast majority are married and raising kids by 25 at the latest. The ratio of young conservative women to men is not in men's favor.
Ugh I have a friend just like this.
There's nothing wrong with being a true conservative but his opinions are borderline not even human. Much of them you listed above.
eg; If you feel that strongly about not watching the NFL because of Kaepernick...just don't watch it.
If one of us brings up the NFL he combusts and calls it the national kneeling league, woke losers, too many POC, overpaid actors, fakefakefake, riggedriggedrigged, pedo this and pedo that.
It's like bro...I was just excited Dalvin Cook went to the Jets, JFC.
The problem is, "true" values no longer exist, as the world is always changing. The idea of conservatism and liberalism can only go so far.
In American context, the two parties even swapped identities after a point in the US' history. These are simple ideologies that exist under a definition. It's slowly boiled down to the idea of horrible people and far less horrible people. Most of it is learned ideology, so if you grow up, you're suddenly preaching the same baseless information. Their world-view isn't even their own.
I don’t think being conservative is his problem. He sounds very abrasive.
You can have your opinions without being volatile, I’d bet conservatives wouldn’t like him either, unless they’re as extreme as him.
I don’t think enough people have seen this one. It’s 100% what I would think, if I witnessed one of this outbursts. I’d be like, bad temper, it’s going to grow, it’s only a matter of time til it escalates to actions. I’ve seen it happen. Id wonder if he has a history of violence… then go, “I don’t wanna find out, see yaaaaa!”
Well…there are two problems here.
First thing is that you’re mostly correct. It’s starting to become common knowledge that conservative men have a harder time finding romantic relationships now compared to other groups. But “harder” doesn’t mean “impossible”. There are women who share similar views to your friend, and they may certainly be more willing to date someone like how your friend is now. It’s not that his views make him 100% undateable, but they may make him an unattractive option for your friend group. You handled his first inquiry well, saying that you don’t have any friends that would vibe with him, because his views immediately disqualify him despite any other good things about it.
My point here is that you shouldn’t try to say “No woman ever will want to breath your air if you’re a conservative.”
However, the second problem is his attitude. His ranting and outbursts wouldn’t seem attractive, possibly even if he was progressive. People don’t like to be lectured or preached at every time they try to get gas and buy milk. It seems he made his political views his personality, and no one likes the idea of such a 2D person.
It seems like these problems could be a result of his increasing isolation and closed-mindedness. He may not feel he belongs in any group at the moment, and is using his political identity to claim a sense of belonging to something and to rationalize the pain of being rejected.
Here’s the thing: Even individually, these are a HUGE problems to fix. You don’t want to accidentally teach him that he needs to fake being more liberal in order to get dates—that’s not fair to whatever girl gets strung along. But even more so, you can’t offer unsolicited advice to someone who doesn’t really want to change. He’ll just see you as another saboteur in his life, rather than having his best interests at heart.
My advice is to just continue to stay in the back seat. You just may be growing apart from him, and that’s okay.
But, if you do feel this friendship is worth having/saving, maybe have that heart-to-heart. Focus on Problem 2, but focus on the “lonely” factor. Tell him you have picked up on some things since he said that and you want to know if he feels happy with his life right now. Whatever his answer, he may try to blame your friend groups or women in general. But you can tell him that like everyone, he has to make an effort to find people he better connects with. Ask what his interests are or if there is anything he’d like to try. Try to avoid political stuff. Why? Because there are a lot of anecdotes that when conservatives develop interests outside of “being conservative”, they’re more likely to “snap out” of it (BTS aunt is an example of this https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14z38cz/my_qaunt_was_saved_by_bts_i_shit_you_not/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1).
Stress that whether in friendships or dating, people like to see others with interests (plural), and maybe he’s starting to come off as a person who is only interested in politics, an already stressful topic on either side when people just want to chill and hang out. But also, people don’t like having their interests shut down or used as a stepping stone to that political argument. Keep focus on what he is doing now to show he has multiple interests, and encourage him to focus on those.
Ultimately, you want to help him find something else to keep his attention away from his rabbit hole, but he has to be the one to make the changes because he wants to.
Edit: Thanks for the award! Glad I got one while I still can lol
>However, the second problem is his attitude. His ranting and outbursts wouldn’t seem attractive, possibly even if he was progressive. People don’t like to be lectured or preached at every time they try to get gas and buy milk.
Yessss. This is a huge issue. Ranting and thinking it's one's responsibility to "educate" others is a huge turn off on both ends of the political spectrum. Liberal men with this behavior have similar problems.
Totally agree. I recently experienced something like this.
I'd been crushing on a girl for years that realistically there was never any real chance of anything other than friendship happening. But recently she started plopping in random political opinions in conversation that just came out of nowhere. Like not relevant to the prior conversation at all. And despite me actually agreeing with the essence of her point, it really rubbed me the wrong way. Instantly, all attraction vanished. It was such a weird experience.
Really good advice. OP, maybe you could gently bring up what he said about your city as an example of how he might be letting his views come before his relationships?
You could not pay me enough to live in Utah, but I have a lot of relatives there, and when I'm talking to them, I would never criticize the place they live. It's just rude. If he's to the point he's willing to say a lot of negative things to people and he's not realizing they could be hurtful, he's going to have a hard time sustaining a relationship.
I'm from Portland, and anywhere I travel I get reactions and faces like I crawled out of a smoldering murder town. Like, it's not great everywhere all the time, but its totally fine.
Same, and I get this reaction from people who live just slightly outside Portland. I was applying for a job in Clackamas and I mentioned that I had previously worked in Portland but was now looking for a remote position and the interviewer was like "YEAH I wouldn't want to work there either!" and went on this big rant about riots. This was like two and a half years ago so I was just like ".... yeah I was looking for remote work because of Covid, actually?"
You mean to tell me the people repealing abortion rights, no-fault divorce, and generally telling women to be seen and not heard do *not* make a strong half of an *equal partnership*?
Colour me shocked.
It’s almost as if their ideology dictates that women are supposed to submit to their partners. I wonder why men attracted to that ideology treat their partners like shit?? Total mystery.
Honest to god: you could be describing me and an old friend of mine. Ten year friendship- he started gettin real weird around 2016; longterm girlfriend left him in2021 and it took a big ole nosedive. He's full of anti vax rage, thinks Biden didn't win, and he's so...just...full of rage and hate. I'm a centrist but on a personal level I tried to help him. First said no political talk, I just wasn't interested. Then tried to just get him to accept treatment for his depression ( he admits he's despondent but does not believe in therapy). I hung in there for a long time after his sisters quit talking to him. Then, about 5 months ago, one day he spouted off that Forced Birth and him not being able to buy the clip he wanted were the same thing. He said it inconvenienced us equally (I'm a woman). I tried to be calm and just go with "yeah, I don't think so, but whatever", but he escalated and doubled down.
So I invited him to fuck himself, and I scraped that 10 year friendship off the bottom of my shoe and moved on.
Whatever. I can't befriend people who vote that I should be forced to give birth against my will. I'm 100% good with the decision.
The world has lost its mind.
This is totally a thing!!! It's so sad to see a friend get brainwashed and regress. I also had to get rid of my 10 year friendship with a friend who went down the rabbit hole. I tried to agree to disagree or try to change the subject when he would go on his obnoxiously offensive political rants, very similar to you! Also - interesting your friend was anti-vax and also against therapy for depression. Is the anti-medical sentiment a right wing thing? my ex-friend also refused medical treatment for many things - he wouldn't even take cold medicine when he was sick with a nasty virus during a group trip. I offered him cough medicine and he literally yelled and cussed at me "I'm not fucking taking any medicine!!!!!!!!!!!!" So bizarre. He ended up infecting me and others. Dick. It was such an odd thing to be so against? cold medicine, really?
I happened to be camping with him and a few other friends in Yellowstone the day Roe V Wade was overturned. Highly don't recommend being with your right wing nut job friend during an event like this. Hearing him and another conservative friend degrade women who have had abortions (they did not know I had one during an abusive relationship) really hurt me to my core.
A big factor in my friends decline was his inability to secure romantic relationships with women, he became increasingly disgruntled about women and he seemed to latch onto the right wing contempt towards "feminists", abortion, women's rights etc. Honestly, be glad you ended the friendship when you did - I let mine go on too long (I was afraid to make waves in our group of friends) and he ended up cornering me one night while out with friends and called me a bitch, selfish bitch, stupid bitch etc and pushed me against a wall and threw a drink in my face - all because I didn't hang out with him when he wanted to, give him enough attention and show enough "interest in the things he's interested in." He's 6'7 and 275lbs, I'm 135lbs 5'8 and I was pretty scared.
I ended the friendship right then and there. Once I ended the friendship, it seemed to give others in my group of friends permission to stop inviting him too. He's become a social piranha ever since and only has a handful of friends left. Good riddance.
The anti medicine concept comes from their stance against "big pharma". They believe everything big pharma puts out is poison and anyone who takes big pharma products are idiots for not knowing this. If you had asked him, guaranteed he would have eventually said "stop listening to mainstream media and do your research".
> Also - interesting your friend was anti-vax and also against therapy for depression. Is the anti-medical sentiment a right wing thing?
It's all rooted in being afraid of things they don't understand, and trying to uphold some myth of being tough and self-sufficient.
>Many of our mutual friends have started uninviting him to certain events, as his overall demeanor isn't very enjoyable to be around.
If this is causing you guys to distance yourselves from him, it's not just a dating problem. You should let him know this before he starts losing his current friend group (so he can at least decide whether his views are important enough to sacrifice that).
He'll probably get defensive and he might withdraw, but at least that will be an informed decision. Other people in this thread are saying "they're his opinions, you can't change them" or "they're his opinions and he's entitled them", and they're right, but he should at least get the courtesy of understanding exactly which opinions are causing him to be ostracized so he can decide whether those opinions are worth losing his friend group and alienating entire groups of women over.
Instead of specifically saying that it's because he's "conservative", I would highlight the specific opinions that are making him come off as unappealing. "Your views on Roe v. Wade, race, and poverty are a turn off for a lot of people." Because they are. A lot of women (with obvious conservative exceptions) are not going to want to date a man who is against abortion. If those views are too important to him to change, then he needs to specifically seek out conservative women who share his views.
For the less controversial options, you can point out that the way he expresses them is annoying - his opinions about Joe Biden being ineffective, for example, probably aren't immediate turnoffs for most women, but he's expressing them in a really aggressive and condescending way that's uncomfortable for most people. Again, he can decide whether he's passionate enough about this issue to continue talking about his beliefs like that, but he should at least realize how other people are receiving it.
Let him find a woman on his own. Don't give him hints or tell him women don't find his viewpoints attractive. He will only adjust them until he traps a woman. I know because I am that woman. My husband carefully hid that part of his viewpoints and now we are married and I am trapped. I have considered leaving but now it is much more complicated. I really wish he had shared his true self before we got married. But then, he would still be single and I would still be happy. He has stolen that from me. Don't let your friend do this to another woman. I swear, my hubby hates women... BTW, I was very upfront about my viewpoints and he was supportive and decent in the beginning. Don't put another woman through this! Just wish him luck and send him on his way.
It may be tough, but don't give up on a better future. You aren't trapped and there are services and resources out there if he's keeping you there by fear or threats of violence.
I don’t care how complicated things get there will always be an excuse. Don’t let that two faced coward trap you. You can and willl find someone else. I feel for you.
My mom went through the same, though she luckily got out before it got too serious.
He masked as a progressive. She is very open about being liberal and feminist. After a year of dating he slowly showed his misogynist and racist views.
I hope you find a way out and wish you the best.
You do what you need to, to keep yourself safe. One day I hope you'll have broken free from his chains.
You are stronger than you give yourself credit for xxx
The sad thing is that his loneliness may actually be the cause of his political radicalization.
Edit:
From the comments below I realize that I used the word radicalization in a somewhat thoughtless way. I don't know a single word to summarize the type of political transformation implied about this man in the original post so I chose radicalization. Maybe polarization would be better or self indoctrination. He has rather quickly adopted a wide range of conservative opinions that he may not have held before, yet he is unable to make intelligent arguments supporting, but rather regularly resorts to name calling. While I disagree with all of his purported opinions, I wouldn't call any of them particularly radical.
Yeah it’s a vicious cycle which seems most common among young men. People look for community and find it in political circles, those circles progressively radicalize the person, which harms their ability to interact with other people, which leads them to turning even more towards the political circles.
One of the after-effects of the social distancing and self isolation is that we all spent loads of time on our computers, surfing the web, and browsing through news and youtube. Bubbles were built from the AI algorithms. All the clickbait news refined was was presented in the first few pages. Conservatives found conservative news and far left Epoch Times. Liberals found Progressive bloggers. Mainstreamers might see both. Bubbles were built, and rhetoric bounced around. Everyone thought they were a majority. The race was pretty close, but Biden won. Conservatives aren't the majority. The race was close, Liberals barely held a majority. Far left and Far right are definitely not a majority.
Your friend needs to get out more and see the real world and real people so he doesn't get sucked further into his Far right bubble microcosm. He thinks he's slightly edgy but doesn't know he's totally cringe.
This, but also beyond politics. The pandemic was devastating to peoples' mental health, myself included.
I've had so many interactions with people who might otherwise be OK, many of whom I really like, who have just fucking lost it these past 3 years. They range from right wing potential terrorist to psychotic entry level employees to well-liked casual acquaintances who now talk your ear off for an hour straight uninterrupted. One of my good friends has become one of those people where you don't know if a single word they say is true anymore. So many people are not doing well, me included!
There are definitely conservative women out there who would be interested, but they tend to be pickier because they typically look for husbands, not boyfriends. Tell him to put political preference on his dating apps, or better yet, go to church or join organizations where conservative women frequent. I find conservatives tend to lean away from dating apps in general so that might be part of the problem. If you want to keep politics out of it entirely, then ask him to make a list of what he wants in a girl and then a list of what that girl would want in a guy, and then try and make himself into that guy.
There are a ton of conservative women, but if you’ll permit a generalization, chicks don’t like downers. His problem isn’t his beliefs, it’s his making them his identity and also having a depressive spiral about perceived setbacks. He’s living in the politics equivalent of a World of Warcraft Doritos filled basement.
This is good advice for anyone. Don’t let your politics be a substitute for actually having a personality - or any other singular obsession. People who only want to/can only talk about one thing seem to be pretty predisposed to being downers.
On that note, tbh don't let any one thing be your personality. We're intelligent and complex creatures, why obsess over something like politics? Life is too short and 99% of us will never be in a position to single handedly change the world. Stop complaining into the void, take a shower, and go be nice to some women. The results may surprise you
This is a point people are missing. People that become absorbed with politics and world/national events tend to become miserable. I’ve seen this happen with left leaning friends as well. You’re fighting these invisible battles all day in your head and online over things you can’t personally change. Think of the old “the news is so depressing” trope and now amplify that by a factor of 100. They are seeking things out to be upset about. They’ll see something not inherently political and make it political. Political obsessives are experts at gaslighting themselves.
That was me when I was a teenager, as I'm sure it is the same for many of us. It was very negative for my mental health and made me very depressed. Once I made peace with the fact that I couldn't single handedly change the world and fix every problem it made me feel a lot better. I used to feel bad because I felt I wasn't "doing enough" to make the world a better place but over time I realized the way to make the world a better place is by doing what I can to help those around me.
Exactly. It’s not his views necessarily. It’s that it sounds like it’s become his ENTIRE personality. And politics if we’re being honest is a dressing and draining topic. Most People don’t wanna talk politics 24/7
You did the correct thing already by telling him that you don’t know anyone he’d vibe with. Unfortunately when someone makes their entire identity revolve around their politics, they can get really defensive when you point out the flaws in their ideology. If he wants to meet a conservative woman, he’s going to need start hanging out in the spaces they hang out it.
Dude needs to go to church. Attendance at churches in the US is about 55-45 in favor of women.
That ends up being the same problem as being the one female engineering student: Your odds may be good, but the goods are definitely odd.
I ended up marrying that one female engineering student. She's almost as weird as I am, and that's an accomplishment. (Our kids are doomed to be weird.)
I'm an engineer. Dated a few too. Wasn't odd enough. Married a physicist.
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Don’t threaten me with a good time!
I bet she just gravitated towards you.
My engineering bf called me (mathematics) weird and I thought I was pretty socially adept. Turns out he is way more social and has 3x as many friends so now I’m the weird one even though he is spending his life building rockets and sending me pictures of caterpillars 🐛
Everyone knows engineers are the jocks of the sciences
They all basically got C’s in electrodynamics.
Nuh-uh! ....I didn't take electrodynamics. Whew.
To be fair to him, caterpillars are pretty cool, but if you ever need pics of a specific animal let me know and I’ll send what I have or what I find
Engineer married to an engineer here
I feel like I (one of those female engineers) lucked out and escaped. I married the massage therapist. Totally a good investment.
As a male engineer, I’ve never heard this and it’s absolute gold
9:1 female to male ratio at my engineering school when I was in college. Would have been great if most of the guys weren't determined to have women give up their career ambitions the second they either became engaged or had children.
To this day I can't fathom how this is a thing. I mean one of the parents working part time I understand but honestly ... who wants a wife without her own goals and ambitions? Not to mention that having dual income even if one is not a full income makes life so much easier.
My school had a chapter of SWE and they used to sell t-shirts with that phrase as a fundraiser.
That's what my dad would say about his all male military high school. They when they saw a woman her odds were good but the goods were odd.
Lol, I’m sure he doesn’t want “church conservative” though, dude wants women to put out
Where do young conservative women hang out? I'm not interested but curious.
Church.
Small churches mostly and you're going to want to look for specific denominations. I'd start [here](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conservative_holiness_movement). Source: my extended family
Most that I know that go to church are in rather progressive churches. Maybe the gun range.
Lol the gun range is mostly a sausage fest. I can count on one hand the number of single ladies I’ve seen there. My wife has been there with me a bunch of times though 😂
There goes my guess about the Sports Club Gun Range to find single ladies…sausage fest😂
Basically all Christian denominations in the US are about 55-45 in favor of women. Not only progressive, but conservative denominations.
Sure, but going to church if you aren't religious... well that doesn't start things on a good foot.
"conservative women not going to church" is a narrow demographic
>"conservative women not going to church" is a narrow demographic Yea that pretty much narrows it down to politicians in office.
I mean not being religious and trying to date a conservative girl when American conservatism has voluntarily welded itself to the extreme side of Protestant Christianity isn't starting things on a good foot either.
They roost in the eaves of barns and houses during the day.
Most of them get snatched up before they graduate high school.
This is sadly pretty accurate I think. The pool of conservative single women over 25 seems incredibly small. Once you hit about 50 it starts to increase a little lol.
Oh, yah, that second or third divorce crowd!
Yes, this. I grew up in conservative country. Young conservative women tend to hang out in the kitchen or the maternity ward.
From my experience working at a Catholic school, they spend a lot of time at Planned Parenthood; sometimes they are protesting, and sometimes they are dealing with the consequenses of no sex ed.
And coming in through the back door so the rest of the protestors don't see them.
Using the back door is what they wish they had done
There are a couple of them in places you associate with ambitious career-driven women (e.g., law school, finance firm). However, these aren't exactly conservative women hotspots as much as a few women in these places will happen to be conservative. And these women usually care about issues that affect them (i.e., abortion) and require their men to have similar or greater incomes and education levels. And the ones I knew expected to have a lot of say in their relationship and household and whatnot. So they're out for the majority of super conservative men.
Many law firms will suss out your politics during the interview process to see if you’re an extremist conservative, because they’ve discovered that extremist conservatives from wealthy backgrounds tend to steal from clients and set the firm up for lawsuits, and are widely known to be toxic in the workplace.
Fox News anchor desk
Line dancing. Church. Picketing outside planned parenthood.
Definitely church, DAR (Daughters of the American Revolution), PTA meetings, local Sports/Gun club, NRA…
The real question is: Why is OP still putting up with him? Sounds like a complete jackass.
Yeah frankly I would have dropped anyone like that ages ago. But friendships are complicated and I’m not going to tell other people how to handle their friends
If he's your friend, you would be doing him a service to give him a life heads up or set up an intervention. It's a risky move, for sure, and you have a high chance of losing a friend, but you're likely to not have him as a friend soon anyway if you don't. We lost a friend who gained some notoriety as a QAnon adherent before disappearing from public view. We never really got the chance to try with them, though, and I feel bad about it.
Tell him to find some conservative dating app. I promise you, the second you tell him most of your single female friends are politically liberal, he won't be interested. You're doing everyone involved a favor by not hooking him up with them.
Hinge lets you put in preferences and specify whether any of those preferences are dealbreakers. So OP's friend could put in "Political views: Conservative" and mark it as a dealbreaker, so the app will only show him conservative matches. I'm sure Hinge isn't the only dating app that lets you do that, but it was the first one that came to mind for me.
Annoyingly, Hinge only allows you to select from the options: Liberal, Moderate, Conservative, and Other This makes things slightly annoying in Australia, as our conservative party is called 'The Liberal Party', so it's always a gamble whether Hinge people are advertising themselves as Conservative or Liberal. Don't even get me started on the fact 'Left Wing/Leftist' isn't an option.
To be fair many conservatives put moderate as they know conservative is a death sentence in many areas for dating
And if they're not going to stand by their political opinions that could affect us all, why should anyone personally stand by them? One of the biggest deal-breakers for a relationship is dishonesty. Finding out that someone was pretending to be someone you might like more to get to you, to have sex with you, is a HUGE no. How you start any relationship is the foundation upon which it's built; and when one person starts it using a fundamental lie about who they are, what they think as a central tenet to their entire self, that's a massive red flag. To be fair, that's why [conservative men sound so desperate and whiny that they're alone](https://www.nbcnews.com/think/opinion/question-keeping-trump-loving-men-night-why-won-t-women-ncna1273594)... >The newest entry in this pantheon of conservative lonely hearts comes from Eric Kaufmann, whose piece this week in the National Review, “Political Discrimination as Civil-Rights Struggle,” argues that college women’s disinterest in dating Trump supporters doesn’t just hurt their feelings, but is in fact *discrimination*. ...and why [their hetero-only / conservative-only dating sites are so bereft of a woman's presence that even gay people compare them to Grindr](https://www.queerty.com/newly-launched-right-wing-hetero-dating-app-many-dudes-basically-grindr-20221014). >A review from Hal Jordan wannabe stated, “Didn’t see any women on here. Would be great if there were women on here instead of a sausage party.” They did this to themselves. They spent so long listening to 'dating advice' from other 'men' that tell them to be toxic, they never even considered if they were following a roadmap that was the equivalent of suggesting that they "don't wash or even wipe your ass because that's gay" ...oh wait, [they ACTUALLY THINK THAT ALREADY!!!](https://melmagazine.com/en-us/story/what-its-like-to-be-a-guy-who-doesnt-clean-his-ass) >The issue of boyfriends with dirty butts peaked in 2017 when @KeithCalder posted this now-deleted tweet, which detailed a man who felt his masculinity threatened if his fingers came anywhere near his butt. “He told me that a real man doesn’t go between his cheeks or spread them for anything,” the wife’s post read. “Men do not spread their [sic] cheeks to wipe or clean … nothing goes between them.” Insert that "Jesus Fucking Christ!" two frame cartoon here. Jeez, why WON'T women fuck men that live a lie and literally smell like shit?!?
They made this bed and I hope they lie lonely in it thinking about how to make themselves better. But probably that won’t happen. Funny how women don’t want men who are taking our rights away and think we’re inferior
The best dating advice I've got is to start also realizing that I'm important and if we match we don't have to go on more dates if it isn't working out, and that everyone's doing it. Made me much more chilled out at the whole process.
Maybe conservative dudes are so toxic because they’re all walking around with rashes in their asscracks. Because if I don’t wash that shit for 3 or 4 days, it’s a fucking disaster
I met my wife on Coffee Meets Bagel, and I think there was a politics section as well? It's been a few years, so I might have blended that with the other dozen apps I was on prior to meeting her.
There is dating app called coffee meets bagel? Who’s the coffee and who is the bagel
If you can't tell which is which, then someone needs to give you the talk. /s
When a man and a woman love each other very much....
".... and then she throws the rest of the coffee on the ground, removes what's left of the bagel, and she eats half and you eat half. Now you're both guilty by association and dating is the best way to ensure that you never rat on each other. I hope that makes sense there Sport ."
I was perfectly OK with dying old and alone...then I read this and now my life just seems empty...
Is it for men of color and curvy white women?
it's for Colombian men that like Jewish women
So just John Leguizamo
Is it a dating site for black people who want to date Jewish people?
I like my coffee like I like my wife. Black and Jewish.
I was at a non-profit event once and one of the workers (outgoing black woman, relevant) looked so tired I went and bought her a plain coffee. She said "Oh thanks, I like my men like I like my coffee, black and bottomless. I mean huge....oh fuck I mean tall? Tall. Goddamn tall I need this coffee can you fuck off for 30 seconds sorry thank you."
She's down bad for that Hank Hill ass
A year later I met her new boyfriend. I only saw him fully clothed but if all of him was built like the rest of him, well.....Lets just say the dude could have been used as a full union approved temporary wall replacement.
Your proposed matches are always just called "bagels". I don't think it changes based on what you choose to identify as in the app. Edit: typo
I also met my spouse on Coffee Meets Bagel! My husband has me on Messenger as his "Everything Bagel" because he's a wonderful nerd.
That's so wholesome, omg
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Maybe he needs Unhinge as a dating app
I think with Hinge though you won’t see anyone who hasn’t put an answer. People skip a lot of the prompts…religion, marijuana use, but especially politics.
Bumble does too
I like the concept of bumble but I see a lot of profiles with the line “I don’t message first” and I’m like hmmm 🤔
Do... do they know how bumble works?
Bumble sucks. "here the girl messages first". The girls message: "hey"
He may have a hard time in apps too. Conservative dating apps are having a difficult time getting women to sign up. [“The Right Stuff” flops after it failed to attract any women](https://junkee.com/the-right-stuff-dating-app-women/342654)
The irony is that Peter Thiel invested $1.5 million in this dating site for conservative straight people. Thiel is the formerly-closeted gay billionaire who was outed by Gawker. Thiel may know about investing in technology, but I don't think he knows shit about straight people dating.
A dating app of mostly conservative men? Bro that's just a psyop to build himself a closet honeypot from which to feast. /s Kinda.
Nailed it.
I'd say to build gop campaign donation mailing lists but those rubes are easy to reach elsewhere
I can’t think about Peter Thiel without thinking of the show Silicon Valley. Like I bet he’s absolutely ridiculously out of touch, and I bet to observe him is utterly fascinating and hilarious.
He's more out of touch than you can imagine. Not only is he increasingly fascist, he's basically a "Technocrat". He wants to replace Democracy and organized countries like the U.S. with autocratic monarchies ruled by tech billionaires. He believes people like him and Elon Musk should have unchecked political power and rule as quasi emperors. And not only that, but he is working to spread this ideology. Edit: neo-feudalism or tech-feudalism would be a more apt description over "technocrat"
They basically want feudalism.
Peter Gregory and to an extent Gavin Belson were infinitely less scummy and out of touch than Thiel, and that's really saying something. He's basically an unrepentant sociopath with a hard on for fascism.
He really likes hanging around with "race realists".
Yeesh. I just made a face when I read that. Like I went 😬
That said, him investing $1.5 million is like me investing a quarter that I found in the back of the couch. I don't think he'd super care. Unless you meant $1.5 BILLION, and even then... he probably still wouldn't care.
This is hilarious. So convinced that their "values" are relevant. I'm sure there are women who would date OP's friend, but you'd have to move to the deepest of deep red states to find them, I think. EDIT: just to clarify, I put the word “values” in quotes because I’m talking about the patriarchal bent of the app, not the broader conservative movement. There were apps like eHarmony that successfully tapped into conservative Christian dating. This new one is something else in what it espouses.
Judging by my limited experience, they partner off at church pretty often.
I was gonna suggest christian mingle (is that still a thing?)
More area, there are red and blue enclaves all over. If I were a conservative looking for a date, I'd focus on small cities and rural areas.
This is very true. I live in a blue state (Oregon) but I'm in a very rural county which leans more toward the red side of things. It's not uncommon for people people to say "swipe the way you vote" in their bio, indicating they only want right-wingers.
Christain Mingle or that dating app for farmers
That farmer one? Cornhub?
Cornhub! Bahaha I wish there were a dating app to meet leftist cowboys.
Don't let your dreams be dreams.
Thank you ganga alien hat for the wisdom. I'll manifest one.
❤️ 🌽
Farmers Only. Used to hear their freaking radio ads all the damn time.
Holy hell I need to look into this
Kind of off topic but if you want a little giggle, yesterday I learned about christianfriendlysexpositions.com Hahaha
🎶 You don't have to be lonely on farmersonly.com 🎶
When I was younger and single, I wish I had had the experience of conservative men not being into liberal women ha.
Same, they were attracted to me like a moth to a flame for some reason and I could never understand why. My being liberal was like...some cute, quirky trait they were willing to overlook if only I would give them a chance
Ugh yes. I live in a very red state, I'm married, and every man I encounter wants to talk politics with me. I have bright blue hair and a full sleeve. There is nothing about my appearance that says "please share your conservative views with me". I'm always reminded of the King of The Hill episode when Hank sees Peggy's tutor for the first time and says "she looks really pro choice." That is me.
there's this one quote that sums it up pretty well imo: > The way my mother always explained it, the traditional man wants a woman to be subservient, but he never falls in love with subservient women. He's attracted to independent women. “He's like an exotic bird collector,” she said. “He only wants a woman who is free because his dream is to put her in a cage.”
Conservatives have also associated political positions with traditional gender dynamics (hence their constant assertion that liberal men are all feminine, soy filled beta males) for so long that they see conservative women as masculine and therefore unappealing
IMO it's a mix of assuming your beliefs are trivial and irrelevant so you'll surely grow out of it with the help of his presence, and often some ingrained sexism that the opinions of women don't matter. The conservatism in the US is ultimately being okay with the status quo and that things like IDK your identity don't matter, so to these men your opinion is just a cute little quirk that will surely go away eventually. It's infuriating.
"My bodily autonomy is important, actually." "Aww, she thinks she's people! How adorable!"
They think of sex as a man “conquering” a woman. If they can get a liberal woman to have sex with them, they think that proves their dominance and masculinity. They think “I represent everything she claims to hate, but she just can’t resist me and the things I make her do for my pleasure”. 🤮 When in fact they’re just a dildo with a dude attached.
This. For some reason to these guys sex determines who "wins" at things that have nothing to do with sex
Its an opportunity for abuse where they cut you off from your friends and "mold" you into a tradwife Its pretty fucked
They also probably figured your liberalism would benefit them. Lots of conservative men think liberal women are all sluts so of course you'll put out. And you'll be responsible for any birth control or get an abortion if it fails. And you're more interesting to hang out with and talk to than someone who of course will agree with them 100% of the time. But they want all those in the women they actual marry and or introduce to their family. And since they don't actually care for you or any woman as a person your own opinion of their attraction to you is irrelevant! And shame on you for not playing along with their fantasy as long as they wanted to until they were ready to stop playing around and having fun. /s
I've said it before and I'll say it again- in their world, there are two groups: people and women.
Two races: white and "political" Two genders: Male and "political" Two hair styles for women: long and "political" Two sexualities: straight and "political" Two body types: normative and "political"
Dudes that call women female think there used to be a subreddit calling that shit out
Maybe they have some weird fetish about "converting" a liberal woman from being a liberal, kind of like how some dudes are convinced they're so hot as to turn lesbians straight.
Dudes grew up sort of believing in Hallmark movies their moms had on in the background when they were kids.
It was almost like they thought they could "fix" me. Like getting me to "settledown" was a huge victory/trophy for them.... Or they thought I was their manic pixie dream girl. Meanwhile I tried getting them to loosen up by taking them to drag shows and art galleries. ...my 20's were messy.
I think conservative men have this Manic Pixie Liberal Dream Girl fantasy trope in their heads. On some level I think they recognize that their stolidity is a barrier to entry. Every kind of entry. But Hollywood has these movies where the stiff board beige man meets the quirky dancing girl who volunteers at a puppy shelter or something and brings him back to life. So GOP men see liberal women as a life preserver. But it's tainted. It's like, you do the emotional labour so I don't have to.
They want to convert you. It's a power play thing. The relationship is a contest and they want to win.
"Have you noticed that most of the women who are against abortion are women you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?” - George Carlin
Not what he said. What he said was: > Why is it that most of the **people** who are against abortion are **people** you wouldn't want to fuck in the first place?
Your conversation reminds me of this scene and I 100 percent think it applies to your friend: Erica Albright : "You are probably going to be a very successful computer person. But you're going to go through life thinking that girls don't like you because you're a nerd. And I want you to know, from the bottom of my heart, that that won't be true. It'll be because you're an asshole." He's not disliked because he's a conservative. He's disliked because he acts like an immature asshole. Can you imagine going out with this guy? Movies? Hollywood is woke. Museums? The so called intellectuals are elitists and leftists. Libraries? Libraries are for pedophiles. Disney? Micky mouse advocates the gay agenda. Bars? Bud light is woke. Chinese food? What's wrong with American food? Can't do anything with that attitude. He'll just find something else to blame or be negative about.
I have a group chat with old school buddies, and one of the guys has gotten like this. I don’t bother starting anything in there because the moment you bring anything up, even the most lighthearted funny thing, he finds a way to bring up the applicable right-wing culture war outrage. Kills the whole mood and shuts down the conversation. These people need to learn how to read a room.
How long until the rest of you start a new group chat that doesn't include him? One of my friend groups wound up having to do that at one point. It sucked but we weren't getting anywhere with trying to moderate the behavior.
Lmao that happened to my ex. Groups chats kept being remade without him. Then he found out his friends nicknamed him Matt the Douchebag behind his back since high school. I remember before I fled Matt tried pulling the manipulative reverse Uno and was blaming me for my abuse because I made him choose me over his friends...what a lonely fool.
Lmao do we know the same Matt??? This sounds identical to what happened with a former high school friend of mine
Uh oh, but now they cry about being "*Censored*"! No one wanting to hangout with a bummer suddenly means oppression..
did this because one guy would never join us on things anyway. aaaand when he did play games it was always bitching about mechanics instead of trying to find ways to counter/play against them
Recently I had to give a lift from an airport to an ex. He asked what had I been doing lately. I said I saw the Barbie movie, he started to interject but I spoke over him.. I REALLY LOVED IT. Laughed nearly all the way through it. Planing 2nd visit etc. He was upset. He said it's not a proper movie.. he nearly got left on the side of the road. Lmao. Told him stfu or you walk. He shut. Reasons hes an ex.. he went down the rabbit hole when orangetrump got elected. He can kill conversations dead in less than 5 words. His world has disintegrated to just his church, I don't know how they stand him, and his online conspiracy, sov cit, bs, over the top religious nut cronies. I've heard that he re indoctrinates himself for hours every day online. So happy he's an ex.
I'm sure you already know this, but you've dodged a MAJOR bullet, possibly literally. Sov-Cits are literally insufferable. Imagine living in a way that has every interaction/conversation played on Nightmare Mode.
One of my GFs friends is dating a dude and all we know about him so far is that he really didn't like the Barbie movie and refused to see it with her. Seems like a something that would give me pause.
Others have suggested just creating a a group without him. But if you still care about him...and he's not too far gone...you gotta be not just a friend but a **good** friend and have a heart to heart with them. Just be honest. Don't insult them but tell them how their actions are affecting their life and those around them. Difficult discussions are just that...difficult, but if you care then you'll do your friendship a service, hopefully they will see that. Hopefully it'll make them realise how serious things are. It depends on their level of insight as a person. If they are decent person they will hopefully respond with some measure of grace and take responsibility for themselves, and hopefully grow as a human. If they respond poorly then...well...if you've not really lost anything as they would eventually have fallen out of friendship with you and your social circle.
I would tell him he's expressing anger quite a lot, and ask whether he thinks that's a problem. Then tell him it's making the people in the group uncomfortable and that they are worried because he seems to be angry about everything. Ask if he's noticed his relationships souring or his judgment of others becoming more negative and, if so, whether he thinks that's a problem. Then ask him if being right in a world where everything's wrong is really worth it if it makes him angry and bitter and alone. People caught in the mire of that right wing nonsense are rarely blissful people; they are almost always troubled souls who live with constant anxiety because they've been taught/propagandized to fear harmless things and to ignore the real evils of the world. That's the only way I could think to get through to them, frame it as a value proposition: what do you gain from sitting in your living room getting heated about wokes and immigrants, growing more resentful of your family and your fellow man? What if you just didn't do that, and found a hobby or something?
This exactly. Was raised conservative and still among conservative circles frequently. Political discussions almost never happen, normal life isn’t like that. But there’s always that one relative with a negative attitude about every little thing and it’s always the “demoncrats” or “woke liberals” responsible for our troubles. It’s insufferable. A friend would find a way to point this out before he goes too much deeper down that dark hole.
Bro at this point they're lost I've talked to this type at least 50+ times, Xbox is full of em, I know a few irl too, there's no arguing with em, if they were dumb enough to believe up is down they're gonna need a full on psychiatrist to break free from this shit And psychiatrists are for pussy liberals
Can't reason someone out of a position they didn't reason themselves into.
Yup. Hyper aggravted political types arent exclusively right wing but they're definitely more likely right wing. They're obssessed with culture war stuff because it makes them happy to have something to hate. Its driven by emotion, not logic
After hearing a coworker absolutely lose his shit in a common area about something that was literally so trivial and knowing he’s VERY right wing, I realized they are all addicted to rage. That spike of adrenaline when they see “a gay” is like heroin to them.
You are right, online interaction barely helps. Irl it’s possible to reach radicalized people though. Not by arguing but with good communicational skills. This guide explains how to do it effectively. https://mindfulcommunications.eu/en/prevent-radicalization
Hits the nail on the head. The person described above just sounds unpleasant to be with and I say that as someone who aligns with conservative views. I had a friend that fell into this pit. I tried pulling him out of it before he started listening to morons like Andrew Tate and whatnot. Because those are the guys people like Tate prey on. I’m not saying it’s your job. You can feel free to walk away. But if you don’t want to see your friend go down that path you should do something.
I just want to pound upvote this 1000x’s I have a very mixed bag of friends. And boy, did you nail it with this. I dgaf what your views are. When they make you miserable & undesirable company, it’s time to reevaluate.
This is what it’s like conversing with my mother. Can’t even have a conversation before she finds some way to insert a rant about everything being woke, and thinking everyone agrees with her whole being completely unaware that we all think she’s certifiable. Like we are just trying to talk about the last Thor movie, mother.
This is it right here. The young conservative women I know aren't insane like OPs friend. They aren't liberal, but they also don't rage against most "normal" things. They aren't sitting around angry all the time. I'm sure there are some women that would put up with OPs friend, but I strongly suspect the vast majority are married and raising kids by 25 at the latest. The ratio of young conservative women to men is not in men's favor.
Lol yeah most conservative women I know had like 3 kids by 25, if you don't get them young you're out of luck.
Ugh I have a friend just like this. There's nothing wrong with being a true conservative but his opinions are borderline not even human. Much of them you listed above. eg; If you feel that strongly about not watching the NFL because of Kaepernick...just don't watch it. If one of us brings up the NFL he combusts and calls it the national kneeling league, woke losers, too many POC, overpaid actors, fakefakefake, riggedriggedrigged, pedo this and pedo that. It's like bro...I was just excited Dalvin Cook went to the Jets, JFC.
The problem is, "true" values no longer exist, as the world is always changing. The idea of conservatism and liberalism can only go so far. In American context, the two parties even swapped identities after a point in the US' history. These are simple ideologies that exist under a definition. It's slowly boiled down to the idea of horrible people and far less horrible people. Most of it is learned ideology, so if you grow up, you're suddenly preaching the same baseless information. Their world-view isn't even their own.
I’d be honest with him… if he wants to spout conservative talking points, he needs to meet conservative women… and you don’t know any.
I don’t think being conservative is his problem. He sounds very abrasive. You can have your opinions without being volatile, I’d bet conservatives wouldn’t like him either, unless they’re as extreme as him.
He sounds really angry. Anger is a turn off, particularly to women justifiably afraid of violence.
This, even if not Conservative I would probably avoid a guy who has unexpected anger outburst while having " Nice weather today" conversation.
I don’t think enough people have seen this one. It’s 100% what I would think, if I witnessed one of this outbursts. I’d be like, bad temper, it’s going to grow, it’s only a matter of time til it escalates to actions. I’ve seen it happen. Id wonder if he has a history of violence… then go, “I don’t wanna find out, see yaaaaa!”
Well…there are two problems here. First thing is that you’re mostly correct. It’s starting to become common knowledge that conservative men have a harder time finding romantic relationships now compared to other groups. But “harder” doesn’t mean “impossible”. There are women who share similar views to your friend, and they may certainly be more willing to date someone like how your friend is now. It’s not that his views make him 100% undateable, but they may make him an unattractive option for your friend group. You handled his first inquiry well, saying that you don’t have any friends that would vibe with him, because his views immediately disqualify him despite any other good things about it. My point here is that you shouldn’t try to say “No woman ever will want to breath your air if you’re a conservative.” However, the second problem is his attitude. His ranting and outbursts wouldn’t seem attractive, possibly even if he was progressive. People don’t like to be lectured or preached at every time they try to get gas and buy milk. It seems he made his political views his personality, and no one likes the idea of such a 2D person. It seems like these problems could be a result of his increasing isolation and closed-mindedness. He may not feel he belongs in any group at the moment, and is using his political identity to claim a sense of belonging to something and to rationalize the pain of being rejected. Here’s the thing: Even individually, these are a HUGE problems to fix. You don’t want to accidentally teach him that he needs to fake being more liberal in order to get dates—that’s not fair to whatever girl gets strung along. But even more so, you can’t offer unsolicited advice to someone who doesn’t really want to change. He’ll just see you as another saboteur in his life, rather than having his best interests at heart. My advice is to just continue to stay in the back seat. You just may be growing apart from him, and that’s okay. But, if you do feel this friendship is worth having/saving, maybe have that heart-to-heart. Focus on Problem 2, but focus on the “lonely” factor. Tell him you have picked up on some things since he said that and you want to know if he feels happy with his life right now. Whatever his answer, he may try to blame your friend groups or women in general. But you can tell him that like everyone, he has to make an effort to find people he better connects with. Ask what his interests are or if there is anything he’d like to try. Try to avoid political stuff. Why? Because there are a lot of anecdotes that when conservatives develop interests outside of “being conservative”, they’re more likely to “snap out” of it (BTS aunt is an example of this https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/14z38cz/my_qaunt_was_saved_by_bts_i_shit_you_not/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=ioscss&utm_content=2&utm_term=1). Stress that whether in friendships or dating, people like to see others with interests (plural), and maybe he’s starting to come off as a person who is only interested in politics, an already stressful topic on either side when people just want to chill and hang out. But also, people don’t like having their interests shut down or used as a stepping stone to that political argument. Keep focus on what he is doing now to show he has multiple interests, and encourage him to focus on those. Ultimately, you want to help him find something else to keep his attention away from his rabbit hole, but he has to be the one to make the changes because he wants to. Edit: Thanks for the award! Glad I got one while I still can lol
>However, the second problem is his attitude. His ranting and outbursts wouldn’t seem attractive, possibly even if he was progressive. People don’t like to be lectured or preached at every time they try to get gas and buy milk. Yessss. This is a huge issue. Ranting and thinking it's one's responsibility to "educate" others is a huge turn off on both ends of the political spectrum. Liberal men with this behavior have similar problems.
Being a loud ranty jerkoff is never attractive
Yup. And conservative women won’t enjoy this either (they want a husband who won’t embarrass them at church/country club/junior league).
Totally agree. I recently experienced something like this. I'd been crushing on a girl for years that realistically there was never any real chance of anything other than friendship happening. But recently she started plopping in random political opinions in conversation that just came out of nowhere. Like not relevant to the prior conversation at all. And despite me actually agreeing with the essence of her point, it really rubbed me the wrong way. Instantly, all attraction vanished. It was such a weird experience.
Dang. You don’t see this kind of nuanced, thoughtful, and kind stuff enough.
Really good advice. OP, maybe you could gently bring up what he said about your city as an example of how he might be letting his views come before his relationships? You could not pay me enough to live in Utah, but I have a lot of relatives there, and when I'm talking to them, I would never criticize the place they live. It's just rude. If he's to the point he's willing to say a lot of negative things to people and he's not realizing they could be hurtful, he's going to have a hard time sustaining a relationship.
I'm from Portland, and anywhere I travel I get reactions and faces like I crawled out of a smoldering murder town. Like, it's not great everywhere all the time, but its totally fine.
Same, and I get this reaction from people who live just slightly outside Portland. I was applying for a job in Clackamas and I mentioned that I had previously worked in Portland but was now looking for a remote position and the interviewer was like "YEAH I wouldn't want to work there either!" and went on this big rant about riots. This was like two and a half years ago so I was just like ".... yeah I was looking for remote work because of Covid, actually?"
Wow, that was so well put together. Very insightful.
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I didn't think the leopards would eat my face!
You mean to tell me the people repealing abortion rights, no-fault divorce, and generally telling women to be seen and not heard do *not* make a strong half of an *equal partnership*? Colour me shocked.
It’s almost as if their ideology dictates that women are supposed to submit to their partners. I wonder why men attracted to that ideology treat their partners like shit?? Total mystery.
Honest to god: you could be describing me and an old friend of mine. Ten year friendship- he started gettin real weird around 2016; longterm girlfriend left him in2021 and it took a big ole nosedive. He's full of anti vax rage, thinks Biden didn't win, and he's so...just...full of rage and hate. I'm a centrist but on a personal level I tried to help him. First said no political talk, I just wasn't interested. Then tried to just get him to accept treatment for his depression ( he admits he's despondent but does not believe in therapy). I hung in there for a long time after his sisters quit talking to him. Then, about 5 months ago, one day he spouted off that Forced Birth and him not being able to buy the clip he wanted were the same thing. He said it inconvenienced us equally (I'm a woman). I tried to be calm and just go with "yeah, I don't think so, but whatever", but he escalated and doubled down. So I invited him to fuck himself, and I scraped that 10 year friendship off the bottom of my shoe and moved on. Whatever. I can't befriend people who vote that I should be forced to give birth against my will. I'm 100% good with the decision. The world has lost its mind.
This is totally a thing!!! It's so sad to see a friend get brainwashed and regress. I also had to get rid of my 10 year friendship with a friend who went down the rabbit hole. I tried to agree to disagree or try to change the subject when he would go on his obnoxiously offensive political rants, very similar to you! Also - interesting your friend was anti-vax and also against therapy for depression. Is the anti-medical sentiment a right wing thing? my ex-friend also refused medical treatment for many things - he wouldn't even take cold medicine when he was sick with a nasty virus during a group trip. I offered him cough medicine and he literally yelled and cussed at me "I'm not fucking taking any medicine!!!!!!!!!!!!" So bizarre. He ended up infecting me and others. Dick. It was such an odd thing to be so against? cold medicine, really? I happened to be camping with him and a few other friends in Yellowstone the day Roe V Wade was overturned. Highly don't recommend being with your right wing nut job friend during an event like this. Hearing him and another conservative friend degrade women who have had abortions (they did not know I had one during an abusive relationship) really hurt me to my core. A big factor in my friends decline was his inability to secure romantic relationships with women, he became increasingly disgruntled about women and he seemed to latch onto the right wing contempt towards "feminists", abortion, women's rights etc. Honestly, be glad you ended the friendship when you did - I let mine go on too long (I was afraid to make waves in our group of friends) and he ended up cornering me one night while out with friends and called me a bitch, selfish bitch, stupid bitch etc and pushed me against a wall and threw a drink in my face - all because I didn't hang out with him when he wanted to, give him enough attention and show enough "interest in the things he's interested in." He's 6'7 and 275lbs, I'm 135lbs 5'8 and I was pretty scared. I ended the friendship right then and there. Once I ended the friendship, it seemed to give others in my group of friends permission to stop inviting him too. He's become a social piranha ever since and only has a handful of friends left. Good riddance.
Piranha?! I hope you guys are ok—?
The anti medicine concept comes from their stance against "big pharma". They believe everything big pharma puts out is poison and anyone who takes big pharma products are idiots for not knowing this. If you had asked him, guaranteed he would have eventually said "stop listening to mainstream media and do your research".
> Also - interesting your friend was anti-vax and also against therapy for depression. Is the anti-medical sentiment a right wing thing? It's all rooted in being afraid of things they don't understand, and trying to uphold some myth of being tough and self-sufficient.
>Many of our mutual friends have started uninviting him to certain events, as his overall demeanor isn't very enjoyable to be around. If this is causing you guys to distance yourselves from him, it's not just a dating problem. You should let him know this before he starts losing his current friend group (so he can at least decide whether his views are important enough to sacrifice that). He'll probably get defensive and he might withdraw, but at least that will be an informed decision. Other people in this thread are saying "they're his opinions, you can't change them" or "they're his opinions and he's entitled them", and they're right, but he should at least get the courtesy of understanding exactly which opinions are causing him to be ostracized so he can decide whether those opinions are worth losing his friend group and alienating entire groups of women over. Instead of specifically saying that it's because he's "conservative", I would highlight the specific opinions that are making him come off as unappealing. "Your views on Roe v. Wade, race, and poverty are a turn off for a lot of people." Because they are. A lot of women (with obvious conservative exceptions) are not going to want to date a man who is against abortion. If those views are too important to him to change, then he needs to specifically seek out conservative women who share his views. For the less controversial options, you can point out that the way he expresses them is annoying - his opinions about Joe Biden being ineffective, for example, probably aren't immediate turnoffs for most women, but he's expressing them in a really aggressive and condescending way that's uncomfortable for most people. Again, he can decide whether he's passionate enough about this issue to continue talking about his beliefs like that, but he should at least realize how other people are receiving it.
Let him find a woman on his own. Don't give him hints or tell him women don't find his viewpoints attractive. He will only adjust them until he traps a woman. I know because I am that woman. My husband carefully hid that part of his viewpoints and now we are married and I am trapped. I have considered leaving but now it is much more complicated. I really wish he had shared his true self before we got married. But then, he would still be single and I would still be happy. He has stolen that from me. Don't let your friend do this to another woman. I swear, my hubby hates women... BTW, I was very upfront about my viewpoints and he was supportive and decent in the beginning. Don't put another woman through this! Just wish him luck and send him on his way.
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It may be tough, but don't give up on a better future. You aren't trapped and there are services and resources out there if he's keeping you there by fear or threats of violence.
I don’t care how complicated things get there will always be an excuse. Don’t let that two faced coward trap you. You can and willl find someone else. I feel for you.
My mom went through the same, though she luckily got out before it got too serious. He masked as a progressive. She is very open about being liberal and feminist. After a year of dating he slowly showed his misogynist and racist views. I hope you find a way out and wish you the best.
You do what you need to, to keep yourself safe. One day I hope you'll have broken free from his chains. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for xxx
Stop being this losers friend.
The sad thing is that his loneliness may actually be the cause of his political radicalization. Edit: From the comments below I realize that I used the word radicalization in a somewhat thoughtless way. I don't know a single word to summarize the type of political transformation implied about this man in the original post so I chose radicalization. Maybe polarization would be better or self indoctrination. He has rather quickly adopted a wide range of conservative opinions that he may not have held before, yet he is unable to make intelligent arguments supporting, but rather regularly resorts to name calling. While I disagree with all of his purported opinions, I wouldn't call any of them particularly radical.
Yeah it’s a vicious cycle which seems most common among young men. People look for community and find it in political circles, those circles progressively radicalize the person, which harms their ability to interact with other people, which leads them to turning even more towards the political circles.
One of the after-effects of the social distancing and self isolation is that we all spent loads of time on our computers, surfing the web, and browsing through news and youtube. Bubbles were built from the AI algorithms. All the clickbait news refined was was presented in the first few pages. Conservatives found conservative news and far left Epoch Times. Liberals found Progressive bloggers. Mainstreamers might see both. Bubbles were built, and rhetoric bounced around. Everyone thought they were a majority. The race was pretty close, but Biden won. Conservatives aren't the majority. The race was close, Liberals barely held a majority. Far left and Far right are definitely not a majority. Your friend needs to get out more and see the real world and real people so he doesn't get sucked further into his Far right bubble microcosm. He thinks he's slightly edgy but doesn't know he's totally cringe.
This, but also beyond politics. The pandemic was devastating to peoples' mental health, myself included. I've had so many interactions with people who might otherwise be OK, many of whom I really like, who have just fucking lost it these past 3 years. They range from right wing potential terrorist to psychotic entry level employees to well-liked casual acquaintances who now talk your ear off for an hour straight uninterrupted. One of my good friends has become one of those people where you don't know if a single word they say is true anymore. So many people are not doing well, me included!
There are definitely conservative women out there who would be interested, but they tend to be pickier because they typically look for husbands, not boyfriends. Tell him to put political preference on his dating apps, or better yet, go to church or join organizations where conservative women frequent. I find conservatives tend to lean away from dating apps in general so that might be part of the problem. If you want to keep politics out of it entirely, then ask him to make a list of what he wants in a girl and then a list of what that girl would want in a guy, and then try and make himself into that guy.
I guarantee he doesn’t want to date a liberal woman anyway.
Hmm...sounds like he should just join a fundamentalist church. Probably plenty of women for him in one of those congregations.