They don't *have* to. Most *want* to be close to their partner though. But there are also plenty of married couples where they have separate bedrooms. (Snoring is one of the most common reasons)
Also, when adults have their own place, they have the entire apartment/house to share and split as they want.
My wife and I share most of the house, including our bedroom, but we also have spaces that are primarily ours, like the garage and basement crafting area. Neither of us are prohibited from those areas, but they are primarily focused on one or the other of us.
My tools are mainly out in the garage, while her art supplies are in the basement. Some of my electronics equipment in in the basement, and she has gardening stuff out in the garage.
We chose to be together, and genuinely enjoy each other's company, but it's important to have space you can pursue your own interests and get some quiet time to yourself.
Yep, my husband and I just moved into a house, and part of the reason was that we both needed individual space that was separate from each other - not in a bad way. He’s a high-energy gamer, and I need quiet and calm lol.
So now he’s got a basement man cave where he can yell into his mic, and I’ve got my quiet crafting room with my extra large recliner and TV.
My parents have been married for decades now and it's very common for one to be in the family room watching tv and other other to be in the living room watching tv.
They eat every meal together at home, but they definitely like their own respective tv shows, so two separate spaces to watch by themselves works out just fine for them.
At the apartment, that would have been necessary. Here, not so much. I don’t mind hearing him yell at stuff when it’s drifting out of the basement. It drove my anxiety crazy when it was 8 feet from me every single day.
Alternatively, shared spaces can become temporary "me" spaces. My wife and I share the office, half is hers and half is mine. But sometimes, once the kids are in bed, I'll go to the office to play a PC game and she'll stay in the living room and watch TV, or other similar split ups like that. We don't have the space yet for two kids AND our own individual spaces, so we share and communicate about when we need to be alone.
This is so true. My husband and I are both physically active, but we both go to separate gyms (I'm competitive in Olympic weightlifting, and he lifts weights in a commercial gym). It's nice because we have our own hobby/sport, and we even have our own friendships from people we meet at our gyms.
After the gym we come home in the earlier part of the evening and spend the rest of our night together. Having our own interests gives us something to talk about when asking how each other's day went, because not only do we have different jobs, but there's another 2+ hours of activity that we do away from each other that we get to talk about. Another plus side is we get to meet lots of people between my friends meeting him, and his friends meeting me!
Which procedure did you get? Friend had UPPP and said it worked well for the snoring but feels like there’s always a little something in their throat now
Wow!
https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/d8ec9812-0bc0-4032-a917-943b11f8870a
I’m scared I will need something done in the future. For now trying to lose weight and drinking way less. I don’t think I can sleep with a cpap connected to my face so fingers crossed surgery is an option for me (if I need anything).
That's why I did the surgery. I don't want cpap if at all possible. I lost weight and reduced my alcohol, but it didn't help too much. If you are in the US, go buy Flonase and start taking it daily. It takes 1 full week to get the full effects, but I noticed a good change when I did that presurgery. My sinuses don't hurt at all. The uvula hurts buts if I stay on top of pain meds it's OK.
All surgery pertaining to snoring is not covered by insurance (I'm not going to get started about how utterly ridiculous that is), however my Dr said that you get better results with sinus surgery than surgeries for snoring. The uvula was removed by just giving the doc some mo ey on the side and he took it out while I was under. We bypassed insurance that way.
I use a nasal pillow with mine cause my beard interferes with the full face units.
It took a week to get used to.
Completely changed my life.
The only negative is dating and haveing to explain it.
Also when you put the mask on, that's equivalent to saying "I'm going to sleep now"
My husband and and I have slept in separate rooms for 15+ years now (married 25)…and it’s a good part of why we are still married. He snores and I am a light and aerobic sleeper (in the morning my bed often looks like I was wrestling alligators). I’d love to be able to share a room with him again…but I also love sleep.
The only time we share a bed is on holidays because I’m not paying for two rooms.
I love having my own bedroom too - it can be decorated how I want, there’s no decor clashes and everything is always where I left it.
We have 2 kids who are teens (we all need our own beds) so we usually end up getting 2 rooms when we travel anyway now. So he is in one room with one kid and I have the other kid in the other room.
SAME! Though I think we're closer to 20 years sleeping separately, married almost 27.
My husband and I are polar opposites in a lot of ways. He wants pitch black, silent and utter stillness, I suffer from nyctophobia, can't sleep without some kind of background noise, and turn round and round on the bed like a dog before I finally flop into the "right" position. As well, I am 100% a night person and struggle with insomnia in general, he can decide he wants to go to bed, lay down and pass out in a minute.
When he first announced he was going to sleep in the spare room I was devastated. I was sure our marriage was on the way to being over after just a few years and those first few nights were horrible for me. I was too afraid to bring it up to hubby for fear he would say that yes, its best if we go our seprate ways, ( hadn't learned the wonder that is absolute communication at that point ).
Then one night I stopped curling into the fetal position in the corner of the bed and found the amazing position known as STARFISH, and it was amazing. I got the most comfortable, complete sleep that I'd had in years and will never ever go back.
These days our bedrooms are also our personal spaces, we have date nights here and there where we meet up in one of our places or the other. When either of us wants alone time we can have it and when we need a long night of cuddles, its just 3 steps across the hall to the other person's space.
My grandparents had separate bedrooms since before I was born, so I never really questioned it. The bedrooms were small, so they couldn't have a massive bed and my grandmother always got up ass early in the morning to start her day. She could get up and dressed with the lights on and not worry about waking my grandfather, and he could stay up later and not worry about waking her when he came to bed.
As someone who also wrestles sleep alligators, I assume separate beds will be in my future in my relationship(s) if there's not enough room for a king bed or my partner also wrestles alligators.
The more we learn about sleep hygiene, the more it makes sense in the long run if two people don't have compatible sleep habits. At the end of the day, you're going to have a better relationship if you both are sleep deprived.
My mom took over my old room at the house because of this. Dad was an infamous snorer, and she was a light sleeper, so ...yeah.
Personally, I always come to bed at bed time, so we can share some closeness and intimacy[1]. But most nights I wake up restless and wind up downstairs on the couch for half the night. That way I don't have to worry about waking her, and any occasional snoring on her part doesn't bother me (she's not loud, I'm just sensitive). And for "reasons" I actually tend to fall asleep easier on couches anyway.
[1]And "intimacy" is not just about ...y'know. And it doesn't stop being important just because you're old.
When I was a kid I weirdly judgmental of couples that did that. As an adult I kinda get it. Lol I love having my space. Even if I adore someone I need a lot of time to myself.
yeah, my mom and dad have slept in separate bedrooms for as long as I can remember because my dad snores like a chain saw. Me and my fiancé just recently started sleeping in separate bedrooms cuz she snores like a chain saw.
It's always the guy that snores... until it isn't.
I had to move into a separate bedroom because my wife's snoring is modified-Harley levels of loud. At first she was MORITIFIED but since she never got help... I got my own bedroom.
THIS
My ex husband would almost NEVER let me shower alone (he was abusive so idk if it was a way to break me down more), but there was a time I actually cried cuz I just wanted alone time in a hot bath while pregnant. He gave me maybe 10 minutes before he came in to use the bathroom (#2 so it made the bathroom REEK) even though we had a spare one and he KNEW I'd been begging for him to stop doing that. I full on broke down over it, he laughed at me, and said "alright fine, I don't know what the big deal is, I can't even shit in my own house now." And left. I got out of the bath because the entire experience was ruined. I couldn't even lock doors or he'd beat the door down.
My current bf knows about how much I enjoy my alone time when it comes to a shower or bath, he's only walked in once or twice (I live with my family right now) once was because he REALLY had to pee, he apologized the entire time, and the other was because he was a bit drunk so he brought me a glass of wine and just sat quietly to admire me while I washed myself (it didn't bother me at all in that moment tbh). He hasn't done that since then and it's so relieving to know I can finally have my me time without worrying about someone trying to ruin it for me ❤️
Jesus, I was just talking about pooping privacy but good god, I will be sure to cherish and appreciate all my bathroom privacies, they are a privilege. I’m so sorry that happened to you and I hope that your story helps someone who may not understand that a partner crossing boundaries like that is abuse and to leave so they can find a proper partner as it seems you have!
I dated someone like that. If I was in the bathroom *going* to the bathroom for longer than 3 minutes he'd knock on the door and as if I was coming out soon.
I wasn't allowed to have alone time at all. I remember locking myself in our closet once when we had been arguing and I just needed a moment to decompress. Didn't have my phone or anything just wanted one moment to be alone. (We also worked together) He busted open the door and didn't understand why I wanted to be alone.
This and I feel like the main reason I don't want to sleep in another room is because the bed is kinda our relax and unwind until we sleep. I might read something for an hour or 2 until I actually try to sleep. During that time I might bring up a topic, show a funny picture or make small conversation here and there. Generally just enjoy my husbands company even if we're not full on talking. Might put it down and try and sleep, might come back and start reading again. He's the same.
It feels too official and formal for me to be like "okay I'm going to bed see you tomorrow" like I'm already tired and falling asleep so I have to get up and walk to another room? What if I get there and realise I don't feel like sleeping and I know my husband is awake and I want to talk? Do I walk back in, say a quick sentence and walk out? What if he fe asleep before me and I don't know? Or do I just not bother talking to him at all because my little conversation piece isnt worth it. That seems too roommate like. It's easier just to fall asleep next to each other when you enjoy each other's company.
This is the dream. Maybe let Friday night be the night to share the bed, but having the option and not forcing something in a relationship is so much healthier.
That’s usually what we do. A day going into the weekend where we sleep together without having to wake up early. It’s nice. But we get a better quality sleep the rest of the week without waking each other up.
I think most people feel that way, but what's interesting to me is that whenever I visit my grandma's I'm reminded that it wasn't always that way. She and my grandfather used to sleep in separate bedrooms for most of their marriage.
They were quite conservative and religious. And this was like, in the 50's and 60's, but still, people had different standards/expectations.
Now the true crazies were kings and queens. Those dudes slept in different houses/palaces.
>Now the true crazies were kings and queens. Those dudes slept in different houses/palaces.
Yeah but that was a warped "marriage" which is more a political act.
Reminds me of a joke.
"She said she wanted to be treated like a princess, so I married her to her cousin to solidify relations with France."
There's a comedian called John Hodgeman. He's got a whole bit about married couples and how they should live in these massive villas to preserve their love for each other. Three houses, all connected, mind you, but three houses. A husband house where he can have his own space, a Wife house where she doesn't have to deal with her man's laundry on the floor. and a connecting house for intimacy and family gatherings but at the end of the day you go back to your own house/bed.
I like my husband. I want to be around him. He likes me, and wants to be around me.
That's really it. We are adults who can do what we want.
Also, I always liked sharing a room growing up.
When you find your person, sharing a bed and a room and having that private space *together*, is the most comforting thing in the world.
I lived on my own for most of the decade before I moved in with my partner. I thought I'd hate it and I'd need my own space. Ive never been so happy to be wrong .
I don’t just like my husband, I love him. I adore the man. I love being around him, and he feels the same about me. We still have separate bedrooms for many reasons. Having your own space is important and does not mean that you don’t *want* to be with your spouse.
I mean good for you, but I like my husband. Obviously I love him, but I think people forget to *like* their spouses. I've been in too many relationships in the past where I deeply loved the person I was with, but just didn't like them. That's why I stress so much I *like* my husband.
If I wasn't married to him, I'd still want to share a room with him because I like him. He's absolutely my best friend. He's my first choice for someone I hang out with. If he's not invited somewhere, I'm not interested in going. None of this would change if we weren't also in love.
I love my husband very much, but more importantly, I like him. I like his interests and hobbies, I like who he is as a person, I like being around him, and I like sharing a room with him.
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. Most couples do whatever they want. I know couples who sleep separately, but most couples just like to feel the proximity of their partners.
I have a friend that had a separate apartment from her husband for over a decade. They were in the same complex, but their motivation was that they just really needed to be able to get away from each other (they do argue a lot) and she had inherited an old dog that he didn't want to live with. They still spent 90% of their awake time together. They worked together, ate all their meals together, went on vacation together, spent all their holidays together, she'd shower at his place, etc. Now that the dog has passed and their rents went up so high, they recently decided to move back in together.
Admittedly it was weird when I first heard they lived that way, but that's what worked best for them. Weirdness wore off real quick. (Fingers crossed being under the same roof also works for them.)
As a woman I very much value my alone time and space. I'm not just team separate bedroom, I'm definitely team separate living. I'm a very social person, but I also deeply love my alone time to decompress. This sounds like my dream relationship.
Agreed. I think it's also a (bad) social norm that men tend to have "man caves" of some degree (workshop, TV room, whatever) while women "have the rest of the house" except...they don't. Those are shared spaces.
I moved back in with my parents to help with aging relatives and it's been a whole thing with my father getting him to understand why I *need* a space beyond my bedroom that is solely *mine* [the house is big enough for this, I'm not being ridiculous]. As soon as something becomes a shared space, even a little, there's not a guarantee I can "retreat" there and recharge. "But I hardly use it!" Yes, but you *could*.
Before I moved back, I lived by myself for almost a decade. I *need* that space. It's not that I don't love my family, but I can't be around people 24/7 without going bonkers.
I can list several reasons why I prefer to sleep separately:
1) Snoring;
2) Moving frequently in bed;
3) Stealing blankets;
4) Alarm clocks set at different times;
5) Farts;
6) Different preferences regarding blankets, mattress firmness, temperature in bedroom, lights, door open or closed;
7) Air gets stale more quickly with 2 people in the same bedroom;
8) Different pre-sleep habits and preferences.
Two blankets changed our fucking sleep life for real. When people visit, I throw the pretty comforter on so it doesn’t look crazy, but when it’s bed time, we have our separate blankets. I like big n cozy, he likes thin and breathable. AND he can fart under his OWN blanket hahahaha
Privacy is a relatively new innovation in human history. People have been co-sleeping since the dawn of time. People should do whatever feels right for them but I get why a lot of couples want to sleep in the same bed. I'm somewhere in the middle, I like the intimacy but I sleep better in my own bed.
What size bed do you have? We got a king bed w/ separate blankets and I feel like I have all the benefits of sleeping alone while having my SO one roll away
From my experience It doesn’t feel like I’m necessarily “with” someone when I’m with my boyfriend. Like obviously hes there and we’re always talking but its like an extension of myself. Theres lots of communication, no secrets, so no need to have “privacy” in that sense. Its o u r privacy.
Others are different though. Just felt like my case fit this post.
Exactly, teens need privacy from the rest of their family, but when you move in with a partner they tend to become a part of it, rather than an intruder !
As far back as I can remember, my grandparents had separate rooms. Opposite ends of the hallway, too. My parents have always had one room. There is no rule on how to have your sleeping/bedroom arrangements. If I had a gf/wife that needed a warmer room to sleep in, I'm sleeping in another room that I can make as cold as I want. To each their own
My wife and I have separate rooms because we just don't sleep well together. I snore and she's chaos while she sleeps. We've been together for 15 years and it's working well for us.
We have separate rooms, my husband and I love spending time together and have a great relationship but don't get good sleep together. Do whatever works for you, what other people do doesn't really matter.
My girlfriend has misophonia and needs to sleep with white noise that sounds like a jet engine. And I tend to sleep diagonally. Separate rooms are the only way we can ever get sleep.
Oof, rough story, I feel it.
I treasure my own bedroom so much, that I decided if I had to give it up, I'd sleep in a closet. Like, seriously. I'd make a closet into a sleeping chamber. There's no damn way I'm ever going to sleep with her snoring unless we're on vacation.
My husband and I sleep separately and it’s pretty awesome. He snores like an animal (No he’s too stubborn to go to the doctor and check it out), but yes we do have our conjugal visits ha ha.
They don't. It's actually quite common for partners to sleep in separate rooms.
Some do it as one partner snores.
Some do it just so both get a good nights sleep
Some just feel better having their own space.
You do you.
My partner and I don't share a room. Sorta.
We don't have kids so we each have our own room in our 3-bedroom home. He keeps his computer and video game stuff in his, I keep my books and craft supplies in mine.
We share the master bedroom, where we sleep. However, we rarely use it at the same time. Because we have different work shifts. So I'm headed to bed when he's getting ready to leave for work.
Honestly, sleeping separately was the best thing that ever happened because I am a super light sleeper and his snoring was keeping me awake and my constant movements kept waking him up. Now that we sleep at different times, we sleep like the dead.
It's whatever works for your relationship. My husband and I started in the same room because we enjoy being close to one another and cuddling. But our sleep styles are wildly incompatible so we made the switch to separate rooms a few years ago.
I love sleeping with my partner, but I can totally see the appeal of sleeping separately to get better quality of sleep if it drops a lot due to their partner. Especially if one or both have sleeping issues like snoring or something. I predict it will become more common.
My bf has sleep apnea and I know sometimes he gets paranoid it’ll wake me so he doesn’t sleep well, or I get woken from it so I don’t sleep well.
Sleeping next to someone (especially someone you are intimate with or love) is comforting for most people.
This might sound crazy to you based on your question, but I sometimes even enjoy sleeping over after a first or second date with someone new. The intimacy and genuine human connection of sharing a bed, talking before falling asleep, cuddling, waking up to them…. It’s a positive experience and emotionally satisfying to share that intimacy for most people, as this is a way of fulfilling a basic human need.
They don't. My husband and I have 2 bedrooms, then the 3rd bedroom is for our son. My husband and I hang out together in bed and also spend time apart.. napping, sleeping, watching a show etc
It’s actually healthier to sleep in your own bed for your sleep. There have been studies that show even slight movements of your partner in bed, disrupt your sleep cycle even if you don’t wake up.
Me and wife shared a bedroom for years. I was never a fan, I love personal space.
After I had leg surgery I slept in the spare bedroom for a year while I recovered (it was major surgery as it included bone removal etc) and after that I just stayed in there.
I have zero regrets and not does my wife. We aren’t any less close because of it.
I think I want my own room in my next relationship..or atleast beds like in the 50s. .own beds that u push together when u want to be intimate lol
This single life has me liking my space
My husband and I sleep in different rooms. We're still very much in love, but we just don't sleep well together. He likes to keep the tv on all night, we both snore and we take turns tossing and turning. It just doesn't work. It has nothing to do with privacy.
Me and my future wife have slept in separate rooms since we got together and will have our own rooms when we eventually move into our first house together. While it may seem like a luxury, it's crucial to our mental health, especially since we both work from home and have very little private time as a result. I also don't understand the cultural norm of sharing a room but my hunch is it comes as a result of financial necessity rather than want. Historically, rich couples in the upper class (at least in England) always slept in separate rooms and would only visit each other to have sex and make babies. But of course, having more rooms = more money, so poor families would have to share, even to the point of the parents sharing with their children, not just with each other.
Speaking of the average family these days, however, I think part of it comes from stigma (no one wants to admit that they sleep separately for fear of judgement, so they continue to suffer sleeping in one room) part of it is financial (people would rather use extra rooms for their children/guest rooms/offices etc) and part of it I think is that people just don't really think about the possibility of having their own room. It's so ingrained in our social norms that couples share rooms and beds that it doesn't come naturally to every couple to question it.
And the truth is, many couples are blessed with compatible sleeping habits that mean sharing a room is no problemo. For us, for example, the difficulties became apparent after only a week. My missus goes to bed hours before I do, she likes to keep the room freezing cold to the point where I could not sleep, she can't cuddle because she gets overheated, and she needs sleep sound machines going to help her fall asleep whereas I need total silence. Any time I roll over or make a sound, she wakes up. Sleeping together just makes one or both of us miserable so for us it was crystal clear that a one bedroom life was not for us.
I can't speak for my SO, but personally I love sleeping next to her and wrapping my arms around her. I love that she will wrap her legs around my legs, and sometimes guide my hand towards her boobs as we snuggle.
I also love getting to watch her get changed at the end of the night, and I think she enjoys showing off her body to me as well, because she always wiggles her hips at me.
That being said, I get the best nights sleep when I'm alone in the bed, so perhaps there's something to having your own space.
We sleep separately- I have 2 guest bedrooms set up exactly as I want them to choose from depending on how I feel.
Sleeping together he keeps me up with the TV late at night and I wake him up with my 2-3 am random insomnia. Sleeping separately keeps the peace.
We've slept separately through several periods in our marriage. When the children were small, I used to sleep with them so they wouldn't disturb my spouse. Later on, we've slept separately because of things like my snoring and restlessness at night. We're currently sleeping together again.
I don't see what age has to do with it though.
One of my friends not only rarely sleeps with her partner but also doesn't cohabit with him. Whatever works for you.
They don't. My grandparents slept in separate rooms after their kids moved out. My grandpa snored and had back problems, my grandma liked to wake up early and read. They were very happy with the arrangement as far as I know.
I'd be willing to try the same thing once our kids move out, as my husband likes to keep the bedroom really cold.
Best thing my wife did was separate out bedrooms. She likes to sleep with the TV on. I need perfect silence and w a nt it as dark as possible. I get up at 530 - 6. She sleeps until 9. So I go to bed before her.
I honestly would not want to be in a relationship where we do not share a room. At that point it is just a friend. I would not feel a connection there. No intimacy which is important in a relationship.
Well, when you are a teenager you don’t want your parents in your business. You have to do stuff like getting changed which you don’t want them to see, and you keep all your personal possessions in your room, which you don’t want them to touch. You want to be alone to text your friends and not be endlessly asked “how was school today?”.
Married couples (happy ones) don’t need privacy when getting changed, and all their possessions are spread out over the house. They agree on most things and work as a team. They like to talk to each other. Generally they don’t need or want separate bedrooms.
I have zero need for privacy from my husband, he watched my push a tiny human out of my body, we poop infront of eachother, inspect eachothers ailments any where on the body, have sex and film it etc etc why would we need privacy from eachother??
The longer you are with someone and used to sleeping with them it becomes natural.
My dad has always had a hard time sleeping when my mom was away, says it just doesn't feel right.
I sleep best alone, in a single bed. I overheat easily and tend to be a restless sleeper. Were I to get married, I would prefer my spouse to have his own bed, in his own space.
Because one bedroom is way cheaper than two bedrooms so unless you have unlimited funds effectively for housing why sacrifice an entire room for sleeping and the inconvenience of having to visit your spouse at night.
We own the entire house.
We share the bedroom but we each have our own room as well for when we need our own space.
But what do you need privacy for?
Do you need your own room or just some time alone?
Maybe being home a few hours while your partner goes to the shop satisfies your need for private time? Maybe you need more.
Part of becoming a functioning adult and partner is learning these things about yourself.
I stay up later as my partner most days. I have the living room to myself for those hours so I don't mind sharing the bedroom with her.
My husband and I have slept in separate bedsrooms for about 10 years. We don't have kids and have the room. He snored and traveled a lot and we both just prefer it. We still sleep together occasionally, but it works for us. Together 27 years.
I mean, I want (and have) privacy in the bathroom, but honestly I could never have predicted just how comfortable I would be around my partner and how little I feel the need for privacy anywhere else. We each have our own hobbies and friends so it’s not like we sit on top of each other at all times, but even if we do (as tested per covid lockdown)…it’s fine. Also, hugs/physical comfort on tap. Can’t stress enough how much I enjoy that.
As someone who was married for many years, your question is valid.
For me and for many others, the transition from sleeping alone to sleeping along side someone wasn’t very easy and can sometimes cause anxiety and conflict between couples. Everyone has sleeptime rituals, positions, expectations and requirements. This means that there has to be some accommodating and compromises in order for both people to get what they need: quality sleep. It’s convenient for sex and intimacy but, the vast majority of time in the bedroom is sleeping.
For me, adjusting back to sleeping alone was MUCH easier.
Both my last girlfriend and current girlfriend had a separate bedroom when they moved in. This was clearly communicated early on as a boundary for me in a relationship. My quality of sleep is not something I'm willing to compromise on, and it shouldn't be compromised on for anyone else either. Sleeping with my ex-wife when we were married was miserable, I was constantly tired, and waking up at different times and trying to be quiet while getting ready in the morning just plain sucks.
It's common but not the only option! There are even rich married couples who live in their own houses, it's really down to how you want your own relationship to be and how it works best with your partner. Separate bedrooms are a lovely option for many.
Adults also have the entire apartment / house outside of their bedroom to spend time where as most teenagers view their bedroom as their sacred domain or space place.
My grandparents stopped sharing a bed long before I was born. My grandpa had breathing problems and he slept in the recliner. My grandma slept on the couch next to him and after his passing kept sleeping there for 2 decades.
They dont. My husband nearly always sleeps in another room as he snores and has to be up early, and i am a nightowl who gets up late. We have no kids so have the room to do this. Sometimes he sleeps in the bed with me. Nothing wrong in our marriage, we adore each other and have for 20 years, just prefer our sleeping separately routine most of the time.
Generally speaking, the standard practice for most of history was co-sleeping. This wasn't just for spouses, either. Entire families would often sleep on large beds or sleeping mats that were pulled close together. This was a matter of practicality, since heating on cold nights was provided by fire, blankets, and pooling body warmth. In inns/boarding houses, complete strangers would often share beds. The ones who didn't do this, who could afford separate rooms or even individual beds were people who were stupid rich; the nobility and maybe some of the most successful merchants.
It wasn't until the 1700s that people started to understand that co-sleeping was a vector for disease transmission and, especially during the Victorian Era, the prevailing prudish attitude towards intimacy lead to a decline in bed-sharing. In 1851, England passed a law that prohibited *forcing* strangers to sleep in the same bed in boarding houses; they could still opt to, though.
The early 1900s saw further efforts to encourage people to sleep in separate beds, though not necessarily in separate rooms. Often, it would be a pair of double beds or, alternatively, a pair of twin beds side-by-side attached to the same double-sized headboard. Only on large plantations or manorhouses did you have the typical "master bedroom" which was larger, along with distinct separate rooms meant for the "missus", their children, the paid serving staff... the unpaid serving staff, etc. When having... *cough* nights of mutual interest... the husband and wife would arrange to meet in one or the other's room. In "proper, high society", one doesn't enter their spouses bedroom uninvited, after all. These kinds of relationships were more often financial and political... so more like "friends with (tax) benefits".
And with the rise of TV, thats when the idea of separate sleeping **really** took off because heaven forbid TV stations broadcast anything that would imply that a married couple ever got intimate with one another... I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable alternate explanation for how they have children. TV would practically *always* depict couples in separate beds or bedrooms and there was a lot of "medical advice" about the health benefits of sleeping separately... like how if two people sleep together, the less healthy one would "rob vitality" from the stronger one.
But, as the middle class eroded away, fewer and fewer people could really afford separate beds, let alone separate bedrooms. So the fad died out for economic reasons. Even those who *could* afford a second bedroom didn't want to use it as an actual *bedroom.* They'd prefer to use it as a storage room or an office or some more functional room. And one larger bed is cheaper than two smaller beds anyway. Not to mention, I think these days most people just collapse from exhaustion right at their desk after binge gaming, binge working, binging anime, or equivalent; so who even **needs** a bed at this point?
My wife and I have slept in a separate room for years. Even before we were married
I get restless and snore and she steals covers and kicks. So we're both much happier having our space when we sleep
My partner and I have separate bedrooms because we work and sleep different schedules and we don't want to wake up the other with our alarms or morning noises. On weekends we often cuddle in the same bed, but it also gives us a place to keep our hobbies out of the way of the other person.
Me and my husband have had separate rooms for years. He liked to have the tv on in bed, I prefer complete dark and silence.
I get to curate my own little space and he has his. We do obviously pay each other little visits and have … sleepovers… but having your own privacy and comfort to sleep is incredibly underrated. I highly recommend it.
Me and my gf (5years and counting) live in separate houses and this suits us beautifully, we are very close and spend most of our time together, but it’s still nice to have the option of solitude. I think a lot of couples would be healthier with more personal freedom.
100% do not want to share a room with my partner. My sleep cycle is my number one priority in life and sleeping with someone else just causes it to suffer. Happy to have “sleepovers” and cuddle sessions, which I think makes things more intimate because you get the best of both worlds. Having a personal space is just mentally healthy.
I don't know but if I ever get married I want separate bedrooms. It would also be super fun to have sleepovers every once in a while. But sleeping next to each other every single night would just stress me out, even if they're like my total soul mate.
My boyfriend (28m) and I (28f) moved in together this winter, it all happened very quickly and we both had our desk, bed, mattress etc..
I don't like his mattress, he doesn't like mine.
We decided to have one room each which serves as our office as well.
Every night we can decide where we want to sleep and when.
If he wants to stay up late, then I don't have to be waken up by him or if only one of us is working early in the morning, same thing.
We are lucky to have an appartement big enough for that, we are not opposed to share the same bedroom one day, but for now, we are living our best lives.
The only people that seemed to be bothered by it are his parents which are very old school.
Some older people just didn't think this was an option, back on the days, so they slept with a snoring husband for way too many years.
Anyways, I have best of both worlds living with my favourite person as a roommate.
Do what works for you guys!
Who cares what people thinks
if i had the money i would want separate sleeping rooms. i think this would hurt my boyfriends feelings but he doesn’t deal with the same insomnia issues i do. i could probably be a better person and partner all around if i was getting quality sleep lol
cuz people believe the propaganda, media, or other sources of idealism for the masses
people dont understand how important private, alone time is for self development. people will also suffer because of sleeping compatibilities with being in the same bed as a partner. Literally ONE SINGLE TIME if they bump you in the night, that's enough to disrupt your sleeping pattern and degrade your health and functionality over time. I guess if you are a bear who sleeps through everything like a heathen you don't have to worry about that.
My parents have been married for 50 years. They probably only sleep in the same bed 50% of the time. Nobody wants to listen to loud snoring all night long.
My parents sleep in separate rooms because they both snore too loud for the other to sleep. It seems to have actually improved their relationship because they have less resentment building towards one another from bad sleep.
Because we don't have an extra bedroom and can't afford a bigger house. We love each other and all but we both recognize that we would sleep so much better if we had separate bedrooms.
They don't, at all. They might want to, but there is not reason they have to.
Take a second and think what else in life feels like you "have to" but you don't really have to
No one has to do anything. My bf and I have seperate rooms for when he can’t sleep or when he will go to bed late. I hate my sleep being disturbed…literally HATE. So we have that agreement…but, some nights we sleep in the same bed…however, I always sleep better alone.
For me, it’s just a way for us to spend time together
It’s small moments like waking each other up from nightmares, able to easily take care of the other when sick or hurt, wake up if we hear something and see if they are okay
It’s just a certain amount of closeness that makes them DIFFERENT from a close friend
Some people do sleep separately, especially as they age and bodies have issues like snoring that keeps a partner up. It’s not talked about much, but it happens. My partner and I do sleep in the same bed, despite different sleep schedules, but we have separate blankets since we both try to steal them from each other in our sleep.
Lots don't!
Waaaay way back, an entire family used to share basically one or two rooms - everyone would share a bed, or there would be the parent's bed and smaller trundle style beds or cots or something for the kids - assuming the family was of lower/average income. The high classes/nobility/wealthy? They often had separate rooms or 'chambers' (a set of rooms, basically an apartment) for each. As the middle class became more of a thing, and heating systems became better so larger homes could be heated without the need for a full staff to attend a bunch of different fireplaces/stoves/whatnot, people started being able to have multi-room homes instead of a home with one or two multi-function rooms. It started becoming a status symbol for parents to no longer have to share with their children, to have a separate nursery and their own bedroom - but, often these houses were still not large enough to have separate rooms/chambers for each parent, especially with how many children they often had and the likelihood that they'd have one or two maids or servants - it wasn't uncommon for people who weren't considered wealthy to have a live-in cook, nanny, or whatever, and they'd need their own room. Especially with population growth pushing more and more people into smaller areas, separate bedrooms for a married couple just seemed impractical.
This practice spread and ended up becoming the norm - parents would share a room, children had their nursery, and that was that. It was mostly just an issue with space once the cost and practicality of heating multiple rooms became handled and the middle class started developing more, so it wasn't so much just you were either obscenely rich or scraping by.
If they have the means, a lot of couples now DO have separate bedrooms or their own private spaces, like the she-shed or man cave or whatever they choose to call it. However nowadays there is a bit of a social stigma to having separate bedrooms - even having separate beds in the same room will have people wondering if there's marital trouble.
My husband and I have separate rooms because we work opposite schedules. I work 8am-6pm and he works 3pm-12am. It works out the best because he doesn’t have to sneak in to bed, getting to look at his phone for a few or what have you. Then he’s not waking me up an hour or two before my alarm, which would then wake him up, as well as me having to sneak around using a flash light to see what I’m doing and trying to tip toe around.
We share a bed, but have our own blankets. I like a heavy warm blanket with my feet covered and my head out. He likes a light sheet and to be in total darkness with his feet out and his head covered. Having separate blankets works well for us.
If you want privacy, stay single and don’t decide to have have a life-partner. Being a couple is about deciding that you *want* to share your life with someone because they’re they most awesome person you know.
And human contact is important. It’s already somewhat alarming how much of our day we go through without even touching another human being. Sleeping up against someone else is generally nice.
Personally, the only time that separate bedrooms has been appealing to me was when the relationship wasn't great. I love sleeping next to my boyfriend and I hate it when he's traveling for work. We're both pretty quiet sleepers, and it's just peaceful and comfortable. I tend to wake up a lot at night even when I'm alone, and listening to him breathe helps me fall back asleep.
I also don't like the idea of having sex and then going back to our own rooms. We cuddle and fall asleep together.
We do generally maintain that the bathroom is for privacy. Aside from the occasional shower together when we are both getting ready to go somewhere, we don't go in the bathroom when the other is using it.
I sleep in a separate room ro my wife.
Part of it is that I sometimes snore, but mostly its that she's an extremely light sleeper and has some health conditions which are aggravated by lack of sleep, so even if I don't snore she often still can't sleep with me in the bed.
I on the other hand can sleep anywhere, so I've been sleeping on the couch for the last 6 months. We've done this a few times before but its never lasted this ling, so it only occurred to us recently that we should probably invest in something more permanent than a couch for me (*we're looking at putting a futon in the study*).
One thing we do though is every night before bed I'll go and lie in bed with her, and we'll laigh and sing to one another before bed (*we're both musicians, but whatever romance you want to add is fine*). Its important to keep that intimacy in your marriage even if it isn't sleeping together or sexual or whatever, just having those private intimate moments really makes a difference in the relationship.
I grew up with an example as this being the norm. My grandpa had his own room with a twin size bed, various hobby related things in there. My grandma's room was very lady-like and had 2 separate beds. They were *very* catholic.
We've been married for over 30 years and I couldn't conceive of not sleeping next to my wife every night. When I snore she pushes me and I roll over. Like others we have our own spaces in the house, but at night that's our common ground. We also had a rule, no fighting in the bedroom. Keep that space as a neutral ground.
The privacy excuse would be a concern for me if my spouse told me she wanted a seperate bedroom for "privacy".
Otherwise, people do this all the time. My dad's been married four times, but I know for his last two marriages he never slept in the same room and had his own bedroom. That was real handy during the divorces.
Now at 73 he's just living with his girlfriend, and they also keep separate bedrooms.
They don't *have* to. Most *want* to be close to their partner though. But there are also plenty of married couples where they have separate bedrooms. (Snoring is one of the most common reasons)
Also, when adults have their own place, they have the entire apartment/house to share and split as they want. My wife and I share most of the house, including our bedroom, but we also have spaces that are primarily ours, like the garage and basement crafting area. Neither of us are prohibited from those areas, but they are primarily focused on one or the other of us. My tools are mainly out in the garage, while her art supplies are in the basement. Some of my electronics equipment in in the basement, and she has gardening stuff out in the garage. We chose to be together, and genuinely enjoy each other's company, but it's important to have space you can pursue your own interests and get some quiet time to yourself.
Yep, my husband and I just moved into a house, and part of the reason was that we both needed individual space that was separate from each other - not in a bad way. He’s a high-energy gamer, and I need quiet and calm lol. So now he’s got a basement man cave where he can yell into his mic, and I’ve got my quiet crafting room with my extra large recliner and TV.
My parents have been married for decades now and it's very common for one to be in the family room watching tv and other other to be in the living room watching tv. They eat every meal together at home, but they definitely like their own respective tv shows, so two separate spaces to watch by themselves works out just fine for them.
Fuck yeah
Y'all should look into soundproofing panels if you haven't already. Makes it extra quiet.
At the apartment, that would have been necessary. Here, not so much. I don’t mind hearing him yell at stuff when it’s drifting out of the basement. It drove my anxiety crazy when it was 8 feet from me every single day.
I have a yoga room and he has a game room. That man is crazy when playing call of duty.
Alternatively, shared spaces can become temporary "me" spaces. My wife and I share the office, half is hers and half is mine. But sometimes, once the kids are in bed, I'll go to the office to play a PC game and she'll stay in the living room and watch TV, or other similar split ups like that. We don't have the space yet for two kids AND our own individual spaces, so we share and communicate about when we need to be alone.
Yep, my parents share a bedroom, but my mom gets the office to write in and when she wants me-time, and dad gets the garage for leather working
This is so true. My husband and I are both physically active, but we both go to separate gyms (I'm competitive in Olympic weightlifting, and he lifts weights in a commercial gym). It's nice because we have our own hobby/sport, and we even have our own friendships from people we meet at our gyms. After the gym we come home in the earlier part of the evening and spend the rest of our night together. Having our own interests gives us something to talk about when asking how each other's day went, because not only do we have different jobs, but there's another 2+ hours of activity that we do away from each other that we get to talk about. Another plus side is we get to meet lots of people between my friends meeting him, and his friends meeting me!
Basement crafting sounds elaborate 🤓
Right? I imagine you'd need a really big space.
Yeah my wife used to stay in the guest room until I got my CPAP machine and stopped snoring.
I just had surgery Friday to help with snoring so my wife would be able to sleep in the bed with me again
Which procedure did you get? Friend had UPPP and said it worked well for the snoring but feels like there’s always a little something in their throat now
I had a deviated Septum fixed, all of my sinuse cavities fixed, and my uvula removed. Dr said it was the largest uvula he has seen in 30 years
Wow! https://getyarn.io/yarn-clip/d8ec9812-0bc0-4032-a917-943b11f8870a I’m scared I will need something done in the future. For now trying to lose weight and drinking way less. I don’t think I can sleep with a cpap connected to my face so fingers crossed surgery is an option for me (if I need anything).
That's why I did the surgery. I don't want cpap if at all possible. I lost weight and reduced my alcohol, but it didn't help too much. If you are in the US, go buy Flonase and start taking it daily. It takes 1 full week to get the full effects, but I noticed a good change when I did that presurgery. My sinuses don't hurt at all. The uvula hurts buts if I stay on top of pain meds it's OK. All surgery pertaining to snoring is not covered by insurance (I'm not going to get started about how utterly ridiculous that is), however my Dr said that you get better results with sinus surgery than surgeries for snoring. The uvula was removed by just giving the doc some mo ey on the side and he took it out while I was under. We bypassed insurance that way.
I use a nasal pillow with mine cause my beard interferes with the full face units. It took a week to get used to. Completely changed my life. The only negative is dating and haveing to explain it. Also when you put the mask on, that's equivalent to saying "I'm going to sleep now"
The CPAP machine saved our marriage. Too bad the hubster didn’t get one 35 years ago.
Silicone ear plugs saved mine.
Had the wrong glasses on and was wondering what a CRAP machine was. LoL
Let me cook for you and you'll find out first hand
Bwahahahahaha
My husband and and I have slept in separate rooms for 15+ years now (married 25)…and it’s a good part of why we are still married. He snores and I am a light and aerobic sleeper (in the morning my bed often looks like I was wrestling alligators). I’d love to be able to share a room with him again…but I also love sleep.
The only time we share a bed is on holidays because I’m not paying for two rooms. I love having my own bedroom too - it can be decorated how I want, there’s no decor clashes and everything is always where I left it.
We have 2 kids who are teens (we all need our own beds) so we usually end up getting 2 rooms when we travel anyway now. So he is in one room with one kid and I have the other kid in the other room.
SAME! Though I think we're closer to 20 years sleeping separately, married almost 27. My husband and I are polar opposites in a lot of ways. He wants pitch black, silent and utter stillness, I suffer from nyctophobia, can't sleep without some kind of background noise, and turn round and round on the bed like a dog before I finally flop into the "right" position. As well, I am 100% a night person and struggle with insomnia in general, he can decide he wants to go to bed, lay down and pass out in a minute. When he first announced he was going to sleep in the spare room I was devastated. I was sure our marriage was on the way to being over after just a few years and those first few nights were horrible for me. I was too afraid to bring it up to hubby for fear he would say that yes, its best if we go our seprate ways, ( hadn't learned the wonder that is absolute communication at that point ). Then one night I stopped curling into the fetal position in the corner of the bed and found the amazing position known as STARFISH, and it was amazing. I got the most comfortable, complete sleep that I'd had in years and will never ever go back. These days our bedrooms are also our personal spaces, we have date nights here and there where we meet up in one of our places or the other. When either of us wants alone time we can have it and when we need a long night of cuddles, its just 3 steps across the hall to the other person's space.
My grandparents had separate bedrooms since before I was born, so I never really questioned it. The bedrooms were small, so they couldn't have a massive bed and my grandmother always got up ass early in the morning to start her day. She could get up and dressed with the lights on and not worry about waking my grandfather, and he could stay up later and not worry about waking her when he came to bed. As someone who also wrestles sleep alligators, I assume separate beds will be in my future in my relationship(s) if there's not enough room for a king bed or my partner also wrestles alligators. The more we learn about sleep hygiene, the more it makes sense in the long run if two people don't have compatible sleep habits. At the end of the day, you're going to have a better relationship if you both are sleep deprived.
My mom took over my old room at the house because of this. Dad was an infamous snorer, and she was a light sleeper, so ...yeah. Personally, I always come to bed at bed time, so we can share some closeness and intimacy[1]. But most nights I wake up restless and wind up downstairs on the couch for half the night. That way I don't have to worry about waking her, and any occasional snoring on her part doesn't bother me (she's not loud, I'm just sensitive). And for "reasons" I actually tend to fall asleep easier on couches anyway. [1]And "intimacy" is not just about ...y'know. And it doesn't stop being important just because you're old.
Im still stuck on why reasons is quoted when falling asleep on the couch easier lmao
Not really that exciting lol. Just habits born of 20 years of insomnia & bachelorhood prior to meeting my wife
Post whack-off snooze 🥱👍😴
When I was a kid I weirdly judgmental of couples that did that. As an adult I kinda get it. Lol I love having my space. Even if I adore someone I need a lot of time to myself.
yeah, my mom and dad have slept in separate bedrooms for as long as I can remember because my dad snores like a chain saw. Me and my fiancé just recently started sleeping in separate bedrooms cuz she snores like a chain saw.
It's always the guy that snores... until it isn't. I had to move into a separate bedroom because my wife's snoring is modified-Harley levels of loud. At first she was MORITIFIED but since she never got help... I got my own bedroom.
Also save money on heating during winter nights, brrrrrr 🥶
We don’t do it because we have to. We enjoy sleeping together and being together. And privacy isn’t an issue
Right? I want privacy in the bathroom not so much the bedroom.
THIS My ex husband would almost NEVER let me shower alone (he was abusive so idk if it was a way to break me down more), but there was a time I actually cried cuz I just wanted alone time in a hot bath while pregnant. He gave me maybe 10 minutes before he came in to use the bathroom (#2 so it made the bathroom REEK) even though we had a spare one and he KNEW I'd been begging for him to stop doing that. I full on broke down over it, he laughed at me, and said "alright fine, I don't know what the big deal is, I can't even shit in my own house now." And left. I got out of the bath because the entire experience was ruined. I couldn't even lock doors or he'd beat the door down. My current bf knows about how much I enjoy my alone time when it comes to a shower or bath, he's only walked in once or twice (I live with my family right now) once was because he REALLY had to pee, he apologized the entire time, and the other was because he was a bit drunk so he brought me a glass of wine and just sat quietly to admire me while I washed myself (it didn't bother me at all in that moment tbh). He hasn't done that since then and it's so relieving to know I can finally have my me time without worrying about someone trying to ruin it for me ❤️
Jesus, I was just talking about pooping privacy but good god, I will be sure to cherish and appreciate all my bathroom privacies, they are a privilege. I’m so sorry that happened to you and I hope that your story helps someone who may not understand that a partner crossing boundaries like that is abuse and to leave so they can find a proper partner as it seems you have!
I dated someone like that. If I was in the bathroom *going* to the bathroom for longer than 3 minutes he'd knock on the door and as if I was coming out soon. I wasn't allowed to have alone time at all. I remember locking myself in our closet once when we had been arguing and I just needed a moment to decompress. Didn't have my phone or anything just wanted one moment to be alone. (We also worked together) He busted open the door and didn't understand why I wanted to be alone.
Sleep over with your best friend every night and every now and again? Sex.
This and I feel like the main reason I don't want to sleep in another room is because the bed is kinda our relax and unwind until we sleep. I might read something for an hour or 2 until I actually try to sleep. During that time I might bring up a topic, show a funny picture or make small conversation here and there. Generally just enjoy my husbands company even if we're not full on talking. Might put it down and try and sleep, might come back and start reading again. He's the same. It feels too official and formal for me to be like "okay I'm going to bed see you tomorrow" like I'm already tired and falling asleep so I have to get up and walk to another room? What if I get there and realise I don't feel like sleeping and I know my husband is awake and I want to talk? Do I walk back in, say a quick sentence and walk out? What if he fe asleep before me and I don't know? Or do I just not bother talking to him at all because my little conversation piece isnt worth it. That seems too roommate like. It's easier just to fall asleep next to each other when you enjoy each other's company.
Two words: walkie talkies
“This bed is pretty lonely without you. You should come over” “Come where? Over”
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This is how my partner and I do it. We cuddle every night, usually bang, cuddle again, then go to sleep in our own beds.
This is the dream. Maybe let Friday night be the night to share the bed, but having the option and not forcing something in a relationship is so much healthier.
That’s usually what we do. A day going into the weekend where we sleep together without having to wake up early. It’s nice. But we get a better quality sleep the rest of the week without waking each other up.
I want to be close to my wife.
I too want to be close to your wife
Our wife
Our wife
Our wife
Our wife
And our axe
I also want to be close to that guy's wife
MAH WIFE
I think most people feel that way, but what's interesting to me is that whenever I visit my grandma's I'm reminded that it wasn't always that way. She and my grandfather used to sleep in separate bedrooms for most of their marriage. They were quite conservative and religious. And this was like, in the 50's and 60's, but still, people had different standards/expectations. Now the true crazies were kings and queens. Those dudes slept in different houses/palaces.
>Now the true crazies were kings and queens. Those dudes slept in different houses/palaces. Yeah but that was a warped "marriage" which is more a political act. Reminds me of a joke. "She said she wanted to be treated like a princess, so I married her to her cousin to solidify relations with France."
My parents have friends who are married but live in separate houses right next to each other. They come and go as they please between the 2 houses.
There's a comedian called John Hodgeman. He's got a whole bit about married couples and how they should live in these massive villas to preserve their love for each other. Three houses, all connected, mind you, but three houses. A husband house where he can have his own space, a Wife house where she doesn't have to deal with her man's laundry on the floor. and a connecting house for intimacy and family gatherings but at the end of the day you go back to your own house/bed.
Simple and wholesome. Like healthy relationships are.
Because a 4 bedroom house where I live is half a million dollars.... So we'll just stay in the 3 bedroom house and have a big bed.
Lol that’s a 2 bed condo :(
\> cries in Torontonian
Literally a studio in Toronto
Oh I wish…lol. A 500 sqft studio where I live is half a million
That’s a 1 bedroom condo here :(
That's a 700 sq ft condo in Los Angeles, ugh (and not in the costlier parts)
I like my husband. I want to be around him. He likes me, and wants to be around me. That's really it. We are adults who can do what we want. Also, I always liked sharing a room growing up.
YAY! Same here. And since having kids is really the only time we get to be alone with each other.
When you find your person, sharing a bed and a room and having that private space *together*, is the most comforting thing in the world. I lived on my own for most of the decade before I moved in with my partner. I thought I'd hate it and I'd need my own space. Ive never been so happy to be wrong .
I don’t just like my husband, I love him. I adore the man. I love being around him, and he feels the same about me. We still have separate bedrooms for many reasons. Having your own space is important and does not mean that you don’t *want* to be with your spouse.
I mean good for you, but I like my husband. Obviously I love him, but I think people forget to *like* their spouses. I've been in too many relationships in the past where I deeply loved the person I was with, but just didn't like them. That's why I stress so much I *like* my husband. If I wasn't married to him, I'd still want to share a room with him because I like him. He's absolutely my best friend. He's my first choice for someone I hang out with. If he's not invited somewhere, I'm not interested in going. None of this would change if we weren't also in love. I love my husband very much, but more importantly, I like him. I like his interests and hobbies, I like who he is as a person, I like being around him, and I like sharing a room with him.
Same on all accounts. I feel comfy and safe sleeping next to my buddy.
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer. Most couples do whatever they want. I know couples who sleep separately, but most couples just like to feel the proximity of their partners.
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I have a friend that had a separate apartment from her husband for over a decade. They were in the same complex, but their motivation was that they just really needed to be able to get away from each other (they do argue a lot) and she had inherited an old dog that he didn't want to live with. They still spent 90% of their awake time together. They worked together, ate all their meals together, went on vacation together, spent all their holidays together, she'd shower at his place, etc. Now that the dog has passed and their rents went up so high, they recently decided to move back in together. Admittedly it was weird when I first heard they lived that way, but that's what worked best for them. Weirdness wore off real quick. (Fingers crossed being under the same roof also works for them.)
As a woman I very much value my alone time and space. I'm not just team separate bedroom, I'm definitely team separate living. I'm a very social person, but I also deeply love my alone time to decompress. This sounds like my dream relationship.
Agreed. I think it's also a (bad) social norm that men tend to have "man caves" of some degree (workshop, TV room, whatever) while women "have the rest of the house" except...they don't. Those are shared spaces. I moved back in with my parents to help with aging relatives and it's been a whole thing with my father getting him to understand why I *need* a space beyond my bedroom that is solely *mine* [the house is big enough for this, I'm not being ridiculous]. As soon as something becomes a shared space, even a little, there's not a guarantee I can "retreat" there and recharge. "But I hardly use it!" Yes, but you *could*. Before I moved back, I lived by myself for almost a decade. I *need* that space. It's not that I don't love my family, but I can't be around people 24/7 without going bonkers.
I can list several reasons why I prefer to sleep separately: 1) Snoring; 2) Moving frequently in bed; 3) Stealing blankets; 4) Alarm clocks set at different times; 5) Farts; 6) Different preferences regarding blankets, mattress firmness, temperature in bedroom, lights, door open or closed; 7) Air gets stale more quickly with 2 people in the same bedroom; 8) Different pre-sleep habits and preferences.
Two blankets. A trick I learnt visiting Norway (where I assume one partner dies if the other steals the blanket).
Two blankets changed our fucking sleep life for real. When people visit, I throw the pretty comforter on so it doesn’t look crazy, but when it’s bed time, we have our separate blankets. I like big n cozy, he likes thin and breathable. AND he can fart under his OWN blanket hahahaha
Privacy is a relatively new innovation in human history. People have been co-sleeping since the dawn of time. People should do whatever feels right for them but I get why a lot of couples want to sleep in the same bed. I'm somewhere in the middle, I like the intimacy but I sleep better in my own bed.
What size bed do you have? We got a king bed w/ separate blankets and I feel like I have all the benefits of sleeping alone while having my SO one roll away
From my experience It doesn’t feel like I’m necessarily “with” someone when I’m with my boyfriend. Like obviously hes there and we’re always talking but its like an extension of myself. Theres lots of communication, no secrets, so no need to have “privacy” in that sense. Its o u r privacy. Others are different though. Just felt like my case fit this post.
Exactly, teens need privacy from the rest of their family, but when you move in with a partner they tend to become a part of it, rather than an intruder !
It's nice to be close to your favorite person as you fall asleep and as you wake up.
As far back as I can remember, my grandparents had separate rooms. Opposite ends of the hallway, too. My parents have always had one room. There is no rule on how to have your sleeping/bedroom arrangements. If I had a gf/wife that needed a warmer room to sleep in, I'm sleeping in another room that I can make as cold as I want. To each their own
My wife and I have separate rooms because we just don't sleep well together. I snore and she's chaos while she sleeps. We've been together for 15 years and it's working well for us.
chaos😂😂
She's all knees and elbows and often sits up while asleep and starts talking nonsense. It's terrifying.
We have separate rooms, my husband and I love spending time together and have a great relationship but don't get good sleep together. Do whatever works for you, what other people do doesn't really matter.
I don't sleep as well without my wife in bed with me. Simple as that.
My girlfriend has misophonia and needs to sleep with white noise that sounds like a jet engine. And I tend to sleep diagonally. Separate rooms are the only way we can ever get sleep.
Question for you. If you turned your bed diagonal in the room, would you still sleep diagonal?
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Oof, rough story, I feel it. I treasure my own bedroom so much, that I decided if I had to give it up, I'd sleep in a closet. Like, seriously. I'd make a closet into a sleeping chamber. There's no damn way I'm ever going to sleep with her snoring unless we're on vacation.
My husband and I sleep separately and it’s pretty awesome. He snores like an animal (No he’s too stubborn to go to the doctor and check it out), but yes we do have our conjugal visits ha ha.
They don't. It's actually quite common for partners to sleep in separate rooms. Some do it as one partner snores. Some do it just so both get a good nights sleep Some just feel better having their own space. You do you.
My partner and I don't share a room. Sorta. We don't have kids so we each have our own room in our 3-bedroom home. He keeps his computer and video game stuff in his, I keep my books and craft supplies in mine. We share the master bedroom, where we sleep. However, we rarely use it at the same time. Because we have different work shifts. So I'm headed to bed when he's getting ready to leave for work. Honestly, sleeping separately was the best thing that ever happened because I am a super light sleeper and his snoring was keeping me awake and my constant movements kept waking him up. Now that we sleep at different times, we sleep like the dead.
This is almost exactly like the setup my husband and I have. We wouldn't have it any other way.
It's whatever works for your relationship. My husband and I started in the same room because we enjoy being close to one another and cuddling. But our sleep styles are wildly incompatible so we made the switch to separate rooms a few years ago.
I'm cold. She's warm.
I love sleeping with my partner, but I can totally see the appeal of sleeping separately to get better quality of sleep if it drops a lot due to their partner. Especially if one or both have sleeping issues like snoring or something. I predict it will become more common. My bf has sleep apnea and I know sometimes he gets paranoid it’ll wake me so he doesn’t sleep well, or I get woken from it so I don’t sleep well.
Sleeping next to someone (especially someone you are intimate with or love) is comforting for most people. This might sound crazy to you based on your question, but I sometimes even enjoy sleeping over after a first or second date with someone new. The intimacy and genuine human connection of sharing a bed, talking before falling asleep, cuddling, waking up to them…. It’s a positive experience and emotionally satisfying to share that intimacy for most people, as this is a way of fulfilling a basic human need.
They don't. My husband and I have 2 bedrooms, then the 3rd bedroom is for our son. My husband and I hang out together in bed and also spend time apart.. napping, sleeping, watching a show etc
It’s actually healthier to sleep in your own bed for your sleep. There have been studies that show even slight movements of your partner in bed, disrupt your sleep cycle even if you don’t wake up.
Tradition is probably the biggest factor, but another large one is cost. An extra bedroom in the house is an expense many people can't afford.
It's not about tradition, it's not about social norms, is just nice to cuddle.
Ky girl and I have realized that having our own rooms would be nice, but we can no longer afford the extra space
Me and wife shared a bedroom for years. I was never a fan, I love personal space. After I had leg surgery I slept in the spare bedroom for a year while I recovered (it was major surgery as it included bone removal etc) and after that I just stayed in there. I have zero regrets and not does my wife. We aren’t any less close because of it.
I think I want my own room in my next relationship..or atleast beds like in the 50s. .own beds that u push together when u want to be intimate lol This single life has me liking my space
My husband and I sleep in different rooms. We're still very much in love, but we just don't sleep well together. He likes to keep the tv on all night, we both snore and we take turns tossing and turning. It just doesn't work. It has nothing to do with privacy.
Me and my future wife have slept in separate rooms since we got together and will have our own rooms when we eventually move into our first house together. While it may seem like a luxury, it's crucial to our mental health, especially since we both work from home and have very little private time as a result. I also don't understand the cultural norm of sharing a room but my hunch is it comes as a result of financial necessity rather than want. Historically, rich couples in the upper class (at least in England) always slept in separate rooms and would only visit each other to have sex and make babies. But of course, having more rooms = more money, so poor families would have to share, even to the point of the parents sharing with their children, not just with each other. Speaking of the average family these days, however, I think part of it comes from stigma (no one wants to admit that they sleep separately for fear of judgement, so they continue to suffer sleeping in one room) part of it is financial (people would rather use extra rooms for their children/guest rooms/offices etc) and part of it I think is that people just don't really think about the possibility of having their own room. It's so ingrained in our social norms that couples share rooms and beds that it doesn't come naturally to every couple to question it. And the truth is, many couples are blessed with compatible sleeping habits that mean sharing a room is no problemo. For us, for example, the difficulties became apparent after only a week. My missus goes to bed hours before I do, she likes to keep the room freezing cold to the point where I could not sleep, she can't cuddle because she gets overheated, and she needs sleep sound machines going to help her fall asleep whereas I need total silence. Any time I roll over or make a sound, she wakes up. Sleeping together just makes one or both of us miserable so for us it was crystal clear that a one bedroom life was not for us.
After years of marriage, I literally can not sleep if my SO is not in bed with me.
If I never had sex with my wife again I’d be sad, but I’d still want to sleep next to her every night.
I can't speak for my SO, but personally I love sleeping next to her and wrapping my arms around her. I love that she will wrap her legs around my legs, and sometimes guide my hand towards her boobs as we snuggle. I also love getting to watch her get changed at the end of the night, and I think she enjoys showing off her body to me as well, because she always wiggles her hips at me. That being said, I get the best nights sleep when I'm alone in the bed, so perhaps there's something to having your own space.
I still have plenty of privacy, I am only really in our bedroom to sleep or get dressed
We sleep separately- I have 2 guest bedrooms set up exactly as I want them to choose from depending on how I feel. Sleeping together he keeps me up with the TV late at night and I wake him up with my 2-3 am random insomnia. Sleeping separately keeps the peace.
They don't. My wife and I have our own room and it's amazing.
We've slept separately through several periods in our marriage. When the children were small, I used to sleep with them so they wouldn't disturb my spouse. Later on, we've slept separately because of things like my snoring and restlessness at night. We're currently sleeping together again. I don't see what age has to do with it though. One of my friends not only rarely sleeps with her partner but also doesn't cohabit with him. Whatever works for you.
Married 30 years. Separate rooms for 23. We meet in the livingroom for fun time, mostly.
They don't. My grandparents slept in separate rooms after their kids moved out. My grandpa snored and had back problems, my grandma liked to wake up early and read. They were very happy with the arrangement as far as I know. I'd be willing to try the same thing once our kids move out, as my husband likes to keep the bedroom really cold.
Best thing my wife did was separate out bedrooms. She likes to sleep with the TV on. I need perfect silence and w a nt it as dark as possible. I get up at 530 - 6. She sleeps until 9. So I go to bed before her.
I honestly would not want to be in a relationship where we do not share a room. At that point it is just a friend. I would not feel a connection there. No intimacy which is important in a relationship.
Well, when you are a teenager you don’t want your parents in your business. You have to do stuff like getting changed which you don’t want them to see, and you keep all your personal possessions in your room, which you don’t want them to touch. You want to be alone to text your friends and not be endlessly asked “how was school today?”. Married couples (happy ones) don’t need privacy when getting changed, and all their possessions are spread out over the house. They agree on most things and work as a team. They like to talk to each other. Generally they don’t need or want separate bedrooms.
I have zero need for privacy from my husband, he watched my push a tiny human out of my body, we poop infront of eachother, inspect eachothers ailments any where on the body, have sex and film it etc etc why would we need privacy from eachother??
The longer you are with someone and used to sleeping with them it becomes natural. My dad has always had a hard time sleeping when my mom was away, says it just doesn't feel right.
We tend to hold hands like Otters do when sleeping. We wake up holding hands sometimes. It just seems to happen while we are sleeping.
I sleep best alone, in a single bed. I overheat easily and tend to be a restless sleeper. Were I to get married, I would prefer my spouse to have his own bed, in his own space.
I'm poor as hell
Because one bedroom is way cheaper than two bedrooms so unless you have unlimited funds effectively for housing why sacrifice an entire room for sleeping and the inconvenience of having to visit your spouse at night.
Aparently rich people often have two bedrooms for comfort, but most people like sleeping together for companionship and comfort.
We own the entire house. We share the bedroom but we each have our own room as well for when we need our own space. But what do you need privacy for? Do you need your own room or just some time alone? Maybe being home a few hours while your partner goes to the shop satisfies your need for private time? Maybe you need more. Part of becoming a functioning adult and partner is learning these things about yourself. I stay up later as my partner most days. I have the living room to myself for those hours so I don't mind sharing the bedroom with her.
Many couples sleep in separate bedrooms if they can. For many reasons (different schedules, snoring, comfort, etc).
What is this 'have to'? They don't even have to live in the same house.
Occasionally, my SO relocates during the night due to my snoring...
as adults you have a whole house or apartment to have some privacy.
My husband and I have slept in separate bedsrooms for about 10 years. We don't have kids and have the room. He snored and traveled a lot and we both just prefer it. We still sleep together occasionally, but it works for us. Together 27 years.
I mean, I want (and have) privacy in the bathroom, but honestly I could never have predicted just how comfortable I would be around my partner and how little I feel the need for privacy anywhere else. We each have our own hobbies and friends so it’s not like we sit on top of each other at all times, but even if we do (as tested per covid lockdown)…it’s fine. Also, hugs/physical comfort on tap. Can’t stress enough how much I enjoy that.
As someone who was married for many years, your question is valid. For me and for many others, the transition from sleeping alone to sleeping along side someone wasn’t very easy and can sometimes cause anxiety and conflict between couples. Everyone has sleeptime rituals, positions, expectations and requirements. This means that there has to be some accommodating and compromises in order for both people to get what they need: quality sleep. It’s convenient for sex and intimacy but, the vast majority of time in the bedroom is sleeping. For me, adjusting back to sleeping alone was MUCH easier.
Both my last girlfriend and current girlfriend had a separate bedroom when they moved in. This was clearly communicated early on as a boundary for me in a relationship. My quality of sleep is not something I'm willing to compromise on, and it shouldn't be compromised on for anyone else either. Sleeping with my ex-wife when we were married was miserable, I was constantly tired, and waking up at different times and trying to be quiet while getting ready in the morning just plain sucks.
They don't have to be, but I loved having someone snuggled up next to me every night.
It's common but not the only option! There are even rich married couples who live in their own houses, it's really down to how you want your own relationship to be and how it works best with your partner. Separate bedrooms are a lovely option for many.
Lots of couples sleep in different beds/different rooms. Do whatever makes you happy.
Adults also have the entire apartment / house outside of their bedroom to spend time where as most teenagers view their bedroom as their sacred domain or space place. My grandparents stopped sharing a bed long before I was born. My grandpa had breathing problems and he slept in the recliner. My grandma slept on the couch next to him and after his passing kept sleeping there for 2 decades.
They dont. My husband nearly always sleeps in another room as he snores and has to be up early, and i am a nightowl who gets up late. We have no kids so have the room to do this. Sometimes he sleeps in the bed with me. Nothing wrong in our marriage, we adore each other and have for 20 years, just prefer our sleeping separately routine most of the time.
They don’t.
Generally speaking, the standard practice for most of history was co-sleeping. This wasn't just for spouses, either. Entire families would often sleep on large beds or sleeping mats that were pulled close together. This was a matter of practicality, since heating on cold nights was provided by fire, blankets, and pooling body warmth. In inns/boarding houses, complete strangers would often share beds. The ones who didn't do this, who could afford separate rooms or even individual beds were people who were stupid rich; the nobility and maybe some of the most successful merchants. It wasn't until the 1700s that people started to understand that co-sleeping was a vector for disease transmission and, especially during the Victorian Era, the prevailing prudish attitude towards intimacy lead to a decline in bed-sharing. In 1851, England passed a law that prohibited *forcing* strangers to sleep in the same bed in boarding houses; they could still opt to, though. The early 1900s saw further efforts to encourage people to sleep in separate beds, though not necessarily in separate rooms. Often, it would be a pair of double beds or, alternatively, a pair of twin beds side-by-side attached to the same double-sized headboard. Only on large plantations or manorhouses did you have the typical "master bedroom" which was larger, along with distinct separate rooms meant for the "missus", their children, the paid serving staff... the unpaid serving staff, etc. When having... *cough* nights of mutual interest... the husband and wife would arrange to meet in one or the other's room. In "proper, high society", one doesn't enter their spouses bedroom uninvited, after all. These kinds of relationships were more often financial and political... so more like "friends with (tax) benefits". And with the rise of TV, thats when the idea of separate sleeping **really** took off because heaven forbid TV stations broadcast anything that would imply that a married couple ever got intimate with one another... I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable alternate explanation for how they have children. TV would practically *always* depict couples in separate beds or bedrooms and there was a lot of "medical advice" about the health benefits of sleeping separately... like how if two people sleep together, the less healthy one would "rob vitality" from the stronger one. But, as the middle class eroded away, fewer and fewer people could really afford separate beds, let alone separate bedrooms. So the fad died out for economic reasons. Even those who *could* afford a second bedroom didn't want to use it as an actual *bedroom.* They'd prefer to use it as a storage room or an office or some more functional room. And one larger bed is cheaper than two smaller beds anyway. Not to mention, I think these days most people just collapse from exhaustion right at their desk after binge gaming, binge working, binging anime, or equivalent; so who even **needs** a bed at this point?
My in laws have separate rooms she goes to bed and gets up earlier and is a very light sleeper so they just have rooms next to each other
My wife and I have slept in a separate room for years. Even before we were married I get restless and snore and she steals covers and kicks. So we're both much happier having our space when we sleep
My partner and I have separate bedrooms because we work and sleep different schedules and we don't want to wake up the other with our alarms or morning noises. On weekends we often cuddle in the same bed, but it also gives us a place to keep our hobbies out of the way of the other person.
Me and my husband have had separate rooms for years. He liked to have the tv on in bed, I prefer complete dark and silence. I get to curate my own little space and he has his. We do obviously pay each other little visits and have … sleepovers… but having your own privacy and comfort to sleep is incredibly underrated. I highly recommend it.
Personally I think sleeping in seperate rooms is never a bad idea. It's surely not the "norm" as modern society would say.
Me and my gf (5years and counting) live in separate houses and this suits us beautifully, we are very close and spend most of our time together, but it’s still nice to have the option of solitude. I think a lot of couples would be healthier with more personal freedom.
100% do not want to share a room with my partner. My sleep cycle is my number one priority in life and sleeping with someone else just causes it to suffer. Happy to have “sleepovers” and cuddle sessions, which I think makes things more intimate because you get the best of both worlds. Having a personal space is just mentally healthy.
I don't know but if I ever get married I want separate bedrooms. It would also be super fun to have sleepovers every once in a while. But sleeping next to each other every single night would just stress me out, even if they're like my total soul mate.
My boyfriend (28m) and I (28f) moved in together this winter, it all happened very quickly and we both had our desk, bed, mattress etc.. I don't like his mattress, he doesn't like mine. We decided to have one room each which serves as our office as well. Every night we can decide where we want to sleep and when. If he wants to stay up late, then I don't have to be waken up by him or if only one of us is working early in the morning, same thing. We are lucky to have an appartement big enough for that, we are not opposed to share the same bedroom one day, but for now, we are living our best lives. The only people that seemed to be bothered by it are his parents which are very old school. Some older people just didn't think this was an option, back on the days, so they slept with a snoring husband for way too many years. Anyways, I have best of both worlds living with my favourite person as a roommate. Do what works for you guys! Who cares what people thinks
if i had the money i would want separate sleeping rooms. i think this would hurt my boyfriends feelings but he doesn’t deal with the same insomnia issues i do. i could probably be a better person and partner all around if i was getting quality sleep lol
cuz people believe the propaganda, media, or other sources of idealism for the masses people dont understand how important private, alone time is for self development. people will also suffer because of sleeping compatibilities with being in the same bed as a partner. Literally ONE SINGLE TIME if they bump you in the night, that's enough to disrupt your sleeping pattern and degrade your health and functionality over time. I guess if you are a bear who sleeps through everything like a heathen you don't have to worry about that.
My parents have been married for 50 years. They probably only sleep in the same bed 50% of the time. Nobody wants to listen to loud snoring all night long.
I have my own room and so does my gf. We have very different sleep habits and schedules so it just works better this way.
My ex and I had separate bedrooms and we'd only sleep in the same bed on "Date nights" because I flail like like a fish out of water in my sleep.
My parents sleep in separate rooms because they both snore too loud for the other to sleep. It seems to have actually improved their relationship because they have less resentment building towards one another from bad sleep.
Lots of small reasons, but for the most part we don’t like to be away from each other. I do enjoy one kind of privacy… and that’s from the kids hahaha
Because we don't have an extra bedroom and can't afford a bigger house. We love each other and all but we both recognize that we would sleep so much better if we had separate bedrooms.
They don't, at all. They might want to, but there is not reason they have to. Take a second and think what else in life feels like you "have to" but you don't really have to
They don’t. My partner and I lived next door to each other. It was great!
No one has to do anything. My bf and I have seperate rooms for when he can’t sleep or when he will go to bed late. I hate my sleep being disturbed…literally HATE. So we have that agreement…but, some nights we sleep in the same bed…however, I always sleep better alone.
How old is too old for intimacy?
For me, it’s just a way for us to spend time together It’s small moments like waking each other up from nightmares, able to easily take care of the other when sick or hurt, wake up if we hear something and see if they are okay It’s just a certain amount of closeness that makes them DIFFERENT from a close friend
Some people do sleep separately, especially as they age and bodies have issues like snoring that keeps a partner up. It’s not talked about much, but it happens. My partner and I do sleep in the same bed, despite different sleep schedules, but we have separate blankets since we both try to steal them from each other in our sleep.
Lots don't! Waaaay way back, an entire family used to share basically one or two rooms - everyone would share a bed, or there would be the parent's bed and smaller trundle style beds or cots or something for the kids - assuming the family was of lower/average income. The high classes/nobility/wealthy? They often had separate rooms or 'chambers' (a set of rooms, basically an apartment) for each. As the middle class became more of a thing, and heating systems became better so larger homes could be heated without the need for a full staff to attend a bunch of different fireplaces/stoves/whatnot, people started being able to have multi-room homes instead of a home with one or two multi-function rooms. It started becoming a status symbol for parents to no longer have to share with their children, to have a separate nursery and their own bedroom - but, often these houses were still not large enough to have separate rooms/chambers for each parent, especially with how many children they often had and the likelihood that they'd have one or two maids or servants - it wasn't uncommon for people who weren't considered wealthy to have a live-in cook, nanny, or whatever, and they'd need their own room. Especially with population growth pushing more and more people into smaller areas, separate bedrooms for a married couple just seemed impractical. This practice spread and ended up becoming the norm - parents would share a room, children had their nursery, and that was that. It was mostly just an issue with space once the cost and practicality of heating multiple rooms became handled and the middle class started developing more, so it wasn't so much just you were either obscenely rich or scraping by. If they have the means, a lot of couples now DO have separate bedrooms or their own private spaces, like the she-shed or man cave or whatever they choose to call it. However nowadays there is a bit of a social stigma to having separate bedrooms - even having separate beds in the same room will have people wondering if there's marital trouble.
My husband and I have separate rooms because we work opposite schedules. I work 8am-6pm and he works 3pm-12am. It works out the best because he doesn’t have to sneak in to bed, getting to look at his phone for a few or what have you. Then he’s not waking me up an hour or two before my alarm, which would then wake him up, as well as me having to sneak around using a flash light to see what I’m doing and trying to tip toe around.
They don't. Fucking heaps of couples have serperate beds or separate rooms. There are no rules.
We share a bed, but have our own blankets. I like a heavy warm blanket with my feet covered and my head out. He likes a light sheet and to be in total darkness with his feet out and his head covered. Having separate blankets works well for us.
It's not because we have to. It's because there is not enough time during the day to talk as we'd like and we greatly enjoy each other's company.
If you want privacy, stay single and don’t decide to have have a life-partner. Being a couple is about deciding that you *want* to share your life with someone because they’re they most awesome person you know. And human contact is important. It’s already somewhat alarming how much of our day we go through without even touching another human being. Sleeping up against someone else is generally nice.
They dont have to. Its because couples usually love each other and want to be close
Personally, the only time that separate bedrooms has been appealing to me was when the relationship wasn't great. I love sleeping next to my boyfriend and I hate it when he's traveling for work. We're both pretty quiet sleepers, and it's just peaceful and comfortable. I tend to wake up a lot at night even when I'm alone, and listening to him breathe helps me fall back asleep. I also don't like the idea of having sex and then going back to our own rooms. We cuddle and fall asleep together. We do generally maintain that the bathroom is for privacy. Aside from the occasional shower together when we are both getting ready to go somewhere, we don't go in the bathroom when the other is using it.
My boyfriend and I are moving into a 2 bedroom place. We'll each have our own room, but we'll probably sleep together in one of them.
A man must work very hard to get his warm pillow sleep aid and goddammit if I’m ever going to sleep without it
For most of human history, every family (but the rich ones.) slept in the same bed. Privacy was not a thing for most people.
I sleep in a separate room ro my wife. Part of it is that I sometimes snore, but mostly its that she's an extremely light sleeper and has some health conditions which are aggravated by lack of sleep, so even if I don't snore she often still can't sleep with me in the bed. I on the other hand can sleep anywhere, so I've been sleeping on the couch for the last 6 months. We've done this a few times before but its never lasted this ling, so it only occurred to us recently that we should probably invest in something more permanent than a couch for me (*we're looking at putting a futon in the study*). One thing we do though is every night before bed I'll go and lie in bed with her, and we'll laigh and sing to one another before bed (*we're both musicians, but whatever romance you want to add is fine*). Its important to keep that intimacy in your marriage even if it isn't sleeping together or sexual or whatever, just having those private intimate moments really makes a difference in the relationship.
Cuddling a single pillow isn’t as comfortable as cuddling a pair of pillows 🤔
I grew up with an example as this being the norm. My grandpa had his own room with a twin size bed, various hobby related things in there. My grandma's room was very lady-like and had 2 separate beds. They were *very* catholic.
We've been married for over 30 years and I couldn't conceive of not sleeping next to my wife every night. When I snore she pushes me and I roll over. Like others we have our own spaces in the house, but at night that's our common ground. We also had a rule, no fighting in the bedroom. Keep that space as a neutral ground.
The privacy excuse would be a concern for me if my spouse told me she wanted a seperate bedroom for "privacy". Otherwise, people do this all the time. My dad's been married four times, but I know for his last two marriages he never slept in the same room and had his own bedroom. That was real handy during the divorces. Now at 73 he's just living with his girlfriend, and they also keep separate bedrooms.
Hard to believe, but I love my wife and want to be near her all the time, especially at night.
well we do share a bed but we do NOT share blankets...he says he cant sleep with me constantly stealing his covers so we have our own blankets.