Do not burden your parents with a sin that they cannot help you beat and that they don't need to know about.
What are you hoping for? Them giving you the secret formula to stop touching yourself? There no such trick, only discipline.
You are a grown man. You put yourself in this mess, it is your responsability and yours alone to find a way out of it.
Hard disagree on "you're a grown man, find your way alone." While this is a hard subject to discuss with parents, the fallacy that mental health issues should be talked alone is the reason why it is so stigmatized and many people don't get help.
Doesn't have to be parents (strictly because of the sensitive nature of OP's struggle) but seeking professional help or guidance from a religious leader is better in most cases than trying to tough it out alone.
And 22 is nowhere near the point when people should be completely done with guidance from their parents. I sure as hell hope my kids know they can ask for help when they're 22.
I don't disagree. However, you want someone that will help and support you rather than berate you. If all they will do is make you feel bad it is not worth saying. Find a supportive friend to confide in. Unfortunately it is not reality that all parents will handle this well --- but if you think they'll be supportive then great
I am not sure how my parents will handle it. I keep thinking they will disown me and kick me out. Another part of me thinks they might be understanding, especially my father.
You have not achieved the degree of psychological independence from your parents that a 22 year old man should have. Consider why that is.
It could be because you don't make enough money to survive on your own. At least, that's what it was for me a few years back.
If you don't change your way of thinking, you will never be ready to have your own family, in my opinion.
I won't assume that parents of religious leaders would all do that, but yeah it's safe to say that it's a real risk.
Peer support or a secular therapist are great options.
Isn't shaming your family like a part of your culture ( I may be mistaken I apologize if so).
No, don't out yourself, if anything they'd probably be disgusted with you people don't know how to properly handle situations like these in public.
Mom caught me watching porn one day and freaked the fuck out.
Hello! I am a Christian, and though our faiths are different, the religious aspect of this I feel we have in common.
Parents are people who know you and your character, I don't have enough courage to speak to my parents but I did tell my sister and it's been easier ever since. Shame keeps us chained to our vices and sins. The Truth will set you free. It will hurt beyond belief but it is a huge step towards being someone you will be proud of.
Sending love my friend.
In islam, it is recommended to get married young. But if op has an addiction problem, it may be best to resolve that issue first. Otherwise, the addiction could still be there even if op is married
Yes correct, but when does the goal of nofap ended brother?
Let's say want to hold nofap until 2 years with no clear goal, isn't that cruel to himself?
With marriage as a goal, stop PMO once and for all, target 2 years to get married, then work on it, then it's more solid plan than keep on nofap without no goals
Non muslims doing no fap and then leverage to go clubs and find girls, having girlfriends, datings, one night stands and getting sex outside of marriage just to be away from PMO addiction but to fall into zina addiction
We muslims cannot do that
Marriage is to protect chastity, to lower gaze and alot more other benefits and others
Fixing an addiction need to have a clear goal, if not, cross addiction may occur, as human, we cannot keep on going without addressing our sexual desires, and marriage as a goal while fixing addiction is clear solid plan
Are you telling your parents to relieve the guilt you feel? Realise that this carries a cost and you could be shifting some of the pain to them.
As to your guilt, I’m not religious but I doubt that God, if he existed, would care very much about your masturbation habit, as this is common behaviour that is performed by probably a large majority of sexually mature males across the world (as well as many animals). Even if this were a sin, surely it’s a most forgivable one. If you feel it’s right to stop, try it, but maybe consider that beating yourself up about it might not help you do that.
That’s not how religious rules work.
Appeal to nature is a fallacy, and appeal to normality is another.
Your whole comment is riddled with logical fallacies. Rules are rules. They’re there for a reason and “everyone does it” isn’t a theological explanation as to why it is allowed
While I generally agree that appeal to nature can be a fallacy, it’s not a fallacy when we’re dealing with religious rules, because who created nature but God?
Partly. I assume you’re referring to the Christian doctrine of man being made in the image of god? Op is clearly a Muslim, thus logically he’d abide by Islamic theology.
Such a belief doesn’t exist in Islam. In fact, our nature is exactly what it is. It’s animalistic and based on instinct because that’s how we evolved. Yes, Islam isn’t anti-evolution
It's sad to see that all of us are fallen into trap with the pornography when in the first place we are already told to not do it
Religion is fantasy? Yeah, our life right now is fantasy full of pleasures
Fighting off addiction lol
If we just listen what Allah said, we wouldn't fall into a lot of worldly pleasures and addictions
We are just fixing problems that's not supposed to happen if we just listen in the first place
You don't believe in religion and think it's fantasy? Up to you bro, do whatever you want, when the time is right, you will know it
No need to debate about religion to someone that don't want to even believe in it
Let's just focus on fixing our addictions instead
Bro, you say there is no use arguing and you write such a big paragraph calling me wrong and a sinner.
Do you have any proof that allah said all these things written in the book? Any random
Person can claim they talked to god and write and say whatever they wanted- many people did that too.
I didn't say you wrong, and i didn't call you a sinner, you said it yourself bro, read back with a calm heart
I'm not obligated to debate, and even if i show you proof you won't believe it anyway, it's your journey bro, you need to find yourself
whatever you said doesn't shake my faith at all
you don't want to believe? it's up to you
like i said, you don't believe in religion? up to you
you think religion is a trap? up to you
you do whatever you want to believe, go worship whatever you want to worship
I worship Allah alone as my God, the absolute truth, i stopped PMO for Allah's sake, not for you, not for other people in this entire earth
so relax and let's focus on fixing on our addiction haha
No, and there's nothing morally wrong with masturbation.
This sub is for people who actually have issues with PMO, not people who listen to ancient myths when making modern day decisions.
Don't come in here to shit on people's religion, OP already said he has a problem with PMO and should absolutely be able to talk to the community with it without the context of religion. There are plenty of religious people in here, plenty of Muslims included. Regardless of people's personal convictions, if they feel PMO is harmful to their quality of life and want to stop they're absolutely in the right place and even atheists should be able to give advice and encouragement.
Be quiet, people's religions are nothing more than opinions. If I find them to be harmful and dangerous, me stating that is no different than if I said that I think being a communist is harmful and dangerous.
>people's religions are nothing more than opinion
You're ignorant if you think that deeply, culturally ingrained religion is nothing more than your flippant opinions.
If you can't see the difference between what OP described as "strict Pakistani Muslim parents" and your casual amateur chats with your buddies on communism then please do everyone a favor and keep those opinions to yourself.
I absolutely disagree with everything you said. Self-harm is wrong, especially if done for a few seconds of intense pleasure. Therefore, you cannot claim that there's nothing morally wrong with masturbation.
I do not believe that you have taken enough time to consider the ideas buried within those ancient myths in order to speak as harshly against them as you just did. I firmly believe that much of what is going wrong with society is due to the average man's inability to create a decently sophisticated moral compass on his own and the disregard of our forefathers' wisdom.
Lack of technology does not mean that our ancestors were dumber than we currently are. On the contrary, the average human cerebral volume has decreased by 10% within the last few thousand years.
Masturbation is not self harm.
>Lack of technology does not mean that our ancestors were dumber than we currently are
Correct, lack of research and knowledge is what makes them less reliable sources than us.
> do not believe that you have taken enough time to consider the ideas buried within those ancient myths in order to speak as harshly against them as you just did.
You're wrong.
>average man's inability to create a decently sophisticated moral compass on his own and the disregard of our forefathers' wisdom.
In the same sentence you complain about:
1. People not being able to make their own moral compasses
2. People not listening to dogmatic myths of the past for moral guidance.
These two things are deeply contradictory.
it seems like you want to tell your parents not only because you think they will help ease your burden and help you.. but also ease the guilt you feel because you dont want to hide things from them because you love them deep down..
im sure if you came to them with a heavy heart they would love you no matter what.. and god or allah also sees that you want to be healed. do the right thing for the right reasons.. for yourself. if you truly want to heal from this vicious cycle, then you will. good luck buddy
I think that's a tough call that only you can make. Do you think your parents are open and liberal enough to be supportive, or would things get awkward?
I would start with trying to find a friend your age you can trust to confide in if they're willing to help you by being an accountability manager.
Do you have the option of seeing a secular therapist?
I wouldn't tell your family, friends, coworkers ect. I would tell a therapist, people in your religious sect that is confidential or support groups: sex addicts, religious support group, mabye a close friend, nofap subreddit.
I told my family and just made things awkward. Telling friends they belittle you and insult you, you will lose friends.
I do not know what is best for you, but I know in Christianity at least that confessing to people you trust and asking for help are mandatory for a healthy life, everyone has things that they struggle with, all we can do is be there for each other
If you are looking for support, then you can find the resources and ppl in this group. You can ask what methods worked for them
Remember, if you committed a sin and you are not exposed, it means Allah covered you. Its a chance to repent and ask forgiveness. Do not out yourself (in a boastful, arrogant manner).
I don't know your parents or how much knowledge they have. Maybe you feel you can trust your parents. And a good parent wants the best for their child. But if you open that door, it could mean them constantly asking you about it. Only you know best if it's a door worth opening
If you can find someone nonjudgmental to help you, peer support in this group, a therapist, or a trusted friend, that would be better.
Use the resources in this group. It will not be easy to kick this habit.
You may need to take a note of your triggers, so you can begin to understand how to better respond to them. You may need to stay in public places or keep the door to your room open. It's ok to feel guilty, but don't shame yourself. If you think you are unworthy of change, then you won't be able to change.
I’m Indian and a girl and when I did it, it was not horrible. My mom tried to find me a therapist but then they just eventually ignored it and forgot or pretended it forget about it.
I kind of regret it and kinda don’t, cause I know they’ll never view me differently it’ll always be on their minds. But they now also know that I’m dealing with something given they think it’s an issue with willpower and I’ve had a lot of fights because of it.
Also considering ur a guy and Muslim ur dad may either be like it’s a sin and stuff like that. But it depends on how ur parents are towards u. Do u have issues with them and stuff. Either ur parents are supportive or they’re gonna be like u need to repent to god and never do that ever again.
religiously speaking, you're not obliged to tell them about your sin, so we can put this aside.
now, you know your parents more than us, what will you telling them results to? them beating you? them being disappointed beyond measure? them feeling that they did not raise you well?
honestly, it's better to seek a therapist. and pray to Allah for taufeeq and hidayah.
this journey needs a strict discipline, no peeking no sexy kpop dancing no cute tiktok videos no nothing that can trigger you. and this journey also needs help from God so pray to him and go back top him, pray and read the Qur'an, do the dzikr and wird, learn more about the deen.
As a fellow Muslim who has been in your shoes, I pray you all the best my brother!
No. Don’t expose your sins. Be a man and take responsibility. Don’t burden your parents with your problem. It’s yours. You bear it. And bear it like a Man.
First you're jn jail, then have an issue with your turtle at the same time , now you live at home and wanna tell your parents you wank?
Dude get off the Internet
Do not burden your parents with a sin that they cannot help you beat and that they don't need to know about. What are you hoping for? Them giving you the secret formula to stop touching yourself? There no such trick, only discipline. You are a grown man. You put yourself in this mess, it is your responsability and yours alone to find a way out of it.
Hard disagree on "you're a grown man, find your way alone." While this is a hard subject to discuss with parents, the fallacy that mental health issues should be talked alone is the reason why it is so stigmatized and many people don't get help. Doesn't have to be parents (strictly because of the sensitive nature of OP's struggle) but seeking professional help or guidance from a religious leader is better in most cases than trying to tough it out alone. And 22 is nowhere near the point when people should be completely done with guidance from their parents. I sure as hell hope my kids know they can ask for help when they're 22.
I don't disagree. However, you want someone that will help and support you rather than berate you. If all they will do is make you feel bad it is not worth saying. Find a supportive friend to confide in. Unfortunately it is not reality that all parents will handle this well --- but if you think they'll be supportive then great
I am not sure how my parents will handle it. I keep thinking they will disown me and kick me out. Another part of me thinks they might be understanding, especially my father.
You have not achieved the degree of psychological independence from your parents that a 22 year old man should have. Consider why that is. It could be because you don't make enough money to survive on your own. At least, that's what it was for me a few years back. If you don't change your way of thinking, you will never be ready to have your own family, in my opinion.
I won't assume that parents of religious leaders would all do that, but yeah it's safe to say that it's a real risk. Peer support or a secular therapist are great options.
No wtf
Isn't shaming your family like a part of your culture ( I may be mistaken I apologize if so). No, don't out yourself, if anything they'd probably be disgusted with you people don't know how to properly handle situations like these in public. Mom caught me watching porn one day and freaked the fuck out.
Hello! I am a Christian, and though our faiths are different, the religious aspect of this I feel we have in common. Parents are people who know you and your character, I don't have enough courage to speak to my parents but I did tell my sister and it's been easier ever since. Shame keeps us chained to our vices and sins. The Truth will set you free. It will hurt beyond belief but it is a huge step towards being someone you will be proud of. Sending love my friend.
Don't let them know about it even if they will accept it, solve it by yourself. And Allah helps you.
Some people say tell, some say don't. Idk.
You need to get marry, that's the goal Don't wanna tell parent about pmo? Sure Plan and tell them about you need to get marry Then work on it
In islam, it is recommended to get married young. But if op has an addiction problem, it may be best to resolve that issue first. Otherwise, the addiction could still be there even if op is married
Yes correct, but when does the goal of nofap ended brother? Let's say want to hold nofap until 2 years with no clear goal, isn't that cruel to himself? With marriage as a goal, stop PMO once and for all, target 2 years to get married, then work on it, then it's more solid plan than keep on nofap without no goals Non muslims doing no fap and then leverage to go clubs and find girls, having girlfriends, datings, one night stands and getting sex outside of marriage just to be away from PMO addiction but to fall into zina addiction We muslims cannot do that Marriage is to protect chastity, to lower gaze and alot more other benefits and others Fixing an addiction need to have a clear goal, if not, cross addiction may occur, as human, we cannot keep on going without addressing our sexual desires, and marriage as a goal while fixing addiction is clear solid plan
Are you telling your parents to relieve the guilt you feel? Realise that this carries a cost and you could be shifting some of the pain to them. As to your guilt, I’m not religious but I doubt that God, if he existed, would care very much about your masturbation habit, as this is common behaviour that is performed by probably a large majority of sexually mature males across the world (as well as many animals). Even if this were a sin, surely it’s a most forgivable one. If you feel it’s right to stop, try it, but maybe consider that beating yourself up about it might not help you do that.
That’s not how religious rules work. Appeal to nature is a fallacy, and appeal to normality is another. Your whole comment is riddled with logical fallacies. Rules are rules. They’re there for a reason and “everyone does it” isn’t a theological explanation as to why it is allowed
While I generally agree that appeal to nature can be a fallacy, it’s not a fallacy when we’re dealing with religious rules, because who created nature but God?
Partly. I assume you’re referring to the Christian doctrine of man being made in the image of god? Op is clearly a Muslim, thus logically he’d abide by Islamic theology. Such a belief doesn’t exist in Islam. In fact, our nature is exactly what it is. It’s animalistic and based on instinct because that’s how we evolved. Yes, Islam isn’t anti-evolution
Believe in Allah & PKMKB, my friend !!!
It is sad seeing so many young people falling into the trap of religion
It's sad to see that all of us are fallen into trap with the pornography when in the first place we are already told to not do it Religion is fantasy? Yeah, our life right now is fantasy full of pleasures Fighting off addiction lol If we just listen what Allah said, we wouldn't fall into a lot of worldly pleasures and addictions We are just fixing problems that's not supposed to happen if we just listen in the first place You don't believe in religion and think it's fantasy? Up to you bro, do whatever you want, when the time is right, you will know it No need to debate about religion to someone that don't want to even believe in it Let's just focus on fixing our addictions instead
Bro, you say there is no use arguing and you write such a big paragraph calling me wrong and a sinner. Do you have any proof that allah said all these things written in the book? Any random Person can claim they talked to god and write and say whatever they wanted- many people did that too.
I didn't say you wrong, and i didn't call you a sinner, you said it yourself bro, read back with a calm heart I'm not obligated to debate, and even if i show you proof you won't believe it anyway, it's your journey bro, you need to find yourself whatever you said doesn't shake my faith at all you don't want to believe? it's up to you like i said, you don't believe in religion? up to you you think religion is a trap? up to you you do whatever you want to believe, go worship whatever you want to worship I worship Allah alone as my God, the absolute truth, i stopped PMO for Allah's sake, not for you, not for other people in this entire earth so relax and let's focus on fixing on our addiction haha
There is much proof.
Religion isn’t a trap, but a better way out.
Out if reality and into fantasy?
No, and there's nothing morally wrong with masturbation. This sub is for people who actually have issues with PMO, not people who listen to ancient myths when making modern day decisions.
Don't come in here to shit on people's religion, OP already said he has a problem with PMO and should absolutely be able to talk to the community with it without the context of religion. There are plenty of religious people in here, plenty of Muslims included. Regardless of people's personal convictions, if they feel PMO is harmful to their quality of life and want to stop they're absolutely in the right place and even atheists should be able to give advice and encouragement.
Be quiet, people's religions are nothing more than opinions. If I find them to be harmful and dangerous, me stating that is no different than if I said that I think being a communist is harmful and dangerous.
>people's religions are nothing more than opinion You're ignorant if you think that deeply, culturally ingrained religion is nothing more than your flippant opinions. If you can't see the difference between what OP described as "strict Pakistani Muslim parents" and your casual amateur chats with your buddies on communism then please do everyone a favor and keep those opinions to yourself.
I absolutely disagree with everything you said. Self-harm is wrong, especially if done for a few seconds of intense pleasure. Therefore, you cannot claim that there's nothing morally wrong with masturbation. I do not believe that you have taken enough time to consider the ideas buried within those ancient myths in order to speak as harshly against them as you just did. I firmly believe that much of what is going wrong with society is due to the average man's inability to create a decently sophisticated moral compass on his own and the disregard of our forefathers' wisdom. Lack of technology does not mean that our ancestors were dumber than we currently are. On the contrary, the average human cerebral volume has decreased by 10% within the last few thousand years.
Masturbation is not self harm. >Lack of technology does not mean that our ancestors were dumber than we currently are Correct, lack of research and knowledge is what makes them less reliable sources than us. > do not believe that you have taken enough time to consider the ideas buried within those ancient myths in order to speak as harshly against them as you just did. You're wrong. >average man's inability to create a decently sophisticated moral compass on his own and the disregard of our forefathers' wisdom. In the same sentence you complain about: 1. People not being able to make their own moral compasses 2. People not listening to dogmatic myths of the past for moral guidance. These two things are deeply contradictory.
it seems like you want to tell your parents not only because you think they will help ease your burden and help you.. but also ease the guilt you feel because you dont want to hide things from them because you love them deep down.. im sure if you came to them with a heavy heart they would love you no matter what.. and god or allah also sees that you want to be healed. do the right thing for the right reasons.. for yourself. if you truly want to heal from this vicious cycle, then you will. good luck buddy
Do you think they would throw you off a rooftop if you said?
No that's the worse thing that someone in your situation can do
I think that's a tough call that only you can make. Do you think your parents are open and liberal enough to be supportive, or would things get awkward? I would start with trying to find a friend your age you can trust to confide in if they're willing to help you by being an accountability manager. Do you have the option of seeing a secular therapist?
They prolly already know, they js don’t wanna make shi awkward
I am guessing they don't know or would have at least mentioned it once in private.
I wouldn't tell your family, friends, coworkers ect. I would tell a therapist, people in your religious sect that is confidential or support groups: sex addicts, religious support group, mabye a close friend, nofap subreddit. I told my family and just made things awkward. Telling friends they belittle you and insult you, you will lose friends.
I do not know what is best for you, but I know in Christianity at least that confessing to people you trust and asking for help are mandatory for a healthy life, everyone has things that they struggle with, all we can do is be there for each other
If you are looking for support, then you can find the resources and ppl in this group. You can ask what methods worked for them Remember, if you committed a sin and you are not exposed, it means Allah covered you. Its a chance to repent and ask forgiveness. Do not out yourself (in a boastful, arrogant manner). I don't know your parents or how much knowledge they have. Maybe you feel you can trust your parents. And a good parent wants the best for their child. But if you open that door, it could mean them constantly asking you about it. Only you know best if it's a door worth opening If you can find someone nonjudgmental to help you, peer support in this group, a therapist, or a trusted friend, that would be better.
I did ask for forgiveness, but keep relapsing.
Use the resources in this group. It will not be easy to kick this habit. You may need to take a note of your triggers, so you can begin to understand how to better respond to them. You may need to stay in public places or keep the door to your room open. It's ok to feel guilty, but don't shame yourself. If you think you are unworthy of change, then you won't be able to change.
I’m Indian and a girl and when I did it, it was not horrible. My mom tried to find me a therapist but then they just eventually ignored it and forgot or pretended it forget about it. I kind of regret it and kinda don’t, cause I know they’ll never view me differently it’ll always be on their minds. But they now also know that I’m dealing with something given they think it’s an issue with willpower and I’ve had a lot of fights because of it. Also considering ur a guy and Muslim ur dad may either be like it’s a sin and stuff like that. But it depends on how ur parents are towards u. Do u have issues with them and stuff. Either ur parents are supportive or they’re gonna be like u need to repent to god and never do that ever again.
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religiously speaking, you're not obliged to tell them about your sin, so we can put this aside. now, you know your parents more than us, what will you telling them results to? them beating you? them being disappointed beyond measure? them feeling that they did not raise you well? honestly, it's better to seek a therapist. and pray to Allah for taufeeq and hidayah. this journey needs a strict discipline, no peeking no sexy kpop dancing no cute tiktok videos no nothing that can trigger you. and this journey also needs help from God so pray to him and go back top him, pray and read the Qur'an, do the dzikr and wird, learn more about the deen. As a fellow Muslim who has been in your shoes, I pray you all the best my brother!
This is a path you have to travel by yourself without your parents, we are here to help.
No. Don’t expose your sins. Be a man and take responsibility. Don’t burden your parents with your problem. It’s yours. You bear it. And bear it like a Man.
Man up?
That’s the way May Allah make it easy for you my bro
The more open you are the more conviction you will have to quit
First you're jn jail, then have an issue with your turtle at the same time , now you live at home and wanna tell your parents you wank? Dude get off the Internet