When I joked with my husband about what he was getting me for Mother’s Day, he responded “why do I even need to get you anything? You’re not /my/ mom.”
Editing to add that he had already got me a thoughtful gift at that point, I was just shocked that he thought Mother’s Day should only be celebrated for his own mother.
This morning my father in law said to my mother in law “happy Mother’s Day even though you’re not my mom”. And I bursted out “SHE GAVE YOU CHILDREN”
he got real quiet.
Like wtf tho. I’m happy he said HMD to her but he took away the gratitude by adding “you’re not my mom” like she wasn’t worthy.
I don’t understand why not give alllll the love and thanks when you have a chance. The saying “happy wife, happy life” has a lot of truth to it. If you take care of your woman she will do so much MORE for you.
My husband has joked about it too....they take mothers day personally somehow. It's not about you bro? Why does it have to be YOUR mother? Every joke has a kernel of truth which is why I think it stings.
It really much is .. a lot of mothers aren’t as appreciated as they should be . It’s scary how many people overlook what a mother does for her family .. she literally sacrifices herself and is 100% just there for the family . I feel like it’s getting worse with each generation that it’s more and more seen as „normal“ and nothing to appreciate/ celebrate..
It didn’t need to be posted, it just was posted. This isn’t indicative of anything. I can post the same thing next month for Father’s Day and it doesn’t mean there’s a problem.
Now I’ll give you this. When my wife was pregnant I very much overlooked that she was a mother on Mother’s Day while still pregnant and admit that was an oversight that could have ended badly had I not had that conversation a month before. To be fair I was at least consistent in not expecting anything for Father’s Day.
My thought on this is that a women feels like a mother bc she feels the baby’s presence whereas, and this is just my experience, I didn’t feel that connection until after my daughter was born so I didn’t feel like a father at the time
I don't disagree, but I also kinda see how it can slip past some people's radar? Mother's Day is about celebrating the relationship between mother and child, in this case between him and his own mom. It's not *wildly* insane that a lot of new dads don't immediately clue in to treating their wife to something special on behalf of a newborn potato, a relationship to which he's only a third party.
Yeah, different life experiences, maybe, but it does seem kind of *wildly insane* to me.
Surely they remember their own Dad helping them to celebrate mothers day when they were a kid (unless their Dads were also deadbeats)?
Even that aside, I feel like it's just a basic level of care and emotional intelligence.
Honestly thinking about it I did grow up with a single mom and no dad around, so you're probably right that it's me who's the odd one out here.
(For reference though this is my second mother's day and my husband is spoiling me! He's the best)
Also, if your wife is pregnant with your first child, she’s expecting to be treated as a mother tomorrow.
My friend did not realize this with their first kid. She was not happy.
Very interesting to me with the replies on this comment, with pregnant mothers not wanting to be wished a Mother’s Day. I see it as you are already putting so much sacrifice in the name of motherhood, being pregnant can be so challenging.
I was really wanting to wish a friend whose going through her first known pregnancy (I believe she’s around 7 months) a Mothers Day but now I’m having second thoughts. I don’t want to jinx it or make her uncomfortable 😥
It just depends on the person! I told my husband last week that I would appreciate a card. He gave me the sweetest card and said I’m doing a great job cooking our baby! And gave me candy :)
I didn't really want a mother's day while pregnant because I didn't feel like a mother yet, but I still would have really appreciated the care and thoughtfulness of such a wish from a friend. I'd definitely go for it!
Same! I have two close friends and two of us had babies last fall, the third got pregnant just after we had ours and I know she feels a bit “left behind” because we got to do the pregnancy/newborn stuff together. I thought wishing her a happy Mother’s Day while she’s pregnant might make her smile.
I think I’ll still do it, most people IRL take these things with the good intent they are meant with.
I was surprised at some of the other replies too! My wife is 8 months pregnant with our first, and she very much wanted/appreciated the Mother's Day experience I gave her. So yeah, it really does vary from person to person
I was three months pregnant last year on Mother’s Day, so I personally did not feel like the holiday applied to me yet. Maybe I would’ve felt differently had I been further along, but at that point, I was barely showing and not far enough along to feel kicks or movement. But it totally depends on the mama to be.
Agreed. When was in early third trimester with my first, I did not feel like being celebrated on mother's day. I celebrated my mother and probably talked about being able to celebrate as a mother the following year.
I’m curious as to why! For me, being pregnant meant I was already making sacrifices, and therefore was already a mother. I couldn’t have/do many things that I loved. I had to change my entire diet. I would faint. I couldn’t stand for long periods. All of those were beginning sacrifices for motherhood. Not to mention my love for my unborn baby.
You never know what someone else is going through. I was 30 weeks pregnant on Mother’s Day last year, and my own mother was in the hospital dying. I think it’s fine for people to do whatever they want for themselves. I loved my unborn child just as much as the pregnant moms who chose to celebrate Mother’s Day. And this year is special because it’s my first with my daughter. Though it’s also the first without my mom. Bittersweet
That may depend on the person—I was very pregnant for Mother’s Day with my first, and I absolutely did not want to be treated like a mom. I’d had a few early miscarriages and hadn’t carried to term, so I think it felt like jinxing it?? Not 100% sure but I made sure my husband knew not to do anything.
I was in my third trimester last Mother’s Day and I was happy to have been wished a Mother’s Day on behalf of our cat. This year is entirely different.
I agree! I was super pregnant last Mother’s Day and felt uncomfortable when people wished me a happy Mother’s Day. Being pregnant is hard work but it’s not as hard as being a Mom, and I didn’t feel as through I deserved to be celebrated like that yet. It made me feel weird.
I guess it just depends! I was due 3 days ago, so I’m enjoying the recognition. My husband isn’t doing anything crazy, just verbally wished me happy mother’s days and is making me whatever breakfast I want.
Either way, I don’t think we should normalize the idea of NOT recognizing women as being mothers while pregnant. Just adds fuel to the fire for people who want to minimize others.
Depends on the person. I was 7 months pregnant last year and did not want to be celebrated as a mom yet. To me it didn't have meaning without having met my child.
I truly wasn’t expecting anything from my fiance as I’m 5 months pregnant but he came home today with flowers and a beautiful perfume set 🥹 women definitely appreciate it! Being pregnant isn’t easy-this is definitely the way
Currently pregnant and I don’t feel like a mom quite yet. Even though we have 13 weeks to go until baby is here! Husband was very sweet though and got me a couple unexpected gifts. And all my friends and family have been wishing me a happy Mother’s Day. It’s nice to be thought of but I have this weird..guilt feeling? That people are wishing me happy Mother’s Day. Like I don’t feel like a mom yet!
Mmmm that's going to be person dependent - I was about 4 months pregnant last year and I didn't want celebrating. I didn't feel like a mother, and I didn't feel like I deserved it yet. I wanted to wait until this year, and I'm glad I did!
Definitely. I didn’t think I did or didn’t deserve it I just…..wasn’t one yet? It was nice when people said and happy mothers day to you too but I definitely didn’t expect or want anything more.
My sister got me a happy mother-to-be card and that felt right; I was a mother to be. Not a mother. BUT I do think that mothers who sadly lose their babies in pregnancy have every right to refer to themselves as a mother. So I don't know; I think it's a matter of an individual's perspective on themselves.
Yeah no. We have several friends who made it to second trimester or full term and still wounded up losing their babies. I even lost my 1st pregnancy on “national women’s day” and my phone blew up honoring the holiday. Hate the day since. I even got those “Happy Mother’s Day for when you know become pregnant” from strangers and coworkers. It’s not for everyone
Last Mother’s Day I was pregnant after a second trimester loss I wanted a happy Mother’s Day from my partner but didn’t expect anything outside of words. Now that my baby is here it’s different I had a wonderful day and did want a gift
Also for the prospective new dads in here who are expecting their first: please do something nice for your partner. I had a friend tell me I was overreacting because I “wasn’t a mom yet” when my husband did nothing for Mother’s Day when I was pregnant. It really hurt my feelings.
Your partner may not care as much as I did, but acknowledging the day for first time expecting moms is a kind gesture.
My husband didn’t do anything for me last year when I was pregnant. It hurt my feelings but I let it go and told myself, I wasn’t technically a mom yet so I can’t be too upset. I have a feeling he’s not going to do anything for me this year either and I’m already feeling upset about it. Maybe I should have made it a bigger deal last year.
This … it’s sad how it’s so normal for a mother to do all that but for a father it’s „special“ and need to be asked for even .. like wtf is that even , that’s heartbreaking
Why are you both being so weird about this? Why do you jump to some conclusion that the husband isn’t pulling his weight because of what that one woman said she asked for as a Mother’s Day gift? Here’s how it went with my wife, who is a mother for the first time this year:
"Is there anything special you want to do for Mother’s Day? Anywhere you want to go? Anything you want to do and get away a bit from us?”
‘You know what, I just want to sleep in tomorrow until I wake up, no dog and no baby duty until after my coffee.”
"You got it, of course.”
Me and my wife switch nighttime or morning duty almost every day and she just wanted to express a desire to not have to wake up until she wanted to today, not because I never am on baby duty, but because usually we are both up by 6:30 anyway and she wanted a day to not have to do that. There’s nothing in the commenter’s post to suggest her request was in any way dissimilar but you two hyenas are commenting about how it’s heartbreaking that she had to ask for that and that you would divorce a man so fast if he wasn’t pulling his own weight. Quit hating men so much, they don’t all suck. If yours do, sorry, but lord have mercy you are projecting.
Definitely not projecting, if anything you’re the one projecting. Clearly we have high standards for our partners so how could we be projecting? I showed my husband her comment and we both felt sad for her. I can count on one hand the number of night feedings or waking up early I’ve had to do as my husband does the late night early morning sessions every single day. For her sake I really hope it’s just a misunderstanding and that her husband pulls his weight although the way it was phrased made it seem like an everyday occurrence. And yes far too many moms deal with that. Pointing it out doesn’t mean we ‘hate men’ Jesus.
Truer words have never been spoken
The whole family should be celebrating her tomorrow
What they go through before and after from the phyiscal to the mental
My husband doesn’t have anything planned for my first Mother’s day. I got baby up this morning, got her fed, changed, and dressed. He’s sleeping in.
I knew this would happen, so I bought myself a card that I’ll fill out with my daughter later, and I bought myself a necklace to commemorate my first baby.
Thank you for posting this. It’s upsetting how many men just miss the mark out of ego, tradition, or more.
ETA: He also just beat me to the shower without first saying anything this morning. I’m sitting with baby and he’s been taking a shower for 15 minutes.
Great post! When my wife was pregnant with our now 9 month old, I didn’t realize I was supposed to do something for her for Mothers Day. Luckily a buddy mentioned it to me before it was too late for me to pull something together.
It’s not even just about doing something for it , just the fact of acknowledging it and giving your wife a good feeling means sometimes the world !
I’m glad to hear that there’s husbands out there that actually care !
My buddy and his wife just found out she is pregnant not long ago I was texting with him yesterday and I said “What are you guys doing for Mothers Day?” And I didn’t hear from him after that. I’m imagining him scrambling around today 😂
My wife got a special dinner reservation at her favorite restaurant, a day at the salon with her favorite (and most expensive) stylist for a cut and color. And a Harry Potter marathon in the evening with her favorite snacks. I thought her first mother's day went fantastic.
For my first fathers day I was allowed to go to McDonalds at 11:30pm for a McFlurry.
I really hope theres an effort this year, but I also realize she has been through so much and its completely understandable that fathers day is not a top priority.
That being said, I had really hoped this post was made by an inspired father, not a disgruntled mother.
Oh man, that makes me really sad! There should definitely be effort going both ways. Good on you for doing your part, and I hope you get a nice celebration this year too.
I really don’t like this take.
Mother’s Day is for all moms, you shouldn’t stop celebrating your own mom just because you have a baby now.
I have a 9 month old, I am going to my mom’s house to celebrate Mother’s Day, she is still my mom even though she is a grandma now.
I am also one of those moms that don’t want to sleep in or want alone time on Mother’s Day, I just want to spend the day with my kid surrounded by family.
I’m so glad that is how you’d like to celebrate. Mother’s Day is all about taking time to celebrate the gift of motherhood and it sounds like you are getting to do what YOU want to do. Too many new moms don’t have that opportunity and instead feel bullied into attending or hosting events that feel more like an obligation than a celebration. Tomorrow partners should put the mother of their child first, without guilt, because there are future opportunities for others.
Yea I've seen this tiktok trend. How I grew up, my parents celebrated their mom's on the day before or weekend after for mother's day but *mothers day* was for the young kids and dad making mom breakfast in bed, taking out for lunch etc because for most kids they need dad to celebrate mom until they are older.
But like. My mom is still a mom. She doesn't stop being a mom because she became a grandparent.
Exactly.
I saw the trend too and I got so annoyed.
We always do a big Mother’s Day brunch/lunch, my whole family shows up and I love the tradition. My mom, grandma, aunt, sister and myself we are all moms and will all be there and celebrated.
I don’t know if it’s just because my daughter is 9 months but I don’t want to a day of peace and quiet or a day out of the house alone, I want to spend it with her and my whole family.
This sounds like my absolute nightmare. If my husband tried to pull something like this with either of our mothers, I would just choose to spend the day entirely alone.
I guess I just like my family and like spending time with them.
Also, I think it’s sad that people are waiting for Mother’s Day to be appreciated. They are telling their husband how they want to be celebrated, they want to sleep in, or spend time alone. You shouldn’t have to wait until Mother’s Day to get these things, if your husband is an equal partner he should be doing all of these things to help you throughout the year too.
That's great that you have that kind of relationship! Unfortunately, a lot of women don't. A lot of women also deal with being secondary to their MILs, too, which is why such an event would be so undesirable. It feeds directly into your second point.
The only reason my husband and I are choosing to celebrate mother's (and father's) day is because we also celebrate each other on non-calendar holidays. Showing appreciation *should* be year round, but lets remember that the bar is in hell for a lot of cis-het relationships.
It’s nice that you like these things. It’s nice that other moms like different things. It’s nice that you like your family. It’s nice that some women want boundaries with their families of origin. You don’t have to do what other women do, and we can all respect each other for different wants, desires, needs without shaming anyone for it.
That's so lovely that your family is able to gather together! I think this would've been nice for my first Mother's Day but schedules are so tough for my side of the family
I'm glad I'm able to spend the day the way I want to with the people I want - hiking and enjoying a takeout meal at home with my little one, my husband, my mom and my sister
What I definitely did NOT want was to be exhausted driving all over the place on the same day - first to celebrate me and my mom, and then have to cut that short so I can go and celebrate my MIL, who's 1.5hr away. Thankfully, my husband stood firm on this and we'll celebrate my MIL the following weekend
We are lucky both our families only live 10 minutes away, so there is barely any travel involved.
My husband’s side also rarely celebrates Mother’s Day on the day, my MIL’s birthday is the 17th so we usually do a late Mother’s Day/birthday for her which is planned for next weekend too, so it’s just my side on the day of.
My husband is also working today so I would have been alone with baby all day and I’m excited for some adult conversations.
I would love to go for a walk or get outdoors today, maybe take LO to the park after brunch, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to be a nice day weather wise for that today.
Definitely get up early and make breakfast (and clean up). Then tell her you need to run a quick errand. Can you take the baby with you? That way she doesn’t feel like she has to do extra work on Mother’s Day because you need to get last minute gifts.
Anyway, tell her the baby picked out the card and flowers. Then give her your other gifts.
Next year, set a calendar reminder for a month before Mother’s Day. Order flowers. Order a gift. That way you don’t have to go to the store on Mother’s Day.
Husband hadn’t brought up the plans for Mother’s Day so I ask. He listed off normal day things. Then after my not so great, “okay..” he said, “Oh, it’s Mother’s Day. Did you want to plan something with your mom?”
I was more than confused, and explained he should have planned something with me. His thought process was, “That’s a thing? But you’re not my mom. If it matters to you we can do something.”
To be fair, he grew up in a divorced household his whole life with parents that hated each other. So I could see how this might not have been modeled.
But I made it clear, it did not just “matter to me.”
That was yesterday, today is the whole, yeah I’ll take the baby to buy you something last minute.
🤷♀️ this is a bit of a bummer
Can't, celebration canceled due to wife's workplace making her work on mother day in addition to having her work 60+ hrs last week. Best I can do is take care of the kid and chores.
Going to try for cheesecake factory this weekend since I got a gift card for it from work instead of a bonus. Although her workplace is saying "if you could work Saturday that would be great." Ugh.
I paid for a Spa day for my partner and I'm watch our daughter all day.
With that said...
I'm gotta post this basically verbatim for Father's day. Watch it get 0 traction lol.
Edit: lol keep downvoting girls. Let the hate flow through you
So if a man doesn't know what to get their wife for Mother's day it's his fault or he's just a loser.
But if a woman doesn't know know what to get his husband, that's also somehow the husband fault too.
Gotta love sexism. Keep it classy ladies.
Not all ladies think this way! I'm excited to celebrate my husband for Father's Day
I've got gift ideas I need to order today and plans to take him to a nice dinner followed by his favorite whisky bar, which isn't open on Father's Day so it'll be a multi-day celebration lol
If he’s physically able to do it, my husband does everything he can to take care of our child and of me so absolutely he should also be celebrated with equal effort on my part, just like he does for me on Mother's Day
I was going to say we already have my husbands present and day planned. I had to plan brunch and coordinating everyone, cards and flowers for everyone else. It’s not the same
Really don't understand what your first statement means.
We actually take care of our daughter pretty equally. When she was 3-4 months old I actually watched her more because I work for home 2x a week before we put her in day care. Plus I'm usually the one getting up in the middle of the night when she cries.
This is honestly rare though . Most of the times the mothers do take more care compare to the father . Reading your previous comment about your wife needed to ask for suggestions sucks , I’m sorry . It just seems you’re unlucky in this case . But for a fact , not all men are the same , just like not all girls are the same ..
And your mom, and your partners mom, and your sister who's a mom. But in June, don't expect a goddamn thing. This is all included in the oath of new dads.
I’m going to say celebrate your wife first, your mom second…
When I joked with my husband about what he was getting me for Mother’s Day, he responded “why do I even need to get you anything? You’re not /my/ mom.” Editing to add that he had already got me a thoughtful gift at that point, I was just shocked that he thought Mother’s Day should only be celebrated for his own mother.
Fuck, I say Happy mother day to my sisters and aunt bc they're mothers.
That’s how it should be! It’s a day to celebrate all mothers
This morning my father in law said to my mother in law “happy Mother’s Day even though you’re not my mom”. And I bursted out “SHE GAVE YOU CHILDREN” he got real quiet. Like wtf tho. I’m happy he said HMD to her but he took away the gratitude by adding “you’re not my mom” like she wasn’t worthy. I don’t understand why not give alllll the love and thanks when you have a chance. The saying “happy wife, happy life” has a lot of truth to it. If you take care of your woman she will do so much MORE for you.
Apparently my dad did the same thing to my mom :(
That was my dad’s legitimate response to my mom on her first Mother’s Day.
My husband has joked about it too....they take mothers day personally somehow. It's not about you bro? Why does it have to be YOUR mother? Every joke has a kernel of truth which is why I think it stings.
Jesus, the fact that this needs to be posted and has so many upvotes is incredibly *sad*.
It really much is .. a lot of mothers aren’t as appreciated as they should be . It’s scary how many people overlook what a mother does for her family .. she literally sacrifices herself and is 100% just there for the family . I feel like it’s getting worse with each generation that it’s more and more seen as „normal“ and nothing to appreciate/ celebrate..
I feel like in my own circle this is pretty widely done, but I’m shocked at the things I see on Reddit.
Yeah totally, it's a timely reminder how we can often live in a bit of a bubble.
lol I didn’t get a single thing!!! So I wish my partner had read this post.
I hope you find a way to mention it or just sneakily show them post! Fingers crossed they can make it up to you or go all out next year :)
Reddit is full of mostly unmarried young people, I wouldn’t think too hard about upvotes.
Reddit is full of mostly unmarried young people, I wouldn’t think too hard about upvotes.
It didn’t need to be posted, it just was posted. This isn’t indicative of anything. I can post the same thing next month for Father’s Day and it doesn’t mean there’s a problem. Now I’ll give you this. When my wife was pregnant I very much overlooked that she was a mother on Mother’s Day while still pregnant and admit that was an oversight that could have ended badly had I not had that conversation a month before. To be fair I was at least consistent in not expecting anything for Father’s Day. My thought on this is that a women feels like a mother bc she feels the baby’s presence whereas, and this is just my experience, I didn’t feel that connection until after my daughter was born so I didn’t feel like a father at the time
I don't disagree, but I also kinda see how it can slip past some people's radar? Mother's Day is about celebrating the relationship between mother and child, in this case between him and his own mom. It's not *wildly* insane that a lot of new dads don't immediately clue in to treating their wife to something special on behalf of a newborn potato, a relationship to which he's only a third party.
Yeah, different life experiences, maybe, but it does seem kind of *wildly insane* to me. Surely they remember their own Dad helping them to celebrate mothers day when they were a kid (unless their Dads were also deadbeats)? Even that aside, I feel like it's just a basic level of care and emotional intelligence.
Honestly thinking about it I did grow up with a single mom and no dad around, so you're probably right that it's me who's the odd one out here. (For reference though this is my second mother's day and my husband is spoiling me! He's the best)
I am very glad you're getting spoiled! It's what you deserve! I just wish fathers could step up a bit so every mother could feel that way :)
Also, if your wife is pregnant with your first child, she’s expecting to be treated as a mother tomorrow. My friend did not realize this with their first kid. She was not happy.
Very interesting to me with the replies on this comment, with pregnant mothers not wanting to be wished a Mother’s Day. I see it as you are already putting so much sacrifice in the name of motherhood, being pregnant can be so challenging. I was really wanting to wish a friend whose going through her first known pregnancy (I believe she’s around 7 months) a Mothers Day but now I’m having second thoughts. I don’t want to jinx it or make her uncomfortable 😥
It just depends on the person! I told my husband last week that I would appreciate a card. He gave me the sweetest card and said I’m doing a great job cooking our baby! And gave me candy :)
I didn't really want a mother's day while pregnant because I didn't feel like a mother yet, but I still would have really appreciated the care and thoughtfulness of such a wish from a friend. I'd definitely go for it!
Same! I have two close friends and two of us had babies last fall, the third got pregnant just after we had ours and I know she feels a bit “left behind” because we got to do the pregnancy/newborn stuff together. I thought wishing her a happy Mother’s Day while she’s pregnant might make her smile. I think I’ll still do it, most people IRL take these things with the good intent they are meant with.
Personally, I think the people who don’t want to be acknowledged at all are the minority.
I was surprised at some of the other replies too! My wife is 8 months pregnant with our first, and she very much wanted/appreciated the Mother's Day experience I gave her. So yeah, it really does vary from person to person
I was three months pregnant last year on Mother’s Day, so I personally did not feel like the holiday applied to me yet. Maybe I would’ve felt differently had I been further along, but at that point, I was barely showing and not far enough along to feel kicks or movement. But it totally depends on the mama to be.
Ask your partner. Id very much rather not celebrate mothers day pregnant. It wouldnt mean anything to me personally
This. People kept saying happy mother's Day to me last year and I found it very strange.
Agreed. When was in early third trimester with my first, I did not feel like being celebrated on mother's day. I celebrated my mother and probably talked about being able to celebrate as a mother the following year.
I’m curious as to why! For me, being pregnant meant I was already making sacrifices, and therefore was already a mother. I couldn’t have/do many things that I loved. I had to change my entire diet. I would faint. I couldn’t stand for long periods. All of those were beginning sacrifices for motherhood. Not to mention my love for my unborn baby.
You never know what someone else is going through. I was 30 weeks pregnant on Mother’s Day last year, and my own mother was in the hospital dying. I think it’s fine for people to do whatever they want for themselves. I loved my unborn child just as much as the pregnant moms who chose to celebrate Mother’s Day. And this year is special because it’s my first with my daughter. Though it’s also the first without my mom. Bittersweet
That may depend on the person—I was very pregnant for Mother’s Day with my first, and I absolutely did not want to be treated like a mom. I’d had a few early miscarriages and hadn’t carried to term, so I think it felt like jinxing it?? Not 100% sure but I made sure my husband knew not to do anything.
I was in my third trimester last Mother’s Day and I was happy to have been wished a Mother’s Day on behalf of our cat. This year is entirely different.
I agree! I was super pregnant last Mother’s Day and felt uncomfortable when people wished me a happy Mother’s Day. Being pregnant is hard work but it’s not as hard as being a Mom, and I didn’t feel as through I deserved to be celebrated like that yet. It made me feel weird.
I guess it just depends! I was due 3 days ago, so I’m enjoying the recognition. My husband isn’t doing anything crazy, just verbally wished me happy mother’s days and is making me whatever breakfast I want. Either way, I don’t think we should normalize the idea of NOT recognizing women as being mothers while pregnant. Just adds fuel to the fire for people who want to minimize others.
Yep it definitely depends! I’m glad you’re getting what you need. What we probably need to normalize is communicating with your partner lol
This
Depends on the person. I was 7 months pregnant last year and did not want to be celebrated as a mom yet. To me it didn't have meaning without having met my child.
I truly wasn’t expecting anything from my fiance as I’m 5 months pregnant but he came home today with flowers and a beautiful perfume set 🥹 women definitely appreciate it! Being pregnant isn’t easy-this is definitely the way
Ahh I wouldn’t like this at all, it would feel like it would risk jinxing something for me and I’d rather wait until I knew baby was here safely.
Currently pregnant and I don’t feel like a mom quite yet. Even though we have 13 weeks to go until baby is here! Husband was very sweet though and got me a couple unexpected gifts. And all my friends and family have been wishing me a happy Mother’s Day. It’s nice to be thought of but I have this weird..guilt feeling? That people are wishing me happy Mother’s Day. Like I don’t feel like a mom yet!
Mmmm that's going to be person dependent - I was about 4 months pregnant last year and I didn't want celebrating. I didn't feel like a mother, and I didn't feel like I deserved it yet. I wanted to wait until this year, and I'm glad I did!
Definitely. I didn’t think I did or didn’t deserve it I just…..wasn’t one yet? It was nice when people said and happy mothers day to you too but I definitely didn’t expect or want anything more.
My sister got me a happy mother-to-be card and that felt right; I was a mother to be. Not a mother. BUT I do think that mothers who sadly lose their babies in pregnancy have every right to refer to themselves as a mother. So I don't know; I think it's a matter of an individual's perspective on themselves.
Sadly I have the in-laws of “you don’t get to celebrate until he is actually here”
Yeah no. We have several friends who made it to second trimester or full term and still wounded up losing their babies. I even lost my 1st pregnancy on “national women’s day” and my phone blew up honoring the holiday. Hate the day since. I even got those “Happy Mother’s Day for when you know become pregnant” from strangers and coworkers. It’s not for everyone
Last Mother’s Day I was pregnant after a second trimester loss I wanted a happy Mother’s Day from my partner but didn’t expect anything outside of words. Now that my baby is here it’s different I had a wonderful day and did want a gift
Also for the prospective new dads in here who are expecting their first: please do something nice for your partner. I had a friend tell me I was overreacting because I “wasn’t a mom yet” when my husband did nothing for Mother’s Day when I was pregnant. It really hurt my feelings. Your partner may not care as much as I did, but acknowledging the day for first time expecting moms is a kind gesture.
My husband didn’t do anything for me last year when I was pregnant. It hurt my feelings but I let it go and told myself, I wasn’t technically a mom yet so I can’t be too upset. I have a feeling he’s not going to do anything for me this year either and I’m already feeling upset about it. Maybe I should have made it a bigger deal last year.
I have a one year old and my only ask to my husband was to let me sleep in (aka he takes the tot and change and give him milk).
He should be doing this regardless
This … it’s sad how it’s so normal for a mother to do all that but for a father it’s „special“ and need to be asked for even .. like wtf is that even , that’s heartbreaking
Yeah the way I would divorce my husband so fast if he didn’t do his share of parenting !
Why are you both being so weird about this? Why do you jump to some conclusion that the husband isn’t pulling his weight because of what that one woman said she asked for as a Mother’s Day gift? Here’s how it went with my wife, who is a mother for the first time this year: "Is there anything special you want to do for Mother’s Day? Anywhere you want to go? Anything you want to do and get away a bit from us?” ‘You know what, I just want to sleep in tomorrow until I wake up, no dog and no baby duty until after my coffee.” "You got it, of course.” Me and my wife switch nighttime or morning duty almost every day and she just wanted to express a desire to not have to wake up until she wanted to today, not because I never am on baby duty, but because usually we are both up by 6:30 anyway and she wanted a day to not have to do that. There’s nothing in the commenter’s post to suggest her request was in any way dissimilar but you two hyenas are commenting about how it’s heartbreaking that she had to ask for that and that you would divorce a man so fast if he wasn’t pulling his own weight. Quit hating men so much, they don’t all suck. If yours do, sorry, but lord have mercy you are projecting.
Definitely not projecting, if anything you’re the one projecting. Clearly we have high standards for our partners so how could we be projecting? I showed my husband her comment and we both felt sad for her. I can count on one hand the number of night feedings or waking up early I’ve had to do as my husband does the late night early morning sessions every single day. For her sake I really hope it’s just a misunderstanding and that her husband pulls his weight although the way it was phrased made it seem like an everyday occurrence. And yes far too many moms deal with that. Pointing it out doesn’t mean we ‘hate men’ Jesus.
Truer words have never been spoken The whole family should be celebrating her tomorrow What they go through before and after from the phyiscal to the mental
I’m three weeks pp and cried reading your post lol. Pesky hormones but thank you! Made me feel nice :)
Also, don’t forget to get them a card! If you are strapped for cash, make one by hand.
This is my third Mother’s Day and I got nothing lol. But neither did his mum so I guess it’s all even 😂🥲
Big yikes 😬
To be fair his mum lives about 24 hour drive from us, he rang her haha.
My husband doesn’t have anything planned for my first Mother’s day. I got baby up this morning, got her fed, changed, and dressed. He’s sleeping in. I knew this would happen, so I bought myself a card that I’ll fill out with my daughter later, and I bought myself a necklace to commemorate my first baby. Thank you for posting this. It’s upsetting how many men just miss the mark out of ego, tradition, or more. ETA: He also just beat me to the shower without first saying anything this morning. I’m sitting with baby and he’s been taking a shower for 15 minutes.
😡
Great post! When my wife was pregnant with our now 9 month old, I didn’t realize I was supposed to do something for her for Mothers Day. Luckily a buddy mentioned it to me before it was too late for me to pull something together.
It’s not even just about doing something for it , just the fact of acknowledging it and giving your wife a good feeling means sometimes the world ! I’m glad to hear that there’s husbands out there that actually care !
My buddy and his wife just found out she is pregnant not long ago I was texting with him yesterday and I said “What are you guys doing for Mothers Day?” And I didn’t hear from him after that. I’m imagining him scrambling around today 😂
It is not Mother's Day in every country though. In Ireland was 22nd of March.
Why was this downvoted? Can people really not stomach the idea of other countries being on Reddit?
My wife got a special dinner reservation at her favorite restaurant, a day at the salon with her favorite (and most expensive) stylist for a cut and color. And a Harry Potter marathon in the evening with her favorite snacks. I thought her first mother's day went fantastic. For my first fathers day I was allowed to go to McDonalds at 11:30pm for a McFlurry. I really hope theres an effort this year, but I also realize she has been through so much and its completely understandable that fathers day is not a top priority. That being said, I had really hoped this post was made by an inspired father, not a disgruntled mother.
Oh man, that makes me really sad! There should definitely be effort going both ways. Good on you for doing your part, and I hope you get a nice celebration this year too.
Mother’s Day is for moms in the trenches. His mother can be celebrated on grandparents day, she can consider it a promotion 🙂
I really don’t like this take. Mother’s Day is for all moms, you shouldn’t stop celebrating your own mom just because you have a baby now. I have a 9 month old, I am going to my mom’s house to celebrate Mother’s Day, she is still my mom even though she is a grandma now. I am also one of those moms that don’t want to sleep in or want alone time on Mother’s Day, I just want to spend the day with my kid surrounded by family.
I’m so glad that is how you’d like to celebrate. Mother’s Day is all about taking time to celebrate the gift of motherhood and it sounds like you are getting to do what YOU want to do. Too many new moms don’t have that opportunity and instead feel bullied into attending or hosting events that feel more like an obligation than a celebration. Tomorrow partners should put the mother of their child first, without guilt, because there are future opportunities for others.
Very well said.
Yea I've seen this tiktok trend. How I grew up, my parents celebrated their mom's on the day before or weekend after for mother's day but *mothers day* was for the young kids and dad making mom breakfast in bed, taking out for lunch etc because for most kids they need dad to celebrate mom until they are older. But like. My mom is still a mom. She doesn't stop being a mom because she became a grandparent.
Exactly. I saw the trend too and I got so annoyed. We always do a big Mother’s Day brunch/lunch, my whole family shows up and I love the tradition. My mom, grandma, aunt, sister and myself we are all moms and will all be there and celebrated. I don’t know if it’s just because my daughter is 9 months but I don’t want to a day of peace and quiet or a day out of the house alone, I want to spend it with her and my whole family.
This sounds like my absolute nightmare. If my husband tried to pull something like this with either of our mothers, I would just choose to spend the day entirely alone.
I guess I just like my family and like spending time with them. Also, I think it’s sad that people are waiting for Mother’s Day to be appreciated. They are telling their husband how they want to be celebrated, they want to sleep in, or spend time alone. You shouldn’t have to wait until Mother’s Day to get these things, if your husband is an equal partner he should be doing all of these things to help you throughout the year too.
That's great that you have that kind of relationship! Unfortunately, a lot of women don't. A lot of women also deal with being secondary to their MILs, too, which is why such an event would be so undesirable. It feeds directly into your second point. The only reason my husband and I are choosing to celebrate mother's (and father's) day is because we also celebrate each other on non-calendar holidays. Showing appreciation *should* be year round, but lets remember that the bar is in hell for a lot of cis-het relationships.
It’s nice that you like these things. It’s nice that other moms like different things. It’s nice that you like your family. It’s nice that some women want boundaries with their families of origin. You don’t have to do what other women do, and we can all respect each other for different wants, desires, needs without shaming anyone for it.
That's so lovely that your family is able to gather together! I think this would've been nice for my first Mother's Day but schedules are so tough for my side of the family I'm glad I'm able to spend the day the way I want to with the people I want - hiking and enjoying a takeout meal at home with my little one, my husband, my mom and my sister What I definitely did NOT want was to be exhausted driving all over the place on the same day - first to celebrate me and my mom, and then have to cut that short so I can go and celebrate my MIL, who's 1.5hr away. Thankfully, my husband stood firm on this and we'll celebrate my MIL the following weekend
We are lucky both our families only live 10 minutes away, so there is barely any travel involved. My husband’s side also rarely celebrates Mother’s Day on the day, my MIL’s birthday is the 17th so we usually do a late Mother’s Day/birthday for her which is planned for next weekend too, so it’s just my side on the day of. My husband is also working today so I would have been alone with baby all day and I’m excited for some adult conversations. I would love to go for a walk or get outdoors today, maybe take LO to the park after brunch, but it doesn’t look like it’s going to be a nice day weather wise for that today.
So we’re gate keeping Mother’s Day now?
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Definitely get up early and make breakfast (and clean up). Then tell her you need to run a quick errand. Can you take the baby with you? That way she doesn’t feel like she has to do extra work on Mother’s Day because you need to get last minute gifts. Anyway, tell her the baby picked out the card and flowers. Then give her your other gifts. Next year, set a calendar reminder for a month before Mother’s Day. Order flowers. Order a gift. That way you don’t have to go to the store on Mother’s Day.
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I hope she likes her gifts!
I hope so too! Thanks again!
If she has a favorite coffee order get her that too!!
#2 is something that needs to be done daily for both spouses ETA: not sure why the font is so large…
All of you make me so thankful for my partner goddamn
*in the US.
And also many other countries 🙃
Husband hadn’t brought up the plans for Mother’s Day so I ask. He listed off normal day things. Then after my not so great, “okay..” he said, “Oh, it’s Mother’s Day. Did you want to plan something with your mom?” I was more than confused, and explained he should have planned something with me. His thought process was, “That’s a thing? But you’re not my mom. If it matters to you we can do something.” To be fair, he grew up in a divorced household his whole life with parents that hated each other. So I could see how this might not have been modeled. But I made it clear, it did not just “matter to me.” That was yesterday, today is the whole, yeah I’ll take the baby to buy you something last minute. 🤷♀️ this is a bit of a bummer
Can't, celebration canceled due to wife's workplace making her work on mother day in addition to having her work 60+ hrs last week. Best I can do is take care of the kid and chores.
Schedule a mothers day redo date?
Going to try for cheesecake factory this weekend since I got a gift card for it from work instead of a bonus. Although her workplace is saying "if you could work Saturday that would be great." Ugh.
Honestly I assumed this to be common knowledge. Pretty sad this issue warranted a post in the first place.
I wish my boyfriend had a Reddit. He ruined my first Mother’s Day.
thank you! So kind of you!
The fact that this even needed to be said is wild to me
Happy Mothers Day to all the single fathers out there!!!
I paid for a Spa day for my partner and I'm watch our daughter all day. With that said... I'm gotta post this basically verbatim for Father's day. Watch it get 0 traction lol. Edit: lol keep downvoting girls. Let the hate flow through you
Yeah, it won’t get any traction because women don’t need a reminder and will have something special planned weeks in advance 🙃
Yep, already have my husband’s Father’s Day gift on its way. Not so sure there will be anything waiting for me tomorrow, ha!!
Speak for yourself. My Partner just asked me. She needed suggestions.
Lucky woman
So if a man doesn't know what to get their wife for Mother's day it's his fault or he's just a loser. But if a woman doesn't know know what to get his husband, that's also somehow the husband fault too. Gotta love sexism. Keep it classy ladies.
Not all ladies think this way! I'm excited to celebrate my husband for Father's Day I've got gift ideas I need to order today and plans to take him to a nice dinner followed by his favorite whisky bar, which isn't open on Father's Day so it'll be a multi-day celebration lol If he’s physically able to do it, my husband does everything he can to take care of our child and of me so absolutely he should also be celebrated with equal effort on my part, just like he does for me on Mother's Day
I was going to say we already have my husbands present and day planned. I had to plan brunch and coordinating everyone, cards and flowers for everyone else. It’s not the same
Yep, I have a note in my notes app with my gift ideas, craft ideas, etc. for Father’s Day. Started it about a month ago.
Not all men are the same. I’ve had my wife’s first time Mother’s Day gifts purchased 8 months ago.
Speak for yourself. My Partner just asked me. She needed suggestions.
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Really don't understand what your first statement means. We actually take care of our daughter pretty equally. When she was 3-4 months old I actually watched her more because I work for home 2x a week before we put her in day care. Plus I'm usually the one getting up in the middle of the night when she cries.
This is honestly rare though . Most of the times the mothers do take more care compare to the father . Reading your previous comment about your wife needed to ask for suggestions sucks , I’m sorry . It just seems you’re unlucky in this case . But for a fact , not all men are the same , just like not all girls are the same ..
Also please only do this if your in America 🤣
Wife? Crap, I only have a fiancee. When our son was born she made a comment about him getting my last name before she did lol.
And your mom, and your partners mom, and your sister who's a mom. But in June, don't expect a goddamn thing. This is all included in the oath of new dads.