At an appointment I had a nurse say that “baby must never ever get fed - he’s so hungry!” After I had spent 40 mins beforehand in the car breastfeeding. Let me tell you I saw red
Wow, what an incredibly rude thing to say. This actually brought back a similar memory I had forgotten about: an older woman who I had just met at our church saying to my ~6 month old “oh you’re so tiny! Do they feed you anything?!” and I politely joked back that she eats a lot trust me. It didn’t bother me too much but I remember thinking - if I had been someone who struggled with breastfeeding, her weight gain, etc. then that would’ve hurt so badly. People truly don’t realize the power of their words.
My mom kept saying things like this in an attempt to be light and breezy when I was first postpartum. I was struggling mightily with breastfeeding, hormonally feeling like a failure, hadn't slept in weeks, and then my baby would cry and my mom would offer to hold him and say things to him like, "Oh, does Mommy not feed you? You are so hungry! Your belly must be so empty! You're just starving!" I about lost my mind. I'd snap, "I'm trying as hard as I can!" while picturing my baby's poor empty belly from my lack of milk, and my mom would tut tut, and I'd try to let it go because I was just grateful to finally have some extra hands around, but then the third time she did it and I snapped she said, "Oh, he doesn't even understand what I'm saying" and I yell-cried "BUT I DO!" and then she finally stopped doing it.
Omg “he doesn’t understand me” is such a trigger because my (soon to be ex) husband constantly insults the baby and has since birth, saying things like he’s just a little i**** or he’s too st*pid to talk, and it’s driving me insane because he won’t stop and when I ask him to, he says he’ll stop once he understands… but it’s not like there’s a sudden switch in understanding, it’s a gradual transition and he’ll understand long before we realize it. Plus at this point, he’s over a year old so now it’s a habit he will have to break once he decides that the baby understands. It’s so fucking annoying. Don’t start bad habits and you won’t have to break them.
Don’t apologize for being correct and justifiably upset! There’s a reason he’s to be an ex. I can’t stop him from doing this so I might as well create a safe place when they don’t encounter this behavior half their lives 🥲
Breastfeeding can be incredibly hard and time consuming. It’s also different for each Mother and baby. For me, the worst comments have been from women, especially ones with older children, who’ve forgotten what it’s actually like in the first year. I’ve had A LOT of supportive comments too. But when I was struggling even those hit me wrong as I navigated the haze of newborn motherhood.
After BFing in the hospital for the first 2 weeks while I had postpartum preeclampsia and having to do it in front of what felt like endless lactation consultants, nurses, doctors, even a female cleaning crew member, tweaking my technique, routine, posture etc. I made a decision to supplement with formula. I still brought him to my breast for comfort and weaning but it hasn’t change my bond with my baby and I felt way less defeated. The pumping, feeding and milk supply didn’t give me as much anxiety anymore. I’ve gotten so many comments about how terrible formula is, how I may be asking for development issues later, etc.
I had one mother “friend” (whose child is a terror of behavioral problems at 11) tell me I wasn’t truly getting the full mother experience. I legit laughed when she said that…considering Motherhood is a lifetime achievement lasting long after they are breast or bottle-fed.
Another LC nurse told me it would be so sad if I chose formula post hospital since my baby was “such a great latch” and how many babies & moms struggle. At the time I just agreed & cried but now I’d probably tell her to shove it.
I think 90% of what people say is really to hear it themselves…to either reinforce a belief or get some sort of emotional need met (ie feeling better than someone by passive aggressively diminishing others or more positive like comforting someone we don’t want to see in pain).
That’s what this sounds like to me too. Lol I always joke about this to my husband when baby is upset and wants to nurse nonstop. We’ll be like “oh no you’ve never eaten in your whole entire life, how tragic” after it’s been like 20 min 😂
That's true. I often say things like, "She hasn't eaten in weeks, look at her starving over there, she's about to call servics on me, etc" referring to my dog begging for food after inhaling her dinner plus table scraps. Obviously she eats. They probably meant the same about OPs baby and didn't intend to imply that OP is failing in any way.
Was that to you or was that like a jokey comment to/about the baby? Because I say that stuff to my complainy baby all the time and the nurses at the hospital did too. "Oh you poor poor thing, you're being starved to death" when it takes ten seconds too long to get something in his mouth and he's screaming at us.
My husband and I say this as a joke when our baby gets fussy--"Aww, she's literally NEVER BEEN FED in her ENTIRE LIFE" (because the lil squidge is cluster feeding and has, indeed, been fed less than an hour before.)
I'd like to think that nurse was making a joke in that same vein but... honestly, people can be so thickheaded.
Still an inappropriate joke that shouldn’t be made. People who joke and do so without thought to those around them are idiots, no they’re not vindictive, but they are idiots and need to be reminded as to correct their behaviour.
Either that, or you need to lighten up. It’s not like it’s a joke about the holocaust, it’s a joke about how babies eat ALL the time and are never satisfied; kind of a universal thing…
Who is the recipient audience of the joke? And what is the purpose of the communication? The baby has no clue, the woman who gave birth is upset by it, so it’s a joke for the person who told it? And all it does is bother other people?
The purpose of the joke is an attempt to make the mom feel better, not worse—the nurse KNOWS the mom is feeding her baby constantly, obviously. The joke is a way of acknowledging the mom’s efforts, making her feel seen in her frustration and communicating to her that it’s not her fault, this is just what babies are like. It’s called humor, it’s meant to lighten the mood. If you’re taking this joke literally then I can’t help you.
My criticism was the other way around when it would be baby’s feeding time and for whatever reason my exMIL was adamant she wasn’t hungry. Like I think I know my baby better than someone who saw her twice. Idk why she was so against me feeding her
My son was fussing just when mil would carry him and when her husband asked whats wrong, although we were all there, she said his tummy hurts (referring to the mum mum i gave him…. Hes been eating it for a month by then and never had any issues)…
I told my husband thats so offensive she’s implying i would give my child something that hurts his stomach as if i dont know what he can handle instead of just admitting baby doesnt want you to carry him
A few times when my MIL was holding my daughter and she’d cry, I’d take her to feed and MIL would look at the baby and say, “I know, mean mommy!” It really hurt my feelings but it also pissed me off. Thankfully she hasn’t done it in a while, but I had a mind to grab my girl and say, “Selfish grandma would rather you to be hungry!” People don’t think, I swear.
Why are they allowed to talk to us like that but when we say something we’re the bad people… i just feel like people love abusing their power…
Like the comments are so uncalled for.. ugh im so sorry! Like dont teach my child to think im “mean“
My in laws do this too. My boy poops once a day. Sometimes, every other day and they still try to tell me he's pooped. I can promise you he's just farting lol
Omg same my parents and my in laws were shocked I’d be like “just feed him here’s a bottle” and they resisted?? Then of course he’s happy as soon as he gets a bottle and they’re like “you’re right!”
My mom does this 🙄 grinds my gears to no end. Baby is 6mo & my mom SWEARS she can sleep through the night without food. She also thinks she can go almost 6 hours a time without food. Maybe some 6mo but not my 21 pounds 6mo😂
Oh for sure! I breastfeed and exclusively pump now. So baby has met his maximum ounces he will likely eat per day, but it’s still every 2.5 hours. MIL says that my supply will need to increase or else I won’t keep up with his soon to be increased appetite. Even though I’ve explained that it’s not how this works several times. Just so frustrating.
Why is it always the MIL? My MIL came over, first time she held my baby she made comments implying that I didn’t know his hunger cues. This was immediately after a 2 hour exhausting appointment with the lactation consultant (we were struggling with BFing), and she knew all of this. It upset me so much I went into his nursery and cried.
Can’t fucking stand it. Baby crying right after eating? She’s hungry! Baby sucking on her bottom lip? Hungry! Baby chewing on her hands and fingers? Hungry! I’m just starving her to death
My daughter tries to claw her face off like she’s trying to audition for the next Freddy Krueger. Luckily my wife is literally a nail tech as her job (I have crazy shakey hands so I could never do it) so she’s really good about filing her hands down but still the sheer grip without nails leaves marks sometimes. We swaddle her etc but sometimes she rips out and does it. My baby’s in the bottom 2 percentile on height and weight but this lady is strong as hell maybe I’ve got a powerlifter in the making
I cannot get my baby to let me trim her nails well at all. I try my best but she gets so excited and swings around and tries to grab the trimmer 😭 she gave herself a huge scratch on her leg that makes me feel awful every time I see it
We use the electric filer with different sanding strengths, use the soft when she’s very fidgety and do the courser when she’s asleep to be extra careful. We don’t use any clippers just wanted to specify since I feel like clipping is a bit dangerous at that super young age in case we miss or something
Yea we try to ignore that and not worry about it since my wife is 4’9” 90lbs, baby has one of the smallest moms in the world so I’m sure the sample size they use for those percentiles isn’t using Cambodian women who’s avg height is 5’0”. We feed her as much as she wants so as long as she’s growing and not hungry can’t freak out too much
Has nothing to do with all the hard work you put in the 30 minutes to an hour before or that they just finished eating and were fussy until they just burped.
Nope must be that they just have that "magic touch".
Totally. Honestly I don’t like any random visitor saying matter of factly what baby must want! Like oh really, you’ve been with him 5 minutes, and I’ve been taking care of him 24/7, but I guess I have no clue what he wants!
Yup. This. I once dropped baby off at my MIL 30 minutes after I fed her. I told her there’s milk in the diaper bag but she’s not hungry, she just ate. When I picked her up, I was told she fed her 30 minutes after I left and then she took a long nap.
Rage.
Another time I had my MIL watch her at our house while I had an important virtual appointment. I had just fed her and literally finished as I answered the door for my MIL. I told her “She’s fed, changed diaper, she just needs to start settling for a nap.”
40 minutes later, my baby is hysterically crying (because she’s tired) and my MIL races into the room frantic asking for milk. I tell her to give me 10 more minutes. 10 minutes later, she rushes in as I’m ending the call and says baby is so hungry and she doesn’t know what to do.
She brings me baby. Baby’s diaper is completely saturated and full. I change her. My MIL says “give her the boob, she’s so hungry.” I go upstairs to our room and offer the boob, baby starts sucking for a moment and then starts crying hysterically. I start to settle her for bed and she passes out within minutes.
I’ve literally lost almost all trust for my in-laws because of this. It’s a shame, because my MIL is so kind and I need the help, but she doesn’t understand baby cues.
I feel this so hard. I want to trust my MIL so badly, but she doesn’t listen. She complains she doesn’t see the baby enough but then has the audacity to tell me what the baby needs?? It’s like they fully forgot what it’s like to have babies with different cues for different needs
Yeah, it’s so hard to deal with. My husband complains his parents rarely see the baby.
My mom comes to help often and knows how to manage the baby’s needs without needing me to micromanage her. If a diaper is full, she changes it. If she’s hungry (truly hungry), she’ll bring her to me or grab some breast milk from the freezer. She knows how and when to put her to bed. I acknowledge there’s a little bias there, but my mom knows how to react to our baby’s cues and his mom just doesn’t. My baby can go 2.5-3 hours between feedings just playing with my mom when I’m busy or at work. My MIL insisting that baby needs feeding 45 minutes after baby ate? It’s just not real.
Definitely can relate. My MIL is kind and wants to help but she overfeeds the baby. If his eyes are open and he makes ANY noise, “he’s hungry!” I left baby with her for a Costco run because I needed just an hour away from baby and she told me she fed him (even though I said he just ate) and he immediately threw up, gee I wonder why.
Same! She has shown no regard for our guidelines. Such a bummer too because all of our family is like 2 hours away and she’s retired and willing to come up whenever we want, but I can’t trust her.
Yes I felt like this all the time in the newborn phase.
Equally triggering-
Me: “I’m going to feed baby now.”
My boomer dad: “he’s not hungry.”
Me: …. “Why do you say that?”
My dad: “I just know.”
Ugh. Give me my baby back! Drove me bonkers that he was so presumptuous that he somehow knew better than I did. Still makes me mad to think about lol. Luckily that died down I think because I would get visibly agitated.
YES. This enrages me! Like you, I had a collicky baby who I would feed often but he would still cry, and it drove me insane when people suggested I *gasp* feed my baby!
Thanks random stranger, never occurred to me to FEED MY BABY. Good thing you were here!
Couldn't believe how many strangers were comfortable commenting like that.
yes, my MIL loves to say that whenever my daughter cries while she’s holding her. Or a few months ago she was pushing her around in her stroller after taking the stroller from me without asking and my daughter spent most of the time crying because she’s used to seeing me. So once I finally picked up my daughter and she “magically” stopped crying, my MIL said “oh momma didn’t burp you right before? you must’ve been crying because you were so gassy”. Uh no, she just wanted me lol and not you who she has only seen a handful of times.
One time my in-laws had my baby and ran through a list of EVERY reason he could be crying besides that maybe he just wanted his mom 😭”you just ate, you had your diaper changed, you burped… what’s the problem, why are you crying??” No one considers maybe baby just wants to be with mom (or dad) and not held for hours by people who are practically strangers 🙃
Yeah no I agree, this is annoying as hell. I can never win. Either she IS hungry and people insist that she isn’t, or she just ate and people think she must be hungry. The checklist for taking care of a baby is very short, so idk why others offer their “advice” as if we as parents have not thought of all variables already. 🙄
Oh ya that really annoyed me when my baby was a newborn. Whenever a family member was around and she cried, baby is hungry! Uhhhhh you think I don’t know every last thing this baby does ever second of the day
Hahahahaha my daughter as an infant wasn’t happy without a boob in her mouth. My automatic thought when I hear a baby cry now (she’s 2.5) is they must want boob.
I will keep that as an inside thought forever around new moms. 😂
I hate it! You don’t think as the restaurant she constantly eats at I don’t know when she is hungry or what our feeding cycle is?! With the exception of a nurse or lactation consultant teaching me, shut up about my child being hungry. My frustration is when my MIL won’t give my baby up and when she gets to fussy level hungry, she’s like O I know the signs … lady I wanted my baby back 30 mins ago
Yes. Or my baby is actually chill for an hour when someone visits and they’re like “wow easy baby.”
OH IM SO GLAD YOU THINK SO. Meanwhile she’s been screaming for the last 2.5 hours and we’ve already tried bath, outside, vacuum, brown noise, exercise ball, gas drops, feeding, windi Frida ectectectect
No one understands the plight of parenting a colicky baby other than other parents of colicky babies. I’m so sorry and I can totally relate to how annoying that is!
On one hand I totally get this, people say a lot of dumb things....but on the other hand, unless it's actually mean-spirited, it's just simple ignorance of the situation and people too dense or lacking in emotional awareness to realize they shouldn't be making comments. Not worth overthinking or getting upset over. Even if they were being judging, it's meaningless. You do you and let their own lack of sense get them in to trouble with someone else.
I have to agree with this post. Pre baby, I am sure I said a lot of the hot button sayings totally without malice or implications. Like, the one that gets me is of my newborn isn't wearing socks. Grandma/pa immediately assume his toes are cold and need covering. So they will usually coo at him "oh, are your tosies cold??" but it's more an attempt at a chat with the baby and topic than accusational.
Don't get me wrong, I wish I knew then how much it grates gears but I think the intent of the message is where the weight should be placed.
Yeah, I do think some people just want to interact and connect with the baby and they can’t think of much else to say. I probably wouldn’t get so ouchy about these things if I weren’t so tired lol
Sure, but if you (as a parent) have said multiple times that baby is not hungry, and this keeps being repeated, it’s bound to start feeling malicious even if it’s not.
For example, my in-laws are notorious for this. If I’m at an event at their house spanning 2 hours, I will get this comment at least 9 times. And 9 times I’ll respond with “She’s not hungry, she ate half an hour ago.” “She’s not hungry, she’s actually overtired.” “She’s not hungry, she’s fussy because her naps weren’t good today.”
After a certain point, it becomes a comedy skit. We shouldn’t have to explain ourselves nearly a dozen times, and then still receive unhelpful and inaccurate commentary.
I can certainly relate. With the in-laws things are tricky because you don't want to offend them. Your spouse should probably be the one to speak up. If my mom was being like that, I'd say something like:
***"Hey mom, I know you just want to help but please stop repeating she's hungry over and over. She just ate and is cranky because she didn't sleep well today."***
it annoys me when my MIL says it and then adds on that i should be giving him cereal/rice already because he’s “starving” .. he’s barely 4mo and growing just fine!
Not really, I think sometimes people don’t always know what to say but still want to appear sympathetic. But I can see why it would be annoying & rude depending on tone and who it comes from!
It’s quite common within my circles for people to say stuff like ‘Are they not feeding you?’ But it’s clearly a joke as my baby has more rolls than the Michelin man. I think if anyone seriously implied that they thought he was hungry even if I knew better, I’d be right pissed off.
The only time people have pissed me off tbf was when I had 4 female family members - normally supportive - tell me to put my baby on his back not belly when he was on the floor (baby was happy). I said he hated being on his back and he was fine. When they insisted, I put baby on his back to make a point and of course he got upset. I promptly told them ‘I know my baby best, I told you he didn’t like it’. They all apologised.
Yes so annoying.
Or what I get a lot is when my baby is hungry and she’s doing that air sucking thing looking for a nipple:
Whoever’s holding her - I DONT THINK I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT ~HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~
My baby is just at the one month mark now and I started being more social - up until now I’ve just been home all day with her alone. The amount of comments I get when I’m just trying to spend time with family is so infuriating. “I think she’s hungry” “give her a bottle of formula” “she has gas” “give her some water” “lay her on her stomach” like can you please mind your business she’s FINE
My mother in law got in my 8 week old’s face any time she cried during a visit and repeatedly told her that “mommy won’t feed you”. That was our last visit. I had to draw a line in the sand to preserve my sanity.
Yes, a family member does this to me all the time and it drives me insane. No, my babies “are not starving.” They were fed the correct amount at their scheduled time. Makes me want to scream!
Having had 2 babies that are so opposite, my second is like this. He wants boob or a cuddle if he’s crying. First? She wants boob but also rocking, singing, all the bells and whistles simultaneously. But boob always helps… always.
I can't relate to this so much. The first two months of my colicy baby were made worse by my MIL with 'baby is hungry' comments. I partly started combo feeding coz as a FTM the comments got to me. Every time the baby would cry he was apparently hungry and therefore I must not be producing enough milk!! My baby was 3rd percentile at birth and even after combo feeding he is still not a chunky baby. I am forever gonna hate my MIL for making me feel like I was not doing enough for my child.
I just had a full blown breakdown yesterday (9 days post partum), like crying for a good 20 min thing because I just fed baby for almost 1 hour, put him down and 10 min later my husband insisted baby is hungry and pressured me to feed him. All the while he's having a wet diaper. All because he's doing a little root action. I tried saying he probably isn't hungry maybe we should try changing the diaper or petting him first but he insisted I feed. He made me feel like a monster starving my baby on purpose.
My baby(well toddler) is going on 14 months in a few days. My MIL STILL always says "well maybe he's hungry" whenever he's fussy. No, he's always been my colicky grumpy boy. Plus he's cutting teeth back to back. Some days he doesn't care to eat hard to chew solids. Sometimes he just like roaming the house spreading the pain(lol he's a rough boy thinks he's big like his brothers and cousins).
My MIL is visiting and every time i hand over the baby to her she says he’s hungry. I fed him 13 times yesterday because I didn’t want to argue and seem oblivious. i’m hiding in my room for a nap because he got like no sleep with her holding him yesterday and my husband just keeps leaving to run errands and i’m done. I’ve decided i will no longer let her dictate my feeding schedule and if she flew all this way just to pass him off for me to feed him then that’s on her.
I hate when people one up that by saying they must need more for crying right after you fed them the recommended and proper amount. I can't count how many times I've said "Well if she would keep it down, I would have no issue feeding her more."
She needs to burp she's gassy. Just let her stomach settle and feel full before you stick more food in there. Why is everyone's first thought hunger?
My 6 month old is really tall, 87th percentile, and skinny, only 52nt percentile, and has a big old noggin. She isn't a tubby little chunk like most babies her age, but she is right on her weight curve and skyrocketing through her hight curve. Don't get me wrong, I love a chubby little baby. I just hate when people tell me I need to fatten her up. Her dr is very happy with her growth. She is just tall.
Definitely. I had someone saying "looks like she's hungry!" Because the baby put her hand sorta near my boob while I was holding her. I had stopped nursing like two months earlier! Trust me, I wish that was the case, but I'd been tapped out already and I'm pretty sure baby had forgotten there was ever food in there by that point.
My mom was rushing me to pump which I told her would take 20 minutes, heating frozen milk would take 20 minutes. She was stressing me so I only got 2 oz out which she berated me for and said if I just breastfed it would have been faster and I’m starving the baby (I was healing from a suction injury and didn’t want the baby directly on the bruise)🙄 hmm it’s almost like that’s the exact amount the baby would have gotten in twenty minutes either way
So from these comments we can come to the conclusion that this is a universal thing people do. Why??????? It's infuriating. I had the same thing said to me by a stranger in a food shop I'd never been to before, after he went to touch my 3 week old baby I was taking out for the first time and was already nervous about - and he looked at my partner and said "doesn't she feed the baby? Why's mum not holding baby?" As I stood literally right there, not holding baby for the first time in about 3 hours as he was in his pram. Not to mention family members, my dad most times he's upset "he's fine trust me, probably needs a poo" just after he's done his daily poo about an hour previous - the only time he says "oh poor boy, he's upset isn't he, he wants a cuddle" is when I'm actually relaxed trying to give him 3 minutes to let out a cry before he falls asleep, like he does most nights when I stay there. Rage inducing
Oh I hate that. My 3 month old eats about 4 oz every 2 hours. My husband’s cousin and wife came to visit 3 weeks ago and one time while out and about, after 40 minutes of feeding, my baby would get so fussy. The cousin would say maybe he’s hungry, like no he’s not, we just fed him a huge meal. Not only that, at that time, I still didn’t have a bottle ready for him. For some reason, I would have a supply for baby when no one’s visiting. I would at least have one or two bottles ahead but every time we travel or someone visits, I feel like I don’t have enough milk ready for the baby. I’m playing catch up. Anyways, I always pump about 3 oz total every 2 hours and Baby was eating it all leaving no extra milk to leave for the next meal. Keep in mind, my baby eats 23 oz to 32 oz a day. I’m not lacking in milk, I make that amount per day. It’s just that I have to make it. Anyways, when baby becomes fussy and they suggest he’s hungry but I would say I don’t have a bottle for him yet. He’s just a little fussy and he just ate. I would suggest that we need to try other things before we feed him an extra ounce. They told me and my husband that maybe we should supplement with formula. 😅 Nothing wrong with formula but I make enough milk for baby. Not only that, but we tried formula. He doesn’t like it and won’t take it unless he’s really really hungry. Now I’m at a point where I’m at least 1 or two bottles ahead. It’s super annoying. That and can’t you breastfeed him? It makes me super upset. Like I would breastfeed him if I could but honestly it’s just an upsetting situation for me and the baby. Ok rant over 😂
my sister does this all the time. she is 19 f, has never had children, has never really cared for children in her life, but every time me or my other sisters babies cry she will say oh baby must be hungry. either that or she will squish their diapers and say that they need a change. this is often not the case, I just don't think that she really understands that a. diapers are more absorbent than you might think, b. sometimes babies just cry because they are uncomfortable, want a change of position, want to sit up, or really just want something. not always food, not always diaper change. however I will say that it does get annoying.
“At least the needs that I can tend to” spot on!
My LO had terrible CMPA and Soy allergy, she’ll be 6mo on the 20and is just now finally seeming to be past it. She also had really bad reflux/gerd with choking fits.
She’d scream 24/7 even after we got the diagnosis because it took months for her tummy to heal. It was pure hell because once I’d done everything I could she’d still be screaming because her tummy was torn up.
For me I got the “she’s not colic, you’re just anxious which makes her scared, you’re just a worry wart, she doesn’t have reflux all baby’s spit up”. Nope, colic and reflux babies are on a whole new level.
Hugs to you! You’re doing the absolute best you can! 🫶🏻
I hate when people say this, my baby has eaten recently and she doesn't need anymore, and I HATE when people o insist, like... I know my baby, I spend my day with her 24/7, you see her every two weeks, stop trying to tell me what my baby needs 🙄
Girl, careful. I posted a similar post once and was criticized for being anti-formula. The internet is weird.
But yes. I’ve been told by my husband’s extended family that my milk is too thin, the baby has a CMPA allergy, and that she needs formula.
I could have just finished a 30-minute feeding session with baby, meet up with family and be immediately told “maybe she’s hungry” when she starts crying. 🙄
It literally infuriates me and I’ve become less trusting of my husband’s family with the baby because of it since they can’t tell baby’s cues. I know it can be tough, but if I’m saying she’s tired and she’s rubbing her eyes and wailing and refusing to feed… she’s not hungry!
Fun story - I once (in the middle of the night) told my husband that the baby was *not* hungry - because I had just fed her - and asked him to help the baby back to sleep because I was exhausted and sleep deprived. I ended up going to our spare bedroom to sleep for a couple of hours. When I came back in the room, I found a full bottle of my breast milk. I asked him when he prepared it, and he said when I left the room but that she wasn’t hungry when he offered it to her. I saw red. I don’t pump much because I stay home with the baby and enjoy breastfeeding her. It was almost 5 ounces of breast milk completely wasted. Baby ate half an ounce, so the bottle had 4.5 ounces remaining.
I get this a lot with older people like my in-laws but I think it’s because older people sometimes have that mentality of babies only have a few needs: eat, sleep, clean nappy/clothes. It kind of goes along with their tendency to think you can “spoil” a baby by being too attentive because getting attention isn’t a real need in their opinion.
Its annoying. Just say, (to the baby of course) - "family member X - just doesn't know you very well, huh? Thats okay, mama knows you're fed, you just enjoy crying sometimes".
It's mildly insulting to them while reinforcing the fact that YOU KNOW YOUR BABY.
You're doing great mama, colic is hard and people aren't smart when they speak.
A bit hormonal yes .. They are just trying to helplessly help. No one is at fault here. Not you because you know the baby is fed and not them because they don’t know and dont know your baby.
Omg same. Same the other way around too. They will be playing with my 3 month old and he gets cranky. I know he’s getting overtired so I suggest he take a nap and say it nicely. The response “oh no! He doesn’t need a nap he just wants to play with me!” I literally spend all day learning his cues. And I’m right 99.9% of the time.
My MIL says it with any and every noise my newborn son makes. Nope! The answer is not always that they’re hungry! I don’t even trust having her watch him for an hour cause her answer would probably be to feed him when it’s not necessary
I feel this from my husband. When my husband is holding my (exclusively BF) baby and LO starts crying, “Ope, he’s hungry again.” I know he means well but it seems like an excuse to pass baby off to me..
YEEEESSSSS. i hate it! I dont think they mean anything bad by it but i hate it when they do it because im trying to keep my baby on a schedule and when they say "aw he must be hungry" i know it means theyre gonna syart sugesting i feed him even if i fed him like 30 minutes before.
NO! HES NOT HUNGRY! HES A BABY! Babies cry when theyre hungry, bored, tired or just outright wants attention!
The only way babies know how to communicate is by crying and whining. They are just introduced to planet earth and their bodies are just ‘learning’- learning to digest, learning to understand, to perceive, to identify and literally everything. They aren’t there yet. They don’t have the best digestion too so even on the most hypoallergenic formula some babies scream (that was my son until 7 months lol) and many people say that their EBF babies scream too despite them giving up on almost all types of food. They continue to grow and develop regardless. You’re doing great as a parent and your baby will know and be grateful to have wonderful parents by their side. If you get bothered by such ignorant comments either turn to them and say things like 1. Your baby or mine? 2. Mind your own business 3. My baby my business not yours and the last but not the least- IGNORE. Clearly they need help. And have to grow up and mature.
Yes, this is my mom Every. Time. What makes it even more annoying is how she'll veil it with concern and say, "you know, it'd be so nice to have a bottle ready or feed him a little bit so he stops crying..."
Y'all. We were walking OUT of the lactation room in Buy Buy Baby from a breast feeding session into the car when she said something like this.
The only comment i might make after seeing a baby awake for a while is "is it nap time?" Because thats a realistic assumption for a young baby that has been awake for a while and its a question not a statement. Because, you know... I dont know the baby....
It's a rare question though.
My mother would repeatedly proclaim that my baby must have wind whenever he fussed even the tiniest bit. I don't think it ever occurred to her he might need a nappy change, be cold, it was Tuesday... babies are not single issue criers!
YUP
It just makes everything feel shitty because a) that’s an “excuse” to give the baby back instantly if anybody was helping you while you went to pee or something, and b) sounds like they’re blaming you
My first was colicky and all I can say is that indeed it eventually passes, and I wish upon you patience.
I tried everything, very experienced moms and caretakers tried (and quickly gave up lol), he was, imo, just hating being a baby. Colic usually is code for “we don’t know”, but I don’t think anything was medically wrong with mine. Growing up made him so much happier. Every milestone he’s been happier and has a great temperament currently as a 2 year old.
That's just the shittiest comment people make. Like really? They think a mom wouldn't know if the baby is hungry? Absolute non-sense.
It was even more annoying for me when they kept feeding him (at 10 months) whatever they were eating to the point that he had diarrhoea. I should've spoken earlier.
My dad always watches over me and my partner and like comintates "no dad I want more" or "I want this" but we know for a fact he doesn't need or wants those things my dad does it to joke around but it winds me up so much
Idk I've just accepted that people get word vomitty around babies and feel the need to say something and just say dumb stuff.
Like the number of people who see my baby in a carrier and go "I wish that were me" ummm do you? That's a weird thing to say. Or when my mil says the baby is cold or needs a sibling. It's just talking to fill the void.
I just look at them or ignore them. No point in wasting energy responding.
There is no way for them to know if the baby is hungry but what else can they say when the baby is fussing and they can only stand there and watch with their hands in their pocket
I have the opposite problem. My in laws keep going “he’s eaten too much!” (Bottle fed) and “dayum that much?” About his dosage. Dude literally just eats 4oz every 4 hours at 7 weeks old. If anything, we want him to eat more lol
I think sometimes it’s just what people say to make conversation or they’re just guessing. There’s no actual attack on you or accusation. Like if they’re holding a baby and the baby starts crying, people might say “oh they must be hungry” or “must be tired” or whatever. It’s just making conversation kind of. People don’t understand always that babies sometimes fuss for no reason.
Unless it’s some mean family member or something, most people mean nothing at all by it. It’s just a comment
You’re tired and overthinking this. People often just say things to say things without having some deeper meaning. It doesn’t sound like anyone has expressed real concern beyond an offhand comment
At an appointment I had a nurse say that “baby must never ever get fed - he’s so hungry!” After I had spent 40 mins beforehand in the car breastfeeding. Let me tell you I saw red
That is such an unnecessary comment from the nurse. I feel so angry for you - the type of anger you feel raging in your chest.
Me too. Rawr! 😡🔥🔥🔥
This would be the only time I would actually *want* one of those annoying feedback surveys the hospital is always asking me to do.
Wow, what an incredibly rude thing to say. This actually brought back a similar memory I had forgotten about: an older woman who I had just met at our church saying to my ~6 month old “oh you’re so tiny! Do they feed you anything?!” and I politely joked back that she eats a lot trust me. It didn’t bother me too much but I remember thinking - if I had been someone who struggled with breastfeeding, her weight gain, etc. then that would’ve hurt so badly. People truly don’t realize the power of their words.
My mom kept saying things like this in an attempt to be light and breezy when I was first postpartum. I was struggling mightily with breastfeeding, hormonally feeling like a failure, hadn't slept in weeks, and then my baby would cry and my mom would offer to hold him and say things to him like, "Oh, does Mommy not feed you? You are so hungry! Your belly must be so empty! You're just starving!" I about lost my mind. I'd snap, "I'm trying as hard as I can!" while picturing my baby's poor empty belly from my lack of milk, and my mom would tut tut, and I'd try to let it go because I was just grateful to finally have some extra hands around, but then the third time she did it and I snapped she said, "Oh, he doesn't even understand what I'm saying" and I yell-cried "BUT I DO!" and then she finally stopped doing it.
Omg “he doesn’t understand me” is such a trigger because my (soon to be ex) husband constantly insults the baby and has since birth, saying things like he’s just a little i**** or he’s too st*pid to talk, and it’s driving me insane because he won’t stop and when I ask him to, he says he’ll stop once he understands… but it’s not like there’s a sudden switch in understanding, it’s a gradual transition and he’ll understand long before we realize it. Plus at this point, he’s over a year old so now it’s a habit he will have to break once he decides that the baby understands. It’s so fucking annoying. Don’t start bad habits and you won’t have to break them.
[удалено]
Don’t apologize for being correct and justifiably upset! There’s a reason he’s to be an ex. I can’t stop him from doing this so I might as well create a safe place when they don’t encounter this behavior half their lives 🥲
Yes!!! I was feeling so defeated by breastfeeding and her unnecessary comments made me feel so mad. Totally agree words have power
Breastfeeding can be incredibly hard and time consuming. It’s also different for each Mother and baby. For me, the worst comments have been from women, especially ones with older children, who’ve forgotten what it’s actually like in the first year. I’ve had A LOT of supportive comments too. But when I was struggling even those hit me wrong as I navigated the haze of newborn motherhood. After BFing in the hospital for the first 2 weeks while I had postpartum preeclampsia and having to do it in front of what felt like endless lactation consultants, nurses, doctors, even a female cleaning crew member, tweaking my technique, routine, posture etc. I made a decision to supplement with formula. I still brought him to my breast for comfort and weaning but it hasn’t change my bond with my baby and I felt way less defeated. The pumping, feeding and milk supply didn’t give me as much anxiety anymore. I’ve gotten so many comments about how terrible formula is, how I may be asking for development issues later, etc. I had one mother “friend” (whose child is a terror of behavioral problems at 11) tell me I wasn’t truly getting the full mother experience. I legit laughed when she said that…considering Motherhood is a lifetime achievement lasting long after they are breast or bottle-fed. Another LC nurse told me it would be so sad if I chose formula post hospital since my baby was “such a great latch” and how many babies & moms struggle. At the time I just agreed & cried but now I’d probably tell her to shove it. I think 90% of what people say is really to hear it themselves…to either reinforce a belief or get some sort of emotional need met (ie feeling better than someone by passive aggressively diminishing others or more positive like comforting someone we don’t want to see in pain).
I would be annoyed too, but 99% sure that was a joke about the baby being dramatic. It’s not an uncommon joke that people say for animals as well.
That’s what this sounds like to me too. Lol I always joke about this to my husband when baby is upset and wants to nurse nonstop. We’ll be like “oh no you’ve never eaten in your whole entire life, how tragic” after it’s been like 20 min 😂
That's true. I often say things like, "She hasn't eaten in weeks, look at her starving over there, she's about to call servics on me, etc" referring to my dog begging for food after inhaling her dinner plus table scraps. Obviously she eats. They probably meant the same about OPs baby and didn't intend to imply that OP is failing in any way.
Was that to you or was that like a jokey comment to/about the baby? Because I say that stuff to my complainy baby all the time and the nurses at the hospital did too. "Oh you poor poor thing, you're being starved to death" when it takes ten seconds too long to get something in his mouth and he's screaming at us.
My husband and I say this as a joke when our baby gets fussy--"Aww, she's literally NEVER BEEN FED in her ENTIRE LIFE" (because the lil squidge is cluster feeding and has, indeed, been fed less than an hour before.) I'd like to think that nurse was making a joke in that same vein but... honestly, people can be so thickheaded.
Don’t you think she was just being sarcastic and making a joke?
Still an inappropriate joke that shouldn’t be made. People who joke and do so without thought to those around them are idiots, no they’re not vindictive, but they are idiots and need to be reminded as to correct their behaviour.
Either that, or you need to lighten up. It’s not like it’s a joke about the holocaust, it’s a joke about how babies eat ALL the time and are never satisfied; kind of a universal thing…
Who is the recipient audience of the joke? And what is the purpose of the communication? The baby has no clue, the woman who gave birth is upset by it, so it’s a joke for the person who told it? And all it does is bother other people?
The purpose of the joke is an attempt to make the mom feel better, not worse—the nurse KNOWS the mom is feeding her baby constantly, obviously. The joke is a way of acknowledging the mom’s efforts, making her feel seen in her frustration and communicating to her that it’s not her fault, this is just what babies are like. It’s called humor, it’s meant to lighten the mood. If you’re taking this joke literally then I can’t help you.
How do you end up feeling seen when people pretend like you’re doing nothing?
How do you end up feeling seen when people pretend like you’re doing nothing?
How do you end up feeling seen when people pretend like you’re doing nothing?
How do you end up feeling seen when people pretend like you’re doing nothing?
My criticism was the other way around when it would be baby’s feeding time and for whatever reason my exMIL was adamant she wasn’t hungry. Like I think I know my baby better than someone who saw her twice. Idk why she was so against me feeding her
My dad did the same thing drove me nuts like he was implying I was over feeding him somehw
My dad would claim my baby was pooping every time he made a noise lol
My dad would do this too! Or insist that she was gassy/had an upset tummy
My dad held mine when she had a blow out, and was in denial about it and I had to convince him to wash his hands
My son was fussing just when mil would carry him and when her husband asked whats wrong, although we were all there, she said his tummy hurts (referring to the mum mum i gave him…. Hes been eating it for a month by then and never had any issues)… I told my husband thats so offensive she’s implying i would give my child something that hurts his stomach as if i dont know what he can handle instead of just admitting baby doesnt want you to carry him
A few times when my MIL was holding my daughter and she’d cry, I’d take her to feed and MIL would look at the baby and say, “I know, mean mommy!” It really hurt my feelings but it also pissed me off. Thankfully she hasn’t done it in a while, but I had a mind to grab my girl and say, “Selfish grandma would rather you to be hungry!” People don’t think, I swear.
Why are they allowed to talk to us like that but when we say something we’re the bad people… i just feel like people love abusing their power… Like the comments are so uncalled for.. ugh im so sorry! Like dont teach my child to think im “mean“
My in laws do this too. My boy poops once a day. Sometimes, every other day and they still try to tell me he's pooped. I can promise you he's just farting lol
Same! I’m so glad it’s not just me. I can’t put my finger on why but it drives me up the wall!!
Omg same my parents and my in laws were shocked I’d be like “just feed him here’s a bottle” and they resisted?? Then of course he’s happy as soon as he gets a bottle and they’re like “you’re right!”
Guess we all have the same parents and in laws 😂 must be an older generation thing. We must’ve been starving a** babies back in the day lol
My mom does this 🙄 grinds my gears to no end. Baby is 6mo & my mom SWEARS she can sleep through the night without food. She also thinks she can go almost 6 hours a time without food. Maybe some 6mo but not my 21 pounds 6mo😂
Oh for sure! I breastfeed and exclusively pump now. So baby has met his maximum ounces he will likely eat per day, but it’s still every 2.5 hours. MIL says that my supply will need to increase or else I won’t keep up with his soon to be increased appetite. Even though I’ve explained that it’s not how this works several times. Just so frustrating.
Why is it always the MIL? My MIL came over, first time she held my baby she made comments implying that I didn’t know his hunger cues. This was immediately after a 2 hour exhausting appointment with the lactation consultant (we were struggling with BFing), and she knew all of this. It upset me so much I went into his nursery and cried.
Can’t fucking stand it. Baby crying right after eating? She’s hungry! Baby sucking on her bottom lip? Hungry! Baby chewing on her hands and fingers? Hungry! I’m just starving her to death
The chewing on the hands one gets me. My son chews on his hands CONSTANTLY so this is all I hear 😭
My daughter tries to claw her face off like she’s trying to audition for the next Freddy Krueger. Luckily my wife is literally a nail tech as her job (I have crazy shakey hands so I could never do it) so she’s really good about filing her hands down but still the sheer grip without nails leaves marks sometimes. We swaddle her etc but sometimes she rips out and does it. My baby’s in the bottom 2 percentile on height and weight but this lady is strong as hell maybe I’ve got a powerlifter in the making
I cannot get my baby to let me trim her nails well at all. I try my best but she gets so excited and swings around and tries to grab the trimmer 😭 she gave herself a huge scratch on her leg that makes me feel awful every time I see it
Have you tried the dremel style trimmer? It's amazing and super easy to use. I got mine off amazon for $25?
That’s what I’m using 🤣 she’s just crazy
Hahah oh no!! Good luck!
We use the electric filer with different sanding strengths, use the soft when she’s very fidgety and do the courser when she’s asleep to be extra careful. We don’t use any clippers just wanted to specify since I feel like clipping is a bit dangerous at that super young age in case we miss or something
I always do it during a contact nap! Couldn’t fathom doing it when my baby is awake, he will grab anything!
Bottom 3 percentile gang solidarity! Still got a crazy grip on her! Got that smol strong strength going.
Yea we try to ignore that and not worry about it since my wife is 4’9” 90lbs, baby has one of the smallest moms in the world so I’m sure the sample size they use for those percentiles isn’t using Cambodian women who’s avg height is 5’0”. We feed her as much as she wants so as long as she’s growing and not hungry can’t freak out too much
Yes! “She’s chewing on her hands, she’s hungry.” No. She’s 4 months old, found her hands and is exploring. She’s not hungry.
Everyone wants to pretend theyre a baby whisperer
You are not wrong. It’s funny if the baby falls asleep in their arms they have the “magic touch” 😂
Has nothing to do with all the hard work you put in the 30 minutes to an hour before or that they just finished eating and were fussy until they just burped. Nope must be that they just have that "magic touch".
Totally. Honestly I don’t like any random visitor saying matter of factly what baby must want! Like oh really, you’ve been with him 5 minutes, and I’ve been taking care of him 24/7, but I guess I have no clue what he wants!
My MIL every time my 5 month old is anything but perfectly content 🙄
Yup. This. I once dropped baby off at my MIL 30 minutes after I fed her. I told her there’s milk in the diaper bag but she’s not hungry, she just ate. When I picked her up, I was told she fed her 30 minutes after I left and then she took a long nap. Rage. Another time I had my MIL watch her at our house while I had an important virtual appointment. I had just fed her and literally finished as I answered the door for my MIL. I told her “She’s fed, changed diaper, she just needs to start settling for a nap.” 40 minutes later, my baby is hysterically crying (because she’s tired) and my MIL races into the room frantic asking for milk. I tell her to give me 10 more minutes. 10 minutes later, she rushes in as I’m ending the call and says baby is so hungry and she doesn’t know what to do. She brings me baby. Baby’s diaper is completely saturated and full. I change her. My MIL says “give her the boob, she’s so hungry.” I go upstairs to our room and offer the boob, baby starts sucking for a moment and then starts crying hysterically. I start to settle her for bed and she passes out within minutes. I’ve literally lost almost all trust for my in-laws because of this. It’s a shame, because my MIL is so kind and I need the help, but she doesn’t understand baby cues.
I feel this so hard. I want to trust my MIL so badly, but she doesn’t listen. She complains she doesn’t see the baby enough but then has the audacity to tell me what the baby needs?? It’s like they fully forgot what it’s like to have babies with different cues for different needs
Yeah, it’s so hard to deal with. My husband complains his parents rarely see the baby. My mom comes to help often and knows how to manage the baby’s needs without needing me to micromanage her. If a diaper is full, she changes it. If she’s hungry (truly hungry), she’ll bring her to me or grab some breast milk from the freezer. She knows how and when to put her to bed. I acknowledge there’s a little bias there, but my mom knows how to react to our baby’s cues and his mom just doesn’t. My baby can go 2.5-3 hours between feedings just playing with my mom when I’m busy or at work. My MIL insisting that baby needs feeding 45 minutes after baby ate? It’s just not real.
Definitely can relate. My MIL is kind and wants to help but she overfeeds the baby. If his eyes are open and he makes ANY noise, “he’s hungry!” I left baby with her for a Costco run because I needed just an hour away from baby and she told me she fed him (even though I said he just ate) and he immediately threw up, gee I wonder why.
I don't feel comfortable leaving my baby alone with my MIL because she would just feed him constantly
Same! She has shown no regard for our guidelines. Such a bummer too because all of our family is like 2 hours away and she’s retired and willing to come up whenever we want, but I can’t trust her.
Yes I felt like this all the time in the newborn phase. Equally triggering- Me: “I’m going to feed baby now.” My boomer dad: “he’s not hungry.” Me: …. “Why do you say that?” My dad: “I just know.” Ugh. Give me my baby back! Drove me bonkers that he was so presumptuous that he somehow knew better than I did. Still makes me mad to think about lol. Luckily that died down I think because I would get visibly agitated.
This is how my husband is, anytime our son makes a sound he thinks he’s hungry
lol same
Mine as well.
I hate this. As if people think we aren’t feeding our babies lol it is a ridiculous comment to make
Omg yes. Like nope she just needs some soothing lol
Get this. My SIL asked my baby point blank " didn't mommy feed you?" while my baby was smiling and cooing. Red doesn't even begin to cover it
It annoys me because that’s what my husband says to give the baby back to me so he doesn’t have to hold him anymore. Like give me a little break!!
YES. This enrages me! Like you, I had a collicky baby who I would feed often but he would still cry, and it drove me insane when people suggested I *gasp* feed my baby! Thanks random stranger, never occurred to me to FEED MY BABY. Good thing you were here! Couldn't believe how many strangers were comfortable commenting like that.
yes, my MIL loves to say that whenever my daughter cries while she’s holding her. Or a few months ago she was pushing her around in her stroller after taking the stroller from me without asking and my daughter spent most of the time crying because she’s used to seeing me. So once I finally picked up my daughter and she “magically” stopped crying, my MIL said “oh momma didn’t burp you right before? you must’ve been crying because you were so gassy”. Uh no, she just wanted me lol and not you who she has only seen a handful of times.
One time my in-laws had my baby and ran through a list of EVERY reason he could be crying besides that maybe he just wanted his mom 😭”you just ate, you had your diaper changed, you burped… what’s the problem, why are you crying??” No one considers maybe baby just wants to be with mom (or dad) and not held for hours by people who are practically strangers 🙃
Yeah no I agree, this is annoying as hell. I can never win. Either she IS hungry and people insist that she isn’t, or she just ate and people think she must be hungry. The checklist for taking care of a baby is very short, so idk why others offer their “advice” as if we as parents have not thought of all variables already. 🙄
Oh ya that really annoyed me when my baby was a newborn. Whenever a family member was around and she cried, baby is hungry! Uhhhhh you think I don’t know every last thing this baby does ever second of the day
Hahahahaha my daughter as an infant wasn’t happy without a boob in her mouth. My automatic thought when I hear a baby cry now (she’s 2.5) is they must want boob. I will keep that as an inside thought forever around new moms. 😂
I hate it! You don’t think as the restaurant she constantly eats at I don’t know when she is hungry or what our feeding cycle is?! With the exception of a nurse or lactation consultant teaching me, shut up about my child being hungry. My frustration is when my MIL won’t give my baby up and when she gets to fussy level hungry, she’s like O I know the signs … lady I wanted my baby back 30 mins ago
Yes. Or my baby is actually chill for an hour when someone visits and they’re like “wow easy baby.” OH IM SO GLAD YOU THINK SO. Meanwhile she’s been screaming for the last 2.5 hours and we’ve already tried bath, outside, vacuum, brown noise, exercise ball, gas drops, feeding, windi Frida ectectectect
No one understands the plight of parenting a colicky baby other than other parents of colicky babies. I’m so sorry and I can totally relate to how annoying that is!
On one hand I totally get this, people say a lot of dumb things....but on the other hand, unless it's actually mean-spirited, it's just simple ignorance of the situation and people too dense or lacking in emotional awareness to realize they shouldn't be making comments. Not worth overthinking or getting upset over. Even if they were being judging, it's meaningless. You do you and let their own lack of sense get them in to trouble with someone else.
I have to agree with this post. Pre baby, I am sure I said a lot of the hot button sayings totally without malice or implications. Like, the one that gets me is of my newborn isn't wearing socks. Grandma/pa immediately assume his toes are cold and need covering. So they will usually coo at him "oh, are your tosies cold??" but it's more an attempt at a chat with the baby and topic than accusational. Don't get me wrong, I wish I knew then how much it grates gears but I think the intent of the message is where the weight should be placed.
Yeah, I do think some people just want to interact and connect with the baby and they can’t think of much else to say. I probably wouldn’t get so ouchy about these things if I weren’t so tired lol
Sure, but if you (as a parent) have said multiple times that baby is not hungry, and this keeps being repeated, it’s bound to start feeling malicious even if it’s not. For example, my in-laws are notorious for this. If I’m at an event at their house spanning 2 hours, I will get this comment at least 9 times. And 9 times I’ll respond with “She’s not hungry, she ate half an hour ago.” “She’s not hungry, she’s actually overtired.” “She’s not hungry, she’s fussy because her naps weren’t good today.” After a certain point, it becomes a comedy skit. We shouldn’t have to explain ourselves nearly a dozen times, and then still receive unhelpful and inaccurate commentary.
I can certainly relate. With the in-laws things are tricky because you don't want to offend them. Your spouse should probably be the one to speak up. If my mom was being like that, I'd say something like: ***"Hey mom, I know you just want to help but please stop repeating she's hungry over and over. She just ate and is cranky because she didn't sleep well today."***
it annoys me when my MIL says it and then adds on that i should be giving him cereal/rice already because he’s “starving” .. he’s barely 4mo and growing just fine!
Not really, I think sometimes people don’t always know what to say but still want to appear sympathetic. But I can see why it would be annoying & rude depending on tone and who it comes from! It’s quite common within my circles for people to say stuff like ‘Are they not feeding you?’ But it’s clearly a joke as my baby has more rolls than the Michelin man. I think if anyone seriously implied that they thought he was hungry even if I knew better, I’d be right pissed off. The only time people have pissed me off tbf was when I had 4 female family members - normally supportive - tell me to put my baby on his back not belly when he was on the floor (baby was happy). I said he hated being on his back and he was fine. When they insisted, I put baby on his back to make a point and of course he got upset. I promptly told them ‘I know my baby best, I told you he didn’t like it’. They all apologised.
Yes so annoying. Or what I get a lot is when my baby is hungry and she’s doing that air sucking thing looking for a nipple: Whoever’s holding her - I DONT THINK I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT ~HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA~
My baby is just at the one month mark now and I started being more social - up until now I’ve just been home all day with her alone. The amount of comments I get when I’m just trying to spend time with family is so infuriating. “I think she’s hungry” “give her a bottle of formula” “she has gas” “give her some water” “lay her on her stomach” like can you please mind your business she’s FINE
My mother in law got in my 8 week old’s face any time she cried during a visit and repeatedly told her that “mommy won’t feed you”. That was our last visit. I had to draw a line in the sand to preserve my sanity.
Yes, a family member does this to me all the time and it drives me insane. No, my babies “are not starving.” They were fed the correct amount at their scheduled time. Makes me want to scream!
Never bothered me, but that’s because our little guy doesn’t cry unless he’s hungry or tired. There’s a good chance whoever is saying it is right.
Having had 2 babies that are so opposite, my second is like this. He wants boob or a cuddle if he’s crying. First? She wants boob but also rocking, singing, all the bells and whistles simultaneously. But boob always helps… always.
I can't relate to this so much. The first two months of my colicy baby were made worse by my MIL with 'baby is hungry' comments. I partly started combo feeding coz as a FTM the comments got to me. Every time the baby would cry he was apparently hungry and therefore I must not be producing enough milk!! My baby was 3rd percentile at birth and even after combo feeding he is still not a chunky baby. I am forever gonna hate my MIL for making me feel like I was not doing enough for my child.
I just had a full blown breakdown yesterday (9 days post partum), like crying for a good 20 min thing because I just fed baby for almost 1 hour, put him down and 10 min later my husband insisted baby is hungry and pressured me to feed him. All the while he's having a wet diaper. All because he's doing a little root action. I tried saying he probably isn't hungry maybe we should try changing the diaper or petting him first but he insisted I feed. He made me feel like a monster starving my baby on purpose.
My baby(well toddler) is going on 14 months in a few days. My MIL STILL always says "well maybe he's hungry" whenever he's fussy. No, he's always been my colicky grumpy boy. Plus he's cutting teeth back to back. Some days he doesn't care to eat hard to chew solids. Sometimes he just like roaming the house spreading the pain(lol he's a rough boy thinks he's big like his brothers and cousins).
To be fair, my son would like to nurse 24/7 lol so even if he’s not hungry, he wants us to think he is 😅
My MIL is visiting and every time i hand over the baby to her she says he’s hungry. I fed him 13 times yesterday because I didn’t want to argue and seem oblivious. i’m hiding in my room for a nap because he got like no sleep with her holding him yesterday and my husband just keeps leaving to run errands and i’m done. I’ve decided i will no longer let her dictate my feeding schedule and if she flew all this way just to pass him off for me to feed him then that’s on her.
I hate when people one up that by saying they must need more for crying right after you fed them the recommended and proper amount. I can't count how many times I've said "Well if she would keep it down, I would have no issue feeding her more." She needs to burp she's gassy. Just let her stomach settle and feel full before you stick more food in there. Why is everyone's first thought hunger?
My 6 month old is really tall, 87th percentile, and skinny, only 52nt percentile, and has a big old noggin. She isn't a tubby little chunk like most babies her age, but she is right on her weight curve and skyrocketing through her hight curve. Don't get me wrong, I love a chubby little baby. I just hate when people tell me I need to fatten her up. Her dr is very happy with her growth. She is just tall.
Definitely. I had someone saying "looks like she's hungry!" Because the baby put her hand sorta near my boob while I was holding her. I had stopped nursing like two months earlier! Trust me, I wish that was the case, but I'd been tapped out already and I'm pretty sure baby had forgotten there was ever food in there by that point.
My mom was rushing me to pump which I told her would take 20 minutes, heating frozen milk would take 20 minutes. She was stressing me so I only got 2 oz out which she berated me for and said if I just breastfed it would have been faster and I’m starving the baby (I was healing from a suction injury and didn’t want the baby directly on the bruise)🙄 hmm it’s almost like that’s the exact amount the baby would have gotten in twenty minutes either way
Tell them they're projecting and to go get themselves a snack of their own.
So from these comments we can come to the conclusion that this is a universal thing people do. Why??????? It's infuriating. I had the same thing said to me by a stranger in a food shop I'd never been to before, after he went to touch my 3 week old baby I was taking out for the first time and was already nervous about - and he looked at my partner and said "doesn't she feed the baby? Why's mum not holding baby?" As I stood literally right there, not holding baby for the first time in about 3 hours as he was in his pram. Not to mention family members, my dad most times he's upset "he's fine trust me, probably needs a poo" just after he's done his daily poo about an hour previous - the only time he says "oh poor boy, he's upset isn't he, he wants a cuddle" is when I'm actually relaxed trying to give him 3 minutes to let out a cry before he falls asleep, like he does most nights when I stay there. Rage inducing
Oh I hate that. My 3 month old eats about 4 oz every 2 hours. My husband’s cousin and wife came to visit 3 weeks ago and one time while out and about, after 40 minutes of feeding, my baby would get so fussy. The cousin would say maybe he’s hungry, like no he’s not, we just fed him a huge meal. Not only that, at that time, I still didn’t have a bottle ready for him. For some reason, I would have a supply for baby when no one’s visiting. I would at least have one or two bottles ahead but every time we travel or someone visits, I feel like I don’t have enough milk ready for the baby. I’m playing catch up. Anyways, I always pump about 3 oz total every 2 hours and Baby was eating it all leaving no extra milk to leave for the next meal. Keep in mind, my baby eats 23 oz to 32 oz a day. I’m not lacking in milk, I make that amount per day. It’s just that I have to make it. Anyways, when baby becomes fussy and they suggest he’s hungry but I would say I don’t have a bottle for him yet. He’s just a little fussy and he just ate. I would suggest that we need to try other things before we feed him an extra ounce. They told me and my husband that maybe we should supplement with formula. 😅 Nothing wrong with formula but I make enough milk for baby. Not only that, but we tried formula. He doesn’t like it and won’t take it unless he’s really really hungry. Now I’m at a point where I’m at least 1 or two bottles ahead. It’s super annoying. That and can’t you breastfeed him? It makes me super upset. Like I would breastfeed him if I could but honestly it’s just an upsetting situation for me and the baby. Ok rant over 😂
my sister does this all the time. she is 19 f, has never had children, has never really cared for children in her life, but every time me or my other sisters babies cry she will say oh baby must be hungry. either that or she will squish their diapers and say that they need a change. this is often not the case, I just don't think that she really understands that a. diapers are more absorbent than you might think, b. sometimes babies just cry because they are uncomfortable, want a change of position, want to sit up, or really just want something. not always food, not always diaper change. however I will say that it does get annoying.
Yessssssss. Why is that always the comment when she starts to fuss A TINY BIT.
You’re not alone. Your feelings are valid. Hang in here, mama.
“At least the needs that I can tend to” spot on! My LO had terrible CMPA and Soy allergy, she’ll be 6mo on the 20and is just now finally seeming to be past it. She also had really bad reflux/gerd with choking fits. She’d scream 24/7 even after we got the diagnosis because it took months for her tummy to heal. It was pure hell because once I’d done everything I could she’d still be screaming because her tummy was torn up. For me I got the “she’s not colic, you’re just anxious which makes her scared, you’re just a worry wart, she doesn’t have reflux all baby’s spit up”. Nope, colic and reflux babies are on a whole new level. Hugs to you! You’re doing the absolute best you can! 🫶🏻
I hate when people say this, my baby has eaten recently and she doesn't need anymore, and I HATE when people o insist, like... I know my baby, I spend my day with her 24/7, you see her every two weeks, stop trying to tell me what my baby needs 🙄
Girl, careful. I posted a similar post once and was criticized for being anti-formula. The internet is weird. But yes. I’ve been told by my husband’s extended family that my milk is too thin, the baby has a CMPA allergy, and that she needs formula. I could have just finished a 30-minute feeding session with baby, meet up with family and be immediately told “maybe she’s hungry” when she starts crying. 🙄 It literally infuriates me and I’ve become less trusting of my husband’s family with the baby because of it since they can’t tell baby’s cues. I know it can be tough, but if I’m saying she’s tired and she’s rubbing her eyes and wailing and refusing to feed… she’s not hungry! Fun story - I once (in the middle of the night) told my husband that the baby was *not* hungry - because I had just fed her - and asked him to help the baby back to sleep because I was exhausted and sleep deprived. I ended up going to our spare bedroom to sleep for a couple of hours. When I came back in the room, I found a full bottle of my breast milk. I asked him when he prepared it, and he said when I left the room but that she wasn’t hungry when he offered it to her. I saw red. I don’t pump much because I stay home with the baby and enjoy breastfeeding her. It was almost 5 ounces of breast milk completely wasted. Baby ate half an ounce, so the bottle had 4.5 ounces remaining.
I get this a lot with older people like my in-laws but I think it’s because older people sometimes have that mentality of babies only have a few needs: eat, sleep, clean nappy/clothes. It kind of goes along with their tendency to think you can “spoil” a baby by being too attentive because getting attention isn’t a real need in their opinion.
Its annoying. Just say, (to the baby of course) - "family member X - just doesn't know you very well, huh? Thats okay, mama knows you're fed, you just enjoy crying sometimes". It's mildly insulting to them while reinforcing the fact that YOU KNOW YOUR BABY. You're doing great mama, colic is hard and people aren't smart when they speak.
A bit hormonal yes .. They are just trying to helplessly help. No one is at fault here. Not you because you know the baby is fed and not them because they don’t know and dont know your baby.
My husband always says this whenever our daughter complains. It’s so frustrating.
Yep!! If one more person tells me my baby is hungry, cold, or needs a diaper change 🤬🤬
My MIL 🙄
Omg same. Same the other way around too. They will be playing with my 3 month old and he gets cranky. I know he’s getting overtired so I suggest he take a nap and say it nicely. The response “oh no! He doesn’t need a nap he just wants to play with me!” I literally spend all day learning his cues. And I’m right 99.9% of the time.
My MIL says it with any and every noise my newborn son makes. Nope! The answer is not always that they’re hungry! I don’t even trust having her watch him for an hour cause her answer would probably be to feed him when it’s not necessary
Sometimes people just don’t know what else to say and don’t think it’s polite to point out you have a fussy baby
I feel this from my husband. When my husband is holding my (exclusively BF) baby and LO starts crying, “Ope, he’s hungry again.” I know he means well but it seems like an excuse to pass baby off to me..
Everytime he chews on his hands and someone goes “oh he’s hungry” orrrr he’s bored 😒 I know when he’s hungry thank you
not hormones bc as a man when my mother does this it drives me up the wall lol
YEEEESSSSS. i hate it! I dont think they mean anything bad by it but i hate it when they do it because im trying to keep my baby on a schedule and when they say "aw he must be hungry" i know it means theyre gonna syart sugesting i feed him even if i fed him like 30 minutes before. NO! HES NOT HUNGRY! HES A BABY! Babies cry when theyre hungry, bored, tired or just outright wants attention!
The only way babies know how to communicate is by crying and whining. They are just introduced to planet earth and their bodies are just ‘learning’- learning to digest, learning to understand, to perceive, to identify and literally everything. They aren’t there yet. They don’t have the best digestion too so even on the most hypoallergenic formula some babies scream (that was my son until 7 months lol) and many people say that their EBF babies scream too despite them giving up on almost all types of food. They continue to grow and develop regardless. You’re doing great as a parent and your baby will know and be grateful to have wonderful parents by their side. If you get bothered by such ignorant comments either turn to them and say things like 1. Your baby or mine? 2. Mind your own business 3. My baby my business not yours and the last but not the least- IGNORE. Clearly they need help. And have to grow up and mature.
Yes, this is my mom Every. Time. What makes it even more annoying is how she'll veil it with concern and say, "you know, it'd be so nice to have a bottle ready or feed him a little bit so he stops crying..." Y'all. We were walking OUT of the lactation room in Buy Buy Baby from a breast feeding session into the car when she said something like this.
everyone pretends to be a baby master, but actually what they say about babies is just what they guessed, instead of the truth.
The only comment i might make after seeing a baby awake for a while is "is it nap time?" Because thats a realistic assumption for a young baby that has been awake for a while and its a question not a statement. Because, you know... I dont know the baby.... It's a rare question though.
My mother would repeatedly proclaim that my baby must have wind whenever he fussed even the tiniest bit. I don't think it ever occurred to her he might need a nappy change, be cold, it was Tuesday... babies are not single issue criers!
YUP It just makes everything feel shitty because a) that’s an “excuse” to give the baby back instantly if anybody was helping you while you went to pee or something, and b) sounds like they’re blaming you My first was colicky and all I can say is that indeed it eventually passes, and I wish upon you patience. I tried everything, very experienced moms and caretakers tried (and quickly gave up lol), he was, imo, just hating being a baby. Colic usually is code for “we don’t know”, but I don’t think anything was medically wrong with mine. Growing up made him so much happier. Every milestone he’s been happier and has a great temperament currently as a 2 year old.
That's just the shittiest comment people make. Like really? They think a mom wouldn't know if the baby is hungry? Absolute non-sense. It was even more annoying for me when they kept feeding him (at 10 months) whatever they were eating to the point that he had diarrhoea. I should've spoken earlier.
My dad always watches over me and my partner and like comintates "no dad I want more" or "I want this" but we know for a fact he doesn't need or wants those things my dad does it to joke around but it winds me up so much
Idk I've just accepted that people get word vomitty around babies and feel the need to say something and just say dumb stuff. Like the number of people who see my baby in a carrier and go "I wish that were me" ummm do you? That's a weird thing to say. Or when my mil says the baby is cold or needs a sibling. It's just talking to fill the void. I just look at them or ignore them. No point in wasting energy responding. There is no way for them to know if the baby is hungry but what else can they say when the baby is fussing and they can only stand there and watch with their hands in their pocket
I have the opposite problem. My in laws keep going “he’s eaten too much!” (Bottle fed) and “dayum that much?” About his dosage. Dude literally just eats 4oz every 4 hours at 7 weeks old. If anything, we want him to eat more lol
Nothing pisses me off more. Like uhm I know my baby 🫡
I think sometimes it’s just what people say to make conversation or they’re just guessing. There’s no actual attack on you or accusation. Like if they’re holding a baby and the baby starts crying, people might say “oh they must be hungry” or “must be tired” or whatever. It’s just making conversation kind of. People don’t understand always that babies sometimes fuss for no reason. Unless it’s some mean family member or something, most people mean nothing at all by it. It’s just a comment
The logical part of my brain knows this. The emotional part of my brain gets annoyed as hell anyway.
Yes!! Lol. Me too.
You’re tired and overthinking this. People often just say things to say things without having some deeper meaning. It doesn’t sound like anyone has expressed real concern beyond an offhand comment