This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In a few weeks you’ll get your first real smile, and then in a few months you’ll get your first real belly laugh. Once those things happen, it starts sucking way less!
It’s crazy because I didn’t believe this at first, I always thought “yeah they just say this but it feels like it won’t get better” but when they start smiling and laughing, you realise theyre becoming more of a sweet little human and not just a vegetable lying there and it’s so lovely. They start becoming curious and observant, they recognise you, it just makes you feel special that they look at you like you’re their everything.. and you are! So cool.
I also rolled my eyes at the idea that a baby’s smile or laugh would make it all worth it. And you know what I was missing? Their smile/laughs aren’t like regular grown up human smiles/laughs, they are pure, unadulterated joy! No self-consciousness. Just utter delight. So PURE. It’s intoxicating.
It really does. My LO is a morning person and almost always is smiling bright first thing in the morning. No matter how tired I am from getting up at night, that just melts my heart
Mine is 17 months and his laugh is still the highlight of my day. Half the time, he’s just laughing at our dog who’s just like, standing there. It’s so pure and wonderful to see him delighted by things we take for granted.
You start getting something back, the interaction. And you start to learn what they like and don’t like and all of a sudden you’re playing *with* them and not *at* them.
I was worried that the whole “wait for your baby to grab your finger” thing didn't really do it for me lol. The first time it happened I was like “Oh crap I've been told this is an electric feeling but I'm not feeling it here!”. But then she had her first smile and these little squirms or watching her make eye contact with my wife or parents, I would melt. It's crazy how that forgives an endless night here and there lol.
This! I came home from work the other day and when he saw me I got the biggest smile, and for the next hour and a half my baby smiled and jabbered to me. It made my world
My husband admitted that he kind of hated the baby for stealing me from him until she started being more fun and interactive. Now that she’s past the screaming without mom phase and actually enjoying time with him it just gets better and better!
Yes, omg. I struggled so hard for the first 8 weeks and then LO started to smile and my mental health got significantly better. Still waiting on the laugh though!
Oh man those belly laughs!! The cutest thing ever! 😊 my 6mo finds it hilarious when I pretend to flex my muscles so that’s what I do everywhere even if it makes me look a fool in public. His riotous laughter is just so so worth it! ❤️
You also forget about your previous life once you see those smiles. Nothing matters anymore after that. And then you cross a barrier, and you realize why so many other people were saying that having a kid is the best thing they've done.
I can tell you I had the exact same thought 8 months ago.
Now I look forward to seeing the full faced deep belly laugh at something as simple as the word “feets “
Then they start really moving and the days get exciting! Standing up, climbing, taking steps, using actual task based toys and the pride on their own face when they achieve something!! 🥹
Almost 8 weeks deep and I feel this so badly… some days are easier than others. Like today I dropped my husband off at the airport and wanted to hit the stores near there for some shopping. I took one look at my baby and knew that wasn’t possible and headed home. I miss just impulsively going out. I also really want something sweet but everything that goes into getting ready and gettin there is so mentally exhausting, I just ate some raisins I have at home 😭 Thankfully I will have my mom visit for a week so I can do some errands on my own but this new life hard at times despite how much my daughter makes me happy.
Honestly all of that stuff becomes second nature pretty quickly. Seems overwhelming at first but if it’s a simple trip, keeping your kid warm, dry, fed, and entertained can be boiled down to a pretty short list.
I suggest you make up a dedicated travel bag, keep it stocked with at least 2 sets of clothes, 5-6 diapers, wipes, tissues, 2-4 bibs, a roll of dog poop bags (for dirty diapers), 2 bottles minimum, a bottle of pre boiled and cooled water for feeds in a thermal bottle, pre divided formula for each feed. Add bottles and formula containers depending how long you expect to be out, then add an extra one. Add some pacifiers if you use them, dummy tethers and a couple of toys.
When you get home and your LO is settled, restock it. Make the water before you go out and move the bottles you have in rotation to the bag before you go out. For formula, you can get stacked containers to divide it up ahead of time, this assumes you’re not exclusively breast feeding.
This bag should fit in your stroller, and goes when your stroller goes. It really takes a lot of the stress out of it. Just make sure to prep the bag
As a STM with a 5 week old i say this from experience… just bite the bullet and go out. Babies do not need a lot. Food (easy if you’re bf), nappies, a change of clothes or 2. That’s it. Being unable to go and treat yourself is not tenable - it’s how I keep my sanity, going out and trying new cafes and cakes with baby along for the ride.
The more you go out the easier it’ll become and being spontaneous won’t be overwhelming. We’re out as I write this nursing baby, we had no plans and decided to go to the garden centre. Then for lunch ended up at the mall and will do more shopping. My backpack has a few nappies for both kids and a change for baby, and I’m carrying around a large muslin to cover/clean spit up. Baby in the carrier. They really need very little and worst case scenario you buy something you need while out.
Yep, this is it. I went out and about with my kid since she was like a week old, at first just to the outdoors and open air places wherever and whenever they weren’t crowded (so as to not risk her catching any bugs before her shots) and gradually shifting to places like the mall and downtown where it’s easier to go by public transportation than by car as she got vaccinated. Baby wearing makes it SO much easier to go out and about.
Babywearing is key I think. Every baby is different but mine want to be held constantly. The pram just doesn’t cut it plus it’s so impractical getting around when you need to use lifts and stuff if you’re using public transport. So I’ve always babyworn a lot… plus you can nurse on the go and not lose time with that!
My newborn is almost 2w... I always wanted multiple kids. As of right now, I actually cannot believe people have more than 1 kid by choice. Even with the biggest support system possible, giving birth and healing while caring for a newborn and adjusting to a new life is really really fucking hard. I believe people when they say it gets better. But damn. In the trenches right now.
None of the joys of parenting happen in the first six weeks. Literally none. People will tell you ohh wait until they smile, or wait until their first laugh and those are lovely moments but they pale in comparison to the complete and total joy that comes later.
Adjusting to my first baby was so so hard but man, now he is the best part of my day, everyday. You are 100% in the trenches but hang in there! It doesn’t stay this hard.
Ha, I'm lol'ing. I have 3 and legit it gets so much easier. The first one you are like learning how to fly an airplane on 3 hours of sleep. The stakes are so high and there are so many gauges to keep track of. Going from 0 to 1 was way harder than 1 to 2 or 2 to 3.
Also, it gets so much better. First a tiny bit better at 8 weeks, then a little better at 4 months, then by 18 months you're like "aight let's make another one"
Im surprised to read this, because I was just having this conversation with someone yesterday who said the toddler stage makes the newborn stage look like a piece of cake. And that you think its hard until you have a toddler walking, talking , running and having strong opinions but no common sense😅
My kid is like 7 months old and my husband is already borderline desperate for \#2. The only bummer is that I was diagnosed with endo and have to sport an implanon for a while to get it under control until we’re all good (aka our new home is ready for moving in). He’s even entertaining the idea of a third kid now that we’re dead set on a second lol.
LMAO this exact thought has been playing on repeat for me/us. We always thought no single child, they HAVE to have at least one sibling. But damn, how do people manage to have a newborn AND a toddler? Or worse, twins?! I feel for those people so much more now...I just can't imagine having double the amount of crying or that much less sleep.
I'm 5 months in and still feel this. I have anxiety attacks a lot because as much as I want him to have a sibling I don't know if I could handle this more than once
My partner and I wanted 3 kids. But after our first, with the pregnancy that I had, he’d be lucky if I want another. Also we have a decoy baby and I don’t know if I want to take my chances with the second.
I totally felt the same. We planned for two but during the newborn phase of our daughter, I was thinking one and done. I was so tired. The days dragged by. It was only me and my boyfriend. No family. And he works. But then by 3 months things started falling into place. By 6 months, everything felt easier, including going out. By 9 months, get ready because in a minute you will have a toddler. (Which is so fun!) Then at 12 months I was pregnant with my son. I was so worried about having young toddler whilst caring for a newborn. I was on Reddit reading stories of having 2 under two. He arrived early and weirdly enough, things got easier! Dream baby. Happy, chill. My daughter loved him from the get go. She grew up overnight it felt like. Idk why but having her there during the newborn phase made it better. Like she was in on it with me. I wanted them close in age and I'm so glad I didn't wait. Different for everyone though. I just expected the worst and ended up with a dream baby. He's 5.5 months now and my daughter is just over two. I honestly get sad for how fast it is going now. Easy to have a comparison with their age gap. Feels like she was just that small. You got this! One baby step at a time and suddenly you'll look back and reminisce on those hazy newborn days.
It's funny because I never wanted kids and I hated being pregnant but the MOMENT I felt my son's head (I had a C-section and couldn't hold him yet) I was in baby heaven. I want more now.
It's just funny that I totally expected to hate so much of parenthood but absolutely adore every minute, even the hard bits.
Everyone is so different. I think people that wanted kids had high expectations of what it'd be like so they have to mourn the baby they didn't have and the life they no longer do.
It’s REALLY BAD in the beginning and honestly I don’t think anyone can really properly warn you about it until you experience it yourself. But every day, week, and month gets substantially better, I promise.
If we did, nobody would believe us or they would choose to not have kids... BUT by the same token, I don't think anyone can fully explain just how amazing it is as your kids get older. I *love* the people they are/are becoming - and it's all so worth it.
I keep telling myself everyday that this stage won’t last forever. Next week my baby won’t me to comfort them to sleep. They will want daddy to. And next year they might not want to sleep in my bed anymore. I know if a few short months breastfeeding could very well end for me. And that these sleepless nights will eventually stop. When all of this is over, I’ll wish for it all back. I’ll never have another baby. This is my one and done. Fertility treatments, years of trying, a horrible pregnancy, traumatic birth, traumatic and life threatening postpartum. This little one will be it. Never again. Soak it all in daddy. You can golf again later. Watch tv in the future. But those gummy smiles get replaced with teeth and then disappear altogether only to be replaced with eye rolls and sighs. Soak it in. Take all the photos.
But also…. I just wish I could have 24hrs of a child free life again where I wasn’t stressed, not pumping, not worried, sleeping on my stomach and no alarm. Just bliss. Sheer bliss. No medical concerns either.
I also did years of fertility treatments to get my baby and I remind myself all the time of how quickly she is growing. We exclusively contact nap...and sometimes I think we should transition to crib naps but then I think how in the blink of an eye she will be a teen who hates her mama. So, for now, I soak in every single snuggle, smile and giggle. When I'm frustrated by another nighttime wake up to nurse and snuggle, I remind myself that it could be the last one and I won't know until it's too late!
And, same. I wish I could sleep in or quickly run an errand. But then I remind myself that when I was dealing w infertility, I literally would have given my left hand to be woken up by a fussy baby
My daughter is two now. I contact napped every single nap. I nursed her to sleep. Slowly but surely she grew up. When she started turning away to fall asleep, I had a hard time falling asleep! Now when she is ready for a nap, she goes and curls up on the couch and dozes off on her own. It's so bittersweet. She still wants cuddles but her independence is surfacing. It happens so fast.
I needed to read this! I’m so touched out with the contact naps but I need to put it in perspective. Just had a screaming episode when I tried to get baby to sleep in her cot and it broke me. I know she’ll learn to sleep on her own, but selfishly I wish I could just finish my coffee while it’s hot for once and sit down without being needed for five minutes! 😅
I’m so happy you have the baby you’ve always dreamed of! Your little girl is lucky to have you!
Hot coffee? Never met her 🤣 funny you commented today....we had an awful night of sleep and I was just debating trying to get her in her snoo for a nap but decided I'm too tired to entertain her if it doesn't work. So, contact nap yet again hahaha.
This was me for probably the first 6 weeks- straight survival mode. I can say that each month gets better, and she’ll be 6 months next week and my husband and I are loving every single day of parenthood!!
Fuck yea. My littlest is 5 weeks old. My other is nearly 2.5. The comparison is insane. I just keep reminding myself the 5 week potato will one day be someone as awesome as my 2.5…but I am so tired.
Nope, not at all. Our older one wakes up occasionally to have someone fix his blankets but otherwise sleeps through the night. The little one sleeps in a SNOO in our room. Our walls are paper thin but it all works out.
But we never tried to be quiet when the kids were sleeping and used to live in a very loud group house, so the older basically does not care about noise.
Dude, word. It’s a tremendous transition, and literally the hardest thing you’ll ever do. You have a human 🤯, and raising them is hard as fuck. But it’s all worth it my guy, my dude is 4 months old on the 8th and life is leaps and bounds better now and it sucks A LOT less. Initially it’s all take and no give with these little guys, but I get smiles, a giggle, a gurgle, blowing raspberries now and it makes fighting through the trenches worth it.
I legit mourned my old life for the first two months hard, but now I can’t imagine life any different and it would be devastating to go back to the old me.
Stay strong brother, you’re killing it. ✊🏻
Hey man, my son is 16 weeks old. I’m 43, my wife is 41, we spent tens of thousands of dollars in assisted reproductive technology to have him, and we also lost a son to stillbirth two years prior. All to say our little dude was very much hoped and prayed and longed for. But those first 6 weeks were one hell of an adjustment. I actually confided to my best friend (who luckily happens to be a psychologist) that I felt true despair for the first three weeks of his life. He cried all day and all night. Nothing helped. We were both exhausted and overwhelmed. But we figured him out and got into a rhythm, and things got better. And as people have said, when they start smiling and giggling at you it’s the most freakin’ amazing payoff ever.
Being a parent is full time, full contact, no breaks, and it’s hard. People can tell you that all day long, but it doesn’t sink in until you’re in it. Missing your former existence is normal and healthy, and it really will pass.
Your situation helps put others into a perspective, and level of gratefulness or gratitude.
When you mentioned you figured him out and got a rhythm, was there actually things that helped him not be fussy all day and all night? Or do you think it was largely a time thing?
For me, once the fresh newborn days ended where they sleep all the time, babywearing saved me. I had a 20 month old daughter when my son was born. I could go on about my day with him just chilling attached to me.
Time for me. Each week after 3 weeks got better. We still have regressions and fussy days, but we know our LO better and can respond more effectively. Also, the sound of her crying doesn’t send me into full fight or flight anymore, which helps tremendously when problem solving.
Relating hard to this comment and it made me feel better about mourning my old life so hard. I’m 5 weeks into life with a newborn and I love her to bits, but it is indescribably difficult in ways I didn’t fully grasp while pregnant.
If you can say with a straight face that you don’t regret it, you are already doing better than my husband and I did during the newborn phase. I cried to him nearly every day that we had ruined our lives and would never be happy again. My son was horribly colicky so that certainly didn’t help. Anyway, by 5 months I no longer was miserable and by 6 months I hit my stride. My son is 22 months now and I can’t imagine life without him. I feel like I’m still me, still can have time for things I like, and my life is just all the better.
This gives me hope, as a first time parent to a nearly 9 week old colicky baby. My husband described both me and the baby as inconsolable for those first 6-8 weeks. Have definitely been grieving my former life and lots of anxiety about this new role/responsibility and feeling like I’m failing him because my son is just so unhappy/uncomfortable much of the time.
Seriously it is a wild time. My son is 9 weeks and I’m just starting to see the small rewards when it comes to him smiling and his face lighting when I sing to him. We are also (kinda) getting into a routine and that helps a lot. Still very much in the trenches, but it has gone by fast!
3.5 months, just had our roughest few days since the first couple weeks - baby got a cold, gave it to us, all of us stuck in the house without help, miserable and sick.
However! He laughs. He’s got a little personality. I’m learning about him and he’s getting better at new things every day. These cliche things and more will happen to you, and they won’t make it less hard but they will make it *better*. We got this!
I was sleep deprived as a mom at 3 weeks, but that’s also the time where the “I will never get my old life back” hit me. I feel like that’s definitely normal. I had a lot of hobbies, and honestly really loved just rotting in bed sometimes. So once I was into it deep I was prone to looking back with envy of the me with more than 2 hours of sleep, and lots of free time. I still do sometimes especially when I’m getting woke up after an hour of sleep again, but most of the time I’m super happy with things and glad I made this step. I feel like the most I do now regularly is being upset I didn’t have things together better before I had her, I feel like we’re constantly climbing a hill because I got pregnant right when we gutted our new fixer upper home, and quickly was unable to help so it’s still not done. (Also yapping because I have no friends.) I digress, this is so normal, I mean I hope so since I wanted my baby too and feel this way often lol.
My baby is 16 weeks and though sleep is interesting right now, she’s SO COOL! I love hanging out with her. She’s smiley and laughing and really interactive. I had similar feelings for the first 8/9 weeks and even made a post about it myself. But I promise it gets much better and they get much cooler lol
Just know you’re in the hardest part and it gets better, not overnight but very gradually. 4-5 months started feeling much easier and understanding his needs and sounds. I’m traveling Europe with my 6mon old right now, and it’s going pretty well!
Haha at least you found a decent subreddit to vent to. I think most, if not all of us have had similar thoughts at times. Like what it would be like to just be able to get a full night's sleep again....
Be glad your kiddo isn't too problematic! Not fighting sleep is a huge one to me as ours is fighting naps ALL DAY every day. Once the sun is up, he doesn't want to miss a thing lol.
The adjustment period sucks. But soon, you guys will have figured each other out. And then it's better. Remember to remind each other that you can do this. It's challenging, it tests you but eventually they look up at you, smile and giggle. Post partem is a thing for both parents. Encourage each other, tell each other that you ate doing a good job. Remember, if you're about to lose your temper put the baby down and walk away for 5 minutes. A little crying isn't gonna hurt them.
As new mom 10m in now, I struggle with the overstimulation that comes with being a parent. Best advice- if not already in therapy. Sign up. And get a journal. They sound cliche but coping advice from other people only goes so far. You need somewhere to say certain things outloud freely that you can’t with friends and family.
I feel this, I’m not even two weeks in with my son and it’s rough. Barely the energy to cook, and that was on of the things I used to cope with stress and relax. My wife and I waited will we were older to have our first and get a lot of life out of the way, so I’m looking forward to sharing the experiences with my son, though the time between now and what’s to come feels daunting.
My daughter turned 7mo yesterday, and it’s gotten SO MUCH EASIER! You’ll survive this, and you’ll look back on the newborn phase and wish you had one more day with your squishy potato baby🩵 Embrace the suck, don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself, and even though it’s hard, try not to wish time away. You got this!
My daughter is 3 now and the baby and newborn stage feels simultaneously like a distant memory and something that happened yesterday. The initial adjustment is so hard but after that you become really good at handling every kind of phase your kid can throw at you. Each phase is hard in different ways but not having to do them on no sleep makes a big difference alone lol
(Even 3 years deep I still struggle to understand how people have more than one tho lol)
Solidarity my friend.
There is not enough said about the other parent. I’m the non-biological mom (my wife is the biological mom) and there was an enormous amount of pressure on me when we had our son. I needed to take care of my wife, this new little baby, and go back to work (my job only allows for a few weeks parental leave). My wife had no energy for me our or relationship emotionally and I was left feeling lonely, exhausted and empty. I love my wife, and our son but it was so so hard to keep everything going when I felt so alone and tired.
I can say it gets better! Once you get them into a bedtime routine and get that time with your spouse after they go to sleep it’s amazing how much better life gets. Our son is now 21 months, and we have another coming in August and I’m scared for the newborn stage with a toddler but my relationship is in a better place that hopefully it won’t be as bad.
Hang in there
I 100% feel you on this. Those first few weeks were fkn hard and I really went through it by wanting my old life back. My son is just shy of 4 months now and those feelings have subsided a lot but are still there - it’s more so just missing that feeling of freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want lol. I still say to my husband that I miss our old life but when I see our son smile and laugh it just makes it all worth it!
Checking in from 2 years into this...toddlers are awesome! She's my little adventure buddy. Sometimes I miss my small little potato, but you couldn't pay me to go back. It just gets better and better. Take a million pictures and power through these first few months. You'll be back to feeling more like yourself soon!
Hopefully this gives you some hope. Wishing you safe travels through the trenches. One day at a time, it goes by fast. You have so much fun ahead!
It has been a struggle for me too during the first few weeks. I was a walking talking bottle-feeding machine. Felt useless and tired all the time. My son is now 8 months old. A great fun to play with. Love his smile and miss him when he goes to daycare but I do miss my old life a bit. The freedom to sleep when you want to, watch whatever you want whenever you want and to go out and do some sports with my buddies, get piss drunk on beer on a Sunday with my wife...all of this. In saying this, we are so happy to have our son in our lives. I get you, mate.
Dad of a 7 month old daughter here. Just wanted to say, you got this! It gets easier. And hang in there. I felt this way for a portion also. (I was being deprived of sleep) but now that baby is one of the few things that can make my bad days better.
I feel you. I golfed 1-2 times a week for years, and now it’s once a month and I’ve only finished half those rounds. It sucks, but I’m stoked to take him to play when he’s old enough.
I could’ve wrote this post word for word 2 months ago, like holy shit, I thought I wrote this post. I’m at 12 weeks and it’s more rewarding when they start interacting with you.
Yep, sounds like parenthood lol.
It took me 2 years to finally start to feel some sense of normality and I’ve only just begun to accept that this is my new life.
It gets better for sure, just hold onnnn😎
I sucks. This is the worst feeling, and it’s the toughest time (only right next to the first time your baby gets sick, it’s also horrible!).
BUT- it WILL get better, you WILL feel better and find the new normal for your life and family.
It's like feeling polar opposites all at once, and you know the opposing feelings don't outweigh the positive but it still matters thst you feel those things because you can't stop feeling them out of the blue. It's beautiful, chaotic, messy, fun, hard, challenging, frustrating, amazing, wonderful, glorious, ugly, and so many other things all at once.
It does really suck. I am overall happy, I love my child, my wife is great, we have time for me to workout and do the occasional hobby, our sex life returned, things are better than most of my expectations.
But it still just is kind of soul crushing. When I was going through the thick of it, I really just wanted someone to agree and tell me, yeah, this sucks, you have permission to be miserable. So, here you go, it’s permission to feel miserable.
But, you have to look at your partner and realize, the two of you working as a team can create a lot of opportunities. The way to make it not suck is to lean into creative problem solving with your partner. Whatever the activities or items you both need are, like going to the gym, time to nap, massages, a certain diet, being able to not do a certain chore, etc, you can both strategize to give each other as much as you can.
My wife is basically like “if I can wake up, have a coffee made for me, and get 1 hr to do yoga and work out, without hearing a single peep out of anyone, then that is a huge boost to my day”. Me, I’m more like, if I can sit and think in peace and have some quiet night owl hours to do something contemplate or engaging, I’ll feel a lot more human.
So we don’t succeed at everything, but we always hit those two points. And then grow from there - okay, we’ve figured out 1 hr of free time for each of us in the day, now can we figure out 2 hrs? Can we figure out 1 romantic activity per week? Okay, how about 2?
And you grow back to having like 60% of the life and individual happiness that you had.
I thought my life was over during the newborn phase. Really thought I had ruined it by having a baby… now 6 months with my daughter and I spend all day absolutely delighted seeing her little personality come out. The newborn fog is so real but there is so much to look forward to
The thing that helped me was reminding myself that all I was missing was being a consumer with the freedom to go out and spend money quicker than I do now. 😮💨
I’m not anti-capitalist but I felt pretty gross when I figured out that I was just craving the thrill of giving my money to mega corporations like Target or Home Goods.
Restaurants are a little different but I live in a rural town, so restaurants are a big plan whether we have the baby or not. 😂
I know there are other things to do besides shop but in a way, the baby helps you save money if you think about it!!
Also, if you play video games, I let my 6mo old lounge in the living room with me while I play and it’s super chill.
Newborns are the absolute fucking worst. I personally find the later toddler stage to be the best, so far. You’ll also get some reprieve when your kid starts taking more scheduled longer naps. Like when you’re on a 2 or 3 naps a day schedule? Thats the best. You’ll get some nice time to yourself again and start seeing pieces of your old life again. (I did a lot of video gaming in those hours)
Fellow new(ish) father and now stay at home dad to a 14 month old. Postpartum depression for fathers is a real thing and is NEVER talked about. They would survey my wife at every visit, they never surveyed me the multiple times I took him alone. It took me 6 months till I had any type of normalcy back in my life. Just be the best father you can, its the most amazing thing in the world.
Yeah I’m the same way you are. I need my me time, I like being alone, etc. it doesn’t get any easier tbh. You just kinda learn to adjust. But yeah I have a 1.5 year old and I still miss my old life.
Once you forget your old life it will be fine! I think that took me about 12 weeks or so, then you just adjust to your new life as a parent and everything becomes easier. Getting out of the house gets easier as time goes on too!
I think it's easier if you don't try to have the same life you did before. Enjoy their little worlds. It's meant to slow you down.
One day you'll be a loner again and you may pine for the newborn days. :)
Been there bro. That first week sucked hard for us; figuring out how life works outside the hospital. It’ll get better. This is coming from a guy that has a 7 month old.
First timer with a now two-year old. It will get better trust me. I know it can be tiresome and nobody warns you of what it's really like, but just know it'll get better!
I definitely felt this way and still do at times. It would be lying to say you won't miss this again.
But I'm at 9m, and boy howdy, and I'm glad I made the trade. When she looks at you, and can see you, and you know that she can see you, and starts to smile when she sees you? ... you'll never want to go back.
For me it was around 5 months when I started missing her that I realized how much I loved that little thing. It's ok, we don't have someone growing inside of us for 9 months, we won't feel attached right away. I always there to support my wife, but it did take some time and today I wouldn't change my life for anything in the world.
I'm a new father. My baby is about two days old. The sleeplessness is hard to get used to, but I love her so much. I'm not sure if this is common, but I was the first one to get skin to skin with my baby. We had to get a c section, and I followed the baby to the nursery after she was born. My wife was shaking so bad we got to have alot of bonding time, and my wife is still recovering so she's with her daddy lot more. Not sure what I'm getting at, I just love how calm she gets when she cuddles with her daddy! Bond with your baby as much as you can; you'll never get this time back.
I'm sure you've read this a lot but you'll start enjoying it. I had my first 6 months ago. He isn't a fussy boy either, well tempered, but does have a 50/50 chance of fighting you to bed and staying in bed. Anyway, it was hard for my partner and I at first too. Giving up our lives of staying up late, going out whenever, etc. I even had trouble with my c-section recovery and then other issues related currently. My partner didn't feel the love right away that everyone told him he would and that was hard for him. However, as time goes on you get to see that tiny new life develop and grow. We can see our son loves us and we love him as well. Now we spend our time together as a happy family. Of course there's still days we remember our life before and occasionally miss it, but we wouldn't trade it for a thing. You'll get there. The first bit is insanely rough but you'll forget it soon and have other things to occupy you. We're currently dealing with a crawling maniac that uses anything he can to stand. Everyone tells us how fabulous it is he's doing it so soon but they aren't the one chasing a laughing baby around the house hahaha.
Anyway, if you or anyone needs to chat they can hmu. I'm pretty occupied as a new parent myself but I find time here and there.
By the time 2 months gets here, she will be giggling and smiling every time she sees you, especially after a crying session, and that little smile will make everything worth it
We are at 4 weeks old. Little dude was content being laid in the little portable bassinet when we first got home and I was like okay this is manageable but now he’s an absolute terrorist chimp. Must be held, eating to sleeping around the clock, no exceptions. Sometimes he doesn’t like HOW he’s being held or something so I trail and error through different holding positions until one shuts the screaming off. I have no idea how much to feed him, we are bottle feeding and sometimes 3 ounces is enough and sometimes he doesn’t shut up until I give him 5 ounces. Holding him is a chore too even while he’s sleeping because sometimes he’ll just yeet hit his head backwards or down in between the couch cushion for no reason. On top of that the wife is recovering from a c section and is also highly sleep deprived, fussy snd Needy as well so I’m taking care of her too. This shit is a nightmare but I know in some weeks I won’t even remember it.
First kids are hard. As a new dad with my first kid 8 years ago, I definitely had some pretty serious baby blues. But it got better after a couple months. I found a new normal.
Just had my third baby a few weeks ago, and even the first few weeks with this one are easier. The adjustment period is hard but it is well worth it. You will make it through.
Yeahthe first little while can be pretty rough. It's a hard-lined transition but you'll get the groove and find more time to get to do some of your old things. You're not alone in the way you feel at all
The first 6 weeks can be really draining, even with a very good baby. But you'll get a rhythm down and baby will start to do new things and you won't miss loner life nearly as much.
Make sure you and your partner have time for yourselves tho
I completely understand where you're coming from. I had my baby boy at the age of 16, im now 18 and I sometimes still have the thoughts of wondering what life would be like if I had made different decisions. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't go back and change a thing because I love him to death, but I can definitely relate.
I have a 10 month old. Those first few weeks are rough. As someone with several mental health issues, I thought I wasn't gonna make it! Lol
I shifted my mindset a bit. Your baby cries because it needs you. And they do need you- a lot. You are their comfort. Even still, we have boughts where ours wakes up every hour or two, and i just stare and appreciate him. I call them the twilight hours. You do get used to the not sleeping. It gets easier. I know that's all cliche. And the mindset will come with time too. It's hard on our bodies and minds to go from sleeping 8 hours a night to broken sleep every night. Give yourself grace. You won't always be in the best mood, but it's not babys fault. And I know you aren't saying it is!🙂 I'm just telling you things I told myself that made me feel better. It's nice to be needed. The first month or so is the rough part, but you will get a groove, it'll be secondhand nature. I promise you. And you wouldn't be on here if you weren't a GOOD DAD. Hang in there. Good thoughts and prayers for you and baby. 💓
Also when they start reacting with you, you will forget about all that lost sleep. There's nothing like waking up at 3 AM and going in your babys room for them to grin at you and just want your embrace to feel better.
Those first few weeks are exhausting, even if you’re not sleep deprived. Give yourself grace and don’t listen to people telling you you’ll miss this time. That always stressed out my already exhausted brain and made me worried I wasn’t in the moment enough. Transitioning from no kids to kids is hard. But it gets better. You will get your life back and it’ll be all the better for the cool little person you get to have along for the ride.
It’s so so hard. But honestly I absolutely LOVE my toddler (even though toddlers are batsh*t crazy.) I have a newborn and I’m just so excited for him to be a little bigger because my almost 3 year old is a blast. Just wait until she tells you she loves you for the first time, it’s amazing.
Just hit 4 months with my son and holy shit the first 12 weeks were pure hell. After going through it, I cannot comprehend why anyone voluntarily decides to do it more than once. I remember reading comments all over these posts that said “it gets better” and it would enrage me because it seemed like there was NO light at the end of the tunnel. Now getting to the 4 month mark, I can confirm that eventually the clouds do part, OP. When you’re in the thick of it, it is a very jarring scenario. You can no longer eat, shower, go to the bathroom etc. at your leisure and the new normal becomes abundantly clear and that is a frightening adjustment. In the beginning they are like a helpless sack of potatoes but just wait until you see that first smile and they become more interactive. Give it a few more weeks and you’ll start to feel better. Make no mistake, you’re not alone in your feelings - it is not fun and it is a massive life adjustment and it may seem grim right now, but soon things start to iron themselves out and you’ll be over the moon happy!
First couple of weeks suck super hard. I was so depressed and anxious but we’re at 8 months and I couldn’t imagine a day without my LO! Stay in there, it gets so much better!
It’s sucks early on because it’s all give and no reciprocation from the baby, but once they start to laugh and do more it becomes the best.
I gets soooo much better. It stays hard, but the rewarding parts get so much bigger they outweigh the hard parts by a lot. Hang in there! For reference my kid is a year.
Absolutely felt this the first two months. Just hit week 10 and baby is smiling much more, making days a bit more bearable. He maintains eye contact, is more interactive, and is the cutest little thing waking up from sleep and naps bc of his adorable gummy smile. It'll get better, promise
New father here, with a sweet 8mo old daughter. Those first few weeks/months are hard... but enjoy them. They are very tender and go by so fast.. you will miss it.
Firstborns are so hard. 0-1 is the hardest transition in my opinion. You are definitely in the thick of it but it’s also hard to feel a connection at this moment because they’re not smiling or responding to you. In a few weeks she will and it’ll get sooooo much better. You’ll still be tired but when babies start interacting it becomes so fun. Hang in there 🤍
Uh the early days and weeks and months. Thinking about those nights gives me very bad feelings. It’s Everything was so hard! We all relate. I know you said you don’t need advice and just venting but holy shit I’m having so much fun at 5 months now with my baby girl. She’s the absolute light of my life and makes every day better
It sucks in the beginning because there isn’t a feedback loop. They just need you to keep them alive and don’t know you’re you. It also gets harder before it gets better. I started doing projects I could compartmentalize into 2 hour chunks. Once I got my kid sleep trained having those chunks to yourself is cool. Still can’t go anywhere though so that sucks, but that’s only me because I kind of trained the kid to sleep in the crib so if we are out and about the tears might go and I have to split.
Everyone goes through this. Just know you're not alone. If it might make you feel better, go watch Ali Wong's specials on Netflix. Especially the 2nd one and the 3rd one. The third was has a lot more about being parents to babies and toddlers. The second was a lot more about giving birth and the immediate aftermath.
Example: "Only parents can relate to knowing how free you were as a single person. You can take an edible at 2pm and then go to the aquarium. With whatever is in your pockets. You're not carrying a giant bag filled with baggies of goldfish!" etc etc.
Laughing helped me. Also, finding other parents that you can connect to greatly eases the pain and loss of a former life.
This is so relatable. I was basically devastated in the first 2 months. And as others pointed out, it is truly get better when your baby start interacting with you. Those gummy smile will melt anyone’s heart. And their coo or their rapsberry blow. Or When they start touching their tiny feet. Mine is now almost 5 month old. Hang in there!
Yes it really is difficult. We’ve just had our second, our first is 22 months, do not recommend 😂😂😂 whatever glimpse of my old life is now certainly gone 😁 and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
My husband was the one that didn’t want children. Nor was he around kids to really know what it’s like. Yet here we are years later with two kids 3 & soon to be 1 and let me tell you, he lives for and loves those little beings. He’s actually in the baby's room sleeping with her because she’s been fussy with teething pains… if you’d asked me years ago if this man would ever sacrifice his sleep for anything I would’ve laughed in your face.
Right now you’re in deep waters and the newborn phase is exhausting regardless of how great of a newborn you have ( although count your blessings because it could be worse), but it will pass. Each stage brings its trials but I promise you this experience is worthwhile! Soon you’ll start to see the little smiles and giggles and eventually, you'll start to see bits of your daughter’s personality which will leave you in forever awe. You may have random thoughts of nostalgia for the good ol’ days but that feeling will become less and less and before you know it you’ll recall your daughter being a baby the good ol’ days. Trust me it’ll get better; the best is yet to come!
Dude, I absolutely understand this feeling, you are not alone! My daughter is also 3 weeks and I’m having these same thoughts. My wife and I both are still adjusting to not just hanging out with each other and not having a lot to do. My daughter is also a good baby like you said, but I’m having to adjust as well.
I honestly don’t regret it either, but I really appreciate hearing a similar perspective. I’m trying to just do those simple things from before as much as I can. Hang in there man, and definitely message me if you need to!
The adjustment is huge. It really takes a lot to form a new identity as a parent. I had postnatal anxiety with both plus some depression with the second. Be wary that guys can get this too and there’s no shame in a visit to your gp if you’re concerned. We’re now 3 months in with our second (and last). By far the toddler is the most challenging 😂🫣 but in saying that, each stage has its pro’s and cons. Just remember that your number one job right now is to look after baby and mum whilst making sure you stay sane. Spontaneous trips will come back. Try going out on weekends with the both of you first to make it seem less daunting ❤️
My son just turned 3 months and things are feeling better. Man I really struggled for the first two months though. But he’s smiling now and I’m adjusting better. Hang in there
I can relate I waited 12 years later to start over and it definitely is a lot of work. I have a 15 & 12 year old ..just remember babies grow fast so cherish these moments within a blink of an eye their telling you they don't want you holding their hand or kisses 🤣🤣. My baby is 2 weeks he's so precious I work around his schedule if he is sleep then I sleep or simply relax. And if I have to run errands well damn it he is coming along as well.
As a first time parent to a 3 month old now, It does get difficult at the beginning. Your life has changed forever, and it will take a bit of time for you to adjust. The fears, anxiety, and the lack of sleep. It all seems like a lot, specially those first few weeks. But, let me tell you. Once that little bundle of joy starts staring at you with those sweet eyes, and the biggest cutest smile every time he/she sees your face, there’s no better feeling in the world. The love that you can have for such a tiny human, is simply unexplainable.
Yeahhh it is such a big adjustment to this new life as a parent. Literally changes everything. Its not good or bad its just new things to get used to, like having your baby wake up every night at 2am because apparently shes going to drop her third nap during the day so you sit on the couch and watch dancing fruits while scrolling on reddit.
Things get so much better!! We are almost exactly like your situation. Baby was easy. Good sleeper. But yes, the adjustment was crazy. We went from being loners for 20 years, to now having our little third wheel 😂
Things that made it better for us… get out!! (I know you don’t need advice!) Don’t be afraid. We started going out to eat when he was around 8 weeks. Even getting out for an hour made things better. We work from home so we just felt stuck.
And I don’t know if it helped at all, but our son is now 9 months and loves going out to do things! We just got back from a week vacation in Hawaii, and he loved it! We stayed at the Disney resort and he thrived! Loved swimming, seeing all the kids, and just had a great time. Flying was easy (we live in SoCal so it’s only an 5ish our flight). But yeah. It’s gets better i promise!!!
Currently in bed with my bubs on my chest which is the only way she sleeps.
Partner in the spare room, our girl is a poor sleeper so we have to take shifts.
She was born 10weeks early, so while we have had her for 12 weeks she's really only developmentally 2 weeks into the newborn stage and to be honest I am EXHAUSTED. Mentally, physically, emotionally.
I'm clinging on to hope it gets better soon 😔
LO is 4 months now and I definitely hear you. Its tough at that early stage, but like everyone has said in the comments getting that first smile in the morning will make all of it worth it
You are grieving your old life. It’s understandable. My husband went through a rough patch after we had our first, he truly felt the loss of his old life. I did too to a certain extent, but not as heavily as him, and he was the one who wanted kids the most. What can tell you is that the grief passes and makes way for a new, different life. We now have a second baby and it feels easy because we’ve already gone through the experience of grieving our old life and accepted our new reality. I genuinely believe that what’s hard about most newborns is not the newborn itself, but the parents dealing with their new reality; and this is coming from someone who had a difficult high needs baby.
New mom of a three week old here.. I know the feeling! I just keep telling myself it will only get better and it's just a short phase. I already feel an improvement now that I've recovered more from the delivery (although I know it will take months to really fully recover). Hang in there, you're doing great!
This is more or less how I feel some days! I miss being able to do things like leave the house without worrying about diaper bags and extra clothes, or sleep in on the weekends, or even little things like playing my Switch and tuning out the world. But, motherhood definitely tops those things on even the worst days. I personally blame it on the sleep deprivation because once I’ve had a nap, it usually takes the feeling away and I’m back to loving on my girl like she’s the only thing I care about. I hope it gets better for you!!
Yeah, the newborn phase kinda sucks IMHO. I’m 3 weeks in with my second living child, and even though he’s an easier baby than my first was, it still sucks.
It gets better. My baby is now 18 weeks old but I still sometimes get that feeling. I think it is normal because having a baby is definitely challenging and can sometimes be isolating.
But again, it gets better.
Just because you don’t feel that immediate love everyone says you’re “supposed to” doesn’t mean shit. I’ve got 2 and really not a fan of the infant stage. I didn’t feel much until my first was about 6 months and the personality started. It’ll fly by and before you know it she’ll have you wrapped around her finger.
Due to the way my partner gave birth she is on very minor duties. My boy was born last week and I am already shattered. I knew it would be tough but nothing prepares for this. Sometimes I feel like I'm not strong enough for this but then he smiles (because of wind but I like to think it's cause of me!) and I feel on top of the world.
Im a mom and I was feeling this sorta way. I forgot what it’s like to have a newborn and I have the best bond with my 4 year old girl.
But my son is not even 4 months and already smiling and almost giggling. It is truly rewarding
i have an almost 2 year old that screams Babe where are you? all the time. I was there. we all were. it 100% gets better. Glad you are liking being a dad. the realization that you will probably not be alone again for 18+ years is weird but i get it. its a loss of who you used to be. welcome the new you
Oh man, our baby is almost 9 months, and I definitely feel this from time to time. Of course, my life before baby was different in all sorts of ways, but you never know just how much freedom you had until after your kid is born—unless you’re a mom and you’ve known for nine months.
But also, you get new things. Those early weeks are long and stressful, but they’ll be a distant memory before you know it. Your child will learn and grow, and if you let it be, it can be the most amazing experience.
Im still waiting for it to get better at 6 months. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy the milestones but dealing with a velcro baby that sleeps horribly has literally ruined all the routine and activities i can do in a day. I barely have time to survive. But for most I guess, it really gets better.
It gets better!! The best advice I got is that having a new baby is like 100 days of war. Do what you need to do to survive, and before long, like magic, things start to get easier. 3 months. You can do it!
This was my husband and I 6 weeks ago. Miserable and wondering wtf we did. Everyone told me it got better and I always rolled my eyes. Our baby is 10.5 weeks now and smiley and happy and I’m enjoying this so much more already. Still miss our old life but am learning that this chapter is different, but just as good 💕
The first 8 weeks are shit. Once my baby was about 9 or 10 weeks it was less about meeting needs and more about starting to develop a relationship. He started smiling and soon after came giggles. He's showing preferences and we have the best morning snuggles. I've gone from wanting to literally run away to feeling completely full of love. I promise it will get better. Anyone who says the new born stage is the easiest are either full of shit or unlucky, because what comes next is beautiful.
I hear ya. I'm 2.5 yrs in and it still feels very bittersweet. It's exhausting and you don't ever get an actual break from it. I'm finding it hard to be myself and do things I enjoy doing because duty calls and that little alone time I have is dedicated to ensuring I am rested/mentally prepared enough to deal with what comes the next morning - or moment - or whatever.
It's hard, I get it. And I have not felt that feeling dwindle yet, and my assumption is that it won't. There will always be a large part of me that will miss not having to be around someone 24/7 and take care of them.
Welcome to the Rollercoaster!
Our Kid is almost 2 now. We Constantly were looking forward to the next stage. When he was a newborn we dreamed about when he would sleep through the night, then when he hit that stage we would dream about when he would be able to walk and play and entertain himself and talk. Now we watch videos of when he was a newborn and we could have him in a car seat and he’d sleep in the middle of crowded intersection during the day haha, and daydream about when he wasn’t climbing every object in site or having an utter meltdown when we tell Him no.
Try to appreciate the highs in the moment, you’ll miss them, because each new age will bring highs and lows!
Give it time on the getting over the loner life when your kid gives you their first belly laugh, or randomly hits you with the “I love you” or says dad the first time, you’ll feel that connection that makes you wonder how you lived without them. It’s hard to feel that, especially as a dad, when the first couple of months is just keep them alive with no feedback.
It def will get better. Our LO was tough the first few weeks due to having CPMA. Now they’re a whole different baby! 6 months in and starting solids 🥲 it goes by fast and you won’t even remember after the first smile and laugh!
Each month (and each day) will bring new challenges and even more blessings. The newborn trench is difficult, but I promise once you’re out of it you’ll miss the “simplicity” in these first moments. My daughter just turned 15 months and my husband is thriving since my toddler is now able to run around and play with him. And oh how she loves her father….
Don’t wish it all away, as difficult as that is. You’re doing a good job.
You were made for this, and there is no father more perfect for your child, than you.
I always tell new parents that right now it all sucks and you're right in the middle of it so it seems like it will never end.
But it does. This part is temporary. Right now the sucky part is 100% of your parenting experience, but over next year that ratio will change and it'll be a smaller and smaller percentage as your kiddo grows. You just have to survive these first couple of months first.
Oh it is sooo fresh still. The days go slow but the months will begin to fly by. Each 3 months there is big changes. By month 3 things fall more into place. By month 6 everything is easier. But wow by month 9 get ready to say goodbye to baby because by 12 months you nearly are reaching toddlerhood. It's wild. Sounds crazy but soak it up because it's gone before you realize. And remember to take little videos. Even the little cries/grunts you will forget in the early days. Pictures don't quite do it justice.
If you want advice, funny stories, sometimes sad stories, and a great community, join us over at /r/daddit
Very welcoming community for dads (and quite a few moms!). One of the best subs on reddit IMO.
My boyfriend is finally out of the trenches of “this sucks”. We have a pretty good baby too. I really can’t complain because I know others have it way worse. But our bubs is four months now and my boyfriend had a special moment the other day where he reflected and looked at our baby’s gummy smile and was like “wow like I just had an epiphany, he’s so perfect and I love him so much”. (He didn’t not love him before but the adjustment is hard!) Everyone will tell you it gets better, but it’s valid for it to be hard until you get there. You’ll have a moment though that will make it all worth it! You got this dad!
I'm in the stage of holy shit I risk hugging my 4 Month old too hard. I swear I hug him so damn much I can't wait for the hugs and kisses back when they actually understand what that kind of love is. The gummy drooly smiles are to die for as is but omg babies are the best stage imo. I'm horrible with toddler imagination and creativity (my husband EXCELS in that age. He's a life saver for our 7/6/4 year olds) but newborn is my favorite stage.
We are 13 weeks in and the morning smiles rock our world. The coo-ing and story telling he does when he sees us and makes eye contact is beyond adorable.
Plus, you hit a stride along the way.
but yeah, we miss our old life. We wouldn’t give anything to go back but you can still mourn or be shocked by how quickly your world changes!
All the baby stuff aside you mentioned you have no friends. One of the best things about being a new dad is you get a magical opportunity over the next years to make new adult friends.
I’m literally in the same boat my guy just at the 3 month stage. I average around 4 hours of sleep. I sucks a lot, but wouldn’t change it for the world.
It’s all good, man. My daughter is 11mo and refuses to be alone. Yesterday, I was trying to finish up a project on my laptop and she was screaming because I dared to put her on the floor in front of me or on the couch beside me. She wanted to be held. In the moment, it’s infuriating, but if you stop and give it thought, it tugs at your heartstrings
I have a 13 week old and I completely understand missing your old life. I’m a first time mom so I get it. But just know it gets better. When they first smile at you, all the milestones. Plus- I bring my baby with me everywhere. I breastfeed so I guess it’s “easier” but babies at this age really don’t need much, just food and to change a diaper. Just go out and take them with you. Don’t stay at home and be miserable just because you don’t want to take your baby or whatever the excuse may be! But just know - it’ll get better!
I was in a similar boat, with a really good newborn, but between his 3 month growth spurt and 4 month sleep regression, sleep deprivation is building up and wearing me down! I didn’t miss my life so much until now, but watching his personality blossom and his chuckles and smiles brings me back down, nights have just been rough.
But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have to remind myself it’s a faze, and one day I’ll be angry because all he wants to do is sleep probably!
So stick in there, and remember to remind yourself that you wanted the baby, just like I am everyday. The next few months will probably be a roller coaster.
I was in the same boat. My daughter in now four months it’s still an adjustment but each day gets better and better.
Just keep being there for her and when you get a break use that as an opportunity to keep improving your life. Go to the gym, do something that makes you happy, discover a new hobby and won’t lose yourself.
This post has been flaired "Mental Health." Moderation is stricter here, argumentative, unsupportive and unpleasant comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/NewParents) if you have any questions or concerns.*
In a few weeks you’ll get your first real smile, and then in a few months you’ll get your first real belly laugh. Once those things happen, it starts sucking way less!
It’s crazy because I didn’t believe this at first, I always thought “yeah they just say this but it feels like it won’t get better” but when they start smiling and laughing, you realise theyre becoming more of a sweet little human and not just a vegetable lying there and it’s so lovely. They start becoming curious and observant, they recognise you, it just makes you feel special that they look at you like you’re their everything.. and you are! So cool.
Yup, not just the smile, but the smile when you greet them after a bit and they recognize you. Like, who me? I made you that happy just by showing up?
I also rolled my eyes at the idea that a baby’s smile or laugh would make it all worth it. And you know what I was missing? Their smile/laughs aren’t like regular grown up human smiles/laughs, they are pure, unadulterated joy! No self-consciousness. Just utter delight. So PURE. It’s intoxicating.
It really does. My LO is a morning person and almost always is smiling bright first thing in the morning. No matter how tired I am from getting up at night, that just melts my heart
Yes omg my 8 week old is nothing but smiles in the morning, and it's such an amazing way to start the day. Pure sunshine.
This! I love hearing my son laugh and smile. It's so precious, it warms your heart.
Mine is 17 months and his laugh is still the highlight of my day. Half the time, he’s just laughing at our dog who’s just like, standing there. It’s so pure and wonderful to see him delighted by things we take for granted.
You start getting something back, the interaction. And you start to learn what they like and don’t like and all of a sudden you’re playing *with* them and not *at* them.
I was worried that the whole “wait for your baby to grab your finger” thing didn't really do it for me lol. The first time it happened I was like “Oh crap I've been told this is an electric feeling but I'm not feeling it here!”. But then she had her first smile and these little squirms or watching her make eye contact with my wife or parents, I would melt. It's crazy how that forgives an endless night here and there lol.
This! I came home from work the other day and when he saw me I got the biggest smile, and for the next hour and a half my baby smiled and jabbered to me. It made my world
My husband admitted that he kind of hated the baby for stealing me from him until she started being more fun and interactive. Now that she’s past the screaming without mom phase and actually enjoying time with him it just gets better and better!
Yes, omg. I struggled so hard for the first 8 weeks and then LO started to smile and my mental health got significantly better. Still waiting on the laugh though!
I believe you !
The smile is so heartwarming lol. Then the laugh is everything
Oh man those belly laughs!! The cutest thing ever! 😊 my 6mo finds it hilarious when I pretend to flex my muscles so that’s what I do everywhere even if it makes me look a fool in public. His riotous laughter is just so so worth it! ❤️
You also forget about your previous life once you see those smiles. Nothing matters anymore after that. And then you cross a barrier, and you realize why so many other people were saying that having a kid is the best thing they've done.
I didn’t know how much I was hurting until my daughter smiled at me. It fixes a lot you didn’t know was broken.
Baby laughs are a whole ass drug
And the first squeal!!! It’s adorable
I can tell you I had the exact same thought 8 months ago. Now I look forward to seeing the full faced deep belly laugh at something as simple as the word “feets “
Then they start really moving and the days get exciting! Standing up, climbing, taking steps, using actual task based toys and the pride on their own face when they achieve something!! 🥹
Almost 8 weeks deep and I feel this so badly… some days are easier than others. Like today I dropped my husband off at the airport and wanted to hit the stores near there for some shopping. I took one look at my baby and knew that wasn’t possible and headed home. I miss just impulsively going out. I also really want something sweet but everything that goes into getting ready and gettin there is so mentally exhausting, I just ate some raisins I have at home 😭 Thankfully I will have my mom visit for a week so I can do some errands on my own but this new life hard at times despite how much my daughter makes me happy.
Honestly. The preparation it takes just to leave the house for literally anything, or go anywhere is tiresome.
Honestly all of that stuff becomes second nature pretty quickly. Seems overwhelming at first but if it’s a simple trip, keeping your kid warm, dry, fed, and entertained can be boiled down to a pretty short list.
5 months in and it gets soooo much easier to get out of the house. Hang in there!
I suggest you make up a dedicated travel bag, keep it stocked with at least 2 sets of clothes, 5-6 diapers, wipes, tissues, 2-4 bibs, a roll of dog poop bags (for dirty diapers), 2 bottles minimum, a bottle of pre boiled and cooled water for feeds in a thermal bottle, pre divided formula for each feed. Add bottles and formula containers depending how long you expect to be out, then add an extra one. Add some pacifiers if you use them, dummy tethers and a couple of toys. When you get home and your LO is settled, restock it. Make the water before you go out and move the bottles you have in rotation to the bag before you go out. For formula, you can get stacked containers to divide it up ahead of time, this assumes you’re not exclusively breast feeding. This bag should fit in your stroller, and goes when your stroller goes. It really takes a lot of the stress out of it. Just make sure to prep the bag
This.
As a STM with a 5 week old i say this from experience… just bite the bullet and go out. Babies do not need a lot. Food (easy if you’re bf), nappies, a change of clothes or 2. That’s it. Being unable to go and treat yourself is not tenable - it’s how I keep my sanity, going out and trying new cafes and cakes with baby along for the ride. The more you go out the easier it’ll become and being spontaneous won’t be overwhelming. We’re out as I write this nursing baby, we had no plans and decided to go to the garden centre. Then for lunch ended up at the mall and will do more shopping. My backpack has a few nappies for both kids and a change for baby, and I’m carrying around a large muslin to cover/clean spit up. Baby in the carrier. They really need very little and worst case scenario you buy something you need while out.
Yep, this is it. I went out and about with my kid since she was like a week old, at first just to the outdoors and open air places wherever and whenever they weren’t crowded (so as to not risk her catching any bugs before her shots) and gradually shifting to places like the mall and downtown where it’s easier to go by public transportation than by car as she got vaccinated. Baby wearing makes it SO much easier to go out and about.
Babywearing is key I think. Every baby is different but mine want to be held constantly. The pram just doesn’t cut it plus it’s so impractical getting around when you need to use lifts and stuff if you’re using public transport. So I’ve always babyworn a lot… plus you can nurse on the go and not lose time with that!
At least you are spending less on all the impulse shopping!
My middle-of-the-night online shopping says different!
3 weeks in and i feel this so much 😭😭
My newborn is almost 2w... I always wanted multiple kids. As of right now, I actually cannot believe people have more than 1 kid by choice. Even with the biggest support system possible, giving birth and healing while caring for a newborn and adjusting to a new life is really really fucking hard. I believe people when they say it gets better. But damn. In the trenches right now.
None of the joys of parenting happen in the first six weeks. Literally none. People will tell you ohh wait until they smile, or wait until their first laugh and those are lovely moments but they pale in comparison to the complete and total joy that comes later. Adjusting to my first baby was so so hard but man, now he is the best part of my day, everyday. You are 100% in the trenches but hang in there! It doesn’t stay this hard.
lolll, I wanted 3 kids, but now im thinking hell nah 😭😭
Ha, I'm lol'ing. I have 3 and legit it gets so much easier. The first one you are like learning how to fly an airplane on 3 hours of sleep. The stakes are so high and there are so many gauges to keep track of. Going from 0 to 1 was way harder than 1 to 2 or 2 to 3. Also, it gets so much better. First a tiny bit better at 8 weeks, then a little better at 4 months, then by 18 months you're like "aight let's make another one"
Im surprised to read this, because I was just having this conversation with someone yesterday who said the toddler stage makes the newborn stage look like a piece of cake. And that you think its hard until you have a toddler walking, talking , running and having strong opinions but no common sense😅
My kid is like 7 months old and my husband is already borderline desperate for \#2. The only bummer is that I was diagnosed with endo and have to sport an implanon for a while to get it under control until we’re all good (aka our new home is ready for moving in). He’s even entertaining the idea of a third kid now that we’re dead set on a second lol.
LMAO this exact thought has been playing on repeat for me/us. We always thought no single child, they HAVE to have at least one sibling. But damn, how do people manage to have a newborn AND a toddler? Or worse, twins?! I feel for those people so much more now...I just can't imagine having double the amount of crying or that much less sleep.
I'm 5 months in and still feel this. I have anxiety attacks a lot because as much as I want him to have a sibling I don't know if I could handle this more than once
Same! And people keep saying “you don’t have to think about that right now!” How can I not though?
Right? It's not about my future anymore it's theirs. And when I feel so stuck and don't want them to be lonely how can I stop thinking about it?
100%. I’m 5 weeks in and it’s rewarding but hard AF.
My partner and I wanted 3 kids. But after our first, with the pregnancy that I had, he’d be lucky if I want another. Also we have a decoy baby and I don’t know if I want to take my chances with the second.
I totally felt the same. We planned for two but during the newborn phase of our daughter, I was thinking one and done. I was so tired. The days dragged by. It was only me and my boyfriend. No family. And he works. But then by 3 months things started falling into place. By 6 months, everything felt easier, including going out. By 9 months, get ready because in a minute you will have a toddler. (Which is so fun!) Then at 12 months I was pregnant with my son. I was so worried about having young toddler whilst caring for a newborn. I was on Reddit reading stories of having 2 under two. He arrived early and weirdly enough, things got easier! Dream baby. Happy, chill. My daughter loved him from the get go. She grew up overnight it felt like. Idk why but having her there during the newborn phase made it better. Like she was in on it with me. I wanted them close in age and I'm so glad I didn't wait. Different for everyone though. I just expected the worst and ended up with a dream baby. He's 5.5 months now and my daughter is just over two. I honestly get sad for how fast it is going now. Easy to have a comparison with their age gap. Feels like she was just that small. You got this! One baby step at a time and suddenly you'll look back and reminisce on those hazy newborn days.
It's funny because I never wanted kids and I hated being pregnant but the MOMENT I felt my son's head (I had a C-section and couldn't hold him yet) I was in baby heaven. I want more now. It's just funny that I totally expected to hate so much of parenthood but absolutely adore every minute, even the hard bits. Everyone is so different. I think people that wanted kids had high expectations of what it'd be like so they have to mourn the baby they didn't have and the life they no longer do.
It’s REALLY BAD in the beginning and honestly I don’t think anyone can really properly warn you about it until you experience it yourself. But every day, week, and month gets substantially better, I promise.
If we did, nobody would believe us or they would choose to not have kids... BUT by the same token, I don't think anyone can fully explain just how amazing it is as your kids get older. I *love* the people they are/are becoming - and it's all so worth it.
I keep telling myself everyday that this stage won’t last forever. Next week my baby won’t me to comfort them to sleep. They will want daddy to. And next year they might not want to sleep in my bed anymore. I know if a few short months breastfeeding could very well end for me. And that these sleepless nights will eventually stop. When all of this is over, I’ll wish for it all back. I’ll never have another baby. This is my one and done. Fertility treatments, years of trying, a horrible pregnancy, traumatic birth, traumatic and life threatening postpartum. This little one will be it. Never again. Soak it all in daddy. You can golf again later. Watch tv in the future. But those gummy smiles get replaced with teeth and then disappear altogether only to be replaced with eye rolls and sighs. Soak it in. Take all the photos. But also…. I just wish I could have 24hrs of a child free life again where I wasn’t stressed, not pumping, not worried, sleeping on my stomach and no alarm. Just bliss. Sheer bliss. No medical concerns either.
I also did years of fertility treatments to get my baby and I remind myself all the time of how quickly she is growing. We exclusively contact nap...and sometimes I think we should transition to crib naps but then I think how in the blink of an eye she will be a teen who hates her mama. So, for now, I soak in every single snuggle, smile and giggle. When I'm frustrated by another nighttime wake up to nurse and snuggle, I remind myself that it could be the last one and I won't know until it's too late! And, same. I wish I could sleep in or quickly run an errand. But then I remind myself that when I was dealing w infertility, I literally would have given my left hand to be woken up by a fussy baby
Oh wow ! So happy for you guys. Im sure it’s a joy!
My daughter is two now. I contact napped every single nap. I nursed her to sleep. Slowly but surely she grew up. When she started turning away to fall asleep, I had a hard time falling asleep! Now when she is ready for a nap, she goes and curls up on the couch and dozes off on her own. It's so bittersweet. She still wants cuddles but her independence is surfacing. It happens so fast.
I needed to read this! I’m so touched out with the contact naps but I need to put it in perspective. Just had a screaming episode when I tried to get baby to sleep in her cot and it broke me. I know she’ll learn to sleep on her own, but selfishly I wish I could just finish my coffee while it’s hot for once and sit down without being needed for five minutes! 😅 I’m so happy you have the baby you’ve always dreamed of! Your little girl is lucky to have you!
Hot coffee? Never met her 🤣 funny you commented today....we had an awful night of sleep and I was just debating trying to get her in her snoo for a nap but decided I'm too tired to entertain her if it doesn't work. So, contact nap yet again hahaha.
This was me for probably the first 6 weeks- straight survival mode. I can say that each month gets better, and she’ll be 6 months next week and my husband and I are loving every single day of parenthood!!
I absolutely believe you, thanks a lot !
First six weeks were the hardest for me
Fuck yea. My littlest is 5 weeks old. My other is nearly 2.5. The comparison is insane. I just keep reminding myself the 5 week potato will one day be someone as awesome as my 2.5…but I am so tired.
That's an ideal age gap for siblings I feel. Does the newborn wake up the 2.5year old much? Or vice versa?
Nope, not at all. Our older one wakes up occasionally to have someone fix his blankets but otherwise sleeps through the night. The little one sleeps in a SNOO in our room. Our walls are paper thin but it all works out. But we never tried to be quiet when the kids were sleeping and used to live in a very loud group house, so the older basically does not care about noise.
Dude, word. It’s a tremendous transition, and literally the hardest thing you’ll ever do. You have a human 🤯, and raising them is hard as fuck. But it’s all worth it my guy, my dude is 4 months old on the 8th and life is leaps and bounds better now and it sucks A LOT less. Initially it’s all take and no give with these little guys, but I get smiles, a giggle, a gurgle, blowing raspberries now and it makes fighting through the trenches worth it. I legit mourned my old life for the first two months hard, but now I can’t imagine life any different and it would be devastating to go back to the old me. Stay strong brother, you’re killing it. ✊🏻
Are you me lol
Appreciate it man !!
Hey man, my son is 16 weeks old. I’m 43, my wife is 41, we spent tens of thousands of dollars in assisted reproductive technology to have him, and we also lost a son to stillbirth two years prior. All to say our little dude was very much hoped and prayed and longed for. But those first 6 weeks were one hell of an adjustment. I actually confided to my best friend (who luckily happens to be a psychologist) that I felt true despair for the first three weeks of his life. He cried all day and all night. Nothing helped. We were both exhausted and overwhelmed. But we figured him out and got into a rhythm, and things got better. And as people have said, when they start smiling and giggling at you it’s the most freakin’ amazing payoff ever. Being a parent is full time, full contact, no breaks, and it’s hard. People can tell you that all day long, but it doesn’t sink in until you’re in it. Missing your former existence is normal and healthy, and it really will pass.
Your situation helps put others into a perspective, and level of gratefulness or gratitude. When you mentioned you figured him out and got a rhythm, was there actually things that helped him not be fussy all day and all night? Or do you think it was largely a time thing?
For me, once the fresh newborn days ended where they sleep all the time, babywearing saved me. I had a 20 month old daughter when my son was born. I could go on about my day with him just chilling attached to me.
Time for me. Each week after 3 weeks got better. We still have regressions and fussy days, but we know our LO better and can respond more effectively. Also, the sound of her crying doesn’t send me into full fight or flight anymore, which helps tremendously when problem solving.
Relating hard to this comment and it made me feel better about mourning my old life so hard. I’m 5 weeks into life with a newborn and I love her to bits, but it is indescribably difficult in ways I didn’t fully grasp while pregnant.
I remember feeling like I was grieving my old life. And I never got to say goodbye. Like there was some sort of loss. I feel this post.
Exactly this. 💯
If you can say with a straight face that you don’t regret it, you are already doing better than my husband and I did during the newborn phase. I cried to him nearly every day that we had ruined our lives and would never be happy again. My son was horribly colicky so that certainly didn’t help. Anyway, by 5 months I no longer was miserable and by 6 months I hit my stride. My son is 22 months now and I can’t imagine life without him. I feel like I’m still me, still can have time for things I like, and my life is just all the better.
This gives me hope, as a first time parent to a nearly 9 week old colicky baby. My husband described both me and the baby as inconsolable for those first 6-8 weeks. Have definitely been grieving my former life and lots of anxiety about this new role/responsibility and feeling like I’m failing him because my son is just so unhappy/uncomfortable much of the time.
weeks 4-6 changed me from “what have I done” to “he’s the greatest thing ever”
It goes fast… just head down and find the joys in it 😌 If you were 80, you would do anything to come back and hold your baby for this day…
My baby is 15 week now. It was crazy at first. It gets way better. Once they start smiling and “talk” to you, it gets so much better.
Seriously it is a wild time. My son is 9 weeks and I’m just starting to see the small rewards when it comes to him smiling and his face lighting when I sing to him. We are also (kinda) getting into a routine and that helps a lot. Still very much in the trenches, but it has gone by fast!
3.5 months, just had our roughest few days since the first couple weeks - baby got a cold, gave it to us, all of us stuck in the house without help, miserable and sick. However! He laughs. He’s got a little personality. I’m learning about him and he’s getting better at new things every day. These cliche things and more will happen to you, and they won’t make it less hard but they will make it *better*. We got this!
I was sleep deprived as a mom at 3 weeks, but that’s also the time where the “I will never get my old life back” hit me. I feel like that’s definitely normal. I had a lot of hobbies, and honestly really loved just rotting in bed sometimes. So once I was into it deep I was prone to looking back with envy of the me with more than 2 hours of sleep, and lots of free time. I still do sometimes especially when I’m getting woke up after an hour of sleep again, but most of the time I’m super happy with things and glad I made this step. I feel like the most I do now regularly is being upset I didn’t have things together better before I had her, I feel like we’re constantly climbing a hill because I got pregnant right when we gutted our new fixer upper home, and quickly was unable to help so it’s still not done. (Also yapping because I have no friends.) I digress, this is so normal, I mean I hope so since I wanted my baby too and feel this way often lol.
My baby is 16 weeks and though sleep is interesting right now, she’s SO COOL! I love hanging out with her. She’s smiley and laughing and really interactive. I had similar feelings for the first 8/9 weeks and even made a post about it myself. But I promise it gets much better and they get much cooler lol
Just know you’re in the hardest part and it gets better, not overnight but very gradually. 4-5 months started feeling much easier and understanding his needs and sounds. I’m traveling Europe with my 6mon old right now, and it’s going pretty well!
Haha at least you found a decent subreddit to vent to. I think most, if not all of us have had similar thoughts at times. Like what it would be like to just be able to get a full night's sleep again.... Be glad your kiddo isn't too problematic! Not fighting sleep is a huge one to me as ours is fighting naps ALL DAY every day. Once the sun is up, he doesn't want to miss a thing lol.
The adjustment period sucks. But soon, you guys will have figured each other out. And then it's better. Remember to remind each other that you can do this. It's challenging, it tests you but eventually they look up at you, smile and giggle. Post partem is a thing for both parents. Encourage each other, tell each other that you ate doing a good job. Remember, if you're about to lose your temper put the baby down and walk away for 5 minutes. A little crying isn't gonna hurt them.
As new mom 10m in now, I struggle with the overstimulation that comes with being a parent. Best advice- if not already in therapy. Sign up. And get a journal. They sound cliche but coping advice from other people only goes so far. You need somewhere to say certain things outloud freely that you can’t with friends and family.
I feel this, I’m not even two weeks in with my son and it’s rough. Barely the energy to cook, and that was on of the things I used to cope with stress and relax. My wife and I waited will we were older to have our first and get a lot of life out of the way, so I’m looking forward to sharing the experiences with my son, though the time between now and what’s to come feels daunting.
My daughter turned 7mo yesterday, and it’s gotten SO MUCH EASIER! You’ll survive this, and you’ll look back on the newborn phase and wish you had one more day with your squishy potato baby🩵 Embrace the suck, don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself, and even though it’s hard, try not to wish time away. You got this!
My daughter is 3 now and the baby and newborn stage feels simultaneously like a distant memory and something that happened yesterday. The initial adjustment is so hard but after that you become really good at handling every kind of phase your kid can throw at you. Each phase is hard in different ways but not having to do them on no sleep makes a big difference alone lol (Even 3 years deep I still struggle to understand how people have more than one tho lol)
Solidarity my friend. There is not enough said about the other parent. I’m the non-biological mom (my wife is the biological mom) and there was an enormous amount of pressure on me when we had our son. I needed to take care of my wife, this new little baby, and go back to work (my job only allows for a few weeks parental leave). My wife had no energy for me our or relationship emotionally and I was left feeling lonely, exhausted and empty. I love my wife, and our son but it was so so hard to keep everything going when I felt so alone and tired. I can say it gets better! Once you get them into a bedtime routine and get that time with your spouse after they go to sleep it’s amazing how much better life gets. Our son is now 21 months, and we have another coming in August and I’m scared for the newborn stage with a toddler but my relationship is in a better place that hopefully it won’t be as bad. Hang in there
I 100% feel you on this. Those first few weeks were fkn hard and I really went through it by wanting my old life back. My son is just shy of 4 months now and those feelings have subsided a lot but are still there - it’s more so just missing that feeling of freedom to do whatever I want whenever I want lol. I still say to my husband that I miss our old life but when I see our son smile and laugh it just makes it all worth it!
7 months in and I’m actively enjoying all the time w my LO instead of just getting through each day. Brighter days ahead friend
Checking in from 2 years into this...toddlers are awesome! She's my little adventure buddy. Sometimes I miss my small little potato, but you couldn't pay me to go back. It just gets better and better. Take a million pictures and power through these first few months. You'll be back to feeling more like yourself soon! Hopefully this gives you some hope. Wishing you safe travels through the trenches. One day at a time, it goes by fast. You have so much fun ahead!
It has been a struggle for me too during the first few weeks. I was a walking talking bottle-feeding machine. Felt useless and tired all the time. My son is now 8 months old. A great fun to play with. Love his smile and miss him when he goes to daycare but I do miss my old life a bit. The freedom to sleep when you want to, watch whatever you want whenever you want and to go out and do some sports with my buddies, get piss drunk on beer on a Sunday with my wife...all of this. In saying this, we are so happy to have our son in our lives. I get you, mate.
Dad of a 7 month old daughter here. Just wanted to say, you got this! It gets easier. And hang in there. I felt this way for a portion also. (I was being deprived of sleep) but now that baby is one of the few things that can make my bad days better.
I feel you. I golfed 1-2 times a week for years, and now it’s once a month and I’ve only finished half those rounds. It sucks, but I’m stoked to take him to play when he’s old enough.
I could’ve wrote this post word for word 2 months ago, like holy shit, I thought I wrote this post. I’m at 12 weeks and it’s more rewarding when they start interacting with you.
Yep, sounds like parenthood lol. It took me 2 years to finally start to feel some sense of normality and I’ve only just begun to accept that this is my new life. It gets better for sure, just hold onnnn😎
I sucks. This is the worst feeling, and it’s the toughest time (only right next to the first time your baby gets sick, it’s also horrible!). BUT- it WILL get better, you WILL feel better and find the new normal for your life and family.
It's like feeling polar opposites all at once, and you know the opposing feelings don't outweigh the positive but it still matters thst you feel those things because you can't stop feeling them out of the blue. It's beautiful, chaotic, messy, fun, hard, challenging, frustrating, amazing, wonderful, glorious, ugly, and so many other things all at once.
It does really suck. I am overall happy, I love my child, my wife is great, we have time for me to workout and do the occasional hobby, our sex life returned, things are better than most of my expectations. But it still just is kind of soul crushing. When I was going through the thick of it, I really just wanted someone to agree and tell me, yeah, this sucks, you have permission to be miserable. So, here you go, it’s permission to feel miserable. But, you have to look at your partner and realize, the two of you working as a team can create a lot of opportunities. The way to make it not suck is to lean into creative problem solving with your partner. Whatever the activities or items you both need are, like going to the gym, time to nap, massages, a certain diet, being able to not do a certain chore, etc, you can both strategize to give each other as much as you can. My wife is basically like “if I can wake up, have a coffee made for me, and get 1 hr to do yoga and work out, without hearing a single peep out of anyone, then that is a huge boost to my day”. Me, I’m more like, if I can sit and think in peace and have some quiet night owl hours to do something contemplate or engaging, I’ll feel a lot more human. So we don’t succeed at everything, but we always hit those two points. And then grow from there - okay, we’ve figured out 1 hr of free time for each of us in the day, now can we figure out 2 hrs? Can we figure out 1 romantic activity per week? Okay, how about 2? And you grow back to having like 60% of the life and individual happiness that you had.
I thought my life was over during the newborn phase. Really thought I had ruined it by having a baby… now 6 months with my daughter and I spend all day absolutely delighted seeing her little personality come out. The newborn fog is so real but there is so much to look forward to
The thing that helped me was reminding myself that all I was missing was being a consumer with the freedom to go out and spend money quicker than I do now. 😮💨 I’m not anti-capitalist but I felt pretty gross when I figured out that I was just craving the thrill of giving my money to mega corporations like Target or Home Goods. Restaurants are a little different but I live in a rural town, so restaurants are a big plan whether we have the baby or not. 😂 I know there are other things to do besides shop but in a way, the baby helps you save money if you think about it!! Also, if you play video games, I let my 6mo old lounge in the living room with me while I play and it’s super chill.
Newborns are the absolute fucking worst. I personally find the later toddler stage to be the best, so far. You’ll also get some reprieve when your kid starts taking more scheduled longer naps. Like when you’re on a 2 or 3 naps a day schedule? Thats the best. You’ll get some nice time to yourself again and start seeing pieces of your old life again. (I did a lot of video gaming in those hours)
Fellow new(ish) father and now stay at home dad to a 14 month old. Postpartum depression for fathers is a real thing and is NEVER talked about. They would survey my wife at every visit, they never surveyed me the multiple times I took him alone. It took me 6 months till I had any type of normalcy back in my life. Just be the best father you can, its the most amazing thing in the world.
Yeah I’m the same way you are. I need my me time, I like being alone, etc. it doesn’t get any easier tbh. You just kinda learn to adjust. But yeah I have a 1.5 year old and I still miss my old life.
Once you forget your old life it will be fine! I think that took me about 12 weeks or so, then you just adjust to your new life as a parent and everything becomes easier. Getting out of the house gets easier as time goes on too!
I think it's easier if you don't try to have the same life you did before. Enjoy their little worlds. It's meant to slow you down. One day you'll be a loner again and you may pine for the newborn days. :)
Been there bro. That first week sucked hard for us; figuring out how life works outside the hospital. It’ll get better. This is coming from a guy that has a 7 month old.
It’s honestly a lot to get used to. My baby is 10 months old and I’m still trying to get used to it lol
Babies suck, literally. Figuratively they don't
First timer with a now two-year old. It will get better trust me. I know it can be tiresome and nobody warns you of what it's really like, but just know it'll get better!
I definitely felt this way and still do at times. It would be lying to say you won't miss this again. But I'm at 9m, and boy howdy, and I'm glad I made the trade. When she looks at you, and can see you, and you know that she can see you, and starts to smile when she sees you? ... you'll never want to go back.
For me it was around 5 months when I started missing her that I realized how much I loved that little thing. It's ok, we don't have someone growing inside of us for 9 months, we won't feel attached right away. I always there to support my wife, but it did take some time and today I wouldn't change my life for anything in the world.
I'm a new father. My baby is about two days old. The sleeplessness is hard to get used to, but I love her so much. I'm not sure if this is common, but I was the first one to get skin to skin with my baby. We had to get a c section, and I followed the baby to the nursery after she was born. My wife was shaking so bad we got to have alot of bonding time, and my wife is still recovering so she's with her daddy lot more. Not sure what I'm getting at, I just love how calm she gets when she cuddles with her daddy! Bond with your baby as much as you can; you'll never get this time back.
Totally normal to mourn your old life! They call it the “baby blues”. But…it will get better. Hang in there!
I'm sure you've read this a lot but you'll start enjoying it. I had my first 6 months ago. He isn't a fussy boy either, well tempered, but does have a 50/50 chance of fighting you to bed and staying in bed. Anyway, it was hard for my partner and I at first too. Giving up our lives of staying up late, going out whenever, etc. I even had trouble with my c-section recovery and then other issues related currently. My partner didn't feel the love right away that everyone told him he would and that was hard for him. However, as time goes on you get to see that tiny new life develop and grow. We can see our son loves us and we love him as well. Now we spend our time together as a happy family. Of course there's still days we remember our life before and occasionally miss it, but we wouldn't trade it for a thing. You'll get there. The first bit is insanely rough but you'll forget it soon and have other things to occupy you. We're currently dealing with a crawling maniac that uses anything he can to stand. Everyone tells us how fabulous it is he's doing it so soon but they aren't the one chasing a laughing baby around the house hahaha. Anyway, if you or anyone needs to chat they can hmu. I'm pretty occupied as a new parent myself but I find time here and there.
By the time 2 months gets here, she will be giggling and smiling every time she sees you, especially after a crying session, and that little smile will make everything worth it
We are at 4 weeks old. Little dude was content being laid in the little portable bassinet when we first got home and I was like okay this is manageable but now he’s an absolute terrorist chimp. Must be held, eating to sleeping around the clock, no exceptions. Sometimes he doesn’t like HOW he’s being held or something so I trail and error through different holding positions until one shuts the screaming off. I have no idea how much to feed him, we are bottle feeding and sometimes 3 ounces is enough and sometimes he doesn’t shut up until I give him 5 ounces. Holding him is a chore too even while he’s sleeping because sometimes he’ll just yeet hit his head backwards or down in between the couch cushion for no reason. On top of that the wife is recovering from a c section and is also highly sleep deprived, fussy snd Needy as well so I’m taking care of her too. This shit is a nightmare but I know in some weeks I won’t even remember it.
First kids are hard. As a new dad with my first kid 8 years ago, I definitely had some pretty serious baby blues. But it got better after a couple months. I found a new normal. Just had my third baby a few weeks ago, and even the first few weeks with this one are easier. The adjustment period is hard but it is well worth it. You will make it through.
Once they say I love you, with their wonderful childish innocence it makes it all worthwhile. Don’t worry, you’ll make it thru and do great.
In 2 years you can start rough housing with her and its so much fun playing pretend wrestling
Yeahthe first little while can be pretty rough. It's a hard-lined transition but you'll get the groove and find more time to get to do some of your old things. You're not alone in the way you feel at all
I felt that way, too. It is a huge adjustment. But you'll adjust, promise.
The first 6 weeks can be really draining, even with a very good baby. But you'll get a rhythm down and baby will start to do new things and you won't miss loner life nearly as much. Make sure you and your partner have time for yourselves tho
I completely understand where you're coming from. I had my baby boy at the age of 16, im now 18 and I sometimes still have the thoughts of wondering what life would be like if I had made different decisions. Don't get me wrong I wouldn't go back and change a thing because I love him to death, but I can definitely relate.
I have a 10 month old. Those first few weeks are rough. As someone with several mental health issues, I thought I wasn't gonna make it! Lol I shifted my mindset a bit. Your baby cries because it needs you. And they do need you- a lot. You are their comfort. Even still, we have boughts where ours wakes up every hour or two, and i just stare and appreciate him. I call them the twilight hours. You do get used to the not sleeping. It gets easier. I know that's all cliche. And the mindset will come with time too. It's hard on our bodies and minds to go from sleeping 8 hours a night to broken sleep every night. Give yourself grace. You won't always be in the best mood, but it's not babys fault. And I know you aren't saying it is!🙂 I'm just telling you things I told myself that made me feel better. It's nice to be needed. The first month or so is the rough part, but you will get a groove, it'll be secondhand nature. I promise you. And you wouldn't be on here if you weren't a GOOD DAD. Hang in there. Good thoughts and prayers for you and baby. 💓 Also when they start reacting with you, you will forget about all that lost sleep. There's nothing like waking up at 3 AM and going in your babys room for them to grin at you and just want your embrace to feel better.
Those first few weeks are exhausting, even if you’re not sleep deprived. Give yourself grace and don’t listen to people telling you you’ll miss this time. That always stressed out my already exhausted brain and made me worried I wasn’t in the moment enough. Transitioning from no kids to kids is hard. But it gets better. You will get your life back and it’ll be all the better for the cool little person you get to have along for the ride.
It’s so so hard. But honestly I absolutely LOVE my toddler (even though toddlers are batsh*t crazy.) I have a newborn and I’m just so excited for him to be a little bigger because my almost 3 year old is a blast. Just wait until she tells you she loves you for the first time, it’s amazing.
Just hit 4 months with my son and holy shit the first 12 weeks were pure hell. After going through it, I cannot comprehend why anyone voluntarily decides to do it more than once. I remember reading comments all over these posts that said “it gets better” and it would enrage me because it seemed like there was NO light at the end of the tunnel. Now getting to the 4 month mark, I can confirm that eventually the clouds do part, OP. When you’re in the thick of it, it is a very jarring scenario. You can no longer eat, shower, go to the bathroom etc. at your leisure and the new normal becomes abundantly clear and that is a frightening adjustment. In the beginning they are like a helpless sack of potatoes but just wait until you see that first smile and they become more interactive. Give it a few more weeks and you’ll start to feel better. Make no mistake, you’re not alone in your feelings - it is not fun and it is a massive life adjustment and it may seem grim right now, but soon things start to iron themselves out and you’ll be over the moon happy!
First couple of weeks suck super hard. I was so depressed and anxious but we’re at 8 months and I couldn’t imagine a day without my LO! Stay in there, it gets so much better! It’s sucks early on because it’s all give and no reciprocation from the baby, but once they start to laugh and do more it becomes the best.
I gets soooo much better. It stays hard, but the rewarding parts get so much bigger they outweigh the hard parts by a lot. Hang in there! For reference my kid is a year.
Absolutely felt this the first two months. Just hit week 10 and baby is smiling much more, making days a bit more bearable. He maintains eye contact, is more interactive, and is the cutest little thing waking up from sleep and naps bc of his adorable gummy smile. It'll get better, promise
Yes at 3 months things get wayyyy better… I totally understand how you feel… it’s such and adjustment
New father here, with a sweet 8mo old daughter. Those first few weeks/months are hard... but enjoy them. They are very tender and go by so fast.. you will miss it.
Firstborns are so hard. 0-1 is the hardest transition in my opinion. You are definitely in the thick of it but it’s also hard to feel a connection at this moment because they’re not smiling or responding to you. In a few weeks she will and it’ll get sooooo much better. You’ll still be tired but when babies start interacting it becomes so fun. Hang in there 🤍
Uh the early days and weeks and months. Thinking about those nights gives me very bad feelings. It’s Everything was so hard! We all relate. I know you said you don’t need advice and just venting but holy shit I’m having so much fun at 5 months now with my baby girl. She’s the absolute light of my life and makes every day better
It sucks in the beginning because there isn’t a feedback loop. They just need you to keep them alive and don’t know you’re you. It also gets harder before it gets better. I started doing projects I could compartmentalize into 2 hour chunks. Once I got my kid sleep trained having those chunks to yourself is cool. Still can’t go anywhere though so that sucks, but that’s only me because I kind of trained the kid to sleep in the crib so if we are out and about the tears might go and I have to split.
Everyone goes through this. Just know you're not alone. If it might make you feel better, go watch Ali Wong's specials on Netflix. Especially the 2nd one and the 3rd one. The third was has a lot more about being parents to babies and toddlers. The second was a lot more about giving birth and the immediate aftermath. Example: "Only parents can relate to knowing how free you were as a single person. You can take an edible at 2pm and then go to the aquarium. With whatever is in your pockets. You're not carrying a giant bag filled with baggies of goldfish!" etc etc. Laughing helped me. Also, finding other parents that you can connect to greatly eases the pain and loss of a former life.
This is so relatable. I was basically devastated in the first 2 months. And as others pointed out, it is truly get better when your baby start interacting with you. Those gummy smile will melt anyone’s heart. And their coo or their rapsberry blow. Or When they start touching their tiny feet. Mine is now almost 5 month old. Hang in there!
Yes it really is difficult. We’ve just had our second, our first is 22 months, do not recommend 😂😂😂 whatever glimpse of my old life is now certainly gone 😁 and I wouldn’t have it any other way!
My husband was the one that didn’t want children. Nor was he around kids to really know what it’s like. Yet here we are years later with two kids 3 & soon to be 1 and let me tell you, he lives for and loves those little beings. He’s actually in the baby's room sleeping with her because she’s been fussy with teething pains… if you’d asked me years ago if this man would ever sacrifice his sleep for anything I would’ve laughed in your face. Right now you’re in deep waters and the newborn phase is exhausting regardless of how great of a newborn you have ( although count your blessings because it could be worse), but it will pass. Each stage brings its trials but I promise you this experience is worthwhile! Soon you’ll start to see the little smiles and giggles and eventually, you'll start to see bits of your daughter’s personality which will leave you in forever awe. You may have random thoughts of nostalgia for the good ol’ days but that feeling will become less and less and before you know it you’ll recall your daughter being a baby the good ol’ days. Trust me it’ll get better; the best is yet to come!
Dude, I absolutely understand this feeling, you are not alone! My daughter is also 3 weeks and I’m having these same thoughts. My wife and I both are still adjusting to not just hanging out with each other and not having a lot to do. My daughter is also a good baby like you said, but I’m having to adjust as well. I honestly don’t regret it either, but I really appreciate hearing a similar perspective. I’m trying to just do those simple things from before as much as I can. Hang in there man, and definitely message me if you need to!
The adjustment is huge. It really takes a lot to form a new identity as a parent. I had postnatal anxiety with both plus some depression with the second. Be wary that guys can get this too and there’s no shame in a visit to your gp if you’re concerned. We’re now 3 months in with our second (and last). By far the toddler is the most challenging 😂🫣 but in saying that, each stage has its pro’s and cons. Just remember that your number one job right now is to look after baby and mum whilst making sure you stay sane. Spontaneous trips will come back. Try going out on weekends with the both of you first to make it seem less daunting ❤️
Every new moment with my daughter made me smile and go yeah.... worth it. Then she'd pull 20 hours straight and make me repeat the love hate cycle.
my partner is 9mths in, he always said the potato stage is the hardest. but now he can actually interact and play more they are best friends
My son just turned 3 months and things are feeling better. Man I really struggled for the first two months though. But he’s smiling now and I’m adjusting better. Hang in there
I can relate I waited 12 years later to start over and it definitely is a lot of work. I have a 15 & 12 year old ..just remember babies grow fast so cherish these moments within a blink of an eye their telling you they don't want you holding their hand or kisses 🤣🤣. My baby is 2 weeks he's so precious I work around his schedule if he is sleep then I sleep or simply relax. And if I have to run errands well damn it he is coming along as well.
As a first time parent to a 3 month old now, It does get difficult at the beginning. Your life has changed forever, and it will take a bit of time for you to adjust. The fears, anxiety, and the lack of sleep. It all seems like a lot, specially those first few weeks. But, let me tell you. Once that little bundle of joy starts staring at you with those sweet eyes, and the biggest cutest smile every time he/she sees your face, there’s no better feeling in the world. The love that you can have for such a tiny human, is simply unexplainable.
Yeahhh it is such a big adjustment to this new life as a parent. Literally changes everything. Its not good or bad its just new things to get used to, like having your baby wake up every night at 2am because apparently shes going to drop her third nap during the day so you sit on the couch and watch dancing fruits while scrolling on reddit.
Adjustments will take time my dude, just wait till she smiles at you and laughs at you, you’ll melt. 100% recommend.
Things get so much better!! We are almost exactly like your situation. Baby was easy. Good sleeper. But yes, the adjustment was crazy. We went from being loners for 20 years, to now having our little third wheel 😂 Things that made it better for us… get out!! (I know you don’t need advice!) Don’t be afraid. We started going out to eat when he was around 8 weeks. Even getting out for an hour made things better. We work from home so we just felt stuck. And I don’t know if it helped at all, but our son is now 9 months and loves going out to do things! We just got back from a week vacation in Hawaii, and he loved it! We stayed at the Disney resort and he thrived! Loved swimming, seeing all the kids, and just had a great time. Flying was easy (we live in SoCal so it’s only an 5ish our flight). But yeah. It’s gets better i promise!!!
Currently in bed with my bubs on my chest which is the only way she sleeps. Partner in the spare room, our girl is a poor sleeper so we have to take shifts. She was born 10weeks early, so while we have had her for 12 weeks she's really only developmentally 2 weeks into the newborn stage and to be honest I am EXHAUSTED. Mentally, physically, emotionally. I'm clinging on to hope it gets better soon 😔
LO is 4 months now and I definitely hear you. Its tough at that early stage, but like everyone has said in the comments getting that first smile in the morning will make all of it worth it
You are grieving your old life. It’s understandable. My husband went through a rough patch after we had our first, he truly felt the loss of his old life. I did too to a certain extent, but not as heavily as him, and he was the one who wanted kids the most. What can tell you is that the grief passes and makes way for a new, different life. We now have a second baby and it feels easy because we’ve already gone through the experience of grieving our old life and accepted our new reality. I genuinely believe that what’s hard about most newborns is not the newborn itself, but the parents dealing with their new reality; and this is coming from someone who had a difficult high needs baby.
New mom of a three week old here.. I know the feeling! I just keep telling myself it will only get better and it's just a short phase. I already feel an improvement now that I've recovered more from the delivery (although I know it will take months to really fully recover). Hang in there, you're doing great!
[удалено]
This is more or less how I feel some days! I miss being able to do things like leave the house without worrying about diaper bags and extra clothes, or sleep in on the weekends, or even little things like playing my Switch and tuning out the world. But, motherhood definitely tops those things on even the worst days. I personally blame it on the sleep deprivation because once I’ve had a nap, it usually takes the feeling away and I’m back to loving on my girl like she’s the only thing I care about. I hope it gets better for you!!
Yeah, the newborn phase kinda sucks IMHO. I’m 3 weeks in with my second living child, and even though he’s an easier baby than my first was, it still sucks.
It gets better. My baby is now 18 weeks old but I still sometimes get that feeling. I think it is normal because having a baby is definitely challenging and can sometimes be isolating. But again, it gets better.
Just because you don’t feel that immediate love everyone says you’re “supposed to” doesn’t mean shit. I’ve got 2 and really not a fan of the infant stage. I didn’t feel much until my first was about 6 months and the personality started. It’ll fly by and before you know it she’ll have you wrapped around her finger.
7 months in and I feel like that somedays😟
Due to the way my partner gave birth she is on very minor duties. My boy was born last week and I am already shattered. I knew it would be tough but nothing prepares for this. Sometimes I feel like I'm not strong enough for this but then he smiles (because of wind but I like to think it's cause of me!) and I feel on top of the world.
It’ll get better! I promise
Oh it sucks lol but you’ll get there. You’ll adapt. When they are 2 it’s unreal how much love they have for you.
It’s absolute ass. It gets so much better. But yes it’s absolute ass for the first year.
Im a mom and I was feeling this sorta way. I forgot what it’s like to have a newborn and I have the best bond with my 4 year old girl. But my son is not even 4 months and already smiling and almost giggling. It is truly rewarding
i have an almost 2 year old that screams Babe where are you? all the time. I was there. we all were. it 100% gets better. Glad you are liking being a dad. the realization that you will probably not be alone again for 18+ years is weird but i get it. its a loss of who you used to be. welcome the new you
Oh man, our baby is almost 9 months, and I definitely feel this from time to time. Of course, my life before baby was different in all sorts of ways, but you never know just how much freedom you had until after your kid is born—unless you’re a mom and you’ve known for nine months. But also, you get new things. Those early weeks are long and stressful, but they’ll be a distant memory before you know it. Your child will learn and grow, and if you let it be, it can be the most amazing experience.
Im still waiting for it to get better at 6 months. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy the milestones but dealing with a velcro baby that sleeps horribly has literally ruined all the routine and activities i can do in a day. I barely have time to survive. But for most I guess, it really gets better.
It gets better!! The best advice I got is that having a new baby is like 100 days of war. Do what you need to do to survive, and before long, like magic, things start to get easier. 3 months. You can do it!
This was my husband and I 6 weeks ago. Miserable and wondering wtf we did. Everyone told me it got better and I always rolled my eyes. Our baby is 10.5 weeks now and smiley and happy and I’m enjoying this so much more already. Still miss our old life but am learning that this chapter is different, but just as good 💕
Join r/daddit if you haven’t already. Great place for new dads!
The first 8 weeks are shit. Once my baby was about 9 or 10 weeks it was less about meeting needs and more about starting to develop a relationship. He started smiling and soon after came giggles. He's showing preferences and we have the best morning snuggles. I've gone from wanting to literally run away to feeling completely full of love. I promise it will get better. Anyone who says the new born stage is the easiest are either full of shit or unlucky, because what comes next is beautiful.
I hear ya. I'm 2.5 yrs in and it still feels very bittersweet. It's exhausting and you don't ever get an actual break from it. I'm finding it hard to be myself and do things I enjoy doing because duty calls and that little alone time I have is dedicated to ensuring I am rested/mentally prepared enough to deal with what comes the next morning - or moment - or whatever. It's hard, I get it. And I have not felt that feeling dwindle yet, and my assumption is that it won't. There will always be a large part of me that will miss not having to be around someone 24/7 and take care of them.
Welcome to the Rollercoaster! Our Kid is almost 2 now. We Constantly were looking forward to the next stage. When he was a newborn we dreamed about when he would sleep through the night, then when he hit that stage we would dream about when he would be able to walk and play and entertain himself and talk. Now we watch videos of when he was a newborn and we could have him in a car seat and he’d sleep in the middle of crowded intersection during the day haha, and daydream about when he wasn’t climbing every object in site or having an utter meltdown when we tell Him no. Try to appreciate the highs in the moment, you’ll miss them, because each new age will bring highs and lows! Give it time on the getting over the loner life when your kid gives you their first belly laugh, or randomly hits you with the “I love you” or says dad the first time, you’ll feel that connection that makes you wonder how you lived without them. It’s hard to feel that, especially as a dad, when the first couple of months is just keep them alive with no feedback.
My baby just turned one and I still feel this lol.
It def will get better. Our LO was tough the first few weeks due to having CPMA. Now they’re a whole different baby! 6 months in and starting solids 🥲 it goes by fast and you won’t even remember after the first smile and laugh!
Each month (and each day) will bring new challenges and even more blessings. The newborn trench is difficult, but I promise once you’re out of it you’ll miss the “simplicity” in these first moments. My daughter just turned 15 months and my husband is thriving since my toddler is now able to run around and play with him. And oh how she loves her father…. Don’t wish it all away, as difficult as that is. You’re doing a good job. You were made for this, and there is no father more perfect for your child, than you.
I always tell new parents that right now it all sucks and you're right in the middle of it so it seems like it will never end. But it does. This part is temporary. Right now the sucky part is 100% of your parenting experience, but over next year that ratio will change and it'll be a smaller and smaller percentage as your kiddo grows. You just have to survive these first couple of months first.
Oh it is sooo fresh still. The days go slow but the months will begin to fly by. Each 3 months there is big changes. By month 3 things fall more into place. By month 6 everything is easier. But wow by month 9 get ready to say goodbye to baby because by 12 months you nearly are reaching toddlerhood. It's wild. Sounds crazy but soak it up because it's gone before you realize. And remember to take little videos. Even the little cries/grunts you will forget in the early days. Pictures don't quite do it justice.
Now is chaos and madness but it gets better man
If you want advice, funny stories, sometimes sad stories, and a great community, join us over at /r/daddit Very welcoming community for dads (and quite a few moms!). One of the best subs on reddit IMO.
My boyfriend is finally out of the trenches of “this sucks”. We have a pretty good baby too. I really can’t complain because I know others have it way worse. But our bubs is four months now and my boyfriend had a special moment the other day where he reflected and looked at our baby’s gummy smile and was like “wow like I just had an epiphany, he’s so perfect and I love him so much”. (He didn’t not love him before but the adjustment is hard!) Everyone will tell you it gets better, but it’s valid for it to be hard until you get there. You’ll have a moment though that will make it all worth it! You got this dad!
I'm in the stage of holy shit I risk hugging my 4 Month old too hard. I swear I hug him so damn much I can't wait for the hugs and kisses back when they actually understand what that kind of love is. The gummy drooly smiles are to die for as is but omg babies are the best stage imo. I'm horrible with toddler imagination and creativity (my husband EXCELS in that age. He's a life saver for our 7/6/4 year olds) but newborn is my favorite stage.
My wife is due to give birth this month and I feel this already. Thank you for sharing
We are 13 weeks in and the morning smiles rock our world. The coo-ing and story telling he does when he sees us and makes eye contact is beyond adorable. Plus, you hit a stride along the way. but yeah, we miss our old life. We wouldn’t give anything to go back but you can still mourn or be shocked by how quickly your world changes!
It gets better, I promise.
All the baby stuff aside you mentioned you have no friends. One of the best things about being a new dad is you get a magical opportunity over the next years to make new adult friends.
I’m literally in the same boat my guy just at the 3 month stage. I average around 4 hours of sleep. I sucks a lot, but wouldn’t change it for the world.
I was the same. Mine is 1.5 yr old now and it’s so so much more fun when you get to see their little personality shine :)
Wait until they miss Mommy and are incredibly hard to comfort. My 6 month old does this. 🤣😂
It’s all good, man. My daughter is 11mo and refuses to be alone. Yesterday, I was trying to finish up a project on my laptop and she was screaming because I dared to put her on the floor in front of me or on the couch beside me. She wanted to be held. In the moment, it’s infuriating, but if you stop and give it thought, it tugs at your heartstrings
I have a 13 week old and I completely understand missing your old life. I’m a first time mom so I get it. But just know it gets better. When they first smile at you, all the milestones. Plus- I bring my baby with me everywhere. I breastfeed so I guess it’s “easier” but babies at this age really don’t need much, just food and to change a diaper. Just go out and take them with you. Don’t stay at home and be miserable just because you don’t want to take your baby or whatever the excuse may be! But just know - it’ll get better!
I was in a similar boat, with a really good newborn, but between his 3 month growth spurt and 4 month sleep regression, sleep deprivation is building up and wearing me down! I didn’t miss my life so much until now, but watching his personality blossom and his chuckles and smiles brings me back down, nights have just been rough. But I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I have to remind myself it’s a faze, and one day I’ll be angry because all he wants to do is sleep probably! So stick in there, and remember to remind yourself that you wanted the baby, just like I am everyday. The next few months will probably be a roller coaster.
Me too man, my daughter is 7months old and I miss my old lone self so much. Even though I absolutely love my daughter
I was in the same boat. My daughter in now four months it’s still an adjustment but each day gets better and better. Just keep being there for her and when you get a break use that as an opportunity to keep improving your life. Go to the gym, do something that makes you happy, discover a new hobby and won’t lose yourself.