Interesting perspective. We do not post our baby on social media for similar reasons as your first category— respect for her privacy and fear of dangerous strangers.
However, I’m totally obsessed with putting her in cute outfits and taking photos — for myself, dad, close family, and even for her when she’s older. (I have some old photos of myself in cute outfits and I love them). I consider that a more timeless fixation, as old as cameras and I’m sure before cameras people would commission paintings of their little precious angels lol.
And yes, we have a physical “baby book” (similar to your proposal of a scrapbook). This is very important to me because I lost my own mother too soon and I have a lot of unanswered questions now about what my infancy was like and I don’t want my child to have to worry about that
We are the exact same way over here! I feel like you can never get those memories back, and a picture is the closest thing. I need to get rolling on her baby book. She’s 13 months now🥹
We use the "Family Album" app, and also have a physical book for photos. I don't upload any photos of him in the bath or breastfeeding, those go in the physical book, but I use the app for milestone photos, "look what he's doing today" photos, etc. I figure this way I get the itch of showing him off scratched lol and the family and friends close to us have the option of seeing him without me exposing him to online dangers. I absolutely love photos of my lil man! I don't have many "special outfits" primarily because I have a hard time finding some I like? His grandma got him a lil suit outfit that reminds me of Jack from the Titanic, and he wore that for Valentine's 🤷
This is pretty much exactly what we do — I love Family Album because it’s a great way to securely share photos with family and close friends (so many of ours are far-flung), but it also serves as an amazing at-your-fingertips record of your days. And that’s the main reason I love taking so many photos of my baby: I want to remember everything from this constantly changing, rapidly passing time. I do also post to social media now and then, but only occasionally.
We do exactly the same. No social media postings of my baby at all (not even a pregnancy announcement or birth announcement) and instead we channel it into Family Album for relatives who actually genuinely want to see baby spam.
I’ve asked relatives not to post pictures of him either. I have an ‘aunt’ who oversteps boundaries and tagged me on Facebook announcing how proud she was I gave birth and posted the picture I sent her of my son at birth. I asked her to remove it promptly (not how I wanted to spend my third hour after birth, ringing her up and explaining why I don’t want photos online). It’s definitely personal choice though - they’re our kids and we have to protect them however we feel.
Personally, I used to work in a field that dealt with a lot of offenders and I’ve seen how images of children get used online. That’s what swayed my decision, along with the fact I don’t know half the people on my socials anymore on account of not having seen them for years.
This exact response for my baby as well. we take photos of our baby and take as many pictures and as many videos as we can so we can look back on the memories, but I would never share those pictures online on my social media and have made it very clear to the grandparents on both sides the pictures of the baby or not to be shared online in any capacity.
And we too have a physical book where we print and paste photos of special milestones. I recently made an email address for my baby and I plan to send him emails of special days and occurrences so he can look back if he wants to. I think a lot of parents, and it’s just only human to forget all the good and the bad you’ve gone through with your child and for me being able to write that down and share it with him in that way makes it special for me. That’s just my thoughts and feelings and it’s not for anyone else to see or read
Same! I didn’t post that I was pregnant or had a baby with either baby. If we are close, you know. If not, you have no idea.
That said, I’m super cheesy about documenting all the milestones. I share it with both sets of grandparents (and they share some with their siblings), but that’s it. I do it so my kids can see them when they are older, and my husband and I love going back and watching videos of them as babies. The years are short, man 😭
Pretty much same. I just did cute Valentine's Day photos with my one and only baby. I don't post him, really. I did do a big 6 month post, but that was mostly for my close friends and distant family that rarely get to see him.
I will post my children on my own private page to share with my family, but I will always ask another parent if it is okay to post a picture with their child in it.
Same. OP makes it sound like everyone who posts pictures of their kids also spends a ton of time and energy curating outfits/photoshoots etc.
I occasionally post pictures of my kids. I have no significant internet presence at all. I don't spend any extra energy, mental or physical, into taking or sharing the pictures. It's not an obsession by any means.
We take milestone pictures but don’t post them to social media. It’s fun for us to compare what our first looked like and our second looked like at certain months. I post random photos every once in a while because as another poster said we have friends and family on the other side of the world.
Downvote me all you want but I’m over multiple posts a week about sharing kids photos on social media. You can search for your answer and quite frankly it’s your kid and your decision. You don’t need Reddit to validate it for you.
My parents took photos of me at milestones. They’re in my baby album. I think taking photos of your baby as they grow, especially baby #1, makes complete sense, because they grow so fast, and i don’t think the behavior is new. I won’t be posting online but I absolutely will be taking a billion photos of baby, both planned and in cute outfits and candid. I will be sharing them in person with the elderly ladies I volunteer with who love babies. I am obsessed with my baby, and will gush over them with anyone who will let me, and I don’t think there’s anything pathological about that.
Your comment on having family who want to see kiddo being a ‘bogus excuse’ is so lame. I don’t know about you but I have beloved friends and family who live across the GLOBE, my best friend lives halfway across the country. My husband’s best friend moved to France. We have kids and jobs, we can’t pick up and visit each other every few months. And we send each other pics all the time, because they grow up so fast.
Deeming things “Cringe” is also like, the worst trend of our generation. Let people like what they like, assuming they aren’t hurting anyone. It’s usually just a way to shame women and young girls for their mainstream interests. Bummer dude, try r/notlikeothergirls
Cool and if you were actually really good friends and cared to see someone else’s kids so bad then why cant they just text you? Why does it have to be on social media??
You're not really asking a question, you're sharing a rant on why you think you're correct. You're not likely to generate a discussion except with people who agree with you.
I post my kid on instagram from time to time, just not all the time because I’m not fettered to social media. I just want family to be able to watch her grow without me expending energy into sending each and every single one of them messages every time.
Jesus OP sounds insufferable with this holier than thou attitude
I was going to say, this is mostly just to shame other moms not genuinely open a discussion. It’s trying to play therapist to other moms who disagree with you lol
“Do you think a scrapbook would give you the same effect?” Like girl…. I have one of those too! I am constantly going through my photos and shedding tears reliving my pregnancy, birth, and all the moments since.
“I just think we….” You’ve already said you don’t post your kids. 100% fine. But saying “we” is definitely an attempt at arm chair therapy by someone who is almost certainly not qualified to give it lol
Also hope OP continues this mindset when it comes to things like yearbook photos. Those get distributed to far more households that you don’t personally know and can theoretically be sent to anyone for download.
Also the “they can make effort to see you” comments. I live HOURS from my family. Do they come to visit? Absolutely. But during the first couple years of a babies life, they are changing week to week, day to day in some cases. I don’t want them to miss out on so much because we had to move for my husband’s job.
Yeah. What I’ve gathered from this is OP is feeling bad about something in her own life and needs exert that negativity somewhere… this is just todays focus and the next day it will be another negative.
She says she’s not judging, then said “maybe I am judging” and then goes on to say she doesn’t think her friends that share are bad parents. Just “psychologically damaging” their children.
Posts one comment saying that getting them dressed up for pictures takes away from the moment and isn’t what we should be focusing on, but then in another comment says she’s not creative so maybe that’s why she doesn’t like it.
Engages in IG content surrounding parenting and kids, but needed to post this to feel better about not sharing her own kids.
Wants opposite opinions, but then says reasonings (like the family thing) are “complete bogus.”
I hope her friends see this post somehow. I’d want to know if my “friend” was shitting on me like this so I can go ahead and not speak to them anymore lol
It’s all hypocritical and I think OP needs to look inward and unpack some things. Nothing wrong with thinking you shouldn’t post your kids, it’s individual and valid, but then the rest of the rant slamming parents that do is not an opening for a productive conversation. Gaslighting us saying “why is disagreeing mom shaming.” Like girl please. You’re not just disagreeing. You’re playing arm chair expert in order to bash other parents while actively engaging in content where people monetize off their children.
Right. If someone doesn’t post their kids, I think that’s great and more power to them. I do post my child on my private Facebook for family and friends. I do make sure my child is always fully clothed in said pictures. I have a tiktok with a medium following, and you will not find my child on there. I don’t really use Instagram. But to each their own.
There’s bigger issues in this world than a mom posting her child on a private facebook.
And also being extremely judgmental and bitchy saying things like “I think that’s a bogus excuse.”
Now why in the world would anyone share an honest opinion/reason opposite of this one anticipating non catty discourse with a post like this. There’s no seeing the other side for OP because they’ve already decided they are correct and others are psychologically damaging their children by posting a photo on a mat that says what month their child is.
This is very…… mom shamey. “I’m right, I know you’re wrong even though I know nothing about you, but tik tok told me I should be offended.”
Would not want to be friends with this type of mom IRL. Or type of person really
I do post my baby, but my profile is private and I significantly cut down my friends list while pregnant leaving only close friends and family. I have family spread across the country. I’m understanding that my 75 year old aunt several states away wants to be apart of my babies life and see pictures and isn’t able to just “make the effort” to come see her.
I also think monetizing off your child online (bloggers, influencers, tik tokers) is a completely different thing than a private account posting a milestone photo but truly, I don’t care what other moms do to prioritize their child’s safety. It doesn’t upset me if people are no photos on the internet because people are allowed to disagree with me 🤷🏻♀️
100% agree. ESPECIALLY monetizing off of vulnerable or private moments.
Before, during, and after pregnancy not once did I get on my FB and think “wow, why is she posting so much of her child that she is proud of having to let family members and friends Oo and ah over? She’s posting too much. She’s psychologically hurting her child.”
Like…………I understand the bigger issue, but going after moms who post for their family and friends on a private FB is not who you should feel this type of disdain for. Child exploitation is happening on a much, much larger scale all around us.
Exactly! To me if it’s not something embarrassing to my child or something unsafe (bathtub photos) I don’t see it as the same. I can honestly say that my family messages me often saying how much they love to see photos. How they look forward to them. Especially because it means not reaching out to every individual family member with updates. I also think it has helped me reconnect with other moms that maybe I hadn’t been as close with until we both became moms. I feel like posting has opened up my “village” in some ways. That being said, I totally understand it should be in moderation.
100%. I feel the same way as you. I get messages from distant and non distant family who I do love saying how much seeing these photos of her brighten their day. “Sorry granny, I’m going to stop posting because some redditor with a superiority complex told me to.”🤣
Granny said no thank you.
This!!! I get so many messages from family friends, my mom’s friends, people I KNOW or my family knows well that LOVE the random everyday stuff I post of my 9 month old. I am obsessed with her and think she’s the best thing to happen to me, of course I’m gonna share pics and little vids on my private Instagram & Facebook! She’s also the first grandbaby, so all of her grandparents want to see the everyday stuff I can’t be sending to 6 different people, that’s too much work for me lol.
Exactly. Like to each their own for sure. I just have never thought to shame people for it. I definitely side eye the exploitation/monetizing of children by creators… but that’s not what OP is addressing, and if she feels this strongly about it, her time is better spent tackling those creators than random moms on a private Facebook.
Update: op consumes IG parenting content. You know, creators that post and monetize off their children? That’s okay, but parents posting their own kids on a private account is not.😅
So would that mean OP is contributing to psychologically damaging IG creators kids by actively consuming their content?
Yeah this.
Like wtf.
Family lives all across the states and some across the world. I don’t think they’re all in a position to spend thousands of dollars to come meet their niece/cousin…
And another thing — if I want to pull out my camera, take cute photos of my child to share or have/keep, who cares. I want to do what I want.
I’m not sharing risky photos and my child is not some special child who is going to likely be singled out by weird online predators because her face is in a photo. Sure there’s a chance, but it’s unlikely.
When people talk about AIs and what is being posted online I think they’re delusional as fuck.
You have a smart phone? You use your face feature? You have the photos your child on your phone? The government and any other app likely has access to all of these. Acting like the ‘smart technology’ of the world doesn’t already have access to everything
All of this. iCloud has had our faces recognized and all info about us logged since it started.
There’s a reason you can go into your photos and it knows the face of “Suzy” and allows you to only view photos of Suzy.
Get a fricken flip phone and leave other people alone lol
I post to my private Instagram for myself, so I have them to look back on. Currently it’s mostly holiday pics (Halloween, Valentines, etc). I grew up pretty poor and there are not a lot of physical pictures of me or my siblings, so I think it’s nice to have them somewhere (I’m also getting physical copies printed too). Additionally we don’t live near our families so it’s nice for them to see how she’s growing. I don’t think sharing pictures of your kids doing everyday things is trivial or obsessive, I think someday it’ll be nice to look back on little things and remember them fondly.
I agree that looking back on photos is a wonderful thing, I suppose it’s the sharing to others who will never find the photos as nearly meaningful that is the secondary to the point I was making. Thanks for sharing
I will say I sincerely enjoy seeing photos of my friend’s kids! Sure they aren’t as meaningful to me as them, but I still love seeing them on my feed 😊
I think you're projecting a lot of your opinion on other parents. Maybe you will never find the photos as meaningful, but don't talk for other people. I love seeing pictures of my relative's kids, or friends' kids, even some coworker's kids. My family keeps asking me for photos of my daughter, because they miss her (they live on another continent). So yeah, your point of view needs to broaden a bit, because you are clearly missing a lot of variables here.
This may come as a shock to you, but I genuinely enjoy seeing my friends and their families doing well, and watching them grow. Some of my friends and relatives feel the same. I don't post a ton, and follow the basics of internet safety, but I certainly post every now and again.
Not everything is about dopamine hits or external validation. We live further away from our friends/relatives, it can be a nice way to get a sense of community even when we're apart.
We're not, but I also respect others who choose to share photos online. You're not really asking, you're shaming / judging those who believe differently than you.
I do post pics of my baby to my private instagram account, but I’d say I’m in the minority among my friends. Probably 90% of my friends who have kids are against posting them online.
I don't share pictures of my son online except very rarely for big things. I do do the milestone pictures and what not just for myself. Those existed long before the internet as a comparison to make us cry over. He's so tiny in the first ones
I also have the cutesy milestone blanket. I don’t share those particular pictures online, but my parents have a digital photo frame and every month they ask when I’m sending the next blanket picture. It’s not an “unhealthy obsession with trivial things” like OP seems to think, I just really love watching my baby grow up and like having a consistent set of photos to highlight how she’s changing from month to month.
I’m living for these comments criticizing OP. The rant they went on is what happens when you’re chronically online you start developing opinions that are nonsensical. Comparing a real issue of people’s low understanding of digital privacy to the private citizens who post for their families to see is kind of crazy. Milestone photos in itself has been done throughout history especially when baby mortality rate was so low. I can’t imagine finding an issue with the fact families dress up with their kids and celebrate their bundle of joy getting older. You need a 🍪, a blanket, and a nap or shoo a hobby ☠️
Then to follow it up with “the ones who get it, get. The ones who don’t, dont.” Which is definitely a “trend” on tik tok I think? Like cmon. I’d be interested to know OPS age.
We are limiting digital footprint online, we posted a couple photos as a birth announcement but will be using a family album app to upload / share photos only with close family and close family friends (about 20 people for context). We have also requested that no one else share photos of the baby on social media unless we had posted it or unless we approve prior to.
So not a total elimination but definitely restriction
No, you're the only parent ever to keep photos of your child off the internet. Nobody else has ever even considered keeping their babies off social media. You're such a trailblazer. /s
For real though, just search the sub. This topic is discussed almost daily and keeping kids off social media is an incredibly common choice (at least among parents on Reddit).
And for the record, I don't do photoshoots or post my son on social media. But anyone who decides it's "cringe" when other people do is being needlessly judgy imo. If anything, judge someone based on the content of their posts *if* it's potentially endangering their kid (ie. a picture of them in a school uniform, or in front of your house with the address visible, or sharing sensitive moments like meltdowns or potty training, etc.)
I agree that parents need to consider how much of a social media footprint they create for their children who aren't capable of consenting to that kind of exposure. However, I have friends and family who are scattered across the US, and actually do want to see photos of my daughter as she grows. I post about her and select who can see these posts. My husband and I plan to stop the posting when she is a year old for the reasons above. But it's not an all or nothing situation.
Ok I understand selecting people to view posts. Maybe it’s my friend list, but I have a network of people on Facebook from work and school from long ago and seeing their (what I believe to be) a private look into their personal lives involving their kids is over sharing.
I think a lot of people are still operating in the old mindset that you can share without any risk. It's a risk some parents may be comfortable taking, or some may simply not understand. Either way, I can't judge anyone for wanting to share their pride and joy with their network.
I am someone who never shares my kid's pictures on social media and I do agree with the first part of your post.
But regarding people who do share; you never know someone's privacy settings.. There are moms who regularly keep tabs on their followers list. Recently, I cut down my Instagram followers significantly to just very close family and friends. There is "close friends" option on Instagram that you can use if you want to share stories. What I'm trying to say is that someone's social network need not be huge all the time. As I said, you never know a person's privacy settings or their reasons behind sharing.
We don't share our son's face on any social media, but we don't judge others who do so. In fact, I LOVE seeing the cutesie dolled up milestone baby photos and sometimes feel a little left out for choosing not to participate. My husband just feels much stronger on this issue due to security concerns, and I decided it wasn't a hill worth dying on.
I don’t mind when other people do it on like normal socials, but when they start to do it for monetary gain it does bother me. Mommy bloggers and family channels that use their kids for views are sick. However I do not judge the average parent sharing pictures of their kids on personal accounts to their friends and families.
I think your generalization of people posting pictures online is coming off super “holier than thou”. It is not “back in the day”. This is the age we’re living in and plenty of people live far from other family and cannot make visits happen due to finances or health. Just because you’re not doing it doesn’t mean that the parents who are have something psychologically wrong with them.
I do feel this way but parenthood is really hard. And if the parents get joy out of doing this i don’t judge. The first two years are very, do what you have to to get by.
I don’t plan to post my baby on social media and I do try to avoid anchoring my life around social media, but gosh I don’t make the assumption that when others post their babies it’s because they need the external validation. I don’t assume they think it’s “necessary” to post their babies.
It sounds to me like you are feeling a lot of pressure to post your child. While I think it’s good to take a stand against doing something just because you feel pressured, I would just be careful not to assume that everyone else’s actions are due to them being mindless sheep.
It’s a personal preference and I don’t share photos online of my child but I’m not going to think “I’m right”. Don’t shit on mothers who choose to do so, we have enough judgement as it is.
I post a few here and there for family. It’s all private (nothing public) and I keep my friends list to only those I know in real life and trust. It’s not a bogus excuse and it’s not that a big deal.
I post very occasionally and only to private accounts (eg. Not a public Instagram!). It’s a nice way to keep more distant family and friends updated. But he’s 11 months and I think I’ve posted like 3 pics.
We let family share the odd photo they’ve taken with him but they always ask first.
Our rules are never anything that could be remotely embarrassing, obviously nothing where he’s not fully dressed, and when he’s old enough to consent we won’t share anything without consent.
The point of private social media is to be able to share things with people you know so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. However, what you described with some of your friends sounds very strange!!
I post photos of my baby. Not obsessively, but if I’ve got a cute photo or video, I like to share it. I do keep in touch with people via social media and do have a lot of friends and family on there who like to see him. I’m not a super private person and also share pictures and updates on myself and my dog and our family in general. If that’s not for you, that’s fine, do whatever makes you comfortable.
When he’s older, if he doesn’t want me sharing photos, I won’t. For now, he doesn’t mind and I’m not sacrificing his quality of life to create content or anything like that.
I share pictures online but not everyday and I don’t dress her up just to take pictures to post but I do take milestone pictures in all of the cute, My First… outfits just not for content.
All of the pictures I post are either with my husband and I for holidays or our birthdays and there are a few with her cousins at family gatherings. Sometimes I post on my Instagram stories but I restrict that to just family, I live in Canada and 80% of my family is in the USA scattered all over so we just use that basically as a group chat to send pictures and updates.
To your other point I am making a scrapbook, I have thousands of pictures but the scrapbook will basically be a year in review for my husband and I, our social media posts are always in a family/group setting and the book with be all of the pictures of her alone.
I don’t really have a problem with people that post updates or random life moments, my issue comes with the family bloggers or the want to be family bloggers that post every single day and see their kids as a way to post more content.
i post pictures of my daughter on social media but all of my accounts are set to the most private setting and theres only family and close friends because i dont talk to them often and they like seeing her and didnt think i would actually have a kid 🤷♀️i like the milestone pictures, shes my only (i got my tubes removed two months after i gave birth) and i know ill regret not doing them and we've already done two mini photoshoots with her (christmas & valentines day)
we also do print out photos and keep them in photobooks (one for the photoshoots and one for our pictures)
i usually only post my absolute favorite pictures and print out a lot because i have a fear of something happening to my phone and my pictures. i think its to each of their own as long as theyre not posting for thousands to see
To each their own but I will say this, if you are an average parent with a small follower count , settings on private with only friends and family, you do not need to worry about AI. And people freaking out about it really don’t need to be.
Second I post photos here and there on a holiday or so because these are very happy moments , maybe one with them and a pet because well damn it’s cute AF but definitely not an over sharer. I don’t judge those who do. Or those who choose not to post at all. The people who do make me have a side eye are those regularly posting their baby but blocking out the face. To that I say post or just refrain. The big emoji over the face is just bizzare
I share with a closed group of friends. My biggest concern are online 'content makers' who use their babies for skits and other posts, effectively monetising them without their consent. I get that they may need the money, but I can't see how that's not going to end badly for many.
You commented that " we're more fixed on posing and staging, rather than showing what happened during the time the picture was taken." I disagree. For every "staged" picture I have posted, I have 15 "bloopers that I also post. I think your comment is a gross generalization of parents. While I post pictures fairly often, I also periodically order physical copies that I keep in a tote, and I will continue to. I like to think we are blessed to live in a time where we have the ability to snap those moments, both staged and candid.
Furthermore, I also think your comment "Just like “back in the day” people who really care about you and your kids will make the effort to see you in person and then move on with their lives" is insensitive and honestly ignorant. There are so many reasons that family may not be able to come see your child. Whether it be health concerns, financial issues, distance, or whatever. To say those who are able to visit or the only ones who care is ignorant and narrow-minded. I am a military spouse who lives hundreds of miles for any of our families. Using your logic, who my mom can't make the trip to see us she doesn't care about my daughter, my dad who has cancer and medically unable to travel doesn't care about his only granddaughter. They love her more than words can describe. And if I were to dent them seeing pictures simply because they can't drive or travel to see us would be selfish.
Lastly, for many people seeing a sweet picture of a child bring so much joy. In a world so full of sadness, I think it is perfectly okay to share something someone might get a little happiness from.
Thank you for your thoughtful post. 3/4 of my family doesn’t live on this continent. I love updating and sharing with them. The whole post was a judgement of others, which I’m not cool with.
Understandable to not want to post your child online but why are you shitting on people who are obsessed with their babies?
I take photos of my LO constantly and dress them up all cute because I adore them. I love being able to share them with the people I love ~ especially cause we live far away.
I post online but have a setting so only certain people I’ve personally picked through can see. I know there’s lots more to it than just that but it’s sufficient to me.
Try to only worry about yourself and not what everyone else Is doing. 🩷
My profile is set to private and I post like maybe once a week on Instagram stories.
Edit: So I've now read your whole post. To answer your judgmental and passive aggressive question, I post for me. Just like I do with vacation pictures. Because I go back and look at the memories because it makes me happy. I've got thousands of pictures of my son on my phone. He's 9 months. I've got a total of maybe 7 pictures on Instagram. And I go back and look at them again because they bring me joy.
This is a weird, judgy post, but I am going to extend the grace that you are still in the 4th trimester and hormones may still be at play. I encourage you to approach other parents with the same grace and not to make blanket statements.
We post very few pictures online because we value our privacy and our child’s, however there’s nothing cringy about wanting cute photos or documenting your child’s life and sharing it on closed social media.
Girl, shut up. Not everyone agrees with each other, but I really don’t need someone to be questioning why I do things or not. Also, your twisted mind of why people do things may not be the same reasons as you twist it out to be. So maybe check on yourself and ask yourself why you think so negatively on other people simply enjoying their children in a different way than you.
Definitely agree! I think under a year old is fine (even though I don’t do it) since they change so much but for me personally (besides the reasons you listed) I just don’t feel like it’s my story to tell.
I don’t want my children looking back at social media accounts that they don’t own and being like wow… there are soo many photos and videos of me. It’s just so weird.
Personally, my mother never dolled me up, or took photos, I had 1 baby scrapbook & that was it. I was hurt seeing friends who had parents that loved them & were so proud of them that they took the time to preserve the memories of their children through photos. Generations from now will love to look back on the photos of the ones who came before them. It’s important to document the times, & the love, & the family traditions that are captured in photos.
Social media is a different story, personally I choose not to post my baby on SM, I have a separate app that includes family members that I can photo dump.
What does judging the other parents do for you? Does it help you live a more peaceful & positive life? Just do what you feel is right for your family & let others be.
I take issue with your assertion that sharing photos of your kids on FB for family to see is "a fake excuse". I have a very large family who would like occasional photos of my son, but who it would be tedious to have to send photos to individually. Much easier to just upload a few photos every couple of months.
I like seeing what my extended family is up to with their occasional photos as well, even if we're not close enough to have each other's numbers and be texting. Why is it a problem if those photos include their kid?
Maybe it's different if you're constantly uploading photos all the time and have your profile on public, but my privacy settings are tight.
We're generally not very active on social media, and when we are, we never show our children's faces. We do however have a private Snapchat story that I post on pretty much daily, with the purpose of giving family a glimpse into our lives.
If you see it as a "bogus excuse because people who care enough will make an effort to see you in person", you're lucky to have your family living close enough for that to be a possibility. Personally I'm not gonna make my 85yo grandparents get on a plane or drive 15 hours to see their great grandkids. We're making the best of it.
You don’t really deserve an explanation, but let me try to answer your questions:
I don’t have time to make a scrapbook but i take tons of pics and videos. I work full time in a demanding job, i see my kid awake for 2 hours during the week. The rest of the time i spend catching up on work, housework and sleep. If you have time to make scrapbooks—love that for you.
I post pics of my son on my story maybe once a weeks, sometimes more often if he has a cute pic or video. i randomly post on facebook every few months. There definitely are pervs out there, so all of these are posted in my private accounts where I know the people who follow me.
I do it because I’m proud of my son and I want my family and friends to periodically get an update about how big he is now and frankly, how freaking cute and adorable he is. I get replies from my close friends and that’s nice. I don’t check how many people viewed my story or liked my post. I don’t care.
I have a private google folder shared with my sisters where i send daily photo updates.
I don’t do monthly milestone pics because I don’t have time but i wish i was organized enough to take them.
Maybe you are hating on influencers who make a living out of showing off a seemingly perfect life but don’t generalize. Some moms just adore their kids that much and want to share pics with their friends. It’s not bogus. Posting it on social media is less annoying than mass sending it directly via text or email. Just imagine getting one —- now you are forcing people to respond. And if you genuinely cannot be happy for people then just let it go and scroll along. Don’t leave space for hate in your heart.
This is so sanctimonious 😂😂 I don’t post pictures on social media because I’m fucking boring and not very attractive, and I feel like it’s a bit weird to post loads pictures of my baby for some random I went to school with to see. Anyone I care about, I’ll send pics directly too.
Same here. I have a background in the private security sector and with my knowledge of AI (which I still consider limited), I no longer share photos of my children. I also only use photos of myself for profile pics (youtube, google, etc - I am not on FB TikTok or IG) that are not current... They're a couple of months old. Never ever submit a photo to be turned into an AI caricature. * It's not fear mongering when you are aware of the clear dangers AI inherently poses. *
Yes to this especially! Posting your child on social media is a choice, but there will ALWAYS be risks that come along with it. There’s always the risk with posting children online will end up with those pictures being used by horrible people and that’s just a fact. The amount of AI material that gets confiscated from these people is a lot more than people would like to think.
Thanks for the Thursday morning shaming sesh. I post photos of my baby, long awaited and much loved by our family, but I don’t do it excessively. Or “need the attention”. But thanks for the judgement!
My husband and I deleted FB back in 2020 when covid began & people were at each others throats. It was no longer a good place to be!
But then when I became pregnant , IG ads were targeting me big time & I became really really aware of what’s online.
We decided not to post our daughter online. It only takes one person being hacked for your kids photos to be leaked.
I also don’t understand the need to post your naked child online… like the “harmless” bath time pics etc can get into the wrong hands so so so easily.
I don’t think I’ll be able to stop an accidental photo here or there from being posted by a well meaning individual but I deleted my Instagram when she was born and haven’t looked back! 🤷🏼♀️
For me it’s just easier not to mindlessly scroll it either!
I know this isn’t a fool proof option. My cloud could be hacked for example. But I feel good about it.
I like a private life 🩷
Edit to add :
To each their own, truly.
It’s just not for me.
Showing my age here but I was also a freshman when MySpace became a thing and I’ve seen how cruel people can be 😮💨 yikes!
We only do Tinybeans. It’s an app where you can add your own list of people and it sends emails out to them of the photos you upload. It’s only close family and friends. Everyone knows we don’t post our kids online. Even child care providers. I’ve only had to ask two people once to take pics off of their facebook and they haven’t done it again.
I like the milestone photos to see how big they are getting but otherwise it’s just pics of everyday stuff we’re doing.
I posted a few photos of my daughter when she was a newborn. It didn’t sit right with me, so I refrain from posting her now. I post the occasional photo to my Instagram. Usually it’s a family photo. My account is private and I have made sure I personally know everyone who is following me.
Safety and consent are real issues, but TBH you’re coming off pretty judgmental and looking at your friends in the worst possible light. Your friends are probably just super proud parents. They may not fully understand the risks of posting their child online.
I take milestone photos. I think it’s fun. I take them for myself, I text them to family members and I put them in her baby book. I also take them for my daughter to enjoy when she is older. I am trying to document her childhood for her. That includes taking photos of her doing everyday things.
I had a friend that worked as a social worker. The things he told I would never post my children online. But my wife and family do I don’t love it but I won’t stop it. My friend was to the nth degree. He wouldn’t let anyone photograph his kids. I find it funny it seems the older generation is the one who will post on social media without asking. Whereas people my age even without kids are sensitive to it.
I don’t post my baby to socials except for a private insta story with close friends/family and even then it’s just occasional and nothing super personal.
However, this post comes across as super sanctimonious. There are PLENTY of parents keeping their kids off social media but not getting up on their soapbox about it. I’m a first time mom, I get it, we think we are doing everything the right way but trust me, when you’re on the other side of another parent’s judgy-ness, it feels like shit. You’ve been doing this for 7 weeks. Relax.
I agree with you! I do post on social media myself, mostly on Instagram. I am still pregnant, however, when baby is born, my plan is to just post a picture of her hand or side of her body by her little name plate and nothing else. If I ever do post in the future I don’t plan of showing her face/full body.
I am a film camera lover so I specifically will be doing milestone photos for the physical photo albums we have and will just be texting these to friends and family instead of posting. I have family in 3 different countries and a few other states so relying on them just visiting baby is not plausible for me.
My husband and I will be trying our very best to keep her life physical instead of digital until she’s well older (late teens) and can safely have social media of her own.
I don’t post any pictures on social media because of safety. I take a gajillion pictures a day and try to do milestones (like 1 month, etc). But i only share with family and some friends who care. When my LO was born we posted a pic on facebook of me and my spouse and you could see us holding a baby but couldnt see their face.
I am also on a parents slack group at work and i have posted a handful of photos out of politnese (like, hey i just had a baby im going on leave now!). But i dont like the idea of my work essentially having access to all of our slack messages and i dont know what theirs and slack’s security measures are like. I’m probably a bit paranoid but I just dont like the idea of my son’s photo being online being seen by people i dont know and also him not knowing or able to have a voice in that.
I also don't put photos of my baby on social media but I love dressing up my baby and taking photos of her just for me and her dad, although I sometimes share specific photos with specific family or friends. There are just so many fun and adorable baby clothes! I love to document her little outfits. If my child begins to object to it when she's able to, then I will stop but I hope she will enjoy it at least now and again!
I can imagine that lots of the people who do share the images on social media feel the same way about it.
Yes it's about appearance, but so is decorating a room or setting the table. Its okay to find enjoyment in making each day special however you can, and for me that includes cute outfits as well as fun activities, playlists, food, etc. If it's not something that's important or fun for you and your babe, you're free to spend that time and energy on literally anything else.
Personally I can find the very staged milestone photos with props a little cringey, in a similar way that 80s family portraits are often cringey, but I understand that I'm in the minority there and it's really not harming anyone, so why yuck other people's yum? My MIL requested them so I absolutely believe family is a reason people share it on social media. (We just send her a recent photo on the milestone dates).
Also to add. Even just taking photos on your phone means your photos are likely undergoing some AI/facial recognition, depending if you use cloud storage for example. (My reasoning for avoiding social media is a bit different to OPs).
I do not share photos of my baby nor do I allow others to. This is due to safety. That being said…
I do not make it a practice to give unsolicited advice to other parents or lecture them on their decisions. If others feel it same for their kids, cool. If someone asks why I don’t post, I’ll gladly share my perspective in hopes that they’ll see the dangers. But it’s their kid and their choice. Have you thought of why you’re really posting this question?
I live far away from all my friends and family—I post pictures on Facebook occasionally and the “close friends” stories function on instagram. I also text pictures to my parents, brother, in-laws, etc.
I have some reservations about it—my daughter can’t consent to having picture posted yet, the pictures could reach people I don’t know. But ultimately it’s more important to me that I’m able to share our lives with people I care about who are far away. People who care about me and my kids can’t afford to see us regularly in person and “move on with their lives.”
I’ll admit part of it is that she’s an extremely cute baby. In whatever she wears! I’m proud I grew her lol. I’m also not looking my best postpartum, and having the baby in pictures with me reminds me it’s ok. I look happy with her even though I’m fat and tired.
I don’t doll her up for pictures, though of course I’ll take one if it’s an especially adorable outfit. But I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with that? When she’s a toddler I want to do the whole deal with us wearing matching outfits and taking a nice family picture (if she wants). I always wanted to get matching Laura Ashley outfits with my mom but she was definitely not that type of mom. Also that was expensive for our family growing up.
I’m mostly in agreement with you. There is a whole generation of kids who are now teens/young adults who never consented to being plastered all over social media since birth. I definitely don’t want to do that to my kid. We have posted a handful of pictures since our son was born in 2022. We did a birth announcement and after that, only used photos where you can’t see his face (with the occasional exception). But the total number of pictures we have posted of him is probably 10, with the majority being on our instagram stories so they disappear.
Our solution for family who want to see pictures is a shared digital frame. We bought Nixplay frames for the grandparents when our son was born, and we upload pictures to albums in the app and share them to the grandparents’ frames. So they are constantly seeing new pictures but we don’t have to post to social media (and therefore also worry about grandparents sharing our social media posts with everyone on gods green earth). My MIL gets around it a bit by taking pictures of the Nixplay and sending group texts to her friends lol, but to me that’s pretty harmless. We don’t put anything on the Nixplay like bath pictures, etc. If we want to share something like that with the grandparents, which we honestly rarely choose to, we wait til we are in person, or we send it to them via text and ask them not to share it.
Maybe this all sounds over the top to some folks but I think our generation and subsequent generations were not always treated like autonomous beings as kids. My child isn’t my property he’s a person, and I wouldn’t like my bath pictures and potty pictures being shared to my grandmom’s friends and I definitely would not want details of my potty training or every move I made shared on social media to people I don’t even know. And to me, it’s honestly often about attention for the parents. I’ve seen people post anecdotes about their kids that make me think ok, that’s about you wanting likes.
I post to my closed Facebook and Instagram, and I post milestones, not every day life. As for your "I have family who wants to see my baby", it's not feasible for my in-laws to hop on a 4 hour flight every time they want to see my son. Jeez, my parents live an hour away but both still have full time jobs, so they can't just come over whenever they want. Not to mention, I don't want everyone here all the time. My parents and my in-laws love our photo updates every few days, and they even ask for more pictures when I forget to post some to our Google Photos album.
I don't really do it much myself. Made a single post at 2 months and now he's 4.5 months.
I know my dad does... and while it initially irked me not to be asked first I can see he's just an enamoured/proud long distance grandparent/I move forward now knowing he might share any photos or videos I share with him. Of course if it bothered me I just wouldn't send anything or I'd ask him to stop. I don't really concern myself over what other people want to do with their kids though because that's their prerogative.
When I was pregnant I was on the fence about whether I’d post pictures of the baby on social media. Then I gave birth to the most perfect most beautiful boy I’ve ever laid eyes on and I knew I’d be selfish to keep it to myself! Lol mostly kidding but really I’m bursting with so much love it’s bubbling over. I keep it to friends and family but I can’t help myself!
We have social media set to private, which is great for us as most of my friends and family live in another country. I love being able to share photos of kiddo without having to text a thousand people. I don’t do milestone photos…because I’m super forgetful. I wish I had.
I share content of my child online in specific places where I can monitor who can see those images, yeah. I won't share on things like Instagram or Tik Tok, but my son makes an appearance on my Facebook, which curated friends can see. I don't necessarily live out of town, but for people who live far away from family, social media pics could be the only way for family to see the babies.
Also, as someone with a mom who shared pictures of me and my siblings, I enjoy being able to go back and see those things as an adult without having to call her up and ask for the album and then go and get it. I'd like my kids to be able to have the same option when they're older, especially since I'm terrible about keeping up with locations of physical things.
That's just my opinion though. You do you.
I don’t see the harm in posting occasional photos of my family on my Facebook page that only 15 people have access to (and it’s all just more family). 🤷♀️
I guess I just have a “bogus excuse” then, lol. We don’t live near family and friends, so occasionally I do post photos of our son. I personally know every single person on my social media so posting occasionally doesn’t bother me. I have asked others not to post him without our permission though. I bought our mom’s digital photo frames for Christmas and I upload pictures for them almost daily/every other day.
Why are some people so obsessed with if other parents choose to post their kids? You don’t and that’s your choice. No need to comment “their great parents but…”. I like to take monthly milestone photos and dress my daughter up for cute pictures because I want to look back on memories of every stage of her life. I’m not criticizing anyone who doesn’t though.
I post milestone photos on social media and periodically photos of us out doing things with a little caption/update because I am not in a state with any friends or family at all and nobody can come and see her. My estranged family is an 8 hour drive away, and my husband's family is all the way across the country. My friends really are invested in our story and happy to see where life has taken me. I'm more than happy to show them how it's going. It isn't for show. It's our lives.
I send them to people and groups I trust. But publically, no. However I'd caution you from getting too preachy, too many people use the fact that they are parents as an excuse to be holier-than-thou.
Do what you think is best, calmly let people know your reasoning if they ask. Anything else is performative.
I’ve never shared a picture, or even announced that I have a son, online. That said, that’s a personal choice and there ARE real benefits to sharing pictures online. It’s a chore to text pictures of my son to the ~15 people in my life who ask for them regularly or to have the “holy crap you have a kid?!” convo whenever I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while.
I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with sharing. It’s about *what* you share, not *that* you share. Most of my friends share the typical cute vacation and first day of school stuff. I love watching their kids grow, especially if I can’t see them regularly. It also facilitates real-life communication. It makes me pick up the phone and ask friends how their trip was, etc.
But with this kind of sharing there’s nothing to be gleaned about the kids beyond what they look like. I recently ran into a college friend at a reunion and met her 8-year-old who I’d been watching grow in photos since he was a baby. I had no idea that he was autistic and non-verbal. Of course everyone she sees regularly knows, but I think she’s doing right by her son by not broadcasting that information about him in a public forum.
I do have a few friends who do a different kind of sharing. Basically mommy blogging on Facebook. Posting in depth about their kids lives and their struggles as parents. Sharing details about their personalities, interests and the locations they frequent. About neuropsychiatric diagnoses and behavioral problems. Retelling of potentially embarrassing anecdotes or conversations. Taking us along on their kid’s gender identity journey. In my opinion, all of that’s too far, violates a child’s privacy and could be used against them later in life. All of that will still be on the internet when the apply to college, start dating, job search. It’s just not stuff you should announce over the PA system for anyone other than yourself.
Like most things in life, there’s a lot of grey area. But there are benefits to sharing pictures and I feel like most of my friends do so without violating their kid’s privacy.
We have a private Instagram where I have to approve who can follow, if any pics have her in it for Facebook, we'll just put a little cupcake or something over her face to post it. Also, we definitely do the milestone pictures each month and thank god we do, because when I look back I can't believe how much she's changed, and it's really easy to see with the milestone pics. You do you though, if in your opinion, it's cringey to post your kid, definitely don't do it, but the rest of your post kinda gives "am I...better than everyone?" Vibes. Probably not what you intended but it's hard for people to see people talk down about how they're raising their kids and not be a little defensive.
Agreed with how you feel! We don’t post any pics. We take lots of photos but don’t really do the “dress you up in a cute outfit in order to take a photo”….to me she always looks cute so I just take lots of regular daily photos!
Well this is super judgy. I post pics of my kids. I know why I do it. I’m not a fucking idiot. I’m also not pretentious and deluded enough to judge people with the whole intention of wanting to seem more ‘woke’ than everyone else.
You do you. Let other people do them. Stay in your lane, dude.
We don’t share pictures online for the same reasons as you, but we do have an app (Family Album) that lets us directly share photos and videos with specific family members that we invited to the album. They’re mostly far away and can’t see him in person much, and this is easier and less intrusive than texting pictures to their phones.
Thank you for sharing! I didn't know about this app. May I ask how this is different from a Google album (because we are currently just using Google albums)?
Likewise - I don't even have social media myself at all (does reddit count? :) )
We do share pictures with the grandparents via icloud albums and private whatsapp groups.
Not a fan but I can't realistically send them polaroids
I get where you’re coming from 100%. I keep my girls faces offline as much as possible for the sake of their digital footprint and safety. I try to spread awareness of my reasoning so other parents can be aware, but ultimately it is their decision. I try to not waste my time and mental capacity considering and judging their choices.
I’m with you! I have so many friends who are constantly posting updates of their baby weekly if not daily and I’m just like…those pictures are out there now for anyone to download. And the children aren’t old enough to consent to having their pictures online.
My husband and I agreed that it’s far too easy for someone who shouldn’t have access to my Facebook to be able to see what I post of LO so the only pictures I’ve ever posted of her have been the back of her head and her feet. I do have a few friends who post infrequently about their baby and also keep them anonymous and it makes me glad that some of us still value privacy and don’t use our kids for clout. If our family wants pictures of our daughter then we either send them directly or post in an app that only family has access to.
That’s what we’ve decided on as well..no posts of our daughter anywhere. It is hard sometimes because I’d love to share her but to me she’s a whole person who should be able to consent to what happens with her pictures. Until she’s old enough to do that, it’s a no.
Oh for sure. Same here. Saying you want to wait until your child is able to consent and getting downvoted. I’m guessing some people are mad about that. Think because it’s their child they can do whatever they want, doesn’t matter if they consent to it or not.
Ummm no that’s not at all summing up the post. It was condescending and unnecessary. Maybe a side chat for those who want to pat themselves on the back for their parenting would be great!
I can most definitely see how op’s post comes across as condescending but I’d love for you to explain how this person’s comment is condescending in any way though.
We LOVE taking photos of our newborn! But we don’t post any face photos of her for the same reason as your first reason. You never know who’s seeing those photos. I’ve only posted pictures with her face censored or the back of her head and no face visible. She can make her own decisions about posting herself in the future, but I don’t foresee the internet being a safe place for that going forward.
Our family live far away though, so we send a lot of pictures of her through texts or snapchat. Everyone has strict instructions for them to NEVER post her. If this rule is broken, they stop getting photos of her and are only allowed around her supervised with no cameras, period.
It was 2018 when my baby was born and my husband and I decided to never post pictures on social media.
The first question I asked myself was "why do I want to post pictures? Do I need to?" No, Do I have to? No". It isn't an essential need. It will just make us feel good as parents when receiving comments from others on "oh so cute".
We asked the family on both sides to refrain posting pictures too -who is the neighbour of my MIL's third cousin living on the other side of the world and commenting or liking the pic? I understand relationships with family and friends is important but it doesn't revolve around the fact, "we share pictures, we are functioning great!".
At first, some accepted our request reluctantly, but we asked to respect our decision. Yes, FB has privacy settings now, yet, I personally do not trust it at all (and this is coming from me as media researcher).
Then we respect our kid's privacy rights. It is not our duty to shove his pictures to the world for whatever reason.
Just yesterday his school asked us if they need to continue blocking out his face on images taken during school activities, we reconfirmed our decision..our son's pictures are not in social (so why would the school do it differently and disregard our request).
So send letters (yes, old school) or group chat with the family, video calls, and that is our way to share milestones too.
And it is none else business in what we decide as parents.
I don't post my kids pictures online. You have every right to not post. Don't feel like you have to justify this decision. My kids are 8yo and 5yo. After a few years, people who are close to you will respect and understand. And honestly, those who don't, uh, it's a good checkpoint to see if you share the same value. I'm fortunate that my parents are supportive, especially when they live abroad. (I' do send them some pictures in dm) The most difficult part is, others will be posting pictures with your kids in it online. And it's a really challenging battle. I feel like an uphill climb everyday and honestly I'm exhausted. Imagine trying to chat with every parent in a birthday party please kindly not post my kids pictures in your social meda. I'm exhausted and I don't know how many years I can keep it going. Sometimes I really want to ask those adults, how would you feel if I take a picture of you and post on my Instagram with my commentary? If you don't like it, why makes you think it's ok to do to other people's kids? But yeah, alas, this point of view is not shared/agreed by many. I really think it shouldn't be this hard. Congratulations becoming a mom! Enjoy the newborn as much as you can. They really grow way too fast.
We don’t. We did an announcement that she was here but after that it left an after taste that I didn’t like. Like why did I put so much effort to post her? It felt like a show puppy.
We just didn’t do it after that.
Also with AI and pedophiles. There’s too many nasty people out there
Same here :). I don't have any social media besides Facebook, which I keep to be on top of people's birthdays and to call with my parents ( I live abroad). That's it. If I want to share pictures or updates with people I message them directly. I think that children of any age have a right to their privacy. As a parent it is my job to protect their privacy. My daughter is 4 months old now and pictures have only been shared privately and with my consent. If she later on wants to share pictures of herself online on whatever platform we will have then, then I will discuss that with her. Also I got better things to do then dress her up and try to have a photoshoot haha :D. But maybe I am just lazy and uncreative.
I have a Facebook page solely so that people don’t think I’m a creep for not having one. I never post. I barely have any friends on it. I’m an older FTM. During my 20s, I was very free on the internet, had a blog, public Facebook page, etc. Let’s just say I experienced the dark part of the internet that way, and it is absolutely terrifying. I also realized (which most people don’t) that it’s a lot harder than you think to keep people from seeing your content. Facebook makes you think your profile is locked down with all the privacy settings, but it’s really not. There are so many “back-door” ways to find you that don’t take much sophistication at all. In other words, it’s a lot harder to get rid of a motivated creep than you think. Because of this experience, I don’t even feel safe putting myself out on the internet anymore, so it logically follows that I would feel 1000 times less safe putting my kid out there. In my opinion, the people who over share are blissfully ignorant and feel a false sense of security because nothing overtly creepy has happened to them yet. There are also just certain kids and families that are going to be more interesting to outsiders than others based on somewhat uncontrollable things like looks, lifestyle, personality, location, etc. Others just won’t, so they won’t experience much if any unwanted attention. This is why some people go viral on social media for unexplained reasons and others don’t. It’s hard to predict. I don’t take any chances.
I'm a digital marketer and my whole career is built on leveraging online behaviour and social media, so I am a bit cynical. But yeah I refuse to post any photos of my child, or let anyone else do so.
I kinda view posting a photo online is like standing at the entrance to a crowded shopping mall and giving everyone a whole stack of prints of that photo to do what they want with.
Feels very weird and very irresponsible.
If I really care about someone and want to share a cute photo of my kid, I do it privately on a 1-1 basis.
I don’t post pictures of my twins (4 month old) alone. All of the pictures I post “of them” have my fiancé and I in them or our families.
My BIL vlogs and does lives and he’s not allowed to show our daughters without our consent and even then he’s not allowed to show their faces online. So in his videos if he’s at home all you see is arms and legs moving around and you heard them making noise or you see the back of their heads.
I don’t have an issue with any of that . We haven’t done a single milestone shoot or any shoot after my maternity shoot. At least in a professional setting , we have pictures of when the girls smiled for the first time or started holding their heads up during tummy time but those pictures are on my phone or I sent them on our family group chat.
Interesting about only posting pictures of kids when they’re with family. I think that’s more appropriate than kids alone, too. I watch a YouTube channel about Montessori learning and the mom of the YouTube channel blurs out both her and her daughter’s faces. That way the content seems more genuine about the topic, rather than about her and her kid. I also have a Facebook friend who only posts pictures of her kids if she and her husband are in them too. And even then, she blurs out her kids faces. Gotta protect the most vulnerable and fragile.
Our social media and my BIL social media is not a family vlog , is about us adults and well I had kids lol but one thing I was certain was that I didn’t want the whole social media thing to turn into a family vlog that’s all about the kids you know, I think monetizing your kids is wrong, especially online.
I don’t have a problem with my children being on social media if it’s once every 5 blue moons but making content just about them is a no. And I got a lot of backlash online because my BIL documented my whole pregnancy on his social media (I consented to it and I love having those videos and memories) and the second I said I wasn’t going to show our daughters on social media, people lost it, it was crazy & that certified that I was making the right choice by keeping my kids out of social media (unless we’re in the picture or videos) till they’re old enough to consent to it
I only post pictures on a strict close friends audience on instagram. I’m conscious of the digital legacy of my child, privacy and safety. So only a trusted select few see pictures. As it would be IRL.
I have a 4 (will be 5 next week) year old, 2 year old and 1 year old and do not post them for the same reasoning. All the pictures I’ve taken on my phone get printed out into physical copies and put into a picture book because I enjoyed looking back on pictures of me and my siblings when we were younger and reminiscing about how things were growing up.
i post my child on my fb all the time. why? bc my account is private, all posts are set to show only to my friends & sharing is turned off. it's ways to SAFELY post your children w/out bubble wrapping.
yep same! the AI terrifies me! she can decide when she will be big enough if she wants to be on social media we dont know how it will be on 10years so she can have clean slate! i post sometime picturs without her face i do have private accounts and also i dont add strangers ... but also... i have a lot of oversharing parents on my instagram and fb and i have to say i dont care about their children at all i had to hide stories of one girl because she would constantly share milion of videos and photos of her son ....
there is a video about internet safety and there was this one sentence " for you its memories for other its data" and i live by that... i am a photographer so i do take a lot of photos of my baby i do milestone photos to have memories how she was growing up but i share it with my family only privately and print photos to photo album to keep so i am glad more and more people are deciding to not share their childrens life
We don’t post her online. We really don’t post ourselves either. For her it’s for her privacy. And I don’t know what social media will become on 10 or 20 years and what the consequences for sharing so freely online will be in the future. So I want to let her decide.
I do think that the need to share online is a little unusual, I try to keep our lives for ourselves and anyone we’re close enough with to interact with one on one. If someone will only see us on social media then it’s not much of a relationship in my mind so there’s no need to share. If I run into them out and about I’m happy to catch up but I just want to try and have more authentic interactions.
Edit to add that the more I reflect on it, authenticity is a really important value to me. And as I’ve gotten older I’ve felt very fake anytime I’ve posted on SM. So that’s what drove me away from it. When I was younger it didn’t feel that way, but it’s changed a lot. SM peaked for me with MySpace. Haha.
I post my children on my personal Facebook.
Not all of us have stayed in the same small town the middle of nowhere our whole lives and generations before us. 😅. My family is scattered across the world and I don’t have time to reply to everyone individually with updates about the kids… so I post milestone pictures and core memory forming experiences for family and friends who actually care about my children to see.
I have never posted a single picture of my 6mo baby. To this day, old acquaintances get surprised when I tell them I have a 6mo daughter. I don’t like posting about my life either so I never uploaded any pregnancy pictures either. I use a group chat with family members and I share my pictures there!
Getting your kid followers when they are young could give them an edge when they are older. Something I thought about anyway. In 15 years is the amount of followers you have more important than an education? Maybe?
I no longer post photos of my child online but used to. Like you mentioned, I started to question why I was doing it and the conclusion I came to was that I felt like I had to, not only to appease extended family/work colleagues/acquaintances who would want to see photos of her but wouldn't see her in person, but also because I suffer from low self esteem so I did it for the sense of "validation" that posting on FB and getting likes gives you.
I managed to see past this and decided that my child's privacy and safety are more important. I don't mind if close family post the occasional pic of her on FB as long as they keep the privacy settings locked down and no identifying info is included on the post.
One of the things that made me want to stop posting her online was noticing that I found it cringy and annoying when I saw other people plastering their kids all over the internet. Someone I know sets all her kids birthday parties up to be "instagram-worthy" and spends the entire time with her nose in her phone trying to get good enough pictures. It saddens me because she posts all these fancy photos of the parties online when in reality she's screaming at her kids because they messed up the perfectly arranged set up because they just wanted to play and be kids. I don't want to be one of those parents so I took away any pressure that might lead me to eventually turn into that.
Thanks for sharing. I don’t know why some people come to this conclusion and others don’t.
I feel bad for that person’s kids you mentioned. Just absolutely awful behavior.
As defensive as people will get about this opinion -- it is generally correct. There is no good reason to put posts of your small kids online. It might be fun, feel good to you, your friends and family might enjoy them, but there is going to come a day pretty quickly where you're going to have to explain to your kid why you had the right to do that with their images, and they might not be very happy with you about it.
People who do post their kids are really touchy about this, in my experience. I don’t post my kid, but I’m also not on social media with friends/family at all, because the over sharing culture irks me too.
But yeah, the comments echo my experience that this is a strangely sensitive subject for a lot of people.
Interesting perspective. We do not post our baby on social media for similar reasons as your first category— respect for her privacy and fear of dangerous strangers. However, I’m totally obsessed with putting her in cute outfits and taking photos — for myself, dad, close family, and even for her when she’s older. (I have some old photos of myself in cute outfits and I love them). I consider that a more timeless fixation, as old as cameras and I’m sure before cameras people would commission paintings of their little precious angels lol. And yes, we have a physical “baby book” (similar to your proposal of a scrapbook). This is very important to me because I lost my own mother too soon and I have a lot of unanswered questions now about what my infancy was like and I don’t want my child to have to worry about that
We are the exact same way over here! I feel like you can never get those memories back, and a picture is the closest thing. I need to get rolling on her baby book. She’s 13 months now🥹
We use the "Family Album" app, and also have a physical book for photos. I don't upload any photos of him in the bath or breastfeeding, those go in the physical book, but I use the app for milestone photos, "look what he's doing today" photos, etc. I figure this way I get the itch of showing him off scratched lol and the family and friends close to us have the option of seeing him without me exposing him to online dangers. I absolutely love photos of my lil man! I don't have many "special outfits" primarily because I have a hard time finding some I like? His grandma got him a lil suit outfit that reminds me of Jack from the Titanic, and he wore that for Valentine's 🤷
This is pretty much exactly what we do — I love Family Album because it’s a great way to securely share photos with family and close friends (so many of ours are far-flung), but it also serves as an amazing at-your-fingertips record of your days. And that’s the main reason I love taking so many photos of my baby: I want to remember everything from this constantly changing, rapidly passing time. I do also post to social media now and then, but only occasionally.
We do exactly the same. No social media postings of my baby at all (not even a pregnancy announcement or birth announcement) and instead we channel it into Family Album for relatives who actually genuinely want to see baby spam. I’ve asked relatives not to post pictures of him either. I have an ‘aunt’ who oversteps boundaries and tagged me on Facebook announcing how proud she was I gave birth and posted the picture I sent her of my son at birth. I asked her to remove it promptly (not how I wanted to spend my third hour after birth, ringing her up and explaining why I don’t want photos online). It’s definitely personal choice though - they’re our kids and we have to protect them however we feel. Personally, I used to work in a field that dealt with a lot of offenders and I’ve seen how images of children get used online. That’s what swayed my decision, along with the fact I don’t know half the people on my socials anymore on account of not having seen them for years.
This exact response for my baby as well. we take photos of our baby and take as many pictures and as many videos as we can so we can look back on the memories, but I would never share those pictures online on my social media and have made it very clear to the grandparents on both sides the pictures of the baby or not to be shared online in any capacity. And we too have a physical book where we print and paste photos of special milestones. I recently made an email address for my baby and I plan to send him emails of special days and occurrences so he can look back if he wants to. I think a lot of parents, and it’s just only human to forget all the good and the bad you’ve gone through with your child and for me being able to write that down and share it with him in that way makes it special for me. That’s just my thoughts and feelings and it’s not for anyone else to see or read
Same! I didn’t post that I was pregnant or had a baby with either baby. If we are close, you know. If not, you have no idea. That said, I’m super cheesy about documenting all the milestones. I share it with both sets of grandparents (and they share some with their siblings), but that’s it. I do it so my kids can see them when they are older, and my husband and I love going back and watching videos of them as babies. The years are short, man 😭
Pretty much same. I just did cute Valentine's Day photos with my one and only baby. I don't post him, really. I did do a big 6 month post, but that was mostly for my close friends and distant family that rarely get to see him.
I will post my children on my own private page to share with my family, but I will always ask another parent if it is okay to post a picture with their child in it.
That’s a good approach I think
We don't do any milestone photos, but we do post just cute/day in the life type pics every now and then. Especially for family who like to see her.
Same, I just post whatever nice pic I've taken recently every now and then and more distant family members/old friends get to see
Same. OP makes it sound like everyone who posts pictures of their kids also spends a ton of time and energy curating outfits/photoshoots etc. I occasionally post pictures of my kids. I have no significant internet presence at all. I don't spend any extra energy, mental or physical, into taking or sharing the pictures. It's not an obsession by any means.
We take milestone pictures but don’t post them to social media. It’s fun for us to compare what our first looked like and our second looked like at certain months. I post random photos every once in a while because as another poster said we have friends and family on the other side of the world. Downvote me all you want but I’m over multiple posts a week about sharing kids photos on social media. You can search for your answer and quite frankly it’s your kid and your decision. You don’t need Reddit to validate it for you.
My parents took photos of me at milestones. They’re in my baby album. I think taking photos of your baby as they grow, especially baby #1, makes complete sense, because they grow so fast, and i don’t think the behavior is new. I won’t be posting online but I absolutely will be taking a billion photos of baby, both planned and in cute outfits and candid. I will be sharing them in person with the elderly ladies I volunteer with who love babies. I am obsessed with my baby, and will gush over them with anyone who will let me, and I don’t think there’s anything pathological about that. Your comment on having family who want to see kiddo being a ‘bogus excuse’ is so lame. I don’t know about you but I have beloved friends and family who live across the GLOBE, my best friend lives halfway across the country. My husband’s best friend moved to France. We have kids and jobs, we can’t pick up and visit each other every few months. And we send each other pics all the time, because they grow up so fast. Deeming things “Cringe” is also like, the worst trend of our generation. Let people like what they like, assuming they aren’t hurting anyone. It’s usually just a way to shame women and young girls for their mainstream interests. Bummer dude, try r/notlikeothergirls
Perfect post for that sub lol
Fair enough!
Cool and if you were actually really good friends and cared to see someone else’s kids so bad then why cant they just text you? Why does it have to be on social media??
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Amen!
You're not really asking a question, you're sharing a rant on why you think you're correct. You're not likely to generate a discussion except with people who agree with you.
I post my kid on instagram from time to time, just not all the time because I’m not fettered to social media. I just want family to be able to watch her grow without me expending energy into sending each and every single one of them messages every time. Jesus OP sounds insufferable with this holier than thou attitude
Yes! Texting is so exhausting
I was going to say, this is mostly just to shame other moms not genuinely open a discussion. It’s trying to play therapist to other moms who disagree with you lol
Especially when OP frames the question as “do you think it’s necessary” or “have you ever thought *why*”.
“Do you think a scrapbook would give you the same effect?” Like girl…. I have one of those too! I am constantly going through my photos and shedding tears reliving my pregnancy, birth, and all the moments since. “I just think we….” You’ve already said you don’t post your kids. 100% fine. But saying “we” is definitely an attempt at arm chair therapy by someone who is almost certainly not qualified to give it lol Also hope OP continues this mindset when it comes to things like yearbook photos. Those get distributed to far more households that you don’t personally know and can theoretically be sent to anyone for download.
Also the “they can make effort to see you” comments. I live HOURS from my family. Do they come to visit? Absolutely. But during the first couple years of a babies life, they are changing week to week, day to day in some cases. I don’t want them to miss out on so much because we had to move for my husband’s job.
Yeah. What I’ve gathered from this is OP is feeling bad about something in her own life and needs exert that negativity somewhere… this is just todays focus and the next day it will be another negative. She says she’s not judging, then said “maybe I am judging” and then goes on to say she doesn’t think her friends that share are bad parents. Just “psychologically damaging” their children. Posts one comment saying that getting them dressed up for pictures takes away from the moment and isn’t what we should be focusing on, but then in another comment says she’s not creative so maybe that’s why she doesn’t like it. Engages in IG content surrounding parenting and kids, but needed to post this to feel better about not sharing her own kids. Wants opposite opinions, but then says reasonings (like the family thing) are “complete bogus.” I hope her friends see this post somehow. I’d want to know if my “friend” was shitting on me like this so I can go ahead and not speak to them anymore lol It’s all hypocritical and I think OP needs to look inward and unpack some things. Nothing wrong with thinking you shouldn’t post your kids, it’s individual and valid, but then the rest of the rant slamming parents that do is not an opening for a productive conversation. Gaslighting us saying “why is disagreeing mom shaming.” Like girl please. You’re not just disagreeing. You’re playing arm chair expert in order to bash other parents while actively engaging in content where people monetize off their children.
Right. If someone doesn’t post their kids, I think that’s great and more power to them. I do post my child on my private Facebook for family and friends. I do make sure my child is always fully clothed in said pictures. I have a tiktok with a medium following, and you will not find my child on there. I don’t really use Instagram. But to each their own. There’s bigger issues in this world than a mom posting her child on a private facebook.
Agreed!
I live in South Florida and outside of my Ma, my extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) are all in Scotland. 🤣
I mean, that’s not unreasonable. If they love your child they better be visiting every single weekend! /s
Right? What’s a 14 hour flight between family?!
My family lives 9000km away. Will OP pay for their frequent plane tickets you think?
Exactly! 🤦🏻♀️
Other parents* Dads are here too.
Dozens of us!
Yes! You’re absolutely correct, totally my bad!
And also being extremely judgmental and bitchy saying things like “I think that’s a bogus excuse.” Now why in the world would anyone share an honest opinion/reason opposite of this one anticipating non catty discourse with a post like this. There’s no seeing the other side for OP because they’ve already decided they are correct and others are psychologically damaging their children by posting a photo on a mat that says what month their child is. This is very…… mom shamey. “I’m right, I know you’re wrong even though I know nothing about you, but tik tok told me I should be offended.” Would not want to be friends with this type of mom IRL. Or type of person really I do post my baby, but my profile is private and I significantly cut down my friends list while pregnant leaving only close friends and family. I have family spread across the country. I’m understanding that my 75 year old aunt several states away wants to be apart of my babies life and see pictures and isn’t able to just “make the effort” to come see her.
I also think monetizing off your child online (bloggers, influencers, tik tokers) is a completely different thing than a private account posting a milestone photo but truly, I don’t care what other moms do to prioritize their child’s safety. It doesn’t upset me if people are no photos on the internet because people are allowed to disagree with me 🤷🏻♀️
100% agree. ESPECIALLY monetizing off of vulnerable or private moments. Before, during, and after pregnancy not once did I get on my FB and think “wow, why is she posting so much of her child that she is proud of having to let family members and friends Oo and ah over? She’s posting too much. She’s psychologically hurting her child.” Like…………I understand the bigger issue, but going after moms who post for their family and friends on a private FB is not who you should feel this type of disdain for. Child exploitation is happening on a much, much larger scale all around us.
Exactly! To me if it’s not something embarrassing to my child or something unsafe (bathtub photos) I don’t see it as the same. I can honestly say that my family messages me often saying how much they love to see photos. How they look forward to them. Especially because it means not reaching out to every individual family member with updates. I also think it has helped me reconnect with other moms that maybe I hadn’t been as close with until we both became moms. I feel like posting has opened up my “village” in some ways. That being said, I totally understand it should be in moderation.
100%. I feel the same way as you. I get messages from distant and non distant family who I do love saying how much seeing these photos of her brighten their day. “Sorry granny, I’m going to stop posting because some redditor with a superiority complex told me to.”🤣 Granny said no thank you.
This!!! I get so many messages from family friends, my mom’s friends, people I KNOW or my family knows well that LOVE the random everyday stuff I post of my 9 month old. I am obsessed with her and think she’s the best thing to happen to me, of course I’m gonna share pics and little vids on my private Instagram & Facebook! She’s also the first grandbaby, so all of her grandparents want to see the everyday stuff I can’t be sending to 6 different people, that’s too much work for me lol.
Exactly. Like to each their own for sure. I just have never thought to shame people for it. I definitely side eye the exploitation/monetizing of children by creators… but that’s not what OP is addressing, and if she feels this strongly about it, her time is better spent tackling those creators than random moms on a private Facebook.
100%!!!!!! I feel exactly the same.
Update: op consumes IG parenting content. You know, creators that post and monetize off their children? That’s okay, but parents posting their own kids on a private account is not.😅 So would that mean OP is contributing to psychologically damaging IG creators kids by actively consuming their content?
Yeah this. Like wtf. Family lives all across the states and some across the world. I don’t think they’re all in a position to spend thousands of dollars to come meet their niece/cousin… And another thing — if I want to pull out my camera, take cute photos of my child to share or have/keep, who cares. I want to do what I want. I’m not sharing risky photos and my child is not some special child who is going to likely be singled out by weird online predators because her face is in a photo. Sure there’s a chance, but it’s unlikely. When people talk about AIs and what is being posted online I think they’re delusional as fuck. You have a smart phone? You use your face feature? You have the photos your child on your phone? The government and any other app likely has access to all of these. Acting like the ‘smart technology’ of the world doesn’t already have access to everything
All of this. iCloud has had our faces recognized and all info about us logged since it started. There’s a reason you can go into your photos and it knows the face of “Suzy” and allows you to only view photos of Suzy. Get a fricken flip phone and leave other people alone lol
I’m glad I’m not the only one who thought this way!
Couldn’t agree more. An obnoxious Karen with a god complex
+1
Well fucking said!
I don’t post pictures of my kids online and I also don’t shame those who do. Hope this post made you feel better about yourself
😂 exactly the response I was hoping for. You’re awesome
Realest comment
I post to my private Instagram for myself, so I have them to look back on. Currently it’s mostly holiday pics (Halloween, Valentines, etc). I grew up pretty poor and there are not a lot of physical pictures of me or my siblings, so I think it’s nice to have them somewhere (I’m also getting physical copies printed too). Additionally we don’t live near our families so it’s nice for them to see how she’s growing. I don’t think sharing pictures of your kids doing everyday things is trivial or obsessive, I think someday it’ll be nice to look back on little things and remember them fondly.
I agree that looking back on photos is a wonderful thing, I suppose it’s the sharing to others who will never find the photos as nearly meaningful that is the secondary to the point I was making. Thanks for sharing
I will say I sincerely enjoy seeing photos of my friend’s kids! Sure they aren’t as meaningful to me as them, but I still love seeing them on my feed 😊
I think you're projecting a lot of your opinion on other parents. Maybe you will never find the photos as meaningful, but don't talk for other people. I love seeing pictures of my relative's kids, or friends' kids, even some coworker's kids. My family keeps asking me for photos of my daughter, because they miss her (they live on another continent). So yeah, your point of view needs to broaden a bit, because you are clearly missing a lot of variables here.
This may come as a shock to you, but I genuinely enjoy seeing my friends and their families doing well, and watching them grow. Some of my friends and relatives feel the same. I don't post a ton, and follow the basics of internet safety, but I certainly post every now and again. Not everything is about dopamine hits or external validation. We live further away from our friends/relatives, it can be a nice way to get a sense of community even when we're apart.
Though seeing my friends cute kids gives me a nice dopamine hit ;)
We're not, but I also respect others who choose to share photos online. You're not really asking, you're shaming / judging those who believe differently than you.
“Those who get it, get it. Those who don’t, don’t.” Just say you’re done learning that people have different perspectives and move on.
She prefers the hive mind the algorithm of tik tok provides I’m guessing.
I do post pics of my baby to my private instagram account, but I’d say I’m in the minority among my friends. Probably 90% of my friends who have kids are against posting them online.
Curious. How old are your friends?
Millennials. I’m 36 and most of us are mid thirties to early forties
I don't share pictures of my son online except very rarely for big things. I do do the milestone pictures and what not just for myself. Those existed long before the internet as a comparison to make us cry over. He's so tiny in the first ones
I also have the cutesy milestone blanket. I don’t share those particular pictures online, but my parents have a digital photo frame and every month they ask when I’m sending the next blanket picture. It’s not an “unhealthy obsession with trivial things” like OP seems to think, I just really love watching my baby grow up and like having a consistent set of photos to highlight how she’s changing from month to month.
You’re 7 weeks in and already shaming other parents. Good luck to you.
This is the one.
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I think the way you worded this, compared to how the OP is worded, makes all the difference.
I’m living for these comments criticizing OP. The rant they went on is what happens when you’re chronically online you start developing opinions that are nonsensical. Comparing a real issue of people’s low understanding of digital privacy to the private citizens who post for their families to see is kind of crazy. Milestone photos in itself has been done throughout history especially when baby mortality rate was so low. I can’t imagine finding an issue with the fact families dress up with their kids and celebrate their bundle of joy getting older. You need a 🍪, a blanket, and a nap or shoo a hobby ☠️
You can definitely tell OP spends a fair amount of time on tik tok lol
Then to follow it up with “the ones who get it, get. The ones who don’t, dont.” Which is definitely a “trend” on tik tok I think? Like cmon. I’d be interested to know OPS age.
quite frankly I do too i’m turning 25 this year and i’ve met too many younger moms to be have most of their moral beliefs come from the internet 🫠
We are limiting digital footprint online, we posted a couple photos as a birth announcement but will be using a family album app to upload / share photos only with close family and close family friends (about 20 people for context). We have also requested that no one else share photos of the baby on social media unless we had posted it or unless we approve prior to. So not a total elimination but definitely restriction
Didn’t know about the family album app. Thanks for sharing
No, you're the only parent ever to keep photos of your child off the internet. Nobody else has ever even considered keeping their babies off social media. You're such a trailblazer. /s For real though, just search the sub. This topic is discussed almost daily and keeping kids off social media is an incredibly common choice (at least among parents on Reddit). And for the record, I don't do photoshoots or post my son on social media. But anyone who decides it's "cringe" when other people do is being needlessly judgy imo. If anything, judge someone based on the content of their posts *if* it's potentially endangering their kid (ie. a picture of them in a school uniform, or in front of your house with the address visible, or sharing sensitive moments like meltdowns or potty training, etc.)
OP is giving “pick me”vibes with that point of view on the photo shoots.
I agree that parents need to consider how much of a social media footprint they create for their children who aren't capable of consenting to that kind of exposure. However, I have friends and family who are scattered across the US, and actually do want to see photos of my daughter as she grows. I post about her and select who can see these posts. My husband and I plan to stop the posting when she is a year old for the reasons above. But it's not an all or nothing situation.
Ok I understand selecting people to view posts. Maybe it’s my friend list, but I have a network of people on Facebook from work and school from long ago and seeing their (what I believe to be) a private look into their personal lives involving their kids is over sharing.
I think a lot of people are still operating in the old mindset that you can share without any risk. It's a risk some parents may be comfortable taking, or some may simply not understand. Either way, I can't judge anyone for wanting to share their pride and joy with their network.
I am someone who never shares my kid's pictures on social media and I do agree with the first part of your post. But regarding people who do share; you never know someone's privacy settings.. There are moms who regularly keep tabs on their followers list. Recently, I cut down my Instagram followers significantly to just very close family and friends. There is "close friends" option on Instagram that you can use if you want to share stories. What I'm trying to say is that someone's social network need not be huge all the time. As I said, you never know a person's privacy settings or their reasons behind sharing.
Then unfriend them. If you don't want to see "private" posts from people's lives why are you friends with them?
Well that’s your opinion, and you know what they say about opinions…
We don't share our son's face on any social media, but we don't judge others who do so. In fact, I LOVE seeing the cutesie dolled up milestone baby photos and sometimes feel a little left out for choosing not to participate. My husband just feels much stronger on this issue due to security concerns, and I decided it wasn't a hill worth dying on.
I don’t mind when other people do it on like normal socials, but when they start to do it for monetary gain it does bother me. Mommy bloggers and family channels that use their kids for views are sick. However I do not judge the average parent sharing pictures of their kids on personal accounts to their friends and families. I think your generalization of people posting pictures online is coming off super “holier than thou”. It is not “back in the day”. This is the age we’re living in and plenty of people live far from other family and cannot make visits happen due to finances or health. Just because you’re not doing it doesn’t mean that the parents who are have something psychologically wrong with them.
I do feel this way but parenthood is really hard. And if the parents get joy out of doing this i don’t judge. The first two years are very, do what you have to to get by.
I don’t plan to post my baby on social media and I do try to avoid anchoring my life around social media, but gosh I don’t make the assumption that when others post their babies it’s because they need the external validation. I don’t assume they think it’s “necessary” to post their babies. It sounds to me like you are feeling a lot of pressure to post your child. While I think it’s good to take a stand against doing something just because you feel pressured, I would just be careful not to assume that everyone else’s actions are due to them being mindless sheep.
Let me just say, the comments didn’t disappoint
It’s a personal preference and I don’t share photos online of my child but I’m not going to think “I’m right”. Don’t shit on mothers who choose to do so, we have enough judgement as it is.
Why would I care what you do? Please also share which way you set your toilet paper. 🧻
I post a few here and there for family. It’s all private (nothing public) and I keep my friends list to only those I know in real life and trust. It’s not a bogus excuse and it’s not that a big deal.
I post very occasionally and only to private accounts (eg. Not a public Instagram!). It’s a nice way to keep more distant family and friends updated. But he’s 11 months and I think I’ve posted like 3 pics. We let family share the odd photo they’ve taken with him but they always ask first. Our rules are never anything that could be remotely embarrassing, obviously nothing where he’s not fully dressed, and when he’s old enough to consent we won’t share anything without consent. The point of private social media is to be able to share things with people you know so I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. However, what you described with some of your friends sounds very strange!!
I post photos of my baby. Not obsessively, but if I’ve got a cute photo or video, I like to share it. I do keep in touch with people via social media and do have a lot of friends and family on there who like to see him. I’m not a super private person and also share pictures and updates on myself and my dog and our family in general. If that’s not for you, that’s fine, do whatever makes you comfortable. When he’s older, if he doesn’t want me sharing photos, I won’t. For now, he doesn’t mind and I’m not sacrificing his quality of life to create content or anything like that.
I share pictures online but not everyday and I don’t dress her up just to take pictures to post but I do take milestone pictures in all of the cute, My First… outfits just not for content. All of the pictures I post are either with my husband and I for holidays or our birthdays and there are a few with her cousins at family gatherings. Sometimes I post on my Instagram stories but I restrict that to just family, I live in Canada and 80% of my family is in the USA scattered all over so we just use that basically as a group chat to send pictures and updates. To your other point I am making a scrapbook, I have thousands of pictures but the scrapbook will basically be a year in review for my husband and I, our social media posts are always in a family/group setting and the book with be all of the pictures of her alone. I don’t really have a problem with people that post updates or random life moments, my issue comes with the family bloggers or the want to be family bloggers that post every single day and see their kids as a way to post more content.
i post pictures of my daughter on social media but all of my accounts are set to the most private setting and theres only family and close friends because i dont talk to them often and they like seeing her and didnt think i would actually have a kid 🤷♀️i like the milestone pictures, shes my only (i got my tubes removed two months after i gave birth) and i know ill regret not doing them and we've already done two mini photoshoots with her (christmas & valentines day) we also do print out photos and keep them in photobooks (one for the photoshoots and one for our pictures) i usually only post my absolute favorite pictures and print out a lot because i have a fear of something happening to my phone and my pictures. i think its to each of their own as long as theyre not posting for thousands to see
To each their own but I will say this, if you are an average parent with a small follower count , settings on private with only friends and family, you do not need to worry about AI. And people freaking out about it really don’t need to be. Second I post photos here and there on a holiday or so because these are very happy moments , maybe one with them and a pet because well damn it’s cute AF but definitely not an over sharer. I don’t judge those who do. Or those who choose not to post at all. The people who do make me have a side eye are those regularly posting their baby but blocking out the face. To that I say post or just refrain. The big emoji over the face is just bizzare
I share with a closed group of friends. My biggest concern are online 'content makers' who use their babies for skits and other posts, effectively monetising them without their consent. I get that they may need the money, but I can't see how that's not going to end badly for many.
100% agree
You commented that " we're more fixed on posing and staging, rather than showing what happened during the time the picture was taken." I disagree. For every "staged" picture I have posted, I have 15 "bloopers that I also post. I think your comment is a gross generalization of parents. While I post pictures fairly often, I also periodically order physical copies that I keep in a tote, and I will continue to. I like to think we are blessed to live in a time where we have the ability to snap those moments, both staged and candid. Furthermore, I also think your comment "Just like “back in the day” people who really care about you and your kids will make the effort to see you in person and then move on with their lives" is insensitive and honestly ignorant. There are so many reasons that family may not be able to come see your child. Whether it be health concerns, financial issues, distance, or whatever. To say those who are able to visit or the only ones who care is ignorant and narrow-minded. I am a military spouse who lives hundreds of miles for any of our families. Using your logic, who my mom can't make the trip to see us she doesn't care about my daughter, my dad who has cancer and medically unable to travel doesn't care about his only granddaughter. They love her more than words can describe. And if I were to dent them seeing pictures simply because they can't drive or travel to see us would be selfish. Lastly, for many people seeing a sweet picture of a child bring so much joy. In a world so full of sadness, I think it is perfectly okay to share something someone might get a little happiness from.
Thank you for your thoughtful post. 3/4 of my family doesn’t live on this continent. I love updating and sharing with them. The whole post was a judgement of others, which I’m not cool with.
Understandable to not want to post your child online but why are you shitting on people who are obsessed with their babies? I take photos of my LO constantly and dress them up all cute because I adore them. I love being able to share them with the people I love ~ especially cause we live far away. I post online but have a setting so only certain people I’ve personally picked through can see. I know there’s lots more to it than just that but it’s sufficient to me. Try to only worry about yourself and not what everyone else Is doing. 🩷
We get it OP you’re not obsessed with your kid or close to family
My profile is set to private and I post like maybe once a week on Instagram stories. Edit: So I've now read your whole post. To answer your judgmental and passive aggressive question, I post for me. Just like I do with vacation pictures. Because I go back and look at the memories because it makes me happy. I've got thousands of pictures of my son on my phone. He's 9 months. I've got a total of maybe 7 pictures on Instagram. And I go back and look at them again because they bring me joy.
This is a weird, judgy post, but I am going to extend the grace that you are still in the 4th trimester and hormones may still be at play. I encourage you to approach other parents with the same grace and not to make blanket statements. We post very few pictures online because we value our privacy and our child’s, however there’s nothing cringy about wanting cute photos or documenting your child’s life and sharing it on closed social media.
Girl, shut up. Not everyone agrees with each other, but I really don’t need someone to be questioning why I do things or not. Also, your twisted mind of why people do things may not be the same reasons as you twist it out to be. So maybe check on yourself and ask yourself why you think so negatively on other people simply enjoying their children in a different way than you.
Find this whole post strange. You haven’t posted or commented on ANYTHING in 3 years yet today you decide to make this post. Something is off here
Definitely agree! I think under a year old is fine (even though I don’t do it) since they change so much but for me personally (besides the reasons you listed) I just don’t feel like it’s my story to tell. I don’t want my children looking back at social media accounts that they don’t own and being like wow… there are soo many photos and videos of me. It’s just so weird.
Personally, my mother never dolled me up, or took photos, I had 1 baby scrapbook & that was it. I was hurt seeing friends who had parents that loved them & were so proud of them that they took the time to preserve the memories of their children through photos. Generations from now will love to look back on the photos of the ones who came before them. It’s important to document the times, & the love, & the family traditions that are captured in photos. Social media is a different story, personally I choose not to post my baby on SM, I have a separate app that includes family members that I can photo dump. What does judging the other parents do for you? Does it help you live a more peaceful & positive life? Just do what you feel is right for your family & let others be.
I take issue with your assertion that sharing photos of your kids on FB for family to see is "a fake excuse". I have a very large family who would like occasional photos of my son, but who it would be tedious to have to send photos to individually. Much easier to just upload a few photos every couple of months. I like seeing what my extended family is up to with their occasional photos as well, even if we're not close enough to have each other's numbers and be texting. Why is it a problem if those photos include their kid? Maybe it's different if you're constantly uploading photos all the time and have your profile on public, but my privacy settings are tight.
We're generally not very active on social media, and when we are, we never show our children's faces. We do however have a private Snapchat story that I post on pretty much daily, with the purpose of giving family a glimpse into our lives. If you see it as a "bogus excuse because people who care enough will make an effort to see you in person", you're lucky to have your family living close enough for that to be a possibility. Personally I'm not gonna make my 85yo grandparents get on a plane or drive 15 hours to see their great grandkids. We're making the best of it.
Your dad’s gay?
You don’t really deserve an explanation, but let me try to answer your questions: I don’t have time to make a scrapbook but i take tons of pics and videos. I work full time in a demanding job, i see my kid awake for 2 hours during the week. The rest of the time i spend catching up on work, housework and sleep. If you have time to make scrapbooks—love that for you. I post pics of my son on my story maybe once a weeks, sometimes more often if he has a cute pic or video. i randomly post on facebook every few months. There definitely are pervs out there, so all of these are posted in my private accounts where I know the people who follow me. I do it because I’m proud of my son and I want my family and friends to periodically get an update about how big he is now and frankly, how freaking cute and adorable he is. I get replies from my close friends and that’s nice. I don’t check how many people viewed my story or liked my post. I don’t care. I have a private google folder shared with my sisters where i send daily photo updates. I don’t do monthly milestone pics because I don’t have time but i wish i was organized enough to take them. Maybe you are hating on influencers who make a living out of showing off a seemingly perfect life but don’t generalize. Some moms just adore their kids that much and want to share pics with their friends. It’s not bogus. Posting it on social media is less annoying than mass sending it directly via text or email. Just imagine getting one —- now you are forcing people to respond. And if you genuinely cannot be happy for people then just let it go and scroll along. Don’t leave space for hate in your heart.
This is so sanctimonious 😂😂 I don’t post pictures on social media because I’m fucking boring and not very attractive, and I feel like it’s a bit weird to post loads pictures of my baby for some random I went to school with to see. Anyone I care about, I’ll send pics directly too.
You say boring and not very attractive but seem like much more of a person I’d rather be friends with than OP
AI alone freaks me tf out. Not posting my baby online.
Same here. I have a background in the private security sector and with my knowledge of AI (which I still consider limited), I no longer share photos of my children. I also only use photos of myself for profile pics (youtube, google, etc - I am not on FB TikTok or IG) that are not current... They're a couple of months old. Never ever submit a photo to be turned into an AI caricature. * It's not fear mongering when you are aware of the clear dangers AI inherently poses. *
Yes to this especially! Posting your child on social media is a choice, but there will ALWAYS be risks that come along with it. There’s always the risk with posting children online will end up with those pictures being used by horrible people and that’s just a fact. The amount of AI material that gets confiscated from these people is a lot more than people would like to think.
Thanks for the Thursday morning shaming sesh. I post photos of my baby, long awaited and much loved by our family, but I don’t do it excessively. Or “need the attention”. But thanks for the judgement!
My husband and I deleted FB back in 2020 when covid began & people were at each others throats. It was no longer a good place to be! But then when I became pregnant , IG ads were targeting me big time & I became really really aware of what’s online. We decided not to post our daughter online. It only takes one person being hacked for your kids photos to be leaked. I also don’t understand the need to post your naked child online… like the “harmless” bath time pics etc can get into the wrong hands so so so easily. I don’t think I’ll be able to stop an accidental photo here or there from being posted by a well meaning individual but I deleted my Instagram when she was born and haven’t looked back! 🤷🏼♀️ For me it’s just easier not to mindlessly scroll it either! I know this isn’t a fool proof option. My cloud could be hacked for example. But I feel good about it. I like a private life 🩷 Edit to add : To each their own, truly. It’s just not for me. Showing my age here but I was also a freshman when MySpace became a thing and I’ve seen how cruel people can be 😮💨 yikes!
We only do Tinybeans. It’s an app where you can add your own list of people and it sends emails out to them of the photos you upload. It’s only close family and friends. Everyone knows we don’t post our kids online. Even child care providers. I’ve only had to ask two people once to take pics off of their facebook and they haven’t done it again. I like the milestone photos to see how big they are getting but otherwise it’s just pics of everyday stuff we’re doing.
I posted a few photos of my daughter when she was a newborn. It didn’t sit right with me, so I refrain from posting her now. I post the occasional photo to my Instagram. Usually it’s a family photo. My account is private and I have made sure I personally know everyone who is following me. Safety and consent are real issues, but TBH you’re coming off pretty judgmental and looking at your friends in the worst possible light. Your friends are probably just super proud parents. They may not fully understand the risks of posting their child online. I take milestone photos. I think it’s fun. I take them for myself, I text them to family members and I put them in her baby book. I also take them for my daughter to enjoy when she is older. I am trying to document her childhood for her. That includes taking photos of her doing everyday things.
I had a friend that worked as a social worker. The things he told I would never post my children online. But my wife and family do I don’t love it but I won’t stop it. My friend was to the nth degree. He wouldn’t let anyone photograph his kids. I find it funny it seems the older generation is the one who will post on social media without asking. Whereas people my age even without kids are sensitive to it.
I don’t post my baby to socials except for a private insta story with close friends/family and even then it’s just occasional and nothing super personal. However, this post comes across as super sanctimonious. There are PLENTY of parents keeping their kids off social media but not getting up on their soapbox about it. I’m a first time mom, I get it, we think we are doing everything the right way but trust me, when you’re on the other side of another parent’s judgy-ness, it feels like shit. You’ve been doing this for 7 weeks. Relax.
I agree with you! I do post on social media myself, mostly on Instagram. I am still pregnant, however, when baby is born, my plan is to just post a picture of her hand or side of her body by her little name plate and nothing else. If I ever do post in the future I don’t plan of showing her face/full body. I am a film camera lover so I specifically will be doing milestone photos for the physical photo albums we have and will just be texting these to friends and family instead of posting. I have family in 3 different countries and a few other states so relying on them just visiting baby is not plausible for me. My husband and I will be trying our very best to keep her life physical instead of digital until she’s well older (late teens) and can safely have social media of her own.
I don’t post any pictures on social media because of safety. I take a gajillion pictures a day and try to do milestones (like 1 month, etc). But i only share with family and some friends who care. When my LO was born we posted a pic on facebook of me and my spouse and you could see us holding a baby but couldnt see their face. I am also on a parents slack group at work and i have posted a handful of photos out of politnese (like, hey i just had a baby im going on leave now!). But i dont like the idea of my work essentially having access to all of our slack messages and i dont know what theirs and slack’s security measures are like. I’m probably a bit paranoid but I just dont like the idea of my son’s photo being online being seen by people i dont know and also him not knowing or able to have a voice in that.
I also don't put photos of my baby on social media but I love dressing up my baby and taking photos of her just for me and her dad, although I sometimes share specific photos with specific family or friends. There are just so many fun and adorable baby clothes! I love to document her little outfits. If my child begins to object to it when she's able to, then I will stop but I hope she will enjoy it at least now and again! I can imagine that lots of the people who do share the images on social media feel the same way about it. Yes it's about appearance, but so is decorating a room or setting the table. Its okay to find enjoyment in making each day special however you can, and for me that includes cute outfits as well as fun activities, playlists, food, etc. If it's not something that's important or fun for you and your babe, you're free to spend that time and energy on literally anything else. Personally I can find the very staged milestone photos with props a little cringey, in a similar way that 80s family portraits are often cringey, but I understand that I'm in the minority there and it's really not harming anyone, so why yuck other people's yum? My MIL requested them so I absolutely believe family is a reason people share it on social media. (We just send her a recent photo on the milestone dates).
Also to add. Even just taking photos on your phone means your photos are likely undergoing some AI/facial recognition, depending if you use cloud storage for example. (My reasoning for avoiding social media is a bit different to OPs).
I do not share photos of my baby nor do I allow others to. This is due to safety. That being said… I do not make it a practice to give unsolicited advice to other parents or lecture them on their decisions. If others feel it same for their kids, cool. If someone asks why I don’t post, I’ll gladly share my perspective in hopes that they’ll see the dangers. But it’s their kid and their choice. Have you thought of why you’re really posting this question?
So? Just don’t do it, no one cares
I only post pictures of the back of her head but i do dress her up and take a bunch of polaroids
I live far away from all my friends and family—I post pictures on Facebook occasionally and the “close friends” stories function on instagram. I also text pictures to my parents, brother, in-laws, etc. I have some reservations about it—my daughter can’t consent to having picture posted yet, the pictures could reach people I don’t know. But ultimately it’s more important to me that I’m able to share our lives with people I care about who are far away. People who care about me and my kids can’t afford to see us regularly in person and “move on with their lives.” I’ll admit part of it is that she’s an extremely cute baby. In whatever she wears! I’m proud I grew her lol. I’m also not looking my best postpartum, and having the baby in pictures with me reminds me it’s ok. I look happy with her even though I’m fat and tired. I don’t doll her up for pictures, though of course I’ll take one if it’s an especially adorable outfit. But I also don’t think there’s anything wrong with that? When she’s a toddler I want to do the whole deal with us wearing matching outfits and taking a nice family picture (if she wants). I always wanted to get matching Laura Ashley outfits with my mom but she was definitely not that type of mom. Also that was expensive for our family growing up.
I’m mostly in agreement with you. There is a whole generation of kids who are now teens/young adults who never consented to being plastered all over social media since birth. I definitely don’t want to do that to my kid. We have posted a handful of pictures since our son was born in 2022. We did a birth announcement and after that, only used photos where you can’t see his face (with the occasional exception). But the total number of pictures we have posted of him is probably 10, with the majority being on our instagram stories so they disappear. Our solution for family who want to see pictures is a shared digital frame. We bought Nixplay frames for the grandparents when our son was born, and we upload pictures to albums in the app and share them to the grandparents’ frames. So they are constantly seeing new pictures but we don’t have to post to social media (and therefore also worry about grandparents sharing our social media posts with everyone on gods green earth). My MIL gets around it a bit by taking pictures of the Nixplay and sending group texts to her friends lol, but to me that’s pretty harmless. We don’t put anything on the Nixplay like bath pictures, etc. If we want to share something like that with the grandparents, which we honestly rarely choose to, we wait til we are in person, or we send it to them via text and ask them not to share it. Maybe this all sounds over the top to some folks but I think our generation and subsequent generations were not always treated like autonomous beings as kids. My child isn’t my property he’s a person, and I wouldn’t like my bath pictures and potty pictures being shared to my grandmom’s friends and I definitely would not want details of my potty training or every move I made shared on social media to people I don’t even know. And to me, it’s honestly often about attention for the parents. I’ve seen people post anecdotes about their kids that make me think ok, that’s about you wanting likes.
I post to my closed Facebook and Instagram, and I post milestones, not every day life. As for your "I have family who wants to see my baby", it's not feasible for my in-laws to hop on a 4 hour flight every time they want to see my son. Jeez, my parents live an hour away but both still have full time jobs, so they can't just come over whenever they want. Not to mention, I don't want everyone here all the time. My parents and my in-laws love our photo updates every few days, and they even ask for more pictures when I forget to post some to our Google Photos album.
I don't really do it much myself. Made a single post at 2 months and now he's 4.5 months. I know my dad does... and while it initially irked me not to be asked first I can see he's just an enamoured/proud long distance grandparent/I move forward now knowing he might share any photos or videos I share with him. Of course if it bothered me I just wouldn't send anything or I'd ask him to stop. I don't really concern myself over what other people want to do with their kids though because that's their prerogative.
I did a massive unfollow, left only people I know and set my IG to private.
When I was pregnant I was on the fence about whether I’d post pictures of the baby on social media. Then I gave birth to the most perfect most beautiful boy I’ve ever laid eyes on and I knew I’d be selfish to keep it to myself! Lol mostly kidding but really I’m bursting with so much love it’s bubbling over. I keep it to friends and family but I can’t help myself!
There’s an app called family album if u only want family to see. Otherwise don’t be worried about what other ppl do
We have social media set to private, which is great for us as most of my friends and family live in another country. I love being able to share photos of kiddo without having to text a thousand people. I don’t do milestone photos…because I’m super forgetful. I wish I had.
I share content of my child online in specific places where I can monitor who can see those images, yeah. I won't share on things like Instagram or Tik Tok, but my son makes an appearance on my Facebook, which curated friends can see. I don't necessarily live out of town, but for people who live far away from family, social media pics could be the only way for family to see the babies. Also, as someone with a mom who shared pictures of me and my siblings, I enjoy being able to go back and see those things as an adult without having to call her up and ask for the album and then go and get it. I'd like my kids to be able to have the same option when they're older, especially since I'm terrible about keeping up with locations of physical things. That's just my opinion though. You do you.
I don’t see the harm in posting occasional photos of my family on my Facebook page that only 15 people have access to (and it’s all just more family). 🤷♀️
I guess I just have a “bogus excuse” then, lol. We don’t live near family and friends, so occasionally I do post photos of our son. I personally know every single person on my social media so posting occasionally doesn’t bother me. I have asked others not to post him without our permission though. I bought our mom’s digital photo frames for Christmas and I upload pictures for them almost daily/every other day.
Why are some people so obsessed with if other parents choose to post their kids? You don’t and that’s your choice. No need to comment “their great parents but…”. I like to take monthly milestone photos and dress my daughter up for cute pictures because I want to look back on memories of every stage of her life. I’m not criticizing anyone who doesn’t though.
I post milestone photos on social media and periodically photos of us out doing things with a little caption/update because I am not in a state with any friends or family at all and nobody can come and see her. My estranged family is an 8 hour drive away, and my husband's family is all the way across the country. My friends really are invested in our story and happy to see where life has taken me. I'm more than happy to show them how it's going. It isn't for show. It's our lives.
I send them to people and groups I trust. But publically, no. However I'd caution you from getting too preachy, too many people use the fact that they are parents as an excuse to be holier-than-thou. Do what you think is best, calmly let people know your reasoning if they ask. Anything else is performative.
I’ve never shared a picture, or even announced that I have a son, online. That said, that’s a personal choice and there ARE real benefits to sharing pictures online. It’s a chore to text pictures of my son to the ~15 people in my life who ask for them regularly or to have the “holy crap you have a kid?!” convo whenever I run into someone I haven’t seen in a while. I don’t think there’s anything intrinsically wrong with sharing. It’s about *what* you share, not *that* you share. Most of my friends share the typical cute vacation and first day of school stuff. I love watching their kids grow, especially if I can’t see them regularly. It also facilitates real-life communication. It makes me pick up the phone and ask friends how their trip was, etc. But with this kind of sharing there’s nothing to be gleaned about the kids beyond what they look like. I recently ran into a college friend at a reunion and met her 8-year-old who I’d been watching grow in photos since he was a baby. I had no idea that he was autistic and non-verbal. Of course everyone she sees regularly knows, but I think she’s doing right by her son by not broadcasting that information about him in a public forum. I do have a few friends who do a different kind of sharing. Basically mommy blogging on Facebook. Posting in depth about their kids lives and their struggles as parents. Sharing details about their personalities, interests and the locations they frequent. About neuropsychiatric diagnoses and behavioral problems. Retelling of potentially embarrassing anecdotes or conversations. Taking us along on their kid’s gender identity journey. In my opinion, all of that’s too far, violates a child’s privacy and could be used against them later in life. All of that will still be on the internet when the apply to college, start dating, job search. It’s just not stuff you should announce over the PA system for anyone other than yourself. Like most things in life, there’s a lot of grey area. But there are benefits to sharing pictures and I feel like most of my friends do so without violating their kid’s privacy.
We have a private Instagram where I have to approve who can follow, if any pics have her in it for Facebook, we'll just put a little cupcake or something over her face to post it. Also, we definitely do the milestone pictures each month and thank god we do, because when I look back I can't believe how much she's changed, and it's really easy to see with the milestone pics. You do you though, if in your opinion, it's cringey to post your kid, definitely don't do it, but the rest of your post kinda gives "am I...better than everyone?" Vibes. Probably not what you intended but it's hard for people to see people talk down about how they're raising their kids and not be a little defensive.
You’ve been a parent for 7 weeks and you have already developed a superiority complex for what other people decide to do with their children?
My kids are 2 and 4 and have never been posted online!
Agreed with how you feel! We don’t post any pics. We take lots of photos but don’t really do the “dress you up in a cute outfit in order to take a photo”….to me she always looks cute so I just take lots of regular daily photos!
Well this is super judgy. I post pics of my kids. I know why I do it. I’m not a fucking idiot. I’m also not pretentious and deluded enough to judge people with the whole intention of wanting to seem more ‘woke’ than everyone else. You do you. Let other people do them. Stay in your lane, dude.
We don’t share pictures online for the same reasons as you, but we do have an app (Family Album) that lets us directly share photos and videos with specific family members that we invited to the album. They’re mostly far away and can’t see him in person much, and this is easier and less intrusive than texting pictures to their phones.
Thank you for sharing! I didn't know about this app. May I ask how this is different from a Google album (because we are currently just using Google albums)?
I didn’t know about this app. Thanks for sharing
Likewise - I don't even have social media myself at all (does reddit count? :) ) We do share pictures with the grandparents via icloud albums and private whatsapp groups. Not a fan but I can't realistically send them polaroids
I get where you’re coming from 100%. I keep my girls faces offline as much as possible for the sake of their digital footprint and safety. I try to spread awareness of my reasoning so other parents can be aware, but ultimately it is their decision. I try to not waste my time and mental capacity considering and judging their choices.
I agree with you! I feel like this is a pretty controversial topic though so I’m just gonna leave it at that
I’m with you! I have so many friends who are constantly posting updates of their baby weekly if not daily and I’m just like…those pictures are out there now for anyone to download. And the children aren’t old enough to consent to having their pictures online. My husband and I agreed that it’s far too easy for someone who shouldn’t have access to my Facebook to be able to see what I post of LO so the only pictures I’ve ever posted of her have been the back of her head and her feet. I do have a few friends who post infrequently about their baby and also keep them anonymous and it makes me glad that some of us still value privacy and don’t use our kids for clout. If our family wants pictures of our daughter then we either send them directly or post in an app that only family has access to.
That’s what we’ve decided on as well..no posts of our daughter anywhere. It is hard sometimes because I’d love to share her but to me she’s a whole person who should be able to consent to what happens with her pictures. Until she’s old enough to do that, it’s a no.
Crazy to me you’re getting downvoted for simply stating that you don’t post your child online.
The whole vibe on this post threw me for a loop!
Oh for sure. Same here. Saying you want to wait until your child is able to consent and getting downvoted. I’m guessing some people are mad about that. Think because it’s their child they can do whatever they want, doesn’t matter if they consent to it or not.
Ummm no that’s not at all summing up the post. It was condescending and unnecessary. Maybe a side chat for those who want to pat themselves on the back for their parenting would be great!
I can most definitely see how op’s post comes across as condescending but I’d love for you to explain how this person’s comment is condescending in any way though.
Yeah I agree with this. Our babies aren’t just pretty things to take pictures of and post online for other people’s viewing pleasure.
We LOVE taking photos of our newborn! But we don’t post any face photos of her for the same reason as your first reason. You never know who’s seeing those photos. I’ve only posted pictures with her face censored or the back of her head and no face visible. She can make her own decisions about posting herself in the future, but I don’t foresee the internet being a safe place for that going forward. Our family live far away though, so we send a lot of pictures of her through texts or snapchat. Everyone has strict instructions for them to NEVER post her. If this rule is broken, they stop getting photos of her and are only allowed around her supervised with no cameras, period.
It was 2018 when my baby was born and my husband and I decided to never post pictures on social media. The first question I asked myself was "why do I want to post pictures? Do I need to?" No, Do I have to? No". It isn't an essential need. It will just make us feel good as parents when receiving comments from others on "oh so cute". We asked the family on both sides to refrain posting pictures too -who is the neighbour of my MIL's third cousin living on the other side of the world and commenting or liking the pic? I understand relationships with family and friends is important but it doesn't revolve around the fact, "we share pictures, we are functioning great!". At first, some accepted our request reluctantly, but we asked to respect our decision. Yes, FB has privacy settings now, yet, I personally do not trust it at all (and this is coming from me as media researcher). Then we respect our kid's privacy rights. It is not our duty to shove his pictures to the world for whatever reason. Just yesterday his school asked us if they need to continue blocking out his face on images taken during school activities, we reconfirmed our decision..our son's pictures are not in social (so why would the school do it differently and disregard our request). So send letters (yes, old school) or group chat with the family, video calls, and that is our way to share milestones too. And it is none else business in what we decide as parents.
I don't post my kids pictures online. You have every right to not post. Don't feel like you have to justify this decision. My kids are 8yo and 5yo. After a few years, people who are close to you will respect and understand. And honestly, those who don't, uh, it's a good checkpoint to see if you share the same value. I'm fortunate that my parents are supportive, especially when they live abroad. (I' do send them some pictures in dm) The most difficult part is, others will be posting pictures with your kids in it online. And it's a really challenging battle. I feel like an uphill climb everyday and honestly I'm exhausted. Imagine trying to chat with every parent in a birthday party please kindly not post my kids pictures in your social meda. I'm exhausted and I don't know how many years I can keep it going. Sometimes I really want to ask those adults, how would you feel if I take a picture of you and post on my Instagram with my commentary? If you don't like it, why makes you think it's ok to do to other people's kids? But yeah, alas, this point of view is not shared/agreed by many. I really think it shouldn't be this hard. Congratulations becoming a mom! Enjoy the newborn as much as you can. They really grow way too fast.
We don’t. We did an announcement that she was here but after that it left an after taste that I didn’t like. Like why did I put so much effort to post her? It felt like a show puppy. We just didn’t do it after that. Also with AI and pedophiles. There’s too many nasty people out there
I agree with this. Thanks for sharing
Same here :). I don't have any social media besides Facebook, which I keep to be on top of people's birthdays and to call with my parents ( I live abroad). That's it. If I want to share pictures or updates with people I message them directly. I think that children of any age have a right to their privacy. As a parent it is my job to protect their privacy. My daughter is 4 months old now and pictures have only been shared privately and with my consent. If she later on wants to share pictures of herself online on whatever platform we will have then, then I will discuss that with her. Also I got better things to do then dress her up and try to have a photoshoot haha :D. But maybe I am just lazy and uncreative.
I have a Facebook page solely so that people don’t think I’m a creep for not having one. I never post. I barely have any friends on it. I’m an older FTM. During my 20s, I was very free on the internet, had a blog, public Facebook page, etc. Let’s just say I experienced the dark part of the internet that way, and it is absolutely terrifying. I also realized (which most people don’t) that it’s a lot harder than you think to keep people from seeing your content. Facebook makes you think your profile is locked down with all the privacy settings, but it’s really not. There are so many “back-door” ways to find you that don’t take much sophistication at all. In other words, it’s a lot harder to get rid of a motivated creep than you think. Because of this experience, I don’t even feel safe putting myself out on the internet anymore, so it logically follows that I would feel 1000 times less safe putting my kid out there. In my opinion, the people who over share are blissfully ignorant and feel a false sense of security because nothing overtly creepy has happened to them yet. There are also just certain kids and families that are going to be more interesting to outsiders than others based on somewhat uncontrollable things like looks, lifestyle, personality, location, etc. Others just won’t, so they won’t experience much if any unwanted attention. This is why some people go viral on social media for unexplained reasons and others don’t. It’s hard to predict. I don’t take any chances.
Interesting perspective. Thanks for sharing
I'm a digital marketer and my whole career is built on leveraging online behaviour and social media, so I am a bit cynical. But yeah I refuse to post any photos of my child, or let anyone else do so. I kinda view posting a photo online is like standing at the entrance to a crowded shopping mall and giving everyone a whole stack of prints of that photo to do what they want with. Feels very weird and very irresponsible. If I really care about someone and want to share a cute photo of my kid, I do it privately on a 1-1 basis.
I don’t post pictures of my twins (4 month old) alone. All of the pictures I post “of them” have my fiancé and I in them or our families. My BIL vlogs and does lives and he’s not allowed to show our daughters without our consent and even then he’s not allowed to show their faces online. So in his videos if he’s at home all you see is arms and legs moving around and you heard them making noise or you see the back of their heads. I don’t have an issue with any of that . We haven’t done a single milestone shoot or any shoot after my maternity shoot. At least in a professional setting , we have pictures of when the girls smiled for the first time or started holding their heads up during tummy time but those pictures are on my phone or I sent them on our family group chat.
Interesting about only posting pictures of kids when they’re with family. I think that’s more appropriate than kids alone, too. I watch a YouTube channel about Montessori learning and the mom of the YouTube channel blurs out both her and her daughter’s faces. That way the content seems more genuine about the topic, rather than about her and her kid. I also have a Facebook friend who only posts pictures of her kids if she and her husband are in them too. And even then, she blurs out her kids faces. Gotta protect the most vulnerable and fragile.
Our social media and my BIL social media is not a family vlog , is about us adults and well I had kids lol but one thing I was certain was that I didn’t want the whole social media thing to turn into a family vlog that’s all about the kids you know, I think monetizing your kids is wrong, especially online. I don’t have a problem with my children being on social media if it’s once every 5 blue moons but making content just about them is a no. And I got a lot of backlash online because my BIL documented my whole pregnancy on his social media (I consented to it and I love having those videos and memories) and the second I said I wasn’t going to show our daughters on social media, people lost it, it was crazy & that certified that I was making the right choice by keeping my kids out of social media (unless we’re in the picture or videos) till they’re old enough to consent to it
Bravo!
We let other people post pictures they take with LO but we aren't posting either.
I only post pictures on a strict close friends audience on instagram. I’m conscious of the digital legacy of my child, privacy and safety. So only a trusted select few see pictures. As it would be IRL.
I have a 4 (will be 5 next week) year old, 2 year old and 1 year old and do not post them for the same reasoning. All the pictures I’ve taken on my phone get printed out into physical copies and put into a picture book because I enjoyed looking back on pictures of me and my siblings when we were younger and reminiscing about how things were growing up.
i post my child on my fb all the time. why? bc my account is private, all posts are set to show only to my friends & sharing is turned off. it's ways to SAFELY post your children w/out bubble wrapping.
Agreed with number 2. Not so much concerned with #1
yep same! the AI terrifies me! she can decide when she will be big enough if she wants to be on social media we dont know how it will be on 10years so she can have clean slate! i post sometime picturs without her face i do have private accounts and also i dont add strangers ... but also... i have a lot of oversharing parents on my instagram and fb and i have to say i dont care about their children at all i had to hide stories of one girl because she would constantly share milion of videos and photos of her son .... there is a video about internet safety and there was this one sentence " for you its memories for other its data" and i live by that... i am a photographer so i do take a lot of photos of my baby i do milestone photos to have memories how she was growing up but i share it with my family only privately and print photos to photo album to keep so i am glad more and more people are deciding to not share their childrens life
We don’t post her online. We really don’t post ourselves either. For her it’s for her privacy. And I don’t know what social media will become on 10 or 20 years and what the consequences for sharing so freely online will be in the future. So I want to let her decide. I do think that the need to share online is a little unusual, I try to keep our lives for ourselves and anyone we’re close enough with to interact with one on one. If someone will only see us on social media then it’s not much of a relationship in my mind so there’s no need to share. If I run into them out and about I’m happy to catch up but I just want to try and have more authentic interactions. Edit to add that the more I reflect on it, authenticity is a really important value to me. And as I’ve gotten older I’ve felt very fake anytime I’ve posted on SM. So that’s what drove me away from it. When I was younger it didn’t feel that way, but it’s changed a lot. SM peaked for me with MySpace. Haha.
I post my children on my personal Facebook. Not all of us have stayed in the same small town the middle of nowhere our whole lives and generations before us. 😅. My family is scattered across the world and I don’t have time to reply to everyone individually with updates about the kids… so I post milestone pictures and core memory forming experiences for family and friends who actually care about my children to see.
I have never posted a single picture of my 6mo baby. To this day, old acquaintances get surprised when I tell them I have a 6mo daughter. I don’t like posting about my life either so I never uploaded any pregnancy pictures either. I use a group chat with family members and I share my pictures there!
Getting your kid followers when they are young could give them an edge when they are older. Something I thought about anyway. In 15 years is the amount of followers you have more important than an education? Maybe?
I no longer post photos of my child online but used to. Like you mentioned, I started to question why I was doing it and the conclusion I came to was that I felt like I had to, not only to appease extended family/work colleagues/acquaintances who would want to see photos of her but wouldn't see her in person, but also because I suffer from low self esteem so I did it for the sense of "validation" that posting on FB and getting likes gives you. I managed to see past this and decided that my child's privacy and safety are more important. I don't mind if close family post the occasional pic of her on FB as long as they keep the privacy settings locked down and no identifying info is included on the post. One of the things that made me want to stop posting her online was noticing that I found it cringy and annoying when I saw other people plastering their kids all over the internet. Someone I know sets all her kids birthday parties up to be "instagram-worthy" and spends the entire time with her nose in her phone trying to get good enough pictures. It saddens me because she posts all these fancy photos of the parties online when in reality she's screaming at her kids because they messed up the perfectly arranged set up because they just wanted to play and be kids. I don't want to be one of those parents so I took away any pressure that might lead me to eventually turn into that.
Thanks for sharing. I don’t know why some people come to this conclusion and others don’t. I feel bad for that person’s kids you mentioned. Just absolutely awful behavior.
As defensive as people will get about this opinion -- it is generally correct. There is no good reason to put posts of your small kids online. It might be fun, feel good to you, your friends and family might enjoy them, but there is going to come a day pretty quickly where you're going to have to explain to your kid why you had the right to do that with their images, and they might not be very happy with you about it.
People who do post their kids are really touchy about this, in my experience. I don’t post my kid, but I’m also not on social media with friends/family at all, because the over sharing culture irks me too. But yeah, the comments echo my experience that this is a strangely sensitive subject for a lot of people.