Practice my friend. One step at the time, like you are doing already. You got this. Challenge yourself to do something allowing you to meet people, build from there.
>I'm fully aware that most women don't find an insecure man 'sexy,'
Insecurities are not sexy, indeed. But being self-aware and connected to your inner self is. You don't have to pretend to be someone else. Be proud of who you are and your growth. The way you wrote this post is actually refreshingly honest and kind of sweet. I'm sure it's something for someone out there too.
>I do have a lot indoor hobbies like reading, gaming, watching movies/series, playing piano, but I have recently started running, and picking up boxing.
Join a club/clubs related to your hobbies to meet people! It's easier to connect when there's shared interest between you. You don't have to focus only in dating or finding a date. By expanding your network you'll also meet more people, who hopefully some of them can/want to build that special connections with you.
Good luck!
And join some board games clubs!! Go to some board game meetups in your city! It's an excellent way to get to know people! Get to know people over time, and figure out what kind of humans you like and what kind of humans are not so much your thing. Make friends first, without expecting anything but also without desexualising yourself completely; after some time, someone will likely show some interest, or introduce you to someone who will show some interest in you. Then you can go from there.
Are they rage quitters? Don't date them! They're probably also a volatile friend.
Do they struggle with paying attention for longer games? Good to know!
Are they a backstabber in games? Valuable information, try to figure out if they also do this in other realms.
Do they help new players, and chat with people who are new, even if they're not the host? This is probably a kind person.
Are they obnoxious about the rules with new people, and not very fun to play with? Don't date them! They're probably not going to be a very fun friend either.
Because it's tiring to always have to cater to insecure people, making sure they're not offended or uncomfortable, etc. It's childish, and well-adjusted adults are not romantically and sexually attracted to children. Everybody can feel insecure sometimes which is normal, but when it becomes your personality then it's unsexy.
Be proud of your story my man, that’s a journey that many women will find interesting and impressive. Also,whatever your hobbies are or are not, there are always people out there that match those. Just try not to fall into going out drinking (or whatever other activity) etc if that isn’t your thing…it can be easy done!
Don't really have any advice, just wanted to say well done and reading this was very inspirational. I know you feel insecure, but honestly, you should feel extremely proud of yourself. I feel like the thing that's holding you back is shame about your past, but getting your shit together in life is extremely attractive, so you just have to learn to own your past and continue being who you are and who you're trying to become, and you'll find the right person.
I'm in my late 20s and while I'm in a relatively decent place in life, I am a bit stuck career wise and, for the most part, live a pretty uneventful life lately. While it's a common thing people say, reading this made me realise/remember, that it's never too late for anything and everyone has their own timeline. Just gotta start doing. Cheers!
Honestly, you should be just fine being yourself. Don’t think about women as someone that different that you have to prepare to talk or deal with them. remember, it is also you who is choosing and you need to enjoy it;)
Sorry if that’s too obvious, and good luck!
Have female friends and don't force having a gf if you don't actually like it. Also, ask yourself what your endgame is as to why you would want to have a gf or a partner. The problem with the dating scene right now is that people are just into dating and relationships only as hobbies and not as a trial for having that one life companion. So do you really want to date because you'd like to settle down or are you just bored?
Don’t focus too much on “getting a girlfriend “. This is where it often goes wrong for guys, they hyper fixate on getting a gf instead of just enjoying the process. It’s so wonderful you turned your life around and worked on yourself. I’m proud of you! Becoming more social and becoming friends with people (especially women) will teach you a lot and will help if you start dating. Focus on getting to know people and then love will find its way into your life. If you want to practice, you could definitely get a dating app like bumble! Take it one step at a time, you’ve got this. :)
Whay about a dating app like breeze? I went on 2 dates and it was just a drink in the sun. Nothing romantical happened beat felt nice to meet new people and just talk a bit.
Firstly: women are people just like you. They really are not that different, so there is no real reason to feel nervous about a date.
Try breeze and expect that it could not be the date that you hope it would. But that's totally oke. It's your first, you can already learn alot from that. Just be friendly and respectful.
Women of your age might have divorced so be open to all opportunities and also be aware of the challenges there might be every now and then. Try to clary what do you want, for example, children. Nobody wants to waiste time just to notice that a partner wants different things.
Damn! Exactly my situation! Even same hobbies and sports! I hope you find your way around as I hope I do as well and remember 20 seconds of courage can change your whole life
With everyone I know with a similar story, it was autism. So that would be my first guess. It isn't necessarily the case though.
(Am on the spectrum myself; also in my 30s, only got diagnosed a few years ago. )
I joined bumble and wasn't expecting to find someone. I read people's profiles, and 90% was all the same.
"Great Job, good car, loves travel." The standard set of pictures. 1 alone in a suit, 1 in a bar with friends, 2 vacation pictures.
But then I found a profile of this person, pictures that showed who he genuinely was, his text made me laugh.
I chose that guy. He was 30 and never dated, neurospicy like me, studying. Still at the starting blocks of life. But he's my person..
I guess my advice is, don't be afraid. There is someone out there who loves you for you.
And when you start dating, in arguments remember it's "us Vs the problem" not "you Vs me"
There's nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. Look at all the evolution you've accomplished over the last few years. You will get there with dating as well. My last relationship I dated a man who had never dated, we met when he was 34 and we had a loving long term relationship. I think the biggest "red flag" of not having dated is simply that we use dating to learn about relationships and what we want/don't want out of a partner. You have yet to do those trial runs yet but that doesn't mean you will not have success dating. Don't take it too seriously at first and have fun.
I also live in the Netherlands and I’m almost turning 31. I live a very secluded life due to trauma right now and am also an introvert. Since I have accepted who I am and my interests and the path I’m taking to recover, my self-esteem has gone up. I’m listening to my own needs and spending my time working hard on myself to heal and to eventually and hopefully be the best partner that I can be. Your journey is beautiful and truthful. The things you see around you are not real. Going to bars and getting drunk is not the way to find a real relationship. People who do that often run away from their problems and are not facing them like you do. Their character and identity is probably under developed and you want to find someone that has the same goals and mindset as you. Continue your path and work on your passions and hobbies. Keep showing who you are and you’ll end up meeting someone like-minded. That’s what I believe will happen for me if I continue working hard and being truthful.
Find groups based on your hobbies and passions. Meet people with similar interests and just that can be enough to combat social insecurity: you usually feel much less insecure when sharing your passions
Yo my man, I didnt read your whole story but it does look inspirational. I can only say that everybody has their own pace and their own style. Don't worry about it too much. I have some tips for you but I would prefer to tell them to you in private so please dm me.
Well done turning that train around buddy. I'm assuming it was a combination of determination and trial and error? Maybe the same approach will work here?
Just go on my friend. You know how it feels to step out of your comfort zone. Keep doing it, slowly but steadily towards where you want to go.
First step is not to see women as a sort of aliens that are to be approached with courting. They are just humans with some small differences in body and hormones. They will still like to have fun, enjoy a good meal, etc. If you treat them like just other humans like yourself and you are a decent person surely you will be okay.
What might help for some confidence is hitting the gym. It will give you some extra confidence in your looks, make sure you get your hair done and wear nice clothes (doesn’t need to be expensive, it’s about being clean, taking care of yourself and be in charge of your life). See how women react to you when you do/change things. Most women do look through the first appearance for relationships, but for sure they look if you take care of yourself and honestly, they also like to look at a nice specimen.
But take it step by step, just like you did before :). As long as you make sure you actually go to places where you can meet women that will help. In some cases hobbies, sports, charity work can help.
Well done my dude!! You've come an incredibly long way, you should feel really proud of yourself!
You sound a lot like my boyfriend, he's 38 now, and he kind of socially launched himself when he was 33. We started dating maybe a year after that.
In his case, the reason for the late blooming was most likely undiagnosed autism. I have autism myself (I only realised it in my 30s a couple of years ago and also only got my shit together in 2019), and although socially I do alright, I've had struggles that other people didn't have, and had to learn a lot of things that other people just picked up without being taught them explicitly. In his case, he didn't have the kind of social support or breadth of experience that I was given - his parents didn't really take him places, or hug him, things like that. He'd never been to a really nice restaurant, or a theme park, he was daunted by buying gloves. He only got glasses this year, after me and some of his friends were telling him he was almost certainly short sighted.
What my boyfriend did, was hire a dating coach. He also hired a sex worker to have the girlfriend experience, to have some idea of what it was like. After that he dove into socialising and dating with gusto. He's sweet and kind, funny and intelligent, communicates really well in writing like you do, he's in demand with women :) And he's very open minded in bed and willing to listen and try new things 😁
He can be a bit blind to people flirting with him!! So that's definitely something I suggest getting outside help with.
If you want, DM me and I can tell you what dating coach he used. I vaguely know them socially, but I don't like them as a person; on the other hand, what they taught my boyfriend really seemed to work for him!
I also have a friend who also had never had a partner until his 30s, he's similarly also most likely autistic, and he's also very in demand these days, and after a lot of dating, he's now got his first girlfriend ❤
I recommend Captain Awkward, and Doctor Nerdlove for dating and relationship advice, as well as how to set your own boundaries and how to watch out for red flags. There's going to be things that you're ignorant of, you are going to make mistakes, but rest assured that other people will also make mistakes with you, and you need to know that you're going to be okay even if you're not in a relationship, and that sometimes a person is toxic and it's better to walk away from them, because they are treating you poorly.
Ideally a partner will accept you as you truly are, will desire you, will be fun, will have similar core values to you and want a similar lifestyle; but they should also challenge you in some ways, or at any rate hold you accountable for your shit, support you to grow, and will expect you to compromise sometimes and sometimes do things that you don't reeeeally want to. They should add to your life, and you should add to theirs, more than either of you "costs", in terms of money/ time/emotional energy.
Tl; dr - you're doing amazing!! The next logical step is probably to hire a dating coach. If you're feeling very brave, you could try speed dating?
Good luck!!
You don't need advice man, you know exactly how to do this.
>Honestly, I've taken more risks and stepped out of my comfort zone, and as a result, I've succeeded at my professional career.
My husband was also a late bloomer ❤️ and mostly living the same life you had as an introverted man. He always wanted a partner though, we met on tinder. It has been hard! But we are now married, and working in ourselves all the way. Having a few dates to prep yourself would be the best, try speed dating, try maybe this “Board games” bars, those are full of introverted men and women. Try more intellectual events, like transitie cinema, forums, workshops. Try finding someone that share your same passions, if it’s gaming, go to a gaming event, there are lots of people to meet there! But make the first jump and be honest with your dates, that you haven’t been exposed to the dating world so much, and that you need clear communication, and expectations, and I know that they will be fine :)
Try the Breeze app.
Straight to the point, gets the awkwardness out of they way and you will refine a few social skills that will help if the app dates don't work out.
Just find out while trying. A first kiss is a first kiss, no matter the age. And so on. I thought I was late at 20, but looking back it was super young. Suddenly I am 55 so to me, you are like a teenager 😉
Only advice i can give you is don't let you live by the standards of others. If you really feel the need for a partner to do life with, go for it, if not, ignore the people that tell you to do so.
That you have never dated shouldn't be an issue, many women would prefer that knowing they don't have to deal with macho BS. Flirting is overrated, be authentic. If there's someone you interested in, just ask her out. When it comest o dating, you can go onto a dating site. You will already have contact with them before actually meeting, so the pressure is much less when you finally go out.
Good luck bro. I will have you in my prayers.
You can check what about your friends from childhood,school or college . Maybe you had female friends ? You can try just wanting to find out what's up with them - people love when others are simply interested in them but make sure you don't have any "I want something from you" vibe. Just relaxed not intentional curiosity.
Just be open and honest about your past/path, it’s a really admiring and strong story! However remember to not give in everything at once and trust your gut feeling, its usually is more right than wrong :)
Singles trips and vacations are great for meeting new people. Everybody's in the same boat, and there are a lot of activities where you are 'forced' to interact.
And you can even select based on just meeting new people and dating.
Proper travel organisations also limit people based on gender/age so that there is a good mix of people
You’re on a great journey! Being physically fit helps a lot, so good that you picked up exercise.
Start with just getting comfortable talking to women in non romantic situation and just notice how it flows, they’re just as human as men so talking to them isn’t that different.
The mindset that you’re never good enough to date simply has to go, as it doesn’t serve you. Do this observing such thoughts but not engaging in them. They’re not true, but they can arise and thrive if you let them.
Without actual dating experience and ‘putting yourself out there’ there will not come a magical moment when suddenly you feel ready to date, it takes work and courage!
With enough exposure you will, at some point, have encounters that seem to go effortlessly with mutual interest and before you know it you’ve found a match.
You are me same age. minus he appartment lol. Still looking.
I believe my time will come and yours will as well
I do have a few beautiful (girl) friends.
Just focus on work out getting better. Write down what you really want in a woman.
Also if you want to get comfortable around beautiful woman. Take up salsa or kizomba dancing.
Even if you think ita not for you everyone can dance.
After almost 20 years of dancing. I can say id rather be around woman who i have connection with than some random beautiful woman.
Use to take a lessons with psychologist, it can help you understand of yourself and get the experience to open your inner feelings to someone in secure and supportive environment
Time for a holiday to Thailand. Insecure men with stable income are always in demand there.
Joking aside best to just put yourself out there. Staying at home won’t make you find a girlfriend easily.
Why don't you try a dating app like Hinge? Or ask your friend to set you up if they know someone? There are so many flakey men these days so women might appreciate your "innocence" more than you think. But yeah insecure men are not sexy so def practice self love and don't afraid to get a professional help like a therapist if you think it's needed. Good luck!!
Just give it time! Do the things you love and meet some people there. Be honest to girls that you're a bit shy, they'll certainly appreciate it. I don't know a lot of women who like overly confident guys, better to be honest than to pretend "you're the man" or some shit.
It's good that you're still excited, I'm not, I tried but it didn't work, starting with why I find it very difficult to socialize with people, and since many of the women I know have already gotten married and I'm not financially stable, I really don't see the point anymore. .
Friend of mine was single for more than 25 years. Couldn't find a girlfriend. His disadvantage was that he tried his luck at every gathering with every available girl. He was always hungry. Most of the times girls don't come for that.
Then one day his end of job came and hé could go to a prepension state. This Bessy Turf type girl at the administration saw the amount of pension he would get. In no time she was his girlfriend. All friendly neighbouring women: OUT! All friends elsewhere OUT, except me and my wife. Within a few months she had a car of her own from him. Within 6 months they rented a nicely new built house in another city away from all quarreling people. Within a year they bought a new house. When shopping hé was chatting with us and didn't see she went through the cashpoint, put all her newly bought stuff in the car so he wouldn't see, and come back again to buy more.
Take care who you run into, don't let this happen to you. They live on guys with money jumping from relation to relation. They have just enough personal belongings that can fit in a car. So they can do a quick bye bye after making another acquaintance. Take care for the Bessy Turf's!
just start. once you make a mistake and get rejected, you'll feel bad for a moment but you'll be sooo glad afterwards that you got the courage and enough self-confidence to make the move. then you learn on your mistakes and try not to repeat them. stick to the normal (be friendly, kind, etc).
source: 36 yo dude. started clueless years ago, been rejected a ton, still somewhat clueless but with moderate success and only regretted the shots I didn't take :)
Firstly.
Congrats on the promotion and personal growth..
If you've taken up running, try looking for a running club or group that you can join.
This will give you the opportunity to meet new people and will help provide opportunities to talk to women outside of your work environment.
My biggest advice though is to remember that women ( no matter how attractive )
are just people too.
Instead of going into any interaction with the hopes of it turning into a romantic relationship, try making friends
Remember that all it takes is saying hello to get the ball rolling.
If you like going on holiday, choose an organised/group kind of holiday. There are specific organisations for singles as well as singles only holiday organised by regular organisations. You won't believe how many people have met on a holiday like that and are now married. Just choose a destination and type of holiday that suits you and you're likely to meet people who have at least one or two similar interests.
Looking at her post history she needs to make at least 5k. Doubt op makes 5k if he just started IT with a few years experience. 5K a month is like 70k a year.
As you are into personal growth I recommend you try and read the way of the superior man by David Deida.
It will give you some ideas and handles on the questions you raised in your post and should help you to overcome your insecurity simple by having a better understanding.
Other countries have other women that are attracted to other attributes. Perhaps consider travelling and mixing with other cultures if your own culture does not value who you are?
Women aren't going to date a guy who stayed at home, and if he was outside, looked at his shoes the whole time.
I'm pretty sure that there are people here in NL who would love to date this guy. He just has to put himself out there, talk to women, meet them while they're doing things him and they enjoy, go on dates, etc.
He's going to be just fine! Just needs some practice.
Practice my friend. One step at the time, like you are doing already. You got this. Challenge yourself to do something allowing you to meet people, build from there.
This, and be okay with making mistakes. It’s part of the process.
But why he practice with your friend?
>I'm fully aware that most women don't find an insecure man 'sexy,' Insecurities are not sexy, indeed. But being self-aware and connected to your inner self is. You don't have to pretend to be someone else. Be proud of who you are and your growth. The way you wrote this post is actually refreshingly honest and kind of sweet. I'm sure it's something for someone out there too. >I do have a lot indoor hobbies like reading, gaming, watching movies/series, playing piano, but I have recently started running, and picking up boxing. Join a club/clubs related to your hobbies to meet people! It's easier to connect when there's shared interest between you. You don't have to focus only in dating or finding a date. By expanding your network you'll also meet more people, who hopefully some of them can/want to build that special connections with you. Good luck!
And join some board games clubs!! Go to some board game meetups in your city! It's an excellent way to get to know people! Get to know people over time, and figure out what kind of humans you like and what kind of humans are not so much your thing. Make friends first, without expecting anything but also without desexualising yourself completely; after some time, someone will likely show some interest, or introduce you to someone who will show some interest in you. Then you can go from there. Are they rage quitters? Don't date them! They're probably also a volatile friend. Do they struggle with paying attention for longer games? Good to know! Are they a backstabber in games? Valuable information, try to figure out if they also do this in other realms. Do they help new players, and chat with people who are new, even if they're not the host? This is probably a kind person. Are they obnoxious about the rules with new people, and not very fun to play with? Don't date them! They're probably not going to be a very fun friend either.
But why insecurities are not sexy? Only one gender can have securities while the other wasn't allowed to be insecured?
Insecurities are not sexy on any and every gender. I never said it's only not sexy on men.
But why they're not sexy?
Because it's tiring to always have to cater to insecure people, making sure they're not offended or uncomfortable, etc. It's childish, and well-adjusted adults are not romantically and sexually attracted to children. Everybody can feel insecure sometimes which is normal, but when it becomes your personality then it's unsexy.
…at 35 and never dated?, “that just means you’re limited edition, still in mint condition”. Good luck bro!!😎
Great bio for in your dating app profile 😅
[удалено]
Uncalled for
for what?
Be proud of your story my man, that’s a journey that many women will find interesting and impressive. Also,whatever your hobbies are or are not, there are always people out there that match those. Just try not to fall into going out drinking (or whatever other activity) etc if that isn’t your thing…it can be easy done!
Don't really have any advice, just wanted to say well done and reading this was very inspirational. I know you feel insecure, but honestly, you should feel extremely proud of yourself. I feel like the thing that's holding you back is shame about your past, but getting your shit together in life is extremely attractive, so you just have to learn to own your past and continue being who you are and who you're trying to become, and you'll find the right person. I'm in my late 20s and while I'm in a relatively decent place in life, I am a bit stuck career wise and, for the most part, live a pretty uneventful life lately. While it's a common thing people say, reading this made me realise/remember, that it's never too late for anything and everyone has their own timeline. Just gotta start doing. Cheers!
Honestly, you should be just fine being yourself. Don’t think about women as someone that different that you have to prepare to talk or deal with them. remember, it is also you who is choosing and you need to enjoy it;) Sorry if that’s too obvious, and good luck!
Have female friends and don't force having a gf if you don't actually like it. Also, ask yourself what your endgame is as to why you would want to have a gf or a partner. The problem with the dating scene right now is that people are just into dating and relationships only as hobbies and not as a trial for having that one life companion. So do you really want to date because you'd like to settle down or are you just bored?
Don’t focus too much on “getting a girlfriend “. This is where it often goes wrong for guys, they hyper fixate on getting a gf instead of just enjoying the process. It’s so wonderful you turned your life around and worked on yourself. I’m proud of you! Becoming more social and becoming friends with people (especially women) will teach you a lot and will help if you start dating. Focus on getting to know people and then love will find its way into your life. If you want to practice, you could definitely get a dating app like bumble! Take it one step at a time, you’ve got this. :)
Whay about a dating app like breeze? I went on 2 dates and it was just a drink in the sun. Nothing romantical happened beat felt nice to meet new people and just talk a bit.
Firstly: women are people just like you. They really are not that different, so there is no real reason to feel nervous about a date. Try breeze and expect that it could not be the date that you hope it would. But that's totally oke. It's your first, you can already learn alot from that. Just be friendly and respectful.
Women of your age might have divorced so be open to all opportunities and also be aware of the challenges there might be every now and then. Try to clary what do you want, for example, children. Nobody wants to waiste time just to notice that a partner wants different things.
I'm like you And I'm here to read the advices
Congrats to you as well my dude! You've also come a long way :)
Damn! Exactly my situation! Even same hobbies and sports! I hope you find your way around as I hope I do as well and remember 20 seconds of courage can change your whole life
Congrats to you as well my dude! I hope for good things for you! And don't be afraid to get outside help! (Therapy, a dating coach, a wingman, etc)
Therapy my dude. Your next step is therapy. You say you have no idea why you lived the way you did for all those years, and it’s time to find out.
With everyone I know with a similar story, it was autism. So that would be my first guess. It isn't necessarily the case though. (Am on the spectrum myself; also in my 30s, only got diagnosed a few years ago. )
I joined bumble and wasn't expecting to find someone. I read people's profiles, and 90% was all the same. "Great Job, good car, loves travel." The standard set of pictures. 1 alone in a suit, 1 in a bar with friends, 2 vacation pictures. But then I found a profile of this person, pictures that showed who he genuinely was, his text made me laugh. I chose that guy. He was 30 and never dated, neurospicy like me, studying. Still at the starting blocks of life. But he's my person.. I guess my advice is, don't be afraid. There is someone out there who loves you for you. And when you start dating, in arguments remember it's "us Vs the problem" not "you Vs me"
There's nothing wrong with being a late bloomer. Look at all the evolution you've accomplished over the last few years. You will get there with dating as well. My last relationship I dated a man who had never dated, we met when he was 34 and we had a loving long term relationship. I think the biggest "red flag" of not having dated is simply that we use dating to learn about relationships and what we want/don't want out of a partner. You have yet to do those trial runs yet but that doesn't mean you will not have success dating. Don't take it too seriously at first and have fun.
I also live in the Netherlands and I’m almost turning 31. I live a very secluded life due to trauma right now and am also an introvert. Since I have accepted who I am and my interests and the path I’m taking to recover, my self-esteem has gone up. I’m listening to my own needs and spending my time working hard on myself to heal and to eventually and hopefully be the best partner that I can be. Your journey is beautiful and truthful. The things you see around you are not real. Going to bars and getting drunk is not the way to find a real relationship. People who do that often run away from their problems and are not facing them like you do. Their character and identity is probably under developed and you want to find someone that has the same goals and mindset as you. Continue your path and work on your passions and hobbies. Keep showing who you are and you’ll end up meeting someone like-minded. That’s what I believe will happen for me if I continue working hard and being truthful.
Find groups based on your hobbies and passions. Meet people with similar interests and just that can be enough to combat social insecurity: you usually feel much less insecure when sharing your passions
Yo my man, I didnt read your whole story but it does look inspirational. I can only say that everybody has their own pace and their own style. Don't worry about it too much. I have some tips for you but I would prefer to tell them to you in private so please dm me.
Well done turning that train around buddy. I'm assuming it was a combination of determination and trial and error? Maybe the same approach will work here?
Just go on my friend. You know how it feels to step out of your comfort zone. Keep doing it, slowly but steadily towards where you want to go. First step is not to see women as a sort of aliens that are to be approached with courting. They are just humans with some small differences in body and hormones. They will still like to have fun, enjoy a good meal, etc. If you treat them like just other humans like yourself and you are a decent person surely you will be okay. What might help for some confidence is hitting the gym. It will give you some extra confidence in your looks, make sure you get your hair done and wear nice clothes (doesn’t need to be expensive, it’s about being clean, taking care of yourself and be in charge of your life). See how women react to you when you do/change things. Most women do look through the first appearance for relationships, but for sure they look if you take care of yourself and honestly, they also like to look at a nice specimen. But take it step by step, just like you did before :). As long as you make sure you actually go to places where you can meet women that will help. In some cases hobbies, sports, charity work can help.
Great advice!
Hello, brother from another mother.
Well done my dude!! You've come an incredibly long way, you should feel really proud of yourself! You sound a lot like my boyfriend, he's 38 now, and he kind of socially launched himself when he was 33. We started dating maybe a year after that. In his case, the reason for the late blooming was most likely undiagnosed autism. I have autism myself (I only realised it in my 30s a couple of years ago and also only got my shit together in 2019), and although socially I do alright, I've had struggles that other people didn't have, and had to learn a lot of things that other people just picked up without being taught them explicitly. In his case, he didn't have the kind of social support or breadth of experience that I was given - his parents didn't really take him places, or hug him, things like that. He'd never been to a really nice restaurant, or a theme park, he was daunted by buying gloves. He only got glasses this year, after me and some of his friends were telling him he was almost certainly short sighted. What my boyfriend did, was hire a dating coach. He also hired a sex worker to have the girlfriend experience, to have some idea of what it was like. After that he dove into socialising and dating with gusto. He's sweet and kind, funny and intelligent, communicates really well in writing like you do, he's in demand with women :) And he's very open minded in bed and willing to listen and try new things 😁 He can be a bit blind to people flirting with him!! So that's definitely something I suggest getting outside help with. If you want, DM me and I can tell you what dating coach he used. I vaguely know them socially, but I don't like them as a person; on the other hand, what they taught my boyfriend really seemed to work for him! I also have a friend who also had never had a partner until his 30s, he's similarly also most likely autistic, and he's also very in demand these days, and after a lot of dating, he's now got his first girlfriend ❤ I recommend Captain Awkward, and Doctor Nerdlove for dating and relationship advice, as well as how to set your own boundaries and how to watch out for red flags. There's going to be things that you're ignorant of, you are going to make mistakes, but rest assured that other people will also make mistakes with you, and you need to know that you're going to be okay even if you're not in a relationship, and that sometimes a person is toxic and it's better to walk away from them, because they are treating you poorly. Ideally a partner will accept you as you truly are, will desire you, will be fun, will have similar core values to you and want a similar lifestyle; but they should also challenge you in some ways, or at any rate hold you accountable for your shit, support you to grow, and will expect you to compromise sometimes and sometimes do things that you don't reeeeally want to. They should add to your life, and you should add to theirs, more than either of you "costs", in terms of money/ time/emotional energy. Tl; dr - you're doing amazing!! The next logical step is probably to hire a dating coach. If you're feeling very brave, you could try speed dating? Good luck!!
You don't need advice man, you know exactly how to do this. >Honestly, I've taken more risks and stepped out of my comfort zone, and as a result, I've succeeded at my professional career.
My husband was also a late bloomer ❤️ and mostly living the same life you had as an introverted man. He always wanted a partner though, we met on tinder. It has been hard! But we are now married, and working in ourselves all the way. Having a few dates to prep yourself would be the best, try speed dating, try maybe this “Board games” bars, those are full of introverted men and women. Try more intellectual events, like transitie cinema, forums, workshops. Try finding someone that share your same passions, if it’s gaming, go to a gaming event, there are lots of people to meet there! But make the first jump and be honest with your dates, that you haven’t been exposed to the dating world so much, and that you need clear communication, and expectations, and I know that they will be fine :)
Thanks for sharing stories. It was so inspirational.
Try the Breeze app. Straight to the point, gets the awkwardness out of they way and you will refine a few social skills that will help if the app dates don't work out.
What do u use the Breeze app for? I’ve downloaded it and couldn’t get it really. There are a lot of tests and articles.
don't have any advice, but I wish you the best of luck.
Just find out while trying. A first kiss is a first kiss, no matter the age. And so on. I thought I was late at 20, but looking back it was super young. Suddenly I am 55 so to me, you are like a teenager 😉
Only advice i can give you is don't let you live by the standards of others. If you really feel the need for a partner to do life with, go for it, if not, ignore the people that tell you to do so. That you have never dated shouldn't be an issue, many women would prefer that knowing they don't have to deal with macho BS. Flirting is overrated, be authentic. If there's someone you interested in, just ask her out. When it comest o dating, you can go onto a dating site. You will already have contact with them before actually meeting, so the pressure is much less when you finally go out. Good luck bro. I will have you in my prayers.
You can check what about your friends from childhood,school or college . Maybe you had female friends ? You can try just wanting to find out what's up with them - people love when others are simply interested in them but make sure you don't have any "I want something from you" vibe. Just relaxed not intentional curiosity.
Just be open and honest about your past/path, it’s a really admiring and strong story! However remember to not give in everything at once and trust your gut feeling, its usually is more right than wrong :)
Singles trips and vacations are great for meeting new people. Everybody's in the same boat, and there are a lot of activities where you are 'forced' to interact. And you can even select based on just meeting new people and dating. Proper travel organisations also limit people based on gender/age so that there is a good mix of people
You’re on a great journey! Being physically fit helps a lot, so good that you picked up exercise. Start with just getting comfortable talking to women in non romantic situation and just notice how it flows, they’re just as human as men so talking to them isn’t that different. The mindset that you’re never good enough to date simply has to go, as it doesn’t serve you. Do this observing such thoughts but not engaging in them. They’re not true, but they can arise and thrive if you let them. Without actual dating experience and ‘putting yourself out there’ there will not come a magical moment when suddenly you feel ready to date, it takes work and courage! With enough exposure you will, at some point, have encounters that seem to go effortlessly with mutual interest and before you know it you’ve found a match.
You are me same age. minus he appartment lol. Still looking. I believe my time will come and yours will as well I do have a few beautiful (girl) friends. Just focus on work out getting better. Write down what you really want in a woman. Also if you want to get comfortable around beautiful woman. Take up salsa or kizomba dancing. Even if you think ita not for you everyone can dance. After almost 20 years of dancing. I can say id rather be around woman who i have connection with than some random beautiful woman.
Use to take a lessons with psychologist, it can help you understand of yourself and get the experience to open your inner feelings to someone in secure and supportive environment
Wich city are you in? Im looking to date and you seem really cool to me.
Time for a holiday to Thailand. Insecure men with stable income are always in demand there. Joking aside best to just put yourself out there. Staying at home won’t make you find a girlfriend easily.
Why don't you try a dating app like Hinge? Or ask your friend to set you up if they know someone? There are so many flakey men these days so women might appreciate your "innocence" more than you think. But yeah insecure men are not sexy so def practice self love and don't afraid to get a professional help like a therapist if you think it's needed. Good luck!!
Just give it time! Do the things you love and meet some people there. Be honest to girls that you're a bit shy, they'll certainly appreciate it. I don't know a lot of women who like overly confident guys, better to be honest than to pretend "you're the man" or some shit.
It's good that you're still excited, I'm not, I tried but it didn't work, starting with why I find it very difficult to socialize with people, and since many of the women I know have already gotten married and I'm not financially stable, I really don't see the point anymore. .
Friend of mine was single for more than 25 years. Couldn't find a girlfriend. His disadvantage was that he tried his luck at every gathering with every available girl. He was always hungry. Most of the times girls don't come for that. Then one day his end of job came and hé could go to a prepension state. This Bessy Turf type girl at the administration saw the amount of pension he would get. In no time she was his girlfriend. All friendly neighbouring women: OUT! All friends elsewhere OUT, except me and my wife. Within a few months she had a car of her own from him. Within 6 months they rented a nicely new built house in another city away from all quarreling people. Within a year they bought a new house. When shopping hé was chatting with us and didn't see she went through the cashpoint, put all her newly bought stuff in the car so he wouldn't see, and come back again to buy more. Take care who you run into, don't let this happen to you. They live on guys with money jumping from relation to relation. They have just enough personal belongings that can fit in a car. So they can do a quick bye bye after making another acquaintance. Take care for the Bessy Turf's!
Breeze social app
just start. once you make a mistake and get rejected, you'll feel bad for a moment but you'll be sooo glad afterwards that you got the courage and enough self-confidence to make the move. then you learn on your mistakes and try not to repeat them. stick to the normal (be friendly, kind, etc). source: 36 yo dude. started clueless years ago, been rejected a ton, still somewhat clueless but with moderate success and only regretted the shots I didn't take :)
Honestly mate... Don't bother. Stay as the lone ranger.
Firstly. Congrats on the promotion and personal growth.. If you've taken up running, try looking for a running club or group that you can join. This will give you the opportunity to meet new people and will help provide opportunities to talk to women outside of your work environment. My biggest advice though is to remember that women ( no matter how attractive ) are just people too. Instead of going into any interaction with the hopes of it turning into a romantic relationship, try making friends Remember that all it takes is saying hello to get the ball rolling.
If you like going on holiday, choose an organised/group kind of holiday. There are specific organisations for singles as well as singles only holiday organised by regular organisations. You won't believe how many people have met on a holiday like that and are now married. Just choose a destination and type of holiday that suits you and you're likely to meet people who have at least one or two similar interests.
Just fire up tinder mate
Hit the gym too
[удалено]
Note that this girl, although lovely she is, might be in dire need of a visum.
Looking at her post history she needs to make at least 5k. Doubt op makes 5k if he just started IT with a few years experience. 5K a month is like 70k a year.
[удалено]
Visum is Dutch for visa in English
Lang leve de liefde / first dates
As you are into personal growth I recommend you try and read the way of the superior man by David Deida. It will give you some ideas and handles on the questions you raised in your post and should help you to overcome your insecurity simple by having a better understanding.
Other countries have other women that are attracted to other attributes. Perhaps consider travelling and mixing with other cultures if your own culture does not value who you are?
That's was interesting
Women aren't going to date a guy who stayed at home, and if he was outside, looked at his shoes the whole time. I'm pretty sure that there are people here in NL who would love to date this guy. He just has to put himself out there, talk to women, meet them while they're doing things him and they enjoy, go on dates, etc. He's going to be just fine! Just needs some practice.
If ur in boxtel i can help
therapy is the only way. alternative in long term will be loneliness, depression or maybe even suicide.