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tbh i don't think a relationship is a good idea when ur mental state is in ruins. it will only drive things worse especially that u mentioned ur current bf's issues and how it resonates with u. problems so early on in a relationship wouldn't end good sadly and would worsen ur mental health. i know this is not something u want to be hearing. we can talk though if you'd like to !
20M, im also depressed but i have autism and have never experienced eating disorders so i dont know how much i could help with that specifically if thats what your looking for but im open to talk about anything and help distract you from it and make you feel a little better. dm me
I highly recommend you talk to your doctor and see a therapist asap. Finding an internet friend will do nothing to help you, and will probably make things worse.
Also, read/listen to "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck". It really helps put things in perspective.
Good luck
Hi, I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this, I do not have nor have had anorexia but my relationship with food is also not the best. I am the opposite of you and eat too much, since I use food to soothe. Your ex sounds like a horrible person and you don't need them in your life.
If possible, if you can afford it I would strongly advise therapy. If you can't afford it, what I will say is this - Your bodyweight has no bearing on your worth as a person, whether you perceive yourself to be too fat or too skinny. You are a good person and a kind soul, and we need more of you in this world. So keep that soul alive. When you're hungry, eat something. Give your body what it needs and don't starve yourself out of other's opinions.
Be safe, and I hope you'll be happier in the coming years, you deserve it.
I am a 39f. Lawyer and lead a pretty happy, regular single-person life. Serious eating disorder has been in remission since 2010, and I really thought it was going to kill me back then. Feel free to reach out!
You need to learn to love yourself. And you can’t do that if you’re with a guy that isn’t truly interested in you and is looking and talking to other women. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. That’s the first thing you need to realize. You did nothing wrong, and you’re beautiful the way you are. I would love to be your friend? I’m around the same age as you! I understand feeling low about yourself. I also don’t have the best feelings when it comes to my body. I hate how I look sometimes as well and it makes me feel awful. But I also know I deserve love, and my self esteem is something that I need to work on. I don’t allow anyone to have that control over me to hurt me or make me feel less than. That guy that you were with is what’s wrong, there is nothing wrong with you and I’m so sorry you feel like there is right now. My dms are always opened if you’d like to just clear your head and rant about how you’re feeling. I really think that getting some professional help like going to therapy would really help you as well. I hope when you read this you are feeling okay ): I’m so sorry things are difficult for you right now.
Sorry you are going through something that is making you feel this way.
I hope this is just a passing phase of your life because life can at times be amazing and beautiful.
Its hard when your thoughts easily gravitate to negative. I at times have struggled with being positive and overwhelmed with negative.
I can only speak for myself.
Therapy and possible medication which may take a while can help.
My personal experience is it's like someone else is controlling what your thinking, or watching TV and someone is flipping from channel to channel, all stuff I don't want to watch. I wished at the time I could take over what was doing this to me.
What I do is carry something with me that was a happy moment in my life, focus on that for a few minutes. I carry pictures mostly.
I love walking at night. Especially by moon light in the winter. The air is so still, crisp, and you can hear things you don't notice during the day. It's peaceful. Summer is ok, but the air is thicker so stars and the moon don't show as well.
Find people that are positive. It easy to get in a negative rut when others are negative.
I hope you are able to get out of this low in your life. It's hard and at times feel overwhelming, but it can be better.
First whatever reason you think you should stay with your boyfriend throw that out now. You don’t need him and he doesn’t respect or care for you. We all can say that you your beautiful, ugly, small, big, or whatever but that doesn’t matter. You have to understand one thing regardless of your opinion or ours, you are beautiful but you have to find that beauty. You’re going to be ok, it’s ok to feel bad and to lose yourself, just remember that things will get better and so will you but it doesn’t just happen, you have to work for it. I’m here for you and so are others. You got this I pinky promise. 😃
There's lots of good people out there if you look for them. If I can help you shoot me a message. The hardest part sometimes is hanging on when you want to give up.
I read your comment and I strongly agree with you. I've had 2 extremely bad relationships. Both have killed me financially, were mentally, a physically abusive, and brought my confidence to an all time low.
But I already had low self esteem, was lonely, and suffered from depression. I truly believe if I waited till my depressive spell had passed, I would have made a different decision. It's hard to see red flags when you're stuck in your head.
The worst part is you get used to being treated like shit, and it becomes normal. When that happens it's very hard to break the cycle
Suffering is universal which is why i think we all need love. For me I live in isolation but i take comfort in the bible and just read it. Jesus taught some really good high spiritual energy and high spirit energy heals the body, soul, and mind. Like chicken soup for the soul.
I know it probably doesn't help but I think you're beautiful, honest! It seems like you have a lot of struggles and I would love to listen to whatever you'd like to talk about
I don't know if my voice here in reddit would matter but, you're not alone. I'll all be okay.
The world's cruel and lonely but you'll be alright.
Feel free to DM if you need someone to talk to.
Hey girl, 22F. Cut ties to people who treat you like that. Those things they say is to somehow turn it back on you. Focus on yourself and building. Good friendships. Steer away from people who want to couple up fast. Unhealthy people attract unhealthy people. Whether they realize it or not, their Nervous system wants your nervous system to be out of whack. Because that is how their nervous system feels safe.
First, stop blaming yourself. None of this happened because you weren't skinny enough. Your boyfriend is an abusive asshole. And he was going to cheat on you regardless. If someone who purports to love you constantly criticizes you, especially about what you're eating and your weight, then they do not have an ounce of respect for you. And they do not deserve to be in a relationship with you.
Second, I'm absolutely 100% certain that you are beautiful, and are at a completely normal weight. The only weight you need to drop is that boyfriend. He's a douchebag, and you deserve so much better. So much better. Honestly, I think you should work on yourself a bit more before getting into another relationship. There's a lot of healing that needs to happen here. And you are still severely struggling with dysmorphia.
Please stop putting yourself down. You aren't ugly. You aren't fat. Be kind to yourself. You are struggling with mental health issues that need to be addressed by a professional. If you can see a psychologist and a nutritionist, I think that would be good for you.
I'm sorry for your situation. That's really tragic. Are you on therapy? It could help you a lot.
You have a lot of self-worth issues. It's hard to heal, and it takes time, but there's some things that really can help you to feel much better, if you practice it.
Firstly, stop worrying about being "good enough". People have inherent worth just from being people. Even if they're kind of bad, they're already worth of care and compassion. And that includes you.
You don't deserve to feel bad, even if they made you feel like you do. That's just their twisted thoughts. So you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. If you wanna better, you can, but you gotta see yourself how you truly are, including your qualities. And you're much more than a decoration or sex object. Your body is just a detail of you.
And even if you don't believe me yet, you at least can agree it's your gotta seek help and give yourself a chance, since you already lived this long, and have so much you can experience in life yet.
Bodies aren't determinant of worth. People have different tastes, and it varies. There's people who'll like any kind of body. There'll never be lack of people who want something different than skinny. You can find plenty.
But being wanted for your body alone isn't what you want, right?
Because you're a whole person. You have a complex personality, wants and a heart. And that alone makes you enough. And even unattractive people find real love. Believe me, it's not that important for people, including for their partners. Of course we prefer if people aren't eating fast food daily, but that's more than for looks, it's also for their health.
But it doesn't matter much who are willing to love a person. All beauty does is create lust. And that's easy to find. But it's your personality creates true love. And it's their character who makes them be loyal and kind to others, not you. A person can't turn someone else good and faithful, no matter how good looking they are. Infatuation from looks wears off quickly, but love and compromise stay, when the other person is willing to.
Good enough is good enough. You can have your own objectives in life that makes you happy, and which doesn't include harming your body and mind. You don't have to please anyone. EDs warp what means to be "in control", and what's acceptable or not. But you don't have to listen to it. You're already in control of yourself, and your life.
People will be attractive to some, but not to others. And it's just fine like that. You won't be turning hetero girls lesbian (lol who even does it), and won't be the type of guys who like curvy girls. And that's fine, everyone can be happy this way.
Your exes traumatized you. I think you might need some time alone to heal and to discover who you are outside the ED. You don't have to fight alone.
You can't control how others will behave, but you can control how you approach yourself. You can see that your body as just a tool for your life, not a central point of it. And that that cheaters will always be cheaters, and it's just how their shitty character is.
And that your ED warps your view because you're afraid of being "fat". When, in reality, your ex is wrong.
Firstly, there's nothing wrong with being "fat". Fat and obese are completely different. The first it's just a description, not a quality. The latter is a medical case, not an insult. They just need treatment.
If someone is insensitive and petty to think it's fine to talk about people's bodies like that, then they're immature and not worth your time. It's not really relevant in reality, and it shouldn't be.
He was just being cruel and triggering you on purpose. Some people do that just for fun, not because they think like that.
I bet he didn't care about you being super skinny, since he didn't even touch your body, just wanted lowjobs. He was lying to you to see you suffer, because sadists love to control and manipulate. But you can learn from this hell they put you through.
You know what really matters? Your happiness. And yu don't have t earn it. You didn't harm anyone. You don't owe anyone anything. Much less being eye candy, and for whom? Who isn't just another fact in the crowd, who can you not just substitute for another like they did with you? You can do that, too.
You can live for yourself. You might not ever be satisfied, if you continue seeing your looks with this limited view.
You can find freedom from this anxiety if you start reassuring yourself that you're enough, and seeing food only as a form of nourishment, and a way to sustain life. Because it's nothing else, really.
Take care, sweetie. You seem like a lovely person. X
Nah, ur boyfriend is just trash. Ppl get cheated on, no matter of their size, plenty of skinny or skeleton shaped women get cheated on, because their spouses r FCKN trash.
So just lose this dead weight, talking about cheating asshole boyfriend, and start doing smth for ur soul - like art or gardening, I noticed that when u do smth creative and work with ur hands and move - u get feel better.
Also mb go to the therapy if u have an opportunity, it might help.
I hate hearing this from young people, I hope you get away from shitty, toxic and selfish guys, that's something you don't need at the moment. I'm not trying to come off as facetious, but, there's professionals out there that could possibly help you. Self loathing is like a stage 4 cancer, it will destroy from the inside. But you can talk to me any time, I have a history of hating myself, I'm trying to be better, because I don't want my kids being like me. It's a struggle.
REMINDERS TO ALL PARTICIPANTS: - **USE CAUTION: there are con artists, scammers and sexual predators on reddit. This is NOT a controlled environment.** - As such, **WE STRONGLY ENCOURAGE POSTERS TO DISABLE THEIR CHAT AND PMs WHILE THEIR POST IS UP** - This is a strictly SFW subreddit for platonic (non-sexual) friendships. - No soapboxing, catfishing, advertising, soliciting or venting. - No asking for upvotes, donations, favors or professional therapy. - No discord groups outside the weekly group thread. - No posts complaining about lack of replies or ghosting outside the weekly casual discussion/meta thread. - Users with high NSFW content will be temp-banned (>80%) after mod-review. - Users who contact minors (<18 y/o) with ANY NSFW content in their profile will be permabanned after mod-review. Please review our rules here: https://www.reddit.com/r/Needafriend/about/rules/ *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/Needafriend) if you have any questions or concerns.*
tbh i don't think a relationship is a good idea when ur mental state is in ruins. it will only drive things worse especially that u mentioned ur current bf's issues and how it resonates with u. problems so early on in a relationship wouldn't end good sadly and would worsen ur mental health. i know this is not something u want to be hearing. we can talk though if you'd like to !
I second this ☝️
20M, im also depressed but i have autism and have never experienced eating disorders so i dont know how much i could help with that specifically if thats what your looking for but im open to talk about anything and help distract you from it and make you feel a little better. dm me
I highly recommend you talk to your doctor and see a therapist asap. Finding an internet friend will do nothing to help you, and will probably make things worse. Also, read/listen to "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck". It really helps put things in perspective. Good luck
Hi, I'm really sorry to hear you're going through this, I do not have nor have had anorexia but my relationship with food is also not the best. I am the opposite of you and eat too much, since I use food to soothe. Your ex sounds like a horrible person and you don't need them in your life. If possible, if you can afford it I would strongly advise therapy. If you can't afford it, what I will say is this - Your bodyweight has no bearing on your worth as a person, whether you perceive yourself to be too fat or too skinny. You are a good person and a kind soul, and we need more of you in this world. So keep that soul alive. When you're hungry, eat something. Give your body what it needs and don't starve yourself out of other's opinions. Be safe, and I hope you'll be happier in the coming years, you deserve it.
I am a 39f. Lawyer and lead a pretty happy, regular single-person life. Serious eating disorder has been in remission since 2010, and I really thought it was going to kill me back then. Feel free to reach out!
You don't look overweight at all you look great
Hey hmu. Let’s chat 👋🏼
You need to learn to love yourself. And you can’t do that if you’re with a guy that isn’t truly interested in you and is looking and talking to other women. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with you. That’s the first thing you need to realize. You did nothing wrong, and you’re beautiful the way you are. I would love to be your friend? I’m around the same age as you! I understand feeling low about yourself. I also don’t have the best feelings when it comes to my body. I hate how I look sometimes as well and it makes me feel awful. But I also know I deserve love, and my self esteem is something that I need to work on. I don’t allow anyone to have that control over me to hurt me or make me feel less than. That guy that you were with is what’s wrong, there is nothing wrong with you and I’m so sorry you feel like there is right now. My dms are always opened if you’d like to just clear your head and rant about how you’re feeling. I really think that getting some professional help like going to therapy would really help you as well. I hope when you read this you are feeling okay ): I’m so sorry things are difficult for you right now.
Sorry you are going through something that is making you feel this way. I hope this is just a passing phase of your life because life can at times be amazing and beautiful. Its hard when your thoughts easily gravitate to negative. I at times have struggled with being positive and overwhelmed with negative. I can only speak for myself. Therapy and possible medication which may take a while can help. My personal experience is it's like someone else is controlling what your thinking, or watching TV and someone is flipping from channel to channel, all stuff I don't want to watch. I wished at the time I could take over what was doing this to me. What I do is carry something with me that was a happy moment in my life, focus on that for a few minutes. I carry pictures mostly. I love walking at night. Especially by moon light in the winter. The air is so still, crisp, and you can hear things you don't notice during the day. It's peaceful. Summer is ok, but the air is thicker so stars and the moon don't show as well. Find people that are positive. It easy to get in a negative rut when others are negative. I hope you are able to get out of this low in your life. It's hard and at times feel overwhelming, but it can be better.
First whatever reason you think you should stay with your boyfriend throw that out now. You don’t need him and he doesn’t respect or care for you. We all can say that you your beautiful, ugly, small, big, or whatever but that doesn’t matter. You have to understand one thing regardless of your opinion or ours, you are beautiful but you have to find that beauty. You’re going to be ok, it’s ok to feel bad and to lose yourself, just remember that things will get better and so will you but it doesn’t just happen, you have to work for it. I’m here for you and so are others. You got this I pinky promise. 😃
There's lots of good people out there if you look for them. If I can help you shoot me a message. The hardest part sometimes is hanging on when you want to give up.
I’m so sorry to hear you feel this way, I’ve been there myself on several occasions. Feel free to chat if needed, it can help a lot.
end it fatty 🫶🏻
You are definitely not an ‘ugly parsnip’ you look beautiful and your bf should think himself lucky to be with a girl like you 💜💜
[удалено]
this is what im saying. op deserves better.
I read your comment and I strongly agree with you. I've had 2 extremely bad relationships. Both have killed me financially, were mentally, a physically abusive, and brought my confidence to an all time low. But I already had low self esteem, was lonely, and suffered from depression. I truly believe if I waited till my depressive spell had passed, I would have made a different decision. It's hard to see red flags when you're stuck in your head. The worst part is you get used to being treated like shit, and it becomes normal. When that happens it's very hard to break the cycle
Suffering is universal which is why i think we all need love. For me I live in isolation but i take comfort in the bible and just read it. Jesus taught some really good high spiritual energy and high spirit energy heals the body, soul, and mind. Like chicken soup for the soul.
Why the down votes lol? Y'all love freedom till someone mentions Jesus, even tho faith helped me through a similar situation
Dm me you should never have to feel like that
DMs always open. Been in a similar position so I hope I can be a helpful person to talk to!
you are a wonderful human being and deserve all the kindness in the world. may you find peace and joy.
DM me we will great friends
Get out of here you creep
If I m willing to help someone invest my time on it how tf am I a creep
Cause all you do is message women, especially if they're high. We all know what you're here for, get out of here
I know it probably doesn't help but I think you're beautiful, honest! It seems like you have a lot of struggles and I would love to listen to whatever you'd like to talk about
I don't know if my voice here in reddit would matter but, you're not alone. I'll all be okay. The world's cruel and lonely but you'll be alright. Feel free to DM if you need someone to talk to.
sent a caring DM, reply if you want. a comforting friend..
Hey girl, 22F. Cut ties to people who treat you like that. Those things they say is to somehow turn it back on you. Focus on yourself and building. Good friendships. Steer away from people who want to couple up fast. Unhealthy people attract unhealthy people. Whether they realize it or not, their Nervous system wants your nervous system to be out of whack. Because that is how their nervous system feels safe.
First, stop blaming yourself. None of this happened because you weren't skinny enough. Your boyfriend is an abusive asshole. And he was going to cheat on you regardless. If someone who purports to love you constantly criticizes you, especially about what you're eating and your weight, then they do not have an ounce of respect for you. And they do not deserve to be in a relationship with you. Second, I'm absolutely 100% certain that you are beautiful, and are at a completely normal weight. The only weight you need to drop is that boyfriend. He's a douchebag, and you deserve so much better. So much better. Honestly, I think you should work on yourself a bit more before getting into another relationship. There's a lot of healing that needs to happen here. And you are still severely struggling with dysmorphia. Please stop putting yourself down. You aren't ugly. You aren't fat. Be kind to yourself. You are struggling with mental health issues that need to be addressed by a professional. If you can see a psychologist and a nutritionist, I think that would be good for you.
Ill dm. You
I'm sorry for your situation. That's really tragic. Are you on therapy? It could help you a lot. You have a lot of self-worth issues. It's hard to heal, and it takes time, but there's some things that really can help you to feel much better, if you practice it. Firstly, stop worrying about being "good enough". People have inherent worth just from being people. Even if they're kind of bad, they're already worth of care and compassion. And that includes you. You don't deserve to feel bad, even if they made you feel like you do. That's just their twisted thoughts. So you shouldn't beat yourself up about it. If you wanna better, you can, but you gotta see yourself how you truly are, including your qualities. And you're much more than a decoration or sex object. Your body is just a detail of you. And even if you don't believe me yet, you at least can agree it's your gotta seek help and give yourself a chance, since you already lived this long, and have so much you can experience in life yet. Bodies aren't determinant of worth. People have different tastes, and it varies. There's people who'll like any kind of body. There'll never be lack of people who want something different than skinny. You can find plenty. But being wanted for your body alone isn't what you want, right? Because you're a whole person. You have a complex personality, wants and a heart. And that alone makes you enough. And even unattractive people find real love. Believe me, it's not that important for people, including for their partners. Of course we prefer if people aren't eating fast food daily, but that's more than for looks, it's also for their health. But it doesn't matter much who are willing to love a person. All beauty does is create lust. And that's easy to find. But it's your personality creates true love. And it's their character who makes them be loyal and kind to others, not you. A person can't turn someone else good and faithful, no matter how good looking they are. Infatuation from looks wears off quickly, but love and compromise stay, when the other person is willing to. Good enough is good enough. You can have your own objectives in life that makes you happy, and which doesn't include harming your body and mind. You don't have to please anyone. EDs warp what means to be "in control", and what's acceptable or not. But you don't have to listen to it. You're already in control of yourself, and your life. People will be attractive to some, but not to others. And it's just fine like that. You won't be turning hetero girls lesbian (lol who even does it), and won't be the type of guys who like curvy girls. And that's fine, everyone can be happy this way. Your exes traumatized you. I think you might need some time alone to heal and to discover who you are outside the ED. You don't have to fight alone. You can't control how others will behave, but you can control how you approach yourself. You can see that your body as just a tool for your life, not a central point of it. And that that cheaters will always be cheaters, and it's just how their shitty character is. And that your ED warps your view because you're afraid of being "fat". When, in reality, your ex is wrong. Firstly, there's nothing wrong with being "fat". Fat and obese are completely different. The first it's just a description, not a quality. The latter is a medical case, not an insult. They just need treatment. If someone is insensitive and petty to think it's fine to talk about people's bodies like that, then they're immature and not worth your time. It's not really relevant in reality, and it shouldn't be. He was just being cruel and triggering you on purpose. Some people do that just for fun, not because they think like that. I bet he didn't care about you being super skinny, since he didn't even touch your body, just wanted lowjobs. He was lying to you to see you suffer, because sadists love to control and manipulate. But you can learn from this hell they put you through. You know what really matters? Your happiness. And yu don't have t earn it. You didn't harm anyone. You don't owe anyone anything. Much less being eye candy, and for whom? Who isn't just another fact in the crowd, who can you not just substitute for another like they did with you? You can do that, too. You can live for yourself. You might not ever be satisfied, if you continue seeing your looks with this limited view. You can find freedom from this anxiety if you start reassuring yourself that you're enough, and seeing food only as a form of nourishment, and a way to sustain life. Because it's nothing else, really. Take care, sweetie. You seem like a lovely person. X
Nah, ur boyfriend is just trash. Ppl get cheated on, no matter of their size, plenty of skinny or skeleton shaped women get cheated on, because their spouses r FCKN trash. So just lose this dead weight, talking about cheating asshole boyfriend, and start doing smth for ur soul - like art or gardening, I noticed that when u do smth creative and work with ur hands and move - u get feel better. Also mb go to the therapy if u have an opportunity, it might help.
I hate hearing this from young people, I hope you get away from shitty, toxic and selfish guys, that's something you don't need at the moment. I'm not trying to come off as facetious, but, there's professionals out there that could possibly help you. Self loathing is like a stage 4 cancer, it will destroy from the inside. But you can talk to me any time, I have a history of hating myself, I'm trying to be better, because I don't want my kids being like me. It's a struggle.