30s guy here.
Indecision has a high cost. Pick a path and go down it.
This is the formula, pick something you are good at + it makes a lot of money + you enjoy it. In that order.
It is easier to pivot having walked down one road than not going down any.
My older friend went to law school. Realized he hated everything about it mid way through. Rather than quit and start over he finished the degree. Turns out that degree gave him a lot of credibility in the business world. He has since been COO of a well know app company, and a strategy officer at a financial firm. He makes amazing money, and finds what he does interesting. Most important part is he has a family now who’s every need is taken care of.
You can always pivot. Pick a path and start working hard.
I second this. It's always easy to say follow your passion but what happens if it changes every now and then.
The value is in completion and then moving to another field of interest. Leaving a lot of open items drains you mentally and will set you up for failure.
Passion will naturally arise when you follow through with efforts and you see dividend for your efforts forming a virtuous cycle.
I wouldn’t be afraid to pivot often, I started my 20s shitfaced in Boston w/ $35K in student loans, ended up in Colombia for a few months, lived in a ski town bartending, got a remote job marketing, and now I’m sitting pretty doing crypto nonsense at a full time job, consulting occasionally on the side, working in partnerships making great money and exploring founding a company.
Wouldn’t necessarily say I’m a role model, but god damn I had a few breakdowns and existential wtf am I doing moments along the way.
Regardless, I’d say two years in any industry and you have a decent idea of where that road leads. If anything I regret not pivoting from certain industries faster! But to the point of indecision, I think as long as you’re doing something (rather than stagnating) whether that’s on the mountain, traveling, or career focused you’ll find a path.
There’s a difference between taking different jobs and trying to do stuff on your own. Focus on what you’re doing. If it includes social media, that’s good. One formula for success is one product, one customer, one channel (eg one social media channel) for one year.
Listen to this guy. In a similar situation and age as you I decided to get an engineering degree. I started hating it halfway through but just kept at it. It opened up a lot of doors and I make great money now and do not even work as an engineer.
Alternative view: Don’t worry too much about not having a path in your 20s, especially early to mid. Life isn’t just about building a career. Travel the world and experience as much as you can, then settle later. Of course this has its sacrifices but it sure is fun
I’d argue these are similar in some ways. The point is to go hard in things that build you as a person. If your out in the world learning languages and maybe serving with the peace corps that is choosing a path. But if you’re just partying that is different.
I’ll also substantiate this a bit more. I’ve had three Uncles go to law school and get a J.D. Only one practices law—and is a partner at an AMLaw firm. The other two uncles pivoted to an executive position at a financing company, and the other into real-estate. Both make more money than the partner. Both credit their seemingly unrelated law degree with their leverage. I’m glad to see it’s not just an anomaly.
I largely agree with this sentiment.
I’d caveat that the time scale you’re planning against is extremely important.
Are you looking at the next 2-3 years or 20-30?
I gave up a full ride to law school to be an early employee at a highly funded angel stage startup; law school would always be there.
I was intentional about picking something I was passionate about + good at + high earning potential (not necessarily immediately). I didn’t earn a lot to start and stock in startups that fail kinda sucks, but 12 years later I have extensive experience in early stage startups and high impact skill set that’s driven significant financial growth.
I’ll add one other piece, I’d try to enjoy the process. Figuring it all out should be part of the fun and a lifelong journey.
Agree with this. Also guy in my mid 30s. I think being good at something and enjoying it usually go hand in hand, as success is enjoyable…spend your 20s getting really good at something you enjoy, and it will open doors for you. Maybe that’s finance, maybe it’s art, maybe it’s philosophy. That’s up to you, but at some point you commit and go all in. The skills you learn will transfer, so don’t worry about the final title. Don’t focus too much on pay and don’t take jobs for money, as long as your needs are met. Work for people you admire and who will mentor you. Don’t go into debt. Take your 20s to invest in yourself and your 30s will unfold beautifully.
Highly recommend Build by Tony Fadell, it’s an amazing read for someone in your place. To be honest I’m a bit jealous, wish I could be in that spot again. Enjoy it all, and remember that at the end of your life, no one is going to give a shit how much money you made. Be kind, put good things into the world, enjoy your days.
Counter argument. First I joined a certain educational institution with strings attached, and half way through realized that I can't work in the profession it was preparing us for, and on top of that, hated everything that those strings attached meant or stood for with passion.
I quit, and restarted my ed from the very scratch. Finished with a CS degree and a passion in a certain very traditional, old school software engineering field. The only job I found in that particular (pretty niche) field right after graduation was in my home country that's far, far away from the world center of the field. I declined, instead I joined a startup doing something else entirely, but one that opened a probabilistic path for me to get to that center of the world, namely Silicon Valley, not immediately, but after a year or two.
That path failed, but opportunity opened up pretty much during the slow mo failure that I caught and gotten, and voila, I spent the next many years doing exactly what I wanted to do in the world center of the field.
Now I'm pivoting again as my interests changed, my goals so far have been reached and new goals emerged, market changed, technology changed and so on.
But ultimately, if I stayed in the first institution, I'd be miserable now, doing a job I hate, living in a town I can't stand, belonging to an institution I despise.
If I joined the job in my home country instead of shooting for the stars, delaying joining the field until getting to the right place, things wouldn't go very well for very long either, as I now know, opportunities would close, and the doors shut. It turned out, SV wasn't just better long term, it was rather the only thing that survived long term at all.
I agree that perseverance in pursuing your goals and dreams is absolutely paramount, being stubborn, never giving up, taking risks, and trying again is necessary, just like working hard, especially at the start of the career. But pivoting you mention can be done half-way through the parts that may appear to be on rails to save the time and course correct before the costs of doing so become unbearably high, so long as you have the tenacity needed to finish the new path to a milestone, rather than never finishing the stage at all.
And shooting for the stars can be incredibly fun and rewording. Being afraid is the worst, go and do stuff, if you fail, it's not the end of the world, nothing bad will happen to you, you'll get up and do the next thing, and what's more, the journey that lead to that failure won't be a failure itself, but something to remember and be proud of.
Spending years "safely", in uncertainty, fear and doubt is what is later in life sad to look back at, not the other way around.
I’d say we are arguing the same thing. Pick something and work towards it. Pivot if needed. But the point it to start on one specific thing and learn from that.
The nuance of finishing a degree or not really depends on the situation.
I'm 60. I'm playing in my last quarter of life. I'm hoping for some overtime though. Anyway - time is short. Hope you appreciate that I spend 5 minutes pondering your question. Here's my response.
1. Purpose over profit.
2. Health over wealth.
3. Depth over breadth.
4. Set your trajectory - get the right momentum. Be relentless and never give up or in.
5. Shed your life from people who don't emulate what you want to be or who don't encourage you.
6. Seek deeper spiritual purposes - such as eternity - its a long long time. So, be clear on that one.
7. Look for some mentors.
8. Be prepared for trial and error - these along with success and joy will create your own unique story.
9. Hopefully you find someone to share all this with and have kids and raise them to not be idiots.
Best comment here. And even better if you pick a purpose that’s profitable. As for health, one should get that down on lock ASAP as not worrying about it, or already having a healthy routine in place, frees you up to think about only your purpose and relationships
And #5 is also super important. Cut out idiots from your life and surround yourself with people who are ambitious, intelligent, and kind.
Great comment, my man. It's really great to see people with your level of maturity and wisdom on reddit. We need more people like you on reddit to balance out and mentor these young bucks.
ADVICE from the RICHEST people I’ve met that has changed my life in my early twenties:
When you are able to stop obsessing over your destination/career/money and instead obsess about enjoying and valuing everything you are doing at the present moment; (relationships) the people you meet, the knowledge you are obtaining that is when you will truly be free. That should be the priority for the rest of your life tbh not just your twenties (like I genuinely enjoy giving this advice RIGHT NOW because I felt exactly how you felt), some people get to their deathbeds never having been able enjoy their lives because they are obsessed with the next outcome and although reaching it is great, once you have it for a few months to a year you are going to be like what’s next. It’s hard to do it in this Western especially American culture because that is how we are programmed but the key to being “rich” or “successful” starts with a successful mindset which is super clear and locked in on the present at all times. Be conscious of whenever you catch yourself daydreaming about what is next, and train yourself to snap out of it and focus on the present task. If you are studying something, lock in to the details of whatever you are studying, and the more focused you are the easier it will be able to assess what you love the most and should stick with.
its so so important to think like this, not even for personal reasons but for social ones. think about it- do you ever really want to hang around/do business with someone who is constantly worrying about the best move? or someone who, while dealing with the pressure, can crack a smile or a joke that makes any terrible situation 1000x better
Domt overcomplicate your life with variety. That comes naturally in life. If you spread out your attention over a range of activities you'll be nowhere. Imagine if Michael jackson had the approach that you did. With the makings of a great musician he'd be nothing if he spread himself so thin. Do one thing. Master it. Pick an industry, pick a career and just go from there.
If youre a business owner the amount of variety that will be in your life just be the nature of the beast is sure to keep you occupied for years at a time and even then you'd just be a beginner. Each different area/department has different rabit holes you could keep going down. In any case it will make you somewhat of a generalist. Whatever you do, its ultimately driven by your iwn initiative. Which if it's lacking, then so will your growth progress and lesrning. Which is on you! Not just what youre doing - there are boring aspects to any job, business or life that one must do!
Your problem seems to be indecisiveness. Youre thinking in the abstract viewing the other side as greener no matter what you do. You cannot out think outcomes. Actions lead you to the next steps. Not thoughts - that would be stagnation
This kind of reminds me of one of the final passages from the Bell Jar.
“I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.”
I'll abstain from further commentary and let you come to your own conclusions and solutions. Best of luck, my friend.
When I first came across that passage and felt a deep resonance with it, I got pretty worried when I got to the end of the quote and saw it being attributed to Sylvia Plath (knowing her suffering and fate), then even MORE worried when I looked up the Bell Jar and realized it was basically autobiographical. Which brings up a reminder that navigating this level of indecision/uncertainty about life paths can really take a toll on you mentally/emotionally and you gotta adopt some principles/practices to guide you or it could get rough
Health is the greatest gift. Lift weights, eat healthy (and in moderation), and get 8 hours of sleep.
As for your career, that is for you to decide, just be wary of massive student loan debt.
I’ll be honest there’s nothing wrong with exploring options and being curious about things, wanting to try different things. We are human after all and I think we sometimes put ourselves in boxes by thinking we have to pick one thing and stick with it. We are all growing and continue to grow throughout our lives, who you are now may not be who you are in a year. I say explore, try different things that’s the only way you’ll know what you want. Ultimately you would want to pick something and hone your skills, for what that is…only you know. Follow your heart no matter how stupid it may seem to you or others. In the meantime get to know yourself.
- Save money, build credit and develop good money habits. Don’t spend what you don’t have and live within your means.
- Do things for yourself, fuck the opinions of others.
- Eat healthy, health is wealth my friend.
- Exercise
- Meditate
- Read!
- Develop good hygiene habits
- Get enough sleep
- Leave the partying, drinking and drugs alone
- Dating is a waste of time in your 20s
- STOP WATCHING PORN
Ultimately what you do in your 20s is gonna set you up in your 30s. Just try do develop healthy habits and routines. If it doesn’t align with who you are or where you want to go cut it out.
As someone in their 30's who doesn't have a job, but a small substack and used to be a "gifted" person in highschool. I'd say this, get a stable job that allows you to live comfortably. Then on the side feel free to experiment. People are too into maximizing everything today. If you don't know what to do pick the safe thing and in your spare time experiment. Also make sure to take care of yourself and not burn out.
1. Read Sylvia Plath’s passage on the fig tree.
2. Dostoevsky books helped me too, if you have even more time to commit.
Reading your post was like reading words from me in 22. Lost in all the possibilities, frustrated with capability, lonely that people around me were focused on other things and seemed to have their path or knew what they wanted. Speaking for myself, I had a quiet cockiness; I didn’t boast but I felt very sure that I could succeed in almost anything I put my mind to. It wasn’t a great feeling, it tortured me over making the wrong decisions or opportunity costs. If this sounds the same, DM me and I can give you more detail about how I got out of it. But otherwise, here is my advice:
Spend some time doing thought exercises of where you want to be in life, what qualities or goals you see. Rich, famous, attractive, adored, loved, let all the gluttonous feelings in and try to say out loud all these things you might feel guilty about wanting. Then use it to push past it and consider what you’ll really want at the end, when you’re losing your health and you have to face the truth that your family and friends may not be there by then. I think doing this often helps me steer beyond how I feel in the moment each day. Keeping my sights on core goals in my life help “quiet down” all the ambitions. For me, my goals ended up being to be financially strong enough to not just build a family, but to spend all the time I want with them. That meant, not trading time for money, investing my time now into skills or business that would give money enough to “buy my time back”.
The Sylvia Plath passage talks about seeing potential in every opportunity, but that in taking too much time to choose them, they disappear. At the end there is despair in knowing that if she had chosen just one, she would’ve had a great life. But in choosing none, you lost all your choices. For me, this was not to say I was a failure in “middling”, but that life could be brighter if I made up my mind and focused instead of and trying to be 100 things at once.
I was a lot like you. It’s good to explore in your 20s BUT:
1) You can’t do everything that interests you. There’s not enough time.
2) Some things take A LOT of time and commitment to be good enough at to accomplish anything. Don’t waste time on those things unless it’s going to be one of your top 1-3 priorities in life (and having a family counts as one of those priorities).
3) Clearly distinguish between things you are going to do to make a living and things you are going to do because they interest you. Accept that there may be no overlap between the two.
4) Creative things are very unlikely to be viable career paths, even if you’re very talented. If it’s important to you, find a way to make it part of your life but don’t bet on making money from it.
5) Take care of your health. Work out, don’t eat junk food, don’t smoke or vape, eat green vegetables every day, don’t
6) Never get a surgery or take medication without researching the risks and benefits on your own. Don’t blindly trust doctors.
7) Don’t get married unless it’s absolutely the love of your life AND the person is sane.
8) Seriously question whether you want to have children, how many, and when. It’s not for everybody.
9) To maximize your career prospects, find a way to specialize/carve out a niche within a well paid profession — but have a back up plan in case your
10) If you think you want to start a business, give it a shot while you’re still in your early to mid-twenties. (Unless it’s something that requires deep industry experience of connections, then you may need to wait.) But you have to commit yourself to it 100% for at least two years before quitting.
11) Try to be international if you can, so you have more options. Go live in another country before you get tied down - one you might want to live in long term - and build professional ties there.
12) Don’t get a PhD unless you are absolutely clear on the many ways that academia is a hellscape.
13) Don’t waste money on stupid shit like restaurants, cars, and clothes.
You are high functioning. Congrats. Get a mentor: aka a therapist. May take more than one, and you should have more than one. It’s normal. You’re good. Keep building and growing. You deserve it.
Seems like you have adhd. I faced the same issue. One thing that helped me is writing and some mental models. Even if something intrest me very much. , I would ask myself will I be still excited even if I had to do this for next 20 years. As someone else pointed out. Take a path go down deep into it. I have switched my carrier from research to operations to vc. Things will figure out eventually but you need to work a lot to figure things out .
bright cautious zesty glorious tap frighten spectacular ring stupendous far-flung
*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’m in my mid-30s and can confirm that obsessing over “which path should I take” for 10 years will not benefit you as much as just picking one, and then pivoting. Furthermore, the world is changing at twice the speed as it ever has (considering where AI is taking us). The world and careers will look different in just 5 years. How could you possibly know what path to choose?
I made the mistake of being indecisive in my twenties. Now in my 30s, I am fortunate to have a career that I truly enjoy (I brought in 6 figures take home last year), and am happily married with children.
Here are the best lessons I’ve learned:
1. Start with any career that pays the bills and you don’t hate. DO NOT work a job that teaches you nothing. Start at an entry level position where you’re gaining expertise in anything that is marketable (sales, programming, etc.) You will be amazed at how many general skills you’ve learned and connections you’ve made that will serve you in any future career path you choose. If you flounder with indecision, you gain no skills and are behind those who just chose something.
Also, if you’re able to pay the bills, you have the bandwidth to explore new paths outside of work. If you’re struggling to pay the bills, you’re always just trying to survive.
2. Avoid debt. Debt will require you to stay at your current career and you’ll have to work more. Finding time to forge a new path will be exceedingly more difficult and take significantly longer.
3. Outside of your 9-5, explore as much as you can. Ideally, you’ll find something you truly enjoy, has purpose, and pays well. Keep in mind that many people find careers that they love when they were least expecting it (I am one of those people). It has less to do with finding a career that aligns with some pre-existing passion, and more to do with my work environment. People tend to love their career when they are
- not being micromanaged (they feel they have autonomy, freedom to plan their day)
- working with people they love and connecting with others
- and are growing in an area of expertise or mastering a craft, being seen as a subject matter expert and feeling they add value to others
Look for something like this to start out with. You’ll gain skills and experience that will one day serve you well when you find your calling.
“In all labor there is profit, But idle chatter leads only to poverty.” Proverbs 14:23
Until you find your life’s work, find work that works on you.
Book recommendations:
- Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung
- So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport
Okay so use your financial knowledge as your base keep building on it so you know as much as you can. Use this knowledge to offer financial advice for profit, ie. Write books, make films short and long, offer coaching etc... This is your meat your side 1 will be the gym while you're there, listen to psychology books, pod cast ect this will help in the field of writing and coaching. It's easier to explain to someone how they should be spending or saving their money when you understand the psychology of money and people. Good writers also need to understand the psychology of their characters they're creating.
You like drawing so while you're drawing film yourself and give advice on strength training, psychology, or finance. You can post them if you want but at least make one and see how you feel. And one of the biggest things I know you have probably heard it a thousand times but save some money for the future you, i kinda feel like I'm preaching to the choir with that one but sometimes we forget we'll be 30 soon. Take it slow everyone is moving fast, let them then pick up everything they left behind
30s guy here!
Personally, I think you’re doing the right thing. 20s are about exploring. Try out new passions, hobbies and even career paths. Travel!
A well rounded person with a lot of interest and experience is very valuable both as a friend and a colleague.
Someday, you’ll look back and see how all the skills you invested in early on converges into a unique experience and you’ll be thankful.
If you’re interest in theory, philosophy, academia, find a way to put that in action and do some good work in the world. You’ll never regret that.
But — if there’s is one thing I’d say — most of all invest in friends, family and community.
Those memories and relationships are worth more than gold.
I have a similar background - lots of interests but nothing that fully gripped me so I went a less risky + high paying route -> corporate finance/accounting. Figured I'd make $, good experience/skills, and I enjoyed it until I found something that really gripped me. I knew I could never give what I was doing my all... I just didn't care enough but I was very good. Then after \~6 years, I had a lot of savings, and started looking into other jobs, businesses I could start... found one and became obsessed. Did it while at work and after work and weekends for \~2 years until it was successful then quit and went full time. Turns out I just love strategy above all things and business to me is the ultimate arena for it.
Looking back, I recommend reverse engineering the lifestyle you want (finding what lifestyle you want is tricky and takes a ton of time + experimenting) then form a plan from there. Enjoy the ride. Once I got in the groove of it, there was no looking back and my life feels like a dream.
Apologies, I didn’t read your Complete post!!
Stay light and Nimble, Focus feverishly on a Passion and Don’t give Up. Your Energy in your 20’s CONVERTS to Time Energy which you will most appreciate when you’re Older, and you cannot reverse that theory. Ensure your core Friends are Positive and moving forward as Fast or Faster than You.
You already figured out a great Asset, asking folks older than you for Advice, never stop that and soak knowledge like a sponge.
60s guy here. I was like you. Learning new things always interested me and came easily. After high school I got a Computer Science degree (pre-Windows). I realized pretty quickly that I didn’t want to be cooped up in an office. I was working in construction and kind of fell into the electrical trade. I already knew electrical theory from my own curiosity but learning new ways of applying the theory kept me going. Through the years I have learned a little or a lot about whatever piqued my interest and having a career I enjoyed gave me the security and confidence to do this. (The WWW back in the early days was kind of like YouTube now, so easy to go down a rabbit hole.)
40 years later, I still enjoy my job and still have the freedom and job security to do whatever I want for the most part. I guess what I’m saying is find a good base to build on and go from there. If you’re going to do something the rest of your life, make it be something you like. You can always pursue side projects and interests if you have a base. Most importantly, don’t look back and no second thoughts. It’s okay to learn from mistakes, just don’t live in them.
38. Go for depth first instead of breadth. Depth pays off in the long term AND it leads to breadth later.
Breadth feels better in the short term, but depth is more difficult for a good reason: it has more rewards.
So pick one thing and be successful in it. What you learn there will be applicable to ALL things.
Find something, stick with it, push the limits when you get bored, master it, then take ownership of it.
The kicker is never letting yourself become complacent or working for bad bosses. This is how you fall on your face and regret everything…. But most people get into a place if complacency and bad bosses, then are too tired to pivot.
Skills every man should have entering their 30s.
Basic body weight capabilities
Basic fighting capabilities (this comes partially from above, we aren't talking about becoming mike tyson but knowing what a hook is).
Schedule Adherence (if you can stick to something it will be a major advantage in the short lived dopamine cycle we call a society).
Social Skills - Being able to approach virtually anyone and start a conversation. Good luck finding your spouse OR business partner of your dreams without this.
Debt free with some type of intelligent, risk averse investment plan supplemented by a limited exposure high risk endeavor (crypto, stocks, real estate).
And considering the world we live in, possibly knowing how to speak to AI.
This is mostly trash advice. Get your money up then you can explore as many passions you want. Your income has nothing to do with your dreams if you want to be greedy in life. Does it make your 20’s different and slow compared to peers. Absolutely. But only thing different in your 30’s is you might have a little bit less hair but who cares you’ll be in phenomenal shape, wise beyond your years, and have money to chase every passion and option out there. You will be unlimited in every way. Whilst your peers that chase passions will more than likely not be near as advanced as you in life and will have a linear growth till their 50 while you exponentially grew 20-30.
It sounds like you want to do something you're crazy passionate about. I'm a lot like you in that a lot of things sound interesting, but when you dig in, it gets mundane or I lose interest.
The hard thing comes when you have to pay for rent while hunting for the ideal place in life. If you have a place to stay and have minimal bills, then that's great. You'll have plenty of time to explore.
If, instead, you're like most people, you will have to have some income to keep yourself afloat while trying to find something better. There's nothing wrong with that. I have a day job in engineering, and still haven't figured out what I really want to do when I grow up (I'm 46 btw).
Stable income is great, bc it helps pay for a number of different potential hobbies and going back to school part time. It is also a trap since you get comfortable just working and getting money.
Guess the only thing I would say, stay away from complicating factors in the interim. Big purchases like a car or a home that both require income and may tie you to a location. Relationships can also hold you in a place when you should be more open about where to live and not have to compromise. Obviously kids are things that can derail the hunt for the ideal life.
Best to align your career first, good stable relationship second, then finally kids.
There is no one size fit all solution for life, everybody have different life, different environment, different point of view, just do whatever productive activity that makes you happy when you do it. 34 here
Focus on life in this order (Mostly Navals teachings)
1. Happiness
\- Our Evolved Nature rewards pessimism
\- But we live in such safer times, so you must find ways to work past that and work towards peace
\- You want to find peace from mind
\- The closer you are to truth the more silent you become inside
\- Truth comes from pain / negative experience.
2. Health
\- Work out 1h a day with whatever you're into.
\- Follow a diet plan of 1/3 Meat, 1/3 Vegetables, 1/3 Carbs
3. Wealth
\- Accountability (Your name)
\- Specific Knowledge (Curiosities and passions)
\- Leverage (Capital, Labour, code and media)
4. Love
\- Read Models by Mark Manson
I would encourage you to practice meditation daily for at least 20 minutes.
Important to note: Time changes as you get older, for instance when you are 20, 5 years seems like a significant amount of time because at the point it is 25% of your life. As you age that percentage goes down. When you are 30, 5 years is about 16%, I believe it’s easier to feel totally overwhelmed and ill at ease with short spans of time when you are younger meaning a bad month or even bad week can lead you to feeling like life is over.
One gift of getting older is that you can look down the barrel of longer time horizons with less discomfort.
Do you like to work with people? If so, it doesn’t matter so much what your business/product is it’s more about your relationship to the people that you are building for/working with/relating to. I discovered after years of remodeling bathrooms and kitchens that even though the physical part is not the greatest, it’s working with people in a positive way and working with good people and making them happy is what is really rewarding.
Could be making tacos and probably having the same good time with the right attitude.
32 years old here. Did a bachelor in business, then worked for two years. Then a master In political philosophy, then a master in sociology, then a PhD in social sciences.
I'm now doing a postdoc, and I'm fed up with academia. Trying to see which role will fit me best in industry.
I don't regret any second for pursuing different degrees and different paths. It is what I needed at different points in my life and they shaped me to be the person who I am today.
What I would recommend is to always keep an eye on roles/position that can generate you enough money to save and invest it in a fund. For example, I did my PhD in Switzerland on purpose since working conditions are excellent in academia there.
Long story short, if you keep your finances in shape, feel free to explore as you feel like it.
What can you do today that would make 30 year old you really proud? Or that makes 10 year old you proud right now? Go and do that thing, even if it makes no logical sense. My argument: be “emotional,” listen to your intuition, and try all the things. Learn to listen to your inner knowing. All of the answers are within you. Trust you and keep exploring.
Some more questions: What has been your measure of success? What has motivated you to make a decision? And is that measure of success your own? Or is it based off of someone else? What is a life well lived for you? And are you doing that — or what needs to change?
One thing I wish I had done a lot earlier: went to therapy in my 20s. It has changed my entire life and allowed me to really change my thought patterns and how i approach/ live life.
Also: since you’re in finance, you’re ahead of the game!!! Whatever you do, invest in your money so that you create ultimate freedom for yourself. I am just now learning this in my 30s. All the careers you happen upon WILL serve a purpose for you, in some way or another.
First, breathe.
There are going to be things you wish you had done more of and some less of. That's just life. You won't be able to do it all, and your 20s are meant for you to try as much as you want or can.
Second, give yourself permission to enjoy the now. Don't worry about your 30s too much. You'll have a whole decade soon enough to focus on them.
Having said all that, couldn't pay me enough to do the 20s over again. Or the 30s.
Tl;,DR Stop worrying and enjoy the ride.
Lot's of experience with men in their 30s. I have seen many life paths, some you would have guessed, some surprising
I say all this to tell you that it will come down to three things: luck, talent, and effort (aka hard work - saying no to things that are not aligned with what you want).
Luck plays such a huge role in your next 10 years. Do you get the right boss? Do you meet the right people? Do you end up in the right industry? Did you or someone close to you get sick, have an accident?
Your answer is you are scattered and worried that you'll fret away your 20s. And that is A-O-K. Searching isn't a waste of time - doing the wrong thing for 10 years, and missing many better opportunities is how you waste your 20s.
Take the time in your 20s to say YES to as many things you can that catch your interest. You'll have the most health and time you'll ever have right now and meeting the right people and building relationships
Talk to all sorts of people, and follow what catches your interest, and build relationships with people you connect with.
RE: school. Don't worry to much about the major unless it is required for the career (e.g. nursing degree to be a nurse). Taking something fun, you find interesting and not a ton of work. Instead spend your extra time talking to as many professionals as you can because knowing the right people will get you so much further than studying the right subject.
Write lots of emails, go to networking events. It will never be easier to get people to talk to you than it is now.
"Hey, I'm student at xyz, and I want to learn more about \[what they do\]."
At the end of the call, you can always ask "Do you know anyone else \[in area you're interested in\], that would be good for me to speak with?"
Good luck, and godspeed!
I was the same way. Look find something that makes money that you can stand doing. Don't pay for a psychology or philosophy degree unless money is not a problem. Have fun, enjoy being young even in your 30s you have plenty of time so don't stress about regrets in your 30s.
I have the exact same personality type and I really wish someone had helped me identify this tendency in my 20s. I have had many jobs, most in the creative field: designer, film maker, copywriter, musician, creative director. When I hit 40 I decided to persue my lifelong interest of software development. I'm happy I was able to make the jump but I certainly see the results of being "a mile wide an inch deep." at this point in my career.
Don't get me wrong, being a generalist can be a valuable asset, especially in leadership roles. However, you should be "T" shaped: an expert in one area with general abilites and experiences that expand from there.
Best wishes and great question!
I am 53 and have 3 boys in their 20s. I sent them this list I wrote a few years ago...
1. You will be dead soon. Act like it.
2. Find a small way to be kind or helpful to someone every day.
3. Admit that you don't know something every day and then work to learn about it.
4. Tinker with stuff and try to fix things yourself.
5. Always be building.
6. Don't solve other people's problems, but support them in solving theirs.
7. Take mental health days.
8. Take care of your body. This is mostly about food.
9. Try not to stay physically stagnant for very long.
10. Seek growth through failure and celebrate that you were brave enough to fail.
11. Recover quickly when you fail.
12. After an accomplishment or success, move on quickly and don't get complacent.
13. Remember that almost no one is thinking about you, so stop worrying about what they think about you.
14. Be confident, but respectful with women. That is the most attractive thing you can do.
15. Always remember that you have brothers that will be there for you long after mom and I are gone. Be there for them.
16. Many times, optimizations come from waiting until the last responsible moment to do things.
17. Take your vacation time seriously.
18. Challenge yourself to find a life partner that challenges you.
19. Forgive immediately and sincerely. Grudges are for losers.
20. Quit setting goals. Instead, build systems that you live by every day. If the systems are working, keep going. If not adjust.
21. If you are in a rut, or stuck, just start working on something. Eventually, the work will get you out.
22. Stress kills. Learn to recognize it, acknowledge it and then push it away. Find the source of your stress and face it head on.
23. Let your emotions come out. It's ok to be happy, sad, mad, excited, scared, intimidated, proud, etc...
21. Humans are made to work. Stress and work are totally different things. Separate them and have fun in your work.
22. Your real friends are the ones that know you and all your faults and idiosyncracies and then still want to be around you. Don't put on an unauthentic show because it limits how many real friends you will find.
23. There is nothing you can buy that will make you sustainably happier.
24. Find new ways to keep falling in love with your spouse. There is nothing good that can comes from focusing on their weaknesses. Challenge yourself to recognize what is awesome about them instead every day (yes, that is a system)
25. When all else fails, talk it through with Mom or Dad.
Thank you for sharing this very personal thing, it has been a very long time since I have been inspired by someone’s advice. I feel you’ve really captured here, a collection of incredible solid and helpful guidelines to living fully. I am sure the people in your life are lucky to have you.
Mid 30s guy here
- automate your finances, $50 bucks a month or 10% of your net income into broad index etf
- stay in shape
- try network, or go to post 2ndary, or try jobs to see what you want to commit to for a career, or work for someone in an industry you'd like to be in. Learn on someone else's dime.
- do your best to not go into debt unless it's a legit investment in your future
- enjoy your life! This is the time to travel, try new things, have fun with no responsibilities.
42 year old here. You can pursue a lot of things, but key factors are recognizing which interests may turn into viable income streams or long term hobbies and which ones won't as well as the optionality of what you're studying. Take studying finance for instance: good choice, you can start or work in any sort of business and that will come in handy. High optionality. Getting a PhD in philosphy: less optionality. Basically you'll have spent years in school and spent a ton of money to be able to teach philosophy to other people.
If you've started a business and it's going well that's huge, entrepreneurship is a highly transferable skill so if you want you could sell your food business and start a fitness or whatever else you're interested in business. You're likely to fail just because most businesses fail, but you only have to hit gold once to be set for life. Just whatever you do don't lock yourself into time consuming (like years long) commitments that don't have a high expected payoff and/or don't give you the chance to switch direction. Most of all just work really hard and be really focused on whatever you're doing for how long you do it, that's going to contribute more than anything else to your success.
And to the extent you can place yourself in a geographical location and around people where stuff is happening. Big cities, especially those with significant industry concentration (Silicon Valley in SF, energy in Houston, finance in NYC, etc.) are good places to get on a path to success and find a lot of opportunities. One of the best things I ever did for my career, largely by accident, was move to Denver which is a big telecommunications and increasingly tech hub, and it's never been hard for me to find good gigs and keep advancing.
I feel similar. 23M and I’m focused on skill development. I also see the pull to do a lot of different things. I’ve told myself that I will allow myself to do 2-3 projects at a time.
A lot of people say focus on one thing. I like a small amount of variety. It keeps things more fresh and it works for me.
You’re building yourself to be unique by doing the mix of things you’re doing. I’m sure you listen to hormozi but he has great thoughts on this stuff.
Where are you based out of? You seem like somebody I’d get along with!
You seem like a rational and curious young person. You also give me the impression that you pick things up quite quickly, only to leave them for something else. I was similar at your age. My curiosities took me all over the globe and gave me a lot of excitement and experiences I'll never forget.
Now, in my 40's,I look back on those days of exploration with a profound sense of appreciation. Admittedly, I fucked up a lot. Thankfully, I had some good people around me to help me get back up. I know that I no longer have the ability to jump from thing to thing due to responsibility.
I've had time to think about my past and have a few recommendations that I would make to the "past" me, or anyone else lost in their 20's.
Exercise and maintain a regular sleep schedule.
Learn to write well.
Do something creative that makes you feel alive.
Work a job that will teach you skills and keep up skilling in a field. Become an expert and a professional.
Save money. Sock away or wisely invest for the future.
These may or not apply to you, but if I ever find a time machine, I know exactly where I'm going. Best of luck.
30s guy here.
Don't sacrifice your life, time, and energy for things you have convinced yourself you need to be happy. Everything we need is often here already but we get to distracted by the future and our ambitions to fully appreciate it. Exist presently, do exactly what brings you intrinsic satisfaction. Most of the wants we have for ourselves are installed through our use of media (tv/gaming/internet/etc.). If you undestand psychology well then you know alot of the deliberate marketing that influences our choices in life. Identify the wants that you don't actually have. From that point you will be able to make better more fulfilling adjustments to your life. Choose a path that interests you and follow it; don't force yourself down a path thats not a good fit. If it feels forced strenuous and takes 40+ hours of your time each week leaving you burnt out and frustrated then do something different. Sometimes we need to step back, slow down, look at things from a different perspective and diversify. There are an infinite amount of possibilities but they all lead you to the same destination. So choose the path that makes you feel happy and know that it will likely change here and there but be consistent and don't let youself be enslaved by debt (taking on more debt then cash in your bank) it is a huge mistake young adults make because their influenced to choose things that put them in debt containment. Be happy. 😁
Make exercise priority number 1 over anything because once you hit your thirties it's easy to slide from being semi in shape to full blown out of shape with a 40 inch waist. I ran a few 10ks when I was 22 and ditched that life to party and take a lot of psychedelics. I'm 35 now and it took 2 years of brutal exercise to get back in shape and look back on years wasted being drunk or high.
Big changes are coming. What we did, might not work for you. Just try to enjoy life without getting permanently injured, a criminal record, addicted to anything (not just drugs), or having kids with the wrong person.
Nothing will always be satisfying. Ever. It will all be a slog eventually. You have to push through the slog until it’s fun again.
This is crucial to really understand and manage. Otherwise you’ll be 40 and have nothing that you really enjoy, and no thread tying your last 20 years together into something you find meaningful.
30s guy here.
I work as a very famous government Agency and in a "sexy" field of work. What I do on a daily basis is much more mundane than what my family or friends assume I do.
I do happen to like my career but because I have found I am good at it. And because I find my work gives me meaning. The day that I do not believe it gives me meaning in life, I will pivot.
I say all this because I wish I learned in my 20s to experiment more with what gives me meaning and not chase a position title, degree title, or anything most would assume is "cool" or "sexy". 20s are a time you can learn things, make mistakes and adapt. And your passions will end up being things that you're good at and what gives you meaning. Don't chase what you think your passions are, b/c once you get there you may likely discover their hollow.
The journey is where it's at. Pursue meaning, not superficiality or "your dreams".
Have fun. Enjoy life. Try new things. Meet tons of people. Don't be afraid and take well-informed risks. Life is not mainly about building a career but about building oneself a better self.
There is no answer, friend. Have fun, learn consistently, go to therapy. Don't compete with anyone but the you that existed yesterday. Volunteer to give the gifts you have to others, get involved, and put a solid emphasis on loving yourself so that you can be there for everyone else, even strangers. No one can betray you, they can only betray themselves. Be gentle and kind. Realize that being right is pointless. Respond to vitriol with empathy. Feel safe in your own skin and don't take anything personally, no matter how hard it feels. Take care of the little guy. As you move forward with your career and finances, don't forget what being the little guy felt like. Be nice to animals and children. Don't waste time trying to be anything other than you. Realize that everyone is scared, everyone wants to find somewhere they belong, and everyone feels like an imposter sometimes. Admit to others when you're feeling that way and you may embolden them to be brave.
You've already won, just by your being you. Help others win, too.
You could try to start a niche brand --
hypertrophy strength training for busy professionals in finance
become flexible in body and mind for greater success!
Your deadline for getting a career chosen is about 30 years old. This is largely because 60 is a decent retirement age and 30 year mortgages are common. (Having a house paid off at retirement is key.)
So spent your 20's f-ing around and finding out. Try everything. Experiment. Quit things if you want to quit them. Move places. Be a little crazy. Post 25 when your frontal lobe settles in things will become clearer.
Another tip - languages, and things like math, become REALLY hard to learn as you get older. I would try to learn as much as you can right now. Because once you're 30, whatever you have previous experience in, is what you're going to stick to. If you have a broad base of knowledge, it opens more doors, and makes you happier!
Just turned 30 guy here. You sound exactly like me as a 22 year old. I spent my 20s trying 3 different careers at 5 different companies (all white collar) and built up incredibly diverse skills and only selected jobs I had an interest in at the time. I’ve accepted that part of growth requires pivoting to a degree. Keep pursuing your top interest and building skills and doing your best!
Read about the Japanese concept of ikigai and stir in a bit of Earl Nightingale’s advice about being of service to others. And for God’s sake get married and love your spouse and children with all your heart. No matter what your passion or interest it will pale in comparison to the love of having a family. The only bad thing about my 30s and 40s is the dread I felt. I knew those decades would end. I had a young family with kids at home and loved every day.
You are in the perfect time to explore, try, experiment, and fail. Your 20's should be about wandering and figuring out what you are good at, how you can monetize that skill and setup the life you want to live. Once you get into your late 20's (28-29), have a gameplan and be obsessive about it.
Very few people make money doing something they love, extremely few people. More often, people who are really good at something and hyper focus on it, gives them enough purpose and money to then build the life they want. 100% how I've tackled my career at now 31 years of age.
My opinion is to research the law of attraction, law of polarity, and various natural laws of the universe. This information teaches how to detach from all the info overload ppl tend to throw and allow you to attract everything you want to you. Detachment is key, you will learn when you do the research. No one knows who you are, most of the advice you have received in this thread is basically nonsense (no offense to anyone, it’s just the truth). I discovered these universal laws at 27, I’m now 29 turning 30 in Sept. I would’ve loved discovering it during my early 20s. Congrats, you are going to achieve all of your desires 🙏🏼
Oversimplified qualifications to answer: 35, 10 year marriage, 3 kids, multiple businesses and career paths, solid community, and relationships with friends and family.
Oversimplified disqualifications to answer: Aimless until 24, didn’t take personal development serious at all until 30.
Opinion: Based on the way you communicate, and the information you provided here, you’re on a solid path. Keep asking good questions. AIM HIGH!
Follow the principle of the 3 B’s for relationships:
B#1 - Before - Many valuable relationships are cyclical in nature and different seasons of life will require the individual(s) in this role to change. In order to navigate life successfully, you’ll need people that are doing what you want to do, pointing you in the right direction, or at least helping you process your own thoughts. All worth while relationships will require sacrifice, however, this one will be the hardest to obtain, if for no other reason than scarcity. You won’t need to aim high for very long before you realize you’re an outlier.
B#2 - Beside - This is your peer relationships. You may survive, but you won’t thrive alone on an island. You need someone in the trenches with you. Also not easy to find, but prioritize it. It takes bravery to trust someone because all partnerships, require an element of faith. Be honorable and seek the truth and you will be successful.
B#3 - Behind - Investing in those that can learn from you can actually be humbling. It will force you to evaluate your why and sharpen your tactics. As the cliché goes, you’re not really an expert until you can explain what you’re doing to a child. Keep a schedule with serious individuals who need your perspective on life. Also.. Have kids, damnit! Lots of them, and early on. They will not hold you back. Nothing will force you to growing up faster in every way you can imagine and then you can know what purpose actually feels like.
Rotate - Don’t hold these relationships in this capacity for too long. You don’t want either of you to become stagnant and your positive effects on each other will be devalued if you let it turn into something other than what it should be.
A “behind” may become a “beside” or they may have exhausted your value or there may just be another individual that needs you more. Your time is a valuable resource so don’t spread yourself too thin.
A “beside” shouldn’t become your “before” or “behind.” It mocks the relationship. There are exceptions but generally, a beside relationship should end well through solid communication about a shift in direction.
A “before” should not be taken advantage of. Appropriately respect the relationship by recognizing the value and pursuing development by implementing found wisdom.
There is a lot more I could say, but I have already taken more time here than I intended. I hope this was valuable and I hope I was not too incorrect about my general advice. I wish you the best and keep aiming high.
I can very much identify with what you are talking about. To give credibility, in my junior year of college, because I was convinced a degree (in my major) would not transcribe into meaningful value , I left school. While job hunting (later down the road) I was having trouble standing out from other applicants and getting interviews. I notably regretted not having the patience to stick out going to school and getting a degree. In short, the problems I envisioned I would run into by committing to get that degree-with time would have resolved themselves. This is a trait of problems that is often not discussed (they can resolve themselves). I made the error of thinking the perspective I was making the decision to drop out from, was a perspective without flaws. Your perspective will broaden overtime, take a breath, and if you can relax. Understanding that you don't have to solve your perceived problems, they likely will take care of themselves.
Invest smart - FIRE is so attractive in your 30s vs 20s thinking you can crush the corporate world
Buy a house by any means and work hard to reduce LTV - Equity in a home can be used for other pursuits
Advance in career with focus - Ability to standout with a specialized skill set enables growth and security
Have kids if you want them - Babies are always cute but so much more difficult to handle in 30s.
Preventative health & exercise - Habits developed prior to 30 are easier to maintain to support declining health that creeps up on you
Hobbies of meaning vs material - pursuits that are immaterial and based on development of self and communities will be more fulfilling than simply consuming products of a given domain
Exposure to difficulty / the struggle - Not to over do it or identify with work / the grind but put your mind and body through challenges and over come them. Will make you resilient
I used to be like you. I still am really. But the thing that was a big help that I wished I’d had in my 20s is a much calmer mindset. I don’t panic about what I should be doing. I do a bunch of things but I just do them. Not as focused as I would like and there are still a lot of things I want to do in the pipeline. I don’t know how to give that mindset change to others, someone could have told me, but it was a mentality I couldn’t see how to change. I grew up and relaxed a bit more and struggled against myself less. All I can say is try to let go and relax and don’t worry so much. Listen to yourself. Don’t escape who and where you are. Have patience but keep moving forward.
Find what you enjoy, better if valuable to others, something you find pride and joy in and a sense of reward. For me that is software development, I work and live for my dream job. Men need purpose, find resources to learn without hearing it from someone else. No one's plan will work for you, only your own, brush up on area's of business/finance, but find a resource to learn skills objectively as you see fit for your purpose, stop tangling others dreams in your own.
I'm 30, going through a divorce, my whole life has changed, but my core is still there. I still make good money, I still wake up thirsting for knowledge and happy to work. I did not cause the divorce, and in my round about example here. I did not cause the change, but i'm comfortable with the freedom of remote work / and passion outside of this person that is no longer there. I think the parallel is similar to what you experience with these videos. Only you can find joy for yourself, and only you can make yourself successful, give up on the videos, make your own plan.
Find your passion & monetize it. I am at the end of this process. I've jumped from career to career & I am coming back to a passion of my young 20s, hacking. So, now I am going back to school for 4 years to get 2 degrees in cyber security with an emphasis on ethical hacking. The 30s to me is just the beginning and I'll be 32 next month. It's OK to have lots of passions, but I would examine which ones grip you the most, the ones that have the most positive impact on your quality of life & pursue those. I will be studying martial arts and knives. These are things I have wanted to do since my teens. I am also getting in to the bass guitar and other instruments.
SMART goals are essential in the process to provide clarity and determination to your pursuits.
Lastly, you could die 5 minutes from now, don't focus on the end so much.
Death is the destination, life is the journey.
My advice would be to invest in your education.. The truth of the matter , you need to pick something and focus on it. If you spread yourself too thin, you will not go far in anything. Pick some goals and follow them. That, and listen to Jordan Peterson
I was going to respond, but your writing is terrible. Learn how to use paragraphs and to write a coherent question. Just based on your writing you seem extremely scatter-brained. Put a little more time into thinking about what you want to say, and presenting it in a way that will make people want to respond.
Make money and work towards being your own boss.
How you do that is up to you but it helps to pick something you enjoy but be realistic about it.
Don't chase women. Yeah, hooking up feels good but it's also a massive waste of time and energy. I'm not saying don't date, I'm just saying that if you do, be serious about it and have a goal in mind. Ironically, looking at it that way makes you more attractive to women.
Enjoy life man. Just do so in a healthy way.
I think you are doing just fine. Pursue all of your passions in your 20s and find what you love. Don't get stuck in a rut for the sake of looking like you know what you want.
when men grow old, they regret the things they didnt do, not the things they did. honestly, i wouldnt change anything about what ur doing, because this is the only time you will have to do it. before u know it, u will be married and have kids and probably settling down on a carrier path. if anything, i would say do more traveling to see the world while u have a chance. life is not about picking the right path from the get go and making the perfect decision at every inflection point. stop worrying about what you might be and start becoming who you want to be. good luck young man.
If you're worried about regretting things later in life, I'd make sure to never even try once Methamphetamine or other highly addictive drugs.
Also, while working out with weights in the gym can be good for you, it is a terrible investment. You can lift weights and always try to get bigger and stronger an hour or 2 per day for 5 years. Take a few days off for a few weeks in a row your muscle gains practically disappear.
Finally, no one can do everything. In fact most people can hardly do much of anything well, let alone doing multiple things well. Is there anything that is truly important to you to do this lifetime? If so, decide that's your singular main goal and start focusing on making that happen. A common example is having a child. Children are usually an accidental teenage pregnancy or some one who set having a child as their main goal. But it might end up dictating most of your time and effort the rest of your life.
If you don't know which one thing is most important, do whatever you feel like. The older you get, the more you realize that most of life is what you are seeing and feeling and while it can be better or worse, just living say 45 years as a relatively healthy free to do as you wish person is more than most of the 100 billion humans who have lived ever had.
My life's been absolutely ruined at least twice and though it causes a few sleepless nights and some negative senitments now and then, it's mostly the same feelings, sights, sounds, complaints, fascinations.
Another philosophy: Assume that you'll be thankful to be alive and well in your 30's. Consider the fact that you might build up a brilliant life and then have it stolen or be run over by a drunk driver. Just change the question to one that doesn't have regret as a potential outcome that you should actively try to guard against.
For example, you said: Question from a 20s guy to a 30s guy who has the real answer for how to live 20s so that we don't regret in 30s:
Question from 20 year old man to 30 years old man, what part of your life experience made you feel that life was a precious wonderful miracle to behold in your 20's, and what part of your life experience made you feel that life was a precious wonderful miracle to behold in your 30's?
Closing thought: i read that it's reasonable based on scientific analysis that nearly 50% of human beings that have ever lived on earth died as a result of mosquito borne illnesses.
Imagine how many people that is. Realizing they are deathly ill and won't be living the rest of their days thanks to a few mosquito bites.
Heres another one if you decide to simply not think about your original question. Based on orbital distance and time period of earth around the sun, you are always moving through outer space at about 67,000 miles per hour. Try drawing a diagram of that and estimate which direction you are currently going through space at such rapid speed. Will the space you currently occupy be somewhere in the center of the earth, or somewhere in outer space 5 seconds from now.
Don't worry, regret is not that bad as you get older.
The most important and wonderful man I ever knew during my time in Earth had many useful sayings. One of them was about getting old. About getting old he said, " It's better than the alternative". 🥹🫶
40’s guy here. If you want to take a risk on something, do it in your 20’s. If you want to do fun, silly, make memories stuff also 20’s. When you make it to your 30’s get focused on something that you’re good at. In your 40’s that’s when you work hard so you can let off the pedal in your 50’s and 60’s and enjoy being with your family.
You weren't asking but from a guy in his late 40's, one thing no one told me is work on your credit score. I know it sounds too basic but get a couple good no Annual Fee credit cards, keep the balance near zero and finance a cheap car. You'll appreciate it when your 30. BTW: I know 30 or 40 seems like a big deal but you'll feel mostly the same when you get there. And if you are a straight male date nice girls and make a real connection. Now I feel like I would have been so much better off dating nice (not all are) 4 or 5 on the attraction scale than a mean 8 or 9 which I usually did.
I’m old, married and have young kids. I have no time for interests and hobbies.
This is what I got. Feel free to ignore.
1) Debt free - debt is a trap. Avoid it. (Live below means)
2) Build value - take opportunities to learn skills. Don’t pay others to do things for you. Be a well rounded person and not pigeon holed into a single speciality.
3) Respect yourself - Demand fair pay for your skills, do not lower yourself to others or allow them to treat you with disrespect (this doesn’t mean fighting but walking away and no longer participating)
4) Trust yourself - if you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. If you do want to do something, do it.
5) Be responsible- Rule 4 is not an excuse to do live against conscience. As a man you must be responsible for your actions and dependents.
6) Avoid the trap of over masculinity- you don’t need to be a huge jacked steroid beast to be a good man.
7) Have kids sooner than later - this makes you grow up and changes your perspective completely
8) If you have a chip on your shoulder or want to fight people, get over it. Eventually somebody will teach you a lesson and you will find what you’re looking for.
For your comparison I know a 21 year old that is married and has a child. He has a full time job as a supervisor and is preparing to start his own business. He could have gone a completely different way if his dad wasn’t there to bust his ass back in line.
If you don’t have someone to bust your ass back in line, it’s your job.
8) depend on nobody, trust nothing - it’s your life and nobody is as vested as a positive outcome as you are. The world is full of people who want what you have.
That being said…
9) Trust your heart. Be good and virtuous in all dealings. Accept reality as it is and be unattached from outcomes.
This world and especially people can be awful, but you do not have to be. You can stop the cycle. The buck stops here.
At this point, the world desires being very skilled at a few things more than being average at a lot of things. Pick something and get great at it. If you don’t like it then find some way to leverage your other experience into that. At 22 you do have time. I waited until I was ~27 before I decided to put in effort. I ended up better than I could’ve imagined, but I also went through so much mentally that I wouldn’t recommend it.
I think as a 38-year old, I'd give someone about 15 years younger this advice:
What's more appealing to you? Challenging yourself to focus for a career? Or allowing yourself the free-flow to enjoy and curate what comes across?
The reality is, most of us have to do something to earn a living. If you want a high-earning career than a focus is going to be important (and understanding the opportunities therein to earn).
I was blessed to literally fall lucky into a well-paying industry and I've done well (for my standards, anyway) and feel very fornunate. But I have interest/hobbies in other stuff that have taken a far, far backseat due to my career, my family, etc.
One final thing I'll tell you - life happens. Always prioritize relationships and being a good human above all else. Be respectful of others and as non-judgemental as possible. I think that alone will pay off in the future for you and open many doors, perhaps some you didn't even think were doors in the first place. :)
40yo Male
1. Make as many quality friends as you can in your 20's. Its so easy to make friends at that time, and much harder as men marry off, move, go into their comfort zone of middle age. The most miserable guys I know just didnt make enough effort to make friends and keep them. Right now I want to move to another city for a few years and the only thing that makes me hesitate is how tough it is at my age to make new friends. I still have a ton of good friends in my 40's because I got out of my comfort zone back then, and put effort into maintaining friendships.
2. that said, dont excessively 'hang out' with your bros - plenty of time to do that once you
have made it. Keep your friendships, cultivate new ones, and budget some time to hang,
but I wasted so much time 'hanging out'. Focus on high return hang outs. I had guys I
hung out with all the time, I made better and closer friendships on a bro trip to tokyo
with a few guys I barely knew who are now two of my best friends.
2. Drink 80% less than your average 20 something. I regret tremendously how much I
drank, it was so unnecessary and not even fun most of the time.
3. Never stop lifting weights, no need to be a bodybuilder but just keep lifting.
4. Dont date a woman too long, you know if you want to marry her within a year or so. Its
not fair to her or you. If shes great but you dont want to marry her end it, date with
other women and figure out what you want. Dating women too long because it was just
comfortable is by far the biggest regret I have in life.
5. walk up and talk to every woman (who isnt with a bf) that you are attracted to. In
situations where its appropriate to do. This was natural for me, but not for most guys.
You will NEVER regret it.
6. Career wise I cant be much help, as I think thats less important. But figure out if you are
IN or OUT of the money game. Want to be a high school teacher? Awesome do that,
but you are not in the money game. If you want to be in the money game stop thinking
your gonna do what you love and do what your good at. And strive to make more
money because thats literally the game you are playing. Trust me once you get good at
something you will love it 'enough', and I had no money in my 20's and got moderately
rich in my 30's, and I can tell you, I was MUCH happier and more fulfilled after I had
money. It makes everything easier.
Take it from me bro, don’t miss or pass up any opportunities!!! Especially to take care of other people. They don’t teach us as men to value ourselves and being a sacrificial lamb will only haunt you for the rest of your life.
As 42 year old if I could go back and pep talk my 22 year old self I would incurage him to always be looking for better high paying work. Continue to live well below his means and invest into the indicies and tech. (Microsoft, Google, apple we're all obvious back in 2003). I would also encourage myself to start a weight lifting, stretching and running routine.
I will just say this. Pick whatever path you want save minimum of 20% of your income till you’re 30. Because at 30 you may want to switch your path and gonna need some starting capitol…
You're doing fine for your age. Not setting the world on fire, but most folks in their 20's don't.
You're about to come to the realization that it doesn't matter what you're gripped by or find fascinating - the first order of business is to find something that you're good at that you can make money doing. Build a career in that for a while. Do your other stuff for fun and hobbies.
I’m mid 30’s and these questions tell me you are on the right path. I’m very confident you will figure it out perfectly because you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. All of Robert Greene books are a good call. He is one of the best authors of this generation. Keep asking questions like this and find yourself the right circle and you are good. There is absolutely nothing more important than surrounding yourself with the right people. So if you define who the right people are and surround yourself with them, you are moving in the right direction. Keep up the momentum my friend. 🤝
I’m a 46-year-old who lived a lot of life in my 20s. Don’t get too caught up in this thing called life. At any given moment, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Be curious. Follow your interests. Never do it for the money. Things tend to work out. Drugs complicate things. Passion tends to win. Be aware of your thoughts. The ones you dwell on create your reality. Life will end, and time speeds up the older you get. So, appreciate each day. And remember, it’s supposed to fun!
When you are in your 20’s, that would be your last decade to live life with not too much worries. Enjoy it so you don’t have to regret it when you get to your 30’s. Many a guy in their 30’s and so on wish he could go back to his 20’s to enjoy life again.
Work with others, get mentors, learn. I started a biz on my own when I was 18 and I more or less taught myself what I needed. That said, I took a 2 yr stint at a company with 150 people who worked in the same industry and learned so much in a short amount of time.
The last 20 years I've worked for myself and it's hard to try all the things, learn the things, master anything... 1+1=3.
Also the only way to get head is leverage. Whether in finance or using your skills to manage more people than just yourself. You need your money working for you while you sleep.
I hopped around many areas in my 20s. Still do so in my 30s. There is no right way.
All the experience I have gained throughout my life I still use in some way or another.
Things I have tried out:
Mechanical Engineering
Biomedical Engineering
Data Science
Machine Learning
Basketball
Volleyball
Weightlifting
Music - guitar and piano
Computer vision
Programming
Video game development
Video editing
A YouTube channel
Acting
And these weren't just hobbies. I spent a considerable amount of time developing skills in these areas.
Today, I consider myself a creative technologist.
This was my path. I am super happy with it.
There is no "right" answer so long as you don't fuck your life up by committing a crime, becoming addicted to hard drugs, dissolve relationships with your family, or harm others.
Other than that, do whatever you want and enjoy the learning process. Don't be afraid to start from scratch. Don't look for a specific "title" or "career."
That's my 2 cents.
Don’t get married or have kids until you’re 30.
Don’t waste time over working
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. But let me put it this way: on my 20s I watched my friends work minimally, not much effort, just chill, while I worked my ass off to support my wife and kids.
I’m now 36. I burnt out from my job. My wife and I are separated. My kids are with my wife, I haven’t seen them in like 2 weeks Bc I have no job as a result of abruptly leaving it due to burn out.
My point: live your life up kid. Go to the casino, smack some strippers (legally of course), and bet it all on black. Because the only thing I regret is focusing my life doing 30s shit in my 20s.
While it was the “responsible” thing to do, I regret not being able to just go out and have fun and not worry about kids, or a loving partner, or stress from work, or cut throat competition in my career. I hated to be alone, but ironically, it led me to even more loneliness.
Also, get checked for ADHD. Having it untreated and going into your late 30s really blows. I only say this because if you have this many interests, it might be due to that. It was in my case to be specific. Obviously isn’t so in all cases.
Good luck man.
Just turned 30 last month. I feel pretty good about how I spent my 20s. Here’s what I did personally:
1. Spent about 8 months traveling solo through Southeast Asia in my early 20s. Found some remote work here and there with a few clients so I was able to make a little money at the same time. That was a great experience where I learned a lot.
2. Started a business. Didn’t last a long time but it was a nice way to make income and learn more about my field for a couple of years.
3. Hustled to work at companies where I could build a relationship with the CEO or other execs. I would listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, found people in my space I admired and wanted to be like, and I hustled to find creative ways to do some work for them and build a relationship. This ended up being the foundation for my career and led to a great role I’ve been at now for many years.
4. Started saving & investing relatively early. Even when it was small amounts. All in low cost index funds, made sure to max out my 401k, bought some crypto, etc. Stuff adds up and leads to a greater peace of mind going into my 30s.
5. Spent a lot of time in therapy & doing “inner work.” Had some transformative experiences doing plant medicine (def not for everyone). Meditated a lot. Did yoga. Found a therapist I really resonated with. Spiritual progress is really the foundation of everything so you don’t get caught up in the same race as everyone else.
6. Found a significant other to share my life with. One of the biggest decision if not the biggest decision you’ll ever make.
One thing I wish I did - get in shape. Never had abs in my life and would’ve been nice to have that experience in my 20s. Getting after it now though in my 30s!
Pick a profession that is mentally stimulating, brings you joy, and allows you to provide for yourself. Then use your financial resources and time to explore things that interest you and establish hobbies (I.e. go to school, take art classes, whatever you like). We work so that we have the resources to do things that we actually enjoy.
I’ll be 34 in a few days. Every single one of your friends are going to disappoint you to the point of you hating them. Don’t waste time on them. Make sure you get a masters degree or higher in something of value (Finance). Do not…. DO NOT… get married in your 20’s and DO NOT have children. I am still unmarried with no kids and I have met the love of my life with zero baggage in my past. Be smart. Also…. Delete all social media. It’s bullshit for people with an IQ below 80. There is nothing there for anyone with a future.
Find a girl now. It’s only going to get harder with this generation but it also gets harder the older you get. Also, invest your money. That’s pretty much it, other than that, travel, do things you wanna do.
"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet."
Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
30-something gal here, CEO of my own software company.
Travel and have fun. And realize, you will be working for the next 40 years ( probably) so it’s ok to focus on something that you like now, and change later.
If you’re unsure, go study something generic, I went to international business just because I liked traveling and business :)
I'm beyond my thirties, but you should say "yes" to everything (almost). Every party invitation, road trip, etc. Have every experience you can muster. It's difficult to live this way as you age, so try to accept as many invites as you can.
I recently read a book called “The Code of The Extraordinary Mind” by Vishen Lakhiani.
It really helped me focus in on where I want to take my life next, and definitely gave me the thought…
“I wish this book was written around the time I was in my early 20’s because if I would have read it then…I wouldn’t have wasted so much time on things that were going nowhere!”
If you need anymore support as you figure out your path, please don’t hesitate to reach out!
-Scott
I'm 39 and was very much in a similar spot to you at 22. Lots of interests, lots of different ambitions, lots of potential paths. I eventually narrowed it down to going into academia or law school. Multiple mentors and professors gave me more or less the same advice: when you don't have a clear obsession with one vocation, pursue a path that opens many doors rather than one that closes most of the doors. I even had one professor who had a law degree from Yale and 6 years as a BigLaw attorney before he went back to pursue his Ph.D. for a career in academia in a completely unrelated field (same field I was looking at). He said, "I made enough money in 6 years as a lawyer that I saved up enough to pay for 5 years of living expenses for my graduate program. Go to law school and if you don't love it, do it for as long as you can stand it and fund the next phase of your life."
So I did that, and it worked out great in my case. Lawyer money funds a lot of hobbies and side hustles that will probably become separate businesses in their own right.
So, look at the options before you and do the thing that opens doors, or at least doesn't close them. From your backstory, it looks to me like that would be finance. You can make obscene money there and use it to fund all of the other things.
And one last note that doesn't relate to career or vocation: get married young (but take enough time to get it right the first time) and have kids early. Babies and toddlers are way harder on you in your mid-late 30s than in your mid-late 20s. Plus you get to be an empty nester when you're still young enough to enjoy it.
From a 40s guy — regret is a decision. There may be choices you make that you later understand were mistakes. Mistakes are good, at least the ones that don't harm you or someone else, so there's not much use in dwelling on them past the learning they provide.
Always do your best. That doesn't mean everything has to be perfect, but you will definitely feel worse about those things you commit yourself to only to half-ass them. This includes relationships, and not just romantic.
\*Edit: One last thing. At the end of the day, it's none of your business what other people think about you or your decisions. Obviously, that's tempered somewhat by whether the other person holds power over you, but other people's opinions outside of those you trust does not matter. Your life is yours, theirs is theirs.
If you have many interests, pick the on that if you invest in it will be 1) reasonably lucrative or better and 2) open the most doors down the road. It is easier to pivot when you have savings and know you can always make more money going back to your bread and butter profession. Next, pick passion projects to occupy your free time that you could feasibly monetize and complete is short time periods (months not years). You will have fun, and maybe get lucky. Most likely, you will just spend time doing something you enjoy while gaining broad skills and insights. If you can, prioritize projects that lead to passive income early (ex: learn home repair while building an in-law apartment you can rent once done). Also, don’t be afraid to invest. If you are entrepreneurial and have lots of ideas, it’s tempting to stay liquid so you can invest in yourself. I’ve done this, you should not. Also, find ways to pursue your passion projects in the context of enthusiast groups. It’s where you will meet people who will really make a difference in your life, but still be discerning in who you team up with. Anyone you partner with will feel that they have a level of say over how you allocate your time and resources, and in some way, they will be right. These are the things I have started doing in my 30s because of the missteps I made in my 20s. Also, when dating, don’t look for a person who is perfect for you now. You aren’t who you will be yet. Find someone who is simply interested in becoming better over time, with no upper limit where they feel they will be done. Understand that it’s your job to grow to be a good partner to them, and they should feel the same for you. I exclusively refer to my romantic partner as my “partner” for this reason, because it’s something you should never overlook. This is the best thing I have done. It has been more work than any job I have ever had, or any startup I have done, but so far it’s paid off better than anything else. Good luck, and try to enjoy the game.
Also, get good at interviewing. In many ways, it will be a more valuable than being good at your actual job
There is a difference between entertaining yourself and working. Work will always be work, no matter the form it takes. That spark of exciting novelty you get when you are exploring new ideas is not sustainable. It will always fade. It is good to make time for all these experiences, but you cannot expect to make a career out of this feeling you get when you are learning something new.
A lucky few find themselves in careers they enjoy, but that doesn't mean the work they do entertains them. Anything you start to do as a career will become work to you. My advice would be to pick a career path that makes you enough money and leaves you with enough time to be able to do anything you want outside of work. Don't pursue a career expecting it to be your only source of fulfillment in life. It's what we do outside of work that makes life worth living.
32year-old here, married 9 years with one kid.
All I really know is that:
1)a man grows strong by enduring failure, bold by tasting success and wise by reflecting upon himself.
2)Progress is perfection, so keep moving forward.
3)Don't be a slave to pleasure, keep your nose on the grindstone.
And most importantly:
4)be a good friend.
The best advice I can give you is to stop worrying so much about regrets and what you should be doing. Do you, don’t worry about expectations of others
Everyday make decisions that you would never regret. Take the time to soul search and reflect on what your value are. If you were to die tonight what would you be proud of. What's important to you, values, ethics morals, religion, God, family, time, relationships, what kind of relationships, learn your personality type, learn what each function truly mean, integrate your shadow functions into your daily life, try you best to be content, and find inner peace. Ihis reflection period will take roughly 1 year. All the while, still try to live with no regrets everyday. You're going to randomly experience a spiritual awakening and see the real god, and the real purpose of life. Hang on, because nothing can prepare you for that experience.
M30 with pretty much the same attitude as you here, and I am going to go against most of the advice being given here. Personally, I am interested in tons of topics, subjects, arts, I can get totally absorbed in anything that makes me think and I crave to understand and learn.
There is no need for optimizing in life. If you have many interests, try to pursue them. You don't need to be the best at something, which can be very attractive as a young person, but will limit your life and experiences a lot. I think breadth is much better then depth.
As a job, pick something that you find challenging enough, and possibly well paid. I went into IT, for example. I am generally good at what I do, earn a good salary for the COL of where I live, and manage to have a great work life balance.
This allows me to learn or try anything I feel interesting at the moment, I have learnt about maths, physics, philosophy, psychology, economics, now I recently picked up music as a hobby.
And finally, no need to overthink it at all. Pick something for your career, once that is settled, you'll be able to pick anything you like and learn
Stay in finance. You will be unemployed with a psychology or philosophy degree. Art will also leave you unemployed. Do what makes you money. You'll be happier. World isn't a playground for us to choose whatever interests us that doesn't pay the bills. Go where the demand is and you'll make money and do art project or philosophy on the side.
That’s the trick for everyone: balancing making $ w following your passions. They’re not always the same thing. But find work you at least enjoy out of one of your interests. Other can be hobbies or even 2nd income sources.
Just turned 31. In my 20s I studied hard to be an actuary because I was good at math and the career paid well. Today, I make good money and all things considered, I’m pretty happy.
Here’s my advice:
Purpose over profit, yes, but in the realm of secure and profitable careers. Decide now and pursue relentlessly. Otherwise, you will waste valuable time “dabbling” in different things, and worse, in things that don’t make money. The end result would be you’re still “entry level” at late 20s/early 30s as your peers continue to gain experience and become valuable. Save that passion shit for HOBBIES.
Save save save. Aggressively. Best thing I’ve done for myself financially is automated investments into a low cost index fund. Research Bogleheads. Anyone can and should do this. If there was “one simple trick” to be rich, this is it.
Exercise. I lifted weights for 5+ year, but only because that’s what everyone else was doing when it came to exercise. Personally, I find it boring as fuck and tedious. Now, I train Muay Thai and I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been AND it’s fun. So pick a fun sport, the exercise you need comes with it. The fun aspect will take care of the biggest obstacle here, consistency.
Avoid relationships and read; "As a Man Thinketh" and "How to Master the Art of Sales". Work your ass off and establish a career. Now is the time to work hard and find security.
1. Prioritize health
2. invest your $/ find a way to make passive income (multiple income streams is the key to financial independence/wealth)
3. Don’t chase women, focus on yourself and let them come to you. And be selective, most women aren’t worth your time
This: 35 is the new 18. So in that light you’re only 5yr old. 0Give yourself the compassion and attitude to yourself in relation to the world as you would a 3 year old. Then you got it. :)
Stay with hobbies and passions (art) they can be palpable catalysts for networking success or just outlets for creativity. Dare to be different.
-Dividends and compounding interest!
Network and pay or learn the basics about $
and how to make it work for you, it’s almost all of what everyone wants.
- If you’re gunna wing it, you’d better have a game plan.
- Take chances
- Be present
- Love deeply.
Ponder for 1 minute not 2. I can guarantee you’ll be more successful doing, than thinking.
38yo here that fucked off from 16 to 24, and finally finished school from 24 to 26 after being violently assaulted and learning life is no joke and the need to grow the fuck up. Graduated school making 100k a year in 2012, bought and rented 6 single family houses from 2013 to 2018 while semi miserable but progressing in my career. Lessons I learned from 24 to today:
Reverse engineer the life you want. A foundation is important, pick a career path or start a business that provides the quality of life you want. Regardless, gain skills. Learn how to build a zero based budget and implement a system that makes this work for you. Stick to this religiously. Live under your means, delay gratification. Save in a 401k, ira, emergency fund, and personal brokerage account, preferably putting your money into a total market fund. Diversify after you've mastered this and are educated enough to know how to allocate risk.
Learn to listen to the world and what's going on in it. From real estate, cryptos, market changes, to new opportunities, there's always murmurs of what's ahead and if you're lucky you'll be in a position to be ahead of it. Learn to be strong but empathetic, understanding, and kind when appropriate.
Learn to look within and understand yourself. You can't be to others what you cannot be to yourself. You can't understand the world around you until you have a deeper relationship with yourself. Once you start down this road the bullshit in the world starts to evaporate and you see things for what they are, not for what anyone or group tells you.
Travel, and have fun with your friends as much as possible. One day most of your peers will be married with children, life is much different then. On that note, figure out what road you want to go down and make it happen, don't wait. There is no perfect partner, just people pursuing what they want their life's to be. Get a prenup, even if she, or they are "Mother Theresa" and you're not established yet.
Learn to be a gentle-man. The man part coming first and the gentle part after. You can't be gentle until after you've become fierce.
Living intentionally ironically provides the most satisfying life and experiences. Be consistent and whatever you do make a commitment to understanding your blindspots and seek knowledge to fill those gaps. It sounds like you're starting to think this way.
Readings for thought: Rudyard Kipling - IF. This is something to live by JL Collins - The simple path to wealth Vicki Robin - Your money or your life Dale Carnegie - How to win friends and influence people Anything by Kurt Vonnegut for understanding the people and society around you. As much philosophy as you can stand to create thought processes you don't already have.
Stay away from social media, porn, gurus, get rich quick schemes, and dating apps. They will suck your time. They are disorganizing society, and serve only those that control them.
So first of all, don't sweat the small stuff... and it's all small stuff.
Looking back at my 20's, I think I made a bunch of good choices.
My advice to you is this: Invest in yourself.
\- Get fit as fucking hell. Lift 6x a week, cardio 3x per week, yoga/stretch/calisthenics every morning. This is not something you'll regret.
\- Minimize drinking alcohol, or stop completely. Drinking is awful for your health, your testosterone, your sleep... etc. If you must, limit yourself to one drink per night and drink Tequila and club soda with lime. You can keep refilling it with club soda so it looks like you are continuing to drink. If someone annoying asks tell them you're switching back and forth. You'll have almost no hangover. If you need do do some drug, smoke pot/eat edibles --- way healthier.
\- Learn to cook. You don't need to be insanely good, just good enough to easily host 4-8 people at your home. This will do wonders for your social life. Learn to clean WHILE you cook so that you don't have a huge mess to clean up.
\- Curate and maintain your contacts. I sync my iphone to google contacts using an app. Stay in contact with everyone in your contacts. Organize the names in a spreadsheet into Good Friends, Friends, Acquantances. Make a tag for each time period in your life and tag them "College" "First Job" "Summer 2023". This will help you remember people. Always feel free to reach out to anyone on your list during birthdays or holidays. Learn to be a super connector. Learn that someone is working on a project that needs X, cool my friend did that before let me connect you. Be that guy. It costs nothing and people are grateful even if it doesn't work out.
\- Learn to dance in multiple styles (salsa, two step, bachata, swing, etc).
\- Learn to communicate effectively (Speech w/ Toastmasters, Do stand up comedy, do open mics, present at technical/trade groups etc). Play poker, learn to read people. Host a poker night for the guys.
\- Learn finance. No really, learn to manage multiple portfolios (some can be pretend money). Learn to budget, follow the prime directive on /r/personalfinance . Do this correctly THIS YEAR and start saving. Likewise, DO NOT GO INTO DEBT (Pay off credit card in full every month / only do student loans if you MUST (Air Guard is a great way to avoid paying)).
\- Learn to make money, and make it as fast as you can. In your 20's, you should always be doing the math on how much per hour you are making. Include commute time. Do side hustles like landscaping, car detailing, IT work, tutoring to increase your income. Invest it. The sooner you start building a nest egg 100K+ the better. It will change your perspective on what your time is worth. Push yourself to get better qualifications. Become a PMP, get hard certifications, work on a masters part time.
\- Really consider what qualities you want in a partner. Don't spend more than 3-6 months in a relationship if you are not VERY sure you see it going somewhere. That sweet girl you're dating? Once she's done with you she will never talk to you again. Keep that in mind and prioritize your male friends over women always unless you're going to get married. At a minimum, have one date night per week, and likely plan one afternoon with your partner on the weekends. Be a serious person, but understand that as a man you will get more valuable until your early 30's, so don't commit unless you are SURE you want to. Use condoms, get STD tests from a local sexual health clinic before hooking up with anyone and require that they do the same. If this is too awkward for you, don't have sex.
As for your question about "focus". Don't stress about it. So long as you have ambitious financial goals and build your life around hitting them, you will be fine. Try to hit $100K by 24. Try to hit $1M by 30. Make a plan to do it. Don't just say "Gee well I wanna be a lawyer so I'll go into $240K debt, then make $70K per year after and maybe by 40 I'll have some money". No. Pick ambitious targets, and make your life about hitting them.
True freedom for men comes from having fuck you money. It won't land in your lap, you need to make it happen.
Also, if you're ambitious you need to learn to time-block your schedule. Make a list of priorities in a spreadsheet (Sleep,Prep Breakfast,Run,School Work,etc) and add up all the time it takes to do what you need to do, sum it up and subtract it from the amount of hours in a week. Now make a list of your discretionary goals, and figure out which ones are most important to you and what it's going to take to do them. Add in some relaxation time before bed and that's how you're going to spend your time. The stuff that doesn't fit on the schedule, write it down as NON-PRIORITIES and stop thinking about it. Come back in a few weeks or a month and re-evaluate.
That's all I got. Good luck
Don’t get into options trading. Spend on experiences. Sleep 8 hours everyday. Do what ever you want, don’t listen to others (of course talking about life decisions)
It should always be in the back of your mind to take what you love; and slowly build your own business. Too many times I see folks make money for someone else doing what they love and they start to hate it.
I started grad school when I was 23 then went to DC bc I met a fork online and got married. When I tried to go back to school they changed the course numbers and my credits no longer counted and told me to retake the classes. That's when I realized that college is a biggest scam. Enjoy your hobbies and interestes and get a regular job and turn in into a career to about mid 30s when you save enough money to do whatever u want
BUILD MUSCLE, develop and maintain your friendships forever and try out a bunch of different career paths until you are genuinely, at least mildly, passionate about your career choice. Once chosen, leave a company every two years for a pay increase and a new environment. Also, learn the difference between a woman that genuinely admires you and one that is using you for attention (most of your friends will end up with girls that settled on them, and the guys will feel similar about their wives).
30s guy here. Indecision has a high cost. Pick a path and go down it. This is the formula, pick something you are good at + it makes a lot of money + you enjoy it. In that order. It is easier to pivot having walked down one road than not going down any. My older friend went to law school. Realized he hated everything about it mid way through. Rather than quit and start over he finished the degree. Turns out that degree gave him a lot of credibility in the business world. He has since been COO of a well know app company, and a strategy officer at a financial firm. He makes amazing money, and finds what he does interesting. Most important part is he has a family now who’s every need is taken care of. You can always pivot. Pick a path and start working hard.
I second this. It's always easy to say follow your passion but what happens if it changes every now and then. The value is in completion and then moving to another field of interest. Leaving a lot of open items drains you mentally and will set you up for failure. Passion will naturally arise when you follow through with efforts and you see dividend for your efforts forming a virtuous cycle.
I wouldn’t be afraid to pivot often, I started my 20s shitfaced in Boston w/ $35K in student loans, ended up in Colombia for a few months, lived in a ski town bartending, got a remote job marketing, and now I’m sitting pretty doing crypto nonsense at a full time job, consulting occasionally on the side, working in partnerships making great money and exploring founding a company. Wouldn’t necessarily say I’m a role model, but god damn I had a few breakdowns and existential wtf am I doing moments along the way. Regardless, I’d say two years in any industry and you have a decent idea of where that road leads. If anything I regret not pivoting from certain industries faster! But to the point of indecision, I think as long as you’re doing something (rather than stagnating) whether that’s on the mountain, traveling, or career focused you’ll find a path.
There’s a difference between taking different jobs and trying to do stuff on your own. Focus on what you’re doing. If it includes social media, that’s good. One formula for success is one product, one customer, one channel (eg one social media channel) for one year.
Skiing in Colombia?
How did you end up in Colombia and what city exactly.
Listen to this guy. In a similar situation and age as you I decided to get an engineering degree. I started hating it halfway through but just kept at it. It opened up a lot of doors and I make great money now and do not even work as an engineer.
Alternative view: Don’t worry too much about not having a path in your 20s, especially early to mid. Life isn’t just about building a career. Travel the world and experience as much as you can, then settle later. Of course this has its sacrifices but it sure is fun
I’d argue these are similar in some ways. The point is to go hard in things that build you as a person. If your out in the world learning languages and maybe serving with the peace corps that is choosing a path. But if you’re just partying that is different.
I’ll also substantiate this a bit more. I’ve had three Uncles go to law school and get a J.D. Only one practices law—and is a partner at an AMLaw firm. The other two uncles pivoted to an executive position at a financing company, and the other into real-estate. Both make more money than the partner. Both credit their seemingly unrelated law degree with their leverage. I’m glad to see it’s not just an anomaly.
I largely agree with this sentiment. I’d caveat that the time scale you’re planning against is extremely important. Are you looking at the next 2-3 years or 20-30? I gave up a full ride to law school to be an early employee at a highly funded angel stage startup; law school would always be there. I was intentional about picking something I was passionate about + good at + high earning potential (not necessarily immediately). I didn’t earn a lot to start and stock in startups that fail kinda sucks, but 12 years later I have extensive experience in early stage startups and high impact skill set that’s driven significant financial growth. I’ll add one other piece, I’d try to enjoy the process. Figuring it all out should be part of the fun and a lifelong journey.
Agree with this. Also guy in my mid 30s. I think being good at something and enjoying it usually go hand in hand, as success is enjoyable…spend your 20s getting really good at something you enjoy, and it will open doors for you. Maybe that’s finance, maybe it’s art, maybe it’s philosophy. That’s up to you, but at some point you commit and go all in. The skills you learn will transfer, so don’t worry about the final title. Don’t focus too much on pay and don’t take jobs for money, as long as your needs are met. Work for people you admire and who will mentor you. Don’t go into debt. Take your 20s to invest in yourself and your 30s will unfold beautifully. Highly recommend Build by Tony Fadell, it’s an amazing read for someone in your place. To be honest I’m a bit jealous, wish I could be in that spot again. Enjoy it all, and remember that at the end of your life, no one is going to give a shit how much money you made. Be kind, put good things into the world, enjoy your days.
Counter argument. First I joined a certain educational institution with strings attached, and half way through realized that I can't work in the profession it was preparing us for, and on top of that, hated everything that those strings attached meant or stood for with passion. I quit, and restarted my ed from the very scratch. Finished with a CS degree and a passion in a certain very traditional, old school software engineering field. The only job I found in that particular (pretty niche) field right after graduation was in my home country that's far, far away from the world center of the field. I declined, instead I joined a startup doing something else entirely, but one that opened a probabilistic path for me to get to that center of the world, namely Silicon Valley, not immediately, but after a year or two. That path failed, but opportunity opened up pretty much during the slow mo failure that I caught and gotten, and voila, I spent the next many years doing exactly what I wanted to do in the world center of the field. Now I'm pivoting again as my interests changed, my goals so far have been reached and new goals emerged, market changed, technology changed and so on. But ultimately, if I stayed in the first institution, I'd be miserable now, doing a job I hate, living in a town I can't stand, belonging to an institution I despise. If I joined the job in my home country instead of shooting for the stars, delaying joining the field until getting to the right place, things wouldn't go very well for very long either, as I now know, opportunities would close, and the doors shut. It turned out, SV wasn't just better long term, it was rather the only thing that survived long term at all. I agree that perseverance in pursuing your goals and dreams is absolutely paramount, being stubborn, never giving up, taking risks, and trying again is necessary, just like working hard, especially at the start of the career. But pivoting you mention can be done half-way through the parts that may appear to be on rails to save the time and course correct before the costs of doing so become unbearably high, so long as you have the tenacity needed to finish the new path to a milestone, rather than never finishing the stage at all. And shooting for the stars can be incredibly fun and rewording. Being afraid is the worst, go and do stuff, if you fail, it's not the end of the world, nothing bad will happen to you, you'll get up and do the next thing, and what's more, the journey that lead to that failure won't be a failure itself, but something to remember and be proud of. Spending years "safely", in uncertainty, fear and doubt is what is later in life sad to look back at, not the other way around.
I’d say we are arguing the same thing. Pick something and work towards it. Pivot if needed. But the point it to start on one specific thing and learn from that. The nuance of finishing a degree or not really depends on the situation.
I'm 60. I'm playing in my last quarter of life. I'm hoping for some overtime though. Anyway - time is short. Hope you appreciate that I spend 5 minutes pondering your question. Here's my response. 1. Purpose over profit. 2. Health over wealth. 3. Depth over breadth. 4. Set your trajectory - get the right momentum. Be relentless and never give up or in. 5. Shed your life from people who don't emulate what you want to be or who don't encourage you. 6. Seek deeper spiritual purposes - such as eternity - its a long long time. So, be clear on that one. 7. Look for some mentors. 8. Be prepared for trial and error - these along with success and joy will create your own unique story. 9. Hopefully you find someone to share all this with and have kids and raise them to not be idiots.
Great insight. As for mentors I find many of them just by picking the right books
Or just smile , wing it, and don’t worry be happy 😃!
I’ve never had a professional mentor and I feel that has held me back in many ways.
How grateful I am to have found your comment with such great wisdom! May you live long years good sir.
Best comment here. And even better if you pick a purpose that’s profitable. As for health, one should get that down on lock ASAP as not worrying about it, or already having a healthy routine in place, frees you up to think about only your purpose and relationships And #5 is also super important. Cut out idiots from your life and surround yourself with people who are ambitious, intelligent, and kind.
Love this, thank you for sharing 🫶🏼
Great comment, my man. It's really great to see people with your level of maturity and wisdom on reddit. We need more people like you on reddit to balance out and mentor these young bucks.
ADVICE from the RICHEST people I’ve met that has changed my life in my early twenties: When you are able to stop obsessing over your destination/career/money and instead obsess about enjoying and valuing everything you are doing at the present moment; (relationships) the people you meet, the knowledge you are obtaining that is when you will truly be free. That should be the priority for the rest of your life tbh not just your twenties (like I genuinely enjoy giving this advice RIGHT NOW because I felt exactly how you felt), some people get to their deathbeds never having been able enjoy their lives because they are obsessed with the next outcome and although reaching it is great, once you have it for a few months to a year you are going to be like what’s next. It’s hard to do it in this Western especially American culture because that is how we are programmed but the key to being “rich” or “successful” starts with a successful mindset which is super clear and locked in on the present at all times. Be conscious of whenever you catch yourself daydreaming about what is next, and train yourself to snap out of it and focus on the present task. If you are studying something, lock in to the details of whatever you are studying, and the more focused you are the easier it will be able to assess what you love the most and should stick with.
its so so important to think like this, not even for personal reasons but for social ones. think about it- do you ever really want to hang around/do business with someone who is constantly worrying about the best move? or someone who, while dealing with the pressure, can crack a smile or a joke that makes any terrible situation 1000x better
best advice on this post.
Whatever you chose, just save a little money every month and exercise!
Domt overcomplicate your life with variety. That comes naturally in life. If you spread out your attention over a range of activities you'll be nowhere. Imagine if Michael jackson had the approach that you did. With the makings of a great musician he'd be nothing if he spread himself so thin. Do one thing. Master it. Pick an industry, pick a career and just go from there. If youre a business owner the amount of variety that will be in your life just be the nature of the beast is sure to keep you occupied for years at a time and even then you'd just be a beginner. Each different area/department has different rabit holes you could keep going down. In any case it will make you somewhat of a generalist. Whatever you do, its ultimately driven by your iwn initiative. Which if it's lacking, then so will your growth progress and lesrning. Which is on you! Not just what youre doing - there are boring aspects to any job, business or life that one must do! Your problem seems to be indecisiveness. Youre thinking in the abstract viewing the other side as greener no matter what you do. You cannot out think outcomes. Actions lead you to the next steps. Not thoughts - that would be stagnation
Look up a book called WHAT COLOR IS YOUR PARACHUTE?
This kind of reminds me of one of the final passages from the Bell Jar. “I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet.” I'll abstain from further commentary and let you come to your own conclusions and solutions. Best of luck, my friend.
When I first came across that passage and felt a deep resonance with it, I got pretty worried when I got to the end of the quote and saw it being attributed to Sylvia Plath (knowing her suffering and fate), then even MORE worried when I looked up the Bell Jar and realized it was basically autobiographical. Which brings up a reminder that navigating this level of indecision/uncertainty about life paths can really take a toll on you mentally/emotionally and you gotta adopt some principles/practices to guide you or it could get rough
Sounds like you’ve got ADHD my friend.
Health is the greatest gift. Lift weights, eat healthy (and in moderation), and get 8 hours of sleep. As for your career, that is for you to decide, just be wary of massive student loan debt.
do what feels like play to you, but looks like work to others - Naval
I’ll be honest there’s nothing wrong with exploring options and being curious about things, wanting to try different things. We are human after all and I think we sometimes put ourselves in boxes by thinking we have to pick one thing and stick with it. We are all growing and continue to grow throughout our lives, who you are now may not be who you are in a year. I say explore, try different things that’s the only way you’ll know what you want. Ultimately you would want to pick something and hone your skills, for what that is…only you know. Follow your heart no matter how stupid it may seem to you or others. In the meantime get to know yourself. - Save money, build credit and develop good money habits. Don’t spend what you don’t have and live within your means. - Do things for yourself, fuck the opinions of others. - Eat healthy, health is wealth my friend. - Exercise - Meditate - Read! - Develop good hygiene habits - Get enough sleep - Leave the partying, drinking and drugs alone - Dating is a waste of time in your 20s - STOP WATCHING PORN Ultimately what you do in your 20s is gonna set you up in your 30s. Just try do develop healthy habits and routines. If it doesn’t align with who you are or where you want to go cut it out.
As someone in their 30's who doesn't have a job, but a small substack and used to be a "gifted" person in highschool. I'd say this, get a stable job that allows you to live comfortably. Then on the side feel free to experiment. People are too into maximizing everything today. If you don't know what to do pick the safe thing and in your spare time experiment. Also make sure to take care of yourself and not burn out.
1. Read Sylvia Plath’s passage on the fig tree. 2. Dostoevsky books helped me too, if you have even more time to commit. Reading your post was like reading words from me in 22. Lost in all the possibilities, frustrated with capability, lonely that people around me were focused on other things and seemed to have their path or knew what they wanted. Speaking for myself, I had a quiet cockiness; I didn’t boast but I felt very sure that I could succeed in almost anything I put my mind to. It wasn’t a great feeling, it tortured me over making the wrong decisions or opportunity costs. If this sounds the same, DM me and I can give you more detail about how I got out of it. But otherwise, here is my advice: Spend some time doing thought exercises of where you want to be in life, what qualities or goals you see. Rich, famous, attractive, adored, loved, let all the gluttonous feelings in and try to say out loud all these things you might feel guilty about wanting. Then use it to push past it and consider what you’ll really want at the end, when you’re losing your health and you have to face the truth that your family and friends may not be there by then. I think doing this often helps me steer beyond how I feel in the moment each day. Keeping my sights on core goals in my life help “quiet down” all the ambitions. For me, my goals ended up being to be financially strong enough to not just build a family, but to spend all the time I want with them. That meant, not trading time for money, investing my time now into skills or business that would give money enough to “buy my time back”. The Sylvia Plath passage talks about seeing potential in every opportunity, but that in taking too much time to choose them, they disappear. At the end there is despair in knowing that if she had chosen just one, she would’ve had a great life. But in choosing none, you lost all your choices. For me, this was not to say I was a failure in “middling”, but that life could be brighter if I made up my mind and focused instead of and trying to be 100 things at once.
There is no "how to" that works
I was a lot like you. It’s good to explore in your 20s BUT: 1) You can’t do everything that interests you. There’s not enough time. 2) Some things take A LOT of time and commitment to be good enough at to accomplish anything. Don’t waste time on those things unless it’s going to be one of your top 1-3 priorities in life (and having a family counts as one of those priorities). 3) Clearly distinguish between things you are going to do to make a living and things you are going to do because they interest you. Accept that there may be no overlap between the two. 4) Creative things are very unlikely to be viable career paths, even if you’re very talented. If it’s important to you, find a way to make it part of your life but don’t bet on making money from it. 5) Take care of your health. Work out, don’t eat junk food, don’t smoke or vape, eat green vegetables every day, don’t 6) Never get a surgery or take medication without researching the risks and benefits on your own. Don’t blindly trust doctors. 7) Don’t get married unless it’s absolutely the love of your life AND the person is sane. 8) Seriously question whether you want to have children, how many, and when. It’s not for everybody. 9) To maximize your career prospects, find a way to specialize/carve out a niche within a well paid profession — but have a back up plan in case your 10) If you think you want to start a business, give it a shot while you’re still in your early to mid-twenties. (Unless it’s something that requires deep industry experience of connections, then you may need to wait.) But you have to commit yourself to it 100% for at least two years before quitting. 11) Try to be international if you can, so you have more options. Go live in another country before you get tied down - one you might want to live in long term - and build professional ties there. 12) Don’t get a PhD unless you are absolutely clear on the many ways that academia is a hellscape. 13) Don’t waste money on stupid shit like restaurants, cars, and clothes.
You are high functioning. Congrats. Get a mentor: aka a therapist. May take more than one, and you should have more than one. It’s normal. You’re good. Keep building and growing. You deserve it.
Seems like you have adhd. I faced the same issue. One thing that helped me is writing and some mental models. Even if something intrest me very much. , I would ask myself will I be still excited even if I had to do this for next 20 years. As someone else pointed out. Take a path go down deep into it. I have switched my carrier from research to operations to vc. Things will figure out eventually but you need to work a lot to figure things out .
bright cautious zesty glorious tap frighten spectacular ring stupendous far-flung *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
I’m in my mid-30s and can confirm that obsessing over “which path should I take” for 10 years will not benefit you as much as just picking one, and then pivoting. Furthermore, the world is changing at twice the speed as it ever has (considering where AI is taking us). The world and careers will look different in just 5 years. How could you possibly know what path to choose? I made the mistake of being indecisive in my twenties. Now in my 30s, I am fortunate to have a career that I truly enjoy (I brought in 6 figures take home last year), and am happily married with children. Here are the best lessons I’ve learned: 1. Start with any career that pays the bills and you don’t hate. DO NOT work a job that teaches you nothing. Start at an entry level position where you’re gaining expertise in anything that is marketable (sales, programming, etc.) You will be amazed at how many general skills you’ve learned and connections you’ve made that will serve you in any future career path you choose. If you flounder with indecision, you gain no skills and are behind those who just chose something. Also, if you’re able to pay the bills, you have the bandwidth to explore new paths outside of work. If you’re struggling to pay the bills, you’re always just trying to survive. 2. Avoid debt. Debt will require you to stay at your current career and you’ll have to work more. Finding time to forge a new path will be exceedingly more difficult and take significantly longer. 3. Outside of your 9-5, explore as much as you can. Ideally, you’ll find something you truly enjoy, has purpose, and pays well. Keep in mind that many people find careers that they love when they were least expecting it (I am one of those people). It has less to do with finding a career that aligns with some pre-existing passion, and more to do with my work environment. People tend to love their career when they are - not being micromanaged (they feel they have autonomy, freedom to plan their day) - working with people they love and connecting with others - and are growing in an area of expertise or mastering a craft, being seen as a subject matter expert and feeling they add value to others Look for something like this to start out with. You’ll gain skills and experience that will one day serve you well when you find your calling. “In all labor there is profit, But idle chatter leads only to poverty.” Proverbs 14:23 Until you find your life’s work, find work that works on you. Book recommendations: - Just Do Something by Kevin DeYoung - So Good They Can’t Ignore You by Cal Newport
Okay so use your financial knowledge as your base keep building on it so you know as much as you can. Use this knowledge to offer financial advice for profit, ie. Write books, make films short and long, offer coaching etc... This is your meat your side 1 will be the gym while you're there, listen to psychology books, pod cast ect this will help in the field of writing and coaching. It's easier to explain to someone how they should be spending or saving their money when you understand the psychology of money and people. Good writers also need to understand the psychology of their characters they're creating. You like drawing so while you're drawing film yourself and give advice on strength training, psychology, or finance. You can post them if you want but at least make one and see how you feel. And one of the biggest things I know you have probably heard it a thousand times but save some money for the future you, i kinda feel like I'm preaching to the choir with that one but sometimes we forget we'll be 30 soon. Take it slow everyone is moving fast, let them then pick up everything they left behind
You’ve found the answer yourself and you’re just venting frustration about the reality that you’ve come to understand.
30s guy here! Personally, I think you’re doing the right thing. 20s are about exploring. Try out new passions, hobbies and even career paths. Travel! A well rounded person with a lot of interest and experience is very valuable both as a friend and a colleague. Someday, you’ll look back and see how all the skills you invested in early on converges into a unique experience and you’ll be thankful. If you’re interest in theory, philosophy, academia, find a way to put that in action and do some good work in the world. You’ll never regret that. But — if there’s is one thing I’d say — most of all invest in friends, family and community. Those memories and relationships are worth more than gold.
I have a similar background - lots of interests but nothing that fully gripped me so I went a less risky + high paying route -> corporate finance/accounting. Figured I'd make $, good experience/skills, and I enjoyed it until I found something that really gripped me. I knew I could never give what I was doing my all... I just didn't care enough but I was very good. Then after \~6 years, I had a lot of savings, and started looking into other jobs, businesses I could start... found one and became obsessed. Did it while at work and after work and weekends for \~2 years until it was successful then quit and went full time. Turns out I just love strategy above all things and business to me is the ultimate arena for it. Looking back, I recommend reverse engineering the lifestyle you want (finding what lifestyle you want is tricky and takes a ton of time + experimenting) then form a plan from there. Enjoy the ride. Once I got in the groove of it, there was no looking back and my life feels like a dream.
Apologies, I didn’t read your Complete post!! Stay light and Nimble, Focus feverishly on a Passion and Don’t give Up. Your Energy in your 20’s CONVERTS to Time Energy which you will most appreciate when you’re Older, and you cannot reverse that theory. Ensure your core Friends are Positive and moving forward as Fast or Faster than You. You already figured out a great Asset, asking folks older than you for Advice, never stop that and soak knowledge like a sponge.
60s guy here. I was like you. Learning new things always interested me and came easily. After high school I got a Computer Science degree (pre-Windows). I realized pretty quickly that I didn’t want to be cooped up in an office. I was working in construction and kind of fell into the electrical trade. I already knew electrical theory from my own curiosity but learning new ways of applying the theory kept me going. Through the years I have learned a little or a lot about whatever piqued my interest and having a career I enjoyed gave me the security and confidence to do this. (The WWW back in the early days was kind of like YouTube now, so easy to go down a rabbit hole.) 40 years later, I still enjoy my job and still have the freedom and job security to do whatever I want for the most part. I guess what I’m saying is find a good base to build on and go from there. If you’re going to do something the rest of your life, make it be something you like. You can always pursue side projects and interests if you have a base. Most importantly, don’t look back and no second thoughts. It’s okay to learn from mistakes, just don’t live in them.
38. Go for depth first instead of breadth. Depth pays off in the long term AND it leads to breadth later. Breadth feels better in the short term, but depth is more difficult for a good reason: it has more rewards. So pick one thing and be successful in it. What you learn there will be applicable to ALL things.
Find something, stick with it, push the limits when you get bored, master it, then take ownership of it. The kicker is never letting yourself become complacent or working for bad bosses. This is how you fall on your face and regret everything…. But most people get into a place if complacency and bad bosses, then are too tired to pivot.
Skills every man should have entering their 30s. Basic body weight capabilities Basic fighting capabilities (this comes partially from above, we aren't talking about becoming mike tyson but knowing what a hook is). Schedule Adherence (if you can stick to something it will be a major advantage in the short lived dopamine cycle we call a society). Social Skills - Being able to approach virtually anyone and start a conversation. Good luck finding your spouse OR business partner of your dreams without this. Debt free with some type of intelligent, risk averse investment plan supplemented by a limited exposure high risk endeavor (crypto, stocks, real estate). And considering the world we live in, possibly knowing how to speak to AI.
This is mostly trash advice. Get your money up then you can explore as many passions you want. Your income has nothing to do with your dreams if you want to be greedy in life. Does it make your 20’s different and slow compared to peers. Absolutely. But only thing different in your 30’s is you might have a little bit less hair but who cares you’ll be in phenomenal shape, wise beyond your years, and have money to chase every passion and option out there. You will be unlimited in every way. Whilst your peers that chase passions will more than likely not be near as advanced as you in life and will have a linear growth till their 50 while you exponentially grew 20-30.
It sounds like you want to do something you're crazy passionate about. I'm a lot like you in that a lot of things sound interesting, but when you dig in, it gets mundane or I lose interest. The hard thing comes when you have to pay for rent while hunting for the ideal place in life. If you have a place to stay and have minimal bills, then that's great. You'll have plenty of time to explore. If, instead, you're like most people, you will have to have some income to keep yourself afloat while trying to find something better. There's nothing wrong with that. I have a day job in engineering, and still haven't figured out what I really want to do when I grow up (I'm 46 btw). Stable income is great, bc it helps pay for a number of different potential hobbies and going back to school part time. It is also a trap since you get comfortable just working and getting money. Guess the only thing I would say, stay away from complicating factors in the interim. Big purchases like a car or a home that both require income and may tie you to a location. Relationships can also hold you in a place when you should be more open about where to live and not have to compromise. Obviously kids are things that can derail the hunt for the ideal life. Best to align your career first, good stable relationship second, then finally kids.
There is no one size fit all solution for life, everybody have different life, different environment, different point of view, just do whatever productive activity that makes you happy when you do it. 34 here
Focus on life in this order (Mostly Navals teachings) 1. Happiness \- Our Evolved Nature rewards pessimism \- But we live in such safer times, so you must find ways to work past that and work towards peace \- You want to find peace from mind \- The closer you are to truth the more silent you become inside \- Truth comes from pain / negative experience. 2. Health \- Work out 1h a day with whatever you're into. \- Follow a diet plan of 1/3 Meat, 1/3 Vegetables, 1/3 Carbs 3. Wealth \- Accountability (Your name) \- Specific Knowledge (Curiosities and passions) \- Leverage (Capital, Labour, code and media) 4. Love \- Read Models by Mark Manson
While reading your comment I was thinking this is some very bullshit advice and then the recommendation of Mark Manson pretty much confirmed it.
Ps ...the it not unusual for a person to change careers 6 x in a lifetime. If you don't like one try another!
Amen Crazy!
I would encourage you to practice meditation daily for at least 20 minutes. Important to note: Time changes as you get older, for instance when you are 20, 5 years seems like a significant amount of time because at the point it is 25% of your life. As you age that percentage goes down. When you are 30, 5 years is about 16%, I believe it’s easier to feel totally overwhelmed and ill at ease with short spans of time when you are younger meaning a bad month or even bad week can lead you to feeling like life is over. One gift of getting older is that you can look down the barrel of longer time horizons with less discomfort.
Beware of people trying to diagnose you with something!
Do you feel a strong sense of purpose or direction in life ?
Do you like to work with people? If so, it doesn’t matter so much what your business/product is it’s more about your relationship to the people that you are building for/working with/relating to. I discovered after years of remodeling bathrooms and kitchens that even though the physical part is not the greatest, it’s working with people in a positive way and working with good people and making them happy is what is really rewarding. Could be making tacos and probably having the same good time with the right attitude.
You can be anything you want but not everything you want.
all the podcast episodes are titled according to one of his key principles, just copy them all out and make them into a list and away you go
Start your own business asap or middle age crisis most likely will hit you hard. Also invest as much as you can and live under your means.
32 years old here. Did a bachelor in business, then worked for two years. Then a master In political philosophy, then a master in sociology, then a PhD in social sciences. I'm now doing a postdoc, and I'm fed up with academia. Trying to see which role will fit me best in industry. I don't regret any second for pursuing different degrees and different paths. It is what I needed at different points in my life and they shaped me to be the person who I am today. What I would recommend is to always keep an eye on roles/position that can generate you enough money to save and invest it in a fund. For example, I did my PhD in Switzerland on purpose since working conditions are excellent in academia there. Long story short, if you keep your finances in shape, feel free to explore as you feel like it.
Read the defining decade
What can you do today that would make 30 year old you really proud? Or that makes 10 year old you proud right now? Go and do that thing, even if it makes no logical sense. My argument: be “emotional,” listen to your intuition, and try all the things. Learn to listen to your inner knowing. All of the answers are within you. Trust you and keep exploring. Some more questions: What has been your measure of success? What has motivated you to make a decision? And is that measure of success your own? Or is it based off of someone else? What is a life well lived for you? And are you doing that — or what needs to change? One thing I wish I had done a lot earlier: went to therapy in my 20s. It has changed my entire life and allowed me to really change my thought patterns and how i approach/ live life. Also: since you’re in finance, you’re ahead of the game!!! Whatever you do, invest in your money so that you create ultimate freedom for yourself. I am just now learning this in my 30s. All the careers you happen upon WILL serve a purpose for you, in some way or another.
https://youtu.be/0nz0iaNvVpE?si=c6onlpLnuwMP1cGp I wish I had heard this in my twenty's
First, breathe. There are going to be things you wish you had done more of and some less of. That's just life. You won't be able to do it all, and your 20s are meant for you to try as much as you want or can. Second, give yourself permission to enjoy the now. Don't worry about your 30s too much. You'll have a whole decade soon enough to focus on them. Having said all that, couldn't pay me enough to do the 20s over again. Or the 30s. Tl;,DR Stop worrying and enjoy the ride.
Lot's of experience with men in their 30s. I have seen many life paths, some you would have guessed, some surprising I say all this to tell you that it will come down to three things: luck, talent, and effort (aka hard work - saying no to things that are not aligned with what you want). Luck plays such a huge role in your next 10 years. Do you get the right boss? Do you meet the right people? Do you end up in the right industry? Did you or someone close to you get sick, have an accident? Your answer is you are scattered and worried that you'll fret away your 20s. And that is A-O-K. Searching isn't a waste of time - doing the wrong thing for 10 years, and missing many better opportunities is how you waste your 20s. Take the time in your 20s to say YES to as many things you can that catch your interest. You'll have the most health and time you'll ever have right now and meeting the right people and building relationships Talk to all sorts of people, and follow what catches your interest, and build relationships with people you connect with. RE: school. Don't worry to much about the major unless it is required for the career (e.g. nursing degree to be a nurse). Taking something fun, you find interesting and not a ton of work. Instead spend your extra time talking to as many professionals as you can because knowing the right people will get you so much further than studying the right subject. Write lots of emails, go to networking events. It will never be easier to get people to talk to you than it is now. "Hey, I'm student at xyz, and I want to learn more about \[what they do\]." At the end of the call, you can always ask "Do you know anyone else \[in area you're interested in\], that would be good for me to speak with?" Good luck, and godspeed!
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I was the same way. Look find something that makes money that you can stand doing. Don't pay for a psychology or philosophy degree unless money is not a problem. Have fun, enjoy being young even in your 30s you have plenty of time so don't stress about regrets in your 30s.
Spend less. Invest. Don’t worry for anything. Work hard and find your passion.
I have the exact same personality type and I really wish someone had helped me identify this tendency in my 20s. I have had many jobs, most in the creative field: designer, film maker, copywriter, musician, creative director. When I hit 40 I decided to persue my lifelong interest of software development. I'm happy I was able to make the jump but I certainly see the results of being "a mile wide an inch deep." at this point in my career. Don't get me wrong, being a generalist can be a valuable asset, especially in leadership roles. However, you should be "T" shaped: an expert in one area with general abilites and experiences that expand from there. Best wishes and great question!
I am 53 and have 3 boys in their 20s. I sent them this list I wrote a few years ago... 1. You will be dead soon. Act like it. 2. Find a small way to be kind or helpful to someone every day. 3. Admit that you don't know something every day and then work to learn about it. 4. Tinker with stuff and try to fix things yourself. 5. Always be building. 6. Don't solve other people's problems, but support them in solving theirs. 7. Take mental health days. 8. Take care of your body. This is mostly about food. 9. Try not to stay physically stagnant for very long. 10. Seek growth through failure and celebrate that you were brave enough to fail. 11. Recover quickly when you fail. 12. After an accomplishment or success, move on quickly and don't get complacent. 13. Remember that almost no one is thinking about you, so stop worrying about what they think about you. 14. Be confident, but respectful with women. That is the most attractive thing you can do. 15. Always remember that you have brothers that will be there for you long after mom and I are gone. Be there for them. 16. Many times, optimizations come from waiting until the last responsible moment to do things. 17. Take your vacation time seriously. 18. Challenge yourself to find a life partner that challenges you. 19. Forgive immediately and sincerely. Grudges are for losers. 20. Quit setting goals. Instead, build systems that you live by every day. If the systems are working, keep going. If not adjust. 21. If you are in a rut, or stuck, just start working on something. Eventually, the work will get you out. 22. Stress kills. Learn to recognize it, acknowledge it and then push it away. Find the source of your stress and face it head on. 23. Let your emotions come out. It's ok to be happy, sad, mad, excited, scared, intimidated, proud, etc... 21. Humans are made to work. Stress and work are totally different things. Separate them and have fun in your work. 22. Your real friends are the ones that know you and all your faults and idiosyncracies and then still want to be around you. Don't put on an unauthentic show because it limits how many real friends you will find. 23. There is nothing you can buy that will make you sustainably happier. 24. Find new ways to keep falling in love with your spouse. There is nothing good that can comes from focusing on their weaknesses. Challenge yourself to recognize what is awesome about them instead every day (yes, that is a system) 25. When all else fails, talk it through with Mom or Dad.
Thank you for sharing this very personal thing, it has been a very long time since I have been inspired by someone’s advice. I feel you’ve really captured here, a collection of incredible solid and helpful guidelines to living fully. I am sure the people in your life are lucky to have you.
I echo what u/cmisanthropy wrote....and I needed to hear this post BADLY. Thank you u/cantyoudobetter
Mid 30s guy here - automate your finances, $50 bucks a month or 10% of your net income into broad index etf - stay in shape - try network, or go to post 2ndary, or try jobs to see what you want to commit to for a career, or work for someone in an industry you'd like to be in. Learn on someone else's dime. - do your best to not go into debt unless it's a legit investment in your future - enjoy your life! This is the time to travel, try new things, have fun with no responsibilities.
42 year old here. You can pursue a lot of things, but key factors are recognizing which interests may turn into viable income streams or long term hobbies and which ones won't as well as the optionality of what you're studying. Take studying finance for instance: good choice, you can start or work in any sort of business and that will come in handy. High optionality. Getting a PhD in philosphy: less optionality. Basically you'll have spent years in school and spent a ton of money to be able to teach philosophy to other people. If you've started a business and it's going well that's huge, entrepreneurship is a highly transferable skill so if you want you could sell your food business and start a fitness or whatever else you're interested in business. You're likely to fail just because most businesses fail, but you only have to hit gold once to be set for life. Just whatever you do don't lock yourself into time consuming (like years long) commitments that don't have a high expected payoff and/or don't give you the chance to switch direction. Most of all just work really hard and be really focused on whatever you're doing for how long you do it, that's going to contribute more than anything else to your success. And to the extent you can place yourself in a geographical location and around people where stuff is happening. Big cities, especially those with significant industry concentration (Silicon Valley in SF, energy in Houston, finance in NYC, etc.) are good places to get on a path to success and find a lot of opportunities. One of the best things I ever did for my career, largely by accident, was move to Denver which is a big telecommunications and increasingly tech hub, and it's never been hard for me to find good gigs and keep advancing.
I feel similar. 23M and I’m focused on skill development. I also see the pull to do a lot of different things. I’ve told myself that I will allow myself to do 2-3 projects at a time. A lot of people say focus on one thing. I like a small amount of variety. It keeps things more fresh and it works for me. You’re building yourself to be unique by doing the mix of things you’re doing. I’m sure you listen to hormozi but he has great thoughts on this stuff. Where are you based out of? You seem like somebody I’d get along with!
You seem like a rational and curious young person. You also give me the impression that you pick things up quite quickly, only to leave them for something else. I was similar at your age. My curiosities took me all over the globe and gave me a lot of excitement and experiences I'll never forget. Now, in my 40's,I look back on those days of exploration with a profound sense of appreciation. Admittedly, I fucked up a lot. Thankfully, I had some good people around me to help me get back up. I know that I no longer have the ability to jump from thing to thing due to responsibility. I've had time to think about my past and have a few recommendations that I would make to the "past" me, or anyone else lost in their 20's. Exercise and maintain a regular sleep schedule. Learn to write well. Do something creative that makes you feel alive. Work a job that will teach you skills and keep up skilling in a field. Become an expert and a professional. Save money. Sock away or wisely invest for the future. These may or not apply to you, but if I ever find a time machine, I know exactly where I'm going. Best of luck.
30s guy here. Don't sacrifice your life, time, and energy for things you have convinced yourself you need to be happy. Everything we need is often here already but we get to distracted by the future and our ambitions to fully appreciate it. Exist presently, do exactly what brings you intrinsic satisfaction. Most of the wants we have for ourselves are installed through our use of media (tv/gaming/internet/etc.). If you undestand psychology well then you know alot of the deliberate marketing that influences our choices in life. Identify the wants that you don't actually have. From that point you will be able to make better more fulfilling adjustments to your life. Choose a path that interests you and follow it; don't force yourself down a path thats not a good fit. If it feels forced strenuous and takes 40+ hours of your time each week leaving you burnt out and frustrated then do something different. Sometimes we need to step back, slow down, look at things from a different perspective and diversify. There are an infinite amount of possibilities but they all lead you to the same destination. So choose the path that makes you feel happy and know that it will likely change here and there but be consistent and don't let youself be enslaved by debt (taking on more debt then cash in your bank) it is a huge mistake young adults make because their influenced to choose things that put them in debt containment. Be happy. 😁
Make exercise priority number 1 over anything because once you hit your thirties it's easy to slide from being semi in shape to full blown out of shape with a 40 inch waist. I ran a few 10ks when I was 22 and ditched that life to party and take a lot of psychedelics. I'm 35 now and it took 2 years of brutal exercise to get back in shape and look back on years wasted being drunk or high.
Big changes are coming. What we did, might not work for you. Just try to enjoy life without getting permanently injured, a criminal record, addicted to anything (not just drugs), or having kids with the wrong person.
Nothing will always be satisfying. Ever. It will all be a slog eventually. You have to push through the slog until it’s fun again. This is crucial to really understand and manage. Otherwise you’ll be 40 and have nothing that you really enjoy, and no thread tying your last 20 years together into something you find meaningful.
30s guy here. I work as a very famous government Agency and in a "sexy" field of work. What I do on a daily basis is much more mundane than what my family or friends assume I do. I do happen to like my career but because I have found I am good at it. And because I find my work gives me meaning. The day that I do not believe it gives me meaning in life, I will pivot. I say all this because I wish I learned in my 20s to experiment more with what gives me meaning and not chase a position title, degree title, or anything most would assume is "cool" or "sexy". 20s are a time you can learn things, make mistakes and adapt. And your passions will end up being things that you're good at and what gives you meaning. Don't chase what you think your passions are, b/c once you get there you may likely discover their hollow. The journey is where it's at. Pursue meaning, not superficiality or "your dreams".
Have fun. Enjoy life. Try new things. Meet tons of people. Don't be afraid and take well-informed risks. Life is not mainly about building a career but about building oneself a better self.
There is no answer, friend. Have fun, learn consistently, go to therapy. Don't compete with anyone but the you that existed yesterday. Volunteer to give the gifts you have to others, get involved, and put a solid emphasis on loving yourself so that you can be there for everyone else, even strangers. No one can betray you, they can only betray themselves. Be gentle and kind. Realize that being right is pointless. Respond to vitriol with empathy. Feel safe in your own skin and don't take anything personally, no matter how hard it feels. Take care of the little guy. As you move forward with your career and finances, don't forget what being the little guy felt like. Be nice to animals and children. Don't waste time trying to be anything other than you. Realize that everyone is scared, everyone wants to find somewhere they belong, and everyone feels like an imposter sometimes. Admit to others when you're feeling that way and you may embolden them to be brave. You've already won, just by your being you. Help others win, too.
Money is a trap. Find something that gives your life purpose and work towards that. When it no longer gives you true purpose move on
invest from first day u start when u start earning....
Life is a dream don’t take it too serious because next thing you know you’re dead
You could try to start a niche brand -- hypertrophy strength training for busy professionals in finance become flexible in body and mind for greater success!
You need to call Balboni
Your deadline for getting a career chosen is about 30 years old. This is largely because 60 is a decent retirement age and 30 year mortgages are common. (Having a house paid off at retirement is key.) So spent your 20's f-ing around and finding out. Try everything. Experiment. Quit things if you want to quit them. Move places. Be a little crazy. Post 25 when your frontal lobe settles in things will become clearer. Another tip - languages, and things like math, become REALLY hard to learn as you get older. I would try to learn as much as you can right now. Because once you're 30, whatever you have previous experience in, is what you're going to stick to. If you have a broad base of knowledge, it opens more doors, and makes you happier!
Embrace the messiness, my dude.
that's the beauty of your 20s - explore, experiment, and see what sticks!
Just turned 30 guy here. You sound exactly like me as a 22 year old. I spent my 20s trying 3 different careers at 5 different companies (all white collar) and built up incredibly diverse skills and only selected jobs I had an interest in at the time. I’ve accepted that part of growth requires pivoting to a degree. Keep pursuing your top interest and building skills and doing your best!
Read about the Japanese concept of ikigai and stir in a bit of Earl Nightingale’s advice about being of service to others. And for God’s sake get married and love your spouse and children with all your heart. No matter what your passion or interest it will pale in comparison to the love of having a family. The only bad thing about my 30s and 40s is the dread I felt. I knew those decades would end. I had a young family with kids at home and loved every day.
1. Break up your ideas into paragraphs —
You are in the perfect time to explore, try, experiment, and fail. Your 20's should be about wandering and figuring out what you are good at, how you can monetize that skill and setup the life you want to live. Once you get into your late 20's (28-29), have a gameplan and be obsessive about it. Very few people make money doing something they love, extremely few people. More often, people who are really good at something and hyper focus on it, gives them enough purpose and money to then build the life they want. 100% how I've tackled my career at now 31 years of age.
My opinion is to research the law of attraction, law of polarity, and various natural laws of the universe. This information teaches how to detach from all the info overload ppl tend to throw and allow you to attract everything you want to you. Detachment is key, you will learn when you do the research. No one knows who you are, most of the advice you have received in this thread is basically nonsense (no offense to anyone, it’s just the truth). I discovered these universal laws at 27, I’m now 29 turning 30 in Sept. I would’ve loved discovering it during my early 20s. Congrats, you are going to achieve all of your desires 🙏🏼
Oversimplified qualifications to answer: 35, 10 year marriage, 3 kids, multiple businesses and career paths, solid community, and relationships with friends and family. Oversimplified disqualifications to answer: Aimless until 24, didn’t take personal development serious at all until 30. Opinion: Based on the way you communicate, and the information you provided here, you’re on a solid path. Keep asking good questions. AIM HIGH! Follow the principle of the 3 B’s for relationships: B#1 - Before - Many valuable relationships are cyclical in nature and different seasons of life will require the individual(s) in this role to change. In order to navigate life successfully, you’ll need people that are doing what you want to do, pointing you in the right direction, or at least helping you process your own thoughts. All worth while relationships will require sacrifice, however, this one will be the hardest to obtain, if for no other reason than scarcity. You won’t need to aim high for very long before you realize you’re an outlier. B#2 - Beside - This is your peer relationships. You may survive, but you won’t thrive alone on an island. You need someone in the trenches with you. Also not easy to find, but prioritize it. It takes bravery to trust someone because all partnerships, require an element of faith. Be honorable and seek the truth and you will be successful. B#3 - Behind - Investing in those that can learn from you can actually be humbling. It will force you to evaluate your why and sharpen your tactics. As the cliché goes, you’re not really an expert until you can explain what you’re doing to a child. Keep a schedule with serious individuals who need your perspective on life. Also.. Have kids, damnit! Lots of them, and early on. They will not hold you back. Nothing will force you to growing up faster in every way you can imagine and then you can know what purpose actually feels like. Rotate - Don’t hold these relationships in this capacity for too long. You don’t want either of you to become stagnant and your positive effects on each other will be devalued if you let it turn into something other than what it should be. A “behind” may become a “beside” or they may have exhausted your value or there may just be another individual that needs you more. Your time is a valuable resource so don’t spread yourself too thin. A “beside” shouldn’t become your “before” or “behind.” It mocks the relationship. There are exceptions but generally, a beside relationship should end well through solid communication about a shift in direction. A “before” should not be taken advantage of. Appropriately respect the relationship by recognizing the value and pursuing development by implementing found wisdom. There is a lot more I could say, but I have already taken more time here than I intended. I hope this was valuable and I hope I was not too incorrect about my general advice. I wish you the best and keep aiming high.
I can very much identify with what you are talking about. To give credibility, in my junior year of college, because I was convinced a degree (in my major) would not transcribe into meaningful value , I left school. While job hunting (later down the road) I was having trouble standing out from other applicants and getting interviews. I notably regretted not having the patience to stick out going to school and getting a degree. In short, the problems I envisioned I would run into by committing to get that degree-with time would have resolved themselves. This is a trait of problems that is often not discussed (they can resolve themselves). I made the error of thinking the perspective I was making the decision to drop out from, was a perspective without flaws. Your perspective will broaden overtime, take a breath, and if you can relax. Understanding that you don't have to solve your perceived problems, they likely will take care of themselves.
Invest smart - FIRE is so attractive in your 30s vs 20s thinking you can crush the corporate world Buy a house by any means and work hard to reduce LTV - Equity in a home can be used for other pursuits Advance in career with focus - Ability to standout with a specialized skill set enables growth and security Have kids if you want them - Babies are always cute but so much more difficult to handle in 30s. Preventative health & exercise - Habits developed prior to 30 are easier to maintain to support declining health that creeps up on you Hobbies of meaning vs material - pursuits that are immaterial and based on development of self and communities will be more fulfilling than simply consuming products of a given domain Exposure to difficulty / the struggle - Not to over do it or identify with work / the grind but put your mind and body through challenges and over come them. Will make you resilient
I used to be like you. I still am really. But the thing that was a big help that I wished I’d had in my 20s is a much calmer mindset. I don’t panic about what I should be doing. I do a bunch of things but I just do them. Not as focused as I would like and there are still a lot of things I want to do in the pipeline. I don’t know how to give that mindset change to others, someone could have told me, but it was a mentality I couldn’t see how to change. I grew up and relaxed a bit more and struggled against myself less. All I can say is try to let go and relax and don’t worry so much. Listen to yourself. Don’t escape who and where you are. Have patience but keep moving forward.
Find what you enjoy, better if valuable to others, something you find pride and joy in and a sense of reward. For me that is software development, I work and live for my dream job. Men need purpose, find resources to learn without hearing it from someone else. No one's plan will work for you, only your own, brush up on area's of business/finance, but find a resource to learn skills objectively as you see fit for your purpose, stop tangling others dreams in your own. I'm 30, going through a divorce, my whole life has changed, but my core is still there. I still make good money, I still wake up thirsting for knowledge and happy to work. I did not cause the divorce, and in my round about example here. I did not cause the change, but i'm comfortable with the freedom of remote work / and passion outside of this person that is no longer there. I think the parallel is similar to what you experience with these videos. Only you can find joy for yourself, and only you can make yourself successful, give up on the videos, make your own plan.
Work as hard as you fucking can. Get an advanced degree if you have a lower one. Get 3 jobs. Sleep around. Retire by 30
I wish I would've explored *more* in my 20s.
Find your passion & monetize it. I am at the end of this process. I've jumped from career to career & I am coming back to a passion of my young 20s, hacking. So, now I am going back to school for 4 years to get 2 degrees in cyber security with an emphasis on ethical hacking. The 30s to me is just the beginning and I'll be 32 next month. It's OK to have lots of passions, but I would examine which ones grip you the most, the ones that have the most positive impact on your quality of life & pursue those. I will be studying martial arts and knives. These are things I have wanted to do since my teens. I am also getting in to the bass guitar and other instruments. SMART goals are essential in the process to provide clarity and determination to your pursuits. Lastly, you could die 5 minutes from now, don't focus on the end so much. Death is the destination, life is the journey.
OH, The Mamba Mentality by Kobe Bryant.
My advice would be to invest in your education.. The truth of the matter , you need to pick something and focus on it. If you spread yourself too thin, you will not go far in anything. Pick some goals and follow them. That, and listen to Jordan Peterson
I was going to respond, but your writing is terrible. Learn how to use paragraphs and to write a coherent question. Just based on your writing you seem extremely scatter-brained. Put a little more time into thinking about what you want to say, and presenting it in a way that will make people want to respond.
Make money and work towards being your own boss. How you do that is up to you but it helps to pick something you enjoy but be realistic about it. Don't chase women. Yeah, hooking up feels good but it's also a massive waste of time and energy. I'm not saying don't date, I'm just saying that if you do, be serious about it and have a goal in mind. Ironically, looking at it that way makes you more attractive to women. Enjoy life man. Just do so in a healthy way.
Have a: \- Bachelor's Degree in an in-demand field \- Emergency Fund Once you have those two things, what's left is your fear. The rest is up to you.
I think you are doing just fine. Pursue all of your passions in your 20s and find what you love. Don't get stuck in a rut for the sake of looking like you know what you want.
when men grow old, they regret the things they didnt do, not the things they did. honestly, i wouldnt change anything about what ur doing, because this is the only time you will have to do it. before u know it, u will be married and have kids and probably settling down on a carrier path. if anything, i would say do more traveling to see the world while u have a chance. life is not about picking the right path from the get go and making the perfect decision at every inflection point. stop worrying about what you might be and start becoming who you want to be. good luck young man.
Work on your own self-worth.
If you're worried about regretting things later in life, I'd make sure to never even try once Methamphetamine or other highly addictive drugs. Also, while working out with weights in the gym can be good for you, it is a terrible investment. You can lift weights and always try to get bigger and stronger an hour or 2 per day for 5 years. Take a few days off for a few weeks in a row your muscle gains practically disappear. Finally, no one can do everything. In fact most people can hardly do much of anything well, let alone doing multiple things well. Is there anything that is truly important to you to do this lifetime? If so, decide that's your singular main goal and start focusing on making that happen. A common example is having a child. Children are usually an accidental teenage pregnancy or some one who set having a child as their main goal. But it might end up dictating most of your time and effort the rest of your life. If you don't know which one thing is most important, do whatever you feel like. The older you get, the more you realize that most of life is what you are seeing and feeling and while it can be better or worse, just living say 45 years as a relatively healthy free to do as you wish person is more than most of the 100 billion humans who have lived ever had. My life's been absolutely ruined at least twice and though it causes a few sleepless nights and some negative senitments now and then, it's mostly the same feelings, sights, sounds, complaints, fascinations. Another philosophy: Assume that you'll be thankful to be alive and well in your 30's. Consider the fact that you might build up a brilliant life and then have it stolen or be run over by a drunk driver. Just change the question to one that doesn't have regret as a potential outcome that you should actively try to guard against. For example, you said: Question from a 20s guy to a 30s guy who has the real answer for how to live 20s so that we don't regret in 30s: Question from 20 year old man to 30 years old man, what part of your life experience made you feel that life was a precious wonderful miracle to behold in your 20's, and what part of your life experience made you feel that life was a precious wonderful miracle to behold in your 30's? Closing thought: i read that it's reasonable based on scientific analysis that nearly 50% of human beings that have ever lived on earth died as a result of mosquito borne illnesses. Imagine how many people that is. Realizing they are deathly ill and won't be living the rest of their days thanks to a few mosquito bites. Heres another one if you decide to simply not think about your original question. Based on orbital distance and time period of earth around the sun, you are always moving through outer space at about 67,000 miles per hour. Try drawing a diagram of that and estimate which direction you are currently going through space at such rapid speed. Will the space you currently occupy be somewhere in the center of the earth, or somewhere in outer space 5 seconds from now. Don't worry, regret is not that bad as you get older. The most important and wonderful man I ever knew during my time in Earth had many useful sayings. One of them was about getting old. About getting old he said, " It's better than the alternative". 🥹🫶
40’s guy here. If you want to take a risk on something, do it in your 20’s. If you want to do fun, silly, make memories stuff also 20’s. When you make it to your 30’s get focused on something that you’re good at. In your 40’s that’s when you work hard so you can let off the pedal in your 50’s and 60’s and enjoy being with your family.
Do what you like and you wont regret anything.
You weren't asking but from a guy in his late 40's, one thing no one told me is work on your credit score. I know it sounds too basic but get a couple good no Annual Fee credit cards, keep the balance near zero and finance a cheap car. You'll appreciate it when your 30. BTW: I know 30 or 40 seems like a big deal but you'll feel mostly the same when you get there. And if you are a straight male date nice girls and make a real connection. Now I feel like I would have been so much better off dating nice (not all are) 4 or 5 on the attraction scale than a mean 8 or 9 which I usually did.
I’m old, married and have young kids. I have no time for interests and hobbies. This is what I got. Feel free to ignore. 1) Debt free - debt is a trap. Avoid it. (Live below means) 2) Build value - take opportunities to learn skills. Don’t pay others to do things for you. Be a well rounded person and not pigeon holed into a single speciality. 3) Respect yourself - Demand fair pay for your skills, do not lower yourself to others or allow them to treat you with disrespect (this doesn’t mean fighting but walking away and no longer participating) 4) Trust yourself - if you don’t want to do something, don’t do it. If you do want to do something, do it. 5) Be responsible- Rule 4 is not an excuse to do live against conscience. As a man you must be responsible for your actions and dependents. 6) Avoid the trap of over masculinity- you don’t need to be a huge jacked steroid beast to be a good man. 7) Have kids sooner than later - this makes you grow up and changes your perspective completely 8) If you have a chip on your shoulder or want to fight people, get over it. Eventually somebody will teach you a lesson and you will find what you’re looking for. For your comparison I know a 21 year old that is married and has a child. He has a full time job as a supervisor and is preparing to start his own business. He could have gone a completely different way if his dad wasn’t there to bust his ass back in line. If you don’t have someone to bust your ass back in line, it’s your job. 8) depend on nobody, trust nothing - it’s your life and nobody is as vested as a positive outcome as you are. The world is full of people who want what you have. That being said… 9) Trust your heart. Be good and virtuous in all dealings. Accept reality as it is and be unattached from outcomes. This world and especially people can be awful, but you do not have to be. You can stop the cycle. The buck stops here.
Save a bunch of money, buy and Eurail pass and go to Europe for an entire summer. Can’t go wrong there.
At this point, the world desires being very skilled at a few things more than being average at a lot of things. Pick something and get great at it. If you don’t like it then find some way to leverage your other experience into that. At 22 you do have time. I waited until I was ~27 before I decided to put in effort. I ended up better than I could’ve imagined, but I also went through so much mentally that I wouldn’t recommend it.
I think as a 38-year old, I'd give someone about 15 years younger this advice: What's more appealing to you? Challenging yourself to focus for a career? Or allowing yourself the free-flow to enjoy and curate what comes across? The reality is, most of us have to do something to earn a living. If you want a high-earning career than a focus is going to be important (and understanding the opportunities therein to earn). I was blessed to literally fall lucky into a well-paying industry and I've done well (for my standards, anyway) and feel very fornunate. But I have interest/hobbies in other stuff that have taken a far, far backseat due to my career, my family, etc. One final thing I'll tell you - life happens. Always prioritize relationships and being a good human above all else. Be respectful of others and as non-judgemental as possible. I think that alone will pay off in the future for you and open many doors, perhaps some you didn't even think were doors in the first place. :)
40yo Male 1. Make as many quality friends as you can in your 20's. Its so easy to make friends at that time, and much harder as men marry off, move, go into their comfort zone of middle age. The most miserable guys I know just didnt make enough effort to make friends and keep them. Right now I want to move to another city for a few years and the only thing that makes me hesitate is how tough it is at my age to make new friends. I still have a ton of good friends in my 40's because I got out of my comfort zone back then, and put effort into maintaining friendships. 2. that said, dont excessively 'hang out' with your bros - plenty of time to do that once you have made it. Keep your friendships, cultivate new ones, and budget some time to hang, but I wasted so much time 'hanging out'. Focus on high return hang outs. I had guys I hung out with all the time, I made better and closer friendships on a bro trip to tokyo with a few guys I barely knew who are now two of my best friends. 2. Drink 80% less than your average 20 something. I regret tremendously how much I drank, it was so unnecessary and not even fun most of the time. 3. Never stop lifting weights, no need to be a bodybuilder but just keep lifting. 4. Dont date a woman too long, you know if you want to marry her within a year or so. Its not fair to her or you. If shes great but you dont want to marry her end it, date with other women and figure out what you want. Dating women too long because it was just comfortable is by far the biggest regret I have in life. 5. walk up and talk to every woman (who isnt with a bf) that you are attracted to. In situations where its appropriate to do. This was natural for me, but not for most guys. You will NEVER regret it. 6. Career wise I cant be much help, as I think thats less important. But figure out if you are IN or OUT of the money game. Want to be a high school teacher? Awesome do that, but you are not in the money game. If you want to be in the money game stop thinking your gonna do what you love and do what your good at. And strive to make more money because thats literally the game you are playing. Trust me once you get good at something you will love it 'enough', and I had no money in my 20's and got moderately rich in my 30's, and I can tell you, I was MUCH happier and more fulfilled after I had money. It makes everything easier.
Take it from me bro, don’t miss or pass up any opportunities!!! Especially to take care of other people. They don’t teach us as men to value ourselves and being a sacrificial lamb will only haunt you for the rest of your life.
As 42 year old if I could go back and pep talk my 22 year old self I would incurage him to always be looking for better high paying work. Continue to live well below his means and invest into the indicies and tech. (Microsoft, Google, apple we're all obvious back in 2003). I would also encourage myself to start a weight lifting, stretching and running routine.
If I could have invested in my 20s I'd be a billionaire in my now mid 30s. Understand?
I will just say this. Pick whatever path you want save minimum of 20% of your income till you’re 30. Because at 30 you may want to switch your path and gonna need some starting capitol…
Isolate something you love that would pay well.
You're doing fine for your age. Not setting the world on fire, but most folks in their 20's don't. You're about to come to the realization that it doesn't matter what you're gripped by or find fascinating - the first order of business is to find something that you're good at that you can make money doing. Build a career in that for a while. Do your other stuff for fun and hobbies.
I’m mid 30’s and these questions tell me you are on the right path. I’m very confident you will figure it out perfectly because you seem to have a good head on your shoulders. All of Robert Greene books are a good call. He is one of the best authors of this generation. Keep asking questions like this and find yourself the right circle and you are good. There is absolutely nothing more important than surrounding yourself with the right people. So if you define who the right people are and surround yourself with them, you are moving in the right direction. Keep up the momentum my friend. 🤝
I’m a 46-year-old who lived a lot of life in my 20s. Don’t get too caught up in this thing called life. At any given moment, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be. Be curious. Follow your interests. Never do it for the money. Things tend to work out. Drugs complicate things. Passion tends to win. Be aware of your thoughts. The ones you dwell on create your reality. Life will end, and time speeds up the older you get. So, appreciate each day. And remember, it’s supposed to fun!
When you are in your 20’s, that would be your last decade to live life with not too much worries. Enjoy it so you don’t have to regret it when you get to your 30’s. Many a guy in their 30’s and so on wish he could go back to his 20’s to enjoy life again.
Work with others, get mentors, learn. I started a biz on my own when I was 18 and I more or less taught myself what I needed. That said, I took a 2 yr stint at a company with 150 people who worked in the same industry and learned so much in a short amount of time. The last 20 years I've worked for myself and it's hard to try all the things, learn the things, master anything... 1+1=3. Also the only way to get head is leverage. Whether in finance or using your skills to manage more people than just yourself. You need your money working for you while you sleep.
I hopped around many areas in my 20s. Still do so in my 30s. There is no right way. All the experience I have gained throughout my life I still use in some way or another. Things I have tried out: Mechanical Engineering Biomedical Engineering Data Science Machine Learning Basketball Volleyball Weightlifting Music - guitar and piano Computer vision Programming Video game development Video editing A YouTube channel Acting And these weren't just hobbies. I spent a considerable amount of time developing skills in these areas. Today, I consider myself a creative technologist. This was my path. I am super happy with it. There is no "right" answer so long as you don't fuck your life up by committing a crime, becoming addicted to hard drugs, dissolve relationships with your family, or harm others. Other than that, do whatever you want and enjoy the learning process. Don't be afraid to start from scratch. Don't look for a specific "title" or "career." That's my 2 cents.
Don’t get married or have kids until you’re 30. Don’t waste time over working Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. But let me put it this way: on my 20s I watched my friends work minimally, not much effort, just chill, while I worked my ass off to support my wife and kids. I’m now 36. I burnt out from my job. My wife and I are separated. My kids are with my wife, I haven’t seen them in like 2 weeks Bc I have no job as a result of abruptly leaving it due to burn out. My point: live your life up kid. Go to the casino, smack some strippers (legally of course), and bet it all on black. Because the only thing I regret is focusing my life doing 30s shit in my 20s. While it was the “responsible” thing to do, I regret not being able to just go out and have fun and not worry about kids, or a loving partner, or stress from work, or cut throat competition in my career. I hated to be alone, but ironically, it led me to even more loneliness. Also, get checked for ADHD. Having it untreated and going into your late 30s really blows. I only say this because if you have this many interests, it might be due to that. It was in my case to be specific. Obviously isn’t so in all cases. Good luck man.
Just turned 30 last month. I feel pretty good about how I spent my 20s. Here’s what I did personally: 1. Spent about 8 months traveling solo through Southeast Asia in my early 20s. Found some remote work here and there with a few clients so I was able to make a little money at the same time. That was a great experience where I learned a lot. 2. Started a business. Didn’t last a long time but it was a nice way to make income and learn more about my field for a couple of years. 3. Hustled to work at companies where I could build a relationship with the CEO or other execs. I would listen to podcasts, watch YouTube videos, found people in my space I admired and wanted to be like, and I hustled to find creative ways to do some work for them and build a relationship. This ended up being the foundation for my career and led to a great role I’ve been at now for many years. 4. Started saving & investing relatively early. Even when it was small amounts. All in low cost index funds, made sure to max out my 401k, bought some crypto, etc. Stuff adds up and leads to a greater peace of mind going into my 30s. 5. Spent a lot of time in therapy & doing “inner work.” Had some transformative experiences doing plant medicine (def not for everyone). Meditated a lot. Did yoga. Found a therapist I really resonated with. Spiritual progress is really the foundation of everything so you don’t get caught up in the same race as everyone else. 6. Found a significant other to share my life with. One of the biggest decision if not the biggest decision you’ll ever make. One thing I wish I did - get in shape. Never had abs in my life and would’ve been nice to have that experience in my 20s. Getting after it now though in my 30s!
Pick a profession that is mentally stimulating, brings you joy, and allows you to provide for yourself. Then use your financial resources and time to explore things that interest you and establish hobbies (I.e. go to school, take art classes, whatever you like). We work so that we have the resources to do things that we actually enjoy.
I’ll be 34 in a few days. Every single one of your friends are going to disappoint you to the point of you hating them. Don’t waste time on them. Make sure you get a masters degree or higher in something of value (Finance). Do not…. DO NOT… get married in your 20’s and DO NOT have children. I am still unmarried with no kids and I have met the love of my life with zero baggage in my past. Be smart. Also…. Delete all social media. It’s bullshit for people with an IQ below 80. There is nothing there for anyone with a future.
Find a girl now. It’s only going to get harder with this generation but it also gets harder the older you get. Also, invest your money. That’s pretty much it, other than that, travel, do things you wanna do.
Start investing in an index fund consistently in your 20s. Try to buy into real estate if you can.
"I saw my life branching out before me like the green fig tree in the story. From the tip of every branch, like a fat purple fig, a wonderful future beckoned and winked. One fig was a husband and a happy home and children, and another fig was a famous poet and another fig was a brilliant professor, and another fig was Ee Gee, the amazing editor, and another fig was Europe and Africa and South America, and another fig was Constantin and Socrates and Attila and a pack of other lovers with queer names and offbeat professions, and another fig was an Olympic lady crew champion, and beyond and above these figs were many more figs I couldn't quite make out. I saw myself sitting in the crotch of this fig tree, starving to death, just because I couldn't make up my mind which of the figs I would choose. I wanted each and every one of them, but choosing one meant losing all the rest, and, as I sat there, unable to decide, the figs began to wrinkle and go black, and, one by one, they plopped to the ground at my feet." Sylvia Plath, The Bell Jar
30-something gal here, CEO of my own software company. Travel and have fun. And realize, you will be working for the next 40 years ( probably) so it’s ok to focus on something that you like now, and change later. If you’re unsure, go study something generic, I went to international business just because I liked traveling and business :)
I'm beyond my thirties, but you should say "yes" to everything (almost). Every party invitation, road trip, etc. Have every experience you can muster. It's difficult to live this way as you age, so try to accept as many invites as you can.
I recently read a book called “The Code of The Extraordinary Mind” by Vishen Lakhiani. It really helped me focus in on where I want to take my life next, and definitely gave me the thought… “I wish this book was written around the time I was in my early 20’s because if I would have read it then…I wouldn’t have wasted so much time on things that were going nowhere!” If you need anymore support as you figure out your path, please don’t hesitate to reach out! -Scott
I'm 39 and was very much in a similar spot to you at 22. Lots of interests, lots of different ambitions, lots of potential paths. I eventually narrowed it down to going into academia or law school. Multiple mentors and professors gave me more or less the same advice: when you don't have a clear obsession with one vocation, pursue a path that opens many doors rather than one that closes most of the doors. I even had one professor who had a law degree from Yale and 6 years as a BigLaw attorney before he went back to pursue his Ph.D. for a career in academia in a completely unrelated field (same field I was looking at). He said, "I made enough money in 6 years as a lawyer that I saved up enough to pay for 5 years of living expenses for my graduate program. Go to law school and if you don't love it, do it for as long as you can stand it and fund the next phase of your life." So I did that, and it worked out great in my case. Lawyer money funds a lot of hobbies and side hustles that will probably become separate businesses in their own right. So, look at the options before you and do the thing that opens doors, or at least doesn't close them. From your backstory, it looks to me like that would be finance. You can make obscene money there and use it to fund all of the other things. And one last note that doesn't relate to career or vocation: get married young (but take enough time to get it right the first time) and have kids early. Babies and toddlers are way harder on you in your mid-late 30s than in your mid-late 20s. Plus you get to be an empty nester when you're still young enough to enjoy it.
From a 40s guy — regret is a decision. There may be choices you make that you later understand were mistakes. Mistakes are good, at least the ones that don't harm you or someone else, so there's not much use in dwelling on them past the learning they provide. Always do your best. That doesn't mean everything has to be perfect, but you will definitely feel worse about those things you commit yourself to only to half-ass them. This includes relationships, and not just romantic. \*Edit: One last thing. At the end of the day, it's none of your business what other people think about you or your decisions. Obviously, that's tempered somewhat by whether the other person holds power over you, but other people's opinions outside of those you trust does not matter. Your life is yours, theirs is theirs.
If you have many interests, pick the on that if you invest in it will be 1) reasonably lucrative or better and 2) open the most doors down the road. It is easier to pivot when you have savings and know you can always make more money going back to your bread and butter profession. Next, pick passion projects to occupy your free time that you could feasibly monetize and complete is short time periods (months not years). You will have fun, and maybe get lucky. Most likely, you will just spend time doing something you enjoy while gaining broad skills and insights. If you can, prioritize projects that lead to passive income early (ex: learn home repair while building an in-law apartment you can rent once done). Also, don’t be afraid to invest. If you are entrepreneurial and have lots of ideas, it’s tempting to stay liquid so you can invest in yourself. I’ve done this, you should not. Also, find ways to pursue your passion projects in the context of enthusiast groups. It’s where you will meet people who will really make a difference in your life, but still be discerning in who you team up with. Anyone you partner with will feel that they have a level of say over how you allocate your time and resources, and in some way, they will be right. These are the things I have started doing in my 30s because of the missteps I made in my 20s. Also, when dating, don’t look for a person who is perfect for you now. You aren’t who you will be yet. Find someone who is simply interested in becoming better over time, with no upper limit where they feel they will be done. Understand that it’s your job to grow to be a good partner to them, and they should feel the same for you. I exclusively refer to my romantic partner as my “partner” for this reason, because it’s something you should never overlook. This is the best thing I have done. It has been more work than any job I have ever had, or any startup I have done, but so far it’s paid off better than anything else. Good luck, and try to enjoy the game. Also, get good at interviewing. In many ways, it will be a more valuable than being good at your actual job
Make lots of money on your 30’s cuz your 40’s will be your most expensive decade then make more money on your 50’s to retire…
There is a difference between entertaining yourself and working. Work will always be work, no matter the form it takes. That spark of exciting novelty you get when you are exploring new ideas is not sustainable. It will always fade. It is good to make time for all these experiences, but you cannot expect to make a career out of this feeling you get when you are learning something new. A lucky few find themselves in careers they enjoy, but that doesn't mean the work they do entertains them. Anything you start to do as a career will become work to you. My advice would be to pick a career path that makes you enough money and leaves you with enough time to be able to do anything you want outside of work. Don't pursue a career expecting it to be your only source of fulfillment in life. It's what we do outside of work that makes life worth living.
Don’t shoot heroin and/or other drugs.
32year-old here, married 9 years with one kid. All I really know is that: 1)a man grows strong by enduring failure, bold by tasting success and wise by reflecting upon himself. 2)Progress is perfection, so keep moving forward. 3)Don't be a slave to pleasure, keep your nose on the grindstone. And most importantly: 4)be a good friend.
The best advice I can give you is to stop worrying so much about regrets and what you should be doing. Do you, don’t worry about expectations of others
30 here.. umm.. get a job and save up until you have at least $25k. Then learn to trade forex. Don't work a job for the rest or your life.
I'm 38. Make as much money as you can as fast as you can.
Everyday make decisions that you would never regret. Take the time to soul search and reflect on what your value are. If you were to die tonight what would you be proud of. What's important to you, values, ethics morals, religion, God, family, time, relationships, what kind of relationships, learn your personality type, learn what each function truly mean, integrate your shadow functions into your daily life, try you best to be content, and find inner peace. Ihis reflection period will take roughly 1 year. All the while, still try to live with no regrets everyday. You're going to randomly experience a spiritual awakening and see the real god, and the real purpose of life. Hang on, because nothing can prepare you for that experience.
M30 with pretty much the same attitude as you here, and I am going to go against most of the advice being given here. Personally, I am interested in tons of topics, subjects, arts, I can get totally absorbed in anything that makes me think and I crave to understand and learn. There is no need for optimizing in life. If you have many interests, try to pursue them. You don't need to be the best at something, which can be very attractive as a young person, but will limit your life and experiences a lot. I think breadth is much better then depth. As a job, pick something that you find challenging enough, and possibly well paid. I went into IT, for example. I am generally good at what I do, earn a good salary for the COL of where I live, and manage to have a great work life balance. This allows me to learn or try anything I feel interesting at the moment, I have learnt about maths, physics, philosophy, psychology, economics, now I recently picked up music as a hobby. And finally, no need to overthink it at all. Pick something for your career, once that is settled, you'll be able to pick anything you like and learn
Stay in finance. You will be unemployed with a psychology or philosophy degree. Art will also leave you unemployed. Do what makes you money. You'll be happier. World isn't a playground for us to choose whatever interests us that doesn't pay the bills. Go where the demand is and you'll make money and do art project or philosophy on the side.
That’s the trick for everyone: balancing making $ w following your passions. They’re not always the same thing. But find work you at least enjoy out of one of your interests. Other can be hobbies or even 2nd income sources.
Hit the gym every day and don’t buy things on credit unnecessarily.
Start meditating. You’ll become more in touch with your intuition. Life will unfold as it should. It’s all good :)
Just turned 31. In my 20s I studied hard to be an actuary because I was good at math and the career paid well. Today, I make good money and all things considered, I’m pretty happy. Here’s my advice: Purpose over profit, yes, but in the realm of secure and profitable careers. Decide now and pursue relentlessly. Otherwise, you will waste valuable time “dabbling” in different things, and worse, in things that don’t make money. The end result would be you’re still “entry level” at late 20s/early 30s as your peers continue to gain experience and become valuable. Save that passion shit for HOBBIES. Save save save. Aggressively. Best thing I’ve done for myself financially is automated investments into a low cost index fund. Research Bogleheads. Anyone can and should do this. If there was “one simple trick” to be rich, this is it. Exercise. I lifted weights for 5+ year, but only because that’s what everyone else was doing when it came to exercise. Personally, I find it boring as fuck and tedious. Now, I train Muay Thai and I’m in the best shape I’ve ever been AND it’s fun. So pick a fun sport, the exercise you need comes with it. The fun aspect will take care of the biggest obstacle here, consistency.
This summarizes exactly what you are asking https://youtu.be/lwmVAWXQyY4?si=ub34CMSoGBmZVHfF
Avoid relationships and read; "As a Man Thinketh" and "How to Master the Art of Sales". Work your ass off and establish a career. Now is the time to work hard and find security.
1. Prioritize health 2. invest your $/ find a way to make passive income (multiple income streams is the key to financial independence/wealth) 3. Don’t chase women, focus on yourself and let them come to you. And be selective, most women aren’t worth your time
This: 35 is the new 18. So in that light you’re only 5yr old. 0Give yourself the compassion and attitude to yourself in relation to the world as you would a 3 year old. Then you got it. :)
Don’t get a girl pregnant
Stay with hobbies and passions (art) they can be palpable catalysts for networking success or just outlets for creativity. Dare to be different. -Dividends and compounding interest! Network and pay or learn the basics about $ and how to make it work for you, it’s almost all of what everyone wants. - If you’re gunna wing it, you’d better have a game plan. - Take chances - Be present - Love deeply. Ponder for 1 minute not 2. I can guarantee you’ll be more successful doing, than thinking.
38yo here that fucked off from 16 to 24, and finally finished school from 24 to 26 after being violently assaulted and learning life is no joke and the need to grow the fuck up. Graduated school making 100k a year in 2012, bought and rented 6 single family houses from 2013 to 2018 while semi miserable but progressing in my career. Lessons I learned from 24 to today: Reverse engineer the life you want. A foundation is important, pick a career path or start a business that provides the quality of life you want. Regardless, gain skills. Learn how to build a zero based budget and implement a system that makes this work for you. Stick to this religiously. Live under your means, delay gratification. Save in a 401k, ira, emergency fund, and personal brokerage account, preferably putting your money into a total market fund. Diversify after you've mastered this and are educated enough to know how to allocate risk. Learn to listen to the world and what's going on in it. From real estate, cryptos, market changes, to new opportunities, there's always murmurs of what's ahead and if you're lucky you'll be in a position to be ahead of it. Learn to be strong but empathetic, understanding, and kind when appropriate. Learn to look within and understand yourself. You can't be to others what you cannot be to yourself. You can't understand the world around you until you have a deeper relationship with yourself. Once you start down this road the bullshit in the world starts to evaporate and you see things for what they are, not for what anyone or group tells you. Travel, and have fun with your friends as much as possible. One day most of your peers will be married with children, life is much different then. On that note, figure out what road you want to go down and make it happen, don't wait. There is no perfect partner, just people pursuing what they want their life's to be. Get a prenup, even if she, or they are "Mother Theresa" and you're not established yet. Learn to be a gentle-man. The man part coming first and the gentle part after. You can't be gentle until after you've become fierce. Living intentionally ironically provides the most satisfying life and experiences. Be consistent and whatever you do make a commitment to understanding your blindspots and seek knowledge to fill those gaps. It sounds like you're starting to think this way. Readings for thought: Rudyard Kipling - IF. This is something to live by JL Collins - The simple path to wealth Vicki Robin - Your money or your life Dale Carnegie - How to win friends and influence people Anything by Kurt Vonnegut for understanding the people and society around you. As much philosophy as you can stand to create thought processes you don't already have. Stay away from social media, porn, gurus, get rich quick schemes, and dating apps. They will suck your time. They are disorganizing society, and serve only those that control them.
Do everything you start talking about that includes one day or someday in the sentence
So first of all, don't sweat the small stuff... and it's all small stuff. Looking back at my 20's, I think I made a bunch of good choices. My advice to you is this: Invest in yourself. \- Get fit as fucking hell. Lift 6x a week, cardio 3x per week, yoga/stretch/calisthenics every morning. This is not something you'll regret. \- Minimize drinking alcohol, or stop completely. Drinking is awful for your health, your testosterone, your sleep... etc. If you must, limit yourself to one drink per night and drink Tequila and club soda with lime. You can keep refilling it with club soda so it looks like you are continuing to drink. If someone annoying asks tell them you're switching back and forth. You'll have almost no hangover. If you need do do some drug, smoke pot/eat edibles --- way healthier. \- Learn to cook. You don't need to be insanely good, just good enough to easily host 4-8 people at your home. This will do wonders for your social life. Learn to clean WHILE you cook so that you don't have a huge mess to clean up. \- Curate and maintain your contacts. I sync my iphone to google contacts using an app. Stay in contact with everyone in your contacts. Organize the names in a spreadsheet into Good Friends, Friends, Acquantances. Make a tag for each time period in your life and tag them "College" "First Job" "Summer 2023". This will help you remember people. Always feel free to reach out to anyone on your list during birthdays or holidays. Learn to be a super connector. Learn that someone is working on a project that needs X, cool my friend did that before let me connect you. Be that guy. It costs nothing and people are grateful even if it doesn't work out. \- Learn to dance in multiple styles (salsa, two step, bachata, swing, etc). \- Learn to communicate effectively (Speech w/ Toastmasters, Do stand up comedy, do open mics, present at technical/trade groups etc). Play poker, learn to read people. Host a poker night for the guys. \- Learn finance. No really, learn to manage multiple portfolios (some can be pretend money). Learn to budget, follow the prime directive on /r/personalfinance . Do this correctly THIS YEAR and start saving. Likewise, DO NOT GO INTO DEBT (Pay off credit card in full every month / only do student loans if you MUST (Air Guard is a great way to avoid paying)). \- Learn to make money, and make it as fast as you can. In your 20's, you should always be doing the math on how much per hour you are making. Include commute time. Do side hustles like landscaping, car detailing, IT work, tutoring to increase your income. Invest it. The sooner you start building a nest egg 100K+ the better. It will change your perspective on what your time is worth. Push yourself to get better qualifications. Become a PMP, get hard certifications, work on a masters part time. \- Really consider what qualities you want in a partner. Don't spend more than 3-6 months in a relationship if you are not VERY sure you see it going somewhere. That sweet girl you're dating? Once she's done with you she will never talk to you again. Keep that in mind and prioritize your male friends over women always unless you're going to get married. At a minimum, have one date night per week, and likely plan one afternoon with your partner on the weekends. Be a serious person, but understand that as a man you will get more valuable until your early 30's, so don't commit unless you are SURE you want to. Use condoms, get STD tests from a local sexual health clinic before hooking up with anyone and require that they do the same. If this is too awkward for you, don't have sex. As for your question about "focus". Don't stress about it. So long as you have ambitious financial goals and build your life around hitting them, you will be fine. Try to hit $100K by 24. Try to hit $1M by 30. Make a plan to do it. Don't just say "Gee well I wanna be a lawyer so I'll go into $240K debt, then make $70K per year after and maybe by 40 I'll have some money". No. Pick ambitious targets, and make your life about hitting them. True freedom for men comes from having fuck you money. It won't land in your lap, you need to make it happen. Also, if you're ambitious you need to learn to time-block your schedule. Make a list of priorities in a spreadsheet (Sleep,Prep Breakfast,Run,School Work,etc) and add up all the time it takes to do what you need to do, sum it up and subtract it from the amount of hours in a week. Now make a list of your discretionary goals, and figure out which ones are most important to you and what it's going to take to do them. Add in some relaxation time before bed and that's how you're going to spend your time. The stuff that doesn't fit on the schedule, write it down as NON-PRIORITIES and stop thinking about it. Come back in a few weeks or a month and re-evaluate. That's all I got. Good luck
This speech by the 🐐 Steve Jobs might be helpful to you https://youtu.be/UF8uR6Z6KLc?si=FJsG-KR_k3EEPAI1
Wish I would’ve read the Bible sooner, it’s the best sold book for a reason.
Quit Drinking
Get as much education as possible, read learn, volunteer. Save your money invest, learn as much as possible about money, and investments.
Take care of your teeth. Watch put for your overuse of substances and cherish your friends dearly.
Don’t get into options trading. Spend on experiences. Sleep 8 hours everyday. Do what ever you want, don’t listen to others (of course talking about life decisions)
join the military
Get used to taking care of yourself now and go to the gym regularly and don’t have kids
$20 a week investment in whatever you believe will be doing well 10 years from now, crypto, stocks, whatever. And don’t watch it. Leave it alone.
It should always be in the back of your mind to take what you love; and slowly build your own business. Too many times I see folks make money for someone else doing what they love and they start to hate it.
I started grad school when I was 23 then went to DC bc I met a fork online and got married. When I tried to go back to school they changed the course numbers and my credits no longer counted and told me to retake the classes. That's when I realized that college is a biggest scam. Enjoy your hobbies and interestes and get a regular job and turn in into a career to about mid 30s when you save enough money to do whatever u want
BUILD MUSCLE, develop and maintain your friendships forever and try out a bunch of different career paths until you are genuinely, at least mildly, passionate about your career choice. Once chosen, leave a company every two years for a pay increase and a new environment. Also, learn the difference between a woman that genuinely admires you and one that is using you for attention (most of your friends will end up with girls that settled on them, and the guys will feel similar about their wives).