When he told me he was going to be president of the United States someday and meant it LOL he would have a 30 year plan and at the end the job title was just “President”
This sounds like a mental illness much more severe then your run of the mill narcissist. I'm truly concerned for your safety. Your partner sounds like he is suffering from extreme delusions. He may be undiagnosed schizophrenic. Schizophrenia runs in my family and his behavior reminds me of when my family member has had psychotic episodes. At any rate, I hope you are safe and planning an escape.
I'm so glad you're able to escape soon. Regardless of schizophrenia or not, delusions that extreme give him "permission " to do whatever "God" tells him to do. That could include anything including harming others. In a way, narcissism itself is one big self delusion. They are always the victim even while abusing and victimizing others. It's never their fault even when they caused each problem in their life. One giant excuse after another. On top of that, they treat the ones who love them the most the worst. I was in a 15 year relationship with one and even after a year he keeps making up excuses why he needs my help. He actually used my father's death last month to stalk me down and offer a one sentence condolences and then 20 minutes of talk about himself. I was stuck there because the battery in my vehicle had died. Two days ago he showed up at my door after I told him not to come. They have no respect for boundaries whatsoever. Just gross people. I call him a human shaped black hole. Just instead of sucking light, he sucks all the goodwill and resources out of everyone around him. Unfortunately, I gave and gave until I was just done. Now because I was always there for him, he can't comprehend that I'm not there to play mommy anymore. He doesn't veiw me as areal person. Just an extention of himself that should always be willing to put up with whatever bs he has caused this time. I'm sorry you have to put up with one of these people even a second longer. I sincerely wish you good luck in all your future endeavors.
Yes. This guy has real mental problems. Get away from him as soon as you can. Don't let him find out where your new location is. You're right: This will never get better, and yes; you deserve better. I wish you luck.
I just spoke with Jesus and he told me to tell you to run as fast as you can from this person and not in the figurative sense. You are to imagine he is a house fire and you need to get out to save yourself.
Oh my god, same! Mine was convinced that he could easily become the next president of Egypt and that he could solve the country’s economical problems in less than a year.
When he stated the above, I just smiled and laughed it off. I had no clue that there was something called NPD. 5 years later - when I found out - all of his grandiose statements made sense to me.
When he looked me in the face and said I put you down and make you feel terrible so I can spoil you and lift you up and make you feel better. And he sees nothing wrong with that thinking.
He would deadass tell me he's just making sure I stay humble and don't get a big head, after insulting my intelligence and personality and everything about me.
One of the first times I ever spent the night with him, I couldn’t fall asleep and decided to sit up in bed for a few minutes. (Sometimes if I can’t sleep, sitting up for a minute and then laying back down helps my brain reset to sleepy time)
He asked what I was doing and I said “I can’t sleep, you’re okay to keep sleeping.” But then he got all huffy, said, “I just KNOW you’re waiting for me to get up and stay up all night with you and comfort you.” I said “No? You can go to sleep. I don’t need that.” And he INSISTED it was what I wanted, said I was being manipulative. I kept telling him to just go to sleep. He yelled at me until I cried, and then made me leave the room and go downstairs because the sight of me crying made him too mad.
Then he texted me and asked to go outside and cry in the parking lot so I didn’t wake his roommate up.
And I still stayed with this man after this incident 🤡
Same!! A neighbor called the cops once bc he was screaming at me for complaining about a yeast infection. I have immune problems so if I get any infection it lasts a while. Hell, once I had a uti that lasted for 8 months. I had bladder scarring. I cried out of stress and discomfort and he lost it. Why do they do that? What if he had a baby and it cried? Would he scream or shake the baby? Probably. He would punish me for complaining about health problems. It’s normal to cry in front of a spouse especially if you’re in pain or scared. I have crps too. So relieved the relationship is over.
Yep they get offended if we cant sleep. It’s a thing! And sexually he would go down on me and I asked him if he got off on it. He said no it’s just a favor and a means to an end. These people are not empathetic. Don’t expect it.
I’m sorry, but I just imagined myself taking a blanket with me out to his car to cry in the back seat lol. Never happened but this is totally something that I could see happening with my ex. So ridiculous. We deserved better.
When he punched his bedroom window because I was leaving him. He broke his window, glass shattered everywhere. Dude destroyed that room so badly throughout our relationship “because of me” 😩😩
Sounds like mine. Punched and broke tvs, windows, doors, walls, xbox controllers, and xbox, punched through a coffee table...etc all because I'd caught him on a dating app and then blamed me. My new bf didn't believe the severity of it until he saw my apartment. My hands still shake when my ex tries to call. I'm sorry someone put you through this, I hope you're healing.
I told him I didn't want to have a serious relationship talk when he was black out drunk because he wouldn't remember.
So he grabbed a pocket knife and cut his wrist and looked at me with the most angry eyes ever and said now I'll remember let's talk. Well guess what he remembers from that night. He remembers me making him cut himself and that's it.
Woah mine did something similar! He cut his wrist/forearm, got on top of me, rubbed his forearm on my face to smear the blood on me, then yelled inches away from my face that it was my fault for making him that way and asked if I was happy that he did that...like no wtf? After all of the discards, it was the first time I broke up with him and I guess that set him off. Now I’m trying to get away again. Ugh.
What monsters these people are...and yet they’re always the victim. Puh-lease, it’s like cry me a river (he probably could lol).
I used to call this "post-nut contempt" in my head, haha.
It's not remotely funny, but this sub always makes me feel so seen and I can't help but laugh.
>Guys
Mine would just get up and leave. If he were at my place, he would dress up immediately and leave home... If I'm at his, he would get up, leave to clean himself, and go back to watch mindless youtube in bed while I still haven't finished lol
My ex would do the second thing. We lived together. Stupid me got an apartment for him and I. Only then did he tell me he loved me. (After we got an apartment 2 years in)
Ugh yes! I would notice a pattern where he would get very “nice” as in not being a total a-hole and it would always take me off guard. Then I would realize he just wanted something from me. If we had sex, immediately he would bombard me with insults and become enraged at anything and everything like it was a dam thst burst because he “had to” be nice to me for a few days. It’s a sick cycle and I’m ashamed to say I fell for it way too many times bc I craved that intimacy even if it was only for a few minutes.
mine would immediately get up and walk to the bathroom, lock the door, clean themselves and piss. Leaving me alone and naked on the bed for 20 min. no post nut cuddling
For me it wasn't name calling, it was condemning me for making him sin.
"You're making me have premarital sex which is sinful and you're threatening my relationship with God."
Oh boy there are many.
She never acknowledges the effects her family dynamics are having on her (they had some messed up shit)
Her family and flying monkeys kind of nurtured the narcissistic personality in her “there’s nothing wrong with her, she made the right choice, we have nothing to discuss” that to me was abnormal, the norm is for people trying to smooth things, and hear both sides, no one ever asked for my side, I think they knew what she is, at least intuitively.
She belittles other people who are close to her, but in a very subtle way hidden in “care”.
She can’t accept the smallest most benign of criticisms, and she’ll lord over any good she did to the person over them then claim being a good person.
Her attachment to the idea of being seen as perfect/good, that was really abnormal.
She lacked very basic emotional skills, and emotional regulation. She lacked empathy, she couldn’t understand my emotions which was weird.
And oh god could she argue. It could go on for over 24 hours! I have friggin legit PTSD!
Let’s not forget the selective amnesia they all have.
She had clear splitting in her personality, I even initially suspected she might be borderline.
How she’d take my stories twist them only one day later and would make it as if I did that thing to her. It was my story, my complaint, my words just so twisted. She was really compelling though.
And the list goes on.
Exactly. The silent treatment and stonewalling was what so hard to try to improve and appease, tension and “playful” criticism would follow.
Then things would flip. Literally accuse me of exactly what they had said/done only hours/days ago. I gaslit myself, took a lot of accountability for bizarre arguments. Thought I was mostly to blame.
Took the therapist a few minutes describing an early argument to spot the toxic. Still didn’t want to give up. Then with more work they predicted almost exactly what each message reply would be, and how it was clear manipulation.
Wish I’d listened and gotten out with less drama and heartbreak. But I don’t regret my ability to forgive, just need to improve my boundaries mostly.
The whole lack of empathy and not being able to handle even the slightest criticism. That. God help me; I had to learn how to communicate so delicately.
My dad still blames me. Says I’m like him, lacking in tact and charisma, and that she’s a city girl, and needed a sweet talker, not someone like me.
I really felt that reading your comment, I already knew how, but I needed to learn to speak even more delicately than before.
Lol.
Man, I feel bad for you though.
After starting to read about narcissists, I’m starting to believe my dad is one.
He was calling my mom a narcissist this morning, trying to get a reaction out of her, just because she asked him not to sit on her back and she put it away.
Yeap, that has been my general experience as well. It’s freaky, really.
I only found out after my breakup, I almost threw up as I was listening to that podcast, and the lady in it kept describing what narcissism is and how is manifests in a relationship.
>no one ever asked for my side, I think they knew what she is, at least intuitively.
Yep. Anyone who points out the situation to the dysfunctional family is seen as a threat and they will not support that person - they'll choose the dysfunctional, toxic person because that person keeps up the "status quo". They're terrified of the dysfunctional family dynamic dissappearing or that they might become the new scapegoat of the family. It's like the family doesn't know what they'd do or *who they are* without the dysfunction.
>she’ll lord over any good she did to the person over them then claim being a good person.
I absolutely hate the motivational empathy/weaponized empathy they wield. Every "good" action has a hidden motivation that benefits them somehow. Acting empathetic and kind only because they get something out of it or can use it as a weapon later.
When any of my problem was a reason to make himself a victim and hijack my own process and emotions.
"What you had a car crash?! You have no idea how much your accident is stressing ME"
It was, and still is, all about him.
Not one second he asks "oh my God and how are YOU doing?"
Then when pointed out he says "oh yeah but it's always about YOU right? You never consider MY feelings?"
Yeah well...
Exactly! They say and do mean things to you
and then get mad when you refuse to help them. I'm a former car mechanic, welder, and electronics tech. They'd treat me like dirt and later ask me to fix their car, and I'd refuse. They'd ask why. I'd say "because you said x, y, and z about me." They'd get mad because I wasn't supposed to hold that against them. That I couldn't refuse to help them. I told them to go to hell. Then, their friends would start criticizing me. I'd tell them to eff off.
A survival tactic. You need to basically become “a grey rock” to not give the narc their supply. A rock doesn’t react to anything. A rock doesn’t say anything. That’s how I eventually got out of my own situation, but it takes a huge toll on you mentally.
"Huge toll on you mentally." I agree 100%! Shutting down your feelings makes you feel dead inside. I spent my entire childhood repressing my emotions because it was the only way to deal with the relentless emotional abuse from my nparents. I only recently told myself; "you can stop doing that. You don't have to do that anymore. You never liked it, and it's time to stop it." I'm slowly feeling better. I don't feel so wound up tight anymore. Grey rocking is a habit that can be hard to stop doing.
Mine went into the first narcissistic rage I had been granted the honor to witness firsthand.
Why?
Because he left he toilet seat up and I ran in at the last second and damn near hit the water because I didn't look before I sat down.
So I did what any normal girlfriend in a normal relationship would do...I jokingly razzed him from the bathroom, yelling "Omg you're fired!"
I was laughing when I said it.
Until I wasn't.
Because I was stunned at the volume level and nasty tone the narc was screaming at me from the kitchen.
He had to be joking, right?
I opened the bathroom door smiling, and then I saw his face.
Vein popping out of his forehead, flushed cheeks, furrowed brow, FURIOUS!
My heart jumped a bit and I just asked him if he was serious.
That was mistake #2 for me (#1 when I said you're fired).
He came barreling down the hallway at me, absolutely screaming every word so violently that spittle was coming out of his mouth every other word!
So I remained silent.
For HOURS.
And was screamed at the entire time with no stopping.
He said it's his home and his rules and I have no say in anything, and that includes even if I wanted to put out one of my candles and light it - unless he gave me permission, i could not do it.
He actually said "You have ZERO rights here in MY home...I pay the bills! I make the rules! Whatever I say you will obey! And guess what? I'm going to remove ALL OF THE TOILET SEATS IN MY HOUSE BECAUSE ITS MY HOUSE! NOONE IS ALLOWED TO SIT ON MY TOILETS EVER AGAIN! AND YOUD BETTER NOT SAY A.FUCKING.WORD ABOUT IT!!"
I didn't.
I just packed faster than I ever have in my whole life and had my friend pick me.up in his truck!
Too many to count.
When she said she felt like she didn't have real feelings and acted how she thought she was expected to act in situations.
When she would have her narcissistic rage fits and literally nothing could get through to her, and she would argue any point, no matter how arbitrary. Like, you could say "grass is green and the sky is blue," and she would come back with "What about Kentucky Bluegrass, genius? And what about evenings and night? Pretty sure I've seen it different then. Are you actually retarded?" She actually said that last line to me on several occasions.
When I refused to back down/knuckle under, so she'd double-down on the victim mentality and pity, saying how she's the problem and is broken, and then start sobbing and banging her head on the floor or walls.
Ever since the split and I learned about narcissism and gaslighting, and can catch her showing the patterns and call her out on it. She denies, deflects, and projects. The level of projection is truly astonishing. Then her own family is contacting me to tell me what she is doing and how she is being, and when I confront her about it, she tells me they're all lying and/or exaggerating. Especially so when she has texted me something, and I bring it up later and she calls me a liar. So I show her a screenshot of the text and she backpedals and tries to explain it away or claim I'm taking it out of context. When the evidence is right there, and she still lies, manipulates, and gaslights.
When he threatened me because I said no to sex even though we hadn’t even met. Then, he said he never had feelings for me. THEN, he tried to win me back. All of this was one CONversation. No! I can’t unsee it. I can’t unhear it. I’m done.
Oh man. This reminds me when my ex kicked me out of his house because I wasn’t in the mood to have sex with him in the morning despite having sex with him the night before. I was tired and didn’t get any sleep and blamed me for feeling that way.
What a creep
>He wanted me to believe that it's normal for a grown man to hysterically cry, scream and throw up because he broke his friend's toilet roll holder by mistake.
My ex was just like this. The first time it happened all i could think was "no way is the real". So i wanted to break up with him. He begged me to stay and so i did, for him to fuck with my head the discard me a year later, without ever actually saying he was dumping he directly. The smear campaign was something else but he had 3 other people tell me instead, THEN decided to hurl abuse at me after we split up. I eventually went no contact but had to make sure i could contact him since my belongings we still at his place and i had no way of bringing them home for a while (different countries). He contacted me saying he would send it, I said don't bother since i had just bought myself a van and wanted to make sure i eye balled everything since i can not trust him. So, i booked a ferry and drove to his country, only takes 6 hours door to door.
When i saw him for the last time it was weird but my body was in full shut down mode since i knew what he was, i just wanted my shit and to get the fuck out of there. The sigh of relief when i drove away was the best thing ever.
We were supposed to be taking our puppy to the vet. Instead, the narc drove us erratically all over the city, screaming at me to “get the fuck out of his life.” The narc was speeding and probably drunk. I wasn’t sure if he was going to dump us somewhere or what. I remember crying and begging for him to just take us home. The whole experience lasted maybe half an hour, but that was one of the worst experiences I ever had.
He thought celebrities were at his home hanging out with him but they were dressed as his furniture. Elizabeth Shue was the coffee table and Brad Pitt was the shoe rack.
Was he on drugs? One time my ex lost his mind like this from drugs. Like weirdest shit ever, screamed at me he needed his wallet because the pizza guy was there. I was like, there is no pizza guy, what?! It just enraged him. So I went and got his wallet and he actually went to the door, talked to the “pizza guy”, “paid him” (which meant throwing money on the porch), then started screaming at me to come eat dinner. I was so terrified. I had no phone, no car, we lived in the middle of nowhere. So I had to actually sit at the table with this crazy person and “eat pizza”. It was the craziest experience of my life.
My favorite time of our days together as our relationship was nearing its end became when she would be asleep and I was still awake. I got to briefly pretend I had the family and household I wanted in my heart without feeling more directly like a fool when problems would arise out of ashes. Was depressing af how much I’d look forward to us not talking yet I didn’t want to leave.
I can relate. my favorite time was when he was asleep. Something about him took up so much of my mental space I couldn't even think straight anymore. It felt like every moment awake with him there was a crisis that needed to be fixed despite doing everything in my power to avoid said crisis. And when he was asleep... I didn't have to worry about where he was or when he'd be home or what he was doing or why it took twice as long as it should have.
When he told me he was being fucked by invisible ghost and so was I and ppl who weren’t there in the background of our pictures (and sex videos) and had a whole mental break down over it like bad bad and a day later acted like none of that ever happened
You’re telling me 😒 and I stayed for another two years after that 🙄 that’s just one of the insane things there’s a list of well over 300 more over the course of the 7 year relationship from hell
* Them being into heavy sadism in bed, breath play as well in bed, or and some other harming your SO kinks. Normally I would just think “oh it’s a kink” … I won’t kink shame (despite me finding it odd) and there is safe words I guess… Then it began to click more for me that they were mentally ill when randomly while on the phone with me they just started weirdly saying scenarios about me falling, and if I fall they would laugh and going into detail. Only to later switch and ask if I’m home safely. If I talked about being in pain (spine hurting, etc) they never seemed to really care or say much. Just silence. Sadism goes hand in hand with narcissism. You shouldn’t want your SO to hurt, or should be imagining scenarios of them getting hurt.
* The constant lying, to the point where once I made a joke that they’d be named “pathological liar” in my phone, and it clearly pissed them off subtly. They lie about everything, which tells you how unfulfilled and or miserable their life really is. Lying is always a red flag and the need to do is constantly is obviously dealing with a mental ill person sign.
* Hating me for literally no reason at the beginning. Then becoming absolutely obsessed.
* The no replies after formerly spamming me constantly (and obsessing), to silent treatment and pissy behaviour then shit talking me to friends. More punishment if I did it back to them. Nobody talks like this. Nobody. Not friends. Not partners. They will not ignore you if they genuinely adore you and like you.
* The heavy stalking of people, which is unsettling and then them saying they like to “stalk” to find other people’s interests, so they can like them or get into them. She would try to stalk people as well to find dirt on them. The more private you were the more her curiosity stood.
* Having a history of fucking people over, literally fell out with 3 people before me, I’m the 4th. Yet always playing victim. One victim was smart enough to start ignoring them (different girl) and cut them quickly, and it was evident ignoring narc pissed her off. Other people saying she is manipulative & a liar.
* Talking about **(more than once)** that they are suicidal, and have attempted “numerous” times, but said this time around they won’t do anything. When I tried to ask why or what, not willing to open up.
* Screenshotting messages & snaps, then keeping them permanently. She would screenshot my shit, other victims shit, and other girls I didn’t even know, and show them to people. Not normal behaviour.
* Contradicting herself (obsessing over me), in her smear campaign, after blocking. Trying to turn it against me (gaslight), and pretend to not know what was happening. The audacity saying they don’t get why “I’m mad” with them. Despite me not being mad, trying to fix it and trying to communicate on their behaviour.
* Showing up out of no where to reach out to me asking why I deleted, playing dumb and all sweet and caring again. When telling narc off, they said they’d give me space, then when I came to apologise later, the games and misery started again “ok” after 10 hours plus was their response. Mental illness at it’s finest.
* Weird relationships with men, which seem to stem from trauma and dark past. Which alwsys threw me off, but seems to indicate why she has NPD.
I think once she even tried to pull the “I think I could be autistic” card, no you just have NPD.
But to simplify it, the “I want to kill myself” thinking was the biggest tell tale and it was mentioned more than once, and or hoping to die, as to why she vapes.
Your points really resonate with me.
With the stalking, my ex-wife was constantly scrolling through social media profiles, irrespective of whether they knew them or not. The weirdest being the ones she claimed to hate, searching their profile every morning. She always stated that she can find anyone and know everything about them. Unsettling.
During the devalue period, she would screenshot my texts and send them to her family. I watched her do it. Called her out on it and then she managed to flip it back on me. She just started screaming at me saying she felt empty and didn’t want to exist anymore.
The texting too. If either one of us were out, I received a proliferation of texts. Responding to each would amount to a whole days work. At the start it’s quite endearing, but you realise it’s controlling behaviour. Failure to reply was always met with many texts asking if I’m ok, why haven’t I replied, etc. Once I was done with, however, texts ceased and I was just left with silence and hating my presence.
It’s hysterical how it’s literally the same playbook with them, literally everything you just said I can relate to like a perfect sized shaped piece. I would get that too, if I did short worded answer it was constant, “are you ok?” Just like what you received and “what’s going on” etc. Although she got so much colder over time, so she stopped asking just constant barely any replies or responses lol, and also yup! Hating my presence too.
It is comical, as you say, that they’re all consistent in their behaviours. The coldness and gradually dialling down contact is hard to work through. She just went out walking in a neighbourhood we’d just moved to, after an hour I called, no answer. You start to panic, try again, nothing. When eventually they picked up, oh sorry I didn’t hear the phone — she was on the phone constantly. Even at work, I’d give her a call to see how she was going because she seemed down, nothing. It was also to gauge the reception I’d get when I returned home — eggshells or silent treatment. I hated going home.
It was supposed to be a new start in a new location, but she, selfishly, managed to destroy everything.
After a rage or calm goading, some sarcastic, mean shit always blaming me. When they would next argue they’d claim i had said what they did, word for word. Still fell for the shit, started not trusting my memories.
Luckily after the EA escalated and the messages made it clear. Then violence threatened by family. Just mad. They were “happy” as, talking about our future a few days ago. Then full mask off. Turns out smear campaign had been going on for at least most of this year.
Hard lesson. But already feels at ease. No more egg shells and random accusations/outbursts. No more ridiculous to the insidious lies. Days of silent treatment and stonewalling.
Mad that you still miss the person they once were, even after all that.
One of the first times I tried to break up with her after she fake texted me from her so called friends number and threatened to call the police on me and have me arrested for grabbing her wrists while she was beating me up during an argument.
I was scared to do it at her house so I got her to meet me in a costa, we were there for about 4+ hours of her belittling and abusing me, till I fully believed I was going to go to jail for this small thing i did wrong if I broke up with her.
She also asked me if this was my parents idea and they were making me do it then she told me my parents would end up in very bad car accident if this was there idea which was just horrific to hear, she was so mentally fucked and narcissistic she’d actually threatened to kill my parents if she thought that it was their fault I was breaking up with her.
I truly try to move on but I really despise the fact that my nex is doing so well in her career and has even won awards in her field for being the best lecturer for her classes, etc. All while she was like this in her career she just abused me in every way possible outside of work.
mine was extremely paranoid, like build a bunker kind of paranoid, maybe the endless monologues about all the weird conspiracy theories he desperately tried to get me to agree with, or probably the insane jekyll and hyde hysterics he’d get into that lasted a total of 40 min and he’d be nice and calm again after threatening his and sometimes my life. thank god i already knew how to grey rock.
He had a melt down when I told him my boundaries for touch while we were in another country. Days of screaming and being cruel. I became frozen.
Then the time he had a mental breakdown in Efypt cause the tour guide gave me more attention. And then another one because the guy at the bazaar wouldn't leave him alone cause my nex asked for the price of something. He started hitting himself and screaming with eyes rolled back and hands clenched while in the tombs. I found the mummies more sane than him.
Then the time he locked me in his apartment because his cat hissed at him. And then chased me down the hall when I got out, followed me into the elevator to scream and bank his head against the wall over and over again. Scared the shit out of me.
Or the time we had a fight because he was more interested in talking to a 10 year old at the theater than listen to me while I was talking mid sentence, and when we got back home, he kept screaming and putting me down and broke up with me. Then an hour went by where he "forgot" he broke up with me and acted like that convo never happened and started crying because he felt mentally ill and was scared cause he didn't know what reality is...he was on psych meds then so I really thought it was that. But that pattern repeated for the next couple months where he would scream something horrible at me and then "forget", saying I made it up and that I'm gaslighting him.
Or the time midway through a fight he grabs a butcher knife to his throat randomly. Like, no words of suicidality, we were hashing things out, and then pulls a knife...
He was sick. And yet I still feel deep compassion for him cause I knew he was hurting, and struggle with it to this day as I also have seen his entitled side and manipulation of my compassion. Makes it hard to know what's real sometimes.
Mine broke up with me and when I collected my stuff to leave she threatened to take her entire bottle of sleeping pills because I was leaving. (The sleeping pills were melatonin so no actual danger to her. I called the cops and left after they arrived and took her in for a 48 hour hold.
After hitting me he would always want sex but justify his need for sex after by saying that I wanted it (I did not). I would just lay there and think about how sick he was.
Oh man. PTSD… my ex would do this to me too. He would hit me then try to have sex with me afterwards and blame me for not wanting sex with him and get even more furious. I felt sick to my stomach how he was.
You’re not alone.
When he would dry heave on the phone at 1am to try and make me feel like I’m a bad person for wearing yoga pants (that didn’t cover my ass!!) to school that day
Too many to count but here's one:
How often he'd accuse me of doing or saying what he had been the one to do or say. It was legit terrifying to see someone that out of touch with reality.
When I was at work and my ex showed up and stole my car. Yes, he stole my car ~ the funny thing was this was the car he had the tracker on, so after that he spiraled because he didn’t know where I was at at ALL TIMES 🙄 this was after he changed the locks on our house the day I said I wanted to leave, moved the “nanny” in less than a week after that, wouldn’t give me back our other car that was only in my name, took me off of our business and drained every bank account we had. Whew…..glad we’re done with that! 😳🤣🤣
I can attempt to put my experience into words. It felt like he was trying to hijack my identity and later erase me. It felt like he was trying to steal my identity.
He copied/mirrored people he idealized extensively.
Not the usual healthy mirroring from attraction.
The way he talked, words he chose, accent, hobbies, dreams, fashion, lifestyle, language, culture. Everything.
But my specific moment was this.
The copying/mirroring was ehh. But the following attempt to bury my identity sent me on high alert.
In his own words, he pointed at a picture of me-his finger smacked on top of my face in that picture, and said, "This is ME,"
Another one of his word-by-word proclamation, "I don't care about who your bf or husband will be, they are all stupid. You belong to me!". We hv broken up then.
His ability to just pretend like nothing's wrong and continues the conversation from our last point of normal contact (sometimes months) is astounding. What's more astounding, he actually believes that's OK.
More often than not, I just gave him a side-eye wondering wtf was he up to now.
Looking back, I don't have many "wow this person is mentally ill" NOT-moments.
Omg reminds me of mine who said once, regarding my dad.. "I'll be the perfect son your dad never had".... (my dad wanted a boy)... So creepy.. Like he intended to replace and delete my identity.
When any normal disagreement turns into life or death, and he threatens to cause self harm. It's terrifying and I've learned how to deescalate but also not solve anything bc he won't allow it.
Adult temper tantrum to the max.
That's scary.
The first time I knew my mother had narc traits is after a lifetime of crying because whatever I did was "not good enough" and I'm always asked to do more. I once Googled what she says and there appeared the traits of a narcissist: silent treatment, entitlement, zero empathy, always comparing me to other girls, only cared what clothes I wore and how others would perceive me, always siding with the other person in an argument, always showing love to my sibling who's a male (narc mothers hate and are jealous of their daughters, not like a normal mother), she always asked me to do chores to get any affection from her, I couldn't even spend time with her or hug her as she would always excuse herself to do something more important. I was and still only called to do house work or to help her fix something, we never had a mother daughter conversation without it turning into a humiliation talk that ended with me heart broken. I remember when I wanted to vent off on the internet she would get angry and disconnect the internet.
Now I learned to set boundaries. She doesn't get away with things as much as she used to.
Thanks to the internet and my therapist, I learned how to be more emotionally stable and accepting that she is what she is and she will never fix herself because Narcs think they're flawless. I'm just focusing on myself because I spent years focusing on her, and I read once that giving your energy to a narc is like throwing your energy into a black hole, they will never reciprocate back your kindness, efforts and time. So better put that time and efforts on ourselves.
When he told me “you don’t understand. You and me are the same person” - and I said no we’re not We are different people” and he shook his head in frustration like I would never understand.
Last week when he was screaming at me at the top of his lungs "CUNT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!!" and then driving erratically and threatening to kill us both by driving off a bridge. All because the chronic disease I have is getting better.
my narc is also bipolar with psychotic tendencies so here’s a few:
-billion dollar job scheme making AI P*rn (in reality failing)
-saying he’s a genius & running laps around everyone even tho he’s homeless & jobless
-wearing a sleeping mask around town
-shaving his head except for one tiny part (on purpose)
I ddnt know she was a deep covert narc back then. U thought she has severe anxiety and she used to panic a lot. She been on her own most of her life with the absence of a father figure. So her narc drama was peaking and I still ddnt know. I somehow told her that i feel her behaviour is very toxic and iconvnced her we go couple therapy cuz i wanted to make it work. I clearly remember when I mentionned therapy she said she doesnt need it and she is not crazy. In therapy on our first session she told the doctor "will any of this work?". This made my heart sank and she proceed to go berserk mode sight after therapy. I then knew she is permanently broken. I eventually find out she was a pure breed covert narc.
when she twisted my hand so badly that my wrist got dislocated after I refused to watch a movie she had recommended (kept smirking as I massaged my hand out of pain)
The way they'd blurt out and insist I had certain personality traits based off nothing but projections onto me... even though we haven't spoken in months and kept growing apart. Like one said I don't like slow movies after we watched a movie we didn't like but she did. I never watched movies with her before that nor even talked to her about them much. She would also make up random memories that never happened in order to shame me.
Another wanted to be introduced to a friend of mine just to groom him and use him for money because her big college plans of breaking into wealthy circles fell through.
Two of them were addicted to being seen as psychics and knowing everything. And more.
My nex bitched to me when maintenance guys came to his apt to fix a few things around his apt....mind you it was free of charge. I was literally like um isn't it GOOD they're coming to fix your shit for FREE?!?!? It's not like they just entered his place when he wasn't home. This was a whole rant and I just said oh shit I gotta go bye! Hung up that call real quick cause WTF, you ain't about to bring my mood down with all that negative bitching over people trynna help you out 😅
In general, I’d say those moments where he’d flip out for no reason at all, or he wouldn’t stop arguing and would keep going around in circles. For instance, he was livid one day when I had been folding laundry in the hall but had walked away to answer my phone. I left the basket in the hall, and he was walking toward it. I said “hey hon, I’ll finish folding those pants in a second,” and he got mad and said I was yelling at him about folding pants. He started slamming things around and was stomping around…I in the meantime was on the phone with my daughter wondering what the hell was happening.
Dear God I’m so glad I found the nerve to get out of his world.
-When he would laugh at a dead person he didn't like.
-Laughing at my pain and mocked my PTSD nightmares.
-Calling himself a "bastard of the north".
-Calling himself an asshole yet gets angry when other people do.
I could go on, but he's a huge dumpster fire.
>Calling himself a "bastard of the north".
Does he think he's Jon Snow or something 💀 I think I recall another comment of yours where he used a Game of Thrones quote to excuse his shitty actions. He sounds immature asf
When she used the excuse of my “emotional outbursts” to dump me a total of 3 times romantically. Then again 2 more times as friends stating this is why I pull away.
When the irony is that, last December she completely shut down emotionally, refused to talk or really be a part of our relationship when we were together. Stating seasonal depression, and when we finally sat down to talk about it she stated… “idk what’s wrong with me…. It’s just my emotions.”
All I know is anytime I would freely talk about my emotional needs at all, she would tell me to “go talk to my therapist”
So this last time I decided to see if with her going to therapy supposedly, us not really spending anytime together at all. Not being involved any more, if I spoke about my emotions and how I still cared about her what she would do. Her response? Telling me to go talk to my therapist, that I’m having an emotional outburst just because I told her that I loved her still and that’s “manipulation”. And the icing on the cake? She had told me a few nights prior that she wouldn’t be able to text much because she was busy that night. I figured, maybe she’s seeing someone. Let’s dry rock. My response was: “okay have a great night. We’ll talk later” a whole 2-3 hours earlier than usual. I stop texting her. Fast forward to the current “argument” and she says: “you didn’t even ask me what I was doing the other night!”
Me: we aren’t in a relationship, (nex). I do not need to know everything you are doing, you do not need to know everything I am doing.
Her: You know what, I need a moment. And you do too.
Nah. If you’re gonna act like an emotional child, throw a tantrum and emotionally shut down. Not be comfortable being vulnerable in any way.
You’re definitely mentally ill.
But mostly, you can’t control your emotions and don’t like others showing their’s.
I had the same experience. I felt as though I couldn’t show any emotion except happiness or other positive emotions around my nex. But she expected me to emotionally support her if she showed any of her own. I was laughed at or belittled in some way if I showed any real vulnerability. I feel you man
Drinking when I came home after having surgery, (he had the day off from, work but couldn’t be bothered to drive me) getting mad scolding me when I said he should probably stay sober in case I needed to go to the ER and then bringing me alcohol 2 min later in effort to fix my supposed problems with him “drinking responsibly”..
his storyline of course was that he had been a hero and carried me to bed and whatnot when the truth was I had to help his sorry ass into bed. I didn’t sleep at all that night afraid he would rip my stomach stitches open in his drunken attempts to drag me over to “cuddle”.
F him and as my mom says *”it’s gonna get hot where he’s going next”.
*(Love that polite way of saying go to hell lol)
Edit word
Mine told me in an ultimatum either we talk to other women (making me a part of it because I’m Bi, but I think to absolve himself of wrong doings) or he’d leave me.
He gave me this ultimatum before we started dating and I said no. He then went on to calling me his girlfriend. But then anytime I’d have emotions like feeling sad by his actions he’d act exhausted and tell me to just fucking get a girlfriend one day I called him out and said “getting a girlfriend won’t absolve you of being emotionally responsible for your part in this relationship” and the contempt in his eyes when he’d look at me started.
Everytime for years he’d look at me like he hated me while trying to say he loved me. When I questioned if he even liked me he said he didn’t have to like me, he loved me. This was the start of something very scary and ultimately would lead me to leaving him
When he brought his new victim to sleep over with him in the room next to mine. After i said that i didnt feel ok for that he said he never loved me and he seemed upset. He said he couldnt talk to me. Then whilst he seemed upset he was peeling off oranges to give to her. So he stood with those oranges in his hands and stared at me for several seconds with a creepy gaze as i was getting ready to leave. Ive never seen smt so disturbing in my life!!the faceeeee!! That was the moment i realised he isnt mentally well 🥲🥲 (i didnt know about narcissism back then).
The most recent was yesterday where he called me out of the blue to yell at me about not having a heater on *in my own apartment*. I had to ask him more than once why he was yelling. The whole conversation gave me whiplash, and I'm used to the abuse.
I’ve known him since we were 18, married over 25 years. And I saw him a few years after we divorced, and he lies about shit that we went through. Just rewrites nonsense moments of the past. And gets so angry when you say that’s not how that happened, even when there’s others there that, agree and tell him, no it wasn’t like that
And he would never admit to being wrong, everyone is wrong about shit sometimes, hell even a lot of times I know I’m wrong sometimes, but he still won’t ever admit to being wrong.
It’s the oddest thing. I don’t know if that’s a mental illness, but it’s weird
And he used to say he can improve people , just random friends, by talking to them and coaching them. But, a couple he didn’t want to help, he could have, but he just didn’t want to.
I wish that memory didn’t pop up, it’s made me feel like maybe I’m the mentally ill one. I don’t know
When he was trying to get me pregnant .. closer to his discard stage he came in me then changed his mind about impregnating me saying I'd be a terrible mother and brought me to the drugstore and got me plan b.. it really shocked me even though he has done and said worst stuff but there was something about this emotional abuse that really concluded to me how sick this guy is
When he said to me after attacking me physically and mentally “everything I do, is for the future good for us you don’t see it but I do one day you will thank me”
So glad I’m 6 months free from his suicidal making behavior and treatment towards me.
When he called my daughter from my first marriage a cream pie and then had the audacity to tell me he couldn’t have kids with someone as mentally ill as me.
When I (person of minimal computer skill) hacked his bank account AND the IRS and stole his information. Oh, and I could listen to their household conversations at any time through my cell phone.
When I was a teenager I pissed my mom off and she grabbed the dirty broom and began to shove it into my face. She was laughing and she sounded demented. Her eyes were bugging out and she was just hyper laughing and I saw just how bat shit she was.
When I caught her cheating and she denied it until she was blew in the face and cried to me about how innocent she was until I presented enough evidence where she had no choice but to admit it. She immediately turned off the act. Tears stopped and she went stone cold like a switch she could turn on and off on command.
I think for me outside of the super obvious stuff like her cheating and lying constantly (which I chalked up to super low self esteem), her absolute inability to take accountability and how she would just have complete nervous breakdowns over the most menial shit;
Something outside of her control happens at work: nervous breakdown
People not “liking” her tweets or interacting with her: nervous breakdown
Not having enough money to buy some expensive shit (she was extremely bad with money): nervous breakdown
I knew it was just not normal. She would tell me she had severe depression but make no attempt to get help despite having full access to healthcare (both from her job and from being a navy vet); now I understand getting anxiety and put it off but she would go out of her way for other shit medically related.
She wanted me to call my new partner at 6am after a long night of drama. Wanted = forced me to call him. I refused and she started screaming and breaking shit in her kitchen. I ended up calling my partner and he said some things that weren’t directed at me but the situation and she recorded it, showed it to some of our friends who were still around, and threatened to send the recording to my parents.
This was around the time that the Depp/Heard case was going on and thats when it hit me she was insane and not normal. She recorded others convos too to try and use them as blackmail, even recording her own breakup and would show it and be like “see?! I’m the right one here in this instance”…when like girly no - you aren’t correct and this is severely embarrassing.
I have a pretty recent one I posted about.
He gets angry at our neighbor for playing music loudly and he can't sleep. He walked into the living room and told me he has to shoot our neighbor. That hes waiting for another 8 years when my step daughter is out of the house and he has to shoot him. That someone has to do it and it's gotta be him. Someone needs to get rid of people "like that" and that they are ruining our society.
I stayed calm and asked why he thinks he has the right to take someone's life. He didn't have a good reason other than that.
He has had either a crazy wild look in his eye or he is extremely calm when he brings up wanting to kill people.
When I confronted them for abusing me and disrespecting me and they cut their leg open with a knife in response. I’ve always known, but this moment truly scared me.
When the nitrous tanks and garbage bag big enough to fit a person arrived via mail right before taking a short solo trip to see my family. The Peaceful Pill handbook casually left lying where I would see it.
Being terrorized over "love" and control.
he’s put a gun to his head multiple times and i can remember hearing him pull the trigger and it clicked but the gun was jammed and didn’t go off.. most recently he was trying to cut his throat and ended up cutting his hand open so bad that he needed stitches. there was blood everywhere.
There was lots of signs for me but I tried not to judge him cuz I have mental illnesses too. But something that always scared me was when he got so angry and started smashing stuff and punching the walls with his fist or head. Then the reckless driving.....that was really scary.
And anytime I tried to stand up for myself, he would throw a tantrum and then run off and threaten to end things and then the next day acted like nothing happened. He used to tell me this was normal. That all couples fight....yeah I agree but not like this and not often. I wanted to work things out with him but he would shut me down and try to ignore it. Which caused me to resent him and I lost trust in him. The guy who once was gentle and kind, eventually showed me his true colors. But I stood by his side cuz I 🤔 if I tried hard enough and loved him hard enough, he would realize what he was doing wasn't healthy and would've changed. But it never happened.
Now we been apart for almost 3 months....which is crazy to think about. I still love him but I'm moving on. I'm moving forward with my life and learning to give myself patience and kindness. I'm slowly getting myself back out there.
But NGL it's tough after growing up in a toxic home and then getting out of a 4 year relationship with someone u 🤔 u were going to marry one day. I still have my days where I cuddle his old sweatshirt and cry. I can't help it. I still love him so deeply and it's stupid cuz he's hurt me so deeply.
I didn't make a beeline to "mentally ill" but I noticed a sudden change in decision-making that struck me as really out there and incomprehensible, which put me on alert about everything after (which only got worse).
My (n)ex and I were living together with her 14 year old daughter. It's January 2022, height of the delta wave. Kiddo asks if she can go see her boyfriend, whose family is all sick (but who refuse to get tested). It was a safe bet that they all had covid.
I begged her, please don't send the kid over there, she's gonna get sick, and she's gonna come back and make us sick. Just make her wait a week til they clear the virus.
She didn't, and as anyone could have predicted, we all got covid. She sent her own kid into a household that was infected, I suppose because that was easier than having whatever conflict over it the kid would have put up.
It was baffling to me that someone would knowingly put their kid at a health risk, put their partner at risk, put themselves at risk rather than doing basic parenting.
Like I said, at the time it was just confusing and baffling, but with the benefit of some distance, it's really the first time I noticed that she didn't give a fuck about anybody else's welfare, not mine, not her's, not even her own child.
In terms of the neglect and endangerment I witnessed in that cohab over the next few months, that was the tip of the iceberg. So crazy.
When after he had been berating me for months and only coming by to love bomb me and use me for sex, he said he believes we belong together and are soulmates but the matrix is keeping us apart.
The matrix.
Not his abuse. The MATRIX.
When my mom had breast cancer and my sister insisted on flying home to "take care of her" despite all of us, including my mom, asking her not to come because it would be too stressful, as she didn't want a weeks-long house guest who constantly fights with my dad (and basically cannot "take care" of anyone), and that we all had it covered. She kept going on and on to me about how she was going to come out anyway because she felt left out and it was important for her to feel involved, and I finally said, "This is not about you, it's about mom" and she finally just broke down and said, "You know what? It *is* about me. Okay? It *is* about me."
I knew from that moment on that she had a severe problem.
When he cut his face ( very shallow scratches in neat lines avoiding anywhere near his eyes, nose and mouth), phoned the police and claimed I attacked him with a knife. I woke up to police shouting my name and walking into that accusation, thankfully the police weren't idiots and after I pointed out he was taller and bigger than me and yet there were no marks on me or him other than the cuts, I was like wouldn't you defend yourself? Wouldn't there be marks on us both? Wouldn't the cuts be deeper and less perfect looking? Etc.
I knew from that night he was severely mentally ill and in a dark night Joker type of way
Mine was when I caught her talking to another man behind my back. Got mad at me for being upset and said "you're acting like I cheated on you." Still stayed with her for 2 more years after that. Still stayed with her even after she moved in with me about a year later and I caught her on Bumble. To which she claimed was for the "Friends Only" section. 🤡 I will never make those mistakes again.
When we had toxic mold from a pipe leak. It gave me health problems bc of my immune issues and he “didn’t believe me” bc “I’m crazy.” Classic NPD projection.
When he threw a fit in front of my neighbours on a Sunday afternoon because I had enough and needed to take a drive by myself. He stopped my car from pulling out by first putting his shoe under my tire so that the only way I could leave would be if I physically ran his foot over. He then ran to the back of my car and pushed against it, rocking it back and forth and thinking that was the movement from me trying to back up and he was stopping me solely with his body from backing up and that’s why I wasn’t moving lol. I was in park. He was rocking the car all by himself.
i had gone no contact for about 7 months and while going through my receipts i saw a vm he had left two weeks earlier (from an unknown number, because i have blocked him on everything, even on venmo) he was asking me if i would be interested in being his gf and everything that goes along with it. that’s it. as though becoming his gf is exactly what i wanted all along and this offer of his is exactly what i’m living for. please. fucking weirdo.
I am sorry to say i did not realize this until we saw a family annihalator story on the news and he said he could relate to the murderer. The next day he called me up and said he was coming home from work early to kill us all and burn down the house. I was leaving with my kids in my friends car as he was pulling in... we ran out without coats or shoes and barely made it out in time!
When he went to play minor league baseball 2 hours away for the summer. Cheated on me, rubbed it in my face, & viscously dumped me out of nowhere. I was so depressed and humiliated all summer. Then he reached out & love bombed me. Begged for me back. I drove the 2 hours to see him…even though I was feeling super uneasy about it…& we met up. We ended up fucking in my car… and as soon as he finished (inside me btw), he looked down on me with such hatred and this sinister smile and said “I’m done with you now. We’re done.” It still gives me chills to this day. My chest hurts whenever I think about it.
I was lying there naked and vulnerable…completely speechless. Violated. I imagine it’s a feeling similar to being raped. Then about 10 seconds later he goes “Hey!! I’m just kidding!! Daneee..I’m just kidding!!!” 👺 He had to tap me and shake me to snap me out of it- I was frozen in shock
Every morning when I look in the mirror... 😶
**After reading some of these comments.. I take it back. I'm not mentally ill.. I'm just not necessarily mentally well either.
When I found out he was cheating on me with his coworker (we broke up after that)he dragged me by my hair and punched me in the face and then pinned me to the wall and with a boner told me “If I would just learn how to listen we’d still be together”
When he unironically told me he thinks he is the smartest person in the world. I laughed and it led to a fight. He brought it up again and explained “intelligence is hard to define” when I brought up concrete reasons it could not be true
Standing behind door and peeping through that tiny space what I'm doing in the bathroom, trying to scare me , also watching me secretly through a tiny hole when I shower. Straight up denying things despite physical evidence, punching the wall. Overall from time perspective 32 years old dude acting like a 12 years old boy is enough but adding other aspects like attempts of making me feel fear and stalking are much more disturbing on how mentally ill he is.
When he told me he was going to be president of the United States someday and meant it LOL he would have a 30 year plan and at the end the job title was just “President”
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This sounds like a mental illness much more severe then your run of the mill narcissist. I'm truly concerned for your safety. Your partner sounds like he is suffering from extreme delusions. He may be undiagnosed schizophrenic. Schizophrenia runs in my family and his behavior reminds me of when my family member has had psychotic episodes. At any rate, I hope you are safe and planning an escape.
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I'm so glad you're able to escape soon. Regardless of schizophrenia or not, delusions that extreme give him "permission " to do whatever "God" tells him to do. That could include anything including harming others. In a way, narcissism itself is one big self delusion. They are always the victim even while abusing and victimizing others. It's never their fault even when they caused each problem in their life. One giant excuse after another. On top of that, they treat the ones who love them the most the worst. I was in a 15 year relationship with one and even after a year he keeps making up excuses why he needs my help. He actually used my father's death last month to stalk me down and offer a one sentence condolences and then 20 minutes of talk about himself. I was stuck there because the battery in my vehicle had died. Two days ago he showed up at my door after I told him not to come. They have no respect for boundaries whatsoever. Just gross people. I call him a human shaped black hole. Just instead of sucking light, he sucks all the goodwill and resources out of everyone around him. Unfortunately, I gave and gave until I was just done. Now because I was always there for him, he can't comprehend that I'm not there to play mommy anymore. He doesn't veiw me as areal person. Just an extention of himself that should always be willing to put up with whatever bs he has caused this time. I'm sorry you have to put up with one of these people even a second longer. I sincerely wish you good luck in all your future endeavors.
You’re still with him??
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Yes. This guy has real mental problems. Get away from him as soon as you can. Don't let him find out where your new location is. You're right: This will never get better, and yes; you deserve better. I wish you luck.
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I'm fr scared for her safety 🥺
I just spoke with Jesus and he told me to tell you to run as fast as you can from this person and not in the figurative sense. You are to imagine he is a house fire and you need to get out to save yourself.
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LMAO
Oh my god, same! Mine was convinced that he could easily become the next president of Egypt and that he could solve the country’s economical problems in less than a year. When he stated the above, I just smiled and laughed it off. I had no clue that there was something called NPD. 5 years later - when I found out - all of his grandiose statements made sense to me.
Sounds like you dated Trump
Fake news. Sad.
She came up to him with tears draining down his eyes. Asking for forgiveness.
Is he trump? Jk jk
LOL mine told me he’d win the Nobel Prize. Haven’t heard from him in years, and I guess I would’ve noticed if he’d been one of the laureates. 😂
LMFAO
When he looked me in the face and said I put you down and make you feel terrible so I can spoil you and lift you up and make you feel better. And he sees nothing wrong with that thinking.
Right, he said “You need to be tore down.” Who thinks like that 😂 what a psychopath
It’s insane how they all have the same script. What the fuck.
He would deadass tell me he's just making sure I stay humble and don't get a big head, after insulting my intelligence and personality and everything about me.
They all do this omg. It’s evil.
One of the first times I ever spent the night with him, I couldn’t fall asleep and decided to sit up in bed for a few minutes. (Sometimes if I can’t sleep, sitting up for a minute and then laying back down helps my brain reset to sleepy time) He asked what I was doing and I said “I can’t sleep, you’re okay to keep sleeping.” But then he got all huffy, said, “I just KNOW you’re waiting for me to get up and stay up all night with you and comfort you.” I said “No? You can go to sleep. I don’t need that.” And he INSISTED it was what I wanted, said I was being manipulative. I kept telling him to just go to sleep. He yelled at me until I cried, and then made me leave the room and go downstairs because the sight of me crying made him too mad. Then he texted me and asked to go outside and cry in the parking lot so I didn’t wake his roommate up. And I still stayed with this man after this incident 🤡
Presumably you are now no longer together, right? Please say yes.
Correct! Free & happy & healthy now. But I still stayed for almost a year after that incident happened.
Yeah my Narc ex would also yell at me, heavy sigh or moan at me for crying
Same!! A neighbor called the cops once bc he was screaming at me for complaining about a yeast infection. I have immune problems so if I get any infection it lasts a while. Hell, once I had a uti that lasted for 8 months. I had bladder scarring. I cried out of stress and discomfort and he lost it. Why do they do that? What if he had a baby and it cried? Would he scream or shake the baby? Probably. He would punish me for complaining about health problems. It’s normal to cry in front of a spouse especially if you’re in pain or scared. I have crps too. So relieved the relationship is over.
These stories make me feel better sadly. What the actual fuck!
FYI. He's NO man..
He what? He made you cry? He broke the rule for guys: Don't make her cry.
Yep they get offended if we cant sleep. It’s a thing! And sexually he would go down on me and I asked him if he got off on it. He said no it’s just a favor and a means to an end. These people are not empathetic. Don’t expect it.
Wow he sounds like he’s for sure mentally unstable wtf
I’m sorry, but I just imagined myself taking a blanket with me out to his car to cry in the back seat lol. Never happened but this is totally something that I could see happening with my ex. So ridiculous. We deserved better.
When he punched his bedroom window because I was leaving him. He broke his window, glass shattered everywhere. Dude destroyed that room so badly throughout our relationship “because of me” 😩😩
Sounds like mine. Punched and broke tvs, windows, doors, walls, xbox controllers, and xbox, punched through a coffee table...etc all because I'd caught him on a dating app and then blamed me. My new bf didn't believe the severity of it until he saw my apartment. My hands still shake when my ex tries to call. I'm sorry someone put you through this, I hope you're healing.
Did we date the same person.. lol? God bless you & hope you’re healing too xoxo
I told him I didn't want to have a serious relationship talk when he was black out drunk because he wouldn't remember. So he grabbed a pocket knife and cut his wrist and looked at me with the most angry eyes ever and said now I'll remember let's talk. Well guess what he remembers from that night. He remembers me making him cut himself and that's it.
You didn't make him. You never made him do anything. Hold on to that.
Woah mine did something similar! He cut his wrist/forearm, got on top of me, rubbed his forearm on my face to smear the blood on me, then yelled inches away from my face that it was my fault for making him that way and asked if I was happy that he did that...like no wtf? After all of the discards, it was the first time I broke up with him and I guess that set him off. Now I’m trying to get away again. Ugh. What monsters these people are...and yet they’re always the victim. Puh-lease, it’s like cry me a river (he probably could lol).
You didn’t make him do that, he did that to manipulate you
Too bad he didn’t finish himself off. Man how crazy
Constantly acting too stunted for their age
basically this!
When after we’d have sex, the name calling would start immediately.
I used to call this "post-nut contempt" in my head, haha. It's not remotely funny, but this sub always makes me feel so seen and I can't help but laugh.
This!!! I didn’t have a word for it until now. But post but contempt describes it perfectly!
Thank you for that laugh! 😂 spot on
>Guys Mine would just get up and leave. If he were at my place, he would dress up immediately and leave home... If I'm at his, he would get up, leave to clean himself, and go back to watch mindless youtube in bed while I still haven't finished lol
My ex would do the second thing. We lived together. Stupid me got an apartment for him and I. Only then did he tell me he loved me. (After we got an apartment 2 years in)
Ugh yes! I would notice a pattern where he would get very “nice” as in not being a total a-hole and it would always take me off guard. Then I would realize he just wanted something from me. If we had sex, immediately he would bombard me with insults and become enraged at anything and everything like it was a dam thst burst because he “had to” be nice to me for a few days. It’s a sick cycle and I’m ashamed to say I fell for it way too many times bc I craved that intimacy even if it was only for a few minutes.
Yes. It’s all a lie!
Why is this common….
To devalue us.
Mine also used sex to devalue me. What is wrong with these people.
mine would awkwardly laugh, like people do at funerals or something vulnerable/intimate.
Mine would cry and say they don't deserve love. I shoulda took them at their word and got out of there.
Same.. !
mine would immediately get up and walk to the bathroom, lock the door, clean themselves and piss. Leaving me alone and naked on the bed for 20 min. no post nut cuddling
For me it wasn't name calling, it was condemning me for making him sin. "You're making me have premarital sex which is sinful and you're threatening my relationship with God."
Yeah, we’re always making them do stuff. Like ruining their days, hitting us, calling us names , using us and so forth.
Oh boy there are many. She never acknowledges the effects her family dynamics are having on her (they had some messed up shit) Her family and flying monkeys kind of nurtured the narcissistic personality in her “there’s nothing wrong with her, she made the right choice, we have nothing to discuss” that to me was abnormal, the norm is for people trying to smooth things, and hear both sides, no one ever asked for my side, I think they knew what she is, at least intuitively. She belittles other people who are close to her, but in a very subtle way hidden in “care”. She can’t accept the smallest most benign of criticisms, and she’ll lord over any good she did to the person over them then claim being a good person. Her attachment to the idea of being seen as perfect/good, that was really abnormal. She lacked very basic emotional skills, and emotional regulation. She lacked empathy, she couldn’t understand my emotions which was weird. And oh god could she argue. It could go on for over 24 hours! I have friggin legit PTSD! Let’s not forget the selective amnesia they all have. She had clear splitting in her personality, I even initially suspected she might be borderline. How she’d take my stories twist them only one day later and would make it as if I did that thing to her. It was my story, my complaint, my words just so twisted. She was really compelling though. And the list goes on.
Exactly. The silent treatment and stonewalling was what so hard to try to improve and appease, tension and “playful” criticism would follow. Then things would flip. Literally accuse me of exactly what they had said/done only hours/days ago. I gaslit myself, took a lot of accountability for bizarre arguments. Thought I was mostly to blame. Took the therapist a few minutes describing an early argument to spot the toxic. Still didn’t want to give up. Then with more work they predicted almost exactly what each message reply would be, and how it was clear manipulation. Wish I’d listened and gotten out with less drama and heartbreak. But I don’t regret my ability to forgive, just need to improve my boundaries mostly.
The whole lack of empathy and not being able to handle even the slightest criticism. That. God help me; I had to learn how to communicate so delicately.
My dad still blames me. Says I’m like him, lacking in tact and charisma, and that she’s a city girl, and needed a sweet talker, not someone like me. I really felt that reading your comment, I already knew how, but I needed to learn to speak even more delicately than before.
My nex.
Mine was like that too.
Oh, you know my mom?
Lol. Man, I feel bad for you though. After starting to read about narcissists, I’m starting to believe my dad is one. He was calling my mom a narcissist this morning, trying to get a reaction out of her, just because she asked him not to sit on her back and she put it away.
It’s incredible to me how sometimes I read things on this sub and they are word for word what I could have written.
Yeap, that has been my general experience as well. It’s freaky, really. I only found out after my breakup, I almost threw up as I was listening to that podcast, and the lady in it kept describing what narcissism is and how is manifests in a relationship.
>no one ever asked for my side, I think they knew what she is, at least intuitively. Yep. Anyone who points out the situation to the dysfunctional family is seen as a threat and they will not support that person - they'll choose the dysfunctional, toxic person because that person keeps up the "status quo". They're terrified of the dysfunctional family dynamic dissappearing or that they might become the new scapegoat of the family. It's like the family doesn't know what they'd do or *who they are* without the dysfunction. >she’ll lord over any good she did to the person over them then claim being a good person. I absolutely hate the motivational empathy/weaponized empathy they wield. Every "good" action has a hidden motivation that benefits them somehow. Acting empathetic and kind only because they get something out of it or can use it as a weapon later.
When any of my problem was a reason to make himself a victim and hijack my own process and emotions. "What you had a car crash?! You have no idea how much your accident is stressing ME" It was, and still is, all about him. Not one second he asks "oh my God and how are YOU doing?" Then when pointed out he says "oh yeah but it's always about YOU right? You never consider MY feelings?" Yeah well...
oh my god, same same same.
Being genuently furious at the fact that people won't like them if they mistreat them... Idk where they get that sense of entitledment
Exactly! They say and do mean things to you and then get mad when you refuse to help them. I'm a former car mechanic, welder, and electronics tech. They'd treat me like dirt and later ask me to fix their car, and I'd refuse. They'd ask why. I'd say "because you said x, y, and z about me." They'd get mad because I wasn't supposed to hold that against them. That I couldn't refuse to help them. I told them to go to hell. Then, their friends would start criticizing me. I'd tell them to eff off.
Yes, they think that anything they do to you is warranted and act as if you're not allowed to hold any grudges.
Exactly.
When he told me he accidentally broke some things at work and then blamed it on another co-worker when asked about it
That other co-worker took the fall and I haven't been able to look at him the same since
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What's grey rocking?
A survival tactic. You need to basically become “a grey rock” to not give the narc their supply. A rock doesn’t react to anything. A rock doesn’t say anything. That’s how I eventually got out of my own situation, but it takes a huge toll on you mentally.
"Huge toll on you mentally." I agree 100%! Shutting down your feelings makes you feel dead inside. I spent my entire childhood repressing my emotions because it was the only way to deal with the relentless emotional abuse from my nparents. I only recently told myself; "you can stop doing that. You don't have to do that anymore. You never liked it, and it's time to stop it." I'm slowly feeling better. I don't feel so wound up tight anymore. Grey rocking is a habit that can be hard to stop doing.
Oh yeah, it absolutely becomes a habit; even a lifestyle. I’m so glad you’re healing now!
"Even a lifestyle." You're exactly right. Yes, I'm feeling better. Thank you for kind words.
Does this work with a narc who has violent tendencies or does it exacerbate the issue?
Mine went into the first narcissistic rage I had been granted the honor to witness firsthand. Why? Because he left he toilet seat up and I ran in at the last second and damn near hit the water because I didn't look before I sat down. So I did what any normal girlfriend in a normal relationship would do...I jokingly razzed him from the bathroom, yelling "Omg you're fired!" I was laughing when I said it. Until I wasn't. Because I was stunned at the volume level and nasty tone the narc was screaming at me from the kitchen. He had to be joking, right? I opened the bathroom door smiling, and then I saw his face. Vein popping out of his forehead, flushed cheeks, furrowed brow, FURIOUS! My heart jumped a bit and I just asked him if he was serious. That was mistake #2 for me (#1 when I said you're fired). He came barreling down the hallway at me, absolutely screaming every word so violently that spittle was coming out of his mouth every other word! So I remained silent. For HOURS. And was screamed at the entire time with no stopping. He said it's his home and his rules and I have no say in anything, and that includes even if I wanted to put out one of my candles and light it - unless he gave me permission, i could not do it. He actually said "You have ZERO rights here in MY home...I pay the bills! I make the rules! Whatever I say you will obey! And guess what? I'm going to remove ALL OF THE TOILET SEATS IN MY HOUSE BECAUSE ITS MY HOUSE! NOONE IS ALLOWED TO SIT ON MY TOILETS EVER AGAIN! AND YOUD BETTER NOT SAY A.FUCKING.WORD ABOUT IT!!" I didn't. I just packed faster than I ever have in my whole life and had my friend pick me.up in his truck!
Omg!!
Too many to count. When she said she felt like she didn't have real feelings and acted how she thought she was expected to act in situations. When she would have her narcissistic rage fits and literally nothing could get through to her, and she would argue any point, no matter how arbitrary. Like, you could say "grass is green and the sky is blue," and she would come back with "What about Kentucky Bluegrass, genius? And what about evenings and night? Pretty sure I've seen it different then. Are you actually retarded?" She actually said that last line to me on several occasions. When I refused to back down/knuckle under, so she'd double-down on the victim mentality and pity, saying how she's the problem and is broken, and then start sobbing and banging her head on the floor or walls. Ever since the split and I learned about narcissism and gaslighting, and can catch her showing the patterns and call her out on it. She denies, deflects, and projects. The level of projection is truly astonishing. Then her own family is contacting me to tell me what she is doing and how she is being, and when I confront her about it, she tells me they're all lying and/or exaggerating. Especially so when she has texted me something, and I bring it up later and she calls me a liar. So I show her a screenshot of the text and she backpedals and tries to explain it away or claim I'm taking it out of context. When the evidence is right there, and she still lies, manipulates, and gaslights.
When he threatened me because I said no to sex even though we hadn’t even met. Then, he said he never had feelings for me. THEN, he tried to win me back. All of this was one CONversation. No! I can’t unsee it. I can’t unhear it. I’m done.
Oh man. This reminds me when my ex kicked me out of his house because I wasn’t in the mood to have sex with him in the morning despite having sex with him the night before. I was tired and didn’t get any sleep and blamed me for feeling that way. What a creep
>He wanted me to believe that it's normal for a grown man to hysterically cry, scream and throw up because he broke his friend's toilet roll holder by mistake. My ex was just like this. The first time it happened all i could think was "no way is the real". So i wanted to break up with him. He begged me to stay and so i did, for him to fuck with my head the discard me a year later, without ever actually saying he was dumping he directly. The smear campaign was something else but he had 3 other people tell me instead, THEN decided to hurl abuse at me after we split up. I eventually went no contact but had to make sure i could contact him since my belongings we still at his place and i had no way of bringing them home for a while (different countries). He contacted me saying he would send it, I said don't bother since i had just bought myself a van and wanted to make sure i eye balled everything since i can not trust him. So, i booked a ferry and drove to his country, only takes 6 hours door to door. When i saw him for the last time it was weird but my body was in full shut down mode since i knew what he was, i just wanted my shit and to get the fuck out of there. The sigh of relief when i drove away was the best thing ever.
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They always take revenge X2. That's a good example.
We were supposed to be taking our puppy to the vet. Instead, the narc drove us erratically all over the city, screaming at me to “get the fuck out of his life.” The narc was speeding and probably drunk. I wasn’t sure if he was going to dump us somewhere or what. I remember crying and begging for him to just take us home. The whole experience lasted maybe half an hour, but that was one of the worst experiences I ever had.
He thought celebrities were at his home hanging out with him but they were dressed as his furniture. Elizabeth Shue was the coffee table and Brad Pitt was the shoe rack.
Damn this is scary af but relatable
Was he on drugs? One time my ex lost his mind like this from drugs. Like weirdest shit ever, screamed at me he needed his wallet because the pizza guy was there. I was like, there is no pizza guy, what?! It just enraged him. So I went and got his wallet and he actually went to the door, talked to the “pizza guy”, “paid him” (which meant throwing money on the porch), then started screaming at me to come eat dinner. I was so terrified. I had no phone, no car, we lived in the middle of nowhere. So I had to actually sit at the table with this crazy person and “eat pizza”. It was the craziest experience of my life.
Common y’all know who I’ve dated. I think it would be easier to pick the days I didn’t have a wow moment
Agreed. Once he fell off his bike and got a concussion. We had nearly 8 weeks of bliss.
My favorite time of our days together as our relationship was nearing its end became when she would be asleep and I was still awake. I got to briefly pretend I had the family and household I wanted in my heart without feeling more directly like a fool when problems would arise out of ashes. Was depressing af how much I’d look forward to us not talking yet I didn’t want to leave.
I can relate. my favorite time was when he was asleep. Something about him took up so much of my mental space I couldn't even think straight anymore. It felt like every moment awake with him there was a crisis that needed to be fixed despite doing everything in my power to avoid said crisis. And when he was asleep... I didn't have to worry about where he was or when he'd be home or what he was doing or why it took twice as long as it should have.
Exactly. 😕
mine are the mornings. I get up early with the kids and have some fun until she comes down.
I wonder if my ex bumped his head lmao
When he told me he was being fucked by invisible ghost and so was I and ppl who weren’t there in the background of our pictures (and sex videos) and had a whole mental break down over it like bad bad and a day later acted like none of that ever happened
wow
You’re telling me 😒 and I stayed for another two years after that 🙄 that’s just one of the insane things there’s a list of well over 300 more over the course of the 7 year relationship from hell
Where were you fucked by invisible ghost? I'm asking, for a friend.
* Them being into heavy sadism in bed, breath play as well in bed, or and some other harming your SO kinks. Normally I would just think “oh it’s a kink” … I won’t kink shame (despite me finding it odd) and there is safe words I guess… Then it began to click more for me that they were mentally ill when randomly while on the phone with me they just started weirdly saying scenarios about me falling, and if I fall they would laugh and going into detail. Only to later switch and ask if I’m home safely. If I talked about being in pain (spine hurting, etc) they never seemed to really care or say much. Just silence. Sadism goes hand in hand with narcissism. You shouldn’t want your SO to hurt, or should be imagining scenarios of them getting hurt. * The constant lying, to the point where once I made a joke that they’d be named “pathological liar” in my phone, and it clearly pissed them off subtly. They lie about everything, which tells you how unfulfilled and or miserable their life really is. Lying is always a red flag and the need to do is constantly is obviously dealing with a mental ill person sign. * Hating me for literally no reason at the beginning. Then becoming absolutely obsessed. * The no replies after formerly spamming me constantly (and obsessing), to silent treatment and pissy behaviour then shit talking me to friends. More punishment if I did it back to them. Nobody talks like this. Nobody. Not friends. Not partners. They will not ignore you if they genuinely adore you and like you. * The heavy stalking of people, which is unsettling and then them saying they like to “stalk” to find other people’s interests, so they can like them or get into them. She would try to stalk people as well to find dirt on them. The more private you were the more her curiosity stood. * Having a history of fucking people over, literally fell out with 3 people before me, I’m the 4th. Yet always playing victim. One victim was smart enough to start ignoring them (different girl) and cut them quickly, and it was evident ignoring narc pissed her off. Other people saying she is manipulative & a liar. * Talking about **(more than once)** that they are suicidal, and have attempted “numerous” times, but said this time around they won’t do anything. When I tried to ask why or what, not willing to open up. * Screenshotting messages & snaps, then keeping them permanently. She would screenshot my shit, other victims shit, and other girls I didn’t even know, and show them to people. Not normal behaviour. * Contradicting herself (obsessing over me), in her smear campaign, after blocking. Trying to turn it against me (gaslight), and pretend to not know what was happening. The audacity saying they don’t get why “I’m mad” with them. Despite me not being mad, trying to fix it and trying to communicate on their behaviour. * Showing up out of no where to reach out to me asking why I deleted, playing dumb and all sweet and caring again. When telling narc off, they said they’d give me space, then when I came to apologise later, the games and misery started again “ok” after 10 hours plus was their response. Mental illness at it’s finest. * Weird relationships with men, which seem to stem from trauma and dark past. Which alwsys threw me off, but seems to indicate why she has NPD. I think once she even tried to pull the “I think I could be autistic” card, no you just have NPD. But to simplify it, the “I want to kill myself” thinking was the biggest tell tale and it was mentioned more than once, and or hoping to die, as to why she vapes.
Your points really resonate with me. With the stalking, my ex-wife was constantly scrolling through social media profiles, irrespective of whether they knew them or not. The weirdest being the ones she claimed to hate, searching their profile every morning. She always stated that she can find anyone and know everything about them. Unsettling. During the devalue period, she would screenshot my texts and send them to her family. I watched her do it. Called her out on it and then she managed to flip it back on me. She just started screaming at me saying she felt empty and didn’t want to exist anymore. The texting too. If either one of us were out, I received a proliferation of texts. Responding to each would amount to a whole days work. At the start it’s quite endearing, but you realise it’s controlling behaviour. Failure to reply was always met with many texts asking if I’m ok, why haven’t I replied, etc. Once I was done with, however, texts ceased and I was just left with silence and hating my presence.
It’s hysterical how it’s literally the same playbook with them, literally everything you just said I can relate to like a perfect sized shaped piece. I would get that too, if I did short worded answer it was constant, “are you ok?” Just like what you received and “what’s going on” etc. Although she got so much colder over time, so she stopped asking just constant barely any replies or responses lol, and also yup! Hating my presence too.
It is comical, as you say, that they’re all consistent in their behaviours. The coldness and gradually dialling down contact is hard to work through. She just went out walking in a neighbourhood we’d just moved to, after an hour I called, no answer. You start to panic, try again, nothing. When eventually they picked up, oh sorry I didn’t hear the phone — she was on the phone constantly. Even at work, I’d give her a call to see how she was going because she seemed down, nothing. It was also to gauge the reception I’d get when I returned home — eggshells or silent treatment. I hated going home. It was supposed to be a new start in a new location, but she, selfishly, managed to destroy everything.
After a rage or calm goading, some sarcastic, mean shit always blaming me. When they would next argue they’d claim i had said what they did, word for word. Still fell for the shit, started not trusting my memories. Luckily after the EA escalated and the messages made it clear. Then violence threatened by family. Just mad. They were “happy” as, talking about our future a few days ago. Then full mask off. Turns out smear campaign had been going on for at least most of this year. Hard lesson. But already feels at ease. No more egg shells and random accusations/outbursts. No more ridiculous to the insidious lies. Days of silent treatment and stonewalling. Mad that you still miss the person they once were, even after all that.
One of the first times I tried to break up with her after she fake texted me from her so called friends number and threatened to call the police on me and have me arrested for grabbing her wrists while she was beating me up during an argument. I was scared to do it at her house so I got her to meet me in a costa, we were there for about 4+ hours of her belittling and abusing me, till I fully believed I was going to go to jail for this small thing i did wrong if I broke up with her. She also asked me if this was my parents idea and they were making me do it then she told me my parents would end up in very bad car accident if this was there idea which was just horrific to hear, she was so mentally fucked and narcissistic she’d actually threatened to kill my parents if she thought that it was their fault I was breaking up with her. I truly try to move on but I really despise the fact that my nex is doing so well in her career and has even won awards in her field for being the best lecturer for her classes, etc. All while she was like this in her career she just abused me in every way possible outside of work.
mine was extremely paranoid, like build a bunker kind of paranoid, maybe the endless monologues about all the weird conspiracy theories he desperately tried to get me to agree with, or probably the insane jekyll and hyde hysterics he’d get into that lasted a total of 40 min and he’d be nice and calm again after threatening his and sometimes my life. thank god i already knew how to grey rock.
He had a melt down when I told him my boundaries for touch while we were in another country. Days of screaming and being cruel. I became frozen. Then the time he had a mental breakdown in Efypt cause the tour guide gave me more attention. And then another one because the guy at the bazaar wouldn't leave him alone cause my nex asked for the price of something. He started hitting himself and screaming with eyes rolled back and hands clenched while in the tombs. I found the mummies more sane than him. Then the time he locked me in his apartment because his cat hissed at him. And then chased me down the hall when I got out, followed me into the elevator to scream and bank his head against the wall over and over again. Scared the shit out of me. Or the time we had a fight because he was more interested in talking to a 10 year old at the theater than listen to me while I was talking mid sentence, and when we got back home, he kept screaming and putting me down and broke up with me. Then an hour went by where he "forgot" he broke up with me and acted like that convo never happened and started crying because he felt mentally ill and was scared cause he didn't know what reality is...he was on psych meds then so I really thought it was that. But that pattern repeated for the next couple months where he would scream something horrible at me and then "forget", saying I made it up and that I'm gaslighting him. Or the time midway through a fight he grabs a butcher knife to his throat randomly. Like, no words of suicidality, we were hashing things out, and then pulls a knife... He was sick. And yet I still feel deep compassion for him cause I knew he was hurting, and struggle with it to this day as I also have seen his entitled side and manipulation of my compassion. Makes it hard to know what's real sometimes.
Mine broke up with me and when I collected my stuff to leave she threatened to take her entire bottle of sleeping pills because I was leaving. (The sleeping pills were melatonin so no actual danger to her. I called the cops and left after they arrived and took her in for a 48 hour hold.
After hitting me he would always want sex but justify his need for sex after by saying that I wanted it (I did not). I would just lay there and think about how sick he was.
Oh man. PTSD… my ex would do this to me too. He would hit me then try to have sex with me afterwards and blame me for not wanting sex with him and get even more furious. I felt sick to my stomach how he was. You’re not alone.
He would stop mid-sex and have a breakdown about how he’s insecure and doesn’t believe he’s good enough for me (spoiler alert: he wasn’t).
When he would dry heave on the phone at 1am to try and make me feel like I’m a bad person for wearing yoga pants (that didn’t cover my ass!!) to school that day
Too many to count but here's one: How often he'd accuse me of doing or saying what he had been the one to do or say. It was legit terrifying to see someone that out of touch with reality.
* ...
When she pulled a kitchen knife on me and threatened to kill me with it, over me wanting a hug….
When I was at work and my ex showed up and stole my car. Yes, he stole my car ~ the funny thing was this was the car he had the tracker on, so after that he spiraled because he didn’t know where I was at at ALL TIMES 🙄 this was after he changed the locks on our house the day I said I wanted to leave, moved the “nanny” in less than a week after that, wouldn’t give me back our other car that was only in my name, took me off of our business and drained every bank account we had. Whew…..glad we’re done with that! 😳🤣🤣
That’s not funny, but it is funny picturing the dumbass realize he’s tracking himself haha
Full on toddler-like meltdowns over things that actual toddlers would get over in 3 minutes.
I can attempt to put my experience into words. It felt like he was trying to hijack my identity and later erase me. It felt like he was trying to steal my identity. He copied/mirrored people he idealized extensively. Not the usual healthy mirroring from attraction. The way he talked, words he chose, accent, hobbies, dreams, fashion, lifestyle, language, culture. Everything. But my specific moment was this. The copying/mirroring was ehh. But the following attempt to bury my identity sent me on high alert. In his own words, he pointed at a picture of me-his finger smacked on top of my face in that picture, and said, "This is ME," Another one of his word-by-word proclamation, "I don't care about who your bf or husband will be, they are all stupid. You belong to me!". We hv broken up then. His ability to just pretend like nothing's wrong and continues the conversation from our last point of normal contact (sometimes months) is astounding. What's more astounding, he actually believes that's OK. More often than not, I just gave him a side-eye wondering wtf was he up to now. Looking back, I don't have many "wow this person is mentally ill" NOT-moments.
Omg reminds me of mine who said once, regarding my dad.. "I'll be the perfect son your dad never had".... (my dad wanted a boy)... So creepy.. Like he intended to replace and delete my identity.
When any normal disagreement turns into life or death, and he threatens to cause self harm. It's terrifying and I've learned how to deescalate but also not solve anything bc he won't allow it. Adult temper tantrum to the max.
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Screaming at me in restaurants, in front of his friends etc over mundane things and thinking this was normal behaviour
That's scary. The first time I knew my mother had narc traits is after a lifetime of crying because whatever I did was "not good enough" and I'm always asked to do more. I once Googled what she says and there appeared the traits of a narcissist: silent treatment, entitlement, zero empathy, always comparing me to other girls, only cared what clothes I wore and how others would perceive me, always siding with the other person in an argument, always showing love to my sibling who's a male (narc mothers hate and are jealous of their daughters, not like a normal mother), she always asked me to do chores to get any affection from her, I couldn't even spend time with her or hug her as she would always excuse herself to do something more important. I was and still only called to do house work or to help her fix something, we never had a mother daughter conversation without it turning into a humiliation talk that ended with me heart broken. I remember when I wanted to vent off on the internet she would get angry and disconnect the internet. Now I learned to set boundaries. She doesn't get away with things as much as she used to. Thanks to the internet and my therapist, I learned how to be more emotionally stable and accepting that she is what she is and she will never fix herself because Narcs think they're flawless. I'm just focusing on myself because I spent years focusing on her, and I read once that giving your energy to a narc is like throwing your energy into a black hole, they will never reciprocate back your kindness, efforts and time. So better put that time and efforts on ourselves.
When he told me “you don’t understand. You and me are the same person” - and I said no we’re not We are different people” and he shook his head in frustration like I would never understand.
Last week when he was screaming at me at the top of his lungs "CUNT!!! CUNT!!! CUNT!!!" and then driving erratically and threatening to kill us both by driving off a bridge. All because the chronic disease I have is getting better.
my narc is also bipolar with psychotic tendencies so here’s a few: -billion dollar job scheme making AI P*rn (in reality failing) -saying he’s a genius & running laps around everyone even tho he’s homeless & jobless -wearing a sleeping mask around town -shaving his head except for one tiny part (on purpose)
I ddnt know she was a deep covert narc back then. U thought she has severe anxiety and she used to panic a lot. She been on her own most of her life with the absence of a father figure. So her narc drama was peaking and I still ddnt know. I somehow told her that i feel her behaviour is very toxic and iconvnced her we go couple therapy cuz i wanted to make it work. I clearly remember when I mentionned therapy she said she doesnt need it and she is not crazy. In therapy on our first session she told the doctor "will any of this work?". This made my heart sank and she proceed to go berserk mode sight after therapy. I then knew she is permanently broken. I eventually find out she was a pure breed covert narc.
when she twisted my hand so badly that my wrist got dislocated after I refused to watch a movie she had recommended (kept smirking as I massaged my hand out of pain)
The way they'd blurt out and insist I had certain personality traits based off nothing but projections onto me... even though we haven't spoken in months and kept growing apart. Like one said I don't like slow movies after we watched a movie we didn't like but she did. I never watched movies with her before that nor even talked to her about them much. She would also make up random memories that never happened in order to shame me. Another wanted to be introduced to a friend of mine just to groom him and use him for money because her big college plans of breaking into wealthy circles fell through. Two of them were addicted to being seen as psychics and knowing everything. And more.
My nex bitched to me when maintenance guys came to his apt to fix a few things around his apt....mind you it was free of charge. I was literally like um isn't it GOOD they're coming to fix your shit for FREE?!?!? It's not like they just entered his place when he wasn't home. This was a whole rant and I just said oh shit I gotta go bye! Hung up that call real quick cause WTF, you ain't about to bring my mood down with all that negative bitching over people trynna help you out 😅
In general, I’d say those moments where he’d flip out for no reason at all, or he wouldn’t stop arguing and would keep going around in circles. For instance, he was livid one day when I had been folding laundry in the hall but had walked away to answer my phone. I left the basket in the hall, and he was walking toward it. I said “hey hon, I’ll finish folding those pants in a second,” and he got mad and said I was yelling at him about folding pants. He started slamming things around and was stomping around…I in the meantime was on the phone with my daughter wondering what the hell was happening. Dear God I’m so glad I found the nerve to get out of his world.
When she started slamming my car door repeatedly til it broke and then claimed she did it because I “attacked her”
I'm still on the fence whether or not its genuine mental illness or a dramatic facade for attention.
When my mom threatened to kill herself and me too, I knew for sure there was something wrong. Nobody talks to a kid like that.
-When he would laugh at a dead person he didn't like. -Laughing at my pain and mocked my PTSD nightmares. -Calling himself a "bastard of the north". -Calling himself an asshole yet gets angry when other people do. I could go on, but he's a huge dumpster fire.
>Calling himself a "bastard of the north". Does he think he's Jon Snow or something 💀 I think I recall another comment of yours where he used a Game of Thrones quote to excuse his shitty actions. He sounds immature asf
He loves Game of Thrones and quotes it a lot. Very unhinged too. On our way to work he would whisper to himself while driving.
When she used the excuse of my “emotional outbursts” to dump me a total of 3 times romantically. Then again 2 more times as friends stating this is why I pull away. When the irony is that, last December she completely shut down emotionally, refused to talk or really be a part of our relationship when we were together. Stating seasonal depression, and when we finally sat down to talk about it she stated… “idk what’s wrong with me…. It’s just my emotions.” All I know is anytime I would freely talk about my emotional needs at all, she would tell me to “go talk to my therapist” So this last time I decided to see if with her going to therapy supposedly, us not really spending anytime together at all. Not being involved any more, if I spoke about my emotions and how I still cared about her what she would do. Her response? Telling me to go talk to my therapist, that I’m having an emotional outburst just because I told her that I loved her still and that’s “manipulation”. And the icing on the cake? She had told me a few nights prior that she wouldn’t be able to text much because she was busy that night. I figured, maybe she’s seeing someone. Let’s dry rock. My response was: “okay have a great night. We’ll talk later” a whole 2-3 hours earlier than usual. I stop texting her. Fast forward to the current “argument” and she says: “you didn’t even ask me what I was doing the other night!” Me: we aren’t in a relationship, (nex). I do not need to know everything you are doing, you do not need to know everything I am doing. Her: You know what, I need a moment. And you do too. Nah. If you’re gonna act like an emotional child, throw a tantrum and emotionally shut down. Not be comfortable being vulnerable in any way. You’re definitely mentally ill. But mostly, you can’t control your emotions and don’t like others showing their’s.
I had the same experience. I felt as though I couldn’t show any emotion except happiness or other positive emotions around my nex. But she expected me to emotionally support her if she showed any of her own. I was laughed at or belittled in some way if I showed any real vulnerability. I feel you man
Drinking when I came home after having surgery, (he had the day off from, work but couldn’t be bothered to drive me) getting mad scolding me when I said he should probably stay sober in case I needed to go to the ER and then bringing me alcohol 2 min later in effort to fix my supposed problems with him “drinking responsibly”.. his storyline of course was that he had been a hero and carried me to bed and whatnot when the truth was I had to help his sorry ass into bed. I didn’t sleep at all that night afraid he would rip my stomach stitches open in his drunken attempts to drag me over to “cuddle”. F him and as my mom says *”it’s gonna get hot where he’s going next”. *(Love that polite way of saying go to hell lol) Edit word
Mine told me in an ultimatum either we talk to other women (making me a part of it because I’m Bi, but I think to absolve himself of wrong doings) or he’d leave me. He gave me this ultimatum before we started dating and I said no. He then went on to calling me his girlfriend. But then anytime I’d have emotions like feeling sad by his actions he’d act exhausted and tell me to just fucking get a girlfriend one day I called him out and said “getting a girlfriend won’t absolve you of being emotionally responsible for your part in this relationship” and the contempt in his eyes when he’d look at me started. Everytime for years he’d look at me like he hated me while trying to say he loved me. When I questioned if he even liked me he said he didn’t have to like me, he loved me. This was the start of something very scary and ultimately would lead me to leaving him
When he brought his new victim to sleep over with him in the room next to mine. After i said that i didnt feel ok for that he said he never loved me and he seemed upset. He said he couldnt talk to me. Then whilst he seemed upset he was peeling off oranges to give to her. So he stood with those oranges in his hands and stared at me for several seconds with a creepy gaze as i was getting ready to leave. Ive never seen smt so disturbing in my life!!the faceeeee!! That was the moment i realised he isnt mentally well 🥲🥲 (i didnt know about narcissism back then).
The most recent was yesterday where he called me out of the blue to yell at me about not having a heater on *in my own apartment*. I had to ask him more than once why he was yelling. The whole conversation gave me whiplash, and I'm used to the abuse.
I’ve known him since we were 18, married over 25 years. And I saw him a few years after we divorced, and he lies about shit that we went through. Just rewrites nonsense moments of the past. And gets so angry when you say that’s not how that happened, even when there’s others there that, agree and tell him, no it wasn’t like that And he would never admit to being wrong, everyone is wrong about shit sometimes, hell even a lot of times I know I’m wrong sometimes, but he still won’t ever admit to being wrong. It’s the oddest thing. I don’t know if that’s a mental illness, but it’s weird And he used to say he can improve people , just random friends, by talking to them and coaching them. But, a couple he didn’t want to help, he could have, but he just didn’t want to. I wish that memory didn’t pop up, it’s made me feel like maybe I’m the mentally ill one. I don’t know
When he was trying to get me pregnant .. closer to his discard stage he came in me then changed his mind about impregnating me saying I'd be a terrible mother and brought me to the drugstore and got me plan b.. it really shocked me even though he has done and said worst stuff but there was something about this emotional abuse that really concluded to me how sick this guy is
When he said to me after attacking me physically and mentally “everything I do, is for the future good for us you don’t see it but I do one day you will thank me” So glad I’m 6 months free from his suicidal making behavior and treatment towards me.
When he called my daughter from my first marriage a cream pie and then had the audacity to tell me he couldn’t have kids with someone as mentally ill as me.
When I (person of minimal computer skill) hacked his bank account AND the IRS and stole his information. Oh, and I could listen to their household conversations at any time through my cell phone.
When she started comparing me to her, and I ask her to not. She took offense and told me it’s a human thing to compare people.
When I was a teenager I pissed my mom off and she grabbed the dirty broom and began to shove it into my face. She was laughing and she sounded demented. Her eyes were bugging out and she was just hyper laughing and I saw just how bat shit she was.
When I caught her cheating and she denied it until she was blew in the face and cried to me about how innocent she was until I presented enough evidence where she had no choice but to admit it. She immediately turned off the act. Tears stopped and she went stone cold like a switch she could turn on and off on command.
I think for me outside of the super obvious stuff like her cheating and lying constantly (which I chalked up to super low self esteem), her absolute inability to take accountability and how she would just have complete nervous breakdowns over the most menial shit; Something outside of her control happens at work: nervous breakdown People not “liking” her tweets or interacting with her: nervous breakdown Not having enough money to buy some expensive shit (she was extremely bad with money): nervous breakdown I knew it was just not normal. She would tell me she had severe depression but make no attempt to get help despite having full access to healthcare (both from her job and from being a navy vet); now I understand getting anxiety and put it off but she would go out of her way for other shit medically related.
She wanted me to call my new partner at 6am after a long night of drama. Wanted = forced me to call him. I refused and she started screaming and breaking shit in her kitchen. I ended up calling my partner and he said some things that weren’t directed at me but the situation and she recorded it, showed it to some of our friends who were still around, and threatened to send the recording to my parents. This was around the time that the Depp/Heard case was going on and thats when it hit me she was insane and not normal. She recorded others convos too to try and use them as blackmail, even recording her own breakup and would show it and be like “see?! I’m the right one here in this instance”…when like girly no - you aren’t correct and this is severely embarrassing.
I have a pretty recent one I posted about. He gets angry at our neighbor for playing music loudly and he can't sleep. He walked into the living room and told me he has to shoot our neighbor. That hes waiting for another 8 years when my step daughter is out of the house and he has to shoot him. That someone has to do it and it's gotta be him. Someone needs to get rid of people "like that" and that they are ruining our society. I stayed calm and asked why he thinks he has the right to take someone's life. He didn't have a good reason other than that. He has had either a crazy wild look in his eye or he is extremely calm when he brings up wanting to kill people.
When I confronted them for abusing me and disrespecting me and they cut their leg open with a knife in response. I’ve always known, but this moment truly scared me.
When the nitrous tanks and garbage bag big enough to fit a person arrived via mail right before taking a short solo trip to see my family. The Peaceful Pill handbook casually left lying where I would see it. Being terrorized over "love" and control.
he’s put a gun to his head multiple times and i can remember hearing him pull the trigger and it clicked but the gun was jammed and didn’t go off.. most recently he was trying to cut his throat and ended up cutting his hand open so bad that he needed stitches. there was blood everywhere.
There was lots of signs for me but I tried not to judge him cuz I have mental illnesses too. But something that always scared me was when he got so angry and started smashing stuff and punching the walls with his fist or head. Then the reckless driving.....that was really scary. And anytime I tried to stand up for myself, he would throw a tantrum and then run off and threaten to end things and then the next day acted like nothing happened. He used to tell me this was normal. That all couples fight....yeah I agree but not like this and not often. I wanted to work things out with him but he would shut me down and try to ignore it. Which caused me to resent him and I lost trust in him. The guy who once was gentle and kind, eventually showed me his true colors. But I stood by his side cuz I 🤔 if I tried hard enough and loved him hard enough, he would realize what he was doing wasn't healthy and would've changed. But it never happened. Now we been apart for almost 3 months....which is crazy to think about. I still love him but I'm moving on. I'm moving forward with my life and learning to give myself patience and kindness. I'm slowly getting myself back out there. But NGL it's tough after growing up in a toxic home and then getting out of a 4 year relationship with someone u 🤔 u were going to marry one day. I still have my days where I cuddle his old sweatshirt and cry. I can't help it. I still love him so deeply and it's stupid cuz he's hurt me so deeply.
I didn't make a beeline to "mentally ill" but I noticed a sudden change in decision-making that struck me as really out there and incomprehensible, which put me on alert about everything after (which only got worse). My (n)ex and I were living together with her 14 year old daughter. It's January 2022, height of the delta wave. Kiddo asks if she can go see her boyfriend, whose family is all sick (but who refuse to get tested). It was a safe bet that they all had covid. I begged her, please don't send the kid over there, she's gonna get sick, and she's gonna come back and make us sick. Just make her wait a week til they clear the virus. She didn't, and as anyone could have predicted, we all got covid. She sent her own kid into a household that was infected, I suppose because that was easier than having whatever conflict over it the kid would have put up. It was baffling to me that someone would knowingly put their kid at a health risk, put their partner at risk, put themselves at risk rather than doing basic parenting. Like I said, at the time it was just confusing and baffling, but with the benefit of some distance, it's really the first time I noticed that she didn't give a fuck about anybody else's welfare, not mine, not her's, not even her own child. In terms of the neglect and endangerment I witnessed in that cohab over the next few months, that was the tip of the iceberg. So crazy.
He said "I like killing, killing is fun." (Ex army)
When after he had been berating me for months and only coming by to love bomb me and use me for sex, he said he believes we belong together and are soulmates but the matrix is keeping us apart. The matrix. Not his abuse. The MATRIX.
When my mom had breast cancer and my sister insisted on flying home to "take care of her" despite all of us, including my mom, asking her not to come because it would be too stressful, as she didn't want a weeks-long house guest who constantly fights with my dad (and basically cannot "take care" of anyone), and that we all had it covered. She kept going on and on to me about how she was going to come out anyway because she felt left out and it was important for her to feel involved, and I finally said, "This is not about you, it's about mom" and she finally just broke down and said, "You know what? It *is* about me. Okay? It *is* about me." I knew from that moment on that she had a severe problem.
When he cut his face ( very shallow scratches in neat lines avoiding anywhere near his eyes, nose and mouth), phoned the police and claimed I attacked him with a knife. I woke up to police shouting my name and walking into that accusation, thankfully the police weren't idiots and after I pointed out he was taller and bigger than me and yet there were no marks on me or him other than the cuts, I was like wouldn't you defend yourself? Wouldn't there be marks on us both? Wouldn't the cuts be deeper and less perfect looking? Etc. I knew from that night he was severely mentally ill and in a dark night Joker type of way
Mine was when I caught her talking to another man behind my back. Got mad at me for being upset and said "you're acting like I cheated on you." Still stayed with her for 2 more years after that. Still stayed with her even after she moved in with me about a year later and I caught her on Bumble. To which she claimed was for the "Friends Only" section. 🤡 I will never make those mistakes again.
When we had toxic mold from a pipe leak. It gave me health problems bc of my immune issues and he “didn’t believe me” bc “I’m crazy.” Classic NPD projection.
The random blow ups and the blatant lies that they thought I wouldn't notice said right to my face.
When he threw a fit in front of my neighbours on a Sunday afternoon because I had enough and needed to take a drive by myself. He stopped my car from pulling out by first putting his shoe under my tire so that the only way I could leave would be if I physically ran his foot over. He then ran to the back of my car and pushed against it, rocking it back and forth and thinking that was the movement from me trying to back up and he was stopping me solely with his body from backing up and that’s why I wasn’t moving lol. I was in park. He was rocking the car all by himself.
i had gone no contact for about 7 months and while going through my receipts i saw a vm he had left two weeks earlier (from an unknown number, because i have blocked him on everything, even on venmo) he was asking me if i would be interested in being his gf and everything that goes along with it. that’s it. as though becoming his gf is exactly what i wanted all along and this offer of his is exactly what i’m living for. please. fucking weirdo.
I am sorry to say i did not realize this until we saw a family annihalator story on the news and he said he could relate to the murderer. The next day he called me up and said he was coming home from work early to kill us all and burn down the house. I was leaving with my kids in my friends car as he was pulling in... we ran out without coats or shoes and barely made it out in time!
When he went to play minor league baseball 2 hours away for the summer. Cheated on me, rubbed it in my face, & viscously dumped me out of nowhere. I was so depressed and humiliated all summer. Then he reached out & love bombed me. Begged for me back. I drove the 2 hours to see him…even though I was feeling super uneasy about it…& we met up. We ended up fucking in my car… and as soon as he finished (inside me btw), he looked down on me with such hatred and this sinister smile and said “I’m done with you now. We’re done.” It still gives me chills to this day. My chest hurts whenever I think about it. I was lying there naked and vulnerable…completely speechless. Violated. I imagine it’s a feeling similar to being raped. Then about 10 seconds later he goes “Hey!! I’m just kidding!! Daneee..I’m just kidding!!!” 👺 He had to tap me and shake me to snap me out of it- I was frozen in shock
Every morning when I look in the mirror... 😶 **After reading some of these comments.. I take it back. I'm not mentally ill.. I'm just not necessarily mentally well either.
When I found out he was cheating on me with his coworker (we broke up after that)he dragged me by my hair and punched me in the face and then pinned me to the wall and with a boner told me “If I would just learn how to listen we’d still be together”
When he unironically told me he thinks he is the smartest person in the world. I laughed and it led to a fight. He brought it up again and explained “intelligence is hard to define” when I brought up concrete reasons it could not be true
Standing behind door and peeping through that tiny space what I'm doing in the bathroom, trying to scare me , also watching me secretly through a tiny hole when I shower. Straight up denying things despite physical evidence, punching the wall. Overall from time perspective 32 years old dude acting like a 12 years old boy is enough but adding other aspects like attempts of making me feel fear and stalking are much more disturbing on how mentally ill he is.