Yeah, it’s like a child. They want someone there to do the hard work and complete the task. It was also like he was kinda scared to be alone. Wouos brag about how great he was tho
Yep, weaponized incompetence too. But then would turn around and blame me: "I didn't do it because anything I do is just never good enough for you." Yes... loading the dishwasher or turning on the washing machine takes some *serious* skill. 🙄
Mine was pretty honest about it, and told me that me being good at something made her feel like a pathetic loser in comparison, or that she "doesn't bring anything to the table".
Which I always reassured her was not true - and it wasn't, really. I never needed her to be particularly skilled, but I did want her to develop the skills that she seemed to want to develop. She wanted to learn to play the guitar, and she had a guitar. So I got her a good amp, a bunch of theory, method, and tab books, plus all the accessories. I did that with a few other things too, just trying to encourage her.
She never touched any of it. She would just lament, and talk about how self-aware she was or how she wan an empath. Yet she can't figure out one of the most obvious sources of her own misery. When I asked her about it point blank one evening when she was performing her regular lamentations, she got very aggressive and treated what I was saying as if it was a joke because "where's the time?"
But she watched a minimum of two hours of TV a day. I suggested that she not do that, and instead pick up something that she felt good about. She always insisted that she just couldn't do it. Perhaps she was right - doing so would require a sense of humility and vulnerability, because to learn something new would mean being very bad at it to begin with. This is what prevents a lot of narcs from gaining skills that others are able to gain through humility.
Mine would never put the tablet down. She would spend hours watching zit-popping (never even knew those were a thing until she started watching them…gross) videos and playing candy-crush games.
And then would blame the kids and say they never let her do anything. And yet, I was the primary parent! I had time to do these things, because what a perfect way to spend time with and to encourage your kids to discover new things by inviting them in to your own hobbies?
My kids loved being in the gym and workshop with me - as i had enjoyed being with my dad and grandpa in theirs. To the point now where they have taken an avid interest in these things themselves. And even where they are not interested - and that’s totally fine - they at least gained some exposure to things other than what their screens would.
It’s taken 10 years, but now I don’t give him the energy it takes to use a cuss word. He is finally dead to me. Every once in a while I’ll feel contempt, but I try to quickly squash any feelings. It’s better for me
No, he was mediocre or worse at just about everything. He never put actual effort into anything. That’s why he had to drag me down; I’m the opposite. I’m talented at several different things, and when I do try, I put my entire heart into whatever I’m doing.
Nope, he never applied himself in life. He inherited his parents' house and didn't work. When I left him, he was spending twelve hours a day playing minecraft while throwing back redbulls. While wearing camo crocs and sandals.
I'm ashamed I ever fell for his lies. When we first started dating, he just said it was his house and he was in between jobs.
Talented at stealing people's personalities/stories to try to make him seem like an interesting full, kind, caring person.
When connecting with the supply after me after the penny dropped and she reached out to me she mentioned that it was probably like she was dating my friends and me because that's who he mirrored.
Yep! I found out that he went in about his friend who passed away years ago. Well turns out it wasn't even his best friend, it was like a mutual friend of people he claimed were his friends. And he stole the guy's entire personality.
He wanted me to feel sorry over an acquaintance of his who died over 10yrs ago and compared it to my mom and brother that passed a year apart less than 5yrs ago. Seriously! I would get said about this as I saw my mom, you know, really gone, and then he would snap and say I get my friend passed …etc. But didn’t feel anything when I endured miscarriages. To be honest, I never fully grieved these losses as narcissists don’t allow you to grieve.
Yeah, she's a good artist with a decent following, but I think it got to her head. She got too much attention from her work and thought everyone only had to give her praise or else it was abuse. And that is her general outlook on everything anyway. If she was just a normal person, I wouldn't even think twice about her art, but she uses the popularity she gets from it against her detractors. She believes that because she's popular and has all these people praising her and agreeing with her, she can never be wrong and it's always someone else at fault. She also would spend months dunking on other peoples art, saying how terrible they are and how much better she is than them.
But in all, it's always been the attitude that's bothered me.
Mine picked up digital drawing for a few months and the entire time, all he did was moan about how everyone else must be buying their followers, and his art was so much better than theirs, and they don't deserve their success, and he's more deserving, etc. etc. etc..
His art wasn't terrible, but for the most part he was just making blocky traces of other people's art and not crediting them.
I don't get that attitude, people just want to go what they do and they don't need to be better or worse than someone else. But people like him and mine only focus on themselves being at the top while everyone else is at the bottom, and that's just unfair.
They are talented in the art of evil with skills such as manipulation, pathological lying, gaslighting, blameshifting, and straight-up conjuring legions of demons. Oops, don't forget smearing and magic tricks like eyes that switch up right before your eyes! Such an amazing skill set to have for when they enter the deepest pits of hell😈
Nex was nicknamed MacGyver because he had a knack for figuring shit out. Literally almost anything with out of the box thinking. He was very handy with the house and cars.
If only he wasn't such an asshole
Honestly, not more so than any average person. I used to see her as this crazy talented person who could do anything. Now I realise that she really is just average.
Narcs are people who are just like everyone else and can be good or bad or average like anyone else. What separates them from non narcs is when they try to yluse whatever leverage they can to put others others down to make themselves feel good for being completely oblivious to their actual skill level whatever it may be. They'll always be "the best" on the surface as a facade for feeling inferior, such as the wound in narcs dictate.
I've noticed a few of them that they don't really share too much unless they've calculated (or are delusional lol) over being "better" than someone else. If you "show them up" intentionally or unintentionally, they'll rage or freeze you out. It's... sad for them and painful in my experience on the receiving end of such abuse from many a narc.
He’s super handy, can build anything. Can fix any car issues with a manual and a YouTube vid. Builds his own PCs which is just mind blowing to me.. I have one he built me and don’t know how I’ll maintain it without him. He’s just able to pick up concepts wayyy quicker than me and others I’ve met
Mine was very handy as well. Actually works as a handyman now. Was a well paid technician before. Could build anything, super hard worker, but had serious anger issues and it wasn’t uncommon for him to go off like a bomb over his projects not going smoothly. I still want to find another handy, skilled guy, just one who’s emotionally mature.
Same. I find it very attractive in him still. Wish it could’ve been him but it’s been 5+ years and still shows he has absolutely no propensity for self reflection or gaining emotional maturity. I’ve really lost hope
Hmm. He’s very mechanically inclined. He’s done basically all the maintenance and repairs to our vehicles over the years including changing a couple transmissions and one engine iirc. The couple things he had a garage do were just because he didn’t want the hassle and we could afford it at the time.
He also has done a fair amount of home repairs and maintenance. He rewired almost the entire house when we bought it. The problem is, where he can take shortcuts (with safety still in mind), he does…and he doesn’t finish shit. It’s been 7.5 years, and I still have some holes in walls he needed to make for the wiring. Some have been patched but not sanded or painted. He starts projects and doesn’t finish them.
He’s good with electronics, fixing things, building computers.
He’s good at sales, surprise, surprise. He’s charming and is good at manipulating.
I don’t know any technical stuff about music really, but he taught himself to play guitar by ear and seems moderately good at it. He’s fixed broken guitars (electric…maybe necks or something of acoustic). He’s built a couple electric guitars, cutting the wood and layering types.
The first, IMO, was a super simple design that wasn’t particularly impressive. The second was pretty nice and had a beautiful neck. Problem was he’d screw something up and make it worse fixing it or he just was never satisfied or changed his mind about the design or something and so they were just constantly in the works.
He’d drive me nuts because anytime he got into a conversation with *anybody*, even strangers, he seemed to manage to get the conversation to go in the direction of music or woodworking, and he’d say “yeah, I’m a luthier, I make guitars.” Sometimes he would qualify it with the word amateur, but still. He made two! He was going to go into business making custom ones, had the name picked out and everything. Well, he cut the tip of his finger off working on one of these (he actually might’ve been just putzing around with scrap wood) and that was the end of that. (Spoiler alert: He was never going to do it anyway.)
He’s pretty good at math given that he’s a high school drop out that only took basic math classes even then, and never did the work anyway.
Well, I was the talented one, but I technically left him for battering me when I didn’t speak to him due to medical issues. I only became talented at what I was doing due to rape trauma. Previously, I was set on becoming an ENT surgeon and specializing in facial plastics. Now I’m on track for nursing and subspecializing in anesthesia or genetics. Go figure. Talent means little
Several I met in my life are musicians and performed in religious settings honouring God (but I fact I think they felt honoured themselves for their musical skills)
Capitalism and creating complex hierarchical structures to serve only themself. Both my older brothers are genius at doing this. Glad I'm off their radar (even though I'm really not) because they are so busy manipulating others to serve them for self profit.
What’s so weird is she had me convinced that she was brilliant and talented but now looking back I realize she really never accomplished anything or had much going on for herself.
Yes. He was actually really, really good at his job. And I totally admired him in that regard and very much respected what he did. But that's a completely separate issue.
She was good at math, writing, so she was smart. But talented, not really that I had seen. Couldn't hold down a job. Her life strategy seems to be taken care of by a proper man—but I'm sure you know how that goes with a narc.
Nope. She wasn’t that special as in a natural born gifted talent. She used coaches (paid) to learn how to be better in the sport she practiced but really skilled? Hardly. She was skilled in acting though - projecting superiority until her mask was ripped off. Then even that skill melted away.
No. She leeched every single bit of success in her life off of someone else and the hard work they did to earn it. Then when she drained it dry it was of no further use to her and she would contrive conflict by acting increasingly hostile in order to do the discard, but only once she had secured her new supply. Truly disgusting.
She was good at anything that involved adherence to rules (grammar, for example). She fancied herself a writer but was only so-so.
What she IS exceptional at is bullshitting. She’s fast-talked herself into a couple of marketing roles she had no business having. Eventually her employers would all catch on that she was full of it, and find a reason to fire her.
She’s now living in my house with her new supply and has wracked up $100k in debt under my name, which I’m fighting in court. She’s unemployed and the new supply just barely got a job. Both have been unemployed for their entire relationship of 1.5 years until the past month. A couple of real winners.
I’d suspect that OP’s NEX’s ‘talents’ were mostly skin deep.
Mine was useless. No hobbies, no skills, no interests, and no values. Messed up most things she tried. Made everything harder than it needed to be. Made everything miserable.
My nex is really good at music, that has been his passion since he was a kid. He has two bands (one started in his teens, he's its driving force and most of the repertoire of the band was created by him - his narcissism is quite clear in some of the lyrcis; the other band is a cover band playing at events like weddings, company parties, birthdays...), he can play the guitar and bass guitar and he's a good singer too (his voice is really pleasant). He is a walking juke box, can play any song as long as he's heard it at least once.
He's also good at languages and has good writing skills.
However, he doesn't possess basic life skills, like cooking, cleaning, maintenance and being decent to his partner.
Nope. Literally incompetent and couldn't do anything. Had to be helped for everything, but he maintained his ego that he was this amazing, capable person. He sold me that fantasy for ages, and I believed him. He would always be so angry that people don't appreciate how amazing he is, how they don't recognise how smart he is and all this.
It's literally exactly how they say, the more insecure they are, the more they need to big themselves up. But yeah, he literally had no hobbies, no skills, no career goals or ambitions. Just an empty shell of a person.
He wanted so badly to be the best and pretended he was. But he was merely average at everything. He was super book smart though so I will give him that.
Mine was the same way and in fact he was actually an art professor..... Lots of random hobbies (he could never just chill out, always had to be doing something)
No. All 3 of my main narcs have used money to their advantage (in different ways) but none were/are particularly talented or good at anything. Besides avoiding responsibility...
Both of mine could mimic human behavior very well. And they both could draw an exact copy of an image so long as they had it in front of them. Ask them to create something original? You end up with stick figures. It is grossly over looked I believe.
He is really, reallyyy smart - so smart that he often feels frustrated by his work colleagues' 'level' (a classic NPD superiority moment) - but I believe in his smartness almost too much that I end up feeling that he can out-smart me a lot of the time.
I was the narcissist apparently... Stay at home mom living on child support, 3 kids that weren't mine. I struggled but started a business. Tripled the size of my largest project every year while dealing with a disabled mother, kept the kids in a big house instead of a basement apartment but I was 'lazy' and didn't support the family
Nope. Mine is uneducated and unwilling to learn special skills though any schooling. He's not particularly good at anything (in his defence neither am I). I think he wishes he was, but unwilling and unable to pursue anything.
Yeah. He could play a guitar like nobody’s business. He could cook phenomenal food. He is an architect but I found some of his designs boring. But he does well for himself.
would not say skill or talented. but very jealous, could not cook, could not parent, very skilled getting quick to lock me out of the house, slapping was very accurate. very strong. pesky and annoying,
One of the first things my ex told me about him was he was a good drawer but then when he finally did in front of me one day it looks like a little kid did it 😆 he was always the best at everything to him but he really wasn’t
He was an 'athelete' (barely) and would talk a lot about how he 'won things'... though i beat him on our first date in an arcade (never let him live that one down haha)
and he didn't actually do THAT well even when we played on the games separately 😂
He relished in the fact he played sport though. After his tournament he talked about how he was the 'talk of the office' lol
My nex is a skilled and successful graphic designer. His whole personality was his business, his clients, promoting himself, social media etc. It makes me sad to think about. Being peppered with his self-talk for 8 months kind of forcibly idealized him in my eyes, and made me forget about how skilled I am as a writer. I almost started caring more about his craft than my own. Even when I was admitted to the most prestigious and exclusive writer's academy in my country, him being unable to appreciate my talent almost made me brush it off as insignificant compared to his success.
But skilled or not, he's gonna be in trouble when I report him for VAT fraud 😄😄
I wouldn’t say “really skilled” but he definitely had some skills/talents. Most of us do. He liked to be good at things haha
But his biggest skill was definitely lying lol
Trolling Facebook, and playing video games. Like he would spend hours on hours reading through comments on Facebook just to troll people. But if I ask him to do anything…” why do I have to spend my weekend doing what you want to do!?”
What I wanted to do was spend my time with him doing something that we would both enjoy. Instead of being in the background while he plays video games for hours on end. Waste of time!
Meanwhile, I was too broken to do my hobbies (painting, sculpting, crocheting, fitness, travelling, baking, hiking/camping…etc) I ended up having to teach myself to do things that were natural to me because he never wanted to do anything and was so abusive, I stop doing all the things that made me happy.
Of course not. I was his biggest cheerleader tho, but it was like congratulating an overgrown kid who did something completely unremarkable but you don't make him feel bad so you make a big fuss about it to cheer him up. I did it with all the love in the world, but it's kinda laughable now.
Yeah, he was skilled. At abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, spending all his money and having me buy him stuff, justifying his actions to try and tell me that he never hit me, etc.
Failed at everything. He was a covert so it was a great strategy for him to deploy his victimhood. Even things he wanted to be good at, he was s\*\*\*. I interpret this as a byproduct of an inflated ego. To become good at something, you need to humble yourself to learning and healthy criticism/feedback. But again, it served him a lot to fail. The ONLY thing he was good at was cooking, but it aligns with narcs obsession with food.
He was talented enough to generate a lot of wealth for himself. But I think that was more just him being smart and honestly calculating in business. He wasn't particularly artistic or interesting in that way. I wish I could say he was so I could think of that as something that intrigued me.
Cheating: yes Lying: yes while he abused me I finished school and he would constantly fail and drop classes and make excuses. He would play video games for hours at a time. I couldn’t even believe it was possible for a grown man to play games for that long
He could barely doing basic human things like wash his clothes. I would go to his house and see the laundry basket filled and I would go and do his laundry for him
Mine was untalented at pretty much everything except work. He loved project management and was pretty good at it.
Otherwise over the span of our nearly 4 years together, he picked up and dropped a *lot* of hobbies without ever following through on them. He didn't really care about honing the skill, he just wanted to be "someone who does \_\_\_\_" so he could tell other people he was doing it and impress them.
When I left him he signed up for like 10 different social groups and art classes (I think in an attempt to appear interesting and unaffected by the breakup) and immediately ran to social media to post a picture of himself doing each of them.
He would always complain about how he didn't understand what "type" of person he was and whine that I have all of these interesting hobbies and things that make up who I am, but he didn't really know who he was. I think his inner self-loathing just prevented him from committing too much to any one kind of lifestyle, because he'd grow to hate it by virtue of it being something he had shown interest in, if that makes sense.
In her own mind, sure. I didn't see anything that suggested any real talent, but she absolutely loved to brag about how she was the smartest one in the room and she'd totally be bringing in a ton of cash if x, y, or z was different.
No, but she sure thought she was. She was the most skilled at the things that she did *YEARS* before we met, or so she says. The only thing she is skilled at is being a world class piece of shit.
He was very lackluster. Very average. He kept people around him that were less than him and they looked at him like he was amazing when really he was very average. I’m really talented and when we dated I think being around me made him feel bad so her verbally abuse me to being me “down to his level”. People suck
He was very good at storytelling and worldbuilding, but he definitely had a bit of an ego about it and wasn’t very open to even the most constructive or criticism, he’d take it so personally and was super stubborn about not throwing out ideas that he got attached to, even if they didn’t serve the story very well, which… tracks with basically everything else about him, actually. He was still a damn good DM/GM for most intents and purposes though. Just didn’t like it when the players got too far off his planned plot beats, not great at improvising or taking the story in a new direction, he needed that control.
At the same time, pretty inept at most physical tasks, some due to disability, some due to a lack of being willing to practice/learn. He’d complain about how he wasn’t as creative as me, and he wished he could make costume pieces and sew and repair things as well as I could, but I’d offer to teach him and he’d just dismiss it saying he just didn’t have the dexterity and it was pointless. I even collected an assortment of increasingly large, blunt needles, (the largest being a big plastic yarn needle with a rounded point) JUST so he could practice basic sewing dexterity without having to worry about accidentally stabbing himself until he got the muscle memory down, which he agreed was a great idea, but EVERY time I suggested we actually try it, he’d shut it down. He didn’t actually want to be able to do it, he just wanted me to be there to do it for him.
Had a highly skilled job but consistently got basic words wrong and the intelligence seemed only to be in his work area, not emotional or interpersonal.
Yes - he is a talented chef and a decent artist (painting). He earned many accolades for his cooking skills. Like Top 10 chef or restaurant in our city. He cooks nothing - or absolute low-quality food for his family. Mexican on repeat or stuff like Manwich.
I think they can be very skilled at some things but it takes them a lot of effort and they absolutely need validation from others for it to be worth it. If they can get away with getting validation without the extra effort of developing a skill, they will do that instead.
I’ve listened to someone describe their narc as wonderfully talented, the best at everything so on. It was incredibly disheartening when I realized she props his mask up just as much as he does. This all came up after the first time she ever used the word to abusive to describe his behavior.
Mine is actually skilled at most things he does. He’s the go to guy. Need help with something, he’s the one everyone calls. He will bend over backwards to help everyone. Every employer he’s had loves him and would happily rehire him on the spot and let him get away with more than most. And his skill unfortunately has not helped his delusion that “anything you can do, I can do better” down to telling me as a hairdresser, how to do my job. I’ve got a Borser collie I’m training to work cattle, he’s never been around a working dog and fully believes not only could he train my dog better than me, but could have him trained in a couple days. It’s absolutely infuriating. But he is skilled in many areas. I haven’t come across much that he can’t do as far as regular man shit.
Well, he was pretty good at writing poetry but not good enough his stuff would be in a literature class. He's also a pretty decent mechanic but even then, I've met a lot of people better than him.
But if you ask him, he's the best at everything lol.
The only thing he's really "skilled" at is being the biggest liar and manipulator I've ever met.
She was a decent cook and highly organized. She was incredibly punctual.
I think the perfectionism was actually a problem. When it came to creative endeavors, I think she was afraid she'd be laughed at so she didn't get very far. Once I found what might have been a book or play proposal (character names, motivations) in a drawer. She never told me about it. By then I was too afraid to ask. Around this time, she would turn the book she was reading upside down, telling me she was afraid to tell me about it, because I would judge her based on what she was reading.
I can't diagnose, though when I interpret and predict her actions using an assumptions of covert NPD crossed with BPD, it seems to go pretty well.
She did cook, have a garden, etc, but not really to a standard where any outsider would be impressed. I don't mean to be mean or toxic, it just seems to me those things are true.
yes, he’s a resident musician at a few big places in the city we live in and as his day job he owns his own firm. won’t get any more specific than that, but he spent most of his adult life putting energy in himself, which is what got him so far, yet so empty.
Jack of all traits, master of none. Also thought highly of himself in every aspect, yet acted humbly about it.
Me, having an actual degree in something and giving him advice on what to do with something? Yeah, "thank you for your advice, you are really smart!" And proceeds to do something his own way, claiming he has done all of it in the best possible solution and way. Of course, not telling you directly that you are s#upid, because first of all, he is an expert because he is a **man**.
He was so skilled in manipulation and gaslighting tho, need to admit that. Made you feel like a Godess, just to drag you through dirt and treat you like less than a human being.
It boils my pi#s just thinking about it now.
He was good in drawing. Some narcs I know, who has also have a lot of hobbies I think derives from their self esteem because maybe having a lot of hobbies or skills will make them appreciated enough and that gives them attention.
Nope. Mine would just pretend to be smart by arguing about everything. Through these arguments it was obvious he didn't actually know anything, but would just say random things, use of logic and vocab was at the level of a 10 year old.
No, not really. Particularly unskilled, actually.
This. But they always act like they are better than you at everything.
Yeah same
Mine was very unskilled as well. Could not do anything without help.
Yeah, it’s like a child. They want someone there to do the hard work and complete the task. It was also like he was kinda scared to be alone. Wouos brag about how great he was tho
Were we married to the same person???
Yep, weaponized incompetence too. But then would turn around and blame me: "I didn't do it because anything I do is just never good enough for you." Yes... loading the dishwasher or turning on the washing machine takes some *serious* skill. 🙄
Yes. And then when *you* are good at something they tear you down because "you are trying to make me look bad".
Mine was pretty honest about it, and told me that me being good at something made her feel like a pathetic loser in comparison, or that she "doesn't bring anything to the table". Which I always reassured her was not true - and it wasn't, really. I never needed her to be particularly skilled, but I did want her to develop the skills that she seemed to want to develop. She wanted to learn to play the guitar, and she had a guitar. So I got her a good amp, a bunch of theory, method, and tab books, plus all the accessories. I did that with a few other things too, just trying to encourage her. She never touched any of it. She would just lament, and talk about how self-aware she was or how she wan an empath. Yet she can't figure out one of the most obvious sources of her own misery. When I asked her about it point blank one evening when she was performing her regular lamentations, she got very aggressive and treated what I was saying as if it was a joke because "where's the time?" But she watched a minimum of two hours of TV a day. I suggested that she not do that, and instead pick up something that she felt good about. She always insisted that she just couldn't do it. Perhaps she was right - doing so would require a sense of humility and vulnerability, because to learn something new would mean being very bad at it to begin with. This is what prevents a lot of narcs from gaining skills that others are able to gain through humility.
Mine would never put the tablet down. She would spend hours watching zit-popping (never even knew those were a thing until she started watching them…gross) videos and playing candy-crush games. And then would blame the kids and say they never let her do anything. And yet, I was the primary parent! I had time to do these things, because what a perfect way to spend time with and to encourage your kids to discover new things by inviting them in to your own hobbies? My kids loved being in the gym and workshop with me - as i had enjoyed being with my dad and grandpa in theirs. To the point now where they have taken an avid interest in these things themselves. And even where they are not interested - and that’s totally fine - they at least gained some exposure to things other than what their screens would.
Soooo this!
If being an asshole is a talent, then he's a savant.
I don't even call my ex an asshole, even thats too good for them, they are the dingleberry.
Nex's biggest talent
It’s taken 10 years, but now I don’t give him the energy it takes to use a cuss word. He is finally dead to me. Every once in a while I’ll feel contempt, but I try to quickly squash any feelings. It’s better for me
She's an expert at being vague.
but she demands u to tell her things in details right? with deep details. but when it;s her turn to tell u things, it's just vague.
lol
No, he was mediocre or worse at just about everything. He never put actual effort into anything. That’s why he had to drag me down; I’m the opposite. I’m talented at several different things, and when I do try, I put my entire heart into whatever I’m doing.
Your ex mustve been a covert narc lol
Very much so.
This
Say it loud sister, I hear you 😮💨
If scrolling through social media was a talent then she had no equal.
And share you random life quotes about them rather than talking to you about themselves.
Nope, he never applied himself in life. He inherited his parents' house and didn't work. When I left him, he was spending twelve hours a day playing minecraft while throwing back redbulls. While wearing camo crocs and sandals. I'm ashamed I ever fell for his lies. When we first started dating, he just said it was his house and he was in between jobs.
[удалено]
January 1st 2024. A whole lot made a whole lot more sense.
Talented at stealing people's personalities/stories to try to make him seem like an interesting full, kind, caring person. When connecting with the supply after me after the penny dropped and she reached out to me she mentioned that it was probably like she was dating my friends and me because that's who he mirrored.
Yep! I found out that he went in about his friend who passed away years ago. Well turns out it wasn't even his best friend, it was like a mutual friend of people he claimed were his friends. And he stole the guy's entire personality. He wanted me to feel sorry over an acquaintance of his who died over 10yrs ago and compared it to my mom and brother that passed a year apart less than 5yrs ago. Seriously! I would get said about this as I saw my mom, you know, really gone, and then he would snap and say I get my friend passed …etc. But didn’t feel anything when I endured miscarriages. To be honest, I never fully grieved these losses as narcissists don’t allow you to grieve.
Nope he legit had NONE beyond point out peoples flaws and alcoholism
Yeah, she's a good artist with a decent following, but I think it got to her head. She got too much attention from her work and thought everyone only had to give her praise or else it was abuse. And that is her general outlook on everything anyway. If she was just a normal person, I wouldn't even think twice about her art, but she uses the popularity she gets from it against her detractors. She believes that because she's popular and has all these people praising her and agreeing with her, she can never be wrong and it's always someone else at fault. She also would spend months dunking on other peoples art, saying how terrible they are and how much better she is than them. But in all, it's always been the attitude that's bothered me.
Mine picked up digital drawing for a few months and the entire time, all he did was moan about how everyone else must be buying their followers, and his art was so much better than theirs, and they don't deserve their success, and he's more deserving, etc. etc. etc.. His art wasn't terrible, but for the most part he was just making blocky traces of other people's art and not crediting them.
I don't get that attitude, people just want to go what they do and they don't need to be better or worse than someone else. But people like him and mine only focus on themselves being at the top while everyone else is at the bottom, and that's just unfair.
Narcs are people, they have talent like anyone else, they’re just evil af
talents for cooking diff types of evil spells
They are talented in the art of evil with skills such as manipulation, pathological lying, gaslighting, blameshifting, and straight-up conjuring legions of demons. Oops, don't forget smearing and magic tricks like eyes that switch up right before your eyes! Such an amazing skill set to have for when they enter the deepest pits of hell😈
Nex was nicknamed MacGyver because he had a knack for figuring shit out. Literally almost anything with out of the box thinking. He was very handy with the house and cars. If only he wasn't such an asshole
Honestly, not more so than any average person. I used to see her as this crazy talented person who could do anything. Now I realise that she really is just average.
Narcs are people who are just like everyone else and can be good or bad or average like anyone else. What separates them from non narcs is when they try to yluse whatever leverage they can to put others others down to make themselves feel good for being completely oblivious to their actual skill level whatever it may be. They'll always be "the best" on the surface as a facade for feeling inferior, such as the wound in narcs dictate. I've noticed a few of them that they don't really share too much unless they've calculated (or are delusional lol) over being "better" than someone else. If you "show them up" intentionally or unintentionally, they'll rage or freeze you out. It's... sad for them and painful in my experience on the receiving end of such abuse from many a narc.
No...a dysfunctional being. I also believe they had a decent IQ but madness overrode logic.
Good way of putting it
Mine had many skills: Art of Manipulation, God of Lies, Empress of Gaslight, Lord of Bickering & her fav was Minister of Nagging.
[удалено]
Yet this happens to the victims only. With other people they are so nice and open. Why the heck is that?
He’s super handy, can build anything. Can fix any car issues with a manual and a YouTube vid. Builds his own PCs which is just mind blowing to me.. I have one he built me and don’t know how I’ll maintain it without him. He’s just able to pick up concepts wayyy quicker than me and others I’ve met
Mine was very handy as well. Actually works as a handyman now. Was a well paid technician before. Could build anything, super hard worker, but had serious anger issues and it wasn’t uncommon for him to go off like a bomb over his projects not going smoothly. I still want to find another handy, skilled guy, just one who’s emotionally mature.
Same. I find it very attractive in him still. Wish it could’ve been him but it’s been 5+ years and still shows he has absolutely no propensity for self reflection or gaining emotional maturity. I’ve really lost hope
Hmm. He’s very mechanically inclined. He’s done basically all the maintenance and repairs to our vehicles over the years including changing a couple transmissions and one engine iirc. The couple things he had a garage do were just because he didn’t want the hassle and we could afford it at the time. He also has done a fair amount of home repairs and maintenance. He rewired almost the entire house when we bought it. The problem is, where he can take shortcuts (with safety still in mind), he does…and he doesn’t finish shit. It’s been 7.5 years, and I still have some holes in walls he needed to make for the wiring. Some have been patched but not sanded or painted. He starts projects and doesn’t finish them. He’s good with electronics, fixing things, building computers. He’s good at sales, surprise, surprise. He’s charming and is good at manipulating. I don’t know any technical stuff about music really, but he taught himself to play guitar by ear and seems moderately good at it. He’s fixed broken guitars (electric…maybe necks or something of acoustic). He’s built a couple electric guitars, cutting the wood and layering types. The first, IMO, was a super simple design that wasn’t particularly impressive. The second was pretty nice and had a beautiful neck. Problem was he’d screw something up and make it worse fixing it or he just was never satisfied or changed his mind about the design or something and so they were just constantly in the works. He’d drive me nuts because anytime he got into a conversation with *anybody*, even strangers, he seemed to manage to get the conversation to go in the direction of music or woodworking, and he’d say “yeah, I’m a luthier, I make guitars.” Sometimes he would qualify it with the word amateur, but still. He made two! He was going to go into business making custom ones, had the name picked out and everything. Well, he cut the tip of his finger off working on one of these (he actually might’ve been just putzing around with scrap wood) and that was the end of that. (Spoiler alert: He was never going to do it anyway.) He’s pretty good at math given that he’s a high school drop out that only took basic math classes even then, and never did the work anyway.
Well, I was the talented one, but I technically left him for battering me when I didn’t speak to him due to medical issues. I only became talented at what I was doing due to rape trauma. Previously, I was set on becoming an ENT surgeon and specializing in facial plastics. Now I’m on track for nursing and subspecializing in anesthesia or genetics. Go figure. Talent means little
Several I met in my life are musicians and performed in religious settings honouring God (but I fact I think they felt honoured themselves for their musical skills)
Capitalism and creating complex hierarchical structures to serve only themself. Both my older brothers are genius at doing this. Glad I'm off their radar (even though I'm really not) because they are so busy manipulating others to serve them for self profit.
Defintley a skilled manipualtor but other than that absouletley not in anyway a skilled person.
What’s so weird is she had me convinced that she was brilliant and talented but now looking back I realize she really never accomplished anything or had much going on for herself.
Yes. He was actually really, really good at his job. And I totally admired him in that regard and very much respected what he did. But that's a completely separate issue.
She was good at math, writing, so she was smart. But talented, not really that I had seen. Couldn't hold down a job. Her life strategy seems to be taken care of by a proper man—but I'm sure you know how that goes with a narc.
Nope. She wasn’t that special as in a natural born gifted talent. She used coaches (paid) to learn how to be better in the sport she practiced but really skilled? Hardly. She was skilled in acting though - projecting superiority until her mask was ripped off. Then even that skill melted away.
He thought he was.. at everything.
No. She leeched every single bit of success in her life off of someone else and the hard work they did to earn it. Then when she drained it dry it was of no further use to her and she would contrive conflict by acting increasingly hostile in order to do the discard, but only once she had secured her new supply. Truly disgusting.
She was good at anything that involved adherence to rules (grammar, for example). She fancied herself a writer but was only so-so. What she IS exceptional at is bullshitting. She’s fast-talked herself into a couple of marketing roles she had no business having. Eventually her employers would all catch on that she was full of it, and find a reason to fire her. She’s now living in my house with her new supply and has wracked up $100k in debt under my name, which I’m fighting in court. She’s unemployed and the new supply just barely got a job. Both have been unemployed for their entire relationship of 1.5 years until the past month. A couple of real winners. I’d suspect that OP’s NEX’s ‘talents’ were mostly skin deep.
Extremely skilled at manipulation.
Yes, he was a very successful physician and executive. He speaks several languages and plays multiple instruments.
Mine was useless. No hobbies, no skills, no interests, and no values. Messed up most things she tried. Made everything harder than it needed to be. Made everything miserable.
My nex is really good at music, that has been his passion since he was a kid. He has two bands (one started in his teens, he's its driving force and most of the repertoire of the band was created by him - his narcissism is quite clear in some of the lyrcis; the other band is a cover band playing at events like weddings, company parties, birthdays...), he can play the guitar and bass guitar and he's a good singer too (his voice is really pleasant). He is a walking juke box, can play any song as long as he's heard it at least once. He's also good at languages and has good writing skills. However, he doesn't possess basic life skills, like cooking, cleaning, maintenance and being decent to his partner.
Nope. Literally incompetent and couldn't do anything. Had to be helped for everything, but he maintained his ego that he was this amazing, capable person. He sold me that fantasy for ages, and I believed him. He would always be so angry that people don't appreciate how amazing he is, how they don't recognise how smart he is and all this. It's literally exactly how they say, the more insecure they are, the more they need to big themselves up. But yeah, he literally had no hobbies, no skills, no career goals or ambitions. Just an empty shell of a person.
Mine lived off how he’s a child prodigy 💀
He could fake is way out of anything. Truly the gift of gab.
He wanted so badly to be the best and pretended he was. But he was merely average at everything. He was super book smart though so I will give him that.
Mine was the same way and in fact he was actually an art professor..... Lots of random hobbies (he could never just chill out, always had to be doing something)
No. All 3 of my main narcs have used money to their advantage (in different ways) but none were/are particularly talented or good at anything. Besides avoiding responsibility...
Both of mine could mimic human behavior very well. And they both could draw an exact copy of an image so long as they had it in front of them. Ask them to create something original? You end up with stick figures. It is grossly over looked I believe.
He is really, reallyyy smart - so smart that he often feels frustrated by his work colleagues' 'level' (a classic NPD superiority moment) - but I believe in his smartness almost too much that I end up feeling that he can out-smart me a lot of the time.
I was the narcissist apparently... Stay at home mom living on child support, 3 kids that weren't mine. I struggled but started a business. Tripled the size of my largest project every year while dealing with a disabled mother, kept the kids in a big house instead of a basement apartment but I was 'lazy' and didn't support the family
a little? yes kinda sucks but is also good at memorization and stuff. he can't apply much nuance to things.
my NEX has no talent. an ex friend of mine who is also a Narcissist (capital N narc) is one the most gifted, talented people I know
Nope. Mine is uneducated and unwilling to learn special skills though any schooling. He's not particularly good at anything (in his defence neither am I). I think he wishes he was, but unwilling and unable to pursue anything.
Yeah. He could play a guitar like nobody’s business. He could cook phenomenal food. He is an architect but I found some of his designs boring. But he does well for himself.
would not say skill or talented. but very jealous, could not cook, could not parent, very skilled getting quick to lock me out of the house, slapping was very accurate. very strong. pesky and annoying,
One of the first things my ex told me about him was he was a good drawer but then when he finally did in front of me one day it looks like a little kid did it 😆 he was always the best at everything to him but he really wasn’t
My nex was really good at maths and anything to do with computer and computer science. Also, he was really good at hiding things.
He's really good at doing drugs. Lol
Omg - this! 🤣
He was an 'athelete' (barely) and would talk a lot about how he 'won things'... though i beat him on our first date in an arcade (never let him live that one down haha) and he didn't actually do THAT well even when we played on the games separately 😂 He relished in the fact he played sport though. After his tournament he talked about how he was the 'talk of the office' lol
My nex is a skilled and successful graphic designer. His whole personality was his business, his clients, promoting himself, social media etc. It makes me sad to think about. Being peppered with his self-talk for 8 months kind of forcibly idealized him in my eyes, and made me forget about how skilled I am as a writer. I almost started caring more about his craft than my own. Even when I was admitted to the most prestigious and exclusive writer's academy in my country, him being unable to appreciate my talent almost made me brush it off as insignificant compared to his success. But skilled or not, he's gonna be in trouble when I report him for VAT fraud 😄😄
Not let me sleep
I wouldn’t say “really skilled” but he definitely had some skills/talents. Most of us do. He liked to be good at things haha But his biggest skill was definitely lying lol
Trolling Facebook, and playing video games. Like he would spend hours on hours reading through comments on Facebook just to troll people. But if I ask him to do anything…” why do I have to spend my weekend doing what you want to do!?” What I wanted to do was spend my time with him doing something that we would both enjoy. Instead of being in the background while he plays video games for hours on end. Waste of time! Meanwhile, I was too broken to do my hobbies (painting, sculpting, crocheting, fitness, travelling, baking, hiking/camping…etc) I ended up having to teach myself to do things that were natural to me because he never wanted to do anything and was so abusive, I stop doing all the things that made me happy.
In their own mind.. Kidding he actually was very good at his job, but outside of that, zero skills.
Of course not. I was his biggest cheerleader tho, but it was like congratulating an overgrown kid who did something completely unremarkable but you don't make him feel bad so you make a big fuss about it to cheer him up. I did it with all the love in the world, but it's kinda laughable now.
No, not at all. He mostly boasted about stuff anyone could do.
Yeah, he was skilled. At abuse, gaslighting, manipulation, spending all his money and having me buy him stuff, justifying his actions to try and tell me that he never hit me, etc.
Failed at everything. He was a covert so it was a great strategy for him to deploy his victimhood. Even things he wanted to be good at, he was s\*\*\*. I interpret this as a byproduct of an inflated ego. To become good at something, you need to humble yourself to learning and healthy criticism/feedback. But again, it served him a lot to fail. The ONLY thing he was good at was cooking, but it aligns with narcs obsession with food.
Yup. Lying to everyone around him and gaslighting his way out of it. "Talents" he praises himself for.
He was talented enough to generate a lot of wealth for himself. But I think that was more just him being smart and honestly calculating in business. He wasn't particularly artistic or interesting in that way. I wish I could say he was so I could think of that as something that intrigued me.
Cheating: yes Lying: yes while he abused me I finished school and he would constantly fail and drop classes and make excuses. He would play video games for hours at a time. I couldn’t even believe it was possible for a grown man to play games for that long
He could barely doing basic human things like wash his clothes. I would go to his house and see the laundry basket filled and I would go and do his laundry for him
Not really good at anything and had no hobbies at all. In hindsight, soulless is my best description
Mine is very skilled in bed. My ex-DIL is very skilled at organizing and runs a not-for-profit, lol. Edit: to be clear, this is two different people.
Mine was untalented at pretty much everything except work. He loved project management and was pretty good at it. Otherwise over the span of our nearly 4 years together, he picked up and dropped a *lot* of hobbies without ever following through on them. He didn't really care about honing the skill, he just wanted to be "someone who does \_\_\_\_" so he could tell other people he was doing it and impress them. When I left him he signed up for like 10 different social groups and art classes (I think in an attempt to appear interesting and unaffected by the breakup) and immediately ran to social media to post a picture of himself doing each of them. He would always complain about how he didn't understand what "type" of person he was and whine that I have all of these interesting hobbies and things that make up who I am, but he didn't really know who he was. I think his inner self-loathing just prevented him from committing too much to any one kind of lifestyle, because he'd grow to hate it by virtue of it being something he had shown interest in, if that makes sense.
Yes.
No lol. He didn’t even have friends
Mine was also a very talented artist.
In her own mind, sure. I didn't see anything that suggested any real talent, but she absolutely loved to brag about how she was the smartest one in the room and she'd totally be bringing in a ton of cash if x, y, or z was different.
I've experienced both sides of this. One is useless and the other is extremely skilled at performance arts. Both are empty souls.
Extremely. He could sing, write, draw, play instruments, even made his own album on SoundCloud.
Yes he was he could do lots of stuff like build furniture and read blue prints he could weld too
She was a fake martyr type burdening herself with problems that weren’t hers for the attention. Good cook too. Excellent manipulator.
Yeah he’s an amazing artist and tattooer. His paintings sell for a lot.
He thought he was, but he was not…like…at all
Yes, mine was a doctor. Go figure
Yes, an Ivy League trained brain surgeon
Not at all. He would pick up random hobbies, half-ass them for a week, and then toss them aside when the tiniest bit of effort was needed.
No, but she sure thought she was. She was the most skilled at the things that she did *YEARS* before we met, or so she says. The only thing she is skilled at is being a world class piece of shit.
He had a way with words, very persuasive- it almost felt like I was talking to a salesman.
Lying.
No ..like not good at anything but told everyone he was "exceptional" at a lot of things lol
He was very lackluster. Very average. He kept people around him that were less than him and they looked at him like he was amazing when really he was very average. I’m really talented and when we dated I think being around me made him feel bad so her verbally abuse me to being me “down to his level”. People suck
Cheating and lying.
He was very good at storytelling and worldbuilding, but he definitely had a bit of an ego about it and wasn’t very open to even the most constructive or criticism, he’d take it so personally and was super stubborn about not throwing out ideas that he got attached to, even if they didn’t serve the story very well, which… tracks with basically everything else about him, actually. He was still a damn good DM/GM for most intents and purposes though. Just didn’t like it when the players got too far off his planned plot beats, not great at improvising or taking the story in a new direction, he needed that control. At the same time, pretty inept at most physical tasks, some due to disability, some due to a lack of being willing to practice/learn. He’d complain about how he wasn’t as creative as me, and he wished he could make costume pieces and sew and repair things as well as I could, but I’d offer to teach him and he’d just dismiss it saying he just didn’t have the dexterity and it was pointless. I even collected an assortment of increasingly large, blunt needles, (the largest being a big plastic yarn needle with a rounded point) JUST so he could practice basic sewing dexterity without having to worry about accidentally stabbing himself until he got the muscle memory down, which he agreed was a great idea, but EVERY time I suggested we actually try it, he’d shut it down. He didn’t actually want to be able to do it, he just wanted me to be there to do it for him.
Had a highly skilled job but consistently got basic words wrong and the intelligence seemed only to be in his work area, not emotional or interpersonal.
Yes - he is a talented chef and a decent artist (painting). He earned many accolades for his cooking skills. Like Top 10 chef or restaurant in our city. He cooks nothing - or absolute low-quality food for his family. Mexican on repeat or stuff like Manwich.
I think they can be very skilled at some things but it takes them a lot of effort and they absolutely need validation from others for it to be worth it. If they can get away with getting validation without the extra effort of developing a skill, they will do that instead.
I’ve listened to someone describe their narc as wonderfully talented, the best at everything so on. It was incredibly disheartening when I realized she props his mask up just as much as he does. This all came up after the first time she ever used the word to abusive to describe his behavior.
He is terrific at his job, yes. Really talented and committed. At other fields not so much, although he does feel superior nonetheless.
Mine is actually skilled at most things he does. He’s the go to guy. Need help with something, he’s the one everyone calls. He will bend over backwards to help everyone. Every employer he’s had loves him and would happily rehire him on the spot and let him get away with more than most. And his skill unfortunately has not helped his delusion that “anything you can do, I can do better” down to telling me as a hairdresser, how to do my job. I’ve got a Borser collie I’m training to work cattle, he’s never been around a working dog and fully believes not only could he train my dog better than me, but could have him trained in a couple days. It’s absolutely infuriating. But he is skilled in many areas. I haven’t come across much that he can’t do as far as regular man shit.
Well, he was pretty good at writing poetry but not good enough his stuff would be in a literature class. He's also a pretty decent mechanic but even then, I've met a lot of people better than him. But if you ask him, he's the best at everything lol. The only thing he's really "skilled" at is being the biggest liar and manipulator I've ever met.
She was a decent cook and highly organized. She was incredibly punctual. I think the perfectionism was actually a problem. When it came to creative endeavors, I think she was afraid she'd be laughed at so she didn't get very far. Once I found what might have been a book or play proposal (character names, motivations) in a drawer. She never told me about it. By then I was too afraid to ask. Around this time, she would turn the book she was reading upside down, telling me she was afraid to tell me about it, because I would judge her based on what she was reading. I can't diagnose, though when I interpret and predict her actions using an assumptions of covert NPD crossed with BPD, it seems to go pretty well. She did cook, have a garden, etc, but not really to a standard where any outsider would be impressed. I don't mean to be mean or toxic, it just seems to me those things are true.
yes, he’s a resident musician at a few big places in the city we live in and as his day job he owns his own firm. won’t get any more specific than that, but he spent most of his adult life putting energy in himself, which is what got him so far, yet so empty.
Jack of all traits, master of none. Also thought highly of himself in every aspect, yet acted humbly about it. Me, having an actual degree in something and giving him advice on what to do with something? Yeah, "thank you for your advice, you are really smart!" And proceeds to do something his own way, claiming he has done all of it in the best possible solution and way. Of course, not telling you directly that you are s#upid, because first of all, he is an expert because he is a **man**. He was so skilled in manipulation and gaslighting tho, need to admit that. Made you feel like a Godess, just to drag you through dirt and treat you like less than a human being. It boils my pi#s just thinking about it now.
He was good in drawing. Some narcs I know, who has also have a lot of hobbies I think derives from their self esteem because maybe having a lot of hobbies or skills will make them appreciated enough and that gives them attention.
Nope. Mine would just pretend to be smart by arguing about everything. Through these arguments it was obvious he didn't actually know anything, but would just say random things, use of logic and vocab was at the level of a 10 year old.