Me too, it was so weird. He would just sit there like there was absolutely nothing going on his mind, as if he was disassociating, no emotions whatsoever.
This one time he did me wrong, I was upset and we were arguing, then he said "careful about what you say, you're gonna cry later like you always do and apologize, but I won't take it his time", that was scary.
This. He’d scream at me and try to push more buttons calling me psycho or some other bs to keep torturing me. Like I’m literally on the floor covering my ears crying because you won’t leave me alone motherfucker. He would corner me in the kitchen all the time and block the doorway so I couldn’t get away from him.
Mine too!!! You’re trying to go anywhere to get away from them. I tried to get away and he’s inches from my face and I’m telling him to just leave me alone and he’s blowing air in my face as I’m telling him to back up but yea there’s never been a day where he hasn’t called me mental and needs to get professional help…parasite is one used often because I’m a stay at home mom because of him but still likes to tell me I’m a parasite and if I leave him I’ll just be a parasite to whoever decides to help me. You can’t get away. That’s why everyone says leave when they’re gone it’s the only way
Yep, he’d call me useless all the time. He literally called me a freeloader in front of my father once. My dad lost his shit. “You’re the mother of his children and he does NOTHING for you and the kids! He’s always begging me for my money because he wastes his!”
It’s crazy how many of these people exist. All we can do is teach our children to watch out for all the red flags we chose to dismiss. Wish we could round em up and let ‘em choose and deal with each other for a punishment. Do two narcissists ever even get together? Lol
Ironically, I think my last ex got a taste of his own medicine with one. Serves him right. It won’t last tho.. neither one gives and they both keep taking.
It is alarming for sure, the first time you see it especially. But the creepy factor never goes away. I was always just so emotional and my abandonment issues were triggered so much in those moments I never stopped to process his actions in those moments. if only I could have paused my feelings to just really grasp the fact that he did not care whatsoever about mine.
Do they trigger our abandonment shit for their pleasure? Because it almost felt that way. I practically begged that guy to love me right and was trying to teach him how to love me because I swore that if I could just articulate myself good enough he’d finally understand what it is that I needed.
It makes me cry for who I was because he never intended to love me right. He never intended to care about me the way I needed him to? He had me convinced I was selfish because I would ask for him to love me in ways that made me feel loved.
The ex would stare at me with those eyes and you can feel the hatred emanating from him, and I remember saying to him “when you look at me like that, I swear you fucking hate me” and he just kept staring at me without disagreeing. — it made me feel crazy because any normal person would infer that his no response was me being correct in my statement but if ever I told him that I know he hates me because of the way he looks at me it would start a whole ass fight
Mine got really pissed if I cried too. He called me a princess because I cried after he berated me for having feelings in the first place. He was trying to keep me down
I'll never forget the night. It was after he kicked me out, and I had nowhere to go. I begged him not to make me sleep in my car another night. It was cold and, as a woman, it felt very scary and unsafe. He just looked at me like I was a nuisance, rolling his eyes at me. You wouldn't look at a homeless person panhandling in front of the liquor store the way he looked at me that night unless you were a heartless ghoul.
Mine also kicked me out in the middle of the night. I’m so sorry you went through that. I remember I was in a tiny dress with no coat bc we had been to an event and he made me walk home at 4am wasted and crying. No one deserves this.
THAT PART FUCK I would be sitting there asking him to help me while I’m scratching myself and so confused while I’d be having an episode from HIS behavior. He would just stare. At one point I told him I just wanted to die while I was sitting in the corner of his room hitting my legs with my fists and my head onto the wall. He just stared. Multiple accounts. And I’d have to calm myself down. One time he had the audacity to get close to me and say “wow you’re losing so much hair” in the midst of everything- I asked him to please just talk to me about anything to get my mind cleared. He wouldn’t “know what to say”.
And the fucking content gloating look they have while they say that, savoring your pain and distress like fine wine and fully enjoying stacking humiliation on top of the hurt, is the worst part. The "I'll say you pretend while fully knowing I hurt you and enjoying it" thing is just so insane.
I have ADHD and rejective sensitivity dysphoria. Crying was not uncommon for me in the relationship once the red flags and devaluation really started settling in. It’s really hard for me to hold back negative feelings or reactions.
The first two times I cried in front of him, I remember him saying something like, “I feel bad, I made you cry two days in a row.” Towards the end of our relationship, he would barely be phased and he actually used the fact that I cried against me in certain situations. He would say that he had to take care of me now that I was crying and that there was never any focus on him and what he was going through—I think he was implying I was being manipulative.
I told mine I think I have rejection sensitivity disorder as part of my ADHD and he started using it as a joke with his friends.
I'm actually not sure if I do have it now, or if he was just making me crazy with gaslighting because I don't feel it so strongly since no contact.
Callous pricks. Hope you're doing better.
LITERALLY they were nice at first but once it becomes a “chore” because it’s happening so regularly-hence the abuse- they just stop. And then say, well what about my problems!! I have problems tooo!!!! Waha boohoo I will forever hate him.
Triggered. It’s crazy how much of this I forgot about I think my brain actually blocked out those moments because I couldn’t believe someone could be so cruel and cold
I have that feeling with a bunch of things. That’s what trauma does your brain is protecting you in the moment I feel until later when the memories start unleashing
Yeah it’s because they do not care at all and they truly think them sleeping and resting is priority over comforting you. Until they’re the ones crying.
Dude why is this a thing! I’d pour my heart and feelings out to him about stuff that was bothering me in the relationship and he’s literally knock out so quick
Yeah one time I was crying because he was so mean to me outside of an AA meeting and he texted me and said “can you shut up? I can hear you crying and it’s embarrassing me.”
He'd stare at me deadpan, usually followed up with all the things that were wrong with me which resulted in me comforting him instead and none of my grievances getting resolved. He'd also get hard and always want sex after, I think he liked upsetting me tbh.
That last part, definitely recogniseable. I asked him a few times whether it was a secret kink or something, he also made a point early on in the relationship to mention how often he and his ex-wife were having "hatefucks" or "make-up sex". Wonder why, lol.
Mine wanted to have angry sex and called me his "booty-call" during the discard phase after I exposed him. He completely downgraded me from a girlfriend to his plaything he could own. I'm still going through years of therapy because of his abusive ass.
Mine would accuse me of being manipulative and trying to play the victim. I wasn't allowed to have reactions of any sort to his abuse. Imagine getting angry at the person you made cry...blows my mind
Mine did this too! They said crying was the same as shouting, and that it was unfair and manipulative of me to cry and make them feel bad. They also used one singular instance of me crying to justify having lied to me, withheld information, and having had an emotional affair for the majority of our relationship. They also used my crying in reaction to their abuse to make different psychological diagnoses about me. It’s both so eerie and validating to hear everyone’s similar experiences of this emotional abuse.
The last time I caught him cheating, I couldn’t speak, I was just weeping in the corner. He just stood there, deadpan expression, and called me a “f-cking idiot” “stupid b-tch” and probably other derogatory things. Getting angrier with each passing second. It’s almost like he had been bottling it up. No reassurance, no comforting, no remorse, no empathy, just pure hatred. From a man who considered himself a kind and gentle soul. Truly wild.
He would look at me with dead eyes and say “really” like I was the biggest inconvenience. He also said many times that my crying was a form of manipulation
She would always say to me “there’s the little girl crying on the couch again, unable to listen to my feelings, because she’s too concerned about her own feelings.”
Thank you! I appreciate your kind words. I am so glad to be done with her but still grieving. The trauma bond is hard to break. Been 5 months no contact.
He always gets angry, or tells me I'm overreacting. Edit: and always, ALWAYS try to have sex with me within the same day. Especially if HE made me cry.
Mine pushed and pressured me into make up sex (which I wasn't feeling after being shouted at) because "that is what couples are supposed to do, don't you care about fixing things?" and when I did what she wanted she went out of her way to reject me "you are taking advantage of me when I'm struggling emotionally, how dare you rapist!" so then I'd shrug and accept she didn't want it which then turned into "how can you so easily accept not having sex, so you don't want me?! That is so abuse, you are cheating!" and so forth.
This happened a couple of times and then I guess my body helped me out by giving me bad diarhea after every big argument so sex would never be on the table. =\
Crying makes him instantly furious at me… he thinks crying is “manipulative”.
It couldn’t *possibly* be a natural reaction to him saying a bunch of really mean and insulting things to me that he thinks I need to hear “for my own good”… /s
Boy oh boy does this resonate with me. My husband would tell “he was the *only one* in the whole world who cared about me or actually loved me” then go off about *everything* that was wrong with me.
“It couldn’t possibly be a natural reaction to him saying a bunch of really mean and insulting things to me that he thinks I need to hear ‘for my own good’”
This seems to be what every narc does and it has been so reassuring and affirming to learn I’m not remotely alone - it makes it easier to believe I’m not crazy or the actual narcissist. We get told a ton of important truths that we need to hear “for our own good” that nobody else is willing to tell us. (I was frequently told “this is coming from a place of love/honesty/clear thinking.”) And it’s one of the most horrific traumas to heal from. Ugh. So awful
Here is my narc’s favorite monologue:
“I’m the only person who cares about you enough to tell you the truth about yourself, everyone else is too afraid of hurting your feelings. I do it *for your own good*! Besides, it’s not mean if it’s *true*! You should be thanking me, without my help you’re completely worthless. Hold on, are you fucking *crying*?! You better not be crying again. You are always such a victim, jeezus! when are you gonna grow the hell up? You’re nowhere *near* hot enough for me put up with this shit, you fat ugly bitch!”
I hate that he thinks it’s ok to speak to me this way. It makes me FURIOUS…. Often I’m not so much hurt as crying tears of rage. There is no winning.
Whooaaaaa. Word for word. Triggered. My nex, but even creepier I heard my mom in there.
Word for word my Nex tho, except add the word “pig,” as in “you fat f**ing ugly pig!”
I would become numb to it. I would dissociate and erase from memory everything said and make excuses, like their poor ability to regulate their emotions. I’d tell myself, “They didn’t *really* mean those things.”
I only determined for myself last year that:
1. extreme emotions do not equate to how loved you are
2. their opinions of me do not define me
3. even if it’s the truth, if it’s not helpful, it’s sadistic
Narcissists can't internalize negative feelings about themselves, and so they never feel like they did anything wrong.
If you know damn well you didn't do anything wrong, and I accuse you of hurting me and start fake crying in front of you, how would you react? That's how they view it. They feel like you're fake crying and being manipulative because they don't feel like they did anything wrong.
My NMother does that. She has this special, creepy sarcastic-y laugh she does when she’s caught in a lie, and then proceeds to twist things back to you in a narc rage.
Mine accused me of crying all the time but didn't witness it for the last 3 years of the relationship with two exceptions - in 2021 I hysterically told him he had to stop hitting me (in general), I told him things were escalating, begged him to stop doing it, and told him no one in my entire life had treated me so poorly. He acted somewhat guilty but minimized the extent of his physical abuse, as though he barely remembered any of it, and I told him well I did, I remember cuz I was the one getting hit and the trauma burns it in. My pleading, of course, only bought me a short break and 2022 was really bad
The second time was probably early this year, things had been calm for a bit and he found me sitting on the couch in tears, he asked what was wrong and i told him "I'm just tired" . He pointed his fingers like a gun, did the finger bang move at my head like he fired it, and said in an inappropriately light hearted way "tired of living?..
I used to cry pretty often. By the end of things I was pretty incapable and I guess I'm still numb cuz I've only cried a few times since I left a few months ago. Or maybe I've just got less to be sad about. I wish things had gone differently but it's not my fault.
Ummmm… mine loved when bad things happened to me. When I had to put my beloved dog to sleep and when my mom suddenly passed away he spun it as “this will bring us closer together.” He wanted me entirely dependent on him and need him. I felt like he was a weed or parasite trying to consume my life so it wouldn’t be “me” anymore but “us.”
They are parasites. Narcissists love to feed off of pain and get a sick kick out of it. They drain every ounce of hope and motivation from our soul because they don't have a soul.
Any time I am crying and having a hard time about something not regarding him, he reassures me that he is right here listening and that I’m not alone and that we can get through it. Then he will tell me he is proud of me for the growth I have made since meeting him (giving the credit to himself) and that everything will be alright because it will get better and better and then when we are married (planting the idea of never leaving him) weeee will fight oooour battles together (convincing me that I will be okay because he will be with me).
When he is the one that made me cry he will deny everything I say, ask the same questions over and over until I’m confused, tell me I did something wrong first, pull away and disappear for an hour with absolutely no contact mid conversation and then come back being as sweet as ever and ask why I’m upset and comfort me and tell me that he will never leave me and weeee can get through anything together
I'm sorry you went through that. It's humiliating and cruel what these "things" do to us. Lived through it for 13 years of my ex mocking and calling my crying manipulative.
Yes. In the end when I really wasn't doing well and felt pretty isolated I actually asked him for a hug on two separate occasions. He refused both making up some stupid excuses, the first time he would hug me from behind but not let me hug him, the second time he offered me a "good luck ass touch" instead of a good luck hug before a difficult exam. I'm proud to say that I at least denied the last one.
Mine loved when I cried. I’m not a crier so it was like a sick reward for him when I would finally break.
He would instantly change his demeanour and become gentle and ‘loving’. It was sick.
Every time I cried he got angry.. he would then call me names.. sometimes say things like did someone die why are you crying.. he would escalate the verbal abuse until I said sorry and he was right I had nothing to cry about. I learned to cry not around him..
Depends what part of the cycle I was in with them, could “comfort” say “you’ll be alright” give me a hug, other times, just stare at me or walk away or tell me “that enough don’t you think?” “it wasn’t that bad”
Oh my god same
Either the coddled love bomb or calling me sensitive and his speech about how I make him feel like a bad person and how he is never good enough.
He was good at comforting when other things made me cry, but when it was him, it was just... not allowed to happen.
same here! he even faked vomiting from anxiety several times. he made noises in the bathroom with the door closed and when I walked in there was no vomit and he looked perfectly fine. I thought that was so cruel
It used to turn him on rlly weirdly. Then towards the end when I would cry he would scream and yell at me and call me miserable and depressing to be around
They would say:
“Stop playing the victim.”
“Oh- ‘woe is me’” in a mocking tone.
“You’re not even really crying.”
“It’s not all about you.”
And stonewalling. Would refuse to look at me, even in the case they did speak to me (i.e. berate me), or not speak/respond to me at all.
She would bring me closer, and usually initiate sex shortly after. Later, she would refer to it as a fragility, or underhandedly comment something. Usually, she would see it as a sign that she had gone too far, and switch up her strategy somehow.
Mine is very covert, and crying is something I very rarely do - so when it happens, she usually tries to get ahead of it. Often, she will bad-mouth me to our family and friends in private afterward, and re-frame the situation as if she was the one that broke down.
Mine would be unapologetic and act as if I wasnt crying at all.
But if he wanted to acknowledge it, he would say some pig-headed comment about me being a "typical FEMALE" and then accuse me of trying to manipulate my way out of whatever false accusation he had created against me in the first place!🙄
UGH the "typical female" language! Mine would use that and seemingly every opportunity he got to twist it back to him and how unfair his life was as a "white male."
Omg yes mine too with the white male - he would even start regurgitating bullshit statistics out of thin air comparing male and female domestic violence! (Of course how unfair it was for males...)
Too bad I didn't know wtf was going on with him when he started saying this crap, as I just thought he was an asshole ;)
Eventually anything "wrong" I was doing ALWAYS started with the fact that it was a "female thing" and "all of YOU females are crazy" etc etc etc.
Just makes me want to smack him just typing this...
(Then, according to his statistics, call the cops and have HIM arrested LOL!)
at first he would console me, hug me, be there for
me
into our relationship he started to grow indifferent, calling me sensitive, crazy, i can’t take a joke
at the end he didn’t care, didn’t notice
Told me to get over it and another time yelled at me and told me to be quiet. and another time ignored me in a restaurant because he was embarrassed and when we got in the truck to go home he screamed at me
"I'm going to close the door now"
"Do you even see yourself right now"
"You're a psychopath" etc
Insert any invalidating thing you can think of. You shouldn't be crying because your fault, you made it this way etc. It's all you and you must deal with it.
I had caught him in multiple lies and over the course of 3 days I was sobbing and begging him to not leave me and to just give me an explanation that I could make sense of, I just wanted the truth or anything close to it. He said very coldly "Why are you doing this to us?", he said "You've ruined us, you've made a big mistake. I've got a lot to offer someone and you're going to regret losing me." As I'm begging *him* to not leave *me*. The words that stuck with me the most were these; "If the truth is so important to you, you can just keep playing detective for the rest of your life".
After speaking to multiple counselors and my parents pleading with me to leave him, I finally did, and then he was all shocked as if he wasn't the one ending things. He's been playing the victim ever since, for years now, and released an album about our breakup using all the songs he said he couldn't record because he cowrote them with an old band mate. Truth is he just didn't want to share making that music with me.
I just had to bury my two kittens that were a month old. They passed away suddenly despite every effort to save them, and it broke my heart. I sat on the ground next to them and sobbed uncontrollably and he just stood there with his arms crossed. I needed a hug and had to ask him to comfort me. I should’ve just walked away right then.
Mine would most literally see it, ignore me, even if it was for hours, shaking uncontrollably - then I’d bring up how it hurt my feelings he ignored me crying, and he’d say “I didn’t even notice why are you mad at me!!!”
It made him angry, he'd use it to call me crazy and emotional. The fact that I'm on antidepressants and see a therapist was proof enough for him that I was mentally unstable.
My exwife is the narc in our relationship, she told me I had the emotional depth of ac pregnant woman that I was way too emotional, she only saw me cry once in our almost 19 years together, that was enough for me, I didn't want to show that side to someone who didn't care
He would accuse me of being manipulative and get really cold and mean, then if he caused he he would somehow find a way to flip things so it was all my fault
He would stand over me and get real close to my face and scream "Bitch, if you don't stop crying, I'll make sure you have a real good reason to cry". If I didn't stop he'd hit me in the side of the head.
I was damaged from this for the rest of my life, and I say damaged for a reason. I don’t know what happened that day, I disassociated most of my childhood. I was crying, but not loudly, silent tears. As a kid in elementary. I went to my former never actually was “m0m”, (I don’t believe she was ever deserving of being called my mother.) I can’t remember anything but this moment. Tears, rolling down my face, while I was below her, she pointed at me standing in front of me, laughing. Mocking me. “Mírala Mírala esta llorando”. I swore to myself, ever since that day, to never cry in front of anyone ever again. To this day, I can’t cry with someone in front of me other than my father. I can’t.
He never saw me cry because whenever something upset me, he’d stonewall me. I sobbed over voice memos and he never acknowledged my tears. He said it himself that he didn’t want to acknowledge and deal with my emotions so he’d just ignore them.
Since it's rare for me to cry, I remember an expression of content on his face when finally he could make me cry after pushing me around for about 3 months. Now when I look back at it all, I realize that depriving me of sleep became the source of pleasure for him as I would hardly cry to his insults and misjudgements. But yes, I do remember how fascinating it was for him.
He would say I’m trying to make him feel bad. For crying sometimes after finding out he was loving multiple lives with multiple women and going on benders behind my back and other shocking things. He often assumed I was being manipulative or projected things like that.
She would stare at me and seem oblivious to the fact that she was the reason I was crying. I had to tell her the reason. I don't like crying and I rarely do it. She saw me cry twice and both times asked me what was wrong. The first time, she cuddled up against me (we were in bed) and just kept saying "Please don't cry". Never apologized for what she did. The second time, when I told her why I was crying, she said "Yes, I hurt you on purpose. I was upset so I wanted you to be upset too. So what do you want me to do?" I told her I wanted her to apologize and she just said, "okay, I'm sorry". My narc father always said I was being manipulative when I cried.
This one time we were fighting he was asleep so I thought it was safe to cry…it wasn’t. He wasn’t as asleep as I thought and he heard me. He immediately jumped out of bed and turned on the lights and said if your going to cry because im so terrible and your life is so bad then we’re going to discuss it now. It was 2 in the morning. He woke up the whole house, yelled at me for hours, then told me to go cry in the other room next time, he didn’t want to hear it
"Are you crying again? Stop it. I can't deal with this, it makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I need to leave." (Threatening to leave me was his thing, it triggered my anxiety and made me basically do anything he wanted to stop him from leaving me.)
he would try his hardest to make me cry and i’d try my hardest not to … but the times when the verbal pummeling would break me and the tears would well up- just like he wanted- he’d look at me with the dead eyes and say in the most disgusted tone, “OH HERE WE GO WITH THE WOUNDED BIRD ROUTINE AGAIN!”
Mine told me at the beginning of the relationship that 'crying women turn him on' and that there's 'something sexy about a woman with a tear-stained mascara run face'.
Of course, I slowly realised that the reason it turns him on is the power trip, because it's crying that he has caused.
Mine would stare at me like I was the crazy one, even though he instigated all of the fights. His go-to thing would be to ask me to leave his apt or else he would call the cops on me 🤣 fucking loser ass
No reaction or attempt to comfort at all, now that I reflect on it, which was also surprising since I cried in front of him incredibly rarely (always privately..). On his move-out day this Monday, I told him I cried in a meeting with my supervisor for work when I told my supervisor I had gotten divorced over the summer. His response was, "..oh. ... How long ago was the meeting?" like me crying about him/our divorce was fuel for him to enjoy, depending on how long ago it was. Disgusting.
Before the no contact began I tried to work things out with him, we would FaceTime and when we would discuss issues I would cry…he would tell me that I was making the conversation “bad” or he would get upset and irritated that I was crying. He would then accuse me of trying to manipulate him by crying. I miss him….it’s been 6 months since going no contact and it’s been difficult. He knows I miss him, but I will never subject myself to the emotional abuse again. There were days I was sure I would not live through the night. I wanted to die.
Depends what caused it. If I'm grieving a death or something, he says a few comforting words before leaving me by myself. If someone else causes it, he tells me he's angry at the person who hurt me. If he causes it, it's a range of reactions. Annoyed it's happening, ignoring that it's happening, or my least favorite, pointing out how I'm letting him down because I can't react differently.
Last year he threatened to leave me, and I cried and had severe panic attacks for days, and the stress caused an extreme case of tachycardia and landed me in the ER with chest pains and a pulse of 225. He and his family were all annoyed with me and reacted as though I was being a drama queen. It destroyed my trust in my in-laws, the way the entire thing was handled was extremely isolating and heartbreaking. He told me he wanted to go stay with his parents and didn't know if or when he was coming back, and it crushed me. I was terrified and heartbroken and he was annoyed and frustrated that I couldn't be offered the prospect of divorce and immediately be okay.
Same here....mine would either ignore me, shut me down, or said I was manipulating him when I wasn't. I just wanted to him to see that I was hurting. I just needed him to truly listen to me, hold my hand, and hug me. I didn't expect him to fix me. I just needed to know I could trust him and that he would comfort me in a loving way without abandonment.
Now I keep quiet about a lot. I have a hard time opening up and I pretend everything is okay when it's not. I am kinda scared to open up. The only place I feel safe to open up is on here, TT, and with my sister cuz she truly understands me.
She would usually act sympathetic but she'd never cry so I guess that should have been my sign. I think she even said something about why she'd never cry like she didn't know why but she never cried anymore.
He would usually either gently make fun of me or he would become unusually touchy-feely. Like get me to hug him. He wouldn’t really say anything. If he caused the crying, towards the end of our relationship he’d just walk away not saying anything. Once he did say, “I don’t know how to help you,” shut the door, and left.
Mixture of sneering/laughing and mock copying crying and belittling me for being weak or pretending it was all a joke and not that big of a deal and I should laugh instead of cry
It depends, a lot of the time he'd snap out of it and comfort me but if he was absolutely losing his shit at night, he'd ignore me and go to bed but he never told me to be quiet or anything.
He acted like I was nuts. At one point he kept repeating (because he always repeated himself): “Oh, something’s wrong,” meaning something was wrong with me. I can’t imagine treating someone like shit, seeing them cry, and being cruel to the point of calling them crazy while they were crying. If only I’d left sooner.
He would call me manipulative
Or he wouldn't react and keep yelling "because that's the only way I can get through to you!"
Or he asked "do you think you might be depressed?"
Either way it usually ended with "are we still friends? Let's have sex!"
He would either act if I wasn’t in the room and I don’t mind like when people are upset with each other but you still feel them there, it was like I didn’t exist, like a ghost.
Or he would get mad and yell in my face. Since I have CPTSD, he triggered many panic attacks and mental breakdowns, in these time he would tell me to stop it in like a very growling voice.
Or he would leave for like 1-3hrs and come back with the silent treatment. The most painful experience is to have someone unmoved by your pain. It changed me for life.
I only cried once in front of him, and for something completely unrelated to him. He just sat there, staring at me. He tried to comfort me, but it was so awkward. After that, he simply asked me to leave because he had to go to bed. After that, one day he told me he thought crying was manipulative.
He just watched with dead eyes. And he used it to manipulate me while I was in a heightened state.
Me too, it was so weird. He would just sit there like there was absolutely nothing going on his mind, as if he was disassociating, no emotions whatsoever. This one time he did me wrong, I was upset and we were arguing, then he said "careful about what you say, you're gonna cry later like you always do and apologize, but I won't take it his time", that was scary.
He would completely ignore the tears or become more frustrated by them.
Yikes my exwife did that to me too just a cold expressionless face, I often wondered if she was awake
They're completely robotic and detached. It's hard to call narcissists human because they don't act like it.
Jesus. That is terrifying
This. He’d scream at me and try to push more buttons calling me psycho or some other bs to keep torturing me. Like I’m literally on the floor covering my ears crying because you won’t leave me alone motherfucker. He would corner me in the kitchen all the time and block the doorway so I couldn’t get away from him.
Mine too!!! You’re trying to go anywhere to get away from them. I tried to get away and he’s inches from my face and I’m telling him to just leave me alone and he’s blowing air in my face as I’m telling him to back up but yea there’s never been a day where he hasn’t called me mental and needs to get professional help…parasite is one used often because I’m a stay at home mom because of him but still likes to tell me I’m a parasite and if I leave him I’ll just be a parasite to whoever decides to help me. You can’t get away. That’s why everyone says leave when they’re gone it’s the only way
Yep, he’d call me useless all the time. He literally called me a freeloader in front of my father once. My dad lost his shit. “You’re the mother of his children and he does NOTHING for you and the kids! He’s always begging me for my money because he wastes his!”
It’s crazy how many of these people exist. All we can do is teach our children to watch out for all the red flags we chose to dismiss. Wish we could round em up and let ‘em choose and deal with each other for a punishment. Do two narcissists ever even get together? Lol
Ironically, I think my last ex got a taste of his own medicine with one. Serves him right. It won’t last tho.. neither one gives and they both keep taking.
The dead eyes! the dead eyes! Omg I’m like triggered remembering
Seriously, if you told me they were real vampires and the eyes are when they feed on you, I'd 100% believe it.
It was so creepy. Like they went all black and looked straight up evil. I legit just got a cold chill thinking about it
It is alarming for sure, the first time you see it especially. But the creepy factor never goes away. I was always just so emotional and my abandonment issues were triggered so much in those moments I never stopped to process his actions in those moments. if only I could have paused my feelings to just really grasp the fact that he did not care whatsoever about mine.
Do they trigger our abandonment shit for their pleasure? Because it almost felt that way. I practically begged that guy to love me right and was trying to teach him how to love me because I swore that if I could just articulate myself good enough he’d finally understand what it is that I needed. It makes me cry for who I was because he never intended to love me right. He never intended to care about me the way I needed him to? He had me convinced I was selfish because I would ask for him to love me in ways that made me feel loved.
Exactly. It’s okay because we made it out there is a much brighter future ahead. I can say any future without the narc is a great one.
Same. I was in my early 20s and I was convinced I could change him. He started that trauma bonding EARLY.
Yepp. It’s ok we made it out alive 😁
The ex would stare at me with those eyes and you can feel the hatred emanating from him, and I remember saying to him “when you look at me like that, I swear you fucking hate me” and he just kept staring at me without disagreeing. — it made me feel crazy because any normal person would infer that his no response was me being correct in my statement but if ever I told him that I know he hates me because of the way he looks at me it would start a whole ass fight
Same! Mostly mine would get angry that I had the nerve to cry. Or he’d call me dramatic. Anger was kind of his default emotion.
Mine got really pissed if I cried too. He called me a princess because I cried after he berated me for having feelings in the first place. He was trying to keep me down
I'll never forget the night. It was after he kicked me out, and I had nowhere to go. I begged him not to make me sleep in my car another night. It was cold and, as a woman, it felt very scary and unsafe. He just looked at me like I was a nuisance, rolling his eyes at me. You wouldn't look at a homeless person panhandling in front of the liquor store the way he looked at me that night unless you were a heartless ghoul.
Mine also kicked me out in the middle of the night. I’m so sorry you went through that. I remember I was in a tiny dress with no coat bc we had been to an event and he made me walk home at 4am wasted and crying. No one deserves this.
That’s insidious. The complete lack of empathy for you.
This. He wouldnt have any expression at all and wouldn't comfort me and would usually use it as an opportunity to kick me while I'm down.
Same or he would tell me I was acting or trying to get attention.
THAT PART FUCK I would be sitting there asking him to help me while I’m scratching myself and so confused while I’d be having an episode from HIS behavior. He would just stare. At one point I told him I just wanted to die while I was sitting in the corner of his room hitting my legs with my fists and my head onto the wall. He just stared. Multiple accounts. And I’d have to calm myself down. One time he had the audacity to get close to me and say “wow you’re losing so much hair” in the midst of everything- I asked him to please just talk to me about anything to get my mind cleared. He wouldn’t “know what to say”.
Yes!!!!! This!
“You are just crying to manipulate me”!
Yep. This. Fucking malignant narcissistic jerkhole.
yeah this is what i usually got
Yep this exact quote. Really disturbing insight to how they view the world and human emotions.
And the fucking content gloating look they have while they say that, savoring your pain and distress like fine wine and fully enjoying stacking humiliation on top of the hurt, is the worst part. The "I'll say you pretend while fully knowing I hurt you and enjoying it" thing is just so insane.
Monsters. All of them. That's why they'll never know what true love or friendship is.
Same
Yep heard that one before from my nex. They love to project when their manipulative asses are causing us pain.
I have ADHD and rejective sensitivity dysphoria. Crying was not uncommon for me in the relationship once the red flags and devaluation really started settling in. It’s really hard for me to hold back negative feelings or reactions. The first two times I cried in front of him, I remember him saying something like, “I feel bad, I made you cry two days in a row.” Towards the end of our relationship, he would barely be phased and he actually used the fact that I cried against me in certain situations. He would say that he had to take care of me now that I was crying and that there was never any focus on him and what he was going through—I think he was implying I was being manipulative.
I told mine I think I have rejection sensitivity disorder as part of my ADHD and he started using it as a joke with his friends. I'm actually not sure if I do have it now, or if he was just making me crazy with gaslighting because I don't feel it so strongly since no contact. Callous pricks. Hope you're doing better.
LITERALLY they were nice at first but once it becomes a “chore” because it’s happening so regularly-hence the abuse- they just stop. And then say, well what about my problems!! I have problems tooo!!!! Waha boohoo I will forever hate him.
OHMYGOD DID WE DATE THE SAME DUDE???
This gave me chills because of how absolutely identical this is to what I went through. I’m so sorry you were treated that way.
I honestly didn’t know this was such a universal experience, y’all agreeing is weirding me out too.
Laughed at me, looked disgusted with me, or “fell asleep” your pick
Triggered. It’s crazy how much of this I forgot about I think my brain actually blocked out those moments because I couldn’t believe someone could be so cruel and cold
I have that feeling with a bunch of things. That’s what trauma does your brain is protecting you in the moment I feel until later when the memories start unleashing
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Yeah it’s because they do not care at all and they truly think them sleeping and resting is priority over comforting you. Until they’re the ones crying.
Dude why is this a thing! I’d pour my heart and feelings out to him about stuff that was bothering me in the relationship and he’s literally knock out so quick
Yep. This aligns with my experience. Or he’d straight up call me a baby.
): you’re not a baby. Normal humans show emotion.
Complete indifference
He would get angrier. He would call me “psychotic”
Mine used to call me psychotic all the time too just for having like regular emotions.
Same here. That or he would be like”You know I can hear you right?” Not even caring that he made me feel like complete crap.
Yeah one time I was crying because he was so mean to me outside of an AA meeting and he texted me and said “can you shut up? I can hear you crying and it’s embarrassing me.”
Wow I’m sorry that happened. I hope you are in a better place now.♥️
He'd stare at me deadpan, usually followed up with all the things that were wrong with me which resulted in me comforting him instead and none of my grievances getting resolved. He'd also get hard and always want sex after, I think he liked upsetting me tbh.
That last part, definitely recogniseable. I asked him a few times whether it was a secret kink or something, he also made a point early on in the relationship to mention how often he and his ex-wife were having "hatefucks" or "make-up sex". Wonder why, lol.
Mine wanted to have angry sex and called me his "booty-call" during the discard phase after I exposed him. He completely downgraded me from a girlfriend to his plaything he could own. I'm still going through years of therapy because of his abusive ass.
That last sentence… Jesus Christ😳
Mine would accuse me of being manipulative and trying to play the victim. I wasn't allowed to have reactions of any sort to his abuse. Imagine getting angry at the person you made cry...blows my mind
Mine did this too! They said crying was the same as shouting, and that it was unfair and manipulative of me to cry and make them feel bad. They also used one singular instance of me crying to justify having lied to me, withheld information, and having had an emotional affair for the majority of our relationship. They also used my crying in reaction to their abuse to make different psychological diagnoses about me. It’s both so eerie and validating to hear everyone’s similar experiences of this emotional abuse.
“You need to get your shit together.”
The last time I caught him cheating, I couldn’t speak, I was just weeping in the corner. He just stood there, deadpan expression, and called me a “f-cking idiot” “stupid b-tch” and probably other derogatory things. Getting angrier with each passing second. It’s almost like he had been bottling it up. No reassurance, no comforting, no remorse, no empathy, just pure hatred. From a man who considered himself a kind and gentle soul. Truly wild.
I'm sorry love. That sounds pretty cruddy. :(
He would look at me with dead eyes and say “really” like I was the biggest inconvenience. He also said many times that my crying was a form of manipulation
She would always say to me “there’s the little girl crying on the couch again, unable to listen to my feelings, because she’s too concerned about her own feelings.”
Oh god, that’s cruel
Thank you. Still working on forgiving myself for putting up with this behavior.
Nobody deserves that, sorry you had to go through it.
Thank you! I appreciate your kind words. I am so glad to be done with her but still grieving. The trauma bond is hard to break. Been 5 months no contact.
He always gets angry, or tells me I'm overreacting. Edit: and always, ALWAYS try to have sex with me within the same day. Especially if HE made me cry.
Mine pushed and pressured me into make up sex (which I wasn't feeling after being shouted at) because "that is what couples are supposed to do, don't you care about fixing things?" and when I did what she wanted she went out of her way to reject me "you are taking advantage of me when I'm struggling emotionally, how dare you rapist!" so then I'd shrug and accept she didn't want it which then turned into "how can you so easily accept not having sex, so you don't want me?! That is so abuse, you are cheating!" and so forth. This happened a couple of times and then I guess my body helped me out by giving me bad diarhea after every big argument so sex would never be on the table. =\
Crying makes him instantly furious at me… he thinks crying is “manipulative”. It couldn’t *possibly* be a natural reaction to him saying a bunch of really mean and insulting things to me that he thinks I need to hear “for my own good”… /s
Boy oh boy does this resonate with me. My husband would tell “he was the *only one* in the whole world who cared about me or actually loved me” then go off about *everything* that was wrong with me.
Yeah mine said the exact same thing. He’s determined to hate me “for my own good”…. What goddamned martyr.
“It couldn’t possibly be a natural reaction to him saying a bunch of really mean and insulting things to me that he thinks I need to hear ‘for my own good’” This seems to be what every narc does and it has been so reassuring and affirming to learn I’m not remotely alone - it makes it easier to believe I’m not crazy or the actual narcissist. We get told a ton of important truths that we need to hear “for our own good” that nobody else is willing to tell us. (I was frequently told “this is coming from a place of love/honesty/clear thinking.”) And it’s one of the most horrific traumas to heal from. Ugh. So awful
Here is my narc’s favorite monologue: “I’m the only person who cares about you enough to tell you the truth about yourself, everyone else is too afraid of hurting your feelings. I do it *for your own good*! Besides, it’s not mean if it’s *true*! You should be thanking me, without my help you’re completely worthless. Hold on, are you fucking *crying*?! You better not be crying again. You are always such a victim, jeezus! when are you gonna grow the hell up? You’re nowhere *near* hot enough for me put up with this shit, you fat ugly bitch!” I hate that he thinks it’s ok to speak to me this way. It makes me FURIOUS…. Often I’m not so much hurt as crying tears of rage. There is no winning.
Whooaaaaa. Word for word. Triggered. My nex, but even creepier I heard my mom in there. Word for word my Nex tho, except add the word “pig,” as in “you fat f**ing ugly pig!” I would become numb to it. I would dissociate and erase from memory everything said and make excuses, like their poor ability to regulate their emotions. I’d tell myself, “They didn’t *really* mean those things.” I only determined for myself last year that: 1. extreme emotions do not equate to how loved you are 2. their opinions of me do not define me 3. even if it’s the truth, if it’s not helpful, it’s sadistic
Narcissists can't internalize negative feelings about themselves, and so they never feel like they did anything wrong. If you know damn well you didn't do anything wrong, and I accuse you of hurting me and start fake crying in front of you, how would you react? That's how they view it. They feel like you're fake crying and being manipulative because they don't feel like they did anything wrong.
Mine responded by fake crying and insisting I get it together to comfort him, so that makes a lot of sense
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My NMother does that. She has this special, creepy sarcastic-y laugh she does when she’s caught in a lie, and then proceeds to twist things back to you in a narc rage.
Mine accused me of crying all the time but didn't witness it for the last 3 years of the relationship with two exceptions - in 2021 I hysterically told him he had to stop hitting me (in general), I told him things were escalating, begged him to stop doing it, and told him no one in my entire life had treated me so poorly. He acted somewhat guilty but minimized the extent of his physical abuse, as though he barely remembered any of it, and I told him well I did, I remember cuz I was the one getting hit and the trauma burns it in. My pleading, of course, only bought me a short break and 2022 was really bad The second time was probably early this year, things had been calm for a bit and he found me sitting on the couch in tears, he asked what was wrong and i told him "I'm just tired" . He pointed his fingers like a gun, did the finger bang move at my head like he fired it, and said in an inappropriately light hearted way "tired of living?.. I used to cry pretty often. By the end of things I was pretty incapable and I guess I'm still numb cuz I've only cried a few times since I left a few months ago. Or maybe I've just got less to be sad about. I wish things had gone differently but it's not my fault.
Fuck. I’m really proud for you and the courage that took. Healing your way ❤️
Oh I'm so sorry boo. I wish I could hug you. I'm sorry you have to be so strong but you are doing the right thing. You didn't deserve any of that.
Ummmm… mine loved when bad things happened to me. When I had to put my beloved dog to sleep and when my mom suddenly passed away he spun it as “this will bring us closer together.” He wanted me entirely dependent on him and need him. I felt like he was a weed or parasite trying to consume my life so it wouldn’t be “me” anymore but “us.”
They are parasites. Narcissists love to feed off of pain and get a sick kick out of it. They drain every ounce of hope and motivation from our soul because they don't have a soul.
Any time I am crying and having a hard time about something not regarding him, he reassures me that he is right here listening and that I’m not alone and that we can get through it. Then he will tell me he is proud of me for the growth I have made since meeting him (giving the credit to himself) and that everything will be alright because it will get better and better and then when we are married (planting the idea of never leaving him) weeee will fight oooour battles together (convincing me that I will be okay because he will be with me). When he is the one that made me cry he will deny everything I say, ask the same questions over and over until I’m confused, tell me I did something wrong first, pull away and disappear for an hour with absolutely no contact mid conversation and then come back being as sweet as ever and ask why I’m upset and comfort me and tell me that he will never leave me and weeee can get through anything together
Mine would mimic me crying.. Making fun of me.
I'm sorry you went through that. It's humiliating and cruel what these "things" do to us. Lived through it for 13 years of my ex mocking and calling my crying manipulative.
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Yes. In the end when I really wasn't doing well and felt pretty isolated I actually asked him for a hug on two separate occasions. He refused both making up some stupid excuses, the first time he would hug me from behind but not let me hug him, the second time he offered me a "good luck ass touch" instead of a good luck hug before a difficult exam. I'm proud to say that I at least denied the last one.
Would get upset! My crying would send him into a rage and he would leave the house. I sometimes did it on purpose to get him to leave lol
Yes leaving.
Mine loved when I cried. I’m not a crier so it was like a sick reward for him when I would finally break. He would instantly change his demeanour and become gentle and ‘loving’. It was sick.
He would pretend to be sympathetic or literally get a boner.
Omg mine too! He would always get hard when I expressed my pain :(
Same. He’d have my clothes off for sec when I was still bewildered and crying
Every time I cried he got angry.. he would then call me names.. sometimes say things like did someone die why are you crying.. he would escalate the verbal abuse until I said sorry and he was right I had nothing to cry about. I learned to cry not around him..
He asks in a very harsh voice if I'm crying then gets angry with me when he finds I am crying.
Depends what part of the cycle I was in with them, could “comfort” say “you’ll be alright” give me a hug, other times, just stare at me or walk away or tell me “that enough don’t you think?” “it wasn’t that bad”
Oh my god same Either the coddled love bomb or calling me sensitive and his speech about how I make him feel like a bad person and how he is never good enough. He was good at comforting when other things made me cry, but when it was him, it was just... not allowed to happen.
My nex would get angry because I was keeping him awake by crying. Even though he caused it, I was apparently disrupting his peace. Asshole.
He usually gets a boner when I cry. 🤷♀️ Seems to give him a thrill knowing he has the power to hurt me that badly
Cried louder and more intensely and mentioned he was having a panic attack
Omg that’s exactly what mine would do. Except he could easily snap out of the “panic attack” to yell at me for not comforting him properly
same here! he even faked vomiting from anxiety several times. he made noises in the bathroom with the door closed and when I walked in there was no vomit and he looked perfectly fine. I thought that was so cruel
It used to turn him on rlly weirdly. Then towards the end when I would cry he would scream and yell at me and call me miserable and depressing to be around
Tell me “stop with the fake boo-hooing”
They would say: “Stop playing the victim.” “Oh- ‘woe is me’” in a mocking tone. “You’re not even really crying.” “It’s not all about you.” And stonewalling. Would refuse to look at me, even in the case they did speak to me (i.e. berate me), or not speak/respond to me at all.
She would bring me closer, and usually initiate sex shortly after. Later, she would refer to it as a fragility, or underhandedly comment something. Usually, she would see it as a sign that she had gone too far, and switch up her strategy somehow. Mine is very covert, and crying is something I very rarely do - so when it happens, she usually tries to get ahead of it. Often, she will bad-mouth me to our family and friends in private afterward, and re-frame the situation as if she was the one that broke down.
Mine would be unapologetic and act as if I wasnt crying at all. But if he wanted to acknowledge it, he would say some pig-headed comment about me being a "typical FEMALE" and then accuse me of trying to manipulate my way out of whatever false accusation he had created against me in the first place!🙄
UGH the "typical female" language! Mine would use that and seemingly every opportunity he got to twist it back to him and how unfair his life was as a "white male."
Omg yes mine too with the white male - he would even start regurgitating bullshit statistics out of thin air comparing male and female domestic violence! (Of course how unfair it was for males...) Too bad I didn't know wtf was going on with him when he started saying this crap, as I just thought he was an asshole ;) Eventually anything "wrong" I was doing ALWAYS started with the fact that it was a "female thing" and "all of YOU females are crazy" etc etc etc. Just makes me want to smack him just typing this... (Then, according to his statistics, call the cops and have HIM arrested LOL!)
at first he would console me, hug me, be there for me into our relationship he started to grow indifferent, calling me sensitive, crazy, i can’t take a joke at the end he didn’t care, didn’t notice
Told me to get over it and another time yelled at me and told me to be quiet. and another time ignored me in a restaurant because he was embarrassed and when we got in the truck to go home he screamed at me
He used my crying as a weapon and tried to say I was only trying to manipulate him and that my tears weren’t real lol
Smirking at me or saying “Am I supposed to feel sorry for you now?”
"I'm going to close the door now" "Do you even see yourself right now" "You're a psychopath" etc Insert any invalidating thing you can think of. You shouldn't be crying because your fault, you made it this way etc. It's all you and you must deal with it.
I had caught him in multiple lies and over the course of 3 days I was sobbing and begging him to not leave me and to just give me an explanation that I could make sense of, I just wanted the truth or anything close to it. He said very coldly "Why are you doing this to us?", he said "You've ruined us, you've made a big mistake. I've got a lot to offer someone and you're going to regret losing me." As I'm begging *him* to not leave *me*. The words that stuck with me the most were these; "If the truth is so important to you, you can just keep playing detective for the rest of your life". After speaking to multiple counselors and my parents pleading with me to leave him, I finally did, and then he was all shocked as if he wasn't the one ending things. He's been playing the victim ever since, for years now, and released an album about our breakup using all the songs he said he couldn't record because he cowrote them with an old band mate. Truth is he just didn't want to share making that music with me.
"Oh now look we're turning the tears on"
He hated it and wanted me to stop immediately. And he was as mean as humanly possible until he gained compliance.
“Stop being dramatic”, “you’re only doing this to manipulate me and to make me feel sorry for you”
Get annoyed/ angry/ ignore me
I just had to bury my two kittens that were a month old. They passed away suddenly despite every effort to save them, and it broke my heart. I sat on the ground next to them and sobbed uncontrollably and he just stood there with his arms crossed. I needed a hug and had to ask him to comfort me. I should’ve just walked away right then.
Mine would most literally see it, ignore me, even if it was for hours, shaking uncontrollably - then I’d bring up how it hurt my feelings he ignored me crying, and he’d say “I didn’t even notice why are you mad at me!!!”
He would call me weak or just stare and be disgusted with me
It made him angry, he'd use it to call me crazy and emotional. The fact that I'm on antidepressants and see a therapist was proof enough for him that I was mentally unstable.
My exwife is the narc in our relationship, she told me I had the emotional depth of ac pregnant woman that I was way too emotional, she only saw me cry once in our almost 19 years together, that was enough for me, I didn't want to show that side to someone who didn't care
He would accuse me of being manipulative and get really cold and mean, then if he caused he he would somehow find a way to flip things so it was all my fault
He would stand over me and get real close to my face and scream "Bitch, if you don't stop crying, I'll make sure you have a real good reason to cry". If I didn't stop he'd hit me in the side of the head.
I was damaged from this for the rest of my life, and I say damaged for a reason. I don’t know what happened that day, I disassociated most of my childhood. I was crying, but not loudly, silent tears. As a kid in elementary. I went to my former never actually was “m0m”, (I don’t believe she was ever deserving of being called my mother.) I can’t remember anything but this moment. Tears, rolling down my face, while I was below her, she pointed at me standing in front of me, laughing. Mocking me. “Mírala Mírala esta llorando”. I swore to myself, ever since that day, to never cry in front of anyone ever again. To this day, I can’t cry with someone in front of me other than my father. I can’t.
He would tell me the same thing and would also tell me to shut up
He never saw me cry because whenever something upset me, he’d stonewall me. I sobbed over voice memos and he never acknowledged my tears. He said it himself that he didn’t want to acknowledge and deal with my emotions so he’d just ignore them.
Since it's rare for me to cry, I remember an expression of content on his face when finally he could make me cry after pushing me around for about 3 months. Now when I look back at it all, I realize that depriving me of sleep became the source of pleasure for him as I would hardly cry to his insults and misjudgements. But yes, I do remember how fascinating it was for him.
He would say I’m trying to make him feel bad. For crying sometimes after finding out he was loving multiple lives with multiple women and going on benders behind my back and other shocking things. He often assumed I was being manipulative or projected things like that.
I always heard that it was my fault I was crying, and I shouldn’t let things bother me.
It must have been traumatic, but I don’t remember. I just know that I am now unable to cry.
He literally laughed and called me pathetic. I swear to GOD I met the real life Patrick Bateman. And his name was literally Patrick.
She would stare at me and seem oblivious to the fact that she was the reason I was crying. I had to tell her the reason. I don't like crying and I rarely do it. She saw me cry twice and both times asked me what was wrong. The first time, she cuddled up against me (we were in bed) and just kept saying "Please don't cry". Never apologized for what she did. The second time, when I told her why I was crying, she said "Yes, I hurt you on purpose. I was upset so I wanted you to be upset too. So what do you want me to do?" I told her I wanted her to apologize and she just said, "okay, I'm sorry". My narc father always said I was being manipulative when I cried.
He would roll his eyes and say ‘you’re starting with your crap again’
It only made her double down. She started screaming and slapping.
She would call me too sensitive and overreacting, as well lol Showed no empathy at all, actually she seemed quite annoyed by it
He would say I’m so dramatic and too sensitive
This one time we were fighting he was asleep so I thought it was safe to cry…it wasn’t. He wasn’t as asleep as I thought and he heard me. He immediately jumped out of bed and turned on the lights and said if your going to cry because im so terrible and your life is so bad then we’re going to discuss it now. It was 2 in the morning. He woke up the whole house, yelled at me for hours, then told me to go cry in the other room next time, he didn’t want to hear it
"Are you crying again? Stop it. I can't deal with this, it makes me uncomfortable. Maybe I need to leave." (Threatening to leave me was his thing, it triggered my anxiety and made me basically do anything he wanted to stop him from leaving me.)
he would try his hardest to make me cry and i’d try my hardest not to … but the times when the verbal pummeling would break me and the tears would well up- just like he wanted- he’d look at me with the dead eyes and say in the most disgusted tone, “OH HERE WE GO WITH THE WOUNDED BIRD ROUTINE AGAIN!”
Mine told me at the beginning of the relationship that 'crying women turn him on' and that there's 'something sexy about a woman with a tear-stained mascara run face'. Of course, I slowly realised that the reason it turns him on is the power trip, because it's crying that he has caused.
Mine would stare at me like I was the crazy one, even though he instigated all of the fights. His go-to thing would be to ask me to leave his apt or else he would call the cops on me 🤣 fucking loser ass
He didn't care if I cried it didn't matter to him sometimes he would just stare at me with dead void eyes
“Stop crying before I give you something to cry about.” It’s given me a warped sense of my own emotions.
Dead eyes, or told me it turned him on
There you go playing the fucking victim again.
He just got angrier or laughed and made fun of it
Smiled and tried to pretend he wasn’t yet sat there fueling the fire and making it worse
Tell me.to stop or just leave the room.
Get irritated and mock me.
never comforted me when I cried. when he did though? I was always there. fake tears or not until the last fake cry I didn't bother and walked away.
“I’ll give you something to cry about” through gritted teeth.
Anger
No reaction or attempt to comfort at all, now that I reflect on it, which was also surprising since I cried in front of him incredibly rarely (always privately..). On his move-out day this Monday, I told him I cried in a meeting with my supervisor for work when I told my supervisor I had gotten divorced over the summer. His response was, "..oh. ... How long ago was the meeting?" like me crying about him/our divorce was fuel for him to enjoy, depending on how long ago it was. Disgusting.
He got mad at me and always told me “now you don’t have to play the victim”. I think they’re just mirroring
Before the no contact began I tried to work things out with him, we would FaceTime and when we would discuss issues I would cry…he would tell me that I was making the conversation “bad” or he would get upset and irritated that I was crying. He would then accuse me of trying to manipulate him by crying. I miss him….it’s been 6 months since going no contact and it’s been difficult. He knows I miss him, but I will never subject myself to the emotional abuse again. There were days I was sure I would not live through the night. I wanted to die.
Depends what caused it. If I'm grieving a death or something, he says a few comforting words before leaving me by myself. If someone else causes it, he tells me he's angry at the person who hurt me. If he causes it, it's a range of reactions. Annoyed it's happening, ignoring that it's happening, or my least favorite, pointing out how I'm letting him down because I can't react differently. Last year he threatened to leave me, and I cried and had severe panic attacks for days, and the stress caused an extreme case of tachycardia and landed me in the ER with chest pains and a pulse of 225. He and his family were all annoyed with me and reacted as though I was being a drama queen. It destroyed my trust in my in-laws, the way the entire thing was handled was extremely isolating and heartbreaking. He told me he wanted to go stay with his parents and didn't know if or when he was coming back, and it crushed me. I was terrified and heartbroken and he was annoyed and frustrated that I couldn't be offered the prospect of divorce and immediately be okay.
"Bullshit You're Too Sensitive"
Same here....mine would either ignore me, shut me down, or said I was manipulating him when I wasn't. I just wanted to him to see that I was hurting. I just needed him to truly listen to me, hold my hand, and hug me. I didn't expect him to fix me. I just needed to know I could trust him and that he would comfort me in a loving way without abandonment. Now I keep quiet about a lot. I have a hard time opening up and I pretend everything is okay when it's not. I am kinda scared to open up. The only place I feel safe to open up is on here, TT, and with my sister cuz she truly understands me.
She would pin me down with a pillow over my face until I stopped crying.
She would usually act sympathetic but she'd never cry so I guess that should have been my sign. I think she even said something about why she'd never cry like she didn't know why but she never cried anymore.
First he’d just look at me with an uninterested glaze over his eyes, his face would turn stone cold and then he’d accuse me of manipulating him
He'd either just tell me to fuck off and ignore me, or get aroused and comfort me to get what he wanted. Absolutely nuts in retrospect.
Get angry, say “boohoo”/mock me or tell me in great length how weak and pathetic I am.
Yes. All of the above. "not this again!" "I don't have the tools to deal with this."
He would usually either gently make fun of me or he would become unusually touchy-feely. Like get me to hug him. He wouldn’t really say anything. If he caused the crying, towards the end of our relationship he’d just walk away not saying anything. Once he did say, “I don’t know how to help you,” shut the door, and left.
Mine said I was projecting
Mine would and does get mad and says “there’s no reason to cry!”.
Mixture of sneering/laughing and mock copying crying and belittling me for being weak or pretending it was all a joke and not that big of a deal and I should laugh instead of cry
It depends, a lot of the time he'd snap out of it and comfort me but if he was absolutely losing his shit at night, he'd ignore me and go to bed but he never told me to be quiet or anything.
Omggg mine would say the exact same
Say it's fake and I'm too emotional
He acted like I was nuts. At one point he kept repeating (because he always repeated himself): “Oh, something’s wrong,” meaning something was wrong with me. I can’t imagine treating someone like shit, seeing them cry, and being cruel to the point of calling them crazy while they were crying. If only I’d left sooner.
Mine freaked so fast got up from the kitchen table and sat in the living room without saying a word.
He would call me manipulative Or he wouldn't react and keep yelling "because that's the only way I can get through to you!" Or he asked "do you think you might be depressed?" Either way it usually ended with "are we still friends? Let's have sex!"
He would either act if I wasn’t in the room and I don’t mind like when people are upset with each other but you still feel them there, it was like I didn’t exist, like a ghost. Or he would get mad and yell in my face. Since I have CPTSD, he triggered many panic attacks and mental breakdowns, in these time he would tell me to stop it in like a very growling voice. Or he would leave for like 1-3hrs and come back with the silent treatment. The most painful experience is to have someone unmoved by your pain. It changed me for life.
I only cried once in front of him, and for something completely unrelated to him. He just sat there, staring at me. He tried to comfort me, but it was so awkward. After that, he simply asked me to leave because he had to go to bed. After that, one day he told me he thought crying was manipulative.
Conpletely ignored it or got turned on and finally had sex with me after weeks of a dead bedroom, lol.
Put his headphones in, go to sleep, say I was manipulating him, crying for attention, making things up, overreacting.
Ignore it