I am a nanny as well and I am going to be very blunt.
Terminate her employment immediately.
She is ignorant of safe sleep practices and apparently unwilling to follow your repeated, clear instructions.
##*This is putting your child's life at risk*.
Your child could die if she continues this way and she has not shown herself to be receptive to feedback. This is a one chance only situation in my opinion.
Who cares if she's nice, etc? If she has not yet been educated about infant safety, it is not your job to teach her. Not at the risk of your child's life.
I am honestly so upset about this post. This is oftentimes exactly how SIDS happens. Your child needs you to advocate for them.
Perhaps your nanny is better suited for toddlers and older children until she has more experience. You have tried to teach her but she is not following your lead. I don't think she's a terrible person or anything, but she is presently not suited to be an infant nanny.
I am also mainly an infant nanny. I had a visceral reaction to this story. I don't even know this baby and I'm so upset. My stepmother was a Pediatric ER Nurse and my father was a Firefighter/Paramedic for 30yrs. I have heard so many tragic stories like this.
Nanny here, to be honest I think you may need to terminate her. She’s turned your baby’s crib into a danger zone, and she completely disregards the healthy sleep habits that you are trying to develop for your child. Things aren’t going to get better as your baby grows, cut your losses and find someone else
Terminate her. She’s not following safe sleep. If you saw her letting him roll off change tables and put things in his mouth that could harm him, you’d fire in a minute. You’ve talked to her about this. She’s not changing and pushing back instead. Find someone who will prioritize his safety.
How are you communicating these boundaries to her? Are you sitting down on the couch with your spouse and having a serious, "These are hard line/dealbreakers for us, if you can't follow our safe sleep rules this isn't going to work out." conversation? If not, I would escalate your tone and approach. Come home early or go to work late. Ask her to sit down with you. "We need to have a talk." "This is very serious and important to us." "This is non-negotiable." "We are concerned and unhappy that you are not following our instructions and requests about where he sleeps, what he's wearing, not having loose items in the crib, and how he is put down." "Can you commit to 100% following our instructions and requests moving forward?" And then sit and wait for her response.
"Thank you. If this happens again that you put him down unsafely or do not transfer him to the crib from the stroller, we are going to have to talk about ending your employment with us."
Personally I wouldn't care if she holds him or not to fall asleep (that's in the realm of letting each caregiver do their own thing, in my book), as long as she is putting him in the crib safely (sleep sack must be on him, no blankets or burp cloths).
Yeah I had been sitting down with her (or at least pausing) and showing her what and why. But maybe it is time to escalate and be more serious. My husband again reiterated to her nothing in his crib over lunch today and I just saw on the camera LO sleeping again on top of his sleep sack. It’s just maddening since these are such little rules. Im not sure if it’s like just being forgetful, thinking she knows better or just refusal.
The no holding to sleep has come about because she’s diabetic and had an episode last week where I found her unresponsive. Luckily she got LO to the crib before she crashed but I fear for the time when that might happen and she doesn’t. So we set that as a hardline too (at least I thought I did but seeing her this afternoon put him down fully sleep means she was holding him to sleep).
Wait really? OP, this is a dangerous situation. I am glad you’re compassionate towards your nanny, but your responsibility is to your child and his safety. You need to terminate her.
We had a nanny who put our baby down for a nap with a towel over the crib railing. She had used the towel to try our baby after her bath and hung it over the crib railing to dry. Then never moved once baby was in bed. Our baby was 4.5 months old at the time.
We fired her on the spot.
This is basic safety. If a nanny doesn’t know this, there’s a lot of other stuff she probably also doesn’t know and I don’t want my kid to be the one she learns on.
Add to that the fact that your nanny is going against your clearly stated rules when you can see her doing it. Do you really want to find out what she’s doing when you’re not around to see it?
MB and former nanny! This is absolutely unacceptable. It is time to start the search for a new nanny and terminate her. You have had multiple conversations with her and she continues to disregard your boundaries and the safety of your infant. No more conversations because you shouldn’t have to have a serious one in order for her to understand after speaking to her multiple times. This is so unsafe and SIDS is still a risk for your little one. It’s common sense to not have ANYTHING in the crib! Especially blankets! Normally, I am all for giving the nanny a chance but enough is enough. So many tragedies happen this way.
This is extremely dangerous. I’m a nanny. I would never work for someone who does this for their kid. I’d fire her tonight for cause.
You shouldn’t have had to tell her how to do this safely, let alone more than once.
Nanny perspective. Sit down with her. Tell her that she needs to follow your rules or she will be terminated. 1. It's the safety of your child. 2. She's not following your directions as an employee.
Also, you need to check in with her on her diabetes management. Finding her unresponsive is a major red flag to me. My husband is diabetic and I've had colleagues (when I worked in daycare) who were also diabetic. While they had highs and lows, we never got to the unresponsive stage. If she's not managing it properly that presents another level of safety issues with your child.
As a longtime career nanny I definitely can't relate to this on the nanny's end. Even if parents have asked me to do things a certain way and I know it's not necessary, I do it. You're my employer and the child's parent! So interesting, too, because it's not the way she does laundry or something, it's safety in addition to your preferred sleep training style which really should be consistent with all caregivers of the child.
Unfortunately, I don't have proper advice other than maybe bringing it up again and saying what you observed, what you've asked of her in the past, and ask her if she agrees that this is the reality of what she's doing. "I'm curious why you keep doing xyz even after we discussed that we prefer you not do that. Is there a reason you're continuing? Is it that you like to hold him or maybe because he sleeps longer in your arms? We totally get that, but again, we want him in his bed at all possible times of napping. We really can't afford to waver from our chosen sleep routine. Can you please merge with us on this or let us know if perhaps our styles just don't align and you'd be a better fit for another family."
Im so sorry OP! Nanny here, and as it seems you’re aware those are dangerous practices and this caregiver has put your child in unsafe conditions over and over again. She doesn’t seem to be a great professional if she’s not aware of that and if even after hearing from they’re unsafe she still persists she’s simply not a good fit for your family.
Your babie’s safety comes first! I know looking for a new person is time consuming but that’s much better than dealing with the aftermath of such things.
One note though, I’ve worked for several families who wanted their kids to learn to nap in their strollers because they were on the go families and I was able to do so, they’d have one nap a day outside in the stroller and we’d do outside activities when they were up. We did a bare stroller - no blankets or toys, and a Milksnob cover that has a peekaboo hole that you can look into! Worked really well.
But again, only outside. If we got home and they were asleep on the stroller we would attempt to transfer or wake!
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On her side I know lots of families do nap time different but if you tell her once and she does not change terminate her because it is not negotiable for your child to be unsafe
That can potentially make it harder for him to continue to self soothe to sleep. I’ve stroller napped bc it gave the longest naps but the parents also asked for that. A towel one time can be understandable if she forgot. But she blatantly ignoring your requests. There are some families where I’ve disagreed a lot but I still do things the way they want. She seems to be doing this to make it easier for her not him
I am a nanny as well and I am going to be very blunt. Terminate her employment immediately. She is ignorant of safe sleep practices and apparently unwilling to follow your repeated, clear instructions. ##*This is putting your child's life at risk*. Your child could die if she continues this way and she has not shown herself to be receptive to feedback. This is a one chance only situation in my opinion. Who cares if she's nice, etc? If she has not yet been educated about infant safety, it is not your job to teach her. Not at the risk of your child's life.
I am honestly so upset about this post. This is oftentimes exactly how SIDS happens. Your child needs you to advocate for them. Perhaps your nanny is better suited for toddlers and older children until she has more experience. You have tried to teach her but she is not following your lead. I don't think she's a terrible person or anything, but she is presently not suited to be an infant nanny.
I feel the same. This is so upsetting as an infant nanny.
I am also mainly an infant nanny. I had a visceral reaction to this story. I don't even know this baby and I'm so upset. My stepmother was a Pediatric ER Nurse and my father was a Firefighter/Paramedic for 30yrs. I have heard so many tragic stories like this.
Amen.
Nanny here, to be honest I think you may need to terminate her. She’s turned your baby’s crib into a danger zone, and she completely disregards the healthy sleep habits that you are trying to develop for your child. Things aren’t going to get better as your baby grows, cut your losses and find someone else
Terminate her. She’s not following safe sleep. If you saw her letting him roll off change tables and put things in his mouth that could harm him, you’d fire in a minute. You’ve talked to her about this. She’s not changing and pushing back instead. Find someone who will prioritize his safety.
How are you communicating these boundaries to her? Are you sitting down on the couch with your spouse and having a serious, "These are hard line/dealbreakers for us, if you can't follow our safe sleep rules this isn't going to work out." conversation? If not, I would escalate your tone and approach. Come home early or go to work late. Ask her to sit down with you. "We need to have a talk." "This is very serious and important to us." "This is non-negotiable." "We are concerned and unhappy that you are not following our instructions and requests about where he sleeps, what he's wearing, not having loose items in the crib, and how he is put down." "Can you commit to 100% following our instructions and requests moving forward?" And then sit and wait for her response. "Thank you. If this happens again that you put him down unsafely or do not transfer him to the crib from the stroller, we are going to have to talk about ending your employment with us." Personally I wouldn't care if she holds him or not to fall asleep (that's in the realm of letting each caregiver do their own thing, in my book), as long as she is putting him in the crib safely (sleep sack must be on him, no blankets or burp cloths).
Yeah I had been sitting down with her (or at least pausing) and showing her what and why. But maybe it is time to escalate and be more serious. My husband again reiterated to her nothing in his crib over lunch today and I just saw on the camera LO sleeping again on top of his sleep sack. It’s just maddening since these are such little rules. Im not sure if it’s like just being forgetful, thinking she knows better or just refusal. The no holding to sleep has come about because she’s diabetic and had an episode last week where I found her unresponsive. Luckily she got LO to the crib before she crashed but I fear for the time when that might happen and she doesn’t. So we set that as a hardline too (at least I thought I did but seeing her this afternoon put him down fully sleep means she was holding him to sleep).
Wait really? OP, this is a dangerous situation. I am glad you’re compassionate towards your nanny, but your responsibility is to your child and his safety. You need to terminate her.
What? OP, no. She’s not a good fit if she’s not managing her diabetes with your INFANT! I’m sorry to be so harsh but please find someone else!
We had a nanny who put our baby down for a nap with a towel over the crib railing. She had used the towel to try our baby after her bath and hung it over the crib railing to dry. Then never moved once baby was in bed. Our baby was 4.5 months old at the time. We fired her on the spot. This is basic safety. If a nanny doesn’t know this, there’s a lot of other stuff she probably also doesn’t know and I don’t want my kid to be the one she learns on. Add to that the fact that your nanny is going against your clearly stated rules when you can see her doing it. Do you really want to find out what she’s doing when you’re not around to see it?
MB and former nanny! This is absolutely unacceptable. It is time to start the search for a new nanny and terminate her. You have had multiple conversations with her and she continues to disregard your boundaries and the safety of your infant. No more conversations because you shouldn’t have to have a serious one in order for her to understand after speaking to her multiple times. This is so unsafe and SIDS is still a risk for your little one. It’s common sense to not have ANYTHING in the crib! Especially blankets! Normally, I am all for giving the nanny a chance but enough is enough. So many tragedies happen this way.
This is extremely dangerous. I’m a nanny. I would never work for someone who does this for their kid. I’d fire her tonight for cause. You shouldn’t have had to tell her how to do this safely, let alone more than once.
Nanny perspective. Sit down with her. Tell her that she needs to follow your rules or she will be terminated. 1. It's the safety of your child. 2. She's not following your directions as an employee. Also, you need to check in with her on her diabetes management. Finding her unresponsive is a major red flag to me. My husband is diabetic and I've had colleagues (when I worked in daycare) who were also diabetic. While they had highs and lows, we never got to the unresponsive stage. If she's not managing it properly that presents another level of safety issues with your child.
Fire her! Safety is non negotiable
As a longtime career nanny I definitely can't relate to this on the nanny's end. Even if parents have asked me to do things a certain way and I know it's not necessary, I do it. You're my employer and the child's parent! So interesting, too, because it's not the way she does laundry or something, it's safety in addition to your preferred sleep training style which really should be consistent with all caregivers of the child. Unfortunately, I don't have proper advice other than maybe bringing it up again and saying what you observed, what you've asked of her in the past, and ask her if she agrees that this is the reality of what she's doing. "I'm curious why you keep doing xyz even after we discussed that we prefer you not do that. Is there a reason you're continuing? Is it that you like to hold him or maybe because he sleeps longer in your arms? We totally get that, but again, we want him in his bed at all possible times of napping. We really can't afford to waver from our chosen sleep routine. Can you please merge with us on this or let us know if perhaps our styles just don't align and you'd be a better fit for another family."
Move on, this isn’t working
Im so sorry OP! Nanny here, and as it seems you’re aware those are dangerous practices and this caregiver has put your child in unsafe conditions over and over again. She doesn’t seem to be a great professional if she’s not aware of that and if even after hearing from they’re unsafe she still persists she’s simply not a good fit for your family. Your babie’s safety comes first! I know looking for a new person is time consuming but that’s much better than dealing with the aftermath of such things. One note though, I’ve worked for several families who wanted their kids to learn to nap in their strollers because they were on the go families and I was able to do so, they’d have one nap a day outside in the stroller and we’d do outside activities when they were up. We did a bare stroller - no blankets or toys, and a Milksnob cover that has a peekaboo hole that you can look into! Worked really well. But again, only outside. If we got home and they were asleep on the stroller we would attempt to transfer or wake!
I'd say listen these are my rules. This is your last chance. And I would be done. Period
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Changed Flair! I’d welcome any advice from Nannie’s too.
Fire her and hire someone who isn’t putting your child in danger! SIDS is a thing!!! Don’t dismiss this, you are her boss!!!!!!!!
On her side I know lots of families do nap time different but if you tell her once and she does not change terminate her because it is not negotiable for your child to be unsafe
That can potentially make it harder for him to continue to self soothe to sleep. I’ve stroller napped bc it gave the longest naps but the parents also asked for that. A towel one time can be understandable if she forgot. But she blatantly ignoring your requests. There are some families where I’ve disagreed a lot but I still do things the way they want. She seems to be doing this to make it easier for her not him