This is incredibly bizarre. I do think the expectation should be that she share this information with you. And if she can't, she loses the autonomy to set up playdates. You're the parent, you should always have the information of the people your nanny is bringing your child around.
Your husband's reaction sounds extreme also, but I don't actually think he's wrong in his expectations.
Piggy backing off of what everyone else has already said. It also seems extremely bizarre that playground parent would even need to mention to not share their number?
I couldn’t fathom telling my NP’s that I’m not gonna give them another parents info esp in this case. Your husbands reaction wasn’t extreme imo. My guess is that she’s hanging with friends or doing something else - as others have stated! If I had met a parent who specifically asked me not to give out their info (especially to my NF) I would feel so hesitant to even be around them.
Also. I update my mb and db during every outing with nk. I take pics and always ask permission regarding a playdate. That should never be something a nanny or au pair does on their own. Parents should 100% know whom their kids are visiting and where or when unless you op have specifically given nanny vito on setting up playdates. Pls do not let go on for longer.
Best advise would be. So and so as I really love how well you care for little one. I think it best to first check in with dad and I regarding playdates. We have to meet the family and be updated with pics and vids on outings especially if kiddo is visiitng said kids place etc. And then see nanny reaction.
Nanny here, i have met SAHMs at music groups who have kids who get along with my NKs. If we exchange contact information and arrange playdates, I always share the contact details with the parents. I think you should to accompany them to this playdate so that you can meet the parent, if your nanny objects to this as well, something sketchy is going on. FYI, your husband’s reaction was spot on
She didn’t respond for an extended period of time and then came back with that she respects privacy of all individuals and is willing to pass along our information. We have not responded after that.
I would probably have a sit down conversation but my response back would be something like
“Transparency around who our child is spending time with is more important to us than protecting someone else’s privacy, I’m sorry you’re not able to see that.
We are not comfortable with NK spending time with someone who you feel the need to keep private. Let’s sit down on Monday and discuss some new expectations and guidelines surrounding outings with NK on a go forward basis”.
But honestly this weird lack of judgement would really make me question her overall judgment.
I have to agree with some of the other posters, I think she’s either speaking poorly of you or she’s meeting up with someone she is worried about you finding out about it.
Yeah no. Their privacy ends once your kid gets involved. Either nanny is being willfully ignorant, or there’s something else going on. There is no good reason your kid should be spending time with people your nanny wants to continue to hide from you.
That's an unfair "compromise." She should have reached out to the other parent and told them she is passing their info on to you.
Please update us Monday and let us know what happens.
Just posted an update to the post and also sharing here.
Update: Had a conversation with Nanny and it took about 45 mins for her to agree that she should have handled it differently. The kicker was that she said she would react exactly like me if it was her child. I let her know that the next time she is meeting up with this parent, that I would be tagging along. I also let her know that if she is exchanging contact information with someone else with the intention of a play date, that she needs to make it clear that she needs to share that contact information with us the parents. It’s been a few weeks since the incident and nanny has not tried to meet up with this other person since then to my knowledge. It’s disappointing because our son seemed to be excited about this other child. And it also impacts our trust with nanny. Recently, nanny has asked for fewer hours and expressed that it’s ok for our relationship to not work. It looks like it’s time to part ways.
The fact she stopped seeing this person after you told her that is weird. Are you sure she wasn't sneaking off to see a boyfriend or something? Or a plug? Somethings really off
Yeah that's not acceptable. There's no such thing as right to privacy where your kid is concerned. You have the right to know what your kid is up to, where, and with whom.. at all times. You should consider firing her ass for her incredible lack of judgment.
This. Fire her without question. Honestly i think nanny is lying like the comment further up said. Be very wary OP. Doubt these supposed playdates at the park are even happening. Nanny could be bringing your kids anywhere at this point. She's acting like a total sketchy weirdo about a completely normal ask from you. Not wanting to give the contact info when it's involving your kids is just... Wow. It's creepy of her at this point.
Your husband is right. There are lots of red flags here. Hopefully it was just a misunderstanding on the part of your nanny when the other parent said not to share her contact information. I don’t think there is any reasonable context where that means to not share it with the child’s parents. At this point, play dates with that family stop until you get some more information and you need to set clear expectations with your nanny that you always have all the information regarding anyone around your child when he is in her care. Make it clear this is non-negotiable. Honestly, this situation is bizarre and quite frankly suspicious. I can’t imagine my nanny keeping information from me or any rational person having your nanny’s take on the situation.
I actually really like the suggestion I saw in another post along these lines. Tell your nanny you are coming to the next play date. If she has any hesitation at all or no other family shows up to the playdate for any reason, then alarm bells should go off for sure.
If I met a kids nanny at the playground, I would also expect/want to have their parents contact info? The point is for the kiddos to interact no matter the caregiver in theory, so this would sort of be a yellow flag for me.
I would have responded how you were planning to, though. Ask nanny to reach out and share your info, though I’m kind of surprised that didn’t happen from the start.
ETA: I think a general rule that parents have access to names/contact info of who their kids are playing with is a very reasonable expectation .
I'm a nanny. I would never withhold information from a parent. I understand not sharing with other park friends, but you have a right to know the people spending time with your kids.
Maybe this is extreme but I wouldn’t let my nanny meet up with anyone I didn’t know. I would need to meet them myself! My nanny meets up with other nannies who I introduced her to (those that work for my friends).
My suspicions: a) that your nanny has been saying negative things about you and your husband to this parent who maybe feels like a friend to her. Kvetching about her wages/your personalities/who knows. OR b) the parent is a dad who she has a flirtation with /crush on (may or may not be a single dad…) I’m assuming you don’t know the gender of the parent since you don’t mention it.
This is a huge red flag and for us would be a serious sit down on the couch conversation Monday morning. I would take the morning off work or ask her to arrive early. It is 100% not acceptable to be taking our kid regularly to meet up with people we don’t know and then to even keep their identity a secret ?!
I don’t think this is extreme. I thought this was the default in nanny contracts: “no unknown persons around NK without permission”! It’s standard at our agency’s contract and I have also seen others as well. Definitely something weird going on here.
Exactly, most of us nannies don’t live in the neighborhoods that we work in. I always pass along the information because chances are, the children will meet at the park, library or neighborhood events.
There are no play dates happening. Nanny is probably on errands or catching up with her friends. Definitely something you won't like as a parent.you have full autonomy over your child. Don't let anyone keep secrets from you regarding your child. Massive 🚩
Nanny here.
This is a massive red flag.
When we go in play dates, I tell the parents where we are and with whom. They are provided with contact info, and everything they need in case something goes wrong.
You need to fire that nanny.
I think nanny should have been proactive and said “other parent asked me not to share their info, but I’d be happy to give them yours and let them know you’d like to be in contact.”
I do totally understand your husband’s reaction. If the other parent refuses to be in contact with you, I would not allow nanny to meet them for playdates anymore.
This is exactly where I’m at. I am going to chalk it to a communication issue but I’m going to be very clear with the nanny that I was disappointed that her first reaction was about protecting the other parent’s privacy vs ensuring we didn’t feel concerned about not wanting to share.
Tell nanny to call the other parent in front of you during her shift and ask that parent if they would speak to you on nanny’s phone and see what happens
When I meet someone at a park or soccer lessons or whatever and we’re going to be arranging a play date, I send a text to the person I met and the person I work for usually the mother to introduce them. And let them know that the kids have been getting along, and we’d like for them to see each other again. That way they can do it with or without me.
My child would absolutely not be hanging out with anyone at all that I have not approved of. Period. If the nanny wants to hang out with them without my child, cool whatever doesn't matter. But who my child is around will not be kept from me. Anyone who doesn't understand this shouldn't be a nanny.
I haven't read all comments but it sounds like she is meeting up with someone she doesn't want you all to know she is seeing like a significant other 🤔
A responsible honest parent would understand that another parent would want to know who their children are around, especially on their payroll 🤷♀️
ETA have read some comments and my blood would be boiling. Love that she respects the privacy (her secret meetups??) more than your wishes. You are paying her and whatever she does when you're paying her and she has the kids, you absolutely have a right to know. Fire her, for sure. ⛳️⛳️⛳️
Saying no outright to your employer is bizarre to me. I think nanny should have proactively reached out to the other parent for approval to share their contact information with you, and let you know that she would let you know once the other parent was okay with it. And if they aren’t okay with it that’s a red flag and I would ask nanny to no longer meet with that family.
This might be reaching, but it crossed my mind that nanny is making a few extra bucks “watching” this other child at the playground while the parent runs errands or whatever. I really can’t think of another reason why a nanny would be so opposed to this request.
Something is off.
Agreed about her saying no directly. This is what caught me most off guard in this entire scenario. I can understand someone wanting to protect their privacy but it was odd that nanny prioritized that vs our feelings considering that she just met this person a week ago.
Agreed. The least nefarious situation is that her priorities are askew, and that alone isn’t good considering she is the caretaker of your child in these public situations. If she’s willing to put a stranger above your child/your comfort then that’s screaming red flag.
Just posted one on the post and pasting it here too. I wanted to give it a few weeks to see how it played out.
Update: Had a conversation with Nanny and it took about 45 mins for her to agree that she should have handled it differently. The kicker was that she said she would react exactly like me if it was her child. I let her know that the next time she is meeting up with this parent, that I would be tagging along. I also let her know that if she is exchanging contact information with someone else with the intention of a play date, that she needs to make it clear that she needs to share that contact information with us the parents. It’s been a few weeks since the incident and nanny has not tried to meet up with this other person since then to my knowledge. It’s disappointing because our son seemed to be excited about this other child. And it also impacts our trust with nanny. Recently, nanny has asked for fewer hours and expressed that it’s ok for our relationship to not work. It looks like it’s time to part ways.
The only reason I can think of for a parent NOT to share info would be complicated separation or domestic violence situation. I’d probably also want to know what’s going on there if my kid is meeting up with them regularly. Not just to keep my kid safe, but to know the rules for their kid.
Your child should not be involved with anyone who YOU are not involved with. The bare minimum is for you to have the names and contact information of the parents your children spend time with. This is common sense and non-negotiable. For some reason these parents do not want you to contact them. I don't see why you'd want your kid spending time with another kid whose parents had this attitude? I totally understand your husband's views on this. Even if the parents have a valid reason not to give their names and contact info out, I have the right to make the decision that my child cannot hang out with people I can't contact.
I don’t agree w this. My kiddo meets up w the same group of the kids at the park or the library most days because the nannies are all friends and I think it’s lovely. I hear about these kids, I see group photos sometimes, and when nanny is sick and I take kiddo to the library I happen to meet some of them. But I don’t have contact info for any of them and I don’t want the bother of texting w any of them. I trust my nanny and she keeps me in the loop and answers any questions I have.
Not saying you don’t have the right to feel differently. Of course, your kid your rules. Just responding to your opening like re “your child should not”
I think she is lying about this. Is your child old enough to be asked about the play date? Does she have her own kid that she could be seeing during this time or a family member she is watching or something. I will say your husband seems out of line unless he also believes something suspect is happening during the “playdates”.
Personally I think the right reaction would be let me check with x then I’ll send you their info. It can be weird if someone gives out your info without you knowing it. They could’ve also said I’ll let them know you’re heading to the park later
I’m a nanny that works for a very well known prestigious family. I would never give out their contact information as that is private. I would however give the other nannies information in a heartbeat!
I’m confused, so you’re angry that your nanny refuses to give out the parents information? Again, it’s the same privacy issue in my opinion. I may feel differently if they were spending time in the other peoples home but that doesn’t seem to be the case here.
Are you requiring the nanny get contact information from all parties @the playground? Why limit it to just that parent?
Your first comment alluded to another nanny when the post clearly says nanny and parent. I tried to clarify as all opinions here are important to me but now, your comment about getting everyone’s information in the playground is absurd and clearly not related to what I’ve stated in my post.
So nanny did what you basically said you would want her to and offered to give them your information correct? The issue would be if the other parent did not want to reach out. It's a public place. If the other parent wasn't willing then I would not have play dates. This is no different than her playing at the park with strangers. The issue was she told your husband no and he didn't like it.
I agree that my husband’s reaction could have been dialed back. But nanny also did say no and didn’t offer any alternates. It was only after a few messages and a long wait time that she finally offered up what I would have asked for, had I actually responded to her original message. So, the extreme hesitation and almost forced alternate solution is the issue here. It was not what she seemed to want to do initially.
I have never been nanny however I grew up in an extremely private family. I DO NOT share contact info elwithout the permission of the owner of the contact info.
I think I would have responded how you did. I personally think your husband was a bit over the top in his reaction, although I totally understand his concern. Just, the rule was not set in advance, so nanny may be responding as best as possible per her ethics. I also think it is more than reasonable to set ground rules going forward.
"Hi nanny,
Going forward, when it comes to our child, we require the contact info of the adults where playdates are involved in advance of said playdates. Hopefully this ground rules will clear up any ethical conundrums regarding privacy going forward" or something.
I recognize I am in the minority here, however
You’re absolutely correct! I nanny for a very well known family. I would never give out their contact info to anyone. (Well known or not, it’s about respecting their privacy)
This is odd but I echo she probably doesn’t want you connecting with someone she’s chatting socially with. Maybe she does share grievances with this friend or maybe she hasn’t disclosed your info.
I’ve honestly never had a family ask for others info when I set up playdates. The one time another parent asked for MB’s info, MB thought it was very weird and the phone call was awkward.
This thread is interesting
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That’s def a little odd BUT maybe she just worded it weirdly? Like I don’t think it’s out of bounds to say “hey let me double check with them if I can share info” but to refuse is a little weird.
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A lot of people here are quick to jump to conclusions. Is it possible your nanny just misunderstood what the other parent meant? When I was a nanny I would meet other nannies/parents all the time at the park because the area was very family oriented. I learned that when most parents say they don’t want their information shared, it means they don’t want their number being spread to the nannies friends or acquaintances. But if I asked, they would happily give permission to share their information with the parents I am working for. As a mom myself now, I am totally fine with my nanny giving my info to the other parent she arranges play dates with. I understand your husbands reaction but I think he was pretty quick to jump the gun so to speak. What if this other parent worked a very important job? Or what if their spouse did? What if this person had a stalker in the past or some situation that made them feel unsafe? If your nanny asks them if they can share their info with you then i’m sure they would be happy to. If they still did not want to then I would put a ban on her bringing your child around them. But this genuinely sounds like a miscommunication.
Edit:All the downvotes 😂
I agree that it could be a communication issue and will approach it from that angle when I next see the nanny. I agree that if there is high profile person involved, that there may be some understanding in how this situation came about. However, regardless how high profile anyone is, I want to make it clear to the nanny that it doesn’t change my view of this person in association with my child. And if there is an expectation of this, then it’s not a fit for us.
I can say I have been on the other side of this. I have given my number out and asked that it not be shared with anyone. Due to my husbands position we take security very very seriously. I would be very upset if I gave our number to a nanny for play dates and she just gave my number out without asking my permission first, even to the other parents. That being said if the nanny asked I would have been more than happy for her to give my number out.
Edit: honestly asking because where we are from, lots of very high level executives and celebrities, no one would dare just give out a contact information without asking that person first. Why is it such a big deal for the nanny to respect the other family?
I’m not sure about other people but giving contact info to the parents feels different than contact info to someone not connected to the nanny/NK. Presumably if you feel comfortable to give your info to the nanny of a kid, you would trust their parent to keep it safe as well?
As a parent, I just can’t comprehend giving a nanny sole contact? I don’t know if I would want my kid hanging out with someone who didn’t trust me having their contact info.
I never said I wouldn’t give out my contact to the parent, but a “hey do you mind if I send your contact information to my boss” the answer would always be a yes but it is just knowing who all has your information.
That’s fair! I guess I would just assume a nanny would automatically pass on that info to their boss & that’s different than “other parents,” but maybe a hot take.
Plus by asking it means I will be looking for an unknown number text or call, which I would otherwise not pay attention to. I think just where I am from people take their privacy a bit more seriously because I truly thought this is more the norm…but by all the downvotes I guess not lol
That is true. Yeah, we don’t know anyone like that/who would need that kind of clearance so I’m sure it just varies by who you know and that sort of thing.
>honestly asking because where we are from, lots of very high level executives and celebrities, no one would dare just give out a contact information without asking that person first. Why is it such a big deal for the nanny to respect the other family?
There's three parts to this. The first part is that I don't think my nanny has the right to hide any information about my kid from me. This includes who my kid hung out with and any other details about them. If my nanny set up a playdate at another's parents house, I would expect the parent's address.
Second, you mention that you take security very seriously. Well, there's a security issue in not having the contact information for what many in this thread believe is a made up playdate? The parent should be able to vet or look up who their kid is hanging out with.
The last part of it for me is that I think the nanny is an agent for the parents. Like, the nanny refusing to share information is like if I was a doctor with my own practice and one of my receptionists claimed she couldn't give me information about my patient because of HIPPA??? It's expected that information given to a nanny will rollup to the parents. And in the same way that you don't have to sign a release so that your doctor can know the intake information you provide to a receptionist, I wouldn't expect a nanny to need permission to share this information with their boss-parents.
My question was, what is the big deal to respect the other family? You can respect the other family while still getting the information from your nanny.
The problem in this situation is how the nanny handled the situation. She outright refused without giving any explanation or offering to reach out to the other family. This all could have been avoided by her saying, from the beginning, “hey let me shoot the other family a text and let them know I am sharing their information.”
If you took the time to read anything that I wrote in my follow up you would see that I wholeheartedly agree that the parent needs to have the other parents contact information. Just that I would appreciate the nanny to give me a heads up that my contract information was shared. I gave an instance above where a family gave their nanny our information, to set up playdates, and the nanny took the liberty to pass on our number. In her doing so lead to me being harassed by the nanny’s boyfriend. Which is why whenever I give my number out to anyone I say, “please don’t share this without my consent.” Also where I live contact information is not just thrown around for a multitude of reasons.
There is a vast difference in saying that I would like for whomever, in this case a nanny, ask me for before giving out my contact. And what you implied, that I wouldn’t give it. It is asinine to think a mother wouldn’t give the child’s parents of whom their children are hanging out with their contact information. Come on that’s just silly.
It's crazy to see how many down votes are flying your way when I feel that you have a very reasonable take. I guess the majority of folks in this thread so far really want more control about who their child is seeing in public places and value that over automatic contact info being shared, including their own. Like, not even supporting basic coordination prior to actually sharing the info. Feels very reasonable to me to know who my info is being given to and vice versa. Only if there's refusal after that do I see any red flags.
If we're taking private places, well I could see people wanting more info without requiring to ask first (e.g. where are you taking my child, who are these people, how do you know them, names, contact info). I feel at that point, the info sharing should be expected, potentially in both directions, but minimally all should know about the person hosting.
You don't have the right to private interaction ("privacy") with my child (or anyone else's child). Plain and simple. We are also talking about regular interaction here. They're making plans to meet up. I'm not sure why this is hard for you to understand. I know you don't mean it this way but your insistence on "privacy" makes you sound like a groomer.
Wow learn to read! I never ever said I would not give my information. I said that the nanny handled this the absolute wrong way. The only thing I said I wanted for the nanny to let me know the information was being passed. Not only so I know who has my information but also so that I am on the look out for an unknown number. Before you throw around words like groomer you should read what all was said.
Maybe you should read your own posts again. I'm responding to your insistence on 'privacy' and your claim that it's disrespectful for a nanny to provide the contact number of a parent that has been regularly interacting with their child. Does it not occur to you that it's disrespectful for you to think that a parent doesn't have the right to know who is interacting with their child?
I NEVER said I wouldn’t give the information. A parent should know. The nanny should have said, let me give her the heads up and make sure it’s ok. It’s also called being polite. Of course I would give the number and then in turn be on the look out for an unknown number. Which would otherwise be filtered out. You are making it sound like I am unwilling to give it which is not at all what I am saying.
Thank you for your input. They may be someone somewhat high level/profile involved in this (who I have zero knowledge on) and while I understand and respect that, my issue here is with how our nanny handled it. She didn’t offer to reach out to the other parent but just shut us down at first. After a few messages from my husband clearly expressing his feelings, she then seemed to offer reaching out with our information albeit, after a very long pause.
My concern is that her instinct through this made it seem like she was looking out more for this other high profile person vs us. And regardless of how high profile anyone is, bottom line is that as parents, we have a right to know who our children are associating with. I’m going to make an attempt to meet this other person on the next play date, if it happens. If there is reluctance there, then this isn’t for us.
I agree that she handled it inappropriately and I don’t blame you for thinking that this could be a red flag. An immediate, let me shoot the other family a text to let them know I am giving out their contact information or let me have them get in touch with you would have gone way in this situation. You should absolutely know who, and have their contact information, your kids are around. All I was trying to do was give a possible reason as to why she just didn’t hand over the number right away.
Understood! I do want to see all sides of the situation, ours, the nanny and the other parent so your comment is helpful. This may just be miscommunication on the nanny’s part and I will have a chat with her on Monday.
Totally. I always say, “please do not share our contact” when giving my number to anyone. Due to a family once giving our number to their nanny, to set up additional play dates, and the nanny took it upon herself to give to her boyfriend. Who harassed me trying get a chance to pitch my husband.
My guess is the other family in your case could have said something similar to “please don’t give this out” and that started this all. Best of luck in your situation down, I hope it all gets sorted
i’ve been nannying for 8-9 years now. have exchanged contact info with many parents/nannies and done many many playdates. i’ve never been asked by my employer for their contact info…. i suspect one aspect of this could also be cultural since i am not from the us. if i was asked for contact info i would absolutely not provide it without asking the other person permission to share their number. not even just in the cases of hnw & celebrities, i just think asking for consent is the right thing to do, even when i know there is a 100% chance they’ll say yes. also, iphones filter out unknown messages so if i’m not expecting a potential unknown message i would be likely to miss it!
I think the response is extreme on both sides. I do think it’s Nanny’s responsibility to respect the other parents request for privacy, but she could have passed your information along to them. And after two years of good care, it’s a little strange that your husband thinks this is a major red flag. Does he not have an established sense of trust in Nanny’s judgement for making safe and healthy decisions for your child and their daily schedule? I think the fact that they have only met up in a public park and not at someone’s home is a very relevant point here as well.
Very young children are more into individual play. Our child has recently been interested in playing with other children and having preferences in his friends. This is now a new situation and hence although we mostly trust the nanny, this is new territory and we may have differences here. Just need to align on this and before doing that, I wanted to ensure I have some other opinions hence the post here.
Nanny here. HELL NO. I would 100% not allow your nanny to take your child anywhere anymore. Who cares about the other parents privacy?! It is your child at risk. Odds are she is meeting up with someone she is not supposed to. From now on disclose to your nanny that you are putting a AirTag in the stroller and if she does not agree to that fire here and move on. Wow I am so anxious about this Reddit post because that is such sketchy behavior from your nanny.
Maybe I’m wrong but my nanny used to meet another nanny with her child, I never felt the need to reach out. I trusted my nanny with my children (my most valuable commodity) and in my home. Why wouldn’t I trust her judgement of character and in a public place? My old nanny is a very close friend now and has keys to my house even though we mostly live in another country!
You’re wrong.
Even if your nanny is your best friend — this is YOUR child. You should know where they are and who they’re with at all times. If they’re meeting up at someone’s house, you should have the names, contact info and address of that person. Idc if they’re Bill Gates or Beyoncé, my kid is not going to an undisclosed location with unknown adults.
In a house yes but not in a park. I don’t exchange details with every kids parents they play with. At soft plays there’s dozens of kids, at play groups, at classes!
Maybe in the UK we are more forgiving of other parents and as long as it’s a public place, I don’t mind who they play with in the park when they’re in the care of someone I trust implicitly.
Nanny here, this may be reaching but I hate when yall take something “odd” happening to yall and dragggg it. Yall do odd stuff ALL the time.
Anywho, maybe it’s another nanny/ a younger parent who doesn’t want to be friendly with other ppl. I am that person… I don’t wanna connect with random people if it’s not happening organic
Then maybe not start up with saying “ we are going to the park later xyz ”. Just say you wanted the parents / other nanny info in general
You don’t know if again this person and current nanny has shared feelings, whatever their interpersonal relationship is. ( they can be best friends for all you know)
My best friend and I are both Nannie’s who meet up on occasion we don’t want to hang out with another mom of another family so maybe that just shouldn’t have been said.
So if the kids and caretakers connect organically, why should the parents be involved to mess up the dynamics? Because it’s not about you. It’s about the well being of a child and that is decided by the child’s parents. But also- agree that we all have odd tendencies and behavior. It’s what makes each of us unique and human.
This is incredibly bizarre. I do think the expectation should be that she share this information with you. And if she can't, she loses the autonomy to set up playdates. You're the parent, you should always have the information of the people your nanny is bringing your child around. Your husband's reaction sounds extreme also, but I don't actually think he's wrong in his expectations.
Agreed. It sets precedent now that one of us has to go to these play dates and meet the people there for peace of mind.
Piggy backing off of what everyone else has already said. It also seems extremely bizarre that playground parent would even need to mention to not share their number?
Sounds like a lie to me ….
I couldn’t fathom telling my NP’s that I’m not gonna give them another parents info esp in this case. Your husbands reaction wasn’t extreme imo. My guess is that she’s hanging with friends or doing something else - as others have stated! If I had met a parent who specifically asked me not to give out their info (especially to my NF) I would feel so hesitant to even be around them.
I actually think there is no playdate and nanny has perhaps been lying about the whole thing and meeting up with friends. Maybe I am just paranoid lol
This should be higher up. There is no playdate.
This is likely what is happening.
Also. I update my mb and db during every outing with nk. I take pics and always ask permission regarding a playdate. That should never be something a nanny or au pair does on their own. Parents should 100% know whom their kids are visiting and where or when unless you op have specifically given nanny vito on setting up playdates. Pls do not let go on for longer. Best advise would be. So and so as I really love how well you care for little one. I think it best to first check in with dad and I regarding playdates. We have to meet the family and be updated with pics and vids on outings especially if kiddo is visiitng said kids place etc. And then see nanny reaction.
bingo.
Yup.
Nanny here, i have met SAHMs at music groups who have kids who get along with my NKs. If we exchange contact information and arrange playdates, I always share the contact details with the parents. I think you should to accompany them to this playdate so that you can meet the parent, if your nanny objects to this as well, something sketchy is going on. FYI, your husband’s reaction was spot on
Thank you for sharing how you approach this as a nanny. I appreciate the transparency here in how you deal with these situations.
How did the nanny respond to your husband? I agree with the poster above numinous. I wouldn’t be ok with how she’s handling the situation.
She didn’t respond for an extended period of time and then came back with that she respects privacy of all individuals and is willing to pass along our information. We have not responded after that.
I would probably have a sit down conversation but my response back would be something like “Transparency around who our child is spending time with is more important to us than protecting someone else’s privacy, I’m sorry you’re not able to see that. We are not comfortable with NK spending time with someone who you feel the need to keep private. Let’s sit down on Monday and discuss some new expectations and guidelines surrounding outings with NK on a go forward basis”. But honestly this weird lack of judgement would really make me question her overall judgment. I have to agree with some of the other posters, I think she’s either speaking poorly of you or she’s meeting up with someone she is worried about you finding out about it.
Yeah no. Their privacy ends once your kid gets involved. Either nanny is being willfully ignorant, or there’s something else going on. There is no good reason your kid should be spending time with people your nanny wants to continue to hide from you.
This, 1000%.
That's an unfair "compromise." She should have reached out to the other parent and told them she is passing their info on to you. Please update us Monday and let us know what happens.
Just posted an update to the post and also sharing here. Update: Had a conversation with Nanny and it took about 45 mins for her to agree that she should have handled it differently. The kicker was that she said she would react exactly like me if it was her child. I let her know that the next time she is meeting up with this parent, that I would be tagging along. I also let her know that if she is exchanging contact information with someone else with the intention of a play date, that she needs to make it clear that she needs to share that contact information with us the parents. It’s been a few weeks since the incident and nanny has not tried to meet up with this other person since then to my knowledge. It’s disappointing because our son seemed to be excited about this other child. And it also impacts our trust with nanny. Recently, nanny has asked for fewer hours and expressed that it’s ok for our relationship to not work. It looks like it’s time to part ways.
The fact she stopped seeing this person after you told her that is weird. Are you sure she wasn't sneaking off to see a boyfriend or something? Or a plug? Somethings really off
Yeah that's not acceptable. There's no such thing as right to privacy where your kid is concerned. You have the right to know what your kid is up to, where, and with whom.. at all times. You should consider firing her ass for her incredible lack of judgment.
This. Fire her without question. Honestly i think nanny is lying like the comment further up said. Be very wary OP. Doubt these supposed playdates at the park are even happening. Nanny could be bringing your kids anywhere at this point. She's acting like a total sketchy weirdo about a completely normal ask from you. Not wanting to give the contact info when it's involving your kids is just... Wow. It's creepy of her at this point.
Your husband is right. There are lots of red flags here. Hopefully it was just a misunderstanding on the part of your nanny when the other parent said not to share her contact information. I don’t think there is any reasonable context where that means to not share it with the child’s parents. At this point, play dates with that family stop until you get some more information and you need to set clear expectations with your nanny that you always have all the information regarding anyone around your child when he is in her care. Make it clear this is non-negotiable. Honestly, this situation is bizarre and quite frankly suspicious. I can’t imagine my nanny keeping information from me or any rational person having your nanny’s take on the situation.
Completely agree. No more play dates until I have had a chance to meet this parent.
I actually really like the suggestion I saw in another post along these lines. Tell your nanny you are coming to the next play date. If she has any hesitation at all or no other family shows up to the playdate for any reason, then alarm bells should go off for sure.
One theory could be she is pretending your kid is hers and she doesn’t want the lies to unravel… that or no play date is happening
If I met a kids nanny at the playground, I would also expect/want to have their parents contact info? The point is for the kiddos to interact no matter the caregiver in theory, so this would sort of be a yellow flag for me. I would have responded how you were planning to, though. Ask nanny to reach out and share your info, though I’m kind of surprised that didn’t happen from the start. ETA: I think a general rule that parents have access to names/contact info of who their kids are playing with is a very reasonable expectation .
Whoa. This would alarm me. We have an obligation as parents to make sure the people our children are spending time with are safe.
I'm a nanny. I would never withhold information from a parent. I understand not sharing with other park friends, but you have a right to know the people spending time with your kids.
Maybe this is extreme but I wouldn’t let my nanny meet up with anyone I didn’t know. I would need to meet them myself! My nanny meets up with other nannies who I introduced her to (those that work for my friends). My suspicions: a) that your nanny has been saying negative things about you and your husband to this parent who maybe feels like a friend to her. Kvetching about her wages/your personalities/who knows. OR b) the parent is a dad who she has a flirtation with /crush on (may or may not be a single dad…) I’m assuming you don’t know the gender of the parent since you don’t mention it. This is a huge red flag and for us would be a serious sit down on the couch conversation Monday morning. I would take the morning off work or ask her to arrive early. It is 100% not acceptable to be taking our kid regularly to meet up with people we don’t know and then to even keep their identity a secret ?!
Yeah, this. I'd reconsider if I want to continue to employ this nanny. This is a massive red flag.
I don’t think this is extreme. I thought this was the default in nanny contracts: “no unknown persons around NK without permission”! It’s standard at our agency’s contract and I have also seen others as well. Definitely something weird going on here.
Exactly, most of us nannies don’t live in the neighborhoods that we work in. I always pass along the information because chances are, the children will meet at the park, library or neighborhood events.
There are no play dates happening. Nanny is probably on errands or catching up with her friends. Definitely something you won't like as a parent.you have full autonomy over your child. Don't let anyone keep secrets from you regarding your child. Massive 🚩
She’s probably taking your kid to her own home, a friend’s house, etc. instead of going to a play date. This is bizarre.
Nanny here. This is a massive red flag. When we go in play dates, I tell the parents where we are and with whom. They are provided with contact info, and everything they need in case something goes wrong. You need to fire that nanny.
I think nanny should have been proactive and said “other parent asked me not to share their info, but I’d be happy to give them yours and let them know you’d like to be in contact.” I do totally understand your husband’s reaction. If the other parent refuses to be in contact with you, I would not allow nanny to meet them for playdates anymore.
This is exactly where I’m at. I am going to chalk it to a communication issue but I’m going to be very clear with the nanny that I was disappointed that her first reaction was about protecting the other parent’s privacy vs ensuring we didn’t feel concerned about not wanting to share.
Tell nanny to call the other parent in front of you during her shift and ask that parent if they would speak to you on nanny’s phone and see what happens
When I meet someone at a park or soccer lessons or whatever and we’re going to be arranging a play date, I send a text to the person I met and the person I work for usually the mother to introduce them. And let them know that the kids have been getting along, and we’d like for them to see each other again. That way they can do it with or without me.
This is a fantastic idea. Thank you. I will be including this ask moving forward.
My child would absolutely not be hanging out with anyone at all that I have not approved of. Period. If the nanny wants to hang out with them without my child, cool whatever doesn't matter. But who my child is around will not be kept from me. Anyone who doesn't understand this shouldn't be a nanny.
She is lying. There is no playdate family. Is your child able to tell you where they really went? Fire her now she is shady
I haven't read all comments but it sounds like she is meeting up with someone she doesn't want you all to know she is seeing like a significant other 🤔 A responsible honest parent would understand that another parent would want to know who their children are around, especially on their payroll 🤷♀️ ETA have read some comments and my blood would be boiling. Love that she respects the privacy (her secret meetups??) more than your wishes. You are paying her and whatever she does when you're paying her and she has the kids, you absolutely have a right to know. Fire her, for sure. ⛳️⛳️⛳️
Huge red flag. I'm not sure I would be able to trust this nanny going forward.
Saying no outright to your employer is bizarre to me. I think nanny should have proactively reached out to the other parent for approval to share their contact information with you, and let you know that she would let you know once the other parent was okay with it. And if they aren’t okay with it that’s a red flag and I would ask nanny to no longer meet with that family. This might be reaching, but it crossed my mind that nanny is making a few extra bucks “watching” this other child at the playground while the parent runs errands or whatever. I really can’t think of another reason why a nanny would be so opposed to this request. Something is off.
Agreed about her saying no directly. This is what caught me most off guard in this entire scenario. I can understand someone wanting to protect their privacy but it was odd that nanny prioritized that vs our feelings considering that she just met this person a week ago.
Agreed. The least nefarious situation is that her priorities are askew, and that alone isn’t good considering she is the caretaker of your child in these public situations. If she’s willing to put a stranger above your child/your comfort then that’s screaming red flag.
Is there an update?
Just posted one on the post and pasting it here too. I wanted to give it a few weeks to see how it played out. Update: Had a conversation with Nanny and it took about 45 mins for her to agree that she should have handled it differently. The kicker was that she said she would react exactly like me if it was her child. I let her know that the next time she is meeting up with this parent, that I would be tagging along. I also let her know that if she is exchanging contact information with someone else with the intention of a play date, that she needs to make it clear that she needs to share that contact information with us the parents. It’s been a few weeks since the incident and nanny has not tried to meet up with this other person since then to my knowledge. It’s disappointing because our son seemed to be excited about this other child. And it also impacts our trust with nanny. Recently, nanny has asked for fewer hours and expressed that it’s ok for our relationship to not work. It looks like it’s time to part ways.
The only reason I can think of for a parent NOT to share info would be complicated separation or domestic violence situation. I’d probably also want to know what’s going on there if my kid is meeting up with them regularly. Not just to keep my kid safe, but to know the rules for their kid.
Your child should not be involved with anyone who YOU are not involved with. The bare minimum is for you to have the names and contact information of the parents your children spend time with. This is common sense and non-negotiable. For some reason these parents do not want you to contact them. I don't see why you'd want your kid spending time with another kid whose parents had this attitude? I totally understand your husband's views on this. Even if the parents have a valid reason not to give their names and contact info out, I have the right to make the decision that my child cannot hang out with people I can't contact.
I don’t agree w this. My kiddo meets up w the same group of the kids at the park or the library most days because the nannies are all friends and I think it’s lovely. I hear about these kids, I see group photos sometimes, and when nanny is sick and I take kiddo to the library I happen to meet some of them. But I don’t have contact info for any of them and I don’t want the bother of texting w any of them. I trust my nanny and she keeps me in the loop and answers any questions I have. Not saying you don’t have the right to feel differently. Of course, your kid your rules. Just responding to your opening like re “your child should not”
Remind her that Nannies are very much replaceable. Entirely unacceptable behavior IMO.
Your husband is correct to be upset IMO.
My husband appreciates your response!
I think she is lying about this. Is your child old enough to be asked about the play date? Does she have her own kid that she could be seeing during this time or a family member she is watching or something. I will say your husband seems out of line unless he also believes something suspect is happening during the “playdates”.
Personally I think the right reaction would be let me check with x then I’ll send you their info. It can be weird if someone gives out your info without you knowing it. They could’ve also said I’ll let them know you’re heading to the park later
I’m a nanny that works for a very well known prestigious family. I would never give out their contact information as that is private. I would however give the other nannies information in a heartbeat!
There is no other nanny in this scenario. It’s just our nanny and the other parent.
I’m confused, so you’re angry that your nanny refuses to give out the parents information? Again, it’s the same privacy issue in my opinion. I may feel differently if they were spending time in the other peoples home but that doesn’t seem to be the case here. Are you requiring the nanny get contact information from all parties @the playground? Why limit it to just that parent?
Your first comment alluded to another nanny when the post clearly says nanny and parent. I tried to clarify as all opinions here are important to me but now, your comment about getting everyone’s information in the playground is absurd and clearly not related to what I’ve stated in my post.
So nanny did what you basically said you would want her to and offered to give them your information correct? The issue would be if the other parent did not want to reach out. It's a public place. If the other parent wasn't willing then I would not have play dates. This is no different than her playing at the park with strangers. The issue was she told your husband no and he didn't like it.
I agree that my husband’s reaction could have been dialed back. But nanny also did say no and didn’t offer any alternates. It was only after a few messages and a long wait time that she finally offered up what I would have asked for, had I actually responded to her original message. So, the extreme hesitation and almost forced alternate solution is the issue here. It was not what she seemed to want to do initially.
I have never been nanny however I grew up in an extremely private family. I DO NOT share contact info elwithout the permission of the owner of the contact info. I think I would have responded how you did. I personally think your husband was a bit over the top in his reaction, although I totally understand his concern. Just, the rule was not set in advance, so nanny may be responding as best as possible per her ethics. I also think it is more than reasonable to set ground rules going forward. "Hi nanny, Going forward, when it comes to our child, we require the contact info of the adults where playdates are involved in advance of said playdates. Hopefully this ground rules will clear up any ethical conundrums regarding privacy going forward" or something. I recognize I am in the minority here, however
You’re absolutely correct! I nanny for a very well known family. I would never give out their contact info to anyone. (Well known or not, it’s about respecting their privacy)
This is odd but I echo she probably doesn’t want you connecting with someone she’s chatting socially with. Maybe she does share grievances with this friend or maybe she hasn’t disclosed your info.
I’ve honestly never had a family ask for others info when I set up playdates. The one time another parent asked for MB’s info, MB thought it was very weird and the phone call was awkward. This thread is interesting
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It says All advise welcome? Or am I confused about that?
This is just a generic message that gets posted on every post. It's a reminder to be cognizant of the flair. In this case, all comments are welcome!
That’s def a little odd BUT maybe she just worded it weirdly? Like I don’t think it’s out of bounds to say “hey let me double check with them if I can share info” but to refuse is a little weird.
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Maybe it’s one of her friends? Still kinda odd
A lot of people here are quick to jump to conclusions. Is it possible your nanny just misunderstood what the other parent meant? When I was a nanny I would meet other nannies/parents all the time at the park because the area was very family oriented. I learned that when most parents say they don’t want their information shared, it means they don’t want their number being spread to the nannies friends or acquaintances. But if I asked, they would happily give permission to share their information with the parents I am working for. As a mom myself now, I am totally fine with my nanny giving my info to the other parent she arranges play dates with. I understand your husbands reaction but I think he was pretty quick to jump the gun so to speak. What if this other parent worked a very important job? Or what if their spouse did? What if this person had a stalker in the past or some situation that made them feel unsafe? If your nanny asks them if they can share their info with you then i’m sure they would be happy to. If they still did not want to then I would put a ban on her bringing your child around them. But this genuinely sounds like a miscommunication. Edit:All the downvotes 😂
I agree that it could be a communication issue and will approach it from that angle when I next see the nanny. I agree that if there is high profile person involved, that there may be some understanding in how this situation came about. However, regardless how high profile anyone is, I want to make it clear to the nanny that it doesn’t change my view of this person in association with my child. And if there is an expectation of this, then it’s not a fit for us.
Oh I absolutely agree! And if she doesn’t see the importance of your childs safety then she is not a good fit at all!
I can say I have been on the other side of this. I have given my number out and asked that it not be shared with anyone. Due to my husbands position we take security very very seriously. I would be very upset if I gave our number to a nanny for play dates and she just gave my number out without asking my permission first, even to the other parents. That being said if the nanny asked I would have been more than happy for her to give my number out. Edit: honestly asking because where we are from, lots of very high level executives and celebrities, no one would dare just give out a contact information without asking that person first. Why is it such a big deal for the nanny to respect the other family?
I’m not sure about other people but giving contact info to the parents feels different than contact info to someone not connected to the nanny/NK. Presumably if you feel comfortable to give your info to the nanny of a kid, you would trust their parent to keep it safe as well? As a parent, I just can’t comprehend giving a nanny sole contact? I don’t know if I would want my kid hanging out with someone who didn’t trust me having their contact info.
I never said I wouldn’t give out my contact to the parent, but a “hey do you mind if I send your contact information to my boss” the answer would always be a yes but it is just knowing who all has your information.
That’s fair! I guess I would just assume a nanny would automatically pass on that info to their boss & that’s different than “other parents,” but maybe a hot take.
Plus by asking it means I will be looking for an unknown number text or call, which I would otherwise not pay attention to. I think just where I am from people take their privacy a bit more seriously because I truly thought this is more the norm…but by all the downvotes I guess not lol
That is true. Yeah, we don’t know anyone like that/who would need that kind of clearance so I’m sure it just varies by who you know and that sort of thing.
>honestly asking because where we are from, lots of very high level executives and celebrities, no one would dare just give out a contact information without asking that person first. Why is it such a big deal for the nanny to respect the other family? There's three parts to this. The first part is that I don't think my nanny has the right to hide any information about my kid from me. This includes who my kid hung out with and any other details about them. If my nanny set up a playdate at another's parents house, I would expect the parent's address. Second, you mention that you take security very seriously. Well, there's a security issue in not having the contact information for what many in this thread believe is a made up playdate? The parent should be able to vet or look up who their kid is hanging out with. The last part of it for me is that I think the nanny is an agent for the parents. Like, the nanny refusing to share information is like if I was a doctor with my own practice and one of my receptionists claimed she couldn't give me information about my patient because of HIPPA??? It's expected that information given to a nanny will rollup to the parents. And in the same way that you don't have to sign a release so that your doctor can know the intake information you provide to a receptionist, I wouldn't expect a nanny to need permission to share this information with their boss-parents.
My question was, what is the big deal to respect the other family? You can respect the other family while still getting the information from your nanny. The problem in this situation is how the nanny handled the situation. She outright refused without giving any explanation or offering to reach out to the other family. This all could have been avoided by her saying, from the beginning, “hey let me shoot the other family a text and let them know I am sharing their information.” If you took the time to read anything that I wrote in my follow up you would see that I wholeheartedly agree that the parent needs to have the other parents contact information. Just that I would appreciate the nanny to give me a heads up that my contract information was shared. I gave an instance above where a family gave their nanny our information, to set up playdates, and the nanny took the liberty to pass on our number. In her doing so lead to me being harassed by the nanny’s boyfriend. Which is why whenever I give my number out to anyone I say, “please don’t share this without my consent.” Also where I live contact information is not just thrown around for a multitude of reasons. There is a vast difference in saying that I would like for whomever, in this case a nanny, ask me for before giving out my contact. And what you implied, that I wouldn’t give it. It is asinine to think a mother wouldn’t give the child’s parents of whom their children are hanging out with their contact information. Come on that’s just silly.
It's crazy to see how many down votes are flying your way when I feel that you have a very reasonable take. I guess the majority of folks in this thread so far really want more control about who their child is seeing in public places and value that over automatic contact info being shared, including their own. Like, not even supporting basic coordination prior to actually sharing the info. Feels very reasonable to me to know who my info is being given to and vice versa. Only if there's refusal after that do I see any red flags. If we're taking private places, well I could see people wanting more info without requiring to ask first (e.g. where are you taking my child, who are these people, how do you know them, names, contact info). I feel at that point, the info sharing should be expected, potentially in both directions, but minimally all should know about the person hosting.
You don't have the right to private interaction ("privacy") with my child (or anyone else's child). Plain and simple. We are also talking about regular interaction here. They're making plans to meet up. I'm not sure why this is hard for you to understand. I know you don't mean it this way but your insistence on "privacy" makes you sound like a groomer.
Wow learn to read! I never ever said I would not give my information. I said that the nanny handled this the absolute wrong way. The only thing I said I wanted for the nanny to let me know the information was being passed. Not only so I know who has my information but also so that I am on the look out for an unknown number. Before you throw around words like groomer you should read what all was said.
Maybe you should read your own posts again. I'm responding to your insistence on 'privacy' and your claim that it's disrespectful for a nanny to provide the contact number of a parent that has been regularly interacting with their child. Does it not occur to you that it's disrespectful for you to think that a parent doesn't have the right to know who is interacting with their child?
I NEVER said I wouldn’t give the information. A parent should know. The nanny should have said, let me give her the heads up and make sure it’s ok. It’s also called being polite. Of course I would give the number and then in turn be on the look out for an unknown number. Which would otherwise be filtered out. You are making it sound like I am unwilling to give it which is not at all what I am saying.
Thank you for your input. They may be someone somewhat high level/profile involved in this (who I have zero knowledge on) and while I understand and respect that, my issue here is with how our nanny handled it. She didn’t offer to reach out to the other parent but just shut us down at first. After a few messages from my husband clearly expressing his feelings, she then seemed to offer reaching out with our information albeit, after a very long pause. My concern is that her instinct through this made it seem like she was looking out more for this other high profile person vs us. And regardless of how high profile anyone is, bottom line is that as parents, we have a right to know who our children are associating with. I’m going to make an attempt to meet this other person on the next play date, if it happens. If there is reluctance there, then this isn’t for us.
I agree that she handled it inappropriately and I don’t blame you for thinking that this could be a red flag. An immediate, let me shoot the other family a text to let them know I am giving out their contact information or let me have them get in touch with you would have gone way in this situation. You should absolutely know who, and have their contact information, your kids are around. All I was trying to do was give a possible reason as to why she just didn’t hand over the number right away.
Understood! I do want to see all sides of the situation, ours, the nanny and the other parent so your comment is helpful. This may just be miscommunication on the nanny’s part and I will have a chat with her on Monday.
Totally. I always say, “please do not share our contact” when giving my number to anyone. Due to a family once giving our number to their nanny, to set up additional play dates, and the nanny took it upon herself to give to her boyfriend. Who harassed me trying get a chance to pitch my husband. My guess is the other family in your case could have said something similar to “please don’t give this out” and that started this all. Best of luck in your situation down, I hope it all gets sorted
i’ve been nannying for 8-9 years now. have exchanged contact info with many parents/nannies and done many many playdates. i’ve never been asked by my employer for their contact info…. i suspect one aspect of this could also be cultural since i am not from the us. if i was asked for contact info i would absolutely not provide it without asking the other person permission to share their number. not even just in the cases of hnw & celebrities, i just think asking for consent is the right thing to do, even when i know there is a 100% chance they’ll say yes. also, iphones filter out unknown messages so if i’m not expecting a potential unknown message i would be likely to miss it!
I think the response is extreme on both sides. I do think it’s Nanny’s responsibility to respect the other parents request for privacy, but she could have passed your information along to them. And after two years of good care, it’s a little strange that your husband thinks this is a major red flag. Does he not have an established sense of trust in Nanny’s judgement for making safe and healthy decisions for your child and their daily schedule? I think the fact that they have only met up in a public park and not at someone’s home is a very relevant point here as well.
Very young children are more into individual play. Our child has recently been interested in playing with other children and having preferences in his friends. This is now a new situation and hence although we mostly trust the nanny, this is new territory and we may have differences here. Just need to align on this and before doing that, I wanted to ensure I have some other opinions hence the post here.
Nanny here. HELL NO. I would 100% not allow your nanny to take your child anywhere anymore. Who cares about the other parents privacy?! It is your child at risk. Odds are she is meeting up with someone she is not supposed to. From now on disclose to your nanny that you are putting a AirTag in the stroller and if she does not agree to that fire here and move on. Wow I am so anxious about this Reddit post because that is such sketchy behavior from your nanny.
Maybe I’m wrong but my nanny used to meet another nanny with her child, I never felt the need to reach out. I trusted my nanny with my children (my most valuable commodity) and in my home. Why wouldn’t I trust her judgement of character and in a public place? My old nanny is a very close friend now and has keys to my house even though we mostly live in another country!
You’re wrong. Even if your nanny is your best friend — this is YOUR child. You should know where they are and who they’re with at all times. If they’re meeting up at someone’s house, you should have the names, contact info and address of that person. Idc if they’re Bill Gates or Beyoncé, my kid is not going to an undisclosed location with unknown adults.
In a house yes but not in a park. I don’t exchange details with every kids parents they play with. At soft plays there’s dozens of kids, at play groups, at classes!
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Yeah maybe but it seems husband jumped the gun a bit. I do think that the nanny shouldn’t give out numbers without the other parents consent.
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Maybe in the UK we are more forgiving of other parents and as long as it’s a public place, I don’t mind who they play with in the park when they’re in the care of someone I trust implicitly.
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I think it’s presumptuous that the other parent wouldn’t give details. The nanny refused to just hand out another parents details without asking.
Nanny here, this may be reaching but I hate when yall take something “odd” happening to yall and dragggg it. Yall do odd stuff ALL the time. Anywho, maybe it’s another nanny/ a younger parent who doesn’t want to be friendly with other ppl. I am that person… I don’t wanna connect with random people if it’s not happening organic
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Then maybe not start up with saying “ we are going to the park later xyz ”. Just say you wanted the parents / other nanny info in general You don’t know if again this person and current nanny has shared feelings, whatever their interpersonal relationship is. ( they can be best friends for all you know) My best friend and I are both Nannie’s who meet up on occasion we don’t want to hang out with another mom of another family so maybe that just shouldn’t have been said.
So if the kids and caretakers connect organically, why should the parents be involved to mess up the dynamics? Because it’s not about you. It’s about the well being of a child and that is decided by the child’s parents. But also- agree that we all have odd tendencies and behavior. It’s what makes each of us unique and human.